#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.

[orcelito]

Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.

SO......

I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.

[ethandigby]

『 LANDON LIBOIRON ❙ GENDERQUEER 』 ⟿ looks like ETHAN DIGBY is here for THEIR SECOND year as a VISUAL ART GRAD student. HE is 27 years old & known to be DEDICATED, HONEST, STUBBORN & PESSIMISTIC. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ drew. twenty-two. est. he/him. ethan’s pinterest

trivia:

he really likes white cholate & hot chocolate, often eating handfuls of white chocolate baking discs regardless of the time of day. 

visual art major --- tends to stray towards sculptures and installation pieces, though he does have a love for bob ross style landscape pieces. draws a lot of inspiration from older art, and many of his pieces are designed to look worn-out and as though they are missing pieces. 

perpetually exhausted --- for all his love of schedules, he has never managed to consistently get enough sleep and though he loves tea, that never seems to have enough of an impact to truly wake him up ---- a.k.a he is a yawn prone little fuck

doesn’t quite believe the local legends, though he doesn’t dismiss them outright either. the statue by wishing tree has, however, made it into several of his works ---- statues seem to have her facial features without him ever meaning to and he will swear to anyone that asks that in sophomore year of his bachelor’s degree he woke up one morning to her face staring at him from amongst the trees on a painting he had been working on. he will hesitantly add that it’s possible that he had just been thinking of her while half asleep, though ethan doesn’t really believe that

currently working as a TA for some of the freshman art classes, as well as overseeing the use of the different art studios from time to time. 

doesn’t believe in labels --- and that’s corny as hell, but he just wants to be able to be whoever he is in the moment and has had some harsher reactions when he uses umbrella terms, so he just refuses to label himself. relationship-wise it’s a whole different issue, he floats from one major relationship to another and often times will cycle back to one that’s already gone sour. 

has recently started going to a therapist to talk about some of the issues he has processing emotions and his fear of change ---- it’s been helping but he’s still very much on the verge of flight mode and will run away from situations that demand any real sort of emotional input from him on occasion. 

personality:

he is cynical, despite a desire to believe the best in people and the world - he has seen too much of the darker side of the world to ever truly believe it ---- this is reflected not only in his interactions with people ( he is open about expressing doubt and disbelief, he won’t believe a word you say, and he overanalyzes promises / invitations / declarations of love ) but also in his art and aesthetic which veers towards the dark and damned, a lot of his work is themed around broken things

stubborn as a mule ---- once he gets an idea in his mind, it can be hard to change his mind with logical arguments though an emotional appeal will have a better chance ---- he’s very set in his ways and struggles with questioning why things are the way they are, insisting that somethings should just be. loathes change and isn’t afraid to express this dislike --- tends to eat the same foods, wear the same clothes, go to the same places ---- despite a childhood dislike of routine, he finds it comforting nowadays, it feels safe.

loyal as all hell, you can hurt him a million times and he will still struggle to walk away and a genuine apology will win him back in an instant. he struggles to cut ties, even with those that he knows aren’t the best for him and has only successfully done so when it is possible for him to do so in a swift and permanent way. in most cases, he will eventually find his way back to those that he knows. 

friendly but not overly so --- he has no issue approaching people if he needs something, but he’s not generally one to approach you just to “chat” b/c he’s not big on small talk in general and honestly? he’d never say it but if he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t really give a damn how your day went or how you feel about the weather or current events. if he drinks, he becomes a little more sociable in that matter, but that often drifts into “ethan is going to info-dump about whatever has his interest in the moment and the only way to stop him is to like physically place something in / on his mouth” territory which is a whole different level of awkward. 

backstory:

growing up in a household where routine took priority, ethan spent a long time feel stifled by his parent’s demands that everything turned out perfectly ---- the neverending need to do things at just the right time, in just the right way. it was like fitting into a sweater that was just a tad too small, wrong in a way that is hard to explain

it’s in high school that he meets a true kindred spirit in the form of his art teacher ---- he helps ethan to realize his need for freedom and self-expression, and embraces his abilities in a way that he had always been afraid to. it’s a change that his parents are disapproving of, trying to reroute their son’s future to one of the paths that they would have approved of. but for once, he allows himself to rebel.

and after graduation, he leaves. running to new york, where he throws himself into the art scene head first without any real plans. for two years, he works multiple jobs as he cycles through sketchy roommates in his shitty apartment and equally shitty life partners, trying to discover things about himself that he hadn’t known before.

he’s still figuring some of that out, unsure of how to label his gender or his sexuality --- wishing more than anything that he could just be, a desire that he has long held onto since childhood that’s coming back to haunt them at last. 

that’s not the only thing that’s caught up with them as of late, the digby’s finally managing to track him down in new york and showing up at his apartment two years after he initially ran off. they came with open minds and a burning desire to see their son do something other than work minimum wage jobs and live in run-down apartments. they were quiet and subdued in a way that they never had been.

it took six months for them to convince him to enroll in college, and he eventually chose to attend radcliffe with an undeclared major. it was far enough from his hometown that his parents couldn’t reasonably drive up too often, but close enough that he could go home if he had wanted. a three-hour drive in the best traffic.

the distance proved to be the right amount --- though his parents certainly seemed to pop up over the first three months with containers of food and worries that their child would have run off, they eventually learned to trust him. and slowly, the wounds healed ---- ethan wouldn’t say that they’re close but they’ve learned to respect each other’s boundaries.

and he’s never seen them more proud than at graduation, except maybe when he told them that he was going to apply to grad school. it wasn’t the path that they had planned for ethan, but they had learned to be enthusiastic about his success, about his dreams and about his art.

doing his master’s degree - it’s been weird. being here is weird for him in general, he still misses new york even though it was a whole different kind of existence ---- he misses the stability of going to work everyday and being completely independent. here, he has to rely on his professors and classmates, he has people that expect him to check in with them and there’s more socialization --- mostly because he’s been trying to do better with that. 

connections:

good / bad influence: okay so traditionally, i think these would be separate connections but i think in this case, it’s more convoluted than that. for all of ethan running away from the environment his parents made, he’s very much stuck to those rules and expectations --- i would love for someone to start to break him out of that --- encourage him to party and drink and live life, and it doesn’t all have to be bad, it can be good too. you know, them bringing him to parties and him learning actually valuable lessons from it --- idk open to talking about their potential influence on each other, i think it could be fun

frenemies ( onesided or not ): i think a lot of ethan’s trust issues are a projection mechanism because he knows that in some ways that he can’t be trusted --- so i wld love for someone who they act like best friends when they’re together and then ethan just ... talks smack about them and doesn’t keep their secrets ( and maybe they do the same?? ) 

exes ( of all types / genders / whatever ): this one, my dear ethan, has gotten around a bit --- maybe they hooked up and now it’s awkward ---- maybe they dated for a while and keep circling back to each other despite knowing that they’re bad for each other ( a la unmiss you by clara mae ) ---- maybe they dated for a while and now they never talk so when they do see each other it’s just ... awkward as hell ---- open to literally anything with this one guys

art buddies: just two pals, palling around --- only prerequisite is that your character has some sort of interest in an art ( writing, theatre, music, film, etc etc ) --- and hey maybe they don’t get along but they put up a united front against the STEM majors who mock their choices in major? 

other: open to discussing dormates, coworkers, current love interests and literally anything else that you can think of --- does your character need someone over 21 to buy them alcohol? call ethan. for real tho, hit me up and let’s come up with some stuff!

[aweirdkindofyellow]

Here I Am, There You Are Pt. 2

Jack Barakat x OC ‘Rachel has been best friends with Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack since high school. What happens when one of them gets married?’

Part 2

“So, Rachel,” Lisa wiggled her eyebrows up and down as she sat across from me, putting down the cup of coffee I had given her just shortly before, “do you have a special person in your life right now?”

“Special person?” I gave her a look that made it seem like I didn’t know what she was talking about, my eyes flickering towards Alex as if I was asking him what his wife meant.

“You know what I mean!” Lisa scoffed, also giving Alex a look so he’d be on her side. He just looked amused, more interested in the exchange than what was actually being said.

“Does Olive count? I asked stupidly, drinking some of my own tea as I looked at the three-month-old sleeping Aussie puppy I had gotten just over a month before.

“That’s a dog, not a person. You know exactly what I mean, you’re just trying to avoid it!” she accused, continuing to push the subject.

I shrugged with a quiet chuckle. It wasn’t that I was trying to avoid answering truthfully, I just wasn’t exactly sure how to answer it. Maybe there was this small sliver in me that just wanted to keep it from them just like they hadn’t let me participate in their wedding despite being such an important person in their relationship. Technically, I didn’t owe them anything. But I wasn’t that petty.

“I mean, I don’t know. I wouldn’t exactly call him special…” I thought out loud. “Unless you think of it as a description of a unique personality.”

“Ah! So there is a ‘him’!” Lisa exclaimed excitedly and pointed at me accusingly.

“I thought you wanted to set her up with a friend,” Alex snorted to suppress laughter, “you’re acting like this is the best news in the world.”

“But it is!” she countered, glaring at him to shut up and stop mentioning her initial plans, and then continued gushing. “Who is he? What’s he like? How did you meet?”

“Calm down,” I laughed, letting the tip of my middle finger circle around the top ring of my tea mug. “It’s been quite a while, but nothing’s been officially labeled, so I don’t want to break any trust by giving away all his personal details.”

“Oh, please, just give me something!” she pleaded with a pout.

“I have to agree with Lisa on this one.” Alex nodded softly, mocking sympathy for me. “You can’t do something so secretive and not force us to get something out of you. We’re your best friends.”

Well, no, no they weren’t. They once were, all the way back in high school and when Lisa and I both went to college while the boys started recording their first proper album. We were all super close back then, but those ties had obviously loosened. It wasn’t just their fault, I also didn’t make much effort after I moved out to LA quite soon after getting my bachelors degree. But I didn’t take the phrase ‘best friend’ lightly. I had my close friends, and I had quite a few, but I was missing that ‘best friend’. People just liked getting close to me for my job, especially any girls out here in LA. Slowly but surely, though, Jack was starting to fill that empty space.

“Okay, how do you know him?” Lisa blurted out after I had been quiet for just a second too long, leaning forward in her seat.

I just stared lamely at her. I wasn’t simply going to give her information like that, especially since they’d immediately be able to guess it from naming random people for our friend group in high school, which included many people they still knew today.

“Do we know him?” She asked next, her eyes widening. Although I didn’t feel the muscles twitching, my face must have given away something because she suddenly gasped and clapped with a lot of enthusiasm. “Oh my god, we know him! Who is it?!” She turned to Alex as if he knew any more information and could help her crack the code.

“We know a shitload of people, Lisa.” Alex shook his head with a chortle. “How about we just go through the alphabet and name all the people we know till she says yes?”

“Okay, who do we know whose name starts with ‘A’?” she wondered out loud, taking Alex’s sarcasm too seriously this time.

But before she could start going through her neverending list she had, rattling came from my front door. While we couldn’t see the door that was just down a hall, the noises were quite easy to hear. It wasn’t the wind shaking the door, there were only clear skies outside. A storm would make the windows rattle. No, it was the all too familiar sound of somebody on the other side unlocking the door. But I didn’t have a roommate… so I had no idea who it was.

When Jack turned the corner and into the living-slash-dining room, he looked a little shocked to see who I was with, but continued to walk in like he knew what was going on beforehand. He really acted like he was where he belonged. But I didn’t recall him saying he was coming over, or I would have told him Alex and Lisa already were. The only reason he could just walk in was because I had once given him a key to dog-sit Olive when I had to go out of town for one night for work. As you can probably guess, he never gave that key back.

Jack still continued to act like he had announced that he was going to make an appearance and casually started walking further into the room in the direction of the kitchen, which was only separated by a few counters and cupboards. Lisa, Alex, and I, however, just continued to watch him to see if he’d give answers to all the questions. One, what the fuck was he doing here? And, for the couple, if he knew who I was seeing, since we were obviously close enough for him to have a key to my place.

Before anybody could actually turn their wonders into spoken words, Olive managed to distinguish Jack’s footsteps. Her head shot up, ears perked, her tail starting to excitedly wag. Within seconds, she stood up from her pillow and rushed over to him, whining in excitement and trying to get his attention by pushing her front paws against his leg to lick his hand.

“Oh, so when we arrive she’s afraid,” Alex rolled in eyes and mocked offense, “but when he walks in she flips shit.”

“She doesn’t know you,” I defended with a shrug, watching Jack cuddle the puppy, “she hasn’t seen Jack in three days, which is super long in puppy time. Plus, he often gives her treats.”

As if to prove what I had said, Jack finally actually got into the kitchen and immediately opened the cupboard that contained the dog treats. He encouraged my puppy and handed her the treats, giving her some pets to seal the deal. Still, he did not fully give us any recognition. It was like he was on a mission and that was all he came here for, he couldn’t get distracted.

I looked back at him, turning my upper body and leaning against the back of my chair. “But seriously, Jack, what are you doing here?”

“Well, if I’m correct…” He opened the fridge and looked inside. “Aha!”

He pulled out a pizza box, grinning brightly, and opened it as he hoisted himself up on the counter and sat facing the table we were sitting at. Quickly, he pulled out one of the last slices and started to munch on it, happily swinging his legs a little. He grinned sheepishly, now reversing the roles and observing us.

“Hey, that’s my food!” I exclaimed, but didn’t get up to do anything.

“If I recall correctly, I’m the one who paid for it,” he retorted with a knowing look. It was true. The pizza was leftover from a movie night we had together just three days prior. Somebody was going to have to eat it sooner or later.

“But I was the one who got to keep it.” I crossed my arms as I challenged him.

“And I’m the one eating it right now!” He took a large bite out of the pizza to prove his point.

“Fine.” I stuck my tongue out back to him and watched as Olive started circling around at his dangling feet.

Jack noticed as well and started kicking around a little, amusing her while he grinned at her cuteness. “Looks like somebody wants to go on a walk.”

Olive immediately perked up. She was still young and small, but she already knew the meaning of that word. It was like telling a child, or Jack, that you were going to go to Disneyland on a family vacation. Her ears stood up a little more and her face showed she was aware of what was being said. After her frozen stance, she completely flipped shit and started trying to climb up Jack’s legs, whining in excitement.

“Jack,” I groaned in annoyance, “why?! Now she won’t be happy to just run out in the garden. You’re the one taking her out for a walk.”

But I screwed up, I said the word myself. Olive stopped in her tracks, her ears perking up yet again. This time, she didn’t attack Jack, however. She turned to me in one jump and started nuzzling against my legs in excitement. While it annoyed me since I had hoped she would be fine with just being outside in my garden that late afternoon because I had guest over, it made Jack break into laughter.

“You played yourself!” Jack hollered with his mouth full. “You’re going to have to do it now!”

“Do what?” I acted innocent and batted my eyelashes, trying to trick him into saying it as well.

“You won’t get me to say it!” He exclaimed.

“Do you guys know what he’s talking about?” I turned to Alex and Lisa who seemed to be very amused by the conversation happening between me and Jack. They were subtly smirking and giving me and each other looks. I just ignored it--I mean, they weren’t wrong.

“You will never trick me!” Jack gave an evil laugh before stuffing some more pizza in his mouth.

“You’re mean,” I pouted and got up from my chair, knowing I couldn’t just let this blow over. Olive would be unhappy. “I’ll get the leash.”

“Psh,” Jack shook his head as I was walking towards the hallway, “thinking she can trick me into saying ‘walk’.”

“Aha!” I shouted just a little too loudly as I clapped my hands and spun in his direction.

“Olive’s still following you.” He shrugged with a smug look on his face, pointing at the puppy still at my feet.

“Hey, look,” Alex interrupted, having had a telepathic conversation with Lisa, “I don’t mind us all going on that walk.”

“But my pizza…” Jack mumbled with a sad look.

I got down on my knees and took hold of Olive’s front paws, smushing her body against my face as I tried to make her look extra cute. “But look at this puppy. You can’t leave this puppy hanging!”

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned and closed the pizza box, putting it back in the fridge, “but I get to hold the leash.”

I rolled my eyes and I took the leash from the hook and clipped in on Olive’s collar. “I thought you just said you didn’t want to go on a walk with her.”

“No, Rache,” he sighed and shook his head, skipping up to take hold of the leash like he wanted, “I hate the physical act of walking.”

Despite our playful bickering, we eventually did manage to get out of the door. I put on running shoes like I usually would do when I went out with Jack and Olive on a hike even though we weren't actually going anywhere far this time. We were just going to go to the dog park a few blocks away. It confused Olive at first. She was used to having to get in the car whenever Jack came along since we would actually go a little further away, but Jack managed to pull her away from it.

Jack and I were walking in front while Alex and Lisa followed, which was the only formation the sidewalk would allow us to make. That didn’t mean we couldn’t all talk together, though. We managed to exchange words, although it was way easier just talking in pairs. It was what led to Jack sneakily taking hold of my hand a little down the road to the park.

We continued like that until we actually got to the park and clipped the leash off Olive’s collar. She started running off to play and roll around the grass. Jack followed her soon after, picking up a stray stick from the floor.

“I want to play catch!” he screamed as he ran away and after the dog.

“I’m confused,” I frowned with Lisa and Alex next to me, “does he expect me to throw a stick at him now or something?”

Lisa, however, changed the subject without any warning. “Of course we know him!”

“What?” I asked, not understanding what she was implying.

But before she could repeat herself or clarify, my phone started ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket and took a look at the screen. On my days off, I always tended to avoid any phone calls since they made me go crazy when I was working. It was why work never called me unless there really was an emergency. So, I felt dread when I saw it was somebody from work actually calling me and not my mother.

“I’ve got to take this,” I excused and walked a couple of feet away so I could take it in private.

It was indeed an emergency. I worked at a magazine-slash-website-slash-blog, which was very LA. I had quite a few responsibilities in the whole fashion sector of the whatever-you-want-to-call-it-media-thing, including making sure the whole section was approved before it went live. I also did quite a lot with the actual connections we had, especially modeling firms, hence why I had had many people try to use me. Since I had modeled a little at the end of my college career plus a while after and when I started working for the magazine, I had quite a few connections to modellng agencies, whether it be with one I actually modeled for or my friends had, I knew how to get what we needed.

So, yeah, an emergency was quite a big thing. In this case, there was an actual problem with a photoshoot we needed for the new update/issue. It wasn’t something I could just easily fix by telling somebody to simply click one button. No, it required many phone calls and emails. What I had assumed would have been a very quick phone call for work, was taking way longer. It might have seemed like I was trying to avoid whatever Lisa had been trying to say before.

Eventually, Jack bounced up next to me while I was furiously typing away, trying to send an email to some company.

“Lisa said you answered a phone call and are still busy with whatever it was,” he pointed out the obvious, almost making me lose my wording. “I just wanted to check if everything’s okay.”

I just nodded while I finished off the email, not able to afford getting distracted. As soon as I pressed send, however, Jack pushed my head up using his forefinger and thumb, forcing me to look at him.

“Hey,” he made sure he had eye contact with me so I wouldn’t look at my phone again, “everything okay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, causing him to drop his hand from my face. “Just a work emergency. Some pictures can’t be used and now people are freaking out and we need to take some last minute pictures and it’s way too difficult. It’s not that the original pictures are bad, we might just get into some legal shit. Last minute things are never easy.”

“I’ll be your model,” Jack offered as a joke.

“I don’t think that will work,” I chuckled, hearing my phone ding and immediately looking down to see an email notification.

“Why not!” Jack gasped and mocked offense. “Don’t you think I’m sexy enough?!”

“I think you’re just fine, I just don’t think you’re the best to model a size inclusive bikini line. Although, your fans might get a kick out of it.”

“Nah…” He pulled up his nose and nodded softly. “You’re right. I’m more a lingerie type of guy.”

I was too busy reading the email to reply to Jack and go on any further with the joke. Luckily, however, the email only contained good news. I sighed in relief, finally able to write a light-hearted email back.

“Thank god that’s done.” I smiled and looked around, finding Alex and Lisa sitting on a bench with Olive sniffing the ground around it, deciding to walk to them. “Let’s get back to--”

Jack prevented me from going any further and pulled me into his embrace instead, whispering, “you’re way too stressed out. You need to take a nice long vacation for yourself.”

I breathed out, my head pressed against his chest, “sure, but you’re coming with me. I’m not going by myself.”

I took what I said with a grain of salt. There was a certain point in time when it was acceptable to go on holiday with your partner. Do it too soon, and things could get awkward. Usually you’d start with a weekend away close by where you were living. Jack and I hadn’t done that yet, and based on his wording, his suggestion was more along the lines of taking at least a week off and going somewhere nice. Maybe we’d do that together sometime, but I wasn’t sure if now was the right time.

“I’m down,” he still answered, “as long as we plan it when I’m home not doing anything.”

“Or when I have any super big deadlines,” I added, knowing this whole plan probably wouldn’t go anywhere for now.

“Exactly.” He nodded and looked down at me before leaning down and pecking me on the lips.

Since we were in public, that was what is stayed at. It wasn’t like the day we got together where Jack was too drunk to care and I was too in the moment and vulnerable to care either. We had calmed down a little since then. Don’t misinterpret that and think our relationship was dying down. It was doing the opposite. We were now able to enjoy each other’s company and go on dates without always having sex. Since that was what started our relationship in the first place, it was still quite a thing early on.

When we got back to Lisa and Alex, they had once again discussed what to do, only this time with actual words. Alex got up and distracted Jack with Olive, encouraging him to play with her as well, which left me alone with Lisa on the bench. At first, I didn’t think much of it. Maybe Alex really did want to play with Olive and didn’t want to do that without Jack, but Lisa’s words said differently.

“So…” she put her elbow on the backrest as she turned to me, crossing one leg over the other for the angle she was at. “When you said we knew him, I wasn’t expecting Jack. But it’s Jack! Holy shit!”

“Yeah… it’s kinda weird, isn’t it?” I scrunched up my nose and crossed my own legs while I heard Jack screaming in the distance. “Tell high school me I would be dating him now, and I’d probably laugh in your face and tell you it is the most disgusting thing ever.”

“It’s actually kinda cute.” Lisa smiled, leaning against her hand which was up on the backrest. “Jack hasn't that many properly relationships. But from what I’ve seen--and I haven’t seen much--I can say this is one of those more special ones. Like, I’ve seen him in relationships where it’s obviously mainly a physical connection, not an emotional one. This one seems like a good one.”

“Well, I really like him, so that’s good,” I replied, now seeing that Alex and Jack were also properly talking while also throwing a stick for Olive. “And I’m pretty sure we have the same intentions, which is also always nice.”

“Okay. I want all the deets,” Lisa gushed. “When did you get together? How long have you been together? How did you get together?”

“That’s actually thanks to you,” I said and chuckled seeing that Lisa was confused how she was even remotely involved. “We got together at your wedding.”

“What?!?!” She nearly yelled out, but did her best to keep her voice down.

“Well, it’s a little more complicated than that, but it’s the main gist. We only really got together properly when he came back to LA.”

“But I’m confused!” Lisa exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I thought you guys both had a one-night-- O. M. G. You guys both-- That bastard lied to me!”

She jumped up and stomped over to the guys to confront Jack. I immediately guessed why she was mad. It was for the same reason why I thought Jack took advantage of me that night. He had clearly told her that he had no idea where I was and that he hadn’t seen me while I actually had been in his bed that entire night and was occupying his shower.

It was funny to see Lisa get mad at him while he tried to defend himself. He kept shooting me looks, showing me that he was blaming me for getting him in that situation. While she was very determined, Jack didn’t even seem all too bothered, just letting her go off on him.

In the meantime, Olive had discovered I was still on the bench and came dashing towards me. I got up and cuddled her and sneakily put her leash back on so we could head back home again. As much as she loved going to the park, she hated going back (although she was always fine as soon as we were walking).

I waited for the others, not wanting to interrupt whatever the conversation was over there, and just stood around with Olive. It didn’t take all too long, however. After Lisa had expressed how unhappy she was with Jack and Jack tried to defend himself, they came back to me and we headed back to my house. Once again, it was practically me and Jack walking ahead with Alex and Lisa following us. After al,l they didn’t exactly know the way back to my house.

When we finally did get back, I noticed my mail had arrived. While I went to quickly get it out of my mailbox, Jack decided to pull out his key and open my front door. I gave him a look that showed him that I couldn’t believe he would do that. Of course I had given him a key, but that was for a reason. I wasn’t sure if we were at the point of actually having keys to each other’s places. All my uncertainties were just pointing to me having to talk through it with Jack, because I was obviously lost.

“You really need to give me that key back,” I said as I entered my house and saw the Jack had already hung up Olive’s leash back on its hook.

“But I like this key,” he pouted and held it close to his chest. “It’s pretty and it lets me take advantage of your fridge!”

“Fine, keep it.” I rolled my eyes and walked into my kitchen so I could open the mail. Jack immediately came to check what I had while Lisa sat back down at the dining table and Alex ran to the bathroom.

My mail was one of the most boring things. It mainly consisted of bills and some advertisements. Occasionally I did receive something from a clothing or make-up company for a sponsorship. I wasn’t just active at my work, I also ran my instagram page, which perfectly fit in the ‘look how great my life is, I do a shitload of awesome things, but actually I just work a normal nine-to-five job most of the time’ sector of instagram pages. Another ‘really LA’ thing. This time, the interesting thing was a handwritten address on a shiny pearl envelope.

I opened it and found a wedding invitation with the plus one box already crossed along with the message ‘you’re bringing somebody no questions asked’ and the bride’s name being ‘Anastasia Elenora Steward’. Although I was a bridesmaid at this wedding--after all, it was my little sister--it was still like it was trying to mock me. I just had a personal problem with weddings… or it was starting to seem that way.

“It’s for Anna’s wedding,” I said out loud as if Jack was wondering what the letter was about. “She’s forcing me to bring a plus one.”

“Umm, hello,” Jack pointed at himself, “I’m right here.”

And for some reason that was the statement that scared me the most out of all the things said that day that could have determined the level of our relationship. Want to come on a nice long holiday with me? Sure, sounds like fun. Want to have a key to my house? Whatever, just don’t rob my place. Want to come as my date to my sister’s wedding? I don’t know.

“Yeah…” I sucked a breath in and used the voice most people used whenever they were trying to make sure they wouldn’t hurt somebody’s feelings. “The wedding’s in five months, Jack.”

“Oh… okay.” He nodded in understanding, but his face showed that he was more confused than ever. Even Alex, who had joined us again, looked confused. He was trying to calculate in his head if they happened to be on tour then.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come. If it had been the next day or maybe even a week later, I would have totally asked him to come with me. After all, we were dating. But this was five months into the future. We hadn’t even been together for five months yet. We couldn’t just assume that we’d still be together. If we had been together for a year, five months could still make sense. But this was just too far ahead. Of course, I hoped we were still together, but you can never know.

“I’m going to worry about it closer to the actual date. Like, honestly, my sister hasn’t even chosen the bridesmaid dresses yet, but I’m going to have to bring somebody anyway,” I tried to subtly push the subject away for the time being. If in four months Jack and I were still together, I could bring him with me.

Lisa also seemed to have something to say about it, but not in front of the guys. As if she was changing the subject, she suddenly announced, “Rache, you were still going to show me those shoes you have you thought I’d like, should we take a look now?”

“Sure,” I agreed and led her upstairs to my bedroom, leaving behind the two guys to do whatever they wanted.

You see, Lisa and I had had this secret code in high school and college whenever we wanted to talk in private. We’d choose a random clothing article and ask the other to see it, acting like we had had a conversation about it before. In this case, Lisa opted for the shoes, even though I didn’t have any shoes to show her.

“Okay, I just want you to think this through,” she said as soon as I had closed the door behind us while she sat on the bed. “Trust me, I like you and Jack together. But really think this through.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, wondering what had caused her to suddenly have such a change of heart.

“I didn’t think of it before… but your sister’s wedding--” she started to explain, pressing fingers to her right temple, trying to find the right words.

“I’m not going to ask Jack to be my date right now,” I clarified my action from before, assuming she also didn’t understand what I had done. “It’s in five months. We haven’t even been together for five months. Who knows if we make it that far? Of course, I’d like to, but I’m just thinking realistically here.”

“Well, yeah, of course, I know.” She nodded, dismissing everything I had said. “But I mean it’s your sister’s wedding!”

“What’s up with my sister’s wedding?!”

“Your sister and Jack!”

I stopped and frowned at her. “My sister and Jack?”

“Wait… you didn’t know?” Her eyes went wide and I could see that she felt like she had just said something she shouldn’t have.

“Know what?” I cried and sat down next to her.

“Back in high school…” She waited to see if anything came to mind, but I knew nothing. I didn’t even know they used to be friends in any way or form. “They were in a relationship. Well, not really a relationship, more like a sexationship.”

“Oh god,” I groaned and ran my hands over my face. “I mean, this was back in high school, so it’s not that bad. But my little sister?! Ugh.”

“Yeah… I thought you knew…” Lisa half-apologized.

“It’s okay, I just do need to talk to Jack about this.”

And so I got up and rushed back downstairs without waiting for Lisa to follow me. I found Jack talking to Alex from the kitchen while Alex was comfortable at the TV. Although Jack was getting them both drinks, it didn’t stop me from grabbing a fistful of his shirt and dragging him with me to the hallway downstairs that led to the downstairs bathroom and garage.

“My little sister, really?!” I whisper-shouted as I let go of him and leaned against the wall behind me.

“Oh… umm… yeah…” he mumbled, looking at me but very uncomfortably.

“I’m not mad or anything, but why was I never told this?!”

He shrugged, seeming a little more comfortable knowing that I wasn’t here to shout at him. “I don’t think anybody really wants to hear who slept with their sibling. Me just going up to you and saying that was just weird. And Anna didn’t say anything because she thought you’d be uncomfortable with it being me.”

“Well, yeah, I’m uncomfortable with you having slept with my sister!” I made clear. Just because I wasn’t mad didn’t mean I was a-okay with it. I was in a relationship with a guy that had slept with my sister. That was quite troublesome. “At least tell me you just slept with her and weren’t actually important…”

“What?” he questioned, but then I added a raised eyebrow to help what I was implying. “Oh! Oh-- umm… that’s kinda complicated.”

“Complicated?! Did you take my sister’s virginity or not, Jack?!” If he really had been that person for her, I was unsure if I could actually go through with this relationship. I couldn’t just show up to family events with the guy my sister lost her virginity to.

“She was curious and wondered how things worked. And there was this guy she was dating… like I said, it’s complicated.”

“It’s a simple yes or no question.”

“Okay, yes, technically I did.”

I ran a hand through my hair unsure of what to do next. It would have been easier if I never knew this, but I also didn’t want to not know something so big. Even if they had just slept together like I originally thought, I could have dealt with it. But this was way bigger. The word ‘technically’ didn’t exactly change anything.

“Just trust me,” Jack continued, seeing my confliction, “her first time didn’t mean as much to her and your first time does to you.”

“Are you calling my sister a slut?” I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering if I had actually heard him correctly. Yes, she had been a little more open to one-night-stands than me in high school and college, but then again she was the one getting married to her long-term boyfriend now.

“No, I don’t mean it that way,” he quickly corrected. “The only reason we did what we did was that she wanted experience before she did it with her then boyfriend. Whatever she did with him meant a thousand times more to her than what she did with me.”

“Okay, I’ll need confirmation from my sister on that, but I’ll live with it for now. I’m just going to need a while before we come close to having sex again.”

“But I’m going on tour in a week,” he groaned, getting a slap against the arm from me.

“I’m not going to be able to take you to the wedding at all now.” I shook my head. It didn’t even matter if we stayed together all that time, it was just unacceptable. “That’s just not cool towards my sister. And my parents will judge me-- why would they know? That’s just stupid.” I laughed, but I saw Jack’s posture change. My eyes widened as I glared at him. “My parents know?!”

“They walked in on us one time,” Jack defended, holding his hands up.

“Oh my god, Jack, I can’t.” I started walking away leaving it the way it was. I couldn’t change the past and I sure as hell wasn’t going to break up with him. “Everything’s doomed now.”

Alex and Lisa looked at us as we came back into the living room. It was like they were expecting us to be fighting or mad, but that wasn’t the case at all. I was just a little distraught.

I went to make myself some tea when more thoughts popped up. “I’m never going to be able to take you anywhere that includes my family, so forget ever having the whole meeting-the-parents dinner type of thing.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.” Jack laughed, going to join Alex and Lisa at the TV.

“Wait, you haven’t met each other’s parents yet?” Alex asked in a non-judgemental way. It made sense not having met parents if we had literally just met each other and started dating when we did. After all, I wasn’t even sure if I could call Jack my boyfriend or not. But then again, we were best friends in high school, so things were a little different.

“Well, we know each other’s parents from high school,” I said as I waited for the water to boil. “But that’s it really.”

Alex nodded and Jack decided to make a comment. “Hey, if you hadn’t known and what you are afraid of actually does happen, everybody would be judging you and you wouldn’t know why. Now you know why. But I’m pretty sure nobody could give a fuck.”

“You clearly don’t know my family,” I retorted and crossed my arms.

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out then.” He winked.