#but now i don't feel deserving of it
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Someone asked me about commissions earlier, which only happened to me once before by a friend, and I'm freaking out a bit, but more on the panicky side
#i always liked the idea of someone enjoying my art to the point of wanting to commission me#but now i don't feel deserving of it#and drawing for someone else - especially with monetary expectations just makes me so nervous#I'm also not sure i want the connection between money and fandom#but i also keep saying i wish i could have a job in art one day like a fucking clown#heLP#i hate that whenever i receive a compliment (in a roundabout way or not) my brain tries to convince me that everyone is lying to me#i should start trying to gaslight myself into the opposite#i don't think my view on my art is as distorted as it used to be#but i also still see all the flaws and so i get sad whenever i receive a compliment????#this isn't normal right
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#funny talking tag#My favorite thing to do is HC characters as trans but also that they've never heard that term before and act accordingly.#My other favorite thing to do is make characters repressed.#My other other favorite thing to do is make a character go ''I feel like a(n) object/animal/thing pretending to be a man/woman''#''but I don't really care about that right now I have a job''#Anyway while this post can be about whichever characters you feel fit I made this with a certain character in mind.#(Dimentio of SPM fame) (He has something really specific going on that makes me cackle) (You can ask me about it)#(Also Morceau Oleander is a trans woman to me because she would be happier)#(and she deserves to live a life not defined by other's expectations of her)#Someone put a forbidden and ancient curse on this post so no more.
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Yeah, I don't know about you, Fidds, but I'd fold at this 🙏
Previous!!
Next!!
First!!
#no Stan don't use the puppy dog eyes Fidds won't be able to say no!!!#yeah I don't know where this is going but i made more lol#should i keep going i actually don't know#are you guys liking this PLEASE ANSWER ME 😭🙏#stan has hit the luck goldmine in his lifetime of the exact opposite#the last time he was this lucky he was born and even he's not too sure how lucky that actually was 🙏#Fiddleford does NOT want to rebuild that portal guys 🙏#i have a feeling that he might anyway though 🤞🙂↕️#cole's art#art#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#gravity falls comic#yeah cause i am drawing comics now#that small drawing i did as a joke has really run away from me..#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddlestan#vampire fiddleford#werewolf stan pines#werewolf stan#gravity falls halloween au#i love you guys that followed me for this 🙏#why is stan spilling his guts about pushing his brother into an interdemensional portal to the first shmuck that walks by??#well..... idk he sees Fidds and hears that he knows Ford and he sees him as Ford's friend and he thinks oh man he deserves to know#mullet stan
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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I would find Blondie Lockes very annoying in real life, but I love her in fiction. She's a genuinely good journalist in terms of both skill and ethical integrity, who only occasionally forgets to check the facts because she's fifteen and holds herself accountable when she does. She has incredibly high standards for everything and believes herself to be the ultimate authority on quality. She has magical lockpicking powers because her fairytale is about Goldilocks breaking into a house. She somehow completely ignores the story's moral that Goldilocks was wrong to break into the house, feels entitled to go wherever and help herself to whatever she's able to and cannot comprehend why people dislike this. She's been terrorizing an anthropomorphic bear family with her cheerful disrespect for privacy and is convinced that they love her. She has a non-anthropomorphic pet baby bear. Her motivation is dependence on external approval rooted in deeply internalized classism. She's desperate to be useful and important to those with higher social status and feels the need to lie that her family is technically royalty to fit in with her royal friends, even though they treat commoners like equals all the time. She positions herself as a conduit of true greatness; closer to it than the masses, but never the hero, always reporting on other people and evaluating what they've done. Because what she's done isn't enough to be worthwhile. What she is isn't enough. But this performative lifestyle makes her anxious about being judged as a fraud and an interloper, and ashamed of selfishly transgressing against social norms. Her microphone head looks like an adorable little bear head. That's one hex of a character alright.
#most of the time she's so fun and silly and happy#but every now and then she's like 'yeah i'm totally a princess! basically! don't question it!'#or 'cupid is it wrong that i want to be richer? aren't i pretty much a terrorist if i don't accept the life i'm born into?'#or 'i don't know what to do now that no big events are happening. what is my life without other people making it interesting?'#and then the plot moves on/inspires her to feel better but not stop lying/gives her a big event to get involved in#and i'm like 'GIRL. CAN WE UNPACK THAT?''#i do think shipping her with cupid is poetic as well as just nice and cute#cupid is all about love. if anyone could get it through blondie's head that she unconditionally deserves love attention and validation#no matter what background she's from or how interesting or trendy or 'just right' she or her content is#it would be her#blondie lockes#ever after high#eah
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Day 6: Geralt + ocean Favourite 90's Anime
I switched the prompts around again today! The 90's anime prompt tickled my brain since I saw it, because while I didn't see it in the 90's, my favourite anime of that time period is Berserk, and doesn't Berserk live rentfree in my brain to this day-
#spielzeugkaiser does inktober#artists on tumblr#art#berserk#guts berserk#griffith#PLEASE DON'T BE FOOLED#that is a bastard man!!!!!#I love griffith as a character but don't I wanna see him die terribly even though I LOVE HIM in a 'he deserves to be strangled' way#listen to everyone who knows berserk and nows my AUs this must be. like the “ahhh” moment. because of course I love berserk#am I a firm believer that things would have gone better if they fucked? maybe.#I have Berserk on the same shelf in my brain as Banana Fish. the 'don't touch because it upsets you so much' shelf#I love it tho (both of them)#god I need to do one of the prompts with banana fish too#I also decided I'll switch the prompts when I feel like it because. I wanna have fun
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The return of Wei Wuxian after his 3-month disappearance is meant to evoke this terror and sense that something is wrong, and it definitely does, but like…
Do you not see the playfulness in which Wei Wuxian handles the ghoul child mirrored in how he later handles A-Yuan in the Burial Mounds?
A white child squatted by his feet. Like a young, carnivorous beast, it was gnawing on something that Wei WuXian fed it. Wei WuXian took his hand away after patting on the white ghoul child’s sparse-haired head.
—Chapt. 62: Evil, exr
Lan Sizhui replied, "I'm not sure either, just that when I saw Chenqing, I thought that it was extremely familiar......" It was unsurprising that it was Chenqing that made him remember. Wei Wuxian said, "Oh, of course you'd find it familiar, back then eating Chenqing was your favourite habit and you would drool all over it and make me unable to play it."
—Chapt. 111: Wangxian - Everyday Means Everyday, chiaki_himura
Do you not see the gentleness in which Wei Wuxian handles the blue-faced woman mirrored in how he handles Wen Qing when he takes her to the Qiongqi Path labor camp?
When she had been fighting, her face was almost hideous, but now, with her dark face against Wei WuXian’s lap, she somehow seemed to be a charming concubine, obediently pleasing her master. Giggling laughter came from her mouth as well. Wei WuXian sat leaning to one side, his right hand stroking her soft, long hair over and over again.
—Chapt. 62: Evil, exr
The shock that Wen Qing received was too strong. Finally, she couldn’t hang on any longer and passed out. Standing behind her, Wei WuXian caught her without saying anything, letting her lean onto his chest.
—Chapt. 72: Recklessness, exr
And then they both go on to reciprocate that care via over-protectiveness, even when Wei Wuxian isn't actively controlling them:
The curvature of Wei WuXian’s lips dropped slightly as he glanced at him. Jiang Cheng had also heard the dissonant tone, “Second Young Master Lan, what do you mean by this?” Lan WangJi’s eyes were glued to Wei WuXian, “Answer me.” The ghoul child and the blue-faced woman began to stir. Wei WuXian turned around and looked at them. They backed off slowly, reluctant, and sunk into the darkness.
—Chapt. 62: Evil, exr
After reading the entire novel and seeing how he maintains this same level of care towards everyone he has no antagonistic relationship with, alive and dead, how could I not be moved when circling back to reread this moment?
#mdzs#human metas mxtx#yeah it’s meant to be horrible#but also?#after seeing how the *other* cultivators treat the dead#why *should* i feel horrified that wwx treats them so familiarly?#that's a woman and child whose lives were stopped short#and with that fact maybe wwx is the first one to be kind to them even counting the living portion of their life#but even though their dead does that mean they don't deserve care now?#anyways i hope they found peace after this#god i love you nameless dead woman and baby#rereads really be having you look at scenes in a new light
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"if andreil ever broke up-" they wouldn't. not in canon. not in this universe. never. like i get it. i like angst. but they wouldn't break up. never in this universe. nora herself says "they will never leave each other because they are nothing without each other". THEY ARE NOTHING WITHOUT EACH OTHER.
#i feel very normal about this#don't they deserve their happy ending by now#let them be together and let them be happy#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#zoe yaps
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Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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hey come here
reblog your own work. reblog it as much as you want. the dashboard is chronological (mostly) so you gotta put it back out there!! ok bye
#ooc#i'm serious though!!!!!#Make a tag if you're concerned about 'spamming'#i use “SRB” and I know a lot of people do! short for self reblog#use your queue and schedule post features#(Queue is just 1 button press and it goes into a queue of other posts that will auto post x amount of posts between a time period)#(If you got into your 'queue' on your dashboard you can change these settings. A queue can hold 1000 posts)#(Schedule posting means you pick the exact date/time it will be posted#then it will be filtered into your queue for that time)#if you don't want to on a whim reblog your work I highly recommend scheduling your post to reblog a few hours/days/weeks/months from now#or if you already have a big queue just toss her in there when you post and be pleasantly surprised when it gets spat out again#but don't feel shame or embarassed !!!#you worked hard on the things you share and the deserve to be seen#sometimes that means a little more work (pushing buttons)#and thats ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ok now for real bye love you
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I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.
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#ah thank you! I'm so glad these themes come through the way I intended#this touches on something that I've been thinking a lot so sorry if this gets a bit ranty#but I have massive personal beef with the sentiment “you have to love yourself before you can love someone else/someone else can love you ”#I hate it with a passion#I know it's meant to encourage positive growth and I get that self-love and healthy self-image are something you should strive for#but it also sort of sends the message that people who struggle with these sort of issues don't deserve to be loved#not until they reach some external invisible standard of “okay I'm normal and well adjusted now”#“perhaps now I'm worthy of entering a relationship without the danger of dragging the other person down with me”#people who aren't in perfect health mentally or physically already feel like they're inconveniencing others with their mere existence#depriving them of the possibility or even the idea of loving and being loved won't make them better#it's just a stupid idiom it doesn't matter but to me it just comes across as unspeakably cruel way to think#and it rustles my jimmies#answered#anonymous
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okay so King Harrow (father of Ezran, adopted father of Callum) killed the king of the dragons (Father of Zym [adopted brother of Ezran]). in revenge, Runaan (adopted father of Rayla [girlfriend of Callum {adopted son of King Harrow}]) kills King Harrow (father of Ezran, adopted father of Callum).
I need someone to make a chart because Runaan's family life got real complicated in the two years he's been gone
#like#“oh no I killed the king whose adopted son is now dating my adopted daughter”#“but the king killed the king of the dragons so he kinda deserved it”#“but the king of the dragons son is besties with the son of the guy who killed the king of the dragons”#the four kids love each other and all their parents hate each other#which is okay when all their parents where dead#but now#uh#this feels potentially messy#the dragon prince#the dragon prince mystery of aaravos#tdp s6 spoilers#tdp spoilers#tdp s6#tdp season 6 spoilers#the dragon prince season 6#the dragon prince spoilers#runaan#king harrow#I don't remember the king of the dragons name#tdp harrow#tdp runaan#nuclear war speaks#give us the saga#giveusthesaga#continue the saga#continuethesaga#greenlight arc 3#greenlightarc3#I need time for these dynamics to be explored
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#spheal#i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a#regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal?#if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum#with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way#this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr#as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites#it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted#i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did#with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my#backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having#any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh#until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can#wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal
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Dual calamities Qijiu AU save me.... save me Dual Calamity Qijiu...
Yes they are wearing each other's former coats/outer layer and tons of matching accessory and garment pieces why do you ask
Details under the cut/Rambling ahead
Dual calamities AU, post pidw. SJ kills himself on the shards of Xuan Su by swallowing them. Qijiu end up entwined into one ghost amalgamation, their combined regrets hatred spite and resentment and everything creating a nearly supreme/calamity level ghost. They go off indiscriminately murdering in the demon realm in a mindless unaware rampage, consuming ghosts and demons alike and becoming stronger until they are strong enough to be aware once more.
Luo Binghe becomes aware of the new calamity too late, due to his distraction with the Bingge vs Bingmei extra happenings, and ends up regretting it as he fails to catch up to them time and time again, despite attempting to chase down the new calamity that slaughtered half the demons in a mindless rage.
It could go down the Bingqijiu path or be simply Qijiu retreating somewhere to live in peace. Maybe being annoyed later on by Hua Cheng and/or He Xuan, maybe even Bai Wuxiang once. They kick Qi Rong off a mountain once, when he comes to annoy them for the title only to prove that is not a calamity (unfortunately for him, ily stinky green ghost). SJ is gonna have the time of his life roasting his ass. Qi Rong will leave both in pieces and tears.
Their only disadvantage really is that they cannot seperate too much, physically. But I imagine after being in each other's brains after the soul merge they don't particularly care to be (nor would they want to be. This is Qijiu we're talking about.) It's Qijiu's codependant dream. Xuan Su sewed them together and actually they are very very codependant and possessive after everything so this is just fine. They probably even have a Xuan Su blood weapon, that heeds both their commands and calls. While fighting they synchronise, with YQY being the strength and SJ the brains.
I imagine YQY is able to conjure the arrows that pierced him as spiritual projectiles, and SJ chains that bound him in the water prison. Their strength was cultivated by absorbing and devouring other ghosts and demons.
@ace-shenanigans came up with the lovely title "jade dragon stalks bamboo" which is a much better title than I could ever hope to come up with. Thank you for listening to my mad ramblings
I've been wanting to draw and think on this for a while, of how grotesque to make the initial ghost + the later higher cultivation form. But basically the kiln and everything would count them as one ghost, probably a dual title too. They'd be like a myth amongst the realms, retreating to a comfortable mountain peak with bamboo, occassionally off to hunt down slavers.
#qijiu#yue qingyuan#shen jiu#svsss#original shen qingqiu#shen qingqiu#aka the usual bullshit from me from these past months#been gaming da veilguard so wait for the inevitable qijiu Dragon Age au#dual calamity qijiu#i will draw more for them.... they consume me...#sorry for low quality sketches but this is the majority of my art so you might as well get used to it#but dual cal!qijiu is so funny with the other ghost kings too#hua cheng is so jealous of the codendant situationship of this married couple#he xuan is tired but i imagine he'd get along well with sj#while YQY can sympathize with HC's YearningTM#but they'd mostly just be chilling in their place#tbh they'd deserve it#they'd leave Bingge alone#they don't particularly care to settle any debts (plus#in SJ's case he feels it was deserved and they're even now)#Bingge would beg to differ but Qijiu really does not give a shit
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Let Vendetta have nir silly little dreams, you two.
This thought + plus one of the lines from Chen's apartment scene has been rolling around in my head for a few months now, so a quick comic had to be made. Vendetta just has an odd fascination with being buried, given it's so out of nir realm of reality? It's a joke, but the thought is a nice one especially if ne could be a cool little church grim on top on that~
Plus, doodling Anathema is always a plus. Ven and nem were such twins. :')
#minorly regretting that yellow sky#but it is what it is now#thank you to my pup for modeling too~#his clingy self was very helpful lol#fhr#fallen hero rebirth#sidestep#fhr anathema#julia ortega#vendetta frey#doodlenonsense#ven has complex feelings about other re-genes#but ultimately thinks they all deserved a grave#to be loved and protected and allowed to rest#i don't want to draw another playground tho#i will but still. :(
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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