#but maybe bc i see it as fiction

[vibinsane]

don't chase the rabbit. - a little tidbit of my past oc i found on an old blog, sobbing. feel free to read, i'm just sort of archiving it here. <3 tw: blood, murderer, mentions of sa, mention of drugs, alcohol, etc. just please read especially if you're easily triggered. take care of your mental health, this was/is still an outlet for me. also i tried to tag accordingly, back then when writing, tw tags weren't common? i really didn't tag them because the people i followed/interacted with were fine with the same writing (and it was all through words, i never posted anything graphic) but if i missed a tag that should be in the tags or you guys have any suggestions how to properly tag triggers, please let me know!

blood, blood, and more blood.

calloused digits are tainted with the remnants of blood from the one person he truly hated. he's smiling because he's finally gone and away from his life.

"monster! you monster!" his mother sobs, pushing her son away. "…he loved me."

monster.

the word resonates in his head as his eyes glow red. maybe he is a monster. maybe he wasn't. he doesn't know and little by little he slowly begins not to care. he's laughing, rather maniacally and points to the dead body slashed by the edges of the broken beer bottle and even raises his voice at his own mother.

"you think that bloody bastard was a goddamn lover to you?!" he asks incredulously, eyes boring holes into his mother. "he didn't love you worth shit!" and he eases forward, even when she eases back, her eyes speak of something. fear. it doesn't stop him from striding forward. he grabs onto her arm and tugs the sleeves up. "you think i never saw this bullshit? these bruises? they're not love."

a slap to his face causes him to still, quiet as a mouse and if tears were to spill from his eyes. they don't, because he's learned to hold such emotions back. they sting, though. but they will never fall.

"you monster, he loved me. everything he did was for me! monster…monster…monster! get the hell away from me!"

he drops the broken beer bottle and tugs his hoodie up and as he hears sirens from a distance, he grabs his backpack (the one he always had prepared in times like this or any time to escape from the presence of the dead bastard) and hops out of the window, onto the fire escape and descends down, letting the darkness of the alley conceal him from anyone's eyes.

monster.

monster.

monster.

the word resonates in his head. his mother's voice pinning itself into his mind, but he shakes his head and doesn't let up on the pace of his feet, hopping over fences and landing down on his feet and the shock is brief before he's picking up into a run. he knows of a place he can hide out. somewhere no one will find him.

it hasn't quite hit him that not only was his step father gone from the world (by his doing) but he murdered him. he's a criminal. a murderer…a monster. he shuts his eyes tight and shakes his head as if the images playing in his head would fall off. of course they don't. he's stuck with the look of his mother's face and the look of his step father's face. there's something in his eyes that he didn't quite register and even until now. he still doesn't it.

for all he could honestly feel towards the older man was the ill he had injected in his mother. the brainwashing, the abuse and how it all gets taken out on him. he tries to forget in between those the things having been done to him those nights he was left vulnerable in his room with an apartment full of bloody drunk bastards looking for some young meat, fulfilling their hidden desires for the same sex.

what a mess he was.

what a mess he is.

finally once the voices quieted down in his head, he sleeps soundly. like a baby.

the morning he wakes up sweaty and panting, eyes shot open as he shoots up. dizziness overcomes him and he has to hold himself still to prevent himself from losing balance, albeit he's flat on his ass merely sitting up. he scrambles for his phone, digits searching through his phonebook, several miss calls from his mother that he won't get back to. he knows how it all goes.

his mother calls, he comes home. the only difference is, if he does, he'll be cuffed and sent to the police station. trialed as an adult (he wasn't sure, he was thirteen for god's sake) —a lifetime in prison? he'd rather have death.

[kissingarthurclaus]

I am nothing if I don't follow the whims of my heart wherever they may lead!!! Lazytown self insert!! 😳💖💖

She lives in Lazytown and I'm debating whether to make her Stephanie's cousin or just another citizen, but either way the particular reason she isn't as active as she could be is she's scared of EVERYTHING. Yes, I've thrust upon her my issues with anxiety (inspired partly by the recent wave I've been experiencing over the past few days 😅) she's scared of cars, birds, germs, certain types of bugs, and it leads to her feeling safer at home.

The lessons she learns with Sportacus and the others are to teach that even though the world can be scary, you can overcome it and get out there and experience all the good in it! 🥺💖

Taglist♡: @me-myself-and-my-fos @tiny-cloud-of-flowers @sunstar-of-the-north @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @changeling-selfship @crushes-georg @miutonium @cherry-bomb-ships @rosieaurora @rejaytionships @sunflawyer @in-true-blue-love @tropicalgothships @little-miss-selfships @cupiidzbow (as always pls let me know if you need to be added or removed!)

[read-write-thrive]

there are all of 6 fics on ao3 that come up when you search the word “disabled” in the dead boy detectives fandom. I’m dealing with a fibromyalgia flare up rn so I’ve decided to come up with some (potential!) disability/condition/syndrome/etc. headcanons. enjoy!

(oh and just to note: I stayed away from conditions with obvious facial / appearance difference as no actors with facial / appearance difference were cast in the show and I was unsure if it would be appropriate. while I have experience with a lot of the following diagnoses, I do not claim to be an expert on any of them and do not intend for this to be used as a diagnostic tool. if you feel any of these are offensive/inappropriate, please message me and I’m happy to talk about it :) this is more just to encourage broader disability representation within the fandom!)

Edwin: autistic, PTSD (from hell), chronic pain/fibromyalgia (from his death/hell), minor visual impairment (not enough to need the hard-to-come-by testing needed for glasses when he was alive and so assumed the various limits/effects were normal. was told otherwise by Niko), would’ve had shingles if lived long enough

Charles: ADHD, PTSD (from his father/growing up in an abusive household), dyslexia, Reynaud’s syndrome (either already born with it or as a result of his death—both angsty), was in the beginning stages of an ED prior to his death, post-concussion syndrome, near-sightedness (never given glasses bc he wasn’t about to tell his dad the board looked a little blurry sometimes)

Crystal: cPTSD (reminder that neglect is also abuse :), bipolar 1, IBS, endometriosis

Niko: autism, depression, POTS, hEDS, anxiety, sprite-induced agoraphobia, epilepsy, lactose intolerance

Monty: Depersonalization-derealization disorder, selective amnesia (this is not the first times Esther has messed with his form/killed and revived him, but the experience is traumatic and so his brain decides not to remember it), recurrent arrhythmia, synesthesia

Jenny: OCD, BPD, ED recovered, Celiac’s disease, diabetes type 1, anemia

TCK: autism, NPD, lactose intolerance, colourblind

Esther: chronic pain (I’m choosing to believe that the cane isn’t just for show!!), NPD, endometriosis

Tragic Mick: cPTSD, depression, HoH, arthritis, diabetes

(The Night Nurse , the Dandelion Sprites, and various other characters felt either too supernatural and/or not developed enough to assign anything to lmao)

[in-the-belly-of-dragons]

Gays help I'm lying in my bed daydreaming of dating Sklonda Gukgak

How do i even become a fictional steparent to Riz in my daydream its not my fault his mom is top tier milf

[pass1onepr1ncess]

The people in the mouthwashing fandom who genuinely believe that Jimmy is actually attracted to cartoon horses missed the entire point of that conversation and comment. It's not that he has a horse mascot fetish or what have you, it's that he only made that comment because he doesn't take Anya or her job- including the psych eval- seriously.

He makes that comment to be condescending and dismissive of her work, basically saying "What you do is bullshit so I'm gonna give you bullshit answers because none of this matters to me. You don't matter to me."

And it's not even that he doesn't take the psych eval itself seriously because we see that when Anya gets Curly to do the eval, Jimmy sits down with him and gets it done presumably without giving those condescending "this doesn't matter" answers or comments. It's Anya specifically he doesn't take seriously or care about, as we see throughout the whole game.

That whole "being sexually attracted to cartoon horses" thing wasn't him confessing some hidden truth about himself in a psychological evaluation, it was him effectively telling Anya to fuck off and mocking her for a job he doesn't see her as qualified for. It was him reminding her that he doesn't give a fuck about her or her job.

I know it's such a non-issue and maybe I'm just looking into it too much but to see people be like "Haha Jimmy has a horse fetish" is so, idk. It just feels like those people are missing the point that even in nonsense throwaway comments like that, Jimmy is a POS in every aspect of life on the Tulpar and how he just has to feel superior and above Anya in every way in addition to the pre-existing continuous abuse and assault on her.

Not to mention the whole theory/implication that Polle and/or Jimmy's hallucinations of Polle are a stand-in for Anya, on how he doesn't even see her as a real human person and instead subconsciously equates her to the cartoon horse mascot of the bankrupt company they work for.

[loumauve]

characters being offered the choice to 'live' a kind and peaceful life, by letting the thing that infected/possessed them take over while they themselves withdraw into their dream reality where everything is good and nothing hurts.. and them denying that? oof. I love it every time.

sth sth suffering is part of human existence and choosing it over living a lie is such a human thing to do

[valewritessss]

What are some fanfiction pet peeves or icks?

I specifically had percabeth in mind but other ships or fandoms is fine too

[enden-k]

OMG??? LUKA LOOKS SO ETHEREAL 🙏almost makes me want to forgive him for everything hes done

this is a good moment to mention that i feel like luka gets overhated waaaay too much in the fandom, idk if its just me who tends to like the more ""problematic""/troubled/antagonistic/dubious/morally grey/etc characters so i find him interesting but i rlly dunno if the hate is a bit too much or if i missed smth significant that explains why hes hated sm that ppl cant even leave their hate out of the comments on anything luka related hghh

but anw thanks tho :]

[simplydnp]

personally i cannot get on the marriage hill because i feel like they have already crossed that hill without us knowing, or if they havent already they may just not be planning to. obv i dont know anything about their personal life so maybe im way off base here lol but i just feel like they've already committed to each other for the rest of their lives, thats been done! they did it 15 years ago and they've done it a hundred times since then! buying a house together is the big one where i feel like they either already got married before that and never told us, or they consider that theyre already committed enough that they don't feel the need to get married, since at this point marriage for them would just be a piece of paper. not to mention during the devan wedding video they talked about how uncomfortable a wedding would be so i feel like they've decided that they dont need to make it "official"

i think not being on it is fair. love it, hate it, whatever, but we would Know if they had done so in secret. at least, from a legal standpoint. who knows if they did a little thing for just themselves at some point--but to me, that's different than Marriage-marraige, if that makes sense.

they have been committed for a very, very long time. i hesitate to say right from the start because we just have the benefit of hindsight to know that it ended up there, but it's been there for a while.

maybe it's the romantic in me, but i want them to have that Moment. to celebrate them. where, truly, nothing else matters except them and what they mean to each other. for them to get to bring the important people in their life together and enjoy it. for them to finally breathe. and not have to worry, or think, or hesitate in living their life. obviously there will still be walls and boundaries and i don't expect to see them making out in a video, but to just exist without fear. or stress. or anxiety. to be able to show the things they really Do want to; to be able to go do the things they really want to do. that's what i want for them.

it's less about 'marraige is the final step!' and more like it's the first one into the rest of their lives.

one of the biggest themes throughout this fandom's existence, and particularly since the hiatus began, is that we just want them to be happy. to be free of expectations and pressure and speculation and erasure. and i think that's what marraige hill means to a lot of people.

to speak for myself for a moment: i've got very haggard relationships and depictions of love in my life. it feels hollow in many ways. it's described as vibrant and overwhelming and terrifying and beautiful--but for me it's... empty. i read about how it sweeps people off their feet, or it slowly builds over time, or maybe it's always been there--and i can't help but want that. even just being around it is filling for the soul. i think witnessing joy and happiness is critical to our existence. to physically see love in the world. and maybe it's cheesy and maybe it's parasocial, but i want dnp to have their happy ending. cause the twisted, chunk of meat in my head thinks that's how it's supposed to go. how it should be. is people should get to be happy, and for many of them, that includes being in love. maybe it's outdated maybe it's old-fashioned, maybe it's the ex-catholic in me, but that's what marraige should be. and maybe it's the idea that people do get there and it is possible. and it really is this beautiful thing.

in terms of their stances on it, you offer that you think they're committed enough and they may not want it--which, is a fine opinion to have. it's been a very long time since either of them have really truly talked about marraige and weddings, and add the fact that they're both private people and don't even talk relationship stuff candidly, so anything presented, i take with a grain of salt. and i don't think disliking aspects of a wedding and then also wanting one are mutually exclusive. i think there's plenty of ways to eliminate aspects and still do it. their agreement on it, to me, signals they've talked about it.

and especially with how things have been lately--with how much has changed in the last few months for them even--i don't think the option is off the table for them.

they well and truly killed the joint branding in 2018 and buried it. there were glimpses of their togetherness during the hiatus, but WAD especially pushed back on things. and yet, just a few months after it ended, they agreed to a why not--knowing it would mean inviting us back into it again. inviting in people to see. and instead of hard lines and rigid restrictions, they keep loosening the reins. and i genuinely think them being back, and us being here too, has completely changed the trajectory of their life. i don't think either of them expected to tour together again. for them to truly enjoy this. phil may have hoped, but he wasn't gonna push it if dan wasn't willing. so now that they're here, so many possibilities have opened up. and, to me, it feels like they're building momentum. and while some of that was likely for the tour, it still feels like we're heading somewhere. i've got that same gut feeling i did during ii.

take it or leave it, those are my thoughts. i doubt we'll truly know until they either do it or don't.

[eclaire-went-bam]

although i think it's important to acknowledge the complexities of aro & ace identities, & to be welcoming of aroace identities that may be sex/romance favourable/hypersexual & seek those relationships, i think it's still important to acknowledge that completely romance/sex repulsed aroaces are still a minority in the ace community despite being the stereotype. & we should still listen to those voices,

[silusvesuius]

this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[eadwulfs]

I mean this with all the good intentions in the world but please stop calling Ashton a man. Please stop choosing one set of pronouns bc it’s “easier.”

Sincerely, a trans person who feels more and more dismissed each time it happens.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

THE ORDER OF PALMS An order of holy folk that serve The Helm, working to create powerful Aasimar Paladins for the purpose of protecting any who hire their help. [BACKSTORY UNDER CUT]

One day, Gjör and her peers were lead by their mentor Opheria, to a mission far from their home. On the peak of that mountain village, they saw upon the horizon, the castle of their home go up in flames. Horrified and scared, the apprentices sought to follow their mentors guidance, and followed her lead into a small barn. It was there, that Opheria proceeded to slaughter each and everyone of the apprentices. It seemed she somehow had a hand in this sudden attack on the Order of Palms. Gjör D'annevual survived a sword through the 'heart', on account of a rare condition, that places her heart on the other side of her chest. When she finally managed to bring herself back home, the Order was insulted by her survival. She had so many better peers, why couldn't any of them have survived? This runt was seriously the only thing that survived Opherias wrath? It was better to just wash their hands clean of this. Thus the Order decided to banish Gjör from their ranks. She now travels the land in search of a purpose.

[turtleblogatlast]

If you dont mind me asking, on which season of 2012 tmnt are you at?

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to sit down and watch but I’m pretty sure I’m at some point in season 2? So still a long way to go but admittedly I’ve already been spoiled on more than one thing haha. I like the characters a lot though, they’re very prickly and react to things a lot more realistically than I thought they would.

[milfbrainrot]

admittedly we do not know anything abt most of the new characters yet and assuming she's not in LoL that includes Maddie but it is... a lil odd to see infantilization of her at this stage.

I get she seems like a ray of sunshine character so far but "girl has no idea what martial law means 💔" kind of jokes are making me think abt how if maddie IS just a naive enforcer thinking she's doing good for piltover, she'd still... know what martial law and fascism etc entail. She'd just think those things are Good and Just!

Idk not to take jokes too seriously but there's something interesting abt what makes a character complicit in horrors esp when they seem so nice, and I feel like that's kinda being brushed aside w the interpretations that she is just an oblivious kid... esp since those jokes are about the scene where she's supporting Cait's dictatorship promotion which is after she's literally been in Zaun with her gassing people lmao.

She knows what's going on. Her framing of it is just extremely biased. Maybe a bit naive of her if so, but not stupid yknow.