#but i feel its also very very selfish so
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons… how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.
The brutal thought that you’d rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as “you're playing hard to get” again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.
That's not his job, and his heart hasn’t pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this “heroism” thing back there for some extra affection points with you.
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he “politely” ushered him away.
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe that’s why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative ×2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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I don’t remember where this quote was from but there’s a line that goes “I was looking through rose colored glasses for so long, the red flags just looked like the way to go.” And I think that embodies Curly’s view point in life and specifically about Jimmy a lot. Not to mentions a world where he actually makes it out of the Tulpar.
#also thinking about trans curly again cause like there’s an inherent horror on Curly’s side in that scenario pre crash and post#but pre crash it’s like the very selfish fear that at an early point in time that could’ve been him and having to compartmentalize#every off thing Jimmy has said to him on the subject of his physical transition and how he either ignored it for his own piece of mind or#laughed it off cause that’s what your supposed to do when a guy says something like that both in a guy code way and a omg laugh so he doesnt#do something way girls are trained to protect themselves with cause in this scenario#he understands Anya’s fear and feels like a damn idiot for not getting it cause he lived that sort of back of the mind thinking before he#was able not to and he still has to to an extent but he thought he found the one guy he didn’t have to and realized he just got use to it#but its sentimental and it’s selfish that it is and when I write this post beware#ducking beware bitches#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#captain curly
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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the alex kister callout is transmisogynistic as hell and in fact does not show any amount of malice on alexs end other than being a jackass. in what world is a post framing a transfeminine person (who it just outed, of course) as a pedophilic groomer with claims that only make sense if you assume that her exploration of her identity in any way is predatory NOT pedojacketing
#it rlly doesnt help that one of the people who came out is flatout claiming transandrophobia#idgaf this is transmisogyny 101#of course i believe the ppl who came out abt it.#but its not a cancellable offense to be a selfish asshole#and the whole situation reeks of so much transmisogyny.#the stars call#transmisogyny#this doesnt even mention the ableism lol.#also sorry. to expand on the first tags. like#of course the ppl who came out abt it are not monolithic.#but the quiet part is very blatantly being said out loud when you are saying that a trans woman is targeting trans men.#so.#if thats the evidence you feel like using and supporting.
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autistic meryl is still my ride or die hc
#bc its literally not just 'shes autistic bc im autistic and i say so'#like theres so much in the source material to back me up here#like its a recurring thing that she doesnt know how to verbalise/communicate her feelings so she just doesnt#theres parts where she goes non verbal#in the jp version she has an incredibly feminine/formal way of speaking which i know is a trait for some autistic people#shes very emotionally repressed#she presumably has little social life outside of work#her relationship with her parents/dad is wobbly bc of previously stated emotional expression issues#<- also bc she gets too caught up in work to think about trying to communicate with her dad#<- and cries over worries of her dad thinking her selfish or distant for it even though she didnt mean it#like bro she is so autistic. 2 me
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/ I know that technically it would be impossible bc of many reasons, but I keep seeing cute fanart of D.io having met/raised tiny G.iorno and I can't help but think of dad-Diego as he's sort of an alternative universe version of Dio (or well, he replaces the antagonistic place that D.io would have normally taken in the universe in which S.teel B.all R.un takes place had it not been a reboot of the universe.) and proud D.iego on a horse carrying little g.iorno in his arm since both love animals AND IM EMOTIONAL!!!
#;ooc#ooc#REALISTICALLY SPEAKING- even if og d.io had for some reason kept custody of g.iorno; he would prob have been a terrible dad#but im a bit conflicted because of the interactions they have in the games if u put them in the same team#and also bc of d.io's own conflicted relationship with his own father making me think that it could be the opposite#that he wouldn't be as terrible to his own son-#but then i think about the fact that even with all the love in the world from his adoptive dad and j.onathan#he still wanted to wreck their lives (specially j.onathan's)#so im like;; mmmmmm#i think it would be a conflicted thing#something about feeling a sense of pride in regards to g.iorno but#more in the sense of; g.iorno being a reflection of himself; so i mean he would feel pride but in a#selfish sort of manner#i cant quite put it into words but; it would be a very layered dynamic of father-son#especially bc g.iorno turned out to be a very righteous person having zero hesitation to sacrifice himself for others#meanwhile d.io would NEVER#so albeit g.iorno is super clever and smart; a matter of pride; his ideals and character is against dio's#ANYHOW!! back to d.iego UIGTFBRUGB#d.iego isn't inherently pure evil i'd say- but he also isnt a good person definitely#and his way of seeing the world would clash with g.iorno's#but in a silly type of au; i find fanart where d.io takes care of little g.iorno to be too sweet😭😭😭#its like when i see fanart of j.otaro with lil j.olyne; its too cute!!#i know it might look a bit ooc BUT!!! dad diego summoning lil dinosaurs for g.iorno to interact with#since he's also so linked to animals#SOBBING
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v im somewhat haunted by the chance i did that ON THE TOPIC of uh. confessing. to a person who. sometimes i think maybe they... uh. i have no idea and never will AND it will never matter. but.
#some shit#i was a Very normal teenager i assure you. DO NOT EVER. go into the recesses in this blog. not even if u where there.#clause of confidentiality and also additionally. mutual(ly) assured destruction#something along the lines of... i think if u do while not thinking itd be received well its really selfish#which........ i mean i still kinda feel but i have a much larger understanding of the. HOW COULD U EVER KNOW#i dont even know these things. so. kfdjgbjhgbjjg#why have i been thinking about this GO AWAY BRAIN
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Something about wearing a dress and makeup and heels and doing my hair all fancy is like. Freeing. In a way. Like it's so different from my normal tshirt-jeans-workboots-bun-to-keep-my-hair-out-of-my-face vibe. But I enjoy it just as much. It's nice to be pretty
#okay i'm gonna be real in the tags. i wholeheartedly believe that the reason it makes me feel so good is that i'm dressed so nice#for *Mass*#like it's not for vain and selfish reasons. i'm pretty because i want to look my best for Jesus#and that lends it like. a new level of beauty i think#(this is part of my speech on Why I Veil For Mass but that's a different subject)#and also i think it speaks to that part of me that allows me to express my femininity in a more traditional way than usual#again because it's for Jesus#cause like. i talk sometimes about my struggle/non-struggle with dysphoria but at the same time. there is a very feminine side to me#and it comes out in its most beautiful form when it ties back into my faith#and i do like dressing up anyway. i dunno my thoughts are complicated but also. not.#i guess the tl;dr of it is that i am a unique and complex individual who likes traditionally masculine things and activities#and ALSO likes traditionally feminine things and activities- and the great thing is that that is okay because in the end#it doesn't make me any less or more of a woman. i am fearfully and wonderfully made and confident in who i am as a person#margin rambles#catholicism
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tried putting on my radiator for the first time this winter (we've had snow this week.... its focking cold) but it trips the fusebox for the entire flat lmfao. I'm fuuuucked 😐
#all the other radiators work fine its just mine :'(((#and bc its thw weekend they wont come out to fix it until monday at least so thats great#its fine i havent needed it on this week so far and i have layers and a hot water bottle so ill be fine but i did cry abt it a bit#but not so much abt the radiator just a lot on my mind.. i couldnt pick up my prescription after work either bc the secretary left half an#hour early and the very kind nurse who had a look for it anyway couldnt find it and i cant get there any earlier next week bc of work#i know itll be fine ive already sent an email to ask if they can send it to my local pharmacy instead ill get my meds before they run out#but still i cried a bit walking home from the clinic 😢 just been a long week even if not a bad one. and i miss my friend whos moving#he'll be on the plane now.... man. its a bit selfish but im also sad abt it bc he always noticed how i was feeling when i was at the gym#like if i was privately dealing w some shit or just wasnt quite myself he could tell n would find a moment to gently ask or just be there#without probing abt it like man hes so reassuring and kind and has such a big heart. before he left he asked me to look out for some of#the quieter ones in our group and make sure they feel included and someones listening to them when he wont be around to anymore#😢💔💔💔💔 and i know i didnt know him long enough to become proper good friends with him but it meant a lot that he looked out for me#like all i really want in this world is to feel seen n safe esp when im having a hard time. and none of my closer friends really do that#and thats okay like its not their fault and they just express their way of caring differently but sometimes i feel so lonely ah....#and also my period is due and im kind of scared of how painful itll be bc the last few have been so bad snd i find loneliness a lot harder#when im in a lot of pain and anyway this is all probably just the pre period hormones making me so tearful so it doesnt matter#its ok made a big bowl of rice so im going to eat that wrapped up cosy in bed with a movie i think. and then sleep#.diaries
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#talking abt my silly lil chernobyl fic AGAIN#now that i've perused their ao3 tag things i find interesting--most fics are very leonid pov which is interesting#which i get i love a good ol bottom coded pov#ALSO the way everyone agrees whos top/bottom.. no dissent we're all on the same page#but sasha is so service top coded LISTEN its 10x more compelling from his perspective#when you love someone so much that allowing urself to enjoy it feels selfish. because it should be all for them#she speaks#she writes#ANYWAY feel free 2 ignore this i feel insane#chernobylb
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GOOD VIBES ANON HAS APPEARED ONCE AGAIN
GOOD VIBESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS COME GET YALL'S GOOD VIBESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS GOOD BIVES FOR UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU HELL YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠
I been noticing the selfship art u been doing with the chainsaw hand dude (i forgot his name im sorry ���)
I remember a vague memory of him in the tv, he was covered in blood and fighting demons in a wood house or sum like that idk its been a FAT minute lol think it was like a parody isslkxkammslk
anyway if u dont mind sharing, do u got any selfship headcanons with him? or maybe give a good ramble about why he so cool
also pls remember to hydrate
that probably was him he's never allowed to leave that damn cabin
i don't really have any Headcanons per se its just this pic
i could also dedicate several paragraphs to each individual ash but i've always liked that despite everything he's still a loser and still gets scared sometimes. he's a hero from a prophecy and he's pissed about it and you know what. i would be too. AND he still works retail bro cannot catch a break
this is also strictly specific to the first movie but despite being a male protagonist, ash is rather .... reserved ?? he's very nervous and pathetic which is insanely funny when he's batshit crazy in the sequel and i guess more typically "masculine" from then on. still a massive loser however
it's like he's still cool while also still being a massive loser. his ass gets tossed around constantly and he's still stupid as all hell. his actor even said that he doesn't think of ash as a true "hero" type because unfortunately he is braindead. i love him so bad
like this is so fucking stupid. i hate him
#i also like that a lot of people describe him as selfish (and he is) but he's also still very sweet.#he's totally definitely a real idgafer (he gaf too much)#he complains about having to help people. meanwhile willingly helps people. he's a selfish asshole. can easily feel immense guilt about#things at the drop of a hat.#everyone focuses on how very silly he is (and its understandable it is a very silly series) but also i think a lot about how he acts and#how he is kind of a walking contradiction at times. he learns the power of friendship and hes willingly selfless#(meanwhile still saying he totallyyyy only cares about himself#millions and millions of words to say about him. i would threaten his life daily myself and it'd be said with nothing short of pure love#i love him very dearly . he's so insanely annoying
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haha god listening to music and having scenarios in your head is so fun, yes the scenarios are about a hypothetical good relationship with my parents why do you ask
#vent#idk i feel like i have no one to turn to#like my parents are there but relying on them feels like walking on eggshells and hiding the effects of my transition#also one of them is just a plain Disney movie antagonist to be honest#hi also i am not depressed i swear! just very sad for some reason#im content with my life#in a sense i dont want to have to see anyone ever again#just rot away in my flat forever and ever and not have to worry about conflict or agression from the people in my life#maybe im selfish idk#the earth is the home of everybody on earth#not just me#also human connections? so hard!!!#i think i may be on the spectrum but im still waiting for the official diagnosis next month#but its like im always uncomfortable around people? like im some sort of strange social parasite who does everything ever wrong and is reall#y awkward and nobody liked me ever but also when someone says they do#there's simply nothing? as if they were inly words to me#and it's not only that i dont believe it possible#but also that i just dont know the feeling#it just makes me uncomfortable to hear that despite my friends possibly believing it#it's not their fault#but i just feel like there's a barrier between me and everyone#or maybe that I'm like just some minor occurance in all these wonderful people and i disappear from their lives as quickly as i arrived?#i dont know how to feel content truthfully#walking znd listening to music can only keep me pensive for so long#i just want to be comfortable sometimes#spend a few minutes not worrying#actually accepting care and love#being deadweight if only for one short while#and not hating myself for days afterwards
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I'm so tired of feeling so alone
#its not even that i dont have friends#i have a good amount that im happy with#and hell i literally have two partners that i love more than anything#but theres nobody that lives near me#and idk how to find people#it hurts so god damn bad#i hate feeling such an intense and burning envy when i see my friends hanging out or having good times with people irl#its not fair to myself or to them and im not insane enough to resent them for it#but god damn i wish i had that#every fucking day i wish i could wake up next to my partners and hug my best friends#its not fair#i also wish the friends i did have would start things between us more#it feels like im always the one trying to schedule things or starting convos or inviting them to do something#and then they let things fall thru or dont try to start plans or convos with me and i often feel very#passed over? ignored? uncared for?#i dont know. its such a strange feeling and it makes me feel selfish
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while im sharing my ahit hot takes, i also wanna add that i think ppl give Mu a little too much slack
like yeah, she IS a child, she WAS traumatized and had her home essentially colonized for no reason. its implied her family was killed and she spend at least a solid year completely alone, homeless, and scared
but like she also used time pieces to reverse the world 4 billion years back and killed everyone she thought was "bad" based on a short description they gave of their own life (if they were lucky enough to even get to the throne room and not die from the lava inside the castle). ppl act like the entire cast were horrible people for telling her to go away when she literally destroyed the earth???? like no one in ahit is a good person guys theyre all assholes lmao
#no ones redeemed in that game theyre all still acting in their own self interest#but the thing that CHANGED about them is that theyre willing to cooperate with each other even if its for selfish reasons#like idk! i do thing that mu deserves people who'll help her get better and be safe. but i also think that people acting like she was--#--justified completely missed the point#ive had a lot of time to think about this. and if you think shes justified i want you to ask yourself why#i think its easy for people to adopt a very black and white mentality#its easy. i know it is. i do it too a lot and its something i need to work on#but the entire point of the game is that like. no one is GOOD. no one is absolved from blame here in any bad thing that happens#even if they had reasons for their actions it doesnt make their actions ok#and like. idk. im probably thinking too deep about this#no ones gonna read these tags#and i love Mu a lot!!!! dont get me wrong shes literally one of my fav characters!!!#but she did like. fucked up things#maybe im very jewish but the only thing that marks a good person to me is them KNOWING they did bad things and WANTING to change#no atonement. none of that#anyways if i think about this for any longer then im probably gonna revert back to being the worst person on the planet#so if you read all of this good for you. feel free to add your two cents in whether or not you agree with me
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