#but she did like. fucked up things
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while im sharing my ahit hot takes, i also wanna add that i think ppl give Mu a little too much slack
like yeah, she IS a child, she WAS traumatized and had her home essentially colonized for no reason. its implied her family was killed and she spend at least a solid year completely alone, homeless, and scared
but like she also used time pieces to reverse the world 4 billion years back and killed everyone she thought was "bad" based on a short description they gave of their own life (if they were lucky enough to even get to the throne room and not die from the lava inside the castle). ppl act like the entire cast were horrible people for telling her to go away when she literally destroyed the earth???? like no one in ahit is a good person guys theyre all assholes lmao
#no ones redeemed in that game theyre all still acting in their own self interest#but the thing that CHANGED about them is that theyre willing to cooperate with each other even if its for selfish reasons#like idk! i do thing that mu deserves people who'll help her get better and be safe. but i also think that people acting like she was--#--justified completely missed the point#ive had a lot of time to think about this. and if you think shes justified i want you to ask yourself why#i think its easy for people to adopt a very black and white mentality#its easy. i know it is. i do it too a lot and its something i need to work on#but the entire point of the game is that like. no one is GOOD. no one is absolved from blame here in any bad thing that happens#even if they had reasons for their actions it doesnt make their actions ok#and like. idk. im probably thinking too deep about this#no ones gonna read these tags#and i love Mu a lot!!!! dont get me wrong shes literally one of my fav characters!!!#but she did like. fucked up things#maybe im very jewish but the only thing that marks a good person to me is them KNOWING they did bad things and WANTING to change#no atonement. none of that#anyways if i think about this for any longer then im probably gonna revert back to being the worst person on the planet#so if you read all of this good for you. feel free to add your two cents in whether or not you agree with me
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People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again
#My art#One Piece#Long post#Sir Crocodile#Nico Robin#Alternatively panel 5 would've been a close up of Crocodile's face from Robin's POV where he looks like he's giving her a death glare#Not intentionally he's just a big scary bastard with a Resting Murder Face and Robin is a small traumatized child#But I wanted to focus on the silliness of the moment so you get the goofy version instead#IDK man there's just something very funny to me about the idea of Robin just randomly info-dumping about a subject she's read about#And Crocodile being like ''?????????????????????? The fuck you talking about??''#Robin leaves the ship's kitchen and Crocodile just stares at the tomato like ''...It's a fruit? Forreal?''#(Meanwhile Robin is sweating bullets like ''I called his favorite vegetable a FRUIT right in his FACE he's going to KILL ME'')#Robin grew extra feet from the bottom of her feet to reach the counter and that actually isn't me trying to explain bad art away#In the original Papadile comic there was a panel of Robin doing the dishes with extra feet to reach the sink but I cut it out#(It was a stress relief comic I did not feel like drawing a complicated background in detail) (BUT YES I THOUGHT OF IT)#Nico Robin Age 11 is *more* than capable of cooking Crocodile just does not trust her with his food. At least not yet#She did start doing the dishes unprompted and continues to do so (mostly out of fear). Croc told her she didn't have to but allows it#IDK a lot of people seem to headcanon Crocodile as incapable of cooking and like. Surely Mr ''I don't trust people'' knows how to cook#Like he doesn't have to be a master chef or anything but and maybe he enjoys not HAVING to cook (pain in the ass with one hand + knife/hook#But surely he can cook decent enough. SURELY#Botanists don't @ me I know the ''tomato is a fruit'' thing isn't fully accurate this is just a silly little haha comic
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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i love the DLC man
#elden ring#miquella the unalloyed#promised consort radahn#I’ve been thinking about how despite all the talk of age of compassion… Miquella’s first spell as a god is an offensive incantation#with a wide af damage radius 💀💀💀#meanwhile Marika who built her age upon violence… her spells are all healing and defense buffs#and her first spell as a God is a little tree that heals a wide area#she was still trying to heal her ppl to the bitter end AND gunning for revenge. there’s a kind of heartbreaking honesty to it#the cruel irony in the DLC story is crazy#really show how badly Miq had strayed from his original path after forsaking Trina#then that meme pops in my head ajshsjhsjhs#now i do think the vow is two-way btw Radahn just got cold feet near the end#the only thing i dont like about the DLC is i cant draw jokes without explaining I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS i think their actions are valid !!#like having to pull up a whole lore presentation slide for this#yes i think it's funny as hell that Miq did show Radahn why he should not fuck around and find out
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makes me giggle to think of X2 Logan meeting dp&w Logan when this is a thing
#“don't tell me you fuckin liked it 🤨” “you have no idea 😃”#x2 logan is going to see that in the tva screens and go 🤨😳🏳️🌈⁉️#dp&w Logan going “you don't understand he's fucked up he's my favorite of these assholes”#and then turn around and yell at wade “FUCKTARD”#hear the distinct “oh he's adorable can't resist flirting with me across the room LOVE YOU TOO SHITFACE”#“KEEP AN EYE ON OUR DAUGHTER OR IT'S MY SWORDS IN YOUR DELICIOUS ABS IN THREE SECONDS”#x2 Logan going 🤨 at the daughter in question mary puppins#Logan being as hung up on Jean as he'd been might just Reconsider mr wade wilson#👀👀👀👀👀👀👀#pspsps Logan#one rainbow brigade bitch to another? i dont think jean can do that#she clawed u up that one time but see what walmart santa claus is doing here#he's riddling you with bullets ✅ fuckin emptying the cartridges on your scrumdiddlydumptruck ass#he's stabbing adamantium ADAMANTIUM swords in you up until the sword hilts ✅#Logan listen#jean needed to be with phoenix first before Doing All Those Things Which She Did With You#but Deadpool? Deadpool is in it for the shits and giggles#Look. I'm not a woman of science. But there seems to be Chemistry among us.#I'd hit the emergency meeting button but i don't fucking want to 😁#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wolverine#deadpool 3#deadpool 2024#logan howlett#wade wilson#poolverine#deadclaws#Deadpool and Wolverine Honda#Deadpool and Wolverine Honda Odyssey
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toxic yuri this toxic yuri that. and just when you think it couldnt get any crazier they break out the spinning piano
#i like cant emphasize enough that this is a five min clip but every five min of the show is like this. the devils mask im 😭#god. like its SO unserious and i am laughing rn but also extremely serious how did i forget this was the scene she confessed in#oniisama e#rei asaka#no one worry about the doll thing its fucked up i promise#nanako misonoo#this was literally the scene that made me go ahahaha what the fuck are we all doing here lol upon first watch#dear brother#riyoko ikeda
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i truly commend and admire marisha ray to no end because someone with less confidence or thinner skin (probably myself included) would've shied away from these big character choices after the way keyleth was treated but following keyleth up with beau and then LAUDNA is a true feat. she has never once backed down or diluted herself to be more palatable or even to just avoid catching the brunt of completely misplaced and blind hate from many "fans" + baffling misinterpretations of her actions. sometimes i get really upset about how some viewers talk about her choices and characters and then i just have to remember that she literally doesn't give a single fuck and neither should i.
#that's just how im trying to be#i think about her between the sheets episode multiple times a week#marisha ray#her mind is so everything#she should actually KEEP doing fucked up things that people wont like and i will cheer#cr spoilers#critical role#cr laudna#keyleth of the air ashari#beauregard lionett#c3e95#also to clarify even if she did back away i dont think she would get any less hate i think it would just change to her being “boring”
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It's racist, my dear, to be blunt. People come from outside, they think we're all witches and druids. For God's sake, child, you walked into a piece of string!
#dwedit#doctor who#usertennant#userteri#userdiana#usertreena#miatendos#ruby sunday#enid meadows#roger ap gwilliam#*#this whole thing was just so interesting???#like supposedly the fairy circle meant nothing and mad jack is just a story they made up#but then where did the woman (who is definitely real and definitely supernatural in nature) come from.#what was she saying to people to make them afraid of RUBY. SPECIFICALLY.#why did they call her a HERALD to MAD JACK. then she was used to defeat roger. who by complete coincidence is also called mad jack.#(hey you know what else you could call a herald. perhaps... a prelude. maybe even... a harbinger)#how did ruby TURN INTO the woman when she (i have to assume) died of old age#AND MAYBE MOST IMPORTANTLY. IF OLD DEAD RUBY STOPPED THEM FROM BREAKING THE CIRCLE. WHICH STOPPED EVERYTHING ELSE.#THEN IS ROGER AP GWILLIAM NOT GOING TO REMAIN AS PRIME MINISTER IN 2046?????#or even though that timeline was erased did it still happen Enough for him to... lose? still resign but this time for no reason???#and WHY are we probably NEVER GOING TO GET ANSWERS TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS#AND WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE DOCTOR FOR 70+ YEARS
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im a child of divorce
#the bit is over when i say its over and even when its so joever for these two its not over for me!!! (once again i am on heavy copium)#anyway. thoughts behind the spoiler tags#gempearl#shiny duo#wild life smp#life series spoilers#wild life spoilers#i feel like. i actually was expecting that#no but its so funny the one time the negative consequences of something does actually get acknowledged its the SL finale ‘betrayal’/j#like cmon fuck me i guess/j (BIG EMPHASIS. ON THE SLASH J. OKAY.)#but honestly though i did expect Gem to hold a grudge over the 2v1 in SL. and. its good that there are consequences???#it IS a ‘betrayal’ in Gem’s eyes. they were friends. they were murder besties for the last two sessions and then Pearl chose Scar over her#and its awesome man. [through gritted teeth] this is awesome man this will be good for character development ok ok ok. ok?#its also got something to do with Pearl having the red creep in. i think#because during SL Gem was like. nearly idolising the Scarlet Pearl persona while vaguely aware that her own reputation has a similar effect#and yknow. the horrors. the fact that their image is so heavily built on what others deem them to be and they can only play into it#but by the end of SL Gem gets ‘betrayed’ by this persona that she looked up to#and also her own ‘GeminiSlay’ intimidating image is also starting to fall apart. partly of her own will#and now shes watching Pearl slowly turn red again. and this time she knows its not good for her or Pearl#so shes distancing herself from it. shes ‘trying to fix her reputation’. she sees Pearl falling into it again and just. no. i dont love you#you betrayed me last season#but on Pearl’s end of things she’s already deep into the idea that as long as you say you ‘forgive’ someone then everything thats happened#in the past doesn’t matter and they can all be friends. and nooo absolutely no grudges will be held. no emotional repression here#so. because thats happened to her in her own team she thinks the same can happen with her and Gem#and thats so. im going to blow myself up now
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Incorrect, the fact that Biden has dropped out and a candidate with history of supporting medicare for all and being more receptive to a ceasefire in the I/P conflict has made me go from "I cannot morally support the Democratic nominee" to "I am voting for the Democratic nominee despite the fact she isn't perfect in every respect." I'm really happy this played out. The Dems for the most part abandoned the old Obama platform and it feels like its possible an actual progressive agenda could come to pass in my lifetime.
Kamala 2024!
If you weren't going to vote Democratic in this election before Biden dropped out you're a dorkass loser who does not care about any of the issues you're yammering about here and also a fundamentally bad person, and I hope you get run over by a bus.
But you got one thing right in all of this gibberish, Kamala 2024.
#personal#answered#anonymous#i mean let's be clear here no president is gonna attempt to be progressive ever again within my lifetime#because joe biden tried to do like 25% of that and got ZERO fucking credit#he did so much on healthcare on reform on loans on so many social issues and for all his litany of failings on i/p#he has been distinctly harsher on netanyahu than a good chunk of dems and certainly the entire republican party#for the first time since i was four we are not involved in any wars as americans and that is thanks to joe biden#but the thing is that he gets no credit for any of it!#him pulling out of afghanistan caused his approvals to tank in a way that never recovered#and leftists gave him FUCK ALL for it#they gave him nothing they just continued whining that even tho he cancelled a bajillion in student loans#he didn't actually cancel a QUADRILLION dollars so both parties are the same and voting is the most arduous task known to man#no democrat who is running is going to forget that catering to leftist/progressive policies gets them zero leeway with those supporters#that it not only tanks numbers but you still get constant haranguing about it anyway#so they're not gonna do it#we are gonna get fuckall for at least a good fifty years#and anything we get will be utterly in SPITE of people like you anon it will happen in spite of everything you've done#mostly because of people like me and mine who understand that voting is the bare minimum#and that for the democratic process to work the way you want it to you need to participate and not pitch a fucking fit#like a four year old who was told they can't go to disney this weekend#like i know you ratfuckers are happy this played out because this is all a game to you and you don't actually care#but that's why i've got zero faith in you people and why i'm glad it's my kind of folks#actual die hard democrats who have always been hardliners for supporting democrats in every possible election#who are picking up the slack and donating to harris and supporting her agenda#which is the exact same as biden's because she's his vice president and they share they same platform#because that's what they were both running on! twice!#anyway fuck you please feel free to find a necktie and test how tall your doorframe is
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i get such a sense of primal envy when looking at edwin’s clothes up close because god you can just tell his coat is real wool and made to last and not cheap flimsy mass produced garbage and auggagghhhh that was just STANDARD in his time. by no means am i saying i was #borninthewronggeneration because i like having vaccines and household appliances but. man. to have a personally-tailored coat like that that’d last for years and years……. and fabrics of fine thread-dense quality………. if only
#edwin would be so disgusted by shein products can you fucking imagine#i mean he’d be disgusted by most mass produced brand/off-brand clothing but fast fashion shit like that would be the Worst#thank god for the fact that I don’t think anyone in the group would wear that kinda shit. for wildly different reasons#crystal wouldn’t because why the fuck would she. she can afford the most expensive high quality shit on the market. and even if she goes#thrifting you can just tell if something looks/feels like cheap garbage she’d not even touch it#niko’s a fashion icon and constantly changing her outfits BUT she seems like the type who loves repurposing old clothing/re-arranging things#in her wardrobe and making different combinations rather than buying new clothes all the time and wasting perfectly good clothing#plus she wasn’t raised in America and likely did not get normalized to fast fashion#charles doesn’t because. well#you know.#ghost. and whatnot#even so I doubt his parents bought him clothes that often so he’d have to either save up the money to buy stuff he wants (probably thrifted)#or repurpose old clothes in various ways. his coat absolutely looks high quality and I bet he saved up like crazy for it#rambling#edwin#dead boy detectives#edwin payne
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I love three houses discourse because I'm pretty sure everyone just picks their route based on which house leader they're the most gay for and then tries to defend their pick by pointing out the other sides's war crimes via twitter memes. Reader, all four of them do substantial quantities of war crimes. So many. We're just here because the woman with Issues and a big fuck-off axe said so, and then we gotta justify everything she did in the name of dismantling the class system. I mean, I'm here for that, but you could also try justifying Charm Man uses poison and perfidy to try to stop racism, A Sad Little Meow Meow gives no quarter instead of doing therapy, or the Thicc Pope tries to bring back her mom via human experimentation, depending on your tastes
#This is 100% swinging at a hell of a hornet's nest#Do I tag it?#Yeah fuck it we ball#fe3h#fe16#edelgard von hresvelg#claude von riegan#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#rhea fire emblem#I should probably clarify that I love all of these characters quite dearly#Well except Rhea#I think she's a good character but I'm not feral about her like Edelgard or charmed by her like Claude or desperate to save her like Dimitr#discourse#edelgard discourse#Edit: I actually don’t care about 3H discourse either way lol#there’s plenty of interesting shit to talk about in this game#also I get that the people who say “x did war crimes” actually don’t mean “this was bad because it violated the Geneva Convention”#but any time I see something about how many war crimes someone did (usually Edelgard or Dimitri) I just think:#“Hah it’s a war crime to deploy Cyril to rescue Flayn because he’s still 14 then”#also I got into this game because someone told me ‘so there’s a gal with an axe and trauma’ and I booted it up#and I have a friend who likes Rhea despite his moral reservations solely because ‘she’s hot tho’#and that’s also really funny#point is I don’t really wanna participate in most fe3h discourse cuz I have shit to do but this post isn’t meant to be a dunk on anyone#I’m not upset when I see it; it’s either funny or fine or sometimes right#I’m just gay for Edelgard and amused by the idea of applying the Geneva Convention to a world where it Clearly Isn’t A Thing
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TRADITIONAL TOAD GARB PEACH LETS GOOOOOOOO
#smb#princess peach#no id#giddly’s art#inhales. Okay. listen#while i understand why they did it i have beef with the fact that the peach toad garb scene in the smb movie saw her in a tee shirt#listen to me. the toads do not have gender norms. i’m pretty sure they don’t have gender at all [?]#i have NO reason to believe that peach would be the ONLY one in the kingdom wearing a shirt. like why. WHY#however i do think that by the time she got old enough to travel outside the mushroom kingdom and was exposed to other cultures#her wardrobe would get more variety simply because she would become interested in other kinds of garments. like ok#but the toads have a completely different society altogether. they all dress Exactly the same#they’re like. smurfs. actually the parallels between the smurfs / smurfette & princess peach / her toads are so numerous it’s not even funn#ANYWAY what i’m trying to say is that they would raise her like one of their own. they wouldn’t treat her any differently#she [HOLD THAT THOT I JUST REMEMBERED THAT TOADETTE EXISTS AND LOOKED HER UP. SHE WEARS A FUCKING SHIRT.#OKAY WHATTTTEVER. i refuse to believe the toad society of all fucking things cares about gender norms#whatever. it’s my hc and i can do whatever i want forever#source: my beautiful mind
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something something kate stewart seeing her childhood hero who she loves like a second father treat her coworker as completely disposeable and sending him to his death just bc they were distracted by something More Important changing her forever
#kate lethbridge stewart#doctor who#this needs to come up again she needs to start yelling#witnessing that fucked her up BAD#like no theres a billion things she didnt trust abt the doctor before this but she did trust them to value a life over an answer#not anymore#the legend of ruby sunday#dw spoilers
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imma be so real with you I did NOT care for all the cutesy ways they presented Vi and Cait's disbalanced social status in arc 3
#first off the parallel of cait arriving to let vi out of prison. but this time they ~have sex~. IN THE CELL THAT WAS UNJUSTLY HOLDING JINX#bitch why are you invoking THAT REALLY FUCKED UP SCENE right before such a milestone romance scene??? it's not cute??? JINX WAS JUST HERE#then the one thing cait tries to apologize for is MADDIE. GIRL. NO ONE CARES ABOUT MADDIE. WE CARE ABOUT HOW YOU KEPT DEMEANING#AND TORTURING ZAUNITES INCLUDING VI. but that isn't addressed bc vi needs to give her head. speaking of vi#VI WHY ARE YOU GIGGLING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL YOU ARE IN A PRISON CELL. REMEMBER HOW YOU WASTED 7 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE IN ONE#then the way jinx believes vi should be with cait as an alternative to staying with her simply because she is too fucked up while cait make#vi happy. i am sorry but show me where did jinx see cait makes vi happy. then the show just rolls with that and says ''yeah vi should be#forced to leave jinx behind and choose piltover. this is a happy ending for everyone.''#and finally ''i'm the dirt under your fingernails'' WHAT A DEPRESSING FUCKING FINAL NOTE TO LEAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP ON.#a zaunite is literal DIRT under a ruling class piltie's fingernails. and it's cute and means they are gonna be together forever. HELLO????#i don't know WHAT that thing is but that thing is NOT MY OTP#arcane liveblog#arcane spoilers#it's like they were planning to write a fucked up tragic romance story. like they were PLANNING to make cait the bad guy. IT IS CRAZY#they weren't let's be clear. but s1 was so deep and yielded to analysis so well. meanwhile if you look any deeper than shallow into s2 you#get interpretations like THIS#''finally a lesbian couple with a happy ending'' YEAH IF YOU IGNORE CLASS. IF YOU IGNORE CLASS BASED OPPRESSION. CMON GUYS WE DESERVE BETTE
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am i gonna put you in the book acknowledgements am i gonna be able to say your name without flinching am i ever gonna get a word in edgewise am i ever gonna recover the time i spent with you. computer virus kid; i arrived in your life already begging to be let in. somehow insecure i could even be your friend. like you had a line outside the door and we were all shifting our weight, begging.
you're so fucking good at that - at making people feel like they need to earn you, like you're a commodity none of us can afford. no kindness or careful communication could work on you - you were so good at just going-ghost, about deciding someone just wasn't cool-enough. something about that is super ironic. even the parts of it that weren't romantic felt like a romance book. i wanted you to like me so badly i scrubbed myself clean just so you'd spare me - what. your favor? a look?
okay okay okay. it's just a friendship - if it was even true that we were friends, if you even saw me as someone you trusted. on reddit someone would tell me girl literally just cut her out of your life, it's not that difficult. even i was aware of how fucked up the whole situation was. like, why the fuck do i even care about your approval? you're like, not even that fun to be around. you are often a little bit cruel.
but for almost four years of my life, i thought i had found someone like me. somebody who liked the same things i do. someone who liked to read and who liked making jokes with esoteric references and who spent maybe too much time on the internet and who was absolutely a little bit pretentious. i don't know, something about that was powerful and addictive.
i keep thinking about our last conversation. about how i said - okay, enough is enough. you pushed me too far, you really hurt my feelings.
and how you laughed and said - you think you're the victim?
#spilled ink#warm up#writeblr#she physically assaulted me and then screamed in my face#but not before sh'ing first and blaming it on me#while she was locked in my bathroom. at 1 in the morning#while i begged her to please just calm down and to try taking a deep breath and to go to sleep#and then she was like - ur just like my abuser#bc she had screamed in my face which was triggering to me and i froze like a deer in the headlights#and since i had shut down at that point evidently i was the problem child#i know she is out there telling our mutual friends i abandoned her and it makes me SO pissed off#like dude you spent so much fucking time forgiving & forgetting that your decrepit asshole of a boyfriend#pushed me down in the fucking hallway#but noooo hes <3 troubled <3 at 43 and divorced#bc according to you it's important that u don't '''see anyone as a monster''#but god forbid i not handle you SCREAMING IN MY FACE#i couldnt even get you to say sorry for crossing my original and only boundary you were like ''what did you want me to do''#babe i said 'the bf is not allowed around here he scares me and u said ur broken up with him'#that was the thing i wanted you to do: not fucking invite him to WHERE I LIVED#godddd typing this shit out and knowing it's only 2% of what actually happened makes me feel pathetic#i can't believe i let you treat me like that. you were a TERRIBLE friend.
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