#but i dont want to relapse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sweetcinnamonangel · 8 days ago

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im skinnier and suddenly guys want me, I like it but I don't

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fucklife101 · 2 years ago

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I don’t know how many “just make it through today”s I’ve got left.

#mentally exhausted #i dont want to be here #im losing hope #tw depressing stuff #i’m so alone #self h@rm #mental health relapse #i hate my existence #anxi4ty #deppresing quotes

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razberrypuck · 1 year ago

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thinking about the undersea again. can't wait for gillion "don't practice what you preach" tidestrider to see the elders again ESPECIALLY after being factory reset in the navy stronghold. can't wait for chip and jay, who KNOW what they did to him to some extent, to bring up everything he's told them (about being good enough for yourself, about standing up to authority figures, about doing what YOU think is right) only for him to keep making excuses for the elders. to keep defending them when they really, truly do not deserve it. can't wait for jay and chip to finally see him acting like the soldier the elders raised in full. to see him stonefaced and rigid, always at attention, hesitant to speak to the elders unless spoken to. to look in his eyes when the elders address him, and seeing only fear. can't wait fo-- *gets shot*

#i think we as a society dont talk abt gillions hypocrisy enough. anyway.#i think even if he HADNT sat in The Torture Chair hed still have this kind of mindset when meeting the elders again #hes always made excuses for them;; as recently as /ep 98/#but now its worse. bc now hes gone back to WANTING to be the perfect little soldier they made.#i think #after the tree #this relapse mightve happened anyway #not to this extent but. it wouldve happened eventually.#i love making myself emotional over things that Havent Happened Yet :)#jrwi riptide #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi show #gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion

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solitary-confinement-bee · 2 months ago

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Why should I stay alive?

Why should I eat a full meal?

Why should I stay clean?

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b4ry0nyx · 8 months ago

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No matter how much weight i lose I’ll never feel good enough

#thinneristhewinner #ana is my friend #3ating d1sorder #ed relapse #starv1ng #light as a feather #4nerex1a #4nor3xia #ed blogg #tw 3d vent #3dtumblr #i dont want to exist #i just want to be thin #i dont exist #i dont wanna do this anymore #want to die #want to disappear

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kcalsforhim · 2 months ago

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˖⋆࿐໋ saturday 7th of december

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this morninggg i woke up nice and late after sleeping in and yesterday i actually moved my bed all the way to the wall so i felt diffrent when i woke up but in a shockingly nice way.. idk its like i gained free will and i moved my bed so randomly.

i packed my lunchbox in the morning with alot of care to not overeat and i actually think i did very well here. my dad took me to work today yippy so no rain covered overstimulation getting back home.. hihi.

i went to work and it was fine.. just fine tho. im thinking of quitting my job lol, since ill be going to an internship that is 40 hrs a week minimal

lunch : potatoes, idk how much it was but i estimated 125 g. the salmon was not alot.. this is a very small container as you can see. then in the other container i had some pumpkin my mom roasted for me, and 1 apple. in my snack container i had a singular lotus cookie.

cals : 385

this food was very good ! it was the remaining bits of potato and salmon, but since its comfort food i was moooore than happy to eat it again and again and again. the apple is a pink lady apple which is why ive been eating apples every day cause this brand of apple is so good. the pumpkin was BOMB and not soggy like last time so i enjoyed it ALOT. and the lotus cookie was yummy yummy

this felt very good since i portioned according to how much was right and i didnt force any more food into the containers than i absolutely needed. i genuinely could fit more, but i didnt !

drinks : 1 monster can, ultra golden pineapple flavour, and 4 of these coconut cola cans...

i only asked mark for 1 but he brought me 4 since he wanted to, so i had all 4. both of these are 0 sugar,,, also reusing pic of the cola cause i forgot to take a picture of it lmfao.

i finished work and my dad came to pick me up from work. omg i forgot to mention but one of my regulars at work asked for my snapchat and insisted we start dating even after i told him firstly no, then that i was bipolar and unstable, then after i said i was depressed, then even after i said i was male (aka have a dick) and eventually after he asked me one last time if i was sure i wouldnt date him then he gave up LOL.. so weird haha. anyways yeah my dad drove me home

dinner : 3 chevape and like.. 2 pieces of chopped up onion im not kidding...

cals : 93 cals

each piece was about 10g so i counted 30g of ground beef because thats essencially what chevape are... i ate them cold out of the fridge it was so fucking bomb.. i didnt need any more though so i didnt have any. i rejected my moms second attempt to give me a kinder bueno

total cals : 461 total steps : 6.6k

the cals today were really good i feel very good about the amount of cals. technically u can say the dinner was unnecessary i say fuck you and die.

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bellcza · 1 month ago

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I was a little disappointed that gavi didn’t get any minutes this game. I think there’s some collective headloss going on about it, but I am disappointed. Especially having Eric Garcia and Frenkie go in before him.

totally understandable! personally i would have liked to see him in for pedri instead of eric but so be it.

and for the people losing their minds over his minutes, i don’t think there should be any worrying at this point in time. this is a transition period for him, consistently getting 10-15 minutes, a couple of 25+ mins, and a start. it’s barely been two months, give it time.

it’s only one game, i would much rather us be safer than sorry.

#no one has to agree with me but this is a major injury that has the potential to relapse and i dont want him to feel that pressure #i would never compare gavi and alexia but we saw her get rushed back and playing a lot after her acl and she was out for MONTHS #just something to think about #pablo gavi #fc barcelona #bella’s asks

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nenoname · 11 days ago

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personally i could never get into the feral ford hcs, mostly because this is mr "focus on your intellect to literally stop feeling fear" we're talking about here

#(i do love the contrast with that line to w3 where he's barely able to aim the memory gun at stan tho)#i wonder if this was a hc that was thought of super early on when ford was introduced #i dont mind the stan memory relapse hcs but it feels pretty clear that its not canon at this point #super fun in fics tho! im fond of reading stories where its a thing #(one of the few ways to get stan to spill his secrets lmao)#feral ford is a bit too jarringly different for me to get into #plus judging from his reaction to tbob ford's reaction to high stress and paranoia is isolating himself and stewing in negative thoughts #(then again im constantly thinking of the fam being catlike in general lmao #mabel hissing and clawing during boyz crazy dkfdjfgkhflj)#but anyway both of those two hcs seem to come about from wanting there to be more of an impact #from the portal travels and the memory gun #...considering im mx 'you know how to improve this situation? *turns faves into monsters with little control over themselves*' i guess #it makes sense why im not that into that hc #(the latent 'well why dont we go further!!!!' jdajsdgsajd)

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butchnavi · 2 months ago

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i miss stupid rafaela

#why is exam season always missing the worst people alive who probably havent thought of me in months hours #and i have been banned from texting her but i want to scream so i will do what she'd caricature of me and be immature #and scream about it here #you were supposed to be my sister i genuinely loved you like one what is wrong with you why do i still love you deep down #whatever.#btw i've known about your new blog since basically the day after you made it. im just choosing to try to have some self respect for once in #my life and not contact you because you dont want me to #i guess a part of me will always love you. because i take sisterhood seriously and cant just unlearn that i saw you that way #even if ive mostly moved on #the relapses still fucking suck #but yeah. that part will always hope we can reconnect some day. i know its pathetic but i guess that's me #when i tell someone i will always love them i mean it with my whole heart. ik if you asked id forgive you in a heartbeat #but i also kind of hate you now. and i dont think about you most days. but every so often the universe will remind me of how deeply i loved #you and that sucks #you're pretty much the grudge by olivia rodrigo to me #not the first person i associate with that song but it does describe how i feel about you a little too well #rafaela 🎶#blatantposting

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whateverthought · 15 days ago

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Unpopular Opinion but if you're someone who ships Raphael Santiago, an Asexual who, at best, just doesn't have sex or more likely sex-repulsed then you should probably leave the 'weird' 'problematic' Clalec shippers or whoever ALONE

#No sexuality changing except for the character that explicitely said he didnt want to fuck #Raph 'i dont have sex No theres nothing wrong with me'#fans OH HE DEF FUCKS!!1!#its ship and let ship but not for THESE FREAKS!#this stands for other ships and fandoms too but this is one ive been thinking about when i saw that one post #shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #not even in this fandom anymore but i may be relapsing #my post #mine

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burned0utstar · 3 months ago

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I miss something that I can't even describe yet.

Maybe the feeling of belonging somewhere, anywhere, I do not think I was ever really a part of something.

Everyone seems further away than even the stars.

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epilogueofbones · 2 years ago

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I want to be high on that feeling of hunger every day. I don’t want it to fade away. It feels comforting and familiar and victorious. I’ll make myself at home here.