#HE RELAPSED. HE RELAPSED BECAUSE YOU BOTH THOUGHT YOU WERE DYING. YOU KNEW HE WAS AN ADDICT WHY WAS THAT SUCH A BIG SURPRISE TO U | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gingeredmink · 5 months ago

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I'm too much of a wuss to post to AO3 so I guess I'll throw this here.

Wrote a little Sou/Tats drabble. Though I ship these two, I tried to write it so it could be seen as platonic of a family bond instead.

Summary: Soutarou catches Tatsuki falling back into self-harm and tries to console them. Mostly about Tatsuki struggling with the mixed emotions of guilt for relapsing, not feeling like they deserve love, and trying to accept Soutarou’s help.

Hurt/Comfort, found family sort of. Warning: Self-Harm mention

Word count: 1121

A familiar pain stung across Tatsuki’s arm as the clear water mixed with blood, dying it red and leaving a crimson pool in the sink underneath. How did they keep ending up like this? They told themselves they’d stop so many times and yet they repeatedly screwed up and lost control again, leaving evidence in the form of a series of cuts up and down their forearm. They hissed through clenched teeth in response to the burning, even if the pain was familiar it was still pain. It still hurt.

“Idiot…” The familiar insult, once wielded by their tormentors, now a means to self-deprecate was tossed absentmindedly at themself.

Sudden knocking at the door pulled Tatsuki from their thoughts and back to reality.

“Tatsuki, are you alright?” Soutarou’s soft voice laced with concern sounded through the door. They’ve done this before, of course Sou had noticed and probably already figured out what had happened. Like many times in the past, they had gotten too caught up in their emotions and were careless, leaving obvious clues all over the place no matter how much they tried to hide it.

“Y-Yeah, I’m alright…” If Sou had any doubts before he certainly didn’t know, the tremble and slight hint of pain in their voice gave their lie away.

Maybe Sou was too perceptive, maybe they were too stupid, maybe it was a mix of both. In the end it didn’t matter, one way or another they had gotten caught again and would have to face the man sooner or later.

Finishing up their cleaning and messily throwing bandages over the fresh wounds, Tatsuki slowly opened the bathroom door and braced for another all too familiar pain. Not because Sou would hit them, never because Sou had hit them. Ever since they had moved in with the older man had been nothing but gentle and kind to them, and in a sick and twisted way that warmth hurt more than cold fists. They almost wished Sou would be cruel to them at times, at least they wouldn’t feel so guilty for letting him down. Again and again the man had forgiven them and trusted them to get better, and like the idiot they were again and again they had let him down.

Hearing the bathroom door shut, Sou looked up from his book, seated on the dark teal couch that served as a poor replacement for a bed. There was no point in trying to hide the look of pain mixed with guilt, yet Tatsuki still tried out of habit as they awkwardly walked over to sit next to the man. Silence hung in the air for a moment, contrasting with the raging thoughts bellowing in Tatsuki’s head.

“Tatsuki.” Voice soft and quiet just like it always was when attending to Tat’s wounds, “Did you- Were you cutting again?” There it was, Tats knew the question was coming but still felt a pit open in their stomach. Unable to find the strength for words, Tats merely nodded, gaze forced downward as the feelings of guilt put their full weight on them. It took everything they had to not let tears start to pour onto their face.

“I’m…sorry…” The words sounded as cracked and broken as they felt inside. Soutarou scooted closer to them and gently wrapped an arm around them, trying to offer some amount of support or comfort. “I know I said I would stop…I just-” A hiccup caught in their throat as the last of their will finally broke and tears began running down their face. “I just-” All the emotions welled up inside them again and they buckled, leaning over and cradling their arm in their stomach.

Soutarou shifted towards them again and wrapped his other arm around them, pulling them into a tight embrace as if trying to shield them from their own feelings. “It’s alright.” He whispered as if petting his back to help soothe the pain. Tatsuki desperately wanted to pull themselves out of his hug, reject the warmth and thrust themselves back back into the cold isolation they deserved, but they couldn’t. All they could do was sob into his chest and accept this love they were unfit for.

The tears ran out after a few minutes, Sou wordlessly consoling them all the while. Once they finally stopped the man started speaking again.

“This is the first time in a few weeks, I-” Wording things or comforting others wasn’t Sou’s strongest point, and he struggled a bit with finding the right words. “They’ve become a lot less frequent than they used to be. Before you were doing this almost daily.” The words felt sour to Tatsuki, as they winced remembering what it was like when they did this constantly like some messed up form of self-medication. Sou cupped Tatsuki’s face with their hand, gently rubbing his thumb over their cheek to dry some of the residual tears.

“I’m proud of you.” He said.

“W-What?” Nothing about that made sense. They could only stay away from their childish habits for a few weeks, why was he proud of them?

“You’ve been doing a- You’ve been doing really well. I can tell how hard you’re trying to get better.” He took the wounded arm in his hand and softly traced the bandages. “You didn’t cut as much as before either.”

“B-But I-” They could feel tears starting to form in their eyes again, “I screwed up again. I always do. I can’t even make it a month without doing this.” Each word felt harder to get out than the last, and yet Sou’s caring expression never faltered.

“Tats, I- You have unhealthy coping mechanisms due to being through a lot. You didn’t screw up, you’ve been through a lot and are trying to heal. It’s…difficult to move on. But you’re trying and I’m proud of you.”

The pit in their stomach seemed to finally be shallowing at the comforting words. Something deep inside still screamed at them for being an idiot and messing up again, that they didn’t deserve any of this kindness and how Sou was just taking pity on them. But that voice was much quieter now and they could feel a sense of peace in their usually raging mind.

They nodded and leaned their head against Sou’s shoulder, feeling drained after everything that just transpired, and closed their eyes. The man welcomed the movement, seemingly happy to see they had finally calmed down and felt at least somewhat better. It didn’t take long for them to doze off, it never did, and just as he always did, Sou somehow kept all the nightmares and hauntings from the past at bay so they could rest soundly for once.

#ynfg #debris #mikan muzou #yume nikki fangame #soutarou #tatsuki

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izzysarchivedblogs · 1 year ago

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THIS IS RISKY. THIS WAS STUPID. THIS WAS BAD.

Clint's barely a month sober. Exactly thirty days. He just got the chip, and one of the things from even rehab was that he should FOCUS on himself. Don't jump into anything. CLINT'S VERY GOOD AT BLOWING THINGS UP. The hand thing is only further poof that despite the MUG INCIDENT, there was something still shimmering with him and Tony.

WHO HE THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT. Clint came up with a whole plan, talked himself into this idea that it could work out. He'd get out of the cast, he'd get more sober days until the belt, until he doesn't feel like he could relapse every and any day of the week. Mostly because every fucking thought he has makes him realize how much more serious he was about THIS. THAT. THE TENSION.

Didn't want either one to bled into the other and screw up. His sobriety was too fragile, what if things didn't work out for him with Tony? HE'D BE OKAY WITH A FRIENDSHIP, but what if anything fucks up that friendship.

YET HE FEELS. HE RELATES TO TONY. A bottle of liquid to make him woozy felt like it should be in his clutches. The plane was a trigger for Tony, and now that Clint's facing his own disease; he UNDERSTANDS, and he just wanted to offer the same sentiment of support that Tony's been showing him. And right now, he just wants to have a drink in his hand because it's what he would do.

Simple.

Clint knew what he was signing, it was intentional even if he does sign unintentionally, sign the wrong things just like he would misspeak sometimes. HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO OFFER.

A promise to talk about THAT and Clint had meant it later; he wasn't ready. SCARED. Felt like it would be best for both of him if Clint got himself settled in first. DIDN'T IMMEDIATELY SPIRAL AND GIVE UP.

I need to know you know what you did.

TONY'S SIGN IS MESSY, BUT HE HAS BEEN LEARNING. That's another rush to his heart. Clint would like DRINK right now, just numb the tingling in all his appendages.

❝ Talk? ❞ NERVOUS. SCARED. Can Tony hear and see the way Clint wants to sign and speak, I WANT A DRINK.

Now? NOW? At least this wasn't a sixteen hour plane fight, where he very much could have punched Tony cause his aggression was high and he had been jonesing for a drink. FIVE HOUR AND THAN TONY CAN DUMP HIM INTO THE HUDSON.

« I know what I did. » Clint looks down at his hands, he remembers holding it. The 'W' on the mug, yet in Simon's colors and style of his uniform. Did it mean West Coast Avenger, Wonder Man, or even Whackos as they were called by The Thing? TONY TOLD HIM WHAT IT MEANT.

I WANT YOU AROUND.

« ❝ I broke the mug from our West Coast days. ❞ » Signed and spoken. HE KNOWS IT.

Clint scratches at his skin, as he inhales and exhales. HE FEELS SAD. He was trying to get out the bug crawling in his skin, trying to soothe the panic without the alcohol. He can't numb it.

❝ I can't take that back. ❞ He can't unbreak the mug. I REALLY CAN'T TALK ABOUT THIS.

Clint's uncomfortable, this was the first of the many hard conversations. HE STILL NEEDED TO THANK TONY AGAIN FOR WHAT HE'S DONE FOR HIM.

He wants this friendship, and the possibility of whatever this something more tension. A relationship with feelings. FRIENDSHIP MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW. So he supposes now is as good as time as any to try to earn that back.

Clint feels ill, has a headache. He could joke to Tony, that when he said HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE, he meant that Tony should let him make promises and let him procrastinate them for several days.

I promise to talk. SUDDENLY BECAME TALK NOW.

❝ If there was one thing I could change about everything that happened in that⸺⸻ ❞ He gets caught up, trying to find what to call that month's time of going after the Hood. ❝ BENDER⸻ Nothing else, still end up ⸺ ❞ He gestures around the room, signs the word « Here. » Clint means still take on the Hood, even if means Bryce dying which (maybe if he had changed the Mug incident than maybe Bryce wouldn't have died; maybe Tony would have intervened) or something else. STILL END UP HITTING ROCK BOTTOM AND ADMITTING HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC.

❝ I'd have just put it down, unbreak it and- and- our friendship. ❞

HE'S SEEN IT AS BROKEN. Their friendship, knew the symbolism of that stupid mug he stole. OUR MUG. He had called it theirs. A thing between them, which it had been. They use to fight over mugs for coffee back in the WCA villa all time.

drink. drink. drink. drink. drink.

Tony hadn't caught the whole sign given then Clint was talking and sitting beside him. He'd seen EMPTY and HAND. So he just assumed he was repeating back what Tony had said because he related to the feeling. The connection between that and the fact Clint had held his hand for a moment.

He pays more attention now though turning toward Clint so he can sign along with what he says. Only before he does, Clint's hand is on his again. An awkward pat this time and the fact it's so fucking awkward makes it the worst thing of all, because there is something between them, and maybe it was just fuck buddies, or antagonistic sex friends, but there had been something. And that doesn't just go away because someone got sick and lashed out.

The worst fucking part is the awkward hand tap makes Tony's mouth water.

The plane was a trigger for Tony wanting to drink, and apparently an awkward hand pat is a trigger for Tony wanting to make out with Clint.

Tony turns his hand to try and grab hold of Clint's but he's pulling it away and signing at him.

It takes him a second to mentally translate it and when his brain has processed it, his breath catches. He needs it. He needs the fucking conversation. He wants that awkward bullshit to be out of the way. But I PROMISE TO TALK isn't STARTING NOW.

"So talk," he said, signing along with it. "I need you to talk." Then he drops the verbal part and just signs. He's not even sure he's doing it completely correctly but he can't say it out loud. 'I need to know you know what you did.'

#ic; clint barton #mrtonystark #alcoholism cw #clint barton; mrtonystark #rp; mrtonystark #suicidal idealation cw #verse; clint barton; who shares your burdens (mrtonystark)

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antiwhores · 2 years ago

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Leaving - Bakugou x reader

———

Part 2

Bakugou lashes out at you and its your last straw. So you leave.

Heavy angst, no comfort cause we die like real niggas, domestic abuse (verbal/emotional), depression, fighting, disappointment,

Wrote this because I’m barely surviving rn 💀 i cannot relapse until Christmas and im fucking DYING !!! Anyway if yall want a part 2 lmk 😈

You’re depressed, so depressed that you can barely get out of bed to pee. Maybe you’re depressed because of the relationship, you cant tell. Maybe its the fact that you starve yourself every time he yells at you as a habit. Or maybe its the fact he doesn’t spend his days off with you anymore. He just goes out drinking with his friends or does whatever the fuck he does. Or maybe its the fact he doesn’t fucking care.

He only says mean things to you now.

“What the fuck? Why’re you so sad? You do nothing all day. You just sit in this house that I pay for. You’re not constantly almost dying, working hard.” He says this to you after he finds you crying in the guest room. You stay silent, its a battle that you dont have the energy to fight anymore.

The next day you go searching for a job. You confine in a friend and she gives you a job at her bookstore. She says that theres too locations you can work at. Apparently, she’ll be moving out of state to the next one soon and she invited you. She knew how horrible you felt. She was giving you an escape.

The next day you make dinner for Katsuki. You both sit down at the nearly abandoned dining table. It was refreshing for a few minutes, even though he didn’t involve himself in any of your conversation. You were just happy he wasn’t yelling at you.

You decide to drop the bomb after 5 minutes of eating. You could hardly contain your excitement when you asked him “Guess what?” He showed hardly any interest in you but some was better than none.

He looked up at you, signaling for you to speak. You beamed at him as you announced your new job. You immediately started to ramble about how cool it’ll be to get out and how excited you were.

You looked up at him and immediately stopped talking. He looked angry, his lip curled upwards and his brows furrowed.

You looked at him with confusion evident on your face. “What’s wrong?” You honestly didn’t expect this reaction. You were just stuck. Why was he angry when you’re finally doing something good?

“Do you think I’m just not capable of providing? I offer you money all the fucking time but you want a job? I give you enough and you dont use it unless its for food. What’s wrong with my money?”

His grip on the chopsticks folded them. You couldn’t even cry yet, you were just shocked. “I thought you’d like it? You always complain about me ‘freeloading’ off of you and how you pay all the bills. I could start paying too!”

You flinched as he slammed his fists against the table. “I don’t need your stupid fucking 9-5 money! Im the number 6 hero! You’re probably not even doing this for the rent. What do you want?”

No, no, no. This was not how this was supposed to go. He was supposed to be happy. And then you could be happy too. He would have asked you about your job and smiled and praised you. What is happening?

He jerked himself out of his seat and stomped over to you. You scooted yourself back away from him in the chair he grabbed it and held you still.

He pulled out his wallet and rummaged through it. “What? Do you want some of those stupid books? Some decorations for this house? A necklace?” You stared at him with wide eyes at he pulled out a wad of cash and shoved it into your chest.

“There, ya happy now? Still want that job?” He crossed his arms, waiting for you to respond.

He treated you as if you were a slut, a gold digger. You were with him before he was rich. How could he even think that? You were done.

You looked down at the floor as tears flooded your eyelids. “Do you think I’m only here for your money?” It was a question you knew you had to ask. You would be left curious and broken for the rest of your life if you didn’t know now.

“You know, I’m starting to think so.”

That was your last straw. You couldn’t do this anymore.

The giggles came out before the sobs. Tears streamed down your cheeks yet you still laughed. “The hell are you laughing for?!” Its like he was upset that you weren’t already screaming at him.

You looked up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time in what felt like years.

“Do you know how hard you are to love?”

He paused, opening and closing his mouth.

You slid off your ring and set it on the table. Then you gathered the money through blurry eyes. The sobs started to fill in when you shoved the money into his chest just as he had done to you. You watch his fall to the floor.

“I try and try my best. I get a job, I make you dinner, I give you everything I have.” You reach up to take off the necklace that had his initials carved into. “I defend you, I make enemies for you, I sacrificed friendships and family relationships just to please you. But its never enough.” You set the necklace down and go to the bracelet he gave you. “I never asked for any of this expensive shit. The only thing I asked for was your love.” You set the bracelet down with your resolve.

He’s staring at you now with a look of surprise. You meet his eyes again with a look he hasn’t seen directed at him ever. “I’m done, Bakugou. Im done.”

You dont even notice when you start to gather your charger and car keys. You dont hear anything he has to say. You don’t hear the pleas for you to just listen and calm down. You dont hear the insults he says when he calls you overdramatic. And you definitely don’t hear the apology, cause it never came.

You walked towards the door, “I’m gonna pick up the rest my stuff tomorrow.” He grabs your wrist just before you touch the doorknob. “Please y/n, just sit down for one fucking second. We can talk about this!” You yank yourself out of him hands, “Touch me again and I’ll scream.”

You knew he couldn’t afford anything else on his record, especially domestic abuse. He had to just watch as you walked away. And you fucking loved it.

#bakugou headcanons #bakugou x reader #mha x reader #bakugou angst #bakugou imagine #bakugou katsuki #katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader

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babyyweebbitch · 4 years ago

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Please stay with me — Remake

Soo I reread the one I did before and I wanted to remake it because it wasn’t as good (heres the first one) I hope I can make this one better 😭😭 Also, grab tissues. I made this TOO sad

TW // death ; blood ; funeral ; severe depression & relapse

summary: Chris Redfield and his wife were on a mission a seven months after Piers’ death. His wife has been Captain of their team ever since that day.

Seven months ago Piers Nivans died in order to save Chris’ life and for the BSAA. Chris was still fucked up after that day and he thinks about it almost every day. He took a break from the BSAA since his wife made him. It wasn’t a very long one though, he missed being at work, he missed his coworkers and he missed her

Chris resigned as Captain and let his wife replace him. It was a very emotional day not not only for her and Chris but for the entire BSAA because they’ve never had a woman as Captain before. She was a good captain probably even better than Chris. Despite her height, weight and basically being the youngest on that team at 28. She was undoubtedly the best captain in years

Her team along with Chris were on a mission. Their mission was to take out the enemy, find three hostages and disable the bombs set in the building “Okay men… we’re gonna be splitting into three teams since there’s a lot of us here. Team A; Corey, John and Andrew. Your job is to find out where the bombs are and disable them as quickly as possible.”

“Yes ma’am!” The three went off to do their job as told

“Team B; Phil, Jean and Mark, you’re in charge of finding and getting the hostages to safety out of this building. You three can split up, stay together I don’t care. As long as your job is done”

“Ma’am” the three left

She turned to Eric and Chris who were standing together “what a coincidence, you two are with me.” She said with a slight smile on her face, walking ahead of the two Eric leaned over to Chris “She’s so cool…” Chris thought of Finn the moment he said that, he couldn’t help but to smile and look at him “I know…”

“Stop standing around we have a mission you know!” She yelled out to the two of them. Chris and Eric quickly made their way to the door the enemies were behind, Chris was silent the entire time before he was quickly checked back into reality with a pat on the shoulder “you okay? We need you fully here for this” his wife said as he looked down at her and nodded “yeah I’m okay…”

Chris, his wife and Eric all prepared as the door was blown open and guns were firing. The three did take cover just in time. After about five minutes of gun fire and fighting it finally stopped, thinking they had all the enemies taken care of they all stood up “good job! We did it — Chris!” Y/N called out as she did catch a glimpse of an enemy that didn’t die somehow standing up and pointing their gun towards Chris.

She quickly ran towards Chris and pushed him out the way, for Chris it’s almost like everything was happening in slow motion. He had to process everything leading up to that moment. He heard a scream of pain when his head finally cleared, looking up to see his wife shot in the sternum and Eric shooting the enemy down

She started to fall and Chris caught her before she hit the floor, his eyes started filling up with tears as he looked at her “baby please… tell me this is a joke!”

She knew she was dying, her body felt so cold from the inside out she, she coughed before reaching into one of her many pokes on her pants “c…Chris… do me a favour okay? Please…. stay safe” she handed him her wedding ring, she never wore it during missions to avoid it getting broken, rusted or something. So she held it in her pocket where it was safe “I… feel so… cold”

Chris looked at the ring then at her “no don’t say that! You’re gonna be fine! You’re gonna be fine! Please stay with me!” He started crying, Eric stood by as Team B; Phil, Jean and Mark came in. They surprisingly finished the bomb quicker than expected “Captain w—“ Mark was starting to talk but he quickly stopped when he realised what was happening

“Guys… take care of him for me…” she struggled to talk. She looked up at Chris to see him crying, she lifted her Hand up to his cheek to wipe his tears one last time “no no… don’t cry hon… I’ll tell my parents you said hi… I love you..” Chris held onto her hand and his heart practically stopped the moment he felt her hand and body go heavy and her head fall back … she was dead now

“No…. Please come back! Please don’t go! Y/N!!!” He held her body close and just sobbed, Eric and team B were tearing up and trying to wipe their tears

It took a while to get Chris to let go of her body and let them put her on a stretcher and on the truck so they can go back. When they finally did everyone on the team was there. It took three guys to pry him off of her This was the first time they’ve ever seen him cry like this

—————————

It’s been almost a month since she’s died, Chris looked horrible. He hasn’t shaved, left the house, he started drinking again and Claire had to clean him up at night since he wasn’t sober enough to even do it himself. The house looked like shit especially the room Chris and his wife shared

It was the day of the funeral and Chris was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at the picture of him and her on their wedding day back in 2007. He somehow managed to even get up that day and not drink. He showered that morning, got dressed in a suit and did his hair. He still didn’t shave though

Claire came in “Chris? You ready?” She asked. She had on a black dress on “I guess so…” Chris responded. He stood up and placed the picture down on the night stand and grabbed the necklace he had with his wife’s ring on it.

Claire fixed his tie and jacket before they left. Chris was always taking care of her when she was younger so now it was time for her to take care of her older brother “good. Let’s go” Claire let him walk in front of her to the car. She drove because one he couldn’t think straight enough to drive and he was completely hung over from drinking too much

After about a 45 minute drive they arrived to where her funeral was being held at. Everyone they knew was there, Leon, their BSAA team, Her family. It was hard for him to see her brother and sister at their older sisters funeral

The ceremony, the viewing and speeches all happened and Chris barely even got through his speech without crying

(Im so so so sorry for this next part)

Chris’ speech: “Y/N was an amazing person, she always took care of everyone, me, her siblings, our team, Claire… everyone. She put everyone before herself no matter who they were. She joined the BSAA not because of herself because of her parents death in Raccoon City. She promised them she would do something in any way to stop what happened in Raccoon from ever happening again. She treated our team like her family and even the rookies as her kids even if they were a few years younger then her. She was an even amazing person and wife. And I miss her dearly.”

There wasn’t a single dry eye in that room when Chris said his speech. After everything, everyone went inside to eat and talk.

Chris sat with Claire and Y/N’s siblings. He just picked at his food and stared at the plate. He was terrifyingly silent before Leon came over “hey Chris… how are you holding up?” Leon asked as he stared at Chris. He could tell how hard this has affected Chris. “I’m fine…”

“Chris… You need to eat. All you’ve done in the past month was drink, workout and cry… You need to at least eat something” Claire said “she wouldn’t want this… Her or Piers wouldn’t want you to be like this. Y/N would be yelling at you if she saw you picking at your food like this. We both know she would”

Chris’ eyes started to water once again before he spoke “I…. I know.. but I just miss her so much, Claire… we were gonna start a family together… she wanted to have kids and get a bigger house so we can have a big family… now I can’t have one because she’s the only person I wanted a family with…” Chris sighed softly as he wiped his eyes

“I miss her too… we all do…” Leon commented looking down at his plate. Chris eventually ended up eating his food and everyone left to go home. The entire drive home was deafening to the point you can hear a pin drop

When he got home he changed inside a fresh pair of clothes and he started to clean the house, starting with the bedroom and ending in the Kitchen. He cleaned it exactly how she’d like it and when he was finished around 3:32 am he sat on the couch and sighed

They were right… She would yell at him if she saw the way he was, how the house was when she died

—————————

After a few years pass it’s before the entire Village situation. Every week since the funeral Chris visited her grave and just talked to her for a bit. On her birthday he spent almost half the day there, on new year’s he watched the fireworks by your gave.

He still hasn’t moved on since her death he can’t even get into another relationship with a woman since her death but it’s not like he can find anyone else like her… and honestly he didn’t want to.

IM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR MAKING THIS EVEN SADDER tbh tho I started tearing up writing this

#resident evil biohazard #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #resident evil 6 #Chris Redfield #chris redfield x reader #Chris Redfield angst #angst #reaident evil #resident evil angst #resident evil x reader #fem reader #if I’m being honest I cried 🧍🏾‍♀️

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winter-soldier-vibes · 4 years ago

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What’s going on with you? (Bucky x reader)

What is going on with you?

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 2633

Warnings: Purging, restricting, depression, anxiety

Summary: the reader is a part of the avengers, and has an eating disorder. It used to be worse, but whenever she feels like she makes a mistake r gets into an argument, she slips up. Bucky discovers this one day and tries to help her.

A/N: It has BEEN A BIT. I am home for the semester, and therefore have much more time. I should be able to write more, but I don’t want to get overwhelmed. I’ll make a separate post about what happened. Take care of yourselves!

You stood up on shaky legs, leaning against the sink for support. Your heart was still racing and your head was pounding. You flushed the toilet and looked in the mirror. Bloodshot eyes, tear-stained face, and sweat-slicked skin. You looked like you were sunburned and had just had an intense crying session. That or something much more likely.

You looked like you had just been throwing up. Which was the case.

You sighed as you turned on the water, cold. It helped with the redness. You washed your hands first, then cupped them to bring to your face. Ideally, you would shower, but you were too exhausted for that right now. Plus, you had a meeting to get to and this round of purging had taken longer than you had anticipated. Damn pasta nearly choked you on its way back up.

It was methodical. Wash your hands, then your face, make sure your eyes aren’t as bloodshot. Blow your nose 20 times, stick your face in a towel and sigh, take your hair down and make it look more presentable, like when you had come in. finally, when everything is presentable, spray the air freshener and practice your fake smile.

God, you hated this.

You tried to stop. It wasn’t like you enjoyed puking your guts out. But you felt like your say in the matter was long gone.

You either didn’t eat anything or ate and vomited everything.

Thankfully, no one had picked up on it yet.

You sighed again as you turned off the lights and exited the bathroom. You felt lighter and calmer, although your heart was still racing. Family dinner with the Avengers is always the worst. No excuses to miss, no reasons to not eat, therefore, you just had to take care of it after.

Usually, it wouldn’t have been too bad - you hadn’t eaten anything in days aside from a few apples. But you had fucked up. You were sparring in the gym with Natasha and you kept missing your mark. You were weaker, unable to focus.

God knows why.

Nonetheless, it was a horrible training session and you got your ass beat. Not just normal Natasha-Romanoff-beats-everyone beat, but if-this-was-real-you-would-have-killed-me beat.

Not that that was too undesirable at the moment.

See, usually, you were able to just get away with not eating without trying too hard. But whenever you made a mistake, you felt that urge. You wanted to just eat everything. You don’t know why or where it came from, but you just wanted to eat everything in sight. Just so you could barf it up along with all your negative feelings about yourself.

You had tried to get over your issues with food for so long and it never really worked out. You had gone to therapy and hospitals as a teenager and they would always give up on you. The hospital staff knew your name by looking at you, you were the revolving door patient. Any discharge and goodbye really meant see you at your next admission when you relapse in a few weeks.

It wasn’t really about you recovering. It was about keeping you alive until your next relapse.

It was better now. You used to be skin and bones, on the verge of dying. Then you started eating and vomiting your feelings. Now you were a healthy weight, no matter how much you tried to lose it. You missed being skin and bones. You wanted to get over this, but you wanted to be thin first.

You weren’t dying but you weren’t living either. Your eating disorder was better but still was the silent shadow on your life. The only difference was now no one saw it or asked about it. So when you went longer without eating or purged more times, no one noticed. Because no one realized there was something to notice.

You didn’t think it would get better so you stopped hoping it would. You stopped trying. You were an adult now, so you were free to make your own choices. No parents or therapists in your way.

You made it into the common area, where Steve and Bucky were waiting. There were a couple of empty chairs - one for you and one for Sam. you had a mission briefing, and since it was urgent you would be leaving tonight.

Great.

You sat down - well, you more fell into your chair - and leaned back and closed your eyes. Bucky, who sat next to you, turned your way slightly and laughed nervously.

“You okay there, doll?”

You opened your eyes and turned towards him. “Just a little tired I guess. Haven’t been sleeping well.”

Bucky chuckled. “You and me both.” He laughed a little, but you knew it was a touchy subject. Nightmares would keep Bucky up for days on end, and the dark circles under his eyes right now told you this week had been relentless for him.

Steve, ever the one to care about his team, inquired, “Are you okay to do this mission y/n? I can get someone else if you need to -”

“I’m good Cap. Really, I’m fine.” you interrupted, sitting up and flashing a fake smile.

He smirked a little. “There you are.”

Bucky was a little less convinced. “You sure you’re -”

At that moment Sam burst in and sat down. Steve perked up. “Finally. Alright, everyone’s here, let’s start.”

You caught the first few things that Steve said but began to zone out. You couldn’t focus. You kept your eyes on the files in front of you, but it looked like an entirely different language to you. You pretended to read but your eyes just glossed over the pages and pictures. All you knew was it was a HYDRA base you were going to. But that was a given.

Bucky shook you out of your trance, only for you to realize everyone else had left. You looked at him and he furrowed his brows together. “You sure you’re alright? You totally spaced out.”

You laughed. “Yeah, I’m good, sorry. Just tired I guess!” you said lightly, hoping he didn’t hear the nerves in your voice. You stood up and your vision went black for a few moments, so you leaned on the chair with one hand.

Bucky was by your side in an instant. “I don’t think you’re fine. What’s going on?”

You shooed him off of you and flashed him another bright (fake) smile. “It happens all the time, I swear. It’s fine.” and before Bucky could protest you walked away to get ready to leave.

You knew you should eat something. You’d only kept down a few apples in the past few days. But you were doing so well, and you didn’t have time to purge should you eat too much. You felt like you were about to pass out though…..

You shook the thought out of your head. You had gone longer on less food doing more exercise before. You would be fine.

You put on your uniform and went to the roof to get into the quinjet. Bucky was there as well, Steve up at the front getting ready to pilot. Once again, you were waiting for Sam. no surprise there.

You flashed a small smile to Bucky, and he gave you one back, but you could see the concern on his face. Silence was all there was aside from Steve up at the front. After a few awkward minutes, Sam came jogging in, and with that, you were off.

“Shouldn’t take too long,” Steve called from the front. “It should just be a small base.”

*skip to the battlefield*

Boy, was Steve wrong.

You hadn’t known what to expect, but from what Steve said (and how everyone was fighting), it was well over double what they had anticipated. You were with Bucky and Sam was with Steve, everyone fighting HYDRA agents on all fronts. Luckily, they were taking all of the hits. For now.

As you were fighting, stars swam through your vision. You kept shaking your head trying to reorient yourself, but you were starting to get nervous. Your offensive and defensive moves were both delayed and weaker than usual. Bucky was covering your ass and both of you knew it.

When all fronts were secured Bucky turned to you, slightly angry but also concerned. “What the hell is going on with you?”

You were panting and your heart was racing. Widened your stance nonchalantly to try and regain some balance, and placed your hands on your hips. “I don’t know…..What you mean…” you said between breaths.

“You could’ve gotten us both killed! You’re lucky we didn’t all split up y/n. I don’t know what’s gotten into you!”

You swallowed thickly and blinked back the tears. You tried to speak again, but your mouth went dry and you couldn’t speak. You saw Bucky’s eyes widen as he saw your face go white. He reached his arms out just in time as your knees gave out and you were unconscious.

He didn’t hesitate to pick you up and carry you back to the quinjet. Over the coms, he said “Something’s wrong with y/n. I’m bringing her back to the quinjet.”

Steve immediately asked, “What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know but she’s unconscious.”

A pause.

“Stay with her, Sam and I will finish this.”

Bucky laid you down across a few seats and scanned your body for injuries. Maybe a HYDRA agent had sliced you somewhere he hadn’t seen. But he found nothing and didn’t know what to think. No injuries, just a racing heartbeat, a white face, and shallow breathing.

And he was fucking terrified.

He’d never said anything, but the super-soldier had quite the feelings for you. He was always too shy, feeling damaged, and like he didn’t deserve you. He didn’t want to hurt you but what he didn’t realize was you were hurting yourself more than he ever could.

And he still didn’t know.

You came to after a few minutes, disoriented. You looked around and your eyes fell on Bucky, who sighed in relief. You tried to sit up but Bucky gently but firmly pushed you back down.

“What happened?” you asked groggily

“You passed out y/n.” he deadpanned

Your eyes widened. Shit…

“Does that also happen ‘all the time?’ Or is there something else going on?” he asked firmly, still worried about you but you mistook it for anger.

You felt tears prick your eyes and your face heated up with shame and embarrassment. You put a hand over your face, hiding your eyes. “I’m fine, Buck,” you said, but your voice cracked and you knew you didn’t sound convincing at all.

“To hell you are! What the fuck is going on with you?” he nearly yelled, causing you to flinch. Bucky softened a little, and you started letting out small sobs, shoulders shaking. Bucky helped you sit up and pulled you into an embrace, hushing you and rubbing your back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” you kept mumbling and Bucky just held you tighter.

He was terrified. He had a feeling that something was wrong but he didn’t know it was something this bad. He didn’t even know what was wrong yet. “Please, y/n. Tell me what’s wrong. I just wanna help you.”

You shrugged. “No one can help me anymore.”

Bucky stiffened at your words, oh too familiar to his own thinking. But what could possibly have you feeling that way? You were the kindest person he had ever met. What could have you feeling so down? “Please tell me what’s going on y/n.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, unable to find the words to say. “I just...Sometimes I….and it’s just hard…..I don’t know what…” you exhaled, unable to form a coherent thought. After taking a few deep breaths, you closed your eyes and tried again. “I throw up sometimes.”

Bucky pulled back and looked you in the eyes with concern. “Are you sick? Why didn’t you say something, we could have brought you to medical -”

“It’s not like that Buck.” you cut him off and looked to the side. “Not exactly.”

He furrowed his brows and cocked his head. Why would you be throwing up if you weren’t sick?

You took another deep breath. “It’s a long story, and it’s depressing and I’m sorry. It’s just...I hate myself and I just need to lose weight and I’ve done this my whole life and I try to be healthy and sometimes I don’t eat for days and then I eat and I can’t stop and then I hate myself more and then I just need to get rid of it and I throw up and I can’t stop and ithurtstobadijustneedittostop-”

“Hey hey, breath…” Bucky said as he pulled you in, and you realized how you were hyperventilating. You tried to calm down and focus on Bucky’s heartbeat, trying to follow his forced deep breathing patterns. After a few minutes you felt yourself calming down. Still locked in his embrace, Bucky began to ask questions softly.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Since I was a teenager.”

“Why did it start?”

“‘Dunno.”

Some silence passed between you.

“When was the last time you ate?”

Silence.

You sighed. “Technically a few hours ago, but I didn’t keep it down.” you said softly. “Before that an apple a couple days ago.”

You felt him inhale sharply and swallow, wrapping his hands around you a little tighter. “Y/n…”

“I know, I try to stop I really do but it’s so hard.” you said, voice cracking and fresh tears filling your eyes.

More silence passed between the two of you. Eventually Bucky took a deep breath before asking, “Can I try and help you?”

You let out a dry laugh. “I’ve tried getting help for years Buck… It never really sticks. It never gets better. I stopped hoping that it would.”

Bucky’s heart shattered. He’d never seen you so defeated before. And it scared him how much you sounded like his own thoughts surrounding his nightmares. “It can always get better doll. Please don’t stop trying. Please, let me help you. Talk to me, talk to any of us...But you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You passed out y/n, and it could get a lot worse...I can’t watch you do that to yourself. I care to much about you. We all do.”

You looked up at him. “You sure you wanna get involved in this? I don’t want to disappoint you.”

He smiled back at you. “You could never disappoint me with this. You’re trying your best, that’s all I can ask for.”

You smiled a little, still skeptical but nodded anyways. Maybe he really could help you. Maybe things could get better.

And it was hard. There were days you slipped up, days you broke dishes, snapped at Bucky, locked yourself in your room, and found yourself bent over the toilet again. But there were also days that you couldn’t stop laughing, you enjoyed movie nights with the team, and family dinners weren’t so hard. It was a long journey, but that was exactly it - there wasn’t a destination. It was all a process. One that you had help with now. And you wouldn’t trade that for anything.

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parkjiminiemouse · 3 years ago

Text

Relapse

Reliving the same day over and over might seem like a dream for most but for you, it was a nightmare. Everyday was spent watching over Jake as if you were his guardian angel. You had tried everything to alter the outcome of his life and to be honest, failing every time was pissing you off. You would prefer to go back to your own life instead of spending your days...or day- fretting over his. Though, part of you wondered if Jake was in the same situation as you were. Everyday, he would try to do something new all of with the same outcome of course and in all honesty, that frustrated you more than anything. If he could just stay the same everyday instead of doing different things your job would be a lot easier. You had relived this day over four times already and you were ready to accept your fate, that you would be there forever.

“Y/N!” You turn your head over to look at the smiling boy, you felt your heart flutter as he approached you excitedly. The only positive thing about reliving this day over and over again was that you could see Jake more and more. You always had a crush on Jake ever since you both had met in seventh grade but who could blame you? He was one of the sweetest people you had ever met and on top of that he was funny and talented.

“Hm?” was all you could manage to get out before he hurriedly pressed his lips against yours. Your eyes widened slightly, a pink tint painting your cheeks as you quickly pull away. “W-What was that for?” you asked, still a little bewildered by the whole ordeal. Jake simply gives you his signature smile and shrugs, “I figured now would be a good time to make my move I mean after all, we’re stuck reliving the same day together right?” So your suspicions were right. A part of you was thankful you hadn’t tried anything sneaky during your first few days getting a feel for this weird somewhat alternate reality. Still, a part of you wondered if you were just dreaming but with the way the kiss felt and the way your heart fluttered upon seeing Jake, it would be a peculiar yet hyper-realistic dream to have.

You must’ve been lost in thought for a long while because now Jake was looking at you with curious eyes. “Y/N? Hello?” he waves a hand in front of your face as his eyebrows furrow slightly. You quickly snap out of your thoughts, “Ah sorry. I’m just struggling to take all of this information in right now. First of all, finding out that you like me is...wow. Second of all, discovering you’re in the same situation as me makes this predicament not that bad.” Your comment makes Jake chuckle, “You think you were suffering? I have to keep dying everyday in the most horrific ways.” Ah, you had forgotten about that part, but only briefly. “Speaking of which, let’s figure out a way to keep you alive so we can possibly get out of his situation.”

“Are you sure this will work?” Jake asks as you wrap him in bubble wrap. To be honest, Jake knew the idea wasn’t going to work as he had tried the same thing during his last try but seeing the determined look on your face made him melt so he decided that one more death couldn’t hurt if it meant looking at your face longer.

“I’m 100% sure this will work.” You say as you tape the last piece of bubble wrap up. “Now, take lots of precautions from now on.” you say softly, offering him a small peck on the lips making Jake blush softly. “I don’t think you have to worry about that...you wrapped me up so much that I can’t stand so...do me a favor and roll me around?” The request made you laugh and you gently put Jake on his side, rolling him out the closet and into the now empty hallways. Looking around cautiously you jump upon hearing a stern and booming voice.

“What are you two doing?” For a moment you freeze, watching as the teacher quickly approaches you both but before she could reach you, you rolled Jake down the stairs and chased after him. You clearly hadn’t thought this plan through but you hoped the bubble wrap was cushioning Jake down the three flights of stairs you pushed him down. A laugh escaped your lips as you chased after him, maybe being here wasn’t so bad after all.

*✧ ───────── ✧*

Should I make another part? Also, I don’t know how I feel about the title, anyone have any suggestions?

#enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #jake sim #jake enhypen #jake imagines #jake enhypen scenarios #jake enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #sim jaeyun #jake enhypen blurbs #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #jake enhypen drabbles #jake x reader #jake sim x reader

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purple-dahlias · 4 years ago

Note

“What’s the point?” for recovering!au?

thank you for the request! sorry this has taken such a long time to get out, but it’s here now!

trigger warning for eating disorders, relapse and hospitals

“You heading for the OR?” Connor asks, falling into step beside Ava as they exit the lifts together.

“Yep,” confirms Ava. “Got another CABG scheduled. Been almost practically back to back all afternoon. How about you?”

“Surprisingly, I’m free now. Patient cancellation.”

“Lucky you,” Ava grins as her phone pings in her pocket.

Taking it out, her eyes scan the notification, smile dying on her lips.

“Ava?” Connor asks, concern filling his voice as he eyes the expression on Ava’s face.

“It’s Sarah,” she manages, the words heavy in her mouth. “She collapsed in the ED.”

“Again?” Connor remembers the last time this happened, a little over four months ago.

Ava nods, knowing exactly what Connor is thinking. “I have to go,” she says finally. “Could you—“

Connor doesn’t let her finish her sentence.

“Go,” he says, placing a hand over her shoulder. “I’ll take your surgery.”

“Thank you,” Ava whispers, gratitude in her eyes as Connor waves her thanks away, nudging her gently back in the direction of the lifts.

“Let me know how she’s doing, yeah?” She hears him call as she steps into the lift, anxiety filling every inch of her.

The last three or so weeks had been insanely busy, for both Ava and Sarah, what with the way their shifts had worked out. It had meant in the end the two had always ended up missing each other, with one leaving as the other arrived, or one returning when the other was preparing to go. And with that, there had been little communication, other than perhaps a passing hello in the corridor, a kiss goodbye, or a hug before having to get out of bed at some ungodly hour. So having this knowledge, and with what she had just learnt, Ava knew this was a red flag. She knows almost exactly why Sarah had collapsed, and it’s hard for her not to blame herself.

Maybe, she thinks, if she had made more of an effort to ask, had paid more attention, had passed over some of her surgeries or post-ops to Connor, anything so that she could have been there more, she might have seen the signs.

She hopes, oh how she hopes she is wrong, and that this is completely unrelated, and that she is blowing this out of proportion, that there is some other, alternative reason.

But she just can’t shake the sick feeling that pools in her stomach as she exits the lifts beyond the Emergency Department.

She’s wracking her brain, trying to think of any rhyme or reason why this could have happened, if indeed it is what she thinks it is: the thought she just can’t seem to rid her mind of, the one that she keeps coming back to.

“Where is she, Maggie?” Ava asks, on seeing the charge nurse.

“Treatment four,” she hears, and doesn’t stick around for any more, heading straight there, heart beating at what she knows is well beyond the normal rate.

Ava pulls back the curtain to find April adjusting an IV line, while Natalie scrolls through what must be Sarah’s test results on her iPad, concern written across her face.

But her eyes fall on Sarah, lying there, looking so small and frail in her hospital gown.

“What happened?” Ava demands, and April leads her outside, just beyond the curtain, with Natalie following.

“Natalie called her down for a consult. Things were okay until she collapsed right there in front of the patient. Scared us all half to death,” April informs her softly.

“You might want to see these,” Natalie says, and Ava doesn’t miss the sadness in her tone as Natalie hands her the tablet.

It’s just what she had thought they would show, and Ava shakes her head, blinking back tears as she sees how much damage had been done, how much progress had been reversed in just 3 short weeks.

“According to her charts it looks like she’s missed her last two appointments with Dr Richardson. Did you know things were bad with her?” Natalie asks, a hand to Ava’s shoulder, and Ava feels like the worst person in the world.

“No,” she hears herself say, though it doesn’t sound at all like her voice.

This is all your fault. If you had paid more attention, this wouldn’t have happened.

“Ava,” she hears Natalie, noting how the doctor had switched to the voice she often heard her use with paediatric patients. “None of this is your fault.”

It’s as though she can read her mind.

“But it is. Sarah is supposed to be my responsibility,” Ava hates the way her voice sounds, broken, as she runs a hand through her hair.

“Some things you can’t control,” April says beside her. Ava knows she means well, but it’s all just wrong and backwards. Because for Sarah, this was all about control. Ironic, really.

“For now,” Natalie begins, that coaxing voice back, “you should just be with her.”

Ava just nods, letting the curtain fall behind her as April and Natalie take their leave.

She takes a shuddering breath and drags the stool to Sarah’s bedside, where she sits, taking hold of the thin, limp hand of her girlfriend.

“Ava?” Comes a voice, weak beside her, and Ava swears that if she wasn’t a cardiothoracic surgeon, she would have thought her heart had stopped.

“I’m right here, Sarah,” Ava tells her, squeezing her hand gently.

“Where am I?” Sarah asks, a little groggily.

“In the ED. April said you fainted.”

“Oh,” returns Sarah, her voice small, panic filling her face as she notices the IV line in her hand.

“Hey, hey, relax,” Ava croons, taking hold of both Sarah’s hands when she sees how distressed she is. “It’s just some fluids to help give you your strength back. You need them, okay bokkie,” Ava continues, using the pet name.

“No, I don’t! What’s the point?” Sarah cries out, every word punctuated with an agony that pierces Ava’s very soul.

“Nothing I do will work and I’m just so tired. I’m a psychiatrist. I know this is bad! I shouldn’t be having this problem. Ava you know I try, but…” Sarah trails off, and Ava can’t help but notice the way Sarah runs a finger over her clavicle, a subconscious habit she had.

“Sarah, I can’t even begin to imagine how hard this must be for you,” Ava begins after a pause. “But—“

“Then don’t,” Sarah grits out, harshly, cutting Ava off. “Please, Ava, just go,” Sarah practically begs, bunching up the thin bed sheets and turning to face away from her.

Ava sits there, a few moments longer, until it becomes clear that this won’t be going anywhere, that Sarah isn’t ready to talk.

Twisting her hands, she lets out a sigh she hopes is mostly silent.

“Okay,” she says, willing the heaviness in her voice not to be too pronounced. Ava stands and moves to adjust Sarah’s pillow just how she likes it, the only way she can think of right now to give Sarah a little more comfort. “But Sarah,” Ava gently tells her, “I’m here for you, okay. No matter what. Please know that.”

There’s no response. Not even a shift in the bedsheets. And if the machine monitoring Sarah’s vitals wasn’t still beeping quietly in the background, well, Ava doesn’t want to give much rise to that particular thought.

With a final kiss to the top of Sarah’s head, a last attempt to let her know she is here, Ava turns to leave, drawing the curtains back around Sarah.

“Well?” Natalie asks her from her position at the nursing station, breaking away from a conversation with Maggie.

Ava just shakes her head. She doesn’t know quite what to say. What does one say? Besides, Ava really doesn’t wan to have to talk right now. With anyone. All she can think about is how much she had let Sarah down. How she should have been paying attention. And now she couldn’t even get Sarah to talk, much less get to the bottom of what triggered this.

It’s windy up on the balcony, and the evening is drawing in as Ava stares out onto the city of Chicago, a hundred thousand lights twinkling below. There’s still no more word from Sarah herself. Only that Ava can gather loud and clear she wants to be left alone. Which is especially hard to know.

“Hey,” a voice says beside her, making Ava jump. The fact she didn’t even hear him coming is a telltale sign something is wrong. Ava normally never misses anything.

“Your CABG went off without a hitch,” he begins lightly, trying to gauge Ava’s mood.

“Wish I could say the same about other things,” Ava deadpans, staring off into the distance, her focus on nothing in particular.

“How’s Sarah?” Connor frowns, leaning against the railing.

“Nat messaged to say she’s being transferred up to a bed to stay overnight for observation. She still doesn’t want to see me.” It comes out a little cold, detached. And honestly, Ava’s just feeling more than a little numb right now, so that assessment it’s about right.

“She’ll come ‘round,” Connor assures, putting an arm around Ava, who leans into him.

“Ooh my ears are burning,” comes a familiar voice from behind.

“Oh, hey Nat,” Ava manages a weak, sort of washed-out smile.

“How are you holding up?”

How was she? How did one answer that? How was someone dealing with all of this supposed to be?

Connor’s phone buzzes, breaking the silence.

“It’s Latham,” he says, checking.

“You’d better go,” Ava tells him, grateful for the diversion.

“It’s gonna be okay, Aves. You’re gonna get through this. You both are.”

“Thanks,” Ava sniffs as Connor pulls her into a tight hug, wanting desperately to believe his every word.

And then he’s gone.

“How’s Sarah,” Ava asks, eyes trained on the spot Connor had just vacated. She’s almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Pretty much the same. I’ve paged Dr Charles though. I hope you don’t mind?”

Ava shakes her head sadly. “Maybe he’ll have better luck than me.”

“Oh, Ava,” Natalie hums, holding her close, up there on the balcony. She doesn’t even care that Nat is probably using some of the tactics she uses on kids down in the ED. Because all Ava wants to do is believe things will be okay.

“How about I drive you back to yours so we can grab some things for Sarah?” Natalie suggests, filling the silence, smoothing Ava’s hair.

Ava agrees with a small nod. That seems like a logical suggestion. And in any case, she’s not sure she should be driving herself anywhere right now.

“Great,” Natalie says softly, her arms still safely around Ava. “And Ava, I promise you: everything will work out. It may not seem like it right now, but it will.”

There’s a fierceness in her voice, and Ava just clings to her. She wants to believe her. Wants it to be true with her whole heart. Because it has to be.

#recovering!au #my aus #sarah reese #ava bekker #they're both going through it #connor rhodes #natalie manning #april sexton #chicago med #reesker #asks #buiscitsandbooks #mutuals #eating disorder tw #hospitals tw #tw ed #my writing

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razorblade180 · 4 years ago

Note

Overall thoughts on V8? Assuming you didn't answer this already.

I meant to do a volume wrap up review but I got incredibly busy and it fell to the waste side. The thing about me judging RWBY I have to come at it from two angles or I won’t feel like I judged it appropriately. There’s the casual, first time seeing the episodes and seeing this through the lens as a casual watcher who probably only sees the episodes once or twice. But then there’s the other side to that coin. I review these episodes, write aus, theorize, check extended lore, listen to the music, etc; that means I have to go back and watch episodes several times for any given reason and that’s when you start noticing the holes or picking up on things you didn’t before.

As a casual watcher, I’d give this an 8/10. There’s plenty of moments where characters do things that got me excited and plot points I wanted explored. This volume actually gave a decent amount of things I wanted for quite some time and some things I didn’t know I needed. Certainly there are things I don’t like in this but I’m open and curious to see where RT takes their storie because it’s their story.

Okay, now as a someone who’s had to deep dive and take a step back multiple times for a variety of reasons. 6.5/10 maybe a 7/10 if I’m being generous. A lot of my problems with this volume are problems that aren’t new to RWBY and that’s just how surface layer portions of arcs are and how a variety of choices/bonds don’t exactly make sense with what we were previously shown, or they only make sense because the writers don’t want introduce other complexities even though they should be there realistically. I’ll give a couple examples of these and yes, I’m aware what I say doesn’t bother everyone but it bothers me.

Qrow was never angry at or brought up Robyn being the reason their airship crashed in the first place because she started the fight; which aids in Clover dying.

Emerald follows Cinder, not Salem. Even if Cinder is working under Salem, why would Emerald be so willingly to complete shift to the side that actively goes against Cinder? There’s been no grand revelation to make Emerald believe Cinder doesn’t give a damn about her. Leaving made sense because she was about to get tortured. Going full turncoat right now doesn’t. No change happened. Emerald always hated being near Salem but adored Cinder no matter the crimes and the show hasn’t done anything to switch that view point.

I’m happy Whitley and Weiss had a touching sibling moment that implies they’re okay and making/made up, but there was never a conversation about the actual problem and thoughts that had them at odds in the first place. Weiss saving his and Willow’s life shouldn’t be the thing that smooths things over. It would’ve been terrible if Weiss do something to save their life. Whitley helping Penny is okay I guess because he really had no reason to contribute but did anyways. Even so, a person doing a morally correct thing doesn’t automatically warrant the conflict between him and Weiss’s resolved.

We got Cinder’s backstory; it didn’t tell us anything about how she eventually came into contact with Salem. Honestly her back story felt more in line of her main goal through the series was an absolute freedom by the means of breaking down the systems that trapped and didn’t give a damn, rather than her quest for power. Yes you can argue gaining power means it’s easier to maintain her freedom to do whatever she wants but I personally think that’s a little off the mark when you gave her a story that involves her trapped by rules and time rather than being too physically weak to gain freedom.

This show has built up that the Schnee family has suffered various types of abuse because of Jacques and uses Weiss as a medium to build towards breaking free from that. Not just overcoming but confronting the abuse by cementing it’s place below you. We don’t really get that. There will never be a moment where the siblings and mother truly get to break out of Jacques grasps emotionally and then put him in his place because he’s dead! Yeah they never have to worry about him again but even last volume they showed Winter still having turmoil and being able to get strung along by him. We don’t even really know how Whitley perceived his father. It feels so lackluster. Then they care to mention how it’s Weiss’s idea to save him like it’s an empowering moment when in actuality, it would be against her character, values of a huntress, and morality to let a person die in cell when you’re the reason they’re in a cell! Letting him die in there would just terrible. I don’t even know why he wasn’t let out in that scene! He’s a coward! He’d follow their orders to save his skin. All he has to do is shut up and walk through a portal.

Ironwood and Oscar both knew they could remove that staff to use it and Atlas wouldn’t drop immediately. Why did nobody have any kind of compromise with one another since there’s nothing stopping them from using the staff for something and then putting it back? They had this morally gray thing going on which I liked but then they decided to make Ironwood go full evil. I’ve never had to say this before but the song he got in V7 and the character they made him be in V8 just don’t connect. I got upset listening to that song recently because I liked that Ironwood.

Clover’s importance. RT tried making a character who had no more than 9 minutes in the series and one meaningful line of dialogue into the cornerstone of a side plot. Clover is such a nothing character. Vine did more than Clover. They try to make him have such a profound impact to the people around him but we never see him bond with his team; Harriet specifically. We get one scene of Clover telling Qrow the kids are fortunate to have Qrow even if he doesn’t think so. First, I doubt Clover knows Qrow decided to get drunk in a ghost town and the kids nearly died and cellar while he did it so that compliment doesn’t hold much weight for me. Second, We see nothing meaningful between the two. V7 has a time skip and just expects viewers to be on board with Clover being this influential change on Qrow without showing anything outside of a witty remark and Clover flexing his semblance. I would’ve bought it more of Qrow almost relapsed and Clover stopped him then had a real meaningful conversation.

Ruby goes against Ironwood only to then want to do a plan that’s aligned to longer term thinking than even his, talks about how everyone should be working together, but then adds a part in her video to actively antagonize and vilify Ironwood. Afterwards, she wonders where everything went wrong and doesn’t think of a plan or do anything to immediately help either kingdom until the final hour between the ultimatum being made, to everything getting destroyed. The inciting incident was disagreeing Mantle should be left in favor of Atlas but the main character didn’t do anything to help Mantle 90% of the season and hindered Atlas’s safety up until the final plan.

Yang is used to be the devil’s advocate in a bunch of situations, but she’s wrong most of the time or her lines just don’t make any sense. They weren’t doing just fine before Atlas. They almost died every step of the way. The team didn’t beat a Leviathan; silver eyes and a robot take credit for that. Why would Blake think less of Yang for wanting to go save people immediately? Blake was never mad at anyone to begin with. Yang consistently calls out people for following orders as if it’s objectively wrong, but is never called out on the fact she hasn’t followed anybody’s orders but her own and added discourse to every situation. I get RT is making her ask questions because that’s what Raven told her to do, but all she’s really doing is picking fights and disobeying every order. Yang states to Ruby they accomplished more than they expected. That’s false, getting Oscar back is correcting a mistake caused by her own plan that she didn’t even complete.

It took 6 volumes before Yang had anything to do with the Summer Rose subplot again and 7 volumes before her and Ruby had a sister to sister conversations; 5 if you wanna count Yang telling Ruby to leave at the end of volume three. The reason I bring this up is because in V8 , they treat their argument as if it’s a big deal but then have every character say it wasn’t that big a deal; but then have two circle back to that conversation later after having neither character discuss to anybody that the argument actually did weigh on them. Yang doesn’t think about Ruby until she sees her again and the closest we get with Ruby is Blake reassuring her that people need her and how Blake admires her. I like that scene but it’s not the same as Ruby actually airing out the specific point that Yang said something that Ruby found hurtful. Vol8 in general people trying to comfort others but nobody ever actually addresses what made them uncomfortable to start with. Except Ren.

This one is a nitpicking but I’ll say it anyways. Penny getting hacked only served as a purpose to go to the vault, a thing Ironwood already wanted them to do. Nobody got her because she was hacked. You can’t even say her getting hacked is the leading factor to her actually dying because Penny became a vulnerable human afterwards that can’t be rebuilt. Pietro was gone, and already stated last volume he doesn’t have the aura to build Penny again. If she died as a robot then it’s still permanent death. No core, no Pietro, and no aura; hacking her was just to create a Hound reveal situation and make them go to the vault on a different set of terms. I’m not exactly upset with this, but I don’t understand why the extra steps. The Hound was hunting her anyways. I would’ve brought some kind of value if she hurt a friend and it caused them to potentially hinder the plan later on or remove them entirely. Penny could’ve rekt Yang and it only adds value to Yang getting one shot later. I don’t know. I’m rambling.

I think I’ve wasted enough people’s time. Honestly, I do like this volume. I’ve enjoyed a bunch of it. But there’s things that legitimately make me think it’s not as good others and makes V7 even worse.

#rwby #rwby volume 8 #ask me stuff

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theotherackerman · 3 years ago

Text

My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore

NOTES:

Saturday, January 23rd

chapter twenty-six: when the butterflies turned to dust that covered my whole room

There was a problem with medication. Once one took it, people seemed to get the idea that one was cured. All those feelings one had earlier were simply gone. Disappeared into some sort of blackhole.

But they weren’t.

The medication stabilized, it made it easier to deal with.

This was the problem that Eren Jaeger was wrestling with today.

Grisha’s birthday creeped near.

It started Friday afternoon and continued into Saturday.

Eren couldn’t tell you why but suddenly he could hear Grisha’s voice in his head. Telling him the music wasn’t good enough. The music would never be good enough. Nothing Eren ever did was good enough. He would never be good enough for anyone. For Mikasa. For Armin. For Zeke. He didn't deserve any of it.

The same things Grisha would say when he was alive.

It didn’t take long for Zeke to notice the change in Eren’s mood.

“Eren,” Zeke said as he sat down on the couch next to his brother. “How are you?”

“I’m not good. Dad’s birthday is coming….I know it’s stupid….I’ve been thinking of him a lot,” Eren muttered before he looked down.

“It is not stupid, Eren. Is there anything I can do to help?” Zeke’s hand rested on Eren’s shoulder.

“I don’t know. I just...I’m going to go upstairs,”Eren said before he stood.

“Well, if you need anything…”

“I know. Thanks, Zeke.”

-------

Zeke Jaeger didn't drink that much.

For obvious reasons.

Much like his brother, it took far too many drinks to make him drunk.

But right now, he would give his left arm not to be sober.

Eren was breaking down as Grisha's birthday came closer.

Pieck was wrecked over Jean.

Niccolo was feuding with Sasha.

Reiner's aunt was in the hospital, dying.

The only sane ones were Marcel, Porco, and Bertolt who were far too wrapped up in a mix of school and work to do anything else.

This was insanity. It was the literal definition. Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

Zeke pulled out her phone and clicked on the contact.

"How do you do it?" Zeke asked.

"Are we friends now or something?" Levi's voice rang in Zeke's ear. "Because I thought you were somebody I paid hourly to listen to my bullshit "

"Okay, fine. Whatever. I am at the end of my rope here and you are the only semi sane person I know. I have two broken hearted people, another kid was a dying aunt, and my brother is going through a mental health crisis because of our piece of shit father's birthday is coming! So a little friendship and compassion would be nice!"

Levi laughed.

He laughed.

Zeke wanted to commit murder.

"Hmm...seems like your kids are as bad as the ones here."

"They are not my ki…."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Alright, Captain. I see what you did. But what do you do? I cannot deal with this level of heartbreak from all of them."

"Nothing. You do nothing. You listen, you let them cry. You hope they get through it. They're all past needing us to fight their battles. I see the guilt you have for Eren. Not getting him away from Grisha soon enough, saving him. But you've got to let that go. You can't save everyone. And you're there for them. That's what counts. Besides, you and I have bigger things to disassemble."

"I believe I gave you that advice."

"Learn to practice what you preach, doc. Also get more fucking friends. You think Eren wants Mikasa over there sooner? Would that help or make it worse?"

Zeke sighed. He thought about it.

Eren had improved since having Armin and Mikasa back into his life. That improvement was directly from their influence.

"If she does not have other plans, it could not hurt."

"How's he holding up?"

"Well, he has not injured himself or drank. So that is an improvement from last year."

"He injured himself?"

"Not on purpose. He slipped and fell. He hurt his arm. It looked very strange for a bit there."

"I'll tell Mikasa you called because Eren isn't doing well."

"Thank you. I just have to work and I worry while I am gone."

"Whatever. I'm hanging up now."

--------------

Stay stable.

Don't relapse.

Easier said than done when it came to the struggle with his bipolar.

Eren was walking a fine line recently. One between his sanity and his past.

The past was harder to deal with than Eren thought.

His phone rang.

It was Mikasa.

"Hey," he said after he answered the call.

"Hi. Zeke called Levi. He said you weren't doing very well."

"Yeah. It's not a big deal though. It's just...my dad's birthday."

"Do you want me there?"

"More than anything. I mean you don't have to be here but I wish you were. Besides, it's getting late. I don't want you driving in th dark. I know how much you hate it."

"It's okay. I can come."

"No, don't. Tomorrow. Come tomorrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Just...stay on the phone with me, okay?"

"Okay."

"Thanks, Mikasa."

"Anytime. Anything you want to talk about?"

"Hmmm….distract me. Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Eren, you know almost everything about me."

"Come on, there has to be something."

"Let me think...oh. When we won battle of the bands, we all went and got tattoos that sort of go together. They're all space themed."

"Oh. That's why you have a moon on your ankle."

"You noticed?"

"Of course, I did."

Eren noticed everything about her. How she laughed and the way her nose crinkled.

"Yeah, so I have a moon, Historia has the sun, Ymir has Saturn. Sasha has a galaxy and Annie has a star," Mikasa explained.

"Why the moon?"

"I don't know. I guess because I've always liked looking up at the moon."

"Hmmm…"

"What about you? Any secrets I don't know?" she teased.

"Oh. I've got a bunch."

"Really?"

"No. I wish. I've told you all mine. No secret tattoos."

"As you said...there has to be something I don't know "

"Uh...well I guess I have always wanted a tattoo especially since you and Armin have them."

"Wait! Armin has a tattoo?" Mikasa exclaimed.

"Oh. I thought you knew. With him dating Annie, I thought she would have told you. He's got birds on his shoulder."

"Huh. I never knew that. What would you get if you could?"

"Well, at first, I wanted birds. Now...I'm not so sure. I guess that's why I haven't got one yet. Maybe something to mark everything I've been through, you know?"

"I do."

Eren and Mikasa talked all through the night about everything. About how Zeke let stray cats come into the house. They talked about writers block and how they both failed at getting rid of it. They talked about what Zeke's house was like in the winter.

They just talked.

Eventually, they both fell asleep on the phone together.

#mmtylif #my writing

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gothiccwhore · 5 years ago

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13 reasons why season 4 review

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS!! if you haven’t finished the season yet i suggest you skip this!! :)

also this will be super long because i tend to ramble and i’ll give reviews for each character/most of the storylines! ((half way through reading this i read @jessica-acholas and @analuciacortez reviews and i agreed with a lot of it so you guys should all read their reviews as well!!))

over all ranking:

as a whole, i would give this season a 7/10. i originally was gonna give it a 6 but they get an extra point for all the zalex scenes we got, and i also was thinking of the mess that was s3 so i had to give them that extra point too

storylines/the season as a whole:

my biggest concern/annoyance with this season was how rushed or repetitive it was

every storyline this season was either super rushed or super dragged out- no in between. the fact that we only had 10 episodes as opposed to the normal 13 probably had a part in this, which idk why they cut the episodes short. let’s start off with the dragged out storylines, one of them being clay’s nightmare sequences. i honestly did like his therapy scenes because it was good to see him get help and he was a much better narrator than ani, but his nightmare scenes were so long i literally had to skip all of them i got so bored. another dragged out storyline was jesstin, which i probably will get complains about. i think they have their cute scenes and i do love both characters, especially jess being tied with alex for #1 and justin being in my top 5. but my god their storyline/relationship is beyond repetitive, its been the exact same thing for 4 whole seasons. they break up, have a long speech about how they’re not right for each other, spend the whole season pining after each other, make up in the end and then have another speech about how in love they are. like writers please make up your mind- do you want them together or not?? we also had another repetitive love triangle this season just like every other with justin jess and diego as opposed to the justin jess and alex one for like 2 seasons.

now for the rushed storylines, one of them being alex’s relationship with charlie. i love charlie ever since we saw him in s3, he’s so pure and a lovable guy and i love how he loves alex. however they happened like out of nowhere?? alex went from being in love with jess for 3 seasons to being in love with 2 people in 4 episodes. if you blinked you would’ve missed the “build up” to their relationship, and honestly it felt like they just randomly threw in some relationship for alex because they didn’t wanna have zalex happen. i’m not saying this to be bitter (maybe i am lol) but zalex had 3 seasons worth of build up and could’ve been an amazing slow burn relationship for the whole season, instead they rushed another relationship. zach is also another character who had a rushed storyline with his drinking problem, which literally happened out of nowhere too?? he just showed up this season drunk in the first scene and drunk in literally every single scene we saw him in. this storyline also never got resolved, it just stuck there like the writers didn’t even care to end or resolve it. just like how zalex could’ve worked better for alex, it could’ve worked better for zach too since his drinking problem could’ve been helped by alex. i swear the writers just hate us at this point

characters review:

clay: one of my favorites honestly, he’s in my top 5. sure clay has had his moments where he’s been annoying and extra but so has literally every single character in this show- besides tony lol. like i stated above my main concern was how dragged out his sequences were this season, like i couldn’t watch all of them. also another huge problem i had with him this season was how big of a jerk he was to justin??? for like half of the season he was rude to him and would give snarky remarks/hints like when he was surprised colleges would even want justin, which i don’t blame justin for thinking that clay expected him to just relapse again and throw his life away. the same can be said for when clay said all those awful things to him at the party- his parents not being his and not trusting him like wtf? i felt SO BAD for justin there i was expecting clay to apologize to him. on the topic of the party episode, he literally crashed zach’s car and sent them flying 30 ft in the air just to leave zach all alone to literally die?? then there’s also the part where he and ani outed alex before he was ready to fully come out which sucks, that’s something you should never do but i know he was just worried about alex and didn’t want him to get heartbroken over winston - but why didn’t you tell him sooner??

ani: like i said with clay, i hated how she outed alex before he was ready to come out. i don’t understand how her and clay both didn’t think to tell everyone - especially ALEX who literally killed bryce and would’ve gotten hurt the most about winston?? they both knew that winston and alex both knew each other and met at the hillcrest party, so why not tell him winston is gonna be looking for information to clear monty’s name?? alex is literally the only person you guys SHOULDVE told first?? however i did enjoy her this season as opposed to s3, she had a great redemption and i liked that she finally apologized to jess for sleeping with bryce. she also wasn’t up everyone’s business this season and i loved all her scenes with jess, especially the prom ones

alex: HAAAAAA BI KING WHO GOT HIS HAPPY ENDING AND DIDNT GO TO JAIL FOR FLOORING THAT RAPIST!!! HOW DO YOU BRYCE AND MONTY STANS FEEL THAT BOTH OF THEM ARE 6FT UNDER WHILE ALEX IS FREE 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 i’m so happy he got his happy ending and became secure in his sexuality, that’s all i ever wanted for him since s1. i’m not saying this because i’m biased and he’s my favorite character, but he truly was one of the only characters who didn’t annoy me this season. he had a great arc even if it was super rushed, we finally got a zalex mutual love confession (i’m still bitter that we didn’t get our endgame but in my head we did), and i love how even if he and justin had their differences in the past seasons he was there for him in the end. i don’t really have any complaints about him besides the whole charlie thing being super rushed and so random?? why did the show put 2 bottoms together like we wouldn’t notice 🤨🤨

jessica: jess is my favorite character tied with alex, both of them have been since s1. i loved how she continued to be her badass self this season but a lot of the things she did/said kinda rubbed me the wrong way?? like i applauded her for calling out ani for judging who she was sleeping with after ani slept with bryce, but when you think about it diego literally is a rape apologist too?? jess tyler is literally your friend why would you date the guy who’s defending his rapist?? also don’t get me started how diego treated clay horribly this season, he was suffering with his mental illness and he played pranks on him and called him a psycho??? clay has always been there for you jess and he’s also one of your friends why would you still hang out with diego?? also in the first episode where justin breaks up with her and she got mad at him i got upset with her, justin made valid points he’s a recovering drug addict who needs to focus on himself not a relationship. i don’t understand why she got so mad at that, it was lowkey ooc for her? overall i still loved her i just hate how the writers reduce her to only a guy each season, but she still was amazing over all and looked beautiful!! her scenes with ani were great and i cried so much at her scenes with justin at the end.

zach: another one of my favorite characters who the writers did so dirty this season. i’ve loved zach since s1 as well, he’s in my top 5 and i’ve always loved how even if he was a jock he was still good hearted and there for everyone. i hated how in this season the writers forgot all of his traits and basically wrote him as a new person?? his drinking storyline was beyond random and had no build up/not even a resolution in the end. where even was his mother or sister this entire season. the show always paid him dirt and never focused on his home life when it was clear he didn’t have the best relationship with his mom. i’m so annoyed at how they wrote him as a “drunk” all season and didn’t even acknowledge his struggles. his scenes with alex were great, and i loved every single one of them. i’m still dying on the zalex hill and saying that they missed the perfect opportunity to make them a couple, it would’ve helped his storyline just like alex’s.

justin: oh my god, when i say my heart broke in the last episode it really did. i remember hating justin in s1, and then loving him in s2 with him being in my top 5 favorite characters. he had the best redemption arc, and i loved his portrayal of a recovering drug addict. i’m thinking now and he also didn’t annoy me this season just like alex, he was great and i’m so sad how they basically stomped all over his arc by killing him. it’s clear the show only killed him off because clay started the show by losing someone he loved, and ended it the same way. him dying by aids was so random and made 0 sense, i honestly thought he was gonna die from an overdose when discussing theories because i had a feeling it was either him or alex who were gonna die. they didn’t have a buildup for his hiv/aids- only added scars/bruises throughout the season which no one noticed if they weren’t closely examining him. i’m so saddened by his death and i will be planning a funeral for him along with zalex’s 💔.

tony: honestly a great character throughout the whole show, never was annoying and always was there for literally everyone. tony has always been a fighter and has been through so much without showing it, and i’m glad he got to go to college at the end and see his sister. i’m also so happy we got more scenes between tony and caleb this season because they are one of my favorite couples and are so underrated in the show and with fans ❤️ i was upset when he didn’t believe tyler, but i understood where he was coming from because he just wanted to be safe.

tyler: he’s so pure and i also loved his arc throughout the show, i’m so happy he has friends who love him and him and estela were so cute! i wish they explored more about him and the sheriffs working together because i honestly was confused about that before rewatching scenes. i also hate how they made him feel bad about monty dying when it literally was not his fault a rapist got killed in prison- monty’s rotting 6 ft under hello let’s celebrate to that!! i also loved how he was so supportive when he found out about winston and alex on the camping trip, he seemed worried about alex when winston said they broke up. i also love how alex was the only one who truly believed in him the entire show.

bryce: good riddance!! when i say i yelled when jess saw him when she was burning the tape why did he smile like pennywise?2@/@20so glad we saw no flashbacks of him this season and that he was just an annoying ghost, but even that annoyed me

monty: just like bryce good riddance!!! thank god we didn’t get that much of a redemption arc because i would’ve lost it- even though i literally rolled my eyes every time his ghost tried to say something that was supposed to make us feel bad for him. he’s rotting with bryce 🧚🏻‍♀️🤩

charlie: i loved him, he was so nice to everyone and so pure. i just wish they let him and alex be just friends because that came out of nowhere. i hope he’s baking more cookies and being happy

caleb: such a supportive bf i love him and tony, wish we saw more of him but i hope he’s living his best life <3

winston: he gave me joe from you vibes the entire season why was he creepy lowkey s:@:&;&!392&-03@3&4 nobody @ me but for a second i thought him and alex were cute during the bowling scene then i remembered who he was. he was a rape apologist which i hated, like dude he’s dead get over it i promise that dick probably wasn’t that good that you have to do a whole fbi investigation for him. the fact that he fell in love with monty and alex after like a week is sending me oddjdkckdkdj but i too am in love with alex standall so i see where he’s coming from, he gets points for not turning alex in at the end but i expected him to be a bigger villain this season but thank god he wasn’t because i would’ve floored him

chloe: my best girl who i wish we saw more of we only saw her for like 3 scenes?? the show did her dirty even in s3 she should’ve had more scenes her storyline was amazing :/ i did enjoy her and zach’s friendship it was so refreshing to see a m/f friendship and i’m glad they didn’t make them romantic. i didn’t expect her and scott to date but go girl!!

diego: literally came out of nowhere where were you for the other 3 seasons? i literally laughed every time he would talk about missing monty like who cares if he got you into football he was a rapist no one cares. i hated how he made clay go literally insane by pulling those pranks on him and calling him psycho?? “why’d you bring a knife” MF YOU GAVE IT TO HIM???? he was nice at the end so i guess i’ll give him some points and he also wasn’t a HUGE jerk i liked how him and justin helped each other when the cop was being racist/a dick and that he seemed upset at justin’s funeral

estela: her and tyler were super cute together and i loved how she acknowledged what monty did and didn’t try to make excuses to defend him. also loved how she wanted to join HO and was completely different from monty

so overall that was my review of the season, i will miss the characters so much and zalex will continue to haunt me every night i cannot escape 💔 jess and alex are my emotional support characters who would’ve thought. selena gomez and the 13rw writers you will pay for your crimes this season!

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saberdeity · 4 years ago

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You are my favourite person..

Spencer Reid x GenderNeutral Reader

Summary- Spencer does something nice for the reader after a tough week.

Warnings- mentions of self hate

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The week had dragged on, case after case flooded into the BAU office and you just couldn’t catch a break. Your mother had also had a relapse and was back in a mental institute that she worked so hard to get out of which didn’t help the mood you were in at all. Luckily, Spencer knew how to help you cope also, he knew what it was like to have a mentally ill mother who struggled on a daily bases. To have someone who understood the constant worthless feeling made everything just that little bit easier.

You and Spencer had been together for around 2 years and you’ve never been happier. He was well and truly amazing. He knew exactly how you felt, he knew how to help and he knew that when you were sad you just wanted to be cuddled in his warm, safe arms. It was the little things that you both knew about each other that made your relationship work so well. You loved learning about different parts of history or even things you wouldn’t normally pick up a book and read about like physics.

You had finally finished the case, Spencer had left early saying he needed to get something sorted before you arrived home which instantly made you suspicious but you trusted him and you needed to go back to the office to collect your things. Once you had grabbed everything you needed, you hopped in your car and drove home.

Upon arrival, Spencer’s car was in the driveway like normal but there were no lights to be seen. Your mind instantly went to the worst place, with your job it was just natural thinking. You played every scenario in your mind and the possible outcomes with the statistical rate you or Spencer would survive. At that you moment your mind raced to Spencer not being around anymore, that thought was the scariest of them all. After everything Spencer and you had been through, there was nothing in the world that could brake you apart but there was always the possibility that one of you could die. You couldn’t loose Spencer, there was so many things you would miss. The way his hair fell perfectly back into place every time you ran your fingers through it, the way his smile could light up even the darkest places, the way his lips made butterflies appear in your stomach every time he kissed you. There was so much about Spencer that you couldn’t live without.

You opened you door and was instantly met by the soft sound of your favourite song playing in the background, there were fairy lights arranged along the skirting boards of the living room, the food from the restaurant you went to on your first date was strategically placed around the coffee with two plates set either side of each other. The vanilla scent sprayed in the room evaded the air as you instantly relaxed. Tears sprang to your eyes as Spencer was stood on the other side of the room, arranging his book shelf.

You couldn’t believe Spencer had gone to all this trouble for you, the room was just beautiful. The golden fairy lights sat beautifully along the white skirting boards as the light reflected off them. The little roses scattered around the room, not only were your favourite but they gave the room a romantic feel. You never knew Spencer could be this romantic. The smell of your favourite food invaded your nostrils as your stomach began to rumble signalling you weer dying to get your hands on it. The vanilla scent lingered around you as it made you smile from ear to ear. Tears sprang to your eyes as you instantly felt so loved and appreciated, something you’d grow to live without.

“You did all this?” You asked looking adoringly at him and around the beautiful, golden lit room.

“Well I knew you haven’t been feeling the best lately and since we have a few days off I thought I would put something together for you because you deserve it, I love you and I want you to be happy” he replied as you slowly walked over to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you leant into him, you pressed a light kiss to his lips. You smiled lovingly at him, making sure he knew how much you appreciated him.

“I love you, thank you for all this! What did I do to deserve you”You replied as he chuckled lightly.

“Other way around my Love” He replied kissing your lips.

You both sat down on the sofa and began eating the delicious food in front you. Spencer used every moment he could to tell you how much you meant to him, how much he appreciated the little things you did like making sure all his books are alphabetically arranged and put in chronological order. As Spencer whispered all these compliments to you it made you love yourself more. You had always struggled with self-love but with Spencer you felt amazing and you wondered how one human being could change your mind in an instant after years of self hate.

The rest of the evening was filled with science movies and a few rom coms as Spencer knew you loved them. He would do anything for you as you would for him.

‘You are my favourite person in the whole entire world” you whispered as he fell asleep, leaning on your shoulder as you kissed his forehead softly.

Taglist-

@criminalmindscontent

@davidrossi-ismydad

@dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal

#spencer reid #criminal minds #mathew gray gubler

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 27

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.3k - 4.6k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: fluff and smut. best combo yea? (gifs are horancover’s and i used 2 of them sooo thought id mention that!)

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : 2 requests! i love you for those i love them both so much!

Chapter 27 : His chapter

NIALL

She looked fantastic. The dress fell to her knees, tight around the waist but baggy as it fell down, sort of like a closed flower, and dyed of different pastel colors except for the top around her chest, pressing her boobs together in a white bustier.

"I look ridiculous." she whined, turning around in front of my mirror to see what it looked like from behind. "It looks like I have big tits when I seriously have none. It's also quite uncomfortable I mean, my boobs are practically on my neck!"

"Uhm, 'ridiculous' is not the word I would have chosen." I pointed out, staring at her reflection. "But if it reassures you I think your tits look amazing."

She groaned and hit my arm friendly, making me laugh.

"I hate my arms. I hate my belly. Fuck this body!" she let out as I moved closer.

"I gladly will." I just said, slipping my arms around her waist from behind and kissing her neck, letting my hands run on her stomach before it reached her boobs. "Should I do it right now or-"

"Niall, please, I look horrible."

I moved back up but remained behind her, looking at her in the mirror with a serious face. I thought she felt better about who she was and what she looked like but it seemed like she was having a short moment of relapse and it made me sadder than she probably thought.

"You've got the prettiest face in the world, and when you smile, I swear it makes my heart beat faster."

"I have crooked teeth, Niall."

"Hush. Let me talk." I quickly said. She rolled her eyes but I noticed a small smile playing on her lips. "I love your eyes and how they literally fucking sparkle when you laugh. I love you ears and how cute they are, and your neck, too because you always get goosebumps when I run my lips on it. I love your hair and how it falls on your back, and I love when you play with a lock at the front all the time, twisting it because you're nervous or embarrassed."

Her smile turned into a fond one and she pressed her lips together.

"Oh and your lips. They're thin, even when you pout, and I always want to kiss them, bite them or suck on them. I know you think bigger lips are sexier but your lips? They know how to suck on my tongue so well when we kiss, they're perfect. I love how fair your skin is, and how you can't tan for shit. I know those veins we can see so clearly really bother you but I love them." I smiled and she laughed. "I love your breasts and how they fit perfectly in my hands, and that tummy that you seem to hate so much?" I let my hand reach her stomach and she sucked it in again. "There's no reason for you to do that." I waited and she finally breathed out. "Thank you." I whispered, pulling her closer to me. "I fucking love your belly. And all your stretch marks. And all your moles. Anything you seem to think is an imperfection makes you perfect."

She smiled a bit but looked down and I could swear I saw her roll her eyes. I slipped my other arm around her and grabbed her dress gently, pulling it up. I knew she wanted to stop me but she was curious about what I was doing and instead, she held her breath.

"I love your thighs." I just let out as she grimaced, pulling her dress down again and sighing.

"I don't. I hate them. And my hips, too."

I ran my hands on her waist and to her hips and sent her a smile. "Do you know how much you glow, Olivia? Yea, you gained weight, and you look incredible. You looked good then, you look good now, and you're so hard on yourself sometimes. If only I could make you see yourself through my eyes."

She stared at me with a serious face through the mirror for a few seconds, her lips parted, and I stared right back, holding her against me.

"What are you gonna do in a few years, Niall, when you'll be stuck making love to this body instead of shagging a tight and skinny one?"

"Tell myself I'm the luckiest man in the world." I whispered close to her ear before she closed her eyes. "I love you."

Quickly, she turned around and wrapped her arms around my neck as I wrapped mine tighter around her. Her lips found mine quickly and the way she kissed me was deep and intense... so intense that I felt my whole body throb. I brought my hand to the back of her dress and moved the zipper down. I thought she'd push me away but she let me and quickly, I ran my lips on her neck and shoulder, making her whimper. I was almost to her left breast when her phone started ringing. I groaned a bit when I realized it was one of my songs and moved back to look in her eyes.

"Mirrors?" I asked with a frown, not really sure why she had picked this song specifically.

"Mmhm," she nodded slowly. "It's a song that really helped me through my depression."

I brought my hands to cup her face and kissed her again as we both heard my voice in the background. It felt a bit weird but when her phone stopped ringing, mine started immediately after. I groaned and pulled away, checking the caller and sighing.

"It's Louis." I just informed before picking up. "Hey mate, what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? I've called your girlfriend and she's not answering! We're waiting for both of you!" I heard him honk from outside my house and saw Liv zipping her dress back next to me.

"She's not my girlfriend, Louis, and you know it."

"Who cares? It's just a matter of time, but anyway, that's not the problem. The problem is we'll be late so you both dress back quickly and hurry the fuck up!"

Without giving me time to answer, he hung up and I chuckled, rolling my eyes. I turned to Olivia and she tilted her head, her eyes running on me and making me frown, a smile still on my lips.

"What?"

"I was so focused on how bad I looked to notice how fucking good you look." she pointed out. "It's a shame. You make me want to masturbate."

I let out a laugh, shutting my eyes tight and bringing my hand over them. I was going to answer something when Louis honked again and we both jumped slightly.

"Come on, let's go."

Without thinking, I stretched my arm and she looked at my hand that was clearly waiting for her. She bit her bottom lip but I still saw a small smile on her lips. Quickly, I brought my hand back and shook my head, closing my eyes for a second.

"I'm sorry."

I felt her fingers grab mine and she got on her tiptoe to kiss me and squeezed my hand. I smiled against her lips and she took a few steps back, sending me a big smile and walking backwards until her fingers slipped out of mine.

"He's gonna be pissed." she explained with a chuckle as I followed her outside.

"Fuck you two are looking good!" Louis exclaimed making her laugh as we sat in the back seat. "Who picked that dress for you, Liv? You look stunning!"

Olivia rolled her eyes with a smile. "Your girlfriend, Louis."

"Damn right she did, you look like a queen." he replied, turning to Eleanor and sending her a large smile. "You're the most amazing woman in the world." he added in a lower tone, making El laugh as she kissed him. "And the most beautiful, too."

"Gee thanks, Louis." Liv joked with a laugh. "At least you didn't say 'in this car'!"

"I could have as well! Because technically-"

"Shut up!" she laughed again.

"Hey, you've got your own prince charming today, you don't need me!"

My lips curled slightly and I turned again to look at her, noticing she was doing the same. Her gaze was soft and fond and it made me smile even more.

"Oh god, they're literally eye fucking on the backseat." I heard Louis whine, making Eleanor laugh.

"Why don't you drive and leave us alone, Louis?" I proposed, my eyes glued to Liv.

"Yea alright I'll leave you both at a bus stop, that's what I'll do!"

I felt Liv's fingers reach mind on the bench and smiled more as I gripped two of them, intertwining them with mine. It would be tough to stay away from her and it got even worse when we got there. I watched the whole ceremony while glancing at Olivia, wondering how she felt and if she was thinking about Dylan. I knew it was still tough for her and it would be for a while, but the way she seemed happier and less nervous now that they were not together anymore made me feel good in a way it shouldn't. I was not happy that she had to go through a break-up, but I was happy that it didn't affect her the way it could have, and I knew her well enough to be sure of what I saw. She was glowing, and it was even more obvious now that she was single.

The party was in a hotel and everyone was dancing. As the night went by, I couldn't help but notice that she was getting tipsy and when a slow song came on, I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer and away from Louis. I was still a bit jealous of what they had and although I tried not to compare my relationship with her to the relation she had with him, it was not easy.

Her eyes softened as soon as they met mine and something twisted in my stomach. It was tough to keep that jealous alive when she looked at me like that and I pulled her a bit closer, looking down at her.

"Can I have this dance?"

She chuckled low but tilted her head before sighing low.

"You can have all the dances, Niall, you know that right?"

I didn't. I was not sure where we stood, and I was not sure if she knew either. We were both just going with the flow, one day at a time, and although it was normally something I liked, I couldn't hide that this time, it made me a bit anxious. I didn't know if we would ever get back together, and I didn't know what I'd do if we didn't. Of course, I know pain ends up being less intense with time, but I really felt like we were meant to be and if after so long without her, I never really stopped thinking about her, I feel like I never would.

I didn't want to pressure her, though, and there was no way I would mention it or push her to decide. If she needed time, I'd give her time, but there was still this constant fear inside me that I had fucked this up so bad over a year ago and that it would never come back.

I kept my mouth shut and pulled her closer as she brought her arms around my neck and I recognized the song that was playing. It was one of the few english songs I remember hearing in her house when we were kids. Most of the time, her mother listened to french singers but Bon Jovi had been a big part of her childhood and I heard her chuckle low in my hear.

"I love this song." she whispered, making me smile.

From hearing it so often at her place, I knew it almost by heart, and it was honestly a miracle I still remembered the lyrics after all these years. I moved the side of my head against her and heard her let out a short whimper and I couldn't help but whisper all the words I could remember to her.

"This Romeo is bleeding But you can't see his blood It's nothing but some feelings That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me Now I'm drowning in the flood You see I've always been a fighter But without you I give up

Now I can't sing a love song Like the way it's meant to be Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore But, baby, that's just me"

Her grip tighten slightly around my neck and I moved closer, brushing my lips against her ear to make sure she heard the chorus as I sang it in a murmur.

"And I will love you, baby, always And I'll be there forever and a day, always I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine 'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme And I know when I die, You'll be on my mind And I'll love you always."

I held her closer and shut my eyes tight just to feel her body against mine. I knew we were surrounded by people but it felt like I was alone with her, and I never felt like that with anyone else.

"Now your pictures that you left behind Are just memories of a different life Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry One that made you have to say goodbye What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair To touch your lips, to hold you near When you say your prayers, try to understand I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near When he says the words you've been needing to hear I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine To say to you 'til the end of time"

Her fingers played with my hair and I closed my eyes, swallowing hard before the bridge. It was one thing to sing to her a song that I had written and it felt completely different to sing someone else's words, even if they seemed to fit so well with the feelings inside me.

"If you told me to cry for you I could If you told me to die for you I would Take a look at my face There's no price I won't pay To say these words to you"

She moved away as music kept playing and looked in my eyes. I could swear she was tearing up and somehow, I really wanted to kiss her. It took me all my strength not to as I tried to remember we were not alone even if it really felt like we were. I still stared in her eyes as he started singing again and I kept singing with him, bringing my forehead against hers but keeping my eyes open this time.

"Well, there ain't no luck In these loaded dice But, baby, if you give me just one more try We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives We'll find a place where the sun still shines"

I watched her press her lips together and I knew she was trying not to cry. I couldn't believe how deep I felt these words and somehow, I knew she felt them too. The chorus started again but I just pulled her closer to me, feeling my heartbeats accelerate as her lips came close to mine but I just moved my head up and kissed her forehead, pulling her closer until the music changed. The moment still felt intense and real even if everyone was now dancing on a pop song, throwing themselves around. Olivia was just looking at me, motionless, after she took a step back and after a few seconds, she tilted her head and raised her eyebrows. She turned around and left and I dived my hands in my pockets, looking around me to see if anyone was watching us and when I realize everyone was busy and drunk, I quickly followed her out of the room. She reached the bathroom hall and when I turned the corner, she grabbed my shirt, pulling me closer and getting on her tiptoes to kiss me. I felt her cold fingers slip accidentally through the buttons and reach my skin as I deepened the kiss, pushing her harder against the wall.

"Fuck, I love you." she whispered, allowing her mouth to leave mine only for a second.

"I love you more." I murmured, smiling against her mouth as she chuckled. "You're coming at my place after the party, aren't you?"

"Just to be sure I see you with this suit on for a few more minutes." she half-joked, making me laugh again.

I felt her teeth on my upper lip and she bit it a bit hard, making me groan.

"Are you trying to eat me up?" I laughed a bit, making her whimper again. "Watch it."

"Can't I?" she chuckled too before getting more serious. "Tell me you meant it."

I felt her hand reach between my legs and I groaned, moving my hips against her hand without thinking. "Every word."

I felt her grab the outline of my dick to stroke it and I let out a short moan.

"We can't do that here."

"Mm, I know, I just really wanted to touch you." she mentioned in an innocent voice before sucking on my bottom lip.

"Now I have to go to the bathroom and wait a few minutes to cool down." I complained, making her laugh again.

"I'll wait for you on the dance floor, then."

With a big smile, she pulled away and licked her lips, moving past me and walking back to the party, turning to me mid-way and sending me a satisfied smile. I shook my head and chuckled, leaning my forehead against the wall and waiting until I was good to go back. When I got there, she was dancing with Louis and he was making her twirl around as she laughed. I stared at them for a few seconds and finally sighed, noticing Eleanor sitting a bit further and typing something on her phone. I walked up and sat next to her, catching her attention. She put her phone on the table and reached for my upper arm, squeezing it tightly for a few seconds.

"You alright?"

I nodded and glanced at Olivia and Louis as he pulled on her arms and took her in a hug, swaying her from left to right and making her laugh even more.

"Yea, i'm good."

"Not jealous because of them, are you?"

The left corner of my upper lip moved in a grimace and it made El start laughing.

"I've never known you to be so insecure!" she admitted, laughing some more.

"It's just.. do you see how close they are? I mean you know... you know they actually..."

The words got stuck in my throat and I sighed, shaking my head and closing my eyes. It was ridiculous, I knew it, but at the same time, I couldn't shake this feeling.

"Oh yea, I know they had sex a few times." she nodded and finally shrugged. "I don't like it but at the same time I haven't been that virtuous when Louis and I were broken up either. I was a bit scared at first, too. Sort of like you. But seriously, look at them."

Reluctantly, I turned around to look at them again. Olivia had thrown her head back and was laughing so hard I couldn't stop myself from smiling a bit.

"They're just friends. Close friends, but nothing romantic. They would be together by now if they had these kind of feelings for each other don't you think? Besides, they've been through a lot together." she kept explaining, shrugging as I looked back at her. "That formed a bond that we can't understand, and it's okay. Everyone should have someone to talk to when something goes wrong, or when they're feeling like shit. I have someone, too."

"I thought that person could be me, not Louis." I admitted in a mutter, making Eleanor's lips curl.

"What if it's something about you?"

"Especially if it's something about me! I argued, leaning against the chair.

"I'm not saying she'll go to Louis to solve the problems she may have with you, but we all need a friend that we can trust."

I sighed and turned again to Olivia and Louis. He was throwing some fucking confetti at her, blowing on his hand as they all ended in her hair and in her dress, falling in her cleavage. I groaned again and crossed my arms on my chest. I knew Eleanor was right but I couldn't help and think that if I hadn't broken up with Olivia, I would still be her best friend, and that thought bothered me more than I wanted to pretend.

"You'll get used to it." El added. "The sooner the better. Don't ask her to choose."

My traits softened and I sent her a small smile. "I'd never do that."

"NIALL!"

I turned to Olivia quickly as she motioned for me to join her and I excused myself but noticed Eleanor had got up too. I reached for Liv's hands and made her turn around as she laughed, her chin up, and it made me smile. I knew she was getting a bit drunk but I loved seeing her so happy and I just decided to dance with her until I turned around and noticed Louis filming us.

"Tommo!" I said, moving my hand in front of his phone. "Stop filming!"

Olivia moved her face close to the camera and moved her hand to say 'hello' and Louis laughed, turning the phone my way.

"Say Hello to all your fans, Niall, I'm going to put this video on instagram and make you famous!"

"Fuck off!" I just said before laughing and he stopped filming just in time to miss the middle finger I showed him, making Olivia laugh a bit again.

We danced for about half an hour until I realized we were some of the only people left. I pulled Olivia closer and she sent me a soft smile.

"Are you ready to leave?" I asked in a low tone as she quickly nodded.

We said our goodbyes and I quickly called a cab before we walked outside. She grabbed my fingers and squeezed them for a second before letting go of my hand again and it made me chuckle silently. I loved how she needed to show me affection even if she was not supposed to touch me but I didn't mention it, scared that she'd stop. She grabbed her phone as we were outside and quickly sent a text message, making me frown.

"Just telling Louis not to drive." she explained as the cab arrived.

We sat in the backseat and I took my jacket off right before her lips cashed against mine. I laughed and pulled away, giving my address to the driver and turned back to her. I stared in her eyes for a few seconds as she leaned her head on the back of the seat and moved closer to press my mouth against hers again. I grabbed my jacket and placed it over her lap, making her frown and making me smirk.

"Don't move, okay?" I whispered. "And not a sound."

I ran my hand on her thigh under my jacket, my fingers brushing the inside of it, moving her dress up as she spread her knees apart more. Her eyes got bigger and I knew she was holding her breath. It made me chuckle and I brushed my fingers over her panties, making her whole body tense.

"Relax." I breathed out, my lips moving against her parted ones. "I've got ya."

With two of my fingers, I pushed her panties aside and her eyes closed. My fingertips rubbed gently on her clit and I started leaving kisses on her lips and chin. I laughed again when she let out a short whimper and licked my lips.

"Not a sound, remember?" I asked low, amused by how turned on she was. I slipped two fingers inside her and grabbed her bottom lip between mine, nibbling on it for a few seconds and I felt her thigh press against mine as she spread her legs more again. "You like that?"

She nodded quickly and I started rubbing my thumb on her clit as I moved my fingers in and out of her slowly. I just hoped the driver was not glancing too often in his mirror and I tried to place my body closer to Olivia's so he could only see my back.

"You feel so good." I whispered. "I wish I could feel me cock inside ya right now."

I felt her hand move around my head and grip my hair tight as I pushed my fingers knuckle deep, curling them slightly. I felt her tense more and kissed her deeply, rubbing my thumb a bit faster on her clit. I could feel how wet she was and my thumb flicked so well on her swollen clit that I could feel when she was about to cum.

"Oh my god Niall." she murmured, gripping my hair tighter from the roots and shutting her eyes tight. "I'm gonna cum."

I kept the rhythm of my fingers as she shook against me, biting her bottom lip so hard to make sure she wouldn't make a sound that I thought she was going to bleed.

"Oh my fucking god." she let out in a mix of a whimper and a whisper as I took my fingers out, sending her a smirk. "Can't believe you did that."

I raised my eyebrows, smirking more and bringing my fingers to my lips, sucking on them for a few seconds. Her face changed and her eyes got bigger, making me laugh louder than intended.

"Niall!"

"What?" I asked with an amused smile. "Jealous?"

I bend down to her to kiss her again and this time, she did it slow and I lost my smile. It always felt so good when we kissed and I never wanted it to end. The car stopped but she kept kissing me and I didn't want to pull away.

"Okay kids, get out."

Olivia laughed and I finally pulled back before I grabbed money from my pocket, handing the driver way more than I owed him if only for the trouble we gave him and what he had to witness. I got out of the car and helped her too and we just stood there, in front of my house, side by side, for a few minutes.

"That was a nice wedding." I just said, glancing at her with a smirk.

"Mmhm, yea." she agreed, nodding. "I didn't want to go at first but I'm glad you asked me to be your date."

"Yea and you know, our wedding will be very different." I pointed out with a shrug. "Just you, me, and Elvis in a small chapel."

She frowned and turned to me with a surprised expression, making me laugh more.

"Say what?"

I ignored her question and held my hand out to her. "Come on, let's go to bed."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #my fanfics #yam #i never know what to tag this lol

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