#but dc stands for

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Bruce Wayne Says ‘Never Too Old For Uppies’

Darling billionaire and former Gotham heartthrob turn DILF Bruce Wayne was spotted at his latest Gala wearing the latest season’s top designer suit.

This is of its self wasn’t surprising but the scene that unfolded sure was!

Now it isn’t a surprise for anyone who has been keeping track of the posts and polls about the most attractive men in America that Mr. Winner of 3 years in a row is quite ripped under all those layers he usually wears and when asked why he exercises to such a degree that it could rival the big bat, Mr. Wayne seemed to fumble for a bit before responding with a dazzling smile that he does so that he could carry all of his children.

Another reporter made comment about how all of his children were well past the age of being picked up.

Mr. Wayne proceed to state quite seriously to the reporter,

“They’re never too old for uppies.”

Apparently Mr. Wayne’s two eldest sons had heard their father’s statement as they shared a look before taking a running leap towards their dad with Dick Grayson Wayne bellowing “uppies!” In response.

Mr. Wayne, despite his well known clumsiness, caught both of his sons with a spin before calmly stating to the reporters that he had guests to talk to and then walked away with one boy sitting on each hip.

And let us remind our readers that neither men Mr. Wayne caught weigh less than an estimated 170 lbs!

The rest of the gala had our reporters spotting Mr. Wayne carrying his various children in various ways.

Message was well received, Kids are never too old for uppies, just too heavy!

But nothing less can be expected from the dad of the year.

Though, he may have competition here in Gotham, as eye witnesses have stated that they had seen our own Big Bat taking after our resident rich man.

But who can say? Maybe the two have a closer relationship than we know.

It had been stated that both Bruce Wayne and Batman have a similar physique to each-other with Batman being just slightly larger in size.

Maybe they share a workout routine?

We can only speculate.

What we can be sure of, is that Bruce loves his kids and would be willing to do anything to make them smile.

As always I am Vicky Vale.

*there are two photos shown along with the article. One of Bruce Wayne carting a staggering number of his children. With Cassandra and Damian Wayne on his shoulders, Dick Grayson Wayne and Jason Todd under each arm and Tim Drake Wayne clinging onto his front like a koala. It is noted that Duke Thomas is to the side seemingly recording the entire scene.

The second photo is of Batman with an annoyed Red Hood slung over his shoulder, trying to get loose.”

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Justice League identity reveal where they don’t know who Batman is and one day a bunch of them walk in on him just casually eating yogurt in the cafeteria with his cowl off. A bunch of them recognize him, a couple don’t, and they’re all shocked.

Turns out Batman didn’t realize none of them knew who he was, since it had taken him all of ten minutes and three google searches to put everyone’s secret identities together and he just assumed they had all figured it out by this point. Or maybe he had meant to tell them and then just forgotten. Either way, he regularly interacts with half of them outside of hero stuff and hasn’t bothered with the whole separate persona thing with them in years. Shouldn’t they really have figured this out by now? So what if he forgot? This is clearly on them.

[foolsocracy]

this is actually so funny. imagining garth quipping and contributing to the conversation in his head cause he forgot the rest of the teen titans can't pick up on his telepathy

[bonesashesglass]

I haven’t seen anyone talk about this, which makes me think it isn’t being reported, but right now the largest protest for Palestine in the history of the United States is taking place in Washington DC. Thousands turned up to show their solidarity for Palestine and to call for a ceasefire.

Look at this, they won’t be able to ignore us for much longer.

[noka-exe]

duality of man….

[squishykitty825]

Robin!Dick: I truly believe water can solve all our problems.

Bruce: You think so, chum?

Dick: Mhm. Wanna lose weight? Drink water. Wanna have clear skin? Drink water. Tired of someone?

Dick pauses for dramatic effect.

Bruce, scrunching his brows in moderate confusion: How does drinking—

Dick with the most innocent smile on his face: Drown them

[alyakthedorklord]

Bruce Wayne, sitting in a cute eco-friendly cafe while on a video call with Tim: Oh Noooo, are you sure there’s no way the board of directors will let us get rid of this old decrepit Wayne Factory building that is unsafe for our workers and also for the surrounding environment?

CEO Tim, with equal gravitas: No, I’m afraid they just won’t budge. It technically meets legal requirements on paper, and we can’t prove that the chemicals affecting the local ecosystem that have no other possible source are from the out-of-date drainage system… they’re saying it would cost too much to fix the place up too, which is ridiculous, because we’re us, but our hands are tied…

Bruce, full Brucie himbo mode: Oh I just feel so SAD for all the sweet fluffy animals and the pretty flowers and especially our hard workers dealing with such unsafe conditions… I think I’ll give them all a nice short vacation this weekend, so the ENTIRE PLACE will be EMPTY and SHUT DOWN from FRIDAY TO TUESDAY, the SECURITY SYSTEM WILL BE DOWN because it’s just so GLITCHY, I’m sure nothing will happen to the ENVIRONMENTAL STAIN ON OUR COMPANIES NAME THAT WILL BE COMPLETELY ABANDONED FROM FRIDAY TO TUESDAY- Timmy do you think I’m being too subtle?

Tim, snickering: no no you’re doing great Bruce I’m sure they’ve got it

Poison Ivy, on a date the next table over: ( ‘-‘)-☕️

Harley, through tears of repressed laughter: so… we doing anythin’ this weekend?

[varpusvaras]

How Dick actually found out:

Roy: Thank you for coming over, I really needed the help since my partner is out of town

Dick: It's okay! You know, you have to introduce us at some point, since- is that my sweater?

Roy: Uh

Dick: It is! My Gotham U sweater! Okay, it was Bruce's at first and I stole it, but he hasn't asked for it! I thought Jason stole it from me!

Roy: Uhh

Dick: Yeah, Jason definitely stole it, it even smells exactly like him! I knew it was him- why is it in your house?

Roy: Uhhhhhh

Dick:

Roy:

Dick: *looks around, sees all of the things that are definitely Jason's all around the house*

Dick: Are you kidding me?

Roy: Dick I can explain

Dick: Explain what? That you are dating my brother??

Roy: ...yeah, exactly that

Dick: ...get out

Roy: what-

Dick: I said get out!

Roy: This is my house!

Dick: Wrong! This is my brother's house, since he lives here, and I'm telling you to get out of my brother's house!

[tiffycat]

The vibes on this guy... Maybe it's a Gotham thing

Continuation of my lil delusional crossover cause I still think it is very fun and also people seemed to like the first set of doodles :D

[ochibrochi]

guilty conscience 😬 (i watched legion of superheroes movie)

[itsdabatt]

baby’s first homicide case

(inspired by supernatural’s painfully awkward season 1 promos)

[anxi04]

tim meeting lex at a gala when he’s young. he knows lex is a villain but he’s also the only vaguely smart person there and he has a look of disgust every time someone says anything remotely dumb, which tim relates to SO much.

meanwhile lex seeing this kid who is so clearly going to be a supervillain when he grows older and quite honestly this child scares him a little. so he indulges him just enough to be on his good side. lex just about has a heart attack when tim off handedly mentions one of lex’s very secret, only 6 people know about it and 5 of them are hidden away and can’t see their family because of what they know, project.

every time they see each other at a gala there’s just a sense of “oh thank god someone smart is here” and spend half the time politely shit talking the idiots

cut to 17 yo tim drake (never aging again) and he just. shows up in lexs house one day like “give me the blessing to marry kon and i’ll tell you the absolutely groundbreaking gossip i just found out about rebecca” he gets his blessing without lex even questioning it. he knows tim drake is red robin anyway who else would be able to? he is a little disappointed he went the hero route but out of all heroes red robin is closest to becoming a supervillain anyway so it’s fine

lex however does not know any of the other batfams identity. brucie wayne is a fucking idiot who can’t tie his shoes (lex watches him stuff the laces in his shoes once) dick grayson is a Cop(negative), jason todd is dead, stephanie brown is the daughter of a villain and would probably want to be as far away from that life as possible, damian wayne he could buy as robin but there’s no way anyone biologically related to brucie could be even remotely competent, duke thomas seems too normal, and he can find nothing on cass wayne except she seems too sweet. besides tim’s competent enough to hide his identity from his family. especially the wayne family.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Alfred: Injury report?

26-year-old Bruce: All the blood is on the inside?

Alfred:

Some years down the road

Bruce: Injury report?

Tim: I left no DNA behind.

Cass: I can still beat the rest of you.

Jason: Haven’t died again.

Dick: No bones are visible from the outside.

Damian: I won.

Duke: I think I discovered a new power.

Steph: You’re not my dad.

Bruce:

Bruce:

Alfred: And how *is* Karma doing today, Master Bruce?

[peculiardiction]

Canonically Tim isn’t addicted to coffee but this fucked up energy drink called “zesti” and I think it would taste disgusting, personally

Edit: OKAY! I now know it's not an energy drink!! I've obviously committed the biggest sin on the internet: not knowing a niche piece of information/lh

[ashrayus]

literally just a guy!!

[nakathemoth]

Constantine honest to god thought a child had just been struck by lightning and died by his side