#bpd and relationships

[sleeplessv0id]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

[kintsukuroi-babes]

To morning N, from N last night.

(Context: I wrote this on note cards for him bcuz I was laughing at the crackheads outside my room and I wish I could share that funny moment with him but he was sleeping peacefully in my bed. I wrote all this, he read it and smiled and loved it when he woke up he woke up in such a good mood. This was a few months before he broke up w me bcuz I’m so “self destructive” and “hate myself”. He could never understand me and love me despite these flaws I am so hard on myself about and this is proof I warned him and tried so hard for him to get him to understand me. All I wanted ever was for him to understand and see me and love me anyways)

You’re literally the cutest thing ever. I’m just up doing laundry folding clothes and putting them in piles while your sleeping and I hear some crackheads yelling outside so I’m giggling at them trying to spy thru my blinds to see what’s going on and your just asleep I can’t stop laughing. I told you it was welfare day lol. But YOUU!❤️❤️❤️ are so adorable yenno. I’m playing my music in my room while your sound asleep I love it. Sometimes ->

You like turn in your sleep or rub your face and it’s so cute, I feel like such a creepy lil stalker watching when you move but I just wanna make sure it’s not bcuz of me. Anyway I love you so much I think you’re the cutest when you sleep I wanna go and kiss your face or wake you up but I’ll let my precious baby sleep. I can hear them, it’s def a couple I can literally hear them trying so hard for their lighter torch to work. They are entertaining me and sounds like they’re having fun. IDK. I love you with my whole heart dude, you make me smile, even when you sleep. ->

That couple is sitting in the alleyway and are literally 3ft away from my dads sleeping head lol. I think my dads so used to it it probably doesn’t matter. When you move I swear I think your eyes are gonna open but they never do. You like turn to face me like you’re gonna look at me but your eyes stay shut. While I was laughing at those crackheads you kept making that sound the quacking sound how you itch your throat it was so funny it was like a duck sound. I love you, your literally ->

My sleeping angel. Like I love you so much things I could say rn IDK. I’m so happy you can sleep normally, you look so at peace- I think I feel rly chaotic like I think I feel a lot at night rly intensely. Sometimes I look at you and want to tell you everything mostly at night, but I think it’s too much. It’s scary for me. I think during the day I can keep myself together and I keep a lot of my thoughts inside but night is so different to me. I can’t help it I wish I could help it somehow. Like sun and moon. Like I switch between 2 versions of myself everyday. I worry you’ll never meet her know her like how I think you should know that other side of me. I think it’s embedded in me to not share, but I want to with you. ->

That side-her. I hate her. But there’s no escape from it. I’m trying to accept but it’s like I’m fighting myself in my mind. OMG what is this turning into IDK! I think it’s bcuz you’re so peaceful and I feel so at peace and safe when you’re at peace. Like I could say anything and not scare you away. Like I’m just talking to myself I do that a lot. I feel like I don’t think anyone can ever get what I’m trying to say, or like no one has ever been in my head to get it fully. Only a few of my best friends have rly experienced my pin with me, so they have ->

Some idea of who I am, like all of me. All of the parts I’m ashamed of, all of the parts I hate and can’t recover from, all of the darkness that haunts me. The self destruction is a big one I think you need to know- I do that. Self sabotage too. Sometimes I think you’d be better off without me bcuz I’m definitely not a normal healthy person, and I am terrified of dragging you down. I’m scared of the future, and scared what if I’m not good enough for u bcuz you deserve the best there is, and there’s a whole universe out there lol. OMG NOOOOOO. Let me stop myself rn FUCKING STFU! I’m being WAYY too sad it’s not okay I’m just saying too many of my sad thoughts. ->

I guess sometimes I can be too much but I guess I want you to love me for everything I am, I think you do I just stress out and overthink. ANYWAY I love you it doesn’t even matter I treated as a diary and that’s it

I love you N, you have no idea.

[youwillleaveme]

they will replace me so easily and never remember who i even was

[rotting-bitch]

try to be gentle while tearing me apart

[darkacademiboy]

[dxndeli-n]

Abandonment issues go brrr

[lavendorii]

[DIMENSION NOT FOUND.]

[lifeonkylesfarm]

trying to have healthy relationships with bpd just feels like trying to be tactful and respectful while holding back your emotions with a brick wall that feels like it's about to snap like a twig

hiding. it feels like hiding.

yet I must hide, so it seems.

[viveela]

A style comic I just had to get out of my system

[self--destruction]

everything affects me so deeply and it fucking sucks

[hamoodmood]

[dead-core]

i know people love me but i am a black hole and it's just not enough. hope this helps!

[youwillleaveme]

i can’t and shouldn’t have relationships, ever

[hussyknee]

DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.

An abuser denies the abuse ever took place, attacks the person that was abused (often the victim) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions, and claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing what may be a reality of victim and offender. It often involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming.

TL;Dr: Stop pathologizing neurodivergent people and individualizing abuse, and start treating abusers and bullies as a social failing that are products of privilege.

Unless you want to insist that every bitchass who's ever plagued marginalized people has NPD.

[blvvdndb0nes]

wistfully longing for a mutually mentally ill relationship where we bandage each other's cvts and buy each other our fav low c4l foods + energy drinks and stalk eachother's socials and give constant reassurance and overshare and split and have the messiest awfulest bumpiest but most deep and honest and raw relationship ever ♡

[deprixpainsblog]

Ich sag einfach nichts mehr dann muss ich nicht allen erklären wieso ich jetzt wieder so bin wie ich bin.