#bpd and relationships

[sleeplessv0id]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

[kintsukuroi-babes]

I don’t want it to be the end:(

[youwillleaveme]

they will replace me so easily and never remember who i even was

[lavendorii]

[DIMENSION NOT FOUND.]

[rotting-bitch]

try to be gentle while tearing me apart

[burned0utstar]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to be like that. I don't want to act this way.

I'm sorry I can't communicate. I'm sorry that I try and push you away. I'm sorry. I just want you with me.

I'm sorry that I can't say that to you. I'M SORRY.

I'm so fucking sorry please don't leave me?

I know I'm hard to love. I KNOW.

I don't want to be like this.

I promise I am trying to change.

I promise I can act normal.

Please?

[darkacademiboy]

[borderlineunbelievable]

[thelastbitoffilm]

i wasnt talking back, i was trying to tell you how i feel.

sorry i forgot that if my emotions and opinions dont align with yours its considered defiance.

and then you tell me i can "talk to you about anything"? fuck off.

[traumabody]

all i wanted in life was love and now i am terrified of it

[kimiko24]

Stay with me,,, I won't bite again

[oversnow]

Telling you that I need affection and reassurance feels like a death sentence

[kintsukuroi-babes]

To morning N, from N last night.

(Context: I wrote this on note cards for him bcuz I was laughing at the crackheads outside my room and I wish I could share that funny moment with him but he was sleeping peacefully in my bed. I wrote all this, he read it and smiled and loved it when he woke up he woke up in such a good mood. This was a few months before he broke up w me bcuz I’m so “self destructive” and “hate myself”. He could never understand me and love me despite these flaws I am so hard on myself about and this is proof I warned him and tried so hard for him to get him to understand me. All I wanted ever was for him to understand and see me and love me anyways)

You’re literally the cutest thing ever. I’m just up doing laundry folding clothes and putting them in piles while your sleeping and I hear some crackheads yelling outside so I’m giggling at them trying to spy thru my blinds to see what’s going on and your just asleep I can’t stop laughing. I told you it was welfare day lol. But YOUU!❤️❤️❤️ are so adorable yenno. I’m playing my music in my room while your sound asleep I love it. Sometimes ->

You like turn in your sleep or rub your face and it’s so cute, I feel like such a creepy lil stalker watching when you move but I just wanna make sure it’s not bcuz of me. Anyway I love you so much I think you’re the cutest when you sleep I wanna go and kiss your face or wake you up but I’ll let my precious baby sleep. I can hear them, it’s def a couple I can literally hear them trying so hard for their lighter torch to work. They are entertaining me and sounds like they’re having fun. IDK. I love you with my whole heart dude, you make me smile, even when you sleep. ->

That couple is sitting in the alleyway and are literally 3ft away from my dads sleeping head lol. I think my dads so used to it it probably doesn’t matter. When you move I swear I think your eyes are gonna open but they never do. You like turn to face me like you’re gonna look at me but your eyes stay shut. While I was laughing at those crackheads you kept making that sound the quacking sound how you itch your throat it was so funny it was like a duck sound. I love you, your literally ->

My sleeping angel. Like I love you so much things I could say rn IDK. I’m so happy you can sleep normally, you look so at peace- I think I feel rly chaotic like I think I feel a lot at night rly intensely. Sometimes I look at you and want to tell you everything mostly at night, but I think it’s too much. It’s scary for me. I think during the day I can keep myself together and I keep a lot of my thoughts inside but night is so different to me. I can’t help it I wish I could help it somehow. Like sun and moon. Like I switch between 2 versions of myself everyday. I worry you’ll never meet her know her like how I think you should know that other side of me. I think it’s embedded in me to not share, but I want to with you. ->

That side-her. I hate her. But there’s no escape from it. I’m trying to accept but it’s like I’m fighting myself in my mind. OMG what is this turning into IDK! I think it’s bcuz you’re so peaceful and I feel so at peace and safe when you’re at peace. Like I could say anything and not scare you away. Like I’m just talking to myself I do that a lot. I feel like I don’t think anyone can ever get what I’m trying to say, or like no one has ever been in my head to get it fully. Only a few of my best friends have rly experienced my pin with me, so they have ->

Some idea of who I am, like all of me. All of the parts I’m ashamed of, all of the parts I hate and can’t recover from, all of the darkness that haunts me. The self destruction is a big one I think you need to know- I do that. Self sabotage too. Sometimes I think you’d be better off without me bcuz I’m definitely not a normal healthy person, and I am terrified of dragging you down. I’m scared of the future, and scared what if I’m not good enough for u bcuz you deserve the best there is, and there’s a whole universe out there lol. OMG NOOOOOO. Let me stop myself rn FUCKING STFU! I’m being WAYY too sad it’s not okay I’m just saying too many of my sad thoughts. ->

I guess sometimes I can be too much but I guess I want you to love me for everything I am, I think you do I just stress out and overthink. ANYWAY I love you it doesn’t even matter I treated as a diary and that’s it

I love you N, you have no idea.

[youwillleaveme]

i can’t and shouldn’t have relationships, ever

[rotting-bitch]

I once killed a plant by giving it too much water. I worry that love is violence.

[dxndeli-n]

Abandonment issues go brrr