#books incorrect quotes

[yeonie]

FOURTH WING (incorrect quotes)

xaden: violet and i slept together.

garrick: and?

xaden: i thought you would be a little more shocked.

garrick: oh, sorry.

garrick, in a shocked voice: and?!

[krysmcscience]

Did somebody say Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear? I think somebody said Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear. Thanks to that, have these retooled The Good Place jokes:

The "powers that be" can refer to either the Theraprism staff, the Axolotl, or just. Ya know. Disney in general. Or all three! Whichever you think is funniest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The "party" Bill's referring to is Weirdmageddon, of course. He was quite the ashhole to everyone back then.

Ford has probably gotten pretty good at the 'tune out your psychopathic ex with dank memes' challenge.

It must be very cathartic to be able to make Bill shut up whenever you want with just the press of a button. I'm sure Ford doesn't abuse this ability at all.

Oh, sure, 'Not now,' he says, before he immediately backs out of the newly-made hole in the Theraprism wall. 🙄

Don't worry, Bill doesn't get far.

also yeah i know this one doesn't have an attempted swear - i just wanted to use the joke because of the massive stink-eye involved in it because it makes me laugh

⬇️ More goofs beneath the brief ramble if you wanna skip it lmao⬇️

Why is Ford even there, you might ask? Well, he either decided he preferred to watch Bill suffer in person over being distantly and repeatedly harassed with the same evil desperation book for the rest of his life, or he got roped into some kind of contrived community service for 1.) all his many counts of interdimensional thievery, and 2.) his ignoring all the very clear warnings to NOT summon Bill in the first place (which I like to imagine is also illegal). Theraprism staff were just like, 'Wait, this guy matters to Bill? Ooh, we can USE that! It might be the only thing that can help him want to get better!' It is not considered that throwing Ford at Bill so soon after Weirdmageddon could instead make them both WORSE - in new and altogether special ways! :D

Anyway, I'm calling it the Community Service AU, and I am most likely not going to do anything else with it beyond appropriating these silly Good Place jokes. So, feel free to adopt the concept if y'all wanna??? Just make sure that Bill is still not allowed to swear, no matter what, full stop. It's gotta be a real linguistic corkblork of a situation for him, is all I'm sayin'.

Finally, have these bonus Good Place jokes, but with Handyman!Bill this time:

'Opposite tortures' doesn't sound so bad...at least until it's an all-powerful chaos entity known for torture saying it.

you may think i forgot mabel's cute pink cheeks but the truth is that i did in fact forget but then immediately stopped caring which makes it okay, SHHHHHHH

And, finally:

lmao this is shit

True facts, if you cram Season 1 Eleanor Shellstrop and Michael into a singular triangle shape, they turn into Bill Cipher. This is science, look it up. Or don't, and just trust the source that is me, bro.

Anyway, I should be in bed, y'all have fun with these, I guess. Tune in after like a week or so and maybe I'll have an addendum to my comic about how Bill was drawn naked for karaoke night. Because him actually being naked was not the only thing I considered as a plausible explanation. XD

Also if you see any inconsistencies or errors in any of these comics, No You Do Not :D

Also also, reblogs are rad as hell and I appreciate every single one, just don't repost, please and thanks. Every time a repost is made, an artist somewhere cries. :,)

[littlefankingdom]

Bruce died(?) again

Jason: Well, it's my turn.

Dick: What are you talking about?

Jason: Everytime Bruce is gone, one of you starts to act just like him, pushing everyone away, acting as only you can be right, and fighting anyone that gets in your way. Dick did it, Tim did it, even Cass kind of did it. So, this time, I will do it.

Tim: Isn't that how you act all the time?

Jason: Whoa, fuck you. You are so banned from historical drama movie nights.

[poppitron360]

Annabeth: [bedraggled, half-dead, deranged grin, eye bags, contemplating homocide]

Percy: That's my fucking wife! That, right there, is my wife and I love her so much!!

[kmn7]

[shyjusticewarrior]

Duke: Dick looks like the type of guy to wiggle his fingers and say "don't mind if I do" when he sees a box of donuts.

Dick: No actually, this is a Jason thing. He does that.

Dick: He, uh, he would have not wanted me to tell you that.

Steph: Please? Dad?

Bruce: I'm not your dad!

Steph: Well you're everybody else's dad, I thought it might work!

[cracklinhaze]

everyone's making really really good ones, so enjoy the absolute most low quality cursed textposts i could possibly make.

variety, baby.

[helpallthenamesaretaken]

percy to annabeth, in pjo: i'd die for you

percy to annabeth, in hoo: i'd live for you

[aroseofsunset]

When death comes

To take my hand

I want to hold yours with the other

And promises to find you

In my next life

Sooner.

[sleeplessdreamer14]

Bill: (trying to get Ford to take him back)

(Name): (picks Ford up like a sack of potatoes) Oops, got your man! Shoulda treated him right, now he with a real (redacted), he loves it over here!

Ford: Yeah, I love it over here!

(Name): You want him back? Too damn bad!

[yeonie]

FOURTH WING (incorrect quotes)

xaden *holding a door for violet*: after you.

violet: no, after you.

xaden: i insist, afte-

mira *pushing them and going in*: after me.

[acomaflove]

Azriel: *sneezes and shadows come out of his nose*

Rhysand:

Amren:

Morrigan:

Cassian:

Feyre:

Nesta: ………So we are all just going to ignore that?

Cassian: Oh my bad; bless you, Azriel.

Nesta: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

[p1nkshield]

Bruce being just as guilty of introducing Jason to people like he is but a small little guy.

Bruce at gala supporting youth literary comprehension programs: Have you met my son Jason? As stubborn as kids can be I managed to get him to attend.

Beneficiary: oh that’s wonderful! Does your son enjoy literature?

Bruce: oh absolutely! That’s what convinced him to even come! He has so many respectable hobbies for someone his age. Kids these days rarely find value in the classics but not Jason! Honestly he reads more, and more in depth, than I do! He’s a little mechanic too! When I first saw him he was trying to take the tires off my car with a lug wrench that was bigger than him! It was quite a sight and a rather unconventional way to meet your son but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Beneficiary, blinks as they try to process all the proud dad info: …well that’s lovely, we have some activities for the children of the donors so that none of them get too bored!

Bruce: that’s great! I’ll let him know. Jason, can you come here for a moment?

A very tall, wide, and muscular man turns around and raises an eyebrow.

What a coincidence, that dude must also be named Jason.

He walks towards them

Jason: what do you want old man?

What

Bruce: there are activities at that table if you’re bored.

Huh

Jason: thanks for the memo but I’m not exactly at coloring book age anymore remember?

Bruce: I suppose you’re right :(

[kmn7]

[shyjusticewarrior]

Steph: Jason, on a scale of one-to-five, you scored a three.

Jason: Yes! Yes!

Steph: This will limit your dating pool to widows, lady plumbers, and convicts.

Jason: I still consider this a victory.

Steph: Tim, your score is... yeesh! Ya know, scores don't really matter. You should just focus on being you.

Steph: Duke, on a scale of one-to-five, you scored... a twelve?

Duke: My mom was right all along, I am the world's most perfect man.