#best carmen

[gongyussy]

the bear is a comedy

[touyaismycomfortboy]

♡ Forgotten dates...

a/n: idk I just think panicked shoto would be so cute <3

word count: 2.0k

synopsis: you and shoto had a date planned for today, you guys were gonna go out and get ice cream and go to the park. you got all dolled up and waited for him to come pick you up, but as more and more time passed, you started to realize that he had forgotten. now he has to make it up to you.

pairing: shoto todoroki x gn!reader

genre: slight hurt/comfort, fluff at the end, nothing too serious <3

warnings: not proofread and rushed LMAO

you looked in the mirror while you fixed your appearance. you were going on a date with your boyfriend, shoto, and you were so excited. even though you had been on plenty of dates, it always made you happy to spend time with him.

nothing too fancy was happening today, you two were going to get icecream at the local parlor and take a walk around the park. you were going to stuff some cards and a sketchbook in your bag just in case you guys needed something to do after a while. 

it was 3:55pm, shoto was supposed to come get you at 4. you quickly slipped on your shoes and glanced one more time in the mirror before running downstairs. 

unbeknownst to you, shoto was currently asleep. 

he had a rather intense training day today and decided he would rest his eyes for a couple of minutes, but that couple of minutes had turn into hours and, well…

you sat on the couch that was near the window, scrolling on you phone and occasionally looking up to see if you could see shoto, feeing excited and giddy for your guys' date. 

4:02, alright, that's fine. not too bad at all, two minutes late isn't bad at all. you looked back at your phone, seeing if shoto had texted you that he might be late, but he hadn't texted you since this morning.

4:08, okay… now it's weird for him to not have texted you. if he was going to be this late this needs a little warning, it's been almost 10 minutes since was supposed to pick you up, suspicious… you opened your phone once more and opened shoto's contact, texting him quickly. 

y/n: hey, are you almost here yet?? 

(sent)

you waited patiently for it to show that shoto had read your text, but you were left on delivered for the next few minutes. 

you decided to go wait outside, you could see him if he was walking down the street that way. but you walked all the way out to the sidewalk and saw… nothing.

y/n: shotoooo, where are you??

the vibrations of shoto's phone weren't enough to wake him, still sleeping peacefully in his bed back home.

4:15, okay, are you allowed to be mad now? i think you were allowed to be mad now. 

y/n: heyy what's going on? where are u? you were supposed to get me 15 mins agoo

once it hit 4:20, you quickly opened your best friend, mina's, contact and called her. it took her less than 5 seconds to answer and you sighed in relief that at least one person would acknowledge you today.

"hey y/n~! what's up? you usually text me before you call me." mina sounded cheerful on the other end, a small bit of concern lacing her words. 

you started to walk into the direction of her house, doing you best to not look angry to passerby. "mina, shoto forgot about our date and he's ignoring me!" you sounded exasperated. "can i come over? i worked hard to look good today, i'm not letting that go to waste."

mina gasped dramatically on the other end, sounds of her shuffling and moving around coming through the speaker on your phone. "getting ready now, i'll meet you halfway!" she quickly hung up the phone, and you laughed at her urgency.

you shoved your phone in your pocket, trying your best to not let this ruin your day. at least you got to hang out with mina, right?

shoto better have a good explanation for this. 

mina kept her word, and while walking to her house you saw her pink form frantically running towards you in the distance. when she finally got close, she gasped dramatically once more. "you look so cute!! i can't believe shoto would miss out on the chance to see this!" she crossed her arms and frowned. 

you smiled at her, adjusting your clothes. "thank you, mina."

she stomped her foot on the ground, arms still crossed. "how are you being so calm?! you should be so mad at him! look at how cute you are, and he's just ignoring you!" she wrapped her arm around yours and started to lead you to her house. "don't you worry, y/n, we're gonna have so much fun!"

mina didn't tell you this, but as she was walking towards you she was spamming shoto with angry messages. 

mina: SHOTO TODOROKI!! explain yourself right now >:( mina: how DARE you flake off my best friend!!! next time i see you you're getting it!!! mina: i'm gonna go steal ur girl since u can't treat her right >:( mina: I SEE HER SHE LOOKS SO CUTE. HOW COULD U ABANDON HER LIKE THIS????

she might have overreacted, maybe.

shoto woke up during mina's spam, half awake and turning his phone on silent from all the notifications and laid his head down.

then, icy fear struck his heart. he immediately sat up, wide awake now.

he opened his phone to look at the time, almost scared to look.

4:38.

he cursed under his breath, quickly getting out of his bed and changing out of his sweaty clothes, trying to look at his phone as he did so.

6 unread messages.

he saw your texts asking where you were, and pangs of guilt hit him in the gut.

he saw mina spamming him with angry messages, and assumed you had told her and that you were with her right now, he had to hurry up.

he ran down the stairs, his hair still a mess from sleep. his sister fuyumi greeted him, but he quickly ran past her, slipped on his shoes, and ran out the door.

he looked at his location on your phone, he saw you were a couple blocks away and walking in the opposite direction of his house, that must be where mina lives. he quickly took note of what street you were on and started running.

he opened your contact and called you, doing his best to run as fast as he could while still being able to hold the phone to his ear.

you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, quickly reaching into it with your free arm that wasn't linked with mina's and looked at who was calling.

mina looked over your shoulder and snatched your phone out of your hand, shoving it into her own pocket. "nuh-uh! he doesn't get to be 40 minutes late and then steal you from me, you're mine now!" she pouted, squeezing your arm tightly.

"well, maybe he has a good reason-"

"nope!" she pointed her finger at you. "he ignored you, now you ignore him for a little bit to get back at him! then you can talk to him."

you sighed, shaking your head. "and you wonder why you're single." you mumbled under your breath.

mina gasped, holding her hand to her heart. "how could you say such a thing!" she asked, feigning offense.

shoto sighed as the call went to voicemail, putting his phone in his back pocket as he ran towards the street you were on. he couldn't blame you for ignoring him, but he wanted to explain himself to you sooner rather than later.

you didn't live that far away from him, so even though you were walking to mina's house you weren't terribly far away from him. he could make it there in just a couple minutes if he ran fast enough.

guilt was making its way into your gut since you ignored shoto's call, but every time you reached for your phone mina smacked your hand away and insisted that you ignore him back since he ignored you first.

you were almost at mina's house, you could see it in the distance, but then you heard fast footsteps running towards you both.

you instinctively turned around and stood in front of mina to shield her, but you were immediately taken aback by shoto running towards you.

your eyes widened, and he finally reached you he bent over, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. did he run all the way here from his house?

you observed his appearance, his hair was disheveled and his outfit was haphazardly put together, he was sweaty and out of breath. he looked like a mess, not typical for shoto.

mina peeked from over your shoulder, gasping and taking a step around you. "shoto todoroki!! you better have a good explanation for this, i was just about to hang out with her!! you ignore her, and now you come and steal her right as i get her?" she crossed her arms and pouted. 

you smiled and put a hand on mina's shoulder. "girl, it's okay."

"y/n-" shoto said breathlessly, finally standing up as he caught his breath. you looked into his eyes, and all you could see was remorse and guilt. "-i'm so sorry, really." he took a deep breath. "i was training earlier, and i decided to rest my eyes for a little, and i was asleep for longer than i anticipated, i'm sorry for being so late." 

you sighed, a small smile appearing on your face. you were happy that he wasn't ignoring you intentionally, and that he wasn't playing hooky on purpose, but you still felt a little upset.

shoto took your hands in his and ran his thumbs across your knuckles. "i'm very sorry," he looked into your eyes. "would you still like to go out?"

you squeezed his hands lightly, nodding. "yes, of course." you moved your hands away from his, looking over at mina. "sorry, we can plan for tomorrow?" you laughed lightly. 

mina crossed her arms again, more playfully this time. "sure, go off with your boyfriend, just abandon me-" she laughed. "go have fun!!"

she waved at you, then looked at shoto and gave him a death stare. "if you do this again, i'm stealing her." she quickly changed her demeanor and waved at you again. "bye-bye!" and walked off.

you giggled at her actions, you loved your best friend. 

you looked at shoto, seeing his disheveled hair and reaching up to smoothen it out. "did you even look in the mirror before you left?" you smiled. 

"no, i saw the time and had to get to you as soon as possible to apologise." his lips curved upward as you smoothed his hair. "would you still like ice cream?"

once you flattened out his disheveled hair, you stood on your toes to kiss him on the cheek. you then held his hand and squeezed it gently. "well, of course!" 

shoto smiled at your happy demeanor now, happy that he didn't just ruin your whole day. "let's go."

you all peacefully walked to the ice cream parlor, you got your favorite flavor and shoto got plain vanilla. you convinced him to make it a little more fun by adding sprinkles, then stole a bite. 

after you all were done, you walked to the park and traveled down the winding and weaving paths, admiring flowers and occasional birds that passed by. there was a bench that was perfectly in the shade of a large tree nearby and you both decided to sit there.

you sat in comfortable silence for a while, leaning your head on his shoulder as you looked at the scenery around you. 

"i'm still sorry for being late." shoto spoke, squeezing your hand for a moment. he felt terrible.

"it's not your fault," you squeezed his hand in return, reassuringly. "maybe next time you could just set an alarm." you giggled.

he smiled, nodding in agreement. "i will." he kissed the top of your head. "i love you, y/n." 

you moved your head to look at him, a subtle blush covering your cheeks. he didn't take those words lightly, you knew every time he said them he absolutely meant them. "i love you too, sho." 

[russellius]

@.georgerussell63: Summer with la familia ☀️

[thoughtfulchaos773]

Be kind and empathetic like a bear.

Remember, Carmy said, "And he had this amazing ability. He could just walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just dial it. "

Mikey was the first one to notice Tina. Another thing that stands out to me is that he knows how he's feeling- he can process the chaos of the place makes him sad. This is different from Carmy, who has trouble figuring out his feelings- he only knows he doesn't like the feeling he's experiencing in the moment.

Just an observation.

[amirasainz]

Can you please do amira gets her wisdom teeth removal and is so loopy and adorable, the drivers and wags heart melt?

Sure, I hope you enjoy reading this. If you have a request, let me know.

-XoXo

No Part 2!!!

Her own kind of wisdom

Amira Sainz, Carlos Sainz Jr's beloved little sister, recently had her wisdom teeth removed. It certainly was no easy thing for her to do because, like most people, she was afraid of the dentist.

"No, please don't make me do this, Carlitos. I promise, I'll stop eating M&M's," she looked at him with big, tearful eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but this is for your own good," Carlos promised her.

She gave a tearful cry and turned to Rebecca, who was watching the whole interaction. She only shook her head sadly and petted Amira's hair lovingly.

After a dramatic goodbye with lots of tears and hugs, Amira was put under anesthesia, so she wouldn't feel anything. Thankfully, she easily fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Carlos, ever the protective big brother, was pacing up and down in the waiting room. An elderly lady was also sitting there, silently judging Carlos.

After two horrible hours, the small operation was finally done, and Carlos and Rebecca were able to see her.

As she woke up from the anesthesia, she was adorably loopy, her normally sharp wit dulled into a delightful haze.

"Carlos, Carlos, Carlos. Imagine if you get lost in the parking garage. Then you are truly Car...los. Get it?" she asked, her voice muffled because of the cotton balls inside her mouth. Carlos's only reaction was to stare with an empty expression into space.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Carlos had made sure to let a few of his closest friends from the F1 grid know about the procedure. Before long, a small group had gathered at the Sainz family home, including Lando, Charles, Fernando, and a few of the WAGs like Carmen and Lily. (Their boyfriends weren't allowed to come, by order of the best WAGs.)

The moment the trio returned home, everyone cooed over the paddock princess.

"Oh, my beautiful baby. Are you feeling better?" and "Look at you, my love," were the first things Carmen and Lily said to her before leading her to the couch. Fernando and Charles had already prepared a princess-worthy comfy space there with lots of blankets and pillows.

Amira, her cheeks puffed up and her words slurred, tried to engage everyone in conversation, her usual shyness replaced with an endearing boldness. She babbled about how the clouds must be made of marshmallows and insisted that Lando’s hair was a shade of blue. The room was filled with laughter, everyone’s hearts melting at her innocence and charm.

Carlos, though usually the fiercely protective older brother, couldn’t help but laugh along, his protective nature temporarily overshadowed by the sheer cuteness of the situation. He made sure to capture a few moments on his phone, knowing these would be memories to cherish.

As Amira drifted in and out of consciousness, mumbling sweet nonsense, the drivers and WAGs took turns sitting by her side, holding her hand, and ensuring she was comfortable. Their usual competitive edges softened.

After Amira fell asleep for real this time, cuddled up between Lily and Fernando, Charles couldn't help but say:" She really is a brave girl. If I were her, I would have already fainted seven times" making the group laugh.

"So, Lord Perceval. Where is your WAG Joris?" asked Carlos, which gained him a groan from Charles.

[laiiaaa]

i really love how it’s canon that Carmy’s never had a girlfriend and is a certified loser, yet in every fic he eats pussy like a champ. worships it, lives off of it, couldn’t function without it. ravishes it like a man starved yet savors every drop. eats it more than he eats real food. that’s just Carmy idk. i love that man. keep it up.

[butchcarmy]

I miss season 1 of the bear.

I miss the grunginess, the messiness of the beef, with its busted appliances and claustrophobic chaos, but also so much love. I miss the slowly unraveling mystery of Michael, the tragic ghost haunting the narrative. I miss seeing a rowdy bunch of cooks becoming greater and greater at their craft, growing to respect themselves and others.

I miss season 1 carmy, the incredible premise of a most excellent fine dining chef coming back to work at the struggling family business that rejected him. Season 1 Carmy, riddled with anxiety and grief and anger issues, but also a real desire to be good. To be better, kinder. I miss seeing Carmy’s beautiful monologue for the first time, after spending the whole season trying to piece together what made him like this. Just watching him in awe.

There is nothing quite like season 1 of the bear.

[duckysamlake]

My nephew recently discovered that I used to watch Carmen Sandiego.

It was either watch Frozen for the 17th time this week or Carmen.

○

Bonus:

Found an old drawing from 2020 or 2021.

Yes, it was copied. I wanted to learn the style (so much for that lol)

[everythingisromant1c]

The First Step

carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary - The first thing you do when you get back to your hometown of Chicago is pay Carmen, your oldest friend and maybe more than that, a visit at The Beef. When you land yourself a job there, the more he sees of you, the more he seems to push you away for reasons he isn't yet brave enough to tell you, even if all he wants is to be with you. But if he'd ever known you, he'd know that you weren't going to back down without a fight.

type - one shot (its a long one)

word count [16.6k]

tags: Carmy Berzatto x f!reader, friends to lovers, pining, slight miscommunication, a little angst, "stop pushing me away", hurt/comfort, and new promises.

warnings: swearing, mentions of grief/death, panic attack

a/n: check this out also on my ao3! <33

Carmen was tired, to say the least. He'd been working himself to the bone every damn day for the past few months, trying to get The Beef to a good, stable place. Somehow, as time went by, he'd only managed to dig himself a deeper grave. With the money they owed to Cicero, he knew, deep down, that the restaurant was, for lack of a better word, fucked.

But he kept holding on. He couldn't let go of it. He'd wonder, in the depths of night, why he was fighting so hard for this place when he could easily sell it to Cicero. If, maybe, he was holding onto someone. He didn't amuse the thought. He physically couldn't.

So he threw himself deeper into his work. Deeper into making The Beef a reputable place, with a professional working staff and high-quality food. It didn't matter that the others looked at him like he'd lost his mind. Maybe he had. He didn't have the time to worry about that. He didn't have time for much of anything, which is why Sydney had been pushing for new hires. She'd said that they needed more hands in the kitchen, more workers up front, more of everything. They should be desperate.

That's why she'd spent hours putting up posters for new hires on what felt like practically every block of Chicago within a mile radius from the restaurant. And that's why you'd happened to stumble upon one of them while walking to a favorite pizza place of yours that you'd loved as a kid. It was one of the first things you'd planned on doing ever since you'd gotten back into the city. That and meeting up with some old friends who you'd missed with an ache in your chest. So, seeing the poster clinging to the utility pole saying that The Beef was hiring had your heart skip a little beat at the prospect of not only getting a job but seeing the people who had basically been your family growing up again.

It was a Friday morning when you'd stopped by The Beef, the rusted white sign sticking out like a sore thumb. A rush of aromas wafted against your nose when you walked in, and the front door made a jingling sound that was almost nostalgic.

No one was at the front register. In fact, you couldn't see anyone at all, only hear some muffled voices coming from the kitchen in the back. The voices grew louder as seconds went by, and you could tell they were shouts. The kitchen door then flew open, finally revealing the argument going on between two people, one being an unfamiliar woman in an apron, and the other being none other than Richie Jerimovich.

"Richie, I swear to God-"

"I already told you," came the booming voice of Richie, neither of them noticing your presence at the door. "Your foo foo plans for this place are not gonna fly, Sweetheart!"

With the way Richie was talking to her, you could see the woman's patience wearing thin as she rested a hand on her temple with shut eyes as he carried on. It was only when she reopened her eyes a few moments later that she noticed your presence.

"Hi," you said, making your way over to her. "I saw your poster, the one about looking for new hires-"

"Right, right." She offered a strained smile, stress seeming to stay with her. "I'm Sydney, you must be one of the job applicants?"

"Yeah, I'm-"

"A job applicant?" Richie's voice boomed through the room, his voice always projecting ten times louder than need be. You had to admit, you missed it. "F that bullshit, that's fucking Mars Bar!"

Sydney's eyebrows lowered at the shouted nickname, the one that the Berzattos had gifted you years ago after your favorite candy as a kid. You granted Richie a smile, him finally noticing you. "Nice to see you too, Richie."

He marched around the counter to engulf you in a bear-like hug that had you letting out a chuckled gasp from the impact, arms wrapping tightly around your back. He let go in a beat and slammed his hands down on the counter in excitement, always loud.

"Just wait till Carmy hears about his favorite girl being back, I swear to God."

Something fluttered through you at the mention of that name. Carmen's name. With a whirlwind of thoughts sifting through your mind, you almost missed the other name that Richie had called you, aside from Mars Bar. Carmy's favorite girl.

-----

Richie had barged into the kitchen with full vigor, slamming open the swinging door dangerously close to a nearby Tina.

"Cousin!" He moved through the different chefs' stations until he got to Carmen's, who was wrapped up in prepping and quite frankly had learned to tune out the sound of Richie's yelling for his own health. "Yo, Cousin!"

Richie boisterously grabbed a hold of Carmen's shoulders, rocking him a little and moving his hand that wielded a knife, cutting diagonally into beef he'd been pre-slicing.

"Shit," Carmen cursed, irritation forming. "What the hell is it, Cousin?"

Richie just laughed, a mind never paid to Carmen's annoyance. "Yea, you're pissed at me now, Carmy, but you're gonna think I'm pulling your dick when I tell you who's at the fucking register right now."

With a forever-present dull headache, Carmen sighed and shifted his focus to him, putting down his knife on the counter. He gestured a hand out to him. "Who's at the register, Rich-"

"The fucking love of your life, that's who!"

Richie gave Carmen a playful punch in the arm, but he remained unphased, a frown etched on his features. "See, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't have a love of my-"

"Two words, Cousin. Mars Bar."

Richie was right. Those two words really did do something to him.

"She- ... she's here?"

He rubbed his jaw, brain short-circuiting for a second as he tried to make sense of Richie's words. His eyes bore into Richie's never-serious ones, trying to grasp onto whether or not he was, just this one time. If he was messing with him, he didn't think he'd be able to take it.

"Yes, bro!" Yelled Richie, patting him on the back. "I swear to you. She's here, and hot as balls, too."

He squinted his eyes at him with a twinge of disgust, slightly shoving him to the side to get towards the door. He still didn't know if he believed it. You'd been traveling abroad on some grant that he, to be honest, didn't know much about. But you were doing great things. He couldn't guess why you'd come back to The Beef, of all places.

When he saw you through the window, he was lucky he was hidden behind the safety of the kitchen door because he couldn't control the way his body and mind froze at the sight of you. He took in the way your smile beamed out into the room as you spoke with Sydney, warm and unignorable, and he could've sworn something changed in the chemical makeup of his brain. Something that had his eyes widening and his feet planted in their place.

"What'd I tell you?" Richie's voice from behind him knocked him out of his trance. There was a smug, amused edge to his voice. "Now go and talk to her."

Carmen put a hand out, shooing him away. "I will. I just," he stopped, trailing off as he took in the way you truly seemed to glow after all the time spent away. He liked how it looked on you.

"Aww, don't tell me you're nervous now, Carm." Richie put his arms on Carmen's shoulders.

"Shut the fuck up." He shoved Richie off of him with a grimace, but his eyes never left you, jaw clenching as he followed your movements. "I'm not."

The pit in his stomach told him otherwise. He ignored the feeling, determined, and took in a breath before opening the kitchen door to the front of the restaurant, to where you stood.

At the sound of the door swinging open you finally turned your attention to him, lips coming to part with a subtle inhale that somehow left you feeling breathless.

"Carmen." You said his name with a grin, eyes lighting up, heart picking up its pace in your chest. You ran over for a quick, thoughtless hug that left his body partly on fire when you pulled away just as fast.

"Mars Bar." He uttered the old nickname endearingly, his voice cracking at the end of his words for some reason. He cleared his throat. "You're uh- you're here. In Chicago."

"Woah," Richie interrupted, coming in from behind, boisterous. "We've got a genius in The Beef, everybody!"

Sydney snorted from somewhere in the distance, but you couldn't even laugh because you'd been too busy staring at the way Carmen ran his hand through his golden hair that had been unruly since you were practically kids and still was.

"Yeah," you breathed, cringing at how awkward your voice sounded to your own ears. "I'm here."

The two of you held onto each other's gazes for a beat too long, scanning over the other wordlessly, taking in the changes that the years apart had brought.

"Well, uh," Carmen started, licking his lip to find strings of coherent words. "Do you wanna come into the office? Catch up?"

You nodded with a pleased tug of your lips. "Yeah, sure Carmen."

He nodded too and led the way, arm delicately resting on your upper back for a second in a way that left his fingertips buzzing, alive.

You entered the room after he did, the desk and walls littered with papers and sticky notes of different colors, an overload to the senses. It was stuffy, even with the door left open.

Before he turned to face you, he clumsily sorted some papers that'd been sitting on a wooden chair into stacks and pushed them onto the highest shelf above his desk so you could sit down, his white t-shirt slightly tugging upwards as he reached. Your eyes subtly followed the movement, eyes glancing steadily over a part of his lower abdomen that you felt alarmed at even sneaking a peak. That and the muscles that showed clearly from the short sleeves of his shirt.

God, you'd only been back in Chicago for a few days and your mind was already doing that thing it always did when you were around Carmen, like it didn't have the ability to think straight or act rationally when he was around.

"So, uh," Carmen started, turning his focus back to being one hundred percent on you. It became hard to concentrate when he did that, because he had the most piercing blue eyes you'd ever seen and you found over the years that they'd always had more than just one emotion swimming around in them. As you looked into them now, you still came up short in identifying them.

"What are you doing back in Chicago?" He looked at you like you were a puzzle, one he couldn't give up on solving. "Did the studies abroad finally start to bore you?"

"Yeah, they did," you joked, looking down at your lap. "Not really much to do in Europe compared to this place, you know?"

Carmen let out a wisp of a laugh, nodding, while also noting somewhere in the back of his mind that this was the first time he'd laughed in at least a few days. Your presence could always do that to him; Put him at ease when nothing else truly could.

"And, of course, I could only go so long being separated from the Berzattos."

He laughed again. That made twice. "Oh yeah?"

You nodded, playful in your words.

"I mean it." You did.

You let a comfortable silence nestle between the two of you, feeling the upward tug of your lips that you could only blame on Carmen. The thought left something alighted in your chest

"Seriously though." You say up a little straighter in your seat. "I guess the real reason I stopped by was because I was wondering if I could help out around here for a little while, now that I'm back home."

At this, the smile that had been resting on Carmen's face began to weaken.

"What?" His forehead creased, eyes dancing across your face with curiosity and disguised panic of his own.

Sensing his change in mood, you hurriedly continued. "I'll be home for a while and, you know, I just figured me getting a job here would be convenient and-"

"No."

You stopped mid-sentence, zeroing in on the man before you. "No?"

He had one hand leaning against the desk, the other's fingertips pressed to his forehead, head cast down, eyes evading yours.

"No, I- I'm sorry, Mars. We're ... we're not hiring right now. We don't need any new workers." At that, you frowned, taking in the tension in Carmen's stance and the tightness in his voice.

"I know The Beef is hiring right now, Carm." You gave him a disbelieving look. "In fact, I got the idea to work here from the flyers Sydney put up everywhere, so don't try and tell me you're not looking for new job applicants." You took a step closer to him, sensing something wrong and confused as to why he would lie, but he only seemed to be growing more agitated, shifting his posture upwards and no longer leaning on the table.

"That was a mistake, alright? I didn't ask her to do that. The Beef is doing perfectly fine, we don't need any extra help." Something sour was rotting in the undertones of his voice, the way he said the word help��as if the thought of it was repellent.

"I didn't mean anything by asking. I ... I know you guys are doing fine, probably great even, I was just thinking that maybe I could-"

"We don't need any new fucking hires, Mars." He slammed his hand down on the desk, his tone raising so abruptly that it had you taking a step back in surprise.

When you looked up at him with alarm in your eyes, immediately his eyes began to soften, regret flooding through them. You held his gaze until those same eyes became taken over with this sudden guilt, almost sadness, flickering downwards towards his hands that moved to rest on his office desk, away from you.

You took a second to scan over the desk that was littered with papers and unsigned documents. It wasn't like Carmen to be unorganized, you knew that much. He had to be in a bad place to have his office look like this. Or, rather, Mikey's old office.

The room was a sensory overload, every inch of it a reminder of Mikey. Anyone would go crazy spending their days in here. Especially if that someone had been his little brother.

Carmen rubbed his hands over his face. You took a step next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder that lit aflame from the heat he gave off.

"For what it's worth," you started softly, and Carmen had to fight a shiver at how close your voice was to him. "I miss Mikey too."

He didn't make any movement to turn towards you, his jaw clenched and eyes still staring downwards. He didn't know what made you feel like you had to say that to him. He didn't need to look at you, though, to know you truly meant it.

"You can't work here," he said, his voice sounding defeated and a little far away. "I'm sorry."

Something restless in your heart was determined to make you fight back, figure out why Carmen was refusing you without a good reason. But something else inside of you softened at the way Carmen wouldn't meet your eyes, seeming guilt-stricken, and decided to back down. The hand that had been resting on his shoulder gave him a final squeeze.

You took your leave for the office door without Carmen moving an inch.

"Bye, Carm." Your voice was unfairly soft towards him, even if he felt like he didn't deserve the kindness that thrummed from your heart. "It was nice seeing you." You paused. "I've missed you."

Before he could turn to say goodbye, somehow communicate the 'I've missed you too' that he'd been meaning to express since he'd seen you, you had already turned down the hallway, out of sight. He knew for sure, then, that you didn't deserve that response from him. But he just didn't know how to tell you. How to explain without sounding ridiculous why alarms sounded in his brain at the thought of you working at The Beef.

He'd always known that you were destined for more than just the life you'd shared with him as kids, where you scored straight A's and were one of the top in your class. When you'd left for college while he stayed put, he didn't even let himself miss you, because he'd just wanted what was best for you. And when you furthered your studies even after college, traveling abroad, he knew that was the life you were meant for. To see you stopping all of that to work at The Beef, the place where his brother's dreams had become nothing but dead ends as time went on, wouldn't settle right inside of him.

Worst of all, he had visions of you working in the kitchen, behind the scenes where tensions were constantly overwhelming, of him losing his cool in front of you and you seeing a side of him he tried to keep you far away from. You'd always known the youngest brother Carmy, the world-class chef Carmy, the one who was at his best around you. He couldn't imagine what he would do if suddenly he revealed the Carmy he tried to hide; the Carmy who worked at The Beef, a bundle of unstable frustration who was barely hanging on, the Carmy who still didn't know how to live life without Mikey but who melted from your touch, who wanted more from the girl who'd been at his side for so many years as nothing but a friend, and a great one. He couldn't risk losing that.

Especially not with the condition of The Beef at the moment, which needed his full focus. Having you around would definitely not allow for that. So he convinced himself that this was for your own good. For his own good.

When you rounded the corner back out into the front of the restaurant, Richie was still there behind the counter, holding a phone to his ear.

You smiled at him a little tiredly and silently waved goodbye, walking towards the door.

Richie frowned, removing his focus from the phone call. "Where the hell are you leaving to so fast?" You spun around. "Don't tell me Carmy scared you off already."

You laughed awkwardly and thought of what to say, but must have taken too long to answer because Richie's face was already contorting with an over-the-top grimace.

"What'd that moron say to you, huh?"

You put a hand out, trying to calm him. "Richie, it's nothing, really-"

He was already stalking off towards the office, muttering something about 'killing Carmen'. You shook your head to yourself, because you knew how headstrong both of them were, and turned towards the exit. And, as you finally opened the glass door to leave, you could hear yelling and shouted vulgar words coming from the office. You didn't stay long enough to listen.

You didn't know what to think when it happened. You'd been sitting at home all weekend, alone, and honestly truly bored and wondering if coming back home was the right choice when your phone started ringing. You checked the screen and it was an unknown caller, but boredom had you picking it up anyway.

Mars Bar!

"Hello? Who is this?"

It's me.

"..."

Richie.

"Ohh ... right. How did you get my number again?"

I asked around. Anyways, it doesn't matter. I'm supposed to be telling you that you're gonna start work tomorrow.

"What? Start work? Where?"

At The Beef. C'mon Mars catch up with me here.

"Sorry, I'm just ... confused. Carmen told me you guys weren't hiring and that he couldn't give me a job?"

Oh, that. Don't worry about Carmy. I set that moron straight.

"What are you saying?"

I'm saying, you got the job kid!

"Richie, are you fucking with me right now?"

No! Why does everyone always think I'm fucking with them? I'm fucking serious hon.

"Okay, okay! I ... I believe you. I think."

You better! Carmy is really fucking stoked to have you work here, I mean it.

"He ... he is?"

Sure! So I better see your ass Monday morning, capeesh?

"Y-yea I guess so."

Your heart really should not have fluttered the way it did when Richie told you that Carmen was supposedly excited to see you. He hadn't sounded like it when you'd brought it up to him. In fact, he seemed strangely opposed to the idea, like you'd hit a sensitive area.

You weren't sure if you could really believe Richie. Like you'd always known, Carmen was stubborn as hell. The change of heart was unexpected, to say the least. You didn't know what to think. You still didn't know, as you walked through the front entrance of The Beef the next day, ready to start work. The only person to greet you at the front was Richie, standing behind the counter, per usual.

"Cousin!" He gestured you over. You greeted him back and rounded the corner to stand behind the counter next to him, unused to the feeling after spending years on the other side of it.

Richie spent at most two minutes giving you a rundown of what you'd be doing at The Beef, merely distracted by some yelling in the kitchen. The brief directions consisted mostly of taking orders and ringing a bell. A real challenge.

"Yeah, so that's basically it." He gave you a pat on the back and your front almost hit the counter at the impact.

"No paperwork or formalities or anything?" You were almost suspicious of the fast speed at which this had all happened. Richie whipped his head around like you'd stated something crazy.

"Formalities? C'mon, what are we, the fucking White House? This is a family business, Cousin."

He patted you on the shoulder roughly. "Thanks, Richie," you said, both slightly amused and slightly unnerved. You tapped your fingers on the marble countertop, trying to seem casual. "Where's um ... where's Carmy?"

Richie scratched his head. "He's, uh, he's busy. He'll be out soon. Don't you worry, shortcake." He gave you a wink that you didn't know what to do with and turned back towards the kitchen. You were gonna have to talk to him about those nicknames in the workplace sooner or later.

You called out to him before he left into the kitchen, hesitant. "You're sure Carmen said he wants me to work here, right?"

Your eyes bore into Richie's for a moment, and it was almost like you could see the thoughts in his head visibly swarming about. His shoulder raised. "Well, he didn't exactly say he wanted you to, but anyone with fucking eyes can see that he wants you-"

"Richie!" Your jaw hung open in utter annoyance and bafflement. He frowned at you.

"What?"

You almost scoffed. "Did Carmen really not say it was okay for me to work here?" You looked around, bewildered. "Does he even know I'm here?"

Richie gestured his hands out to you. "Sure he does!"

You could tell just from his tone what your answer was. You put a hand on your hip, shaking your head to yourself. "I'm going in there to talk to him."

"No!" Richie's eyes widened. "No. Just calm down, and I'll talk to him."

You stared at him disbelievingly. He stared back at you challengingly with the confidence only Richie could have. "I'll be back in no time. I know what I'm doing, trust me."

Richie didn't know what he was planning on doing when he opened the door to the kitchen in search of Carmen. He just hoped he wasn't using a knife when he found him.

He turned a few corners before Carmen was in his line of view, hunched over the counter as he worked busily on something Richie couldn't see. He leaned against the counter next to him, watching Carmen as his focus didn't even falter.

"Carm."

He didn't get a reply, just the back of Carmen's head as he focused on reading the piece of paper in front of him, hand braced against the shining surface it lay on.

"Carmy."

The man in question slowly shifted his focus to the man next to him, whose distracting presence had become impossible to ignore. "What? What is it?"

Richie peered down at him. "Promise that you won't get mad."

Carmen's eyes narrowed. "What the hell did you do?"

"Just promise me you won't fucking blow up at me like you always do."

"Why would I promise that if I don't even know what the hell you did?"

Richie tipped his head back exasperatedly. "Just say you promise!"

"I fucking promise! Okay?" Carmen ran a hand through his hair, moving it again to cross his arms. "Now, what is it?"

Richie paused, kicking out his foot and casually peering down at it with feigned interest. "Mars Bar is outside right now. Again."

Carmen's forehead creased and he looked over at Richie with sudden alarm. "What? Why? Is she okay?"

Richie gave him a knowing look, smug for a moment. "Yeah, she's fine." He shrugged. "I just, um, might have given her a job here up at the register."

Carmen's face was unmoving, his tone raising with poorly hidden anger. "You what?"

"And I might've also told her you really wanted her to work here."

Carmen's eyes scanned Richie's sporadically like he couldn't process his words fast enough. "Wh- Why the fuck would you do that? I already told her no-"

"Yeah, and I told her yes. Because you're an idiot and I'm saving your ass. You're welcome!"

Carmen ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly. "For what? Fucking me over?"

"I did not fuck you over, Carm, I'm doing this for you!"

Carmen shook his head, anger bleeding its way through his mind. "What the hell are you talking about? I told you, Richie, I don't want her anywhere near this place. I- I thought that was understood."

"No, it was not fucking understood because it was a stupid idea." Carmen let out a scoff as Richie put his hands out to Carmen in a calming gesture. "This is a good thing, trust me."

Carmen sputtered. "How the fuck is it-"

"Shut the fuck up and listen to me, Carm!" Richie shouted, bravely putting a hand up in front of Carmen's face. He pointed his finger at him which Carmen regarded with annoyance. "You need to stop being a moron and pushing away every single fucking female that tries to come within ten feet of you, alright?"

Carmen's brows furrowed even further, confusion building alongside anger. "I really have no goddamn idea what your point is here, Richie, but this has nothing to do with-"

"Oh spare me, Cousin!" He shouted. "We all know you've had the hots for Mars Bar over there since you were kids, alright?"

Carmen's mouth clamped shut immediately at this, his breathing coming out in fumes. He shook his head back and forth.

"Is this what this whole fucking thing is about, you jagoff?"

"Woah woah woah!" Richie cut in. "I am not the jagoff here, Cousin. I'm helping you out!"

"Richie's right, Carm," cut in Fak from behind, appearing suddenly out of nowhere like he always seemed to.

"Shut the fuck up, Fak!" Carmen held his head in his hand, trying to grab hold of his temper that he could feel slipping out of control. He needed to breathe.

"She can't work here."

Richie raised his arms in a shrug. "Well, you're gonna have to go tell her that yourself."

"I fucking will."

Carmen stormed off towards the kitchen door, ready to tell you yet again that you had to leave, a daunting thought overlooked thanks to adrenaline. Richie chuckled from behind him. "Yeah right, like you're gonna fire her."

Carmen didn't let himself listen to Richie any longer. Fists clenched at his sides, he opened the door and there you were, standing there, looking confused and a little surprised with parted lips.

Richie came up from behind and patted him on the back. "Go on, Carm. Tell her."  You watched as Carmen's jaw clenched.

Carmen really wanted to tell you that you couldn't work here. That you had to go home. That you had to run far away from this place and go back to studying abroad and being more successful than any of them and all of that bullshit. Maybe it was because your eyes were shining a little too bright in the restaurant lighting, or that they looked a little too hopeful as they stared back at him with raised brows, waiting. But he didn't say anything of those things.

"You..." he started. Your eyebrows raised further. His palms suddenly became sweatier. He took a breath in.

"You, um," a beat passed. He licked his lip. "You're gonna need an apron."

Your eyes lit up even more if possible, and he thought his heart would give out. Then, you ran up and threw your arms around his neck in a tight hug, and he genuinely questioned if his brain had short-circuited because, by the time he came back to reality, you'd already pulled away and were practically jittering with excitement from in front of him.

"Thank you so much, Carm." Every time you smiled at him in that way he felt himself lose a bit of control. He didn't like the feeling. "You won't regret it."

He smiled back at you because he couldn't not. He wasn't so sure.

Carmen had given you your apron. When he'd handed it to you, you'd brushed fingers and your heart skipped a little beat at the contact. That had been the most eventful thing to occur within the next four days.

You'd done practically nothing at The Beef all week. There'd been a noticeable lack of customers coming into the restaurant to take orders, and those who did oftentimes came in just to see Richie, which had you leaning against the counter waiting and listening to their loud conversations with the man.

It felt like there was some sort of prank being played on you. Surely they wouldn't pay you money for doing absolutely nothing. All the waiting around doing close to nothing made you antsy, frustrated, and confused.

You'd been meaning to address this to Carmen, to ask what you were doing wrong, but getting a hold of him was near impossible. You'd seen so little of Carmen that you couldn't even be sure he came into work most days, the only confirmation being his shouts coming from the kitchen at the others. As embarrassing as it was to admit, you became jealous of them. You'd take Carmen shouting orders at you in the kitchen any day over him saying nothing to you at all. It almost felt like he was avoiding you.

It was a Thursday night, and the antsy feeling inside of you had you staying late at work that night, wiping down tables with an intense amount of fervor.

You'd thought you were the last one in The Beef. It'd been dark for hours, but you had nobody and nothing exciting waiting for you at home, so working a little extra couldn't hurt. And, if it made Carmen notice your position at The Beef at least a little bit, it would be worth it.

As your thoughts drifted to the man, something made a noise from the kitchen, and it became apparent to you that maybe you weren't the only one working late that night.

"Hello?" You'd said aloud, your voice slightly echoing in the vacant restaurant. No response was returned. You slowly went back to scrubbing down a table against the far wall from the kitchen door when it swung open, and there stood Carmen Berzatto in his patchwork wool jacket, looking like seeing you was the last thing he'd expected.

The sight was jarring to you for a number of reasons. You jumped up speedily and tucked the rag you'd been using to clean tables slightly behind you as if he hadn't already seen you using it.

"Mars Bar?" He said, the nickname falling easily from his lips like it was the only one he'd ever known you by. He eyed your tense stance.

"Hey, Carmen." Your smile was just as unnatural. His eyebrows pulled downward at you, eyes squinting and blinking confusedly in the dim lighting like he was fighting sleep.

"What are you doing here so late?" You nibbled at your own lip. Carmen, even from across the room, made sure to follow the movement. You noticed him eye the rag in your hands.

"I was just cleaning off some of the umm ... some of the tables." You didn't know why you sounded so embarrassed. You also didn't know what was going through Carmen's mind as he looked over you, and then over the spotless tables behind you.

"Wow," he began, running a hand through his hair. "You really didn't have to do all this. It's not ... it's not part of your job, you know?" A feeling bitter and stale simmered inside of you.

"I know." You stood up straighter. "Maybe I just wanted to.

You wanted to say more in the moment, tell him all of your frustrations, but you didn't. You just stared back at him and watched as he walked towards where you stood by the tables. You didn't move an inch.

His eyes surveyed the tops of the tables and he marveled at how clean they were. Not just clean, but almost sparkling, even in the low lighting that came from a single overhead lamp and the streetlights from outside.

"You did a great job, Chef."

Your eyebrows raised unintentionally. He'd never called you that before, though you'd heard the name from his lips aimed at others countless times. He noticed your reaction.

"What?" He asked, eyeing you curiously. He leaned back against the table next to you, his beautiful stare almost becoming a little too much for you after a long day. You shrugged.

"Nothing. It's just," you paused, "you've never called me that before."

His expression was slightly confused, slightly amused. "Well," he began, gaze shifting from the ground to you. "Now I do. You work here, don't you?"

The question settled uncomfortably in your chest, and you let out a laugh that sounded just as strained. "Hardly."

Carmen's eyebrows flashed downwards in a quick frown. "What do you mean 'hardly'?" You felt his eyes scanning your face, scanning you. "What's up?"

You went back to rubbing at the corner of a nearby table with your rag if only to distract yourself from Carmen's gaze and the petty way your words sounded coming from your lips.

"I mean," you began. "It feels like I haven't really done much of anything around here, you know?" When he didn't say anything back, you continued. "I've only taken a handful of customer's orders in the past couple of days. And, I know I'm not the best cook in the world but I could definitely help out in the kitchen with something. Maybe I could cut up some stuff, or prep it, or whatever you guys call it. Anything, really."

He didn't say anything right away, and you became horrified that you'd pushed his buttons too many times in the last week with your rants and that he'd finally send you on your way once and for all. Then, you heard something like a laugh come from him. You reeled back.

"Is something funny?" You asked, your tone uncharacteristically sour. He silenced his amusement and looked at you intently.

"You've always been such an overachiever, Mars."

You paused, then shook your head. "Oh please, we all know you're the ambitious one."

"No, not when we were kids," Carmen argued. "I was never great in school. You, on the other hand," he chuckled under his breath. "My mom would have me go check in on you whenever we hadn't heard from you on a night before a test. Make sure you weren't overdosing on coffee and pop."

You swore you could feel your heart beating in your chest at Carmen's revelation and the fondness in his voice.

"You know," Carmen began again, getting lost in memories. "I think my mom used to have this theory I'd marry you one day or something. Said you were the only girl who'd put up with my stubbornness."

Oh my God. Your head was spinning. Why was he saying this? He didn't know what the hell he was doing to you. Or your heartbeat, which was concerningly gaining speed. He never did.

All you could say was, "Oh?"

He laughed some more like this was something casual, something funny. You couldn't help but notice that forever present weight present in his eyes, though. Something he could never seem to shed.

"Yeah, well," Carmen began again, "my mother has also been mentally unstable for years, so." He jokingly trailed off, his voice dying in the silence, along with any butterflies you'd felt. You laughed quietly, even if laughing was the last thing you wanted to do when hearing that.

You felt like you were being suffocated. By him and his blue eyes and his dry, self-deprecating jokes and the small quirk of his lips. You were also getting restless because you'd started off trying to talk with Carmen about your job, and now were getting lost in the haze of your feelings for him which you decided were useless and would get you nowhere. You cast them aside the best you could and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Carmen," you said. His attention focused directly on you. "Did you listen to any of the things I said about working here?"

He nodded. "Yeah," he assured you. "Of course."

"So, will you take them into consideration? Let me do more, Carmen. I can do more."

There was a beat of silence. He fidgeted, like he did when he was a boy and couldn't focus in class, or when he was nervous around a girl he'd liked. Nervous around you.

He wanted to say yes. Hell, he would've given you anything you'd asked for just to see you happy. But he didn't know what the consequences of giving you a more important role at The Beef would achieve. What it might stop you from achieving. What it might do to him. So, he didn't say anything. Not anything direct.

"I know you can, Mars." He exhaled and then put his hands in his pockets, eyes cast down. He glanced at his watch. "It's almost midnight. We can talk about this more in the morning. Okay?"

His response was like a smack in the face. A sharp pain that left a dull ache. You let a breath out and tried to keep your face from revealing your stubborn frustration. You slowly nodded. "Okay."

Even if you tried to contain your emotions, Carmen could see it. He noticed it in the quick flare of your nostrils as you breathed, in the slight clench of your jaw. Stupidly, he asked, "Is that okay?"

You weren't looking at him. You were looking at your feet. You tapped your foot once. "Yes."

Even more stupidly, he asked, "Are you sure?"

You finally shifted your focus to him and he felt his own jaw clench at the way it sent a rush down his spine.

"Yeah, Carmen." That was the first time he didn't like the way you said his name.

"Alright," he said, nodding slowly, lifting his bag higher on his shoulder.

"Alright."

You lifted the rag from the table, stood there for a second, and walked towards the counter, where you wrung it out and slapped it down into a bucket full of other dirty rags, and left it there. You didn't feel much like putting it away.

Carmen hadn't moved and just stood there by the tables, watching as you collected your coat from behind the counter and turned off the lights as you walked past.

When he saw you walking towards the door, he rushed to get there first, to open it for you. You beat him to it, opening it yourself. He closed it and locked the door behind him. You both were engulfed by the dull chill of the air right away, and you couldn't help but shiver.

Carmen turned to you. "Let me drive you home." He didn't dare offer you a lighthearted smile or anything of that sort. He didn't think he had it in himself to be lighthearted, anyways.

You gifted him a polite one with a short tug of your lips. "I have a car. Thanks."

Carmen could've smacked himself right there. "Right." He didn't know what was wrong with him. "Sorry." The apology was for more than just his assumption, but he couldn't bring himself to clarify.

"I'll walk you to your car then?" He asked, though you knew no matter what you said he'd make sure you'd get to your car safely either way.

"Okay, yeah."

You both turned to walk to your car, Carmen letting you take the lead for a moment before catching up to walk side by side with you. You were hit with the reality that Carmen Berzatto was walking you to your car, alone with you, at midnight. A small gesture that had your mind buzzing from the contrast between your love for him and your frustration with him. Nobody had come close to making you feel the emotions Carmen made you feel, even if no words were shared between both of you on that short walk. It felt completely silent. Somehow, even if the streets of Chicago were anything but, it felt silent.

Carmen thought about how his life was full of silent moments, never saying what he truly wanted to, to the people he wanted to speak to the most. When he noticed you were cold, even through your jacket, he walked a little closer to you. Whether you noticed it or not, he didn't know, but at least it soothed a small part of his mind that was blaring that night, telling him that he'd fucked up with you. That you deserved better. He couldn't help but think that same thing when he was around you, all the time.

You'd both crossed the street to reach your car in not even a full minute, but the walk had felt eternal to you. When you turned to Carmen to tell him goodnight, he was already looking at you intently. You wanted to ask what he was thinking, but you didn't, and unlocked your car.

"See you in the morning, Carmen," you said, tone unrevealing. He gave you his best neutral smile.

"Yeah. See you, Mars."

You went to open your car door, but this time he beat you to it. Even if he made you angry, he was still Carmen.

You watched as he rounded the front of your car back to the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, soft breathing visible in the cold from the white puffs it made in the air as he breathed.

You gave him one last wave as a goodbye, but by that time he was pretty much out of vision, and then drove away.

He watched your car drive down the street, stop at the light, turn the corner, and then glide out of view.

Immediately, he knew he should've said more on the walk to your car. He should've at least apologized. He didn't tell you that he was sorry for being so shitty. He didn't tell you he appreciated everything you did. He also didn't tell you his car was parked on the opposite end of the street.

And as he walked back to it, crossing The Beef again with its spotless tables, he thought about nothing except you.

The next morning had you waking up with a headache that only worsened when you stepped foot into The Beef. Your coworkers were shouting and blurting out orders in typical kitchen lingo that you honestly didn't fully understand.

There seemed to be an underlying tension simmering in the air that morning that had everyone's voices raised just a little bit more than usual, echoing through to you from your designated spot behind the front counter.

You figured out soon that that tension came from the review of The Beef that had been put in the paper the night before. It was the same topic that had Sydney and Richie arguing back and forth for minutes on end next to you.

"So this is a war on poor people?" You heard Richie ask as you finally tuned back into their yelling. "I see you."

"No," Sydney yelled back. "This is a war on you shutting the fuck up and learning how to use the tablet! The end dude."

"What is the end?"

You turned to your left to see Carmen stride out of the kitchen, looking every bit intense, shoulders hunched and rigid. He glanced at you in some form of a greeting for only a second before putting himself between Richie and Sydney and somewhat settling their argument.

"Are we ready?" He asked them with a rushed tone.

"No!" Sydney snapped, but headed back into the kitchen with Richie, even if you could see she wanted to punch the man in the face.

You turned back around to watch Carmen as he hurriedly ran a hand through his hair and started to rush back into the kitchen. You tried to catch his eyes, but he didn't meet your gaze.

"Um, Chef?" You tried to call, reaching out an arm to get his attention just a hair too late, him brushing past you without taking notice of you.

"Carmen?" This time he turned around, head flipping around to focus on you with eyes shot wide in the rush.

"What's up?" He asked, eyes quickly assessing your face. For a second you forgot what you were supposed to be asking.

"Did you, um, think about what I said last night?" He blinked back at you. "You said we'd talk about it in the morning, so, could we maybe talk about it?"

With the way he stared back at you, for a second you could've sworn he'd forgotten what you were talking about. Then, it had clearly dawned on him and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second, holding out a hand to his head.

"No, yeah, right." He thought for a second, and then looked around, peeking into the kitchen, attention clearly spread elsewhere.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "Can we just ... talk about this another time?"

You tried not to show your frustration. "Like when?"

"Uh," Carmen started, but he was already backing into the kitchen. A loud clanging noise of pots and pans rang through to the front, and his focus was completely lost. "Who the fuck keeps denting my pans, Chefs?!" He shouted. He threw the kitchen door open and moved to go inside, but not before calling out "We'll talk later, Chef!" and disappearing into the kitchen.

You groaned. "Later," could mean any time between that day and Easter. You didn't want to blame Carmen. You knew he was extremely busy and tended to overwork himself. But something in the back of your mind told you he was avoiding you. You didn't like the feeling.

It'd only been maybe an hour into the day when all hell started to break loose in the kitchen. At least from what you could hear. There was three times as much yelling as usual and people were weaving through the station by the front counter and the kitchen, shouting sandwich orders. Meanwhile, you felt lost and unhelpful, with no direct answer as to what was going on.

You'd spent your time filling up the napkin dispenser and cutting green tape, feeling your uselessness in your bones. Maybe Carmen was right. Maybe you were overly ambitious. That didn't change the fact that now it seemed like not just Carmen, but everyone else had gone out of their way to keep you away from the kitchen.

You'd thought about going in there anyway, but thought better of it when listening to the commotion. That was, until you saw Marcus with his bags taking his leave towards the exit, a look of both anger and defeat on his face.

"Woah, Marcus," you called out with furrowed brows. "What's wrong? Where are you going?"

He let out a quick breath from his nose that sounded like it was supposed to be a wry laugh. He pointed towards the back. "Anywhere but in that kitchen." You frowned and he shook his head. "He's losing his shit, man."

You were confused and looked to him for more of an explanation, but he was already walking out the door and it didn't seem like he had any plans of coming back. You wanted to ask him "who?", but you had a sinking feeling in your gut telling you that you already knew just who he meant.

That and the loud "Fuck!" that came from the other side of the wall was the last push you needed to finally storm into the litchen. As soon as you walked in, it was a complete overload to your senses. The sounds and smells of sizzling food, the clunky buzzing of timers, and an argument at practically every corner. What had you reeling to a stop, though, was the sight of Carmen shouting truly throat-tearing orders, face turning red with exertion, hair damp from sweat, skin gleaming in the sight.

"Can somebody get me a Sharpie that fucking works?!" he screamed while whipping a Sharpie out of his hand and onto the ground. Your eyes widened at the sight.

"Woah," you said aloud, not even meaning to say the word but being unable to stop yourself. When you did, Carmen's focus switched onto you in a second and you could see the pure chaos held behind his eyes.

"Wh- what the fuck are you doing in here?"

You frowned at his abruptness. "I just wanted to know what the hell is going on in here-"

"Nothing is going on in here."

Someone laughed from around the corner and about three more timers began to buzz and beep.

"Oh please, I've been hearing screaming for hours and then I see Marcus storming out of here with his things saying you've lost it."

At that, Carmen paused, eyes searching yours intently. "Marcus left?"

"Yeah," you answered steadily, unsure of how exactly he'd react. "It looked like he was quitting."

For a second, it looked like Carmen felt guilty, sad, but then he was fuming and slamming his hands down on the counter.

"Fuck!" He shook his head back and forth like he was rummaging through a thousand thoughts swirling around his head. He shouted again. "Fuck!"

You didn't like the sight before you, or the way Carmen seemed to be losing control of himself, and quickly. "Now can you tell me what the problem is?" You almost pleaded. "I could help."

Carmen hardly bothered to look you in the eyes and strode past you to reach the oven you'd been standing by, lifting the lid of a pot and adjusting the heat at lightning speed.

"You're not seriously ignoring me right now when I'm offering to help-"

He put up a hand. "I told you I'd talk with you later, Mars. Go back to the register."

You scoffed. "What the hell are you talking about? That's-" you shook your head. "I'm not leaving until I at least know what the fuck is going on."

"You wanna know what the fuck is going on?" Richie shouted out, laughing to himself loudly as he appeared from behind the corner. "Some moron left the pre-order option open on her beloved tablet overnight and now we're 250-something beefs behind schedule!"

Your head was spinning from the news and from the lack of air in the kitchen, but the yelling kept coming.

"Okay, well, the 'moron' is right here and she has a name, thank you," cut in Sydney, livid. "And there is no fucking way you are putting all the blame on me right now, Richie-"

"Who else's fucking fault is it sweetheart?"

"Richie, I swear to God if you call me that one more time-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Carmen's booming voice split the two of them apart. "Shut the fuck up and get back to work!"

They listened and went back to their stations angrily mumbling to themselves. That didn't change the fact that you knew the kitchen was in deep shit and Carmen was one wrong move away from losing his mind. You watched as he stormed around the kitchen to different stations. You'd be an idiot if you just stood at the register waiting for more nonexistent orders.

"Sydney," you called out as she passed by. "What can I do to help?"

She raised the corners of her lips in a slightly surprised smile and thought for a second.

"You can probably start by helping me with peeling these potatoes for now." She handed you a basket filled with potatoes and pointed towards a metal peeler on the counter. You quickly nodded.

"Okay, on it, Chef."

"Great. Oh, and-"

"Sydney, what the fuck are you doing?" yelled Carmen as he rounded the corner behind Sydney. He glanced angrily back and forth between you and the potatoes in your hands.

Sydney rolled her eyes. "What does it look like I'm doing, Chef? I'm getting us some very much necessary extra help."

"We don't need any fucking extra help right now!"

Sydney turned fully to face him. "Carmy what the fuck is your problem right now? Just let her fucking peel some potatoes!"

Carmen was breathing heavily, a vein in his neck visibly contracting."I told you guys she stays out front. I told everyone she's not supposed to-"

"Excuse me?" You asked, cutting in. He was talking about you like you weren't standing right behind Sydney, hearing his every shouted word. "Sydney's right. You need to stop getting so worked up about this!"

Carmen looked like he wanted to scream. To break out into shouts even louder than even those from this morning. You'd only seen Carmen worked up like this a few times before and even then he knew when he was taking things too far.

He didn't say anything back to you and just turned away.

"Someone just get her out of here!" He hollered, to anyone who'd listen. Anyone but you. Somehow, that was even more angering than his yelling.

"Hey!" You yelled, shoving his shoulder back to turn him to face you. He glanced down towards the same shoulder before looking back towards you. You saw something haughty flash behind his eyes as they stared back at you. "Whatever you need to say about me, you can say it to me, Carmen."

He was definitely speaking to you now.

"I need you to stay the fuck out!" He pointed a finger down at you. "You never fucking listen to me! I gave you this job because you fucking asked me to, because Richie fucking asked me to. So how about you finally listen to me and stay the fuck out?!"

You knew everyone had stopped to watch. It was quieter in the kitchen than it had been all morning.

You both stood standing there with heavy breathing. Your mind couldn't think of what to say back in that moment, but a thousand different responses played through your mind. Things you wanted to ask, to shout, to make sure he understood.

Your stare bore into Carmen's own for a few seconds, noticing the anger in them, but also something fragile threatening to shatter and reveal itself. He looked away from you quickly, bracing a hand on the counter.

"Leave, Chef." He said. You didn't need to be asked twice. Not that he was asking.

"Yeah," you laughed under your breath. You untied your apron and left it on the counter. "I definitely will."

He could call you Chef, but he wouldn't even let you enter the kitchen. He could yell at you, but he couldn't even look you in the eyes as you finally left the kitchen.

Another timer went off in the background as Carmen stood there, mulling over what he'd just done in his head; the one thing, most of all, he didn't want to happen.

Sydney shook her head, brushing past him. "Carmen Berzatto, you are a fucking idiot."

He didn't have anything to say, nothing to argue back with. He knew she was right. And as he heard the front door jingle as a sign of you leaving, he also knew just how badly he'd fucked up.

You didn't come to work the next day, or the day after that. Carmen never got to listen for the jingle of the doorbell as you came into work. He didn't get a single glimpse of you, those glimpses that were like caffeine shots, keeping him going every day. He didn't see your warm, familiar eyes that reminded him why he kept going in the first place. This was what he got for trying to keep you at arm's length. For being an asshole. The regret knawed at him painstakingly.

When the first hour went by and you didn't show up, he didn't need anyone to tell him that you wouldn't come into work that day. He had Richie cover the register in your place, an order shouted quickly as he was forced to think about things other than you. And as the day went on, the fact that he didn't know when he'd see you again was a heavy weight that lay in his chest, waiting to be addressed.

You awoke that morning in your apartment, phone lighting up beside you on your bedside table to four missed calls all from the same person. A person you didn't really feel like talking to much.

You checked the time and saw it was almost noon. It wasn't like you to sleep in. And, you hadn't called in sick to work. Not that it mattered.

The next day went the same. You hadn't called in sick that morning either, but you didn't have it in you to care. You didn't even know if you wanted to come back, but there was a twisting feeling inside of you that you knew wouldn't feel release until you settled things with Carmen. The hard part would lay in being upfront with him, not letting him make any excuses, and not letting yourself soften all because he was Carmen Berzatto. A battle between your pride and whatever you felt for him.

Carmen had called you two more times, but soon, the calls stopped coming. Carmen may have been an asshole at times, but he wasn't an idiot. In fact, he was extremely smart. And definitely smart enough to know that calling you repeatedly would get him nowhere, not when he'd been as awful as he had.

You'd spent the day driving around running errands that left you tired with boredom. The sun was setting as you walked back to your own front door, the air crisp and clear from the cold while your mind felt anything but. You reached your front doorstep and unlocked the entrance to your apartment, only to step forward and feel something crunch and mash underneath the heel of your shoe. You lifted your foot and glanced downward.

A candy bar. You peered down further. A Mars Bar.

Something inside of you paused. Maybe your heartbeat, maybe your thoughts. You weren't sure but you could feel it. The now half-smushed candy bar lay on the floor like a bittersweet memory.

You blinked. There was a note. It looked like it had been torn from the corner of something messily. More importantly, there was writing on it, in pencil, words pressed hard into paper.

I'm an asshole. You don't deserve that.

No name, but you knew who it was from. Not a "sorry" in sight, but you knew he was trying. You could almost feel the intent behind the words etched into the paper as you held it. You wanted to be furious still. And you definitely were mad. But maybe not as much. Because you knew Carmen.

You knew he had the temper of someone who'd just lost a brother, of someone who'd grown up in a screaming Berzatto household in the heart of Chicago. You'd never taken his outbursts to heart and you didn't want to now. Besides. You knew, eventually, you'd miss him too much to ignore him.

So much for not giving in to Carmen Berzatto.

You didn't really know what plan you had when you walked back towards your car, sat down, placed the chocolate bar and note in your bag, and drove. You didn't think you had one. You just were aware that your days away from The Beef had been extremely boring and that you wanted to see Carmen. To hear what he had to say to you. Even if it didn't end the way you wanted.

The familiar path to The Beef stretched before you now as an uncertain one. When you got there, you tossed your bag over your shoulder and got out of your car to the sight of the lights off in the front of the restaurant. But, if you knew anything about Carmen, you knew he'd stay late. Your assumption was proven right when you entered through the unlocked door—a slightly concerning fact—and saw the harsh white light of the kitchen flooding through to the rest of the place.

You hesitated to enter, not sure if you really knew what you were doing, but ignored the thoughts plaguing you and walked carefully into the kitchen, waiting at the door when you saw him.

He faced mostly away from the door, from you, hunched over the counter doing something that had his full focus, enough of it that he didn't notice you at first. You saw he had a toothbrush in hand and that he was determinedly scrubbing at the silver countertop surface that already sparkled spotlessly. Clearly, he didn't notice or care.

It felt like you were holding your breath as you watched him, saw how focused he was, how the muscles in his back flexed and churned with each precise movement he made as he scrubbed at a nonexistent stain. Like he held a desire to erase more than just grime.

He did that for what felt like another minute without pause, and you watched the whole time wordlessly, not wanting to break the focus he had and not knowing what to say regardless. Part of you just wanted to watch him, to see how long he could keep at it without noticing you. It wasn't for too long.

He lifted his posture upright and ran a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply with little exhale as if something weighty was plaguing him. Then, he finally sensed your presence at the doorway, eyes flicking towards you as his moments came to a halt. You watched him part his lips as he thought about what to say.

He shakenly said your name, a fragile plea. The word was soft coming from his lips like he knew it well, but nestled in your brain with surprise as he called you by your real name, not just a nickname. You didn't know what to say, so you didn't say anything at all.

As he looked at you standing in the doorway, he felt exposed, like you could see through any walls he'd tried to build around himself. Words faltered from his brain. His lips parted again as if he was going to say something more, but they shut just as quickly and he ran a hand over his chin. He gestured that hand out to you.

"You uhm- did you get my note?"

You stared back at him for a beat before nodding and reaching into your bag. You held the note out in front of you, the side of your mouth quirking upwards. "Was this Carmen language for 'I'm sorry' ?"

You were half kidding and half serious, a test hidden in your words. The fact weighed on Carmen's brain, his demeanor more nervous than usual, more anxious.

"Yeah, uhm," he scrunched his eyes closed for a half second before walking towards you, taking the note from your hand and reading it to himself again, feeling the warm haze of shame creeping up on him. "Let me translate."

He read it once more. "Well, the 'I'm an asshole,' is pretty verbatim. I'm an asshole, and an idiot, and a bunch of other bad things." He glanced up at you from the paper and was relieved to see that you seemed at least a little amused. He continued. "And the 'You don't deserve that', you see, that's the good part, it translates directly to 'I'm sorry for yelling at you ' and 'it doesn't matter how stressed I was, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. That was wrong of me. And ... you're great.' "

Your eyebrows raised. "That's quite the translation."

Carmen laughed to himself breathily, but it held little amusement. "Yeah, I've been told communicating with me is like trying to tame a wild animal."

You smiled. "Who told you that?"

"Sugar."

Your laugh was warm and sounded like home. It was a feeling that left as fast as it came because soon the air between the two of you seemed to thicken with unspoken words and unresolved emotions. The heavy silence lay bare and neither of you decided to fill it right away.

"Carmen."

The way you said his name sent shivers down his spine, a sensation that never ceased to affect him. He nodded at you, eyes studying your face showing that you had his sole attention.

"I know you don't like the idea of me being here. You don't have to try and hide it." His eyes widened as you spoke."But, could you at least tell me why?"

He stared back at you, brows furrowed like he was confused. It was like you could see the gears turning in his brain as he fought to find the right wording, revealed by the stiffening mass of his shoulders that never seemed to relax.

"I don't not like you being here, Mars Bar." He spoke slowly. "I think it's great that you're back in Chicago. I ... We've missed you."

A subtle warmth lay in his gaze, but you couldn't help but feel it was dimmed by whatever emotion he'd been suppressing, the battle evident in flickers in the blue of his eyes.

"I want to believe that, but with the way you've been avoiding me, how can I?"

"Avoiding you- that's," he shook his head, almost seeming incredulous, and you watched as he swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing as he did. "I haven't been trying to avoid you."

You didn't know how he could sound surprised, how you could've interpreted the way he's acted all week as anything else. "Well that's definitely what it's felt like when I tried talking to you all week, and you're just ... I don't know, dismissive."

He rubbed a hand at the nape of his neck, focus pitched somewhere that wasn't at you, jaw tightening slightly. "I just ... it's busy around here trying to bring in enough money, and there have been a lot of different things that have my focus right now," he started, as if he hadn't, time and time again, had to remind himself to stop thinking about you.

"Carmen, I know you're busy but that-," you tried to keep your emotions from showing through your voice, but you were aware of the tinge of frustration that was slipping through. "I know that's only part of it. I just need you to be more transparent with me. I can't read your mind."

He nodded, silently thanking God that you couldn't. He swallowed again and you noticed a tremor in the way he held the note he'd written, a sign of unease that he quickly hid in the pocket of his jeans.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know." His blue eyes stared into yours, though you could sense the reluctance in his voice. "But I'm not gonna lie and say that I think it's a good idea for you to stay here."

You felt yourself frown, brows tugging downwards in frustration and confusion. "Why?"

His gaze faltered for just a moment, seeming torn, but he was quick to regain his momentum. "This place is ... it's not meant for someone like you."

You squinted at him, feeling a mix of disbelief and irritation. "Someone like me?"

"Yeah, I just mean," he hesitated, hearing the way you repeated his words, like they were meant to insult. "You were supposed to leave here and finish your studies abroad and achieve great things. Things bigger and better than this shit hole. You were gonna-"

"Carmen, stop." You almost scoffed to yourself. "My plans were always to stay close to home. A few months abroad weren't gonna change that." The air in the room seemed to thicken with the weight of the words you both shared, the thoughts never said allowed before. You noticed your breathing was becoming labored as you failed to understand the way Carmen's mind worked, the way he tried to communicate so much by doing so little.

"This whole time you were worried about me supposedly being meant to achieve great things, but what about you?" You let out a stunned laugh. "You're the one who studied with the best of the best, traveled all over, became a world-class chef and everything else, and now you're overworking yourself at this place and refusing help."

"Yeah, well, that part of my life stopped when Mikey gave this place to me as a final fuck you, so."

Your heart twinged not only at the name, but at the way Carmen's eyes flashed with hurt while his words could've cut stone.

"Mikey gave this place to you because he trusted you," you reasoned. You tried to make him come down from wherever he was, to detach himself from the hurt and open up. The hard plane of his shoulders lifted once in a shrug, with a small shake of his head as he stared at the ground.

"Yeah well, he just ended up fucking screwing me over."

Carmen's frustration seeped into his voice, the way he emphasized each word like he wanted to release whatever was simmering under the surface. You wanted to reach out, tell him that he could, but you held yourself back and stood up taller.

"That doesn't mean you should push people away from this place. Push me away. I could help out here. I saw how hectic it was the last time I was here and-"

"That day was a fluke," Carmen cut you off. "It's not usually like that..." his jaw worked. "I'm not usually like that." His words were laced with exasperation and a little bit of shame. You could tell he was struggling to keep his emotions in check.

"Carmen, I understand. But-"

"I already blew up at you." His voice cut into the air harshly. He looked away, his chest rising as he tried to control rising frustration. "I didn't mean to do that, I don't... I'm not gonna let that happen again." His words were starting to come out in a rush, escaping his control, something you knew never sat well with him.

"Well, that's my choice to make, Carmen, not one that you can make for me."

"Mars, The Beef isn't- you don't want to settle for this place, just trust me."

"How can I trust you when you've done nothing but push me away since I got here?" You heard the tremble that was growing in your own voice, a mix of hurt and anger. "You've told me a million times what I want and don't want. Have you ever stopped to ask me what I wanted? Seen my point of view?"

Carmen's breathing was picking up too, the crystals that were his eyes looking at you with a mixture of defiance and desperation. He ran a hand over his face.

"I've tried to see your point of view."

"Have you?" you snapped back.

"I gave you the job even though I knew it was a bad idea, I went against what I knew just because it was you and I let Richie convince me it was a good idea, and I am fucking done listening to Richie's ideas-" his breathing was becoming uneven as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him.

"Hey, Richie's done a lot more to help me since I've gotten back than you have, and a lot more listening!" Now you were yelling, and he was yelling and you didn't like the direction this was going.

"Yeah, well did Richie tell you this place was hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt when Mikey gave it to me? Did he tell you we probably couldn't even afford to pay you a decent fucking salary?"

You opened your mouth, expecting to be equipped with a response as fast as the ones that came before, but that didn't happen and you didn't say anything. You let your eyes scan Carmen, searching for a hint that he wasn't serious, but he looked wholeheartedly sincere and angered. In fact, he looked like he was fighting to even breathe steadily.

You looked at him concernedly, taking a step closer, but he just continued, laughing to himself without joy. "He didn't fucking tell you. Of course not."

His breaths were harsh, coming from his nose and lifting his chest repeatedly. His arms slapped down at his sides, hands trembling. "See, that's why I fucking told him I didn't want you anywhere near this crap hole, I fucking told him-"

His yelling stopped. He recoiled, backing up into the counter recklessly, a pot falling behind him with a clang that had you flinching. His vision was pointed downwards towards the ground, but he was frowning so hard you were sure he couldn't see anything at all, hand to his chest, gripping.

"Carmen?" You asked, alarm suddenly overtaking you and washing away whatever anger had been bubbling inside of you. "Wh- are you okay?"

It took him a second to even process what you'd said, another to respond. "I'm fine, I-" you put a hand on his shoulder to brace him, feeling how tense it was, feeling it trying to move with the effort of his shallow breaths. Panic, shame, embarrassment, everything, seemed to claw at his chest, constricting his breathing even more. "I just- fuck, I can't- I can't-"

"You can't breathe," you said, understanding what was going on now with another flash of alarm that you hid, trying to stay calm. He nodded shakily.

"Carmen," you said steadily. To him, the sound of your voice was distant, overshadowed by the sound of his heart pounding loudly in his ears, muffled the way voices sounded when from underwater. Carmen knew he wasn't underwater. You called his name again, and he did his best to hear it. "You're having a panic attack."

He managed to shake his head again. "I'm fine. I just- shit." His legs practically gave out from underneath him and he braced one hand on the table behind him, one on your shoulder.

The sight of Carmen collapsing to the ground had you wanting to release a sob, but instead, you threw Carmen's arm around you and somehow managed to take two steps towards a bucket that was on the floor against a near wall and got him to sit down on it unsteadily.

You took both of his hands in yours, noticing how his shoulders shook, how the bottom of his neck tinted red from the straining effort to breathe.

"Carmen," you called, kneeling down to his level and giving his hands a squeeze. His vision was blurred, staring downwards, but the hazy sight of his hands wrapped up in yours gave his mind a moment's peace before he was struggling to focus again.

You took a deep breath in, feeling selfish that you even could. "Carm, do your best to look at me." You purposefully slowed your words, spoke softly and clearly, and Carmen heard. You took one hand and rested it by his cheek, hair pooling into your fingers. You brushed it back, and ran your thumb across the rise of his cheekbone, lifting his face to look upwards at you. Even when his mind could hardly form coherent thoughts, your touch still affected him like no one else's.

Once his eyes were on you, you took the hand that was still holding his and placed both on your own chest, covering the area of warm skin close enough to feel your heartbeat. A tremor rolled through him, at your hand, at the way you felt, at your touch.

You. You were here, he thought, and that was a comfort to him in itself.

"Here," you said, pressing down gently but firmly on his hand. "Can you feel my heartbeat?"

Carmen tried, really tried, but his head wasn't focusing no matter what he did. You noticed his struggle right away, like he didn't even have to form words for you to know.

Hurriedly, you took off your jacket and threw it to the ground beside you. Carmen heard the sound of a zipper before his hand was taken in yours again and placed on your chest. This time, the underside of his hand felt warmer, closer to you, to skin.

"How about now?" you asked. His eyes were shut, and he really did his best to focus this time, tune into you, into the way your chest moved up and down beneath his hand, and with it, he heard the soft and steadying rhythm of your heartbeat.

"Yeah, I- I feel it."

You let yourself smile slightly, trying to take slow and deliberate breaths. "Carmen, I need you to do your best to match your breathing with mine." You looked at him and the way his features were scrunching with the effort of trying to listen to you. "Can you do that for me?"

He nodded. He'd do anything for you.

He focused on only his hand, yours, and you. Your chest underneath his palm, warm, and steadying, and alive. He felt it rise once, and fall, all in the time that he let out multiple staggering breaths.

The next time yours rose, he didn't let himself exhale until you did, taking in air from his parted lips and releasing it through his nose, feeling how the air spread thin throughout his body, a good feeling. He did that again, focused on the way his fingertips grazed bare skin, on the sound of your heart beating, in time with his now.

Behind the blank nothingness of his eyelids, scenes played out before him. Visions of his past, echos of familiar voices, spurts of color and light overtaking him.

Then, he thought of you, of the warmth of your gaze, even if he didn't deserve it. The shine of your skin, the way it looked soft even in the harsh light of the kitchen. Thoughts of you, you with him, years ago, months ago, and days, how he'd seen you for the first time in months, standing behind the counter with a smile sweet like the chocolate bars you'd always liked, the one he'd left at your doorstep, a weak attempt at salvaging one of the best relationships he'd ever known. He'd buy a million more if it meant you'd stay with him, by his side, like you'd been for years. Like you were now.

He didn't know how much time had gone by, but he opened his eyes and you were still there, still holding onto him, face looking calm but eyes swirling with emotion. With concern.

He felt fine now, his body having enough strength to support him, but he leaned into you regardless, head sunk down, resting in the place beneath your chin, on your chest. He wanted to get as close to your heartbeat as possible, not just feel it with his hand but surround himself with it.

You brought your hands up to envelop him, one resting on the white cotton covering the hard muscles of his back, rubbing it soothingly, the other coming up to rest in his hair again, gently brushing through the strands closest to the root as if to say I'm here, I have you.

You leaned your own head down to slightly rest on the back of his, mouth brushing against the crown of his head in a way so delicate he wasn't even sure he felt it. But you saw the way he melted into your touch, felt the way the muscles in his back slowly seemed to release tension at each caress. He needed to be held. But he was him, he'd never ask for it. But, you were you, and you'd always know.

You stayed like that for minutes more, though you would've held him all night if he needed it. When he sat back up, the whites of his eyes were tinted pink, and one of his cheeks was gleaming in the light, damp. You didn't comment on it. You didn't say anything at all but stood up from where you knelt and walked towards the counters, peeking underneath them until you found what you needed. You stopped at the sink and returned to your spot in front of Carmen with a plastic deli container filled with water in hand. You offered it to him wordlessly.

"Thank you," he said, taking it from you gingerly, but his voice was hoarse and he felt the red heat of embarrassment as he took large sips of the water, draining it halfway at once. A water droplet escaped from the side of the cup, dripping down his chin, and your eyes followed the movement until you felt guilty about it and stared down at your own hands. The two of you let the silence rest as it was, peaceful and healing, until you felt ready to break it.

"I'm sorry," you said, slightly a surprise for yourself to hear the words from your mouth, but you meant them. Carmen sat back up. "For pushing you to this point. I didn't mean to-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Carmen spoke quietly, voice somehow steady. "It- ... that wasn't your fault. It's happened before, when you weren't here."

You let your eyes scan over his face concernedly because he wasn't looking straight at you and you always felt the need to look after him, even if he wouldn't let you.

"This has happened before?" Carmen gave a weak shrug, like this wasn't something he thought about on his own, something he ever let occupy his focus.

"Something like it."

You made a breathy sound of disbelief. "Shit, Carmen."

So many thoughts were demanding your attention, too many. You wanted to tell him how this wasn't supposed to be a normal occurrence, how not okay it was to ignore his mental well-being. Shake him silly for never caring about the right things, for never caring about himself enough. To give him yet another lecture on letting you help him, on letting anyone help him.

"It wasn't as bad this time." His voice paused all your thoughts. "I think it was because you were here."

You didn't know how to respond, but he finally looked into your eyes and saw how much they spoke for you, how they widened, and then blinked once or twice, shying away. Almost like you were guilty, like you were sad. Something inside of him reminded him that he was probably part of the reason for that, and that ate away at him more deeply than any of his, like you said, panic attacks, ever had.

"I'm sorry, Mars."

Your eyes flicked up to his immediately, intention behind them. "You never need to apologize for having a panic attack, Carmen."

"No, for- for not just that." He paused. "For being an ass. For yelling at you. For not listening to you."

You looked at him wordlessly. You didn't want to say it was okay, because you'd be lying if you said that, if you didn't acknowledge how his words still rang sharply in your head. But you'd be lying to yourself if you didn't admit that Carmen certainly made things feel okay when he was calm like this, understanding. Peaceful.

"And I'm sorry for all the shit I gave you about not listening to me."

You let out a quick breath, almost a laugh. "To be fair, I ... didn't."

His heart seemed to swell at even just the hint of laughter that coated your voice.

"Yeah. You don't listen to me." He let the side of his mouth quirk up to match yours. "That's the thing I love about you." Internally he thought, just one of many.

You stared up at him. At the way his eyes seemed to look over your face in adoration. It did something to your heart, pulled on the strings of it, and left it panging in your chest. He noticed right away.

"You alright?" His concern and furrowed brows almost made you want to laugh.

"Yes I'm-," you exhaled. "I'm fine. The real question is, are you alright?" He watched as your eyes flitted all around his face. "To be honest, you don't seem it."

He self-deprecatingly chuckled. "Wow, thanks, Mars."

You shook his arm a little bit, expression disbelieving. "I'm serious."

You thought about how tense he'd been underneath your touch, how tense he'd seemed for the many days that you'd been back home. How that couldn't be healthy for anyone.

"You need to start taking better care of yourself, Carmen." You made sure he was hearing your every word. "Your mental health is important. More important than any job. You have to stop worrying so much about The Beef and start worrying more about you."

He ran a tired hand over his eyes, immediately feeling the urge to look away. "If I didn't put as much as I did into this place, I don't even think it'd still be up and running."

You let the words hang between the both of you for a moment, knowing how important this was to him. It was important to you too.

"I know how much you've done for this place, Carm." You took his hand in yours again. "You care about it a lot, always have. I have too. But you know the toll it's taking on you. That's not good for anyone, and it'll only last so long. And ... that's why I think you should take any help you can get, for now."

As soon as the topic left your lips again, you felt his hand stiffen in your hand, mouth opening to argue, but you held up a hand.

"And before you say anything, I don't care about the full salary, I don't I care about traveling, or 'wasting my potential' or any of that. I care about helping this place, making sure it lasts, for Mikey." You breathed. "And for you. I care about you."

He could feel his own heart start to race in his chest, flustered like he hadn't known you for years, like you weren't one of his oldest friends.

"I care about you too," he said, and the words felt shamefully foreign on his tongue, thinking about how little he'd ever actually said the words. "That's part of why it's hard for me to think about you working here. You mean a shit ton to me. More than anyone else in this damn place."

"You don't mean that." You couldn't stop the way your brows pushed together, looking down at your hand that was holding Carmen's rough and callused ones. "What about Richie, or Fak, or Sydney-"

"They mean a shit ton to me too, but it's ... not the same. You're you."

He looked into your eyes, trying to see if you'd recognized his hints, but he picked up emotions other than the realization. On a frown, on reluctance, on a guarded, shy look.

"I'll always be me, Carmen." You bit at the inside of your cheek, putting off the topic like you weren't important. That was a foreign idea to him. "That doesn't matter. What matters is you not accepting help."

You saw the way his demeanor shifted at your words, a sense of uncomfortableness settling in his bones, revealing itself in the way he sat up straighter. Your grip on his hands was still firm, unwavering, like all you wanted was to make him understand.

"Carmen," you called, but he was already staring at you. "Promise me that you'll let other people take care of you, help you get by. Let me help you."

He was grateful for the way he was positioned, elbows leaning on knees, hands held by yours, because it was stabilizing him, grounding him when he felt like running. He knew that if he wanted to keep you around, keep you by him, he couldn't do that. That didn't change the fact that this was new to him.

"I, um,"

"It doesn't have to all at once." You gave him a smile, a real one, because you knew he was trying. Breaking out of old habits, for you. "One step at a time."

You were back home. Him pushing you away in his head, running, but only in his mind, didn't change that. He didn't want it to. Despite the pull of his mind telling him to hold you at a distance, the push of his heart wanted you. It was drawn to the cradle of your hands, the warmth of your smile.

"I promise."

Your smile grew to a grin that tugged at the sides of your glowing eyes, eyes that sparkled with affection like they held a hidden invitation, a plea for him to let you in. He finally did, and he knew so fully that he would've made that promise to you time and time again if it meant he could have you and see that smile as much as he wanted.

Your fingers brushed the back of his hands as you stood up from where you were kneeling, letting out an exhale that he noticed sounded almost weightless, a change from the burdened way it sounded to him before. The thought put him at ease.

He stood up too, watching you as you retrieved your jacket and put it on, him feeling the urge to help you with even just that. When you focused back on him, the etches of a smile still lingering on your face, it was magnetic. He couldn't look away. You couldn't either.

You stared at the way a hundred different colors danced in the blue of his eyes, a miraculous feat that you'd loved from the start. As you looked at each other, eyes saying more than your mouths had the courage to, your smile grew slowly, heartbeat picking up in your chest.

"Let me walk you to your car," you coaxed, gesturing towards the door. He laughed at the random idea, breaths escaping through his nose.

"What? Why?"

You shrugged, smile and features and everything, warm. "Call it the first step to you fulfilling your promise to me."

Knowing how he'd iced you out, he embraced that warmth. Made it his new home. "Yeah," he nodded. "Okay."

You gestured for him to follow you, he did, and that was all he had to do. You turned off the lights behind the both of you, locked the door, and didn't ask him to do a thing, just to see the amused look on his face when you smiled at him, his eyes staring back at yours like you were a wonder, something rare to be loved and kept safe.

As you walked back to his car, that was all he could think about. How he'd come across this ray of light in his life that was you, and how you'd stayed by his side, a miraculous idea but he didn't even want to dwell on that too much because it took him away from this moment being shared between the two of you, alone, the cold nipping at your skin but it not mattering because too much had happened that night to care.

The moment seemed to come to an end all too quickly. Carmen had stopped once you'd both reached his car, and you did too. He became aware of the feeling of you next to him, savoring it because he knew it'd end the moment he got into his car.

"Carmy," you said, extending the moment just a little longer. He hummed in response, watching as you stuffed your hands in your coat pockets.

"Can you promise me one more thing?"

He nodded, not missing a beat. " Yeah, anything." Something inside of you fluttered. You cast it aside to hold his gaze.

"Promise me you'll always try and tell me what's going on in your head. No more hiding."

His eyes bore into yours like he was contemplating something, a flicker of conflict in them, a vulnerability that you didn't know what to think of. Then, it was gone and you weren't even sure you'd seen it.

"Yeah, I- um," his jaw tightened for a second. "I promise, Mars."

You patted him on the shoulder, a friendly gesture that felt phony even to you. "Great ... that's great."

He flashed a closed-mouthed smile and you both stood there on the sidewalk for a moment, not saying a word.

"Goodnight," you told him, because it was what you would've said to anyone else at that moment, ignoring the whispers in your mind telling you something was missing, that Carmen wasn't just anyone else.

Something tugged at him too, nagging him, insisting that he had more to tell you, more to say before the night was really over, before he had to go to work the next day and somehow navigate his day with the new promises he'd made you. But all he said was "Goodnight, Mars," before getting in his car with just a wave goodbye that felt bare and wrong.

You left him one more of your smiles through the passenger window of his car before walking off to wherever you'd parked your own. He was sure he'd felt butterflies. Butterflies.

Only you could do this to him. He'd felt numb, overwhelmed and unsatisfied all the same time for however long, and then you come back to Chicago and suddenly he felt everything, all the time. It was getting to him, clearly, because he found himself opening his car door and stepping out of it, losing control of his body, loosening his grip of rationality all because of you. Because he wanted to see you, needed to. He needed you.

You were a good distance away from his car by the time he'd gotten out of his, but you turned around at the sound of the car door practically slamming. You frowned, noticing Carmen walking towards you.

"Carmen?" you called into the night, confused. He caught up with you, something behind his gaze that had his eyes shimmering. You swore you could feel the delicate movement of his eyes across your face as soon as he was near enough to truly take it in.

He took hold of your hand, fingers interlocking with yours delicately, an electrifying feeling buzzing through you. You let out a small gasp at the contact, vision shooting down at the point at which you both touched, just a hand hold but the contact took your full focus.

"Hey," he said, something like a smile creeping onto his features and you'd never seen him like this, so exhilarated and full of delicate determination. You looked back up into his eyes, and he took a step closer, finally letting himself be pulled by that magnetic force calling him to you that he couldn't resist. He wouldn't, anyway.

"Wh-," you started, meaning to question him but the thought was brushed aside when he leaned inwards, his forehead falling against yours. His curls brushed against the top of your head, and you secretly loved the feeling, becoming breathless.

"You can tell me to stop, Mars." He murmured it so close to you, breath fanning onto your cheek in a distracting but addictive way, and suddenly you were forgetting how to talk. It didn't matter, because you didn't want him to stop. You looked back up at him, and he saw that in your eyes, so he didn't.

His lips brushed against yours, a taste of what he'd been wanting for longer than he could even remember. The feeling it sent throughout him was immobilizing, and he stayed like that, eyes shut, reveling in it.

It was you who closed the distance, pressing your lips to his and letting the dizzying wave from it spread all over you, to the tips of your fingers that immediately reached up to hold his firm shoulders, and to your brain that buzzed in joy and excitement and a bit of something else.

He froze up for a second when he felt your lips crashing into his. Your lips on his felt like the answers to all his problems, and he needed them in a burning, unignorable way. His brows furrowed and his hands reached up to cradle your neck delicately, holding you like you were more valuable than anything he could've bought, anything he could've wished for, could've imagined he could possibly have.

His lips tugged on yours and yours tugged back, a rhythm that felt easy to follow, like the deep thrum of a heartbeat. And when you both finally pulled apart for air, it was like you could still feel that rhythm, because your heartbeats were beating so loudly and in time with each other's that it felt like the moment was never meant to come to an end.

Your foreheads were still connected, and you knew neither of you had it in you to pull away. You felt somehow even more breathless.

"What was that for?" Your voice was soft, hoarse. You swore you saw Carmen's lip quirk upwards.

"I promised to not hide what was going on in my head." Your hands came up to delicately wrap around his biceps, impossibly solid underneath your fingertips. He didn't suppress the shudder that traveled through him. "Call that the first step."

You smiled, this time against his lips, and somehow that beat every single smile you'd ever given him before. It felt like a promise of your own, to share your warmth with him from now on. He liked the idea, a lot. He'd let you do it whenever you wanted, he liked it that much.

He'd let you take care of him whenever you wanted, too. Again and again, until you got sick of him. But he was Carmen Berzatto. You knew you never would.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

1x6 | 2x2

[4rainynite]

Shows That Deserve a Second Chance!

Hi! How y'all doing? Okay, time to get to the nitty gritty this is just my opinion on shows that deserve a second chance!

As we all know by now it doesn't matter if a show is popular or big the fandom is a show will get cancelled for no (and incredibly stupid) reason or never got to make it on the TV screen at all!

Due to Tumblr's limitation on pictures, I'll just do a select few series based on: never aired, messed up by the network but still had an ending, & messed up by the network.

Also, no show is in any particular order I just put them in randomly and if there are more shows that have been unjustly cancel/ never aired please be free to add some to the post.

This is purely for fun and if there is a show you like that got cancelled you may add it to the list.

Let's Begin:

First, are the shows that never aired but had amazing pilots.

1.The Modifiers

The Modifiers was created by Lynne Naylor & Chris Reccardi who pitched the idea to Nickelodeon.

The series is set in 1960's mod style/ steampunk/ magical girl/retrofuturism world focused on Agent Xero and her sidekick Mole who work for a secret agency known as The Modifiers in their quest to stop the evil Baron Vain and his rat sidekick named Rat (no, really, he's a rat named Rat). In the series Agent Xero disguises herself as Lacey Shadows to go undercover and foil Baron Vain plans, the twist of Rat knows that Agent Xero and Lacey Shadows are one in the same and tries to expose them.

Seeing how the modifiers had the same reteo style as My Life As A Teenage Robot, The Mighty B, and Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi (owned by Cartoon Network), it would've made a great addition to the line up plus another girl boss series!

Despite the positive feedback and petitions the show has not been picked up and Chris Reccardi tragically passed away 2019 due to a heart attack, leaving ownership to Lynne Naylor.

PILOT, INFO

2.Carmen Got Expelled

Carmen Got Expelled was created by Jorge R. Gutierrez and was pitched to Disney Television Animation.

The series follows a young girl named Carmen who was expelled from her last school from defending her classmates from a group of bullies. While it looks like Carmen will face punishment (for actually doing the right thing and being a good person), good - karma steps in the form of The Baron who enrolls Carmen in his private academy. Sadly, Headmistress Gnarly and her niece Yvonne try to do everything in their power to get Carmen in trouble and get her expelled for good. Luckily, Carmen has her friends Bing, Ozzy, and Johnny (*coughCRUSHcough*) to get her out of trouble!

The reason the show wasn't picked was because the network didn't think it would do well with audience and wanted Carmen's race to be changed and be a girl who loves rules. WOW, REALLY?!? I think if Jorge pitched the idea to Nickelodeon, it might have worked since his show El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera was already on that channel and would've made a good crossover.

After being rejected, Jorge worked on The Book of Life film that also was rejected for a while only to become a- SUCCESS!

PILOT, INFO

3. The Kitty Bobo Show

The Kitty Bobo Show was created by Kevin Kaliher & Meaghan Dunn and was pitched to Cartoon Network during their 2001 Big Pick competition where the viewers picked who would win. The winner became the classic show Codename: Kids Next Door!

The series focused on Kitty Bobo an anthropomorphic cat living in a big city along with other anthropomorphic animals and had it continued would've explored more of Kitty Bobo, his adoptive parents who are dogs, and his friends. In the pilot 'Cellphones' the plot was of Kitty Bobo trying to look cool and impress everyone with his new (now dated) cellphone.

The show is now a cult classic and had many petitions to become an actual show. Apparently, the creators want to continue the pilot from this Instagram post. If it does happen, I think it would work best teens/young adults on Adult Swim.

PILOT, INFO, 1

4.Princess Academy

Princess Academy was created by Olivier Ciappa and David Kawena and was pitched to Disney. It was supposed to be an animated short that was also a musical not just featuring the famous Disney Princesses, but also many other female leads at a boarding school. Sadly, the project was canceled due to Disney getting rid of its 2-D animation department (another bad decision).

This is just an educated guess, but from the concept art a little girl got accept into the Princess Academy and got to interact with her favorite characters and at the end of the short more students would arrive and meet their favorite leading ladies.

Seeing how big the Disney Princess fandom is, I'm surprised this was passed up. I mean HELLO! You got all the Disney Princesses and the other female leads in one place, I think this would've been a success!

INFO, 1

5. Oswald the Lucky Rabbit the Series

Oswald the Lucky Rabbit the Series was planned to premier on Disney+ and had many announcements and people excited for the return of Oswald, only to be disappointed (AGAIN!) when news hit they weren't doing the show.

After, all poor Oswald has gone through: Walt losing custody over him in divorce court, abandoned, and forgotten; give the poor guy a break and let him have his show!

Despite all that Oswald has made cameos in Mickey Mouse shorts, The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse, Once Upon A Studio, and his own short. There's still hope he'll join his brother again soon.

PILOT, INFO

6. Epic Mickey 3

After, the return of Oswald and success of Epic Mickey, there were plans for an Epic Mickey 3, but sadly never came.

This would've helped Oswald's popularity and maybe make Epic Mickey into a TV/movie series featuring the two brothers, but at this time that's wishful thinking.

INFO

7. Milky Way and the Galaxy Girls

Created by Lauren Faust pitched to Hasbro.

The series would focus on eleven girls who are the personifications of planets. The pilot was about Milky Way accidently releasing the evil Black Hole and would meet the other girls to help fight. Sadly, it was passed over in favor of the popular My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Lauren had ragdolls and a (now out of print) book released in hopes of making it a series, she even has some concept art on her Deviantart page.

Over time Lauren redesigned the girls so hopes and wishes that it becomes a series!

INFO, 1

8. Toil and Trouble

Created by Lauren Faust pitched to Netflix.

Lauren tried to pitch the series Toil and Trouble freaturing an orphan witch named Toil and her cat Trouble as they try to learn magic and save the witch world.

When, production for the project began Netflix decided to stop the show before it began.

SERIOUSLY, HOW DARE WHOEVER DECIDED TO CAN THIS SHOW DENY THE QUEEN HER RIGHT TO CREATE!

This so would've made a hit especially since Laurn worked on: The Powerpuff Girls, MLP:FIM, Kid Cosmic, Wander Over Yonder, and etc! But, not to worry y'all Lauren still has the rights and will most likely have it produced by someone else (hopefully)!

INFO, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

9. Me and My Shadow

Me And My Shadow created by Maya Forbes & Wallace Wolodarsky and pitched to Dreamworks.

Me And My Shadow follows Daniel (human) and Dan (shadow) as they two work together to stop an evil shadow from staring an uprising against shadows and humans. Along the way Dan help Daniel gain some confidence and form a friendship.

THIS FILM HAD SO MUCH POTENTIAL!

It merged 2D & 3D animation, had an amazing story, a good cast of characters; what more could you want?

Sadly, it was passed over by other films and despite protest and a petition Dreamworks refused to budge.

Not only would this film bring back Dreamworks animation department and could've been a rise for 2D animation to come back!

INFO, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

10. Bye Bye Bunny: A Looney Tunes Musical

Bye Bye Bunny would be about Bugs Bunny tired of being in the spotlight and wanting the life of a regular bunny. This becomes Daffy's big break to step out of Bug's shadow and become a star only to be kidnapped by an obsessive fan of his (talk about irony). Bugs and the others go on an epic quest to save Daffy with hijanks, adventure, and heartfelt moments.

Sadly, the project was canceled which is a huge crime. The story was the perfect star wants to leave the spotlight, we could've seen more of Bugs and Daffy's friendship, and the song 'Why Do I Gotta Be Bugs Bunny' was just so heart wrenching beautiful. This would've been great to release during Warner Bros. 100 Anniversary and give the Looney Tunes franchise some more attention.

INFO, 1, 2

2. Shows messed up by the network but still had an ending

The Owl House

The Owl House created by Dana and aired on Disney.

The Owl House followed the story of Luz a teenage girl who has a love all things weird and magically gets sent to a 'normal' camp after one of her antics get her in trouble. But as fate intervened Luz stumbles upon the Boiling Isles and meets Eda the Owl Lady, King the king of demons, and Hooty the Owl House. To fulfill her dreams of becoming a witch Luz becomes Eda apprentice and explores the mysterious of the Boiling Isles.

The Owl House was a huge hit with fans and the LGBTQ community, and it bites that it was cancelled/shortened during season three. Dana had more ideas for season 3 for example: a beach episode, info on Hooty (don't lie we all want to know what Hooty is), and etc.

The reason the Owl House was canceled was because Disney exs didn't think it fit into their brand... What fit? They threw away a precious gemstone in the trash when they made that decision.

Dana Terrace, whatever your next project is I know it will be a success.

INFO, 1, 2,

2. Ducktales (2017)

Ducktales (2017) created by Matt Youngberg & Francisco Angones and aired on Disney.

Ducktales follows Huey, Dewey, Louie, their friend Webby, uncle Donald, and great uncle Scrooge, as they go on epic adventures, find rare items & hidden worlds, and a long-lost family secret.

Ducktales had a great start and a huge fanbase, but sadly it wasn't getting the ratings Disney wanted, switching channels, and bad marketing.

I really wish this show continued and had each character have their own season, but it did have a good ending.

INFO

3. Danny Phantom

Danny Phantom created by Butch Hartman and aired on Nickelodeon.

Danny Phantom follows the story of Danny Fenton who gained ghosts powers after a freak accident. With his best friends Tucker and Sam, Danny uses his powers to protect everyone against evil ghosts, humans, and the horrors of high school. To make matters worse Danny has to keep his ghost identity a secret from his parents who are ghost hunters!

Despite the show's popularity it didn't reach the same goal as Fairly Oddparents or Spongebob (or so I'm told). Despite that Danny Phantom had an ending, but it was kinda a divide in the fandom.

It was said had the series continued: we'd find out more about the Ghost Zone, more characters, and most importantly: Danielle would've been adoptive by the Fentons!

4. The Amazing World of Gumball

The Amazing World of Gumball created by Ben Bocquelet and aired on Cartoon Network.

The Amazing World of Gumball follows the story of Gumball as he gets into random shenanigans in his town of Elmore along with his best friend/adoptive brother Darwin, and little sister Anais.

The show has been praised for its mixed media animation, humor, and storytelling. The last episode ended in a cliffhanger leaving many fans unsatisfied.

There were plans for a movie that Ben said would resolve the cliffhanger only for it to be shelved (along with other shows/movies) due to the HBO (HB -NO). I tried to find more information, but the only other information I found was that it 'might' still be in production and be bought by a different network. Again, I'm playing by ear.

INFO , 1, 2

5. Wander Over Yonder

Wander Over Yonder was created by Craig McCracken and aired on Disney.

Wander Over Yonder follows the story of a friendly alien nomad named Wander with his best friend and stead Sylvia travel all over the galaxy going from planet to planet. While on their journey they run into Lord Hater who wants to take over the galaxy.

Disney ended WOY after season 2 and there were plans for a season 3 and would've been the final season.

Craig had plans to expand the story that didn't happened (maybe even travel to Earth?); after WOY cancellation Craig went to work on Kid Cosmic for Netflix.

INFO, 1 , 2

6. Samurai Jack

Samurai Jack was created by Genndy Tartakovsky and aired on Cartoon Network.

Samauri Jack follows the story of a Samauri named Jack and his battle with the evil demon Aku. Before Jack can defeat Aku with his sword Aku uses his powers and sends Jack into the future where Aku is the ruler. Jack travels through many lands in his search to find a way to the past, fix the future, and defeat Aku!

The only problem with the final episode was it took - 13 YEARS - to finish! Adult Swim revived the series in 2017 giving the fans a satisfying ending.

Everyone originally thought that season four that ended in 2004 would end in a cliffhanger. I guess that if it did end around the early 2000's the ending would be different since Genndy and the crew would've had other ideas. I'm happy that the series had the ending it had, but let's be honest do we really want to wait so long for a proper ending?

3. Shows messed up by the network

Infinity Train

Infinity Train was created by Owen Dennis and aired on Cartoon Network.

Infinity Train was at first a mini-series that focused on Tulip a young girl who's dealing with the divorce of her parents decides to run away from home to escape her home life. Tulip ends up on the mysterious Infinity Train and meets a robotic creature known as One-One and a strange green glowing number on her hands. Knowing the longer she's on the train the more danger she's in Tulip, One-One, and Atticus the King of Corginia, travel throughout the train to find The Conductor and send Tulip on. Afterwards we see different passengers travel the train going through different types of traumas and learning to heal.

Despite Owen having a total of eight books ( book five being Ameila's backstory), a passenger being traumatized by the train only to return on it, and even a Christmas special, Infinity Train went to HBO Max streaming service, was canceled after book 4 because execs decided it wasn't fit for kids and became one of many victims of the 2022 HBO Purge.

After much protest from the TV/FILM community Infinity Train books 1 & 2 can now be purchased on DVD (not giving up on the other books) and downloaded from online stores.

Once again, a great show canceled and destroyed by corporate greed!

INFO, 1, 2,

2.Ever After High

Ever After High was created by Mattel books by Shannon Hale & Suzanne Selfors.

Ever After High focus on the teenage sons & daughters (and non-binary) of legendary fairy tales. The children are sent to Ever After High School to learn how to follow the same steps as their parents. But Raven Queen the daughter of the Evil Queen, isn't evil and doesn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps. On the other hand, Apple White the daughter of Snow White wants to follow in her mother's footsteps and be the perfect queen. This divides the school into two separate parties: the Royals (those who want to follow their predetermined destinies) and the Rebels (those who want to rewrite their stories) and causes a shift in the fairy tale world.

Being a toy line Ever After High relied on their doll sells to fuel the books and web series. After Disney's Descendants release Mattel knew they couldn't compete, ending the Royal/Rebel debate too early, and cheaper doll lines the series was canceled.

There were plans for more dolls, books, and sadly characters that have been seen since the beginning never got dolls.

In my honest opinion they shouldn't have ended the Royal/Rebel debate in Way Too Wonderland, that's more of a final season kinda thing and it's hard to come up with more stories after jumping the shark like that.

INFO, 1, 2

3.Star Darlings

Star Darlings was created by Shana Muldoon Zappa and Ahmet Zappa.

Star Darlings was a book and miniseries focused on twelve Starling girls (humanoid creatures who live on Starland) who attend the prodigies Starling Academy to learn to grant wishlings (humans) wishes only to find out they are the legendary Star Darlings destined to save their world and Wish World (Earth) from negative energy!

Honestly Star Darlings was a victim of bad advertising and Disney no giving it enough attention. The books had so much information on the characters, lore, and etc. while the cartoon only had shorts and was on random times. The cartoon had an ending, but the books were left on a cliffhanger.

INFO

4. Super Best Friends Forever/ DC Super Hero Girls (2019)

Created by Lauren Frost and aired on Cartoon Network.

I'm listing this as a two-parter.

Super Best Friends Forever was a series of shorts featuring Batgirl, Wonder Girl, and Supergirl, three superhero teens fighting crime and getting into hilarious hi-jinks.

Lauren was denied turning SBFF into a series due to marketing.

In 2019 Lauren would later do the second installment of DC Super Hero Girls another group of superhero girls who battle the evils of high school and Metropolis.

Many fans argued which version is superior.

To be honest I wish Donna wasn't replaced with Diana, Diana and Zatanna weren't de-aged along with a bunch of other adult characters, the adult heroes were mentors to the girls, could've added more teen heroes that still haven't made their TV debut, not make the guys jerks/useless, and the setting wasn't just in Metropolis. But that's just my two cents.

INFO, 1, 2, 3, 4

5. RWBY & Camp Camp

RWBY created by Monty Oum & Camp Camp created by Miles Luna and Jordan Cwierz both aired on Rooster Teeth.

RWBY story is about the four members of Team RWBY (Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang) who attend Beacon Academy to become huntsmen and huntswomen to protect the world from evil creatures known as Grimm, but as the series progresses, we learn more about the characters, lore, and world of Remnant.

Camp Camp focuses on campers (Max, Nikki, and Neil) & camp counselors (David and Gwen) who attend a shady & dysfunctional run-down camp known as, Camp Campbell. Instead of a traditional camp like space camp, sports camp, or adventure camp, Camp Campbell combines them all to save cost and avoid being sued.

While I was at school my art teacher told the class that a famous artist had died from an allergic reaction, but she neglected to tell who the artist was. Later on, I found out about RWBY and Camp Camp and while digging into the shows' history/ creators I realized Monty Oum was the artist my teacher was talking about.

Due to Rooster Teeth shutting down both series futures are in the air. I was lucky enough to meet Michael and Lindsey Jones the voice actors from RWBY and Camp Camp & a cool Oscar cosplayer LINK. I overheard him asking them when the next season for each show would come out, both replied that "I can't promise anything.", and that scared me a little. I really hope new seasons come out soon since I would hate for both series to go.

INFO, 1

6. Invader Zim

Invader Zim created by Jhonen Vasquez and aired on Nickelodeon.

Invader Zim focused on an Invader named Zim of the Irken Empire who wants to impress his leaders, The Tallest, after failing Operation Impending DOOM 1 after he destroyed his own planet. The Tallest give him a snipe hunt by sending him to the planet Earth. On Earth Zim disguises as a normal *HA* human boy and his SIR unit named Gir as an adorable green dog as they collect info on the planet to conquer it. Unfortunately, Zim forms a rivalry with a junior paranormal investigator named Dib who tries to prove to everyone that Zim is an evil alien.

The show was very popular at the time even having merchandise still being produced to this day. The reason for the shows cancellation was due to low rating and high costs even though there were many unaired episodes.

In 2015 Invader Zim continued as a comic book series and in 2019 Netflix aired Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus. Invader Zim doesn't really have a true ending, so I guess either the comic book ending or Enter the Florpus could count as an ending, maybe?

INFO, 1,

7. Dead End: Paranormal Park

Dead End: Paranormal Park was created by Hamish Steele and aired on Netflix.

Dead End first appeared in a Cartoon Hangover short in 2014 and later became the book series in 2018.

Book and TV show follow the story of Barney, Norma, Pugsley, and Courtney who work at Phoenix Parks a haunted theme park where they battle demons, find out the mystery behind the park owner Paulina Phoenix, and maybe stop the apocalypse!

Dead End: Paranormal Park was not renewed by Netflix due to budget cuts (really, I mean really?) and Hamish planned to have the third season air on a different streaming network. While the cartoon ended with a cliffhanger the book series had an ending.

INFO, 1

8. Detentionaire

Detentionaire was created by Daniel Bryan Franklin & Charles Johnston and aired on Teleton.

Detentionaire follows the story of Lee Ping who has pulled off the most epic prank in A. Nigma High history, but there's just one tiny problem - Lee didn't do it! Framed for a prank he didn't commit Lee has to spend a year in detention (and grounded), determined to find out who pranked him and why Lee teams up with Biffy another detentionaire and his friends to get down to what's going on and darker secrets at A. Nigma High.

Due to low ratings and not too much viewership the show ended on a cliffhanger.

I came across Detentionaire while watching Ruby Gloom on YouTube (I live in the US so there were no channels featuring the shows) lucky for me it was in the middle of season one when it was still on air and I got to watch the series (when uploaded to Youtube).

LINK

9. Sym- Bionic Titan/ Unicorn: Warriors Eternal

Sym- Bionic Titan/ Unicorn: Warriors Eternal created by Genndy Tartakovsky and aired on Cartoon Network.

I'm listing this as a two-parter too.

Sym-Bionic Titan focuses on Princess Ilana, Soldier Lance, and Advance Robot Octus who had to flee their home planet Galaluna when the evil General Modula. General Modula sends out monsters to kill Princess Ilana and destroy the royal Galaluna bloodline once and for all! When, the three combine they form Sym-Bionic Titan to battle the monsters. The three blend into Earth culture by pretending to be a family, owning a home, and going to high school to draw suspicion off them. On top of that two government parties are investigating them and their relationship to the Titan. As the three protect their new home they are trying to find a way to return to Galaluna.

I'll be honest I'm not a huge sci-fi fan, but I did enjoy the series during its run. The story and art style were amazing as well.

The reason Sym-Bionic Titan was cancelled was because it was unable to secure a toy license. Oh please, there's a bunch of shows without a toy line and they ran/ or still running. The series ended with a 'ray of hope ending' after production Genndy left Cartoon Network and began working on other projects.

Only to return in the form of Unicorn: Warriors Eternal which focus on four individuals who are the reincarnations of past warriors sent to fight an ancient evil from plaguing the world.

The series had a good old timey animation art style with the steampunk aesthetic. Sadly, it like its sibling series ended on a cliffhanger.

INFO, INFO

10. Justice League Action

Justice League Action created by Sam Register, Butch Lukic, Alan Burnett, and Jim Krieg.

Justice League Action focused on the Justice League a team of superheroes protect the world from supervillains. Each episode featured a different set of heroes defeating their foe and giving everyone extra screentime.

Justice League Action had a special when it first came out only to get bad timeslots and was never renewed.

INFO, 1

10. Teen Titans

Teen Titans was created by Glen Murakami & David Slack and aired on Cartoon Network.

The series focused on five superhero teens known as the Teen Titans who battle evil villains both in their home of Jump City and the Earth. Their biggest threat being Slade (Deathstroke in the comics) a mysterious man bent on conquering Jump City & destroying the Teen Titans,

Teen Titans was one of Cartoon Network's successful cartoons with high praise from critics and fans it's a mystery why the show was canceled. Once fans found out that Teen Titans was threatened to be canceled there were protests to see it not happened. The reasons for the cancellation ranged from low ratings, decline in toy sales, wanting to work on other shows, and etc. I believe the show was cancelled was because the execs could (JERKS!).

There have been spin-offs of the series such as the 'Titans in Tokyo' film to act as "the ending" of the series, DC nation Teen Titans shorts, and (the infamous) Teen Titans Go series that has had many specials, a movie, and is still on air.

The things I wish that could happen in the show are: Wonder Girl was a member of the team to even the gender out (I hate that even to this day shows only have 1 or 2 girls on a team), the second season Terra still appeared but it was Wonder Girl's season (to give Terra more screen time and make the betrayal hurt more) than third would be Terra's and every season would go on as normal, Starfire having a season, and the finale season focused on everyone! But that's just my two cents.

There have been rumors of season six (maybe) happening. I mean Samurai Jack and Invader Zim came back after their cancellations. If Teen Titans were to return, it would be on Adult Swim.

INFO, 1, 2,

Conclusion:

Okay, and we're done.

To be honest the reason I made this post is because I want to pursue a career in writing, animation, and voice acting.

After the news of HBO's purge and many others, I had a major panic attack because if one greedy person could make the call to erase years and dreams of hard work no matter how popular the shows are or well known the creators are what chance did I have?

I have auditioned for many things only to be in 'always the bridesmaid never the bride' position so it gets heartbreaking after a while. But, with indie works such as The Amazing Digital Circus, Murder Drones, Spooky Month, The Art of Murder, and Puzzle & Sling: Boredom Killers getting recognized and receiving high praise it kinda gives me a spark of hope despite everything.

Thank you for taking the time to read my article. Bye y'all!

Special mentions: The Prodigal Son (FOX), The Summoning (Cartoon Hangover), Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! (Disney) Welcome to Doozy (Cartoon Hangover), Victor and Valentino (Cartoon Network), The Cuphead Show (Netflix), Class of 3000 (Cartoon Network), Cartoon Saloon version of Winnie the Pooh, and etc (like I said before you can add to the list).

[spooky-month-archive]

A doodle of Carmen and Richard with baby Roy

[fedorah-the-explorah]

Carmen: You're coming to mine and Gray's wedding, right?

Player: Of course! Just wondering, are you guys gonna do that thing where someone gets to object to the union, or...

Carmen: Uh. No. We're not doing that.

Player: Hm. You know what? I'm actually gonna have to check my schedule on that one.

Carmen:

Player: I'll keep you posted!

[forgetful-nots]

Can we just appreciate the fact that Carmen and gray knew each other for a year and decided that this is someone who they wanted in their life and would be incredibly sad if they weren't.

Carmen knew gray for a year and decided that despite that he'd done something she despises he deserves a chance to be at her side.

Gray knew Carmen for a year and decided that she was worth more than his criminal career which he'd joined VILE for.

[garbinge]

The Smell Of Rain

Richie Jerimovich x Reader Carmy x Platonic!Reader

Day 30 from these April Prompts: “The Smell Of Rain”

Summary: Carmy and you get into a fight as all the tension between you over the years comes to a head. When you storm out, Richie comes to comfort you. 

Continuation of these (in order): Pillow Forts, Soft Spot, Shoulder To Cry On

A/N: I did it! 30 days of fics!!! No other way to end it than with my favorite little universe that came from this challenge. <3 

Warnings: All my fics are 18+, despite content. Mentions of cursing, mentions of sex, cursing, mentions of death. 

Words: 2.5k

The Bear Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics​

Other fics from this universe

Your head tilted back slightly as your headphones fell down on your shoulders. The music that was once blasting in your ears was now faint for those around you to hear. 

“Hey!” You called out as the frown filled your face. 

“Hey!” Carmy mocked you as he reappeared in front of you, towel in his hand that rested over his shoulder as he wiped his hands off. “What’s this?” He nodded to all the papers you had in front of you on the counter. 

“Just researchin’” You adjusted the headphones on your shoulders and started to sort through all the papers before pulling one out to flip and show him. “Some spots around town, thinking about opening up my own coffee shit or somethin’ I don’t know.” 

Carmy leaned forward slightly to look at what you were showing him before his eyes mulled over the rest of it. “These are either really expensive or really shitty.” 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Your eyes rolled. 

“No,” he shook his head, “sorry, I just meant why not just set your shit up here, I can work with Syd on getting some shit sorted on the menu, we already got the coffee machines, buying your espresso machine and all that is probably way cheaper than one of these?” His offer was genuine, you could see the wheels in his head turning. 

“I appreciate that Carm, I really do.” The idea wasn’t lost on you, you thought about asking him, working up a proposal even, but after a lot of thought and consideration it didn’t make sense. “The Beef isn’t exactly a coffee spot. I don’t think the shit I wanna do would work here, I’d be burning more than making more.” You explained to him. “I actually,” you started to filter through the mess in front of you and pulled out a couple pages and handed it to him “I actually thought about asking you a few weeks ago but it just doesn’t make sense on paper.” 

Carmy looked over what you handed him and tried to find something wrong, a calculation, a loophole, something but it was true, the numbers just didn’t add up. 

“Told you.” You smiled seeing that he was trying to make sense of it all. “Mikey actually showed me this place” you paused for a minute looking for the one listing that actually wasn’t on the market but it would have been perfect, “here, on North Lincoln.” You handed him the images. 

Carmy got quiet as he stared at paper, the thoughts of Mikey starting to fill his head. The thought of him with you, talking about this shit did something to him, it wasn’t jealousy, it was just the idea that you were here with him when he couldn’t be and wasn’t. 

“Looks like shit.” He said tossing the paper down in a bit of a frustrated way. 

Your eyes tensed as the frown filled your face, “what the fuck do you mean it looks like shit, it’s one of the best places and it’s near here, we’d practically be neighbors.” 

“It looks like shit.” Carmy repeated himself. 

“What the fuck crawled up your ass?” 

“It’s–it’s got no potential, plus it’s not even on the market, I don’t know why the fuck would Mikey show you this shit it’s a waste.” His voice was getting tense. 

“He fuckin’ showed me this because he knew what I was looking for and this met all of my requirements.” You felt yourself nearing the edge of your seat, ready to stand up in full defense mode. 

“Reckless. It’s reckless.” He started to say while shaking his head. “You’re reckless, it’s not your fault, you had Mikey in your ear for years and he clearly didn’t know his shit.” He laughed like what he was saying wasn’t causing your blood to boil. 

“Go fuck yourself, Carmy.” 

His face looked ready to rumble, the smile on his face was sarcastic and fueled by anger. 

“I’m trying to make sure you don’t go fuck yourself.” He had this better than thou attitude dripping off his tongue. 

“No, you’re trying to make sure you validate yourself about not being here when shit got dicey. That’s your fuckin’ cross to bear Carmen.” You used his full name, now being fully over his shit. 

“When shit got dicey?” He laughed, his voice now raising. “You mean when my brother was getting addicted to fucking pain pills and you never told me?” 

The words were sharp and sliced into you. “I mean when I was calling you and TRYING to talk to you but you were too busy with reporters at Eater and Forbes and creating plum pumped bullshit to give a rat’s ass about anything.” 

You both were getting heated now. 

“I was going through shit.” His voice got low for a minute and you thought maybe this was going to be the turning point. You and Carmy didn’t fight often, and when you did it was either over in minutes or lasted weeks. No inbetween. 

“I was going through my own shit too, Carm.” You tried to level with him, get him to understand your side of things since it had been so long since you attempted to. 

“Yea, sleeping with fuckin’ Richie?” The words were pointed, his voice might have been low but he was not trying to back down from this fight. You were at a loss for words, you knew when Carmy found out about your one night stand with Richie he was going to make fun of you, tease you, get under your skin about it but this was different. “At least I put my energy into something worth while, you decided to slum it up here and did I mention, sleep with fuckin’ Richie?”

“Slum it up?” You laughed in shock, “then what the fuck are you doing now, Carmy? Huh? I didn’t realize you were bringing in Jeff Bezos money, my mistake, the broken glass must be just for the ambience and not because you have no fuckin’ money.” You were now standing up. “And what the fuck is your issue with me and Richie? We fucked. Get over it. Are we fuckin 16?” 

“You want to talk about money? You want to open up some pompous coffee shop in downtown Chicago? That’s the dumbest idea yet, the people are fighting that gentrifying ass shit.” 

“Were you just born a fucking douchebag or did it take time and effort? It’s not a fuckin’ sweet green it’s a fucking coffee shop with GOOD coffee, I thought if anyone would get that it’d be you, Mr. fuckin’ NOMA.” You gathered your shit in a frustrated haste. 

“Yea, do what your family does best, leave.” He yelled at you like you had already moved from the spot in front of him, “just like your piece of shit old man.” 

Those words made you freeze, taking in every single syllable of what he said, the inflection of certain words, and then the repetition of the last sentence. “Just like your piece of shit old man.” He knew what that would do to you, it’s why he said it. He wanted to cut and he did. Deep. 

You looked up at him with glossy eyes as you fought back tears. “I don’t know who the fuck you are. But I do know that I wish Mikey was still alive so he could beat your scrawny fuckin’ ass into next year for being a little shit.”  You grabbed your bag and started to walk away and turned around to leave him with one more thing. “Just because I’m your best friend and you know I’m always going to be here, doesn’t mean you can treat me like shit. I thought out of anyone in my life, you would know that. But just one more thing to add to my ‘rememeber when Carmy disappointed me’ list.”  

With that, you rushed into the seating area of the Beef, leaving Carmy at the counter alone. You made your way to the back through the kitchen pushing through Angel and Sweeps. The rest of the kitchen looking up to see you in a state that wasn’t common for you as you made your way to the back exit to sit outside. 

______

Carmy moved back into the kitchen, his frustration getting the best of him as he let it out on everyone around him. Yelling about checks and little details that normally he’d let go unnoticed and unspoken about but now they were everyone’s problem. 

Richie strolled in, late, and with the most nonchalant attitude especially in comparison to Carmy right now. 

“What crawled up Carmy’s ass?” Richie leaned over and asked Tina. Before she could respond, Carmy was yelling at Richie. 

“Cousin! You’re late! And you’re slowing down my chefs!” 

“What crawled up your ass?” Richie repeated the same statement you had said earlier which triggered Carmy to go deeper into his rage. 

“I’m getting shit together, unlike you whose all over the fuckin’ place, creating a mess in your path everywhere you fuckin’ go.”

“Mess?” Richie looked around with a frown. 

“With The Beef, with your marriage, with your life, with my best fuckin’ friend.”  Carmy was now in Richie’s face, just looking for a fight. 

“How’s my life such a mess and I’m still the only one out of the two of us who ever shows up for YOUR fuckin’ family?” 

Richie wasn’t one to pick a fight with, he didn’t hold back. 

Carmy stared at him, jaw tight trying to think of what to say to that. 

“Shows up? I don’t think you offer anything of value to anyone’s life Richie. You’re selling drugs in the back of the fuckin’ restaurant like a fucking deadbeat, your ex wife fuckin’ hates you,  and you fucked my best friend to cope with that, you’re a piece of shit.” 

Richie laughed, “So that’s what this is about?” A smile grew on his face. “You’re jealous because I did what you were too pussy to do?” 

It wasn’t the truth, Carmy and you never were a thing and there was never any secret pining between you, but Richie knew it would get under Carmy’s skin by saying it. 

“Get the fuck out of my face.” Carmy said as he stared off past Richie. 

“What’s the matter, cousin? Jealous?” Richie repeating with a shit eating grin on his face. 

“Jesus Christ I can’t catch a fucking break.” Carmy closed his eyes and whispered. 

“What the fuck are you saying?” Richie’s neck bent down so he could get a better look at Carmy still with a smile on his face. 

“Why don’t you get the fuck out of here like she did, storm out crying, it’ll be great full circle moment, you two can frolic in flower fields and hold hands and talk about how shitty of a person I am…” Carmy was still going on when Richie’s smile faded, he blocked out everything after he heard the mention of you storming out and crying. 

“Where is she?” Richie cut him off. 

“Going to console her like you did when Mikey passed?” Carmy spat. 

Richie repeated himself, “Where the fuck is she.” He said it more of a statement than a question, but he was still asking. 

“I don’t fuckin’ know.” 

Richie started to quickly move past Carmy and looked through the service hatch, by the lockers, and then by the arcades trying to find you.

“Have fun fuckin’ up her life more.” Carmy called out as he moved to his next kitchen task. 

Richie stopped moving for a minute when he heard what Carmy said. He wanted to ignore the comment but he couldn’t so he turned around and moved just as fast again back in Carmy’s face. 

“You know, I didn’t fuck her life up. You did. By not being there. She was getting the shit beat out of her by some fuckin’ dickhead in Minneanaplolis, but where the fuck were you? French Linen? Nona?” Richie fucked up the names of the places on purpose symbolizing how unimportant they were in comparison. 

Carmy looked pale as a ghost, the idea that Richie knew this detail and he didn’t, the fact that he wasn’t there for his brother and Richie was and now he wasn’t there for you and Richie was began to sink in. He said nothing, he stayed silent, his eyes starting to disassociate from Richie as he let those words marinate in his head. 

“Now, where the fuck is she?” Richie was staring down at Carmy now. 

“Out back.” Carmy spoke at a whisper as Richie nodded and moved to the back exit. 

The rain was light, a few drops falling down at a time, but if you were out there long enough one would have started to get soaked. 

“Jesus.” Richie said as he clocked you leaning against the fence that stood in between the back of the restaurant and the back lot. He was quick to shrug his jacket off and throw it over your shoulders and bring you into him. Your sobs grew louder as he took you in, rubbing his hand up and down your arm and consoling you. 

It was years of tears coming out at once, they were tears for the loss of what your friendship used to be with Carmy, the words he just said to you, honestly just everything over the last years was overflowing out of you in that moment. 

“I know, I know.” Richie said as he planted a kiss to the top of your head. “I’m gonna fuck that kid up.” 

“I’ll take that job willingly.” You said wiping the tears as you sat up and caught your breath. 

“You want water or anything?” Richie was leaning to get up but found himself leaning back when you shook your head no. 

It was silent for a while before you spoke up. “You know the rain, reminds me of Michael.” You said looking up at the sky. “I remember catching worms with him and Carmy when we were kids, he always tried to gross me out with them but I was so intrigued by them. He’d cut them in half and I laughed and laughed.” You shook your head. “Carmy and I would create these little houses for them.” A smile filled your face. 

Richie smiled and nodded, his memory of Michael and rain being pretty opposite of that. 

“I, uh. It rained on the day of Mikey’s funeral.” Richie nodded. “I feel like whenever I smell the rain I think about that shit, that like wet fuckin’ concrete smell. The shit some people love and it makes me sick.” 

You leaned your head on Richie’s shoulder, your way of consoling him but also to partially heal yourself. 

“I’m thinking of opening up a coffee spot somewhere in the city. Maybe off North Lincoln.” You weren’t sure why you had mentioned it to Richie but his response made you glad that you did. 

His head fell on yours and he nodded. “I think that’s a good fuckin’ idea.”

[butchcarmy]

good afternoonnnn here are some sillies I drew of carmy and I :] ft. Me trying to convince carmy to go on chopped and then a meme