#because i yelled about him to a friend

[redwayfarers]

assigned: unwell, therapy recommended

It’s taken Artoirel a moment to realise how much of a mercy this is. He doesn’t dare interpret it as a sign of care, not quite yet, but he’s grateful nevertheless. Said mothers did warn him about the difficulty of his choice, but he did see the relief in their eyes, knowing that their son has someone steadfast by his side. He wonders if his own father would share the same relief. For Haurchefant, certainly. For Emmanellain, perhaps. But for Artoirel? The fact he has to wonder at all speaks much more than any answer could.  But he has bigger things to worry about, such as the hurt in his chest at Nika’s shame-fueled anger that had nowhere to go but to Artoirel. He knows it’s not personal, he even understands the impulse, and yet, his eyes prickle with tears he can’t shed. Relief comes when Nika’s mother rushes in, looks between them and just signals for Artoirel to go.  Ordinarily, he would’ve been insulted. As it stands, he takes the direction and leaves, though he stops to watch Nika stifle a scream in his mother’s neck. Artoirel hardly remembers what his mother’s hugs felt like. He cannot seem to recall a recent one from his father, either.  If his insides were a battlefield, they would signal a lost battle.

[rockwgooglyeyes]

It's This Moment (or Nothing)

One of the biggest things that I have run into over the past day with Blink, Gone is the way that it feels incomplete and that is something I still stand by. This could be something completely purposeful, meant to illustrate that the round wasn't ever going to be a legitimate competition anyways, intended from the beginning as a lure for Hyuna and Mizi, to add extra emotional effect to the cliffhanger, or perhaps it really is one half of a wider whole (in a more localized sense than it being one part of the whole series, anyways). I don't really know which I think is more likely, at this point, because I'm not sure enough about any of my theories on that front to make real predictions. I still believe that Mizi will end up on her own when this all finished, all of the people she ever loved dead and gone, the bodies littered at her feet.

With the "special guests" I presume that Hyuna and Mizi will be forced to go up against each other. My friend Zen, (@verdantlights) said that hy thinks that it'll end up being a Hyunaluka round where Hyuna is set to win and then a Hyunamizi round where Hyuna is set to lose (edited because i got the order wrong and zen corrected me lmao). I agree with the idea that, at this point, it's damage control. They successfully lured Mizi (and by extension, Hyuna) in with Till, killed Till and now they're going to make their hostages perform for their lives, as is their brand.

One of the most interesting parts of Blink Gone, for me, is how this was presumably all planned from the start. Zen mentioned something that made me realize this yesterday, that this is the 50th season of Alien Stage. There's no way they would let it get this rowdy with rebels and disrupted rounds unless they were letting it happen, because it was planned from the start, because they were trying to tie up loose ends (Hyuna). Not only that but this round in particular was undoubtedly planned from the beginning, with the amount of preparation that went into it (the giant billboards of Ivan, the chanting of the crowd, the song itself). Till was ranked 2, it was always going to end up this way, Luka's superiority reinforced and his opponent dead on the floor. (btw I'm coming back to Luka. There's gonna be another fucking post just you wait). The way that they used Till's triggers against him, they drugged both of the performers but only gave Till enough to last him halfway through, forced Till to perform against Luka right after Round 6, where he lost one of the people in his life that was most important to him, and then rubbing salt into his horrible fresh wounds.

This is also one of the only rounds where Mizi is one of the POV characters that we have no mentions of Sua, at all. Perhaps that's merely because Mizi wasn't the focus and by extension, neither was Sua, but in another way, you could argue that it's because someone else was busy haunting the narrative: Ivan.

It kinda fucking hurts that the only way we really got to see Ivan was two ways- a direct flashback to the kiss from CURE, a explicit representation of the trauma that Ivan left Till with, and the billboards/Luka manipulations where he mimics Ivan in order to get Till on the back foot. And the thing is, it works. Ivan, despite his every intention otherwise, has become a trauma for Till, the way he thought he never could. To a degree, I was happy about this, because it proved Ivan wrong, that he would just be forgotten in a blink, but it hurts as well, because him only being used as a weapon against Till only reinforces his beliefs about himself that he is a monster and a negative impact on others. He would view himself being used against Till as a bad thing, that he hurt Till when he never intended to, rather than seeing it for what it is- an explicit sign that he was far more important to Till than he previously thought.

(Also something driving me up a wall right now is the way that one of my friend's described the lyrics of Blink, Gone as being in reference to the way that one moment Ivan was there, and the next he was gone, because Till took advantage of Ivan's presence and didn't know how much he needed it until it was gone and I'm sorry I'm going to go scream some more now.)

One thing I've talked about with friends a lot the past day is the way that, if Till is truly dead, then what was Ivan's character even for? And while narratively, it wouldn't make sense to kill TIll here with all of the potential he has and where his arc is going, one thing that @pwippy pointed out to me is how it makes a lot of sense thematically. Alien Stage is a universe full of suffering and pain for humans, forced to perform until they literally die on stage, all for the entertainment of the audience. It's not even meant as a way of exerting control or oppressing them, though it serves that purpose, because why would the seygein bother to oppress something that can't even fight back? Why go to the trouble of controlling something that is just a pet, whose cries are the fuel for a new age?

For Till to die now, reaching out for this glimmer of light when he is an animal caged, surrounded by enemies and bombarded with triggers of his suffering and pain, it would only be fitting. Another confirmation that life isn't fair, especially not in a system that is actively working against you and your attempts at happiness. Yet another sign that none of them were supposed to live very long, that even if they won, they wouldn't be around for much longer anyways. Now, it wouldn't necessarily be in character for Till, as he wants to live and he wants to fight, but he got to see one of the people he loved most in his dying moments, just like Sua and Ivan did. (Thank you this post for grabbing me by the throat and squeezing). In this world of pain and suffering, perhaps death is a mercy. If Till is truly dead, then he no longer a tool for his oppressors, he is free of their control. For Ivan and Sua both of their deaths were mercies to them- Ivan was able to die for the one he loved, as was Sua, and neither of them were forced to live in a world without their beloved.

So, while it might not be in character for Till to die, it makes sense within the themes and the established mechanisms of the universe, and it hammers home just how much more Mizi has to lose, even at this point where she thinks she's lost it all.

Mizi, who at the beginning, was the only one of these characters filled with innocence and hope, Mizi, the apparent protagonist of this story- at the end, she will be alone and she will know the true lengths of cruelty, with all that which she has ever loved destroyed.

[halestrom]

[1tsjusty0u]

iyomiel wanted to bring sissel with him. during tje wjhole revenge plot he had sissel with him. he was in that bag the entire time. henwould be brought alone the whole trip ghe whole time. his best friend. in that bag. he was there the whole time. he was there. he wouldve brougjt that suticase everywhwrrw because his friend was in there

[hanzajesthanza]

when your friend is writing a fic or analysis it feels like this

[sadkachow]

And Then It Is Monday - Why Sunday's plan did not (and could not) work

So normally I don't really make longer analysis posts, but I kept seeing people on social media outright supporting Sunday's actions in 2.2, and I wrote something out about why I personally think that Sunday's plan is wrong. I don't know if this is an issue with tumblr as well, given that the people I saw supporting him were on different forms of social media, but regardless.

Before I begin, I'd like to pose a reminder that the opinions in this are mine and mine alone. If you agree, awesome! If not, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, so long as you're respectful! I have no idea if this is well written or will make any logical sense, but here we go!

(Spoilers for the 2.2 Trailblazer quest under the cut, if that wasn't already obvious)

So the first thing to get off the table: I feel Sunday is a very sympathetic villain, but a villain nonetheless. I understand the people that sympathize with him. I do too, to an extent. He was raised on unhealthy ideals and the belief that he was a "religious figure," one that people looked up to. Other people were allowed to just be, but Sunday always had to be better. He loved his sister, and the people around him, and he wanted to make a better world for them.

But that does not excuse what he did. Making a 'better world' can never come at the cost of taking away people's free will, because that world will never be "better". That's where Sunday's plan falls apart.

Because, yes, there are shitty people in the world, and yes bad things happen. Would it be amazing if we could stop all the bad things from happening ever again, and make the world a much better place? Yes! It would! I would love to live in a world where I don't have to fear for my life and my freedom for an assortment of reasons! But that world doesn't exist--in real life or on Penacony--, and getting it to exist shouldn't be the result of subjugating and controlling other people, because that in and of itself is violence. Albeit a different kind of violence, but violence nonetheless.

Not to mention that things like Sunday's plan and the concept of forcing everyone to act a certain way just to fit this "better world" to me almost serves as a condemnation of human nature and of the very act of choice itself. Your better world starts by saying that some choices are bad, so those choices get taken away, but where does it end? What if someone in charge views a harmless choice as a bad one, and takes away that one in return? Does it stop there, or does it continue, until no one at all is allowed to make any decisions, except those in charge? Who, really, does that benefit?

Consequences for certain choices exist. Generally, society says murder is bad (except for specific circumstances such as self-defense, which technically at that point is no longer even considered murder (at least where I live, it may be different in other areas, but I'm basing this off of my own experience)), so there is a concrete consequence to people murdering people--assuming that they don't get away with it. It doesn't stop people from murdering people, because the liberty of choice is still there, but it shows that just because you can do something doesn't mean you should or that you will escape without consequence.

People are going to do bad things. That is, unfortunately, how humans are. But our responsibility lies in holding ourselves accountable and in promoting growth and healing. That is how you build a better world. Not trapping everyone inside a dream world without any care for their feelings or beliefs, but in getting people the help they need, in fostering a society of positive change and human connection.

And that is why, as "golden" as Sunday's dream may have seemed, it was never going to work. In the end, as the story quest shows, human will and the desire for freedom wins out in the end. When there's a will, there's a way.

[headfullof-ideas]

HTTYD AU idea that I’ll never write because I have too many projects, one a personal rewrite of the HTTYD universe following a potential outcome where the kids all follow Hiccup into exile via dragon back, and speed running the events of RoB, DoB, and RTTE in the span of a few years. ANYWAYS

Snotlout and Hiccup are cousins, but Spitelout, being Spitelout, starts dropping earworms in Snotlout’s ears about how Hiccup will never be Chief, being too small and sickly and un-vikingkly. Only this is when Snotlout and Hiccup are smol, and somewhat close-ish, as little kids tend to be before they get older and start developing an awareness of their surroundings.

Baby Snotlout hears this and comes to the five-year old child logical conclusion that he must protect his smaller cousin from everyone who might hurt him, so he can have the chance to grow up big and strong like everyone else, and be the bestest chief ever!

Snotlout earns a reputation of biting any adult or child who comes within three feet of Hiccup. Not even Stoick is safe from this treatment. Snotlout bit and got into a five-year old child’s equivalent of a fistfight with a sheep that accidentally knocked Hiccup over. No one’s safe. He insists he is protecting the tribes future awesome and amazing chief.

The years pass on. Snotlout is still stubbornly protecting his cousin, but as they get older it’s different. He grows to learn that his cousin is just small, but Snotlout is adamant Hiccup will be a great chief. Because he has a witty tongue that leave adults flabbergasted, and is slippery when the other kids start picking on him, and Hiccup will have Snotlout, who will obviously grow to take his own fathers place as general, and so that means he can just protect Hiccup from all the bigger scary stuff like rival chiefs and dragons so Hiccup can be Chief without worry.

Hiccup does not get relentlessly bullied because his brawny, overprotective cousin throws hands at any slight insult to Hiccup. Hiccup learns how to talk down people from other tribes who aren’t so persuasive much earlier than he does in the show because some boy from another tribe gave him a funny look and his stupidly loyal cousin ran across the room to try and throw him into a table.

When Hiccup thinks he shot down a Night Fury, none of the kids say anything mean spirited about the chaos that followed, because Nsorlout had made a reputation. When they start dragon training, Snotlout and Hiccup get the lowest marks at first because Snotlout heard “Grab a shield” and decided to use himself as a shield for Hiccup, which his cousin does NOT like

It is not Astrid that gets taken out on a flight on the back of a Night Fury, but Snotlout, who wondered where his cousin was spending his free time, because Snotlout at least understands privacy and isn’t hovering over Hiccup 24/7, but also saw how pissed Astrid was at losing and came to find his cousin before she did so she wouldn’t try anything. It is Snotlout, clutching his cousin and screaming as a dragon tries to kill him on his back, because his cousin is his best friend and he has decided he doesn’t want to share. Snotlout is nervous later about the Monstrous Nightmare that his cousin leads to his open hand, but he trusts his cousin, and so touches the dragon.

Snotlout and Toothless do not get along at first, Snotlout protective of his cousin and Toothless protective of his best friend and neither of them wanting to share with the other. Hiccup walks around a corner to see the pair of them going at it with each other, because they couldn’t agree on who was going to follow Hiccup and make sure he was safe. The day Toothless and Snotlout finally start getting along is the day Hocvup realizes he will never know peace again, because there is a Night Fury and his stubborn cousin who’d fistfight Odin if he so much as looked at Hiccup wrong, and of course a Monstrous Nightmare, because Hookfang isn’t going anywhere without Snotlout, so he too is also following Hicvup and making sure he’s safe. Hiccup eventually reminds himself of the alternative and forces himself to live with his two and a half protective, self-appointed bodyguards.

Snotlout is stubborn and loyal and has a very hard time letting Hiccup defend himself in a physical manner at first, but learns to let Hiccup fight his own battles. So long as Snotlout and Hookfang are nearby in case someone fights dirty or cheats or Hiccup has a bad day and decides to let his cousin have at it. He doesn’t once think of trying to become Chief, and Spitelout doesn’t know what to do with a son that refuses to try and take leadership because he’s too darn determined to make sure his scrawny fishbone cousin grows to be Berks Chief. And he can’t complain about it because it’s kinda all his fault anyways.

[helmarok]

romeo roleplaying as his favorite OC to beat the shit out of his other OC who he hates very much

[dawnofiight]

Since Gabe was alive when Sweetheart and Milo got together (I assume) I'll say it now they were prank besties when it came to Milo.

Gabe reminded Sweetheart of their Dads (I saw this hc from someone else I'll find it later) so- third dad found.

When they were told Gabe got into a car crash they had initially fainted.

When they got to the hospital and saw Gabe, they had fainted again.

When they woke up, Sweetheart almost went into the dumb fuckers (the drunk dude) hospital room and killed them too.

IDC THEY WERE BESTIES.

@candelett ty for putting this into my brain

[memento-morri-writes]

This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.

Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.” 

(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)

[mo-ok]

👉😁👈

[trashlie]

Sowing the Seeds, Reaping Stalkyoo

It’s no secret that everything about the state of ILY since the Christmas party has been my absolute catnip, everything I’ve waited for and wanted to see. We’ve had delicious flashbacks and peeks into the past, we’ve been indulged with Nol and Kousuke going head to head, the reveals of how Kousuke has been manipulated and drugged, and yes, Nol’s return into his friend’s lives. Quimchee has been delivering something that I didn’t anticipate we’d get for a long time yet - I thought so much of Nol and Shinae’s relationship was being set up for the future, that it wouldn’t take root until then, and yet. 

And yet. 

Ages ago I wrote about the foundations of Stalkyoo, how so much of the framework for their potential feelings and relationship had been carefully laid for feelings to begin to sprout and bloom, anticipating that it would not be until after Nol returns from prison, maybe even until after the timeskip, that those feelings would show themselves. What a fool I was! How could I anticipate that we’d be seeing them so soon, like this?! 

Someone on reddit asked at what point did Stalkyoo begin - the feelings, us shipping, when it began to feel real and possible, and finally I was able to put the words together, to really begin this post that I’ve been dying to make. (This post is an expansion of my response on reddit, hehe) 

I used to waffle a lot on this thought, because if you reread ILY without a romantic lens, there's a lot of things that CAN come across very platonically - but the key is that context always matters, right? To me, a lot of the build up for Stalkyoo has been simply building a foundation so that their own feelings can develop. There's a difference between having feelings and being drawn to each other, but Nol and Shinae HAVE been drawn to each other from the start. While Shinae initially pushes back on Nol's attempt at friendship, by the time they're at the arcade, I think we start seeing the basis of Shinae reciprocating Nol's friendship. Clearly she's only playing along because she wants to get a free meal out of it, but something about Nol and Shinae that I find really interesting is that it really WAS effortless from the beginning! It's just that Shinae has so much trauma about friendships - not only that Alyssa betrayed her and played hot and cold, but that she can't trust her friendship with Maya and Rika is real and she is LITERALLY only there because she knows Maya is scheming. Yet, at the masquerade and the morning after, we see how easy Shinae falls into a rhythm with Nol - but once she catches herself she back pedals.

Something I think we need to clear before we dig into this is the point in which Nol went from trying to play cupid for Dieter to pursuing Shinae's friendship for himself. I don't think even he was totally aware of it, but when they were at the mall, I think that was a slow changing point for Nol. He could tell that he wasn't going to really be able to play cupid for Dieter (but it didn't stop him from trying) but I think by this point he saw Shinae's facade fully, and how similar it was to his. (I mean, I think he'd already seen this, but this was when it really resonated with him.)

Stalkyoo is really well written in which you can't tell at what point the characters themselves start to have feelings, because that's just the nature of feelings. We can't always pinpoint when we go from feeling friend-ish about someone to when we develop feelings, especially in the case of Nol and Shinae who have SO MUCH ELSE going on that feelings are the furthest thing from their minds. Instead, we see those building blocks, the foundations, the things that LEAD those feelings to grow from platonic to feeling something besides just friendship. It's all the little things! For Shinae, it's that someone was so determinedly persistent, something she hadn't really gotten from her other friends. But more than that, it was the way that Nol saw through her. It was the way Yeonggi evoked the kind of friend she wanted to be but was too afraid to be. It was the safety and security he provided her. 

For Nol, it was the way she always saw him, always picked up on those little details, always took concern. That night she ran into him after work, when she got worried he'd sat outside all evening because she was too harsh, she told herself not to care and yet... she couldn't. She had just drawn these boundaries, but she still had concern for him. Nol isn't used to that. I'm not saying this to shame Soushi and Dieter in any way, but we don't really see them reach out to him, and I think Dieter acknowledged this after Yujing drove away with Rand and unconscious Nol. Nol had just seen the eviction notice in her room, and yet she still buys him ointment and medicine out of worry for him with what little money she has. She took notice of his scuffed knuckles, of his cat scratches healing, asks how he’s handling things after seeing what they’re saying on the media. At the hospital she calls him out on that façade, expressing how much awful it makes her feel so how can he not? 

We get to see these little details culminate, and how that fosters the development of feelings. How can Shinae not be so drawn to this person who has helped her no matter the inconvenience it is to him, who sees through her and calls her out on her bullshit, who took care of her when she was so very vulnerable at the Kim formal? How can Nol not be so drawn to this person who sees him when others make him feel invisible, who makes him feel worthy of her concern and thoughts when so many others have made him feel like he doesn't matter?

It's the way Shinae disarms him and he finds himself unable to lie, revealing a little bit of the real him, admitting a tiny hint of what's going on that he isn't revealing. It's the way he literally inspires her to be a better friend, and to return the favor.

As a reader, the Kim formal and the following hospital scene really sell the plausibility of them through the parallels. We are shown that this early in their friendship, Nol is able to not only comfort Shinae in ways that reach her, but to anticipate her needs (intercepting her coat after Kousuke sends it away). It's not done to say that Kousuke is not a match for her as much as to illuminate why Nol is, to build out that foundation. During a harrowing night when Shinae is completely out of her element and, frankly, terrified, Nol is able to reach her, able to comfort her, and he provides that sense of protection, and in kind, it softens Shinae even more towards him, because now she can see just what a solid friend Nol is, to really take stock of the things he does for her. It also shows us the ways Shinae meets HIS needs in contrast to Alyssa. This is especially important because part of what really fosters Nol's eventual feelings for Shinae is that she sees him, that she feels concern for him, when everyone around him, including the person he's supposed to call his girlfriend, take him for granted.

Nol struggles SO MUCH with self worth and feeling that he matters, that he is anything but a burden (much like Shinae) but also he struggles with feeling that he even deserves this. But then Shinae comes in and gives him a taste of that, and now he can't help it. He opens up, little by little. Not a lot, but he lets her in, tiny bit by bit. She starts to matter. And we can see in episodes like 73, when Nol calls Shinae and they share the parallel pillow hugging phone call, 93 when he admits he can't stop himself from caring and she replaces his earbuds in his ear, 117 and 118 with the chickie nuggie hand holding and the shared earbuds just how Shinae became this person who brings Nol comfort, who has a morphine-effect on him. She becomes a safe space for him. Her comfort towards him fosters that feeling of seeking comfort in her.

At the end of the day, it ultimately is, I think, that they see each other - that they really see each other. Can Shinae see through Nol's facade? Not really - he still has so much that he's yet hidden away. But in a world when he's treated like he's invisible, when others don't reach out, when everyone takes takes takes without giving (and again I'm not faulting people because that's how Nol built these friendships; they weren't supposed to be real, until they accidentally were) she sees him and makes him feel like he matters. And likewise, he inspires her to be a better friend, to take chances with her heart. Ultimately she wouldn't be where she is without him, because while Dieter has also had a substantial role in how Shinae has grown, if not for Nol, she never even could have built that friendship with Dieter.

But also, to bring up my earlier point about that effortlessness, that chemistry has always existed between Nol and Shinae, and once she stopped being so suspicious of him and wary, once he brought her that comfort and security at the formal, we were able to see it more, and how they act on it. I never shut up about how Nol is unable to resist Shinae and it's TRUE. All the times that he tries to avoid her often end with him giving in, turning towards her, revealing something. And likewise she is SO drawn to him that when he starts to pull away, she starts to subconsciously act on that and chase after him, pull him back in. I think there's also something to be said about all the very flirty comments Nol makes towards her that he probably isn't even aware are very flirty - but she is picking up on it. It's that, yes, that attraction is there. Not that I think finding someone is handsome = attraction, but the way she's so embarrassed to voice it feels weighted. Also happening at the formal was that moment where Nol makes Shinae laugh and his eye goes wide - even though I don't think he identified it then, it was a significant moment, probably one that really fostered that attraction, that feeling of how pretty her smile is, ESPECIALLY as someone who had her thick thick walls and he hadn't seen her like that.

Honestly, the entirety of the Kim formal arc really sells the concept of Stalkyoo, despite Nol attending “with” his girlfriend. The parallels in their individual relationships with other significant people show just how compatible they are - Nol banking on a fan taking notice of famous girlfriend Alyssa to give Shinae an escape, that moment when Nol is sent away and Shinae calls out to him and he reaches out before the door closes and he loses the opportunity. It’s that tender moment of Nol doing her make up for her, helping her don her armor in order to blend in. It’s the way she goes straight to Nol after her uncomfortable dance with Kousuke, checking on him because she can tell something is off. They just NOTICE! They GET each other! 

It’s that moment at the bottom of the pool when Nol feels the opportunity to escape, to give in, to stay at the bottom of the pool because there is nothing up there for him - and then there is Shinae, unconscious. It’s Nol donning that uncomfortable mask to bring her to the surface, it’s him denying his ideation because maybe there is, in fact, something for him up there. It’s that Nol is still here because of Shinae. 

How can she not be so significant to him? How could he fight the development of those feelings when she literally is the reason he is still alive? 

IT'S JUST. IT'S ALL OF THAT AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH there's not really one point so much as all along the bricks in the foundation are being laid, the seeds are sown. The structure is going up, the seeds are sprouting. We see the results of that foundation as it fosters these feelings, as it takes these small but significant things and turns them into something grander, until one day Nol is taking comfort on her shoulder, feeling the most at peace he has in a long time, until one day Shinae is crying in the rain chasing after him in absolute desperate fear to not lose him to not lose this. There isn't one moment but, instead, a series of so many moments that build and grow and layer upon each other until one day they are dancing around feelings they weren't aware of until now.

And it's beautiful sobs.

And now that those seeds have sprouted, those feelings have been fostered, they make themselves known. It’s not only Yeonggi that Shinae is drawn to. Yes, that was initially the version of him she knew, who fostered those feelings, but even when he returns to her as Nol - so intense, so unlike Yeonggi - we see the attraction come forth. Rather than Yeonggi, it’s Nol who embodies those aspects of Rand that Shinae finds so attractive - the assertiveness, the intensity - and when Nol stands before her this way, she doesn’t balk. She doesn’t back away. In fact, it’s only when he makes this version of himself known that we start to see her getting flustered, that her heart starts pounding. It’s that intense gaze that she can’t hold, that causes her cheeks to actually flush. 

He tells her that his relationship with Alyssa is a shame, that she doesn’t mean anything to him, and it’s like all the boundaries have fallen away. The things she used to call him out on have fallen wayside - she offers him a dance. Though she’s always known that Nol and Kousuke don’t get along, she finally gets a glimpse at how bad it is, how much bad blood is between them. 

It’s the way she becomes a grounding rod who interrupts his panic, his anger, who brings him a moment of calm. 

In nearly losing him that night, Shinae’s feelings wake up even stronger than ever. She’s already nearly lost him, to nearly lose him this way, in a way that can never be undone... It’s understandable, why she’s keeping vigil. 

It’s both Nol and Shinae hating hospitals, finding them to be so uncomfortable, places they don’t want to stay in, but still standing by - Nol outside her door at Hirahara Memorial of all places, Shinae at his bedside waiting waiting waiting. It’s being in a place full of such horrible memories but finding refuge and comfort in each other. As precious at 219 is for Nol’s birthday party, for the flirtations, for the exchanged gazes - the moment Nol wakes up and his panic is quelled when he finds her dozing on the side of his bed is SO important to me. Those moments they share together before anyone else finds out he’s awake feels like the most real they’ve been with each other - no fronts, no masks. It’s them sitting in the place they’d rather never be again, comfortable because of each others’ presence, because of all those experiences before that have cultivated the ability to find comfort in each other. 

Security with each other. 

The foundation was laid out so beautifully. The seeds were sown and now we watch them sprout, hoping we’ll get a chance to see what comes of them, what grows in this space fostered by them. 

God I love them so much sobs 

[littlest-bugz]

Does anyone else go thru phases where you don’t want to talk to anyone?

Like,,, I love you so much, but I just need to RECOUP. I need my alone time so I don’t have another breakdown.

[lesbiradshaw]

just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.

[everlastingrandom]

I'm working my way through breaking bad and I'm coming to understand why people babygirlify jesse pinkman. i see it

[random0lover]

I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”

(Rant in tags)