#that boy should have been in therapy from ages 2 on up like.

[lesbiradshaw]

just started thinking about bradley as a teenager struggling with his emotions both pre and post his mother’s death/fall out with maverick but not wanting to reach out for help because a history of mental health problems can get you disqualified from enlisting in the service. happy saturday guys.

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Perfect.

Pairing/AU: Soft Boyfriend!Joel Miller X Curvy AFAB!reader , no outbreak.

Words count: 3612, One shot.

Summary: Basically Joel worshipping you and your curvy body ❤️

Warning: +18 only because there is a little bit of smut in the end (Joel ����️😺), nothing too serious but still. Reader is curvy, has wide hips, big breasts, has hair (not specified how long or what color it is or anything), has a freckle above her upper lip. Age not mentioned but they’re both fully grown adults. Joel is the cutest and loves you deeply like anyone has ever done before. (If I did things right you will end up crying a little bit, hopefully)

We talk about not accepting ourselves, seeing ourselves as ugly, having a bad relationship with a parent (mom), briefly about bullying and in general about how society perceives non-conforming bodies and how sometimes we convince ourselves that we are wrong. I don't go into much depth but there are still some passages that I feel are truly mine, so you are warned. I don’t want to trigger you, I want you to feel beautiful and valid and one of a kind and special. All of you.

I was toying myself with the idea of a story about Joel and a curvy reader and this came out. I wrote this at 2am after listening to “Pedro” and “Glow” by Omar Apollo with tears streaming down my face, it’s probably full of mistakes (English is not my first language, no beta reader because it’s 2 fucking am and I should sleep like everybody else in my time zone instead of doing this DAMN!) so I beg your pardon, my brain is a mess right now.

Most of all, I hope you will like it, let me know! Thanks to anyone who will read this.

Archive tags: @pedrostories thank you so much for asking me to do it ♥️

You wake up in bed alone and you stretch your arm on the other side of the bed feeling it empty and cold.

Joel is out for work, meeting a big potential client who wants to renovate his huge mansion.

Obviously he has to try to get the job, but you feel like he's been forever away when he's only been gone for two days.

Your bed feels so large without him in it.

You grab his pillow to try to inhale his scent, just a little tiny bit of him that still lingers on it.

Your man smells amazing, even when he come home after a full day of working in a construction site you’re madly aroused by the minty, sweet, sweaty essence of him.

You don’t care that he’s covered in dust and rubble, you just throw yourself in his arms and take his mouth that rightfully belongs to you and only you and you feel so lucky and blessed to have him in your life.

You had so much troubles with your love life.

You’ve never been skinny, to begin with.

You always had a discomfort with your appearance, your friends were tiny and cute while you were just standing there being ignored.

You had a very almond mother that didn’t waste a chance to remind you how big you are, how much you need to take diet more seriously and become the skinny person every guy wants to marry.

You suffered from that until you were an adult and you could afford going to therapy.

It helped you a lot.

Embracing your body and shape was a long and difficult process but it was worth it.

You gained so much confidence and learned how to be kind to yourself.

But you still had difficulty with boys, growing up you learned to notice strange guys at first glance, after a series of failures with gym fanatics who wanted to change you, older men who wanted to control you and cowards who kept you hidden as if they were ashamed of you.

And then, one day, you met Joel.

While you were looking at him from the other side of the bar too shamed to do anything he walked towards you.

You immediately thought that he was coming to talk to your skinny friend that was with you but no.

He wanted to spoke to you.

That big strong man, broad chest and shoulders, wavy dark brown hair and eyes like the most delicious chocolate cake introduced himself and asked if you wanted something else to drink and the last thing you know you two were talking about everything for 3 hours straight, totally immersed in each other.

You barely noticed that your friend tap your shoulder to tell you that she was going home.

You mentally took a note to apologize profusely to her the following day but you really didn’t want to leave.

It felt too good to be with Joel, talking to him was so easy and he melted your heart in a way you didn’t experience in a long time.

You really didn’t want to give up on him.

You have so much in common with him and he made you laugh and you felt cute and confident and it really worked like magic.

He made sure to compliment your outfit and your hair and your pretty eyes and he made you feel so good about yourself.

You noticed the way he was smiling and looking so intensely at you, he was hungry and turned on by you.

You couldn’t believe that this handsome man was so into you but couldn’t ask for anything better.

You never really parted ways after that first night together, he was a perfect gentleman, took you home on his truck and he never tried to touch you until the two of you arrived at your door.

He was saying goodnight to you when you heard him whisper “oh fuck it” and he kissed you, no longer holding back. It was a perfect kiss, full of desire and passion and you could feel his need for more through his lips and the way his tongue found its way into your mouth.

You felt vulnerable and weak as if he really saw you, beyond appearances, beyond fences that you have built to defend yourself, in the most hidden part of yourself. And you didn’t mind feeling that way in front of a man, in front of him.

You knew it was right.

You could feel it in your bones.

You wanted to drag him inside the house but you stopped just in time before completely losing control.

“I don’t do this at first date, you know” you whispered in his ear while he was kissing your neck giving you shivers down your spine.

His mouth was eager and insatiable, nipping at your skin like he was starved, but again, he was a real gentleman and didn’t do anything you didn’t wanted.

He was fully respectful of your boundaries and conquered your heart with patience.

At your fifth date you were so thirsty for him that you couldn’t even get to the restaurant.

He knocked at the door dressed in dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt that hugged his biceps and his chest in a way that drove you completely wild, you took his hand without saying a word and run to the bedroom dragging him with you with no shame whatsoever.

You didn’t care about manners, dinner that was booked the week before, whatever else that could delay that moment.

You just wanted him.

You felt safe with him and this made you even more horny.

He fucked you wildly and then cuddled with you in the sweetest way ever.

Your heart was full, your body soothed and your thirst quenched.

You moved in together after 6 months of the most fulfilling relationship you had ever had.

Joel has his flaws, he is stubborn, when he is angry he can barely speak and mutters under his breath, he doesn't know how to cook, he's messy and leaves his dirty socks on the carpet in the living room, sometimes he's way too protective and it drives you crazy the way he always tries to warn you off from everyone as if you're not used to assholes.

Minor things compared to how he makes you feel anyway.

When he loves, he loves deeply.

He showers you with compliments and nice gestures, he’s a grumpy with a heart of gold.

And he’s handsome. So handsome you can’t believe that he’s your man even if he makes sure to tell you how beautiful, smart and sexy you are everyday.

You yawn and finally decide to get up, you head to the kitchen and make yourself a coffee.

It’s Saturday and Joel is supposed to come home in a few hours.

After breakfast you do some chores and cleaning around the house.

You go to the supermarket to buy ingredients to make his favorite dinner.

And then you decide to take the afternoon to yourself, you take a long bath and relax in the tub listening to music lulled by the hot water and the scent of bubble bath.

Once out, you decide to wear the dress you wore on your first date with Joel.

You remember perfectly how he looked at you and you feel a shiver down your spine. You haven't worn it for a while and as soon as you put it on you discover that it is too tight on your breasts and hips. You know you've gained a few pounds since you've been with him, you're relaxed, you're happy, you don't care, but you really wanted to give him a perfect evening and this makes you nervous. You look in the mirror and fall back into all the negative thoughts about yourself. It's a fragile balance.

You're still navigating the middle of it, even though you're much better.

You take off the dress and put it back in the closet, hidden, where you can barely see it, hoping bad mood will pass even though you know it has completely ruined your day.

You start cooking, leaving the decision on what to wear until later.

You like cooking and have always been successful at it, your grandma shared all her recipes with you and teached you all her secrets.

Your mother just told you the calories in everything you cooked.

When everything is ready you go to get dressed, you stare at your clothes for what seems like an infinite amount of time, sighing. In the end you choose another dress, black, narrower at the waist and wider at the hips. It leaves your legs uncovered, it's not like the other one but it still suits you so you make the best of it.

You’re spraying yourself with your favorite perfume when you hear the keys turning in the lock and you instinctively run to the door.

As soon as he opens the door you don't even give him time to enter and you throw your arms around his neck.

“Hi sweetheart” he whispers in your ear as he wraps his arms around your waist, holding you tight against his chest “did you miss me?”

You can hear a little laugh in his voice as you reply “of course, I couldn't wait for you to come back”

You take his lips with urgency and just feeling his scruff brushing gently against your cheeks and your cupid bow makes you feel better.

He tastes sweet, he’s warm and familiar.

He never fails to make you whole.

When you're with him it feels like the world is turning right, like things are all falling into place, magically.

One look is enough for him to understand you.

His tongue makes room into your mouth so easily and intertwined with yours and you’re lost in his embrace.

When you finally part to take breath he’s grinning and watching at you with burning desire in his eyes.

“I missed you too. Let me see you, sweetie. I want to admire my beautiful babe in this dress”

You instantly feel better and do a pirouette laughing to make him look at you.

“Jesus, hun, it’s really amazing on you”

You walk up to him and give him a kiss on the hairless part of his beard, then take his lips again.

You moan into his mouth when his hands move to your ass, stroking it gently then squeezing it.

“I love your ass babe, so full and juicy and soft”

You whine at his praise, kissing his jawline and his neck.

You rest your face on his chest enjoying his warmth.

“It's amazing how you always make me feel better. I felt like crap a few hours ago." you murmur.

“Why, love, what happened?” you can clearly hear concern in his voice.

“I wanted to wear the dress I wore the first time we went out…but it's too tight now” you whisper, a little bit ashamed.

He cups your face with his hands, looking at you with sweetness.

An incredible sweetness that instantly melt your heart.

“Don’t be sad babe, a dress is just a dress, it doesn’t fit you anymore? Who cares. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and I’m so lucky to have you”

You want to cry, but you don't, instead you take his lips back into yours, grateful to have a man like that by your side.

No one has ever made you feel more loved than him.

You kiss him intensely, so much that you're almost breathless, but it doesn't matter.

You feel his erection pressing against your thigh and you can't wait any longer, you even forget about dinner already being prepared and he doesn't seem worried either.

“Can we go to our bedroom already? I need you so bad, Joel” you pant against his skin.

“Whatever my love wants” and he take you by the hand “I definitely need to remind you how much I love you and how incredibly sexy and lovely you are. Come with me”

He takes you to your bedroom without stopping to hold your hand and makes you sit on the edge of the bed.

He looks you in the eyes as he caresses your cheek with his knuckles. It's incredible how delicate his big hands can be.

He trace the outline of your jaw with his fingertips never stop looking at you.

He then moves to your neck, placing his hand right under your ear, his fingers hidden in your hair.

He leans down to kiss your nose and your lips, so softly.

“Babe, you’re the most precious thing I have in my life, I don’t know what I would do without you”.

His voice is low, slightly hoarse, it surrounds you like a hug, it goes straight to your heart, every little intonation that characterizes it, how it glides over the vowels and caresses the consonants, his breathing, that warmth that emanates, that sense of familiarity and comfort, his sensitivity and his inner strength and his fragility that he is not afraid to show.

He lowers the straps of your dress and makes you stand up just for a moment to let it fall at your feet, sliding it over your hips.

He makes you lie down on the bed, while he also undresses, remaining in his boxers. He climbs onto the bed and lies down next to you.

“Never forget how gorgeous you are, please”

His hand slides over your breast, still covered by your bra, he searches for your nipple and takes it between his fingers, pinching and pulling it gently.

“I love your tits, so big and perfectly shaped” and he kisses you there. “I love your pretty face, and your smile and your sparkling eyes and your luscious lips.” Each word is followed by a kiss on the body part he just mentioned “And your silky hair. And this freckle right here. Above your upper lip. I would do nothing but kiss it all the time. I love the smell of your skin and your taste, so sweet.”

You can't believe he's doing this, he's literally worshipping every part of you.

“I love your incredibly sexy hips and thighs."

His lips move over you like velvet, like butterflies flapping their wings on your skin, so impalpable and yet so real.

“I love every inch of your body, especially those that seem too much to you. And of course I love your intelligence and how you laugh at my stupid jokes that never make anyone laugh. I love that you’re funny and sarcastic. I love the little wrinkle that comes between your eyebrows when you concentrate. I love the way you squint when I say something about my work that you don’t know. I love the way you look at me, I love hugging you and feeling your breathtaking body on mine.”

Joel isn't one for many words, he generally prefers action but now he's a river in flood and looks at you haunted.

It's an incredible feeling to have him all to yourself, to have the certainty of being able to trust him blindly, without the fear that he will turn out to be like everyone else you've been with.

No one has ever treated you this way before, with devotion, as if your body were a priceless treasure.

You yourself were mean to this body, you hated it, you tried to change it, you cursed it and cried because it didn't look like anyone else's when the only thing you wanted was to be like one of your friends.

Thin. Impeccable. Someone who fits any dress and who has never heard "we don't have your size". One who wasn't laughed at, treated like a joke, one who everyone looked up to, one whose face people didn't throw pies at and call a whale or a monster.

Joel knows all this. You told him. And everything he's ever tried to do is exactly the opposite of what they've always done to you.

An ode of love to you, to your body, to your soul.

He moves between your knees, settling at the end of the bed.

He leaves a trail of kisses along your inner thighs moving up and up towards your pussy, his beard deliciously rough on your skin.

He smiles at your already wet panties, at the unmistakable stain that spreads across the front.

You wore a cute white lacy pair with matching bra that he bought to you last Christmas.

You sigh in anticipation as he takes the time to stroke and tease your clit through the fabric with just one finger.

He then slides his fingers into the sides of your panties, he makes your hips rise slightly and takes them off, smiling at you.

You gasp as he buries his face between your legs kissing your folds so softly, he stick his tongue out and lick your lips and then part them with two fingers and kiss your clit.

You moan loudly and feel his smile widening on your skin, he’s so good at this and he knows that you love the way he does it.

He takes your clit in his mouth and suck gently.

“You’re so wet babe” and he kiss your lips again “so good for me, the perfect woman”

He teases your hole with his tongue, just the tip, while his thumb circle around your clit.

Nice and slow, a steady pace that makes you whimper against his face.

You grab his hair pushing him even more against your pussy, whining in pleasure.

You feel his beard crawling across your skin, you know it will redden your skin but you don't care, you don't care about anything now.

He continues to lick you, up and down and then back to your clit, his large hand splayed on your tummy.

You've always been ashamed of your tummy.

He adores it. He always tells you, he likes to touch it and he likes to kiss it and he loves that it’s so soft and fluffy.

He groans as you tug his hair and increases the pace, making his way into your hole with two of his thick fingers, stretching you and searching for the spongy spot that always makes you feel on fire.

You raise your head slightly to look at him and see his eyes staring at you mischievously and proudly, he likes looking at you, he doesn't want to miss a second of your pleasure.

He’s again on your clit with his mouth, swirling around it with his tongue.

He pumps his fingers in and out of you, you whine again and again more and more loudly.

He doesn’t stop.

“Joel I-” your voice cracks in an attempt to say something “God, I just can’t”

“Yes, you can, babe, just come for me, I want to feel it. Come all over my face”

you whine, squeeze his head between your thighs, your hand tucked in his hair “Joel!”

You feel a heat radiating inside you, your orgasm building as he gives you no respite.

“Come on baby, give it to me” he whispers softly on your skin.

And you do. You explode at his praise, at his begging for you to give him what he wants.

You pant loudly as he doesn't stop licking you until you calm down.

He comes back next to you and kisses you. You taste yourself on his lips, on his tongue, you're all over his face and it drives you crazy.

“Fuck me Joel. Fuck me now, please” your voice comes out almost desperate.

He looks at you, nodding without saying anything else, takes off his boxers and climbs on top of you, making you spread your legs to make room for himself. He takes his cock in his hand and rubs it on your clit. Once, twice, three times, wetting it with your pleasure that slid down to your inner thighs.

“You want my cock, babe?”

You nod repeatedly looking at him with beg in your eyes.

“Tell me how much you want it”

“I want it, Joel. I want it so bad. Please”

He enters you effortlessly, even though he's big, much bigger than any man you've ever had.

“Always so tight for me, God, you’re so amazing”

He wraps his arms around your torso and pulls you up to sit on top of him, he’s sitting on his heels, his cock still inside you.

He kisses you deeply, his tongue licks hungrily into your mouth, he holds you tight against his chest, you moan into his lips feeling you totally enveloped by him, your arms around his neck, ruffling his hair, your thighs around his waist.

His cock burns in your center, he moves his hips to sink into you, deep.

You feel like you're one, you're totally drunk on him and it's an overwhelming thrill.

He fucks you like this, holding you close to him, each thrust harder and harder, your face hidden in the crook of his neck.

You fill your nostrils with his scent, his masculine unmistakable scent, the one you were missing this morning.

The scent that smells of home and comfort and caresses and the purest love you've ever felt.

It’s here now.

And it’s yours.

You end up hugging each other on the bed, tired but incredibly happy. You are still held in his arms as he whispers “I love you” into your hair.

You look up and look him in the eyes and you know it's true.

"I love you too.”

[oneatlatime]

The Guru

Happy 2024 everyone and welcome to the first time I managed to type 2024 without first typing 2023! Oh and also a write up of The Guru. That too.

Me too Iroh. Me too.

So Zuko is riding high on that post-crisis 'time to get my life together' buzz that, similar to 3 am life plans, should absolutely not be listened to. Wonder how long before he crashes and burns? There's literally 2 episodes left, so I'm guessing one and a half?

Poor Sokka. My boy's got anxiety.

I don't know if it's a monk thing, an airbender thing, an Avatar thing, or an Aang thing, but I envy his complete lack of nerves.

How is Appa ok with them splitting up for a week after JUST getting them back?

I paused in a funny place. Have bonk-eyed Appa.

I love them comparing heights. What do you want to bet that that guy on the right was one of the youngest allowed to go fight, and Sokka made a big deal about how they're almost the same age and surely that means he can go too, right?

A lot of these Southern Water Tribe people have dreads or braids. That's neat.

Bato's arm is still messed up. That's some good continuity.

I've found the source of Katara's cheek bones. I guess Sokka takes after his mum.

Ok I know this is a really emotional moment (and it is! Sokka's spent two seasons earning this!) but my brain fixated on the furs and briefly thought they were sky bison pelts.

"It's been a difficult week for me." This guy thinks the Kyoshi Warriors are there to provide him therapy. Someone please just crown the bear instead.

He just gave away literally every relevant plot point AND outlined how to make sure all these plot points don't succeed. Crown. The. Bear.

Maybe if these generals spent less time playing with their giant model Earth Kingdom and more time general-ing, the war wouldn't suck so much?

Pretty.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the designs, the colour palette, the music, the sound design of this air temple. I love everything about it. If I had the chance to live anywhere in the Avatar universe, it would be here. Even in its ruined state it's such a refreshing contrast to the claustrophobia of Ba Sing Se. I can feel the freshness of the breeze through the screen.

"A spiritual brother of your people" an adult perspective on a near extinct culture! What a resource!

"and a personal friend of Monk Gyatso" an old as balls perspective. He's got to be at least 130.

Anthropology cul de sac time: this guy is so valuable as a resource on the Air Nomads. There's probably parts of Air Nomad culture that Aang can't ever accurately talk about, because he was a kid when he left, and there was almost certainly stuff that the adults kept to themselves, or only shared with the older Air Nomads. This Guru doesn't seem to be an Air Nomad himself, but there's a good chance that there is knowledge that he has, that Aang doesn't. Aang should be nerding out more about this. I'll do the nerding out for him.

Aang just breezes right by that Gyatso name drop like it's nothing. Huh.

Oh hey Toph. I'd forgotten she was in a box. Tweedle dum and Tweedle dumber really are quite the pair. What's their plan for keeping her fed and watered? Actually, these guys apparently don't know that maps exist, so it's probably never occurred to them that humans need sustenance. They'll rock up to the Bei Fong estate with corpse Toph and wonder why they aren't getting the reward money.

Mai gets called out in-universe for shopping at Hot Topic.

Ty Lee's buttering up of Azula is getting less and less subtle as the season progresses. It's a testament to Azula's lack of awareness that she's hasn't noticed that, and that Ty Lee can get away with it.

Azula's right that it's an extraordinary opportunity. The King gave them quite literally every piece of info required to overthrow his kingdom in a 25 second conversation. I can't blame her for taking advantage of such an easy win.

That's a very effective unimpressed face. And a very impressive beard.

It's funny to see a spiritual concept from the real world pop up in a show that includes things like bending and giant fish possession. The mention of Chakras kind of sticks out. They couldn't invent a Avatar universe version?

"Once you begin this process, you cannot stop until all seven are open." Well that doesn't feel like foreshadowing at all.

This episode should be called "Aang's self-care Journey." It's about time the kid had a me day that wasn't avoidance-based.

Fear: Losing Katara - makes sense. Losing control of his powers via fish possession - makes sense. The Fire Lord - makes sense. But the Blue Spirit? He helped. Doesn't make sense.

Guilt: Running away - makes sense, although I thought he'd worked through that with Katara in the storm. Nuking that idiot General's base - makes sense, but boy did he quite literally ask for it.

This guru is saying some wonderfully accurate, and realistic, things. I love that he's not taking the Katara route of denying anything is wrong. He's going for the acknowledge, then heal route. And yes, it's unfair of me to compare the emotional maturity of Katara to a century+ old spiritual expert.

I'm going to ruin the immersion here and point out that Sokka's dad's voice actor voiced a bunch of characters in season 1. He's doing an excellent job, but couldn't they get a unique voice for a character that's so important (albeit offscreen) to Sokka?

That's an incredibly roundabout way of avoiding pointing out that the Southern Water Tribe are active participants in a bloody war. Sure, we can show multiple characters with visible scarring from horrific burns, but heaven forbid we imply that the Southern Water Tribe sinks ships. The parameters for what is and isn't appropriate on this show sometimes make no sense.

"Aren't you listening? I said the rest of you men get ready for battle." He hasn't seen his boy in two years, but fifteen minutes in his company and he knows exactly what needs to be said and how. That's some top tier parenting. Dad of the year. Dad of the century. Only decent Dad in this show that isn't technically an uncle.

"Follow your passion Zuko, and life will reward you." Great advice for your eight year old audience. Also a great way to end up unemployed.

Positive Sokka creeped me out a few episodes ago. Now positive Zuko is freaking me out too.

Pretty.

Back to Chakras! Shame: Burning Katara - makes sense. But that's it? To have the inner peace of mind of a twelve year old who's somehow only ever done one thing that he's ashamed of.

Is there anyone in the earth kingdom who isn't stupid? Once again wondering at the network's standards. Visible burn injuries are fine, but Mai can't say 'Shut up." It's got to be Shush up. Although I do seem to recall of brief time in the early 2000s when Shut Up was treated as a curse on par with Shit or Fuck. Maybe that was just at my school.

Chakras again! Even for a show that often has an A, B, and C plot, this narrative is ping ponging around a bit much.

Grief: nothing major, just a whole nation. Makes a horrific amount of sense. but I don't buy that he can get over grieving the whole world as he knew it by thinking about his crush. That's way too high a pedestal for Katara to be placed on.

Lies: Not accepting he's the Avatar. Interesting that not accepting that he's the Avatar and not accepting that he's a firebender are two different problems.

I see you reusing the opening credits footage. Your blue filters can't fool me.

PRETTY

Illusion: So we're relearning what we learned in The Swamp. Aang's probably the person currently alive least likely to believe in the rigid separation of the nations anyway. This doesn't feel like an illusion he's subject to?

The way this episode dances between its narrative threads is so great. It's all woven in so beautifully. And this makes perfect sense! Toph's spent her life secretly doing things excellently that everyone says are completely beyond her capabilities. Life has taught her that the statement "you are not able to" doesn't apply. Of course immutable laws of bending physics are treated with the same respect as an adult telling the champion of the Earth Rumble that she's can't earthbend beyond breathing exercises. If you told her that humans can't fly, she'd figure out how within the week.

Plot collision incoming.

Interesting that Katara initially recognises Zuko by his voice rather than his scar.

I'm pretty sure that Zuko and Iroh don't know about the whole brainwashing thing, but wouldn't it be hilarious if Zuko introduced himself to Katara as Joo Dee, and his uncle Joo Dee, welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, can I take your order? That would throw Katara into one hell of a moral quandary.

Katara being framed as the solution for Chakra number four comes back to bite Aang, as she's the problem in Chakra number seven. I knew that pedestal was too high.

I've changed my mind. This episode should actually be called "Half a dozen reasons why everyone should just learn to keep their goddamn mouths shut already."

So is anyone going to let Zuko and Iroh know that they're now in immediate danger and need to leave, like, yesterday?

I think the Guru is going for the whole 'if you love them, let them go, and they'll come back to you' thing. Don't cling, in other words. But for the sake of the plot he's suddenly lost his ability to explain Chakras in a way that makes them seem like the logical thing to do. The only clunky bit of this episode so far.

May I introduce you to our Lord and Saviour Toph?

"I am the greatest earthbender in the world." Yes. Yep. Yeah. That's now a quantifiable fact, and it's correct. Look on ye mighty and despair. She's even got Bumi beat.

Earth Tongue Running is a bit wonky looking but it covers a crazy amount of distance.

What's the range on Toph's earth sense? Can she sense what direction Ba Sing Se is?

I hope those two idiots' horse bird is ok.

"You don't know how much this means to me dad." He does. Very much so.

Every word out of this guy's mouth is precision engineered to make Sokka feel like a million bucks and I for one think it's about time someone built him up. Also, seeing this makes me realise how few good parents there are in this show. It's a trope of kids' adventure shows that the parents fundamentally can't be there, but I also think it's a commentary on yet another thing that this war has messed up.

Hey look! Being a man is knowing where you're needed the most, and right now that's in Ba Sing Se, protecting your sister! I love narratives that tie their themes up with a pretty bow on top.

This is Azula laying a trap, right? Which means that Katara squealed to someone about the exact location of Iroh and Zuko's tea shop. Don't like the implications of that.

Photos taken seconds before disaster.

Final Thoughts

This episode was a lot! I mean that in a good way! But I felt a bit like the Maxell Blown Away Guy, the way I kept getting assaulted by yet another plot thread. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a criticism. I think the switching between plot threads and the amount of info in this episode worked 99% of the time. But I'm kind of in awe at the balancing act the writers pulled off and I'm sort of sitting here blinking a bit trying to fit all this stuff in my head. I'm probably going to forget half the stuff I wanted to talk about in this write up, so here goes nothing.

Given the Azula reveal in at the end of last episode, I thought that this would be the episode where the shit hits the fan. I was wrong. I'm glad I was wrong. An episode of set up is required and is nice breathing room, even an episode as busy as this. And I got to leave Ba Sing Se! But this does mean that next episode is going to be calamity after calamity.

Aang and his Chakras: I'm fascinated by this guru. I hope he comes back. That brings the total number of people who were alive before the war started up to three: Aang, Bumi, Guru Patik.

I'm impressed that the run through of the Chakras rarely felt like an info dump. The onion and banana juice thing didn't work for me, but I'm sure it worked for people in the target age bracket. Kids love burp jokes.

So many shows sprinkle in tragic backstories for flavour and then never have them influence the character in the present. It was a nice contrast to see a show take a whole episode to tell Aang "yeah all that sucked. It's ok to feel down about it. Here's how you move forward."

Sokka and his dad: Love it. Love it so much. I love seeing Sokka built up, and he definitely deserves it, but I wonder if this is the reward for a character arc well done, or the set up for a character arc that's about to start? Is his dad's praise his prize for crossing the finish line, or is it so he's built up with farther to fall?

I loved seeing more of the Southern Water Tribe. I loved the fashion. There's a lot of variety in accessories and variations on a few basic elements like those knee guard things. I loved their hairstyles. I loved how cozy and communal that command tent felt. I loved their ships. I wonder how often these guys work out, that they can make loading ramps that are presumably deployed and stashed out of the way frequently, out of whole logs rather than planks. I have a bone to pick with the child-friendly sea mine. But it provides a good set up for a dad joke, so I'll let it slide.

Zuko and Iroh: Of course the one time Zuko is allowed to be in a good place, it's so that he and Iroh both have farther to fall when the inevitable happens. Poor guy just can't catch a break. I'd be mad at Azula for the party crashing that I'm assuming she'll do next episode, but it's been established that Zuko has all nice things taken away from him as soon as he gets them, and I can't blame Azula for being a tool of the universe.

Azula & Long Feng: Azula's acting in Long Feng's prison cell was miles ahead of what Long Feng was doing in front of the Earth King, so I'm wondering if Long Feng has bitten off more than he can chew. Also: conspiring with the enemy to bring down your own city just so you can reinstall yourself as the power behind the throne that will presumably cease to exist as soon as the Fire Nation takes control? That is both treasonous beyond description and an incredible case of shooting yourself in the foot. What's Long Feng's plan here?

Toph and the Dunderheads: it says something about the consistency of Toph's characterisation from her introduction onwards that she breaks the universe this episode and my reaction was "that's neat." It's obviously a huge moment, but of course Toph can do that. Toph can do anything. More importantly, Toph knows that Toph can do anything, so Toph routinely does do anything, especially things she shouldn't be able to do. If you had asked me a few episodes back which character would be most likely to fundamentally redefine bending, I would have said Toph, since she's already fundamentally redefined bending with her earth sense sonar vision.

Also Toph just breaks stuff. Things that come into contact with her cease to function as intended and instead function as Toph requires. Look at the two idiots: both successful business owners, one also a successful hoodwinker of the richest family around. But they come into contact with Toph and their brains take an extended vacation.

Katara & the Generals: this plot was more like an extension of Azula's plot than its own standalone thing. You can't blame her for spilling the news about Zuko and Iroh to someone she honestly thought was Suki. Not much else to say about it, although it's cute that she asks for a table for two at the tea shop. Momo gets a chair!

I like that there's a theme this episode of things going wrong despite the best intentions. No one's acting maliciously here apart from the Antagonists. The Earth King is having an honest chat with people he thought were friends. Sokka vouched for people he honestly thought were the Kyoshi Warriors. Katara shares information about a presumed threat with people she honestly thought were her allies. You can quibble with the wisdom of some of these decisions, but there were all done with good intentions. The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry and all that. It brings to mind that Star Trek quote about how you can do everything right and still lose. And this set up is going to hit harder when whatever goes wrong next episode happens. And something will go wrong. A few months ago I figured that the Season 2 finale would be a triumph, but all signs are pointing towards a tragedy instead.

This episode was visually stunning, the soundtrack in the Air Temple sections especially was very evocative, and I applaud the minds that could juggle that many plot threads at once without dropping any. This one is definitely going on my rewatch list.

[hairstevington]

Stranger Therapy

Eddie Munson x Steve Harrington

Summary: Based on this text post, Steve and Eddie match on Tinder and decide to go to couple's counseling on a first date to see how long it takes the therapist (Murray) to figure them out. Link to Ao3

Word Count: 3K, check out part 2 part 3 part 4 and epilogue!

Warnings: Nothing too serious, Steve/Eddie went to high school together but don't know each other, modern day AU, aged up, brief Robin cameo, Matchmaker Murray, and my fav tag of all - gay scheming!

A/N: I'm a counselor in training currently but I don't specialize in couple's counseling so this may or may not be accurate? Idk man it's just fun and silly I love our stupid boys sm. Original post by @hxneyfarms

It’s a match!

“Robin, it worked!” Steve shouted from the couch. She ran from the kitchen and joined him, peering over to stare at his screen.

“I told you it would! It’s funny!” she insisted. Steve rolled his eyes and anxiously pulled up the profile of his new match. 

“Oh, shit,” Steve said. “I remember swiping right on this guy. Didn’t think I had a shot.” He looked through the pictures. They were all candids, slightly blurry, or shots of him with his friends, but due to his distinguished look it was easy to pick him out even in a crowd. 

“Show me his bio,” Robin ordered. Steve closed out the pictures and scrolled until the bio was in full view.

Eddie, 25. Shit at bios.

“Well that’s kind of boring,” Steve said. 

“Yeah. You think he’s a bot?” Robin asked.

 “Or a catfish, maybe,” Steve mused. “Either way, I still think I should take your joke down. I don’t talk like that in real life, and people might get confused.”

Robin had convinced him earlier to change his bio and replace it with - let’s go to couple’s counseling and see how long it takes the therapist to realize we don’t know each other. Steve had been a little tipsy when he agreed, and he assumed nothing would come of it. But then, Eddie matched with him. 

“You’re thinking way too hard about this, Dingus,” Robin replied. “People write weird shit in their Tinder bios all the time.” 

“Eddie didn’t,” Steve countered. 

“Yeah, but look at him,” Robin responded. “He’s distinctive. It’s attention-grabbing in itself.”

“And I’m not?” Steve asked. Robin chuckled.

“You’re the kind of pretty where if you don’t have something witty in the bio, people will think you’re just some ignorant surface-level airhead who’s never worked a day in his life, and that’s not cute.”

“Okay, ouch,” Steve said. 

“It’s a compliment!” she insisted. “Like, you need to show that you’re witty and funny and able to poke fun at yourself, otherwise you’re going to attract the wrong kind of people.”

“And this guy’s the right kind, huh?” Steve opened one of the pictures back up - one where Eddie was passed out on the couch with a beer still in his hand. As they looked at the screen, a notification popped up. Eddie sent you a message.

“Let’s find out,” Robin said. 

-

Eddie: If your bio is serious, I’m in

Steve: Wait, really?

Eddie: Yeah xD sounds fun

Eddie: You got a therapist in mind?

Steve: Honestly didn’t think I’d get this far

Eddie: Boo. 

Eddie: You’re lucky I know just the guy

Steve: Okay…

Steve: So how do we do this?

Eddie: Dude, it was YOUR idea

Steve: Ok but I’ve never done it before!

Eddie: Steve! I’m your first? <3

Steve: Yeah, yeah. I’ve never pranked a therapist before. 

Eddie: I hope you’re either rich or have really good insurance. Otherwise this is gonna be an expensive first date.

Steve: I got it covered. 

Eddie: I figured you did. I’ll call the guy in the morning and get back to you with the appointment time. 

Steve: Okay. How’s your night going by the way?

Eddie: Nope!

Eddie: That’s not part of the deal, Steve. We go into this blind or not at all.

Steve: This is insane.

Eddie: Once again, your idea. I’m excited. Are you excited?

Steve: Thrilled.

Steve: I’m still concerned about how you know the perfect guy for this.

Eddie: 😛

Eddie: Don’t worry about it.

-

“I don’t even think he’s serious,” Steve said after he recounted the entire interaction to Robin.

“I don’t know, Steve. Sounds serious to me.” 

“What if he’s like - not right in the head?” Steve wondered, reading the interaction over and over again. “Like, who is this therapist and why does he know him? Is he actually going to make an appointment? What if this whole thing crashes and burns?”

“I honestly think he plans on it crashing and burning,” Robin replied. “And then after, the both of you either hit it off and laugh about it forever, or you have an amazing failed date story to tell your friends until the end of time.”

“That’s…actually genius.” 

“I know.” 

Steve read the messages one last time, focusing on the bits where Eddie was mildly flirtatious. Steve! I’m your first? He could tell if Eddie was being condescending, or what vibe he was going to bring to this absolute insane first date. But, as Robin said, it would be a story no matter what. 

He tried to focus on that and not the anxiety that started brewing in his veins.

-

The appointment was set for two weeks later. Eddie still refused to talk to Steve other than for details on where to go and at what time, so for the whole fourteen days, Steve assumed he was being pranked right back. Eddie was messing with him, or he’d cancel, or Dr. Bauman didn’t actually exist, or he’d be murdered, or, or, or -

None of that happened. Instead, on a Tuesday afternoon, Steve pulled up to an office building about fifteen minutes from his apartment. He’d passed by it several times and never once wondered what went on inside. 

Apparently, really weird first dates.

They had decided to meet up in the parking lot and walk in together. The whole thing was crazy, but having one of them pick the other up so they could drive in together was way over what was needed to commit to the bit. 

Steve got there first. They needed to be fifteen minutes early to fill out paperwork. It was twenty minutes prior to their appointment time. 

This was weird. It felt a lot different than all the times he’d met someone for coffee. In another world, that’s how he and Eddie would have met. But no. He had to agree to this stupid thing, and now he was too far into it to back out. Jesus Christ. 

Eddie’s car pulled in a few spaces down. Steve knew it was him from the hair alone - unmistakable. He got out of his car and walked towards his date, his palms sweaty. Eddie got out of his car a moment later, eyeing Steve as he approached him and smirking. 

“What gave me away?” Eddie asked. 

“You think I wouldn’t recognize my boyfriend?” Steve snapped back, pleased at the way he was able to take Eddie off guard. 

“Touche. Well, come on, then. Let’s do this.” 

-

Before they knew it, they were sitting in a cramped waiting room, alone, filling out paperwork. It consisted of insurance information first, followed by names and some quick background questions about the “couple.” Steve began filling it out, thankful that he was still on his dad’s fancy rich-person insurance. It covered basically everything, even fucked-up couples fraud with Dr. Bauman.

“Are you not worried I’m gonna, like, steal your information or something?” Eddie asked as Steve wrote down his policy number.

“I mean…should I be?” Steve responded. 

“No,” Eddie answered with a shrug. “I gotta say, though, you’re way more trusting than I am. It’s ballsy. I like it.” 

“Uhh…” Steve was trying to concentrate on the paperwork, but the compliment was throwing him off. “Thank you, I think.” He continued filling out the paperwork.

“You’re from Hawkins?” he asked. Steve nodded, absentmindedly. “I’m from Hawkins.” This caught Steve’s attention. 

“No shit.” 

“Yeah, seriously.”

“Small world,” Steve replied before turning his attention back to the form.

“You have a cute middle name,” Eddie teased. 

“Shut up,” Steve responded. He wanted to find Eddie’s pestering annoying, but instead he found himself smirking, even giggling a little bit. This whole thing was so ridiculous. He shoved the clipboard onto Eddie’s lap. “Your turn, lover.”

“Euch,” Eddie groaned. “That is not one of our pet names, no way.” 

“Noted,” Steve chuckled. He was…kind of enjoying this way more than he expected, as weird as it was. He’d grown accustomed to a lot of even stranger things in his life, so this didn’t feel as shocking as he’d initially thought. 

“Don’t look,” Eddie said as he covered the paper.

“What? Why not?” Steve asked, confused. 

“Because not all of us are as blindly trusting, Steven,” Eddie responded. Steve shook his head and looked away. 

“Good thing we’re in therapy to work that shit out, Edward Munson.”

“You looked!” Eddie exclaimed. 

“It was right in front of me!” Steve pointed out. 

“Fair enough,” Eddie sighed. “Okay, now we gotta put down a reason for doing this.”

-

Fast forward ten minutes, Eddie and Steve were seated next to each other on a relatively small but cozy burnt orange couch. The color was ugly, but the seats were comfortable. Steve noticed the cushions had a natural dip that kept inching him closer to the person sitting on the opposite side. He figured this was certainly intentional. 

The doctor sat in front of them, reviewing the papers the pair had just filled out.

“Hello, my name is Dr. Bauman, and one day I may let you call me Murray,” he began, his eyes fixed on the papers in front of him. “I see here on your sheet that you’ve been feeling distant from each other, and that you’re looking to feel more connected, right? Can you tell me more about that?”

“We’re just launching right into it, huh?” Eddie asked. 

“Well, we are on a time crunch here. Your decision how you spend it,” Dr. Bauman answered. 

The man was immediately intimidating.

“Ooookay,” Steve said, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I guess it just feels like - like he and I don’t even know each other anymore.” Eddie stifled a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand to make it seem like he was maybe getting emotional or perhaps trying not to sneeze. 

“I see,” Dr. Bauman said, eyeing them both suspiciously. “Let’s begin with how you two met and we’ll go from there, okay?”

“We were high school sweethearts,” Eddie replied with a grin.

“Wow,” Dr. Bauman commented. “Well, it’s common for a lot of development to happen from then to now. How did you two get together?” Eddie looked to Steve, as if to say, you’re up.

“It just kinda…happened, I guess,” Steve began. “We were assigned as partners for a project and really clicked.”

“Yeah, and then we snuck around for a while. Sneaking kisses in janitor's closets and empty classrooms, you know the drill.” Steve tried not to blush at the thought of sneaking around with high school Eddie. If they were both from Hawkins, did they actually go to high school together?

“Snuck around for the thrill?” Dr. Bauman asked.

“No,” Steve responded. “I wasn’t out yet.” Eddie looked at him curiously, as if he wasn’t expecting Steve to say something so serious. He wondered if it was actually true. 

“Well, that and -” Eddie added. “- he was a popular jock and I was kind of a freak.” This time, Steve looked at Eddie curiously. Steve was a popular jock. Eddie could have assumed that, or made a lucky guess, but something told him that wasn’t the case. 

Eddie Munson. Munson. 

Oh.

Oh!

It took Steve a minute to recover from that information. They did in fact go to school together, they just had never interacted. Eddie obviously remembered, and he obviously knew that Steve didn’t. So what was the goal here? Was Steve being punked or something just so Eddie could get free therapy?

“Steve, you look a little pale there,” Dr. Bauman noticed. “Did that trigger something?”

“Yeah -” Steve croaked, now unable to look at Eddie. If he had, he would have noticed Eddie didn’t look as smug as Steve assumed he was. “Yeah, I just don’t think about high school that much anymore.”

“Why not?” the doctor asked. 

“Because, I - I’ve changed so much since then. I’m not that guy anymore, and I don’t want to be that guy.”

“Ah, I see,” he hummed. “So, Eddie fell for someone who no longer exists. I think I’m understanding the problem here. Eddie, do you feel that you’ve changed?”

Damn. This guy’s kinda good.

“Uhhh -” Eddie began. Neither of them expected this to get so serious so quickly. It didn’t even feel like it was about their imagined relationship anymore. “N-no, I don’t think I have.”

“And Steve, do you think Eddie has changed?”

Steve thought about the limited memories he had of Eddie in high school. Cocky, slightly unhinged, just as he was now. But there was something different, he just couldn’t really pinpoint what. Maybe if he’d talked to Eddie for longer than like ten minutes total in his life, he’d have a better idea. 

Then, he realized the point of this wasn’t to be serious. It was to make shit up. Steve pivoted back to the original plan. 

“Yeah, I mean -” He shifted in his seat, finding himself now thigh to thigh with Eddie, despite not meaning to be. “He’s, uh - it just feels like we don’t have anything in common anymore?” It was something he’d heard lots of couples say.

“Do you want to make this work?” Dr. Bauman asked. 

“Why else would we be here?” Eddie answered. Dr. Bauman narrowed his eyes. 

“You tell me.”

Eddie and Steve were kind of not good at this. Their story was based in truth and not very exciting. They both seemed to realize this at the same time.

“Steve slept with the dogwalker,” Eddie proclaimed. Steve scoffed, half-amused, half-offended. 

“Yeah, well you sold drugs to my mom!” he shot back. The two guys looked at each other, pretending to look angry while simultaneously wanting to laugh. 

“Woooah, there,” Dr. Bauman responded. “Now we’re getting somewhere. Do we want to begin with Steve’s infidelity or Eddie’s illegal activity?”

“That’s not gonna, like, go on record or anything, right?” Steve asked, suddenly anxious. “Like, the cops aren’t gonna show up at Eddie’s door?”

“Our door, babe,” Eddie clarified, not the least bit nervous. 

“Depends on how long ago this happened, I suppose,” Dr. Bauman answered.

“Long time ago,” Eddie said. 

“Are you still currently dealing?”

“No, I don’t even do drugs anymore. Well, like, except pot - but that’s legal now so it doesn’t really count, I think.”

“Dude,” Steve whispered. 

“You brought it up,” Eddie replied just as softly. 

“Right,” Dr. Bauman responded, taking it all in. “No report needed, then. Let’s move onto the dogwalker.” 

They continued to add to their lore as the appointment went on. At one point, Eddie even faked tears. His acting was…decent enough to avoid suspicion, thankfully. When the clock hit 1:45, their time was up, and they’d successfully managed to fool Dr. Bauman. Mission accomplished, date over. Right?

“Well, thank you so much, Dr. Bauman,” Eddie said. “I think you’ve really helped us out today.”

“Yeah, seriously,” Steve said, smiling. “We feel so much better.”

“Now hold on a minute,” Dr. Bauman said with his hands up. “There’s still a lot of work to be done, in my professional opinion.”

“There is?” Eddie asked, confused. 

“Oh, definitely. Most couples go to a minimum of four sessions, and that’s still a low average. Plus, this was only intake. I mean, unless you guys weren’t happy with the counseling I gave you today…”

It felt like a challenge, and Eddie loved challenges. Meanwhile, Steve was too awkward to come clean or tell the doctor they weren’t interested. 

They made another appointment.

-

“Well, that went pretty well, I think,” Eddie said as they left the building. 

“You knew me already?” Steve asked once they were a safe enough distance from the office and Dr. Bauman. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I just knew your name and face, man. And, like, your vibe,” Eddie answered. “Back in high school, anyway.” 

“You should have told me,” Steve said. 

“You should have remembered,” Eddie shot back. “Whatever, it was fun. Right?”

“Eddie, I have no idea what that was,” Steve replied. “We have to cancel that appointment.”

“Why? You don’t want to see me again?” Eddie grinned. Steve rolled his eyes.

“No, I - I mean, I don’t want to waste his time. That spot should go to other couples who need it. Meanwhile, we could go get coffee like normal adults.” 

“I dunno,” Eddie said, kicking a pebble in the road as they walked. “I kinda liked it. You can’t tell me you didn’t.”

It was true. Steve couldn’t say that he didn’t.

“Doesn’t matter.” Steve unlocked his car and made his way to the door. “We’re canceling.”

“He’s the one that wanted to see us again, Steve,” Eddie reminded him. 

“Yeah, because he thought we were an actual couple.” Steve was getting frustrated at Eddie’s antics, and the way he refused to back down. “I don’t know if this is gonna work, man. This has been, uh - well, it’s been weird, but I think -”

“We have to go, otherwise you’ll be charged a cancellation fee,” Eddie blurted out. It was a lie, a bold-faced lie, and yet -

“So, I’ll pay the fee. Can’t be more than the cost of a full session,” Steve figured. 

“Ugh!” Eddie groaned in frustration. “Okay, fine. Look - I’m annoying as hell, I’m a mess, I’m broke, and I could never afford someone like Dr. Bauman. I don’t know about you, but some of the things he said actually made me think and I kind of want to ask him about, like, real shit.” 

Steve stared at him blankly for a minute. 

“You - you want me to keep going to fake couple’s counseling with you so you can get actual therapy?” Steve asked, stunned. 

“I mean, you could work your shit out, too,” Eddie suggested.

“What shit? I don’t have shit,” Steve insisted. 

“Of course you do! Everyone does!” Eddie yelled. 

“You’re insane,” Steve muttered. The thing was, he wasn’t saying it out of anger. He was saying it in understanding. 

Because the thing was, Eddie had a point. Dr. Bauman was good at what he did, and Steve knew he’d never sign up for individual counseling. He already had the appointment. Eddie smirked. 

“You’re with me, aren’t you?”

Fuck.

“Fine,” Steve agreed. 

-

Notes from Dr. Bauman - 3/18

Eddie and Steve

Together since high school

Feelings of disconnect

Steve/dogwalker

Eddie/mom/drugs

Clearly lying

Clients are faking their relationship for me, for some reason. Will continue to work with them to figure out why. 

They aren’t dating…but they should be

(next chapter)

------------------------------------

@ofherscarlettwitchways @livvyshmiv @paintballkid711 @abraca-fxckyou @allbimyself26 @jellybabiesforall @allbymyselfexceptformycactus @justaloadofgarbage-blog @alliemunsonsstuff @undreamingscatworld @thefruityfours @hobbitnarwhal @calivanus @wreckmyplans-thatsmyman @antheia @goodolefashionedloverboi @lillemilly @missmagillicuddy @steviesbicrisis @gamerdano @menamesniall @eyeslikewildflowers111 @callmesirkay @stringischeese @eds-trashmouth @mnl-enuh @redfreckledwolf @itsanarrum @soulsofstarsliveinyourveins @gregre369 @stevesbipanic @momotonescreaming @aryakanojiaa @wrenisflying @comicmadlover @lilacrobin @itch-my-b0nez @anonymousbandgirl @disastardly @Dang_Dirty_Demons @daisyellsong @val-from-lawrence @starryeyedpoet17 @taikawaiteatea @samthemissfit @chaoticvictorianspirit @elizbaehth @despoenaandpyromania @bagofgreentea

[bangtans-momma]

SAVAGE LOVE. STANDING NEXT TO YOU Part Two

Part Two (Split into two parts)

============================

Pairing: Jungkook x OC

Genre: Best Friends To Lovers, College AU, Angst, Slice Of Life, Chubby Girl, Healing, Smut, Fluff.

Word count: 11k (whole thing has 20k words, sorry got carried away! But split into two chapters)

Rating: 18+ Rating Mature, Sexual content, smut (warning it’s pure filth), some hard swearing, Mention of some triggering mental health issues (WARNING as it involves an almost suicide), violence (punching).

Triggers and content: Angst, Angst over past actions, mention of therapy, talk about past actions, healing together, guilt, angst with fluff, past memories brought up, mental health issues, anxiety, bad body image, almost suicide (not graphic), a lot of reflection, forgiveness, apologies, secrets being revealed, nightmares, self reflection, hurtful words, Jimin being Jimin, STD’s mentioned.

Jungkook surprising everyone, graduation ceremony, graduation celebration, Surprises, celebration dinner mentioned, new jobs, Yoongi betting on their relationship with frat boys, Jungkook’s ex mentioned, Jungkook’s ex at graduation party, drinking, partying. Taehyung being revealed as the best boy, Taehyung being her secret buddy, punching, Jimin troublemaker, gatecrasher Jimin, OC gets a little revenge, dare game starts up again at the party.

Sexual content, Jungkook remembering fantasies, Past Sexual thoughts, smut, degradation, filming oral on his phone, more filming as Jungkook has a bit of a kink for it, oral (m & f), a bit of voyeurism and Agoraphilia, Soft and stern dom Jungkook, Daddy said a few times (mostly just to tease him), Chubby OC, subby OC, OC starts to get her confidence back, praise, spitting, squirting, dirty talking, filthy talk, edging, teasing, grinding, body worship, eating ass, Jungkook liking chubby woman, Jungkook’s mouth is filthy, size kink, hickies, Jungkook being soft and rough with her, hair pulling and soft biting, raw sex (no condom but on the implant), fluff, aftercare.

Author’s Note:

There are Jungkook POV’s in this. This is basically a part two to savage love, better to read that first or you won’t get some references. Please read the drabbles to savage love to get more of their past story, like their first meeting and first kiss.

Think I have all the triggers mentioned, but if there is one that you think I definitely should mention let me know.

Lastly, I hope you enjoy it!

Warning ⚠️🔞This is a mature rated 18+ story, no minors allowed on this blog. Adult themes and there might be triggering themes.

I do not own BTS or their likeness. This is only a fan fiction that comes from my own imagination and any depiction of BTS in any of my stories does not represent them in real life. None of this is real life, only pure fiction. None of the behaviour of the BTS member’s namesakes OR anything else that happens in my stories represents them in reality.

My Master List: Here

Savage Love Series Master List: Here

Savage Love: Here

Standing Next To You: 1 | 2

============================

Jungkook pov:

We are both tipsy as Taehyung calls a toast to everyone and congratulates everyone at the party for graduating.

They all cheer and holler drinking to the sentiment with grins on their faces. Then he starts to talk about us, telling everyone how in love we have been for years, since we met at age six.

Then he says that he asks himself how two people are so perfect for each other and that everyone seemed to know how in love we were but us.

Everyone laughs nodding, seems like they did all know, I mean we were on the list so people must have thought it a possibility. The frats always compile a huge list and place it up in the frat houses with odds and people can bet on the outcome. They did this every year, Yoongi said we were there every year and the odds got more and more.

"Just want to congratulate Jungkook and Alice on their engagement. To my best friends, Jungkook and Alice who I love to pieces! I'm sure that all of us here are thinking that it was about damn time, because it only took sixteen years for them to realise that it was love at first sight. Little Kookie and Alice met at the tender age of six and pretty sure that Jungkook was a simp for Alice right then and there. I myself was this close to banging their heads together and if I had to watch Jungkook and Alice pining for each other for another year, I would have left the country, ha ha! But luckily Jimin did them a favour and got candice pregnant, pretty sure that's the only thing that I would ever thank Park Jimin for! Congratulations on your engagement guys and I can't wait to give my best man speech at your wedding in the future! I just know your love inspires the rest of us, so we never give up on finding love. We all wish you the best in the future and can't ever remember seeing two people so perfect for each other! CONGRATULATIONS!! Wooooo Hoooooo! Let's party!"

Taehyung had fun giving this little speech, everyone laughed loudly at certain parts making me blush and groan in embarrassment.

Yeah we get it, we needed our heads banged together and he's right that's the only thing I will ever thank Jimin for, for finally making a permanent mistake. Grabbing Alice's hand I take her to go dance, I can see that she's a little shy and apprehensive but she's not refusing me.

I just wish that she was the Alice I once knew, the one who stood up for me when I had a stutter as a child and would fight the bullies who tried to bully me because of it. The girl who was an extrovert, who would do dares with me and seek an adrenaline rush with me too.

She's very very slowly coming back to life, but her self esteem took a huge hit over the years. I'm going to put in the work to correct all of that, to make sure that she knows how much I still lust after her, she's still utterly perfect for me.

Moment 4 life by Nikki Minaj is playing and I try to loosen her up as I grind against her, she starts to look more relaxed when I start kissing her neck and lips.

It helps her melt against me and forget we are being watched by anyone. My body reacts to her and I can't help myself, my hands are all over her.

"Hmm my pretty girl, you turn me on so much. I want to bury myself in you and never leave" I groaned seductively in her ear, gripping her thick hips with my greedy hand, my other wrapped around her waist. Alice moans, throwing it back grinding against me. I'm so hungry for her it's insane.

She has gotten me off by jerking me off and I have repaid the favour loads of times, but I have only given her oral sex a handful of times. I'm a giver so it turns me on anyway, not sure why I haven't let her return that favour yet.

Think I just wanted her to know that it was about love and not just sex, because her relationship with Jimin was like that, just sex. Well it was until he started to cheat.

I can't wait to see how magnificent her ass looks when I snap my hips against hers, I bet it looks perfect when it jiggles. I haven't told her yet but I actually love my women with more meat on their bones.

When I peeked at her juicy thighs and grabable hips when I placed the towel around her that day, I was hard. I had to leave her to dry herself or she would have seen my hard dick and it wasn't the time nor the place.

She had no idea how many times I had to rush to the bathroom to bang one out due to her bending over showing me her exquisite ass. She always missed the way my eyes would scan her body and how I would bite my lip when I imagined her underneath me. Imagining how perfect my marks would look on her fleshy thighs, how beautiful she would look covered in them. She once flashed her pink cotton panties without realising when she was wearing a dress and I almost came in my pants.

Even back in school when I accidentally saw her in the shower and the time she flashed me her perfect breasts in a dare. Everything in my spank bank memories is of her, I still have the video of our dare when we were high, where I dared her to let me film her sucking me off. Pretty sure we did everything but fuck back then, I regret not daring her to.

I can still remember how she felt when she grinded on me getting us off and how my hands squeezed her plump ass, it felt so soft and warm in my palms. Pretty sure that all of my wet dreams were about her, every single one.

I regret not being the one to take her virginity, she should have been the one to take mine too. But she is my first and only love though, no one else has ever got those words from me.

"I dare you to let me suck you off" She whispers in my ear suddenly, the very thought makes my dick jump in my trousers.

"Fuck, princess are you trying to get me hard?" I hissed into her neck, grinding my hardening dick into her ass.

"But I wanna suck you off so bad, don't you remember how my lips felt around your cock, Jungkook?" She seductively moans in my ear, she's such a damn tease.

"Fuck yes! It felt so good, baby. I still think about it and use that memory to get off. You used to let me cum in your dirty little mouth like a needy little slut. No one sucks me off like you used to, you used to suck me off like you worshipped my dick" I rasp lewdly in her ear, sucking harshly on her exposed neck.

"Please babe, I wanna suck you off, so fucking bad. Don't you want to fuck my soft wet mouth, Daddy?" The filthy whine broke me and I'm now dragging her off to the toilet with a feral need pulsing through my body.

How dare she tease me calling me Daddy! I don't give a damn if people see how hard I am for her in my trousers right now.

"Such a filthy little thing aren't you? So needy for my cock that you can't wait" I scold her, dragging her into the bathroom and locking the door, her whimpers sound so pretty. 

"Kneel" I growl lustfully at her, I feel like I want to ruin her and I'm not sure if she will like that harsher side of me. She doesn't hesitate as she gets on her knees making me roughly groan.

"Look at you, my pretty girl. So good for me, that's it pretty baby. Get my cock out" I coo at her, running my hand through her hair as she unbuckles my belt, her hands are trembling with need as she starts to unzip me.

"That's right, take it out, princess" My eyes stare at her, devouring everything so I don't miss one second of it.

"Oh hmm shit, I dare you to let me film you” I hiss as her small hand wraps around my length, god I look so big in her hand. Alice looks up to me with dazed eyes nodding, her bottom lip trapped by her teeth.

"Words baby" I remind her and she replies with a simple yes, her mischievous eyes glinting.

"Good girl, god I love you so much" Groaning in excitement I get my phone out and start to film her, she looks so delicious knelt there gripping my cock.

"Spit on it baby, yeah just like that" She looks so dirty as she spits on my tip and distributes it sliding the wetness down my hardened length, then repeats it. I grip her hair tighter with a cuss on my lips as soon as she licks across my slit covering her tongue in my precum.

Then she gets further down going to my balls looking so damn exquisite. Licking from my taint, up my balls and right up my length makes my cock pulse with need. Groaning out her name with a gravelly tone, I try to concentrate on filming her, telling her to look up at the camera.

My pretty baby's mouth sexily wraps around my tip and she swirls her tongue around me humming, it looks so perfectly lewd through the screen. Damn, she feels so good that I can't remember any other blow job with other women feeling this amazing.

Only my times with her felt this erotic, I just thought it was because I was new to having my dick sucked back then. Clearly my princess is talented with her perfect little mouth.

"Fuck yeah, hmmm you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth, princess. Feels so damn good, ahhh yes" I slur out feeling so entranced by how she feels, how she looks and damn, how she sounds.

The slurping as she bobs her head and sucks me harder every time she comes back up is debauched. And the line of spit spilling down her chin onto me and then onto her hand is absolutely sinful.

"So messy, such a filthy girl for me" I murmur gripping her hair harder, I can't fucking help myself when I thrust my hips in ecstasy. The lewd gag makes me throb as her throat closes around my tip.

"Fuck, sorry baby. You feel too good" I groan with desire and she removes her hand and places a hand over mine, the one I currently have gripped into her hair.

"Shit, you sure? You want me to fuck your needy throat, deep throating Daddy like a good girl?" I rasp in a ravenous tone at her and she hums nodding.

"Okay princess, tap my leg of it's too much. Gonna fuck your pretty mouth” I tell her with a vulgar moan, she hums again.

She braces her hands on my thighs and lets me take over, the whine that sounds out has me thrusting immediately. I'm still trying to concentrate on filming her, I have to get this on film, she looks so fucking amazing.

Shit, all the dirty sloppy noises have me close already and her moans vibrating on my length are all contributing.

"Such a needy little slut for my cock, you sound so filthy, moaning like a little cock hungry girl for me" I lewdly growl thrusting harder, the slurping and the drooling is fucking obscene.

"Hmmm shit, I'm close pretty baby" I pant loudly, grunting as my tip starts to tingle, vibrating through my torso and down my legs.

"Fuck! Face or mouth baby? Touch your face if you want that" I abruptly rasp at her, when she doesn't I fall immediately with a loud whine.

"Open up" My length hardens, before the pulse comes right after, I pull back and pull out, Alice pokes her tongue out.

Pumping myself all over her lips and tongue looks so damn sinful and I can't believe I caught it on camera.

"Ahh fuck sweetheart, you look so perfect like that. That's it take my cum, princess" I pant stroking myself until I'm empty, I can't help rubbing my tip around her lips with a filthy low moan.

"Lick your lips baby, yes so fucking greedy lick it up. My dirty girl, I love you so much" I husk at her, devouring the sin with a feral intensity, not wanting to miss anything.

Scooping everything spilled from mouth onto her chin and lips, I pop my finger in her mouth telling her to suck, cussing when she does.

"Good girl, such a good girl" I coo at her as I smooth her hair trying to soothe the burn on her scalp. She grins at me and I finally end the video on my phone. Pulling her up I kiss her with a burning passion moaning in her mouth. When we part we are breathless.

"You looked so sexy on camera baby, thank you for letting me film you" I grin mischievously at her, leaving gentle pecks on her face.

"I dare you to edge me all night until we go home, keep teasing me" Alice gives me a wicked grin making me chuckle, this is the Alice I remember and it's been so long since I saw her mischievous side.

"Yeah? Oh I'll take that dare, starting now" I smirk down at her walking her into the wall and getting on my knees. I'm gonna tease her over her panties for a little while, starting with gentle rubs.

"Spread your legs a little princess and watch me, baby" I husk at her looking up at her with a smug look, the desire is clear in her eyes.

Rubbing my fingers slowly over her panties I can tell how wet she is and I can feel her delicious plump mound and folds.

"Your panties are soaked baby, did sucking my dick turn you on?" Smirking smugly at the look on her face and how her lips now parted as she watches me with her head slowly nodding.

"Yes, I loved it. You look so hot right now, Jungkook" Alice eagerly moans, staring down at me biting her lip as I press a little harder against her clit now.

Pressing against her wet panties I tease her with my fingers running them along the edge of them. Letting her think I'm gonna pull the panties to the side as I pluck the edges with my fingers making her whine.

"Tsk! So needy and impatient, sweetheart" I tut with a smirk and start sucking and licking at the soft doughy flesh of her inner thighs. A low wanton moan falls out of her mouth as her lips part, I feel her pulse against my fingers as they rub against her drenched panties.

The whimper I receive because of how badly I'm teasing her sounds so sweet to my ears. I'm getting so close to her clit but diverting away as soon as her breathing gets faster.

The pout on her plump lips and the long whine she makes, makes me chuckle. Being an impatient brat she rolls her hips by my face whining again.

"Such a little brat! Tsk, bad girl" I scolded her, giving her a slap to her clothed pussy, she jolted cussing.

"But Daddy! You are teasing me" She whines needily again trying to rub her pussy against my face. She’s such a brat teasing me and calling me that.

I bite one of her lips with a feral growl and pull her panties down enough to suck a harsh mark on her plump mound.

"Ahhh fuck! Jungkook!" She cries out with a loud lamented moan. I'm pulling her panties up immediately and she quietly whimpers out a no.

"Such a needy girl, so desperate for my tongue that you can't be a good girl" I scolded her sternly but I put her out of misery by firmly licking a long stripe up her clothed folds.

Repeating it for about a minute until I try to move away and Alice grabs my hair trying to keep me there.

"Such a dirty little girl, with a needy little pussy. Dripping all over your panties like a filthy little slut. Tsk, how will I edge such a bratty baby?" Chuckling at her, I finally pull the panties to the side and clean up the filthy mess she has made.

"Yes, ahhh like that, Jungkook" She moans out hungrily gripping my hair, her whines have gotten louder and her pussy starts fluttering against my tongue.

"Tsk! No cumming for you, baby! You know what this is, I'm going to have you so desperate you are sobbing” I give her a wicked grin as I stand up smashing my lips on hers.

She pulls me closer, putting her hand on the back of my neck. We both jolt when someone tries opening the door and starts banging on the door.

"HURRY! I need to use the toilet!" A woman shouts banging louder making us giggle at each other.

I quickly sort Alice out, pulling her dress down and smoothing her hair down. She runs her finger on my lip and chin.

"Time to leave I think, Princess" I grin with a smugness at her flushed appearance, walking to the door and opening it slightly.

And as soon as I opened it I saw my ex Eunji who was the one who chucked the photo of Alice and I. I was so pissed when she damaged it.

She hated my relationship with Alice and was extremely jealous.

"Oh hey Jungkook, do you wanna talk? We could just mess. . ." She smiles looking happy but pauses when I open the door more and she sees Alice and then I see the cogs turning in her head at her flushed face.

I know she's thinking what I think she's thinking about and to be honest I don't give a damn what she thinks.

"Oh. . . Hi Alice. So can we talk after you're done Kookie?" She tries to give her a smile but it is fake and she is distracted by Alice standing there.

"Umm, about what?" I frown looking down at her, because we ended a year ago on bad terms and I would never have gotten back with her.

Even if I wasn't with Alice. We only lasted about four months max.

"I wanted to talk about us, I'm sorry about what happened between us and I worked on my jealousy. I'm sorry I broke your childhood picture and I know that you two are just best friends. I shouldn't have acted like that" Eunji sighs in defeat, looking down at her fingers.

"Well thank you I suppose, although it's been a while Eunji. Is that all you wanted to say? Because Alice and I have to go to rejoin the party, we have some serious celebrating to do" I reply dismissively, holding my hand out to Alice who takes it with a huge smile.

Eunji clearly thinks that I meant us celebrating our graduation only, we are but we are celebrating our engagement too.

"No! I. . . I want you to give us another chance, I loved you, well I still love you and I'm sorry for all the times I destroyed your property or deleted Alice's messages. The rumour that I started about her trying to steal you and everything else. I worked on that and I hope you'll give me another chance Jungkookie" She tells me with a hopeful look.

I'm totally uninterested and just want to enjoy the night with my princess.

"Oh well this is awkward!" I chuckle, making Alice giggle too.

"Why is it so awkward?" She frowns in confusion tilting her head.

"Well. . . Let me reintroduce my best friend, you clearly didn't get the memo. When did you arrive tonight? You must have missed the fight Jimin and I had at uni too, ha ha. You used to really be into gossip too. Anyway, meet my princess, my fiancée, Alice. I proposed at the graduation ceremony, I'm guessing you didn't see my speech?" I say squeezing my hand against Alice's who squeezes it back and presses into my side.

"Your fiancée? So I was fucking right to be jealous about you two? It wasn't just crazy thoughts in my head?" She suddenly scowls, looking like a million thoughts of the past are flying through her head.

Her eyes glare at Alice so I pull Alice to my chest feeling protective.

"Well yes, she's the only woman I've ever loved, Eunji. I think it was pretty damn obvious, the pictures everywhere in my apartment and everything catered to Alice in my place too. A few of my tattoos are dedicated to her too, this little silhouette of holding hands on my wrist is obviously us holding hands as kids. This is her birth flower, this saying is about her. This A on my finger is for her too, the two gaming characters holding hands, were our characters we played as kids on our favourite game. I could keep on going but you realise I never said I loved you right or gave you a pet name? And I would drop everything for Alice at a moment's notice no matter what we were doing. Okay, I'm sorry that I was selfish and used you to forget about Alice, along with other women but it always felt so damn wrong, never right. We both finally confessed to each other, I guess you were right when you said that Alice clearly loved me, guess I should have listened to you ages ago"

I comment, shrugging my shoulders at her like I don't really care about what she thinks. I know it's cold of me, but I need to shut this down and quickly.

"Wow! And here I was thinking I was too jealous and paranoid in our relationship! But all of my worries and thoughts were right, I guess I should have realised that when you finished with me over a stupid fucking picture" Eunji sneers at us looking pissed.

"That was not just any picture, Eunji, that was the day we first met as little six year olds. You could tell as soon as we met that we had something special. I kinda wish I could go back and tell myself that Alice would become my princess for real" I sigh looking down at Alice, squeezing her hand again.

"As much as we would love to catch up, as he said earlier we have some celebrating to do. We are celebrating our engagement. As nice as it is to see you, we have a party to rejoin. Goodbye Eunji and I hope you find someone who loves you back” Alice politely adds, pulling me to move past her.

"You're both assholes, do you know that? You treated your girlfriends like shit Jungkook! And no wonder Jimin cheated. I fucked him too just to feel better about myself and to get back at you, Alice!" Eunji blurts out suddenly and we both look back at her replying "goodnight" before we walk off.

 ============================

That was fun. . . not!

Although I expected this to happen at some point, it was inevitable. I knew at least one of his ex's would feel some type of way about us now being together.

Her confessing about Jimin had no effect on me, I knew he messed about with almost the entire campus, that news isn't new to me and it can't hurt me anymore.

Jungkook drags me to the dancefloor again and starts immediately teasing me. Summer by Paul Blanco is playing and we are just having fun kissing and grinding against each.

Of course he keeps kissing at my sensitive spot on my neck and covertly whispering filth in my ear to keep up the teasing on my edging.

Then he also started sneaking his hand up my dress a few times and groaning about how wet I am. When I asked him to edge me, he took the damn assignment seriously. The way he keeps kissing me too, like he missed me and has not kissed me in months.

Eunji is glaring holes into us and we don't give a fuck, it's all good. Well it was, until I heard Jungkook cuss in my ear sounding angry.

I start looking around wondering why he sounds so angry all of a sudden until he literally picks me up, making me straddle him whilst he kisses the hell out of me.

When we get into a covert place he slams me against the wall grinding up against me with a feral growl.

Jungkook is definitely tipsy from the drink because he doesn't care when someone chuckles as they walk past. His hand is on my slick panties rubbing up against my clit as he swallows any moans.

"Ahh Jungkook! Hmm close" I warn him with a loud moan and he removes his hand immediately, kissing me harder than before and moving his hand around to my ass.

"Shit, I want you so bad, sweetheart. I can't wait until we get home later, I'm gonna make you cum so hard, pretty baby. I want to feel you wrapped around me after desperately lusting you for so long" He groans hungrily in my neck, licking and sucking at my collarbone area.

"Fuck! Let's get back to the party before I drag you to a room and devour you" He rasps against my lips before kissing me one last time.

As soon as we walked over to the others with a new drink sitting down, I finally realised why Jungkook was so annoyed.

Jimin is there grinding on some woman who isn't his fiancée, kissing her neck too and either that woman doesn't know about Candice or she doesn't care.

I'm pissed off on behalf of Candice, she clearly didn't deserve this and was fooled by Jimin like everyone else was.

Me included. I sneakily take a picture and a little video.

"What a piece of shit! Candice is about to give birth" Taehyung growls in annoyance and I nod with a look of distaste on my face.

"This is what we would see all the time when he was with you, women all over him at parties and clubs" Jungkook tells me, rubbing my thigh in a sensual way as I sit on his lap.

"This was the scene at every single party though, it was prolific! I gave up punching him or saying anything after a while. Where the hell is Joon? Can we get him to kick his ass out? He's a damn gatecrasher as Joon wouldn't have invited him!" Yoongi scoffs in disgust, watching Jimin who has the cheek to smirk at him.

"Joon is getting it on with Haerin, don't know how long they are gonna be" Taehyung replies with a shoulder shrug.

"Can't we just kick his ass out? We know Joon doesn't want him here" Jungkook sneers, glaring at Jimin.

Jungkook snaps because of Jimin winking at me and pulls me around so quickly so I'm straddling him instead, making sure I'm not facing Jimin anymore.

His lips are on mine just as quickly, I lean in putting my arms around his neck, folding my fingers through his hair.

Jungkook groans lewdly into the kiss, giving me a subtle thrust, making me press harder against his lips, speeding up the kiss.

This time I give a subtle thrust making him throb underneath me, my dress is flared out on his lap and my wet panties are against his trousers.

"Fuck, do you wanna go home now, my pretty princess? I'm gonna make you feel good all night long. I can feel your hot wet pussy through my trousers" Jungkook murmurs sinfully into my ear, his tongue leaving open mouthed kisses on my neck.

I can imagine him smirking or glaring at Jimin as he does it and I internally grin.

His large hands firmly grab my ass cheeks with a loud hum, he is covertly pulling on my hips with every squeeze.

"Hmm, yes Jungkook. I want to feel you so much. Love you so much my bun" He chuckles at the use of my old nickname for him, he made me stop using it when he was about ten saying he was too old for it now.

"Okay, I'm gonna order a taxi for us, my beautiful baby" He smiles while getting out his phone to order a taxi on the app.

"Okay Kookie, it is gone twelve after all, we've been here for hours" I giggle at him as he clicks a selfie of me on his lap with my head in his neck and also one of me looking at the camera with a smile.

Then he takes one of us kissing and another of our faces plastered together.

I see him posting one on his social media saying 'Celebrating! Graduation and Engagement! 🥳👩🏻‍❤️‍👨🏻💍🍾 @PrincessAlice #loveofmylife #graduated #engaged #celebrationtime #soulmate'

I giggle at his captions kissing his cheek.

He shows me that the taxi is going to be about 20 minutes, it must be busy tonight with people partying in and around the campus area.

We had totally forgotten about Jimin at this point, where we were so eagerly into each other.

"You two were definitely fucking! You are engaged already" I hear someone scoff in anger from behind me and know it's Jimin right away from all our friend's disgusted looks.

"Fuck off, Jimin!" Yoongi sneers with narrowed eyes, he's leant forward looking ready to intervene.

"What are you even doing at Joon's party, Jimin? You aren't welcome here" Taehyung scoffs at him.

"Wow! Thought we were friends, Taehyung?" Jimin sniggers at him with a vile smirk.

"No we aren't, I only put up with you because of Alice. And I didn't find your comments to my best friend funny either, you knew he loved Alice and you had a good idea that it was reciprocated!" He replies, sneering, folding his arms in defiance.

"Yeah it was pretty creepy how much of a simp he was for Alice when she'd call him after I'd been a bad boy. But that didn't stop him from fucking all those hoes at clubs though, he gave me a run for my money, ha ha! Pretty hypocritical to say I'm a heartless fuckboy, considering he claimed to love her but did that in front of her making her cry" Jimin smirks wickedly, seeing my frown.

"Just go Jimin or I'm about to throw hands with you! Have I not punched you enough over the years, asshole?" Yoongi growls looking murderous.

Jungkook's hands are clenched gripping my skirt, his knuckles are white.

Jimin notices how angry he is, a sinister grin plastered to his face and he pushes it further.

"Oh and I saw her do that a few times! Yes it was obvious, but for some reason you were so clueless, Jungkookie. All it took was a few little lies from me and you'd jump straight into some little whores arms and it would make her believe all the more that you didn't love her like that. Worked for a while to keep you both apart too, until I stupidly got that bitch Candice pregnant" Jimin mockingly laughs trying to goad Jungkook.

"You piece of shit!" Jungkook rages at him with eyes almost black with anger, I can tell he wants to kick his ass.

"Didn't take a lot really, to make you keep hurting your best friend who you claimed to love. Oh poor little Alice's face every time it happened was glorious, her heart broke a little more each time until it was almost shattered beyond repair by you. The longer I stopped you two getting together the more I enjoyed it. I loved breaking the pair of you!" Jimin starts maliciously laughing his ass off now and he ends up provoking Yoongi who is up out of his seat throwing a punch at him before I can react to slap him.

"You fucking asshole! Get the fuck out!”Yoongi glowered, looking furious, grabbing him by his collar and dragging him to the door. He laughs at Yoongi, who chucks him out and slams the door.

Jungkook looks really upset as he grips my dress with his white knuckles.

"Kookie, look at me. We've talked this through already, remember? This is not going to hurt us anymore. Jimin is not going to come between us anymore, is he? Because we are stronger than that, we have gone through ups and downs for sixteen years and guess what? It's still us, here for each other and we are gonna still be here with each other in another sixteen!” I reassured him with my hands cupping his face, trying to soothe his anger.

Jungkook looks at me with a painful hurt look in his eyes and I'm so mad that Jimin just ruined our night. We were having fun too and he just couldn't stand not angering everyone.

"Alice" Jungkook says in a very detached voice, like he's thinking about what he did.

"Jungkook, don't you even think about it! To hell with Jimin!" I angrily sneer at him looking pissed, making his eyes snap to mine.

"But Alice I hurt you so bad and I let Jimin mess with me and hurt you even more. I played his stupid game without even realising it, I was so damn angry every time. And I feel sullied like I'm tainted and I can't get rid of the icky feeling that I let all those women touch me in anger" Jungkook frowns, looking angry at himself, like he is disgusted by his actions.

"Jungkook please stop, you know I love you right? I have always loved you and even if you hurt me with your actions, you would still repair it when you came to look after me too. Every cuddle and all the times you picked me up off the floor and cared for me. I still had you there for me and even though you hurt me, you never left me either. I think if you would have left, only then would I have shattered into pieces, Jungkook. So please stop it and let's forget about Jimin, this is the last time I'm ever gonna mention him" I peck his face gently a few times and slowly his arms cage me in.

"Okay Alice, we will never mention him again. He doesn't exist, who's Jimin?" He replies with a small smile.

"Never heard of him, Jimin? Did he go to our university?" A small grin appears on his face as I continue the game.

"Hmm he may have gone to our Uni, I don't really remember him" Jungkook says, shrugging with a smirk.

"Me neither, but I think I heard he has a pregnant fiancée. I feel so sorry for her that I just had to send her friend a picture of her best friend's cheating fiancé. Couldn't not help out a fellow woman now, could I?" I give him a wicked grin making him chuckle at me.

"No, that would be terrible! We must expose cheaters who do that to their pregnant fiancée's, what's his name is really gonna have a shitty day tomorrow" He sniggers at me with a huge grin.

"Told Mandy that it's gonna get worse for he who shall not be named, she told me to do it with a smirking devil emoji" I giggle at him as I tell him.

Jungkook's grin has grown now to look gleeful and Taehyung and Yoongi start laughing.

"Oh I hope tomorrow is shit for what's his name" Jungkook replies with amused laughter.

I picked up my phone and typed out a message with a voice note telling them all it was Park Jimin and to swerve him and his cheating ass.

Added the I don't fuck with you song before and after the sound file, with a little bit of text saying his name and to avoid him at all costs, added the footage of him with the woman saying he has a pregnant fiancée too. That he has given others STD's too.

"Oh I'd say, I just posted the voice recording to all my social media of his vile behaviour and told everyone who it was and to swerve him. Told them he was the most toxic man I'd ever known. I even put hashtag cheater, toxic ex, gaslighter, then toxic incel, and all sorts of great stuff. Oh and I named him"

I get a shit eating grin from Kookie, as my little video on TikTok starts getting comments, then my twitter X account.

"Opps it's blowing up, it's on 1474 likes already! Oh Mandy just liked it and commented that it's all true, that he's a serial cheater who gave his pregnant fiancee an std. Let's see how many women he gets now" I start laughing my ass off and the others join in.

"I may just show people his gaslighting messages to me, just to hit home how vile he really is. I might even make it a series" Cue evil smile as I can't help myself from laughing out a wicked laugh.

"That's my girl! That's the Alice I know" Jungkook chuckles at me pecking my lips and cheeks a few times.

"Maybe he's gonna find out how savage I can really be. I have messages of him missing my birthdays and Christmas, all sorts of things. How does the hashtag "worst ex ever" sound?" I giggle making Taehyung laugh and Yoongi lean over to give me a high five.

"That's more like it sweetie ! I just commented that he's a serial liar and cheater and that he gave my friend an STD too" Taehyung grins mischievously and shows me another girl's comment.

'Ugh I had a one night stand with him and another girl came over and slapped him whilst I was leaving with him. Stupid me was too drunk to believe her as he said she was a sour ex! She said he was her friend's boyfriend and I found out it was true when I saw him holding a girl's hand at our university! 😒 The man is prolific as I saw him with the same friend kissing her in a club a few weeks later, so he cheated with his girlfriends friend too! 😬'

Oh she is referencing either Sharmin or Denise! Hmm amusing.

"See what a dirtbag! Ugh I expect it was Denise or Sharmin" Yoongi scoffs in disgust, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh our taxi is five minutes away" Jungkook suddenly tells me.

The others are sad we are leaving but are understanding that we've had enough drama already.

Especially when we say that we had a run in with Eunji earlier too, Taehyung tells us that she asked where Jungkook was earlier.

Jungkook tells him that she was trying to get back with him and was angry to find us engaged, slagging us off for finally getting together, saying she was right to be jealous. And that she claimed to have cheated with Jimin, Taehyung scoffs saying of course she did.

"Let's go then, princess" Jungkook murmurs in my ear and I nod getting off his lap and give a hug to Tae and Yoongi and tell them to tell Joon that we said bye and we had fun.

As soon as we walk outside the cool air sobers me a little and I smell the air feeling calmer.

Jungkook grabs my hand and folds his fingers in mine, I squeeze his hand grinning up at him puckering my lips wanting a kiss. He chuckles, leaning in to give me a long chaste kiss.

============================

As we stand by a wall waiting for the taxi Jungkook decides to tease me again and rubs me through my destroyed soaked lace panties whilst he tongues at my sensitive area on my neck.

As soon as he hears a car he pulls away making me whine, Jungkook evilly smirks at my clear frustration.

"Kookie! I'm so damn horny!" I pout petulantly, he chuckles telling me I asked for this, remember.

Huffing I nod and we get into the taxi, he caresses my inner thigh the whole time, getting close to my core then moving away again.

I'm actually vibrating with a feral need as we get to our apartment. I'm probably gonna cum immediately if he puts a tongue or finger anywhere near me. I can't wait to rip off his clothes, I'm so turned on right now that my body is ravenous for him.

As soon as we open the front door he slams it, pushing me up against the wall lifting me up. I straddle him hugging around his neck as he starts grinding his dick against my panties. We are savagely kissing and groping at each other.

My fingers fumble with his shirt frantically undoing the buttons and pulling it off his shoulders, he manages to get it to fall to the floor. My hands are immediately wrapped back around his neck fisting at his hair, making him groan at the harsh tugs.

The loud moans falling out of my lips sound so needy and desperate as he hardens against me grinding roughly. His perfect lips are sucking and biting on my neck, making me tilt my head with a whimper.

Jungkook groans hungrily into my neck and his suck gets harsher making me grip more tightly onto his hair. I start grinding my pussy over his bulge in his trousers, panting and chasing my high.

He can tell I'm close so he stops the grind pulling me away from the wall, when I whine in utter frustration and try to grind again, he spanks my ass.

"Don't be a brat baby, I'm taking you to the bedroom" He sternly tells me, making me pout like a child into his neck with a noise of protest.

"You are so hot when you go all dominant on me, I like it” I whine into his neck sucking softly on his skin, tonguing the area.

"Yeah, you like that, do you princess?" He chuckles as he opens the bedroom door carrying me to the room.

Placing me on my feet he chucks his trousers off leaving him in his boxers.

"Let's get these clothes off, baby” He sexily smirks, pulling my dress off, revealing my lingerie.

A flash of embarrassment goes through me but Jungkook notices immediately and picks me up in my lace bra and matching panties.

My face must be bright red and I'm sure my face showed some discomfort too.

"My baby is sooo fucking sexy, god. . I love these curves, they feel so heavenly and perfect under my hands. Did I ever confess to you that I like my women curvy and with some serious junk in the trunk? Small women with curvy bodies make me go crazy, I love bbw's. It turns me on so much when women have a big booty and something for me to grab. An ass to smack, it's gonna sound so good when I'm fucking you from behind. I love digging my fingers into your chubby little stomach and when I spoon you hugging you, it feels so nice" His eyes are totally dilated in hunger as his hands grab my thighs, my breasts, my ass, my stomach and my hips.

"This is why all my girlfriends or hookups were always someone I wasn't that excited about, I never wanted to get tat into them or to ever love anyone else as I was already in love with another. They were mediocre fucks and that was about it. So I would pick people who were the complete opposite from you, people that were fine but wouldn't give me a hard on the second they bend over. Do you know I once almost came in my boxers when you bent over to get something from under the sofa and I saw your magnificent ass in some pink panties. Every single time I got a glimpse of your juicy thighs, your perfect voluptuous breasts and your gorgeous ass it would make me go crazy. When I put you in the bath that time I was rock hard, I had to leave or you would have noticed"

The way he talks is like he is in awe of me, with breathy groans as he digs his fingers in my chest and stomach. I must be looking sceptical because he adds more.

"If you don't believe me I will show you my porn history! Although I still have the videos of us and the infamous blow job video, I jerk off to that a lot. But I have a new one now and I know you look fucking amazing in it. I want one of your ass jiggling as I thrust into you, so good. I want to cum all over your perfect ass sweetheart. I love you and no one has ever turned me on like you, not even close" Jungkook growls in a depraved manner, biting into my stomach flesh and sucking on it, his hands haven't stopped squeezing and grabbing this whole time.

My whole body is on fire from his words and actions.

"I love you being chubby so much, I absolutely adore your amazing body and I imagined fucking through your perfect juicy thighs the other day as I tossed off to thoughts of you. I'm not ashamed to admit that chubby small girls do it for me. You were always curvy with those perfect plump cheeks and have always really turned me on. But as you put on weight I had a constant hard cock every single time I had your beautiful body against mine" Jungkook praised me with zero shame on his face as he sucked at my thighs with a feral sounding groan.

I'm totally shook as his hands work over my body like he wants to permanently dig his fingers into my fat.

His hands start playing with my lace panties, sliding his fingers under the waist and grabbing my flesh.

"Is this okay? Fuck, please let me. I want to see you properly and not hidden under blankets or skirts. I just know it's gonna look so exquisite, I have felt your chubby little pussy under my lips and hands and I just want to bite into your flesh and suck on it my perfect girl" He whines nibbling at the skin on my pelvis and licking at it.

"Jungkook! Ahh yes, please do it. I'm so turned on, I feel so needy I want you sooo much. I have been waiting so long to have you and I feel feral, I can't wait to feel your big fat cock inside me, Daddy" I moan teasing him as I squirm, he actually growls as he yanks my panties off, chucking them somewhere. Immediately spreading my legs with a long deep moan because of what he sees.

"Fucking hell! I knew it, it's absolute perfection. Look at your beautiful little chubby cunt, sooo good. And your little clit is so cute, hmm I just want to dig my teeth into your perfect plump little mound. I'm so fucking hard my pretty little angel, so turned on. I want to bury myself in you and never leave, wrapping my body around yours, my beautiful baby" Jungkook rasps looking up at me with eyes that almost look demonic where they are so dilated and dark, like onyx.

He glares up at me and spits all over my clit, rubbing it around, then repeating it with a moan. Jungkook pokes his tongue out really slowly, teasing me long enough to incite an impatient whine.

His tongue swipes through my folds, ass to mound really slowly making me buck my hips up with a loud drawn out moan. Jungkook repeats it, groaning, digging his fingers into my shaking thighs. I'm already close, where I've been edged for hours.

His whole mouth closes around my mound licking and sucking it, his teeth digging in softly. This turns me on, making me cry out in desperation, watching him with my needy pulsing clit threatening me with an otherworldly orgasm.

"Oh my fucking god! Jungkook I'm so close already, baby you. . . you turn me on so much. Please let me cum" I moan out in desperation, trying to keep my eyes on his, but it's hard to not cum from his intense eye contact alone.

As if to answer my prayers he darts his tongue out whilst still attached to my mound catching my clit with his tongue. Then he does it again, pressing it harder as his mouth moves down, sucking it in and assaulting it with his tongue.

Two fingers press in me making me arch and I officially snap wailing and rutting against his greedy mouth. I hear a growled out fuck as he starts sloppily lapping at me with a whine, his fingers still pressing into me.

I'm twitching from overstimulation and whining as he slows his fingers down pressing kisses against my sensitive clit, humming as he does.

His eyes are staring into mine with amusement, his chin, neck and mouth are all wet with my juices. Jungkook gently pulls his fingers out placing them in his mouth with a whiny groan.

A muffled fuck sounds out from him as I lay there feeling like I just descended into the sixth dimension. And I don't think I'm leaving anytime soon either.

"Damn princess, you just squirted all over my face, I'm so fucking hard right now" He smirks smugly at me leaning over to kiss me, covering my mouth in my release as he presses his to mine.

I can taste myself as he probes my mouth with his needy tongue, the kiss gets more passionate and needy as it goes as he fists my hair with a moan. His hard length is pressing against my thigh as he grinds it into me with a moan. Kneeling up he looks so sinful, I notice there is a dark wet patch on his black Calvin's and a huge tent poking out.

"Fuck me, Jungkook, I need it" I indecently moan, staring at him greedily and admiring how damn beautiful he is, his messy black hair, his piercing's, his pretty doe eyes, his tattoos, his broad shoulders with a tiny waist and his perfect abs, all beautiful. He smirks at me caressing my thighs.

"Yeah, you want my cock, baby?" Jungkook rasps at me, with a teasing expression on his face.

"Hell yes, please! I can't wait anymore, Jungkook” I whine, pouting at his teasing, making him chuckle and start pulling his boxers off.

His tattooed hand grips his veiny length and tugs lazily at it as his eyes roam over my body, his red tip glistening with precum in the led lights. Pointing it down he starts teasing me by rubbing it on and around my folds, which then turns into him just rutting through my folds, right through my lips with a shameless moan.

"God, let me film this please. Please princess, I just need a little video of my cock grinding through your plump little lips. It looks sooo perfect" Jungkook groans, sounding perverse as he carries on whilst staring down at my pussy like he has a fixation.

"Jungkook, ahhh just do it! Hurry, I'm so horny and needy for you" I pant breathlessly as his tip rubs past my clit, bumping on it repeatedly, he leans down grabbing his phone out of his trouser pocket and starts repeating the actions pointing his phone down as he does.

"I'm gonna jerk off to this so much, shit it looks so good. My pretty little pussy" He slurs out sounding drunk, rutting against me. He carries on for about another minute until I'm whining, lifting my hips and almost sobbing from pure need.

"Okay princess, shhh don't get upset. I'm going to make you feel so good now" Jungkook coos soothing me and turns his phone off, placing it on the bed. He spreads my legs and scoots up getting as near as possible.

"Ready sweetheart?" He asks, gripping his dick guiding it to my desperate folds and rubbing it to collect some juices before placing it at my entrance.

"Hmm, yes! Please put it in" I moan out feeling ravenous at this point.

As soon as he presses the tip into me with a grunt, I twist and spasm feeling so turned on, making him grab onto my thighs to keep me in place. He feels magnificent as he slowly fills me up with a groan, his eyes dilated and his mouth parted as he watches himself disappear into my willing pussy.

I gasp feeling blissful as he fills me to the brim, he feels so perfect as we join together with him trying to bottom out. He's going to have to push past my limits as soon as I've adjusted, I'm definitely gonna be sore tomorrow.

"Fuck yes, you feel like you were made for my cock, princess" He hisses as his length just pulses in me as he keeps still, making me squeeze him in response.

"Hmm you feel so good wrapped around me. Shit, I might just cum without moving, you feel heavenly and I've waited so damn long for this" Jungkook sensually rasps staring into my eyes with devotion and he greedily palms my thighs and hips, his hands roaming everywhere. 

"Please move, Jungkook. Baby please" I pant rolling my hips against him, moaning out and biting my lip as I devour him with my greedy eyes.

His sexy abs tense as I clench on him and grind against his hips, his tattooed hands squeeze me with a harsh hiss. Hmm he is absolute perfection.

"Shh baby, I got you, sweetheart" He cooed at me, comforting me and giving me an intense smouldering look.

He pulls out of me really slowly with a groan before snapping his hips back at me making me cry out and grip the sheets. Then he repeats it looking down as he slowly pulls out and then he looks up at my face when he thrusts into me bottoming out with a deep moan.

"Ahhh fuck! Oh damn. . b-big Jungkook, you feel so. . ahh perfect. Hmm yes" I whimper as he starts thrusting into me at a steady pace, cursing as his fingers dig into me. Every glide hits me perfectly, the angle he is in is slapping against my clit and thrusting against my g spot.

"Princess, you feel sooo fucking good. I've wanted you for so long. . so damn long. Pussy feels so exquisite wrapped around me" He pants picking up pace, all I can do is moan and wail as he's railing me with his huge cock.

"J-Jungkook, ahhh fuck" I cry out wantonly as he pulls one of my legs onto his shoulder, spearing into me with a long deep groan. His thumb presses into my clit making me squeeze him immediately, throwing my head back writhing.

"Come on sweetheart, drench my cock" He rasps sinfully as the loud slaps sound out into our bedroom.

His filthy words turn me on and I flutter around him whining, I'm so close. Not thirty seconds later I'm cumming and crying out as I try to squeeze my thighs together grinding against him, his thrusts don't stop, making me whimper pitifully.

"Good girl, covering me in your divine juices. That's it baby, I love you so much" Jungkook soothes gently, running his hand up my waist and massaging my breast as his pumps slow down as I ride out my orgasm.

His perfect mouth leaves sloppy kisses on my ankle, his divine tongue flattening against my skin with a groan. Suddenly he pulls out, manhandling me and placing me on my stomach, yanking my ass up and separating my thighs to get in between them.

"Oh god yes, I was right! Your juicy ass looks so damn magnificent bent over like this" He whines out in excitement, greedily grabbing my cheeks and pulling them apart, I hear him spit down between my cheeks with a muttered out cuss.

A sudden rough slap makes me cry out and squirm, he chuckles at me realising I liked it so he repeats it on the other cheek. I yelp when teeth harshly dig into my cheek, Jungkook animalistically growls against my skin making my pussy clench and I can't stop my body twisting in a strong squirm tensing my whole body.

"You like that, huh princess?" He groans against my skin, licking a soothing stripe across the bite on my skin, before sucking a harsh mark on my right buttock.

More spit lands between my butt landing on my puckered hole, a small moan falls out of my mouth as Jungkook literally worships my ass like it's precious. Hands and his mouth are on me like he's starving and can't help himself.

Another load of spit lands on my hole and I jump when a tongue swipes from my mound to my ass, oh shit this is new but so good.

A long loud ahhh bursts out of my mouth making Jungkook moan and probe at my hole with his tongue, his hands pulling my cheeks apart as far as they will go. It feels like he's actually making out with my asshole and really enjoying it too.

His tongue is lapping at it with a whiny groan, I squeak when his rough tongue penetrates it, pressing it in as far as he can go, his face squashed against my cheeks moaning out in a vulgar way.

Jungkook wriggles his face as he presses in a gentle rhythm, I feel one of his hands come around my thigh and underneath my stomach. He caresses my folds and starts firmly rubbing at them. This dual feeling is making me feel almost too much, he's so good at it too.

"Oh my god, ahhh that feels so fucking good! Sooo good, yes!" I give him a slutty sounding moan, I sound so desperate and needy.

Jungkook reacts by caressing my clit faster with a loud hum. It doesn't take me long to start grinding my ass against his face and whining at him with a sob, I fall spectacularly sounding like some fucking porn star as I writhe like some whore against his mouth, riding out my orgasm loudly.

I'm panting as I come down from an intense orgasm as he just keeps his hand against my folds pressing.

Jungkook suddenly kneels up abruptly slapping my ass and thrusting into my pussy with a growled out fuck yes. His thrusts are feral as he smashes his hips against my ass being really vocal.

"Damn baby, your ass jiggles so good. I'm fucking filming this, shit I have too it's too good. I want to remember it" Jungkook lewdly moans, I feel him lean over and grab his phone and moan as the light glows illuminating the bedroom. It brightens up the area as this room is only lit by the leds that frame the wall at the moment.

"Hell yes, ass is absolutely heavenly, so big and juicy. Bounces so fucking good, I love your ass, princess. Hmmm, my cock looks so big in your little cunt". Jungkook filthily praised, letting out a grunt slapping my ass cheeks again.

One of his hands is grabbing my hip as his hips smack against my ass so fast that I'm sobbing, he's pressing me into the bed and I can hear him panting.

"My pretty little baby, you look. . look so cute and tiny under. . underneath me. Hmm I love how small you look taking my dick, fuck yes!" Jungkook pants, slapping my ass again.

"I'm gonna cum all over your ass, it's gonna look so pretty" He whines just from the thought, still filming me.

He's absolutely railing me and I'm feeling like I'm going to orgasm again. My body keeps squirming as I whimper into the bed, I'm definitely going to feel this tomorrow. My thighs are shaking and I'm now squeezing him so hard that his thrusts are getting sloppy.

"Fuck, are you gonna cum again, baby? Little pussy is gripping me so hard, I'm sooo close. Shit!" Jungkook lewdly hums getting faster.

One more slap of my ass and the knot in my body snaps, I'm wailing so loud as I grind against him panting. Jungkook hisses and a long groan falls from his mouth.

"Damn! Oh yes, that's it orgasm all over my cock, so good princess"

He has now paused like he's relishing the feeling of me squeezing around him. Then he pulls out of me suddenly and I can feel him jerking off.

I feel his hot release spurting all over my cheeks and running down my butt too, his tip moving around making a mess of me as he whines, tugging at himself.

"So pretty, so fucking sexy for me, sweetheart. Good girl, so good for me. That looks so filthy, yes" Jungkook hisses rubbing his tip against my little puckered hole.

I'm panting into the sheets and twitching with extreme aftershocks still, I have truly been fucked into the sixth dimension. The light on the phone goes off so I assume he stopped filming us.

I always imagined that sex with Jungkook would feel good but this was euphoric and I kind of wish he had taken my first time as it was shitty and hurt me, where I was so tense and pushed myself into doing it. I can hear Jungkook panting and a hand is caressing the side of my hip.

"You okay, princess? I didn't actually hurt you did I?" He asks me, sounding gentle and sweet. His duality is so extreme, he’s gone from stern and dominant to sweet and worrying about me. His harsh vulgar filthy mouth suddenly turns to soft and caring.

"No babe, I'm still trying to come down from my high. I think you fucked me so good that I was in outer space, Kookie" I giggle at him with my head still laying on the sheets, I bet I look a sweaty mess.

“Think I was there with you, princess” He chuckles at me still sounding breathless, as his hand starts to caress my back now.

"Let me get something to clean you up" He moves away humming as he gives my ass a tender squeeze, wandering off. I hear water running, then footsteps as a wet flannel starts wiping my folds then all over my ass.

"That's better, my beautiful girl" Jungkook hums as he wipes then walks off to dispose of the flannel.

Then he wanders off coming back with a bottle of water for me which I guzzle down feeling out of breath still. Jungkook then picks me up to take me to the toilet first and brings me back, placing me on the bed with a huge grin on his lips. Jungkook jumps on the bed pulling me to him and into his arms, his soft lips pressing softly against mine.

"I love you so damn much, my pretty princess" He stares at me with those doe eyes full of stars, with that beautiful bunny smile.

"I love you too Kookie, I've always loved you" I tell him, gently pressing my lips to his.

"I will be standing next to you forever, my precious Princess" Jungkook sweetly grins and I smile, caressing his cheek.

"Forever bun" I reply feeling so happy as I stare into his eyes feeling euphoric and loved. Happiness fills me as I finally feel that I'm where I was always supposed to be.

Standing Next To You: 1 | 2

Master List: Here

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©️ Bangtans Momma.

Please do not translate, copy, steal or repost my stories as your own, or any part of my story as your own either.

Do not feed any part of my stories into any AI software either.

Sharing the link or re-blogging is perfectly fine of course.

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[drolly-rolly]

Ghost Soap: Berlin, a club, a dark room

(CW: age gap, unrequited SoapGaz, kink/BDSM, experience gap, eventual Ghoap is 100% consensual BUT definitely could be considered rushed/too fast by the fault of either/both of these dumb, horny men) Gaz and Soap are traveling during a uni holiday break, bumping through the continent before they have to go back and properly crack down: Kyle’s has a real shot at the Olympic team and Soap’s crammed his upcoming term with more courses than anyone should in an effort to save the dwindling funds from his scholarship. The only reason Soap’s along at all is Kyle’s charity and he tries not to think too much about how much, and exactly why, he’s going to miss him. They’re in Berlin when they meet up with this goth chick that Soap is desperately trying to impress. She goes along with it and invites them both to the club: It's overwhelming in the way that they are for first timers, which both of them absolutely are. Soap definitely lied about how experienced he was (or deliberately left out how green he is) to impress this girl so naturally the situation once they’re inside goes all tits up in the wrong way. The girl ends up making out with Gaz in the hallway instead of Soap and he can’t blame her, look at the guy. Or maybe she was hoping she’d get both of them, way she’s looking at him, but that’s definitely too close to those things Soap doesn’t want to think concerning Gaz so he wishes them well, despite the hollow gnawing in his chest and wanders.

He ends up talking to a woman who’s a little older, beautiful and attractive but she laughs and just pats him on the head when he thinks that CBT means Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, he took Intro Psych his first year, and suggests he find someone more his speed to play with. 

“Play? I’m not a kid.” He says. He’s been with older women and they’ve liked him and there’s definitely something about this one that he likes.

“Not that kind of play.” She just smiles at him with perfectly painted lips. Then asks him if she can help him find his friends, but he’s a stubborn little idiot with bruised pride so of course he tells her it's fine.

After that he just wants a place to curl up and be the fuck alone and have his sad, confused boy- man, adult man, feelings. But he’s sort of lost and doesn’t know where he’s supposed to go and definitely doesn’t speak enough German to really properly navigate this place that is so much bigger than it looked from the outside.. Naturally ends up where he shouldn’t be.

Enter Ghost, full gear. Mask, of course. Not currently with anyone per se but assisting another pair. Hears Soap before he sees him. Rolls his eyes, figures he should probably get this stupid kid out of here. Soap’s not expecting the massive man in the skull mask and the whole… outfit… to speak english. Isn’t expecting his knees to turn into pudding when he hears the voice. “I don’t think you’re supposed to be back here, sweetheart.” He stalks forward and Soap can’t look away. “Why not?” Soap says. It's stupid. But right now he’d do anything to keep those dark, almost black eyes on him. Keep him saying ‘sweetheart’ instead of ‘kid’. “Door wasn’t locked.”

“I think you know why.”  Ghost says. “If I don’t…Would you teach me?””

And the way he bats his eyelashes has to be intentional, has to know what he’s doing. Testing Ghost’s self control. “You definitely don’t know what you’re asking for.”

(Part 1, already working on Part 2!) Special kudos to @leathfaic for our silly chit chats that lead to this.

[descendantofthesparrow]

What’s your timeline for the movies?

I’m trying to write something of my own but I can’t figure the timeline out

hooooooooooooooo boy yeah i had a whole mental breakdown over this lol, i made my own for my rewrite fic because canon makes no sense. so the only CONFIRMED timeline is the time between d1 and d2, six months 'six months ago i was stealing candy from babies-Mal during the 'talk scene' between the c4. D3 is implied to be about two weeks? so vk day-aka the start-one week later-vk pick up day, hades attacks, Audrey steals the scepter-the next day, Jnaes birthday, the meeting, the whole adventure, and then a week later is the engagement party/the end of the movie.

but blah blah blah-so my timeline was, starts in January, though it should at the very least start in October considering a side book that mentions the coronation/the maleficent incident happening on October 18th, BUT-with d2 being six months later, and another side book says cotillion happened June 24/5th, so the end of the school year, and six months before that is January.(i know some people don't like using the side books as a timeline calculator but it helps to make my brain hurt less so shush(love you dani))

okay anyway, starts in January, takes about-two three weeks to go through the movie, ends on a Friday-the coronation, which in January 2015-when the movie 'takes place', makes sense for me so-

this is my d1 timeline, aligned with January 2015. and Ben's birthday for me is January 16th, his coronation day, since its implied his birthday is coronation day in the movie.

D2-Six months later, in June, in the movie-its kind unclear just how the timeline spans, but it is 3 days, so start-which is on a Thursday since their picnic date is on a Thursday, Mal runs away that Thursday afternoon, vks and Ben come after her late Thursday/early Friday, Mal makes deal with Uma Friday and either the wand trade happens Friday at noon or Saturday at noon-but either way in the movie, the wand trade is the same day as cotillion-but i exnayed that and made cotillion the next day, Saturday, so Evie had time to actually change Mal's dress.

D3---whooo boy, this is where it gets confusing-so D3~! there is no clear thoughts of how long its been since 3, it's either been less than a year, OR its been NEARLY 3 YEARS, no in-between-but! the vks, minus Carlos, according to Escape from the isle, have graduated from Auradon prep-Ben, Mal, Evie, and Jay are all 18-19 at the very least, with Carlos at 17 and now a senior-and they were all 16 in the first movie, minus Carlos at 14, Jane is his age as well, so they're both 14-17 in d1 to D3, so that implies it's been at LEAST 2 years if not 2 and a half. so, from d1 to d3-its been 3 years, at least my version was, because it was the only way to make sense of their age jumps, how the vks graduated, and to give Mal and Ben just a bit more time to make their engagement make more sense because WOW she just had a mental breakdown over becoming lady of the court?! she does not need to be queen yet dear god no, she needs therapy not a crown.

that also allows for the visual changes of everything, like the new bridge plaza in both Auradon and the isle, along with giving Evie her starter castle-to which Doug says in d2to evie 'maybe in the next 3 years, you'll get that castle you always wanted(paraphrased)

but yeah the timeline is a whole mess, you'll be better off just making your own like i did, there is no timeline, only zuul.

but yeah, short version, D1-six months later-D2-2 and a half years alter-D3.

[kariachi]

Okay, so was looking at unrelated stuff and guys Matt Wayne way back when confirmed that Kevin was just straight living at that garage in early OV. We don't have just the easy assumption I thought we did that Kevin was homeless in the early half of that season, we have WoG backing it up.

And babes that is homelessness, if there was a fucking apartment in the back or whatever a fucker probably wouldn't be sleeping on a cot. It's a fucking auto shop- more likely than not the boy is having to go to a secondary location to get a shower, a tertiary one to get a proper meal, and if he lost his job he would have been directly into living out of his car. Boy was fucking homeless.

And like that's already a thing. That means this boy has dealt with homelessness from at minimum the ages of 11 to 17-almost-18. Like that's fucked up and sad. Kevin is a child, he should have a more stable situation than all this. At least Ben and Gwen are consistently shown to have proper housing they can return to. But!

But. McDuffie claimed during UAF that Kevin had an apartment. WoG holds that he was housed during those series. Which would mean that Kevin either 1) followed Gwen out there, was blindsided with an inability to pay rent, and didn't turn his ass around, or 2) went out there with the full knowledge that he wouldn't be able to pay rent. Because I'm sorry, I'm doubting that the boy who was homeless when we met him and supposedly had a place before can afford rent and is going 'I'll just be homeless again it's fine' anyway.

And just, either one. Either one. Gwen is not worth that. Nobody is worth that. If you have a choice between homelessness and a long distance relationship, take the fucking long distance relationship! Kevin, I know the Null Void likely gave you a very low bar for acceptable circumstances but sir. Please.

When our best case scenario is that this boy chose homelessness over a long distance relationship- Somebody get him therapy please gods...

And the thing is from what we're shown it doesn't seem like Kevin is heavily involved in crime anymore at that point? Implying that he would have been affording housing because he was doing crime, which makes sense a teenager involved in the black market is more likely to be paying expenses than living for the thrill.

(But Achi he worked for the Plumbers for a while there- and how many of the general Plumbers do we see not housed in the base during OV? I don't think those fuckers pay well.)

But the point is, due to that I can't even be sure if the fact that Kevin is apparently homeless again in early OV isn't even blinked at is a continuation of UAF's failure the acknowledge key issues in Kevin's history- 'we don't want to touch on the fact this is a repeatedly homeless kid because cults and genocide are less dark we swear'- or an outcrop of the show's copaganda issue. Because OV is bad about 'just a few bad apples' and 'turning from crime means becoming a cop' and such like that, so the idea that this period of homelessness is fine because it shows he's not as involved in crime isn't out of their potential wheelhouse.

But again, we can't assume given the previous series was hitting on cults and genocides and drugs and Stockholm Syndrome and still didn't think homelessness was a topic worth broaching, and continuing that trend wouldn't be out of the ordinary. Fuck, if anything just mentioning his living situation at all was a step up.

In the end just, this fucking boy-

[koishua]

koishua's miscellaneous wip list!

say boo and pressure me into finishing these numbers <3

listed: 24/80 proper wips. had to sift through 250 drafts and veto most of them bc honestly we all know they weren't going to see the light of day!! have a suzu icon representing me rn <3 gonna be giving the other wips to the mooties who sent in for the ask game i created ages ago

№1 ) love till the sun sets | heeseung est. 15k

№2 ) from under the magnolia tree | beomgyu est. 10k — on february fourteenth, exactly five years ago, he’d gifted you a small magnolia tree he’d named after you. he’d said that he would love you for as long as the sapling you’d planted together would live. he’d even said that he would watch as it grew bigger and older with both of you taking care of it. he'd said that it would be the most beautiful thing in town. you'd believed him.

№3 ) we were beautiful | sunghoon est. 5k — you were fifteen when you’d first fallen in love with your childhood friend, seventeen when you’d called him your boyfriend, and eighteen when you lost him to life. broken apart by circumstances and necessity, everything you’d built up with him had fallen apart overnight. by the time the dawn of your nineteenth birthday had arrived, you’d no longer have the name park sunghoon present in your everyday life, only contained dearly in your memories and a journal, his name scribbled mindlessly on each and every corner of the aged pages.

№4 ) dear cupid | jake est. 15k — desperate to have his feelings of two years reciprocated, he finds a leather-bound book falling by his feet in the old campus library containing a guide on how to summon the very real and very quirky god of love and desire, cupid. in his next life, jake would come to write a book on why you should read holy contracts thoroughly before signing your name off in blood.

№5 ) man up | heeseung short fic

№6 ) ikigai | niki est 10k — lonely and trying to cope with the deeply settled rage at the world, reader stumbles upon a peculiar boy in the middle of a bridge and falls into a conversation with him where she utters eight damning words. the world consequently stops spinning and the univers halts as it is. time comes to a stand still and the only two ppl able to move happen to be her and the boy beside her. cue the next seven days of adventures in the dark streets, lit only by the streetlamps in the outskirts of tokyo.

№7 ) pocket locket | m. jaehyun short fic

№8 ) foreign exchange student!beomgyu drabble

№9 ) death is for those who stay | heeseung short fic

№10 ) the world and all her pearls | ??

№11 ) do yourself a flavour | ?? — ice cream parlour, r2l

№12 ) i blinked and suddenly i had a valentine | ??

№13 ) enha dates gone awry (in the best ways!)

№14 ) take you out | sunghoon assassin au short fic

№15 ) a conversation between the lost and unloved | yeonjun est 3k

№16 ) mothers and fathers | yeonjun est 5k — a conversation about hungry mothers and forgetful fathers with yeonjun, an unlikely friend from a country you've never been to.

№17 ) signs that enha are dating

№18 ) "why did you give me wings and want me to fall?" | ?? — hunger games-esque!au

№19 ) notes unread | sunghoon — letters you'd written for each other, unsent and unread.

№20 ) enha and your cute little secrets

№21 ) everything sucks, just kidding! | yeonjun short fic

№22 ) do not touch | jay est 5k — bnha!au, living with a quirk damning you to eternal loneliness, not being able to touch or be touched in fear of the other's demise, jay loves you from afar. he loves you without a single touch.

№23 ) i could drown myself in someone like you | gaon short fic

№24 ) dude, go to therapy | beomgyu text fic — your number neighbor just so happens to be choi beomgyu, your old nemesis from high school. it's too late when you find out about it, though, because you'd already dumped all of your emotional baggage on him. worst of all, he seemed to be concerned and not at all like the beomgyu of the past.

[stalkersdiary]

✧ Be Polite Or Leave Me The Fuck Alone ✧

This is less of my usual content and more of a vent about the weird fucking people that send me shit in the inbox. Why do people with no tact or age attempt to write me? I'm just a random guy with health conditions. If you make me feel like I have to check to see if you have an age in your bio, I will probably not respond to you. In fact, some of you, I block because I think there's a HIGH possibility you're a minor, even if you DO have an age. You act like a child, type like one, and are as annoying as one. Don't fucking write me if you can't be polite and reasonable. That being said I'm going to give simple brief answers to the messages I got flooded with this last month. 1. I like MLP, Miraculous Ladybug, LoliRock, and Bluey, and while I watch some kid shows, that doesn't mean I want to talk to children. I'm a fucking bitch, I hate kids, and I don't talk to insolent people. I just watch kid shows because it makes me happy sometimes and feels like it repairs part of my childhood. Yes, I know, I need to seek therapy. I HAVE A THERAPIST. They TOLD ME this was a healthy option. 2. I am a boy despite what people think after meeting me in person or seeing me on camera. I'm an intersex man and I was born both male and female. I do however identify as a man and no, my body is none of your business. I don't care that you "Saw my dick and my boobs on Chaturbate." Don't talk about that shit to a stranger because it's creepy and I will crack a bottle over your head if I see you IRL. I'm not afraid of violence, I'm afraid of going to jail. 3. I have been in different media and I have worked for controversial people. NO. I DON'T SHARE THEIR VIEWS. WHY WOULD I? Does every Amazon worker have late night chats with Jeff Bezos about how he should run his company? OF COURSE NOT. Just because I voiced in a commercial for a creepy man once doesn't mean I believe what he does or did is good. I'm just an actor. If I knew he'd be such a HORRIBLE PERSON, I wouldn't have worked for him. Lastly, 4. if my existence is sooooo offensive to you, that you want to cancel me for speaking about health and autonomy, take this shit to your voting booth. I know I'm a pastor. Do you think the people who listen to me care that I want everyone to have equal rights and the freedom to talk about how they feel? Well you're right, they ENCOURAGE me to go to protests and teach the truth behind God's words. God tells you to love. God tells you that EVERYONE has sinned. You aren't better than that random person you screamed F@ggot at. You're just as bad as them. Grow the fuck up. If you expected something else from me, I recommend looking at who you're talking to. Remember to close the Stalker's Diary. Mxster R doesn't want any more visitors tonight.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Pamela Paul

Published: Feb 2, 2024

Grace Powell was 12 or 13 when she discovered she could be a boy.

Growing up in a relatively conservative community in Grand Rapids, Mich., Powell, like many teenagers, didn’t feel comfortable in her own skin. She was unpopular and frequently bullied. Puberty made everything worse. She suffered from depression and was in and out of therapy.

“I felt so detached from my body, and the way it was developing felt hostile to me,” Powell told me. It was classic gender dysphoria, a feeling of discomfort with your sex.

Reading about transgender people online, Powell believed that the reason she didn’t feel comfortable in her body was that she was in the wrong body. Transitioning seemed like the obvious solution. The narrative she had heard and absorbed was that if you don’t transition, you’ll kill yourself.

At 17, desperate to begin hormone therapy, Powell broke the news to her parents. They sent her to a gender specialist to make sure she was serious. In the fall of her senior year of high school, she started cross-sex hormones. She had a double mastectomy the summer before college, then went off as a transgender man named Grayson to Sarah Lawrence College, where she was paired with a male roommate on a men’s floor. At 5-foot-3, she felt she came across as a very effeminate gay man.

At no point during her medical or surgical transition, Powell says, did anyone ask her about the reasons behind her gender dysphoria or her depression. At no point was she asked about her sexual orientation. And at no point was she asked about any previous trauma, and so neither the therapists nor the doctors ever learned that she’d been sexually abused as a child.

“I wish there had been more open conversations,” Powell, now 23 and detransitioned, told me. “But I was told there is one cure and one thing to do if this is your problem, and this will help you.”

Progressives often portray the heated debate over childhood transgender care as a clash between those who are trying to help growing numbers of children express what they believe their genders to be and conservative politicians who won’t let kids be themselves.

But right-wing demagogues are not the only ones who have inflamed this debate. Transgender activists have pushed their own ideological extremism, especially by pressing for a treatment orthodoxy that has faced increased scrutiny in recent years. Under that model of care, clinicians are expected to affirm a young person’s assertion of gender identity and even provide medical treatment before, or even without, exploring other possible sources of distress.

Many who think there needs to be a more cautious approach — including well-meaning liberal parents, doctors and people who have undergone gender transition and subsequently regretted their procedures — have been attacked as anti-trans and intimidated into silencing their concerns.

And while Donald Trump denounces “left-wing gender insanity” and many trans activists describe any opposition as transphobic, parents in America’s vast ideological middle can find little dispassionate discussion of the genuine risks or trade-offs involved in what proponents call gender-affirming care.

Powell’s story shows how easy it is for young people to get caught up by the pull of ideology in this atmosphere.

“What should be a medical and psychological issue has been morphed into a political one,” Powell lamented during our conversation. “It’s a mess.”

A New and Growing Group of Patients

Many transgender adults are happy with their transitions and, whether they began to transition as adults or adolescents, feel it was life changing, even lifesaving. The small but rapidly growing number of children who express gender dysphoria and who transition at an early age, according to clinicians, is a recent and more controversial phenomenon.

Laura Edwards-Leeper, the founding psychologist of the first pediatric gender clinic in the United States, said that when she started her practice in 2007, most of her patients had longstanding and deep-seated gender dysphoria. Transitioning clearly made sense for almost all of them, and any mental health issues they had were generally resolved through gender transition.

“But that is just not the case anymore,” she told me recently. While she doesn’t regret transitioning the earlier cohort of patients and opposes government bans on transgender medical care, she said, “As far as I can tell, there are no professional organizations who are stepping in to regulate what’s going on.”

Most of her patients now, she said, have no history of childhood gender dysphoria. Others refer to this phenomenon, with some controversy, as rapid onset gender dysphoria, in which adolescents, particularly tween and teenage girls, express gender dysphoria despite never having done so when they were younger. Frequently, they have mental health issues unrelated to gender. While professional associations say there is a lack of quality research on rapid onset gender dysphoria, several researchers have documented the phenomenon, and many health care providers have seen evidence of it in their practices.

“The population has changed drastically,” said Edwards-Leeper, a former head of the Child and Adolescent Committee for the World Professional Association for Transgender Health, the organization responsible for setting gender transition guidelines for medical professionals.

For these young people, she told me, “you have to take time to really assess what’s going on and hear the timeline and get the parents’ perspective in order to create an individualized treatment plan. Many providers are completely missing that step.”

Yet those health care professionals and scientists who do not think clinicians should automatically agree to a young person’s self-diagnosis are often afraid to speak out. A report commissioned by the National Health Service about Britain’s Tavistock gender clinic, which, until it was ordered to be shut down, was the country’s only health center dedicated to gender identity, noted that “primary and secondary care staff have told us that they feel under pressure to adopt an unquestioning affirmative approach and that this is at odds with the standard process of clinical assessment and diagnosis that they have been trained to undertake in all other clinical encounters.”

Of the dozens of students she’s trained as psychologists, Edwards-Leeper said, few still seem to be providing gender-related care. While her students have left the field for various reasons, “some have told me that they didn’t feel they could continue because of the pushback, the accusations of being transphobic, from being pro-assessment and wanting a more thorough process,” she said.

They have good reasons to be wary. Stephanie Winn, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Oregon, was trained in gender-affirming care and treated multiple transgender patients. But in 2020, after coming across detransition videos online, she began to doubt the gender-affirming model. In 2021 she spoke out in favor of approaching gender dysphoria in a more considered way, urging others in the field to pay attention to detransitioners, people who no longer consider themselves transgender after undergoing medical or surgical interventions. She has since been attacked by transgender activists. Some threatened to send complaints to her licensing board saying that she was trying to make trans kids change their minds through conversion therapy.

In April 2022, the Oregon Board of Licensed Professional Counselors and Therapists told Winn that she was under investigation. Her case was ultimately dismissed, but Winn no longer treats minors and practices only online, where many of her patients are worried parents of trans-identifying children.

“I don’t feel safe having a location where people can find me,” she said.

Detransitioners say that only conservative media outlets seem interested in telling their stories, which has left them open to attacks as hapless tools of the right, something that frustrated and dismayed every detransitioner I interviewed. These are people who were once the trans-identified kids that so many organizations say they’re trying to protect — but when they change their minds, they say, they feel abandoned.

Most parents and clinicians are simply trying to do what they think is best for the children involved. But parents with qualms about the current model of care are frustrated by what they see as a lack of options.

Parents told me it was a struggle to balance the desire to compassionately support a child with gender dysphoria while seeking the best psychological and medical care. Many believed their kids were gay or dealing with an array of complicated issues. But all said they felt compelled by gender clinicians, doctors, schools and social pressure to accede to their child’s declared gender identity even if they had serious doubts. They feared it would tear apart their family if they didn’t unquestioningly support social transition and medical treatment. All asked to speak anonymously, so desperate were they to maintain or repair any relationship with their children, some of whom were currently estranged.

Several of those who questioned their child’s self-diagnosis told me it had ruined their relationship. A few parents said simply, “I feel like I’ve lost my daughter.”

One mother described a meeting with 12 other parents in a support group for relatives of trans-identified youth where all of the participants described their children as autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. To all questions, the woman running the meeting replied, “Just let them transition.” The mother left in shock. How would hormones help a child with obsessive-compulsive disorder or depression? she wondered.

Some parents have found refuge in anonymous online support groups. There, people share tips on finding caregivers who will explore the causes of their children’s distress or tend to their overall emotional and developmental health and well-being without automatically acceding to their children’s self-diagnosis.

Many parents of kids who consider themselves trans say their children were introduced to transgender influencers on YouTube or TikTok, a phenomenon intensified for some by the isolation and online cocoon of Covid. Others say their kids learned these ideas in the classroom, as early as elementary school, often in child-friendly ways through curriculums supplied by trans rights organizations, with concepts like the gender unicorn or the Genderbread person.

‘Do You Want a Dead Son or a Live Daughter?’

After Kathleen’s 15-year-old son, whom she described as an obsessive child, abruptly told his parents he was trans, the doctor who was going to assess whether he had A.D.H.D. referred him instead to someone who specialized in both A.D.H.D. and gender. Kathleen, who asked to be identified only by her first name to protect her son’s privacy, assumed that the specialist would do some kind of evaluation or assessment. That was not the case.

The meeting was brief and began on a shocking note. “In front of my son, the therapist said, ‘Do you want a dead son or a live daughter?’” Kathleen recounted.

Parents are routinely warned that to pursue any path outside of agreeing with a child’s self-declared gender identity is to put a gender dysphoric youth at risk for suicide, which feels to many people like emotional blackmail. Proponents of the gender-affirming model have cited studies showing an association between that standard of care and a lower risk of suicide. But those studies were found to have methodological flaws or have been deemed not entirely conclusive. A survey of studies on the psychological effects of cross-sex hormones, published three years ago in The Journal of the Endocrine Society, the professional organization for hormone specialists, found it “could not draw any conclusions about death by suicide.” In a letter to The Wall Street Journal last year, 21 experts from nine countries said that survey was one reason they believed there was “no reliable evidence to suggest that hormonal transition is an effective suicide prevention measure.”

Moreover, the incidence of suicidal thoughts and attempts among gender dysphoric youth is complicated by the high incidence of accompanying conditions, such as autism spectrum disorder. As one systematic overview put it, “Children with gender dysphoria often experience a range of psychiatric comorbidities, with a high prevalence of mood and anxiety disorders, trauma, eating disorders and autism spectrum conditions, suicidality and self-harm.”

But rather than being treated as patients who deserve unbiased professional help, children with gender dysphoria often become political pawns.

Conservative lawmakers are working to ban access to gender care for minors and occasionally for adults as well. On the other side, however, many medical and mental health practitioners feel their hands have been tied by activist pressure and organizational capture. They say that it has become difficult to practice responsible mental health care or medicine for these young people.

Pediatricians, psychologists and other clinicians who dissent from this orthodoxy, believing that it is not based on reliable evidence, feel frustrated by their professional organizations. The American Psychological Association, American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics have wholeheartedly backed the gender-affirming model.

In 2021, Aaron Kimberly, a 50-year-old trans man and registered nurse, left the clinic in British Columbia where his job focused on the intake and assessment of gender-dysphoric youth. Kimberly received a comprehensive screening when he embarked on his own successful transition at age 33, which resolved the gender dysphoria he experienced from an early age.

But when the gender-affirming model was introduced at his clinic, he was instructed to support the initiation of hormone treatment for incoming patients regardless of whether they had complex mental problems, experiences with trauma or were otherwise “severely unwell,” Kimberly said. When he referred patients for further mental health care rather than immediate hormone treatment, he said he was accused of what they called gatekeeping and had to change jobs.

“I realized something had gone totally off the rails,” Kimberly, who subsequently founded the Gender Dysphoria Alliance and the L.G.B.T. Courage Coalition to advocate better gender care, told me.

Gay men and women often told me they fear that same-sex-attracted kids, especially effeminate boys and tomboy girls who are gender nonconforming, will be transitioned during a normal phase of childhood and before sexual maturation — and that gender ideology can mask and even abet homophobia.

As one detransitioned man, now in a gay relationship, put it, “I was a gay man pumped up to look like a woman and dated a lesbian who was pumped up to look like a man. If that’s not conversion therapy, I don’t know what is.”

“I transitioned because I didn’t want to be gay,” Kasey Emerick, a 23-year-old woman and detransitioner from Pennsylvania, told me. Raised in a conservative Christian church, she said, “I believed homosexuality was a sin.”

When she was 15, Emerick confessed her homosexuality to her mother. Her mother attributed her sexual orientation to trauma — Emerick’s father was convicted of raping and assaulting her repeatedly when she was between the ages of 4 and 7 — but after catching Emerick texting with another girl at age 16, she took away her phone. When Emerick melted down, her mother admitted her to a psychiatric hospital. While there, Emerick told herself, “If I was a boy, none of this would have happened.”

In May 2017, Emerick began searching “gender” online and encountered trans advocacy websites. After realizing she could “pick the other side,” she told her mother, “I’m sick of being called a dyke and not a real girl.” If she were a man, she’d be free to pursue relationships with women.

That September, she and her mother met with a licensed professional counselor for the first of two 90-minute consultations. She told the counselor that she had wished to be a Boy Scout rather than a Girl Scout. She said she didn’t like being gay or a butch lesbian. She also told the counselor that she had suffered from anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation. The clinic recommended testosterone, which was prescribed by a nearby L.G.B.T.Q. health clinic. Shortly thereafter, she was also diagnosed with A.D.H.D. She developed panic attacks. At age 17, she was cleared for a double mastectomy.

“I’m thinking, ‘Oh my God, I’m having my breasts removed. I’m 17. I’m too young for this,’” she recalled. But she went ahead with the operation.

“Transition felt like a way to control something when I couldn’t control anything in my life,” Emerick explained. But after living as a trans man for five years, Emerick realized her mental health symptoms were only getting worse. In the fall of 2022, she came out as a detransitioner on Twitter and was immediately attacked. Transgender influencers told her she was bald and ugly. She received multiple threats.

“I thought my life was over,” she said. “I realized that I had lived a lie for over five years.”

Today Emerick’s voice, permanently altered by testosterone, is that of a man. When she tells people she’s a detransitioner, they ask when she plans to stop taking T and live as a woman. “I’ve been off it for a year,” she replies.

Once, after she recounted her story to a therapist, the therapist tried to reassure her. If it’s any consolation, the therapist remarked, “I would never have guessed that you were once a trans woman.” Emerick replied, “Wait, what sex do you think I am?”

To the trans activist dictum that children know their gender best, it is important to add something all parents know from experience: Children change their minds all the time. One mother told me that after her teenage son desisted — pulled back from a trans identity before any irreversible medical procedures — he explained, “I was just rebelling. I look at it like a subculture, like being goth.”

“The job of children and adolescents is to experiment and explore where they fit into the world, and a big part of that exploration, especially during adolescence, is around their sense of identity,” Sasha Ayad, a licensed professional counselor based in Phoenix, told me. “Children at that age often present with a great deal of certainty and urgency about who they believe they are at the time and things they would like to do in order to enact that sense of identity.”

Ayad, a co-author of “When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents,” advises parents to be wary of the gender affirmation model. “We’ve always known that adolescents are particularly malleable in relationship to their peers and their social context and that exploration is often an attempt to navigate difficulties of that stage, such as puberty, coming to terms with the responsibilities and complications of young adulthood, romance and solidifying their sexual orientation,” she told me. For providing this kind of exploratory approach in her own practice with gender dysphoric youth, Ayad has had her license challenged twice, both times by adults who were not her patients. Both times, the charges were dismissed.

Studies show that around eight in 10 cases of childhood gender dysphoria resolve themselves by puberty and 30 percent of people on hormone therapy discontinue its use within four years, though the effects, including infertility, are often irreversible.

Proponents of early social transition and medical interventions for gender dysphoric youth cite a 2022 study showing that 98 percent of children who took both puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones continued treatment for short periods, and another study that tracked 317 children who socially transitioned between the ages of 3 and 12, which found that 94 percent of them still identified as transgender five years later. But such early interventions may cement children’s self-conceptions without giving them time to think or sexually mature.

‘The Process of Transition Didn’t Make Me Feel Better’

At the end of her freshman year of college, Grace Powell, horrifically depressed, began dissociating, feeling detached from her body and from reality, which had never happened to her before. Ultimately, she said, “the process of transition didn’t make me feel better. It magnified what I found was wrong with myself.”

“I expected it to change everything, but I was just me, with a slightly deeper voice,” she added. “It took me two years to start detransitioning and living as Grace again.”

She tried in vain to find a therapist who would treat her underlying issues, but they kept asking her: How do you want to be seen? Do you want to be nonbinary? Powell wanted to talk about her trauma, not her identity or her gender presentation. She ended up getting online therapy from a former employee of the Tavistock clinic in Britain. This therapist, a woman who has broken from the gender-affirming model, talked Grace through what she sees as her failure to launch and her efforts to reset. The therapist asked questions like: Who is Grace? What do you want from your life? For the first time, Powell felt someone was seeing and helping her as a person, not simply looking to slot her into an identity category.

Many detransitioners say they face ostracism and silencing because of the toxic politics around transgender issues.

“It is extraordinarily frustrating to feel that something I am is inherently political,” Powell told me. “I’ve been accused multiple times that I’m some right-winger who’s making a fake narrative to discredit transgender people, which is just crazy.”

While she believes there are people who benefit from transitioning, “I wish more people would understand that there’s not a one-size-fits-all solution,” she said. “I wish we could have that conversation.”

In a recent study in The Archives of Sexual Behavior, about 40 young detransitioners out of 78 surveyed said they had suffered from rapid onset gender dysphoria. Trans activists have fought hard to suppress any discussion of rapid onset gender dysphoria, despite evidence that the condition is real. In its guide for journalists, the activist organization GLAAD warns the media against using the term, as it is not “a formal condition or diagnosis.” Human Rights Campaign, another activist group, calls it “a right-wing theory.” A group of professional organizations put out a statement urging clinicians to eliminate the term from use.

Nobody knows how many young people desist after social, medical or surgical transitions. Trans activists often cite low regret rates for gender transition, along with low figures for detransition. But those studies, which often rely on self-reported cases to gender clinics, likely understate the actual numbers. None of the seven detransitioners I interviewed, for instance, even considered reporting back to the gender clinics that prescribed them medication they now consider to have been a mistake. Nor did they know any other detransitioners who had done so.

As Americans furiously debate the basis of transgender care, a number of advances in understanding have taken place in Europe, where the early Dutch studies that became the underpinning of gender-affirming care have been broadly questioned and criticized. Unlike the current population of gender dysphoric youth, the Dutch study participants had no serious psychological conditions. Those studies were riddled with methodological flaws and weaknesses. There was no evidence that any intervention was lifesaving. There was no long-term follow-up with any of the study’s 55 participants or the 15 who dropped out. A British effort to replicate the study said that it “identified no changes in psychological function” and that more studies were needed.

In countries like Sweden, Norway, France, the Netherlands and Britain — long considered exemplars of gender progress — medical professionals have recognized that early research on medical interventions for childhood gender dysphoria was either faulty or incomplete. Last month, the World Health Organization, in explaining why it is developing “a guideline on the health of trans and gender diverse people,” said it will cover only adults because “the evidence base for children and adolescents is limited and variable regarding the longer-term outcomes of gender-affirming care for children and adolescents.”

But in America, and Canada, the results of those widely criticized Dutch studies are falsely presented to the public as settled science.

Other countries have recently halted or limited the medical and surgical treatment of gender dysphoric youth, pending further study. Britain’s Tavistock clinic was ordered to be shut down next month, after a National Health Service-commissioned investigation found deficiencies in service and “a lack of consensus and open discussion about the nature of gender dysphoria and therefore about the appropriate clinical response.”

Meanwhile, the American medical establishment has hunkered down, stuck in an outdated model of gender affirmation. The American Academy of Pediatrics only just agreed to conduct more research in response to yearslong efforts by dissenting experts, including Dr. Julia Mason, a self-described “bleeding-heart liberal.”

The real threat to transgender people comes from Republicans who wish to deny them rights and protections. But the doctrinal rigidity of the progressive wing of the Democratic Party is disappointing, frustrating and counterproductive.

“I was always a liberal Democrat,” one woman whose son desisted after social transition and hormone therapy told me. “Now I feel politically homeless.”

She noted that the Biden administration has “unequivocally” supported gender-affirming care for minors, in cases in which it deems it “medically appropriate and necessary.” Rachel Levine, the assistant secretary for health at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, told NPR in 2022 that “there is no argument among medical professionals — pediatricians, pediatric endocrinologists, adolescent medicine physicians, adolescent psychiatrists, psychologists, et cetera — about the value and the importance of gender-affirming care.”

Of course, politics should not influence medical practice, whether the issue is birth control, abortion or gender medicine. But unfortunately, politics has gotten in the way of progress. Last year The Economist published a thorough investigation into America’s approach to gender medicine. Zanny Minton Beddoes, the editor, put the issue into political context. “If you look internationally at countries in Europe, the U.K. included, their medical establishments are much more concerned,” Beddoes told Vanity Fair. “But here — in part because this has become wrapped up in the culture wars where you have, you know, crazy extremes from the Republican right — if you want to be an upstanding liberal, you feel like you can’t say anything.”

Some people are trying to open up that dialogue, or at least provide outlets for kids and families to seek a more therapeutic approach to gender dysphoria.

Paul Garcia-Ryan is a psychotherapist in New York who cares for kids and families seeking holistic, exploratory care for gender dysphoria. He is also a detransitioner who from ages 15 to 30 fully believed he was a woman.

Garcia-Ryan is gay, but as a boy, he said, “it was much less threatening to my psyche to think that I was a straight girl born into the wrong body — that I had a medical condition that could be tended to.” When he visited a clinic at 15, the clinician immediately affirmed he was female, and rather than explore the reasons for his mental distress, simply confirmed Garcia-Ryan’s belief that he was not meant to be a man.

Once in college, he began medically transitioning and eventually had surgery on his genitals. Severe medical complications from both the surgery and hormone medication led him to reconsider what he had done, and to detransition. He also reconsidered the basis of gender affirmation, which, as a licensed clinical social worker at a gender clinic, he had been trained in and provided to clients.

“You’re made to believe these slogans,” he said. “ Evidence-based, lifesaving care, safe and effective, medically necessary, the science is settled — and none of that is evidence based.”

Garcia-Ryan, 32, is now the board president of Therapy First, an organization that supports therapists who do not agree with the gender affirmation model. He thinks transition can help some people manage the symptoms of gender dysphoria but no longer believes anyone under 25 should socially, medically or surgically transition without exploratory psychotherapy first.

“When a professional affirms a gender identity for a younger person, what they are doing is implementing a psychological intervention that narrows a person’s sense of self and closes off their options for considering what’s possible for them,” Garcia-Ryan told me.

Instead of promoting unproven treatments for children, which surveys show many Americans are uncomfortable with, transgender activists would be more effective if they focused on a shared agenda. Most Americans across the political spectrum can agree on the need for legal protections for transgender adults. They would also probably support additional research on the needs of young people reporting gender dysphoria so that kids could get the best treatment possible.

A shift in this direction would model tolerance and acceptance. It would prioritize compassion over demonization. It would require rising above culture-war politics and returning to reason. It would be the most humane path forward. And it would be the right thing to do.

[ Via: https://archive.md/ercav ]

==

A shift in this direction would model tolerance and acceptance. It would prioritize compassion over demonization. It would require rising above culture-war politics and returning to reason. It would be the most humane path forward. And it would be the right thing to do.

It would, but that's also why activists won't do it. This isn't about "healthcare" and it's not even about "rights." As Duchess Lois of Alberta asked "what rights do I not have as a transsexual?"

It's about conducting a social revolution, and revolutionaries don't compromise.

[ladyravenjadethe2nd]

Spoilers for Part 3 of If Wishes were Kisses

I think I'm gonna call this one Isekai Making just to stick to the naming theme.

Next character is.....Milluki. Illumi will be 7 when Milluki is born.

Yep we are getting all the Zoldycks from Momo and Shouto although Shouto only carries the one.

The exact genre is Satire and I will explain that more in a minute. Frist lets breck down the build up to Milluki's birth.

Momo and Shouto finally get together. They have been in love, but not saying it for awhile, but a near death experience causes them to fall into bed together.

They are super happy about it, but Illumi who knows when Milluki should be born has been replacing Momo's birth control pills with fakes.

Now Momo's body is weird. She can pull a cannon out of her stomach and barley look like she's lost weight. Certainly her boob size never goes down so I head cannon that fats works weirdly on her. I don't think she would show much.

So she doesn't notice right away, but she does do the responsible thing and take a test after missing a few periods even though she thinks it's stress.

Her and Shouto are hesitantly happy about it. Work is calmer. Illumi is calmer and oddly thrilled about having a sibling so it should be fine right?

They got married before they even got together for paperwork reasons so instead of having a real wedding once they get together they plan a big baby shower.

The drama has waned and the family is calm. Illumi is in his good boy persona and only gets caught half the time when he does weird shit like try to sleep in a hole or drink bleach.

Both grandfathers has chosen to chill out on Illumi's future career until he is close to highs school age.

Maybe someone else in the Todoroki clan has even gone to therapy. I'm betting on Fuyumi.

So looking at Milluki now he is an interesting character. I consider him the most 'normal' Zoldyck that has the most 'normal' sibling relationship with Killua and the reason for that is his 'normal' hobby.

The guy is a weeb. He has been watching and daydreaming about normal families and close friendships since he was kid. He has Yu Yu-Hakusho, Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon stuff in his room.

Milluki knows the power of friendship. He understands good and evil. Has seen what people with good morals are like. He is well aware that his family would be the villains of the story if he lived in an anime.

Milluki doesn't try to make Killua come back because he understands that if you have a wanting friendship mentally your going to be a bad villain no matter how skilled you are.

Milluki does think his family is better then all the other villains though because they are a family. His media constantly shows how powerful bonds are and I think that's why he is so loyal to his family.

He's relationship with Killua is pretty decent compared to Killua's with the others.

1) The torture scene is very tame for Zoldycks. You think Milluki doesn't know enough about Killua's training to know the only thing he really considers painful is electrocution? He's supposedly really good at torture, but just uses a whip.

2) Killua says he isn't sorry, but he also says that he does feel bad for stabbing Milluki and that's why he allowed the torture. I'd say being stabbed is a lot worse then whipped. Not the normal amount of Zoldyck violence so he feels bad about it.

2) Killua has never shown any fear towards him despite him being older. There was a point where he was stronger then Killua just because he was 6 years older. Killua knows Illumi won't kill him and he doesn't seem to mind most torture, but he's terrified of Illumi.

Clearly Milluki has never really tried to make Killua fear him.

3) Milluki is the only one Killua is willing to call and he does it with his regular phone. After telling Gon not to use his computer because it can be traced he calls Milluki on Whale Island who is like the best tech person ever. That bird that delivers stuff also found Killua on a boat headed away from whale island.

Milluki could find Killua, but Killua trust him not to tell their mother.

4) The yo-yos. We see Killua make a deal for information, but Milluki seems to just send Killua handmade special yo-yos. I say handmade because Killua says his brother made the alloy for them. Killua doesn't kill anymore and he has nothing Milluki would want. Could be he got them from Milluki awhile ago from a deal and just needed them sent to him, but even then someone had to be trusted with his location to send them and that had to be Milluki.

All this to say. I think that Milluki thinks of his family as being 'Zoldyck normal'. They hurt each other for 'good' reasons. They care about each other in a special Zoldyck kind of way. I don't think he ever questioned that his family 'loves' him and he 'loved' them back.

At least until Illumi kills Killua. Killua the favorite.

Milluki feels deeply betrayed by his family now.

Illumi who is in shock and not acting mournful at all. Silva who is only somewhat disappointed. Zeno is quite. Kalluto doesn't come home for the funeral and his mother who he still calls mama only pretends to cry.

She can't shed tears under her visor so to cry for real she would have to take it off, but she doesn't. She looks perfectly put together while she dramatically wails at an empty coffin because they didn't care enough to bring home a body.

Milluki feels like no one is sad his little brother is dead and if no one loved Killua, the favorite? Then it's impossible that any of them ever loved Milluki.

This is what is going though his head when the light takes him. His whole life feels like a lie. Does he have to fear Illumi killing him too? How close has he been to death every time he angers his family?

He isn't just mourning Killua he's mourning the family he thought he had. All the abuse was only justified if they loved him, but they didn't.

Being Isekaied is a great distraction. What's even better is that Milluki knows what an Isekai is and.... he knows My Hero Academia.

This story is a Satire or Parody of SI fanfics.

You see Milluki isn't a great fanfic writer himself, but he is certainly a connoisseur of the fanfiction format.

Much like one that does not paint can be an art critic Milluki has sent pages long flames picking apart fanfictions and the very worst kinds of fanfictions for Mary Sues and unrealistic power leveling is of course SI fanfictions of which he now finds himself in.

Luckily he is well read on the topic so he has a 27 step plan for ultimate power in his back pocket or he would if he was born as Deku or any one else in cannon so some plans will have to be adjusted.

If it's not clear he very much assumes he is in a fanfiction and spends a fair amount of time pissed at the author, but in order to run from his own angsty backstory Milluki is going to dive headfirst into this new world.

He will be in denial about Illumi having his memories, but that's alright because Illumi makes the same assumption about him at first.

He will try to have that Main Character energy despite mostly wanting to stuff his face with food and sit in front of a computer.

There will be a lot of him trying to exploit fandoms tropes and canon knowledge. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

He's going to be just as big as before, but for quirk reasons.

See I think it's BS that Momo has a quirk based off fat, but doesn't look like Fatgum so I think a pretty normal mutation for her quirk would be for her kid to have the same quirk, but retain a large about of body fat.

It could in fact be considered a stronger version of her quirk since he can make much more stuff then she can.

He will at first aim for Heroic to be his daytime job while he takes over the world from the shadows, but gives that up pretty fast. He doesn't exactly enjoy excise and sense no one makes him train he knows he isn't going to have a good time of it. Making support equipment will work just as well.

I also see him trying to help his parents with finances and paperwork and anything to be useful because he knows he was only tolerated for his usefulness before, but he will realize he is valued for more then what he can do for his new family and became fond of them.

He will try very hard to not have emotions about having a loving family for once and mostly succeed.

I think he has low empathy so I think he would be slow to love people.

At some point though he is going to realize that Illumi is a bit of failure at being the perfect child so by the time Killua is born Milluki considers himself to be winning the favorite child contest that only him and Illumi think are a thing.

Milluki once he has properly mourned is mostly mad and offended that Illumi killed Killua more then anything so he tries to one up Illumi in everything as much as possible.

His relationship with everyone is complicated.

He gets along mostly with Illumi until he has to face the fact that Illumi remembers then he is pissed off at him and then doesn't trust him around Killua.

I may put Milluki very low on the sociopathic spectrum actually, but I'm unsure.

While he doesn't really like Killua he is protective of him especially from Illumi.

Illumi will of course try to repair his relationship with Milluki, but he doesn't know what he did wrong so good luck with that.

I very much want Milluki to have a saving his little brother moment somewhere.

I think he will be unbearably smug that he is more trusted then Illumi around Killua.

Illumi tried to stick a pin in Milluki as a baby to train him and their parents Did Not like that.

I have a few other random notes for Milluki. Like he becomes good friends with Iida and Camie's child Raito who also likes anime.

He gives up on ultimate power at some point because it's too much work and he works out his issues mostly.

I think I'd like to see him ending his story either as an adult or close to it with a fairly boring chapter pointing out how realistically being reborn into an anime isn't going to change the kind of person you are so the chance of you having the motivation to go through with your plan to be op is pretty low.

[madsworld15]

Part 1 of Chapter 2: "May" from Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me fic.

QAF, BrianxJustin, Asexual Spectrum Representation, Series Re-telling

Brian stood outside the therapy room and watched as Justin struggled to walk the five feet necessary to reach his physical therapist. The teen was sweating and looked like he was about ready to give up. This was the first time since Justin had moved to the rehab center two weeks ago that Brian was visiting during one of his therapy sessions. Brian still didn’t come to see Justin every day, but the days he did come it was usually in the evening when Justin was back in his shared room.

Justin’s roommate was this smart-mouthed boy a few years younger whose leg had been crushed in an automobile accident. Brian secretly liked the kid and hoped that his enthusiasm and determination would rub off on Justin. Lately, Justin had been struggling to increase his abilities with his hand, so he was refusing to give his all in all areas of his rehab, both physical and occupational.

Justin collapsed against the guiding rail to his left about halfway to his therapist. From the look on his face, Brian could tell he was frustrated and about ready to give up completely. Brian bit his lip as he debated whether or not he should enter the room. He had heard from Jennifer that Justin hated it when she would come to his sessions, so she had stopped coming during those hours. He still hadn’t made a final decision when a kindly middle-aged, Black woman in a white jacket, a doctor, approached him.

“He works so hard, but he expects too much,” the woman said to Brian without introducing herself or looking at him.

“Well, he’s stubborn like that,” Brian smirked but tightened up his stance nonetheless. Her words concerned him because he knew what could come from expecting too much.

“I’m Dr. Brown,” the doctor finally extended her hand toward Brian for a handshake. “I know, very on the nose.” She had a smirk as strong as Brian’s; he could appreciate that in a doctor.

“Brian.” Brian returned the handshake and then motioned toward Justin, “He’s my, uh. My…”

“Boyfriend?” Dr. Brown gave him a knowing look, “He mentions you every day during group.”

“Group?”

“Justin is in Group and Individual counseling. There is more to rehab than just the physical. There is also a mental aspect to recovery.” 

Brian wasn’t sure how he felt about Justin being in counseling, mostly because he didn’t quite believe in psychiatrists, but he would support the young man in whatever he felt he needed. 

“So, you’re his shrink?”

“Psychiatrist, but yes.” She nodded at Brian before she turned back to the view of Justin struggling through his physical therapy. “He expects to be able to be good as new within a week or so.”

“Didn’t you guys explain to him that his hand recovery alone would take months?” Brian couldn’t believe this counselor had the audacity to pin this hope on Justin. 

“We have.” Dr. Brown took a deep breath. “I know you come to see him a couple times a week, but do you actually talk to him? Manage his expectations?”

“Why is that my responsibility? He’s an adult let him believe what he wants. Besides, you’re his doctors. You should tell him.” Brian wanted so badly to pull out a cigarette for a smoke. But, the medical professionals around here frowned upon that.

“Brian, it’s fine to have hope.” She started, but Brian cut her off.

“If it’s not harming anyone, then leave him be.”

“Mr. Kinney. His determination is great. We always encourage our patients to have as much faith and hope as possible. However, Justin is setting himself up for further frustration and depression if he keeps pushing himself beyond his abilities.”

Brian didn’t respond, how could he? The one thing he’d always found so wonderful about Justin was turning into the kid's worst nightmare. He’d always been determined to make things work out for himself, not to have to rely on anyone else. Now, Justin was being forced into a small box that restricted his independent spirit and insisted he rely on someone else all the time. The idea that Justin couldn’t just be himself broke Brian’s heart. He’d always avoided Justin’s therapy hours because he didn’t know if he could handle it if he saw the young man stumble in any way. Right before his very eyes, Justin was putting his all into accomplishing the simplest of tasks – walking a few feet without assistance. And he could barely do that.

“He’s making tremendous progress, both with me and his physical rehab. But it's a marathon, not a sprint. It might help if you remind him of that.” Dr. Brown added, and then she was gone.

Brian stood by and continued to watch Justin’s progress. Soon enough, the physical therapist stopped him and allowed Justin to sit down for a bit. It was at that moment that Brian decided to make his presence known. He walked through the door with a smirk on his face and a glint in his eyes.

“Great job, Sunshine.” Brian clapped him on the back and leaned on the back of the wheelchair Justin currently uses.

“I barely walked five feet without help.” Justin groused, his mood in the gutter.

“Okay. But, think when you left the ICU, you couldn’t walk without dragging your feet and the support of a nurse. This is progress.” Brian tried to encourage him. “What do you say I break you out of this joint for a couple hours, and we go see Emmett at work?”

“You can’t.” Justin didn’t even perk up.

“Sure I can. I discussed it with your doctors and the head of this place. They said I could as long as I promised to return you.” Brian leaned over Justin’s shoulder to whisper directly in his ear, “It’s as if they don’t trust me.”

“Damn. That must be a record.” Justin’s mood improved exponentially, “It took them all of two minutes to distrust you. I feel it usually takes a few days.”

“Except you.” Brian gave Justin a quick kiss on his temple and playfully pushed him toward the exit.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t trust you in the slightest. Never have.” Justin rolled his eyes and gave a small, wicked grin.

“I have it on the best authority, Emmett and Debbe, that you’ve always bet for the house instead of against it. Even when you first met me and saw through my bullshit.” Brian stopped by Justin’s room so he could grab a sweatshirt to put on over his t-shirt and clean up from his therapy session.

A few minutes later, Justin determined that he’d done all he could to be ready for an outing. Brian had helped him wipe his face with a washcloth since his dominant hand was still out of commission. It crossed his mind that he’d never been willing to do such things for anyone else, not even Michael. These thoughts weren’t something he wished to unpack at the moment, so he pushed them down.

“Let’s go!” Brian stated. “Do you want to bring the chair? Or would you rather just lean on me the whole time?”

Justin looked down at his lap as if determining how determined he was going to be in front of the man he cared about and his close friend. 

“The chair is fine.” 

Brian didn’t say anything. The words of the doctor rang in his head. He felt Justin choosing the chair was a win in the right direction toward managing expectations. See, I don’t need to tell him anything. He knows his own body.

Justin sat in the chair and looked up at Brian, silently telling him he was ready to go. Brian couldn’t believe he was doing this. Taking Justin out of the rehab center so he could see Emmett, and probably boost his mood, wasn’t in his usual wheelhouse of accepted Brian Kinney behavior.

“What? Is there something wrong? Did you change your mind?” Justin’s tone was overly concerned, a hint of insecurity around the edges.

Brian grabbed the handles of the chair and started to push him toward the door. 

“Keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.” Brian quipped, instead of actually answering or reassuring the young man.

If he was being honest with himself Brian was seconds away from bolting out the door and leaving Justin behind. He didn’t let people get behind his walls very often and if he wasn’t careful Justin would completely tear them down. It would leave him in a world of hurt. He had to be careful.

As they drove over to the store where Emmett worked, Brian finally gave Justin some kind of closure about the nature of their excursion.

“I paused back there because you seemed tired. I was contemplating which would be worse, you potentially overdoing it but enjoying your friend or letting you rest and facing the wrath of Emmett, who thinks your mom and I are keeping you from him.” Brian smiled toward Justin, who was staring out the window, expressionless.

Part of him knew the right thing to do was push Justin to engage in conversation with him, but Brian wasn’t a pushy person. So, he let silence fall between them. The closer they got to their destination Brian could feel the tension building up between them. He parallel parked and then turned off the Jeep. Instead of opening the door to climb out he waited for Justin to make a move. When he didn’t, Brian spoke.

“Wanna get out?” He kept the question open-ended because he knew Justin was having anxiety about something. He just wasn’t sure what.

Justin sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and shrugged. His eyes darted between outside the window and his lap. At that moment, it dawned on Brian exactly what the problem was.

“We can wait here until the people pass by. We're in no rush.” Brian reached across the console to try and touch Justin’s shoulder, but he flinched away from it.

A few minutes later, Brian’s cell phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Hey, I thought you were bringing Justin by.” Emmett’s voice rang through the phone. Justin perked up a bit at the sound.

“I am. We are outside still in the Jeep. Justin needs a minute.” Brian looked toward Justin.

“Let him know there’s no shame if he’s not ready. I’ll just have to find a way to get my fabulous ass into the rehab center. Perhaps there’s a hot beefy top of a nurse I can charm.”

“Do you always think with your dick?” Brian shook his head.

“You’re one to talk.” Emmett chirped back. “Don’t think I don’t hear the hot goss about you and your hosting skills most every night.”

Brian knew without looking that Justin heard Emmett through the phone. The blonde put the tip of his thumb into his mouth and bit down.

“I’ll let you know.” Brian ended his conversation with Emmett abruptly and hung up.

“We can just go back.” Brian went to put the keys back in the ignition when Justin reached his left hand across his torso and pulled open the passenger door.

Justin pulled himself out of the Jeep and leaned heavily on his left hand, which was still propped against the frame of the vehicle.

“Jesus.” Brian rushed out of the Jeep and came around to the other side to stand in front of the blonde. “You could’ve waited til I got the chair out.”

“I don’t…” Justin started. Instead of finishing he just grabbed onto Brian’s arm with his good hand and leaned his weight on the older man.

“Are you sure?” Brian whispered.

Justin nodded, “Let’s go. I miss Emmett. It’ll be great to see him.”

The two slowly made their way a few feet to the front door and went inside. Once they were inside, Brian insisted Justin sit down on one of the benches throughout the smallish store. Even without words he conveyed to the young man, it wasn’t seen as weakness for him to sit the whole time they visited the flamboyant Southerner.

“BABYYY!” Emmett immediately flew to where Justin was sitting and sat down next to him in what could only be described as a graceful movement. He immediately wrapped Justin up in a hug.

Brian tried not to be jealous of Justin’s immediate acceptance of Emmett’s love, comfort, and touch. The young man was still extremely skittish around Brian and barely ever let the man touch him. You could forget letting the brunette embrace him. Brian sucked in his bottom lip and turned his attention to the clothes on the shelves as his hands clenched and unclenched by his side.

What did he care? He barely knew this kid. Sure, he was concerned about his condition, considering what happened to him. He wasn’t a monster. But why did it matter so much or make his chest ache to see Justin embrace Emmett without a second thought? Was it because Justin knew what Brian tried to hide, that it was his fault the kid was bashed in the first place? Did Justin equate him to his attackers? Or was this it for them? Was Justin going to move on and find someone who didn’t cause him frustration, pain, and heartache? It wouldn’t be surprising. No one stuck around in Brian’s life; no one gave him a chance. It was only a matter of time before he lost Justin too.

“Brian.” Emmett was suddenly right next to him, and Brian shook his head to clear his pervasive thoughts. 

He looked around and saw that Justin was sitting very tensely, his eyes flitting all around, never really focusing. Something had happened while Brian zoned out, and now he had to play clean up or at least get Justin back to the rehab center so they could help him relax.

“What happened?” Brian barely held back his anger at Emmett for Justin’s discomfort. 

“A customer had come in to ask me a question, and they got too close too fast. Justin just went…” Emmett waved his hand toward Justin’s current state in explanation.

The color drained from Brian’s face, “Did they touch him?” 

“No, they just stood too close. I managed to pull their attention from him and get them out of the store quickly, but I can’t seem to help him.” Emmett looked so concerned that if Brian were a naturally hugging man, he would’ve reassured his friend with one.

“He’s still really skittish around people. Mostly because he doesn’t remember the attack, so in his mind, everyone is a potential danger.” Brian rubbed his brow, “I shouldn’t have brought him here. He wasn’t ready.”

“Brian,” Emmett’s hand reached up and pulled Brian’s from his face, “You can’t just lock him away and hope that will make him better.”

“Why not?” The words were out of Brian’s mouth before he could stop them.

“You have to push him to challenge his fears. Or else, the Justin we all know and love will never come back.” Emmett gave Brian a knowing look and challenged him to object to the word love.

He didn’t. Instead, Brian squatted down in front of Justin, completely facing him, with a bit of distance between them, and waited for the blonde to notice him.

Once Justin’s gaze settled on Brian, he tentatively placed his hand out, palm up for Justin to take with his good hand. The blonde hesitated but then placed his hand on top of Brian’s but didn’t squeeze or interlock their fingers in any way. It just sat there, making the barest of skin contact.

“Hey,” Brian whispered. “Do you want to go back to the rehab center?”

Justin nodded, unshed tears in his eyes, fear evident in all the features of his face. But, the longer his hand made contact with Brian’s, the more he seemed to relax. Brian didn’t move from his position until all the remnants of Justin’s minor freak-out were gone from his features and posture. 

“Do you want me to get the chair from the Jeep?” Brian asked, still in his squatting position.

Justin shook his head. “I can walk.” He whispered.

Brian gave him a small smile and nodded in understanding.

*****

An hour later, Brian sat in Justin’s room at the rehab center as the young man slept. The excursion to visit Emmett had been extremely short-lived and had zapped all of Justin’s energy. He had crawled out of his chair and into his bed the minute they arrived back. Brian had chosen to stay with Justin and quietly called the office for an update on one of his clients from Cynthia. He had just hung up the phone when Jennifer arrived.

She looked from Justin’s sleeping form to Brian and cocked her eyebrow.

“Your excursion not work out?”

“It did. He just freaked out a few minutes in, and we came back here so he could rest.” Brian stretched his arms and legs out in front of himself before he stood up.

“I’ll let you have some quality alone time with him.” He said and was almost to the door when a woman in a suit, carrying a file folder and clipboard came into the room.

“Mrs. Taylor?” The stern woman with red hair pulled into a tight bun looked directly at Jennifer, ignoring Brian’s presence entirely.

Brian hung quietly by the door and surreptitiously listened in as the woman explained to Jennifer about Justin’s bill. The fact that Jennifer hadn’t dismissed him from the room told him she didn’t mind Brian hearing that she owed the center some money. The stern redhead handed Jennifer a leaflet about payment options before she turned around to leave.

“Come see me later, and we can discuss your options.”

The moment she was gone, Brian looked toward Jennifer. She had crumpled into the seat Brian had recently vacated and had her head in her hand as she looked over the leaflet. The stress of not knowing what to do was evident all over her face. Brian crossed back to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. 

“It’ll all work out.” He wasn’t sure where the words came from or why he even said them, but he couldn’t find it in himself to regret them.

“I’m not sure how. My ex-husband is behind on paying me child support for Molly. And my job as a real estate agent hasn’t really taken off just yet. The bill from his first surgery alone wiped out my entire savings account.” Jennifer paused as if she suddenly realized what she had said, “Please ignore my ramblings. Thank you for being here for him. It really does make a difference. He’s so depressed when it’s just me here visiting him.”

Brian looked away from the woman, unable to truly take the appreciation for what it was. Without another word, he slipped out of the room. Once the door was closed, Brian leaned against the wall briefly and let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He was almost all the way out of the lobby when he saw the admittance desk and thought better of it. He approached the elderly woman behind the desk.

“Hello, I’m Brian Kinney. I was wondering where I could find the billing department.” He flashed her his most charming smile and she was like butter in his hands.

“Ahh, yes. The young man who visits Justin all the time. We all love Justin, such a sweet young man. Such a shame what happened to him.”

“Yeah. It’s a tragedy.” Brian tried his best to keep the sarcasm from dripping too much into his words. “The billing department?”

“Yes, of course. You go down that hall and make a left. Her office is the third door on the right.” She motioned with her hand to show him where to go.

“Thank you.” Brian tapped the desk and walked off in the direction she had indicated.

[soothingmelody]

Video Essays, Jealousy, Melancholy and Lies

Have you ever found yourself living a lie?

This question has been stuck in my head ever since I started therapy earlier this year. And I don't mean it in some grand way of being a kind of double agent or stringing an elaborate web of lies to trick your childhood friend into playing sudoku to save your past self from burning down in an incinerator, but... Something much more mundane. 

I guess I should start from the beginning, cause otherwise the title of this post won't make too much sense. 

It is interesting how much we can experience through communication. Be it a Discord message, a Tumblr blog post like this, a tweet or a meticulously put together video essay, finding out about other people's experiences has been one of my favorite things throughout my life. I find people endlessly fascinating. I love it when people talk about their lives and their life experiences, so to me, the long winded, sort of pretentious format of the video essay is right up my alley. 

So, this morning, while enjoying a bowl of instant-ramen with some haphazardly cut green onions and a creamy eggy broth, I was watching this one video essay that one of my good friends had recommended to me the night before. Said video essay was about the appeal of Elfen Leid and the video itself, I found quite entertaining and very interesting. But, it did leave me feeling a tinge melancholic and I realized that this is far from the only video essay that has had that sort of effect on me. 

Growing up in Ukraine, a land ravaged by the collapse of the Soviet Union and the rise of uncontrolled capitalism, where you could easily find syringes behind a children's playground and your average neighborhood screamed "Half-Life 2 Level", I was a pretty quiet kid, despite my extremely extroverted nature. I do think a lot of these issues start here, which is why I wanted to mention this. I was bullied from a pretty young age, disregarded by people I found important to me and disregarded by people I called friends. To me, it was always a feeling of being not "cool enough". I wasn't into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I wasn't into Transformers, being "girly" for a "boy" such as myself was seen as disgusting, was met with slurs and even more bullying. And in this environment, I was just a quiet kid, with a big heart, who'd sit at the back of the class and draw his funny Sonic the Hedgehog comics.

All of this is to say that I grew up in a pretty cynical place, where cringe culture was way more commonplace and I could only find respite in the internet, mainly the russian Sonic forums of the era, where plenty of judgemental people remained still. That cynicism has really seeped through me and followed me through so much of my life. There were so many times when I would do something that felt natural to me, that didn’t hurt anyone and I would be shut down even by people I trusted the most and I would once again retreat into my own shell. 

This constant environment led me to not really participate in many subcultures actively in fear of being seen as weird and cringy, this constant environment led me to not stand out to much, to not take opportunities that would’ve led me to a more interesting life and left me with barely any skills to express myself, besides music or art. It made me afraid of my own queerness that I had to come to terms with and understand for many many years, dealing with my own toxic masculinity, finding out that I was not really straight or that I am not even truly a “man”.

And now looking back, when I am more mature and have changed and grown so much, that I finally managed to open myself up somewhat and “be cringe and free”, honestly, there is a strong melancholy there. There’s a regret. I wish I’ve done so much over my teens that I sadly cannot turn back anymore. To please those people that were holding me back, I gave up so much. That I am having my self indulgent phase when I am in my early 20s and not my early 10s. And I am still a work in progress, I have no idea if I am still living some sort of lie, cause that is stuff you admit to yourself down the road and figure out with hindsight. But I am happier today. But, for how sad this all may sound, I wanted to tell you, the reader, that it is never really too late to change and open up a bit.

It is however interesting, that even with all of this said and this regret that I do bear, I consider that my experience was still rather valuable. I met many people, I developed in my own way and now I love who I am. Maybe that regret, a desire for a better teenage life is yet just another lie, me trying to conform. But, that will be for future me to decide in hindsight. 

If you relate to anything I’ve said in this little self indulgent post, please remember, that no matter what, if you are not hurting anyone, you should be free to do whatever you want and nobody has the right to take that away from you. If they laugh, let them, you are the master of your own life, so go and be cringe. Go buy that anime figurine. Go write poetry. Go ask out someone you like. Do something that will make you happy today and maybe you won’t be stuck writing long Tumblr posts. 

Stop living a lie. Be yourself.

[bisluthq]

Obviously Taylor has dated her fair share of people (which there should be no shame in), but based on her lyrics these are the relationships that seemed to be the most meaningful to her:

1. Drew Dunlap AKA 1st Boyfriend AKA Mr. Tim McGraw/Our Song/Fifteen (kinda)/Midnight Rain (probably) and a bunch of others

Was (in her mind) her first boyfriend!

Had her first kiss, first date, and first.. whatever else with

Mentions in multiple songs that she thought she was gonna/wanted to marry him

Based on Midnight Rain he seems to represent the idea of what could've been if she hadn't pursued a music career (or I guess succeeded in having a music career, since if she hadn't wanted to be a musician she wouldn't have moved to Nashville)

Has always described him as being super nice

Dated him for like a year

2. Joe Jonas AKA Disney's Resident Virginal Fuckboi AKA Mr. Perfectly Fine (and like SO many others)

In all her songs about him she says that she thought they were gonna be together forever because he... told her that they were gonna be together forever

Was clearly VERY hurt by the whole Joe thing. Back in the day she said it was her first true heartbreak (though it obviously paled in comparison to what was to come)

Did not get over it for a WHILE (6 months gone and I'm still reaching... Etc)

She also referred to him as her first love in the original Speak Now album booklet which I don't think was entirely accurate but girlie was trying to tell a story

"he will try to take away my pain, and he just might make me smile but the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead"

3. John Mayer AKA Sleazy Douchebag AKA Mr. Dear John (and co)

She has SO many lyrics about how she just loved. Him. So. Damn. Much (also this is outside of a musical context but she also said she loved him in interviews so..)

For better or for worse (definitely worse) it had a VERY big impact on her

Threw all logic out the window in the relationship and chose to actively ignore every red flag, or better yet turn them into little quirks (for example: the 2nd verse of Superman)

"don't forget where I'll be. Right here wishing the flowers were from you, wishing the card was from you, wishing the call was from you" (poor TL)

Wrote "I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how/I'd lay my armour down if you'd say you'd rather love than fight" AFTER writing dear john

"I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, how we met and the Sparks flew instantly"

4. Jake Gyllenhaal AKA Indie Douchebag AKA Mr. All Too Well (and basically all of Red, and honestly also probably elements of 1989)

Fell HARD and FAST

Was like *romantic?

Kept crawling his way back

Kept letting him crawl his way back

Wrote (in her own words) an entire album about it

"I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same"

"you're my Achilles heel"

Literally redefined her perception of love

Taylor at TIFF when talking about All Too Well "I don't see myself continuing to make stuff about extreme guttural heartbreak at your most formative age, that debilitates you emotionally for years, and you have to develop a scar tissue to move on with your life, and write a novel about, cause you're still..." (also it is things like this that make me mildly concerned about the fact that she's never gone to therapy)

We're meeting each other's families within less than 3 months (which I know is a Jake staple but still, Jesus)

"I used to think that we were forever and I used to say never say never"

5. Harry Styles AKA Teenage Boy who can't keep it in his pants (who would've thought???) AKA Mr. Out Of The Woods (and like others but DEFINITELY that one)

Knew it wasn't going to last but still seemed to enjoy it while it lasted

Put up with all that fangirl shit

Seemed to find it inspirational, if only aesthetically

Only person on this list that she seemingly didn't think she would end up with (though she apparently thought he may interrupt her wedding???)

We're apparently on-and-off for ages

Was a key player in sending her into one of many Identity Crisis'

6. Joe Alwyn AKA Golden Boy AKA Mr. 50-something songs (or something like that)

Was with him for 6 years

Very clearly thought he was the love of her life

Once again redefined her perception of love ("I once believed love would be burning red but it's golden" which I know is like a general concept but she applies red to Jake and gold to Joe for the most part)

I really don't think I should have to explain this one. She literally did it herself

Obviously we can't know for sure, but let me know if you agree or disagree. (Also sorry this is so long. I have a lot of thoughts and I don't know where else to put them xx)

I think you’re missing Calvin. I don’t like Calvin erasure lol. I know she didn’t write much about it and I think that’s where the idea that it wasn’t significant stems from but like I think that was a far more defining relationship than like Haylor tbh. He was the first boyfriend she lived with. I think there were very serious plans in place for them. It just started to suck at the end. But I think if he sucked just slightly less and if that time period sucked slightly less, she’d have married him tbh. She’s referring to him as the “good husband” in songs so like… she did think that was very serious. I also think that’s sorta why there weren’t that many songs. It was all just fine and then it sucked and none of it was crazy inspiring but it was also obviously super deep.

[fitrahgolden]

There's A World You Need to Know: 2 - I see myself as people see me

Before opening the door to her mother’s house, Kate ran through her checklist. Ed’s uni applications, Mum’s health check, family calendar, find out which arsehole Ed is romanticizing a future with, check–

The door swung open before she could finish. “How long were you going to stand out there, weirdo?” Simon grabbed the two bags of groceries Kate was holding and made his way back inside, Kate following.

“I was going for a loitering record, Si. Thanks a lot. How long have you been here?”

“Ages. Mary’s cooking.”

“Mooch much?”

“When I can.”

They made it into the kitchen, where Mary and Edwina were sitting at the breakfast table looking at Edwina’s phone.

“Didi!”

“Hey, Bon.”

“Come look.”

Kate moved to the table as Simon put the groceries away.

“Mummy.” Kate bent down and kissed Mary on the cheek before moving behind Edwina and putting her arms around her shoulders. “What are we looking at?” Before she even finished her sentence, her face dropped. “Who’s this, then?”

“His name is Jake. He’s fit, isn’t he? We’re going out tonight.”

“What time? And where are you going? Where did you even meet him?”

“Christ, Kate!” Simon laughed from the stove, where he was “sampling” absolutely everything. Edwina rolled her eyes before sharing a look with Mary.

“I thought you were putting away the shopping? And you should want to know, too, Si. Aren’t you supposed to be scaring these tossers off?”

“No, love. That’s my mum’s job.”

“Indeed, it is.” A voice boomed from the doorway.

Kate mumbled, “Speak of the–”

“Of whom are we speaking, darling?”

Damn, that woman moves fast with that cane. Kate opened her arms as she moved across the kitchen to Agatha. “Only the best godmother in the whole, wide world.”

“I’m sure,” Agatha eyed Kate as she neared but hugged her warmly. Over Kate’s shoulder, she narrowed her eyes at Simon, who froze with a spoon in his mouth.

“Mum! Move over, Kate! My mum is here!” He made a big show of shoving Kate to the side, but Agatha pointed her cane into his chest before he could hug her, which had Kate cackling.

“I assumed I would find you here when you didn’t grace me with your presence after letting me know you would ‘be there in a mo.’”

She offered her cheek, which Simon kissed before saying, “I’m sorry. I crossed the street to drop off a book for Ed and, well…” He gestured towards the stove. “I am a weak man.”

“Yes, I know. One would think I didn’t raise you.” Agatha patted Simon’s cheek with a tender smile.

“Agatha, please sit down. I put the kettle on.” Mary got up to make tea while Agatha settled in next to Edwina.

“Now, my girl, show me this prince with whom you are going to ride off into the sunset.”

Simon nudged Kate with his shoulder. “So…”

“What?”

“Had drinks with a mate last night.”

“Si, I do not want to hear about your latest conquest. I’m about to eat.”

“No, no, I’ll save that for later. Don’t you want to know who I was with?”

“When do I ever want to know that? I hate your friends.”

“Fair. But I thought you may like to know that I know one Lord Anthony Bridgerton.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? How? Wait, don’t tell me.”

She rolled her eyes before they said in tandem, “Oxford.”

“Of course. You fucking Oxford boys. I should ask Tom if he knows him, too, when we go to Ireland.”

“He does, we were all roommates.”

“Fuck off!”

“Kate!”

“Sorry, Mummy!”

—

Anthony didn’t contact Tom. He had realized he was way more interested in Kate’s life than the merits of art and music therapy, so he decided it was best to leave it alone. He definitely shouldn’t think too hard about that revelation.

He heard Gregory and Hyacinth laughing and talking excitedly down the hall. So, Kate’s here. So what? I’m just gonna walk right by the door and–

“Ooh, Anthony, you should try it!”

Anthony peered into the room. Kate and the kids all were painting their faces, supplies strewn all over.

“Um, I don’t think I should interrupt.”

“You can come in, if you’d like.” Kate spoke up. “We’re done, we’re just playing around. Don’t worry, I’m not charging your mother for this.”

Did she just wink at me? Anthony’s ears turned red. “I didn’t think–”

“It’s fine, I’m messing with you. You make it too easy.”

“I’ve been told.” There was something sad in his voice that made Kate soften.

“Anthony, pick an animal already!” Hyacinth, who was presumably a…giraffe, maybe…was handing him paint and brushes. “You’ll need a mirror.”

“I, uh… Maybe you can do it for me?”

“Sorry, I’m perfecting my antelope.”

An antelope. Right.

“Kate can do it! She’s really good!” Gregory, a killer whale, chimed in.

Kate’s moth wings on either side of her huge brown eyes did look immaculate, more fitting for some kind of film production than a private face painting session. She cleverly worked her nose and eyebrows into the moth’s body and antennae. Her eyes met Anthony’s.

“You don’t have to. I can go.” Anthony turned toward the hallway.

“I don’t mind. Really. The kids would love it if you participated.”

Anthony couldn’t help but wonder if that statement stemmed from something Greg or Hy had said in a session. He shook the thought out of his head. “OK, let’s do it.”

Kate gestured to an open chair and Anthony dutifully sat down. Kate pulled up a chair in front of him and scooted it up close. Their knees almost touched.

“So, Lord Bridgerton, which animal best represents you right now?”

“Make him a parrot!” Gregory said and Hyacinth seconded the idea.

Kate raised an eyebrow at Anthony, “Feeling like a parrot?”

“Yeah, I guess I feel like a parrot, sure.”

“Excellent, I love using bright colors.”

The fact that Kate genuinely seemed excited to do this was endearing. She took a lot of care, as if this wasn’t silly at all. As she touched Anthony’s face and moved between colors, Anthony realized how good she smelled. Stop it, stop it, stop it.

“So, why a moth for you today, then?” He figured talking would keep his mind from wandering.

Kate shrugged and smiled. I love that smile. The thought entered Anthony’s mind unbidden, followed quickly by, What the actual fuck, Anthony?

“Moths have a subtlety to their appeal. I mean, most do. Those big green motherfuckers love to show off, don’t they?”

Anthony chuckled and looked back at Gregory and Hyacinth. “You speak that way around all your clients?”

“Actually, yeah, until they snitch and their parents tell me to stop.”

“I won’t say a word.”

“I appreciate it. You need to close your eyes for this last bit if I’m gonna do it properly.” Anthony did as he was told.

“Anyway, moths are also pretty clever when it comes to escaping predators.”

“You feel the need for those skills right now?” He opened his eyes when she didn’t answer and her hand stilled on his face. “Kate?”

She blinked rapidly. “Sorry. Um… I think we’re done. Take a look.”

She held up the mirror to him. Of course, it was very well done, but that didn’t stop him from feeling thoroughly foolish. “Yep, that’s a parrot.” Anthony turned to show his siblings but they weren’t there. When he and Kate looked to the door, they saw a flash of brown hair before hearing peals of laughter as the kids ran down the hall. He turned back to Kate who was spraying a hand towel with water before she handed it to him with a smile.

“It’ll wipe right off. Just make sure you show them before you do.”

“They don’t seem interested in the end result.”

“Not as much as you just being here and being silly with them, no. But just in case.”

Anthony helped her clean up. Once Kate had collected her things, she made her way to the door.

“Kate?”

She turned. “Yes?”

Anthony pointed to his own face, miming a circle. “Are you just gonna wear that?”

“Oh. Um, yeah, why not? I’m just going home.”

“Ha, OK. Uh… Have a good night.”

Kate regarded him for a moment before responding, “Good night, Viscount.”

That evening, when Anthony was home and getting ready for bed, he noticed there was still just a little bit of blue paint on the tip of his nose. He left it there and went to sleep.