#because i gotta do this shit tomorrow too

[pedrosgrogu]

Born Too Late - Chapter 8

pairing/au: neighbor!joel x reader // no outbreak

Chapter 7 - Chapter 9 - Masterlist

Warnings: MDNI!! female masturbation, lots of angst, loss of parents mentioned, family issues, lots of tears

Summary: You prepare for Thanksgiving with Tommy and he catches you at an emotional point. Thats what friends are for, right? (1.2k+)

a/n: ok idk how this is gonna go over with yall but be gentle because this came to me in a dream, and through validation from @smellslikenevermore. i really dont have much else to say bc this shit is about to get juicy so buckle the fuck up. leave feedback, i rely on strangers validation because im not normal. xoxox

p.s. there will be another chapter posted at some point today, i just didnt want this one to be like 4k words lol.

Your phone rings, jolting you awake. You spit out a groggy “Hello?”. “Hey pretty lady” soft and southern, it warms you like a physical embrace. “Tommy. It is so early.” you say, rolling over and looking at the clock. “I know but I’ve gotta run to the store to grab some stuff for tomorrow, and wanted to beat the crowds. I was gonna see if you wanted to tag along.” You sigh, throwing the blankets off. “Sarah’s gonna come too if that makes it any more enticing.” he says, laughing.  “Yeah why not, give me about 20 minutes and I’ll be over.” 

You open your curtains, just like you do at the begining of every day. Joel’s are still closed, and have been for weeks now. You remember the first night you moved in and how both of your windows were the focal point of the evening. You walk into your bathroom and turn the shower on, extra hot. The steam filling the room makes you sweat, reminding you of your nights with Joel. Sweaty and suffocating. You strip down and walk to your bedside table, pulling out your vibrator. The numbing vibration on your clit makes you cum almost immediately, and the only noise heard is Joel’s name. Over and over. You cant seem to stop yourself, the relief each time better than the last. Imagining the way his fingers fit perfectly inside you, how his teeth left every inch of your skin nipped with passion, how his voice talked you through every step. Time has stopped and the shower is no longer steaming into your room. Your release on the horizon, you’re seeing stars and imagining every position Joel could put you in- KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. And its gone. As quickly as it came, its gone. You throw your toy in frustration, and throw a robe on. You make your way to the door, opening it to see Tommy and Sarah. “Woah lady!” Tommy says, shielding his eyes. “You said 20 minutes 30 minutes ago, what the hell have you been doin? I tried to call!” he says, making Sarah laugh. “Just wait on the couch. Ill be out in 10.” You say, closing the door behind them and walking to your room. You dont remember hearing your phone ring but then again, you were on a different planet, and time was non-existent. 

Piled into Tommys truck, the 3 of you head to H-E-B. “Alright, I’ve gotta get some beer, some celery, and some bread for the stuffing.” You throw your head in Tommys direction, with a look of playful disgust. “Tommy Miller, how is it the day before Thanksgiving and you dont have the main ingredient for stuffing?” you retort, giving him a light slap on the arm. “Listen, I don’t do the shoppin, blame my brother.” he says. You turn around, looking at Sarah. “And what did you forget?” you say smiling. “I wanted to make chocolate covered strawberries so chocolate and strawberries!” She says excitedly. “That sounds good Sarah! Let me know if you need any help.”  You write 2 lists, handing one to Tommy and keeping one for yourself. He’s in charge of beer and non-perishables. You’re in charge of perishables and wine.

In the store you both grab carts, and go in your separate directions. You grab Sarahs strawberries, Tommys celery, and sweet potatoes for yourself. If theres on thing you can cook, its a mean sweet potato casserole. You head to the alcohol aisle and meet up with Tommy, checking off both your lists. You grab 4 bottles of wine, 2 reds and 2 whites. “Does Joel even know Im coming?” you ask Tommy, watching Sarah grab marshmallows off the endcap a few feet in front of you. “Yeah, I told him.” Tommy says, not saying anything else. You’re trying to gauge his facial expression surrounding the question. “What did he-” “I got the marshmallows!” Sarah says, throwing them into the cart. You leave your sentence unfinished, checking off the rest of the list. 

The ride back is silent, Tommy keeps looking at you like he has something to say but he doesnt. You try not to think about tomorrow, unsure of if being alone is worse than being around Joel. Tears begin to well in your eyes right as you turn onto your street. You force them to stay put, helping Tommy unload the groceries. You help carry everything in with the exception of your things for tomorrow. Walking into the house, you’re immediately paralyzed by the smell, by his  smell. Sarah runs past you, into his arms. “Hi daddy! We went to the store and we got the stuff for my strawberries!” “Thats great babygirl.” he says, kissing her forehead. The tears are back, and theres no forcing them away this time. Your brain is flooded with images of childhood holidays with your family, back when everything was seemingly normal and everyone got along. You feel a tear fall down your cheek as you set the groceries on the island. The same island that he ravaged you on. You look up at him, hoping for any hint of how hes feeling, hoping he’ll pull you into him and wipe your tears, and tell you that everything is okay. But his facial expression is stoic, and he doesn’t move. No sign of any emotion. You wipe your tears and head straight for the door. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” you exclaim, trying to hide the pain in your voice. Pulling the door behind you before anything else is said. 

You grab your groceries out of the back of Tommys truck and trudge home. You fucking hate the holidays, they havent been the same in years. You turn the key to open your door, and feel a hand on your shoulder. “Sweet girl, whats goin’ on?” and you lose it. 

You drop the groceries and throw yourself into Tommys arms, sobbing uncontrollably. You hear the glass of the wine bottles shatter. “Shhhhh” he says, one hand holding your head, the other rubbing your back. After a couple minutes, you gather yourself and walk inside, leaving the broken glass on your porch and the groceries on the floor inside the door. 

“The holidays are just hard Tommy.” you say, sniffling. Hes in your kitchen putting groceries away. “Trust me, I know. I aint had a mama or daddy to spend the holidays with the last 10 years. And then Connie and Sarah came along, and then Connie left.” You dont say anything, but assume Connie is Sarahs mom. This is the first time either of the men have spoke about her, at least in front of you. You elaborate on your family as well. About how your father in convinced that your ex was the second coming of Christ, and was the best thing that had ever happened to you. About how it was his way or the highway. About his patriarchal ways in the goddamn 21st century. He sits beside you and just holds you again. Your tears slowly stop, but the feeling of sadness and emptiness still resides. You look up at Tommy and hes staring through you. His eyes a deep brown like his brothers, and before you know it his lips are on yours. And you dont pull away.

[doublejango]

Blitz watched him, his heart in his throat, but he couldn't help smiling in relief when Stolas spoke to him. Eyes seeming to brighten, tail curling happily at just the sound of Stolas's voice, Blitz shrugged. Dressed in loose old boxers and a tattered t-shirt that had been made for someone six times his size, Blitz looked a little ridiculous maybe, and he certainly looked tired, but he also looked happy.

"A little. More than I thought I would, but I was up for a while. And Stolas, it's... it's really good. To hear your voice." The room had that slightly damp warmth to it from the two of them, from the bath and the shower, from more people sleeping here than there usually were, but it was comforting. The sleep-smell of the air, their hushed voices, the fact that they were able to speak despite the pain, all of it was comforting. Moving up to his knees, Blitz scooted over closer and reached up to brush his claws feather-lightly through the fluff at the side of Stolas's facial disk. "You kind of came through for me in the biggest way last night. And it was... terrifying. Thinking you were going to be--that they were going to... that you and I would never get to... to say goodbye.

"There's a lot we probably need to say. And we can. When you're ready. But." He moved up and kissed his forehead, then pressed his own against those soft feathers. "I need you to listen to me right now, okay? Please.

"Everything's going to... I can't even imagine how it's going to feel. Except... kind of, a little. I was kicked out of my home. Everyone hated me. They didn't want me back. It had been a shitty place. Abusive. Horrible. But it was all I ever knew. So I... I get it. At least a little bit. How bad this is all going to be. And I know how hard it's gonna be to keep breathing. To want to keep breathing. But Stolas... I promise," Blitz met his eyes, if Stolas let him, "I promise, you won't be doing it alone. I'm not going to give up on you. Whatever we, whatever we are to each other, whatever happens next, it doesn't matter. Because you are my family. Okay? Already. You're my family. You don't have to, you don't have to earn that. Or do anything. You've already done everything. You're my family, and what happened to you, because of me, it's bullshit. And I'm not going to let that bullshit destroy you, okay?

"You're going to be okay. Not today, and not tomorrow. But... eventually. You're gonna be okay. But until then? If you gotta scream, or cry, or just curl up and not think or move for hours on end? I got you. I'm not gonna judge you, or reject you, or get tired of you, okay? Shit might be hard, but I need you to know this: you will always have a place here. Even if you don't feel like you deserve it. Even if you feel like you're in the way or something. You belong. And you're not getting abandoned. And I know there's--there's probably gonna be a lot of shit that'll seem new. Or like you don't... like you don't know how, or can't do it, or... but I'll teach you, okay? Whatever you need to learn, if it's shit I can teach you, I will.

"That's what I am gonna do. And what I need from you? Is your promise to keep breathing. That you'll stay alive. That you'll eat food and drink water. That you won't disappear on me, cause," Blitz's voice broke, "I can't, I can't handle it if you disappear on me again. Okay? Please. Just tell me you'll stay alive, and that you'll keep trying. And that's gonna be enough for me, okay? Cause you don't--you don't gotta have all the answers and solutions on your own. I'm gonna be at your side the whole fuckin' way, from here on out. And we can do this. Together. I promise. We can do this."

Eyes shining, voice shaking, heart feeling like it would shatter apart from the force of the love and hope blazing within it, Blitz looked into his lovers eyes, praying they would understand, praying Stolas would at least be willing to consider agreeing, that they weren't too far gone. Not yet.

Dreamscapes were an odd and fickle thing for Stolas, they always had been. There were times where they were peppered with sweetness; brimming with fond memories, bubbling like a fountain with sweet fantasies, or rumbling storms of desire. Sometimes the dreams were nightmares — and tonight his mind was a foreign land with demons of its own.

Stolas slept and though he barely moved, only making a few small rotations upon the couch, his rest was fitful. There was NOTHING. A dream that had no end and no beginning; no light, and only darkness. He could not see where he began, could not feel the air passing through is lungs, he was nowhere. He was nothing. There was no sound. The silence was deafening and suffocating, like a velvet curtain too heavy to lift. It weighed him down, down, down. Funny, how he dedicated himself to the stars and now he could not see a single light. There was only onyx shadows and the knowledge of his existence. An absence of all else; the exclusion and separation of self.

It was funny how the mind could do so much, and yet, still, it was a fragile thing. So was hope, he was finding.

But he would do it all again. And again. And again.

There was not a version of his story in which he did not protect Blitz from judgement. Although, there are a number of things he would do differently if given the chance.

Groggily, Stolas wakes in silent bursts. In and out. He grapples with reality, wishing to let himself slip away into that useless, empty slumber until he felt something, anything. . . . Or maybe it was better to feel nothing at all. But something soft in his arms is grounding. He hears the distant noise of the city beyond the walls and feels a gaze trained upon his form. Fingers stroke the small plush as his eyes lower towards it. Slowly, they track towards Blitz, floating on the query like a stray feather. Unfortunately, he thinks. But Stolas swallows the word and momentarily clutches the small horse close. He wishes it were Octavia.

What will she think now? Will she think of him at all? What if she forgets him in the hundred years that he is gone? An ache begins in his chest and with it, an icy rush. His beak clicks softly and Stolas closes both eyes. In and out. He breathes, attempting to ease the anxiety that threatened to overwhelm him. Only when he knows he can maintain his composure without choking, desperate for air, does he reply.

❝ Yes. Did you. . . . Did you sleep at all? ❞

Blitz. Blitz who gave him a home after nearly destroying everything he had. Not by his own direct doing, but all because of that fucking book. His Grimoire. Feathers ruffle gently, low trill sounding in meek frustration with himself.

Now he was imposing. With nowhere else to go, Stolas let Blitz bring him to his home. The now ex-prince could not return to the Goetia mansion, lost connection with his daughter, and had his magic stripped. What was he now? He was no one. But Blitz was everything. And a flood of relief ebbs against the sharp and jagged edges of the previous night's events. Everyone was safe; everyone was alive. That was enough for him.

[kaisollisto]

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[crows-of-buckets]

Man I really need to write down all my dragon age OC lore because it just keeps getting more convoluted and complex but. I am lazy. And do not feel like doing it <//3

[biohazard-inevitable]

Note to self: have more than one day off next semester

[star-mum]

had an argument with my sister on the ride home from my friend's :-:

[oxymoronicdumbass]

this too shall pass

[orcelito]

ok i am actually so very angry and there's literally nothing i can do to fix it. life keeps going on. she might even be happy. and fuck dude, i'll make sure im happy too, i was a fully developed person before she was in my life and i'll continue to be one without her. but God Damn, the fact that she can just do something so blatantly awful and unfair to me and then run off without any actual repercussions is just so fucking rankling to me.

like perhaps she feels guilty. she said she did when it was all going down. but it was just something she "needed to do". so obviously she didn't feel guilty enough or she wouldnt have done it like that lmaoooo

i really did deserve to have a good solid yell at her. but unfortunately, by the time i did see her in person i just wanted her out of my fucking life. so. no yelling was done, unfortunately.

[autism-corner]

whoever decided that a mental illness should have negative effects needs to DIE.

[imminent-danger-came]

hi! im the anon that left a really long ask about misogyny in the lmk fandom lol (İ dont have a response completely written yet, while İ do have more to talk about on the subject İ feel like a lot of it might come off as repetitive, also my ask draft is like twice as long as the first ask LOL) but ive seen you talk about about thinking about watching revolutionary girl utena on here and if you havent watched it yet id really reccomend watching it! it has a lot of the same themes as lmk (and utdr which is also something ive seen you talk about! (btw id like to hear your thoughts on utdr if you want to talk about it on here!)) so i think youd like it if you watched it! İm going to try to be vauge abt themes and topics discussed in rgu for the sake of spoilers (also i dont want to present the idea that theres a "correct interpretation" of utena because i feel like thats reductive to the narrative the show presents), but i do want to say that if you do decide to watch it you should really take a look at its trigger warnings. utena as a show does go into some very dark topics and themes and has a laundry list of content warnings that İ dont think is worth skipping . İ think it handles them well for a 90's tv show but İ think it should be mentioned regardless. i also think that something that you should know before going into it is just how much it relies on a symbolic narrative in the sense that if you arent interested in analyzing it then you probably wont get as much from the show just because of how surreal it is, İ dont think this makes rgu a worse story at all (in fact İ think it makes it better because i lets it take into account different audience interpretations and opens the room up for a lot of different analysis) BUT its something id keep in mind before watching the show lol (also i think that if you watch rgu and you like it, another thing you'd probably like is omniscent readers viewpoint! im not great at summarizing things so im not going to go too in depth on it, theres a good summary on tumblr by the user ot3 that İ think is good. my personal take on it from where İ am in the novel is that its basically like if you put lmk and utdr into a blender and then made that into a novel... (theres also a webtoon adaptation but imo its kind of bad bad)) anyway İ hope you havent watched rgu already or else this ask will be really embarassing lol.

tldr: lesbian swordfight anime is Cool and you should watch it it totally wont change you as a person ahah a

No I totally haven't watched rgu yet! I just reblog some of the stuff I see for future me who has

I totally want to though (the content warnings aren't anything that squick me), it seems interesting and you know I love me some symbolism and a meta-narrative that wants you to engage with it on a higher level. And also lesbians

[solradguy]

The weather needs to stop being cold and cloudy and stupid and miserable so my brain gets back out of fart stink hibernation seasonal affective disorder bastard mode. I gotta draw Sol Badguy but my motivation is directly tied to how much the sun's been out like I'm some kinda sunflower solar panel

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Hmmm maybe I have issues in my life

[kitwilsonsass]

Mmmmfuckingsleepy

[mythvoiced]

-. i did it, i'm moving main blorbo to @ashbtten

[scattered-winter]

I'm the bravest man on planet earth btw