#bc as long as im helpful and i know my stuff they have no personal reason to be unhappy
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
lemongogo · 1 year ago
Text
can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
Tumblr media
#smthing i have always struggled w.is feeling like i can only draw things that r handed 2 me.#as in.an idea or concept that already exists#chara or conflict that already exists.Scene that alr exists.#and i think it can be soo limiting bc when i have that sort of creative desire but nothing 2 reflect off of it#i feel like im unable to do anything/get anywhere bc im unable to do that mental legwork myself ykwim#like comic artists r SOOO JAW DROP INSPIRING TO MEE bc not only are u envisioning ur own sequences/situations#but u are able to imagine even the most MUNDANE interactions within those scenarios u know#like the transitory panels and the quiet moments and the every day stillness#and i feel like.its not even a poor attempt on my behalf its like.i cant Even attempt it.like my brain is soo empty#and soo static and noiseless that i am like gauhh......#i can practice lines all day long and practice colors and practice anatomy or Whatever bc its something concrete#and its in front of me and i can pry apart the physical technicalities until i understand it better#but my MIND???ABSTRACTION>? THOUGHTS .ough its so hard#and i really want to push past that but i dont know how and its so .. demoralizing to think that ill get there One Day but i feel#one million and two days away.and not making active process towards it.#i know the first step is to build ur visual library and i feel liek. idk i FEEL LIKEEE theres more 2 it that im missing#but also im depressed as hell n my job is killing my creative drive and the seasonal stuff isnt helping#so maybe i just need 2 give it time (true) but i also like.man i dont know. i want 2 do something w my hands#but everything ive been doing so far has felt soo .hard and fruitless and i definitely dont want 2 turn art into such a stressful thing#fruitless as in like.i dont get any personal satisfaction w it.idgaf abt monetization or algorithms or any of tht#but smtimes thats just what happens and i have 2 weather through and know ill be more equipped 4 this some other time#SAWRYYY IM ALWAYS GOING ON AND ONNN im nromal im normal<3 i just rly like art and it sucks balls whn it feels out of reach#sigh cry fart scroll.(:salute:)
50 notes · View notes
walking-loather · 3 months ago
Text
When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.
TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.
If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.
If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.
If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.
If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.
If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.
If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.
If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.
If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.
If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.
If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.
If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.
If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.
If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.
I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.
If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.
If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.
If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.
These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.
And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.
If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.
Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.
#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity#i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed#that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time#or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better#not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person#i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice#no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it#i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy#(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all#and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel#what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish#ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals#and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing#or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more#i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness#disability#chronic pain#spoonie#one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me#i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to#i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything#stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much#and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go
7 notes · View notes
jrueships · 4 months ago
Text
Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them
#i am not a sneakerhead#i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot#i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally#bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe#and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential#once i got these rlly nice shoes#ive worn them once when i was trying them on#and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty#BUT I HATE THAT#some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT#im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one#i can understand why they can#like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have#like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live#like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like#yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house#chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes#any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes#and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them#random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that#u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are#or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know#the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u#anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do#anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally#he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys#which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today#but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO
14 notes · View notes
scalproie · 10 months ago
Text
death to The Customer and all that like hell yeah rock on brother but I feel we are sleeping on another predator of the working space : The Coworker
16 notes · View notes
chiistarri · 7 months ago
Text
what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
4 notes · View notes
mainfaggot · 8 months ago
Text
just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
5 notes · View notes
Text
why is intercting with people so hard . Why is life so hard in general.
5 notes · View notes
cathalbravecog · 2 years ago
Text
Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.
before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.
definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)
and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about
because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)
and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.
and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...
and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)
some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.
it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).
like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...
anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.
it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!
but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.
it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.
not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.
there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.
this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.
one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.
i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.
every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.
i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.
why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...
i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.
like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...
not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It
like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.
there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.
but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.
#long#ramble#cathalposting#i...may delete this later i dont know. i both wanna talk to ppl i know about this#but also Do Not Percieve me. I am Afraid Of What People Think#Stay Back Foul Beasts !#alsoy eah i had other stuff to talk about...more on the negative side i guess but??? its. a bit difficult to#give and .. angstier things? negative thoughts? to a character who you see a lot of comfort in. they make you happy#they help you feel better about yourself. you want to see them happy. if theyre happy#youre happy. if theyre sad...well. you are sad. sadness is natural. its a real thing. it happens sometimes. its a part of life#and i have attached some of these things to cathal already. but a few things are hard for me to consider because of The Brain Worms.#i dont want to see him hurt either yknow.#anyways i hope you enjoyer my mental illness ramble. im not normal and you shouldve known that when you followed me#thank you for existing cathal ray toby braveswag#hey fun fact remember how i said i get tired of stuff myself easily well this whole thing made me tired. i was gonna#answer an ask but now im like. man. (melts into a puddle)#(doesnt take a break bc i need instant stimulation and makes things worse for myself)#do yall see why i like cathal so much now gamers?#ya. sorry this got personal. if any of you can handle reading this u deserve a reward.#and maybe i need to start talking about personal things this much. but whatever#this is my blog i can talk about anything and thats the COOL THING!#MWAHAHAHHAHAHA!#dies#ivegot a lot going on in my brain rn cant u tell
8 notes · View notes
echo-s-land · 2 years ago
Text
Me: hey I improved ! I don’t have such a black-and-white thinking anymore !
Someone: *has a moral which is the direct opposite of mine*
Me: THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY.
#have you considered you are wrong ?#listen. listen. if you give more importance to objects and memories (loosing them does hurt but listen) than to human life(s)#or animals. I said human life(s) but it's really just lifes in general#i don't like you#'oh but we don't know them. they could be bad people !' so youre gonna let them die. because of a 'what if'#if the situation ever happens to you (and i hope it doesnt) i wonder how you will react when people ignore you asking for help bc#'what if theyre bad ?!'#asd#?#asd problems#autism problems#Autism Stuff#try as long as you want to change my mind im autistic that arent gonna work#not about this at least. sometimes it happens but i need facts#black and white thinking#'youd leave your house to strangers ?' if they need it ? anytime a day. especially since when it is said its not even a house i live in#who needs more than one house anyway. i get it for people going on vacation but if you live in it for a handful of weeks or months a year#why not accept for other people to live in it the rest of the year ? 'but youd have to pay! they wont !' ok. youre really debating with the#wrong person here. idc. if i really cant give them a shelter id be straightforward and they wont push further#if i can then ill ask them to gain a bit of money on their side but ill help sure#ofc itd be better if i learn to know the person/people beforehand#if i can im not letting people die in the street tho#i dont get people prioritizing objects over lifes. i just dont#i was literally raised by a very much nd father telling me 'if someone comes and asks for a shelter - you give it to them'#I- *muffled screams* 'what if theyre bad?' what if i punch you in the face#yeah they might be. they also might not. youre gonna let them die either way ?
2 notes · View notes
thepandalion · 22 hours ago
Text
I have a fic idea and I dont know if I want to write it or not send help
#like I absolutely love the concept of it and I have yet to see anything similar in this fandom#which. I mean a lot of works are either incomplete since a month after the game came out#or theyre 400 word long oneshots. which is fine no hate towards those but my adhd cant handle reading anything shorter than 15k#but on the other hand like. the amount of research I put into my canon divergence/slight au fics#where I keep like 80% of canon the same but one thing is different? I do those a lot lately#which. might have to do with the things Im into being heavy on the “doomed by the narrative” type of narrative yknow#but ghhhh I dont wanna research this game its so bad#like unironically I cant stand to watch a singular playthrough and considering how many moving pieces there are in the game like#like ok Im doing canon divergence in like. 2 months before That night. bc I dont buy that the camp is haunted and my psychic misses it#(the plot btw is that. because canon Has ghost. the Guy can now see ghosts. enter magic world building and interpersonal history#between a character I know next to nothing about. and an OC I know actually nothing about. despite me making that OC up)#and also the game takes place in america?? I havent been in america in over a decade I can name 5 states on a good day#hhghhhhh#sooo much research. so much. and for what. for a fanfic about dylan lenivy talking to ghosts#no actual plot yet either. except that I personally decided silas is like 12 and therefore dylan adopts him like immediately#...which. happens in several fic ideas I have in brain actually. none of the others are gonna be written bc theyre spinoffs on existing fic#but like. all I know abt the psychic au is that the crew arrive in their van first day of camp#dylan immediately clocks a ghost in his general vicinity and does a spit take so hard he chokes and immediately blows his own cover#then goes “there were NO ghosts when I went to camp here wtf??” and talks to the ghost of one eliza vorez#she does the whole vengence etc etc thing obvs but then apparently. she and dylans grandma knew each other#yknow psychic moms gotta have a Network. so the vorez family does Moon Magicks of the future and die young always as is their burden#and the lenivy family does Sun Magicks of the past and live long fulfilling lives that are dedicated to others#so naturally dylan pulls whatever his grandma told him out of brain and goes “hey dont u have a kid. he ok?” and proceeds to commit adoptio#some more stuff abt the missing hikers and my headcanon that dylan straight up does not live in that state anymore ensue#and uh. idk. he helps eliza and the other ghosts fulfill unfinished business. then punches chris hackett in the face#and rescues max and laura well before anything bad happens to them bc its been like 2 days at most#and the ghosts haunt the hacketts collectively so they absolutely go “oh btw u should probably know ur boss also kidnaps ppl”#(dylan has. a Time. but thats true for every fic I write for this godawful game with terrible writing and great actors </3)
0 notes
cartoonghosts · 13 days ago
Text
everything is terrible actually
#I really just need a hug I think#I havent had real serious physical affection in so long#I know I dont deserve jt no one does and Its a fucked up thing to make other people do things to help me#But fuck dude I just want someone to come up to me and grab my hand or hug me#My platonic partner used to do it all the time but we're on a break and I need to rely on them less#I keep befriending people who dont like physical touch and I am gonna stab something#Truly I just need one person who I can lean on or cuddle with casually#Ideally more than one!! But like. Idk#I need to get over myself this isnt an actual need im acting selfish and entitled#I know that the only real answer here is Get Over It or die#And ive been trying to get over it for years#Ive stopped initiating physical touch bc I dont want to make people uncomfortable#And im worried that that means that people assume I am uncomfortable with it#Bc I never mention how deep a need it is to me to know im even just being tolerated#But if I mention that theyxll feel pressured#Ugh#The worst part is I cant actually kms bc of this until at least after May is here cause I know that she's good with that stuff#And maybe once shes here i'll be okay#Happily codependent with the person ive been close with for the longest time since fourth grade#But ughhhhhhhhh terrube to have to wait over 400 more days. I will do it for her but oh ny god I am rotting from the inside out#I do not want her to come home to a decayed corpse but I dont knkw how much longer I can keep this up#(Not talking specifically abt touch that would be weird and dramatic as shit this is generally Everything)#May forgive me if u come to seattle and im a shell of the person I was when u met me
0 notes
straykats · 4 months ago
Text
/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh
0 notes
bandofchimeras · 1 year ago
Text
badheavythoughts vent:
a Facebook mutual w a rly popular account posted asking for reassurance and got several hundred comments of pure praise & love including from people in my FB circle who are all very openly affirming of eachother all the time
I feel...not just left out but embarrassed and hurt by my own walls bc just yesterday I was going to make a post about how unsafe I felt on FB and leave. yet my walls make so much sense given my experiences in life and how fucking treacherous and volatile and untrustworthy most people have turned out to be ESPECIALLY in times of like, calling out abuse or harm, or trying to politically mobilize . I guess part of me wants this simple human need, just to ask for reassurance and recieve it, and part of me believes that is permanently impossible for me bc while I can surface level be nice and sweet, the real me will always be associated with painful truths or inconveniences and frustrations and disappointments. it's family and religious and growing up conservative trauma but I don't know how to move past or through it because the part of me that needs most to be seen and validated is also the meanest most condemnatory voice . it's like my innermost self is stuck in wartime and that MAKES SENSE and RIGHT NOW is also wartime and time of betrayal, division, societal splintering and falseness and violence and abandonment, but it hurts still, wanting to experience peace and be able to simply relax and trust the world will be there tomorrow and be able to let people in bc I'm not attached to some Cause that is greater than myself and which their weakness threatens.
also doesn't help getting to know a new friend with the intent of just hanging out and working on cars and it turns out they left town bc of a horrible situation where everyone turned on them for trying to speak about racism & abuse they experienced. and learning the history of the music scene I was thinking about entering is deeply fucked up and appropriating culture that came from Black people protesting police murders. like what do you fuckin do with that.
ultimately dark humor seems like this wisest cope but idek I hate becoming cynical and further pushing love away out my life
1 note · View note
whomturgled · 2 years ago
Text
yrkeby4ur8
#hi its personal post as tho tumblr is my diary in the tags while still being vague time bc my coping strats are failing me a little and#ig being able to essentially shout into the void is kinda nice like i cld physically write things down but i did a lot of that#already today w sssitnments and my fjfknging joints hurt so here we are!#ig theres also comfort in knowing someone somewhere probably read it. regardless of what they think/feel/the impression it gives them bc.#like. i exist! i guess? idk.#anyway that being said tw for talk of sh and upsettio spaghettio n stuff.#but yeah im like 🤏 close to relapsing with cutting or some sort of. idek.#and the only reasons im resisting are like. its been so long and itd be a shame to break that streak#which funnily enohgh mskes another part of me wana do it MoRE to like. idk. remember. and. punish ?? idk.#but we're ignoring him rn hes being a little too edgy.#and then bc it would feel like im being manipulative and ik if ppl find out they would probably be very . distressed.#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just#would not help the situation ykwim itd probably make things worse#also kinda too tired physically emotionally etc rn to do it and go thru it and the aftermath and having to clean up and take care and#trust myself to be. safe. enough. abt it.#but. now hear me out. IF i do it somewhere that isnt super obv or visible. i doubt theyll know anytime soon.#and if things go. in a way thats.. i dont think i can cope with then well ill prob end up right back in this feeling without the like#withstraint of someone who cares and wants to care abt themselves and others and want to control themself and behaviours and health#but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.#i just. am struggling to cope. i feel things. so much. and. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think if i have made it this far for this long i will be able to keep going without resorting to that?#but i really do hate that its like. wld be. yeah like turbo bad.#a very small and fucked up part of me feels like if things do go bad then what does it even matter and even better if whoever were to know#that i HAD relapsed bc ig at that point its like. idc who is upset or disappointed or uncomf or scared of/for me and thinks im terrible bc#at that point like. things are all. tumbling (lol) snd messed up so if i am messed up then whatever! ig. ????#but umm. yeah. idk i guess im just frustrated with my own . caring abt being responsible and stuff#there was a time when i was not as likely to be able to resist consequences be damned#im like over here going thru the stages of grief on god fr fr no cap on the stack or whatever ppl say#in other brighter news i managed to get a bit of work done on one of my assignments and some needed friend time but wasnt actually able to
1 note · View note
moonlit-imagines · 4 months ago
Text
Headcanons for being the Justice League’s computer intelligence
Justice League x reader
warnings:
a/n: THANKS BABE. this is such an old request i am so freaking sorry
prompt: anonymous: “Hello! I would like to request a Justice League (DC Extended Universe) + Reader who is sort of their 'Person in the Chair' - helping behind the scenes to keep their weapons/powers/skillset in tact, but is not afraid to fight back if necessary? I would like these to be a set of headcanons, please? Thank you and Happy Writing! P.S. You're writing is incredible!”
Tumblr media
you and alfred got along well
“glad i’m not the only one doing the grunt work anymore” -alfred
“and i was under the impression you loved this job” -you, sarcastically
you could frequently be found switching between important sites that actually helped during missions and reddit
“alfred hang on i want your opinion on this: ‘am i the asshole for trying on my bosses suit? i (25m) work with some pretty famous people and my boss (45m) has a really cool suit. it’s a little stiff but i think i like it. anyways, there’s a matching hat (if you will) and it smells AWFUL, so i sprayed it with febreeze but it only made it worse—’” -you
“hang on. this cant be…” -alfred
“HOW DID YOU FIND MY REDDIT ACCOUNT?!” -barry, over comms
“your name is scarletspeedster, and we’ve been trying to wash that febreeze smell from the cowl for weeks.” -you
“my god, barry. next time, just use an old suit” -alfred
“really?!” -barry
“no” -you and alfred
you do a lot of gadget/weapon design with JL members
“it’s acceptable” -bruce
“wow, thanks” -you
“it’s…it’s good work. i mean it” -bruce
diana sits with you and tells you stories, sometimes theyre very informational
“so if you ever do end up fighting, you’re going to want to craft a very nice sword for yourself. i know you’re good at that, you’ll do just fine” -diana
barry nerds out with you sometimes
he gets real excited when he sees you designing stuff on the computer
and tries to be helpful
“wind resistance might be a problem with this design, you should go sleeker” -barry
“hey, barry? if you don’t let me do my job im gonna design a tool specifically to shut you up” -you
“harsh!” -barry
“sorry, maybe a little too far. but let me work” -you
arthur wanted cooler clothes
“can i get you some material from atlantis so you can make me a nicer suit?” -arthur
“only if you bring me extra so i can have fun with it” -you
“not a problem for the king, its a deal” -arthur
clark didn’t really need/want much
but he was a great help when testing new weapons and suits
“can you just…laser vision that target right ahead. new suit material” -you
“yeah, stand back” -clark
it held for a good 20 seconds
“better than i thought” -you
you were their eyes in the sky on missions
directions, lookout, enemies, obstacles, detours, you name it
and yeah, maybe victor could also do a great deal of this stuff, but you got to do it behind the scenes and you actually got paid pretty well for it
but occasionally you did ask him for tech support
“victor, the batcomputer froze” -you
“i know, i did that on purpose” -vic
“can you unfreeze it so i can see what’s going on?” -you
“what’s the password?” -vic
*sigh* “ilovevicstone123” -you
diana let you spar with her sometimes
which honestly scared you every time bc you know she could kill you if she wanted to (but you knew she would never)
(but she could)
you’d never be apart of the justice league, which was very okay with you because you loved being behind the scenes and not being shot at
and so long and you had tea with alfred while the rest of them were kicking ass, you’d manage
taglist: @locke-writes // @captainshazamerica // @summersimmerus // @deanzboyfriend // @zoeyserpentluck // @mr-mxyzptlk-1940 //
880 notes · View notes
iluvloganhowlett · 5 months ago
Text
I HATE YOU .𖥔 ݁ ˖
Tumblr media
in which logan leaves for a mission unexpectedly for almost a year and still expects to be welcomed home upon return
warnings: angst, no happy ending (oops!), a little violence, mutant!reader, that’s it fr
reader has same powers as logan bc they were both experiments at the same time
i also switched up the timeline slightly so pretend logan isn’t a grumpy old man and is more so how he was in x-men (2000)
i also saw some other story that was kinda like this one but i couldn’t remember who’s it was so if anyb knows drop it so i can credit
part 2
“why are we here again?” wade questioned, stuffing a handful of cheetos he stole from a vending machine a while back.
logan only glared at him, “because. i left her for 9 months, the least i can do is come home and show her that im alive.”
wade shrugs, “who even is this ‘she?’ is she hot?”
in seconds, wade finds himself pinned against the wall of the hallway, logan’s claws only centimeters from his neck. “she’s my girl, you don’t get to talk about her being hot,” logan growls, retracting his claws and releasing wade.
“well damn wolvie! don’t get your panties in a bunch, im not stealing your girl! unless the charm is just too much for her then-“
“do you ever stop fucking talking outta your ass?”
wade only sighed, halting to a stop as logan did the same. “137,” logan muttered, looking up at the 137 sitting next to your door.
as logan rose his hand to knock, the door was swung open. logan’s eyes widened. he thought he’d gotten himself back into the right headspace to see you again, clearly he’d been mistaken.
the way your low-set brows rose up at the corners in anger, your long lashes drawing his eyes straight to your deep brown ones. your plush lips curled in slightly and your hair flowed down your back smoother than water.
wade whistled, “hey hot stuff-“ before he was cut of with a punch to the nose, dragging him down to the floor.
logan still had yet to say anything, admiring all the parts of you he’d missed.
however he was cut off with a groan, looking down at your claws that had made their way through his abdomen and back out, retracing back into your forearms.
“what the hell are you doing back here? and who’s the red sex-toy lookin’ thing that i j punched?”
as much as logan wanted to laugh at your dig at wade, he knew how to read the room. and frankly, he was still to stunned. “y/n? baby?”
“don’t call me that,” logan’s eyes widened, “you don’t get to call me that after disappearing for 9 months without notice, lo!”
logan couldn’t help but admire your use of his nickname you created even though you’re pissed at him.
“listen. i know, okay? i know and im sorry but if you let me in,” logan stepped closer, “i can expl- ah fuck!”
you’d stabbed him again in the same spot, pushing his body against the hall with your claws. “no you listen to me, logan. and you listen to me good. i’m not letting you come into my- our house after going awol for fucking forever and coming back with some random gay in a red suit,” you pulled your claws out of him but didn’t put them away this time.
your face softens, eyes moving rapidly between logan’s. he knew you better than anyone, he could see the way your eyes shifted from angry to vulnerable and the way your eyebrows lifted; you were a mini him, despite you being the same age.
“i thought you died, lo. i spent the past months thinking the only person i had and loved was fucking dead,” your eyes welled up as you backed away from logan, putting your claws away alas.
“i’m sorry, doll. im so sorry you have no idea,” logan’s calloused hands grazed your forearms, thumbs tracing the spot where your claws rested.
you sighed, holding back the urge to give in and hold onto him as long as you could.
“but you dont understand-“ you looked away, only for logan to lift a hand and cup your face in it, forcing your glossy eyes to meet his.
“you’re right, james! i don’t understand! so jesus fucking christ enlighten me.”
logan was taken back at your use of his real name, lip parting slightly. his heart ached more and more every time he watched your bottom lip quiver. he knew you were trying to keep up your strong facade, but were beginning to fail.
“i had a mission to go on. i had to save the world, baby!” your brows curled back into anger, and logan knew you thought he was bullshitting. “cmon, angel, stay with me. the asshat over there in the red, he dragged me into this. so if you’re gonna kill anyone for this, have it be him. i just- i need you to let me in.”
you shook your head. “lo- just-“ you stuttered, scavenging for words. “but why didn’t you say anything? you couldn’t have called? sent a letter? hell, baby i would’ve been happy with a fucking pigeon!”
“i didn’t have access to that shit.”
“for 9 months?”
he took a deep sigh, “yes, for nine months.” his tone grew louder. “because if i hadn’t left you for those 9 months there would be no more you for me to come back home to!”
“get out of my damn building, logan.”
“what?”
“leave! i want you and that goddamn red thing to get as far away from me as you fucking can and stay there.”
“y/n-“
“bye logan!”
you slammed the door in his face, leaving him standing there in utter disbelief.
logan’s claws retracted, “FUCK!” he screamed through the hall, leaving a giant claw park across your door.
he looked down at wade, who was watching from a safe distance on the floor. he put his claws away, grabbing wade by the fabric of his suit and dragging him onto his feet.
“get up, you heard the girl; let’s get the fuck away from her.”
logan was breathing heavy, more than ever before. it was like his heart couldn’t catch up to everything he was feeling in the moment. the last thing he wanted to be doing right now was walking out of your apartment building and leaving you, but he was weighed down by so much anger and hurt that he wasn’t exactly in control of himself at the moment.
“well,” wade started, “you handled that well.”
and before he knew it, wade was stabbed into a wall. “ow?”
logan growled, “i’m coming back for her.”
wade only let out a long laugh, stopping logan in his tracks.
“what the fuck are you laughing at? you should’ve heard the joke she made about you! she said you look like a sex toy-“
“i’m not laughing at that, you ape. i’m laughing at the fact that you’re coming back to her! look how it turned out the last time you ‘came back.’ “
“you don’t know what you’re talking about, kid. i’m coming back, whether she likes it or not. i’m not losing the love of my life after all i did to make sure i wouldn’t lose her.”
“i-“ “and next time im here, you won’t be.”
so! should i make a part 2 WITH a happy ending when he does come back??? 🫣🫣
♯ taglist! ∿
@spazwayy @oatmilkriver @sseleniaa @mei-simp @wittyjasontodd @wolverinesangel @realsimpbitchshit @pickuptruck01 @keigohawks @thereallchristine @velvrei
692 notes · View notes