#anyways what i set out to say was idk how im gonna. manage uni and family if going off meds actually causes a crazy crash

[straykats]

/meds talk, mental health as well ig, uhhhhhh

[onlyswan]

Hiii Art!! How have you been and how's your work/studies whatever it is that you do. Good? Eh? Well mine's kinda on a dry and wet mode rn lol.

Mind if I rant here?

I have 2wk worth of exams coming up and I have no motivation to study. I honestly regret taking up the course im studying for. I mainly took it up because its lucrative and helpful in today's economy. But honestly I should have just pursued 14yo Lyfie's dream to become a nurse. It wouldve been so much more rewarding🥲🥲🥲.

Anyways despite that im just praying my gpa doesnt go down the drain, and im gulity right now because i wasted the whole day doing nothimg even though i told myself to go study. I couldnt do it. I just......well i knew what i was doing was bad but everytime i looked at my notes i felt as if i knew them all, and in the end achieved nothing. Sigh i hate myself for how repetitve this unhealthy cycle has become. Parental pressure isnt helping either. I try ranting and they say its just momentary tiredness and it would go away soon and then further guilt me into wasting time :((((.

Wow that became long. Im so sorry for litterally trauma dumping on you, especially if tou had a long day. It would be the last thing you'd wanna worry about 😂😂😂

Anyways i wanted to ask you about your writing, both as a fellow fic author and as loyal reader of yours. What inspires you to write?

(I.e set time aside to write your fics and even feel motivated to open up that document? I have so many plot bunnies, headcanons and fic ideas, but no matter how enticing, everytime i try opening up my google docs, that burst of excited energy saps away. Urgh its so frustrating!!😠)

And for your fics, we had possible teases of engagement btwn jk and oc and even f2l hopelessly pining jk and oc. So i was wondering will we ever get a confession scene 👀👀👀?

I rmbr when jk ssid somewhr in an interview where he would love to lift his partner up and kiss them and my mind went str to the in which couple lol knowing your writing and since its jk its gonna be so cute cheesy and gonna involve tears 😇.

Funny enough i also know that both oc and jk are heavy on respecting e/o be it space or privacy, and when i heard Twice MISAMO's Do Not Touch song which was about consent and it was potryaed beautifully compared to art masterpeices, it got me thinking about their initial stages of skin ship or how they got comfortable around e/o physically or even their first time. Idk im just so invested in this universe lol 😭😂

Hmmm, but thats it for now. I'll reach out to you soon!!! :D

-Lyf

hiii lyf <3 work is draining and some customers are rude but my co-workers are fun to be with so it’s alright 🥲 uni also started this week and it’s nerve wracking but also soooo exciting !! i’m just gonna need some time to adjust to this new life + schedule 😬

i’m so sorry to hear that beloved :( i’m sure with the given the circumstances that you chose what you thought would be best for you at that time and i think it’s important that you recognize that too !! 🫂 and yesyes studying is so freaking difficult especially when you don’t feel motivated >:( for me personally time management has been pretty helpful. i love schedules ^^ sometimes i do house chores first to get my brain into work mode too and i give myself little rewards during break times (which are sooo important) or after studying hehe like snacks or screen time !! please look after yourself and your health. 🥺

dw i’m mostly fine with you guys ranting about stuff like school !! because same !! but i’m just putting it out there that when it’s abt triggering stuff i have to restrain myself 🥲 i don’t reply to those because it really affects me badly mentally too :(

hmmm when it comes to inspiration to write 🤔 like i said i do love schedules hehe i open a draft every night before bed + in my notes i also save words/phrases/scenarios that pop in my mind throughout the day but couldn’t write yet :D but i don’t really get to write everyday bcs i’m too tired or nothing just comes out. sometimes i only write one sentence or one paragraph then pass out lol. on a good day i finish one scene and maybe start writing the next too !! a jungkook weverse live will always 100% give me a big rush of motivation tho 🤭

and i doooo want to explore the earlier stages of oc and jungkook’s relationship 🥹🥹🥹 i have many many plans !! but i just want them to be perfect so it might take me a while </3 this is still a long journey if y’all are up for it hehe thank you so much for being invested in our little iw universe !! 🥰 it truly means the world to me that i get to enjoy my passion like this :") ilysm lyf 🫂

[khodorkovskaya]

19.04.23

im getting my very own ice skates this saturday and i couldn't be more excited!!!!!! <3

yesterday my mum and i talked about how i should apply for masters bc the deadline is on the 30th. and it's very annoying idk. does anyone else hate talking about potential? like the whole "but you have so much potential!" talk. idk, it frustrates me.

i had a classmate back in igcse and my bestie and i were laughing about this the other day. because this girl took herself sooo seriously! she had to have A's in all of her subjects and then when she did the IB she had to have the highest score in everything. and then she got into this very prestigious uni and did ted talks and was like a perfect student in everything. and everyone was like "ohh she has so much potential, she's so good". and yes, the girl was very smart and talented that's for sure. and now she works for heinz. and idk, im probably being mean but like there's something so funny about it. like she put so much effort into studying and doing all this extracurricular stuff and she excelled at everything for what? to work for a ketchup company? like adjdhjdfh she sells beans to people 😭😭😭 anyway, it's probably not funny but my bestie and i were like rolling on the floor about this the other day lmao. and i really don't want to work for a ketchup company, that's all im saying.

because like what does "having potential" even mean? like being a shop manager is not my level, but writing emails for a ketchup company is? i really don't get it.

anyway, i thought a bit about B again bc i saw him the other day. and i came to a conclusion that i want my next relationship to be the opposite of what we had with B. here's what i mean:

i want my next relationship to be a friends to lovers kind of thing. like i want to be friends with the person first. to be sure that we have things in common and like common activities and hobbies and stuff.

i want looks and all the physical stuff to be secondary. so again, i want to be with this person because they're my friend, not because i find them physically attractive. if they happen to have dark brown eyes, that's a bonus. but not like a must must. i don't want to be in a relationship with someone just because they're hot.

i want to take a long time before having sex with them bc im very sensitive and emotional and i need to feel safe. so, again, friendship first and sex comes much later. if there's no sex in the relationship, im fine with that too.

i want us both to have similar values and know what we want out of the relationship, not like a "fuck around and find out" kind of thing. so this year im really focusing on trying to figure out what my values are and what i want/need. and i want my partner to have figured things out too.

so yeah, this might happen next year or in 10 years or when im retired or maybe even never. but that's how i want things now. either this kind of relationship or celibacy, ive decided.

i was very happy with this conclusion and then the sun set and nostalgic thoughts about B came up again... i looked at photos of us when we went to sarajevo last year. and there's this feeling of like... impending doom (not to be dramatic lol) when i look at them. like i look at us smiling and being silly together on these photos and the voice in my head is like "he doesn't know yet...". and for some reason it's specifically "he doesn't know" and not "we don't know". although back then i didn't think we were gonna break up either, so i didn't know either. but maybe my subconscious knew..? because i felt so guilty while looking at these photos. as if im only pretending to smile in them and im tricking him into believing that everything is fine. it feels like there's a countdown on these photos. like "only 2 months left...", specifically "he doesn't know that there's only 2 months left... tick-tock-tick-tock...". maybe i did know on some level?

[yyxgin]

babe i have plenty of stories!! this is my fourth year as a waitress. this is my third waitressing gig.

the drink runner boy hasn’t needed to learn how to take food orders bc he’s on bar! a lot of the girls there now are going to uni in october and tbh three out of the six hired new starters are going to uni in october too. so basically the staff is gonna drop down sooner or later (some of them were actually leaving this week and last but the manager keeps putting them on thé rota? i think she’s pushing her luck tbh) so i guess he has a reason to learn so he’s ready when the staff drops down. ALSO. one of the ladies asked me where i was from and after i told her she goes ‘oh i thought i recognised you!’ and she told me the road she lived on and i told her i went to the highschool at the bottom of it and... god. she told me the drinks runner lives on the same road and i’m trying to figure out if i recognise him or not. bc i felt like i did right at the beginning and she set me off after telling me that but... man, idk.

my dog’s name is summer, she’s a labrador x springer spaniel. her mum was a fox lab (colour) so her springer spaniel freckles are this lovely goldeny brown colour. i say she’s ginger and my dad tells me off and pets her 😭 i took her off her lead today for the first time and she ate sumn 🤢 it’s too vulgar to tell you honestly.

i had a two hour break at work on monday so i went to the shops and bc where i work is kind of posh i felt like i had to buy something (also there’s two of the posh-er superstores so take that with a pinch of salt) so i bought a plant 🪴 lmao self control is out the window tbh.

and today i bought the dessert thingies the food runner lady let me try! they didn’t do a ‘selection’ multipack only multipacks of just one flavour (does that make sense?) so i got a pack of lychee, a pack of mango and a pack of strawberry (all the flavours they had) and am praying im on a lunch shift next week so i can give it to her when it’s not busy. or at least open them when it’s not busy and share (which is what i wanted to do today but i was planning to kill two birds with one stone and offer the drinks runner one too 😎 big brain. and the kitchen staff if they want some. i believe they’re thai dessert treats and it took me forever to find them (i ended up going to a warehouse for asian foods) but i’m happy i did).

we making moves out here! i’ve been added to the girls’ groupchat for work and i’m happy to be in 🥺 i feel like it would be weird to add all their snap’s straight away so i’m just kind of lingering... man i’m so nervous all the time 😭😭😭😭

anyway!! ask and you shall receive, my love. i’ll tell you any old story, there’s plenty stored away in my head.

im sure your boss is just waiting until you’re due in. in the nicest way possible, there’s not really a need to message you until your first day, i’d say. be sure to ask loads of questions when you’re there!! especially about your paycheck, how you receive it, how often you get paid, any detail you want to know, you must ask before it’s too late. i trust you do that anyway but still!! sorry if im droning, i just worry about people a lot.

it’s also midnight again, i’ve definitely forgotten some things to say but i shall sleep and get my beauty rest for tomorrow’s shift ❤️ ily2 bb

ooh i hope that boy learns how to do it quickly so he can stand in and do the things he has to :// also woRLD IS A SMALL PLACE OMG its so weird how close-by you all are😩 is your town small perhaps ??

omg summer is a legend😔✊ i was at the vet w my grandmas dog today and he was so scared i felt so bad for him🥺he almost jumped down from the table thank god my aunt was holding him. he is a village dog so everything abt the city scared him and getting him there by car was a very difficult journey sksksk

I SUPPORT YOUR NEWEST PLANT ADDITION❤ selfcare. my cactus bloomed flowers for the first time today and i got so excited omg

aah you sound so precious,,sharing food is the best way to get close to someone imo. also i appreciate the effort you put in to get those and i really want to try it now😭 AND DONT BE NERVOUS IM SURE THEY ALL LOVE U !!

i mean im sure she is just busy and will probably call me soon but,,i have never been relaxed in my life ever so i am just really anxious and nervous abt everything and its so new to me soo yeah💔 thanks for the advice !!! i know all abt the paychecks and stuff bc we talked abt it already in the job interview and i'll make sure to ask a lot of questions !! dont worry djsj everyone babies me bc i am pretty much a baby so i dont mind the advice and u looking after me lol <3

sleep well !! i hope u have an amazing day tomorrow 🤩🤍 ily

[noorengels]

reasons i am sad (friendship edition)

in year 4 my best friend invited everyone to her birthday party and not me and they all actually kept it a secret really well they almost pulled it off except she held her party in la plaza which basically is the hangout spot for families in that area i spent all my fridays there playing until midnight bc literally everyone from school would go. so i was walking home with my entire family inc grandparents and uncles and we went through la plaza and there they were! every single one of my friends at her party! apparently her mum didnt let her invite me bc apparently i hit her which i didn’t i hit another girl so her excuse is invalid and its the first time ive been so publicly excluded i cried on a bench.

in year 7 we hated this girl bc she was so fake i genuinely believe she is a psychopath like she has all the symptoms except shes in set 5 maths lol so my friend was like what if i spread a rumour about her and i was like lol do it and she did and for some reason i was blamed??? and lost all of my friends and she bullied me so hard but i didnt realise bc i was “friends” with her bc our mums were friends so shed like walk with me to lessons and talk to me while belittleing me and idk she was just a fucking bitch she made me feel so horrible like it was emotional bullying but also like telling everyone who i liked and saying lmao you literally have no friends “count how many friends you have? omg you literally cant even reach ten can you???” like in front of everyone but then shed also be really nice to me at the same time like idk it was like she was my friend but she bullied me it was so horrible saffa i hate you and the original friend who spread the rumour went on to become her best friend for like 6 years so uh hate that

managed to make friends with people not in my class in year 8! which sucked bc saffa had alienated people in my class so now they all just didnt like me i was the weird girl with no friends because of her and it was so horrible bc id always be forced to join the ready made groups between friends by the teacher  bc i didnt have a group to work with or id get paired with the weird girl like i was only the weird girl after saffa made everyone hate me this girl was weird bc she just is idk 

in year 10 they made a gc without me! i basically created that group tho like i gathered these friends i hade made in different lessons (obviously not in my main class lol) and they literally just??? decided to exclude me for no reason. and then theyd talk about what they talked about in the gc in front of me like “omg remember last night on the gc” isha ur so fucking boring no normal person talks about their gc with the same people again do u have no other conversational points smh

in year 11 it got so bad to the point where once i sat with them and they all just left! like they took their stuff and moved to the table behind me i wanted to cry so bad i did at home i think its the worst one out of all of these because it happened to my face? idk saffa was horrible too but this was just “were leaving” idk like ive never felt as horrible as i did in that moment i cant even describe how im feeling rn reliving it

its okay bc i made friends with my best friend from sciences + history bc our surnames are next to each other so we always sat together! i honestly clung to this girl after that bc i refused to spend a second longer with that other group after 3 years of enduring not even being liked by ur friends so i made friends with her friends which was easy bc yes! 

so by the first term of year 12 i had three friends! in fact one of them was like ur not having a birthday party??? im taking u out to eat so my first birthday event thing in literally years was all thanks to arun i am honestly so grateful for him he didnt even go bc he was busy and we planned it the day before my birthday but it was literally me and two friends eating pizza at zizzis and im crying so much rn but year 12 was when i found people who genuinely cared about me

we established a group of like 8 lol and were planning a holiday for the end of year 13! very skam of us! we had a gc and everything! we were gonna go to spain bc im spanish so i could speak!

this trip was unspoken of in year 13 and i was like lol kinda weird um okay but nope nothing weird about it they just created a chat without me and were still going to spain!!! one of them even sent me screenshots of their airbnb to translate its like u want me to know lol

i did complain to one of them but thats it i was just hurt on my own and coronavirus happened so it got cancelled anyways so i won really

in yr 13 i also got closer to this boy called adam! i remember my friend was like you two would get on so well idk why ur not friends and i was like idk its adam lol do i really want to and yes i did bc he is in fact the isak to my sana! but anyways i hate him but i love him we have that kinda friendship where were alwAYS trying to beat the other one up and honestly the most heart felt goodbye when schools shut was between us both bc at first we were fighting and then he just stopped and his eyes softened and i was like whats wrong with you why arent u punching me and he went come here and we hugged and its like wow despite being a dick ill miss you

anyways so uhhh quarantine we skyped often it was fun and then restrictions were lifted i went to spain and the second i land they all stop talking in the gc????? like im abroad not dead why are u creating a new one??? this gc was agressively spammed so i know for a fact theres another im not stupid

i come back from spain and theyre like can we meet!!! we meet three weeks later and theyr like i missed u so much im so happy uou came i love you and it felt really genuine like they genuinely missed me

two days later i find out through snapchat theyve all gone on holiday together!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of them and just ofc didnt invite me they went to the beach for two days and kept posting about it and im so bitter about it like bro???????? why so secretive????? like i cried so much when i saw bc they still just idk why does every single friendgroup ive ever been in exclude me like i must be the problem theres no other explanation for it i am not the kind of person people want to have around i am so funny but im a bitch and will come for ur ass because i have the inability to lie i have no filter either which i know makes them dislike me i know it does but thats the price you oay for being my friend i just say things as it is becauxe i hate secrets bc secrets are always about excluding me so i rather be honest and upfront but that clearly puts people off bc im too upfront and im not getting a personality transplant im not tryna be boring but im so sick of always being the one on her own

adam was relevant uh hews my only friend rn he checked up on me the other day so cheers adam for making sure im not completely isolated

the funny thing is that all my friends hate adam bc “hes a dick” hes not he just says things how it is were so similar so if they hate adam they hate me and im over being hated lol bye!

i start uni next week and i clearly have no social skills so im not gonna make friends im so scared of being lonely i hate being left out

this went from sad to full on angry like i was crying at some point and now im fuming like im so hot rn my blood pressure isnt doing okay