#batfamily sorting

[inkpotsprite]

So this is why people think Duke is the best behaved one.

[cocomuffy]

Dick: So you like, were in that Lazarus pit...

Jason: Yes?

Dick: And it like... healed you of everything and... it made you brand new and-

Jason: Get to the point..?

Dick: How do you STILL HAVE KNEE SCARS?!

Jason: What do you mean?

Jason's knee scars from the Boy-Robin Boy-Shorts™:

Jason: HOW ARE THEY STILL THERE?!

Dick: AND WHY DO I HAVE THE SAME ONES?

Jason: We have to talk to Tim and Damian. This might be a Robin thing..

*they do so*

Tim: Oh, those? Yeah, you guys have had those since you were little. They're from the lack of pants.

Dick: How do you-

Tim, maniacally: I have so many videos of you all falling flat on your faces and scraping your knees...

[peerlesshamster]

Okay hear me out.

Red Hood, Gotham's favorite crime lord, being called son by Brucie Wayne who is (for the first time by mistake) incredibly high and walking around Gotham like he doesn't know he's a high risk kidnappee.

The street might seem empty but Red Hood knows there's multiples eyes watching from the shadows, windows and any single space that can fit a person, he knows his Gotham well. And he knows it'd be impossible to silence so many witnesses of Gotham's Prince calling him his baby and whining "my jaylad please come home".

Of course next day social media is exploding with pictures of Red Hood carrying a happy looking Bruce Wayne on his shoulder to his bike, even a sequence of pictures before that showing how he went from looking pathetic and on the verge of tears to look like all his wishes were fulfilled next to a resigned looking criminal. #RedHoodIsJasonTodd? tag is trending on twitter #WayneIsBatmansEx alongside.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

After Jason’s resurrection he finds that his body works… wrong somehow.

Some days he forgets to breathe until he wants to say something and finds there’s no air in lungs. Other days his body goes eerily cold until someone points out that his lips are blue and he needs to warm up.

And some days his heart stops beating in his sleeps.

It’s fine, really. It always starts again eventually a short while after he wakes up. And yeah, of course it was a bit scary the first couple times it happened but it’s not like his resurrection and Pit-dip came with an instruction manual, so this is probably pretty normal stuff, all things considered. He is kind of the definition of “undead”.

The real trouble starts when he forgets to mention those little details to the Batfamily when he stays over for the night.

[batsyheere]

"So, handling your archnemesis," Danny starts. The room falls quiet, heads slowly turning to look at the man as he writes the words on the chalkboard. When finished, the characters somehow both messy and neat at once, Danny places the chalk back down and claps his hands.

"I typically call them fruitloops. Often they're in a better position than you are- older, richer, more powerful. They may have some sort of status that protects them when facing the public."

Tim wondered where Dick was right now, and if he was laughing. His brain was lagging like a computer as he tried to process what Danny was saying, and how seriously a few of his fellow teen vigilantes were taking this.

"Some of their more common tactics are-" the chalk was picked back up, and Danny writes as he speaks.

"Manipulation, isolation, conditioning, and empathy."

MICE.

Tim stares at the board, and quietly slips put his phone.

-What have I done to deserve this.

Enjoy your lessons Tim-

His head thumps against the desk. Conner leans over, gives him a pat on the shoulder but returns to taking notes as Danny goes on to explain the conditioning tactic.

[violent138]

Damian: "Red Hood has a pretty severe concussion. What do I do?"

Tim: "Extraction's still ten minutes out, just keep him talking."

Damian, urgently pressing the comm: "I don't want to talk to him, he's even more insufferable than usual."

Jason, lying on the ground, eyes closed: "That's funny Junior, because head trauma's the only thing that makes you bearable."

Damian, to Tim: "I'm leaving. It won't be the first time we've had a closed casket."

Tim, groaning disgustedly: "Robin--ugh, seriously, just stay there and keep him awake."

Damian, seething even more when he sees Jason's smirk: "Fine."

Jason, cracking open one eye: "Aww, are you concerned about me?"

Damian: "Shut up. The only thing I'm concerned about is our family's reputation after your public wipeout on that stupid motorcycle."

Jason:

Damian: "Are you still awake?" *kicks him* "Todd?"

Jason, grinning: "You said our family."

Damian, furious: "I didn't. You've lost more brain cells than you could afford."

Jason: "Wait 'till Tim hears, I think he'll want a group hug. Bruce is probably going to get emotionally constipated. Dickie would probably cry--"

Damian, panicking as he hears the Batmobile get closer: "Stop. Do not tell him--"

Jason: "You better erase every single fucking video of me crashing then."

Damian: "You have a deal."

[incorrectbatfam]

Cassandra: *gives Bruce the last piece of Halloween candy*

Bruce: *takes it*

Dick: Who ate all of my candy?

Cassandra: WE did.

[dragonpyre]

Young Dick to young Jason: hey, I can see you’re feeling down. Wanna steal the Batmobile?

Adult Dick to adult Jason (who nearly killed a dude): hey, I can see you’re feeling down. Wanna steal the Batmobile?

[frownyalfred]

"Holy shit, there's a whole army of injured people lying on the floor in here" / "Why is the Bat fighting so hard to protect that one door?" / "He can't keep this up forever" / "Oh shit, his Robin is in there, isn't he?"

-- a GCPD patrolman making a decision to walk into an active crime scene he is about to regret so, so much (he pulls a gun and helps scare off the last 3-4 goons before Bruce basically collapses in front of the door, covered in blood)

[thebat-musicman]

[video starts with Jason Todd-Wayne sitting on a couch and looking into the camera like he’s in a reality tv show]

Jason: Now I have known for years that people are attracted to my father, but only this week have i figured out a way to treat this: by telling everyone what Bruce is really like. If you’re still attracted to him by the end of this video, I think you should see an optometrist.

[scene changes to see Bruce Wayne on the couch, rubbing his temples already. If you turn the volume all the way up you can hear him muttering “i love my kids i love my kids i love my kids”]

Jason, now behind the camera: Bruce! What do you dream of?

Bruce: My parents d-

Jason: I said dreams, don’t get us demonetized.

Bruce: Sudoku.

Jason: You dream of sudoku?

Bruce: Is this an interrogation?

[scene change but Bruce is still on the couch. He just has coffee now]

Jason: What’s your favorite cracker flavor?

Bruce: Saltines.

Jason: Why did you pick the boring ones?

Bruce: Crackers are inherently boring

Jason: Why not cheez-its? Or something else with a little more pizazz.

Bruce: Crackers are incapable of pizazz.

[scene change, Bruce is now eating saltines]

Jason: What do you say about the allegations that you are just a piece of white bread someone doodled a face on.

Bruce: …does the bread at least have raisins?

Jason: No. Now what about the allegations that you really need to get over your stupid moral c-

Bruce: I want my lawyer.

[scene change, Tim Drake-Wayne is now sitting on the couch next to Bruce. He is wearing a suit and clutching a briefcase.]

Jason: How many people have you actually dated?

Bruce: T-

Tim: Don’t answer that, he has nothing on you.

Jason: You didn’t go to law school!

Tim: I have watched all 26 seasons of Law & Order: SVU.

Jason: He wasn’t even accused of a crime!

Tim, already standing up: Oh he wasn’t? Then we can go

Bruce, walking out of the room with Tim: Bye, Jaylad!

[scene change, Jason is sitting on the couch again with his head in his hands]

Jason, muffled: Why do I even try?

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt in Memes 4

Another prompt, but in memes because trying to gather my thoughts is hard sometimes lol.

[superbat-love]

Batman Appreciation Post #10

The Perfect Arch

Batman Master Collection

[vanya-evergreen]

Batfam x reader platonic concept

But make it over throwing royal’s with reader as a royal and Batfam as revolutionaries AU (with some fantasy elements that aren't expanded on)

CW: Neglect, Violence, blood. War like topics (revolution)

Something to note: in the real world timeframe I would put this in the late 1910s to early 1920s. The cars are faster than the actual cards of that timeframe because of fanfic logic!

Ps, I would love to write more of this (i already have another 1000 i am keeping to myself)

The soft patterns of rain on the roof was the loudest sound in your room. You lay on a bed, arms locked to your sides, staring up to the ceiling of the tall room. It was opulent to say the least, but that was the last thing you would think of. You were stuck in a cycle of memories that felt like a lifetime ago, yet it was only a few months ago that all of what you knew was gone. Not that you missed much of it.

There was once that if you had even whispered a complaint, it would've been fixed by a servant before you could dwell on it. Now it would just fall on deaf ears. You had alway been pacified with gifts, trips, or even new lessons to learn. It was one of the many benefits you got from being of royal descent, when that had mattered. You were happy with what you had but you still craved more. You wanted the unconditional Familial love that every other child seemed to get.

Slowly, you began to watch the families at garden parties, grand balls, and even going through daily life. You can’t help but staring as the parent lovingly held their children, or how they would even just watch them from afar. If you would turn to your parents, they always had their backs to you. You screamed and fought for their attention. You cried quietly every time they forced another toy or trip onto you. Sadly, it turned out to be much worse for you, everyone thought you were spoiled and ignorant because of your public fits. You never had an understanding of how parents were meant to love a child, until you met him.

The Dark knight.

You had met him briefly once before, given he was an army commander. It was a formality really, but you did remember his suit. It looked oddly like a bat with his cape. Still the Dark Knight was skilled with the sword, even with the advancing technology. You always heard whispers of his real name but they were never loud enough to make it your ears.

You were given sword lessons as another class to keep you busy. ‘I always did want to try the sword’ was just a pathetic attempt at ignoring your ugly truth. You were only 10 when you figured that your parents were pushing you off on all these tutors in hope that they would keep you busy enough to stay away from them. You still remember feeling the love you had for your parents slipping through your fingers like sand. You had stopped throwing fits too, you began to try to hold your emotions closer to your heart. All of this is probably what made it so easy for you to get attached to the Dark knight.

Your first lesson was rough. You had been rudely awakened at an unfamiliar time and when you made it out to the training grounds you could only see slivers of light on the horizon. You were forced to clean your tools and even some of his. You complained but he only remained quiet watching you with a heavy eye. You kept your mouth shut after that, finishing without much more complaint.

When you finished, he made you run laps. You wanted to whine about it, but you remembered knowing it wouldn't do anything, so you ran. Lap after lap, you always felt his eyes on you no matter where you went. He remained silent unless it was to tell you to keep going. It wasn't until the sun had fully risen that he had made you stop, letting you get water. You couldn't help but be wreathing with anger as you sat drinking your water.

“Sword lesson my-” you began to whisper under your heavy breaths, until a warm gloved hand was placed atop of your head. You shot your head up to where the head came from. It was the Dark knight, without his helmet.

“Good job kid.” He looked at you in your eyes, you couldn't help but let your emotions slip for a moment. His eyes were so kind, but his face was worn. It was the face of a man who had led a hard life, but still had compassion for others. You gripped your water, you wanted him to say it again

You continued the lesson for another 2 hours but it felt too short for you. Even if he said you weren't ready for a sword, You couldn't wait for the next lesson.

That is how it started and would go for the next 6 years. Twice a week you would meet with him to learn, but every day you spent hours practicing to impress him at your next lesson. He and you had bonded, or so you thought. You learned his true name, Bruce Wayne. he let you call him by his name, you tried to offer him the same courtesy but he refused, it hurt you but you understood.

This was your way of life, this was the happiest you ever were. You thought you had the love you craved the most. You thought that.

It was your 16th birthday. You were meant to focus on the party that was held every year for you but there you were happily running over to the training grounds to see Bruce. Ever since you met him, he always had some form of present for you on your birthday. It was the only present you looked forward to every year.

You stopped at the entrance when you saw Bruce with two other people. Diana Prince and Clark Kent, they were commanders just like Bruce. You always saw them together when they were in the same room, but why were they meeting here today? They looked like it was a serious matter so you hid behind the stables.You crouched down and slowly crawled to the end of the stable closest to them to listen in. You thought maybe you could scare them, you couldn't help but smile at the thought of the previous time you tried to scare Bruce and failed.

“A week from today we will take the capital.” Bruce said matter of factly. You breathe hitched, you heard murmurs through the walls about a revolution, but you didn't think it was real. Much less Bruce was a part of it. “And arrest the royal family and their descents.” That isn’t when you broke, no you didn’t care if they did that.

“And we can finally return to our families.” Clark added. This is when you broke, the mental image you had created in your delusion, the image of Bruce seeing you as one of his kids, shattered into a million pieces right in front of you. You quietly got up, you acted faster than your mind could think.

You jumped out from behind the stables, “Boo!” you shouted, while you wore your best smile. They all flinched at your sudden appearance. Finally you got them. “Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” You beamed while scratching the back of your head. They all looked at you in horror as you walked closer.

“How much did you hear, your highness?” Diana began reaching for her lasso on her hip, while trying to keep a pleasant expression.

“Nothing beyond something about going back to your families” You laughed. “ I assume you heard about the holiday I asked the king and Queen to give the troops after my birthday.” You could see as they relaxed, believing your words.

“Is there a reason you came here, your highness?” Clark stepped closer to give you a kind smile placing a hand on your shoulder, he always was kind to you even when you threw fits.

“I always stop by on my birthday.” You take a quiet glance at Bruce, with guilt flickering in his eyes. Y our heart sunk further into your chest. “I was saying hello to my teacher, before going on with my busy day.” You moved your eyes off of Bruce, and on to Clark. You tried to ignore his heavy gaze, your hands were shaking.

“Of course…” Clark and Diana look at Bruce. He gestured for them to leave. “Well Happy birthday, your highness.” Clark bowed before leaving, as did Diana. You watched them leave until they were out of sight. You clasped your hand together, the shaking stopping but your rate grew.

“Your highness,” Bruce’s soft voice boomed in your head . Bruce’s eyes weighed heavily on you, You were barely able to maintained eye contact. “I got you a gift.” He pulled out a small rectangle box wrapped in expansive sliver fabric with an extravagant white lace ribbon tied around it.

It was like every other year before, a small gift that meant the world to you. You, normally, would eagerly take it from him with the biggest grin, and opened it in front of him, thanking him no matter the gift. That year though, you hesitated, you didn’t give a wide grin, nor did you open it immediately.

“Thank you, Bruce.” You stared at the gift, playing with the white ribbon in your hand. “I really appreciate the gifts you have gotten me.” You sighed faintly. Bruce was stunted by this. “I hope you enjoy your time off with your family.” You let out a shaking breathe.

“What about your-” Bruce reached out to touch your shoulder, it was natural for the two of you.

“Don’t worry about lessons next week,” You grabbed his hand before he touched your shoulder “It’s fine if we miss a week. We alway have the after one, right?” you looked at him with a knowing look. He face dropped, he understood that you had heard more than you would say. “I hope to see you later Bruce.” You let go of his hand as you walked away from him leaving him behind in his silence.

You didn’t open that gift that day, even when you were in your room. You spent the rest of the day distracted. There were plenty of things you could’ve done about your impending arrest, but you also knew that would lead to Bruce's death. You didn’t want that, even if he only saw you as a royal, you still viewed him as someone would view their father. So you remained quiet.

The party came and went. It was the same as it always was, many gifts that were worth an average person's salary for ten years, and even proposal letters from noble families that wouldn’t matter in a week’s time. After that night you started to count down the days. Your memories of that week are blurry now, all of the days bleed into each other, until that day of the plan came.

You didn’t leave your room that day, even when you heard the screams of your family members. You waited, seated in a chair by the fire you had the servant light before going to bed. The box Bruce gave you is still unopened on your desk. You didn’t want to open it and pretend like everything was still the same.

You got up as you heard the soldiers get closer, opening every door along the way, until they reached your door. You opened the door before they could barge in. You came face to face with the helmet of The Dark knight. The blood of those who fought back dripped on the floor off of his suit. You step aside to let them in.

The Dark knight was the only one to step in, “Continue moving without me.” You tensed up as he ordered his subordinates to not follow him in. “Your highness-”

“There is no longer a need to address me like that.” You hummed, closing the door behind him. “After all, my heritage won’t matter by sunrise tomorrow.” You stood by the edge of your bed, looking out of the window.

The Dark knight was across the room from you, staying in front of the fireplace. You wouldn't meet his eyes, as he stared at you through his helmet. He looked around the room, he noticed the box on your desk still wrapped neatly. “You didn’t open it.” He picked up the box from the desk, and looked back at you.

“I thought it was inappropriate to open it, considering what was bound to happen.” You Pointed your head back down to the ground,

“You didn’t try to stop us.” He kept the box with him, and stepped closer to you.

“I couldn’t bring myself to,” You confessed, “I knew what it would lead to if I did.” Even then you couldn't bear the thought of him dying because of you.

“Do you understand why we are doing this?” He stopped two feet away from you, and took off his helmet. You wanted to see the face was making but you knew if you saw his face you couldn’t help but break all over again in front of him.

“Not fully,” You weakly replied “but I know that if you and the other commander are in on it then it is for the betterment of the world.” you clenched your hands. You tried to be mad at him but it was hindered by how you saw him. To you, you knew him as a man of justice, who wouldn’t needlessly create waves unless he saw necessary. You put your hands behind your back, intertwining them together.

The Dark Knight couldn’t understand you, but you knew what his thought was “I didn’t run because you taught me to stand with the side I chose, and by blood I am forced to choose this side.” You looked up from the floor finally. His face seemed almost desperate for a better answer, you could only return a sympathy nod with closed eyes.

The room remained silent for a moment, before you offered your wrist forward to make it easier to cuff them, he didn't. Instead he stepped behind you, guiding you out in front of the palace with a firm hand on your shoulder. You kept your eye forward ignoring the blood splattered across the floor and walls. The walk through the halls were eerie and quiet, they still haunt you to this day.

At the front of the palace each member in the royal house kneeled with their hands bound behind their backs, in rows separated from the servants. The Dark knight didn't seem to be guiding you to the royals until someone grabbed you by the arm and pulled you away from him, you saw him for a short moment longer. Maybe if you weren't so tired you could've seen him reaching out for you as he was swarmed by his cohorts.

The soldier was much harsher compared to The Dark knight. They forced you down by your parents, who were bloody and bruised, they must've fought. Their heads hung low, they didn't even try to lift them up to look at you. You watched as Clark walked to stand center in front of palace residences.

“To the royal family, you are found guilty of tyranny and causing anguish to the lands of…” Clark went on about the endless sins your family and you by extension committed. “Now we will go down the line to give you your sentencing.”

You closed your eyes, listened to cries for mercy by the ones you assumed were to be put in prison for life and the quiet sobs of the ones who got less. Clark stopped when he passed you, You were the only one sitting up with free arms. He whispered something to the person following him, before moving on. two soldiers picked you by your arms from ground and brought you back into the palace.

You might've been more confused if you didn't pass out the moment they shoved you back into your room.

The weeks following after that there was a surgeon of royalist nobels trying to take back the monarchy, but they were swiftly dealt with each time they would arise according to the maids that would pass your room.. You spent those weeks confined to your room, at the former palace, you tried to ask why you weren't in the prison, but none of the guards standing outside of your room wouldn't reply.

It was 2 months later that you finally left your room to be brought in front of the new leaders of your country. Diana, Clark and Him. It was a small meeting with only you and the three of them.

“Tell us _, why do you think that you are here?” Diana spoke in a loud yet caring tone.

“I am here to finally receive my sentence.” You mumbled.

“No,” Clark interjected what would've evolved into a rant. “We are curious to know why you did nothing to stop the revelation.”

“I couldn't live with the consequences if I had stopped you.” You replied flatly.

“and those consequences would be, what?”

“The continued suffering of the country” they gestured for you to go on “and the loss of your lives.”

“And are you aware that means you betrayed the royal family?”Clark retorted. Bruce leaned forward.

“Yes.” You wanted it to be over already.

“Then you will not receive a sentence, but you will live under surveillance.” Clark stood up from his seat and offered you a hand. You took the hand, you could live under surveillance.

“Here at the… well whatever this was turned into.” You questioned, Clark shook his head no. “Then where?”

“With me.” Bruce finally spoke up. Your body ran cool, as a sinking feeling bloomed in your stomach. You would've been fine anywhere else but with him. You had no choice.

“Fine.” You looked away from him.

That day, your clothes, swords, and other trinkets were packed and off to Gotham where the now infamous Wayne manor resides. While you rode in front with Bruce in his Car. The ride was quiet, along with unpacking the car. You broke the silence to say thank you for help, before taking your belongings inside of the foyer. Serval people were waiting, but not for you.

“Who are you?” A boy, younger than you, glared as you stood there awkwardly holding you things. You were going to respond but Bruce came in behind you. “Father, who is this this person?” So these people were his kids.

“Damian, that is not how you greet someone.” oh. You heard of Damian when you and Bruce would take breaks from your sword lessons. He always liked talking about his family, there was even a point where you though maybe they could see you as family too, but not now. “I am _ _” You lowered your head already knowing what comes next.x .

“A member of that trantical family? Bruce, why are they here?” A boy, probably only a few years older than you, almost screeched.

“I will explain it later, Tim” Bruce took your things from you and tried to push past them, only to be blocked by a girl around the same age as time. “Cassandra please move.

“No, we need to know now.” Damian demanded, as him and Tim cornered Bruce with Cassandra.

“Alfred,” Alfred, who was standing off the side came forward and took your things back from Bruce. “Take them to their new room.”

“Of course Master Bruce.” Alfred turned to you “Please, follow me this way.” He smiled politely. Your arms tense as the You followed behind quietly, walking up the stairs to 3rd floor, back into the furthest corner of the house, the perfect reflection of the distance between you and Your new household.

[sophiethewitch1]

I wonder how the batboys would be with a reader with a MAJOR interest in foreign languages. I'm not just talking about knowing several languages, I'm talking about a reader who's also capable of using the basics of so many languages that people don't really tend to learn or even know exist (can you imagine casually speaking Burmese or Catalan in front of the boys??), and they know how to read numerous writing systems. Imagine if the Reader's room is just full of language textbooks and their phone is full of language apps

They'd be incredibly impressed, of course. They all know their fair share of languages, considering their job/hobby/personal exercise routine, but the level of effort and care you put in is astounding.

Tim, despite himself, immediately gets competitive about it. He needs to be on the same level as you, and understand you in all ways. And if you love something as much as you love languages, he needs to love it the same way too. So, get ready for quizzes and competitions galore. He probably adds you on Duolingo, even if you didn't give him your contact details, the little stalker. He wants to win (you).

Dick's absolutely over the moon if you decide to research his family's preferred dialect of Romani. He'll happily teach you and you'll have many quiet, whispered conversations together. The language is quite romantic (it is actually a romance language), just like he is, and he probably starts flirting with you all the time in Romani. Just, constantly hitting on you, but in a way only you can understand, so he doesn't get too embarrassed. Flirt back using his mother tongue, and you'll have a swooning Dick Grayson on your hands.

Damian sees this as a grand opportunity to invite you closer into his space. His family has connections in all of the Middle East and further, and he's got access to thousands of ancient documents in hundreds of languages. Is very smug every time you ask him for his help or a book you think he might have. Which, of course, he does. Even if he doesn't he'll have it soon, so don't go asking the others, alright?

Jason 'number one Shakespeare fan' Todd suggests you start learning some old English with him. And like actual old English, not early modern English like Shakespeare actually used. Enjoys reading classic Russian novels like Dostoevsky in the original text to you. Will also quiz you, but in a chill, uncompetitive way.

[ghost-bxrd]

Love what they are doing now with Wayne Family Adventures.

Bruce is being a jerk, but unlike mainstream, the narrative is definitely not on his side.

He gets called out on it, and it's made clear he is overreacting due to his own messed up mindset.

Yup! And they’re making absolutely clear the readers know that Bruce’s actions (and assholery) are because he’s terrified for his kids. Not because he’s “got no time for teenage rebellion” or the I-dont-need-a-son-i-need-an-obedient-soldier shtick

Yes he’s being a jerk about it, but honestly I’m not sure I would handle the situation much better after trying to get the most important people in my life out of the line of fire only to have them show up at literally every location of interest 😭😂 like, that man is stressed 🤣

[strayswolf]

Just admiring big brother Dick coming to the rescue.

The writing for Dick in the issue is so spot on between him being emotionally aware, respectful of boundaries when needed (seen in the issue when Dick offers to go fight with Jason instead of ordering him to stop, asking for permission to touch him), and overall helping Jason through this traumatic moment.

Dick came to help Jason as a brother, and not a vigilante superhero. It speaks to his character, and that’s what I really love.

Batman: Wayne Family Adventures, Season 3, Ep. 120, Break Myself to Pieces