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incidentallysunny · 7 months ago

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I Was Never There.

Death Island Leon x Reader

Real!Dad Leon

Dead dove warning.

13k word count. Proof read 3 times until I got to around 11k then I stopped worrying and just skimmed. Critique is welcomed and my skin is thick for it.

I’d like to appear in the tagz pls so here’s a warning. My writing is not ever meant to be taken literally and is just for the sake of writing f*cked up content that I enjoy writing. If you do not wish to read this, please do not as my intentions are not to offend or make you intentionally uncomfortable but if you choose to read- don’t be hateful. With that out of the way, extremely sensitive content and dead dove material ahead.

Specifically blood-related incest, smut, suicidal ideation, mentions of grotesque imagery, light mentions of gore in a hypothetical scenario, daddy-issues, age-gap, overall disturbing topics.

As far as smut specifically: this includes talking of public sex, mentions of oral, fingering, unprotected sex, cream-pie (wrap your willy irl pls) praise, dirty talk, any probably some other irrelevant shit I’m forgetting my b.

PROCEED if you read the above, are okay with it, and are mentally unwell like I am. Happy reading, it’s a long one.

The drive from your college town to where your home had been all your life was as expected. Nostalgia and homesickness being mixed in your gut like a can of paint in one of those weird machines at the hardware store that your dad would take you to. Speaking of dad, you hardly remember him. He was present for a short while, your mom always excusing his absence with work this and work that. He really did get busy, though. Almost dying several times. You still remember your moms panicked phone calls, her countless prescription drugs for the same problems you now suffer from, and her late-night bathroom breakdowns. Apparently he couldn’t get out of this job though. Some real fucked up government shit he was tied to, your mom explained. All you know about him is that he saved the president’s daughter. Whatever.

So yeah- a perfect life with a perfect set of parents. One being mentally driven through the dirt and the other that you haven’t seen in 8 years or maybe more. You can’t seem to remember if the last few times you saw your dad were daisied dreams or reality. Bastard has never FaceTimed or video called you, either. Dunno if he even had a phone capable of that. Either way, it must be for the better, because your grades had been sufficient without stressors on your mind. And we all know a low-effort dad would definitely be one. But perhaps he’d rather just be there in person. Older people are like that.

You grunted, trying to drag your over-packed suitcase up the steep suburban driveway before sighing and standing in place. Sure, you didn’t need to bring so much shit home, but would you really want to risk some bitch at college stealing anything from your quad-dorm?

Before you could think and figure out how you’d even get the plastic luggage up the pristine, hand-painted porch steps and inside (without scratching them up and having your parents on your ass about their perfect house having a flaw) a voice called out to you. Unrecognized and not ringing any of the bells in your head. (If there were any left)

“Hey there, sweetheart. It’s been a while, huh?”

You turned to see a middle-aged man, similar to the last memory of your dad that had been printing-pressed into your mind for safe keeping. He was just emerging from the front door, broad chest accentuated by a well-fitted T-shirt. You immediately felt angry that his tits were bigger than yours. Would probably look better with a bra, too.

You didn’t answer.

Fuck- nerves were getting the better of you. Your palms were slick with sweat and you didn’t know if it was from the building summer humidity or anxiety. Was this normal? No the fuck it wasn’t.

“Uhh.. dad?” You queried- almost certain the gorgeous man at the door was just a hotter, older version of your dad and not actually him. The fuck is wrong with you? You’re getting this worked up over your father? Did college drinking really rewire your brain to be this fucked or is it all of the anxiety meds? Maybe both. Maybe you’re just overwhelmed. Maybe it’s because you rarely saw him and have zero attachment.

“Yeah, it’s me. Your old man. Missed you, kiddo.” There’s a pause for a moment- because you’re not sure why he’s talking so casually as if you see each other every weekend- like it hasn’t been years and years since you’ve seen him.

“Don’t remember me,huh?” He laughs satirically- like you’re supposed to be so sure. It makes you slightly furious and the feeling of anger bubbles up again- replacing any strange thoughts you were having moments ago.

No, my apologies dearest dad. I totally recognize you despite having met you enough times to count on almost two hands.

But the better part of you that managed to exist underneath the scores of problems you had just replied in jest- like someone without said scores of problems. It was best to keep the peace for now.

“You look a little different… sorry.” Is that all you can manage? It’s pitiful the state that your sullied mind is in.

He chuckles, though, like he knows your’re right. The sound is more pleasant and striking when it’s genuine. Makes you feel damp in other areas than just your armpits (thank you, heatwave).

“I suppose there’s truth to that. But It’s alright, sweetheart. I know it’s been a long time. People change, right?” His eyes scan you in an undecided way.

“But you, shit. You’ve grown into such a beautiful woman. College treating you well?” His words sound a little huffed then, he’s clearly beating around the bigger issue with a stick. But him calling you beautiful and being all fucking sappy makes your face feel hot and sticky like it’ll melt off. Got you wanting to rip the hair from your scalp to hear him say it again.

“Please?” You called out gently- gesturing to the suitcase and ignoring any other question. You were very much overstimulated- having overexerted muscles in your arms by being a weak bitch about a crammed carry-on. Just get your ass out here and help your daughter, thanks.

He shook his head- again laughing hotly while looking down as he stepped off the porch- his brown bangs were peppered with greys and they brushed his face on one side, his hair somehow pornographic on its own. Christ. He looked like one of those men you saw on Viagra commercials that obviously didn’t actually need it. Even the sight of your perfectly trimmed lawn and faux-looking home completed the scene. Where was the camera?

He walked over to you- there was a slight stiff in his stride; like he had a bad back or something. Maybe he did. Almost dying was the likely cause for that. Serves him right for leaving you with issues on top of issues. Maybe you should stop being mean, you’re the one getting hot over your own father. Again- because of him. Circle back to square one.

Leon towered over your frame as he hinged at the hips, picking up the suitcase with ease- the muscles in his arm flexed with each small movement. His face was a tinge of smug with a mix of something else…satisfaction? Maybe he was just pleased he was able to lift it without rupturing a hernia. Jesus Christ, his veins. You wonder if he has them anywhere else. No- maybe you should be wondering about taking your ass to an inpatient facility immediately. A few screws are loose and you don’t exactly have the tools to tighten them.

“I guess college did treat you well. You’re here in one piece.” He says- cutting you thickly from your thoughts and answering his own question from earlier. His blue eyes are sweet and gently lined with signs of aging. Which only makes him hotter- just like the fiery pits of hell that await you.

You scoff.

“Well, it’s not like I went to war or something.”

“Still. It’s nice to see you, sweetheart.” The word rolls off his tongue again. Your insides are trapezing around in their own miniature, fleshy circus- you’re wishing you could stab yourself in the stomach to stop the swarm of butterflies that don’t even feel metaphorical anymore. You’re sure they’re real now.

He continues, though.

“I know I haven’t been around much in your life- this fucking job and-“ You stare up at him- glossy doe-eyes and stupid look on your face. An apology- or even an explanation from your daddy might be part of what your scrambled brain needs.

“Work kept me away, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think about you every day. I’m sorry if I wasn’t there for you like I should have been. Shit… What I mean to say, is- things will be different. I’ve retired. Your mother wanted me to tell you over dinner later but I figured you’d be happy to know. I’m not the best at keeping secrets.” He jokes at the end, but how is that true in the slightest? He’s kept his job a secret for your entire life, so he clearly can’t be that horrible at it.

“Oh.” Leaves your lips quietly, ghosting over Leon and leaving him wondering if he said something wrong. But then he realizes it’s probably just overwhelming for you. The worst part of him thinks you hate him. A feeling overcomes you though, and you rush in to wrap your arms around his waist- hugging him tightly. You now wonder why he didn’t hug you to begin with. Maybe he wasn’t an affectionate guy.

He says nothing at first- he’s even more awkward than you are if it’s possible. But he’s trying. He sets down your suitcase before returning your hold. One arm comes around the back of you and the other is overlapped on top- a hand nestling on the back of your head. Seems he’s getting a bit emotional, too. The attention from him is nice, though.

When you make a small grunt as to wanting to end the hug, his hands linger on your shoulders and he smiles at you. You actually return to, not feeling anything horrid become of your thoughts right now. Whether it be anger or incestual lust.

—

Your dad pushes the front door open with one of his large hands encased on the knob. Hands you immediately find attractive, wondering if they’d feel nice scissoring your cunt open. You now begin to understand why your mom was getting suicidal over him possibly not returning home. You’d kill yourself over him too. But that’s too morbid- especially after the moment you just shared.

That’s already lost to you.

He shut the door firmly, sighing, then gestures to the stairs.

You went up first, self conscious about your backside being right in front of his view but he was your dad. Wouldn’t be looking at you that way. You’re just brain-rotted and have an ill opinion of men.

Your old bedroom still looked the same, basically. Just emptier and more hollow without your things. But the walls were still painted a babydoll-pink and lined with the few girlish decorations you left on the wall. No way you would have been caught dead with those in your dorm. Not unless you wanted to endure torment and bullying that’d lead you to jumping off the dormitory roof.

He sets your luggage down and takes a seat on your bed. A groan escapes him as he puts a hand on his lower back for a moment.

“I see this room hasn’t changed much, has it?” he muses, a fond smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Your mom and I had a blast putting it together for you when she was pregnant.”

Yikes. You almost feel guilt for both the incestuous thoughts and the fact you may have ruined your parents' marriage. Maybe that’s not true. It was his work- not you. After all, he’s insinuating how happy they were to have you brought into this world. Plus- they were fine. Never argued or anything.

“I’m sorry. I dont- I don’t know what to say.” You laughed awkwardly, throwing your hands slightly up by your side.

His face doesn’t drop, though. It seems he understands perfectly fine.

“It’s okay. We can start from scratch. Not talk about… your room or childhood stuff. I know it’s a sore spot for you, sweetheart.”

Wrong. It’s more like a festering wound with the rusted knife still wedged in it. The knife being Leon and the wound your daddy issues, by the way. And having no attachment to him as a father figure makes the attraction worse. Notably when he calls you any term of endearment. He leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

What the fuck. Was he sculpted by Satan himself as some kind of hell-on-earth punishment? Is this purgatory? Everything he did now was driving you up the wall like a roach- every movement and small flex showing a vein or bulge of muscle. And his arm hair didn’t help. Fucking Christ- shave it off or something. You don’t know how you’ll be able to stand it.

“Okay…. How does that work?” You cocked your head to the side a little, shifting your weight onto one leg. A nervous habit.

“Well- what do most parents do with their kids? We could go out for dinner, catch a movie, just… hang out. I’d like to spend time with my daughter, you know.”

Okay, so maybe he did care. That’s a start.

“Uh… all three?” You questioned, an eyebrow lifting along with the infliction of your voice towards the end of your sentence. You’re indecisive like your mom.

He smiled, lines and the corners of his mouth pressed. Happy. Something you heard wasn’t common for him, anyways.

“Of course. We can go out tomorrow, honey. Your mom just wants us to all have dinner together when she gets home. She missed you- not as much as I did, I bet.” He does that stupid fucking wink again. It makes you switch emotions and want to throw something at his head. Maybe your lamp. You feel bad, It’s not his fault you’re acting like a mental freak about him. You don’t even bother to fixate on the fact you’ll have to have dinner with your cunt of a mom. Okay, maybe that’s harsh.

“Okay.” You breathe out, looking around your room. Leon takes that as a cue to stand up from your old bed- the thing creaking from his weight and leaving an indent on your comforter.

“It’s a date, then. I’m going to start dinner. As much as I love your mother, she can be…scary.” He says, still rocking that pressed-in-cheek smile and cracking your door closed behind him. By the way, what he really meant was probably ‘bitchy’- not scary. But dad seems too kind to say that. He loves your mom.

You can breathe again without his presence. It was smothering, like you had to overperform. You find yourself rushing to your dresser mirror to check how you looked. Hair looks great, face too- though a little tired from college over-studying and then driving 4 hours home with no break.

You might as well write ‘whore’ on your mirror with lipstick. Or a marker- since that’s a more permanent reminder with the way you’re acting. But part of you wanted to know what he thought of you- how he perceived you. For now though, it doesn’t matter. Had barely been 15 minutes since you arrived. You turn your attention to your suitcase and push it over flat, unzipping it before the teeth give out and some of your things spill from inside.

You had less than a sufficient amount of energy to care about it being broken now- so you just put your things away quickly before plopping onto the bed and indulging your senses with the smell of the floral detergent your mom always used on your sheets.

—

It’s some time later when you’re abruptly awoken by your moms manicured hand shaking you awake by the shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re sleeping when you could be spending time with your father. He was excited for you to be home.”

‘Way to wake me up.’ You thought. She was always having a stick up her ass about this kind of thing. Or anything, really..

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Besides, we’re going out tomorrow to do a bunch of stuff.” You argue sleepily, sitting up as your back aches with your vision still adjusting. She cuts on the lamp, sizzling your retinas.

Her face perks up but is pleasantly surprised.

“Oh, okay..” silence.

“I’m sorry, honey. It was just a long day at work and I’m just over-the-moon for you two to finally have some daddy-daughter time.”

You wrinkle your face in disgust, but not fully disgust since you were just fawning over your hot dad earlier. Maybe daddy doesn’t sound so bad.

“Ew- mom. He’s just my dad. I’m not five.” She laughs, waving her hand off at you.

“Well anyhow- come down for dinner, will you? He put in a lot of effort to cook something for us.”

You cursed under your breath and straighten out your shirt- hoping she wouldn’t bitch about it being slightly wrinkled from you sleeping in it. You seat yourself at the table- adjacent from your mother sitting at the end. She’s already changed out of her office clothes and sure enough, here comes your daddy dad from the kitchen with utensils.

“Sorry ladies- almost forgot these.” He laughs, placing down everyone’s set before seating himself next to you. Fuck.

“You know- your father has only been home a few months and he’s already shown the extent of his memory loss.” She jokes, giving him a loving yet teasing look that makes you want to vomit. And yet jealousy curls up like a cat in your lap, wanting to be lavished with attention from you. The metaphorical jealousy pounces off your lap as you’re met with your dad’s hand on your denim-clad thigh. It’s an innocent gesture but you want to his hand to go further than just sitting politely.

“She’s right, but I can be useful otherwise.” He’s bantering back with her- and you realize he’s making an innuendo when you look over at his face. But it’s weird that he’s saying it while his digits cradle your thigh so gently.

“Gross.” You take a bite of your food- momentarily shocked that a dad of any sort could make such a pleasant meal, especially when he’s spent such little time doing domestic duties.

“Oh honey- you’re grown. We’re just teasing each other.” Your mom nods to Leon, taking a bite off of her fork. His hand slides off of your thigh and he grabs his whiskey glass to take a proper sip.

Jeez, he drinks that shit like its water. No grimacing. No face was made when he swallowed it. Just a guy thing you suppose.

Dinner drags on- the both of them forcing you to talk about your less-than-thrilling college experience. No mom, no boyfriend. No dad, I’m not failing. No you two, I’m not having unprotected sex- fuck off.

After that eventful meal and conversation where your parents basically eye-fucked each other over dinner, you’re left to clean up the mess while your mom gets ready for bed. She has to leave for work early in the morning- as usual. Guess she’s going to take your dad’s spot for the absent parent now that you’re grown and traumatized full and proper.

Sleep came and went- leaving you to trudge out of bed and do your morning routine. It felt out of place trying to do it back at home- but it was also a sentimental feeling to be doing just that.

Leon is already in the kitchen, shirtless and cooking. Seems impractical, but holy fuck. You’d gorilla glue your eyelids open just to not miss a single second of what you’re seeing. Maybe that wasn’t needed- because you've been staring long enough that your eyes prick with tears. You remind yourself to blink and you seat yourself at the high-top, the stool swiveling slightly when your bottom meets the material.

“Morning, sweetheart. Sleep well?” He asks, turning to look at you over his shoulder. His traps are distracting you. You want to chew your fingernails past the nail bed- bite a finger off too. You can’t stand it. For a moment- the way he talks to you- you’re pretending you’re not his daughter. And then a moment later, you’re not being delusional anymore.

“Mhm.” You mumble sleepily- wishing you’d have stayed in bed longer. But piercing morning light, lack of blackout curtains, and the chirping of birds outside made that idea inconceivable. Leon chuckled to himself- turned away from you.

You decide to scroll through your phone for a moment’s time before he slides a plate to you from across the island.

“Breakfast a la Leon.” He says- clearly being silly. Corny as fuck, anyways.

“You’re old.” You snort, setting aside your phone and grabbing a fork to pick at your food until he turns away again. You didn’t enjoy the idea of having a hot, shirtless man watching you eat.

He shakes his head, sitting down next to you at the island.

Christ. Fucking go away. It’s actually enraging now.

You want to scream at him- it’s irrational and crazy- but you do. Screaming at him and being sent away to a ward sounds more appealing than the anxiety crawling up your spine like a horde of fire ants. Potentially- just like the butterflies- they’re real too.

He seems undisturbed as he settles- taking a bite. You do the same- trying to ignore the fact he's so close you can nearly feel his arm hair touching you every second or so. He breaks the silence after a moment.

“So- after this, I’ve got a whole day planned out. Mall, movies, and dinner. Sound good?” You nod, a soft ‘mhm’ reverberating on the roof of your mouth.

He finishes before you and makes his way upstairs- the occasional pain in his back unmistakeable every few steps. And yet he wants to take you to the mall to walk around? You didn’t even know how to feel about a day with your dad. What’s a dad? What’s daddy-daughter bonding? That’s lost to you- well- more like it was never even discovered. Not even Columbus could have ventured out and conquered it.

Since he’s no longer in the room, you hastily eat the rest of your breakfast before you discard the plate and fork into the way-too-elaborate dishwasher your mom had installed (you totally didn’t spend 10 minutes trying to turn it on).

Back in your room, you settle on a simple, totally not underlyingly slutty outfit. Shorts and a crop top. Can never go wrong with that. It’s just soft/core prom enough for an outing with your dad. When you leave your room- Leon is just headed down the stairs. He turns to look at you, his smile is as jovial as it has been since you’ve seen him. For a moment though, you think you catch his eyes landing on your exposed legs- but you know you’re just crazy. You’re the one lusting after him, not the other way around. Your dad isn’t abnormal like you. His head is on correctly- even if it’s been battered and spun on his shoulders throughout the years.

“Ready?” He asks, stopping in place to wait for you. You nod stupidly, breaking from your trance to follow him in a descent down the stairs.

He’s dressed similar to how he was yesterday- jeans and a t-shirt that should be considered indecent. If you were your mom, you’d beg him to wear something that doesn’t highlight every curve and dip of his chest. Hell, if you were your mom, you’d never let him go outside. Too risky. But you’re not your mom. You’re just unusual.

As a perfect man does, he opens the door for you. Then opens the SUV door, allowing you in before shutting it behind. You’re sure you've never met a guy that does that in real life, but maybe it was a ‘you’ problem and not the guy. Who knows.

When he gets in, he cranks the vehicle only for rock music to start playing from the radio- making the corners of his mouth dimple with a pleased look. Really are the simple things for him. As for you, you’re suffocated in a Hellish torment by both his presence and the expensive scent of cologne and leather seats combo.

The ride isn’t long, nor bad. Albeit you two only talk here and there so he can focus on the road- and so you can focus on not dying (he’s not a perfect driver, but not terrible either). Just enough to keep your nerves teetering between a light anxiety attack and full blown panic.

You’re relieved to get there alive. Maybe not. Your thoughts have you thinking suicide may be your only option for now disgusting they are. And it only gets worse when he helps you down from the step up of the SUV- a hand on your exposed waist and the other on your shoulder. It’s harmless. Just a dad being gentlemanly. He was shaped and carved out in that perfect, chivalrous image with only a mallet and hammer. No reason to make it weird.

Inside the mall is a tad busy- the perfect amount to be comforting. You feel a bit more at ease in a public setting since you can now focus on anything but your dad’s chest. As long as he doesn’t require eye contact or talk to you, that is.

He looks around, arms crossed. It’s almost whorish. He has to know his arms look good. Or that his everything looks good. The fuck.

“So…” He cranes his head to the side, bangs brushing over his nose for a moment. The way he looks around makes his Adam’s apple and neck muscles a little more prominent. A perfect, stubbled spot to attack with your lips.

“What do you feel like doing first, kiddo?”

You. Is what you want to say.

He looks back to you, smiling down amused. He seems genuinely happy to be able to take you out. But really- his face is making you nauseous. Obviously not because it’s bad. But because it’s good-bad. Too good it’s bad.

“Uhh… “ you look away from him, scanning the entrance area and looking at any signs. Almost like an escape.

“How about new clothes maybe? Seems like something got ahold to the other half of your pants anyways.” He nudges you with an elbow, gesturing to your shorts with his head.

So he probably did look at your legs earlier. Maybe not in the way you think, though.

You glare at him.

“Seriously?”

Leon puts his hands up in defense. He’s always on the defense in life anyways.

“Joking, joking. You’re…grown.” His forehead lines crease when he raises his brows. You did get rather annoyed at his comment, however.

“I could always buy some even shorter.” You spit sarcastically.

“Yes- because every father wants to walk around with their daughter who has her ass out.” He’s quick to remark, this time he seems grumpier when he talks. Sorta like he’s uncomfortable with the conversation. Or that he’s mad.

“Sorry my legs make you so uncomfortable. I guess I should’ve left them at home.” The back and forth here could go on forever between you two but he catches you off guard.

“Shit- no. It’s not that- ‘s just you’ve got nice legs. Can’t have these…shitheads eying down my little girl. I may be old, but I can fight when I need to.”

You know he meant his words innocently enough, but the fact that he said nice legs has you giddy inside. Same feeling when your crush calls you pretty. Yeah- that sorta feeling. And his little girl. It has a ring to it. Could even legally change your name to it so that he can call you by it more often. Maybe he’ll even let you jump on his dick right away.

Your face is pure rose-shaded. A perfect, neutral shade to make your embarrassment pop on your skin. You’re sure it’s visible to him, too. Your mom always teased you about how blotchy it would get when you were humiliated. Particularly when she would tell awkward stories about you at family dinners. Bitch.

“What’s wrong? Don’t be pissed at me, sweetheart. I was just teasin-“

“It’s not that.” You interrupt- heart thumping into your rib cage. If it doesn’t stop, or you don’t stop your word-vomit, it might crack a rib or four. Probably more. Better have hospital bill and therapy money ready, dad.

“Then what’s the matter? I just want us to have a good time together. I’m not trying to upset y-“

“You said I have nice legs.” You’re quick to cut him off again.

“And…?” He trails off, cocking his head to the side like he’s confused. Because he is confused. You stare off to the side- eyes glued to the fountain. Maybe you could go drown yourself in the penny-flavored water that you guarantee hasn’t been changed out since you were still the unlucky sperm in your dad’s ball-sack.

“I like that. You saying that.” You speak a little lower now- afraid someone will hear. Or because the tinnitus is so loud in your ears. What you’re getting at is almost clear now. Or at least clear enough.

Leon’s expression is taken aback but still confused to an extent because he’s not even certain what you’re saying. Though, he has an idea.

“Oh- uh. Okay. Sweethea-“

“Holy fuck- stop calling me that. You’re not making this easy. Wanting to fuck you. I know- I sound mental.” You spill it out, guts on the floor and the sword still in hand. Holy shit. Just told your dad you want to fuck him. You could have backtracked- fucking dumbass. You won’t be shocked if he packs his bags and leaves off again tomorrow.

He’s silent for a moment.

“Okay- clearly I wasn’t around enough. I get that. But I mean- fuck.” He runs his hand through his hair, looking around. Probably thinking the same thing about the fountain that you did. Still- he looked hot while having a crisis and contemplating immediate suicide. He paces while your nerves are being electrocuted in your body. Why couldn’t you just be normal?

“Just- sweetheart, no. None of that’s.. I can’t.” He starts, turning back to you. It seems he can look you in the eyes now. So maybe he’s not entirely disgusted by you. His face isn’t contorted with disgust, so there’s a chance. Yeah, you’re off your rocker now. You know.

“Look- let’s not talk about this. C’mon. Let’s go catch a movie like I promised.” He starts walking- leaving you standing in a puddle of shame and embarrassment for a moment before stopping to let you catch up.

Luckily- the theater is joined to the mall. It’ll be a short walk.

—

Leon is lax on the couch until he hears the crunchy sound of tires on concrete. You’re home. Despite his shitty back, he's huffing as he gets up fast and is already opening the door. The air is hot as it greets his skin and he watches you struggle with your suitcase through the heat-haze that spans over the distance.

He calls out to you- making your head snap in his direction. Your face is that of awe and confusion. You don’t seem to immediately recognize him- okay. He gets it. It’s been a while. Nevertheless, you’re beautiful. He’d seen pictures of you from your mother, but he’s in awe just as you are. Though, he doesn’t think that highly of himself so he often wonders if you’re even his kid. Couldn’t have made something that perfect, in his mind. He helps you with your bag and follows you to your room. But your demeanor around him is noticeably mousey. At first, it doesn't seem like much. You’re just getting used to him.

Plus, Leon knows he can come off intimidating. Sometimes. But for him, he’s got a good eye and his job has led him to being able to read even the tiniest bits of body language. Doesn’t take him long to see how you’re worming around shyly- subconsciously smoothing your hair down and biting at your lip. Same way your mom acted around him before they started dating. But again- maybe it’s just in his head. Leon’s been wrong a time or two.

A better man would have left it alone. Leon gets that. But an innocent thigh squeeze at dinner can help him test his theory. A thigh squeeze that’s under the guise of friendly, fatherly touch. You tense- he can hear your small, sucked in breaths as long as his hand is there, along with heat radiating off your body like a wildfire. If wildfires could be horny college-aged daughters with daddy issues, that is.

The idea disgusts him. Because he should feel disgusted and just kill himself. Where did these thoughts come from? He even has the urge to let his hand wander other places. Bets that you have a cute pussy. No matter what it does or doesn’t look like, it’s yours and he knows it's cute. He’d give you two thick digits in your hole (three if you allow him) and have his tongue kitten-lick your clit.

“There we go. Good girl.” Is what he envisions saying before diving back in for a mouth full of you. Girls like you love being praised. Especially by their estranged father-figure or a middle aged man. It’s all the same. He’d pry the daddy issues right out of you with his dick. It’s long and fat enough, and solves all of his matters properly. Your mom is in a bad mood? His dick will fix that. He can’t sleep? His dick will fix that. His daughter is a horny freak and begging for it? His dick will fix that, too- obviously.

It’s only when your mom makes some stupid fucking joke about his memory loss that he snaps back into reality and he loses the momentum he had going for an erection. Which is good. Maybe thinking about fucking your mom will make him normal again. So he drops a quip right back- something about… being useful. Yeah. Again, his cock is useful. Your mom bites at his words, but you’re annoyed and disgusted with his comment- especially with his hand on you while he says it.

Trust me, baby. Much rather be splitting you open than having performative, mandatory spousal sex. It’s like a switch flipped. He’s not interested in your mom. Should’ve had that realization years ago, even. Technically he did. He’s just now saying it in his head finally. Mostly he was exhausted because she had nothing to do with Leon even when he was home (unless it was for dick). Too bad he was a golden retriever following after her every step like a good doggy. Marriage did that to a guy. He just did what he was supposed to. Kept the lights on, blew out her back occasionally, listened to her complain, and took care of the lawn when he could. Easy enough. That’s what men do, right? He doesn’t really know what being a man is, honestly. Thanks, Major Krauser. Anyhow- he chokes down his food with a smile. The need to upchuck after everything he just thought up is a given.

He takes the liberty to fuck your mom later that night as promised per (faux) flirting over dinner. He has her face down-ass up, though. For… imagination’s sake. At least fucking a pussy and imagining you is better than his hand and imagining you. Or so he tells himself. Call it killing two birds with one stone, satisfying your mom and quelling his own desires. And it’s not hard to imagine any of it, because you look so much like your mother. He lies awake for a short while after- contemplating his existence and fucked up thoughts. He’s still holding back vomit and the urge to grab his gun from the nightstand and off himself all over the wallpaper, while in the process, traumatizing your mom. After an hour of this- he figures it’s fine, men think of perverted or weird shit sometimes. Jerk off to weird shit too. He hasn’t technically done anything morally wrong… sort of. It’s denial. At least he’s good at playing the part of a genuine, loving father. Because he is! He loves his family. Always has!

Spending time with you would make you happy, him happy, your mom happy. He loves you dearly. All is great. He’s swearing that his brain won’t be smoothied in his skull by tomorrow. It’ll be normal and function rationally.

But Leon wakes up with the thoughts being real as ever while he stretches an arm out to feel around for your mother- bed empty since she leaves at the ass crack of dawn. Leon had just missed her leave, he’s still getting used to sleeping in ever since he retired.

He gets up and heads downstairs- immediately starting breakfast to take his mind off his…mind. Breakfast is his favorite meal of the day, it makes him feel better to indulge in it right now. Though, he doesn’t bother putting a shirt on at any point- just rocking those generic, green and blue tartan patterned pajama pants. Cooking shirtless is weird- but he’s hungry and part of him wonders if he’ll get to see your priceless face when you walk into the kitchen. He shakes his head- telling himself that he just had this talk with himself last night. None of that shit.

He was right about one thing. God, he could make a killing in betting. He sees your reflection behind him in the small window above the counter but you didn’t know that. Just stood, gawking. It’s okay. He’s observative, you’re not. You’re his dumb little girl. Dumb in the way you shift in your stool next to him when he sits down, dumb how you hold your breath when he’s near, dumb how you can’t even eat next to him, and dumb how your thighs seem to wriggle when his arm ‘accidentally’ brushes yours. Oh, he’s definitely not wrong.

Still- he knows when to back off. He hounds down his food, before you even make a dent in your plate, and heads upstairs to shower. He’s analyzing every detail of himself, contemplating how he can get under your skin the most- his knuckles gripping the sink with distaste for himself. Because it’s wrong. He’s acting like a teenager. This is a date with his daughter, not his highschool girlfriend.

Leon skips over shaving his face. Likes to keep it a little grown out but not too much so. Just in case he gets the chance to eat (your) pussy or kiss (your) a neck. Then comes the Dior ‘Sauvage’ body wash he never failed to keep with him. He takes pride in smelling good if anything. And this particularly expensive wash, plus the cologne, was his lifeline for that. When he traveled for work- the D.S.O. better have god damned had some sent to his room as courtesy. Ever since Raccoon City- he’s adamant about not smelling less than great. He swears he can still smell the sewer on himself sometimes, even if it’s not really there.

His hair routine was even more extensive and involved a weekly hair mask. Hey- it wasn’t wrong for a guy to have nice hair. It paid off.

Heat protectant, blow dry, hot-comb to get any cow licks or fly-aways he might have- though it’s unlikely- and a little spritz of biotin spray to keep it healthy and shiny. All of that in reasonable time, too. And no- it's not weird for him to spend longer on his hair than your mom does.

Besides, you seem to appreciate the way he looks when you come out of your bedroom- watching him descend the stairs. Leon looks back at you- eyes on your legs momentarily then coming back up. He knows it was a quick look- quick enough to make you question it. You do. Very much. Still, taking you out in public wearing those shorts is less than ideal for him, but he’s the one who needs to be watched closely. Aforementioned, Leon’s great at pretending. Pretending to be normal. Pretending to not have ulterior motives. Pretending to not want your legs on his shoulders as he-

“All ready?” He interrupts himself here. Can’t let his thoughts keep going too far. Even if he does want to rest a hand on your leg while he drives. Or veer off the road and into a tree so that he can’t continue to be disgusting. He’d die with the image of being a good, wholesome dad in everyone’s mind. And if you did or didn’t die too, at least you would have died not having been fucked silly by your old man. He manages to not kill you both, though. He wasn’t planning to- his driving is just ass. He knows whiskey with his breakfast isn’t ideal but when you’re a recovering alcoholic plus post traumatic stressed failure of a father, it helps.

Can’t complain though since he gets to put his hands on you while helping you out of the vehicle.

Now you’re both in the mall- Leon questioning what exactly he’s supposed to do now. He hasn’t been to one since… he doesn’t have enough fingers for that. But you’re seemingly calm. Until he makes a stupid joke about your shorts. Sure. As much as he’s thinking about ripping a hole in the crotch to fuck you cause he’s impatient and stupid- he said it out of genuine concern.

He still has fatherly instinct. Some sick bastard could get a glimpse of your exposed legs and go jerk off to it or take a photo. Ironic coming from him right now. The call is coming from inside the house but the dad is too busy fiending after his own daughter to answer.

You’re royally pissed. He knows it. Women don’t like having it insinuated that they’re dressed like a whore. Big whoop, though. Someone has to say it. Then you blindside him. Big, needy eyes and saying you like it when he tells you your legs are nice. Then something about how you want to fuck him. Christ. What the fuck. He’s not sure if this is some kind of screwy set-up or you’re actually just so slutty that the only dick you’ll accept is your dad’s. He’s rocking a semi now. Would be a full hard-on if he weren’t in public but his head spins cause all the blood went to his loins too fast.

Leon doesn’t accept the advances yet. Not now, anyways. He’s mortified. He really thought he had himself going in delusion about how you were behaving- but he was actually right. And now being confronted with it… he’s fucking scared - that’s for sure. Hmm. Be a morally acceptable human or fuck your needy, whore daughter silly? He shakes his head and lets out an exhale.

That question needs some thought. No, it doesn’t. He knows better than to do any of that shit, right? He takes a moment to start walking while you follow along shamefully- the two of you headed to the theater. A movie is perfect. Don’t have to talk or anything. No interacting, really. But how the fuck is he just going to forget what you said? Sure, he’s been having questionable thoughts but they’re just thoughts. Your words, however, spoke it into existence. Like a fucked up, frankenstein’s monster of father-daughter reality.

Don’t mind us, everyone. Daughter’s got it real bad for me but I’m just going to take her to the movies and pretend it’s normal. Reality was distorted for him ever since the existence of zombies and BOWs anyway.

He lets you pick the movie- telling the attendant that he needs two tickets. It’s a horror movie. Of course. Something to trigger his PTSD, maybe. Then he could say anything he did after that was just accidental. A mental slip. He goes to fork over the $60 for tickets and popcorn- god, when did shit get so expensive? As he’s pulling out the cash, he sees you give him a look like you want to say something. His mind is racing looking at you- it makes him nervous.

“Uh.. what about candy?” You ask, looking away from him and at the display.

“What? Sour worms?” He questions you, laughing. Not in a mean way- but because it’s your favorite. So insignificant but he remembers. You were still a kid when he and your mom took you to see some milked out children’s movie that was a part of an entirely too long series. He bought you two boxes of sour worms then. You were a weird kid, though. The worms were split into two colors, and you’d always bite them down the middle and make him eat the side you didn’t like. But he’d do it. Gladly.

You nod, a little befuddled that he’d remember something like that. Cute. Too bad your weird ass just told him you wanted to fuck him about 15 minutes ago. So not entirely a cute moment.

“Oh- and two boxes of Sour Worms, please.” He adds, now pulling out a little more cash.

You both respectively grab your own drinks- Leon with popcorn in tow and you, your worms and cherry soda. His hands are full but he manages to flash the movie ticket between his index and middle finger to the usher, who then ripped it in half and pointed to the left end of the hallway.

You both don’t say anything, but you immediately race to the very top row like a child once inside the screening. Leon swears under his breath as he follows you like a geriatric snail. If a snail could have lumbar issues. He’s able to make it up the stairs to you quite some time after and takes the seat next to you that’s closest to the aisle. Safety and all that jazz.

Previews are already playing so it gives him peace of mind to not address the awkwardness between the two of you. Your soda is in the cup holder that’s separating you both, but you lean over to take a sip, cheeks hollowed out while you drink. Of course Leon looks over, fuck.

Pretty little lips wrapped around the straw until you pull off of it with a satisfied sigh. Cause you were thirsty from anxiety- like someone shoved gauze and cotton into your mouth.

He shifts in his seat and looks back at the screen. He doesn’t even know if you’re doing it on purpose. You’re not, however. He’s just a perverted dickhead.

Time passes and not a single soul has come into this screening. It’s Monday at 11am, after all. Who the hell would come watch a horror movie at this time? No one except two fucking weirdos. It’s making Leon’s nails dig into the armrest with the other set scratching at his jeans.

The movie doesn’t start off bad, to Leon’s shock. He’s actually enjoying it and you seem just as entranced, pulling open the box of Sour Worms without looking down. You do wind up looking down, however, to bite one in half because it just so happened to be a blue and orange combo, and you hated the orange side.

“Here.” Leon turns to look at you- your eyes coming up to meet his blue ones that are oddly blue enough to the point that any light from the screen makes them pop. Pretty.

“The orange half. I know you don’t like them.” His voice is husky and low since the speakers are blaring some generic string-quartet horror piece. He nods down to the half chewed candy in your palm.

You pinch it between your fingers, bringing it to his mouth as your cunt throbs. He was expecting you to hand it to him, but the way you confidentially yet instinctively brought it to his lips isn’t entirely unwelcome. The emptiness of the theater makes it that way. Allows room for incest of whatever. He opens his mouth for you, and you go to place the sour treat on his tongue. His lips gently close around it, before he grabs your wrist to hold your arm in place. A hold gentle enough to tell you that if you want to snatch your hand away- feel free to do so. But you don’t. And you won’t. He knows.

Candy in cheek, he brings your fingers to his lips and nurses your knuckles with a kiss before puppeteering your hand with his larger one, working each digit so that he can equally suck each one clean. You’re amazed, aroused, and alarmed all at the same time. Amazed because he looks so gorgeous sucking on your fingers. Aroused for the obvious reason. Alarmed because duh, he’s your father and things can only go further from here.

Leon places your hand back onto the arm rest between you, chewing the halved sour worm now. As if he didn’t just give you the most visually appealing form of sexual affection in the history of womankind. The dryness of your mouth returns and you take another sip of your Cherry soda. Maybe you can drown yourself in it. No, stupid. That’s what the public bathroom toilets are for.

Right before you set the plastic cup into the cupholder again, Leon speaks.

“Ah, ah. Put it over there.” You don’t even hesitate to listen. Record timing for you doing anything. You don’t even know why you followed his instructions so quick.

“Good girl.” His words send lightning of excitement down your nerves and straight to your clit as he pushes the armrest between you upwards and out of the way. Because that’s a thing, for some reason. It’s like theaters want people to fuck, give head, and spread their diseases everywhere. And why does he know they move? You don’t even want to question it. Maybe he’s just a knowledgeable guy.

“Come here, honey. Let daddy kiss that pretty mouth.” Fucking Christ. This can’t be real. Doesn’t matter, ‘cause again, there’s zero hesitation on your part. Leon likes that. A woman that can follow orders. He’s so used to taking them, not giving them. And your mom isn’t one to listen to other people. Either way, if this goes south, Leon can always just off himself. He wasn’t around much so what difference would it make if he was permanently gone? The reassurance of being able to log out forever gives him courage here. It’s rational.

You scoot over since you’re free from any barriers or restrictions, and he puts an arm over you. You swear you almost hear your skin sizzle from the contact. You’re not a witch- and as far as you know, he’s not water. Even if he gets you wet. He brings a hand up to cup your cheek and swipe a thumb over your bottom lip- teasing you.

“D-dad.” You stutter a protest- cringing that you sounded the way you did just now. Maybe you shouldn’t be embarrassed ‘cause he’s your dad- but you are embarrassed ‘cause he’s hot. You can’t even figure out why you wanna back out suddenly. Probably because the idea was better than betraying your mom and knowing yourself as someone who fucks their dad. Anywho- didn’t he say something about kissing you? Cause he’s not even doing as promised.

Your dad leans in, his free hand is now on your neck and angling it just to show you how easy he can manhandle your body. He plants a kiss on your earlobe before saying anything.

“What’s wrong, baby? Can’t go giving daddy blue-balls now. It’s not polite to start things you don’t wanna finish.”

Leon’s words simultaneously gross you out and turn you on in a self-deprecating, disgusting kind of way. Not to mention he’s literally contradicting himself since he would gladly eat the half of the sour worms you didn’t want to finish- therefore entirely enabling you to start things you couldn’t finish. Hm. That must explain a large portion of your life, then. And besides all do that, doesn’t the know blue-balls is some kinda stupid myth or whatever?

His thumb falls down your lip and traces your jawline with intentional slowness while his eyes look over your face appreciatively- but it also seems as if he’s looking for or at something specific.

You get the courage to speak, air sucked fully into your lungs.

“Sorry, daddy.” The fuck is wrong with you? You could have said anything but that. It’ll only spur him on. But you want that, obviously.

He smirks, lips pressed together as the corners of his mouth do that same, pitted thing they do that you like so much. Must go hand in hand with how his chin is also dimpled. It’s sexy. But little do you know, it’s one of the reasons he keeps his stubble. Doesn’t feel like having his butt chin on display to the world- even if every woman that’s ever laid eye on him sees it and wants it buried in their cunt.

“That’s my girl. Didn’t even have to be around much to teach you that, did I?” Leon queries, grabbing your chin to crane your head just so that he can plant his lips onto your neck. His other hand is on your knee, unmoving. You want it to move, though. God- you’re sure whatever higher power is in the great sky is throwing up right now, moments away from pressing the reset button. The same higher power will make a new rule on humanity.

No free will and absolutely no incest. Yeah. Probably should have written that into the books ages ago, one fears.

You fidget as he kisses your neck, stubble scratching your epidermis yet tickling all the same.

“Not gonna answer me, sweetheart?” He murmurs against your throat, the neck kiss he gives it uses a bit of tongue- making your body jolt. “I know your mother taught you manners.”’

You mumble something pathetically apologetic, hands gripping the fabric over his shoulders. Hopefully your mom won’t notice his shirt being stretched out there- cause she notices everything.

“N-no, daddy. I knew it on my own.” You huff, that hand you wanted him to move is slowly doing so- fingers dragging along your inner thigh as if everything he’s doing to you is purposefully meant to be some kind of forewarning. But for what, exactly?

“Such a smart girl. Get that from daddy, you know it?” Ok, cocky…

Leon kisses his way back up your neck, jawbone, and then your cheek. It’s sweet- if being lavished with saccharine, sexual and inappropriate attention from your dad could be sweet.

You nod, feeling his grip loosen from your chin and now sliding up the back of your neck to tangle in your hair, threading it. He’s slow and deliberate- part of you wishes he’d not give you time to think about your actions. Not that you can really think anyways. Your heartbeat is muddled in your ears and the movie is still rumbling through the speakers while someone gets murdered on screen. Lucky them.

The hand on your thigh presses firmer into the skin just below the edge of your shorts, a silent telling for you to keep your attention on him.

“Sorry baby, daddy got distracted. Just so pretty.” He must be able to tell you’re impatient because he kisses your cheek (with an oddly dark undertone to it) before slimming the distance between your lips. He pauses right when they touch and you’re breathing in the taste-turned-scent of the sour worm you fed him earlier. Sugar and that weird orange flavor that is only specific to orange candy. You’re obviously not a fan, but it suits him.

You don’t get any time left to process before it’s a full on kiss- well, make out, actually. It’s slow. You can’t recall being kissed like this, ever. Normally it’s straight to tongue with guys, and not in, like, the good way. The ‘having an eel invading your oral cavity’ kind of way. Eugh.

But your dad’s tongue does brush yours, tastefully. You can actually feel the texture and it’s easy to tell there’s an erection fueling his actions- but not so much so that it takes over the whole kiss.

He uses your hair to pull you closer, teeth clashing momentarily. Not exactly the best feeling but everything else envelops your senses to the point that it’s only a flash of a moment. Your thigh is neglected by his touch, hand moving up and around onto your backside. He gives a squeeze to the fat of your ass and groans against your mouth before pulling you into his lap- legs folded on either side of his thighs.

You break the kiss, looking over your shoulder and to where the entrance is- the exit sign casting a nearby glow that gives you anxiety..

“Can’t- we’ll get caught.” You pant, that weird feeling that’s the grotesque love child of nervousness and excitement is swimming in your gut like a parasite before settling. The severity and realness of the situation sinks in.

Leon laughs low and mean, retracting his hand from your hair and moving to run it through the top of your scalp to push it back. He juts his hips upwards to prod his denimed erection into the cunt of your shorts. You mewl quietly, or maybe it was loud. The movie is just too deafening to distinguish which.

“Suppose you’re right, baby.” He tucks a loose strand behind your ear, leaning in to give you a light peck on the lips. “Told you you’re a smart girl, didn’t I? Can’t let me go around thinking with my dick, huh?”

His hand pats your thigh as if to tell you to get off.

“C’mon, sweetheart. Up.” He commands you with a huffed voice- not because he’s annoyed but because he’s a middle-aged man. Moving is hard. You ignominiously climb off of his lap, putting your bottom back onto the seat next to him. He’s looking at you, meandering a hand back onto your thigh just to rest in place.

You stare at the screen- but you can’t even register it because you’re too disassociated from what just happened. You almost want to beg him to fuck you right here- plead for forgiveness that you suggested stopping in the first place. And you can still taste that damned orange sour worm in your mouth.

Leon behaves, though. He’s good about that. Respectful. In the way of consent- not in the way of not tongue fucking his daughter in a public space. When the movie ends, he gestures for you to stand and you walk past him, carrying your empty cup and boxes of sour worms while the uncomfortable feeling of your slick clinging the gusset of your panties to your cunt. You look back at your father, the sight of him in the palely lit theater is a bit intimidating. He’s adjusting his pants for obvious reasons. You look away quickly and keep walking- a giddy feeling of satisfaction overcoming you. Shortly enough, you’re both back in the main area of the mall. You brush your shirt out and fix your hair- the thought occurs to you that maybe you look a little mussed and should have straightened up sooner.

But the daylight beaming through the sky roof brings you back to your senses.

“Hmm. What does my sweet girl want to get up to now?” Leon asks, intersecting his arms as he looks over you.

You think, mind fizzling as it short circuits. You almost smell smoke emanating from your head, too. How can you look him in the face right now?

“Uhh..” You really don’t know what to say. What can you focus on doing after everything that’s happened today?

“How about this? We can go home a little early and I’ll cook something up for lunch. The drive will give us time to work up an appetite.” He says, nonchalant. Right back to his same fatherly tone from earlier today instead of the ‘I want to split you open with my dick’ tone he had moments ago. Maybe he’s just being sweet and you’re overthinking.

You’re befuddled that he’s not saying anything else about… that. How can he so easily go from publicly groping you to acting cheery and normal? It’s frustrating. Disturbing even. Leon can see the disappointment on your face- but you don’t know that. You assume it’s well hidden, just like the fact you kissed your own father. He thinks it’s cute though. You’re just cock dumb for him. On the other hand, this whole situation is something he has to deal with.

“Got it.” You manage to say, walking a little faster than he does. This is the second time you’ve walked off from your dad, and it does irritate him because he can’t keep up like he used to. Displaced disc in his spine or whatever. Plus, he thinks you’re pissed. Which is worrying. Should have known better than to mess around with his own daughter, he supposes.

The drive back is silent and less terrifying than the previous, part of you thankful. Maybe he was only a bad driver in the morning. Unlikely, but not impossible. Maybe it was the fact that he drank whiskey with his breakfast. Hm. ‘Responsible’ in hindsight.

It’s still early in the afternoon when you arrive back home. The concrete is sizzling from the heat and the sun beats down way too uncomfortably for even a walk from the driveway to the front door.

Leon side-steps you to unlock the house before he urges you in. He may be morally reprehensible but he still didn’t want to let any cool air out- AC’s expensive. You plop down on the couch and he locks the door, walking past you and straight to the kitchen.

The tension is thick for you- but for Leon- not at all. You watch him disappear through the doorway as he goes to prep food. Why is it so hard to read his emotions? He’s like a fucking light switch. You’re annoyed- leaning back on the couch, until he calls for you. You’re quick to get up, scrambling into the kitchen.

“Hey, sweetheart. Mind giving me a hand?”

“Yeah. What is it?” You faintly cock your head to the side.

Leon looks to the side- directly at you. You’re cute when you’re confused. He can tell that all you’re thinking about is continuing where you two left off earlier. Shit, you’re no better than your mother. ‘S just that you’re not crabby and sour all the time like she is.

“Can you grab the saucepan from the bottom cabinet. Your old dad can’t exactly bend over too well.” He laughs- shaking his head. Yes, dad. I get it. I know you have a bad back.

You walk over to the cabinet where he’s leaned onto one hand which is rested on the marbled countertop. You feel a bit apprehensive to be close to him again. Mostly because you don’t trust yourself to not jump his bones, but Leon’s already ahead of you. As soon as you bend over, he pulls you back by the hips so that your ass is flush with his groin.

You’re taken aback but definitely not surprised. He’s a dirty old man, as you’ve learned.

“Gonna let daddy fuck this pussy now, or are you getting flaky on me?” He coos against your ear while he runs his hands up your sides and down again- creeping his hands to your front and over the buttons of your shorts- unhooking them through the slits.

“Yes.. want it.” You breathe in quick- the word coming out on its own. If god could hear you right now, he’d set your house ablaze with lightning.

“Need you to loosen up if I’m going to. You’re way too stiff.” Your shorts are the opposite of you, loose and unfastened fully so they fall to your ankles, and Leon nudges your feet apart with his boot. You realize he’s got a point as you feel his calloused hand glide down your hip and yank you in place. The other hand is spreading your pussy lips apart before finding that fleshy bud between them. A moan rumbles in your throat as your legs almost give out below you. He mutters a curse under his breath, and you realize his cock is now out while he rubs up against your ass- getting off on not only playing with your pussy but from dry humping you.

“Fucking christ. Got the prettiest ass, baby. Think daddy needs to see it bouncing on his cock.” You can practically feel that stupid, smug look as he grabs his dick- slapping it on your ass. It makes you cringe a little, but maybe you should be cringing at the fact your dad is the one doing it. You figure it’s just something he saw in porn, so it doesn’t leave your expectations high at the moment. Great. Leon adjusted himself back into his pants, for now.

His finger continues circling that bundle of nerves, your legs shaky as you’re being pressed into the counter, a hand is on your lower back to keep you down so he can do what he wants. You sound stupid- tears welling in your eyes as you babble nonsensically about wanting to cum. He moves his hand off of your back and sinks to his knees to be face level with you (even if it makes his back hurt a little), sliding his fingers up your inner thigh until there’s a digit prodding your hole, slowly pushing in.

He watches your cunt swallow his finger, barely able to fit it inside.

“Fucking shit, baby. Gonna have to stretch this pussy out if I want my cock in you, huh? Think you can let daddy do that?” He asks, breathy and sounding like he’s trying not to bust all over himself.

You eagerly shake your head.

“Yes, daddy. Need you to get me loose.” The words spill like a hot cup of tea from your lips, scalding Leon with desire.

“God damned. Such a polite fucking girl I’ve got. Might have to eat your mother out later to thank her for making you so respectful.”

You scrunch your face in disgust.

“That’s fucking gross.” You moan, Leon slipping a second finger into you, which should technically feel like four with how worn and big his hands are.

He tuts, planting a kiss to your asscheek.

“Now, didn’t daddy just compliment you? Could be a bit more grateful since he’s trying to make you cum” He grits, sounding a bit (terrifyingly) stern.

You apologize again.

“Sorry, daddy. Just don’t wanna hear about you and mom. Makes me jealous.” You admit, briefly thinking about their dinner conversation last night. Then about how fucking weird you are. You’re really hoping you get the courage to bash your head on the marble countertop and get amnesia.

Leon laughs, but in a way that makes you think he’s amused more than actually laughing.

“God. Want me to stop fucking my own wife just ‘cause you’ve got a needy pussy?” A third finger slips in, making an almost unbearable stretch as you feel a slight ache, but the previous two fingers already did enough work that it’s not completely unbearable.

“Maybe you’re not that grateful. Giving you three fingers here and she’s still too tight.” He twists his hand, letting the inside of you feel every inch of his knuckles and calluses. Your knuckles, however, are ghost-white as you grip at nothing.

“Maybe your fingers are just too small.” You say- mostly from built up tension and annoyance that you didn’t get to let out yet. But you regret the words.

He’s silent- which scares you. He pulls his fingers out of you- the stark contrast in emptiness is clear and the cool air stings you.

Leon groans as he stands up, kicking off his boots before yanking you by the arms to stand straight. He leans into your ear.

“C’mon. You’re gonna come sit on daddy’s dick, since you’re too fucking picky.” Goosebumps form all over you as he leads you to the couch. Leon leaves you standing there so he can get comfortable and discard his clothing, lying back with his hands behind his head. You make a mental note of how his biceps look with his arms bent in this position, even if you kinda feel like it’s lazy. But holy fuck, his toned stomach is perfect- sprinkled with a happy trail that will definitely lead you somewhere that will make you happy. Speaking of, his dick is nice. Fat. Not sure how big it is since you have not much to compare to, but you’d imagine taking it would be a bit of a proper challenge.

You step a little closer- crawling awkwardly over his lap- ass faced towards him so that you settle on his waist. It’s hard not to feel self conscious about your backside in this position, even considering the fact that he was just fingering you from the back moments ago. You’re mostly just upset you can’t gawk at his tits or stomach.

You grab him by the base, shifting yourself to hover directly over him, letting the tip graze your wet hole before slowly sinking down- a drawn out moan escaping you.

“Fuckkk. That’s it. Sit down on it. Take all of daddy.” You glance over your shoulder as you bottom him out; his eyes are half-lidded. Well, at least he’s got a pretty face while you’re fucking him. You almost failed to realize his hands moved from behind his head to your ass- gliding up your back and down again.

You take a moment to adjust, breathing shakily ‘cause his dick is so fat you think you might die. Or maybe you’re having a heart attack at your ripe age.

“Didn’t tell you to take any breaks, did I baby?” You’re annoyed at his pushiness, but you did have a bit of a sour attitude earlier. So you can only blame yourself.

You’re not sure how to entirely do this, but you move yourself up and down. Not at a fast pace, yet. Just that savoring your dad’s dick seems like a reasonable ordeal.

He doesn’t shut up, though. You’re learning just how much he likes to talk- as if he just wants to hear himself. Is he even getting off on you or the sound of his own voice? It makes you roll your eyes even if you do like hearing him say dirty shit.

"That’s my girl. So fucking good. Ride it nice and slow... Work that sweet pussy on daddy's cock.” You just might fall over dead hearing him say any of it- it’s disgusting but sweet Jesus are you eating it up. He must know it too because of how you clench around him involuntarily when he talks like that.

“You like when daddy praises you? Yeah, you love me telling you how good you are.” His words are husky and yet pleased with the previous tidbit of information.

“See how nice I am? Letting you sit on my cock after you made me wait earlier. Wasn’t very nice of you, now was it, baby?” His words have an underlyingly mocking tone, but you’d do anything to make him change it.

“No, daddy. Was really mean of me.” You whine pitifully, bouncing yourself on his dick like it’s your major in college and you’re trying to pass with flying colors.

“I know, baby. But daddy forgives you.” He murmurs, sitting up with you still on top of him. He’s flush against your back now- reaching in front of you to make those same tight circles on your clit. You both exchange your pitchy moans and his grunting and groaning- working up to a good point in both of your impending orgasms.

“Gonna cum in this pussy, got it? Daddy doesn’t like to pull out.”

You scramble a bit, squirming on his lap.

“Fuck, dad! You can’t do that!” You whine as his other arm holds you onto him- wrapped around your stomach. Your nails dig into his forearms, hopefully not leaving noticeable scratches.

“I think I can, baby. You’re squeezing me at the idea- I’m not fucking stupid.” He’s quick to be mean again, but you’d be a liar to say you’d don’t want him to cum in you. And you’re not a liar, that’s just deplorable- coming from someone who is literally fucking their dad with enough energy to power a small village for a month. And yet, you don’t stop riding him.

And your silence tells it all.

“Yeah- my baby wants a nice creampie.” He sounds more strained now, letting go of his hold on your stomach and using his hand to now guide you to roll your hips on him.

Sweat beads down Leon’s forehead, bangs sticking to his face as he watches your ass grinding against his lap.

“Fuck, baby. Just like that. I’m gonna cream this tight fucking pussy. Want that, don’t you? ‘Cause daddy’s gonna give it to you whether you want it or not.”

You should be a little more upset or concerned in any regard right now, but the last two days have made you into a proper whore to the point that you don’t even give a shit. Self respect crawled itself into a space shuttle and launched off of the planet, probably to never be seen again. Stuck in orbit, if you will.

You’re sucked out of the motions when Leon speaks again.

“Stop, stop.” He pats your bottom.

“Turn around, baby. I wanna see your face. Wanna kiss those lips while you’re on my dick.” Your stomach flutters with nervousness and a sickly sweet feeling. You lifted yourself from him with a trail of arousal to follow and maneuvered to turn around- this time he was holding his cock ready for you. Moments went by of you staring, getting a proper look of him since everything had been a quick blur so far.

“Come on, baby. Need you to mount daddy’s cock again. Told you I wanted to kiss you, didn’t I?” He exhaled, sounding a bit pent up. Jeez- seconds without pussy and he’s getting upset. Maybe he needs a therapist and anger management, not his college-aged daughter spearing herself on him.

You replied, yes, daddy. Sorry, daddy. Didn’t mean to make you wait, daddy.

You dropped yourself down onto him once more- only this time it was easier since you were able to get accustomed to his dick.

“Start moving sweetheart, make daddy cum.” He instructed, leaning in to take you in a kiss. It was more dirty than the last kiss, somehow. His tongue slipped between your lips- Leon lifted you with his hands on your waist before jutting his hips up to slam his cock snugly into your heat, groaning against your mouth delightfully.

His teeth nipped your lower lip- giving you a little further taste of just what kind of lover he is. Or maybe this is just the version you get. Either way, you can’t complain in any area. You feel lucky to receive even a sliver of it.

The familiar roughness of his thumb returns to your already throbbing bud- circling at the same pace he’s now moving at. Despite his age, he seems awfully enthusiastic to do strenuous work involving his hips. Bad back, my ass. Or maybe he’s able to put that on the back burner to please you. Probably worried if he doesn’t give you good dick then you’ll go tattle on him.

Leon didn’t break the kiss whatsoever while he pounded into you ruthlessly, he swallowed up every moan and noise you made like it was alcohol. ‘Cause that was his favorite, obviously.

When he pulled his mouth off of yours, a trail of saliva lingered- stretching out while you giggled on top of him. Something about you laughing almost made him nut immediately, but he held out just to prolong this and let it engrain into his mind for certain.

“Got the prettiest baby- look so good on my cock like this. Want daddy to bust in that pretty pussy?” He asked, looking for your approval.

“Uh-huh. Need daddy to knock me up.” The words came from god knows where, making even your eyes look bewildered for a second.

Leon laughed darkly at you.

“God, baby. Daddy’s so fucking close.” He muttered stupidly, almost like he was drunk. At least this could be an ego boost for you- but the fact it was your dad canceled that out. Dick only counts if it’s from someone that’s not related to you. His eyes did that half-lidded thing from earlier that you found so hot, and he pulled you down onto his cock one last time, spilling thick ropes into your blood-related hole. His dick pulsed as he let out a muted grunt, head lolling back and his adam's apple on full, stubbly display. You could bite it, just like a real apple.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He moaned. Jeez. He was a whore, honestly. The way he made noises and didn’t shut the fuck up was honestly… a case that should be studied. Maybe he had been turned out a time or two himself.

His cock didn’t soften though, nor did he not forget about you cumming. He lifted his head back up, looking down at where his thumb was. It was almost like he read your thoughts, not saying a word as he concentrated on making you cum. ‘Cause earlier he had been too eager to get in you and you were too eager to get on him.

Your nails dug into his shoulders (hopefully your mom wouldn’t notice any marks on him when she gets home from work later) and he gently fucked into you while you received proper attention on your aching clit. The combination of his dick keeping you full and the sensation of his digit sent you throbbing through your orgasm around him- low curses and other disgusting things coming out of both your mouths.

‘Cause you’re both disgusting.

#leon kennedy #leon kennedy death island #leon kennedy vendetta #leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy x reader smut #leon s kennedy #tw inc*st #tw #dead dove do not eat #dead dove fic #leon s kennedy smut

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runninriot · 17 days ago

Text

A Christmas Wish Come True

written for @steddieholidaydrabbles day 25

prompt: Christmas | rated: G | wc: 1.000 | tags: Eddie & Wayne Munson, single dad Steve, found family, strangers to lovers

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | AO3 (+ bonus epilogue)

“So, wanna tell me about your little side gig as grandpa, Wayne?”

It was meant as a joke but his voice sounds angrier than he intended and it makes Eddie instantly feel bad.

“I’m sorry. It’s just- why haven’t you told me?”

“Look, that kid, Robbie, she only has her dad. And Steve is doing his best raising her all alone but- you know how me met? I’d just gotten off work, drove by his house and saw him sitting there on the front porch, looking like he was two seconds away from a mental breakdown. That man was a mess and he needed someone to take him by the hand. So, I reached out mine and he took it.”

He scrubs a hand over his chin, a habit he always has when he’s deep in thoughts.

“I wanted to tell ya, I just didn’t find the right moment. And I was a little worried you’d have a problem with it. I know you had a thing for that boy back in high school and I didn’t know if you guys had ever been... close, so-“

“No, no! Back up, Wayne. What?”

Eddie’s mouth falls open in shock. It’s not like he ever had to hide the fact that he likes guys – Wayne always knew, always accepted Eddie for all he is. But never, not once, did he mention his stupid infatuation with Steve. There’s no fucking way his uncle knew.

“Oh, don’t act so surprised. Every single piece of paper lying around your mess of a room had a little heart with Steve’s name on it.”

Oh, right.

“Okay, I give you that but why would you think we’ve been like, together? Even you must see how ridiculous that is. Have you looked at the man?”

Eddie bites his tongue before he says something like ‘He’s way too perfect to be with someone like me’. Wayne doesn’t need to know that he’s still got heart eyes for Steve and he already said too much.

“Yeah, I saw. I also heard how he talked about you. How he got all soft when he talked about all the mischief you were up to in high school. That cost me all my hair by the way, so thanks for that.”

Wayne laughs and Eddie would too, if he wasn’t so confused right now.

“Whether you knew it or not, that boy liked you. And seeing you two today, I’m pretty sure you still have that in common. You are both so bad at hiding it.”

Their conversation did not mess Eddie up. It didn't, okay? And he's definitely not nervous when he opens the door for Steve and Robbie to come in, right on time for Christmas dinner.

It doesn't make him feel like he's vibrating out of his skin when Steve takes the seat next to him, so close their knees occasionally touch.

And it doesn't cause a full-body shiver when their hands accidentally brush while reaching for the same bread.

It's fine. Everything is fine. Wayne doesn't know what he's talking about. There's nothing between them. No sparks, no fire, no longing glances. They’re just two small families celebrating Christmas together. Nothing more.

That's why, when Eddie excuses himself to have a smoke outside after dinner, and Steve follows him, he doesn't think much of it.

But of course, reality always comes crashing in. And when Steve huddles closer, stands right next to him, sharing his cigarette like that’s normal, Eddie can’t take it anymore.

“Wanna hear something funny?” he asks, trying hard to control the tremble in his voice.

“Wayne thought you and I were, you know, a thing in high school. That’s why he didn’t tell me about meeting you.”

Eddie laughs but it sounds fake, and for a long moment, all Steve does is look at him, eyes piercing like they’re trying to see into Eddie’s soul.

“Mhm, very funny,” he then says but doesn't sound amused at all.

“No, it really is, because I had the biggest crush on you back then."

Eddie swallows, looks, waits. Doesn't know what for because it feels like anything could happen.

"Had?" It almost sounds like a tease but Eddie can sense that Steve's nervous.

"Would it be bad if it was still true?" Eddie asks, unsure of where this is going.

"Depends.” Steve answers, a tentative smile on his lips, “Would it be bad if I wanted to kiss you right now?"

Eddie isn't sure if he's still breathing and if his heart's still beating because the world is spinning too fast and-

His lips are on Steve's, testing, pressing, and there are hands in his hair, and the night becomes day, and everything feels right, feels good, feels like something finally clicks into place.

They kiss until their lungs hurt, kiss some more after a giggle fit. Kiss again until the door opens and Robbie is standing before them with wide eyes.

"Oh, sh-oot! Hey, baby! Sorry, Eddie and I were just-"

"Thank you, Santa!" Robbie yells against the sky and Eddie's heart explodes.

The worry on Steve's face makes way for confusion and Eddie feels bad for cheating because contrary to Steve, he's in on Robbie's secret.

"Grandpa Wayne said to tell you we're having hot chocolate and cookies for dessert."

"We'll be right there," Eddie answers for Steve, who still seems a little frozen in place.

Once the door closes behind her, Steve releases a shaky breath.

"That- did not go like I thought it would."

For a moment, Eddie worries Steve's going to take it back. That the shock broke him out of whatever spell he was under.

But Steve kisses him again, before taking his hand to lead them back inside, where Wayne greets them with a smug smile. Eddie can practically hear the 'I told you so' but that's okay.

He's happy Wayne was right.

Happy that a little girl's wish aligned so perfectly with his own.

A Christmas wish come true.

#eddie munson #steve harrington #wayne munson #single dad steve #steddie #steddie fic #steddie holiday drabbles

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carmyberzattosjournal · 2 months ago

Text

Therapy Files 3: Twist the Knife (Carmy)

GIF credit: @mithrandirl

Summary: Carmy’s girlfriend (who he calls Darling) tells him it’s okay to cry after his first day of therapy. (944 Words) FLUFF.

Warnings: Swearing, comfort, hurt, emotional breakdown (crying), fem reader/lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns, mention of Donna Berzatto, mention of Mikey Berzatto, mention of Natalie Berzatto, mention of mental and emotional abuse.

Notes: Thank you for reading and sharing! This is a work in the Therapy Files Series and will be tagged with #cb therapy files.

Sideblog for commentary and social stuff: @m-z-shoroi

Post-Day 1

I held it together after day 1 of therapy until we got back to the apartment.

I don't even remember the drive back. I can't remember if I ever looked up or if Darling tried to speak to me. I just blinked and was standing at the bathroom mirror, staring into a face much like my own but with terrified eyes, reddened cheeks, a reddened nose, and a fat lip bearing teeth marks. These oceans of blues and wisps of gray with spidery red blood vessels invading in from the corners of my eyes where a band of reflections grew, and grew, and grew until my eyes snapped shut, until I retreated to the dark quiet, and warm saltwater fell from them.

My teeth hurt, my chest hurt, my fingers ached from how tightly I was gripping the sink. Hurt so bad I thought they might snap under the pressure of my own muscles crushing my fingertips against unforgiving shitty fucking composite—I couldn’t have that; I need my hands to cook—but I couldn’t override my body to make it stop. The ache in my jaw was so intense that I waited for the searing pain of a tooth cracking because surely, one of them would go, right? This is the part of emotions I can’t stand: the lack of control. I had no control. My body was just doing what it wanted to without my consent, and the only choice I had in the matter was how many times I’d cuss out whatever made me like this for it.

Fuck you.

There. Have another one.

I'm not a crier. I don't fucking cry, okay? I couldn't, because if I did, Mikey or ma would twist the knife further or Nat would catch some heat trying to protect me from them or sometimes all of the above. Why are you fucking crying, you baby? You're not a child. Stop fucking crying. Do you see what I did all day for all of you? Am I crying? Then you shouldn't be fucking crying either.

I hate seeing people cry. It twists something deep inside me, under my diaphragm, almost tucked up against my spine. And not because I want to fix it or make them feel better—really, I only have the energy to worry about Nat or Darling feeling better. I can do something for them. They don't reject me, so it can hurt, and I can try to fix it. No, I hate seeing people get to cry. I hate that they can sob like fucking children over the smallest shit and no one, least of all me, tells them that they're being fucking babies. I used to be a human too, you know? Why couldn't people treat me like that? Why do you get to cry, and I don't? Why do I got to hold my shit together?

"Carmy? Baby?”

Shit, and now Darling’s seen me.

I instinctively swiped away the stupid tears, turned my back to her, clawed for the words to explain to her that I was fine, she didn’t see anything. Reflexes baked into my being from too long a lifetime of being chastised for the act of being human. For daring to feel so much emotion that it’d trigger my body’s reflex to cry. That’s the thing—it’s so fucking human to do so, but no one’s ever treated me like a fucking human, have they? I’ve forever only been worthy of consideration when I served a purpose, I’ve forever been a means or a tool until Darling.

That’s the thing about trauma that they don’t tell you, by the way. They do tell you it’s gonna get worse when you try to get better. But how that happens? How worse is actually a thousand little things that all cut you up like glass shards? Nah, they don’t tell you that shit. You go headfirst in the deep end and get water down your throat and in your eyes and you don’t know which way is up and your legs cramp up and then, and then, and then… Sure, you get a better sense of all the shit you’ve survived, and much like the fleeting ten seconds after avoiding wrecking out on the side of the interstate where your heart slams into your throat because you realize how close to death you were, you spiral down into a pit of despair at how much deeper you’re in that you ever realized. You also get less tolerant to more damage. Shit starts to hurt because you’re not numb anymore. The tiniest shit starts to hurt. It’s maddening.

Darling spun me by my shoulders and clasped me in a hug. My hands planted on her ribs of their own accord, intending to push her away.

“Baby, it’s okay!” she hissed.

I froze.

“It’s okay to cry. I’m right here, Carmy. I got you.”

Her cold fingers wove into my hair, tucked my face into the crook of her neck, arm wrapped around my shoulders and yanked me in. She crushed me in a hug, and I caged her in my grip in response. It ripped something raw in my chest, being held so tightly, being held like she wanted me there. Like I wasn’t a waste of space or time or effort. I got you. I had a life ring, for once. I’m the best swimmer I know, but this time, I didn’t have to fight the tide. Darling would keep me from drowning. I clung to her, gasped in a breath, and—without my consent. Emotions never have consent—choked out a sob.

Darling allowed me to cry.

Tags: @jess248 @catharticconsolation @persymons @morgthemagpie @glitch0o0 @nox-is-thename @forgechildofheph @leminjelly @fridavacado @lumoslemon @cyarskj1899 @carmenberzattosgf

#cb therapy files #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto #the bear fanfiction #carmy berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto x reader

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runawrites-blog · 1 year ago

Text

Until The Break Of Dawn Ch. 3 (Josh Washington x Reader)

Summary: After a terrible Ouija board session, you and Josh go to the shed to turn the lights on and take your mind off things. It turns out to be a terrible idea. (Female Reader) Warnings: Implied Smut at the beginning, Talk about Josh's grief and his mental health issues, Reader having a breakdown about Josh's apparent disappearance, Mentions of her father's death. Specific warnings will be posted in the notes of each chapter. No Y/N, Petnames (Honey) Author's Note: You can find the previous chapter here, although the fanfiction is complete on AO3, I won't post the next chapter until tomorrow because it's just such an ordeal copying it all over to Tumblr. Hang in tight! Crossposted on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49644949/chapters/125303695#workskin

“You two cannot be serious.”

Josh just shrugged, leaning against the doorway and making sure to keep his body between you and his friends, shielding you from view as you covered yourself up. Ashley looked a little embarrassed at the realization that she and Chris had just interrupted an intimate moment between two of her friends. Chris on the other hand was giving Josh a smug grin, crossing his arms and laughing at you rolling your eyes behind your boyfriend.

“You two cannot be serious.” You threw back jokingly, pulling Josh’s flannel close around your body, thankful for it being on the longer side. “You seriously went to get a Ouija board? Where did you even get that?”

“Of course, we got a Ouija board. While you two snuck off to get busy we put so much work into finding the board.” Chris laughed and held it up. “We want to talk to some ghosts. Don’t tell me you’re scared!”

“Scared? Please, you are always the one throwing around popcorn and screaming when you watch horror movies together with me and Josh.” You grinned, moving closer to Josh so you could rest your chin on his shoulder. “I remind you of the time we watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and you threw the bowl across the room when Leatherface first appeared.”

Josh nodded in agreement, leaning his head against yours. “You are the scaredy-cat here. My girlfriend and I have been watching horror movies together since Middle School. A little Ouija board session won’t scare us.”

“Depends on who we contact.” Ashley threw in before turning to you with an expecting look. “Are you two up for it?”

“If you give us five minutes to get dressed.”

Chris and Ashley agreed, stating they’d wait downstairs before leaving. Josh closed the door and turned back to you, raising an eyebrow at you wearing his flannel. Without another word he came over and took your face into his hand, kissing you deeply. But you pulled back quickly, chuckling at his ministrations.

“Don’t get distracted. We have to be downstairs in five minutes.”

“I admit, five minutes might be a bit too short for me to take you to the bone zone.” Josh joked before grabbing onto the fabric of his flannel. “I love seeing you in my clothes but I’ll need this back. Sorry, Honey.”

“It’s fine. I’d get too cold in that anyway. I prefer my knitted sweater.” You chuckled and took off his flannel before handing it to him. “That being said, can I snatch one of your shirts to sleep in tonight?”

“Sure.”

Josh gave you another kiss on the cheek before he started to get dressed again. You did the same and watched him from where you were standing. He seemed a lot more tense than before and you wondered if the idea of using a spirit board was the reason for that.

“Josh, are you sure you’re fine with using the spirit board?” You asked softly. “I know before you left for the lodge you told me you didn’t want me to constantly worry about you and to just have a fun time with everyone else but I’m a little worried.”

“I’m fine.” Josh said swiftly, a little too quickly for it to sound convincing. “Really, don’t worry about me.”

You were quiet for a few seconds before approaching him again. “Are you sure? If you feel uncomfortable with us trying to contact spirits in this place, we can do literally anything else, Sweetheart.”

“Honey, I’m fine.” He promised you, turning to you and meeting your eyes which immediately helped to calm you down a little because Josh tended to avert eye contact when he was feeling bad and didn’t want to let anyone onto his feelings. “If it gets too much, I’ll let you know.”

“I just hope this is not another attempt at a prank.”

“Let’s get going.”

When the two of you made it downstairs, Sam was waiting for Josh, inquiring about the hot water. The two of them ventured into the basement while you looked around for a place to use the spirit board with Ashley. It didn’t take Josh and Sam long to come back, and when they did they did so screaming because Chris had played a prank on them, unbeknownst to either you or Ashley. While she joked around about Chris joining a monastery and taking a vow of silence after seeing him wearing a monk’s robes you made sure Josh was alright.

“Are you alright, Josh?”

“Don’t worry about me.” He promised, giving you an earnest smile. “I thought it was hilarious. If there’s anyone you should worry about, it’s Sam.”

“Chris freaked me out so much!” Sam complained, giving Chris a small glare. “And now I gotta go up two flights of stairs in this dark lodge on my own.”

Josh turned to her with a laugh. “I’ll escort you to the bathroom like your royal guard.”

“Noble.” You joked and gave him a small peck on the cheek. “We’ll set everything up while you’re gone.”

“Good idea.”

The two of them left and you went with Ashley and Chris to set up the spiritboard. You were still worried that they were planning on playing a prank on Josh because everyone in your friend group simply adored pranks and practical jokes. Chris scaring Josh and Sam didn’t help ease your worries, so you decided to simply ask them about their plans. But just as you were about to do so, Ashley spoke and turned to you.

“Aren’t you a bit jealous?”

“Of who?”

“I mean, Josh seems pretty close to Sam.”

“Ash!” Chris hissed quietly but stopped when he heard you laugh, turning to look at you. “What’s so funny?”

You shook your head, sliding your lighter you’d used to light up the candles into your pocket, and waved her off. “They’re friends. He can have female friends just the same as I can have male friends. I’m friends with Matt, Mike, and you, Chris. So why can’t he be friends with the girls?”

“They seem so close, though. Sam was holding onto Josh’s arm when they came out of the cellar and now he’s getting her to the bathroom.”

“Ash, I’m not jealous.” You promised, smiling at her in earnest. “They are close but I know they are nothing more than friends. I trust Josh and I trust Sam because he is my boyfriend and she is one of my best friends.”

Ashley was about to say something else when Josh entered, stopping in the door to take in the scene and the candles all around. He gave an impressed laugh and put his hands on his hips.

“We’re really doing this, huh?”

“Is Sam alright?” You asked, leaning over to look at him. “She isn’t too freaked out, is she?”

“No, she was just a bit scared of walking through the lodge in the dark.”

“Understandable.” Ashley chuckled before sitting down. “Are you going to turn on the lights in here any time soon?”

“After this session, I’ll head to the shed to do so.” Josh nodded and moved toward the table. “I thought your prank was funny, Chris.”

Chris grinned at his best friend and clapped him on the back. “Glad at least one person thinks so. Are you ready?”

Josh nodded and walked up next to you, pulling back your chair. “Let’s do this.”

“Thanks.” You smiled and sat down. “Josh, if this gets too much--”

“I will tell you. Don’t worry.”

“We’ll have fun. Don’t worry.” Chris smiled. “Ouija board sessions are fun.”

But the session was not fun. No more than ten minutes in, everyone had to agree that this was the polar opposite of fun. Ashley had gotten up and was pacing the room, trying to figure out who had moved the piece to spell out words regarding the twins and their death while Chris was trying to calm her down. You were furious with the two of them, convinced that they had moved the piece to mess with Josh and your boyfriend seemed inconsolable, physically distancing himself from the table and snapping at his friends for how messed up their presumed prank was. It was the tears welling up in Josh’s eyes that made you jump up from your chair.

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you two?” You snapped at Chris and Ashley, shaking your head in disbelief. “Who pretends to be someone’s missing sister in a Ouija board session?”

“I didn’t move the piece, I swear! It must have been Chris!”

“It wasn’t me, either!” Chris defended himself, looking back at Josh with wide eyes. “This is legit. We contacted a real spirit.”

“No, you guys are trying to mess with--”

Josh interrupted you, voice tight with tears. “It’s not legit and we didn’t contact a spirit, Chris! I don’t know if you thought this would somehow help me with my grief but this-- this is just messed up!”

With that, he left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Swearing quietly, you geared up to follow him but Chris grabbed your wrist, making you turn back to him and Ashley.

“Maybe you should give him some space to calm down.”

“Let go of my arm.” You snapped and shook your head. “I need to check on Josh after your fucked up little prank. Let me go.”

“I swear it wasn’t us trying to mess with him.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” You pulled your arms from Chris’ light grasp and marched toward the door. “But all I care about right now is making sure Josh is alright.”

You quickly ran after Josh and when you caught up with him he was just about to go outside. When he heard you calling out to him, he turned and you felt your heart ache when you saw the tears staining his cheeks.

“Honey, please leave me alone.” He said in a strained voice, pushing open the front door and stalking out into the snow. “I want to be alone right now. I’ll be fine.”

“Josh, I don’t think leaving you alone after what just happened is a good idea.” You insisted, following him outside and ignoring how cold it was without your jacket. “I want to help you. Please let me.”

“I said I’ll be fine!”

“Joshua, please, don’t just leave.” You quickly approached him now that he had turned toward you, fighting the tears that gathered in your eyes at seeing him so distraught. “If you really want to be alone, I will go back inside but I need to know that you will be alright, that you took your meds today, and that you’re safe out here in the dark.”

After a few seconds of silence, Josh sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry for being harsh with you. I appreciate you trying to help but I-- I really don’t want to talk about or-- or think about what just happened.”

“Then we won’t talk about it.” You promised and grabbed his hand in both of yours. “All I want to do is to make sure you’re alright.”

“This is so messed up.” Josh whispered, a few fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. “I just-- I know it’s a prank or whatever the fuck that was supposed to be but-- but for a second I was almost hopeful. It’s so stupid, I know.”

Without another word you wrapped your arms around him, leaning your head against his shoulder and squeezing him tightly. “It’s not stupid at all, Sweetheart. I’m sorry they tricked you like that.”

Josh stilled for a few seconds before wrapping his arms around you and resting his cheek against your head. “Thank you for coming after me. Maybe you were right and being alone isn’t such a good idea after all.”

“Aren’t I always right?”

That small joke got a chuckle out of Josh and you smiled at the sound, relishing in the way his chest moved against your body with the laughter. “Of course you are.”

“Want to go back inside?”

“Actually, I need to go to the maintenance shed to turn the power on. Do you want to come along?”

“Sure.” You nodded before pulling back and nodding your head toward the lodge behind you. “But we should really put on jackets beforehand.”

“Come on.”

When the two of you got back inside Ashley and Chris had disappeared but you didn’t mind because you were still angry at them for tricking Josh -- even if they had denied doing so. Figuring they had wandered off to another room of the lodge you grabbed your jacket and shrugged it on as Josh put on his vest. And within the next ten minutes, you and Josh were on the way to the shed, you holding onto his arm and him shining the flashlight around.

“How much further is it to the shed?”

Josh looked down at you for a second before looking back at the trail. “Not much further, I promise. Why?”

“I’m freezing.”

To your surprise, Josh stopped in his tracks and you turned to him again, about to urge him to keep going when he pulled his arm from your grip to take the scarf he was wearing. Before you could protest he was already wrapping it around your neck and you felt any objections immediately disappear when you realized the scarf smelled like Josh. With a small smile, you looked up at him and pulled it a bit closer around your neck.

“You’re the sweetest. But won’t you get cold?”

“As I said, I tend to run hot. And besides, we’ll be back at the lodge in no time.” He said with a smile before holding his arm back out to you. “Want to hang on?”

You nodded and took his arm again, holding onto it as you two once more began to move toward the shed in the distance. “It’s not only cold but also slippery.”

“The way to the maintenance shed is at least not that long. Mike and Jess aren’t that lucky.” Josh joked. “Remember that one winter when you came up here with my family and my parents let us stay at the guest cabin? It took us so long to get there. I’m like, ninety percent certain Mike and Jess aren’t even halfway to the cabin, yet.”

“That’s on them more than the distance, though.” You chuckled, looking up at Josh with a grin. “They always mess around so much it really slows them down. I walked from the cable car station to the lodge with them and it took me ten minutes longer than usual because of their fierce snowball fight.”

“Did they throw any at you? If so, I’ll have to get some revenge on them tomorrow and defend your honor!”

“Please, do so.”

“Alright, that’s the shed over there. I suggest you hold the flashlight while I try to get the power working. You have steady hands, right?”

“You know how good I am with my hands, Sweetheart.”

Josh just smirked at that and opened the door to the shed, letting you step inside and then entering after you. He got to fixing the power as soon as he was inside and you stood back, shining the flashlight to illuminate the shed for him. It was then that you heard a twig snap outside and winced, quickly turning your head toward the open door and just about managing to catch a glimpse of something moving back into the treeline. Your wince moved the flashlight and Josh looked up, worry clear on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I saw something.” You whispered, now fully turning toward the open door and shining your flashlight into the darkness in the hopes of making out whatever you had seen moving around the tree line. “It disappeared into the woods. Josh, you said we’d be alone up here and that there wasn’t anyone else but us around.”

“There shouldn’t be.” Josh said and quickly stood up, taking the flashlight from your hands. He moved around your body so he was between you and the door. “You stay here and I’ll check it out, alright?”

“What if it’s someone dangerous? You shouldn’t go alone.”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry. Please just stay here and wait for me.” He assured you with a comforting smile. “I will be right back. I promise.”

Despite your uneasy feeling, you nodded and watched him leave the shed. You tried to keep calm, to not let the fears and worries brought on by your past overcome you. But it wasn’t more than two minutes later that you heard a blood-curdling scream from the outside and you immediately ran out of the shed to check on Josh. But he was nowhere in sight.

“Josh!” You called out to him, trying to keep your panic at bay. “Joshua, where are you? Say something, please!”

But there was no answer and you were left with the terrible realization that you were alone, left in the middle of the woods with your boyfriend missing. Fear and panic quickly settled in. This couldn’t be happening -- not again. You were at a loss of what to do and the tears that rose in your eyes only made it harder to see anything around you properly. Yet, you still set out for the woods and in the direction you had seen the figure vanish in before Josh had left.

“Josh, please answer me!” You called out, voice laced with tears. “Say something -- anything! I can’t-- I don’t know what to do!”

You kept running through the woods, slapping branches away left and right as they obstructed your path. At some point, you had all but begun sobbing but you didn’t care. Finding Josh was all that mattered. Eventually, you got back onto one of the trails and realized you were once again in eyeshot of the lodge. But Josh was still nowhere to be found and the sobs wracking your body only grew more panicked.

“Josh!” You called out once more, supporting your weight on a wooden railing as you cried your eyes out. “Joshua!”

It was all so horribly familiar.

Your father had disappeared on a family camping trip eight years ago when you had been no older than twelve. Like most long weekends, your family had been hiking and camping in the woods near your town but the trip had taken a terrible turn when your father had gone missing while collecting firewood. The search had lasted for hours but no one had found any trace of him and eventually, your family had contacted Mountain Rescue. You had never seen him again.

Now you quickly decided to call for help, knowing that there was little you could do on your own and knowing that you needed the help of mountain rescuers or rangers. But when you reached for your phone in your pocket you realized that you had left it at the lodge. After surveying the area, you decided that making a straight line through the woods would take you back to the lodge much faster and you quickly took off.

But as you made your way through the woods, you suddenly felt the ground underneath you give out. With a panicked scream, you tried to grab onto something to keep you from falling but it was hopeless and you plummeted into the darkness.

#fanfiction #textpost #writing #until dawn #until dawn x reader #until dawn imagine #josh washington x reader #josh washington imagine #josh until dawn #until dawn josh #josh washington #my writing

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sun13koi · 3 months ago

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TW- VENT POST. (CW: language, Possible mentions of divorce and mental health). I’m tagging some of my moots that I trust with this sort of thing, but moots just know you don’t have to read it.

So i knew it was gonna happen. I probably figured it out one/two years ago when my dad had a breakdown on a winter vacation. It’s been and ever since. He lives at a different house. I hardly see him. Both of my parents don’t even come CLOSE to how comforted my online family (all of which I’ve met ever since the summer of this year) makes me. Like… I don’t care about my bio family, really. As long as I have my chosen family, I’m okay. But it’s still devastating to accidentally look at your dad’s phone and see a mile long break up text that he’s been writing in the car KNOWING THAT I ACCIDENTALLY LOOK A LOT. All I could see was ‘I’m done with this’, ‘we’re through’, ‘no more couples therapy, we’re done.’ And ‘continue ignoring me, okay? I don’t need your attention.’ And then I couldn’t read any more. This isn’t the first time. One time I saw him (also on accident) texting his therapist saying ‘I think she’s just stalling, and we both know we’re already over. She’s just staying with me for the kids.’

I can’t do this. I wasn’t exposed to many negitive things as a little kid (not until like 11 but that’s a different trauma story)- no horror movies, no mentions of break ups, etc. so I have no fucking clue what to do. I’m stuck with emotions I had almost forgotten because I had convinced myself not to ever use them, that they were a waste of time and made me weak, but now I can’t stop them. I have nowhere to go since I’m underage, and all of the people I’d stay with live at least 15 minutes BY CAR away from me. There’s a hurricane coming my way too.

I knew today was too perfect. I knew something would ruin it. edit: I’m going to sleep so don’t worry if I don’t respond to you im not dead I’m just sobbing myself to sleep👍

Tags- no pressure, yall just are like the only comfort I can think of rn TvT

@someone-kill-the-ej

@l0gansab1tch (I’m not waiting until you’re online again babe I’m just gonna tag you)

@theduckwhostoleyourbread

@/xxpilz we already talked abt this privately so I don’t wanna tag u again but I’m putting u here so u know I’m not like excluding you

#Vent #vent post #cw divorce

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artiststarme · 2 years ago

Text

Just A Minor Crisis…

Well, I woke up today and had the genius idea of Steve sharing in my crisis. Bon Appétit! Warning: a brief mental breakdown and some mentions of depression

~*~*~*~

Steve was having a midlife crisis. Honestly, it was a long time coming. Over the past three years or so of dealing with the Upside Down and all of its drama, Steve had only broken down like this one time before. It had been right after the events of Starcourt and losing Hopper. He’s fallen into a weeks-long depression that was only appeased by Robin pulling him out of bed to find a new job where they could work together. There may have been a brief sexuality crisis a few weeks after Spring Break too when Steve had seen Eddie with his hair in a bun but that was neither here nor there.

In the past 24 hours, he’d gotten a tattoo that he was hiding from his friends, quit his job, and made out with a random guy at a gay club in Indy. His life was going off the rails and he didn’t know what to do about that. He needed the money from work to be able to move out of his parent’s oppressive house, probably sooner rather than later. And while the spontaneous tattoo and random making out wasn’t a death sentence, it certainly wouldn’t make things easier on him in the future especially if his parents or friends caught wind of it.

He wanted to ask for help, so someone could assist him in not flying off the edge without a parachute, but he didn’t want the questions that were sure to accompany it. So, he suffered alone for the first week.

He practically dropped off the face of the earth, just wallowing in bed at home with his curtains drawn and doors locked. No one was getting through his defenses, not if he could help it. One thing he neglected to consider though was how savvy his friends were. On day eight of becoming a hermit, Eddie and Robin showed up in his room and yanked the comfy covers off of him.

“C’mon man, get out of bed. What’s going on? We haven’t seen you in like a week,” Eddie said with concern coating his voice.

“Are you okay, Dingus? Keith said you quit over the phone and no one has heard from you since! Do you know how worried we’ve been? We didn’t even think you were in town because your car isn’t in the driveway otherwise we would’ve broken in sooner!” Robin ranted, poking at his shoulder to get his attention.

“How did you get in?” Steve whispered, not having enough energy to speak any louder.

“I picked your lock. It was ridiculously easy by the way, almost concerningly. You might want to get that checked out. Now, why are you avoiding everyone?” Eddie asked him.

Steve didn’t have the energy to argue with them or field their concern so he just groaned and rolled over. Stupidly, he forgot about the new tattoo on his forearm that was exposed when he flipped.

“Dude, did you get new ink? I never thought I’d see the day that Steve Harrington would get a tattoo. What the hell?” Steve heard a smacking noise and a whimper of pain before he felt Robin climb in his bed to curl up with him.

“Steve? Please talk to me. Is this another depressive episode? It’s okay if it is but please don’t shut me out. We’re really worried about you. The tattoo looks great by the way! It looks just like your real bat!”

Steve’s tattoo was an image of his nail-bat on the outside of his right forearm. He’d wanted to get something spontaneous but still meaningful and there was nothing more meaningful than protecting the kids that have looked up to him for years. The pain of getting the tattoo was addicting too, he was already planning more despite the suffocating depression threatening to choke him.

“Yeah?” Steve cleared his throat harshly as he tried to speak after his days-long silence. “You like it?”

Robin nodded exuberantly while Eddie took a seat at the edge of the bed. “It’s totally metal, dude! It makes you look even more handsome, Stevie.”

When his eyes widened, Eddie backtracked. “Not that you weren’t handsome before! You were pretty, still are pretty! I just really like tattoos and it like, it adds to your prettiness! Because you’re pretty!”

Steve watched him flounder until eventually, Eddie cut himself off with an aggrieved hand to his mouth. “Thanks, Eds.”

He gave him a stilted nod before Robin took pity on him and pulled Steve’s attention away from Eddie’s reddening cheeks. “So are you having an episode? We can go downstairs to cuddle and watch movies. Munson and I took time off work for a couple of days to spend time with you.”

Steve felt tears spring to his eyes but nodded nonetheless. “That would be great. I missed you guys and I’m sorry I pulled away, it’s just-”

“No apologies necessary, Stevie. We’re here now and we can help you out. Now c’mon, I want to judge your movie selection,” Eddie said, offering him a hand out of bed.

They would deal with Steve’s coping skills and shaky mental health later. The rest of their night was spent watching crappy movies, eating junk food, and cuddling with each other. If Robin saw Eddie and Steve holding hands, well, that was no one’s business but her own.

Permanent tag list:@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @straight4joekeery @trippypancakes @conversesweetheart @estrellami-1 @suddenlyinlove @yikes-a-bee @swimmingbirdrunningrock @perseus-notjackson @anaibis @merricatty @maya-custodios-dionach @grtwdsmwhr @manda-panda-monium

#Robin absolutely smacked Eddie's arm when she thought he was making fun of his tattoo #physical violence is sometimes the answer #Poor Steve I'm just torturing this guy left and right #stranger things #steddie #fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson

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beehiveofblorbos · 6 months ago

Note

Wait if I can ask you for any character breakdown, then can you break down Tsurugi Kinjo? No pressure ofc

Sure! I’m pretty glad you asked this anyway, in retrospect. I should clarify a few things.

When I watched DRA the first time, Tsurugi Kinjo was, for me, a fairly likable character. In the first chapter, he was simply the type who kept order, which was fine but not really a draw for me personally. After all, I don’t see him as adorably earnest as Taka is, and I was biased towards the Impostor from the start.

The second chapter is when he got interesting to me. I liked him going in, and his “preliminary criminal” concept, as well as how psycho/determined he was to stop the killing game. It added a layer of interest and conflict to the group dynamic that entertained me. To see him as a protective character was cool too!

But I couldn’t see how he would be allowed to continue on like this, and certainly not for long. So I thought he’d die (a lot, really, kept guessing it until ch4 began) and then he didn’t and got EVEN MORE INTERESTING with his conflict with Akane. I didn’t hate him for that, I actually liked him a lot for it.

Through ch3 and ch4, he gained my favor even more. I really liked this character who was earnestly offering his investigations, working very hard, and coming to intelligent conclusions. His special treatment of Yuki also grew on me, their relationship development is very endearing. Even when Tsurugi cut Yuki off in ch4, it was for a very understandable reason - he had been going against his principles by bonding with Yuki, so seeing them snap apart like that made sense for his character even as it was heartbreaking for them both. His commitment to preventing a murder, even losing his mind to that crazy point of killing everyone by suicide was kind of a point where I had to momentarily reconsider… but I forgave Teruya and Haruhiko, so after some time before continuing, I forgave Tsurugi too and viewed that scene as an interesting perversion of his beliefs, and somewhat revealing that he does think people should die before committing crimes.

When he tried to kill himself,,, well, I watched DRA back before the winter of 2022. I had missed him a lot during ch5, and was incredibly panicked and worried about his health. Then he woke up at the end of ch5, having grown beyond his previous principles. I would say at that point on the first watch, my favorites list looked like this: Yuki, then Rei, then Tsurugi, then Akane, then Teruya. Pretty shocking, right? Haha. I want to emphasize through saying this how high I viewed Tsurugi at that time. It was a great move for his character.

But then, “Yuki Maeda” is Utsuro after all. Because of that, Tsurugi became broken. I don’t know if you remember this scene, but Tsurugi returned to the path he’d walked before. Even though he knew it was wrong in his heart, he was driven into a “despairing hope”. Like “Yuki Maeda”, Tsurugi Kinjo is a true tragedy.

For me who had loved him so much specifically for his character development, I couldn’t accept this. I was unable to “root for” him anymore. It is easy for me to like characters who have morally wrong attitudes or ideals. But Tsurugi Kinjo is criminally frustrating for me.

To be honest, he’s probably the character you have the best chance of trying to convince me to like more. I understand that he’s a good story, a good “tragedy”. But I just. Gah, why did things turn out like that for him? It was even difficult trying to reconnect or retap into that time, I’d put up so many mental blocks without rewatching that I couldn’t take it down until now.

Ah, I’ll answer the rest of that post too. I’ll put it under a cut though since this was already quite long.

Forgive the big font below! I couldn’t figure out how to change it. And the poll is because I clicked the wrong button but don’t feel like doing the copy paste game.

#not tagging so you can find it mutual

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myveryownfanfiction · 1 year ago

Text

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

requested by @onedirectionlovers2014

Request: It was the reader leaves for a couple of months for school and before they left, Phil died but Dan told them he would be okay so they leave to go and Dan starts losing his mind to the point Harry or someone calls for them to come back and when they do, Dan has an emotional breakdown because 🤕 didn't know if the reader was coming back or not

tags: @illiana-mystery, @eclecticwildflowers

warnings: character death, mental breakdown, swearing

“I’ll be ok.” I looked at Dan, squeezing his shoulder and playing with the hair at the base of his neck. “I promise. I’m going to be alright.” Shaking my head, I wrapped my arms around him.

“Dan…” I whispered as he hugged me tightly. “It’s not your fault. Besides he left you everything.” Dan nodded against my shoulder.

“Yeah. It is a perk.” He whispered back. I rubbed his back as he took a deep breath. “Still. I miss that bum.” I kissed his cheek.

“I know.” I breathed out. Dan buried his head in my neck and breathed out deeply.

“how long will you be gone?” He asked, his breath tickling my neck.

“a couple months.” I responded. “But we can call everyday if you want. Honestly, I’d probably call you while I work just so I can hear your voice and help me focus.”

“I’d like that.” Dan admitted. “I’d like that a lot.” Dan pulled back and i cupped his cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I smiled at him before kissing him. “I have to go now Dan.” I rubbed his cheek with my thumb and wiped away a stray tear. “I’m only a phone call away. Anytime. Day or night.” Dan nodded and kissed me again.

“go. Or I’ll never let you go.” He chuckled. I nodded, biting my lip to keep my own tears at bay. “Now don’t do that. I won’t let you go if you do that.” Dan wiped away a stray tear and chuckled without humor.

“ok. I’ll…I’ll call you when I get settled in.” I broke away after giving him a kiss. I smiled softly at him before leaving. Dan had raised his hand in farewell and I wiped away my tears as I hurried to get to a cab. After the cab, I took a bus up to my campus. Most of my stuff was already up at the dorm thanks to mac and quon le. I set about unpacking and made sure that the picture of Dan and I was on the nightstand with another on my desk. I called Dan that night and every night after. After two months, Dan stopped answering my calls for a week. I panicked and kept trying to call him but he wouldn’t answer. His answering machine had to be running out of tape by now. “Dan…I don’t know what’s wrong or where you are but please call me back. I need to hear your voice. Please. I love you. Call me back.” I sighed as I hung up and rubbed my forehead. “Please call me back Dan. I need you.” it was two days later I got a call from Harry.

“Harry? Everything ok?” I asked as I picked up the phone. I cooked the cord around my finger, my knee bouncing as I sat at the desk. My eyes flickered to the picture there and I bit my lip to keep the tears at bay.

“Not really. Have you been able to get in contact with Dan?” He asked. I could tell from his voice something was seriously wrong.

“no. Not for a little over a week.” I said. “Harry, what’s wrong? What’s happened to Dan?” Harry sighed and I could hear the door close on the other end.

“it’s this Phil foundation stuff. He hasn’t slept in days. And he’s losing his mind over it.” Harry said. “He saw a doctor who says it’s psychological. Dan ran the foundations symposium. Gave the keynote speech and even gave away most of the money. As in nearly bankrupt the foundation. After admitting that he stole money from it.” I gasped and covered my mouth, worry coursing through my veins. “I think he got some sleep but he still isn’t much better. I think you need to come back down here. If anyone can help him, it’s you.”

“I’m…im on my way.” I breathed out. “Harry, is…is he in trouble? Legally?” I wiped away a few tears that had spilled over.

“No. We…we were able to take care of it.” Harry admitted. “Dan just needs you right now. Please hurry.”

“I will Harry.” I said before hanging up. I got the first bus back into the city and got a cab to the courthouse. “Harry.” I breathed out as I rushed into his chambers. Harry looked up from his paperwork and got up to hug me.

“you made it.” He breathed out. I nodded as I pulled back. “Dans in his office.” I nodded and quickly made my way back through the halls to dans office. I knocked on the door and gently opened it. “Dan?” I called softly. I peeked around the corner and dans head popped up off his desk.

“(Y/N)?” He asked. His voice sounded frail and higher than usual. “Nah. Can’t be. They’re off at school. They aren’t coming back.” I walked fully into the office and closed the door behind me, leaning against it as I took him in. His hair was all over the place, his suit was wrinkled and done up wrong, there were pictures of Phil everywhere and dan looked like he was sleeping in his office again.

“dan.” I whispered as I walked over to his desk. “I’m really here. I came back.” Dan shook his head, not looking at me.

“just another hallucination.” He whispered. “Even my office isn’t safe. I thought the apartment was bad.” I knelt down next to him, putting my hand on his cheek to turn his head towards me.

“dan…” I murmured as I rubbed my thumb over his cheekbone. His eyes were vacant as I shifted on my knees. “Dan I’m really here. Please. What’s wrong?” Dan let his eyes roam over my face. “Harry called me. Please.” I cupped his other cheek and leaned up to kiss him. I ran my fingers through his hair the way I knew he liked and smiled softly at him as he tilted his head to meet my hand.

“(Y/N).” He breathed out, his eyes finally flashing with recognition. “You’re here.” I nodded as he surged forward to hug me. “You’re real.” Pausing he pulled back a second. “You are real right?”

“Yes dan. I’m real.” Dan pulled me back against him and sobbed into my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears pricked my eyes. I tightened my hold on him and buried my head into his shoulder. “God damn I’ve missed you dan. So much. Harry told me what happened. Im so sorry I left you alone. I should never have left.” My voice cracked and dan shook his head pulling back.

“no. I can’t hold you back. You know that. We agreed on that.” Dan wiped away my tears as I reached out to touch his cheek. He shook his head. “I’m ok. It was just too much at once. I’m feeling better now.” I laughed without humor.

“Dan you didn’t know I was real.” I reached down and fixed his tie. “This is too much for you right now. I…I think you should hand over the Phil foundation to someone else.” Dan opened his mouth but I shook my head. “Dan I’m serious. You are hallucinating. How many times have you seen me here when I wasn’t? Or Phil? Harry said you weren’t sleeping for a while. It’s time Dan.” He nodded as I cupped his cheeks again. “Phil knew this would teach you something. Help you grow. And it did. But he wouldn’t want you to run yourself into the ground. Or worse kill yourself over this.”

“I know.” He whispered. “I know. Phil had a brother. He’s been around the last few days.”

“then that sounds like the perfect person to hand it over to.” I told him. I stood up as Dan nodded. “Let’s go home Dan. I think it’s time you got some actual sleep.”

“I think you’re right.” He chuckled. “Are…are you staying?” He looked up at me with wide eyes, making my heart wrench. Dan looked like a little boy staring at me. I nodded.

“as long as I can.” I promised, kissing him softly. “We’ll go up to the school together and work something out. How does that sound?” Dan nodded again before hugging me around the waist, his head on my stomach.

“I love you.” He whispered. I tangled my fingers in his hair and breathed out a shaky breath.

“I love you too.” I gently pulled him up. “Now let’s go home.”

#john larroquette #john larroquette fanfic #john larroquette fanfiction #john larroquette imagine #john larroquette x reader #dan fielding #dan fielding x reader #dan fielding fanfic #dan fielding fanfiction #dan fielding imagine

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electricbluebutterflies · 10 months ago

Note

31. “I thought I’d lost you” kiss (Kane & Abby)

It's been a hot minute since I've played with 2x12 but I'm still in new-perspective mode so here we are! PG-ish and also on ao3.

If this hasn’t killed him, she’s at least going to think about it.

Abby is… objectively due for about three mental breakdowns and/or midlife crises she’s managed to avoid so far, and has almost no idea what’s going on at the moment, and is currently…

He did something similar for her a few weeks ago, she reminds herself, what feels like a lifetime ago up in the sky. Objectively, she has far less to atone for, but she still owes the idiot a few favors.

To be fair, it has been a while since her physical size has been an asset, if it ever has been before and she can’t remember that at the moment. There is something about her that seems smaller than she actually is, too much bitter venom for the body she’s in, and under the circumstances…

She is crawling through the remains of a collapsed building in the potentially vain hope that her lifelong nemesis is at least still breathing. Fuck her.

She’s felt her age a lot more than usual lately, barely on the far side of forty but still something unfortunate about it, still an awareness that she would be on the edge of some new limitations even if her life wasn’t currently constant chaos. She can’t be sure if the soreness in her lower back is from sleeping badly or-

Oh, if she thinks about that day, she’ll turn around and change her damn mind and let him suffocate and he’d deserve it and he’d die knowing he deserved it. But she is not that kind of person, at least she’d like to think she isn’t, and the leverage she’s going to get out of this…

Even now the internal maneuvering. Even now that voice in her head pointing out that this little rescue will be distinctly advantageous for her if it works out.

Somewhere along the line, somewhere far enough back that she can’t remember it happening, the rules of polite social behavior stopped applying to them. They were friends once, Abby remembers this, in the way that two ambitious teenagers of the same upwardly-mobile social orbit can be friends, and then they both started to get what they wanted and they weren’t, and she can’t recall whether that one drunk mistake of a kiss happened before or after her marriage and it doesn’t matter because it’s never come up since, and-

Lifelong nemesis, and she still cares enough to scrape up her hands and knees and get who-knows-what in her hair just to confirm what may or may not have happened to that man. If he’s still alive, she thinks, if he’s still alive-

A body ahead of her, open eyes, and if certain parts of her get warm at the realization that he looks like he has had the worst day ever and oh how their standards for that have slipped lower and lower lately…

Abby is so, so tempted to say something deliciously bitey about that, not admit her worry because that’s not who they are and she’s not about to fuck up a lifetime of mutually enjoyable sparring by saying anything that might imply she actually cares about him. Instead, she does something even worse and puts her mouth on his.

She hasn’t kissed anyone since her widowhood. Barely even considered it as a realistic possibility. When she’s thought about it, it’s always been him, always the idea of a total reset, always-

She tastes the shock on his lips, the is-this-real of it all, and she likes the idea that she might be making him question whether he’s still alive, and-

“You do this to me again…” she breathes when she has to, lips moving against his jaw because so help her she is not moving, so help her-

“You have strange priorities.”

“You’re talking,” she hisses. “I’m not sure how bad-“

“You have a plan?”

Abby rolls her eyes. Of all people to legitimately wonder how far her mind goes…

“Other than make sure you’re not actively dying, no?”

“Priorities,” Marcus repeats, and there’s something almost delighted in his voice, almost-

This isn’t who they are, Abby reminds herself as she takes another heartbeat of a kiss before separating and letting her hands wander over him for a damage check. This isn’t who they have been.

But maybe, she thinks, maybe it’s who they could become. If they have time.

Please let them have time.

#ebf writes fic #kabby #queue

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sleepyheadscompany · 11 months ago

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TW: DID struggles, fear of faking, mention of long inpatient stays

hello!

It’s been a while since i’ve posted anything DID so imma just type I guess.

I’ve been having some of the worst DID imposter syndrome ever and i guess that’s sort of expected for how my system functions.

I discovered my system in 2021 during covid. I was actually in the best place I’d ever been in right before covid. My spiral downward was pretty sharp. My system kicked into action and I wouldn’t really hold front for more than a few days at a time. This would go on for a few months.

I went inpatient for that and similar issues, got out, went in again a few months later and stayed in inpatient mental health treatment for more than 7 months straight and then post hospitalization for exactly a year immediately afterwards. Traumatizing as it was, it made systemhood pretty easy to spot.

I’ve been doing better. My system activity is very much based on necessity. When things are good, my system is pretty much quiet. But once things get bad or I get triggered, things get fuzzy or I might even black out.

Like right now, the last time I remember being triggered and switching was in October/November. (a lot of the time switching happens without me realizing until after i get a date wrong or miss some information) I’m doing pretty normal. It feels too good to be true honestly.

Now. the crux of the issue: was I just faking? Was I just searching for an answer to my problem all those years ago and, like, gaslit myself into believing it? When I first talked to a therapist about DID I didn’t really have social media or know it was a big trend to fake it.

My high school psychology 101 class had a DID unit. That’s how I learned what it was. I didn’t even suspect that’s what it was until a therapist laid out all my symptoms for me and told me I was also severely dissociating. It clicked, I mentioned alters as a possibility, the rest is history.

I feel like my DID is so different to tiktok’s version. (yes, eventually I caved and downloaded tiktok to see what the community was like. I promptly closed out of the app./j) I’m not officially diagnosed, but multiple therapist have referred to what I have as DID. Before that, I never would have actually called it that out of fear. That’s part of it I think.

I’m “medically recognized” is the best way I know to put it. I feel like my experience with systemhood is too different. I don’t have stellar communication with my alters or access to headspace or a little paper that says i’m super extra valid as per a doctor I could never afford on my own.

We don’t have different hand writing or different accents or different IQs as far as I know. There aren’t 100+ of us or even more than 10. I hardly even know what my alters look like?? i mean how do people even know that stuff??? Do they guess???? I can imagine what some look like because they’ve said stuff in passing but i’ve never ‘seen’ them.

I feel all this pressure to pretend like I do have all this stuff because i’m worried someone’s going to harass me if i don’t. Some “your DID isn’t the right super edgy aesthetic” type bs.

ESPECIALLY now that my alters don’t really talk to me now that life is better. Oh and GOD forbid a system have a normal, not agony filled life. I feel more fake than ever bc my DID is ‘wrong’ and it’s not causing me constant immediate distress. I’ve cried and yelled and hurt myself over this disorder. Like ptsd breakdowns with a side of looking in the mirror and not recognizing my own face. But it doesn’t feel good enough.

I’ve ACTUALLY had issues with severe dissociation and derealization and fuge and it’d be really embarrassing for none of it to have been real yk? So i’m worried.

But I guess, in the same vain, I’ve cried and yelled and hurt myself over this disorder. If that’s not real struggle, I’m not sure what is.

-Saturn🪐

#did system #actually did #Mio isn’t here right now. Only me😈

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snezfics-n-shit · 1 year ago

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Sicktember Alt 1: "I Could Really Use A Hug Right Now"

Fandom: Ace Attorney Characters: Maya Fey, Phoenix Wright Notes: You ever think about just how much Maya has on her plate? Training, carrying the main family of the Fey clan on her shoulders, just being the master of the Kurain Channeling Technique? It’s a lot! On what should be a happy surprise visit to Phoenix’s place (which is at Edgeworth’s place now? Fancy!), it all comes crashing down. Mid 7yg, Phoenix is living with Miles, Maya is in her early-mid 20’s and has spent the past few years doing basically nothing but training. It's a mental breakdown! *Sad Kazoo Noises*

It wasn’t just jet lag that had gotten to her. Maya, and most likely Phoenix as well, had figured that out by now. Pearly always worried about Maya getting herself sick from overextending, and Maya always tried to insist she would be fine so Pearly could be the carefree girl she deserved to be. Pearly didn’t deserve that kind of stress in her life, not after all Aunt Morgan put her through. Knowing that made Maya’s wish that her cousin could have taken her place as master very brief, no matter how many lives would have been saved if that were the case.

Hours of training under a waterfall, late nights of channeling various spirits she sometimes couldn’t possibly care less about, and of course going back and forth on a packed airplane to acquaint herself with every spiritual landmark absolutely did a number on Maya’s health. She hadn’t left Edgeworth’s cozy guest bed since she dropped all her luggage on the floor yesterday afternoon. She didn’t even question why the guest room was free if Nick was supposedly crashing here. All she wanted was to sleep with maybe a side of curling up and dying.

“Maya?” Nick’s concerned voice managed to have the volume of three air horns. “I know something’s wrong. You haven’t eaten for at least a day. I’m coming in.”

He was lucky Maya hadn’t even taken off what she was wearing yesterday, though she had no energy to do anything about his entry even if she was in her birthday suit. Meh, he had a girlfriend once, probably nothing he hasn’t seen before.

“I’m not hungry.” Maya whimpered.

“Not hungry?” Nick jokingly pressed his hand on her forehead, only to pull back in almost horror. “You’re actually burning up!”

“Good.”

“What do you mean ‘good!?’”

“I just…” The dam broke. Maya had no time to prepare before the tears started flowing. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore?”

“Everything, Nick!” Maya hiccuped, then sobbed. “All I ever do is train and meet with branch family members who somehow didn’t run away from being Feys the first second they could. Do you know how many branch family members just move to the city and want nothing to do with us ever again? At least half, Nick! I don’t blame them one bit.”

“Yeah, I think Bikini alluded to that kind of tension after she realized it was your mom who, you know…”

“My mom’s dead because of me, Nick!” Maya instinctively wiped her nose on Phoenix’s t-shirt, but even if it was more from being sick than crying, Phoenix just let her go ahead with that.

“Maya, you know that’s not–”

“And everyone expects me to have daughters to put through this hell all over again!”

“I’m sure you can break the cycle–”

“I am the cycle! All my past relationships have failed because it’s just too much! Just because your parents could do that doesn’t mean I can. Besides,” Maya sniffled and wiped the lines of tears from her cheeks, “look how you turned out.” Somehow, she still had it in her to tease him. She was even able to laugh, if only just a little. “Sis did tell me how much of a spoiled brat you were in college.”

“Hey! I got better.” Phoenix lightheartedly retorted.

“That’s up for debate.” Maya huffed. “You still wouldn’t survive a day in the Fey clan! Heck, if your ex could channel spirits, you might have ended up in an arranged marriage and stuck with her.”

“I’d rather you not even joke about that.” Almost a decade later, Dahlia was still a sore subject for both of them, though Maya seemed more comfortable talking about her than Nick was. “But… You do seem to be doing a little better.”

“I guess I am.” Maya sniffled. “Thanks for listening to my feverish ramblings I’ll probably forget by tomorrow, Nick.”

“Any time, Maya.” Phoenix sighed through his nose. If Maya was as cynical as she was feeling just a few minutes ago, she might have interpreted that as bragging. “Do you want anything for that fever? We have Steel Samurai cooling patches in the freezer downstairs.”

“Tempting, but nah.” Maya really was sick to turn down anything Steel Samurai themed. “How about… Just a hug?”

Phoenix may not have been able to completely wipe Maya’s full plate clean, but a hug? That was absolutely doable.

#snez attorney #my fics #my writing #sicktember #sicktember 2023 #can you tell I am very overwhelmed rn

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estherhouses · 2 years ago

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March 15, 2023

This is the only note I have in my phone since I dont have my physical journal & I think it would be very helpful for me to write my feelings out because I know above this note I can look and pray for strength & guidance. I know nobody will ever see this since this is personal to me & these are things I can keep and share to myself. I’m going to title these “letters to my absent bestfriend”. Since I cant talk to you & I can’t be with you, these little personal notes are the things i wanted to tell you but could not. So i’ll keep them to myself here. I’m not a big technology person like i dont know or payed much attention into how these things work but i hope they help me let go. Today was a tough day. Work had something in the atmosphere that just made me want to leave, i felt like i physically couldnt stand being there & i hated it. This is the latest ive gotten

out & it was just tough. I tried my hardest to keep my head on straight & be me. But how can i be me when part of me is missing? After work, I almost drove to your house. Our song came on in my shuffle playlist “tuyo y mio” & I just couldnt i literally broke down, this was the first mental breakdown ive had since you been gone & all i wanted was for you to hug me & tell me it was okay. Maybe the whole relationship it seemed like you loved more, but going through this really showed that i loved more…. i did so many things for you that i didnt even notice & that’s why im more broken than you. I always said a bunch of things i didnt mean but i always did things you probably didnt notice that made your my priority. i always preached to you about loving yourself first, meanwhile i always loved you before me & i think that’s what hurts me the most. i did so much for you, literally everything i did was for you. the reason i got into engineering was not for me, god knows it wasnt for me & my interest in it was depleting everyday but i sucked it up and did it for you, for us, so that i could take care of you in the future like you would take care of me now, so that we wouldnt have to struggle & you were able to have your house with your golf course & your truck and our family. i didnt care about the sleepless nights, i didnt care about all the pain & all the stress because my motivation was you. i went to work & strived to be the best so that i can save up money & we wouldnt have to worry about things, i didnt care if you gave me a piece of paper that said “happy valentines day” or “happy birthday” or “merry christmas i love you”, i genuinely did not want any gifts from you, i didnt care about the chores you did for me, i didnt care about any of that i just cared about you. i just loved you & if i had to live in a box for the rest of our lives i would of done it happily because it would of been with you. i guess maybe i just didnt know how to love, i didnt know how to express it & would push you away to test whether you loved me as much as i loved you, but maybe that was too much for you & i needed to see that it’s not the way to show love, but that’s the only way i knew since i was always pushed away when i was younger. maybe when i was figuring out how to love you, it was too much for you, maybe if i had been a tad less in love it wouldnt hurt me as much. i’d wake up everyday and think of you, i’d think about what you were doing at work, about how your day went, if you had a good day or a bad day, i always wanted to let you into my my heart & see for one second how i see you, maybe then you’d understand what you mean to me. but i always had my guard up because i was scared, i was scared of how much love i had for you that it made me frightened because if i ever lost your love i’d know i’d never survive so i always had a little wall up that you’d manage to climb through every so often and those were the peaks of our relationship, but i guess my wall did have a purpose because at the end look at where we’re at now. i still love you & i will always love you but i dont see you the same anymore, i know it’s my time to let go but i wish we can erase these past two years & go back to the good times, the great times. i loved you so much i came back from SF for YOU. was i ever gonna tell you that or even say it out loud? no because how pathetic would it sound for me to say i left the greatest city that brought me peace & tranquility to be with someone i love, who can leave me & hurt me, how would that have sounded ? how would it have sounded that i lead my life with my heart while i preached for others to lead with their head? i love you & i always will love you, if only we can switch spots for a day would you see that i always loved more & maybe you’d understand why it’s so hard for me to let go. Letting go of my past relationships were easy, but you, nobody i meet in my lifetime will ever compare to you. youre my soulmate, my other half, i feel it so hard & i feel it so much… but i have to let you go. i have to let you be free because

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knavestrolls · 2 years ago

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Scorpion or Frog?

{Toyhouse Link}

>[vaqueroVanquished began trolling starApocalypse!]<

VV: Hey. SA: whAt~☆ VV: We need to chat. SA: this About thAt mAnipulAtor~☆ VV: Yeah. SA: we don’t need him~☆ VV: About that, I think we do. VV: We’re knee deep in musclebeast shit here, Bea. SA: you’re not~☆ VV: Tu mess es mi mess. SA: pick A lAnguAge~☆ VV: Never. VV: Listen, if this guy really does have a way to start digging us out of this shit. VV: It’s gotta be worth a try. VV: I can’t keep them delayed forever. SA: if he cAn’t then whAT~☆ SA: or whAt if he’s just here to report us~☆ SA: don’t you think vlAdir hAd a good reAson to wArn us~☆ VV: My buttercup’s all messed up. VV: Got ‘imself hogtied trying to lasso the moon. VV: He’s not thinking the straightest. SA: no shit~☆ VV: Hey watch your fucking language. VV: This shit is serious. SA: my mistAke~☆ SA: whAt does this guy wAnt in return~☆ SA: if we do let him help whAt does he gAin~☆ VV: Let me worry about that. VV: It won’t be your debt to pay but mine. SA: would vlAdir Agree~☆ VV: If it’ll save you, I don’t care. SA: you’ll pAy for this deArly~☆ SA: whAt if you lose vlAdir~☆ VV: I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens. VV: But I’ve done all I can for my honeysuckle. VV: Let me help you now. VV: By letting this guy help us. VV: We’ll figure it out together, regardless of what happens. SA: if he reports us~☆ SA: i’ll murder him before they get us~☆ SA: At leAst thAt wAy i cAn forgive myself for Agreeing~☆ VV: Desperate times, desperate measures. SA: xennAA stAys out of this~☆ SA: i’m sending her to the rAnch~☆ VV: Vlad and Xens can keep each other company. SA: you’re coming in person~☆ VV: Yeah. VV: I ain’t letting you go through this alone. VV: And I don’t trust this knave yet. VV: We’re just out of options. SA: if this goes wrong~☆ SA: i just wAnt to sAy~☆ VV: Yeah, yeah you told me so I know. SA: not thAt~☆ VV: Really? VV: Well call me a shriekin goat the way you surprised me. SA: nevermind~☆ SA: i’ll tell you if we get out of this hell~☆ VV: Promise? SA: Absolutely not~☆ VV: Oh you’re sweet on me, Bea. VV: Send Xens. VV: I’ll leave to you when she gets here. SA: whAt Are you going to tell vlAdir~☆ VV: Not the fuckin’ truth that’s for sure. SA: do you hAve Any plAn to keep him from following you~☆ VV: Yeah, Xens. VV: Obviously. SA: you’re An idiot~☆ SA: tell him i need A hAnd~☆ VV: You think he’ll believe that you. VV: That Ms Ain’t Ever Need Help. VV: Needs a hand? SA: point~☆ SA: tell him i’m hAving a mentAl breAkdown~☆ VV: Aren’t you? SA: not the point, hArvey~☆ VV: Fine. SA: i’ll tell him the truth At the end~☆ SA: i promise~☆ VV: I should do it. SA: no, you reAlly shouldn’t~☆ SA: if this goes wrong i’ll tAke the fAll~☆ SA: sAy you didn’t know i’d Agreed~☆ SA: And by the time you got here it wAs too lAte to stop it~☆ VV: Fuck. VV: Just send Xens, I’m not having this talk.

>[vaqueroVaquished is offline!]<

The hive is never silent. That’s to be expected of a ranch, with so many animals there’s rarely ever a truely silent moment. But the hive right now was still in a horrible way. Vladir laid asleep still on the pile of furs they’d made hours earlier. There was no sound of his lusus trampling around inside, no sound of the herd moving, and there was a lump in the bottom of his throat. Beatrx agreeing was great and all, but she had a very good point about how this would go down if it went wrong. One wrong step and they’d both be fugitives. Let alone… Harvey turns to look at his matesprit, watching the way he breathes. There’s a chance it could be the last time he sees him. Or worse, the last time he sees him at peace. There’s a real chance that Vladir will break up with him once he hears what Harvey’s done but there’s no other choice. Beatrx was in trouble, he couldn’t just sit by and do nothing. He sighs, running his hand through his hair. Whatever the outcome, it was too late to turn back now. Gently, he goes to wake the rustblood with a light shake. “Up and at ‘em beautiful.” Harvey’s voice was purposefully quiet, knowing that there was probably still a terrible hangover. That was it’s own fight he’d yet to win.

“Harvey? Wha’s going on?” Oh and how wonderful Vladir’s voice sounded when deepened by sleep. It takes a minute to remind himself he may not have to miss that sound before he speaks again.

“Xens is coming over. I need you to keep an eye on her- honestly I think you could both use some time together.”

“I’m not doing her yoga shit.”

“I’m not askin’ that of you sugar.”

“Why does she need me anyways? I can go to my own hive so you can spend time with her.”

“Because Bea needs me. She’s having some kind of full melt down.”

“Which means Xennaa can’t be around to see it. Got it. Give me a minute to wake up, I’ll make uh. Fuck, what time is it?”

“Just barely nightfall honeycheeks.”

“I’ll make us breakfast. You got your palmhusk?”

“Of course. I’ll keep it on me.”

“Javelina dad’s been fed?”

“He can feed himself.”

“Tell that to him.”

“Hey..”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Stop feeling guilty about needing to help your totally not a moirail moirail.”

“But-"

“I’ll entertain Xennaa. You take care of the big guns. You’ve got this.”

“...Thank you, Vladir.”

“It’s weirder when you call me by name at this point.” Vladir joked before stepping in to give Harvey a kiss. It was short, sweet, and to the point. Made Harvey wonder if that sort of chaste kiss would be their last. Maybe he was just being over dramatic. “Go on, get going before things get worse.” Trust was a double edged sword and Harvey could feel it slicing him as he made his way out and to the caverns.

#Davie's Drabbles #Harvey Chavez #Beatrx #Xennaa #Vladir Ducats #Alucar Arc

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stilemawillow · 2 years ago

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MTIJ | Ch.28 Does Being a Secret Agent Fix Things?

|mtij masterlist|

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

word count: 12k

summary: a girl with a variety of hidden complexes has to live with a french asshole for nine months. easy? on the surface. problematic? definitely. romantic? not too much, or at least they’d make it a point to say so everytime when asked. the end? please, their dynamic isn’t as simple as that.

Cheating. I cheated. Now my high school teacher might be cheating. Conclusion: we're all scum.

“I’m just a bit busy, Ann. My brain doesn’t work properly right now.” I was leaning against the wall again – this time with a clipboard in my hands, Adam smoking on my left and Melinda Carter bound to show up and ruin our break in about three minutes. And my best friend was talking about things I couldn’t quite comprehend but, in her defence, I wasn’t giving it my best either. Speak of being a terrible friend.

“Not that it usually does. I’m just saying it’s been bothering me,” Annie sighed and I figured she was probably busy chafing her bottom lip against the upper one as she often did when worried or overthinking. Deciding to wholly ignore her initial remark, I readjusted my shoulder and clicked the pen I was holding a few times in thought. The calculations on the clipboard weren’t coming out properly. The numbers had to be wrong altogether because this here on the page was entirely impossible…

“I understand why it would,” I began in a slow considerate tone before giving a small snort, “but give Erwin some more credit, would you? I doubt he waited for you to graduate to go fooling around with another woman less than two months later.”

Click, click, click, bitch. Asshole-me laughed as my eyebrows furrowed at the clipboard and Adam suddenly pushed himself off the wall only to stand directly in front of me instead. I didn’t look up.

“But he’s constantly mentioning the new nurse, which is a good cover story, technically, and when I used his phone to call Mike the other day I saw she’s been calling him a lot. There’s no way for me not to worry.” Annie sounded like she was on the verge of something – whether it be a simple mental breakdown or straight-up neurosis, I couldn’t know – and I was off in some faraway land, caring more about a few numbers on a stupid clipboard than my best friend. “Plus, the school is barely populated in the summer and yet Erwin says he’s got a lot of work,” the blonde justified with a cold voice but, even when I wasn’t paying 100% attention, I was able to detect the lingering doubt in it.

My gaze flickered up to meet Adam’s eyes before following his gesture to the corner of the building. Break was probably close to its end. So Melinda Carter might come along any second now. I gave the raven a small nod before pursing my lips in mild frustration. I clicked the pen in my hold three more times and tucked the clipboard under my arm, finally letting my shoulder relax as I wrapped my fingers around my phone and held it to my ear.

“I have to get going, Annie. I’ll call you later so we can finish this talk,” I said, not quite aware of what a terrible friend I was. I had a hunch, but also, I was supposed to be an employee right now. And I was terrible at it, too. Nothing I ever did seemed good in Melinda Carter’s eyes so I was basically failing at life before I’d even gotten into college – it was a big deal that surely wouldn’t make my parents proud.

“Better don’t. I’m just worrying unnecessarily.” Annie’s voice was back to being ice. She hung up on me right after. I had no time to respond. I sighed and put my phone back in my pocket before Adam reached for my hand. Right, that was another part of the ever-so-broad definition of “terrible” my character had. This particular specific was the fact I hadn’t told him anything about anything ever since Levi had shared with me the truth about Petra. Did that count as playing with his feelings? Was I leading him on, taking into account I had no intention of going back to my father’s hot intern? I didn’t know.

“Problems?” His blue eyes bore into mine and I reluctantly let him lead me to the entrance of the store by the hand. It was as warm as it had been almost a week ago when he walked me home. I shook my head “no” after which he smirked cockily and asked the usual: “Want to have dinner with me then?”

“Not exactly.” It had turned into a reflex for me to reject without considering since he offered it every day. I smirked back and yanked my hand from his hold when the automatic doors opened and Melinda’s manicured hand waved at us – or, more like, at Adam. He headed back to the register and I walked with him for the sake of not having to talk to my “boss” for another half a minute. He sat in the spinning chair behind the cash desk and I propped my elbows on top of it with a knowing look.

“How about tomorrow?” There was no smirk this time – just the puppy eyes. A Flynn Rider type of smoulder would’ve done a better job and I was about to give it a bit of thought before the rough draft of a genius plan suddenly hit me. I’d mentioned I was being as bad a best friend as I was an employee. Well, I knew for sure which of the two I could fix. Wanting to be a better person instead of a better provider for a capitalistic society that didn’t give a flying fuck about me, I smiled real wide at Adam and shook my head.

“I have an important thing. Maybe some other time.” I pushed myself off the cash desk but Adam swiftly grabbed my wrists and vouchsafed me his crooked smirk. I pouted at him before avidly slipping away from his loose hold and giving the tip of his tan nose a push that made it scrunch up cutely. The result was me walking away from the scene with a giggle, blind to the soft gaze the raven let linger on my form. I was blind to a lot of things, really.

“Miss Raven.” I swore my mouth had never curled downwards so fast in my life as it did when I heard Melinda’s voice calling my name. Here came two more hours of me toiling as she filed her nails and sang along to pop songs, sounding like an animal in pain even during the humming of the instrumental part. Honestly, I could probably listen to the scraping of her file against her nails on a loop for a month straight so long as I never got to hear her sing again.

Best moments of my life? The ones I got to spend away from that blonde and her Gucci bag. Also could be translated as: when I got off work and the only face I had to look at for the few following minutes was Adam’s. This afternoon we walked out of the store drained physically but not mentally. The usual cigarette hung from his lips, I had his leather jacket on me and over it – his arm. I was laughing at his exaggerated fuckboy “sup” nod when my gaze pinpointed a figure standing in the parking lot. My hand pushed weakly at Adam’s chest and his attention left my face. A small sigh left his lips as he removed his arm from my shoulders and I returned his jacket with an apologetic expression. His smile was bright and I parted my lips with the intention to say something, only to change my mind for a lack of things I could say. He lit up his cigarette and I skipped over to Levi, eyeing his glare with suspicion.

“You have work,” I stated with a deadpan as he rolled his eyes and took his hands out of his pockets only to stuff them right back with a weak huff. We took off towards our house – his pace was slow so I could walk normally, but the distance between our shoulders was a steady twelve inches at all times. I hate to say, but I was the one putting it there – quite purposefully, too.

“Thanks for telling me,” he returned with dry sarcasm, looking as indifferent as each and every other day. So why was I so bothered, one may ask? I would say I didn’t know and still the grumble (Feelings are worse than numbers.) in my mind made asshole-me laugh. I scowled at her nasty voice and proceeded to huff.

“Why did you come?” I sounded like a complete dumbass. I knew he’d come so he could pick me up from work. I wasn’t that oblivious when it came to facts despite the fact I was literally blind to feelings of any sort unless they were thrown in my face. But, mind you, I was exceptionally good at picking up on behavioural habits and traits. And my dear little intern had recently adapted to a borderline uncanny pattern he himself might’ve not acknowledged.

Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.

Excuse.

Silence.

Repeat.

“I wanted to take a walk.” Despite the nonchalant voice that would, under no circumstances, hint at his true motive, (Excuse.) Levi was probably well aware of the bullshit he was spilling and how it did nothing to help itself be believed. That kind of excuse would work on people with brain cells matching the number of fingers on their hands and, no matter what comment Annie would want to slip in here, I wasn’t part of that majority.

“Sure.” I nodded after a small pause, hesitant enough to let him know I didn’t plan on arguing though I was aware he was lying to me. He didn’t respond.

Silence.

The next step of the pattern. I could trace its beginning back to last Sunday when I’d negated the giant improvement we’d made the day before that. Or, well, negated the improvement in terms of physical intimacy and actually maybe encouraged it in a way in terms of communication. Still, the main part of the issue stayed. My abstinence concerning Levi and his affections – if they could even be called that – came and went like your usual plan to diet – you start on a random Monday and find yourself stuffing your mouth with doughnuts before Thursday rolls in. Well, I started my Levi diet on Sunday and ever since then, he decided to become times more delicious and inviting solely for the sake of corrupting my noble intentions of straying from inappropriate temptation.

I knew that sounded self-centred but I was purposefully straying from him out of pure shame and he, just as deliberately, went running after me with coffee and benevolence. It was his way of saying it was fine, that the love of his life was dead and I was a bitch but he’d known this would happen so he wanted me to act normally – I understood that much but he couldn’t really believe it would happen so fast. I’d gone through the past five days telling myself I was the living embodiment of all bad words in the dictionary – my asshole side had helped me pick them and recited them in my head in the middle of the night – and the root of the problem was acting like a saint, forgiving me for dissing him when all he’d done was protect his privacy. It was a logical notion that he’d hate and avoid me but no – let’s go against all logic and be kind to the trash who triggered the worst part of my life for four months in a row!

Wasn’t I on a fucking roll? Incompetent, selfish, horny against all virgin origins, dumped over the phone by the only boy in her life after having oh so kindly rushed into cheating on him with a man who was still mourning his dead fiancé, audacious enough to get depressed for a whole two weeks after the break-up, too proud to coherently process and sort out her feelings, pathological liar prone to acting out her life, thinking herself smart when the only thing she could do was calculate the length of her sleep if she went to bed half an hour earlier and always rushing into shit she couldn’t handle on her own. Good day, ‘t was I, your humble storyteller. Feeling entertained yet? I know I was having the time of my life.

“By the way, has my father mentioned the usual August business trip already?” Before my thoughts could spiral further, I decided to redirect the topic to a place I knew very well. No, not City of Dumbassery since I already visited it during my call with Annie and that was more than enough for the rest of the month. However, I could bet, much like my impending failure regarding my Levi diet, I’d find myself back there at some point by the end of August. The intern shook his head at my question, ran a hand through his hair and flatly began explaining that they had no big deals to arrange when I cut him off: “It’s not about deals and contracts, though. It’s about relaxation.” His brows furrowed in confusion and I smirked. He had no idea what awaited. In that case, I had to tell him. “The August business trip is my father’s way of making it up to those who work the most. You’re going on a one-week vacation but he’ll make you call it a business trip.”

“I don’t see the point in being taken along,” he retorted doubtfully, making me chuckle.

“It’s necessary for you to go. Not only because you work too much but also because the cover story falls apart if he doesn’t take his intern.” I shrugged and Levi hummed thoughtfully to let me know he’d understood.

“Do you have any idea when it will be?” His voice was a bit closer. I glanced at him and saw the distance between our shoulders had lessened by a few inches, then pretended not to notice it. I rolled my eyes and feigned contemplation when I knew very well it would be at the end of the month. It was a tradition for my father, not to mention the very same vacation William had never come back from. The thought left a sour taste in my mouth.

“No, but he’ll tell you at least five days in advance.” The small lie slipped past effortlessly and the rest of our walk was spent in silence. When we slipped out of our shoes after I locked the front door, he headed into the kitchen to make food while I changed into more comfortable clothes. A warm meal was sitting on the counter when I returned downstairs and Levi was in the living room, where the coffee table was barely visible under the various stacks of papers he had on it. It was time for me to return the favour, I guessed with a sigh. I made him a cup of tea, took the food he’d prepared and plopped down on the couch next to him.

Our eyes locked when I handed him his drink. Our fingers brushed as he took it and I gave a weak smile he never returned. He resumed doing his paperwork and I leaned back against the couch in order to enjoy my meal in peace. About ten minutes later, my dish was empty and I got up to leave it in the sink. Maybe to Levi’s surprise, I returned to the couch afterwards and leaned into his side, sending a silent message from my antenna to his.

Be my pillow, asshole.

So he complied.

Repeat.

It’ll take me around five minutes to walk from his place to the high school. I mused internally as my feet paced down the pavement the next day – a Friday on which my former high school was supposed to be open, would you look at that coincidence – and my hands were busy stuffing my work uniform in the backpack dangling from my shoulder. But before we go down memory lane there, we’ve got some other things to check. Asshole-me reminded wisely as I turned into a relatively empty street, searching for a particular rusty door. Thank fuck Hanji had given me details. Let's be the bestest fucking friend there is. I snorted whilst opening the door, then proceeded to climb the stairs to the fifth floor before pressing the doorbell by flat №51. My ten-second wait was rewarded by the sight of Hanji's benign expression contorting in mild surprise. "(Y/N), it’s so good to see you! Do you need Erwin for something?" The brown-haired woman was genuinely excited – it made me conclude maybe I had to pay her a visit or two without a selfish goal in near future. Unfortunately, now wasn’t that near future and I wasn’t here with wholly innocent intentions. I was on a mission so I had to be fast and efficient, and, of course, not get caught.

“I was actually wondering if I could come inside for a bit and talk with you.” I smiled and inwardly defended my manipulation with the fact this particular sentence hadn’t been a lie. Hanji gestured for me to enter before asking if I wanted something to drink. I could spare about ten minutes in here. And I needed for her to be distracted for a bit. I responded I’d like a coffee, not only because it was my go-to drink, but also because (It takes time to prepare and almost no time whatsoever to consume.) it was beneficial. The living room was right across the front door, but Hanji headed down the only hallway to the left. I followed with soft footsteps and watched her disappear behind the last door in line. To my right there were two doors and to the left – only one. It was open so I could see it was the bathroom. If so, I had a fifty-fifty chance of hitting the Jackpot on the first try. So I quietly rushed into the closest room on the right and nearly fist-bumped the air when I realised it was Mr. Smith’s bedroom.

Not wishing to invade his privacy more than was needed (Not that you’re not doing it anyway by snooping around his bedroom without permission.) I gave the space an overall scan while asshole-me analysed stuff in my head, and only moved things around when it came to the most obvious hiding places. It didn’t take a lot to conclude a woman hadn’t stepped foot inside the prim room. And when I heard the clinking of cups, I rushed back to the living room and nearly tripped into the coffee table in my haste to sit down on the couch. Ten seconds later, Hanji entered with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Her smile made my shoulders tense.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Her brown eyes settled on my face and I deliberately maintained eye contact prior to speaking up because one of the few practical lessons on Psychology Erwin Smith had taught had been about making a good impression on somebody. Eye contact strengthened trust and promoted honesty and determination. It was low of me to apply this here but, like I’d entertained myself at the hotel by playing a lame detective, here I needed to be a proper secret agent.

“You and Mr. Smith are good friends, as far as I know. Did he tell you about his feelings for Annie before they got together?” A gentle smile sat on my lips as I curiously gazed into Hanji’s eyes. The action and expression were both meant to predispose her to trust my pure intentions and I guess they did. Now, this here – playing a dumb little lamb – was a Raven trick, not a psychological one.

“Well, I had a hunch the girl he liked to talk about was a student but he never told me outright her name or specified anything inappropriate, if that’s what you’re hinting at. I wouldn’t be so happy for him if there was anything fishy going on.” Hanji grinned and I sipped on my coffee with a hum. My brows raised at the taste. If nothing else, I’d say this woman made excellent coffee. I would certainly visit again. When I put my cup down, I shook my head.

“No, no. Same here really. I had my suspicions at some point but somebody who waits that long is genuine in his feelings so, that at least I trust about him. When exactly did he mention her in that way, though? If he has at all.” She crossed her legs with a chuckle and leaned back against the couch. I crossed my legs, too. That, people, was called mirroring. Not a Raven trick. Just a woman’s trick of subconsciously making somebody else like you. Could never be a Raven trick because we were too good at picking up on it so we banished it altogether.

“Maybe a year ago. He was really torn back then because, you know, the age gap and all that. He felt guilty for it. But his feelings went maybe an additional year back. He told me Annie had become an object of interest for him about the time some water-balloon-related accident had made her take your place in detention so you could go on a date with your boyfriend. Then she’d persuaded Erwin into not punishing you because you’d been framed.” The story’s last few sentences were spoken in a softer voice, almost like Hanji was uncertain whether she was remembering everything correctly. I’d sipped on my coffee up until the last moment, when my hands put it down with an eager gasp. The mention of the situation had made my incessant frustration on the topic reignite.

“That’s the truth! Hitch threw the balloon at our History teacher and made a run for it so Annie and I looked guilty! It was an undeserved punishment and Eren was really looking forward to celebrating our anniversary that day, so there was no way I could miss it,” I defended fervently, scowling in outrage at the mere thought. I’d begged Annie to somehow slip out of detention, too, so we could later scheme how to prove it had been Hitch’s fault. Except my best friend had decided to be the brave knight. Still, another detail seemed to draw Hanji’s attention more.

“Eren? Eren Jaeger?” Her confused voice brought me back to reality only so I could hear my boyfriend’s (Ex-boyfriend, darling. Asshole-me corrected.) name out of her mouth. I bit back a spiteful snort at the arrogant tone in my head. The fact she was right was beside the point. The reminder was king of unneeded right now.

“Has Mr. Smith mentioned him?” I inquired cautiously, lifting my cup to my mouth in order for it to hide the uncertain pout of my bottom lip. I couldn’t be the perfect actress if we suddenly started talking about Eren Jaeger. Before I knew it, I’d gulped down the whole coffee and Hanji had watched me do it with an empathetic smile tugging at her lips. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose before clearing her throat with a nod.

“Yeah. He mentions what a good couple you are.” Her smile was big and sincere, and most certainly not meant to hurt one bit. Not meant to make my heart clench like that. She couldn’t have known. Or maybe Annie had said it just once. Or maybe she hadn’t said it at all. My windpipe constricted at the incorrectly used present tense at the end of the sentence. I’d never thought a mere grammatical mistake could be so painful.

“Were. Anyways,” I deliberately avoided looking at the sudden realisation on her face whilst rising to my feet and giving her the brightest smile I could muster, “I should really get going. It was nice chatting with you.” I headed for the door and she followed suit with a muffled “visit again soon”. She locked the door after me and I rushed down the stairs and out of the building like the act of that would erase the last part of our conversation. Focusing on the mission at hand was more important right now. I shook Eren off my mind and contemplated my next step.

Now comes the real thing. His apartment’s like a monk pad, so if the school’s clear, too we know he’s innocent. The five-minute walk turned into a three-minute one due to all the physical strain I exercised in order to distract myself from the impending worsening of my mood. By the time I’d realised it, I was marching across the small park leading to the high school gates. And if he isn’t innocent? Asshole-me’s cocky rebuttal made me shake my head. You and I both know he is. Don’t play the devil. And before she could respond, I saw Mr. Smith’s silhouette in the distance and ducked behind a pair of bushes. He was with a woman I hadn’t seen amongst the staff prior to my graduation. I was spying on them when a hand rested on my shoulder. My soul left my body, I bit back a scream and was about to end a man’s whole career (and future offspring) with an uncalculated punch to the nuts when I heard Levi’s voice.

“Princess, what the hell are you doing here?” My father’s intern was crouching behind me with a suspicious frown that made me so angry I slapped his hand off my shoulder and stared at him with utmost indignation. He could’ve ruined my mission and I’d prefer not to get questioned on why I was stalking my high school teacher.

“Asshole, don’t do that,” I hissed with a racing heartbeat and he stayed quite unimpressed by my panic. “My soul was on its way out of my fucking body and--- Wait a second, what are you doing here?” I cut myself off in the middle of a rant and my brows furrowed because, frankly, he couldn’t have a brilliant excuse such as mine for lurking next to a high school like a top-notch creep.

“I asked first, so maybe I should get an---“ I muffled the rest of his retort with my hand as the other one pulled him by the collar so his head could hide behind the bushes properly. That resulted in him losing his balance and almost crashing into my chest but, luckily, that didn’t happen. With his arms on the ground on each side of my body and my fingers stubbornly pressing against his mouth, we listened to the incoming Mr. Smith and his female companion.

“Do you still have a lot of paperwork?” The gentle voice asking that made my lips purse. Then Levi bit into my fingers and forced them off his mouth. I gaped at his audacity and glared.

“We have a lot of transfers this year. I have to talk to two different families today.” The familiar tone of my former Psychology teacher sounded. My ears were graced by his heavy sigh, followed by a sympathetic hum from the woman next to him.

“It’s really hard being a teacher. The only work I did was when Mrs. Stevenson got a nasty papercut last week,” the nurse said, confirming her position as the alleged lover, which, more or less, made my eyes narrow in suspicion as Levi attempted to analyse my behaviour. This, however, was a puzzle he wouldn’t put together without any clues.

“You still come in, though. That’s what I call commitment.” I could imagine the blond’s smile as they kept walking towards the high school gates. Once their backs were facing us, I peeked through the bushes at them stirring their coffees and him letting her in first like a gentleman. They got lost around the corner and I let out a breath of relief before checking the small red crescents on my fingers with a pout.

“Now, why are you stalking Erwin?” Levi’s question reminded me of his presence and I turned to face him with a scoff. My determination to prove myself worthy of Annie’s friendship wouldn’t buckle in the face of his prejudice. I couldn’t half-ass anything when it came to this mission.

“Annie’s worried he might be cheating on her with the nurse so I’m checking to see if it’s true or not,” I explained with a nonchalant shrug that made the raven scowl at me disapprovingly. I would’ve probably sided with that kind of reaction if I hadn’t already tried and failed.

“You’re not giving Brows enough credit. He’s loyal to boot.” I doubted Levi was on equal par of friendship with Erwin as Hanji, but I knew he was a good judge of character. The fact his defence on the topic matched the one I’d had was the strongest weapon in existence, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t proof.

“I said the same, asshole, but this isn’t about what we know of Erwin’s character. It’s about my best friend’s feelings and I won’t be reassuring her empty-handed. Now, what are you doing here?” I was sure he would answer now that I’d given him my summary of the situation. And, as most times when it came down to it, I was right. He flatly explained (Action that let us spend time together or helped me in a way.) he’d seen me looking like a creep on his way to visit Hanji so he’d decided to check what was going on. His grey hues struck me like the warning look of a strict parent struck a curious child with a tendency of getting into trouble. Rightfully so, but a simple look wouldn’t stop me from making a fool of myself for the sake of my friendship. Maybe he already knew that. “Well, I skipped the second half of my shift to play a secret agent and since you have the story now, you can go.” I crossed my arms and stared at him challengingly. My expression tried to convey the message that he had to leave me be, but, as it turned out, he was deaf to such messages. It wasn’t a surprise that besides being arrogant he was also stubborn as a goddamn mule.

“You’ll fuck up if I don’t stay.” He stood from the ground and dusted off his clothes before offering little overly offended me a pale hand to grab. I didn’t take it, got up on my own and put my hands to my hips, expecting some further justification. Now, to this wordless message, he wasn’t deaf. How shocking. “You lack tact and you’re not deft or quiet enough to do this on your own.” He made me sound more like an ape than a human. The pattern couldn’t yet materialise in my mind but later I would realise (Excuse.) this had been exactly a part of it.

“And what’s your plan, Mr. Secret Agent?” I asked with a glare, folding my arms over my chest once more as he huffed and gestured for me to follow him. Moving deftly down the path through the trees, we reached the gates and he explained his plan, that wasn’t really a plan, so matter-of-factly it was almost like he’d been on such needlessly dramatic missions a thousand times. It reminded me of the night he’d gotten me to Hitch’s party with the handmade rope.

“If you want to spy on Erwin, we’ll have to sneak up to his office first. Trailing him is off-limits because he’s surprisingly shrewd. The only thing we can do is eavesdrop. And you’ll have to keep your mouth closed the whole time. Do you think you can?” The perfect grammar ruined the effect but the intent stayed and I pushed at his shoulder with a glare as we crossed the yard and slipped inside the building.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that last one,” I smiled wryly and he snorted. “And what were you in a past life – in the mafia?” The joking inquiry made him huff as we went up the stairs to the Psychology cabinet on the second floor where he was supposed to be doing paperwork. If we were lucky, we wouldn’t run into the families he had meetings with and if we were unlucky, like most times, well… we’d improvise because we were relatively good at it.

“If I was, I would’ve said to put a gun in his mouth and just ask him if he’s cheating or not.” The volume of Levi’s voice had dropped since we were nearing our destination but that didn’t prevent me from hearing the muffled tone of my former teacher. I blurted out a sharp “shut up” and my alarmed gaze bore into Levi’s face but he was dead-set on not obeying me, even in a situation as crucial as this one was. Not a life-or-death predicament, certainly, but a decent secret agent had to avoid being questioned at all cost. “You shut up,” the raven returned with furrowed eyebrows, making my lips purse.

“No, really.” The sombreness in my voice was clearly incapable of conveying the message that I genuinely needed him to clamp his piehole shut. And when he opened his mouth to defy me once more, only my nickname slipped out before my hand muffled the rest. I’d had it. I grabbed the back of his shirt and tugged towards the door we’d stopped next to. My own ear leaned against the cold wood and the raven’s icy glare pierced my temple when Erwin’s voice sounded on the other side, shutting up whatever wordless message the intern had for my tactless ways.

“I’m sure she doesn’t know. It’ll be an unpleasant surprise, so we’ll keep it a secret instead.” A gentle timbre and an amused chuckle like that coming from Erwin Smith would’ve made Annie’s knees wobble but the only thing they did to me was heavy damage. My eyes widened and I met Levi’s surprised gaze in order to exchange opinions telepathically – the one advantage of all that mind-reading he performed all the time.

Are you hearing what I’m hearing? My unbelieving expression asked, making the raven nod weakly in confirmation. My fingers slowly parted from his mouth. Tell me it’s not what I think it is. I begged with pursed lips and knitted brows, only to have him give me a helpless look and a shake of his head. Can’t do that princess. Came the response. I could almost hear him say it with his tone doing that small regretful dip. I weakly slapped the back of his head with narrowed eyes in order to voice my reprimand. Real reassuring, asshole. The conversation ended there, as the unsuspecting blond teacher on the other side of the door spoke up once more.

“If we’re careful, she won’t find out. I’ll see you later.” I couldn’t believe I was hearing such things from Annie’s fateful boyfriend’s lips. Not to mention, the moralist preacher on duty who’d lectured me for four years. If this wasn’t a misunderstanding, I would probably try to punch him. “I love you. Bye.” This was probably the end of the conversation. I grabbed Levi’s wrist and pulled him into the next cabinet in line, which I knew for a fact was abandoned at all times of the year. Why I knew it was a story which mostly consisted of Eren and I making out there and never getting caught because it was one of those empty places lazy authors used for turning plot points in stories about high school romance.

“We heard what we heard,” I concluded gravely, hopping up on the teacher’s desk as Levi stood by the whiteboard and glared at his feet as though they’d give him the legitimate excuse that would redeem what we’d just eavesdropped on. The most he came up with was the relatively weak defence that Erwin had been on the phone. I craned my neck to observe the white ceiling and avoid his pointed gaze. “That sounds like a good cheating strategy and it adds up with what Annie told me about the nurse calling him daily,” I reasoned calmly, making Levi hum as he crossed his arms. Everything we’d heard was incriminating but there was no way for us to prove his innocence. Unless… I looked back at him with a giant grin. It didn’t take him long to notice the crazy glint lingering about in my hues. “There’s one way to find out,” I mused slyly and the mind-reader hurried to object.

“No, princess. We’ve already committed a form of trespassing and this is the dictionary definition of a violation of one’s privacy.” He stepped forth firmly, a warning standing out in his eyes. I shrugged with as much carelessness as I had in me and folded my arms in an attempt to provoke him.

“Don’t be a chicken, asshole. You go in and get him out of the room, preferably with his phone not on him. I’ll sneak in and check who he was talking to. It’s that simple. You were right in sensing you had to come along.” First, provoke. Second, negotiate and belittle. Third, mock. I was smirking and he could sense there was more. The most important step that triggered what was dearest to him – namely, his pride. “Unless you’d rather we do this the right way and ask him straightforwardly? A perfect little boy like you would love that, won’t he?” Fourth, patronise. Fifth, condescend. In simpler terms – fish, line, hook – and look, we’ve got a fish already. This technique our family called the Jared Raven Special.

“You’ll owe me so fucking much,” he grumbled in frustration as I bit back a victorious grin. Not that this had a way of failing, taking into account it worked on everybody. But also, pride was important to Levi. Reputation. Being good and behaving and acting with just a bit of condescension because he was better than others. Because he was. But now the line between bad and better was blurry because morals meant doing something he was mortified of and getting called out on it sure had to feel like a nightmare. Things like breaking the law in small doses were no longer of importance when he had to prove himself.

“I can pay you back in kisses,” I mocked innocently, fluttering my eyelashes at his glare and knowing he’d refuse. The “please act your age” look he gave me only fuelled my wish to keep going. “No?” I piped with a smile, slowly morphing into a smirk as my lips parted. “I thought so.” My smugness came apart when he stepped forward. Maybe I deserved this payback, what with shutting him up and cutting him off so many times today. I certainly didn’t expect it to take such (pleasant) form. His lips caught me off guard when they landed on mine. Then my hands cupped his face and his hand tugged on my waist. He smelled of lavender shampoo and I felt like I was a sophomore again. To somebody else, we probably looked like a horny pair taking part in the movie adaptation of a random romance novel with a sappy ending. “That was a violation of my personal space,” I breathed out, hand against his chest as he snorted. Heat crept up the back of my neck when our eyes met and I pushed at his chest, gaze averting. “Now go.” He left the room silently and I took a deep breath prior to hopping off the desk. I eavesdropped – muffled conversation, some cussing, the closing of a door – and when the footsteps fading down the hallway disappeared altogether, I left my hiding place, looked around warily, slipped into the Psychology cabinet and snatched Erwin’s phone from the desk with an elated fist-bump. My exultation was short-lived.

“Fuck’s sake, he has a password. Let it be something sappy.” So I tried Annie’s birthday. A message in red announced the reduced number of attempts I had to get this stupid thing unlocked before shutting down. I tried his mother’s birthday because Annie had told me once he actually had a proper relationship with her. Nothing. I tried a typical grandpa password of repetitive zeros. Nothing. I tried the date of the water balloon accident. Nothing. I knew nobody said last time was the charm because it wasn’t true but I was about to fact-check that since I could already hear Levi’s voice down the hallway, which meant I had to hurry up.

Last chance, darling. Be him for a second and insert yourself in a relatively meaningless existence full of duty. Now, what’s the best day he’s lived? Asshole-me had never been a big help in situations that required composure because she often made me lose it, but her rhetorical questions flipped the switch. The best day he’d lived? The one on which he could be with Annie, of course, taking into account the rude stuff with the meaningless existence and all that my asshole side blurted out. No other day, in hindsight, would matter as much – not even the one on which she’d been born or the one when they’d met. Fingers crossed. I typed the date of our graduation and the screen unlocked, revealing his call history along with the answer to all my questions and Annie’s worries.

My eyes widened at the call log, I turned off the phone and left it exactly where I’d taken it from, sneaking out of the room as soundlessly as possible right after. Or, at least, that was how the original plan went. Nothing was ever that simple when it came down to applying theory to practice. We could compare this to dancing for a second. Yes, think of this mission as dancing. When Mr. Smith and Levi entered the room, I was involved in a motionless tango with myself inside the tall locket next to the door. Then I did the only thing I could think of and texted my father’s intern.

I need help, asshole. My SOS dinged in his back pocket and he read the message while Erwin was taking a seat at his desk. The raven’s lips pursed. My chicken was mad at me. Not a surprise.

I can’t leave you alone for two seconds. Where are you? Even his typing sounded angry. I could see him scowl as he faced the whiteboard and tried not to grunt in exasperation. I replied as quickly as possible, wishing to get out of my hiding place for fear the weird smell of chemicals would make me sneeze.

*One-hundred and twenty. And I’m in the locker to your left. I need a diversion to get out. At that, I felt like his wide eyes successfully managed to pierce the metal parting us so he could glare me down into a puddle. Before he could type a reply of his own, Erwin turned to address him and made us break our alleged eye contact.

“In relation to that, Levi, I was thinking about a conversation I had with Hanji. I know I have no right to criticize, but I ask you to be more aware of the girl’s feelings.” The blond’s concerned expression, along with the confusing speech that obviously annoyed Levi, made my nose scrunch up in puzzlement. I didn’t need an additional load of encrypted information when everything had been successfully unravelled at last.

“In this case, she has none. And shitty-glasses has no right to discuss those things with you.” Levi looked just a bit angry, to say the least. I wondered if he would’ve reacted the same way had he not been aware I was in the room. I squinted at his profile through the little gaps in the locker and saw him glaring at Erwin like the blond had insulted his whole family tree. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, forming spiteful fists that made my head tilt in mild confusion.

“That’s true but you know how she is. We talk about everything and she always wants to help out. In this case, she thinks I can be the one offering advice.” Erwin tried to ease the tension but his gentle voice only made Levi’s shoulders tense further. It was almost like his storage of abilities consisted of everything but being composed right now.

“Your Psychology degree doesn’t mean you can lecture me about feelings every time we meet. You’re perceptive enough, so get the gist that I don’t want to talk about this.” Levi rolled his eyes at the whiteboard before leaning back against the first row of desks. Folding his arms over his chest was, as I’d long figured out, a defence mechanism against unwanted conversations that – albeit hardly functional – he never stopped putting to use.

“It’s not about feelings this time, it’s about attachments. You like to renounce the former but everybody has the latter.” Blue clashed with grey as the blond teacher intertwined his fingers over the wooden desk he sat behind. The words that left his mouth made Levi snort with so much spite it made my brows raise in surprise. The following curt denial the raven provided only proved he was too proud to admit he had feelings of any kind.

“I don’t.” Getting a hand through his hair was a sign of frustration and, accompanied by those two short words, it almost made me scoff from inside the narrow locker. The circumstances preventing me from doing it, however, weren’t present in my former teacher’s case. Erwin scoffed at my father’s intern, an amused smile tugging at his lips as their eyes met.

“Then what is that still doing around your neck? The event was done long ago. Hanji also says you never take it off. She tried to take a look at it once and… what was it? Oh yeah, you nearly slapped her.” The words made Levi flinch. I blinked owlishly at the scene because my attention was brought to the silver necklace poking from under the collar of his shirt. I’d seen it once or twice thus far but never thought about it too much. Levi grumbled and approached the window a second prior to snapping.

“It just became a habit to wear it. Look, if you’re going to keep talking about this, at least let’s do it by an open window so I can jump if I get too tired of listening.” He opened the window and the blond rose from his seat to join him, either out of need for fresh air or for fear the raven might actually keep his word. I didn’t know which, but I knew this was my chance. Keeping as quiet as possible, I opened the locker, only for it to make a loud click. I sprang for the door like a wild cat.

“Did you hear anything?” Erwin’s voice sounded but it was too late – I was leaning against the wall outside with a hand over my mouth to muffle my ragged breathing and wide eyes blinking at the empty hallway in mild panic. This has been a close one.

“Seems like old age is catching up unexpectedly fast – you’re hearing things now. I have to get going,” Levi said, making me breathe out in relief as I heard his nearing footsteps.

“We didn’t even---“

“I don’t care. I didn’t come to discuss feelings.” The door opened when the raven cut off Erwin and his pale clammy fingers wasted no time in grabbing my upper arm the moment he turned the corner. Without exchanging as much as a glance, we paced down the empty hallway.

“Attachments!” My former teacher’s offended exclamation followed us and made our panicky heartbeats quicken further. I would’ve giggled at the pettiness but we were skipping two steps at a time and Levi’s expression was so constipated I thought I could spare him a bit.

“Tell me you managed to look at his phone,” the raven grumbled flatly, sounding too close to dead on the inside that just a single note of an octave lower would’ve let his voice finally match the way his skin looked at all times. I threw him a sideways glance he decided to ignore for the sake of putting his hands in his pockets, which, in turn, drew my attention to his outfit. I hadn’t had time to evaluate it in our adrenaline-fuelled haste. He was wearing a plain pair of black jeans and a simple black T-shirt that seemed just a bit tight around the chest. Just great – when I was set on avoiding him, too. It was amazing how my perception of his outfits depended greatly on the firmness of my decision to not engage in any “sexual” physical contact with him.

“We’re technically saved because he was talking to Annie, but I do need to verify one last thing to reassure her properly considering all aspects of the issue. Prepare for a little bit of panic and a yelp.” I glanced ahead as we took on the last flight of stairs to the first floor when I sensed Levi throwing me a doubtful look. However, it was too late. I knew the nurse’s office was mere feet away from us and I had to put my best acting skills to use. The lack of audience for a conceited person like me was a pity.

“What the fuck is that supposed to---“

I grit my teeth, shut my eyes and kicked my own ankle like I’d kick a molester in the groin. There began my journey through the air to the hard floor at the foot of the stairs. My shrill shriek sounded – made to sound as realistically as possible, closely followed by the fleeting touch of Levi’s fingers on mine as he tried to catch me. I heard him curse. It was loud and my palms stung when I caught myself at the last second, taking my time to sit up before taking a breath and biting back a sigh.

“It hurts so much,” I wailed loudly and Levi stared at me in visible shock. My eyes were pinned to the nurse’s office’s open door and then – the fair-haired woman rushing out with a worried expression on her youthful face. My head bowed and I inspected my red palms with a blank expression, thinking of a way to make this spectacle as believable as possible.

“Are you okay? What happened?” The nurse’s melodic voice was laced with concern and her brows were furrowed as I stared up at her like a kicked puppy whilst continuously recalling Eren’s voice as he broke up with me. My asshole side, set on saving me the actual pain, pulled at the question marks of each painful inquiry (What’s Eren doing now? Is he well? Does he ever miss me? Has he found somebody else?) that tried jabbing itself into my mind and hauled them across its entirely to the very back, where they wouldn’t be too big a bother just yet.

“We were visiting my boyfriend’s former teacher and I tripped. It really hurts.” Tears visibly pushing at the corners of my eyes, I threw Levi a pointed look while the nurse tried to examine my ankle. Her blond locks swayed as she eyed my slumped posture apprehensively, dainty fingers tucking a small strand of short hair behind her ear.

“Come to my office, I’ll get a better look there. Do you think you can walk?” Her countenance nearly pierced my resolve as it soared soothingly above me with an outstretched hand so frail it could’ve done no indecency whatsoever. Not like Annie’s hands, with their small palms and calloused knuckles, skin worn out by the help she lent to her father and the several fights she’d initiated to protect me. Not at all alike, those two pairs of hands. I knew which I liked best. I gritted my teeth in determination, grabbed the fair-haired woman’s fingers and attempted to lift myself off the ground.

“Ow!” A pained groan left my lips as soon as my “wounded” ankle was put into action and I stumbled. The nurse couldn’t keep me upright but when I thought I’d fall back onto the floor (Oh, the woes of a dedicated actor! I need an OSCAR, father!) my head bumped into a toned chest and a protective pair of arms held me up. My stance relaxed like melting gelatin when my eyes locked with his. “Levi, carry me,” I whined, ignoring the way his fingers twitched over my shoulder at the sound of his name. My (for the third time now) fake boyfriend rolled his eyes and complied with my request as the nurse led us to her office, hoisting me up into his arms in the blink of an eye and forcing me to stifle a yelp as my arms instinctively wrapped around his neck. “Grab her phone while she examines my ankle. You have about a minute to check her texts with Erwin,” I whispered firmly, to which the intern’s ashen hues darkened murderously at my face. His grip on my back tightened and my eyes slid down the length of his nose to the curve of his thin lips and then, the collar of his shirt. My eyes narrowed at the silver necklace hiding beneath.

“There will be a password.” The retort slipped past his pursed lips, making me snort as he spied on the nurse’s back and walked as slowly as possible towards the door she disappeared past. I held onto him, suppressing the urge to steal glances of his necklace again and check whether I could make out anything about it or the pendant its existence presupposed.

“I can bet you five bucks there won’t be.” I barely had the time to whisper it before he stepped through the door and put me down on the bed by it with surprising gentleness – in comparison to the way he’d lifted me up at least. The nurse crouched in front of me and cautiously observed my dangling legs and their red knees as the raven-haired intern reluctantly scanned the room for her phone. Once he saw it on the desk by the window, he approached with slow soundless steps and a pair of furrowed brows.

“I want you to tell me exactly where it hurts.” The nurse’s words stripped Levi of my intent gaze as I nodded compliantly and felt her fingers roll down my sock after taking off my shoe. Fingertips firmly moving over the places she considered to have been fractured, she was still oblivious to the lack of pain I would show under normal circumstances. So now I had to think up a spot that hurt, too. And while her fingers felt around my tendons, joints and bones, I let out small “it doesn’t hurt”, “hurts just a bit” and “no, to the other side.” And my own oblivious ass didn’t at all expect what came next.

“Ouch, yes, there,” I exclaimed in surprise, wide eyes and gritted teeth, and asshole-me was laughing inside my head. Karma – or whatever this was – obviously hadn’t decided to treat me kindly today. The nurse gave me an apologetic look and I glanced at Levi in mild panic when she stood up and went to grab something from the cabinet across the room but he was prepared – leaning against the window and nonchalantly gazing down at his own phone. “God, I’m so clumsy,” I chuckled awkwardly when the nurse returned and began tending to my ankle.

“It happens to everyone. I skipped some stairs a few days ago, too,” she shared with a small reassuring smile while Levi glared at me before making sure she wasn’t about to turn around anytime soon so he could get to work. I leaned back against the wall and let her put a compress on my ankle as a sigh left my pouting lips. I had to get in character.

“It’s dangerous when the school’s almost empty. Isn’t it lonely having only teachers around?” Empathy packed into a compassionate statement did wonders to prompt the nurse’s opinion on the matter. I guessed she was a good person, but I couldn’t be sure so I was yet to be burdened by guilt on the topic of manipulating her in such a heartless manner. But, well, if I could do it for my family for pride and money, I sure could do it to a stranger for my best friend and love.

“Not really if they are your friends, but since I’m new here, I suppose it’s still a bit uncomfortable. It takes time to adjust.” She gave a sheepish smile and a gentle crease appeared in the middle of her forehead. My chin dipped as I observed Levi guiltily grab her phone over her shoulder and turn it on, grey eyes not once moving to look at me.

“The teacher we visited was really nice – Mr. Smith, if I remember correctly. You should make friends with him. He seems kind.” The suggestion, asshole-me and I agreed, didn’t come from either of us – it came from the naïve five-year-old I wished I’d never been. Still, even she helped sometimes. The innocent voice did, too. And I was glad to have lived through one too many Thanksgiving Holidays, Christmases and Lamb Holidays to be able to steer the conversation exactly where I wanted it to be.

“We’ve been on good terms so far but he’s got a lot of work.” The nurse brushed a wavy lock behind her ear as I gave a small snort and leaned down to whisper closer to her ear. If this next line didn’t do the trick, I would have to think of a back-up plan. But it would do the trick because there was nothing people loved more than finding they shared something with somebody else. So if this was a homewrecker, she’d love to hear from a cheating whore. And if it was a superficial woman with a crush and minimal intentions to pursue it, she’d love to hear from an immorally superficial teenager. Win-win. For me at least.

“Don’t tell my boyfriend, but I think he’s kind of hot. A bit old for me, though.” Sweet as honey and ever so lacking in the implausibility department, the words seemed not to strike even remotely close to any kind of chord in the woman in front of me. My red knees stung as she disinfected them with the caution of a surgeon and my face briefly fell when she didn’t grace me with as much as a doubtful glance.

“He’s not exactly my type, but I suppose you’re right.” She shrugged and my jaw would’ve gone slack had I possessed less composure. It took me a second to banish my bewilderment for the sake of prodding further by asking if she had a boyfriend if Mr. Smith didn’t interest her. The curious inquiry made her chuckle. “Not really.” Her hazel gaze darted up to meet mine and her sides reddened briefly in joy. Her next words made me (nearly break character) shit my pants. “I’ve been married for seven years now. My husband’s the sweetest man in the universe and you should see our daughter – so excited to finally go to school. Erwin is actually helping me get her into a decent elementary because he’s got connections.” Her attention returned to my ankle as she checked the bandage and I used the window of opportunity to frantically gesture at Levi. Alarms blared in both our heads as he put the phone whence he’d taken it like it had stung him and I was caught red-handed amidst my panic. “Is everything okay?” She quirked a brow, worried and naïve, and I didn’t have the heart to act like a hollow-headed girlie anymore. My hand was frozen in air where it had repeatedly slashed in front of my throat in order to make Levi bail on our plan.

“Yes, everything’s fine. I was just fanning myself because the air is a bit stuffy. But your family sounds great.” I awkwardly fanned myself with that same hand as Levi stepped away from the desk and came to my side. The nurse gave us a wondrous smile prior to standing up with the announcement my ankle hadn’t sustained serious injury and needed just a bit of rest for a few days to be back to normal. “Thank you for the check-up. I hope everything goes well with your daughter’s enrollment.” We walked out after that – I was limping and Levi was shaking his head in what I liked to believe was a mixture of bewilderment and disappointment.

“How did you know?” Came the bored question once we’d arrived at the gates. I took a second to process what it meant and a sly smile slipped over my lips as I explained with a careless shrug that she was a nurse. I knew he was clueless as to how her profession was in any way related to her password. I glanced at his profile. Not cold today. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His sharp gaze bore into mine and I looked ahead, suddenly finding the front a more comfortable view to observe.

“It means a secret agent has to keep some secrets to themselves.” I could feel my lips curl at the edges as a pair of snorts sounded a second later. Mine was self-assured and his sounded tired of life. “I guess the whole conflict is resolved now. I’ll call Annie to give her a full report later.” The smile on my face softened as we crossed the park and passed the bushes we’d hidden behind about twenty minutes earlier. It seemed like a good idea to nudge the raven’s side. “I’ll make sure to tell her I couldn’t have managed without my chicken.” I glanced up and (Silence.) saw his eyes were pinned to the front. He clicked his tongue in distaste at the new nickname. We both knew it wouldn’t hold. We kept quiet afterwards, walking and listening to the speeding cars, and watching our step over the pavement.

“Your father mentioned the business trip today. We’re going next Tuesday and returning a week later.” The declaration startled me out of my thoughtless daze. I glanced at him but he didn’t look. Over his shoulder, I saw the cars. It didn’t click at all that he was purposefully walking on that side. I curiously questioned the destination and had to put my acting skills to use yet again. I had no right to feel bad that he was going on vacation but that wasn’t it. The whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth. What if he never came back, like Will? I had my reasons to think Levi wouldn’t mention anything to anybody in case he decided to go back home, because they might try to change his mind. “Minnesota for others, New Jersey for us,” he said, eyes pinned to the concrete beneath his feet. Too indulged in thoughts of next Tuesday, I didn’t see him look at my limping form.

“The beach sounds good.” I smiled and it felt forced. “Try to tan and if you come back looking like a tomato, I’ll never let you live it down,” I mused with a strained smirk as asshole-me, contrary to my expectations, decided to help me dismiss the unnerving question (Will you come back at all?) from my mind so I could return to playing a more plausible version of myself. Levi scoffed and stated he was tanning enough. His hands were in his pockets and I threw him a pointed look. My fingers were tugging on the pockets of my own shorts. “The only thing you did was get a sunburned nose on my birthday, asshole. Don’t flatter your complexion that much.” I rolled my eyes and he glared at my temple.

“I don’t need constructive criticism from an overdone steak,” he spat flatly, canines flashing in the afternoon sun like most times he became a tad bit snarky during our banter. I suppressed the urge to stare, mostly because it would lead to the thought of his mouth and how it had been on mine less than an hour ago.

“Very well, porcelain boy. Just don’t be offended when somebody in New Jersey mistakes you for a ghost.” I elbowed his shoulder with a huff, making us both face the front. I came to realise sometime later that we were walking so close we were inches apart from looking like a pair of lovebirds incapable of touching because of the heat. A ridiculous comparison. We could never look like that. One would think I’d go back to maintaining my twelve-inch distance after realising it wasn’t there, but today, I didn’t feel like it. Not at all, not right now and not until we reached the house. We were back home in less than half an hour, Levi called Hanji to tell her he wouldn’t be coming over at all and my ankle was throbbing under the cool compress as I lay on my bed and told Annie about my adventures.

I omitted the part where I’d kissed my father’s intern again and she was ecstatic to hear the love of her life was far from cheating on her – in fact, he was such a good person she would ring him up and surprise him with a date. I chatted with my best friend for nearly an hour, then we hung up and I decided to go downstairs and reward myself with a sandwich for a job well done, but Levi the mind-reader had beat me to the task. Two dishes full of triangular sandwiches sat on the marble counter, along with two cups – one with coffee and one with tea. And, of course, the handsome ebony-haired intern I didn’t think I’d ever deserve. My sandwich had no peppers. A crooked smile spoke of my gratitude instead of my vocal cords and I dug into my meal, thinking of my diet all the while. It was ironic that the one snack I couldn’t touch was sitting right next to me.

Repeat.

“You should’ve told me sooner,” I scolded over the phone, turned away from the guy sitting inside the restaurant waiting for me so I could argue with the asshole I’d come to tolerate outside. My eyes were glued to my ring and I tried to pick at it while waiting for Levi’s response.

“I’m not supposed to report to you, princess. It was just a suggestion.” His spiteful snort was audible and I could imagine his eyes glaring so vividly it was as if I’d seen it happen right in front of me. Shuffling of clothes was heard in the background as I pouted, visibly irritated with how bad he’d been at managing the simple piece of information he gave me now.

“Well, you should’ve made it sooner because I’m busy and won’t be back home before nine.” I was frowning and my lips were pursed in frustration when he flatly noted my shift wasn’t that long. A small question mark hung at the end of the statement ever so timidly and I nearly wheezed. “No, I’m… having dinner.” The pause gave it away. Levi was so good at reading me he immediately knew what I was trying to hide. The indifference with which he called out my lie wasn’t something I enjoyed.

“You should’ve just said you were on a date with Rivers. I’m not your boyfriend so I won’t get jealous.” I could imagine him scoff. I could imagine the downward curl of his lips. I could imagine him folding his clothes. I knew the discovery hadn’t affected him in any way. Maybe I was hoping for something, but (He’s not like that and we both know it.) asshole-me was good at making me feel bad about it, without even sounding catty. I gulped and I knew I had to get over myself. Levi wasn’t my slave or anything of the sort. Not my boyfriend either.

“I’m aware of that, asshole, but it’s not an actual date. Adam covered for me last Friday during our secret mission so I’m repaying him,” I explained casually, twirling a strand of my hair around my finger in thought. I glanced at the setting sun and the people on the street, ignoring the way my heart pounded like I was being chased by a wild animal.

“It’s been his biggest dream since he met you anyway. And since we’re leaving early tomorrow, I won’t wait up.” In other words – I had to avoid getting my hopes up. It wasn’t unexpected. I was nowhere near thinking he’d stay up to see me. I wouldn’t if I were him. “Have fun on your date,” he drawled flatly, not a hint of mockery present. He was too tired to make fun of me and I was too disappointed to tease him about it.

“Likewise. Keep count of the girls who hit on you,” I reminded before he hung up and I made my way inside the restaurant, taking my seat across from Adam, who browsed the menu with such glistening orbs it made me smile. It was nice to see somebody this excited, no matter the context. And when he asked whether that had been my scary friend, I nodded, mustering all the smiles and energy I had left after a tiring day at work. Adam deserved nothing less right now. “Yeah, he’s going on a vacation.” It gave him the green light to keep perusing the menu. He was so eager I would’ve thought he’d gone the day without eating. “Now order whatever you want. It’s my treat for your help on Friday.”

“Everything for you, seeing as you’re willing to do so much for a friend.” He put down the menu and closed it with a smile. His eyes dipped to my bare knees and my bandaged ankle before returning to my face. What I’d done was nothing compared to what Annie did for me, but it had gotten her spirits up, so maybe it was something. I returned it had been a cool secret mission and the waiter approached our table, took our orders and went away as Adam tilted his head curiously. “Did it fix everything?” Suddenly, I was mute. My heart felt like a therapy ball getting squished and the silver around my ring finger stung unpleasantly, sending a dreaded reminder to the surface of my mind. One I’d rather go without.

Levi could disappear. He could go back to his quiet hometown surrounded by pretty views by (Loire) that river he’d told me about many times I’d never put effort into remembering the name of. He could go back to his mother and little sister and be happy without us. Us? Yes, us – me, my parents and our house. The house I’d been very opposed to calling “his” at the beginning. His room would be empty tomorrow morning and it could stay like that if he so wished. He could leave and I’d have no say in it because I wasn’t part of the big picture for him. Just a temporary visitor – a smudge in the corner he’d barely notice. My smart mouth hadn’t earned me a bigger role. If I’d been a good person, would it have?

At the wave of uncertainty, a bright NOT EXACTLY sign blinked somewhere inside my mind in baby blue, but, as it had become known to all, my answer came out way different than that because I just looked Adam in the eyes with the biggest smile known to mankind and chirped a very confident “yes”, like the manipulative liar I was.

tag list: @unloved-cadillac ; @donaldthrts

#mtij #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman imagine #x reader #i love adding subplots like this lol #u kno to keep up the comedy #because other-fucking-wise this series wouldn't be so funny #LEVI IS AT IT AGAIN WITH THE CONSIDERATION #i know what we're all thinking #this chick doesn't deserve him #chillax #there are worse examples out there she need some happiness #also how good of a bff is she? honestly? minor breaches of actual fucking law to clear a simple misunderstanding #i stan my own queen #and levi for having a rebellious phrase that helped out which i won't be giving details on

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