#aro grief post

[neverquiteeden]

My Aro Friend-Grief post is doing the rounds again, so I want to change the tone a bit. This is a Positivity Post(TM).

Reblog with at least one experience you've had with your friends or being aro/aro-spec that has brought you genuine joy! Let's get some hope passed around here!

[fellas-is-it]

got tired of all depressing and hating yourself for being aro vibes on legit any other platform besides tumblr (looking at you tictac app) so wanted to listen to positive aromantic playlists and legit could NOT FIND ANY??????

And the ones that were vaguely positive were made for aroace ppl. Which is great! But im not ace!!! So WHERE'S MY POSITIVE AROALLO REP?!?!?!

Anyways i solved this hyperspecific problem myself and made a POSITIVE AROALLO playlist:

Larger image of the playlist cover i made

[crave-mp3]

I LOVE BEING ARO SO MUCH!!!!!! I WILL NEVER FEEL ROMANTIC ATTRACTION AND THATS BEAUTIFUL AND NATURAL AND SOMETHING I WILL WIELD AS A WEAPON AND A SHIELD AGAINST ANYONE WHO WOULD CHANGE ME OR ERASE ME!!!!!! REALIZING I AM ARO WAS ONE OF THE MOST JOYFUL AND FREEING AND ILLUMINATING EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EXUBERANCE AT LIVING WITHOUT THE NARROW SOCIETAL IDEA OF "LOVE" KNOWS NO BOUNDS AND I SEE BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! MY LIFE OVERFLOWS WITH JOYFUL ABUNDANCE!!!!!!!! I AM BURSTING FOR AFFECTION WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER BE "ALONE" (I WILL NEVER BE LONELY) BECAUSE I WILL MAKE FOR MYSELF A LIFE THAT SINGS AND SHINES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE LIVING A LOVELESS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THE SELF RELIANCE OF MY HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM INFINITE AND BOUNDLESS AND DEFY DESCRIPTION OR CATEGORIZATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM AROMANTIC!!!!!!!! ALL IS JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[heartless-aro]

For Those Struggling to Come to Terms with Being Aromantic

I talk a lot on here about aro joy, because i feel like a lot of conversations about aromanticism focus on the negative aspects of it, especially the fear of loneliness and isolation. However, i just want to say that aros who aren’t happy and confident in their aromanticism are still wonderful and valued members of our community. While i do my best to emphasize how aromanticism can be beautiful and freeing, it’s just as important for aros, especially young new-to-the-community aros, to talk about their fears of what their aromanticism means for them and for their future.

When you’re told that there’s only one way to achieve true happiness and then you realize that that particular path to happiness is cut off from you, it’s normal and healthy to grieve the life you expected to have. I think a lot of people who are new to the aro community feel alone in their grief when they see those of us who l*ve our aromanticism and find pride and joy in who we are. But if you’re one of those aros who is devastated by the idea that you won’t fall in love or who mourns the experiences you may never have — if you dream of wedding cakes that you may never know the taste of, or scenes of domesticity that you may never play a part in, or embraces that you may never know the warmth of — that’s ok. I can promise you that you aren’t alone. I’ve been there too, and I’m not the only one.

A lot of us who now talk about aro joy were once right where you are, experiencing aro grief. There was a time before I l*ved my aromanticism as I do now, where I was torn to pieces by the idea that the people I l*ve more than anyone will always have someone else, a romantic partner, who they love more than they l*ve me. I used to be terrified of growing up and waking up to an empty house every morning. It took me a long time to really understand and come to terms with what I want my life to look like, and to realize that a lot of the things I grieved weren’t even things I actually wanted but were just… things I was told I should want.

Because that’s what it boils down to really. I knew who I was long before I even knew there were words for people like me, and while I started out happy as myself, over the years I began to internalize a lot of amatonormative ideas of what happiness should like, and I secretly became really scared of what my future would hold. And at that point I began to grieve, not for things that I cherished but ended up losing, but for things that I have never cherished and that are as available to me as they are to anyone else who wants them, with the one key difference being that I don’t want them.

All this is to say that for those who are struggling to find aro joy in the midst of their aro grief, I want you to know that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. You aren’t alone in your experiences, and you aren’t “betraying” our community somehow by talking about your experiences with aro grief.

The good news though is that, just as aro grief is learned through growing up in an amatanormative society, aro joy can be learned as well. So if you want to find joy in your aromanticism but you haven’t quite found it yet, don’t worry. You’ll get there. And our community won’t just be here for you when you do finally get there. We’ll be here for you now too. We will welcome you with open arms every step of the way.

[achillearrow]

Death won’t do us apart but not in the " I love you so much that I will rejoin your grave" way but in the "even after you left you didn't really die as i find you in the world every day" way. The "I love you enough to keep us both alive" way. 

[redysetdare]

Look, i get it. You're SAD your Aro. You're SAD your Ace. you HATE not feeling romantic/sexual attraction. you WISH you were allo. Life isn't how Amatonormativity said it would be. I GET IT. But at some point u gotta stop wallowing in self pity and misery and reach the acceptance stage of grief. I promise you that you will feel better once you stop feeling bad for yourself and start realizing you aren't broken for being aspec. literally you have the option to not live your life feeling miserable over something you can't change. You will find other things to make you happy. you will find that you don't have to "miss out" on anything. You can find happiness. You just gotta learn to let go of your misery. You deserve to find happiness, even if it's not in the way you original thought you would.

[deadend-if]

DEMO TBA | INFO | 17+

Most people would describe your life as normal. You live in a small apartment in the middle of a bustling city. It's a city bursting with life and opportunities, things you’ve grown accustomed to. It's been a few years since moving here with your former college roommate, turned best friend. Life pulled the both of you to the city to pursue your careers, living comfortably since. So, when someone comes knocking at your door with wide, panicked eyes, you feel the urge to just move on with your day. That is, of course, not possible when they drop the fact that your roommate is dead, followed by an invitation to get them back.

This IF is written in twine and will be posted on itch.io. It is currently a work in progress. Advice is appreciated due to this being my first attempt at something like this <3

This story will delve into grief, death, and dying, all while exploring everything the underworld has to offer. Face ghosts of everyone's pasts, get into trouble with Underworld Law and become closer along the way.

Play as a fully customizable character, choose your character's name, pronouns/gender, sexuality, appearance, college degree, and more!

Travel through the underworld, explore the vast layers the city of the dead has to offer and meet the people who reside there.

Determine how you traverse loss and all the things that come with it. Either ignore or come to terms with what might happen at the end of it all.

Build a relationship with 1 of 4 character options (or 1 of 2(?) poly options!), two gender selectable, and two set genders (non-binary spectrum). (Play as aro, gay, straight, bi, trans, etc. Platonic relationships will be just as important in this game!)

This game is for 17 and up. There will be NO sexual themes, but there will be heavy topics, explicit language, and graphic descriptions of death. More Content Warnings will be listed in the demo.

The Best Friend | Abel/Abella Robinson [he/him or she/her] - RO

Your best friend since freshman year of college, once random strangers sharing a dorm, now living together of your own free will. A is an elementary school teacher with a calm, gentle heart. They are a bit of a doormat but are kind despite the world being cruel. For years they have been a loyal friend and helped you whenever you needed it, now it's time to help them escape the clutches of death.

The Guilty Reaper | Mortimer/Mort/Mortie [any pronouns] - RO

Mortimer has your best interests in mind, at least that's why they tell you when they pop up at your doorstep with tickets to the underworld. Being out of touch with humanity is supposed to be an asset for reapers, but Mortimer has always wanted to know everything there is to know about humanity. Can you even believe someone like them? Mort seems a little too honest, and a little too curious, but they're the only tour guide for the underworld that you know of.

Your Best Friend's Best Friend | Santiago/Santina "Santi" Vega [he/him or she/her] - RO

You know A has other friends, but what you don't know is why they hate you so much. Santi has never liked you, not four years ago, not today. They are sarcastic and confident. They will always take the opportunity to outshine you, it's hard to understand why someone like A would even tolerate being around them. Whether you like it or not, they're still A's other best friend, and are just as determined to get them back safe and sound... Even if it means having to do it with you.

The Guard | Kyo [he/they] - RO

A (begrudging) friend of Mort and one of many guards of the underworld. They're a mystery to you and even to their closest friend. Kyo doesn't speak much. They are blunt, easily annoyed, and strictly there to keep an eye on everyone. He prefers to follow the rules and stay under the radar, especially since he seems to have something to lose. They seem to only tag along to keep Mort out of trouble, but there has to be something more to their goals. Why else would they risk so much for people they don't know?

Poly Options <3

A & S K & M (A secret third option, perchance?)

DEMO TBA | INFO

[battlekidx2]

I'm making this post purely to shout out some incredibly talented fanfic writers from the Hazbin Hotel fandom and my favorite works of theirs.

Did anyone ask me for this? No. Will I post it anyway? Absolutely. The writers in this fandom are too good.

The first fanfic writer I want to shout out is @prince-liest (ao3 link)

I absolutely love their get cared for idiot (Alastor) series (not the official name but they called it that in one of their asks jokingly so it's now the default in my head).

Knock, Knock! It's Your Worst Fucking Nightmare! (this fic gets it!!!! This is what I meant when I said Alastor is growing a heart and part of him is raging against it. He still has ulterior motives and a massive amount of pride and part of him feels like that growing fondness is getting in the way, but he can't stop it. I need to stop before this becomes a long ramble. I've written a couple thousand words on this idea, but this fic is just a better use of your time than any meta I could ever write and way more entertaining :D )

Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy

The Last Bus Stop in Hell, Now Boarding (Please look at the tags for content warning. Angel and Alastor body swap story.)

They're amazing at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor where there's a heart in there (really deep) and he's unintentionally growing attached to the hazbin crew, but he doesn't lose his edge. He's still manipulative and an asshole and can easily be the scariest guy in any room. He's in hell for a reason. A+ characterization at all times.

They're so good at writing the complicated dynamics he has with the residents, especially Charlie, and I enjoy how they expand on Alastor's potential dynamic with Angel Dust.

Anything they write from Lucifer's POV is gold too! My favorites are:

Take Two and Leave a Voicemail!

The Care and Keeping of Homo Angelus

I am also 100% here for their Aro!Alastor agenda and I'm enjoying their fic I Love Her, I Love Her Not so far!

The second person I want to shout out is @grayintogreen (ao3 link)

Their series Red Roses and Dead Things consistently gut punches me.

Just like Princeliest, they are also fantastic at balancing on that razor's edge with Alastor. A+ characterization for everyone and I love how they write HuskerDust. It's so soft, especially in the aftermath fic for Learn that Even Death May Die called If My Love Is Tomorrow, I've Forgotten Yesterday (that fic hurt in the best way).

The way they explore the aftermath of Learn that Even Death May Die is incredibly impactful. They capture the unique grief that comes from the reality that there are some things you won't get closure for so well that it's painful.

I can't say enough good things about their series. Genuinely go read it.

I found @lediz-watches (ao3 link) before the first season of Hazbin Hotel dropped (I've been a fan of the hellaverse for a few years now and have been enthralled with the Hazbin Hotel pilot since I first watched it in 2020) and I really enjoy their fics.

My favorite is Suffering Kindness. I love the Charlie and Alastor dynamic they explore in this story. I think I'm just a sucker for the Charlie and Alastor dynamic in general, but this fic hits all the right notes for me. (written pre-season 1 but man is it good. 100% recommend)

LeDiz also has a lot of one-shots/collections of one-shots that are very fun.

The Cure for Inexorable Boredom

Dollface (one-shots about Alastor theories. My favorite is the 3rd one. So fascinating!)

Choice Words (one of the few explorations of Alastor and Vaggie's dynamic that I've found in the fandom)

Don't Say It

I have to shout out @ckret2 (ao3 link) and their phenomenal fic You’ve Got a Face for Radio. This is such an amazing aroace!Alastor fic. (Embarrassingly it was this fic that made me realize I was most likely aroace myself. I’d had fleeting moments of suspecting it but it wasn’t until I saw my experiences laid out in a character explicitly written to be aroace that I put the puzzle pieces together. -_- some of these passages were too relatable.) I cannot express how much I love this fic.

I also like their fics Dumpster Baby and Bitter Grapes.

I have one last writer I want to mention because this is getting really long (whoops). The last one is tiredoflofteranditsshit and their Assume He Has a Heart series (because my favorite character and how I interpret them was not obvious enough already with the fics/authors I've recommended. I had to make it more obvious).

These fics are massive (17k and 26k words) and so much fun. Definitely worth the read. Yet another series that follows up season 1 and explores Alastor’s growing connections and how he lies to himself and pushes against it. Love this series and there’s a lot to sink your teeth into :D

[theanonymousninja247]

Settled

This is a little somethin somethin inspired after this post by @mrabubu. Happy Really Late Birthday?

ANyHoO please listen to this song to set the mood

”So that's what I want to give them, as many forms of softness as I can.

Because everyone should have a little softness in their lives.

Including you, anon-chan.

And even if it has to be secret, even if it's just between you and four walls, I hope you do find some time to be soft.” ~ @luckycharms1701

Cookies and Cream Rating: 16+ and up please 🙏🏼

Settled

One of the things you don’t think you would ever get used to about living in these underground bunkers was just how cold it could get.

A constant temp of 50 something degrees in the summer. Or well…what used to be called summer. With the Kraang invasion and what not, the stupid aliens messed with your seasons in their attempt to make the Earth atmosphere more like their heralded “Dimension X.”

It wasn’t the only thing the stupid pink buggers had messed with besides the obvious glaring fact that they were attempting mass Earthen genocide and planetary colonization and what not.

No, the Kraang had a nasty habit of being unfairly unpredictable. Which made sense because they were, you know, aLiEnS. Aliens who had no need of following humans preferred sense of having at least SOME semblance of structure. 

That unpredictability was causing its fair share of grief across the entire Resistance. Aliens, you had decided, had certainly lost their “awe factor”  the minute they started to decimate the planet and permanently engrain “Raph Chasms” on every single face you passed.

A heavy disgruntled sigh escaped you at that thought, one face in particular coming to your concerned mind. A face who’s brow was often furrowed with the weight of said Kraang unpredictability.

One face that you had not seen all day even though he had promised to come to bed earlier just once he had finished planning for an upcoming Kraag ambush he was leading. 

He had promised you that. 7. Hours. Ago. 

You hated that that had become his norm of late. Granted, you knew that he had always struggled with insomnia, but usually if you smiled at him just right and caught him sitting down, you could get him to snuggle in close and at least take a nap. 

Now though? You weren’t sure the last time you had even seen him with his eyes closed for more than a minute or two. It was almost to the point that his sleep hours were rivaling Donnie’s due to how miniscule and spaced out they were. It was starting to worry you. Even more so than usual. 

You let out a soft hum of thought at that and shifted your feet in the direction of where you had left him last. Looks like desperate times really did call for desperate measures.

So with a plan of action once again set into play, you just shook your head wearily, tightened the worn blanket around your shoulders as your shield against the chilly bunker air, and marched off to find your stubbornly still awake man.  

After wandering the ever puzzling interlocking halls and bunkers, you finally found him exactly where you had left him: stone faced with that ever deepening Raph Chasm on his brow with his gaze hyper-focused on the paperwork laid out in a heap in front of him.

His hand anxiously rubbed his chin, one that you had absently noticed that he had grown into rather nicely through out the years. While he forever seemed to face each day with his “devil may care” kind of attitude, you could see the way his eyes constantly flicked around. His movements only emphasizing the fact as he seemed more…agitated than usual, lacking that oh so signature lithe agility that always seemed to accompany him. 

You stepped up to the doorway frame, a small frown pursing your lips as you watched him mutter to himself, pacing around the table in thought as though his nerves would never let him settle. Resting your shoulder against the frame of the doorway as a support, you wrapped the blanket more snugly around your shoulders, pulling the fabric in a slowly tightening fist as you watched Leo with an ever deepening “Raph Chasm” of your own. 

Ever vigilante, always watching, ever the ninja lying in wait. It was only in these small private moments when you could see the facade of bravado fall and the religiously clandestine truth finally rise to the surface. 

It was a truth. A statement of unchanging fact that was never to be eroded with time.

Leo never settled.

He really was never one to stay still. A line used from an old videogame you used to play, would often come to mind when you watched him pace like this: “The Endless Spirit of Timeless Unrest” or however it went.

Part of you wondered if this…ansgty unrest… was because he genuinely cared for these missions. Or if it was more of some desperate attempt to try and redeem himself for what he considered was his unforgivable sin.

Yes, Leo never settled. 

Well…at least until now. 

You smirked softly at that thought and adjusted in the doorway, taking a step forward as you softly called out.

“Leo.”

Hm. Nothing.

“Leo.”

Still nada. He had moved at least, this time his hands coming to brace either side of the table as he all but hunched over the strategy plans like some geriatric gargoyle. 

“Leonardo Hamato.”

Interesting. Even the full name had no response. Leo must really have been in the zone if not even the full seven syllables could grasp his attention. This was more serious than you thought. Looks like it was time to pull out the big guns.

“Oh Husband~...”

Leo’s head shot up at the gentle croon of your voice with a speed that you could have sworn would have popped a blood vessel, his eyes immediately zoning in on you in the doorway.

He snapped to attention, immediately stretching to his full height as his body went tense at the perceived danger at the sound of your voice. Your eyes immediately followed the movement, watching as the body of intimidation, the weapon of the “Greatest Ninja in the World” literally rose in front of you.

You would never breathe a word of it, never in a million years, but such a look directed at you from Leo always made you feel like a chicken being circled by a fox.

Something of a dance of death, a toying tease as you awaited with baited breath for the inevitable strike. It was only for a moment, it was always only just for a moment, but it admittedly would make you freeze, have your stomach clenching, at the intense look in his eye.

You knew Leo would never hurt you. Well, at least not until recognition flicked across his gaze. 

He just stared at you with that ever impenetrable gaze before shifting into his more familiar dastardly delicious, one sided, smirk that forever seemed plastered onto his face. Except this time, the smirk was a little bit more sheepish, looking the picture of a naughty child with their hand stuck in the proverbial cookie jar. 

Leo was caught. You knew it. He knew it. And he knew that now you were here, there was no chance of getting out of it. 

So Leo did what Leo always does, turned on that signature “Face Man Charm”  to try and slip out of trouble. In a voice that just happened to be a little bit lower and perchance a hint more sensual than normal, Leo all but purred out, ”Oh hey~ Didn’t see you there. What’s up?”

Your eyebrow quirked up at the sound of the attempted burr in his voice, and you couldn’t help but shake your head with an amused roll of your eyes. Keeping the blanket wrapped snugly around your shoulders, you pushed yourself off from the door frame and sauntered forward till you reached Leo’s side. Placing one hand on your hip, you looked up at him with a soft smirk and quipped off a dry reply, “Obviously. What’s up is you apparently. Do you have any idea how late it is?”

Leo blinked owlishly at you for a moment before he let out a very confident, “Uhhhhh…n-no?” 

The flat look you shot at him at his very convincing reply, had him wincing slightly. Your arms came up to fold exasperatedly around you with a small cock of your hip. Leo’s eyes flicked to your body with the motion, and he wouldn't meet your eye, choosing to instead shoot you another sheepish smile and nervously rub the back of his neck. When he saw that you were not having it, Leo’s smile dropped, and he held both of his hands up placating with a heavy sigh.

“Look, you don’t even need to say anything. I know. I know I promised, I’m sorry Love, but I just really need to have this all hammered out before-”

“Abepbep, let me stop you right there, Cowboy.”  

You didn’t even let Leo finish before you raised a hand to cut him off, pressing your fingers against his lips. The motion obviously surprised Leo, all with the face touching, being a red-eared-slider and what not, effectively shutting him up for the time being. You tried to bite back a smirk at the thought of using Leo’s own biological behaviors against him to assert dominance in the moment, but hey, desperate times called for desperate measures and whatever. 

You looked up at him and slowly shook your head, letting out a sad chuckle as you reached out to gently slide your hand over his cheek, down his arm until you could finally capture his hand. Maintaining eye contact with him, you slowly curled his hand into a fist and held it snugly over yours. Slowly raising it up so you could press a soft kiss to the back of his knuckles, murmuring softly into the cool skin.

“Boy, you are just as bad as Donnie. I figured if you weren’t coming to bed, I’d just bring bed to you instead.”

Now Leo was never one to lose his cool; it was something he was actually rather proud of, keeping his head in the heat of the moment and what not. But there was something about the way that you looked up at him, holding and kissing his hand like that, that got him feeling some kind of way.  

He tried to resist, he really did, but admittedly he was getting kind of tired and he maaaaay or may not be somewhat distracted by the way the blanket looked so invitingly wrapped around you and how his loose shirt was beginning to slip, showing off the delicate and smooth curve of your shoulder.

Leo cleared his throat and quickly turned his head, a muscle thumping in his jaw as he tried to hide the sudden warmth that was heating up his cheeks. He stammered out, his voice soft and apologetic as he lowered his hand with yours.

 “Look, Love, I-I can’t…”

At hearing Leo’s quiet and hesitant denial, your heart sank, and suddenly the bunker just felt that much colder. He really was serious about this, and you didn’t think anything you could say or do in the moment would change his mind. 

You continued to look up at him searchingly, his hand still being held tightly with yours as you watched with growing worry at the way his eyes creased on the side, at the hollowness found there and the furrow further deepening on his brow.

Sure, he wasn’t going to change his mind, but that didn’t mean you were going to let him keep standing on duty like this. Not if you, as a good wife, had anything to say about it. 

Shaking your head with a small huff, you reached up with your one free hand to adjust the slipping blanket, not wanting to let go of Leo with the other now that you had his attention, and took a step back tugging Leo along.

“Oh very well, you can still work, but at least come sit down. It’ll help you get a new angle at least.”

Leo stumbled slightly with the tug, blinking in surprise that you had even gotten him to move. He must have been more tired than the both of you had previously thought. But he just fondly rolled his eyes with a small sigh of his own, reaching behind him to swiftly grab his papers before you dragged him off to who knows where.

“Goodness! So bossy.”

Leo all but chortled to which you respond with a dry chuckle, playfully shooing Leo backwards until his legs hit the back of a couch that had been left in the corner of the room. Without giving him a chance to recalibrate, you all but shove him down onto said couch, and plopped down next to him to prevent any chance of escape. To further ensure your snare, you unwrapped the blanket and gently shifted it until it was resting on top of the both of y’all, effectively nestling y’all under the fabric together. 

You chuckled with a shake of you head as you pulled your legs up onto the couch and turned so you could nestle into Leo’s side with a soft smirk, gently slapping his plastron.

“Maybe, just a little but that's because your stubborn arse won't listen to anything else. Now be a good husband and put your arm around me.”

It was turn for Leo’s eyebrow ridge to raise at the slight demand, and he just chuckled softly, obliging you as he lowered his arm around your shoulders to pull you close to his plastron.

“Yes Mrs. Hamatoooo.” 

You rolled your eyes at the slight whine in his tone with a soft huff and squirmed a little to get more comfortable. To do so, and to just cover all your bases in making sure Leo was NOT going anywhere, you lazily threw your arm over Leo’s waist and snuggled in close. You nuzzled your nose against his plastron with a soft mutter as sleep began to already encroach on the corners of your mind now that you were next to him.

“Well someone has to keep you humble.”

Leo looked down at you in surprise as you wrapped your arm around him, that all too familiar heat beginning to crawl up his cheeks. You really were a little Mrs. Feisty Pants weren't you? Not that he minded or anything. It was honestly one of the things he adored about you, being able to call him out like that and doing so in such a way that always made him feel like a million bucks. Still, he didn’t think he’d ever get used to you actively and consistently reaching out for him like this.

He couldn’t hold back the soft smirk that inched across his face as he saw the sleepy expression cross yours and before he had even realized he had even done it, found himself leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Good, I’d miss it if you ever stopped.”

You let out a small snicker at that, your nose wrinkling at the brush of his lips against your crown and reached up to cover Leo’s face with your hand, playfully pushing him away.

“Shhhhh shhh baby, it’s sleepy time.”

Leo chuckled at your pet name, and you could feel more than hear the rumble against you ear as you all but lean up against his chest. He slowly rubbed a palm up and down your blanket covered arm before leaning to press another absentminded kiss with a soft mumble.

“Naw, it’s time for you to get some sleep, Love. I still have some work to do.”

You let out a small grunt at that, your face scrunching in a small pout as you instinctively tightened your arm around his waist, your hand coming to mirror his as it slowly stroked up and down the side scutes of his plastron.

“Fiiiiiine…just…don’t stay up too late, mkay?”

Leo’s smirked softened at the obvious worry and displeasure in your tone and the feeling of affectionate tenderness grew as he watched your eyelashes flutter against your cheeks as you vainly tried to stay up. His hand continued its slow trek against your arm, and his voice dropped into a sacred whisper, not wanting you to stay up any more than you have to.

“Don’t worry Love, I won't.”

So back to work Leo went. Er…at least tried to. There was just one teeny tiiiiiny itsy bitsy wee little factor that was preventing him from doing so. 

Work. Was not working.

Leo’s brain could be described to something akin to an egg on the summer concrete the way it felt so fried. Nothing was clicking. Even the “new angle” as you so called it, was not helping in the slightest. Shell, he’d be staring at this page for so long that the words had started to swim like little black fish between his eyes. 

A hand came up to slowly drag down the length of Leo’s face accompanied with a most exhausted sigh. Yeah, he wasn’t getting anywhere with this tonight.

As if to emphasize said point, like the Universe itself was trying to grab his attention, Leo’s tympanum was caught by the subtle sound that had begun to escape from your parted lips as you all but lounged against his plastron. Leo blinked in surprise at the feeling of the heavy -laded breath that brushed across his chest before his lips curled up into a soft smirk at said sound. 

A sound that could only be described as a snore. Just a light little thing, more of a exhale of air than an actual sound. But it was the fact that you only snored when you were completely out of it.

Leo chuckled softly at the thought as he placed his paperwork onto the ground next to the couch and with his now free hand, curling a knuckle to gently knock your chin up so as to prevent you from drooling against him. It wouldn't be the first time.

Your face instantly scrunched up into a small frown at the displeasure of having something touch you in your sleep, and you instinctively raised a hand to swat against the unseen foe. Letting out a disgruntled little mumble, you shifted against Leo’s side, curling into him as if to try to hide your face against the intrusion. 

Leo’s smirk softened with fond amusement at your decidedly very grumpy face. You were always just so expressive, even in sleep, and he would never tire from trying to memorize each and every face that you would make. Even if he had to be a little turd at times to do so.

Still, you must have not minded, not really, not if you had continued to stick around like you did. Even going as far to marry this poor sap of a turtle he’d become.

He didn’t understand it, and he supposed that he never really would. Understand the fact that you could drop all walls and just fall asleep so quickly next to him without even a second thought. Mikey had said something in passing once that people only fell asleep in places where they felt safe or secure. And Leo, for the life of him, couldn’t fathom what he had done that made you feel safe enough to do so around him. 

Acting on pure instinct, Leo couldn’t help but reach up from where his hand had rested against your jaw to instead lightly trace between your brows, trying to ease the tension that had formed there with a gentle massage of his thumb. Watching with satisfaction at how with each stroke across your brow and cheek line, your eyelashes fluttered and you all but further slumped into his hand, the tension leaving you with a soft sigh.  

While your brow smoothed, Leo’s own brow furrowed, and his hand went still while cupping your cheek.

How on earth could you feel safe? How could you still reach out for him, still care about him, after everything he had done?

He was the reason that the entire world was in this mess, the reason behind every “Raph Chasm” on the faces of the people who passed by, and why you couldn’t sleep soundly anymore unless he was there. 

You and his brothers had told him repeatedly that what had happened wasn’t his fault, that there were more pieces at play then he could have ever handled. Despite all the reassurances, all the never ending support and dedication, it was in these still quiet moments, Leo found himself being haunted by the shadows of his own consuming demons. 

This was his fault.

All of this was his fault. 

And yet despite this, despite all the destruction and heartache his stupid stupid pride and self ego had caused, you still wanted him. You still could stand to even be in his presence, to still care and call him friend.

Enough so that you had…you wanted…you asked if he wanted…would be willing to create a future with you.

Leo’s breath hitched softly at the thought as he looked down at you, curled up so tightly against him, sleeping peacefully at his side like everything was right in the world now that you were close to him.

The realization that THAT is what you felt about him made his hand begin to tremble slightly against your skin. 

Not wanting the chance of his shaky hand to disturb your slumber, Leo quickly slid his hand from your face, back to cup your shoulder instead, thoughts of any previous failures or work fading away the instant he could feel the warmth of your body through the blanket underneath his hand, grounding him instantly into the present.

Feeling that warmth, that comforting and grounding weight, Leo suddenly decided that while you were close sitting by his side like this, you weren’t close enough.

He wanted more, wanted more of you. 

Moving ever so carefully, only as a well seasoned ninja could, Leo gently wrapped both of his arms around the back of your shoulders as he slowly fell backwards onto the couch, pulling you in tow until you were resting on top of him, laying flush upon his plastron.

The sudden shift of positions had you stirring from sleep, causing you to let out a soft questioning hum as your head blearily raised from Leo’s chest. 

Leo acted instinctively not wanting you to awake and to possibly see the unbidden moisture that had begun to form in his eyes, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head and gently push it back down to strategically rest against above his heart. 

“Shhh shh, it's just me Love, just me. I’m finally going to get some sleep now. You ok with being my weighted blanket for a little bit eh?” 

Not waiting or really wanting a response, Leo’s hand came up to gently card his fingers through your hair in long smooth strokes, hoping to soothe you back into sleep. He watched with satisfaction as your eyes began to flutter close again and you let out a soft appreciative hum, resting more heavily against him into his hand. He couldn’t help but smirk softly at the feeling. Everybody had their happy spots, he supposed.

Leo could understand why. He knew that you tried your very best to take care of you tresses as best as one could during an alien invasion. But what he didn’t know was what woman magic you wielded here during the apocalypse that still made your hair silky smooth as it was. It was so soft. You were so soft.

His hand absentmindedly ran over the curve of your back and shoulders, always amazed at the slight give of your skin against the pressure of his hand. It made him think of how you were always giving, in every way you could. To him, to the rest of the Resistance, to every single soul who had the privilege of coming into contact with you. Such softness and warmth couldn’t be contained, to the point that it was engraved upon every inch of your delicate frame. 

Being a good-for-nothing ninja turtle, who was created literally to be a weapon, a tool, Leo didnt think he'd ever get the opportunity to be soft with someone with someone like this. Have the chance to take comfort in someone else’s body and presence, or have someone take comfort in the likes of him.

And yet here you were, resting on top of him, locked within the protection of his arms, sleeping as soundly as a babe. 

It surprised him even in the beginning of y’alls relationship. It still surprised him to this day because Leo, didn’t think he deserved anything good. Not ever again.

Leo looked down at you. If it were not for the heat and the comforting weight of you on top of him, he was pretty sure that he was dreaming. But for once, it wasn't a dream. Wasn't just a passing wish. No, you were here. You were really here. And that was all that mattered. 

Cradling you closer with one arm wrapping around your shoulders, Leo pulled you protectively flush up against his plastron. His other hand coming to gently dig his fingers through your hair at the back of your head, cradling you close enough that he could press a soft kiss to the top of your head.

His lips lingering over your skin as he absentmindedly peppered slow kisses on your crown and hair at random intervals whenever the affectionate urge hit, indulging in the tenderness that only comes out in these small moments.

Leo would fight any number of Kraang, plan as many ambushes as needed, and take any and every single chance if it meant he could keep you close like this.

Maybe, just maybe. For this one moment, he could let go. Leo could believe in good things again, he could believe in life, settle down and just appreciate this little tender moment with you.

Special thanks to my Beloved L’appel du Vide and @anobodyinabog for being my beta readers!

As well as a shout out to @firefly-graphics for the beautiful dividers!

[sarah-sandwich-writes]

Call for Beta Readers!! Please boost this post!

💕 Queer contemporary romance ����

I have a novel (where the romance happens) and a prequel novella (where they're kids and the romance doesn't quite happen) and I'm seeking beta readers for both. I'm planning to publish the novel first, but wrote them with the intent that they could be read in either order so it's up to the beta which order they'd like to read them in, or if they only want to beta one.

Red, like my bleeding heart in your hand - 25k - Nash has enough to worry about with an abusive father at home and a little sister to keep out of harm's way, but when a boy his age, Teddy, moves in next door he finds it impossible to stay away even though he really, really should.

Warning for child abuse - mostly referenced

Blue, like don't forget about me - 60k - Twenty years later, Nash reconnects with Teddy at a funeral of all places. With grief, hurt feelings, and broken promises on both sides--they've got no business trying this thing again... and yet...

Warnings for: references to past child abuse, one (1) sexy scene, several references and innuendoes to sex that happens between scenes, and funerals (there are like,,,,an improbable number of funerals for this fluffy little romance idk man)

INTERESTING STUFF:

Ambulatory cane user, undiagnosed autistic MC

Jewish, POC, asthmatic, dietary nightmare love interest

Small town Appalachian setting

Aro/Ace side character

MC works at a nursing home and is besties with all the old folks

I'm thinking two months turnaround if you're reading both, but am super flexible on timing. Mostly I'm looking for reactions to what you're reading: what hits right, what doesn't, what's missing. I'm especially interested in perspectives from anyone who can relate to one or more of the traits listed above!

If you're interested, let me know how you'd like to connect and share files (email, discord, etc.) and thanks for reading this far!

[drivebypainter]

Hey guys! Some good news and some bad news!

Good News is, I am more than half way done writing the new chapter of ‘50% of Marriages End in Divorce’ and will be posting it very soon!! Yay!!

Bad News is, I cannot post it this month. It will have to be posted next month along with the other two chapters that will be posted that month.

This is because I have had family over and that means I can’t really write when I want to. I also live in a state that has been heavily affected by Hurricane Helene and thus things have been kinda crazy! :(

As compensation for not being able to post the new chapter this month, I am gonna show you my future projects that will take place in the same AU as ‘50%.’

Here they are:

1. 50% of Marriages Last Forever (aka what if the cumplane marriage was real real!) feat. Distraught Mobing.

- Tags: Comedy, Implied sexy times (wink wonk), Getting together, Comphet vs being very gay.

- Length: Probs 2 chapters or just a long Oneshot.

2. Liu Qingge’s Never Ending Mission. (aka LQG tries his best to gain friends, it’s a struggle) Feat. Peak lord friendships, MoLiu friendship, and Liu Qingge realizing he is infact Aro/Ace (he’s just never had real friends before).

- Tags: Unrequited love, Understanding one’s own emotions and growing with them, Learning to understand relationships that aren’t romantic in a romance driven world, Character study and introspection.

- Length: Maybe 2-3 chapters.

3. Yue Qingyuan’s Guide to Loneliness. (aka YQY has been lonely for a long long time.. maybe its time to rlly grieve that.) feat. Shen Jiu revival?

- Tags: Grief, Angst, Being lonely and accepting it for what it is, Self-hatred, Being so in love that your world feels empty without it, Learning to live again.

- Length: Oneshot.

[joelsdagger]

i’ve made and deleted this post quite a few times over the last couple of days. and at first, i wasn’t going to say anything because this doesn’t even cover what i wanted to say by even a little, but ultimately, seeing a few others make similar posts encouraged me, and i really just need to get this off my chest, and if it resonates with one person, then i’m happy. this is not coherent at all, but like many, my brain is mush, so forgive me, and here we go...

as a (closeted) queer palestinian american woman, a daughter to immigrant parents, living in a fairly conservative state, i’m fucking terrified. i don’t have faith my rights are protected here. i don’t have faith that my parents and my sisters will be safe every time they step out of the house (in true typical arab fashion; i am white passing, they are not). my family has been targeted and met with violence numerous times since october of last year, and it's only going to get worse. which brings me to my next point.

i also don’t have faith that the genocide in gaza (that has now expanded to south lebanon and syria) is coming to an end, an end where palestinians can live and thrive in their native land anytime soon. and seeing people turn on us — so fast, spewing hate in saying “fuck palestine”, “fuck boycotting” and “you don’t care about my rights, so i don’t care about yours,” is incredibly saddening, disappointing, and infuriating. my grief, anger, and anxiety are at their peak and have been at their peak for well over a year now. and i don't have the brain capacity to say what i really want to say about the hatred and misplaced anger being directed towards arabs, but for now i will say this: 

now is not the time to turn on one another. now is not the time for infighting within marginalized groups. now is not the time to be selfish. to care about yourselves and not others, makes you no better than them. that is why this country is so divisive in the first place. that is how we got here. having that mentality — that ideology is dangerous and destructive. you are doing the work for white supremacists. you are perpetuating white supremacy. and it isn’t going to serve any of us because essentially our struggles as oppressed groups are deeply interconnected. we need to look out for one another. take care of one another. it will get worse before it gets better. and we’re only at the tip of the iceberg.

the fight isn’t over; we’re just getting started. and i know you’re tired; i, for one, am at my breaking point. but we cannot let them win. so let yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel right now: grief, anger, sadness, hurt, whatever it is; it's all valid, and believe me, you are not alone. take the time to feel it. and then let it fuel you and your ambitions.

i also want to reiterate that this is a safe space for all. except anyone who believes trump is a good man and voted for that racist, fascist, rapist piece of shit. y’all can fuck right off. the rest of you: disabled people, chronically ill people, queer people, aro-ace people (i’m specifically pointing you out because i know how we're treated in queer spaces, and it is not fair nor is it right), trans people, women, people of color, sexual assault survivors — if you're reading this and you're unsure of your place, please stay. i need you. i care about you. this place and this world are better with you in it. you are welcome here. you are safe here.

i’ll be here for anyone who needs it, whether it’s to chat about silly little fandom things — it’s imperative we protect this space and continue to encourage the creation of art around here. it’s imperative we stop normalizing the censorship and policing of fandom spaces (because that's another reason how we got here). fandom spaces are communities, and very often they are the only spaces where people feel safe. for most (myself included), it’s all we have left — or whether you want to vent about how much you hate the state of the world — you'll always have a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on in this tiny little nook here. seriously. my inbox and dm's are always open. 

hold each other close. protect one another. the only way we’re going to get through this is if we stand together and continue putting in the work, because it’s times like this when the real work begins.

i’m sending you all so so much love. forever and always.

noelle xx

[greenfae444]

Analysis and Things I Loved About Koisenu Futari (2022)

- depicts how nuanced AroAce relationships/ partnerships are

- explores the complexities of family dynamics

- challenges and subverts notions of what constitutes a “normal family”

- shows the challenges that AroAce people face in a world that favors amatonormativity

- there’s a sapphic subplot (very small tho) and it offers a glimpse into the challenges that queer people battle internally in their pursuit for love/relationships

- conveys the reality of those in the closet and the impact of their decisions to not come out (and what happens when they do come out)

- shows how damaging loving someone can potentially be & how love can make people blind to the reality of the harm they might actually be inflicting

- ep 8 conveyed how language can be limiting. labeling and defining relationships and emotions can sometimes be detrimental but at the same time finding that one word to define something can be liberating. to finally have a word for something can offer clarity

- “family” becomes a possibility instead of an impossibility

- kazu is an interesting character and my opinion of him changed. he symbolizes a lot of things imo

- the show could’ve explored the grief and loneliness aspect more. it’s glossed over (mentioned minimally) but it’s one the main catalyst’s for them moving in together. the topic could’ve been explored more

- i love the use of color theory. the main characters and background characters wear vibrant colors and in ep 8 satoru and sakiko wear white which i thought was fitting for the scene and there’s a lot of symbolism in their choosing to wear white

p.s. i watched koisenu futari in april this yr and these notes were originally posted on my substack & my drama list. i decided to post them here too and keep the discourse going!) i would love more recs about aro/ace individuals (any media: tv series, movies, anime, etc).

💘thank you for reading!

[panlight]

you're post about what would happen if SM didn't follow up after Eclipse with Breaking/Forever Dawn (what a timeline that could've been... 😔) had this line that made me think:

I think you could still include some plot with the Volturi if the group Jane lead in Eclipse picked up any evidence of the wolf shifters and reported it back to Aro.

it made me think about Eclipse where they tried to hide the werewolves' existence from the Volturi...or I guess involvement? (I'll get to that later) and then later in Breaking Dawn where Aro is fascinated by the pack

thing is.....wouldn't the Volturi (or at least Aro) already know? Aro's whole thing is seeing every thought (maybe even memory) that went on in your mind from I guess the first thought you ever had to the present, and just from Edward alone he could've already known about the "werewolves" they had a run in with when they made a treaty in the past.

and even if that was a long time ago, from having touched Alice (who did in fact learn and met the recent resurfacing of the Quileute wolves) it surely would've raced some suspicions? or maybe even have an idea that "huh, are these people they had a treaty with part of the Children of the Moon too?"

now it makes me wonder the full extent of just how much of your thoughts Aro can read, or if Edward's "he hears every thought your mind has ever had" just being dramatic (like he isn't already with his chosen method of offing himself. lol.)

Yeah I've often wondered about this, too. Aro makes it pretty clear in New Moon that he knows all about Alice from being "introduced" to her by Edward via the mind-reading, but is it like an instant download that he immediately just knows or is it more like a book he has to flip through, and maybe he hasn't gotten to the wolf stuff yet because it wasn't as immediately interesting to him as Alice's powers?

I think again it's probably a function of the books being written out of order, because he for sure could pull the "well I'd love to let you go home to my dear friend Carlisle, but alas, you have been fraternizing with werewolves and brother Caius has a problem with that :( " and try to coerce them to stay in Volterra to serve him to spare the other Cullens or whatever. Like he could have so easily just villain'd it up but he couldn't because they HAD to go home and finish high school and get married and have Renesmee.

I guess in my theoretical sequel-to-Eclipse he did find out about them when he touched Edward and Alice in New Moon but he just put it on the back burner and didn't mention it to Marcus or Caius and could have pulled it out later in this not-BD. That is, instead of the Irina thing, Aro could have pretended to be shocked by what Jane was telling him after reporting back after Eclipse (OMG werewolves?! no way! surprisedpikachu.gif) and used the "alliance" with the shifters to go after the Cullens. "To fraternize with the enemy is one thing, but to work with them to kill other vampires is quite another!!" etc.

And I still don't think we talk enough about the danger Edward put the whole family in by choosing Volterra as his would-be suicide method. Edward, my buddy, you gave all the family secrets to Aro. More than he would have gotten from anyone else because you, too, are a mind-reader. I mean at the very least Rosalie and Jasper should be pissed about that. If his plan to die had succeeded, he would have left them not only with the grief over his passing but the fallout from Aro knowing all about Alice (and everyone else, too).

[citizensun]

Queerness and the House of Usher (spoilers!)

See I just added these Thoughts to the tags in @quecksilvereyes 's post but now I have Feelings too

TFotHoU (or HoU, as I will refer to it here), as expected from a Mike Flannagan show, has a bunch of Queer Rep™ to talk about. HoU is, also, about remarkably evil people - amoral capitalists who'll step over anyone if it means they'll get something from it. And look! Some of them are queer! Kinky too!

That's bad queer representation... right?

The show isn't that clear when stablishing sexualities, but we see that at least three of the Usher kids - Napoleon, Camille and Victorine - have same sex SOs/assistants with curious job descriptions. Prospero's taste for orgies probably implies queerness too, but honestly I don't remember if he gets it going with any guys in the story. I honestly have no idea about Tamerlane's voyerism thingie and Frederick is the only one with a "traditional family" going on.

Unrelated, but: Leo is definitely cheating on his bf Julius. Completely dismissing about his worries for him too. And for his cat. That's objectively evil, clearly. Vic literally killed her fiancée Alessandra, though she didn't stuff her under the floorboard, which is an L when compared to Poe's original. Cam doesn't believe in true love. Perry blackmailed his sister in law. Mean. He's also got a surprisingly high kill count for the family's disappointment, but since unlike Roderick he only killed rich people, we stan. I don't belong in Kinky spaces so I haven't got a big take on Tammie, only that - well, she's completely dismissing of her husband and sees him as a prop, just like the sex worker she hires.

Huh.

See, the nature of a story called "the fall of X family" is that X family is going to be the main character. The title kinda implies that they're falling for a reason, ergo, they're despicable fucking people. And they're queer! They're very queer. Many flavors of gay. They're the main characters, and they're monsters, and they're gay.

No, that's not bad rep.

Queerness as a movement, a community and a theory is very focused on scaping a cisheteronormative society's binaries (ie man/woman, husband/wife, public/private) and creating living conditions to those who fall outside of these categories - mlms and wlws, the trans, the nbs, the aros and aces... we are all queer, strange and estranged from this weird and limited worldview. And so we create a community for ourselves. It's very focused on care and anti-stablishment. Since a cisheteronormative society tends to be very white, rich and western, it's also focuses on anti-racism, anti-capitalism, anti-imperialism. Y'all know that, this is Tumblr and we love leftist Discourse.

I also know many, many gay people irl who are not like that at all. Libertarians, anarcho-capitalists, terfs, completely apolitical people and the like. Sexuality at it's core is personal, not political, so there are gay people out there who are perfectly comfortable with their sexuality on an individual level but do not see the point of getting involved in the broader context. They're queer, but are they...?

Well—

Not to mention there's lots of asshole gays out there! Don't you have a shitty ex? Have you never been almost run over by a drunken butch who blew cigar smoke into your face? I have! Life experiences are just like that. Maybe you should touch more grass. You'll probably find a lucky gift from your neighbour's dog, who is an astrology-obsessed bisexual and also really hot but stopped making out with you at a party once she found out you're a pisces (the neighbour, not the dog).

(Granted, none of this is as bad as implanting an experimental heart contraption into the fiancée you just killed because she dared to have ethical principles and then being so consumed with grief you stab yourself in front you'd your dad but you know how it goes. We're not the 1%.)

My point is, queer people are people. We are complex. We fuck up, and sometimes there's still times to fix things and sometimes... there isn't. We're consumed by jealousy and regret and sometimes we're so locked into our own head we stop believing the rest of the world is real too. Just like any other people, because unfortunately, queerness isn't a sign of morality.

And even if queerness does mean community, kindness and acceptance, tell me... Where the hell would the Usher kids get those from? The people around them are not really peers – they're ass-istants, blowjob-giving apartments, orgy mates, heart surgery providers, hired fitness moneybags, perfect housewives. Even if the partners are all shown to care for the Ushers, there's still a distance, a power gap, that makes the relationships fundamentally wrong.

And the partners? Arguably they're the good queer rep in the show, but look – even when Julius and Alessandra are shown to be good people (or at least people with an ethical boundary), they're not the good gays, they're simply the good SO's to a family of psychos. Exactly like Bill and Morrie, who afawk are straight people.

Which leads us to HoU's parameter of morality - Auguste Dupin. He refuses to drink the Amontillado, symbol of all the Usher opulence over the years. He got screwed over by the Usher twins and by the Raven herself, but he refused to cave in (except for the informant part, admittedly). He's not a good gay guy; he is gay and he is a good man.

The fundamental difference between our show's main tragic yaoi couple isn't that Auggie is a happily out gay man (and therefore is good) while Roderick is a sad divorced hetero (and therefore is bad). Auggie is the richer man because he is a good man; he has a spouse and children and grandchildren he loves with all his heart. He has a family and a community and he has found a sort of happiness no money can buy. Roderick owns the world – but what does he really have? What do his children even have? How could they ever build communities for themselves if they were never in one? Their father made them compete for his love. He never nurtured their bonds, he just showered them with money and excess until it was too much for them to handle. Juno herself pointed out - they were never a family. The House of Usher was only that. A house. It is empty and soulless.

What is queerness without a community? How could the people who represent the relentless corporate normativity and cutthroat capitalism ever be good queer rep? How can they even be queer?

Hear me out: on the most individual, simple level, being queer is still about not fitting in. These kids are bastards. They are are PoC and women in a predominantly male and white dominated space. They're on top of the world, but they're still outsiders to their own House. How could they not be queer?

And yes, I know this discussion takes a different turn when it comes to representation in media, but it's not like Flannagan fell into a Hays Code-era flamboyant villain trope. Queerness is just there. Just like Victorine and August are both black people in (arguably) the opposite ends of the morality spectrum, there are queer characters of many kinds here. The story just happens to be about the fucked up ones.

HoU is a poignant critique of capitalism and a surprisingly funny adaptation of Poe. We'll judge it by that. It happens to be queer – more things should be.