#aro experiences

[cmchill]

So something hilarious happened and I want to share it. I hope they don't find this because that would be AWKWARD if they found my Tumblr (okay actually it would probably be absolutely fine but anyway.)

So. I am a college student supervising high schoolers currently. We're chilling this evening after all the things and a girl is doing tarot readings, just for fun and whatever. You can pick a question or topic and a couple people picked love life. I'm in line thinking, wouldn't it be really funny... I could be laughing my butt off privately the whole time. This would be too good. I think I have to do this it would be hilarious. I speak a couple of these thoughts aloud without context as my turn approaches.

I get in the chair, chuckling about how I'm just gonna do it. The girl next to me, not the one doing the reading but another very chatty and social one, looks directly at me and asks quite deliberately, "[my name], do you like garlic bread?"

I get a bit of a surprised grin, not sure if I'm understanding correctly, as I turn to her and say, "Yes I do, very much." Her eyes go big and her face lights with recognition and she's like "Ha I knew it! Me too!"

A couple people also start grinning and exclaiming while many others are confused but can clearly see we just had something happen. One remarks on the "instant spark of recognition", "clown-to-clown communication right there". Only then does the questioner notice my black ring on my right hand, prominently displayed as I prop up my chin. I've been wearing it almost constantly the entire last 5 weeks I've been with them.

This sparks another round of chatter. I inform her that I did have a white one too but I lost it. The one doing the taro readings is now more lost, saying "I'm not familiar with this part of garlic bread culture" but that still just makes me happy that one not of our culture knew of it anyway.

Anyway then we continue with the reading, one or two people catch on or are informed, other silent onlookers either aren't impressed or are sadly (hopefully not maliciously) ignorant of the hidden world of garlic bread dragons cake and black rings.

[neverquiteeden]

My Aro Friend-Grief post is doing the rounds again, so I want to change the tone a bit. This is a Positivity Post(TM).

Reblog with at least one experience you've had with your friends or being aro/aro-spec that has brought you genuine joy! Let's get some hope passed around here!

[completely-real-and-normal-human]

unlearning the idolisation of romantic love as the ideal end-goal of any platonic relationship feels amazing

[yumienikkie]

i remember this one time i saw a really cute guy on an exchange project and i got really nervous around him

and i constantly was wondering if i had a crush on him

but i have realised

i was attracted to him aesthetically

while being nervous, i never thought about a relationship, nothing, nada

i just thought he was cute

THIS EXPERIENCE CONSTANTLY MADE ME DOUBT IF I WAS ARO. I AM ARO. I WAS JUST AESTHETICALLY ATTRACTED.

finally i can be at peace

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[our-arospec-experience]

Love makes us human? No. Chins. Chins make us human.

[aroclan]

i was just confused for a looooong time, thinking romance was fake and it was just a widely accepted euphemism for sex. like, santa, but with so much more commitment to the bit.

"asexuals can still love!" was the final boss. "why would i date, if not for sex?" haha! romance is real, and i'm allo aro 🍍

storytime invitation?? i guess thats what youd call it

how did you know you were aromantic/asexual/aroace?

i knew i was ace from the moment i learned what sex was, like ummm!!! you can keep that to yourself actually

[thepileofclothesonyourdesk]

[notbrucewayne48]

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[redysetdare]

The response to "ace people are just virgins who can't get laid!" Shouldn't be "ace people can still have sex!" but instead " being a virgin isn't a bad thing."

The response to "aro people are just heartless freaks!" Shouldn't be "aro people can still feel love!" And instead be "not feeling love or other emotions doesn't make you a bad person."

Instead of pushing the idea that aspec people can be "normal like allos" we should instead be trying to normalize aspec experiences. Yes aspec people can be normal because aspec identities are normal. Some aros fall in love. some aces have sex. but they should not be the only valid aspec experiences. We should not use these experiences to make the aspec identity more palatable to amatonormativity and allos.

[aroclan]

fwiw, i got into a relationship and got married, then i slowly began to realize a) aromanticism existed, and b) the feeling of "my partner loves me more" came from being aro, and c) i did not have to feel bad about it. i could just do better, with my new understanding. it has strengthened the relationship (which we both want, after talking about it)

Reading your blog, I'm starting to see my relationship with my bf differently (we've been together for over a decade). Like, I've been questioning my romantic orientation for some time, suspecting I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. But I realise I don't really have a clear image of what romance actually is and if it's something I have in my relationship. Like, he's my best friend. But what makes it different that a very close friendship? Apart, you know, the fact we live together and see each other every day. I'm also asexual so we don't really have sex, but for the very rare time I feel like doing something for him, but it's not really something we do, though I know sex and romance are to different things, straight people tend to say that the difference between friendship and dating is sex. I've heard allos saying "if I don't have sex with my s/o, what are we? Friends?" Anyway, I'm just more and more confused by what those criterias are for defining what is and what is not a romantic relationship. Love? I mean, love can have so many forms, how am I to regognise which one I feel? I just care about my bf. I like spending time together. We help each other on a daily basis. And when one of us need alone time we give as much time as the other needs. We do our things each in our corners and meet in the middle when we want company. We're happy this way. And that's great! I just can't comprehend what this all means. Sometimes I'm confused about the feelings I get for other people. Am I attracted to them or do I just want to smother them with my intense friendship? Which is hard. I sometimes feel like I love my friend to hard and I shy away during our interactions for fear to overwhelm them with my love. What's the difference between the two? Between my relationship with my bf and the friendship with those people I have to keep away sometime for fear to be "too much"? I'm sorry for these ramblings. You probably don't have the answers to this, but I needed to tell all this to someone that might understand at least some of it. I love your blog btw.

Sorry I'm replying so late – but thank you so much for all of this input, it's actually so interesting to hear your take on your own experience.

You're right, I don't have the answers, because every experience is very personal and I don't wanna project onto others, but there's a lot of points I actually relate to very much – like, I don't have a clear idea of what romance even is either, I just feel in my gut that it's not what I have with my queerplatonic partner. I guess in my own case I've also always had a bit of trouble with the idea of a "best friend" (like, I HAVE entertained the idea that this or that person might be my "best friend" at some points in my life, but I always end up coming back to the thought that I don't feel OK putting one person above others in my head – I work more in tiers made out of several people at once).

I might also be overthinking things but I often hear in the long-term-relationship discourse that romantic partnerships often wind up turning into friendship over time and that's OK – no idea how that works but it's interesting to think about, and I wonder if there's any truth to that on an aromantic spectrum basis? Like maybe... If both of us are on the aromantic spectrum, then maybe we just didn't get the "romantic high" part because we don't feel romantic attraction or feel it less than most people, and we're straight to that "friendship" part people talk about? ...Either way, what you describe with your bf sounds like a vibe, a healthy vibe to me. Sounds like you guys have it figured out and I wish you the best, honestly.

Also lol it really IS a useful and sobering reminder that to most allo people, the "sex = romance" idea is probably very prevalent still... Makes it even harder to figure ourselves out

Either way sorry for rambling and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your self-reflection, honestly, whatever conclusion you come to I hope life is good for you^^

[sadisthetic]

the madness frustration loneliness of the dissonance of a mismatch of the rotten heart to the rest

allosexual aromantic swag happy pride *peaces out*

[our-aroace-experience]

Being AroAce and having aesthetic attraction is funny sometimes. I think a lot of people are attractive but I don’t want to do anything about that information.

aesthetic attraction can be super weird sometimes

[daybringersol]

some people on here need a gentle reminder that arospecs ARE aromantic. thats the point of the aromantic spectrum. that being aromantic.. is a spectrum. ive had demiromantic people ask me if they can call themselves aromantic. YES OF COURSE YOU CAN YOU ARE AROMANTIC. im sure some people choose to identify more as arospec than aromantic and thats fine, but in general, arospecs ARE aromantic, by virtue of being on the aromantic spectrum. like aromanticism is defined as little to none romantic attraction. the ‘little’ part of that is there for a reason.

[eutherianz]

Platonic love is so fucking beautiful.

[lemonycranberries]

"No, I know they would be [supportive]! Honestly, I... I just can't be bothered to give everyone a vocab lesson" IS SO FUCKING REAL AAAHSJAHJHJHISJHJHK