#aro experiences

[cmchill]

So something hilarious happened and I want to share it. I hope they don't find this because that would be AWKWARD if they found my Tumblr (okay actually it would probably be absolutely fine but anyway.)

So. I am a college student supervising high schoolers currently. We're chilling this evening after all the things and a girl is doing tarot readings, just for fun and whatever. You can pick a question or topic and a couple people picked love life. I'm in line thinking, wouldn't it be really funny... I could be laughing my butt off privately the whole time. This would be too good. I think I have to do this it would be hilarious. I speak a couple of these thoughts aloud without context as my turn approaches.

I get in the chair, chuckling about how I'm just gonna do it. The girl next to me, not the one doing the reading but another very chatty and social one, looks directly at me and asks quite deliberately, "[my name], do you like garlic bread?"

I get a bit of a surprised grin, not sure if I'm understanding correctly, as I turn to her and say, "Yes I do, very much." Her eyes go big and her face lights with recognition and she's like "Ha I knew it! Me too!"

A couple people also start grinning and exclaiming while many others are confused but can clearly see we just had something happen. One remarks on the "instant spark of recognition", "clown-to-clown communication right there". Only then does the questioner notice my black ring on my right hand, prominently displayed as I prop up my chin. I've been wearing it almost constantly the entire last 5 weeks I've been with them.

This sparks another round of chatter. I inform her that I did have a white one too but I lost it. The one doing the taro readings is now more lost, saying "I'm not familiar with this part of garlic bread culture" but that still just makes me happy that one not of our culture knew of it anyway.

Anyway then we continue with the reading, one or two people catch on or are informed, other silent onlookers either aren't impressed or are sadly (hopefully not maliciously) ignorant of the hidden world of garlic bread dragons cake and black rings.

[neverquiteeden]

My Aro Friend-Grief post is doing the rounds again, so I want to change the tone a bit. This is a Positivity Post(TM).

Reblog with at least one experience you've had with your friends or being aro/aro-spec that has brought you genuine joy! Let's get some hope passed around here!

[completely-real-and-normal-human]

unlearning the idolisation of romantic love as the ideal end-goal of any platonic relationship feels amazing

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[our-arospec-experience]

Love makes us human? No. Chins. Chins make us human.

[aromagni]

Good holiday experience: after holiday gathering with my cousins and their hellion little kids, my parents were like “I’m so glad you’re not giving us any grandkids”, which I thought was funny and a nice reversal from what you’d normally expect.

Shout out to all my aspec friends who had to see family/friends and had to listen to the whole “when will you get a partner/are you seeing anyone/time is ticking” speech this Christmas! Stay strong out there!!

[thepileofclothesonyourdesk]

[notbrucewayne48]

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

[cosmicredcadet]

The response to "ace people are just virgins who can't get laid!" Shouldn't be "ace people can still have sex!" but instead " being a virgin isn't a bad thing."

The response to "aro people are just heartless freaks!" Shouldn't be "aro people can still feel love!" And instead be "not feeling love or other emotions doesn't make you a bad person."

Instead of pushing the idea that aspec people can be "normal like allos" we should instead be trying to normalize aspec experiences. Yes aspec people can be normal because aspec identities are normal. Some aros fall in love. some aces have sex. but they should not be the only valid aspec experiences. We should not use these experiences to make the aspec identity more palatable to amatonormativity and allos.

[aroclan]

i was just confused for a looooong time, thinking romance was fake and it was just a widely accepted euphemism for sex. like, santa, but with so much more commitment to the bit.

"asexuals can still love!" was the final boss. "why would i date, if not for sex?" haha! romance is real, and i'm allo aro 🍍

storytime invitation?? i guess thats what youd call it

how did you know you were aromantic/asexual/aroace?

i knew i was ace from the moment i learned what sex was, like ummm!!! you can keep that to yourself actually

[queerglassgrass]

''But aromantics can still date-'' we can also beat you to death. do you want us to beat you to death?

[THIS POST IS ABOUT AROMANTICISM. DO NOT DETAIL. PLEASE VRO IM SO TIRED] This post has been edited to come off as less hostile. Just don't start any drama or beef and we'll be chill! :3

[infiniteorangethethird]

btw shoutout to those who feel they are aspec because of their autism. To the aros, aces, apls, afams, and everyone else who feels their orientation is a direct result of their neurodivergency. Your feelings are valid, and you're not "just reinforcing stereotypes" by being yourself, bc you're not a character in a story, but a real person with real, lived experiences. I see you and I feel you

[sadisthetic]

the madness frustration loneliness of the dissonance of a mismatch of the rotten heart to the rest

allosexual aromantic swag happy pride *peaces out*

[aroclan]

fwiw, i got into a relationship and got married, then i slowly began to realize a) aromanticism existed, and b) the feeling of "my partner loves me more" came from being aro, and c) i did not have to feel bad about it. i could just do better, with my new understanding. it has strengthened the relationship (which we both want, after talking about it)

Reading your blog, I'm starting to see my relationship with my bf differently (we've been together for over a decade). Like, I've been questioning my romantic orientation for some time, suspecting I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. But I realise I don't really have a clear image of what romance actually is and if it's something I have in my relationship. Like, he's my best friend. But what makes it different that a very close friendship? Apart, you know, the fact we live together and see each other every day. I'm also asexual so we don't really have sex, but for the very rare time I feel like doing something for him, but it's not really something we do, though I know sex and romance are to different things, straight people tend to say that the difference between friendship and dating is sex. I've heard allos saying "if I don't have sex with my s/o, what are we? Friends?" Anyway, I'm just more and more confused by what those criterias are for defining what is and what is not a romantic relationship. Love? I mean, love can have so many forms, how am I to regognise which one I feel? I just care about my bf. I like spending time together. We help each other on a daily basis. And when one of us need alone time we give as much time as the other needs. We do our things each in our corners and meet in the middle when we want company. We're happy this way. And that's great! I just can't comprehend what this all means. Sometimes I'm confused about the feelings I get for other people. Am I attracted to them or do I just want to smother them with my intense friendship? Which is hard. I sometimes feel like I love my friend to hard and I shy away during our interactions for fear to overwhelm them with my love. What's the difference between the two? Between my relationship with my bf and the friendship with those people I have to keep away sometime for fear to be "too much"? I'm sorry for these ramblings. You probably don't have the answers to this, but I needed to tell all this to someone that might understand at least some of it. I love your blog btw.

Sorry I'm replying so late – but thank you so much for all of this input, it's actually so interesting to hear your take on your own experience.

You're right, I don't have the answers, because every experience is very personal and I don't wanna project onto others, but there's a lot of points I actually relate to very much – like, I don't have a clear idea of what romance even is either, I just feel in my gut that it's not what I have with my queerplatonic partner. I guess in my own case I've also always had a bit of trouble with the idea of a "best friend" (like, I HAVE entertained the idea that this or that person might be my "best friend" at some points in my life, but I always end up coming back to the thought that I don't feel OK putting one person above others in my head – I work more in tiers made out of several people at once).

I might also be overthinking things but I often hear in the long-term-relationship discourse that romantic partnerships often wind up turning into friendship over time and that's OK – no idea how that works but it's interesting to think about, and I wonder if there's any truth to that on an aromantic spectrum basis? Like maybe... If both of us are on the aromantic spectrum, then maybe we just didn't get the "romantic high" part because we don't feel romantic attraction or feel it less than most people, and we're straight to that "friendship" part people talk about? ...Either way, what you describe with your bf sounds like a vibe, a healthy vibe to me. Sounds like you guys have it figured out and I wish you the best, honestly.

Also lol it really IS a useful and sobering reminder that to most allo people, the "sex = romance" idea is probably very prevalent still... Makes it even harder to figure ourselves out

Either way sorry for rambling and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your self-reflection, honestly, whatever conclusion you come to I hope life is good for you^^

[our-aroace-experience]

Being AroAce and having aesthetic attraction is funny sometimes. I think a lot of people are attractive but I don’t want to do anything about that information.

aesthetic attraction can be super weird sometimes

[laurellala-comics]

Fun fact! This was the real tipping point that made Edgeworth run away after AA1, they just couldn't show it on screen because they didn't have the rights to Chappell Roan's music <3

(A spiritual successor to my "Hot to Go" joke from this post. Image description under the cut below)

[Image ID: a four page black and white comic of characters from ace attorney.

The Judge stands solemnly at his podium holding a gavel "Mr. Miles Edgeworth, you are on trial for the murder of blah blah blah..."

A cheerful Maya Fey leans over to Miles Edgeworth, who is staring straight ahead and looking very concerned

Maya: "Psst! Mr. Edgeworth! If you win your trial, can I show you Chappell Roan?

Miles: "What the hell, sure." Internally he thinks "Oh God I am going to jail"

A box saying "later" in the top corner of the next panel marks the passage of time.

The Judge smiles as he says "I declare you... Not Guilty!"

We see a full body shot of Maya dancing excitedly while Miles looks on, emotionless

Maya: YIPPEE omg you're going to LOVE this

Miles internally thinks "oh no, the consequences of my actions.

We see Miles standing in between Phoenix Wright and Maya looking apprehensive. Maya beams in excitement, while Nick puts a reassuring hand on Miles' shoulder

Miles: Alright, so what is this exactly?

Nick: She's a pop musician Maya really likes

Maya: You promised you'd let me show you, and it's legally binding because you said it in a court room!

Miles: That is not how the law works Ms. Fey

Maya: Shh just listen!

We see a panel of Miles' pensive face concentrating as he listens to "Hot to Go". He thinks to himself "hm".

Another panel zoomed in more. His pensive expression has grown more tense/confused as he listens to "Red Wine Supernova". he again thinks to himself "Hm" in a larger thought bubble.

We zoom out again to see Nick, Miles, and Maya standing together again. Miles stares forward blankly, eyebrows raised. Maya excitedly leans in.

Maya: Ok, that's her whole discography. So! What did you think?

Nick looks at him, waiting for his response

We get a panel of Miles, looking bewildered. He starts to speak "I..."

We cut again to see the three of them standing together.

Miles: I... don't think I like women?

Miles looks shocked and confused. Nick is bent over laughing, using a hand on Miles's shoulder to support himself. Maya looks outraged and appalled!

Maya: MR. EDGEWORTH! Just because you don' like her musi it doesn't give you an excuse to be sexist!

We see a panel of Miles looking stressed and confused. He leans his head on one of his hands, which messes up his hair, showing how he isn't his normal put together self.

Miles: I should rephrase that. What I mean is, Ms. Roan is clearly VERY assured in her feelings towards women. I was... unaware that anyone felt that strongly. I thought we all viewed these things with a vague sense of distaste and unease but collectively ignored it. Like how we do with climate change.

We zoom out again to see the three of them. Miles stands in the middle looking deeply uncomfortable and lost in thought, vibrating with unease. Nick and Maya exchange deeply concerned glances across from him.

With lingering unease, Miles begins to walk away.

Miles: Well, I should be going then. Goodnight.

Nick hesitantly raises a finger to point out an inaccuracy in that statement

Nick: It's four in the afternoon-

he gets interrupted by Miles who repeats firmly: I said Goodnight

Nick looks in the direction Miles walked off in.

Nick: ...He'll be ok, right?

Maya reassures him: Of cours Nick! I mean, what's the worst that can happen?

Jump cut to a closeup of Nick's hand holding Miles' letter which reads Miles Edgeworth chooses death in all caps. Then, below in smaller font, it says Also femininomenon was really good, thanks.

We see a panel of Nick glaring wordlessly at Maya as he holds the letter in his hand. Maya leans against the wall and looks away, whistling, trying to look innocent to avoid blame.

As a bonus, we also have a page that takes place a year later. Miles and Nick stand talking. Miles looks calmer now, and Nick smiles encouragingly.

Miles: In my time in Europe, I've been examining myself and my approach to law. Ultimately, the most important focus must be justice. We owe it to ourselves and to the people we serve

Nick: Wow, that's really inspiring Edgeworth. And, uh, hows the... the other thing going?

We get a zoomed in panel of Miles glaring menacingly at a suddenly nervous Nick

Jumping out again, Miles turns his back to Nick as he continues to talk

Miles: So as I was saying, justice is truly so important...

Nick nervously rubs the back of his neck wearing an awkward expression as he sweats nervously. He thinks to himself internally "Ooookay then, clearly still working through some things there"

/.End ID]