#anyway this is based of a thing i keep seeing go around twt

[tinukis]

this is for a very specific audience (me)

[sketchehm]

Sooooo for the baby au, I was thinking about I was thinking about other headcanons for others that haven't been fleshed out. I was thinking about piru, for example. Piru, I feel like was a bit more standoffish at the beginning, but was similar to cris in the fact that he would teach sapnap random stuff that made himself laugh. Then he would be watching him on the occasion, and he would just do cute things like trying to show off his Spanish, and every other word would be wrong. He says it with a lot of confidence, which piru finds adorable. Also, trying to show off his fire powers and just making a little flame, and being so proud. He made it so much bigger than last time!

One time, the base gets a raid. It's only piru and sapnap there, and Piru is trying to section off the monsters so he can beat them while trying to keep sapnap safe. He takes a lot of damage and runs out of golden apples, but sapnap realizes when he hears the word "manzana" what's wrong. Then he goes into shadoune's chest since he always has extra everything. He then is able to bring piru a few, and while sapnap tries to throw it to him, they all kinda just fall to the ground. It did help that they were all there even if they were just on the ground. So piru picks up sapnap, and then the apples and makes sure to put sapnap somewhere safe while getting chased by a couple of ghosts since they aren't blocked by the outside barrier. He's telling. Sapnap that he need to go inside and make sure to get to the underground. Not before sapnap tries to convince him while their running that he can totally flame blast them, but it just kinda fizzles as soon as it leaves his hand. After that, sapnap hangs his head and races down the stairs. Piru then ends the ghosts before they can even try and phase down through the ground to get the netherborn down below.

With the 5 apples sapnap brought (he was proud, he carried so many), Piru was just able to get through last of the horde without worrying about wasting a totem. He tells sapnap that he's very brave, and that he helped him a lot that day. Piru does explain to Sapnap he needs to worry about himself more, and that going out there with all the monsters is very dangerous. (He is pretty happy that he didn't have to waste a totem on a simple raid though he knows he'd get a good amount of shit for it.) It does help endear Piru considering he kinda just saw sapnap as an annoying kid who was fun to tease. He can be really sweet when he wants to be.

"I thought about my apple slices, but shadoune told me that you guys need more than one slice to get super powered."

He even thought about giving up his snack that he tries to horde because hey golden apple slices are good, and the mafia isn't above take a couple of slices from him. (It's mostly spreen and cris)

After that, Piru starts calling him sapni, all the time because he gets embarrassed by the nickname. Also, it's just a cute nickname, and he it's funny bringing him into a hug and just going "sappppppniiii." Sapnap loves affection, but knows he's get teased with that cutsey nickname, and gets all indignant at first. (He likes it more whenever everyone starts calling him that, and he feels more like a part of the mafia. Everyone likes giving each other cutesy nicknames to make fun, but it still shows they see you as one of them.) I like seeing piru as like a doting big brother kind of dynamic, or maybe an uncle. Either way, he's definitely not parental like some others, but he does love messing around and teasing little sapni.

(I also totally took that sapnap giving piru golden apples from one of the dungeons. Sapnap gave Piru a good amount of apples, and it helped him out and saved him from wasting totems. It was the second one, I believe. Anyway, it's just a dumb little thing, and I hope to get think of other stuff later. Hope your day is going well!)

So I wanna say I read this and didn't want to share, I just wanted to keep it for myself TwT

(I've actually got a few asks that I wanna be selfish with cause I love them so much, but they all shall be answered soon enough!!)

I don't have much to add besides adoring baby Sapnap running as fast as he can with all those apples orz The imagery is so cute!!! Piru just scooping him up and it's them two running and screaming (piru out of fear and sapnap out of excitement)

Piru shoving an apple in his mouth and Sapnap remembering his lessons of having to chew before you swallow or you can choke! Telling Piru Nooo!! Slow, des-despa.......SLOW!!

Sapnap finally scurrying off to hide in the basement, hearing all ghosts and not liking them anymore >:'( they were silly at first but Piru was getting hurt!! They're mean >:(((!!!

The aftermath of Piru just in love with the baby. Always tossing him in the air and getting the craziest cute aggression for his Sapni. Sapnap being bombarded not only by Serpias, but now Piru too with all the cooing and kissing and cheek squeezes....He's a big boy!!! He can fight!! Not a cute baby!!! >:(!!!

(Unless there's something he thinks he can get away with, then he's the cutest baby, please give him more manzanas and deditas :3)

[inchidentally]

seeing some headloss on twt over oscar cropping out lando from his post-qualifying instagram post 💀

we haven’t gone through the trenches with this season and bounced back from it for people to discredit their partnership based off of a cropped photo.

anyway here’s a video from twt of where you can see osc clapping for lando as he goes for his f1tv interview, people should touch some grass honestly 🫵🏻😧

https://x.com/ln4norris/status/1865414347817693444?s=46

this is why I don't personally use twt at all - I feel like there's a whole alternate reality going on there that doesn't exist in any other part of fandom lasfgajlfglaf I feel for the decent ppl who use it bc damn, y'all are gods strongest soldiers! just today I've been told that ppl decided Lando was "distracted" by Carlos when he said he couldn't hear what Hinch was saying when it's clear he was referring to how loud the crowd was and the god awful reverb from the PA system. then apparently people said Lando looked "serious" with Oscar and "happy" with Carlos but when I watched it back he's smiling with Oscar but also clearly strategizing bc… teammates ?? fighting for a championship ?? and like, he shook Carlos' hand and they had a giggle ?? like yea if I wanted to go rpf and be stupid I could pretend that meant smth other than them being very good friends but in real life that's genuinely all it is ! and Lando does that with fully half the grid bc he just makes men love him like that!

and like, this is so so cute ;__; watching the guy he's fanboyed over for years and that little clap he's doing bc he just wants to and not bc he thinks anyone will even notice by zooming way in on it like we have <3

so how does it play out in the rpf competition !! when Lando wants to make Oscar laugh just the day before?? what about Lando’s maybe a lil bit pointed speech about team loyalty even when tempted with better offers while Carlos is sat right there ? ooh and Lola grabbed Lando and Oscar giggling and talking together while Carlos was answering questions - does that mean Lando betray Carlos oh jail for Lando for a hundred years ??!! like I need people to get a grip and realize that if rpf is stressing you out then a)you're taking it too seriously and b)you're stressed over an invented narrative that doesn't exist and will always be ruined by reality. it's why these people end up in fresh rages over Carlos so annoyingly proving that he not only loves Rebecca, he actively wants her with him even when he's doing normally Boys Only stuff. that even when Lando is around or available, Carlos has the audacity to for example, choose to spend a quiet dinner with her and Hulk and his wife rather than go out for Lando's win. that Carlos asks her to come to the Netflix Cup and keeps checking in on her while Lando third wheels a bit while they talk before leaving early to go hang out with his own friends. that Carlos ends up wrapped around Rebecca at a club after Singapore last year and Mexico and Melbourne this year even tho Lando is sometimes right there or didn't go out with them. how can carland0 be special and secretly gay if Rebecca not beard who Carlos hates and Ferrari/insert superpower here is paying and forcing to be with ????????? and don't even get started on the rages over Carlos daring to treat Charles special and express deep emotions over their relationship and all the time he says they spend together off of work talking about "every subject you can imagine" and doing things together with no PR or Ferrari benefit. that considering how often their own families are openly warring and taking sides unchecked by anyone, Carlos and Charles have defiantly chosen to truly like each other and stand by each other. but they'll never be carland0!!! they just caaaan't be !!

ITS SO WILD like I wanna shake these fans and remind them you rly can indulge in rpf and still maintain a full grasp and appreciation for real life friendships where no one is stuck in middle school and "competing" for which friend they like best lsafhglsafgjafg

and omg this whole social media stuff - yes, McLaren's socmed admins prefer Carlos and Daniel over Oscar and it's very clear even if it's for no deeper reason than Oscar doesn't do PR at all well and won't schmaltz up his friendship with Lando for fan service. which is fine bc honestly I don't mind being pandered to sometimes with certain ships (obviously) but I also do kinda wish they "got" Oscar better bc so many of us rly do adore his humor and his natural, unpolished personality. and they're clearly stumped when people enjoy landoscar content despite no queerbaiting and no memeable jokes. we just like watching them be cute and smile all crinkly eyed at each other :3

but yea, this whole season has been a PR festival of Emotions About Carlos for McLaren and Lando (and Netflix, if you've been watching how the boom follows these moments around) and when combined w their not unkind but definite ambivalence toward Oscar means there's times social media kind of forgets that Oscar's also there with just as much reason to celebrate him too. like I'm not at all moved by these millionaires moving team to team in itself but yes in certain cases it's very emotional for different reasons and therefore ofc going to fill up sm feeds! they were also like that about Lewis when it was carland0 at McLaren. we just wanna see more of Oscar even if he doesn't lend himself as well to popular narratives!

BUT reminder that Oscar outed himself twice in just the last two months as usually not being the one in charge of his social media content and that he isn't even for a second measuring his own personal presence or impact on social media ! Lily takes all their holiday pictures, Kim or one of the PR ladies takes the pictures at races and his new PR manager Sarah grabs any other content and uploads pretty much everything you see to Oscar's accs. if a post has a sarcastic caption like the driver's group dinner or is unusual like when he filled the top row of his instagram with photos/videos of him and Lando at Silverstone (for poignancy) then you know it's him. but that's probably about six to eight times in a year ngl. the rest of the time he's personally using social media to look at benign memes and sports updates while other people maintain his presence on his own accs.

also, as a charlos girlie I've got to say that ppl need to start calming down the emotional rollercoasters bc even when Lando and Oscar inevitably start to have issues that can be seen publicly, they'll blow over just as fast! the teammates who end up truly hating each other always have an existing past that makes them incapable of separating on track from off track in a healthy way. it's why Carlos immediately brought up the fact that he and Lando have never had their friendship tested by the kind of competition he has with Charles and to not compare the two relationships. and as I always say every time some idiot wants to banish Oscar and jam Carlos into his spot for the power of frandship or delusional rpf, Carlos and Lando's friendship is exactly the kind of foundation that leads to bitter rages and fall-outs that last years (sometimes longer). those gifs, bro - they weren't even teammates when that happened so do we rly want to watch that unfold every weekend by making them teammates locked in intense WDC battles??

whereas both Oscar and Lando and Carlos and Charles have formed their respective friendships alongside intense direct competition with each other. they negotiated how to cope with each other's temperaments and reactions at the same time as learning who they were as people. time and again that's proven to be the best way to preserve friendship with the guy you're battling with for wins and a WDC.

so there's no point flipping a table over the occasional fight in situations like Lando and Oscar battling each other sometimes. unlike like the cases of hideous erosion of affection into hatred that happens when long time besties suddenly fight for the same prize for almost the entire calendar year. that literally never ends well.

/rant

[buffyfan145]

so i read quite a few of your posts and spammed you with likes, i hope you don't mind too much but you are perhaps the most informed person on trop tea i have came across and your speculations make me more excited for s2 😅

so from what i understand, there has been a very little info on galadriel's storyline compared to other characters? all we know is that she is with adar and elrond is trying to save her, then she fights sauron. and as for sauron, he spends most of the season with celebrimbor (can i ask what's that horrible fate of his? i havent read the books).

tbh, my delulu ass hopes that the fact that gal's storyline is so under-the-wraps means that it's going to be smtng special and spicy (instead of her having a reduced screen-time), and the actors being more open about haladriel stuff is bc that "surprise" storyline has to do with them. has it been conformed that they will use their mental bond in the season?

ahhh, anyways, your theory about galadriel going with sauron after being alienated by other elfs is *chief's kiss*. i will personally go and kiss the ring of the writers if that's true! i have also been seeing speculations about sauron chasing galadriel but not sure what's that based on (saw it on twt but then decided to avoid the twt space bc im afraid of possible ship wars ruining my experience for s2 since i saw a couple of sauron and celebrimbor shippers say they will have sexual tension or smtng. totally fine with shippers being shippers but i have had such a bad experience with ship wars that i want to just altogether avoid even witnessing them).

sorry for a long ask/rant! thanks for all your posts, they are really interesting! ❤

That's no problem and thanks so much!!! 😀 Yeah, I keep up with all the spoilers and news now as this show has become one of my major fandoms now and I get like this and those who followed for over the years know when I get into a show or movie series. LOL I'm going to post most of this behind a cut since it's got major spoilers for the season but will say Morfydd has talked a lot about Galadriel's storylines and her getting Nenya is huge part of this too, and her, Charlie, and the writers did talk about her and Sauron's mental bond and that it will be a huge part too. Morfydd did film "Starve Arce", a horror movie which is out now, while s2 was filming but I don't think it impacted production that much since the cast is so large and s2 was filmed over 9 months. Also this season has been confirmed to be Sauron centric so it's more centered around him as the lead, but she's still listed by Amazon as the female lead and has second billing under Charlie. So now to the spoilery parts.

So again Galadriel's main storylines from interviews and the trailers are receiving Nenya and learning how to use it, the mental bond she has with Sauron (which they also confirmed will be a huge part of the show till it ends with season 5) and some sort of creepy vision early on in the season, being outcasted by the other elves and even causing issues with Elrond, she has scenes with Cridan and Gil Galad too as her fellow elven ringbearers, the fight with the barrow wights with a team of other elves, getting captured by Adar, learning from Adar more about Sauron, forming an alliance with Adar including what seems like to use her as bait to lure Sauron out, and then as we saw in the final trailer the big confrontation she has with Sauron and showing him Nenya. Plus, they could still be hiding things from us too as these trailers are only mins and we have 8 episodes total and if like in season 1 they likely are all over an hour long.

Celebrimbor's story is so tragic too. He actually gets killed by the orcs and dies in a horrible manner, which is also likely why the show's rating increased as it's even more violent than season 2. I don't want to spoil it too much, but he will die in the season finale and Sauron does horrible things before that to him both physically and verbally. It's very much like an abusive relationship which is why I don't ship them. I understand that others do but their scenes are going to be so hard to watch. Both Charlies and the writers have called it a friendship or bromance, but those terms seem to suggest they aren't going for it to be romantic either but a friendship that turns violent and more into Sauron/Annatar being master. But this does show Sauron treats Galadriel differently to everyone else.

But yeah I'm hoping there won't be a ship war but I doubt it'll be in this case. Celebrimbor also in the books wanted to marry Galadriel himself in the 1st Age but she fell in love with Celeborn and married him instead. I posted before how that could bond Celebrimbor and Sauron as they'll both end up losing her to Celeborn. If any ship war happens it'll actually be whenever Celeborn comes back as we all know from the books and movies Galadriel ends up with him and they still have to have their daughter as they can't change too much and still have to make sure the LOTR books/movies play out the way they do when this show ends.

I'm still thinking, like others now too, that it is possible she does go with Sauron at the end of season 2. Especially if she fully is cast out after working with Adar, using Nenya, and then all those that die in the battle including Celebrimbor. Sauron still hasn't given out the 9 rings to the men or created the One Ring by the end of s2 so he has to get to that in season 3, and her s3 storyline is a mystery too. It seems like a possibility like others and I have pointed out that they could leave together, whether she's in charge for now thanks to Nenya and her new powers, or not. She will find her own kingdom of Lothlorien and be queen there so we might see that play out but eventually if Sauron's with her it will still end in tragedy as he keeps falling deeper into his dark ways and will go back to Numenor, and her husband Celeborn will be back. We'll get more info as the episodes air but I can see something like that happening.

[dearweirdme]

This is just a bit of a story of my journey as a Jikook biased Army I wanted to share owing to all the discussion on your blog about the attention seeking tendencies of Tae. This is just more of a personal story that you can very well choose to ignore cause it adds no value to any discussion.

Soo, I became an Army around 2020 and the first thing I was pushed into was Taekook fan content on YT. Since the content seemed pretty fishy cause of all the "analysis" and secret messaging to it, I started looking up other sources to prove said ship and then stumbled across Jikook content. In comparison to Taekook, the Jikook content felt much more real and I didn't have to go around following any theories for it. But it did seem unlikely to me how there could be a gay couple being so open. The good thing though was that I am OT7 through and through and by this time I had watched way more BTS content to realise that BTS are not your same flushed out Kpop band, they have a lot more depth and speak about things that matter, have honest opinions about things and do voice it out either directly or indirectly. It also helps that Jikook are my bias line and so I began to follow more Jikook based accounts.

I do believe that when you keep seeing something you do start believing it more cause what started as a simple they are cute and I love their interactions did escalate to I support them. I mean I was reading so much about how they were being so loud and brave at times. I think the thing about Jikookers also is that most if not all discussions are based on real content not some contorted fan theory like Taekookers making it easier and easier to move my mindset to a "supporter". And yes, I still do find A LOT of Taekookers being really mindless about what they say and do feel it kinda pushes out any legitimacy to any of the more sensible things or actual things they say.

The thing that got me taking a step back though was when I started getting annoyed about Tae posting things about Jk to seem like he is wanting the attention and I hated that for me. Cause I genuinely love the 7 for who they are as they are and these kinda thoughts were not really nice for me to have. I also started over analysing particular content wondering why Jikook seemed mad at each other and petty things which I don't even want to think back about. It was all very "teen girly ". The other thing that stood out to me is also when Jikook enlisted together. Having read more and more about the LGBTQ+ situation in SK and the military (this is not restricted to SK, I did read up quite a bit about some other asian countries too), it didn't seem like a gay couple would actually enlist together. That said, I anyway don't think any of the Taekooker reasons for believing they are real as well.

So I took a step back and started following more general OT7 blogs and twts and I just felt so much at peace and more like myself. I am at a place now where I think that even if the members are part of the community, I don't see any ship between them as "real" or support it cause it just doesn't seem likely. It's also obvious that we see a very limited portion of their lives and there is truly not enough information to suggest that we really know anything about their other relationships. I do still really enjoy following all the Jikook accs cause it just gives me so much joy. I truly think their bond is something I will always cherish and love. They just have this wonderful chemistry and click in a way that we don't see too often and it's beautiful to watch. But so is every other bond in BTS that is so unique and wonderful.

They will really are just so wonderful together and I can't wait for them all to be out of their mandated military service to pursue their careers however they deem it feel right for them. And I'll be here to support it as best as I can.

Hi anon!

Thanks for sending me this. I can relate, because I too love all 7 of them. When I came into Tkk fandom I was met with a lot of nasty takes about Jm and I could not recognize what those takes were telling me from what I had seen myself by watching BTS. I was pretty happy to see that on Tumblr there is way less of that (though still some) and that most of the accounts I interact with love him just as much as I do.

Shipping fandom is a tricky place. When I started to look into Tkk after being Army for a while, I had real trouble sifting through all the edits and overanalyzations. There is so much shit going around that I think the madness that comes with being in Tkk spaces works counterproductive. There is realness to Tae and Jk in my opinion (a lot of reallness, though you still think my ideas are a strech… so 😆) but all the wrong edits and far fetched theories are what makes most people directly go to ‘delusional’.

I am glad that you are able to enjoy watching your favorites and that you are in a good place in fandom for yourself. That is what being a fan is about.

[thefirstimagifabricator]

ngl anyone claiming to be an aot fan who’s also a Zionist has got to have media literacy skills in the negatives bc,,,,,y’all what 😭

if you, the person reading this, are one such person, I’m begging you to please just read my aot analysis in this post at least. Please.

I just rambled out a thread of posts on twt analyzing Attack on Titan in relation to current events, i.e. rebuking Zionism and condemning Israel’s genocide in Palestine, and I’d like to share it here too

I’ll both copy and paste and format it into proper paragraphs and wtv and also attach screenshots of my original tweets, and maybe link the twt post bc why not—anyway here:

if l ever see an aot fan who's a Zionist I gotta assume they've got zero—no, negative honestly—media literacy skills 💀 bc if you watch aot and still hold views like Zionism then like. like buddy did you even really watch the show,,,,,,

thinking abt this bc I’m listening to the aot osts for the first time in a while and aot is just. such a goddamn well-written and sociopolitically-accurate show...and like. you CANNOT watch it and NOT draw the parallels yk???

yes the treatment of Eldians is written to parallel Jews in the Holocaust—and imo that makes this even more relevant today with the genocide Israel is executing in Palestine, bc of two things:

1) if you stand with Eren and Mikasa and Armin, our main trio, then you stand with their decision to fight back against the Marleyans, and to try to be truly free and not just confined to Paradis, and you understand how they’ve come to their decision to invade Marley and try to take down the main force which keeps them imprisoned on the island of Paradis

2) if you're against Eren’s decision to annihilate the entire world so that no one could threaten Eldians again, then you understand proportionality and how perceived vengeance and preemptive ‘defense’ can easily flip dynamics of oppression on their heads. (I know that Eren's plan was actually to have his friends be portrayed to the world as heroes and people to stop discriminating against Eldians as a result, and he never intended to actually fully wipe out the world population, BUT we don't know that until the end and neither do any of the other characters—their decision to fight against and take down Eren was based in their realizing that he was taking things too far and that what he was doing was unjust and that he needed to be stopped)

Do you see where I'm going with this?? People who stand by Zeke's decision are the ones who would say that Palestinians should just lie down and die quietly. There is a reason why Zeke did not get his way in aot!! One cannot ask for innocents to take suffering quietly just for the preservation of the “peace” of the lives of those whom are inflicting such suffering on them. A life in supposed peace built on ongoing pain inflicted on others is an inherently violent life, even if from the inside it does not seem to be so.

Zeke conceived of his plan as a product of the guilt drilled into him by Marleyan propaganda, guilt for just existing as an Eldian person. He may have pushed his plan as the most peaceful option available, but it's really just as violent, just in a quieter fashion; if you actually think about it, it's basically eugenics 💀 sterilizing an entire population without their consent, for the purpose of their dying out and leaving the rest of humanity (supposedly) better off??? literally eugenics thought process 🙃

to that one irl idk-if-I-can-consider-you-a-friend-anymore, if you for wtv reason come stalk my tumblr and see this post, yes I did think of you while writing this. I must say I’m terribly disappointed in you; I hope you’ll come around sometime, preferably before we as a society reach a point of irredeemable, irremediable regret, but as I’d presume you’ve figured out already, I’m done putting energy into trying to pull your mind out of the propaganda cesspit.

screenshots of and link to original twt post under cut:

[enneamage]

what do you think about tommy&dream situation as of right now? do you think tommy publicly cut ties with his "if youtubers were honest" video or intended to poke fun at dream and found out in his usual tommy-style? on the topic of the video, i partially view this skit as him being fed up and saying "fuck you" to twt users that try to control him and his humor. i leaned into this after he made an effort to emphasize how schlatt is his hero on the stream after

I want to walk back the post I did a little bit ago about how him saying that Florida was ‘too far’ was more likely a joke than an excuse because I think something changed around then. Don’t know what, but the friction between the time when he was excited to go to the Dream team house and pulling back really does look like a turning point in retrospect.

Tommy has become openly disdainful of Dream in public, which technically isn’t a change since he’s always picked a fight with Dream on some level, but now it’s entirely hostile. I don’t know if other people are getting this vibe, but to me Tommy seems to be coming off a lot more angry in general lately, in a way that’s a bit of a callback to when he was younger but with less Youth behind it.

Tommy has historically had a warped sense of what he is allowed to do to other people vs what other people are allowed to do to him, so I really don’t know what he expected when he put the video out cause-and-effect wise. I think that thinking of himself as being in the right really changes his view of what ‘should’ happen in situations, but his expectations are hard to read with the skit video.

Tommy did a couple streams recently and I’ve had to pick and choose what I wanted to watch since I run low on time, but I caught the product testing stream since it was short. At one point he talked about why he wanted to try reviewing products, and that he thinks he was too afraid to say what he really thought before. Now he says his attitude has changed, and he said something along the lines of: I don’t have anything much to lose anymore, and more to gain. This was mainly about giving Youtuber brands ‘honest’ reviews (calling Prime trash, valid) but something tells me that he’s taking that attitude to other areas as well.

Tommy seems close to acting out lately. I’ve mentioned a few times before that I’ll often mentally compare him to other people with his habits who went on to be critics / reviewers / pundits, but right now his impulses are really un-refined and mostly based on being grumpy and testing things to their breaking point. If he really is in a “I’ll break it to feel more in control” headspace, I’m genuinely concerned with what he’s going to convince himself is a good idea moving forward, because even though he values having nerve he is just not good at criticism yet. He’s gonna say/do some dumb shit in public and get bodied. God he should have gone to uni-- anyway, sorry.

I think he’s going through a phase of being twitter-aware. There’s a subsection of stans that are egging on his public reactions and he seems more receptive to them right now. Some of the switch-up came after his tour where he seemed to come back from with more of an appreciation for his fans, but keeping up with the Big Name Fans is a whole different can of worms since that’s more of a power game/echo chamber than the general fanbase at large. Then again, the youtube comment section can be it’s own thing since they’re more likely to just want a spectacle. He seems sensitive to people leaving or disengaging with him so I wonder if a part of it comes from not wanting to give up the fans (or friends!) he has left by coming down on dream, since the last time he fucked up on stream involved a snapchat joke.

There’s big holes in this story around what Dream and Tommy’s direct communication has looked like in the past year. That feels like the most important bit that we’ll probably never get to see, so it’s all half-informed stabs in the dark from me.

[cuntylestat]

unless the show gets a massive bump in numbers like house of the dragon level i doubt they'll have the budget for the later book material anyways. i have a feeling the show is going to be much smaller scale with the focus on the two leads, with armand as the major supporting character vs the huge sprawling cast of the books

there has to be something going on in the present for s3 i dont think they'll just do a plain tvl flashback it would be so jarring for the tv audience (like hey here's a whole season of just backstory from the 1700s pls watch?) especially since they actively made the dubai present day story a lot more interesting with louis and armand still together. it would be weird as hell for them to just drop that.

based on what rolin and the writers have said it seems like they're aiming for a really long slow burn cuz they straight up said on twt whether we ever hear louis say ily will depend on how many seasons they get (ie he'll only say it at the end). if louis is just absent and there's no consistent UST i don't see how that remotely works. like who's gonna care if louis finally says ily in season 8 if he's hardly around??

tbh i would be totally fine with keeping it more small scale, i loved the first season and i definitely think they need to streamline characters and assign some roles to existing characters because otherwise it will just get too much

i agree, and having lestat tell his story as a book works when it's... a book. but not so much in a visual medium, which is why i think it could make sense for him to tell the story to someone or find some other way of adapting tvl while fusing it with the existing storyline (i wonder if that whole great conversion thing will still come in at some point)

yes agree. i find it hard to say when we could even expect an ily because we don't even know where we are in the timeline, but it's def gonna be a slow burn

[essiekuko]

faking it til u make it is so real. i may not even be that tall at 5'6, but i jst pretend like im tall yk. i live in a place where ppl are naturally very tall. and i love just being tall ig, fashion models are tall, and they're my icons. plus, being tall basically means u can 3at more than shorter ppl, so to kind of make up for e4t1ng, i just remind myself that im tall. i 4te like straight after my 24h f4st, and i f4st3d so nobody can tell me nothing. at least i hit 24h lmfao. and its not even that serious as time goes on. i had under my usual safe intake of 800cal, cause i had 750cal, and thats prettyyy normal for me. and ik its not going to give me a big wg. im content with how things are going for me, i've finally found my balance point. if i have something, like a m3al, i practice 0m4d, which is what i just did. i only have something to 3at after a day and a day is my minimum of f4st1ng, it helps me, cause my body empties everything out, keto happens, and yea my body just sits around waiting for f00d. its not like im g41n1ng. but obv, u cant stay in the same place for the rest of ur life, and i have my goals of increasing my f4sts length, one at a time. yk, you'll have to f0rce f33d me if u ever want to see me 34t1ng :3

the difference between 3dtwt and 3dblr for me is like. my first introduction to 3d social media was 3dblr, and on 3dblr, there's not a large community here, people tend to keep to themselves and because of that there's not a whole lot of content to see. plus the insane censoring u have to do to bypass getting termed. so i had to work with what little content/info/tips i could get on 3dblr and teach myself everything abt it. then i go onto 3dtwt for the first time, just to see what the hype is. i dont like twt generally, because its so complex and the user base is so big u feel like u get no space to urself, and also due to the large amount of content being so overwhelming. i taught myself all the little 3d keywords like "h0n3ym00n ph4se", "0m4d" and all the abbrev. of goals like cw, gw, lw, etc. i interpreted it how i wanted, taught myself the meanings, and just used my own opinions on what they could mean. and im glad i have 3dblr to fuel my 3d, cause i got to teach myself and not be handed all the tips on a platter to my disposal if i had 3dtwt, i had to make my own tips. and yeah, i taught myself my own rules, and it gave me the sense of control i needed. besides, twt is so confusing, so i keep to myself on that website anyway, in my own little corner, avoiding all the big heated topics and what not. like a ghost basically, i come and i go

and its insane how popular it is. i search for 'honeymoon' first, so i can get to the honeymoon lyrics bot (i love the lyrics bots sm) and then the first search i get recommended is 'honeymoon ph4se' lmfao. and it makes me feel like, "honeymoon ph4se..... i havent heard that in a loooooong time.....🚬🚬🚬"

im surprised god knows i tried isn't a popular lana song. it seems like it would be, and i tend to like her more catchy songs over the slow songs you'd typically expect to be the underrated ones. i saw this reel a while back, where the scenario was of someone meeting a lana fan, and they're about to tell them their favorite lana song, and the person on the other end guesses with all of her most popular songs. and god knows i tried wasn't one of them?? i feel for that one sm and relate to it the most out of any main-era lana song probably (excluding aka because that's not considered main-era lana, since it's pretty obvious she went under a different name at that time)

the themes of music to watch boys to is so close to aka. i love the lana songs where she can still pull lore from what was sung in aka. music to watch boys to is so close to mermaid motel and the unreleased trash magic/miss america. and i love the lyrics in it too, like i've said before, there's deep meaning behind lana's lyrics that are short, small and simple. she paints a larger picture with just keywords

i've only rt like 3 different lana lyrics from the bots of aka, honeymoon and btd/paradise ep. and that's probably all i'll ever post, i only needed some simple posts to help decorate my page that i dont intend on rlly posting on anyway. even my ghost accs need decoration. that was my intention with my main, just having a pretty profile and pretty rbs to decorate my profile

OKAY SOMEBODY NEEDS TO START PAYING THAT ONE AUTHOR CAUSE THEY'RE CARRYING THE ENTIRE TAG 😭😭😭

i go check back on it like once a week and then i see consecutive posts all made day after day by the same person like......

they're gonna get tired of it soon others need to step up fr!! 😥

ok the THING abt 3dtwt is that, like, theres sm content and sm idk...easy romanticisation? and, like, with 3d ur obviously strugging, and u cant just lie to urself that ur not struggling and in some deep sh1t, and if anyones gotta know that, the first person to know must be u, the one with the 3d. i dont prefer 3dtwt bc posts are so simple to understand its almost like 3d content creators are explaining their tips to a child. theres pretty pictures and emoji headers everywhere, and someone who just realised they had 3d symptoms or a newcomer to the 3d community would appreciate that simplicity. but ik from experience 3d isnt that simple. its a disorder, everyones fvcked up, and some find beauty or solace in it to cope. im most likely just saying this cause i had to teach myself how to deal with my own disorder and the rest of 3dtblr was so distant, so the simplicty of 3dtwt isn't something i can appreciate bc i dont need it. im used to the mystery surrounding 3d posts, and the only reason why tblr 3d content gotta be elusive is cause of the terming and stuff. and it gets confusing and lonely, having a mental illness, so i like how hard it is to understand 3dblr, it just seems like i fit right in. the mass of content on 3dtwt makes it seem so much more inviting and welcoming, when in reality 3dtwt is more brutal than 3dblr. u gotta remember that 3d is a disorder, messed up and none of it is pretty. ofc both social medias romanticise 3ds, and i just personally like how tblr does it, cause it can tie into the dark coquette image that tblr is known for, like the famous tumblr girl image, and the mystery/stigma surrounding 3ds

2nd hand embarrassment is so bad

beat me and tell me that noone will love me, better than u do xx

omfg. yall.. im in some deep sh1t rn. im trying to sing all the aka lyrics i can before i face my problems lord pls

imagine being loud but not fvked up. and then being quiet and not fvked up. imagine just being not fcked up in general

ok theres a chance i had under 700cal today. like 600cal. but im not gonna act like i didnt 34t today lmfao.

the way i reply to nookazon reviews vs traderie reviews is lmfao. on nookazon i write out think pieces, cause ppl be writing heartfelt reviews. its like "thank u SO much for ur UNDERSTANDING, CARE, APPRECIATION" and then on traderie if u even get a message along with a review, i just be replying with emojis 😭

ok this is SO NOT ultraviolence....

i hv to say its not ultraviolence girl. call em up asap 😥

listening to 2010s pop, alt and r&b helps me feel older. cause when i was younger, all the teens in my life loved that music, cause it was what was popular in the 2010s, when they were teens and i was younger and looked up at them. now im a teen, nobody to look up to, so i go back listening to music they did. i need to know what it means to be a teen, since all the teenagers i've since met in my life have grown up, and left me behind the day i finally caught up to them, and realised they were already gone. i listen to the music that the teens i've known in my life liked, to feel like a teen too. and i've always liked this music cause i grew up with it being around them, now i've gotten to the age they were when this was popular, and i can enjoy it like they did now that i no longer have to look up at them, but directly eye to eye

it's making more sense why i post like its still the 2010s. about pop culture from over 6 years ago, that has already passed. maybe to feel like they did

[pomegrnteseed]

i think there's cause for reflecting on the "love you sm" mentality fandom spaces perpetuate at the surface level, with stories of emotional and sexual intimacy replacing or standing in for the connections we seek for ourselves. by which i mean to say - in creating worlds where such intimacy exists, by sharing explicit erotica and unmitigated heartbreak and lasting love, we think we're closer to each other than we actually are. it's a pseudo-connection, or at least far more brittle than we expect because we've shared our kinks and histories and dreams with people just like us. except, maybe they're not so much like us.

maybe it's not love we have for other members. maybe fandom communities are actually sustained by a desire to quell the anxiety and isolation of a passion/interest/hobby that few others share irl. maybe that's why we all feel the heat and hurt of the ruptures so keenly - they disturb our own sense of security.

that's not to say that love doesn't exist, there are all kinds of love, after all. i'm just not sure that this kind of love between fandom members is enough. i think it's brittle. i think we need more robustness. and i think such robustness comes from deeper connection, which is hard to sustain across timezones, geographies, other interests, political alignments, histories, expectations, dreams, desires. it's not impossible, but in-fighting is inevitable when there are too many people bringing their own notion of normal or expected or correct to the table. too many cooks, indeed.

after all, don't our dhr protagonists often have hurdles to overcome far beyond their love for each other? it is kind of ironic to me that we are embedded in a fandom whose ship is not canon, yet we cannot possibly imagine alternative ways of connecting or building community. it's hard, i know, to look beyond the walls we find comfort in, but there's so much more to community building than being interested in the same thing. and doing it on platforms built to engender miscommunication to keep people posting (and consequently seeing the ads placed on timelines so the fat cat's pockets remain well padded) is probably not going to help matters.

like, i'm posting this on tumblr for a reason. several actually. for one, the ones who took issue with my opinions (I originally named them but logging back onto twt today reminds me it's not worth the possible backlash) back during the ai-shaming conversation aren't likely to see it unless someone sends it their way, but they blocked me so i doubt they have any interest in what i have to write. for another, twt doesn't bode well for nuance given character limits and the atmosphere on the platform being primed for defensiveness and antagonism. third, i don't feel watched over here like i did on twt. i can just post my little rambles and not care about upsetting people because really there's no one watching and that's a relief. i have no fics in me atm. i've been trying, but i don't want to give to the dhr community at large. i want to write specific stories for specific people. that's how i wrote pola's harmony bday oneshot. gifting fics for specific people feels more my speed just now. i just don't have it in me to keep fostering friendships while the atmosphere is so volatile. except for taylor. i want to write her something for sure. soon as i find my muse, there's a big monsterfucking story coming her way. and sweet sweet bee, who i feel i owe a better story than i've currently got to offer in we are to learn. maybe when i'm back west next month i'll have a little more inspiration to draw from.

anyway, i just don't think some folks really understand the fickleness of the love bandied around dhrtwt. it's not the kind of love that wants to see you grow, learn, do better. it's the kind that's merit based but the scoring system isn't clear. it's the kind that's highly conditional with unwritten rules and etiquette you best learn quick. and it's a kind of love, i've learned, that is extremely quick to sour if you don't conform to the personal ideals of a popular, loud few. personally, that's not much like the love i want to put time into at all.

[jingyismom]

Time for more sex-cursed Lan Wangji!

a messy, self-indulgent spree imported from twt and lightly edited

explicit, wangxian, 9k, canon divergence fix-it

mild dubcon because of the nature of sex curses (but like, they do their best to communicate around it), and cw for brief thoughts of self harm, no other warnings

This curse's origin is mysterious, perhaps politically guided. Someone is trying to throttle Gusu Lan's alliance prospects by removing Lan Wangji's stellar marriageability after Sunshot. It works, after a fashion.

Wei Wuxian is in the Burial Mounds, farming and hardening his heart as the resentment worsens his health, subsisting on memories of Lan Wangji's single visit.

Lan Wangji is at home in Gusu, pining away while they rebuild the Cloud Recesses.

One day, he begins to burn up with unexplained fever.

The healers examine him quickly and thoroughly and determine first that he's been cursed. This is not entirely shocking, but it of course angers the entire sect. Next they test for the curse's nature. It turns out to be a very classic, very coarse type of love curse.

The afflicted will burn up, losing all their sense and senses, and eventually die, if their body's “needs” are not satisfied by the one it craves most.

The healers are disgusted. Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren are outraged. But Lan Wangji becomes very calm at the news.

Before, he felt anxiety. The urgent desperation of a dying man waiting to be told how to live.

Now he is just waiting to die.

For you see, the choice between throwing himself at another human being—no matter who they may be—and meeting death with dignity, is an easy one.

Everyone else privy to this information disagrees. The argument that follows is short, but heated:

"Well, Wangji?" Lan Qiren begins once the initial furor has died down. "How do you wish to...go about this?"

Lan Wangji, over-warm and aching, looks up at him from the examination bed. Gusu Lan funeral rites are ancient and immutable. He does not understand the question.

Lan Qiren purses his lips and glances around. "We must find the person first," he prompts.

Ah. The person responsible. Yes, Lan Wangji does have business with them before he dies. He stands, only swaying slightly. "I am well enough to exact justice. Let us cast the rebound."

Lan Xichen steps forward then, and gently pushes him back to sitting. "It has been cast. However, justice can wait. Your health must come first."

Lan Wangji looks between his uncle, his brother, and the one doctor allowed to be present. Surely they would not be joking at a time like this.

"I do not understand," he says.

The three exchange a look. "Breaking the curse must be our priority," says Lan Xichen.

Lan Wangji is not sure he heard correctly. But it would be cruel to give him unfounded hope. "I was unaware there was another way."

"...There is not," says Lan Xichen, his gentleness unfailing.

Lan Wangji experiences a moment of deep confusion before the horror sets in.

"You cannot mean this," he says through his shock. "Surely you cannot mean to cast aside so many disciplines at the whim of a base villain."

"The disciplines are a guide," Lan Qiren says, hands behind his back, looking into the distance, "to ensure a life well-lived. They are not meant to inspire martyrdom."

Lan Wangji's mouth falls open. He stares at his uncle, mute with betrayal. He has never heard of any such leeway before, not in regards to disciplines of such a serious nature.

"You can understand, can't you?" Lan Xichen says. "That no rule is more important than your life.”

Lan Wangji disagrees vehemently. "I would not buy my life with such behavior."

Lan Qiren huffs in irritation. "We may perform a marriage in haste, if you wish."

Lan Wangji balks at him. That his uncle should speak so flippantly of...such a thing. It is unimaginable. And besides, forcing a marriage on Wei—on anyone in this way is surely only adding insult to heinous injury.

"I refuse," he says.

Lan Xichen exchanges a look with the doctor, and sits beside him. "Perhaps the other person should be allowed part of that choice."

Ridiculous. "There is no such person." Preventing this course of action is worth one lie, Lan Wangji reasons.

"With respect, Hanguang-jun, if that were true, the curse would not have been able to take hold," says the doctor.

The use of his title feels uncomfortably ironic from a woman who helped deliver him at birth. He glares at her. She smiles tiredly in return.

"Wangji," Lan Xichen says. His tone is beginning to grate on Lan Wangji's raw nerves. "You will at least try, won't you?"

Lan Wangji stares at him in disbelief, in anger, in righteous indignation.

"Never," he says.

A hand slaps his shoulder. "Apologies," says the doctor, and the world goes dark.

-----

Lan Wangji wakes to dark wood beams dappled by lacy sunlight, and a faint smell of char in the air. His head is heavy, his limbs full of lead. He swallows around the dry thickness in his throat.

"Water," comes a familiar voice.

With effort, Lan Wangji sits up. His stomach is roiling, his mind fogged from the coma and the curse both. The doctor, crouching beside him in the carriage, offers him a bowl of water.

He takes it, and asks, "What have you done?"

She sighs.

"My duty," she says, "with the help of your brother."

She draws back the curtain at the carriage entrance, revealing a sea of black, twisted trees and gray tumbled walls.

Lan Wangji's blood freezes in his veins. He just barely stops himself from asking how they knew.

"Why," he asks instead, a much safer question.

She considers him. "Your brother said if he was wrong, he would beg forgiveness afterward. But it couldn't hurt to have an expert in resentment and curses look at you anyway."

A stab of sick embarrassment makes Lan Wangji’s stomach clench.

Has he been so obvious? Is he such a lovesick fool that anyone with eyes can see his shame?

The doctor pats his shoulder gruffly and he flinches, expecting more needles.

"Ah he's your brother, he's bound to know things you don't want him to," she says. "Come on. Out you get."

He allows her to tug him out of the carriage and onto solid ground. The air is stifling with resentment, but he is glad to be free of his bonds. Now he can look for his chance to get away.

There are six Lan disciples flanking them. He eyes them warily, wondering what they know. When the doctor pulls him out of earshot, and pitches her voice low, he is satisfied that they have not been fully informed.

"Your family and I agreed to give you a chance first," she says. "You have 24 hours to take care of this yourself. After that, I will personally tell Wei-gongzi of your brother's message. I have been assured he will not jeopardize your well-being if fully-informed."

Lan Wangji gapes at her. He does not know what he expected to happen, but it was not this...this...mercenary attempt at...forcing...

The curse has weakened him such that he cannot fly his sword. He can hardly walk in a straight line, let alone run. He has very little recourse now that everyone in his life has gone absolutely mad. His heart is racing with the adrenaline of upheaval, of fear, of impending death.

He wrenches his arm from her grasp and stalks off of the road, into the brush. She calls after him, but he does not mean to escape. He cannot manage that alone. Instead, he sits. He takes a deep breath. He sinks into meditation.

"Hanguang-jun," she calls. She approaches, hands on her hips. She sighs. "Well, if it's like that, then there's nothing stopping me from telling him right now."

She turns, and Lan Wangji feels a lurch of helplessness, when a new voice rings clear through the fog.

"Tell what to whom?"

Lan Wangji's eyes snap open. Wei Wuxian is standing on the other side of the carriage, the child A-Yuan in his arms, eyeing the Lan delegation with suspicion. Wen Ning is with him, and the Lan disciples shift nervously just looking at him, but Wei Wuxian sets A-Yuan in his arms, and he leaps away up the mountain.

"Might I assume this little party has come for me?" Wei Wuxian goes on, twirling his flute. His eyes are shrewd and cold, similar to the way they had looked when he had first returned during the war.

At the sight of him, at the sound of his voice, the curse...reacts.

A horrid, uncomfortable shiver of need runs through Lan Wangji's body alongside his own simple relief and joy at seeing Wei Wuxian again, looking relatively well. He fights it, keeping still among the weeds, hoping against hope to go unnoticed.

"Yiling Laozu," the doctor greets him with a deep bow. "We have indeed come to humbly beg your aid."

"I see," he says. "And what will you give me in return?"

The doctor hesitates, clearly discomfited by the context Wei Wuxian is currently unaware of. "We may...discuss that. Once we have informed you of the details."

Wei Wuxian hums, considering. Cold. Detached. "And if I am disinclined to—"

He breaks off. The doctor has moved so that she and Lan Wangji are both in Wei Wuxian's line of sight. Lan Wangji closes his eyes rather than see the moment of recognition, rather than feel the weight of Wei Wuxian's eyes on him, like this.

"Lan Zhan?"

Lan Wangji clamps his jaw shut. It is a struggle not simply to crawl to him.

The renewed ice in Wei Wuxian's voice when next he speaks makes Lan Wangji aware of the warmth with which he had said his name. His curls his shaking hands into fists on his knees.

"What have you done to him?"

The doctor sighs. "We have done nothing. He has been cursed, which is why we brought him here. If you—"

"Daifu," Lan Wangji interrupts, his voice thin.

She stops speaking.

Lan Wangji opens his eyes, but does not look at Wei Wuxian, not yet. If he is careful, and uses his remaining strength correctly, he can perhaps...perhaps guide the situation. Toward escape. With Wei Wuxian's help.

He may have to lie to him. He hopes he will be forgiven, all things considered.

Lan Wangji stands slowly, carefully, considering each movement so as not to reveal the state he is in.

"I will speak with him," he says to the doctor.

She eyes him. "24 hours," she says.

He does not acknowledge this. He thinks they both know it will not come to that, though his idea differs greatly from hers. He judges, from the time they have allotted and his own weakness, that he has perhaps a day and a half, total, to wait them out. Doable, if he is careful and intelligent about it.

He can manage.

He walks over to Wei Wuxian, careful to keep two arm's lengths between them. This close is already too close: a fine, constant tremor has made a home in all of his tightly-locked muscles. He feels the moment his fever begins to rise further. The sides of his throat hurt, the interiors of his ears. He wonders if his hearing will go first, or his eyes.

"Allow me to explain," he says to him.

"Of course," Wei Wuxian answers.

He sounds strange. Cold, still. Lan Wangji wants to look at him, and almost slips, but manages to stop himself. He follows him up the hill, past the wards, through the resentment that clings to them both, now. He keeps his careful distance, following behind.

"What happened?" Wei Wuxian asks, as they walk.

"A curse," Lan Wangji says carefully. "Origin unknown. The rebound has been cast. I did not wish to burden you with this, but they are...they will not listen to reason. Wei Ying, if you would but help me, I would deal with this on my own."

"Oh?"

"I...wish to seek justice. They will not allow it. But you understand. If there is another path off the mountain, if you would show me the way past them, I could—"

Wei Wuxian stops dead, and Lan Wangji, with his eyes in the ground, runs into him. 

For a blazing, agonizing moment, he is touching Wei Wuxian, clinging to him, every element in his body sighing and crying out at once in satisfaction, in the torturous need for more.

He tears himself away, stumbling back, almost falling. Wei Wuxian reaches out as if to catch him, but falters.

"Lan Zhan, you can hardly stand," he says, alarmed, "and you want to go and fight someone?"

Lan Wangji draws himself up taller again, trying hard to stop his shaking. He cannot look at him. He cannot look. He is already dying, now, just from not looking. "It is my right."

"...It is..." Wei Wuxian says at length, watching him closely. "And it still will be once you're well again. Your doctors really couldn't tell what type of curse it is?"

Lan Wangji says nothing, trying to think past the way every inch of his skin feels as if it is burning clean off. The pain of it screams through him, worse than anything he has ever felt. Wei Wuxian is still speaking, but it is hard to make sense of it. When Wei Wuxian begins walking again, slowly, it is all he can do to both follow and stay away from him. This, here, now, is worse than death. If it lasts, he certainly will not be sane when the end finally comes. He lets go of any thoughts of a dignified death.

Fortunately, by the time they reach the cool dark of the cave Wei Wuxian calls home, the pain has subsided to a distant roar. Unfortunately, he hoped never to reach this point. He tries his only play again, unable to think of any new tactic.

"Please show me the way off the mountain," he says without preamble.

Wei Wuxian is quiet for a beat. "You really don't want my help that much?"

Lan Wangji is so confused by this question, and then struck by the irony of it, that he almost begins to laugh. A shivery, jittery feeling fills his chest, and he leans against the nearest solid surface. He wishes he were wearing a loose outer layer over his blue travel robes, the better to hide his shaking. He does not know how to respond.

"You haven't so much as looked at me once since you got here," Wei Wuxian goes on, digging through strange pots and objects on a table, "so I get it. But you'll have to forgive me if I disregard your objection to the kind of work I do, when it comes to your life."

"My life, my life," Lan Wangji mocks, accidentally out loud. Why is everyone suddenly so obsessed with his life? He was ready to give it freely in the war, but chance let him keep it. What difference does giving it now in the name of keeping himself clean of shame make? Why will nobody allow him this choice?

"What shame?" Wei Wuxian asks.

Lan Wangji buckles at the realization that he has said all of this out loud. He goes to the floor, to his knees.

"Nothing," he says. "The shame of not having warded off such a simple attack."

"Lan Zhan...you want to die because you didn't defend against a curse you didn't know was coming?"

Lan Wangji lapses into silence. He has said too much already. He does not know how to get out of this. He can only...he can only stay quiet. Refuse to speak or move.

"Lan Zhan...I feel like I'm missing something here. I only want to help.”

Lan Wangji grits his teeth and stares hard at the floor in front of him. He has rarely ever felt so trapped, so utterly helpless. The extended, full-body pain is dulling his mind by the moment. The hems of Wei Wuxian's robes come into view, and it takes everything in him not to fall forward into him, to plead, to beg. His breath is hitching at random intervals now, his heart tripping as it prepares to fail entirely.

There is a soft gust of air, and an odd prickling sensation across his face.

"Now let's see—oh," Wei Wuxian says. "I...oh."

Lan Wangji wilts at his stilted, awkward tone. He knows now, surely. Can see him truly.

"So that's why you want to leave, and why they won't let you. They want me to find another way to break it, to stop you from...ah."

Lan Wangji sorts through the words, trying to comprehend them.

"Sorry," Wei Wuxian goes on. "I...it's unbreakable, otherwise. A very old, airtight spell. You...will Gusu Lan start a war with me if I do just let you go...ah, handle this the old-fashioned way?"

Comprehension dawns. And with it, a way out.

Lan Wangji rushes to agree. "They—" He cuts off. Will they? If they think Wei Wuxian has willingly let him die, rather than...

He takes a breath. Another. Forces his mind past the endless litany of pleas for relief.

"Show me the way " he says, his words breathless and short, "and then tell Lan-daifu what you have done. And why. But give me time to. Get away. And you will be safe."

Wei Wuxian pauses. "How...ah. How far—how much time?"

Lan Wangji tries hard to come up with an answer for that. His progress will be slow. But he need only find a place to hide.

"Half a day," he hazards.

Wei Wuxian seems to vacillate. "Are you sure you can make it on your own?"

Lan Wangji wants to rage. To weep. To curse himself to the heavens for being so depraved toward so endlessly kind a man. His heart hurts, even as his body strains toward him.

This lie may be the worst he will ever tell.

"I will be fine,” he says.

"Alright." Wei Wuxian sounds unconvinced. "I trust you."

Lan Wangji nearly convulses, holding back a sob. How will he ever be forgiven?

He cannot think of it. Only this, only what comes next. Only keeping Wei Wuxian safe from this mess.

"Lan Zhan?"

"Mn," he manages.

"Would you look at me, now? I haven't...used any demonic cultivation on you. It's safe, I promise I won't. I just. Can't we say goodbye properly?"

Lan Wangji has not moved from the floor. He does not move. He should try. A parting gift. Just one look.

But if he is going to leave. If he is going to succeed. He cannot.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says again, frustrated now.

Lan Wangji does not look. He is so close to freedom from the horrible pull, from the way his very veins are trying to tear themselves free to wrap around Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian steps forward, and Lan Wangji's breath leaves him all at once. Suddenly, there are fingers beneath his jaw, kind but firm, tilting his chin up. He has no choice but to look.

(Inspired by this art.)

Wei Wuxian is there. Tall and strong and perfect, tiredness mixed with something bittersweet on his lovely face. Lan Wangji's entire being melts toward him, a deep, sharp tug from inside his bones, a mindless, helpless, straining need that pushes a low, wanting sound from his throat.

Wei Wuxian snatches his hand away and backs up half a step, staring at him.

"Sorry," he says, blank. Confused. "I thought it was...I didn't realize...sorry."

Lan Wangji, now that he has looked, cannot look away. He has overbalanced without Wei Wuxian's support, fallen forward onto his hands, but he cannot stop looking at him. He will look at him, and keep looking; he prays Wei Wuxian is the last thing he sees before he dies.

The most shameful part of this is that none of it is the curse twisting his thoughts. None of this is. All the curse is doing is making the way he always feels impossible to ignore.

"Wei Ying," his voice implores. He does not mean it to.

Wei Wuxian takes another step back and looks down at the bowl of powder in his hand, confused. "I was certain it was that curse," he says to himself. "If I was wrong, then maybe I could break it..."

Lan Wangji tries to scrape his composure back together. He tries. He tries. His fingers scrape on the rough stone floor. He does not reach out for him. That is something.

Wei Wuxian looks at him again, then hastily away. Lan Wangji does not ever want to know what it is he sees.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says, as Lan Wangji shakes, and shakes. "Where...where were you trying to go? I thought you...I thought you were, ah, thinking of a certain someone."

Lan Wangji's arms are weak. They are going to give out. He cannot answer him.

"I'm confused, and I...may have made a mistake," Wei Wuxian goes on, still backing away slowly, "but I just want to help. Can you tell me what was happening before, and what's happening now?"

Lan Wangji shakes his head, and the motion shatters his fragile balance. He falls, and curls tightly around himself in the dirt.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian says, suddenly close.

Lan Wangji sees his hand reach out, then pause, and he can't stop himself from taking hold of it, just to be touching him. His body screams for it, and he gasps raggedly at the contact.

Wei Wuxian wrenches his arm free. Lan Wangji wishes he were dead.

"Fuck," Wei Wuxian mutters to himself. "I...I'm sorry. I made this so much worse, I..."

"No," Lan Wangji rasps. He cannot hear Wei Wuxian berate himself thus. His dignity has now died, and he himself will soon follow. This is all that matters. "Not your fault."

Wei Wuxian huffs, crouching beside him. "It is...at least partially my fault, at this point, I'm pretty sure. You wouldn't be...reacting. Like this. If it weren't. Is...can I...do a few more tests? To check what I got wrong, and maybe—"

"You were not wrong."

He does not mean to say it.

His need to reassure has overridden his sense, and his mind is too slow now to piece together what it will mean before it leaves his mouth. The regret once it does is instantaneous. He tries to curl himself yet smaller in the dirt.

Wei Wuxian is silent. Lan Wangji cannot stop making small, pitiful, pained sounds in the back of his throat. Everything hurts. Everything.

"I don't understand," Wei Wuxian says quietly.

Lan Wangji lies shivering on the floor, arms locked around himself to prevent any more untoward behavior. He cannot take it back. He cannot try to explain. There is nothing he could say, regardless.

"Lan Zhan...but you..."

He can hear Wei Wuxian thinking, but it only registers in the far back of his mind. The rest of his consciousness is taken up by pain, and by ruthless restraint.

"You wanted to leave to get away from me," Wei Wuxian says, finally.

Lan Wangji does not answer. He wishes he had his sword. He would use it now to end this.

Wei Wuxian begins to back away again, and Lan Wangji’s body moves without his permission. He grips the skirt of Wei Wuxian’s robes in his fist and drags himself closer, pressing his cheek to Wei Wuxian's knee.

Shameful. Wanton. The small part of himself that is still aware berates the action. But he cannot let go. He cannot move away. The only part of him that is not howling with pain is the side of his face pressed to coarse fabric.

"Lan Zhan, you…," Wei Wuxian is trying to gently pry Lan Wangji's fingers from his hem. "You wanted to leave, remember? You don't want...you don't."

"Want," Lan Wangji croaks, pressing closer. "Wanted to spare you."

"Ah, Lan Zhan...I...I'm still not sure it's that specific curse, it could...there could be other..."

"It is," Lan Wangji says, half-crawling up Wei Wuxian's leg. He wants to stop himself. It is impossible.

"Lan Zhan...you...you shouldn't—"

"Stop me," Lan Wangji pleads, nuzzling against Wei Wuxian's thigh, "Wei Ying, I can't...please. Stop me."

There is a long near-silence filled with harsh breaths, in which Lan Wangji is almost certain he imagines the light touch of fingers brushing his mussed hair back from his forehead. Then Wei Wuxian speaks.

"No," he says. "You'll die, if I do. Lan Zhan. I won't let that happen."

He touches Lan Wangji's face. Lan Wangji whimpers into him.

He knows this will break the fragile repairs they have made to their friendship. He will likely never see him again, at least not on good terms. The thought makes him feel ill. He should protest. Refuse. Flee. He can do exactly none of these things. He reaches for Wei Wuxian's wrist, to hold his hand to his face, but Wei Wuxian flinches away.

"You can't...Lan Zhan. I'm going to help you," he says, "but you have to...you can't...you can't touch me."

Lan Wangji feels another tight clench of shame. He nods against his leg. He understands: he knows any small part of this is too much to ask, let alone bearing his unwelcome, curse-fevered grasping.

"Okay," says Wei Wuxian. He slides his fingers beneath Lan Wangji’s chin again, tipping his face up.

He looks so uncertain. So beautiful in the dim light. Lan Wangji wants to weep with it.

"Lan Zhan, I know it doesn't count for much like this, but you have to tell me. You have to tell me what you need."

Lan Wangji turns his head, pressing his face between Wei Wuxian's thigh and stomach, trying to reach into him, to feel more of him, to stop hurting just enough to think. It does not work.

"You," he breathes, into the scent of earth, and stringent soap, and Wei Wuxian.

A harsh, uneven breath ghosts across his hair, and Wei Wuxian's hands grip his shoulders. He thinks he is about to be pushed away again, but instead Wei Wuxian pulls him up, pulls him close, folds him into his embrace.

Lan Wangji sobs into his shoulder, trying at once to get closer and to hold himself apart, instinct demanding, even now, that he try to conceal his obvious, disgraceful hardness. His muscles quake under the strain of doing both and neither, and Wei Wuxian smooths one hand down his back, pressing him close, pressing them flush. Lan Wangji chokes back a shocked sound.

"Shh," Wei Wuxian soothes. "It's alright."

It is not alright. It is the end of the thing Lan Wangji holds most dear.

But he does not have it in him to argue. He is shifting against him, his overheated body begging for touch, indeed for ravishment. He is mindless with it. The pain is not subsiding but slipping sideways into something more, something different, something necessary.

He is on his knees on hard stone, breathlessly held in the arms of his beloved. He has dreamt this: sweetly, hazily, with and without hope. But never like this. Never sick with remorse, with need, dying and demanding and defiling. His deepest desire twisted into a nightmare.

He whimpers again, his lips finding the soft coolness of Wei Wuxian's throat. Wei Wuxian jerks away again, and Lan Wangji fists his hands tighter at his sides, trying, trying not to overstep again.

"I—sorry," he gasps out. He will never be able to apologize enough. But he will try.

"Don't apologize," says Wei Wuxian. "I—"

He cuts himself off. Lan Wangji does not have enough sense to wonder why. In the same moment, one of his thighs gives under the strain, and he falls against him heavily. They tip over, to the floor, and he reaches out on instinct to brace them both. When he is again conscious of himself, Wei Wuxian is lying on top of him, breathing hard, both of Lan Wangji's wrists pinned to the floor in one hand. Lan Wangji arches against him inadvertently, and turns his face into his own bicep.

"Sorry, I...so sorry," he pants, his hips flexing, searching for friction. "I have...no control...”

"I know," Wei Wuxian says, "I know, I shouldn't have..." he swallows hard. "I'm going to keep you like this. Can I?"

Lan Wangji nods frantically, his eyes shut tight. He does not care. Anything that he can do to make this any less invasive for Wei Wuxian, he will do.

Wei Wuxian pulls away then, his hold still firm on Lan Wangji's wrists. Lan Wangji squeezes his eyes shut and tries to stop moving, to stop searching for touch, to stop making such a disgusting spectacle of himself, but to no avail. What feels like centuries later, he hears the telltale sounds of talisman activation. He is too far gone in his pain to look up, to see what they are. He simply lies there, pinned and writhing, his breath catching in his throat. The sounds it makes are small, pitiful, desperate.

Just like him.

Eventually, Wei Wuxian leans back over him, a considering look in his eye. His hand hovers at Lan Wangjis belt.

"I—should I..."

"Yes," pleads Lan Wangji.

He needs Wei Wuxian's skin on his skin. He does not know how discerning the curse is about what happens now, but it feels as if he will die without it. Wei Wuxian takes what looks like a fortifying breath and unties the belt. Lan Wangji, unable to help, instead hinders the process with his ceaseless movement. But Wei Wuxian manages it with deft hands, and immediately unties each layer of robes in quick succession until Lan Wangji’s chest and stomach are bare.

The cool air of the cave does not soothe his burning. It burns like ice instead. Lan Wangji shivers, an ugly whine escaping him.

"What," Wei Wuxian asks, pausing, "what is it?"

Lan Wangji shakes his head. He will bear it. He will not make demands.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says, "you need to talk to me, I...I don't want to make this even worse, or, or draw it out longer."

Something small and dark crumples in Lan Wangji's chest. He does not want that either. He will need to speak. To ask.

"Hurts," he says, rough and thick.

"Where?"

"...Not...not touching me."

Wei Wuxian makes a distressed noise and lays both his palms flat over Lan Wangji's ribs. Lan Wangji groans, pressing up into them.

"Please," he whispers, helpless. "Please."

"Oh, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian murmurs, something sad like regret. He leans closer and slides one hand down. Lan Wangji shudders under him. "I'm just going to..."

Lan Wangji nods again, holding his breath to stop the whines from escaping the back of his throat.

Wei Wuxian unties Lan Wangji's trousers and slips his hand inside. Clever fingers wrap hesitantly around him, and he bucks up into them with an obscene moan. It is minor relief from the most consuming pain he has ever felt, and it is simultaneously the most intense pleasure he has ever experienced. All of these sensations, coexisting in his fallible human body, feel likely to rip him apart.

"Wei Ying," he moans again, when Wei Wuxian moves his hand.

He gasps for air, his body twisting into it, his whole being searching for Wei Wuxian. He makes another piteous sound, the torment of it all overwhelming. Wei Wuxian leans down against him then, his own robes open, pressing them skin to skin.

Lan Wangji sobs. It is something. It is something. The pain abates somewhat, and he sighs, turning toward him, his mouth brushing Wei Wuxian's hair. He has the wherewithal now to fight the urge to kiss his head properly, his face, anything he can reach. He holds himself still beneath him instead. And Wei Wuxian touches him, and touches him. The incomprehensible pleasure builds, and builds, until Lan Wangji cannot breathe. But it does not break.

Something almost like soft lips brushes his throat.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says into his ear, "this, is this...will this be enough?"

The pleasure is just another kind of pain, now. Lan Wangji shakes his head as sweat rolls off of him, as he tries and fails to get enough air to speak.

Wei Wuxian clears his throat. "What, then?"

Lan Wangji's body knows what it needs. But he does not want to tell.

"Come on, Lan Zhan, after all this? Don't get shy on me now."

He misses the joking tone he is aiming for, but the pure, unmistakable Wei Wuxian-ness of the tease sends a surge of genuine desire through Lan Wangji. He wraps his legs around Wei Wuxian's hips and pulls him down. Wei Wuxian breathes in sharply.

"You just...you want...but only..."

"Please," says Lan Wangji, barely voiced. "In—" he cannot say it. "Please."

"Ah," Wei Wuxian whispers, into his skin. "If—are you sure?"

Lan Wangji whines. He wishes he were not so very sure. He wishes he were not asking Wei Wuxian to do something so intimate, so extreme. He wishes Wei Wuxian had let him die before it ever came to this.

"Alright Lan Zhan, just hold—hold on," he says, and is gone.

Lan Wangji clamps his mouth shut on a scream as the agony slams back into him, worse even than before.

Not soon enough, Wei Wuxian returns to divest him of his boots, socks and trousers. Lan Wangji fights him without meaning to, trying to keep his knees curled up to his chest, trying to minimize the hurt. Wei Wuxian is briskly patient, handling him with aching care he does not deserve.

And then he is upon him, chest and stomach, hips and thighs, smooth and hard and exquisite. Lan Wangji almost forgets the pain in the rush of gratitude, of solace. Their robes trail off them both, gathering dust as they move together in halting fits and starts.

"Don't let me hurt you, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian grits out, a strong hand lifting one of Lan Wangji's thighs by the back of the knee.

It is nonsense. He could not hurt Lan Wangji any more than this. And Lan Wangji could not stop him now if he did.

But the kindness. Even in this. Tears prick at Lan Wangji's eyes. He will miss him. He will miss all of Wei Wuxian with all of himself. He will never stop missing him. He will never move past this regret as long as he lives. How could he? Every breath he draws will be by the grace of Wei Wuxian.

Suddenly there is slick pressure against him, against his most private of places, and he gasps, loud and wretched. Wei Wuxian exhales, uneven and deep, and pushes in, in, in. Slowly. So slowly. Lan Wangji bites down hard on his lip to keep from begging for it. His arms are pinned, as are his hips, Wei Wuxian holding him steady, holding him still. Lan Wangji loses all sense. There is only the weight of Wei Wuxian, the full, stinging press of him, the searing pain, the devastating euphoria of being this close, and yet so very far in every way that counts.

Ages pass before Wei Wuxian is fully seated inside him. By then Lan Wangji's breaths are wet and shallow; scraping, desolate things. He does not know any longer what hurts and what feels good. It is all one and the same. He only knows he needs more, in some primal, wordless way.

He asks with the arch of his back, the squeeze of his thighs. He tries, somehow, to keep quiet, but fails more often than not.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says tightly, "try to relax, I'm going to move. Tell me if it...if it's right."

Lan Wangji manages a loose nod, though he barely understands.

And Wei Wuxian moves. He rolls his hips against him, shifting inside of him, and Lan Wangji groans. Each deep, short thrust pushes air from his lungs, and he lacks the strength to catch it again. It is beyond pleasure. It is ecstatic. To have Wei Wuxian around him, inside him, panting above him. A deep, villainous part of him wants it never to end. The rest of him howls for release.

He is dripping now, steadily, onto his own stomach. He can feel it pooling on his belly, unpleasantly cool. He whimpers between desperate, panting breaths, beyond words.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says, breath shivering across Lan Wangji's collarbone, "I can't...can't keep this up, you feel too—" his breath catches, and he pauses. "I'm going to finish. You need to come."

Dimly, distantly, the idea that Wei Wuxian should derive pleasure from this, no matter how perfunctory, gives Lan Wangji a perverse sort of satisfaction. It snuffs out like a candle at the nebulous thought that perhaps in another world, they could have had this for real.

In this world, the fact remains that this has gone on far too long. But Lan Wangji can do nothing about it. He meets Wei Wuxian's thrusts, leans into the pleasure, tries to gain the momentum to go over the edge. He should be able to. It should be easy. He has been so hard for so long, has been given more now than in his absolute wildest and wettest of dreams, and yet he hovers, scant inches away.

Wei Wuxian loses patience, his head dropping to Lan Wangji's shoulder. He grunts softly and fists Lan Wangji's wet cock, quick and merciless. Lan Wangji cries out, shuddering violently with the extended, expansive stimulation, worked both inside and out, helplessly, utterly unmade by Wei Wuxian's touch.

And still he does not crest. He is sobbing steadily now, ugly and jagged, and Wei Wuxian kisses his shoulder, his throat, his cheek.

"Were we wrong?" He asks, breathless. "Lan Zhan please, tell—show me, I...I can't...you...I can't lose you. Lan Zhan?"

Exhausted, Lan Wangji turns his tearstained face toward him, blindly seeking. Perhaps they were all wrong. Perhaps he will die now, like this. And perhaps it is selfish of him, but having heard those words, he finds his regret to be less than it should be. Everything, everything hurts. But Wei Wuxian will miss him, too. Of course he will. They are zhiji. This, miraculously, will not erase that. It is more than he deserves. Wei Wuxian has always been more than he deserves.

Lan Wangji heaves, and writhes, and cries.

Wei Wuxian kisses him. Soft, gloriously cool lips on his.

An odd, fleeting, hollow feeling.

The dam breaks. The pain goes suddenly quiet. Roaring to fullness in its absence is the killing swell of such a long-delayed climax. It is possible that he calls Wei Wuxian's name. It is impossible to know.

The world, again, goes dark.

-----

Lan Wangji wakes to gray light and distant birdsong. A sharp edge is digging into his shoulder. He shifts, then goes still at the deep ache in his entire body.

He remembers.

"Hanguang-jun should drink this," says a brisk voice to his right.

Wen Qing sits there, watching him. His heart skips a beat and he looks down. But he is fully clothed once more.

Her smile is wry as she holds a cup out to him. Laboriously, he sits up to take it. It is bitter, but familiar. A restorative. He thanks her formally.

She shakes her head. "No need.” She turns to go.

"Wen-guniang," Lan Wangji says. She pauses. "How long has it been gone?"

She turns to stare at him. He knows she knows what he means.

"How? When?"

She looks away. "You'll have to ask him."

The pang of loss he felt upon waking with Wei Wuxian gone speaks for him. "Will he let me?"

 He lies on the slab of rock that serves as Wei Wuxian's bed for too long. It is difficult to tell the passage of time in the Burial Mounds, but it seems slightly brighter than it had...before. He reasons that it could well be the next morning. He wonders if Wei Wuxian slept beside him, then tosses the thought away as gross indulgence. He wonders instead, as he has many times since his last visit, if Wei Wuxian sleeps at all.

First, his excuse to tarry is meditation. He works at it, simultaneously restoring his drained core and healing himself, until the discomfort fades from his every movement to just a specific few.

Once that is done, he has no reason to be idle. But the voice in his head, Wei Wuxian's blisteringly cold one that had called him his proper name all those months ago, keeps him in place. He hears it saying all manner of things in response to seeing him now.

"What more could you possibly want of me?" Wei Wuxian sneers in his mind. And he would be right to do so.

But Lan Wangji does not intend to ask anything of him ever again.

And there is the other thing. The fact that his robes should be uncomfortable, filthy, but they have been cleaned, dried, and arranged back onto his body properly. Comfortably. Almost as if—

He dares not imagine. But at the very least it does not speak of utter contempt.

So he rises. He follows the path Wen Qing told him of. And he does something foolish. He hopes.

After no short while of walking, he comes to a slightly darker, more silent corner of deadened forest. He rounds a bend and sees Wei Wuxian crouched a little ways off, and then hears high, lilting notes as if through water. The energies are strange here, and Wei Wuxian is speaking to with them in their own language.

Lan Wangji approaches until he sees Wei Wuxian go still. He says nothing. Wei Wuxian drops his flute from his lips.

"Are you well?" He asks without rising or turning.

"I am."

Wei Wuxian nods. "Your people are waiting for you."

It is a dismissal. Lan Wangji recognizes this. But he will impose just a little bit longer.

"Your core," he says. Wei Wuxian stands abruptly, still facing away, gripping Chenqing. "Can it be replaced?"

Wei Wuxian whirls to face him, anger and fear warring with the questions on his face.

Lan Wangji has other questions, too. But they do not matter. He is intelligent enough to piece together the cold, empty space where Wei Wuxian's core should be, the tired guilt on Wen Qing's face, and...

"Your scar," he says, dropping his gaze to the scorched earth.

He should not know of it. But he does, now, and he also owes a greater debt than he can ever repay. Wei Wuxian does not respond. How dearly Lan Wangji wants to see his expression. But he will not infringe on any more of his privacy.

The wind howls. He waits.

"You won't tell anybody," Wei Wuxian says uncertainly.

Lan Wangji stiffens. "I will not."

"Nobody told you?"

"Nobody.”

Wei Wuxian pauses, momentarily satisfied.

"You're not going to ask how? Or when?"

Lan Wangji would like to. He would like to know everything of Wei Wuxian, even his sorrow, his pain. But he is not entitled to those things. There is only one point that matters.

"Can it be replaced? Can the procedure be reversed?"

Wei Wuxian sighs. Lan Wangji can tell he does not wish to speak of this.

"So single-minded, Lan Zhan," he scolds, then shakes his head. "The chance of success would be small; the chance of finding a donor, much smaller."

But this is all Lan Wangji hoped to hear. It is enough. He goes to his knees, arms circled in front of his chest.

"Allow me," he says.

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Wuxian darts forward, trying to pull Lan Wangji up from the ground. Eventually he gives up and goes to his knees in front of him, pushing at his arms. "Lan Zhan, stop this," he says, panicked. "Don't be stupid, stop—Lan Zhan, you can't be serious."

"Please allow me," Lan Wangji repeats, eyes downcast.

"Stop this!" Wei Wuxian shouts. "It can't be done, and I wouldn't take it from you anyway!"

Lan Wangji flinches bodily. He had not considered...but yes. Everything in him is sullied. He bends at the waist, bowing further.

"Apologies for the offense," he says, then snaps his mouth shut. His voice is too obviously strained.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian says, still alarmed.

Lan Wangji needs to leave. He has already overstayed. But he...he has not tried hard enough.

"This debt is too great to repay in one lifetime," he says. "Please inform this one of what he may do to begin."

Wei Wuxian sags, dragging one of Lan Wangji's wrists with him. "Lan Zhan, there is no debt between us."

Lan Wangji only just stops himself from glancing up. He does not understand.

"I owe you my life and more," he says. "You took great pains to save me, even as the situation proved me unworthy of it. I owe—"

"You owe me nothing," Wei Wuxian insists, shaking Lan Wangji's arm. "There were no great pains. Nobody is unworthy. Well...you aren't."

Lan Wangji opens his mouth to protest, but Wei Wuxian speaks over him.

"People have...desires, Lan Zhan. There's nothing unworthy about it."

"But you—"

"Stop," he says. He sounds so, so tired. "If you hadn't been...dying. If we—" He stops. "Just keep my secret," he says, and lets go of his wrist. "And live well."

Lan Wangji closes his eyes. The thought of going back to his home, his life, after this, had not yet occurred to him. It sinks him from his knees to the ground. How can he do this? How can he leave him this way?

"Wei Ying," he pleads. "I must...I must do something. I cannot...I..."

"Why, Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian asks, not unkindly. "You have responsibilities. People to protect, just like me. Live well, and count things even between us. Why not?"

Lan Wangji’s chest caves in. He does not make the sound clawing up his throat.

"You...truly, you must know why," he says. "After... you must know. I would not leave you in need. I could not."

"Ah, Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says sadly. He shuffles forward. Lan Wangji startles at the feel of fingertips on his cheek. "You're too good. But all I need is," he huffs, "political asylum for me and 40 friends? It's not your burden."

Suddenly yet slowly, like the first burst of sunrise, an idea reveals itself on the horizon of Lan Wangji’s mind. It is unorthodox. And likely unwelcome. But it is all he has.

"My uncle made a suggestion," he says. "When my affliction became known. It is true that he did not know what it would mean, but I would hold him to it. If it is not...hateful, to you."

"I don't know what you mean," Wei Wuxian says warily.

Lan Wangji steels himself. "You are perceived as the head of a sect. A proper alliance could protect your people, and Gusu Lan is in need of hands for rebuilding. The person who cast this curse upon me has given the perfect excuse, and made themselves scapegoat. If you would...I would not ask anything of you, if you agreed. It would be a marriage in name only, as you wish it."

Wei Wuxian's silence turns to spluttering. "M—Lan Zh—marriage?? What—how—"

"If the idea is odious, I will not mention it again. But as I said. My uncle suggested it. And under the circumstances, he cannot refuse."

"Your—he—Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan, look at me. Look at me, please."

Lan Wangji looks at him. His eyes are wide. Disbelieving. Concerned.

"Your uncle would qi deviate if you even hinted at such a thing," he says. "Gusu Lan is in a precarious enough position, you don't need...I have nothing to offer in return." He pats his lower stomach, empty of spiritual energy, emphatically. “Nothing. Don't be ridiculous."

"It is not ridiculous," Lan Wangji argues, certain now that he is right. "You can offer more protection for us, and we can offer legitimacy. The person who cast this curse can be seen to have forced our hands. Has—has forced our hands."

He stops himself. He should not push this. Wei Wuxian is looking at him as if he does not know him.

"You don't want to marry me, Lan Zhan."

This gives Lan Wangji pause. It is a confusing objection, to say the least. He stares, trying to comprehend. He clears his throat. Takes a breath.

"If you are under the impression..." he stops. Drops his eyes once more. "...that the...impetus of the curse. Is the whole of the way I—”

"Demonic cultivation," Wei Wuxian interrupts. "It would be unhealthy. For you. And your elders! They wouldn't let me, not if I were...attached to your sect. To you.”

A fair concern, and one Lan Wangji has been turning over in his own mind as well. "Is this your only objection?"

Wei Wuxian casts about. "Ah..."

Lan Wangji takes one last plunge. "The elders can be reasoned with, compromises can be made. I am not concerned for my health: being near you could never be harmful to me." He hears himself, then, and amends, "Though you need not. Be near me. That is not a condition."

"You would defend this?" Wei Wuxian asks, bemused.

"Defend what?"

"My cultivation path. You..."

Lan Wangji resists a sigh. "I understand the reason, now. And I believe...if you did not object. We could work toward making it safe, without stripping you of what your hard work has created."

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says. He reaches out, then stops.

Lan Wangji stares at his hand, hovering between them. His heart is beating so hard he can feel it in his eyes, in his tongue.

"Wei Ying."

"You would let me, though?"

His tone is gently mocking. His head is cocked to the side, the edge of a smile playing across his lips. It knocks the breath from Lan Wangji's chest.

"Let you?" He asks, dazed.

"Be near you."

Lan Wangji's heart stops. It is a moment before he can respond.

"I would. Always."

Wei Wuxian takes his hand, and sighs. "You don't owe me this," he says again.

"I do," Lan Wangji counters, off-kilter. "I owe you. And I want to. I would want to, even if—"

He loosens his tight grip on Wei Wuxian's hand. He is saying too much, taking too much, being too much. He settles himself. Finds the words that matter.

"It would be a thing happily given, with no strings attached, should you wish it."

Wei Wuxian laughs strangely. "Lan Zhan, you really..." He shakes his head. "I'd marry you in an instant, you know," says.

Lan Wangji's neck hurts from the speed with which he looks up at him. Hope, warm and liquid, blooms through his limbs.

"But I can't make this decision on my own," Wei Wuxian goes on. "It's not just my life. We have to talk it over with everyone."

"Yes," Lan Wangji says, surprised, and eager now that he sees the possibility of success. Of doing something of use.

"Alright," says Wei Wuxian, a smile hidden in the corner of his mouth. "I can't promise...but it...it could work."

"It will," Lan Wangji says, certain that the strength of his conviction alone will carry them through if need be.

He feels strange and dreamlike, confused but heartened by the turn in this conversation. That Wei Wuxian can stand the sight of him, let alone wish to ally with him personally, seems too wonderful to be true. Another Wei Wuxian hallmark.

"But Lan Zhan, no more talk of strings," Wei Wuxian says.

Lan Wangji sobers and nods. It is unseemly. Of course their understanding must be a tacit one, now.

But his hand is suddenly in both of Wei Wuxian's.

"You need to stop feeling guilty," Wei Wuxian says, looking down at it. "If I were your husband...if I were. We could try all that again, but without the impending doom. We could try it again any way we like, any time—all the time—and we'd—"

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji interrupts, strangled. His heart is in his throat. He cannot comprehend what he is hearing. His ears, his face, are on fire.

Wei Wuxian smiles down at their hands, one part shy, one part mischief. "I think we could get really good at it, if we had the chance, don't you?"

Lan Wangji stares at him. "You..."

"Mn," says Wei Wuxian, meeting his eyes.

He shines so bright, even without any core to speak of. He takes Lan Wangji's breath away.

"I take it back," Wei Wuxian says, his voice suddenly urgent. "I like strings. Mine is that if this happens, I want to be your real husband. In name, in practice, in bed, and in your heart. Because you would be, in mine."

Lan Wangji's voice sticks in his throat. He feels...he feels unreal. He does not know what to do, to say. Perhaps they never broke the curse at all and he has simply gone mad. But Wei Wuxian's fingers stroking his palm, the root-knotted dirt beneath his shins, are real. He sways, unbalanced.

Wei Wuxian reaches out. Catches him. Folds him into his arms for a second time. Lan Wangji's breath shudders out of him.

He is on his knees, breathlessly held in the arms of his beloved. He has dreamt this many ways. But never has it been so real, so full of hope. He wraps his arms around Wei Wuxian in turn, buries his face in his shoulder.

Wei Wuxian huffs. "Jiang Cheng is going to be so angry."

Lan Wangji comes back down to earth. It is true he had not thought of this. He makes to pull away. "How should—"

Wei Wuxian clutches him tighter. "I don't care," he says, "I don't care, we can manage him." He pauses, then speaks more softly. "Maybe...I could see shijie's wedding after all. Or—no. It's too soon, I—"

"Yes," says Lan Wangji. "You will. We will go together."

Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath, and lets it out into Lan Wangji's hair.

"Together," he says.

It takes several serious, and at times uncomfortable, discussions, but in the end, Gusu Lan’s Second Jade is indeed thoroughly removed from the marriage pool of the great sects. The curse caster is found and punished. And everybody else lives happily ever after.

The end.

-----

(Thank you for coming on this wildly self-indulgent journey, I hope you enjoyed it. If you’d like to read some actually nicely-polished, fleshed-out fics by me—including another sex-cursed LWJ—check out my AO3.)

[cttrajan1206]

#arrow sys#Love them#Absolute sweethearts all of em#And suoer fun to sprint with

FIRST OF ALL SOBS /pos

second,,, i know nothing abt twst or obey me but grabby hands at a ramble; i will absolutely listen if you wanted to talk about it :starry:

JSHDJF [WAILS ALOUD] I TOOK SO LONG SO GET BACK TO YOU THAT I FINISHED ONE OF THE WIPS IN THAT TIME LMAO!!

Well!! This is good promo! :> The one that i was typing up is finished now and it's the obey me fic! You can find it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33644662

Mammon and Movies:

Basically! Someone read another fic of mine that included my self insert flappy stimming and also getting mental breakdown so it asked if i could include a couple other stims in another work since he enjoyed my first one! I. Took that request and made an entire fic dedicated to him lmao. So! I asked it later on for what it would like me to include and which character to use and here we are!

This is a 4K fic of Mammon from Obey Me paired with a Neurodivergent!Reader. The plot is that of him showing you a magic trick and smoothly whipping out a movie ticket!! You've been wanting to ask him to see a movie with you for a while so this is perfect! So perfect in fact that you're overwhelmed with happiness and have a brief moment of being nonverbal as you're overwhelmed with euphoria. Then the next day, you meet him at the venue and the date begins! Other scenes include him allowing you to hold onto his bracelets as it's one of your stims (he wears one of every texture to accomodate to your tastes), you dissociating out of anxiety in a movie theatre and him helping to ground you, and finally! Him sleeping on your shoulder before the movie ends.

Ik i kinda just said the majority of the plot lmao but! Its just a fluffy and sweet movie date! I enjoyed writing it a lot although i got about 80% of it done a month ago and tyn didn't touch it for like 2 weeks sjdbsjd i was p sad abt that. I like finishing things quickly esp when its for other people!! But it was a comfort during a hard time to write this work at 2am under the light of a night lamp and to the tune of street life ambience.

ALSO I FOUND OUT THAT MAMMONS OFFICIAL SONG "ARE YOU READY" LEGIT HAS NO HOURLONG LOOPS AND THAT WAS A HARD HIT TO ME BC LIKE I WANTED TO LISTEN TO IT ON TV BUT IT WASNT HAPPENINGGG TWT WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE ALL THE OTHER OTHER BROTHER'S SONGS INSTEAD LIKE PLSSS

Anyway lmao i'm quite happy with this work, it feels very round and finished to me which makes me happy because it means I didn't need to worry about editing it to feel satisfied. The requester liked it a lot too! Which made me super super happy. :>

Now!! For the twisted wonderland!! That’s a comfort plotline of mine that doesn’t really have a title yet and is still a wip that is written through my friend’s DMs BUT! I will also take the time to promo my twst writing blog! It is dead QvQ On there, you can see a bit more about the self insert in question but for now, i’ll just put the ship name as the title.

https://twst-sumi-squad.tumblr.com/

Kalim Al-Asim X Sumi Bint Khattar (Plot line):

So!! This one stemmed from me drawing something out of self indulgence and to show it to my friend, I described Sumi B in full and then I told them about my ships and around that time I had like five love songs I was obsessed with. And for each of them. I had. A separate animatic. For like at least 1 ship, the average was two but one had three. Sumi B was the centre of the most ships but not the only one. Anyway!! I told my friend about this and asked if I could dump my ideas onto them! They agreed and I started with a summarised version but then realised I needed a bit more build up so I started to write it in a bit more detail. Hah. It ended up being a Lot More Detailed but even then, I would write the scenes in a much more fluid and descriptive way if it were Real Writing so! I call it a Plotline. It is very long.

The plot itself is. long now. it’s a slowburn lmao because most if not all of my self insert ships tend to be slowburns. But this one? This particular self insert? Sumi B? Yeah she’s the only one with trust issues so she mothers the BIGGEST slowburns known to history. It takes them a year before she even considers him a friend despite seeing him every day and also having multiple deep conversations with him. Anyway though, this one is a big comfort becuase it has something I didn’t really dare to do before. Kalim, the canon character, falls in love with my oc first. Normally I have it the other way round becuase I’m too scared to assume that I would be like, deserving or like desirable enough for someone to have a crush on me. But with Sumi B, even I have a goddamn crush on her lmao. I indulge myself a bit with this one and really play around with emotions and!! In the most recent scene! We have finally reached the part where she actually starts to love him back! :D

I started this one a loooong time ago, at least a month and maybe two? It was Intended to be finsiehd in one night and then i got carried away and my friend got invested and then I ALSO got invested and so I started to develop the plot further so make it more interesting and keep the buildup going. It’s very fun and though i try to limit myself to summarising actions and dialogue, i fail. very often. so it often has little tidbits of more beautiful sentences and tension lmao. 

This particular fic is based off of my imagined animatic for the song “Would you be so kind” by Dodie! I didn’t know about the song until i saw other people’s animatics and I ended up taking it and running away haha! I’m currently really happy with it however I am really dreading the day where I actually write it out properly. If I don’t? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll post the plotline by itself. I have another fic just like it, one with a different self insert who (in fact) is very very close with Sumi B and considers her his older sister, that i ALSO wrote in semi detailed plot lines in someone’s DMs. Both are massive comforts to me and though i love them, their plot lines are so goddamn long that i will dread the day i decide to write them all out.

So uhm!!! Yeah!! XDD Those are the two fics I was talking about! I hope you enjoyed my small ramblings about them haha. I’m starting college soon though so I fear I might have much more time for fanfic.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

⟟ finally had Time to read the new Chapter! WEEE and ⟟ was so excited about it ^w^. ⟟ always say it bur still great chapter <3 Damn 18 Chapters Already that's sick ngl /pos. ⟟ love the new information we got and Chase being Facinated over make-up made me laugh xD.

idk if you could do it but maybe Like write ⏃  one-shot where Chase Trys out make-up but miserably Fails and the Others just laugh about it, you don't need to do it ofc! You're not forced or anything Just thought about it as ⏃ small funny idea.

Alright Back to the Fanfiction again. The new information we got is very useful for them and also for us Because now we and they know more about the king, ⟟ have ⏃ littel Feeling That maybe soon the king will Get Jair Back to him or have ⏃ small encounter With him in his mind or idk in the kingdom in like ⏃ very late time where Jair Just decided he needs some fresh air and goes for ⏃ walk at lets say 2am in the morning where the whole kingdom is asleep and you only hear the owls and birds. And I'm drifting of again oof okay now I'm really going back to the Main plot. Again the information we got is useful for them and us, Side note ⟟ like how Chase Character is Envolving? ⟟ hope ⟟ did write it correct. What ⟟ mean with that ⟟ like how Chase is Building up more Self courage to do things like break into ⏃ strangers Room, hanging around with Marvin, Jackie, schneep and all the others at the Dragonbone really gave him some Motivation That he dosen't needs to be afraid of things. Jairsolas Still needs ⏃ bit of time because he just got free out of King Anti's Grip but yet is still very much afraid of him. And Yeah :> ⟟ think that's all ⟟ wanted to say, ⟟ wanted to write something for Marvin also but ⟟ forgot what ^^" uhhh yee.

It wouldn't let me post this in the comments because my comment is to long TwT ⟟ hope ⟟ can ask this in the question box if not ⟟ guess ⟟ have to do this separately.

Hope you did drink and eat something today! Also hope you looked into the mirror and said "Damn I'm looking fabulous today" because you are fabulous ^^)>♡ sending positive vibes over to you and ⏃ magic Day/Night/Evening for you to have

With Greetings: Hunter Your Old Chap 😉

Ayyy Hunter, good to see you again. Glad you liked the last Fantasy Masks chapter! Sorry for not getting to your ask right away, I was offline.

Anyway, I love how you're imagining more based on the story, like Chase figuring out makeup and a possible future confrontation between JJ and the King. It's so cool to hear about people thinking about my work beyond the chapters itself ^-^ I will give no spoilers for the future, haha. Though I don't write one-shots as often as I used to, I will keep that idea filed away just in case I get the time to. And yeah, I'm trying to have Chase and all the other characters evolve over time—give them character arcs and stuff. I'm proud of Chase so far :) And JJ, too, though he still has a ways to go before he's fully free of the King and the King's effects on him.

I did eat and drink, I just had dinner actually! Thank you for calling me fabulous, too. Right back at you, and you have a good day/night/evening too :)

[hamphobicbasil]

Could u elaborate about the dsmp story being bad? Not a rabid/brain dead fan, just genuinely curious and I enjoy reading people's rants lolol

oh you dont know the floodgates you just opened

a few things:

1. despite not liking the creators of the dsmp anymore, I don't actually hate most of them. [the ones that are particularly unsavory fall outside of this of course] so all that I'm saying i truly mean in a critical sense towards the story, its also just all purely my opinion as someone who enjoys fictional and fantasy stories and who like criticizing works to see what it does well and what it doesn't do well

2. for clarification I'm going to use the c![name] to indicate when I'm talking about the characters. Don't get me wrong, I think its annoying too but its the only way I'm gonna be able to write this thing without getting something across the wrong way yknow?

3. I stopped watching the streams after November 16th, [save for one Techno one but I closed out after a particularly bad story beat lol] and so all information coming afterward is all second hand from either me seeing people on twt talk abt it or people dming me. All i really know is up to dream's imprisonment and some stuff past that.

4. This is mostly aimed towards the "main" story, so stuff abt the badlands, eggpire, and whatnot are briefly mentioned.

anyways uh, i'll try to be brief but also include enough information to get why i feel the way i do on some stuff across

A. Performances Alright obviously these people are all streamers, so obviously they might not be the best actors, and hell no one is even asking that of them. However, when you're telling a story that's based on the audio with the visuals kinda coming to a second, it's gotta be pretty strong. I will say, some of the best actors in my opinion are Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. I would include Ranboo but I never watched any of his story bits or story streams so I can't say much. Wilbur and Tommy are excellent in selling their character's emotions and feelings, when I watch the stream I don't feel like I'm watching an rp but an actual thought-out story yknow? And one of my favorite Tubbo examples was in the Hog Hunt video whenever Techno attacked him, he sounded genuinely afraid and I believed everything his character was feeling.

However, unfortunately, not everyone is gonna be that good. And I'm gonna say it; Dream and Techno have to be the worst out of the entire cast. I understand Techno's whole character is this monotoned badass, however, when really emotional moments hit I feel like he never lets that fall, and a lot of intense moments just ring hollow. And I'm sorry but Dream's attempts at being intimidating leave me laughing whenever I watch them. It feels like he watched that one scene from The Marriage with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johannson and said "Oh this is what good acting looks like! Just yelling." His whole "I don't give a FUCK about Spirit!" speech isn't as great as people keep making it out to be. And whenever he tries to act coy when being a villain it feels like a guy reading the script for the first time, a bit like he's trying too hard. I have more problems with his character but his portrayal certainly doesn't help.

Everyone else is fine, and I don't feel strongly either way about a lot of them.

B. The "Lore" Okay first off, I can't be the only one who thinks it's silly that people are calling the dsmp's story "lore" when it's not, it's the fucking story. Lore indicates backstory to either the world or the characters, which a lot of the streams don't really pertain to. This is a really petty section but god it's a weird pet peeve of mine.

Other than the misusage of "lore" vs "story", the actual lore and world-building of the world are so lackluster that new elements can be introduced whenever and it often feels cluttered or not well thought out at all. And here's the thing, I feel like if the writers sat down just for a few minutes to establish world rules and general history, a lot of this could be solved! but so much is made up on the spot that it starts to feel like they're grabbing at straws to keep people invested, trying to reach that next high and intense story beat without actually earning it.

C. The Egg / Eggpire This is a pretty minor note since I was only invested in the Egg storyline for a little bit, but god it's so underused that it's almost embarrassing. Bad has provided this super interesting antagonistic force that's infecting the SMP, can control people, and who one of our main character is immune to, and it's just never used or even talked about again? Now I understand if he wanted to keep it to a side storyline only, however, to introduce this borderline eldritch creature and force within the world and then never have it dealt with is so weird.

D. The Writing Oh boy this is. kinda a big one. Now I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty obvious I have a bias for the Wilbur writing over the current team [that consisting of Dream, Quackity, and Tommy mostly]. I don't this his writing is perfect by any means, the characters constantly bringing up traitors got obnoxious after a while, and writing Hamilton but in Minecraft really isn't the modern Shakespeare or anything. However, I think his exploration of characters and plot progression was a lot more thought out and well planned, like he actually had two brain cells behind the story yknow? The current team I think fails to be as emotional or even impactful, things happened too fast and my god was everything drowned in angst for so long.

Don't get me wrong, you gotta have your characters face hardships to make them reach their goal believable, but some of the shit they put the characters through just felt like too much. From c!Tubbo's constant comparison to c!Schlatt [who btw, fucking ordered his death and kept him from his friends in a nation he felt trapped in] and on a side note, i kinda really fucking dislike the "c!Schlatt dad!!" au's or the au's where c!Tubbo inherits some of Schlatt's features, it would be like c!Tommy getting a c!Dream mask after his exile, it's feels so weird yet people eat that shit up for some reason.

But god, did c!Tommy get the brunt of it all and in retrospect after his final death, it kinda feels really fucking gross. Now obviously, I'm not trusting any of these people to write decent mental health representation, but c!Tommy's PTSD and how it was explored was just degrading. [Specifically the scene in that one Techno stream where he saw the final control room from the first war, and had a flashback / panic attack where he started calling out for c!Dream. I understand this is an actual thing people with PTSD will experience, but it felt so fucking stereotypical it got on my nerves. I actually had to close out of the stream because it made me feel sick, fiction shouldn't leave you feeling that way.] And don't get me started on how they basically reused the formula from the previous arc. [Problem introduced -> Tensions rise as things start to fall apart -> Big confrontation -> Exile -> Return from Exile -> Blowing up L'Manberg, again.]

And speaking of characters-

E. Character Arcs, or the lack of them In my genuine opinion, some of these characters' arcs are so disappointing. Especially c!Tommy's. I'm not one to believe that he was a "selfish" character or anything, however, his goals were simply set on his discs and maybe c!Tubbo, he didn't have much outside that. However, L'Manberg gave him something to care about, he gave up his discs for it and he fought for it tooth and nail, I think it taught him to open up to others and trust more. It was a great character arc for him to have, seeing him still fight even after his first exile alongside c!Wilbur, to return safely to the nation that he and his found family had built.

But then his second exile happened, and I feel like all of that was undone.

c!Tommy's exile genuinely pisses me off for so many reasons. It's not that characters can't have their low points after reaching a major change or feeling like they've "completed" their arcs or anything, but it's more of the fact that it seems like he's never going to heal that feels like a spit in the face, especially to people who might have had setbacks like that before. Progress isn't linear, sometimes things happen and you get knocked back down, it can take a while to get back up, but I don't think c!Tommy's character is ever going to be allowed to get back up. From c!Dream, who pretty much was a constant abuser in his life, killing him then reviving him, and his still fractured relationship with c!Tubbo, which by the way I have a had time believing they would still be friends after all that happened, it feels like he can never get a win and it's generally kinda a shit way to treat your characters who have been abused. Of course, not all abused characters are going to get happy endings, I'm not trying to dictate that they all should, but c!Tommy deserves one and the fact that it's so obscure feels shitty.

Side note: we still don't have a canon reason to give a shit abt the discs. Like I'm sorry but without some sorta connection to the MacGuffin why should we give a shit about him getting them other than "he wants them lol". Like hell, I would even accept the classic "they were the last gifts from his parents" or something, but we still don't have a reason.

c!Tubbo also lacks a fulfilling arc as well, from someone who started out as a yes man, he has progressed a bit into having his own interests first, but besides that sometimes his character makes me so. depressed. He's easily one of the most pushed around and hated characters within the story, all for being a kid who didn't know what to do and he's in the same vein as c!Tommy; these kids can't get a break. Also, his anti-violence beliefs morphing into the "lets kill c!Techno lol!" bit was so out of place and without proper build-up it was like. what. And now he's building nukes?? god c!Tubbo makes me so sad because he's kicked around constantly and never given a chance to grow.

Another small note, I also don't really enjoy c!Techno at all. Besides the previously stated reasons of lack of emotions when they're really needed, I find his character to be weirdly pretentious. He talks as if he's constantly been betrayed and hurt but I personally, don't see it? Like, I think one of the main examples was the Pogtopia vs. Manberg war, yknow he wanted to end the government but they just reinstated it after they won = c!Techno upset. But this doesn't make sense to me because why did he think otherwise? The entire time c!Tommy had talked about taking back their nation and starting again, so the fact that c!Techno suddenly thought there would be a sudden change is, to put it bluntly, kinda fucking stupid. I don't want to say that he "plays the victim" or anything because that feels a bit harsh, but his character feels so far up his own ass that I can't enjoy him.

I have a major grip with c!Dream as well, but that's getting it's own fucking section.

F. L'Manberg This is a quick note before we get into the, forgive me for this, endgame, of this entire rant, since the next two sections are tied together. But god, L'Manberg makes me upset because it feels like they gave up on it.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is supposed to be c!Wilbur's "unfinished symphony", the thing that destroyed a once charismatic and widely loved man, his attempt at power that utterly ruined him. But the fact that it just got blown up in the end after everything and left to rot felt like such a waste of time. From the first war, to Pogtopia, to even c!Tommy's exile, it all felt fucking worthless in the end, and the story is actively closer to how it was when it started now more than ever. I wished it was actually allowed to exist and continue to be a peaceful place in what is a chaotic world, but no it was just snuffed out because why dedicate to this concept of finding others you can band together with and feel safe. fuck that noise apparently?

G. The Villains Now villain-wise, I'm only talking about c!Dream [during the first war], c!Schlatt, and c!Wilbur. And believe it or not, this is actually mostly positive.

Now I'm not gonna lie, c!Dream as a staring antagonist wasn't bad actually, he posed a genuine and threatening opposition to L'Manberg, even if we didn't know his real intentions or motivations as to why he was against it. He's lucky in this sense because he didn't have to be good, he had to be passable. If anything, he felt more like an anti-hero than a tyrant or traditional villain, and my god do I wish he kept this theme going forward.

Now quick disclaimer, I don't like JSchlatt as much as the next guy, he's an adult man who should know better than to joke about some sensitive topics and act the way that he does. But the one thing I'll ever give him is that damn, was he a good actor for his character.

Now here's the thing, c!Schlatt wasn't particularly deep at all. He had no real motivations behind his exile of c!Wilbur and c!Tommy other than getting competition out of the way, had no reason to act the way that he did and yknow? that's fine. The reason why he worked was from his performance alone, he was actually intimidating. When he came onto the stream and was doing his typical bad guy stuff, it was actually intense to see what he would do. Whenever he would almost catch c!Tommy back in Manberg, whenever he would begin to pressure c!Tubbo, it put you on the edge of your seat and it felt like everything would change at the drop of a pen. He's a villain to be a villain, and this works out because he's just charismatic and well put together enough to make it interesting, even without the backstory or motives.

c!Wilbur however, is much more tragic, and the best villain of the story. He essentially was the "mentor turned evil" trope and it felt terrible watching him descend into madness, unable to trust barely anyone except for c!Techno and c!Tommy. Hell, in the end I think he still cared about them both, despite losing everything. Sure, he blew up L'Manberg, but there was still a smidge of the old c!Wilbur in there made everything he did feel melancholic. His death at the hands of his father after achieving his final wish was chilling, and something I still think about.

Until yknow, Ghostbur came back way too soon to let people feel his loss as a character within that world. And then he got revived, pretty much-undoing everything that moment meant for his character lol.

And then there's the worst one:

H. Dream. I'm going to be completely honest, c!Dream is one of the main reasons why I dislike the current dsmp stuff so much. Outside of his actions as a person, the way Dream decided to write his character as this overpowered madman of the dsmp really just. destroyed any intrigue that he could've had. Perhaps this is from my growing dislike towards him, manifesting into a bias towards his character, but god I cannot fathom why people try to insist he's interesting when he has as much depth as a fucking puddle.

And here's the thing, I'm not even entirely against c!Dream being a villain, hell I think he would've been great as an anti-hero if anything. Make him sympathetic but not through c!George to get your precious "DNF" points or anything, but show him actually caring about the people within the dsmp, including c!Tommy and c!Tubbo. This would make his rival status with them just a bit more complicated, sure they're enemies, however, he doesn't want to hurt or kill them, and there's still a level of friendship there that keeps them bonded when things get super bad. This could've been super interesting to see, the first villain of the story receiving a sorta redemption arc then descending into madness as he started to fixate on being a god. This is all how I feel personally, but god do I feel like it would've been better than his current character, and hell would've worked with how he was during the Pogtopia arc, before the war that is. I'm not trying to tell Dream how to write his own character, but there are so many other ways he could've done the madman seeking to become god rather then. whatever the hell we got.

Because instead, we got this power-mad asshole who does things... because he can? And that's one of my major issues: he tries to surround his character in mystery to make him "intriguing" but it's kinda like c!Techno, it comes off as pretentious. Not only that, but you cannot keep waving around this mystery of a backstory without ever actually revealing it. I know the story isn't over, but c!Dream is effectively at his lowest point, now would be the time to reveal his backstory. But no just keep it in the dark and keep everyone guessing, that's totally fun and not at all tiring and annoying. (sarcasm, if anyone needs it)

And back to his performance, he doesn't sell this aloof, cynical and strategic warrior that has perfected the blade or some shit, he comes off as some angry guy yelling on reddit. which i don't need to tell you, isn't intimidating. It feels like he's trying to have c!Schlatt's intimidation combined with c!Wilbur's depth, but instead he's like a little brother who's trying to hard to mimic his older brother and is kinda embarrassing himself.

but other then that i dont feel too strongly abt the dsmp lol

but seriously, these are the main complaints I have abt the story tbh, I could probably talk about more but I wont because man. this is probably gonna get me in trouble if any of the hyper-dsmp fans actually read it.

[gotinterest]

On the topic of the blind-spot and how that should've been a weakness/issue - Honestly, I wish mxtx would have let HC be more vulnerable in general. Some of my fav hualian scenes were of XL also wanting to protect him (and it surprised him every time), but I wish there would've been more shown in that regard? I don't know how to describe it, I guess I was dissatisfied with how his issues/trauma were never really addressed (ex. the cave and XL noticing how he depicted himself as ugly and deformed but it's never brought up again). I do feel like hualian's relationship was eventually more balanced (which I enjoy!) but sometimes, I'm just bummed out by the hyper-focus on XL's trauma while that of others lacked - which, sure, the fic follows XL and that's why. But still, a very restrictive writing choice. (Like, for example, I find it so fascinating that HC was traumatized by XL's trauma - the altar - which kickstarted his growth as a ghost while he disassociates with the things that happened to himself/doesn't like to linger on them and other such things. So much potential to explore. I guess that's why I primarily consume fan content centered around hc, lol.)

It's probably also why I enjoy the donghua quite a lot - we don't see HC solely from XL's tinted view and as such, he comes off as real and vulnerable and relatable. I hope they won't change that for his og!form.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling! I just enjoy your content a lot and wanted to get this off my chest, lmao (btw, on the Mary Sue allegations, there was a lot of ruckus on twt recently about someone calling XL a Mary Sue, ppl being offended etc... and seeing your tags 😂 You are absolutely right! I'm the same, what makes him so engaging for me is the story surrounding him rather than he himself - although, Calamity!XL was a good flavor 👀)

Yeah, this. Although I DO like Xie Lian as a character because MXTX gave him some rough edges and allowed him to go through some interesting development. He's the good kind of Mary Sue where he has enough of his own personality, while still working as a self-insert.

I'm really the same about wishing Hua Cheng's trauma was more explored. I've been on the search for some good HC POV fics that aren't just a stream of horniness. I also wanted more chances for Xie Lian to take care of Hua Cheng, tbh. I also wish that Hua Cheng's fixation on keeping Xie Lian from any kind of harm was addressed as unhealthy, instead of being romanticized as part of his "eternal faith".

I really hungered in tgcf for there to be a transitory psychological moment where Hua Cheng internally goes from viewing himself as an "eternally faithful believer" to a "devoted, but equal, partner". Like his obsession and crush on Xie Lian was based on a deified view he had of Xie Lian where he is the believer and Xie Lian is the god. There is an imbalance there and its kind of unhealthy.

It's not that Hua Cheng needs to see Xie Lian as flawed, because he HAS seen his flaws. But rather for there to be a point where he realizes Xie Lian is just a guy, just as much as he is just a guy. Where, after hanging out with Xie Lian and having him as an actual friend, he falls in love with Xie Lian again, but this time as his friend who actually knows him. Xie Lian is no longer "his god, Xie Lian", but "his friend, Xie Lian". Y'know? And it's a different, healthier kind of love based on an actual, personal relationship where his self-worth is not centered upon how well he can protect and serve Xie Lian.

The reason why Xie Lian's trauma is Hua Cheng's trauma, is because he places his entire self-worth on serving and protecting Xie Lian. He needs to have an aha moment where he realizes that he is worth saving simply because every person is worth saving. He doesn't have to be the best most amazing ghost king to be worthy of Xie Lian. "There are truly no gods" "All things are equal".

[dogcircle-scans]

Natsume Yuujinchou: “Cookies to the Forest’s Entrance” Summary (Chapter 105)

Our cuties are back with more adventures!

I was trying to get this out within a week of the chapter’s release, but life happened so it took a while. ;w; Anyways, this is our first chapter after the 4 month hiatus! Perhaps to serve as a breather after the super intense Homura arc, we have a relatively short chapter (only 24 pages compared to the usual 30-40 pages) about Natsume, Tanuma and Nyanko-sensei stumbling into an old house in the middle of the forest. In some ways, this chapter felt more like a special chapter rather than a main one (don’t expect any plot or character development for this one, especially not information on the grandpa), but surprisingly, it also helps wrap up some stuff in the Homura arc (firstly, DID NYANKO GET HIS COOKIES, secondly, our poor cinnamon roll pure boi needs a hug ;w;). It still gives me the usual NatsuYuu feels, so no complaints from me! Also (I’m sorry for plugging), but if you enjoy what we do, and don’t mind giving a couple of dollars,

please buy me a coffee or two. At the moment I’m using my Kofi funds to buy raws of the manga for our scan uses, but after losing my Tumblr account, I haven’t had any new donations, so my tank is running empty (especially after buying the raws for Volume 25). ;w; If you have some spare cash and would like to help support our scan work, please help donate. You have my eternal gratitude. TwT As always, special thanks to Jessica for proofreading this for me on a Sunday!

- Niji

Chapter 105: “Cookies to the Forest’s Entrance”

While walking home from school, Tanuma accidentally steps onto a cookie, hearing it crack under his foot. He spots another cookie in the distance, and begins finding more and more of them the further he looks.

Tanuma: (It leads into the forest.) // This is just like Hansel and Gretel. / I wonder who dropped these…

Tanuma: ! // Natsume? Natsume: Huh… // Tanuma!? / Why are you in a place like this? Tanuma: You too, Natsume, what are you doing here…

Tanuma asks if Natsume might have been the one to drop the cookies, but it turns out Natsume didn’t notice the cookies at all. After recognising the cookies, he runs off, following its trail. Tanuma runs after him as well. At the end of the trail, they find a little house.

Natsume: Ah. // In a place like this… / Is it a vacant house? Tanuma: Hey, Natsume… / Do you know what these cookies are? / You looked like you were looking for something.

Natsume: …It’s nothing big. / I guess you can say I was just curious… Tanuma: Curious? Natsume: ——These cookies are…

Natsume recounts what happened shortly after he and Nyanko-sensei returned from Homura. Touko and Shigeru were extremely glad that he was able to find Nyanko-sensei, and gave Nyanko-sensei the cookies that they had kept aside for him (if you remember at the start of the arc, Nyanko-sensei wanted some pretty cookies but ran off before Natsume went to buy them). Nyanko-sensei was super happy about them too. However, when Natsume returned home from school that day, Nyanko-sensei was nowhere to be found in his room. Thinking that Nyanko-sensei might have ran off to play as usual, and that he might be going beyond Yatsuhara…

Natsume: I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I figured it would be interesting to try following Sensei at least once… Tanuma: … I see… Natsume: ...Don’t laugh. Tanuma: Haha, I’m sorry. / So, at the end of these cookies will be…

Yes, it is Nyanko-sensei.

Natsume: Found him! Tanuma: Fufu. / There’s a hole in his bag. / So that’s how the cookies fell out.

Tanuma: *sigh…* ……Natsume? Natsume: ——As I thought, I’m still a little worried about Sensei. Tanuma: Ah… / That’s right, at the White Mist Pottery* Village, he caught the eye of a strange Collector……

[*I’m gonna translate “Hakka Pottery” to “White Mist Pottery”, since I can pretty much confirm that ‘Hakka’ is not a family name lol. So, for localization sake, I am translating the whole term.]

Natsume: …There was someone who reassured me, saying, “I’ll take care of this incident, so you don’t have to worry.” // He isn’t someone who would say things without thinking, so I did think that things would be alright now. / But when I didn’t see Sensei around like this, I can’t help but feel anxious. // ...But I’m glad.

Natsume looks around.

Natsume: I guess he found this vacant house and has been idling around in it. / …Seriously, he even brought his favourite sake and sake bottle with him. Tanuma: Wow… // It doesn’t look like anyone is here, and it’s quite wide. Rather than a residence, this is more like… an arbor?

Tanuma: It’s old, / but it’s pretty. // It’s perfect as a hideaway / or as a secret base.

Natsume: A secret base… / Then we’ve done something bad, haven’t we? Since Sensei has been secretly having fun here… Nyanko: *open!* Hm hm. / Natsume and… the Tanuma brat. Natsume: Ah! Nyanko-sensei! // I’m sor- Nyanko: You came here with perfect timing. Help me out. Natsume: Huh!?

Nyanko-sensei explains that he discovered this place while chasing butterflies during his patrol. He figured that it would be the perfect place for him to take his afternoon naps, and was just in the midst of checking it out. The only issue is that the place is rather dusty, and Nyanko-sensei doesn’t have the spare time to clean the place up as he likes.

Nyanko: I’ve brought some dust cloths with me. / Just wet them in the river over there. Natsume: What— Nyanko: If we don’t at least clean this veranda, you two won’t be able to idle around either, right?

And just like that, the boys got to work.

Natsume: Geez~~~ *wipe wipe wipe wipe* // This house may be vacant, but it might have an owner, so don’t just do whatever you like, Sensei. Nyanko: Come on! / Put your backs into your wiping! Boys: Phew~~ // We’re finally doneee—

Completely exhausted, they plopped down onto the veranda, and had their rest. And as they closed their eyes—

Natsume: (What is this?) / (There’s some sort of sweet fragrance coming from somewhere.) // (Is it Sensei’s cookies?) / (No…) // (Maybe it’s flowers.) / (——It’s very) // (kind and sweet——)

Soon enough, Natsume notices that evening has already arrived, so they prepare to leave.

Nyanko: By the way, how did you two learn of this place? Natsume: How? Because your cookies had fallen out, Sensei. Nyanko: WHAT!? // *stunned* There’s a huge hole… Natsume: Shall we pick them up on our way home, Sensei?

Nyanko: …… / No, just leave them as they are. // We still have lots of maintenance to do. / Tomorrow, you two will follow this trail back to my afternoon napping spot. We will gather there.

[Did Nyanko just… sacrifice his cookies!? Omg!]

Natsume: “Maintenance”……? Tanuma: Haha, I’m sure birds would have eaten them by tomorrow, Sensei.

The following day, the two boys find the trail of cookies and arrive at the empty house.

Natsume: We’re here. Nyanko: You two are so slow! / You’re gonna be devoting yourselves to the maintenance of my drinking party spot! Natsume: Wasn’t this your afternoon napping spot? Tanuma: ——Huh? Natsume. / There’s something on the pillar there…

Indeed, on the pillar was a hand-written note, saying,

“Thank you for wiping the place. Please enjoy yourselves here.”

Natsume: Uwah! / It’s probably from the owner. (S- So embarrassing…) Tanuma: I wonder if it’s okay to just take advantage of their offer like that. / Even though we entered as we liked… Nyanko: Stop complaining! Today, we are wiping the sliding doors! / I want the moonlight and the evening sun to shine on it beautifully.

Natsume: …As an apology for Sensei coming in as he liked, we should at least clean the frame of the sliding doors. Tanume: Let’s do that. Natsume: You help too, Sensei. Nyanko: Hmph. / Just this should be enough, right?

Or so they thought.

Nyanko: *rip…*

Stunned by the tear, the two boys inspect the damage. Natsume asks if it can be fixed, and Tanuma figures that, if they bring some sliding door paper and glue tomorrow, it should do the trick. Natsume returns to the note on the pillar, and quickly jots down an apology.

“Sorry, we tore the sliding door. We will fix it tomorrow.”

Back at home, Natsume asks Shigeru for some sliding door paper.

Shigeru: ...Hm? Sliding door? Natsume: Yes… // Can I have enough for one grid? / We were staying at a place and we kind of… tore it. Shigeru: Oh. / Were you at the Tanuma’s? Natsume: Ah, no. Shigeru: It’s okay to be mischievous, but you have to keep it in moderation.

Shigeru: If it’s at home, you can break as many as you like, // but always make sure to apologize, alright, Takashi? Natsume: …… Yes.

[Shigeru is such a good papa ;w;]

As Natsume leaves the next day, Touko stops him, handing him some strawberries.

Touko: Here, give them these strawberries as an apology. // *rustle!* Do your best! Natsume: ——… // Thank you so much. Nyanko: Oh~~~ These strawberries look tasty~~~ Natsume: They are not for you, Sensei.

[And now we have our sweet mama TwT]

They continue to follow the trail of cookies (how have they not been eaten by animals yet??), during which Natsume asks if the owner might be there. Nyanko-sensei promptly answers that he doesn’t need to care so much about an uninhabited empty house.

Natsume: Don’t you start, Sensei. Tanuma: Oi, Natsume—

The three of them head to the house, and find that a new note has been attached to the pillar.

“Thank you for cleaning the sliding doors. I have a request. Could you help me plant these seeds in the garden?”

Natsume: Huh? // By ‘seeds’, do they mean this? // …They don’t sound angry. Tanuma: You fix the sliding door, Natsume. / I’ll clear the weeds over there and plant this. Natsume: Thank you, Tanuma.

Natsume: …… // (The owner of this house sure is strange…) // (Rather, it feels like…) // Hey… Nyanko-sensei…

Nyanko: HEY! / ENOUGH OF THAT! HURRY UP AND BRING OUT THE PAPER! // Let’s paste it down right away. It’s time to repair my afternoon napping spot! Natsume: ——… Yeah. // You’re right.

The three of them set down to work, and finally finished everything. Once again, exhausted, they plop onto the veranda and napped.

Natsume: (Nevertheless…) // (This is such a comfortable place——)

In his dreams, Natsume hears a man speak, and the thoughts of someone else…

Man: “——Hey there. Sorry to keep you waiting.” ??: ——It’s alright. // Always, / forever, // I will be here, waiting for you.

Natsume wakes up.

Note: As an apology, we have left some strawberries here. Tanuma: It’s quite a mysterious arbor. // It’s like we are exchanging letters with the house owner. Natsume: That’s true. Tanuma: ——Hey, Natsume. Natsume: Hm?

Tanuma: ...Nah. / See you tomorrow. Natsume: Yeah. // See you tomorrow.

And that night, Natsume had a dream.

Natsume: (There was a gentle-looking man sitting alone on top of the veranda.) / (And around him, perhaps it was the flowering season… There were so many colors as though it was overflowing with it.) Man: Ah, my beloved arbor. // I can only visit you once every year. / I can’t even maintain or take care of you. Please forgive this useless owner of yours. // This year, I’ve been busy with my family business as well. / The days where I come here provide emotional support, so I always look forward to it. // Ah, / the view here is so beautiful. // I built this here hoping that someday, / I could bring my wife, my children, and my family here to view this scenery. // But after so long, it has always just been me.

Man: I’m sorry. Even though I built you, // I’m always here alone. // I’m sorry I couldn’t make it lively. // ——Someday, // should // guests arrive here——

Natsume wakes up. The following day, he meets up with Tanuma again, and they follow the trail of cookies into the forest. Natsume wonders about all the strange things involving this situation, about the forest that was so close to his house and yet he doesn’t know much about it, about these cookies that still look great even after so long, and about the mysterious owner who never shows his face. And when they arrive at the arbor—

Flowers had bloomed across the garden.

Tanuma: What!? / Flowers!? // …This can’t all be / the seeds I planted yesterday…? // Just how did… Natsume: ——I’m guessing // this arbor made all of them bloom.

Tanuma: Huh… SFX: *rustle*

The one who wrote notes to thank them for cleaning the floor and the sliding doors might have been the arbor itself. With its memories of bygone days, it’s always been here inside the forest, waiting.

Natsume: You finally have guests coming here. / But I’m sorry that it was us.

This was such an old, old little arbor, and it felt as though it was mustering the last of its power to show them this scenery.

Nyanko: Ooh, there are strawberry flowers here too. Natsume: Tanuma. / Why don’t we take a seat at the veranda and look at this scenery for a bit? Tanuma: Huh? Natsume: Somehow, / I feel like we won’t be able to come here again tomorrow.

Tanuma: ———……… // I see——… Natsume: (——I wonder if there are buildings that can become ayakashi too.)

That was the mysterious arbor that Nyanko-sensei found. It was only a short while, but it was where two people, one beast, and another certain someone, had spent their time together. As they take a seat on the veranda, Natsume recalls the words that the owner had said in his dream.

Man: ——Someday, // should guests arrive here…

Man: Make sure to welcome them with lots of flowers, alright?

It was a beautiful and lovely, secret arbor.

“Cookies to the Forest’s Entrance” END