#this is purely bc i wanna promote myself a little bit for once

[00001100x-blog]

8:05 AM; 6915

To my senPAI # 0, My one and only.

Before you start reading this, I would like to tell you that my head is 99.9% full of you so this thing probably won’t go as sane as I planned it to be (Okay, fine. I didn’t really have a plan buT I PLANNED IT TO BE SANE OKAY-). The other 0.1% is probably about me not being able to finish it since you know—I never really did finish a letter. (Okay maybe I did but that wasn’t counted okay. unu)

If you don’t notice, I’m a little bit of a neat freak. I want everything organized. From the font size to how it will be bolded or whatever. Please don’t mind it. I just—I just am reaaallly organized when it comes to details. Heh. (And for some reason I feel so gay doing it.)

This letter is going to be soooo fucked up. I just write whatever I think about so most likely, the thoughts would be mixed and messed up. I’ll try to fix it up and make it look as decent as I can, okay? ouo

oKAY ANYWAYS,

I’m sure I would feel a little regret sending this because 1- #manlinessgoneonceagain and 2- I really think I shouldn’t let you die down in a pool of embarrassment and cringey-ness because you may not be able to breathe or something. Actually, even if I find your embarrassment cute, I just end up worrying a lot because who knows if you suddenly do a weird thing because of it and get yourself hurt (Please don’t fall on whatever or wherever you’re rolling at, okay-). /shot just bcs/

But yeah. For now, I’m gonna accept my unmanliness and write you something again just because I had the need to. I don’t really think I would like to hand this to you as soon as I finish it because after writing it, I’m sure I would ask myself this: “Why the hell did I write this gay again?” and sob + laugh at myself after thinking about it for quite some time.

Since you told me what happens when you get embarrassed, I think I should tell you my little um… habit whenever I think of something. Something most likely evil to you, that is. I actually tend to laugh at my own idea. I once laughed so hard I choked on my own spit and end up coughing for quite a time. You can laugh at me—I’m not stopping you because actually, thinking about it, it’s really a pretty funny sight.

It wasn’t entirely Soojung that persuaded me to go here. As far as I could remember, Jessica did too—and actually, I really didn’t plan on joining Sbliss. I wasn’t really convinced with their promotion /sHOT TWICE/, okay- I was actually really busy with daebak that moment, being admin and all + I was also busy with sch—Not really.

Soojung once even had to show me your selcas and stuff because she really thinks I breathe Amber + Maybe it would make me join sbliss for once. (Which in fact was that I live Sullism that time.) I admit though, I did say I wanted to marry you twice. Oh my god- Why am I even telling you this? skjdfhaksdf

But there was a point where I really wanted to take a break from daebak so yes, that’s how I ended up joining Sbliss.

I actually don’t know what came into me when I started liking your stuff. It just felt so right. I was like… “Oh wow, this person looks easy to bully let me spam her then later on I’ll spam the others too but that’s later on hehehehe. /lIKES EVERYTHING” That time, I didn’t notice I was liking your stuff hours straight already and wow, I did forget to eat because I found spamming you so fun. Truth be said though, I do spam when I don’t have anything important to do.

Okay- I’ll tell you a secret, though.

I really didn’t want to have a relationship with anyone nor did I want to enter SBliss because of you from the start. I mean- No. I really didn’t have such thoughts because I just wanted to be friends with people and talk and socialize and you know—

That was when I entered SBliss, at least.

bUT NOPE NOPE nO I WAS TOTALLY WRONG.

And by totally, I mean totally. A really huge avalanche of “wrong”.

That thought was a huge mistake because slowly,

Slowly I start thinking more and more about you.

And goddammit, I didn’t know if that was right or wrong.

I really just wanted to bully and squish you that time. Wha- What happened?

It actually felt like the world was fLIPPED UPSIDE DOWN.

But yes, of course I told nobody because I’m the secretive person I am—Not even Jessica knew about it.

Though it was a given that they reALLY think I came here for you.

You know, there would be times that I really wanted to think of something else but then you just come up my mind and won’t get off of it. I don’t know how I survived that time trying to deny whatever things I feel for you because I really saw you as one of my first friends in here even if you’re quite evil and won’t believe my innocence. (It still does exist but I think it just never appeared before you. unu)

bUT DAMN, You were so fun to be with and I just really forget the time when I’m with you. The cuteness is a bonus, though.

Now I kind of regret typing that out- Ew I’m so embarrassed of myself.

What else should I say—

Hm. I don’t know hehehe. /shot/

oKAY OKAY

I know some of what I say and did might have scared you a lot. I’m really sorry about that, okay? I know I could be one hell of a jerk and I really didn’t mean to be like that. It’s just that… I just—I just say and do these things without even thinking about it first. That was very immature of me. Don’t get too mad at me for that, hmm?

I try very hard not to upset you or piss you off or anything but I still end up doing it. But really- I try my best(est) not to okay- rEALLYYYY. I promise. I really try my best not to upset you in anyways. Actually, I am really very careful of my words. (ok, not all the time, though.)

Also, it doesn’t mean that I kind of bully you and compliment you a lot means that I’m actually going against you, okay? Actually, when I do it, it just means that I really think you’re cute or maybe that I really appreciate your cuteness. eue

Serious, though. Even if you’re scary, you’re still the cutest to me.

You’re never a handful to me, okay? Don’t think that you are. Though you may get really angry, jealous or pissed off for some reason, I never thought of you being a handful. Wow. Why am I so understanding? I’m so nice. Ew. I shall get mad one day. /nods/

If ever I decide on not being to nice. Hahaha

I wasn’t really this nice before-

oKAY OKAY FINE I WAS ALWAYS THIS NICE.

… Half of the time, that is- eue

10:36 AM

–

11:39 AM

So because I don’t really have anything in mind, I thought I should stop for a while and just—roll around and keep talking to you while watching a drama I never paid attention to. (I basically just skip on the cringe-y parts and send you messages as it plays. /sHOT HARD/)

LeT ME CONTINUE WITH MY STUFF–

Actually, I tend to really look down at myself and tell everyone that I’m the worse.

I mean—I really think that I am bad at mostly everything.

Actually there was this time where I think I really can’t catch up to your standards and that I forget everything easily and that I fail.

I feel that even my typos are really unacceptable tbqh

But yeah,

I’m starting to think it’s okay because you don’t mind it.

Because you don’t mind my weirdness and fails even though most of the time I’m pretty much the definition for weird and failure.

You still do make fun of them but yeah-

At times I don’t think I’m actually boyfriend-y enough. (If ever that term exists.) I actually don’t think I treat you the best I could so everyday, I try my best to be better (But most likely, I still end up being the weirdo I am). I try my best to be a little more oppa- like to but yeah. I guess being an oppa type of guy isn’t my style. Maybe I’m really created to be a little kid forever and ever and eveRRRRRRR. I feel bad about that because I think that maybe you think that you should look after me, not the other way around.

I’m sorry I have some weird insecurities—I know you never heard about them at all. eW. I feel like a gay saying this all to you right now but meh.

Wow. This letter is getting long. I haven’t even gone to the best part yet—

So yes.

What else should I say-

Yes, so I don’t think I have told you this but I really appreciate each and everything you do to/for me. I know you try your best to endure all the praising and the bullying I’ve done. All your efforts, every little thing you tell me. I appreciate it, okay? Okay.

Wow I don’t know what to say now-

Oh yes-

So I am really pretty disturbed whenever I wake up at a weird hour in the morning and want to badly talk to you. I mean- I wouldn’t want to wake up and disturb you since you’re a really light sleeper and I don’t really want to ruin your sleep much more.

(The thunder’s pretty much distracting me. It’s getting louder and louder and yeah- It’s distracting. Followed by heavy rains- Wow this reminds me of you so much I–)

There are actually times where I badly wanted to tell you nonsense at 2AM and there are also times where I really don’t wanna go and leave you even if I badly needed to—this is why I don’t wanna sleep even if I really am so sleepy. Wow what even why am I telling you this—

1:12 PM

–

3:06 PM

I actually wonder why I keep on telling myself “Oh. Here’s the romantic part, Here’s the romantic part.” When I actually haven’t even written something romantic- This is the fourth page already and I still don’t get to write you the romantic part. I’m trying my very best of thinking something romantic right now-

So for now, let me repeat the things I keep on telling you.

Again, please forgive me for my endless praises and compliments okay? I just do really think you’re cute.

No.

You’re beautiful. As you said, it’s what the inside that counts. It’s your words okay- I don’t think you will doubt your doctor- ness, right? eue

And though it doesn’t look like it, you are really so innocent. Just like a little kid. A little girl, to be exact. I don’t think I could see someone else as pure and cute and innocent as you are when you talk about the things you like. When you talk about animals, candies, stuffed toys and really cute stuff.

I don’t think I would find someone as cute as you when you suddenly do those ridiculously cute random things when you can’t say anything anymore.

iDK y R U LIKE DIS U TORTURE

But yes ok- No matter how much of a mental torture you are because of your cuteness, I still love you.

I wanted to write every single thing I adore about you but I’m afraid that you’re going to either be weirded out or get too embarrassed so I guess I shall not enumerate each one of them. Besides, I think you would get too lazy reading in the middle of it and fall asleep. Four pages is already quite long, What else if it becomes ten, right?

I don’t want to be the next John Green alright so I’d just stop right here and carry on with this letter. My goal right now is not to end up writing you a novel- like letter even though I’m sure it already is one.

oKAY OKAY

What to say again—

Actually I have a lot of things I wanted to tell you right now but wow, now I’m writing it, it went: “Poof. All gone hehehe good luck Eric, try to remember us all. eue”

Wow so my brain is pretty much going against me- I actually an trying to remember whatever I wanted to tell you but i don’t remember them anymore I’m wtf at myself ene.

I guess my brain really gives me a hard time whenever I try making you a letter because this just keeps on happening to me. I guess I’m lucky enough to reach the fourth page without any hardships. My mind being a bitch plus you being super cute though—I don’t think that this will really result well. My mind is starting to create chaos and I don’t think I would be able to remember what I wanted to tell you since earlier-

5:15 PM

–

7:30 PM

I’m sure I won’t be able to keep the fact that I wrote something for you as I showed you a peek already—A peek of how much of a long and boring letter I made you. This time, I hope that I will end up with a big smile and an accomplishment. An accomplishment that I, Eric the PeaNam, wrote my one and only legit senpai, Amber Liu a more than 2,000 word letter. Awesome.

I think if I wait till the twelfth, this will be long enough as a chapter or two. I guess I shall send this to you as soon as I finish.

And I shall finish it immediately- As fast as I could so I wouldn’t be able to drag it any longer because the longer it stays with me, the more chances I’d be adding a lot of unnecessary things. – Like what I’m saying right now.

I wanted to end this letter with really, really sweet words- God. I don’t think this letter is romantic eveN ONE BIT. Dammit, I wanted it to be sweeter than sugar.

But anyways, I think it didn’t get to the pont. It is a little off. I’m sorry about that. As I said, I really haven’t really written anything legit in a long time. I actually think that more than half of what I wrote is pure crap. I think I keep on repeating my words as well. I do this to most of my letter for some reason- I just keep on going round and round till I think I’ve said enough.

Okay, All I really wanted to say here is that I love you, okay?

I love you, I love you, I love you so much. Very much.

And I’ll do my best to be more and more better each day and make sure I never step off of my spot and continue holding your heart. I’ll make sure to get arrested as well. Because I know and I am sure I have at least to pay back for stealing your heart, right? Heh.

Just make sure to stay by my side because without you I feel so cold. (Geddit, geddit? ouo)

I guess I’d have to end my letter this way- I’m sure I haven’t told you everything in my mind right now but I’m sure that each and every one of my thoughts screams I love you on max volume—Probably even louder than that if possible.

9:09 PM.

By Eric Nam. 6915.

Total words: 2,699 (Time and emoticons included)

Pages: 5(portrait)/ 4 (landsacpe)