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angstyandromanticwriting · 2 months ago

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Ellie Williams X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [Full Version; a heavy WIP at this point!]

• Takes place after the events of the second game;

• Some details may be changed quite heavily [not exactly for certain yet; just a possibility] in the near future, when I work upon this idea again;

• Parts within this instalment + their transition indicted via the use of Roman Numerals;

• There will be more!

!TW(s): Mention of loss + death + guilt linked to it, implied suffering from depression, mention of theft/criminal activity, depiction of a dystopian atmosphere (an apocalypse + elements of horror), mention + presence of blood, implied mention of violence/a violent atmosphere + violence in general, implied having to commit murder + manslaughter, implied suffering from anxiety + separation anxiety, mention of a kidnapping + possible abuse + murder in general, a general lawlessness, being wounded, presence of weaponry (both implied and physical), mention of a car crash, an implied break-up, swearing, mention of maiming/body mutilation, implied sexual occurrence taking place - if I’ve missed any, please feel free to let me know; thank you!

Care for Each Other/Not Anymore

It didn’t take Ellie long to decide she should leave Jackson again. What did she have left there, anyway? Sure, there were the remnants of a past life, including what she’d built alongside Tommy, Maria, and the others who’d decided to join them along the way, but now that she’d lost Joel, Dina, and Jesse, what was the point in fighting to keep what was gone alive anymore? All that was left was a memory - a singular memory, combining each moment she spent with each of them into a dark void of regret, and even heavier a portal for crushing guilt to ambush her the way it did, every night she lay in Wyoming, wondering where she should go next, now that so much of what had made up her own life had been burnt down to nothing, but a few ashes, and unashamed drops of tears separating them.

She had to try and harden her heart against all of what had taken place, and she decided to make further decisions as she packed up what she knew she’d need into the last rucksack she had left, the others she’d ever got her hands on just broken and worn mesh she kept under her bed in the makeshift town they’d all put together in Jackson, a few years ago now. She knew it wouldn’t be enough, eventually - of course she did; nothing lasted forever, that much had already been made clear to her, several times before now. She sighed gravely; the anger was still there - no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get rid of it. She only hoped she could try and dissolve it the further she ended up travelling, if ever she did end up going through with it.

That wasn’t to say she liked to engage in the thoughts of a doubtful mind. If anything, they only ended up frustrating her. She forced the last of her canned goods into the bag, before pressing herself up off of her bed, only to falter again when she noticed the guitar Joel gave her stood - lonely, and grim - in the corner of the room. Her eyes darkened a little, and she tried to ignore the emptiness she began to sport again, but she couldn’t forget it, rolling her eyes, before she walked a little half-heartedly and unsteadily toward the instrument. Though she knew it didn’t make her feel the way it did before - and was certainly hard to play, with two fingers less than what she’d had before - she couldn’t give up. Joel wouldn’t want her to.

In a way, neither would she, or Dina, but the excess thinking only added to the pain she tried to conceal all over again.

She carefully slung the guitar over her shoulder, the weight feeling only too familiar, and for a moment she was cursed to remember every word Joel had sung to her, a few years ago. She grunted, shaking her head subconsciously as if it would do anything to conceal her, but - again - there was nothing she herself could do to fix what had already been inflicted upon her. Maybe she’d come back one day - who knows? However, for now, she saw no other option, but to take her travels elsewhere again. She wouldn’t go too far, though, she speculated - if she was needed, then she could be close by, just-.. not here. Anywhere, but here again, at least until the near future.

Once she’d got outside, she whistled for the new Shimmer - a steed she’d managed to steal from the stables without recognition, given the WLF’s costing the loss of her old mare, as well - and her mare whinnied in response to her call, before tossing her head slightly, and then offering it for Ellie to stroke. Of course she couldn’t resist - whoever could, a creature so beautiful? She smiled softly - at least there were some things still light and warm in the world that had grown so much colder overtime. She pet her companion’s neck, before attaching her rucksack to the mare’s saddle. For a moment, she couldn’t help, but hesitate again, looking back in the direction of the city she missed, when it hadn’t been wounded by so many demons the way it had, before, so many unnecessary deaths it made her herself feel dead inside, to some extent.

She knew she shouldn’t dwell on it for too long, forcing a smile back up at Shimmer, before she climbed onto her steed’s saddle, unhitched her, and eased her with grave reluctance into a trot, back away heavily from the farmstead. She wondered if she’d regret it, eventually, and she guessed she had only herself to blame, when she found herself in almost completely new territory.

You yourself weren’t always content with your own life. Things had taken a toll on both of you, as was often the case in situations like these, with the ever progressing apocalypse and all. You hadn’t been subject to much of a childhood to enjoy, either, and often had to shed blood just to get by, and the blood aforementioned that you and your family spilt was not just the blood of the infected, old and new.

You leaned heavily against one of the hitch posts you and Shalyla, your half-sister, had set up all on your own. The others were often busy either finding more supplies, or running a perimeter check. The rotor often ran like that; the days were full of theft without consequences, blood-shed where needs be, and sleep where sleep could be had. How else could your lives be lived, when constantly at threat of things alive, or dead?

“Lyla,” you acknowledged gently, as she appeared around the corner of one of the wind-battered tents to the right of your frame. You wondered if she’d been crying again, noticing that her eyes were red, as a loose strand of light blonde hair stuck freshly to her left cheek, before she brushed it away, and smiled a weaker than usual smile back at you.

“It’s a quiet night, isn’t it?” She mused, not daring to look back at you like before as she, too, leaned upon the post also unoccupied beside you. You didn’t know what you could say to appease her thoughts, nodding slowly, before you bowed your head a little, feeling utterly useless and colder than you ever had before. “It’s not been this quiet, since-”

“We’re gonna find her, Lyla,” you managed, a pained expression on your face as you spoke through the lump forming within your throat, nodding determinedly as your eyes shone a little more in the darkness as soon as your’s too grew wet like her’s had, earlier, ever since the moment she’d come back to you, and declared your and her little sister missing, after you’d allowed her to go off one morning with your sister, as well as your mother and closest associates, here. You still blamed yourself, sometimes. Still thought about her, every moment of every day, wondering if maybe - just maybe - she could still be alive out there, waiting for you to come find her again. “She’s not gone; she was never gone - we can’t just say that she’s-”

“But what if she is?” Lyla interjected through gritted teeth, her voice sounding a little more strained than it did, before. You didn’t blame her, if it were a sign of hatred; you only hoped that she was directing it toward you, and not yourself. It was your ignorant idea anyway, you never thought she could just up and disappear like that, but you guessed you probably should have, right?

You scoffed to yourself, before shaking your head gravely as Shalyla watched after you, as if silently begging for you an answer to your and her new problem in life, as things often go. You didn’t know if you’d be able to reciprocate her gaze, without letting your façade drop, revealing every second of pain you’d had to endure, since the day she’d gone. Instead, you kept your head low, hands fisted at your sides as you fought back the tears, not wanting to inflict anymore pain upon Shalyla, too, alongside you. You certainly didn’t notice the way she scowled down at the ground after that, her eyebrows furrowing together as if she were trying to figure things out again.

“You need to sleep,” you murmured simply, your voice threatening to tremble again as she rolled her eyes, before turning to face you completely as if ready to protest again, but you got there before she could, enforcing a sharper tone to your voice no matter how much it cost you mentally to do so toward her - especially her, after everything the both of you had been through together, at this point in time, hearts bleeding together every night; every second, of every day, and still you didn’t know what else to do, as you hardened your heart against her again, before allowing the following command to slip your lips all over again: “you heard me, Lyla - go to bed, okay? We don’t need you out here right now; the others’ll be back soon, and I can take over the next search with someone else, instead, okay?”

You couldn’t deny that it hurt, seeing the shattered expression now residing upon her face, in response to your harsh words. She shook her head defiantly, but the look of disarray and betrayal of sharp juncture didn’t go remiss by your gaze, even before she’d made to try and argue again, like she had before.

“But, no, you - you can’t do that! You promised me we’d go together,” she hissed, and you sighed heavily as you nodded gravely, making every recollection that you had in fact made such a promise to her, not long ago, now, “what, so you’d rather me not help you, when she’s my little sister, too? Our family, and nobody else’s? Is that just the way things are now, between us? Because I don’t think I like it, at all; the - the way you’re making things go, now. Look, I know you’re the ‘big boss’ around here, but-”

“Lyla,” you began again a little more exasperatedly, but she didn’t budge, continuing without hesitation with new vigour against you, but at that moment you heard the approach of heavy hooves on solid ground, and you found you couldn’t hear her anymore, looking toward the entrance of the temporary camp you’d all set up together within the remnants of Dixie National Forest. What it used to be, anyway, before the apocalypse had begun to spread further and further across the country, soon becoming unmanageable on all sides of the gambit.

Olivia rode in first, looking positively panic-stricken as her grey standardbred neighed beneath her in what sounded like it could be a confused state of fright, her rider panting above her as the two came to a stop a few paces away from you and Shalyla.

You didn’t hesitate, rushing up to her and her steed as you held the mare’s reins, and anxiously looked up at one of your closest friends over the years, her cheeks looking whiter than they ever had before.

“What happened?” You asked a little more breathlessly, but there were still dangerous undertones beneath your words, Olivia easily looking shaken by them herself as she tried to recover herself further, before managing one word that easily sent shivers down your spine, whenever you were cursed to hear it, the way you did again, then, your heart already pounding too fast, especially when you began to grow more intensely aware of the absence of Bianca, another of your and Shalyla’s companions as you tried to fight the growing apocalypse together, even in the earliest of years, somehow. “Bianca,” you managed, your eyes widening all the more as your hands shook a little alongside Olivia’s, but still it took her a moment to speak. The dreadful word came when you least expected it.

You extended your left hand toward Shalyla, as if requesting her help, but before she could even get to you, you heard just about the most dreadful of screams. You dropped the reins, and before you even knew it you were making for the stable, only briefly looking back toward the two of them only to make out the word ‘hunters’ slipping from Olivia’s now paler than usual lips.

There was only one thing you knew for sure, now: the hunters had fucked you over before, but when it came to family, you would do anything to stop them, no matter what that meant for yourself, at the end of the day.

III

Ellie couldn’t deny that she hadn’t made it very far, before she encountered another wave of infected. However, they weren’t focused on her - not yet, anyway. Where the Stalkers were travelling, alongside a mere few Clickers, was another wave of commotion she had yet to discover in a hunt of more clarity. In a way, she knew she may be better off just turning Shimmer around, and finding another way to get by. But she was too tired to make a few more shortcuts to get where she believed she needed to be, right now. A new atmosphere; new - if not permanent - home; a new beginning to her life. She had to get it right eventually, right?

She drew her slightly trembly right hand across her eyes, eyelids drooping heavily at this point, but she slowly followed behind the infected, surprised none of them had yet noticed her, though she travelled far behind them enough to guarantee at least a delayed battle, if it had to come down to one, this far into her journey. It only became an action easier regrettable, especially when she saw the too familiar black motors ahead of her.

“How far?” You began again a little apprehensively, galloping alongside Olivia and Shalyla, the two looking almost as wary as you did, right now.

As others travelled close behind your trio formation, you wondered how far you’d actually make it against the hunters, without having to suffer more and more losses of the team the way you had, the fights you’d encountered before with the group. Olivia looked as if it terrified her; the thought of even speaking again, and you wondered what just had they done to her, before she’d returned to you, minus Bianca beside her, the way they’d gone earlier that day.

“Utah, on the border,” she breathed a little shakily in response to you, not once her gaze moving from where it was, now. You were certain, even then, that you’d kill as many of them as you could, before they could bring you down with them, somehow, if ever they managed to. “We’re close,” your companion added, and you subconsciously glanced toward your sister, wondering what she herself was thinking about, during this tense moment in time. You didn’t have to wonder, much longer.

“The hunters,” she began slowly, through the strain of gritted teeth, “do - do you think they-?”

She could hardly contain her composure, grimacing ahead of her as tears brimmed into the pools of her eyes, lighting them up in the dark the way they had, earlier, before Olivia had returned with such a grave announcement, the way she had. In some ways, you wished you didn’t know what had been plaguing her current thoughts, now.

“We won’t know what happened, until we find her, okay?” You murmured, and Shalyla tensed up, not sure as she reluctantly glanced back toward you, as if she were trying to determine if the answer you’d given was good enough, or too vague for her own liking. You didn’t give her time to consider enough, not wanting yourself to delve too far into it, though it made something within you shatter a little more each time you thought about it, knowing you should try and at least show you cared more, because you truly did; you never intended to convey to her any notion otherwise, the way you could see you had, now. “Look, Lyla,” you began again slowly, Olivia ducking her head a little as if ducking herself under an invisible branch, “I told you before that - that when things go missing, l-like a pet, or a pen, or whatever - it can be found, right? It isn’t gone; she isn’t gone, so she can be found, and we’re going to find her - promise me you know that, please, before we get to them-”

“You think they’ll kill us, don’t you?” Shalyla guessed, and you winced, not sure how to answer at first, but the dejected expression on your sibling’s face made it so much easier for the words to roll harshly off of your tongue, before they lingered, and burnt at the atmosphere around all of you, ready to strike at the hunters with new, and much - much fiercer - velocity. “That - That they’ll-”

“They’re not going to kill us, Lyla,” you interjected simply, your voice a lot bolder than it was, before, “I just want to hear you say it, before we rip their throats out, and have to wait again until later to talk again like we do - you get that, right? So promise me, please - it has to be now, okay? Not later, not tomorrow - now, because I can’t have you going in there without you knowing through to your bones that we will come out of this a family again, okay? Will you do it? Please say you’ll do it, Lyla - say something, at least - for god’s sake, say something!”

“I promise,” she managed, and you couldn’t help, but smile softly over at her, glad that she at least still had some faith in you, even after everything that had taken place, by now, but neither of you had much time to dwell on it, before the gunfire started, and you were torn from your horse’s saddle again.

Of course Ellie remembered them; how one had callously - specifically - crashed into the side of the car she and Joel had been gifted a few years ago, to get her to where she needed to be delivered, before, only for Joel to save her the way he had, realising something she still - and probably would never know, now - had no clue at all about, given that he’d lied about the result of the ordeal at hand, before. These cars - they belonged to the ruthless hunters, a group she’d been hoping to never run into again, for a little while now. If it weren’t for the screaming and rapturing gunfire she heard nearby - a few paces away, now, from the infected - she knew she’d probably avoid them, but that wasn’t who she was.

Instead, she pressed on, but sometimes she still wondered why she was even bothering with helping anyone, anymore.

You guessed you still had some things to learn about the hunters, or - more specifically - the cruelty of people, as a collective. You fell from your steed, an agonising grunt escaping you as you hit the ground, the back of your head violently colliding with the solid surface beneath you, leaving everything suddenly quite blurry and darker than the world ever had been, before. You winced, hearing the laughter of the hunters, and the cries as well as shouts of your companions. You felt lost, for a moment, but it came somehow with a sense of peace. You couldn’t deny - shamefully - that you thought of how things would be, if you just let go of everything, and allowed the sensation to take you away, instead of carry you further into a life of oftentimes pain and torment, the way it had, before.

But you couldn’t leave your family. You pressed yourself up off of the ground, gritting your teeth fitfully as glassy pains ran through your right shoulder, what felt like the warm oozing of blood leaking from it, beneath your current and often usual attire; dark grey jacket, a usually dirty green top (all the more worn whenever you yourself went out on territory cleansing runs like these), already staining a little with the blood that escaped from your wound, the way that it was, now.

“Y/n!” You heard Shalyla cry for you from a few paces ahead of where you’d fallen, her keeping a hold on the reins of your horse as you tried to pull yourself fully off of the ground, and back up onto your toes, but you couldn’t hold yourself for long, cursing shakily as you had to grip unstably onto the tree, your left shoulder making it a bit easier for you to do so without your muscles giving up on you the way they did, within your right arm. “Shit,” you thought you heard her utter as more gunfire sounded out, the laughs dying down steadily, but you couldn’t see where the new bouts of commotion and sheer rage were coming from, now, the hunters being hit from an opposite angle not quite in view, yet.

Your head reeled from the pain of every explosion that sounded out following your fall, you even having to try and cover your ears pretty much unsuccessfully to try and stop it from hurting as much. It was then you remembered Bianca, and wondered where the hell they’d taken her to, now. If they had got her hands on her, anyway, before you’d showed up alongside the others to try and take them all back down, again.

“There!” Another of your friends cried out, as if to answer your question, and your heart dropped in an instant when you noticed the struggling and quite limp figure of who was unmistakably the splitting image of your ex-girlfriend, but still close companion to your cause, and very own family, Bianca.

The emptiness came back again, and you found your eyes glued to her as they darkened, watching how blood occasionally spluttered out from her lips, as her chest rose too fast, then too slow, as if she were still trying to cling onto whatever life left she still had within her, after what they had done to her, not too long ago, now.

“No,” you managed, not sure what else to do, at first, as everything seemed to fail you, your legs stuck where they were, small tears being allowed to leak down your cheeks as you watched the struggle go on, fury burning through the last of your veins; the very core of your own soul, in its entirety. If there was anything left that you knew, now, it was nothing short of how you knew for a fact that someday, and somehow, you would make them all pay. They were still trying to take everything away from you, and for no good reason whatsoever, and for once it would be nice if you could avenge those who had been taken away from you wrongfully, if only the day could come sooner, by now.

As soon as you could move, you ran for her frame, before allowing your legs to fail beneath you once you’d finally reached her, and could carefully ease her body close to your own. You paid no attention to the remnants of gunfire that rang out around you, instead trying to protect her frame as she shook fitfully within your arms, a horrific gurgling sound escaping her lips more consistently than her heart was managing to beat, at this point. You burned with it, your hands hardly being able to stop shaking as you allowed yourself to get lost in her again, crying quietly as you connected your forehead to her own, lifting your left hand up to the top of her head as if you were afraid of them targeting her still, though she herself had gone beyond caring about what may, or may not happen to her, at this point, her being virtually on death's door herself, already.

"Y/n," Shalyla's voice rang out above the two of you, but you paid her no heed, even as she grew more desperate to try and get you and the others out of the situation again. "Y/n, please, we - we have to go! They're distracted, now's the time that we have to-”

"I'm not leaving," you spat, your voice shaking as she faltered in response to your words; your sharp tone, despite the pain that was interlaced within it, making up its very core, the way that it was

now. “I can’t, not - not without-”

“She won’t make it,” Olivia managed dejectedly, and you faltered yourself this time, your heart somehow dropping further than it did before as you shook your head gravely, not wanting to hear such words from anyone, especially not her and the others; people you considered heavily to be your family, therefore much involved and clued up on how much Bianca meant, and still means to you, the way she did ever since you’d even first met her, somewhere back in Palmdale. You couldn’t be sure what part of the city, now, considering it had been a few hefty years ago, now. “Y/n, please, we can’t stay here,” she begged, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself anymore, stuck on the notion that you could save her, somehow, if only you still could; if only you’d all got there faster than you had, meaning maybe that she wouldn’t be in such a poor state, now. “She’s already bled out too much,” Olivia insisted slowly, “besides, we don’t even have the resources enough to keep her going long enough for us to get back to Dixie!”

“What? So you’d rather just - just abandon her here, without even trying to keep her with us?” You questioned hoarsely, your throat burning with each word as a lump grew within it, making it all the more harder to speak as the gunfire went on behind you. “You of all people should know, Olivia, that that is not what we do here,” you spat, before you carefully gathered Bianca up, and off of the ground, no matter how much it further pained your right shoulder to do so right now, in the state that it was. “Get me one of the kits!” You called to the few companions still waiting there behind you and the others, as the ones gone were assisting in the bloodshed of the hunters that had decided to mess with you and your friends one too many times, now. “Didn’t you guys hear me? I need a kit - now!” You cried, evidently growing all the more desperate as every second passed by, Bianca’s strained and raspy breaths growing ever quieter as you did, indicating a steady down spiral of life, in its last moments, for her, only breaking you down more than anything ever had before, before this moment in time. “Please,” you begged, as they all warily looked amongst each other, not sure what to do, but they themselves knew that it was too late for Bianca, as well, no matter how much it pained them alongside the others to think in such a grave manner as they were having to do so, right now. “Fine,” you uttered, burning with the pain and sheer agony of it all as you stared them all down for a brief moment, before returning your gaze back down to Bianca’s bloody frame, “I’ll take her back there, myself, and patch her up there - I don’t need you guys’ help anyway; not anymore.”

But you didn’t get very far - of course you didn’t. Not before the incoming wave of infected that had been trailing - ever so attracted to the commotion at hand - had fallen upon you both, but - in a way - the idea of dying didn’t scare you anymore, not if it meant you could be with Bianca again, as well as less of a burden to the remnants of your now fractured - clearly - family and friends, not too far away from you both, now.

VII

You guessed the future had other plans for you, still, though you couldn’t imagine why.

Ellie had managed to create quite a hole within the numbers of the hunters who had decided to ambush you, and your family, as was oftentimes the case, whenever she found herself involved with them, somehow. She didn’t care to call it luck anymore - what would the point be? In some ways, she didn’t know why she ever considered it in such a way, before. It was skill - of course it was. She carefully pulled herself up into one of the trees the hunters had taken to hiding within, and - with a cry of alarm - another revealed themselves, making to shoot her down, but she got to him first, managing to swing herself recklessly from one branch to another, before she brought her legs up and over herself to kick the man down from his post. He fell, of course he did.

She didn’t hesitate to aim her own gun down at him, before pulling the trigger, and embedding a couple of bullets or so into him, one lodged in his throat, the other in his forehead. She didn’t bother to watch him die, looking out for any others, but the area had fallen relatively quiet since she’d taken him down. Although, she could have sworn she’d seen other attackers here. They didn’t look like hunters, but she still knew she should be cautious in her next steps, nonetheless. Instead of taking any further rash movements, she dropped down from the branch she was clinging to, before looking timidly around herself again, and wondering if the other life forms had since then run off, as if they were scared she’d take them down, too, if they’d even noticed her, that is.

She couldn’t say she’d got much of a look at them, but what she did get was enough to determine that they were preoccupied, no matter what the situation at hand might be. As soon as she was satisfied that she was now alone again, and - hearing the approaching wave of infected she knew she should at least try and avoid, just for the purpose of her journey and current mental state - she ran back to Shimmer, and sought to continue her journey.

VIII

Of course it ended up being you who had to interfere in that. Sure, you’d tried your best in the end, to keep yourself and Bianca safe, but there were too many of the wave to clear, and you couldn’t get any further than you had managed, so far. It would have probably been a safer bet, that you’d picked up more ammo than you had, at the start of this very day. In all fairness, though, as you fought harshly in your head with your doubtful consciousness - you didn’t know the infected would come with a helping of hunters, the way that it had, today.

Bianca started fitfully within your arms, a pained expression on her face as she looked up at you through dark and hopeless eyes, small tears lingering within them, only for you to delicately brush them away whenever you could, without hurting her in the process, somehow.

“I’m here, baby,” you cooed in a strained manner, a dejected look upon your own face as if you were trying not to break down in front of her again, only for you to remember that you said you wouldn’t call her that anymore after you’d both broken up recently, but it had slipped from your lips so fast that it made your heart ache with everything surrounding it; the memories, especially, before the fight you’d had with her had taken place, before, “I’m here, okay? I - I’ll never leave you again, I promise, I-”

The infected were getting closer, clickers twitching fitfully in the distance whilst their contemporaries howled with frustration and anger, as if they were still trying to figure out how to get to you both, somehow, when you were just on the other side of the willow tree they were approaching, tears streaming down your cheeks no matter how much you tried to fight them back, alongside the girl you held in your arms, still.

Bianca tried to speak, but her lips moved soundlessly, and were dreadfully pale. You shook your head, lifting your left hand up to her right cheek, prompting her to wince a little at the touch upon slightly sorer skin, but she nonetheless allowed herself to melt into it, her heart pounding faintly in her chest, still, though it had a few moments ago felt as if it were just on the cusp of giving up, the way that it had been, before.

“Just rest, now,” you added gently, “you need it, okay? If you won’t do it for me, do it for yourself, and the others - please; Bianca, I-.. we need you - we always have, and we always will, just-.. stay with me, please; don’t - don’t go - not - not like this, okay?”

Your throat felt raw; it was taking you a lot, not to just put your gun to your head, but you knew that wouldn’t do you any good, now. You had no more bullets left, anyway, and you couldn’t leave Bianca and the others, no matter what divisions you find yourselves in, the way you were, right now - or, at least, you thought you were, after they’d neglected to patch her up the way you’d begged them to, earlier.

“Please,” you pleaded again, your voice coming out as more of a whisper, this time, it cracking almost as consistently as your whole existence was, with it, and you silently cursed her at the same time for letting her eyelids grow heavier than they ever had, before. “Bianca, just - just stay with me, okay? Stay with me!” You cried, and your shoulders shook as you began to break down, not sure what to do with yourself anymore.

“Run,” she managed, and her voice was so small, and wet with the blood that had been escaping her too quickly, the way that it was, now, but you didn’t dare leave her like that; you couldn’t, and - even as you could hear the infected growing ever closer to the tree - you still didn’t leave her side, not until the others had found you again, before descending upon the infected, and leaving you feeling nothing, but numb inside, and out, without her beside you again, the way that she had been, all those times before.

By the time Ellie had successfully made it around the wave, only having to eliminate two of the Infected in the process, the group were gradually beginning to struggle, a couple more being bitten as they tried to keep the life forms away from you, as well as their horses. Your eyes never left Bianca’s frame, your heart aching steadily with the distance, and you struggled whenever the odd Runner or Stalker tried to get close to her, only to be shot down by Shalyla, noticing the dejected expression on your face that did finally make her cave in to trying to protect the girl again. Besides, she knew it would be horrible for her, to have so much pain inflicted upon her by the hunters, only to be worsened by jaws and claws of the Infected that had decided to join the congregation, here.

She’d successfully downed another, when Ellie grunted, decided to give in, as she readied her gun again, but she was alarmed by a piercing cry as you struggled against Olivia’s hold, desperate to get to Bianca’s now lifeless frame, seeing as Shalyla had now run out of bullets herself, deeming her body more vulnerable that it ever was, before. It didn’t take much longer for you to break free from your friend’s hold, you elbowing her in the stomach without thinking, before you bolted toward Bianca again, and took on the approaching Runner yourself. Of course, without any weapons to defend yourself with, by now, such a fleeting notion was not met with much luck, on your part.

You’d succeeded to avoid being administered any bites from the enemy, but soon it had you down on the ground, yourself, you trying to fight back tears still as you gritted your teeth against it, holding it as far back as you could from getting any closer to your bare neck as it almost had, whilst you’d had your guard down, for a brief moment. A second or two, at least, just so you could look over at what you’d lost so quickly, and unexpectedly, before you’d returned your gaze to the creature, scowling up at it with nothing, but pure hatred behind your darkened and weaker gaze. Ellie could see what was coming, even before it did. You were due to lose, if she didn’t step in; everyone was distracted, held up in their own battles - even poor Shalyla; this was more than what the group had expected there to be, and soon there’d be more Infected of them than there were true people, before.

She didn’t think to describe them as ‘good’; could people even be good anymore, or had the way things are now driven them all to insanity, as well as nothing, but a bold red greed clouding each and every one of their visions? She hoped, in some ways, that wasn’t all true, especially not for herself. She’d only ever done what she had to protect the people she loved, and nothing good seemed to come of that anyway. She sighed, before clicking the safety off of her weapon, and aiming it steadily at the Runner still snapping its jaws above you.

“Here we go again, I guess,” she remarked under her breath, before positioning her finger on the trigger as best she could, and allowing the bullet to slip from the barrel without a moment’s hesitation. The doubts came after, as the bullet embedded itself into the enemy’s head, splattering its blood upon your face as you winced a little, but it wasn’t something you weren’t used to, so it didn’t bother you much. What did, though, was how you couldn’t see where the bullet had come from, nor could you determine who had been the one to shoot the Runner down for you. You couldn’t think about it for too long, before another Infected - a Clicker, this time - stalked toward you, shrieking horridly as if in a nightmare, but again - from nowhere you could decipher - it had been shot down faster than it came.

You narrowed your eyes toward your invisible defender, and - for a moment - you believed you tricked yourself into seeing the hoof of a horse behind the brushes opposite you that Ellie was currently hidden behind, almost grinning with how comical the situation was, you still trying to see her, though it seemed useless to do so, at this point, but at the same time she wondered why she even cared, searching through the lens of her guns’ spyglass to seek out anyone else in need of her assistance, like you had been, a brief moment ago.

There were tons of them. Both Infected, and suffering humans. She took down as many of the snarling and clicking creatures as she could, though she still couldn’t think why she’d even bother, at this point in time. She’d lost so much as a result of this whole mess of an apocalypse, and still she was fighting. Maybe one day she’d figure out why, considering there seemed to be even less to fight for, now, the way that she had been, before.

The distraction of the rapid gunfire was enough to give you time to recompose yourself. You eased yourself toward Bianca, a pained expression on your face as you surveyed her quietly, not sure what to do with yourself, anymore. She still had her emergency pistol tucked away in her jacket; the hunters hadn’t found it, that much you could tell, not that they’d have any need of it, anyway. It looked like they’d been beating her, more than embedding bullets within her wherever they could. There was a horrible moment, you found yourself thinking of your little sister again - had they done anything like this to her, too, if they’d ever even managed to find her before you and the others could?

You scowled, cursing yourself for your wandering thoughts, the way that they were, and made you feel even more shattered and tired than you’d ever been, before. You slipped her pistol out of its secret holster, before you scavenged for the shiv you’d gifted to her for her birthday, a small engraving of her favourite animal upon its blade, followed by the initials ‘B.W.’, for ‘Bianca White’, and you faltered as soon as your left hand fell upon what felt like its sheath. You hesitated for a moment; it didn’t feel right to be taking it off of her - it was her’s, after all, and you wanted nothing, for it to keep being her own, no matter where she was, now.

You sighed, before nodding gravely, and taking it out of the sheath though it pained you to do so, and not just because of the way your right shoulder continued to throb, the way it did. You promised to return it; of course you did, even if she couldn’t hear it anymore - it was rightfully her’s. Besides, you only needed it to fight the remaining Infected that dare come any closer to her off, now, if your helper allowed you to do so, anyway, seeing as they were so insistent on doing them in, by themself, the way that they were, right now.

Eventually, there were too many for just Ellie to handle, on your behalf. You stabbed the shiv into each of them, digging it as deep as you could within their rotting bodies to try and help her as well as yourself as best you could, for Bianca’s sake, as much as your own, though you didn’t care whatever the future had in store for you, anymore, after today - not now. You fancied you did quite well, but even thoughts such as those you didn’t care for anymore; positivity such as that had left you, with the loss of Bianca, as dark as it made you feel inside, and outside, with no hope of rising up to the surface again. You believed that would end up being the case, anyway. Who wouldn’t, during times like these, now?

There were only a few more Infected that had to be taken down, but they weren’t anywhere near you, anymore, so Ellie diverted her attention again, and you warily surveyed the situation. Two more had gone down, by the time you’d made your decision. You crouched down beside Bianca again, your bottom lip trembling a little as you carefully returned the shiv to its sheath, after wiping it delicately upon one of the fallen leaves surrounding the area. You then lifted your left hand up to her right cheek again, remembering how she’d told you the day before that she’d been thinking about things for a little while, before she asked if the both of you could meet up and talk a little later today. The blow was worse, when you remembered that that wouldn’t be happening for you both, anymore. Not today. Or tomorrow. Or next year.

Not unless you did something about it. You grimaced, pressing your lips into a thin line as you gritted your teeth again, looking behind you to make sure the others were distracted. They were, still finishing up their own fights as you felt for the pistol to make sure it was still tucked away within your own holster. You allowed a small sigh of relief to escape you, before you smiled feebly down at her below you, only for it to falter as soon as you were reminded of the situation at hand here; you should have got there quicker for her. You could have saved her - deep within you, you knew you could, and that almost hurt you more than anything else ever had before, but not as much as it felt, to know she was just gone, now, not lost, just gone, with no hope of revival.

You nodded gravely, trying to accept that fact, but it was impossible, so you brushed over it, and leaned down for a brief moment to delicately connect your lips to her own, no matter how much it pained you to do so, not caring at all about the blood that stained your own lips from hers’, the way it did after you’d kissed her the way you had, so soft as if you’d been afraid you’d break her, if you lost yourself within her again.

“I love you,” you whispered shakily, even if she couldn’t hear it; you just wanted her to know, before you could try and end everything the way you hoped you could do so, soon. Whether it could reunite the two of you again, you didn’t know, but you were more than willing to try. The others would be fine, now; you were sure they would be. What would be left of you, anyway, if you didn’t do this, now? You pressed another delicate goodbye to her forehead, before forcing yourself to your feet again, and making to get far away enough from the others, so they couldn’t stop you like you knew they might try to do so, if you stayed there beside her body to do it, instead.

You should have known even that wasn’t good enough a plan, as Ellie caught onto your disappearance in almost immediate effect, before she noticed how the brambles you’d been perched by before shook as if somebody had passed through, or over them. She didn’t hesitate, before guiding her mare forward to chase you as fast as she possibly could, but it didn’t take her long to catch sight of you again, the barrel of the pistol pressed to the left side of your head as if you were ready - right then and there - to take everything away again, but she couldn’t let you give up like that, though she couldn’t think why; she’d seen it happen before, but nothing could be done to stop it by herself, or Joel.

No matter who you were, she couldn’t let you suffer the same fate, not for no particular reason, anyway, that might prompt her to want you dead, though it made her feel bad to have such a thought in response to the matter at hand, here. Perhaps that was why she hesitated for a moment, lifting her gun back up as she held Shimmer to a standstill below her, so she could get a good aim to try and shoot the gun out of your hand, perhaps, if she could manage to do so, anyway. It was no doubt to her that she could; she’d handled things with much precision, before, and this time was no different - of course it wasn’t. She readied her finger upon the trigger again, her eyes narrowing a little as you seemed to be crying quietly again, somehow making her ache a bit more to hear such a painful sound escaping you.

She couldn’t hesitate any longer than she had - not now, as she drew in a deep breath, and pulled the trigger, but the gun didn’t fire, and she cursed quietly, but she didn’t have the time to react any further as she was suddenly grabbed from behind by the collar of her hoodie, only to be pulled off of her horse again, and pinned to the ground like she had been, the day she’d lost Joel. It only brought the memories back again, exactly what she’d not wanted to happen, the way it did, but it didn’t last for long. Not when someone was suddenly standing a few paces away from her, commanding the attacker to let her go for reasons currently unbeknownst to her, if there were any, anyway.

It never occurred to her that you had as much power as you did within the group, but she guessed she didn’t know you like that, as she lifted her gaze, only to find that you were holding a gun to the attacker’s head, the way you were, now, and for a brief moment, she knew it was all over; she’d been caught, and maybe you’d get the others to kill her, so she never expected you to give her the freedom that you did, especially when she’d effectively invaded what she supposed could be your own territory. She wouldn’t take that for granted, no matter what the cost might be.

She didn’t know why, but she decided to go back to where you and the others were residing; the pull of fatigue was enough, at this point, to dissuade her from travelling any further than she already had, from Wyoming, now to the remnants of Dixie National Forest. She stayed there a little while, and already she knew half of the group’s names like she knew the back of her hands; the chords behind her melodies. You hadn’t left the tent you’d disappeared into, the interior dark and miserable like nothing she’d ever seen before, besides those abandoned buildings she’d been lucky(?) enough to come across. That was a fact still questionable to her, however; how all her explorations had made her feel, after all this time, now. Most of all, she wondered a lot about you, and that annoyed her, in more ways than one.

One way would be that she’d only just met you, today. Well, she hadn’t even met you, yet; you’d saved her, but hadn’t in turn said a word to her, at all. You were dismissive with your companions during their interrogation of your choices, in regard to what should be done with her, given none of you knew her, the only thing they had to go off on being how she’d assisted in the fight against not just the Infected, but the remaining hunters, alongside them. It irritated her so much, that she couldn’t focus properly, almost losing another of her fingers as she chopped off some chunks of the bread she’d been offered by your sibling, Shalyla.

It wasn’t half bad, when she’d finally got past the stage of preparation, not that it was needed, anyway. She could eat as if she were starving, and aching with it, but she didn’t feel like presenting herself in such a manner, too tired to be too ravenous anyway, even if she had been running quite low on her own supplies, lately.

“Where did you come from?” The girl asked her, and the question made her tense up a little as her skeptical gaze met with great reluctance the stranger, given that she’d not yet put a name to her face just yet, like she had already most of the others who had been a little more communicative toward her, as if they saw her as a friend, and not a possible foe, somehow, even though they’d only just met her, today, and not known her for years like she assumed they had each other, by now, although she’d not been made aware of any record of them, at all.

“Why d’you wanna know?” She questioned in turn, before swallowing down another chunk of the bread she’d picked off from the part she’d been given, earlier. “You wanna use it against me?” She guessed, and Shalyla frowned, looking a little disappointed, but she guessed she understood why Ellie would think in such a manner about her and the others in residence, here. Ellie softened; truth be told she felt guilty, in a way, for reacting like that, so she decided to answer her question anyway, albeit relatively quite vaguely, regardless of such a kindness as it was, given the situation she was finding herself in, by now. “Boston,” she admitted, her voice a little quieter than it was before, but not because she wanted it to be a secret; she just didn’t have much willpower left to talk a lot about it, anymore, “I’ve been in many other places, since then, but-.. yeah, I’m originally from Boston.” Shalyla appeared taken aback; Boston was quite far from here, after all, but even that was probably an understatement in regard to the true placements of such areas, compared to others against it. “Are you just from around here, or-? What’s the deal with you guys, anyway?” She inquired, genuinely finding herself quite curious into the new group’s own origins, in comparison to her’s and the others back in Jackson, but she deemed it understandable for now, given she only recently had just met them as a collective, the way that she did, earlier, having to save pretty much all of the remaining’s asses, including your’s and Shalyla’s, from a gruesome as well as certainly untimely death.

She didn’t know if she should find it comforting, or not, though, to determine that most of the people here were her age, or something just above it. She shrugged the thought off, instead picking at her bread again as she awaited patiently for the girl to answer her the way she’d had to answer her own question, a brief moment ago, now.

“Me and my sister came here from Palmdale,” Shalyla answered nonchalantly, “some of the others said they came from around there, too, whilst most of our new friends came here from Constance, or Colorado.” She smiled softly, and Ellie couldn’t deny she felt a bit safer, by now, everyone seeming more-.. well, friendly, than she expected them to be, especially after one of the others had put a gun to her head, earlier, only for you to chide them for doing so the way that you had, then. “We’ve never had anyone come from as far as Boston, before,” she remarked, “the others won’t believe it.” She then winced, before adding quickly, as if she were afraid of putting pressure upon Ellie when she’d not even decided to make any commitments here whatsoever, just yet: “that’s if you decided to tell them, of course; you don’t have to, nor do you even have to stay here, if you don’t want to.”

Ellie nodded slowly; thoughtfully, but she cursed herself for doing so, after that, reminding herself that she hadn’t exactly been planning on falling into another group, even after everything that had taken place, recently. She sighed heavily, before shrugging, and forcing a smile up at the girl before her as if still trying to hide her pain from her, as well as the others; she’d been doing stuff like that for a little while, now, not sure what else she could do, in a situation such as this one, or what had come before with the whole Wolves situation with Dina, as well as her new nemesis, Abby.

“What exactly do you guys do here? How - How do you even protect yourselves, in a place like this?” She pried, but regretted it almost in an instant, knowing how that sounded as soon as the question had slipped from her lips, like that. “No offence, by the way; I like what you guys have got going, I just-.. it’s not-.. y’know-..” She rolled her eyes, evidently a little frustrated with herself as she averted her gaze awkwardly, but Shalyla thought nothing of it, answering as best she could, especially after Ellie had gone so far as to defend them, earlier; she deserved what they could give them, and explanations were more than included in such a pact as this one was.

“Much?” The girl guessed, and Ellie appeared taken aback again, before reluctantly nodding, and appearing relieved once it appeared that Shalyla understood what was being asked of her, a bit more, now. Perhaps she understood too much, Ellie thought, as the girl grinned to herself, before looking over her shoulder toward the rest of the camp space beyond the tent Ellie had been given space to rest within, for a little while. They could all see that she needed it, and though they were at first hesitant to provide her with such hospitality, you smoothed them right out by commanding them to set up the space for her anyway, seeing as she’d done a lot for yourself as well as the rest of them for no particular reason or prompt to do so, today. “I can see why you’d think that,” she admitted in a little more of a strained manner, but nonetheless as willing as her voice had been, before this point in time, “we don’t have great defences, that’s for sure, but-.. there’s not a lot left to get here, I guess, not with the hunters and all, and the WLFs alongside them. You probably had it better back in Boston, right?”

Ellie couldn’t deny that she’d flinched a little in response to Shalyla’s mention of the Wolves, but she tried to cover it up as best she could, pretending to cough into her right hand, only to almost choke herself in the process with another chunk of bread - it was almost finished, now, and the sight was almost enough to deject her, if it weren’t for Shalyla’s speaking up again, taking her mind back off of it, and focusing her back onto the situation at hand, here - real life, as it was, she guessed, although some parts of it still didn’t feel real enough for her. How she was still alive was one thing that evaded her understanding, at this point.

“Shit, sorry,” Shalyla began timidly again, as if she’d just been pinched for forgetting something imperative, though Ellie herself couldn’t think of anything else she might need, right now, besides a stronger will to live, alongside a drink of water, maybe. “You’re dry, right? I’ll go and get you something to drink; I just got so distracted with introductions, and stuff, I’m really-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ellie managed, her voice cracking a little before she began coughing a little again, in the end having to spit out the bread she’d been working on in the meantime just in case she got herself into anymore danger with it, again, like she almost had done so, before, if her awareness hadn’t kicked in the way it did, a brief moment ago, now.

Once Shalyla had gone, you decided to take up the mantle, though she hadn’t seen you leave the tent you’d disappeared into, once, before now. You were out of sight, at first, lingering warily to the right of the tent she was perched beneath, before you drew in a barely audible shaky breath, and decided to reveal yourself to her again.

“Something wrong with the bread we gave you?” You asked, and she appeared a little startled, just briefly, her gaze warily falling upon you, before she tried to find her voice again to answer the question you’d so unexpectedly posed upon her, the way you had, just then, without giving her a moment to recompose herself the way she’d been trying to do, before you’d decided to come out of the shadows again, the way you had, a brief moment ago, now.

“Why? Were you listening to us, or something?” She retorted, but you didn’t bother to answer her question, though you knew you probably should, considering she’d done you yourself alongside the others an honourable service in fighting alongside the group, earlier, even if she weren’t apart of it at all, just yet.

“I asked you a question,” you uttered a little dismally, “we’ve done enough for you already, it’s your turn to start giving explanations, now.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, before averting her gaze again, though she didn’t miss the pang of emptiness she felt as soon as she’d allowed her eyes to leave your’s, the way she did, just then.

“Nothing’s wrong with it, apart from the fact that it’s a little stinky and hard, but-.. yeah; it’s decent for a chunk of bread wrapped up in some dusty tin-foil,” she remarked, and you raised your eyebrows, trying not to smile, though it surprised you in turn that your lips had almost curved upward in response to her comment, like they did, just then. “That a good enough description, for you, or-?” She asked, and you didn’t bother responding, slipping back around the corner the way you had, before, and she appeared a little disappointed in response to your hasty reaction, only to be further puzzled when she noticed Shalyla hurrying back over, making her think maybe you’d decided to slip away when you’d caught sight of her, before Ellie even could.

What she couldn’t understand, was why?

“Don’t mind my sister, by the way,” Shalyla remarked, as she and Ellie walked slowly the perimeter around the campsite, “she’s-.. well-.. she-..”

The girl sighed, finding words failing her as she remembered the way you used to be, compared to how quiet you were, now.

“Could weird be a good word for it? What you’re tryna get at, here?” Ellie offered, and Shalyla winced; she didn’t dare think of you in such a way, not when she knew everything you’d had to endure, anyway, to reach a point such as this one, but she didn’t fault the stranger for it, knowing she had only had a couple of encounters with you, so far, none more revealing than the last had been, anyway.

“I guess - in some ways - you could say that,” she mused, and Ellie raised her eyebrows, evidently a little more skeptical than she had been before, in regard to you.

“Alright, well - how do you see her, then?” She inquired, and Shalyla would think for a brief moment, not sure if it would be fair on you to talk about what had happened to you, after your and her little sister had gone missing, the way that she did. Neither could she imagine the thought process taken place within your head, now that you’d lost Bianca, too, alongside her, and some of your other peers, here.

“I guess-.. a good word for her would be-” she paused again for a brief moment, as Ellie watched her with nothing, but a curious expression upon her face, though she were still quite weary after the fight she’d had to endure alongside you and the others, earlier, “loyal. Mostly in the sense that she’s - well, quite family-orientated, I guess.”

Ellie couldn’t help, but scoff, trying to hide that her action then led to her feeling guilty for doing so, the way that she had, then.

“It seemed like she was more than ready to give herself up, earlier - what would have happened to you guys, if she managed to?” She speculated, and Shalyla smiled sadly over at her new - hopefully - friend, before she again averted her gaze, not sure how to describe what must be plaguing your mental state, at current, as she’d puzzled upon, before, a brief moment ago, to answer Ellie’s previous question in regard to your behaviour earlier with her being nothing more than positively ‘strange’ and unfeeling.

“Even if she did do it,” Shalyla began slowly, ready at your defence in the most friendly and awkward way as she could to avoid any new confrontations within the campsite, “I’m sure she did it, with the eyes of a martyr; she’s never done anything otherwise.” She then stopped, before timidly turning toward Ellie who faltered at the girl’s side, warily looking over at her as if still expecting someone here to turn upon her, and shoot her behind the back, somehow. “Look, I-.. I know things are awkward between the two of you now, but-.. I’m sure, if you decided you actually want to stay with us, she’ll come around to you being here, eventually,” she added gently, and Ellie rolled her eyes; she didn’t like the sound of having to wait for that to happen, as she looked over at Shalyla’s shoulder back toward the tent you had disappeared within again.

“And if I don’t want to stay here?” She inquired, and she didn’t miss how her new companion’s eyes seemed to darken at such a possibility, only making her feel worse for wear, somehow, than she was, before. “What would happen, then?” She pried, and Shalyla tried not to appear anymore dejected, somehow, but her will failed her as she forced a smile back up at the girl before her, before she turned her face awkwardly away from her all over again, like it had been between them before, Ellie beneath the tent they’d cleared out for her, whilst Shalyla had supplied her with a spare chunk of bread, hardly talking to her at first in the process of doing so.

“I guess we’ll just have to see, right?” She added, and Ellie appeared thoughtful - gravely - in turn, before she nodded her head slowly in response to Shalyla’s answer, vague as it was.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t right, however, as Ellie schemed quietly in her head as best as she could, right now. She hadn’t decided yet, whether she wanted to stay here, or venture on further than she had been able to do so, by now, so what would the harm be, if she tried to force your hand a little more than she had done so, already?

XII

She waited until it was quieter than it was, before, pretending to be fast asleep until she was certain that she could get around without a heightened risk of discovery, as well as suspicion surrounding her. She recalled her and Shalyla’s conversation; she needed to make a decision, soon, but not before she’d eased her thoughts concerning you, and why it had been that you’d accepted her here the way you had, earlier, rather than force her out the way she’d believed you would, despite her aiding the group’s attack against the Infected, as well as the hunter that had tried to take over your family’s territory once again, like so many times before. You’d lost count of them all, so far, except from the numbers you’d all managed to kill within the groupings they sent toward you.

Ellie kept low, moving quietly as she warily looked around her, before moving a few paces ahead, only stopping to check herself again whenever she heard voices close by. She moved when they faded away, hearing nothing, but the horses nearby braying, and snorting as she grinned subconsciously, though she couldn’t herself imagine why. She found this moment - although dangerous, as the group didn’t know enough about her to determine that she was truly sound a companion - quite exhilarating, and - plainly stated - therefore quite fun. It wasn’t like that for long, however, as she had to quickly dive out of sight of the two straggling figured passing by your tent, her just lingering on the outside of it, by now, so close, and yet so far. They took a while to move, and she found it painful having to stay where she was as they discussed awfully random topics like their hair, alongside palm trees on tropical islands she’d never herself been to.

It was only when they brought up the hunters again that she grew interested in what they had to say, tilting her head partially as she listened to them in sheer silence, her body tensing up a little as she did to try and focus herself more, somehow, her hands trembling just slightly as she did, trying to make sense of things even more than she had managed to do so, before, though she couldn’t deny it was difficult, at first, until this brief moment in time.

“Do you really think the hunters would take her?” One of the figures asked, another girl who looked something around a similar age to her own, but she didn’t take much notice of either of them, mainly focusing upon the words they were sharing with one another the way that she was, now, gaze averted skeptically toward the ground beneath her, by now.

“Who, Kylie?” The other replied, and the first hummed as if to indicate that the figure aforementioned was the one who she had been referring to, previously. “Why wouldn’t they? C’mon, they would have seen her defenceless out there, and thought nothing of the consequences, right?” They reminded their peer, and the other would frown, before nodding gravely as Ellie awkwardly shuffled in place, feeling a lot more uncomfortable here than she did, before, her body beginning to ache a little again with the weariness still washing over her, from before. She had travelled a long way, after all - of course she still found herself tired, the way she was, now, but she couldn’t let it stop her, as she listened on, whilst - at the same time - she urged for the two to go on walking, so she could slip into your tent, and try to get a better impression of you, somehow.

“Yeah, but-” The girl began again, only to have her speculations shot down faster than any bullet could ever travel, before.

“She was a kid, Dianne,” the other reminded her dismissively, as if he just knew he was right, and that was the end of the argument, prompting Ellie to roll her eyes subconsciously in response to the peer’s arrogant personality.

“I know, I just-.. think of what it’d do to Y/n if she ever found her there, o-or - or had them tell her that they chopped Kylie up like their other unfortunate captives,” Diana continued, this time a little quieter as if she feared you’d hear the two of them. Of course you did; if Ellie could, right outside your tent, who was to stop their words from reaching your ears, too?

She wouldn’t be surprised, if that was why the second of the pairing - Chris, short for Christopher, by what she’d gathered earlier from Shalyla as well as general conversations going on around her since she’d even arrived here - led Diana away, leaving herself alone to her own thoughts again, all of them almost as lost as ever, now that you were linked to some other missing person, now - a kid, no less. She wouldn’t let her intrigue be stalled any longer, as she pressed herself to continue her journey, before she finally reached the front of your tent, and slipped through the part of the cover left undone, as if you couldn’t even be bothered to do up its zipper anymore.

XIII

By the time she’d got there, you were still awake; you’d heard something coming - you weren’t sure what it was. You were half hoping it would just kill you; take all the dark thoughts away, but when Ellie slipped through the bottom half of the tent flaps, you knew nothing would ever change, again. You just - well, knew. You raised your eyebrows, her straightening herself out as she brushed down the dirt upon her jeans, watching you cautiously as you scoffed, before you brought your left hand up to your face to wipe the last of the sleep from the corners of your eyes; it had been building up for a while, that much you could tell, by now. You hadn’t allowed yourself to sleep for a while; the nightmares only came back in more velocity than anything else ever had, before.

Ellie couldn’t help her expression softening, when she noticed how dark and sunken your eyes seemed to be, in the natural light of the moon.

“If you think you’re some sort of Houdini getting in like that, I think you should just leave now,” you remarked, your voice barely audible, and she couldn’t help, but grin in response to your comment, certainly finding it more than amusing, though she couldn’t exactly pinpoint why, at this point.

“You really don’t like me being here, do you?” She guessed, but you didn’t answer, not sure what to say as you slowly rose from your bed, before moving toward the stainless steel bottle you’d perched upon the makeshift cabinet opposite your bedside table, a small vase stood upon it next to a little black box she found much intrigue linked to, though she couldn’t imagine why, a guessing game starting within her mind as she tried to link objects that could fit within a container of such molecular size.

“Coffee?” You offered, and she would appear taken aback, before reluctantly meeting your gaze again as if she’d just reawakened herself to the world around her, wincing as soon as she noticed the expectant look hiding behind the dark orbs of your eyes before her.

“Who drinks coffee at an hour like this?” She questioned, in turn, and it was your turn to fight back a smile, bowing your head again as you poured yourself a cup of it, before setting the bottle back down in its previous place, and awkwardly shuffling as you tried to find another answer for her again.

“People who like to keep their wits about them,” you answered patiently, “even when their at their weakest.” Her eyes tracked you cautiously, as though you were a being unpredictable to her; a silent creature - no, a gracious hunter, tracking its prey, but she didn’t think of you as being one of the bad ones, despite not knowing you as much as she knew your sister, Shalyla, by now. “You ask a lot of questions,” you added a little more exasperatedly, before sitting heavily back down upon your bed, as miserable looking as it was; she could tell you’d hardly used it, and you feared this of her; how she was recognising such things and linking them to you, but you didn’t dare tell her to stop for fear of what it - in turn - would make her think, or expect of you, then.

“Is that a bad thing for you, or-? What’s the big deal, here?” She pried, and you grunted, but she knew through the bemused look upon your face that you were accusing her of doing it again, though it didn’t bother you as much as you seemed to make it out to do so, earlier.

“It’s not a bad thing, it’s just-..” you sighed, having to try and find the right words again to explain your thoughts and feelings on needless topic for her - you didn’t doubt it would soon become a recurrent thing between you both, if she ever decided to stay with you and the others in the near future, somehow, “it’s annoying, okay? That’s all.”

You frowned, recognising the impatient tone that had escaped you, only making you feel worse than you had, before; you didn’t like snapping at people like that, that much was clear, right now.

“Then it seems we both have a problem, right? If I do decide to stay, though I don’t know why I’d even bother to want to, right now - you know I’d still ask questions, don’t you? You’d want me to leave, as fast as I came, wouldn’t you?” She assumed, and you appeared thoughtful for a moment, perhaps considering such a anecdote for a beat too long than you should have, flashes of different possibilities flickering through your mind, but there was only one problem with that; Bianca was gone, and you'd never be able to see her again, now. It made your heart sink, slowly but surely, as your gaze subconsciously fell upon the little black box Ellie had taken much notice of, earlier, before you both had even started talking evenly, like this. Her gaze followed your's, and she grew ever intrigued by the situation at hand, here. "There's a ring in there, isn't there?" She guessed, and infinitely correctly before she even realised it, but you ignored her observation, pressing your lips together grimly, for a moment, before you - more suddenly than any movement you'd ever made, got up to press a small shiv to her bare neck.

She faltered as soon as it happened, unable to react quickly enough as you pressed her with your free left hand roughly against the cabinet behind you both, rattling it a little as you did, but it didn't last for long, you tensing up almost as soon as it stopped, and that was when she noticed the small tears clouding your vision; the pained, but unsuccessfully hidden, look on your face as you tried not to let your façade drop again, though it certainly seemed to have done so already, whether you were aware of it, or not, Ellie couldn't tell, looking back at you defiantly even as the blade lightly pierced her skin - the moment you remembered yourself, scoffed, and allowed the shiv to slip from your fingers before it fell down to the ground beneath the both of you, as you made to turn your back on her vulnerably all over again.

She could have grabbed the fallen blade, dug it into your flesh, and watched you bleed, but she couldn't bring herself to do so, still recovering from the moment, and the unusual spark she'd caught within your eyes.

“You’re right,” you managed a little more hoarsely as you picked up the little box within your hands, the index finger of your right brushing over the inscription upon the surface of the container, still gilded, but fading slowly over time. “Maybe we do have a problem,” you uttered, and she didn’t know what to for a moment as you turned back to her, your gaze briefly meeting her own again, before it flickered back toward the ground as if afraid of being trapped within her own bright, but nonetheless tired orbs - much like your own - somehow. “Maybe we always will,” you added a little quieter, and she narrowed her eyes as you seemed to offer up the box to her for a reason unbeknownst to her, as of this moment in time, “take it.”

“What-?” She continued, and you rolled your eyes in response, before pressing it closer to her, insistent upon the matter though it still hurt you to do so, somehow, as if you were still dreadfully attached to the ring even now that Bianca was gone.

“Take. It,” you repeated a little more firmly, and she couldn’t do it, shaking her head as she even eased the box back into your palms, before closing your fingers delicately over it.

“I’m not here to steal from you,” she stated gently, and you softened again, your heart skipping a beat, taking you aback as you winced, her smiling softly over at you as the moment began to feel unreal, all over again, “look, I-.. I know that things haven’t started out great between us, but I want to show you that you can trust me, okay?”

It was hard to just plainly say ‘no’ in response to her offer, her eyes somehow ensnaring you again as you tilted your head partially, wondering why you felt so lost again, but safe, all at the same time, as long as she were there before you - this-.. this more than confident stranger, who’d saved your life more than once, already. You sighed, before forcing your gaze away from her own no matter how difficult it was for you to do so.

“How am I supposed to do that, then?” You inquired, and - in a dumbfounding moment of peace, yet rippling confusion - Ellie meandered around your still sunken frame, before she sat down upon the edge of your cold bed, and patted for you to sit beside her.

Of course, you hesitated, but she expected that from you, at first, but she didn’t let it deter her, as she smiled kindly up at you again, before offering brightly up the words in a slither of apprehension, alongside some hints of trepidation: “let’s talk, and see how far we get, shall we?”

XIV

You’d never talked that much, before. At least, not in a few years, now. She listened patiently to every word, and you felt like a child again; actually at peace, and contented with yourself, but since the day of the Outbreak had taken place…

You didn’t notice the tears that escaped your eyes again, until one slipped slowly down your cheek, and you stopped talking for a brief moment to clear it away, not starting again until you felt you could, somehow, the feeling of her left hand resting upon your right shoulder encouraging you to continue, or was it just that you’d managed momentarily to fight the lump in your throat back, allowing you to speak all the more without it threatening to break you down again?

“It’s funny,” you mused, and she narrowed her eyes a little over at you, as if trying to comprehend your comment, but she didn’t dare interrupt, instead distracting herself by admiring a little freckle residing just underneath your right ear, “that things can change so quickly, isn’t it? One second, you think everything’ll stay the way it is; you won’t lose what you’ve built, or been gifted, and then - j-just-.. out of nowhere-.. everything seems to just-.. disappear, I guess.” You paused again, unsure of whether you should go on for fear of what she’d think of you, if you did, though you couldn’t imagine why you even cared anymore; things had been hurting non-stop, lately - if she wanted to pick up a gun, or the shiv you’d threatened her with half-heartedly earlier, she could, and you’d gladly allow her to end your miserable existence with either of them, maybe even both, somehow. You sighed, a shaky thing, and still she didn’t say a word, wanting you to be able to vent to her, but she guessed - at the same time - the sound of your voice was calming to her, and she feared that speaking up herself would mean she wouldn’t be able to hear it again like this, tonight, a thought she found disturbing, but nonetheless strangely warming, as she again allowed her gaze to fall upon your side profile, a faint smile playing on her lips as if it comforted her to know you were still there, and not rushing off again, somehow. “I still think it’s my fault,” you admitted a little dejectedly, and her heart sank a little alongside your’s as she shook her head subconsciously, though she didn’t yet know what it was you were attributing such a notion toward, the way that you were, now.

“What do you mean? What’s your fault, exactly? From what I’ve heard, you’ve done nothing wrong; the hunters took Bianca away, and where Kylie is concerned-”

“Don’t,” you interjected, a little panic-stricken, and she faltered, noticing the worried look upon your face; how your eyes widened as another tear managed to fall down from your chin, to your right hand. You winced, feeling it, and she frowned, not sure what else to do, though she wished there was more she could say, somehow, to convince you that none of what had taken place could ever be used to fault you. “You - You don’t understand, okay? Things have been-..” You cursed quietly as you got up off of the bed again, though it pained you to do so.

“I understand you,” she contradicted, after a further brief moment of silence had passed between you, and - though her voice was quiet, it was filled with a bold degree of certainty, “a few years ago, my best friend turned right in front of me; I couldn’t save her - I still think about that day.” You tensed up, reluctantly turning your head a little as you heard the bed creaking again; she had got up a moment after you, and you could almost feel that she stood a few paces away from you. It was unbearable, feeling as if you couldn’t breathe again, the way it had been whenever you and Bianca were together, before. “Do you think that makes it my fault? She saved me; if she didn’t, maybe things would have been-..” Ellie faltered alongside you, before she fought back the doubtful thoughts again; the accusations still residing within her, though she was trying to prove them wrong, for your sake as much as her own. “A little after that, I met this guy named Joel,” she continued, but it was hard to keep herself stable, her voice trembling a little more than it did, before, especially as you half turned to face her, a pained expression on your own face as you wished you could take the pain away from her, somehow, seeing it had impacted upon her a great deal much like your own had been doing even more so, now, “I thought-… I thought I finally had a father, and - and these people, they-.. they came, and they-..” She couldn’t take it anymore; couldn’t fight as hard anymore, as the tears came spilling down her own cheeks, as it seemed to grow ever harder for her to breathe, alongside their steady fall. “They took him from me, okay? They took him, and I tried to stop them, but-.. but they-”

You shook your head slowly, your heart aching fitfully alongside her own as you subconsciously inched closer to her, but you winced upon doing so, not sure what to do; you didn’t know if she’d want you to try and comfort her like that - why would she, if you’d both only just met one another earlier today? Why would you, in turn, even want to, then, not knowing her as long as you’d known the others; your own sister, and mother? You averted your gaze awkwardly, though it pained you again to do so for reasons unbeknownst to you, but soon she found it within herself to continue, no matter how much it continued to pain her to do so, like she did, then.

“The girl I loved back where I stayed with them,” she continued slowly, as though every word came from the suspension of agony, pronounced by the struggled and strained breaths that accompanied them, made everything within that moment in time all the more harder for the both of you to bear, as drew closer to breaking down further with each word, and you tried desperately not to through your arms around her again, “she left me too, and I should have seen what I was doing to her, but I didn’t, because I wanted to avenge him; I wanted to-.. to stop them all; to hurt them like they hurt me, and I tried - I swear I tried, okay? But it wasn’t enough; I didn’t kill all of them-.. Abby-..” She winced, reminding herself of the name she’d been cursing for so long, now. “I let her go,” she murmured a little more dejectedly, and your expression softened further as you glanced back up at her, somehow seeing more to her than you ever had before, the moment she’d first presented herself to you, “so don’t you dare try and say that I don’t understand you, because I do, okay!? You don’t think I go through every day, now, just - just wondering continuously what would have happened, if I did things differently? Huh? You don’t think that I’ve blamed myself before, for stuff like that? Well, you’re wrong, because I have; I’ve blamed myself every. Fucking. Day, for everything that happened, before, so please don’t just think that you’re alone in this, like I did, before, because you’re not alone, okay? Nobody is.” She fell quiet then, after her voice had cracked once more, her chest rising and falling quicker than it ever had, before, since she’d arrived here, as she tried to catch her breath; tried to keep herself together again, somehow. She failed, miserably, at that, but still she tried to keep that from you; safely at bay, just enough for her to muster up a few more words, though her entire body seemed to ache with the reminder of it all, somehow. “You know that, right?” She added, and you didn’t know what to say, for a moment finding yourself fighting back tears alongside her all over again, before you couldn’t fight it back anymore, and had your arms wrapped around her now shaky frame.

The next moment, she didn’t know what happened, but there was one thing she knew: she’d never felt this safe, before.

Since that moment, you’d both been practically inseparable, to the point that the others were starting to talk under their breaths about the two of you. You’d even heard, once, that rumours were going around about you being Ellie’s bodyguard, and-.. well, you didn’t know what to think about that, but the thought of losing her did make you tense up, and have to take a short moment alone to try and recover yourself for her, as well as the others - of course - somehow. Since these rumours had been circling, you’d both been a little more - private, with one another, only going together where you couldn’t be seen, though neither of you could determine exactly why you were doing so.

You determined that there was nothing to it; this whole-.. scenario, you mused, trying to fight back against the guilt that washed over you, whenever you were reminded of Bianca, again. Ellie, too, took on a similar approach, often reminded of Dina, whatever she was doing, now.

On one of the next cold evenings; she couldn’t determine which one, now, considering there has been a few, at this point, she leaned heavily against one of the tall oak trees, wondering subconsciously at the survival of such natural elements such as these, as well as the occasional bushes lining the area. You didn’t reveal yourself to her, at first, warily lingering a few paces away from her, the brambles aforementioned serving as a good hiding place, for you, though you weren’t sure what had even driven you to hiding, the way that you were, now, your hands shaking a little as you tried to think of what you could say, before you shrugged the fear away, and pushed yourself finally to journey toward her, trying to make as little noise as you could, wanting to see how she’d react if you did so, sneaking up on her the way that you were, now.

You wondered if she’d get mad at you - if she’d be pleased with you, but you were too out of focus to think for too long on any of the possibilities lingering before you, right now, getting ever closer to her with every small step you took, to get to this point in time. She couldn’t deny she’d not seen it coming; how you’d suddenly emerged behind her, before making a snarl-like sound to try and scare her, somehow, just a fleeting moment of what you felt comfortable enough to do around her, right now, especially after the moment you’d both shared with each other before in the safe confinements of your previously grim-looking tent, before.

“Shit-!” She whisper-shouted, as she whirled around to catch sight of you behind her, now laughing quite heartily as she rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help it as a small smile fought to appear, and though she managed to restrain it just enough, the dimples still appeared despite the restraint, and it didn’t hesitate to make your heart stutter in your chest, as you acknowledged that you’d got her to smile, at least a little, as it hadn’t been something she’d done a lot in front of you, since her very arrival here.

You couldn’t help yourself, as you thought silently that you wished she would show it to you more often; the smile she tried to hide away from you, still, even after you’d both revealed so much to each other, before.

“Admit it,” you encouraged teasingly, after you’d managed to recover from the fits of laughter that had rolled over you, the way that they did, a brief moment ago, now, “admit that I managed to actually scare you, this time.”

“Fuck off,” Ellie remarked, after scoffing, but you raised your eyebrows, determined to win against her, somehow, “you did not scare me; I knew it was you before I even turned around.”

You grunted, as if generally frustrated by her stubborn protestations, but you giggled, all the same, still finding it funny, the way she fought for her cause, despite how you’d definitely caught the way she jumped, after you’d performed a make-shift - and hopefully Oscar worthy - snarl behind her, the way that you did.

“Yeah, right,” you commented nonetheless confidently, and the smile only grew upon her lips, though she’d done her best to try and subdue it, again, as if afraid of what you’d think of it, if she gave it away to you, too much, though she couldn’t imagine why the idea terrified her - all she could think of, was how she’d lost those she’d given up so much to, and how she didn’t want to make the same mistakes again, especially not now that she’d found you, and had found at least some form of happiness again, whether it would end up being temporary again, or not so inconsistent, she didn’t know, and - in some grim ways - she was certain she would never want to know, not where the two of you were concerned, the way that you were, now, somehow. “What are you doing alone out here, anyway?” You questioned, and she winced, keeping her gaze stuck to the ground beneath her as she awkwardly hugged herself to free herself of some of the cold around her, whilst also providing some amount of comfort to her nerves in doing so, not that she really needed it, but-.. it was nice to have, anyway - who could question something like that so readily?

No-one, she hoped; you certainly didn’t pull her up on it, and she thanked whatever she could for that aspect of you; your discretion - you didn’t have to question her on things you didn’t suspect her on, and - during times like these - she couldn’t be more grateful for that from you, at least - right now, anyway.

“If you’re really so concerned about my whereabouts enough to even follow me wherever I go,” she began a little more indifferently again, as you almost froze in response to her foundations of the question you could just feel on its way to a sharp arrival, the way that it was, now, she briefly lifted her gaze to look up at you again, and you couldn’t explain how your throat ceased up, feeling her eyes upon you, again. It was enough to make you want to turn, and make a run for it, before she could finish the accusation, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, even after the question had finally slipped from her lips, only to arrive delayed within your ears, the way you couldn’t deny it did, then. “Then I guess I should ask you, too, what you’re doing out here? I thought you were supposed to be on duty with your sister-”

“She let me stay,” you explained timidly, and Ellie raised her eyebrows in turn, evidently in disbelief of your previous statement, but you guessed you could understand why; you were often quite committed to the perimeter runs you all had to make together eventually, to clear the area of any straggling infected, as well as of any blood thirsty intruders who were blatant in their not meaning well for any of you, here. Thus, you knew she probably deemed this moment to be unusual for you, especially as you’d gone out of your way to stay just so you could be around her, like this. “Albeit reluctantly,” you added, after an exasperated sigh, and that made a bit more sense to her, grinning as she averted her gaze down to the ground again; she imagined it would have been an awkward conversation between the two of you, but she couldn’t imagine why you would have requested this of Shalyla, for her, or just yourself. She winced; the notion had come up so quickly - too quickly, that you would have done this for her, and she knew this could be her treading dangerously, and it didn’t exactly make her feel good about herself, especially after what had happened between her and Dina, before.

“So-..?” She began again awkwardly, but couldn’t bring herself to continue as she awaited a further response from you, hoping you could make the atmosphere clearer for her again, the way you had before, with your arms around her like they had been, at the time.

“So - I’m here, aren’t I? What? Did you want me to go?” You inquired, evidently curious as you narrowed your eyes over at her, as your heart pounded almost too fast against your ribcage to the point that it only left you all the more frustrated again, carrying out the way things were between you both, right now.

“No-!” She answered, as if taken aback by your assumption, and you raised your own eyebrows again, trying to ignore the flutter you felt within your stomach at her interjection - it could be that you’d just eaten something you shouldn’t have eaten, or whatever, anyway; there was no point in worrying about it too much - right? You felt a little more uneasy, then, but tried to hide this from your expression, focusing your gaze intently upon her own as she stammered for a brief moment, as if trying to find the right words to say again. “I - I just meant-.. I meant-..” She groaned, evidently just as frustrated - or more - than you were, even trying to shrug it off as she cleared her throat, and bowed her head back down, again.

“I know what you meant,” you reassured her gently, and she faltered upon feeling your right hand resting upon her left shoulder. For a moment, she found she couldn’t look away from you, her eyes stuck on your’s, and you didn’t know what to do, feeling your face growing warmer than it ever had, before. “Shit, sorry,” you began again a little quieter, before withdrawing your hand from her, though it made you both feel a little emptier as a result of you doing so, the way that you had. “I wanted to ask you something, but-..” You fell quiet again, everything feeling too warm around you as you tried to recompose yourself again, a pained expression on your face as soon as you gave in, not sure what you’d had in mind, anymore, the way you had it, before.

“Allow me to guess, then,” Ellie stated, and you felt a little less hopeless, watching as she pushed hearse off of the tree, a faint smile playing on her lips as she, too, tried to think of a reasonable thing that you may want to ask her for some reason unbeknownst to her; she never expected she’d be on completely the right lines, especially when it came to her first try of the makeshift game you two shared together, “let’s see-.. you - hm. Do you-.. wanna be my bodyguard, or something? I just feel like that’s something you’d wanna do don’t know why, so - y’know, correct me if I’m wrong - if I’m ever wrong, okay?”

“Actually,” you spoke up again, before she could make further guesses, “you’ll never believe this, but you’re right - I - I was thinking, and-”

“Wait, h-hold on,” she managed, and you faltered in place to anxiously look over at her again, “seriously? Of all the things you’d wanna ask me - that’s what you’re going with? Y/n-”

“What? You didn’t think I’d want to protect you, or something? I basically try and protect everyone here-”

“Yeah, but you’re not their bodyguards, are you? They’ve never referred to you like that, and you have never referred to yourself like that, before,” she contradicted, and you rolled your eyes, evidently growing to be frustrated again, especially when all you wanted to do was defend her, like you did the others; it didn’t exactly matter what they called you, you mused, so why start now? “C’mon, there’s got to be something else you wanna ask me - isn’t there?” She pried, and you shrugged, though there were things, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say any of them, to her; why would you, when they didn’t exactly matter, anyway?

“I just-.. thought-.. I don’t know,” you murmured a little awkwardly, “Ellie-”

A familiar snarl sounded out somewhere behind her, and you faltered, your eyes widening as soon as your gaze fell upon the Clicker a few paces away from you both, by now.

“Fuck,” she spat, the situation becoming sharply clear to her, only now, as she looked over her shoulder to see the enemy trying to seek the two of you out, somehow - slowly, but surely, anyway, despite its lack of sight over the years, “it must have heard us talking-”

“I’ve got it, don’t worry,” you reassured, but she took out her shiv anyway, moving cautiously to the left of you just in case she was needed, here, but you managed to take out the unfortunate being clean, except you seemed to forget that there would always be a straggler, wherever another straggler may go.

In this case, it happened to be a Runner who’d followed behind its companion, the way it did, just then, easily catching sight of you as you grinned sheepishly over at her, hoping - for a strange, brief moment - that maybe you’d impressed her, somehow. Maybe that was partly why you didn’t notice the other one, only hearing it when it was too late for you too so much about it, but luckily Ellie was way ahead of you where this one was concerned, throwing herself toward it before it could get to you, before she struggled with it for a little while, you not sure what to do as you helplessly looked on, stricken by a panic you’d never felt before, making it hard even to move, now, somehow, but she knew what she was doing, thrusting the Runner against the tree behind it, before she swiftly embedded the blade of her shiv into its bare neck, it beginning to gurgle as blood ran down from its mouth, and - of course - the wound.

You hoped you wouldn’t be blamed, if you looked away as she dragged the blade across the left and right of where she’d not cut it, yet, only making a slow, but sure death more likely than it had been, before. When she was finally done with it, she allowed the body to drop to the ground after retrieving her weapon, before she warily looked back at you, trying to catch her breath again as she did.

“Some bodyguard, huh?” She remarked, and you winced upon catching onto the sarcastic tone she’d adopted into her voice, as the comment was made.

You flushed a little, bowing your head as you tried to search for an explanation in regard to your previous behaviour. She didn’t need it, but she couldn’t help, but find the way in which you stammered over your words for a brief moment more amusing than the movements of the Infected attackers had been, a brief moment ago, now.

“I - I panicked, I-.. I don’t know what happened, I’m really-” You managed, but she shook her head subconsciously as she crouched before you, her expression softening all the more as her gaze met your own again.

“It’s okay,” she reassured you gently, “we all make mistakes, remember? You more than me, though, clearly.”

“Yeah, yeah, way to rub it in even more,” you murmured a little faintly, evidently embarrassed again, only making her grin even more over at you, to the point she couldn’t bring herself to fight it back much anymore, especially not around you, when things were finally more - at ease - between you both, now. You looked nervous again, even fidgeting with your fingers a little, as she cautiously looked around the two of you to make sure there were no more of the stragglers around, but she couldn’t say she saw any, or heard any, by now, for that matter. She expressed relief, before making to get up off of the ground again, when you continued cautiously, as if you were afraid of what she’d say, next, if whatever you had planned in mind came out wrong, somehow: “Ellie-”

It didn’t come out, at all. She offered you her right hand, and you seemed to tense up a little again, words forgotten as you stared at her offering for a little while, before allowing your gaze to meet her own again, somehow, without any panic befalling you whatsoever. Instead, it was replaced by a feeling of contentment, and the warmth that came with it, filtering in through your chest, back up to your face again; you only hoped she didn’t notice; that maybe the trees were enough to block the sun from making it all the more clearer to her that you had somehow found yourself beginning to blush, somehow, as she encouraged you to get up off of the ground alongside her, knowing the two of you probably shouldn’t stay out here for too long, for fear of discovery by all types of things, but - mostly - she wanted to ensure that you could both just - be, in the confines of a safe place together, where you could hopefully talk without interruption, somehow, and that was why she found herself leading you back toward your tent, all over again.

XVI

Of course, people talked when they saw the two of you, and you rolled your eyes whenever you heard them. Besides, nothing weird was going on, but they always made it seem like there was, somehow. Ellie kept her head low, as you asked those you passed nonchalantly how their days were going, before you both finally got to the flaps of your tent, and you held one of them open to get her inside.

“So - that was-” Ellie began awkwardly, as you said: “I’m really sorry-”

The both of you fell quiet, your cheeks flushing again as she winced, though a soft smile fought to play on her lips again in response to this development.

“You go first,” she offered, albeit timidly, and you raised your eyebrows, before you shook your head timidly, managing a wary smile up at her as you lifted your right hand up as if to offer the gesture back to her; the bandage made it a little difficult to do so, but she knew what you meant, and she hesitated, before deciding to accept your offering, though it made her feel guilty in a way, wondering what would happen if you spoke first, instead of her; where you both would be, now, together, but she tried to push it away, trying to tell herself it was probably just a stupid, small thing like her own remark turned out to be. “I was - er - basically just saying that it was - awkward, out there; tense - all those people - y’know,” she appeared a little embarrassed, and you frowned, before nodding gravely - it certainly had been, though you wished it wouldn’t be like that again; the way it was, when you and Bianca had started seeing one another more often than you ever had, before, in front of the others. It still made your shoulders slump a little, as your heart in turn sank from its original place, to think she was truly just-.. gone, now, no matter what; you never thought you’d lose her, like that, before, and so it just- “what did you want to say?”

You appeared taken aback, wincing as you recovered your train of thought, but it had never happened like that, before.

“E-Er-.. I just - wanted-.. t-to-.. shit,” you uttered, evidently a little panicked, and she couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly over at you, as though she saw past your panic with no trouble at all, her eyes glinting ever so slightly as she did.

Others would probably just tell you to snap out of it; things felt so - strange, today. Although, you couldn’t deny they’d been that way, since Ellie had first arrived here, the way that she did, before.

“Well, you know where the toilet is, right? Don’t do it in front of me - ever, okay?” She commented, and you rolled your eyes, though it was an effort to fight back the giggle that wanted to escape you, the way it did, then.

You sighed, before shaking your head gravely, and she tilted her head partially, her eyes narrowing a little curiously over at you as you tried to find the right words again, wishing the fluttering that began again in your stomach would dissipate as fast as it had come, but - to no avail - it stayed there, all the same, throughout this moment in time, for too many reasons unbeknownst to you, though the feeling was nonetheless familiar to you, at this point in time. Especially after what had taken place between you and Bianca, before.

“You know I didn’t mean that,” you mustered up, eventually, and she raised her eyebrows skeptically again, only making your face burn more as you kept your gaze stuck down at the ground beneath you, wishing you didn’t find it hard to talk to her all the time, whenever you were especially close to her, like you were, now. “I just-.. I wanted to say-..” You grunted, as if frustration was overwhelming you, by now. “Ellie-”

“Take your time,” she cooed gently, and you felt even more numb when you realised she was stood ever closer to you, her right hand resting upon your left shoulder again as her eyes now bore into your own, as if searching for something you yourself didn’t even know you could find there, somehow - it was almost like… she could see - everything, about you, all in the space of a few seconds, and you didn’t realise you’d neglected to talk, until she herself spoke up again, clearing her throat as if trying to regain focus herself, somehow. “Look, maybe-.. maybe you’re over-tired,” she mused, “have a nap?” The idea did sound quite appealing, actually, until you no longer felt her hand delicately squeezing your shoulder the way it did, before. “I can go, if you want me to-? I don’t want to interrupt, or anything, if-”

“No,” you managed weakly, and she faltered, her expression softening as she glanced back at you again, before she could even reach to open the tent flap up again, the way you had, a brief moment ago, now. “I - I just-.. shit, I’m sorry,” you began again, and the soft smile fought with Ellie’s conscience again, “okay, I think I know what I wanted to say before.”

She fully turned toward you again, curious as she awaited for you to continue, before she realised maybe you wanted her to prompt you to continue, first, though she couldn’t imagine why, you looking a little apprehensive as if battling yourself over whether she’d want to hear what you had to say, or not, somehow. Of course she had to appease you, smiling softly in your direction again as she directed you to sit down again beside her upon the edge of your bed, which you did so, with a further great reluctance, this time.

“I’m listening,” she reassured, and you warily smiled back at her, but it didn’t linger long upon your lips, before you’d averted your gaze again, fidgeting with your fingers as she wondered how bad this could possibly be, somehow, compared to what she’d had to say, earlier, in regard to the suspicious gazes of those probably eavesdropping, for all that the both of you knew, right now.

“It’s probably stupid, but-..” You began again nonetheless nervously, her listening patiently to every word again as you pondered, her focus never faltering, even when you found yourself stammering and stumbling over your sentences again, the way that you did earlier around her, as well. “I just-.. I wanted to say - I’m sorry,” you stated, and she looked confused again, but that didn’t prompt her to interrupt, her knowing better than to do so, especially when you made to continue again shortly after that brief moment, your eyes darkening a little as you thought back to Bianca all over again, “the others, if - if they’re making you feel uncomfortable, I can-”

“No,” she interrupted gently, and you appeared taken aback again, your heart skipping a beat as she rested her left hand softly upon your’s, and you couldn’t help it as you allowed your gaze to meet her own again, prompting you to have to fight back a shudder, though you weren’t sure why, a pained expression on your face as you kept your head low, again, knowing you couldn’t lose control of yourself - not now. Although, you did wonder what it would mean, if you just inched a little closer to her than you had, already. “It’s fine; they don’t make me feel anything like that, okay? Don’t worry,” she cooed, and you expressed relief, “to be honest, when I see them looking at us, I find it just-.. well, comical, I guess - it’s like.. they don’t know what to make of us; it’s hard not to laugh, whenever I think of them, and see them like that.”

You smiled softly back at her, evidently relieved as you looked back at her again, your heart pounding too fast the way it had been, before, though you weren’t sure why, and were scared - at the same time - you’d put everything together, soon enough, in regard to your feelings toward her presence around you, the way it was, now.

“Good,” you responded, and it relaxed her to hear how exasperated you sounded, whilst the smile still reflected through your voice, right now, suggesting you were at least more at ease, than you had been, a little earlier, by now, “that - that’s good.”

“It - It is, isn’t it?” She reflected alongside you, as she herself smiled a little more warmly back at you, though her heart stuttered in her chest as she did, somehow. Silence passed between the two of you again, and she felt her face growing too warm alongside your’s the longer her eyes were locked within your own bright orbs. She rubbed the back of her neck, managing a breathy ‘so’ as she tried to bring herself back to the moment in real time again.

You winced, realising you’d got carried away in her eyes again as you rolled your own orbs at yourself, before awkwardly clearing your throat, and bowing your head back down again.

“We should-.. probably-”

“Yeah,” Ellie agreed, reluctantly, as she made to get back up off of the bed again, though it made her feel emptier than before to do so like she did, then, “I’ll, er - I’ll see you tomorrow, again, right?”

“I should think so, considering I am your bodyguard, now, aren’t I?” You reminded her, the smile playing faintly upon your own lips again, alongside her own, now, as soon as she were reminded of your and her previous conversation, together.

“Oh yeah; the inexperienced bodyguard game,” she mused, and you pouted a little up at her, but she maintained her view, until she decided she couldn’t leave such a title in the air, anymore, “I’m just kidding - you know I am; you’ll get there, eventually - I know you will, even if takes you years to do so.”

She stopped before the tent flaps again, her heart jolting a little as soon as she heard you voice her name gently again.

“Tomorrow,” you began timidly, “we’ll be on duty together; Lyla’s okay with it, so-.. I was thinking, could I - show you someplace? I, er-.. I like going there to think, sometimes, and I was hoping maybe you’d like it there, too - it - it’a okay if you don’t want to - of course it is, I just-”

“I’d love to,” she reassured you, and you forgot how to breathe all over again, your eyes hopelessly locking with her own again, “you’d better get some sleep; I expect my bodyguards to be up bright and early for me, no matter how inefficient they may be, sometimes. Tomorrow, yeah?”

You expressed relief again, smiling a little sheepishly up at her, before you nodded, and managed to find your voice again, somehow, though it seemed it easily went away all over again, regardless, whenever you found yourself in the blessing of her presence, again.

“Tomorrow, bright and early,” you confirmed a little breathlessly, as if still trying to recompose yourself, somehow.

She appeared more at ease, again, though she hated the idea of having to leave you, the way that she did.

“Good,” she responded timidly, “I look forward to seeing you there.”

“I’m glad; I look forward to seeing you there, too,” you returned softly, and she lingered for a brief moment, trying to hide the pained expression on her face that came with having to leave you, the way that she knew she should, but she knew she couldn’t stay there all day, as she nodded her head faintly, before managing a quiet ‘night’, and pushing herself to leave, whilst the hurt process - for the both of you, this time - seemed to begin, dreadfully all over again.

XVII

You hardly slept, that night, tormented by old memories you’d made alongside Bianca, whilst your heart pounded too quickly against your ribcage again.

“Oh, c’mon,” you heard her say in your head, whining and appearing a little disappointed as you sat back down upon the edge of your bed again, finding yourself anxious that you’d only make things worse, if you tried to continue dancing with her, the way you had, then.

“I’m sorry,” you responded, the edges of your vision hazy as you imagined one another together, her arms around you as her eyes silently begged you to get up again for her, at least one more time, anyway, before you both had to go back home again to the others, like you had to do so as well - albeit nothing but begrudgingly, every time before, “look, maybe-.. maybe I’m just not graceful enough to learn this; maybe we should just-”

“We’re not going back home; not until I set this right,” she’d responded, that day, making it all the more harder to breathe as you’d glanced back up at her, nothing short of timidly, as if you were afraid of just making things worse, somehow, if you didn’t convince her to give up on you, the way you wished she would, now, before it could grow to be too late for her to do so, already, surely a prospect not too far away, at the time, “look-” You remembered how she’d sighed, sounding exasperated with the moment; how she longed to hold you close again, the way she had before. “Maybe you aren’t graceful, enough, or it’s the fact that maybe you just need to trust me enough to let me lead.”

You remembered how you’d smiled, then, as she’d offered you her right hand to help you back up off of the bed. How you’d then taken it within your left hand, before allowing her to spin you around as you’d advanced up before her. She’d giggled, then, and for a brief moment, you wished you could hear it again, somehow. That was when the angels came.

Your eyelids fluttered open again lazily, and everything was much too bright; the sun glared through the material of your tent, not strong enough to fight it back as you groaned, turning away from it, but it wasn’t enough to make the atmosphere any better, or easier to handle, for you. You grunted, raising your right hand up to your eyes to rub them; you didn’t notice the two of your companions, their shadows blurred beyond recognition, as of this moment, until they finally decided to speak up, and therefore startle you when you least needed them to do so, right now.

“Jeez - it looks like you had another of those rough nights, am I right?” Diana remarked, and you rolled your eyes upon recognition of her voice, a few paces away from you, by now.

“Hi, Diana,” you replied awkwardly, your voice straining a little aa you sat up, groaning as you did as if your back pained you as you stretched your arms upwards, trying to prepare yourself hastily for the day ahead of you, arrived much too soon, “what do you need, now?”

The girl appeared a little dismayed, as well as puzzled, looking toward Shalyla, as if the two had the ability to Shine with one another, somehow.

“You’re meant to be riding out with Ellie, today, remember?” Your sister reminded you gently, and - of course - Diana being Diana, couldn’t resist to tease you as best she could, to keep the dark parts of you away from hurting you again, somehow.

“More like riding on Ellie,” she remarked, and you tensed up, taken aback by her comment as Shalyla winced, trying not to giggle in response to her as you rolled your eyes, trying to hide that what she’d said had most definitely had some effect on you, no matter what it meant to do so; you didn’t dare think too deeply on it, shaking your head gravely, before you began to recall what you’d been planning on doing today; how you’d wanted to show her an old Campground of your fancy; you’d often felt quite safe there, at times, the parties the previous owners held being of a bright time for you and your sister, until - of course - Outbreak Day had come, deeming it no longer usable as long as danger were on the horizon, which it very much still was, now, no matter the talk of some distant cure you’d heard, over the years.

“Shit, okay,” you murmured, quickly getting out of your bed to try and get yourself ready as fast as you possibly could, trying your best to ignore Diana as much as you possibly could, though you couldn’t deny her comment had got to you, more than anything ever had, before, somehow.

“Wow, that was quick - right, Lyla?” She continued, and Shalyla awkwardly nodded, though she knew it would probably be inappropriate for her to begin heightening her own suspicions, as well, given that she could somewhat sense a connection between you and Ellie, especially the day after she’d first arrived, here.

“That it was,” she mused, and you rolled your eyes again, evidently annoyed at the both of them, by now.

“I wonder why-”

“Look, I don’t know what you guys are thinking, but-.. there’s nothing going on, between me and Ellie, okay?” You interjected a little sharply, but Shalyla knew you; she heard the hesitation in your voice; noticed how your expression softened when you spoke her name again before them. You sighed heavily, as the two of them shared a half-hearted look of knowing, though - at the same time - they didn’t exactly know what to think of the notion itself, at play here, between the two of you, now, especially after Bianca hadn’t been gone for long, by now, the way that things were. “I need to go,” you murmured, sounding a little more dejected than before as you meandered around the two of them, more than certainly avoiding their gazes, but you knew you couldn’t hide from them forever; you’d just have to deal with that fact, as you strolled resignedly toward the stable area, having to fight off - as you went, somehow - the painful memories of you and Bianca again.

XVIII

Ellie was already ready, and waiting for you to join her, guiding her mare slowly toward the edge of the clearing as you slowly approached, a pained expression on your face which you tried to hide, until you’d edged closer, and had to finally lift your head up to her again. She smiled softly, before waving over at you, and you timidly waved back at her, before jogging the rest of the way over to your black stallion, Gizmo. Christopher was holding the reins of his bridle, evidently waiting impatiently for you to get to the two, and once he finally saw you approaching, he kept the steed steady as you climbed on, hauling your right leg over and your foot into the stirrup, before you pulled the rest of yourself up, and steadied yourself within the saddle, thanking your assisting companion as he offered the reins to you again.

You could feel her gaze flicker over to you again as you winced, trying not to glance over at her, no matter how much you wished you could do so, right now, your heart skipping too many beats at a time as you kept your head low, and gestured with your right hand for her to begin the journey out, if she wished to do so.

“I thought you were going to be doing the leading, today?” She mused, and you rolled your eyes, forgetting yourself, as she subconsciously grinned in your direction, sensing the frustration rolling off of you, though she wasn’t yet sure what the cause of it seemed to be, during this brief moment in time.

“Sorry, I guess I’m just tired after-..” You sighed, before running your right hand over your eyes again, as if it would wake you up some more, somehow. “Whatever; last night was rough, that’s all,” you added a little more dismissively, and she raised her eyebrows, but didn’t have much time else to react, as you squeezed a little Gizmo’s sides, prompting the stallion to snort, before he began to walk toward the entrance of the forest surrounding the area, where the trails usually began, the way they did, here.

She winced, quickly easing her mare into a trot alongside you as the two of you - at first - briefly travelled in silence together, until she managed to bring herself to speak up again, knowing she should, given that the journey would be awkward, if she didn’t manage to do so, but at the same time, she couldn’t help, but find herself longing to hear your voice again, somehow.

“What’re you thinking about?” She inquired, curious, and you tensed up a little, but tried to ease yourself up again quickly, as to not worry the steed below you.

With great reluctance, you turned your head toward her, and she smiled softly again back at you, though she tried to keep it faint as best she could, not wanting to be too optimistic around you, though it was hard for her not to be, though she still couldn’t imagine why, somehow.

“Why would you want to know?” You questioned, not unkindly, and she fell quiet again for a brief moment, trying to find the right words to say again.

“Look - I can see something’s wrong; if you just talk to me, maybe-”

“There’s nothing wrong,” you interjected a little too sharply, and it even hurt you to hear it, especially when you noticed that she appeared a little dejected, now, alongside you, as if it had pierced her much too deeply for it to be a normal reaction, if you really didn’t mean as much to her as you feared you didn’t right now, still. You sighed heavily, and she warily glanced over at you again, wondering if maybe there was something else she could do for you, but she wasn’t sure; it still grew hard for her to read much of you, though she wished she could do so even more, by now, no matter what the situation at hand, here. “I just-.. it’s like I said earlier; I had a rough night, El - that’s all there is to it, now,” you managed, and she frowned, before nodding gravely in response to your half-hearted claim, the way that it was, then.

“Look, if you wanna go back-?” She suggested, and you winced, subconsciously gritting your teeth as you did; you couldn’t fathom the idea of having to turn back so soon, especially when a part of you was still eager to spend more time with her, somehow, without it appearing suspicious for you to want to do so, though you couldn’t imagine why anyone would view it in such a curious light as the others back at the camp were, now, somehow.

“No,” you managed, and she would appear a little taken aback again, though - in a curious way - it relieved her, however, her heart skipping a beat as she smiled down at the reins again, thinking about how nice it would be, if things weren’t so risky the way that they were, now. If things were right with the world again; or - at least - somewhat more peaceful, anyway. She dreamt of many things, but it always seemed like - especially now - they would never come true, no matter how much she wished they could, sometimes, especially now. “I have to show you this place; it - it always helps me, when I need to think about things; it should do the same, for you, and we’ll probably get the bonus of being able to take out the infected, whilst enjoying the sanctity of the area around us,” you insisted, and she appeared a little more at ease again alongside you, grinning a little back at you again as she wondered how she’d never noticed the way your eyes sparkled in the sunlight, before. “Is - Is that okay?” You asked, your voice suddenly - smaller, than it was before.

“Is what okay?” She inquired, appearing a little puzzled; she’d got too distracted by the glimmer in your colourful orbs, to take any notice of your previous statement, the way she had the ones that you’d voiced to her, before, until this brief moment in time, now.

You appeared skeptical alongside her, wondering what she, too, was thinking, but - nonetheless - you decided to answer her, anyway, knowing you shouldn’t think too deeply about it, the way that you had, then.

“Would you-.. still like to go to that site, with me? Y’know, if you’re up for it, and stuff - I just-”

“I’d love to,” she interjected gently, and you faltered as soon as her gaze met your own again, “you know I would - Y/n-”

“Good, that - that’s good,” you managed a little softer, as if you didn’t want her to hear you, then, as you kept your head low, trying to keep breaths even, and a sense of ease about you, but you found it difficult to maintain around her, though you couldn’t understand why, still, feeling safe around her, and as if you enjoyed her company more than perhaps you thought you should, the two of you only still recently acquainted, after all, at this point in time, “thank you; it - it means a lot to me - it really does, I promise.”

“Then I’m glad for it,” she added, in turn, “but we should probably hurry up; it’s getting a bit colder out here already, and I’m not sure, but I think I can hear some signs of undead life nearby.”

“Undead life?” You mused, and she grinned again, before shrugging a little sheepishly, and allowing a brief second for her gaze to fall upon you once more, the way it did, then, her heart beating much too quickly alongside your’s, but it didn’t stop her from buzzing at the feeling, all the same, especially not when you were with her, the way that you still were, now, and hopefully could for at least a little while longer, anyway.

“You know what I mean,” she answered in a vague manner, and you playfully rolled your eyes, before deciding to play dumb, though - of course - you knew what she meant; of course you did, especially when you heard the faint clicking and groans sounding out amongst the creaking of trees and shaking of brambles, nearby the both of you, the way that it was, now.

“Infected?” You took an uncertain sounding guess, and she raised her eyebrows in your direction again, but she didn’t bother to answer you, instead teasingly claiming you to be an idiot, before you protested playfully alongside her, the smile sounding out beneath your words all the while.

Again, you found yourself distracted in the good things that were still living, whilst she, too, began a replay of the dreams in her head, but it wasn’t until you’d both made it to the alternate campsite that she knew for a fact that maybe - just maybe, things could be okay again - for now, anyway.

XIX

You dropped down from your steeds’ saddle, first, admiring the area; it was standing well, regardless of all that had taken place, recently. You couldn’t deny, though, that you missed the way it was, before the events following Outbreak Day had taken place, the way they had, before.

“Ruby’s Inn Campground-?” Ellie read off one of the rotting signs in the area, before she - too - dismounted her mare, and jogged up to you, as your eyes perused the clearing.

“It’s a resting place,” you mused, and she raised her eyebrows over at you, before looking around her as if to check the two of you weren’t followed her; even if the area were as nice as you’d insisted it would be, that didn’t mean it was safe from any more - aggressive - disturbances. “So - what do you think?” You inquired, sounding a little nervous as she perched her rucksack upon a stump sticking out of the ground, bare and worn, weeds growing around its edges as if the wild were taking it over still, abandoned RVs and all.

“It’s - quiet, for sure,” she answered slowly, as if thinking of everything she could merit it for, though she’d seen many places, by now, and couldn’t bring herself to be much affectionate toward them, especially not after Joel had brought her to the Science and History Museum back in Wyoming, a few years ago, now.

“Makes it easy to think about things,” you added delicately, and she couldn’t help, but smile a little half-heartedly down at the ground again, not sure what it was exactly that brought such a reaction upon her, however. Sometimes she wished it would stop; that she could just run away again - maybe it would be better if she did; she could go back to Jackson, try and sort herself out again, but there were so many things telling her she should stay; that things wouldn’t get any better, even if she decided to return the way she had thought of doing so, a brief moment before, now.

“It’s also-.. certainly - well.. peaceful, I guess, but-”

“You don’t like it?” You guessed, trying to hide that it had dejected you a little, to think in such a manner, the way you had done, then.

“Of course I like it,” she contradicted, but it sounded strained, and you knew you shouldn’t have wasted her time, wincing as you gave the clearing an almost apologetic and forlorn look, as if you intended to move back onto the original trail again sooner, rather than later, but she couldn’t let this moment end so fast, catching your right arm within her hand as you tensed up again, your heart pounding too fast again as soon as you felt her skin against your’s. “Hey, I didn’t mean to say that I wanted to go so fast, did I? Let’s stay and have a little look around for a while, shall we?” She suggested, and you appeared a little more at ease, your eyes glinting back at her as you beamed softly in her direction, somehow making it harder for her to breathe as soon as her eyes locked with your own again, somehow, without her feeling lost within herself, again, as well as guilty over Dina; what had come before, between the two of them, in comparison to where she was now, with you, wondering where everything would start; how it would undoubtedly end all over again, in the near future, most likely.

She sighed a little shakily, before clearing her throat awkwardly, and averting her gaze as fast as she possibly could, though it pained her somehow to do so, by now.

“I - I’d love that,” you managed, trying not to allow your voice to tremble, and she expressed relief, then, the guilt that had flooded over her a brief moment ago soon faltering as she beamed sheepishly over at you, before offering you her right hand to hold, which you accepted from her, without hesitation.

You were certain you would have lost control of yourself; your senses, right then and there, before her, though you weren’t sure what you’d do, startling yourself a little as you thought to glance down at her lips, your heart pounding on much too confidently as her eyes grew a little lighter alongside your own, somehow, before she gave your hand a gentle squeeze, and eased you out of your tight consciousness: “where would you like to start, first?”

“They used to host parties, here,” you recalled slowly, “even before the Outbreak got-.. well-.. really bad. I guess they did it to boost morale, sometimes; things felt so low, so slow; time just seemed-.. redundant - it still does; of course it does, with everything still-.. y’know.” You sighed a little exasperatedly, and Ellie wore a thoughtful expression upon her soft facial features, not daring to look over at you again after it had made her feel too much all at once, again, the way it did, a brief moment ago, now. “Anyway, there were some really fun times here,” you added a little more timidly, as if embarrassed at yourself for not stating that generally, before.

It was then she couldn’t resist a faint glance over at you, noticing the pained expression on your face, as if you were still plagued by such memories playing within your head, at a recollection of such a place as this one.

“Not so fun, anymore?” She guessed, and you tensed up a little, prompting her to wince slightly in response to your reaction, as if you’d been struck by a crowbar all of a sudden, an evident and unseen strength to her words that she now wished she could take back faster than she’d even said them, then.

The silence that befell the both of you didn’t last for long. You managed a weak smile over at her as if to console her, only making the achey feeling worse within her, though she couldn’t imagine why; you being in pain seemed to be enough to pain her, by now, even though it had only been for a few days that you’d both known each other, by now.

“You could say that,” you answered truthfully, returning your gaze to the bare sight that lay before the both of you, the way that it did, now, “things-.. just haven’t been the same, since-..”

You sighed heavily again, and she didn’t dare question what was going through your head, right now, knowing it wouldn’t be appropriate - nor would it even be easy - for her to do so, given the way it made her feel, to see you so dejected as you were, a brief moment ago, now. Instead, she decided to think on what the parties might have been like, having never been able to attend one, herself, before.

“Did you dance?” She asked, her voice a little quieter, but nonetheless sheepish and playful, as the two of you continued to walk slowly side-by-side around the wild RVs left behind, by now.

You appeared puzzled, at first, by the question, side-eyeing her slightly for a brief moment as you tried to figure out what she could mean, until you finally decided to give in, not in the presence of enough awake mental capacity to figure it out for yourself, right now, especially not after the night you’d found yourself having, a few hours ago, now.

“Did I what-?” You replied, none the wiser, and she couldn’t help, but playfully roll her eyes in response to your own question, before she teasingly nudged your right arm with her left elbow just to ensure that you knew she didn’t mind your previous state of sheer dumbness and part ignorance, as presented within you, before.

“At the parties you went to,” she clarified, and you then understood completely, your heart sinking a little again as you tried not to let the pain reach your eyes again, no matter how much it wanted to do so, right then and there, Bianca filling your mind and soul again, the way she had, so many times before, now, “did you dance at them?”

“Not much,” you answered vaguely, and she appeared half-bewildered; half-exhilarated by such a response as that one was.

“‘Not much’? Are you kidding me, right now? Y/n-”

“Okay - not a lot, then,” you corrected yourself half-heartedly, as she raised her eyebrows again, but you continued before she could protect anymore than she already had, a brief moment ago, now, “I guess I just-.. I never really cared for dancing as such, okay? I’m not even that good at it, anyway.” A soft smile seemed to play on your lips, but she didn’t need to ask why, before you continued on a little softer than you did, before. “Bianca-.. she-.. tried to teach me, sometimes,” you added, and Ellie’s expression softened again at the way your voice seemed to tremble a little, sounding a lot more strained in will than it ever had, before, in all the times she’d ever heard you speaking, before now, “that’s how I met her. I-..”

The smile collapsed almost as fast as it had come, and her heart sank alongside your own, a pained expression on your face again as she tried to think of the right words to say that could try and bring you back to her, somehow.

“You haven’t danced, since then?” She guessed gently, and you seemed a little frustrated with yourself, smiling sadly back at her, before shaking your head a little faintly as if it were hurting the very core of you to even move, at this point.

“There’s-.. not been much point in trying, anymore, since we-.. yeah,” you murmured, and Ellie knew the feeling, nodding gravely alongside you, before a perhaps risky idea struck her hard in the face, and she suddenly found herself wielding a lot more energy than she ever had, before.

“Then.. why don’t you try and dance again, now-? Maybe it would be easier - who knows? You might even enjoy it more-”

You scoffed, and she tilted her head partially over at you, standing her ground as you shook your head, wondering why she’d even think something like that, right now.

“You seriously think I’d want to do that, again, after everything I’ve told you, today?” You murmured, and she shrugged, unperturbed, before nodding as if she weren’t afraid of what you might say in response to her doing so, right now, your connection to Bianca, and all that playing quite an overbearing prominence, here.

“Yeah,” she answered simply, “why not?”

“El,” you uttered a little exasperatedly again, and she watched you keenly, though still with an expression of solidarity, alongside sympathy; she understood how you felt, losing Bianca the way you had, as well as your little sister, and she then knew - of course she did - how difficult it was to go on with life after such occurrences, but she didn’t want you to lose sight of the things that made life seem more-.. full, sometimes, regardless of the losses you can have, sometimes.

“Look,” she began slowly, her eyes expressing caution, as well as concern, as she held your hands carefully within her own, blocking your way forward as she tried desperately to restore your faith in what was lost, somehow, all whilst she found herself wishing more than anything that she could do the same for herself, after everything that had come down upon her before this moment in time, by now, “I know it’s hard, but-.. you can’t give up on what makes you whole, okay?”

“Ellie-”

She didn’t heed your interjections, eyes full of a new determination you’d never seen flare up within her, before, the way it did, now, eyes still locked confidently and contently with your’s, to the point it got hard for you to breathe in their wake, all over again.

“I didn’t know Bianca,” she began again sharply, but her voice didn’t grow less soft than it was, now, only making it harder for you to not break yourself down, all over again, especially before her, when her eyes were seeking something deeper than what she could determine on the surface of your gaze; she was trying to breach even your soul, perhaps, and sometimes you feared it was working, and much too quickly, at that - perhaps that was what Shalyla and Diana meant, when they’d made the comments they did, earlier, “but I know enough to determine that you both were close, okay? I’m sorry for what happened; I’m sorry I didn’t come and help you guys fight any earlier than I did-”

“What? Ellie, that’s not-”

“But she wouldn’t want you to give up on the little things you both loved to do, the most,” she concluded even softer, and that was when you gave in, faltering as though you knew she was right; Bianca probably hated you right now, for the way you’d been acting, recently - dejectedly; typically broken apart since you’d realised she was just - gone, the day you’d first met Ellie, the way you did. You cursed a little shakily, and she smiled apologetically over at you, as if still afraid that maybe her approach wasn’t as good as she’d thought it might be, a brief moment ago, now. “So, what do you say? Am I right, or-? Am I right?” She inquired, and you hesitated, surveying her a little skeptically, albeit with a somewhat warm gaze, as your heart beat steadily alongside her own again.

“Jesus, Ellie,” you murmured a little timidly, again, as if frustrated, but she somehow knew you better than that; she knew you didn’t mean it in a bad way, just perhaps in a oh-my-god-why-is-she-so-persuasive-way.

At least, she hoped that that was the case here, anyway, considering the situation at hand, here.

“C’mon,” she complained, almost whining, and certainly pouting over at you as you rolled your eyes again, before shrugging in a dumbfounded manner, and questioning your existence as you took a long time - somewhat purposefully, at least, just to get her to react some more, the way that she was now, practically begging for you to give in to her, at this point, but still you wouldn’t give, only making her all the more impatient, as well as frustrated, alongside you, but you weren’t so quick to give in like that, before you spoke up again, wanting to at least know why she was so eager to see you dance again, all of a sudden, the way that she did, now.

“Why? Ellie-”

“Okay; I guess I get why it would sound weird, or pointless, but-.. I’ll put it this way; I want to dance with you; you - you could maybe teach me some things, if you want?” She suggested, and you groaned, evidently finding the idea nothing short of a hassle, at this point in time.

“I don’t need to dance with you, El,” you reminded her a little more matter-of-factly, but she didn’t stand down, only grinning all the more as she watched you with an all-knowing gaze, as if she could see right through every part of you. It was humbling, nonetheless, the way she could see you, like Bianca could, before. Your heart stuttered again, and it was hard enough to hide it, the way you tried to do so, right then and there again. “I’m your bodyguard now, anyway - remember me?” You asked a little more dismissively, and she rolled her eyes, before uttering ‘boring’ under her breath, but the lift of her lips’ curves told you she didn’t mean it - of course she didn’t; not anymore, anyway.

“Sure, but that doesn’t change a thing,” she stated plainly, as you tried to seek an easy way out of this, but - at the same time - part of you wondered if an escape was what you really wanted, especially when she were here with you, the way she was, now, “yes, you’re my bodyguard now, and guess what that means? I expect you to guard me at all times-”

‘Even on the dance floor,’ you both concluded, and you sighed heavily, wondering how you’d even found yourself here, at this point, with her still beaming expectantly over at you, eyes aglow with things you wished you could decipher as easily she seemed to be able to do so, everything a part of you, despite your only recent acquaintance, here, at this point in time.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this, but-” you sighed again, as you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck using your right hand, what looked like a faint blush invading your cheeks and earlobes as you tried to avoid her gaze again, only to fail miserably as you did, somehow drawn in by every glimmering part of her being, effectively ever since you’d both first met one another, only to gather you enough to give into her completely with a lot more ease, as you grinned stupidly back at her, and couldn’t help the words as they steadily escaped your lips, and much too brightly - “where should we start?”

XXI

You weren’t expecting it to go the way it did; weren’t expecting how she learned as fast as she had to do what you could remember, your heart pounding too fast the whole of the way.

“You’re a natural at this,” you remarked, and she appeared a little embarrassed, as if she were still trying to hide something from you, but you could tell it wasn’t something fatally serious, as her lips curled up at the edges a little into a soft and sweet smile.

You couldn’t think much during that moment; you just noticed the way your heart slipped a beat, especially when your gaze tried hard not to fall upon the smile the way it wished to do so, a brief moment ago, now.

“Yeah, well, you’re clearly an excellent teacher,” she claimed, as the two of you warily kept hold of one another, feeling much too close together, without being able to part any further than you wondered if you should, right now.

You narrowed your eyes a little, even raising your eyebrows in her direction as you tried not to give into her too quickly, all over again, the way you had before.

“Possibly,” you agreed half-heartedly, though you knew you weren’t as good as she was making you out to be; Bianca had often tried to flatter you, as well, even when you accidentally stood upon her toes, at times, “or-” Her easy demeanour seemed to falter again. “You already know how to dance, and this is just an excuse to dance with me - what do you think, El?” You inquired, and she looked speechless for a moment, as if trying to find a way to escape this situation, somehow. “Don’t worry about it; I appreciate it, anyway,” you soothed, and she expressed relief, though she wished it didn’t flatter her as much as you had managed to, like you did, then, a roll of goosebumps prickling along her arms as you twirled her a little, and she warily followed your lead.

“Where did you learn how to do this, anyway?” She pried, and you winced, as if it were your turn to be embarrassed, now, somehow.

“You really like asking questions, don’t you?” You returned, and she appeared taken aback, remembering how Joel had once commented upon her inquisitive nature, a few years ago, now, before he’d taken her away from the fireflies the way he did, then. She still felt guilty for that, sometimes; the way she’d reacted to it, but she still found it difficult to think about how he’d lied to her like that, the first time she’d questioned such a rescue. “El-?” You continued gently, and she winced, realising she’d faltered in her step, before she managed to recompose herself again, and managed a faint apologetic smile over at you somehow.

“Sorry, I just-.. I don’t know what happened, I’m sorry - am I doing it right, now?” She inquired, and you tried not to ponder too much upon what might had crossed her mind the way it did, a brief moment ago, now.

“You’re doing it perfectly,” you reassured her gently, and she expressed relief, evidently glad, though she wished she could try and hold back the vulnerability you managed to pry out of her, “and it’s probably not that interesting, but - to answer your question - I learnt this in a violent assassin cult out in the Alps; it was part of our control regiment.”

Ellie raised her eyebrows, evidently surprised as she tilted her head partially, the glint in your eyes somehow appealing to her as being not entirely a truthful one, right now.

“Seriously?” She replied, and you - in turn - grinned sheepishly over at her, before shrugging your shoulders vaguely, prompting her to roll her eyes playfully, before she gently punched your shoulder, prompting you to giggle barely audible as she shook her head, tilting her head partially over at you as she awaited your true knowledge, genuinely curious to hear more about your own experiences, especially seeing as you seemed to understand her a lot more than some other people she’d met here ever had, before.

“It’s true,” you insisted, not very convincingly, as she snorted, before uttering ‘you dick’ as she had to try and stifle her own rising giggles, in response to your own, alongside her.

“C’mon,” she whined, evidently eager to know, no matter how boring the truth might be, in this case.

“Fine - you caught me,” you gave in as you timidly smiled over at her again, before warily averting your gaze as if you were afraid of allowing a wrong look to show; to grow too obvious, though you feared - at the same time - it wouldn’t make a difference, at this point. Not when you’d both caught one another looking at each other like that, before. “That wasn’t true-.. well, no - it feels like it was close to the truth, anyway, but admitting that my mother forced me into dancing lessons is so dull, isn’t it?” You guessed, and she raised her eyebrows, grinning over at you, in turn, as she hesitantly made to wrap her arms around you, again.

“It’s good enough,” she reassured you, before silence befell the both of you, as your eyes locked with one another, hearts pounding too quickly again.

“El,” you managed slowly, and she appeared nervous again, even as you allowed yourself to return her embrace, the way you did, then.

“You know anymore moves, at all? You are the teacher, remember?” She reminded you, but the smile never left her face all the while, though it seemed a little more weak, this time.

You couldn’t help it, as you giggled softly again; you couldn’t deny that it felt good, being here with someone again, like this, but it didn’t stop the faint ache that eroded you down gradually slowly, over and over again.

“Look, if this - if this is just an excuse to get close to me, I quit,” you remarked, and she raised her eyebrows again, though it amused her to see you a little more flustered than you were, before; the blush that invaded your cheeks again, somehow, after she’d raised her right hand timidly up to your left cheek, now warm with the blood that pulsed just beneath her palm.

“No excuse, don’t worry - besides,” she continued a little more brightly, as if anticipating what it could mean for you both, being able to be this close to one another, by now, “if I want to get close to you-” She inched even closer, and you tensed up even more within her arms. “I could just go somewhere people will shoot at me, and then wait for you to shout at me for doing so,” she speculated, and you winced - in turn - knowing she was right.

“Fair enough - so, what do you want to-?” You both faltered, hearing the click of a gun a few paces away from you, but it was too late to react to it, the bang sounding out before either of you could even open your mouths to speak, or shout, and she didn’t know what to do for a brief moment, time seeming to slow down and blur around her, as soon as she noticed the blood beginning to pour down from your right side.

XXII

Once the gun-shot had rung out, you didn’t know much of anything anymore. You’d felt the bullet; you didn’t need to look down and see the blood slowly beginning to pour out from where it had sharply penetrated you. You remembered Ellie holding you; saying your name, then shouting. But after that everything got-.. hazy.

You imagined you were back in Bianca’s old apartment, warily watching her as she poured you a generous glass of white wine.

“That much?” You remembered saying, and she grinned sheepishly over at you, a mischievous glint forming within her eyes as she offered you the glass, and you keenly accepted it from her, no matter how nervous you truly were, knowing that if you got drunk now, what might you end up doing before her, and how would it impact your relationship with her, as close as it was, now, after everything that had taken place recently, especially with your little sister going missing not too long ago, now, and all.

“What? You scared of having a little fun, now?” She teased, and you winced, before awkwardly shaking your head, as she smiled sweetly over at you, your heart skipping a beat at a time again. “Drink up; you need it - no, you deserve it, especially after-.. y’know,” she cooed gently, before she winced a little herself, and cleared her throat a little regretfully, busying herself with her own portion, now.

You sighed heavily; you didn’t want people to think they should pity you, or Lyla, for what had happened; you knew it was your fault, and being given sympathetic glances as opposed to spiteful ones didn’t exactly make life any better than the way it was, before this moment in time.

“Why did you bring me here?” You asked a little blankly, avoiding her gaze as she dejectedly, as well as warily, glanced back at you, a pained expression residing upon her face again.

“Your mom, she - she asked me if I could-”

“Great - no, fuck this,” you uttered, but she blocked the door a little exasperatedly before you could get up and flee from her again, and you faltered as you lingered timidly before her, your eyes darkening a little as she tried to catch her breath, as if your closeness to one another had knocked the life source out of her chest, somehow, the way it did, then. “B-”

“She wants the best for you; you know that,” Bianca explained gently, “Y/n, look at me-”

“Can you please just-”

“No - look at me, and then maybe I’ll consider letting you leave, okay?” She bargained, and you groaned, before begrudgingly allowing your eyes to lock with her’s, all over again.

You’d never felt so small before; her eyes were whirlpools of green, flecks of brown, and sometimes you wished you could live within them forever, if only she’d let you, and you had the courage to ask her if it wound be possible for you to do so, somehow. She warily lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, and you tried not to shudder, goosebumps swarming your arms; you were glad you’d decided to wear a shirt, that day, rather than one of your old vests that always seemed dirty, no matter how much you tried to clean them, after a few more further scuffles as you seemed to encounter now, almost every day, here.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she insisted, and you almost yelped at the way the words rolled over you, but you managed to swallow it back, your face feeling numb, and tongue feeling heavy as tears began to invade your own whirlpools again, somehow.

“Don’t,” you warned softly, your voice briefly trembling, and her heart sank at how strained your voice sounded, as if you were in danger of breaking down again, if she pushed any further than she had, already, but she couldn’t let you go on like this; she hated it, seeing the way it seemed to burden you, every day, since the moment the accident had taken place, or kidnapping - whatever it was that had happened to her, the way it did, before.

“Please,” she begged, and you fell quiet, your eyes warily searching her own as she winced again, and tried to swallow the lump that was beginning to form within her own throat, the way that it was, now. “Nobody could have known what was going to happen that day - you know that, right? Y/n-”

“What did my mom ask you to do?” You asked weakly, though you cursed yourself for it, as she frowned again, before bowing her head a little, and releasing her hands from you again.

“She just-.. asked if I could try and distract you for a little while - that’s all,” she reassured you gently, and you nodded gravely - of course you believed her; you’d believed everything she’d ever told you, before this moment in time.

“Well, I think you’ve done a good enough job of that already, so-”

“No, I haven’t,” she contradicted confidently, and you grunted as she held you back from the door leading back out into the too-long and eternally dark hallway, “look, I said I’d be happy to let you go earlier easily, but I’m not - not until you crack a smile for me, at least. Can you do that, for me?”

You couldn’t deny you tried, but it didn’t exactly do much to fight your corner. Begrudgingly, at least.

“Not like that,” she remarked, evidently frustrated, but it didn’t stop her from smiling timidly over at you, again, though it pained her to do so, whenever it resulted in a pained expression flooding over you, on your part of the warm exchange, “I want a genuine smile, okay? And neither of us are leaving here today, until I get one - understood?”

You sighed, and she grinned from ear to ear again, her eyes glinting as you shuffled awkwardly upon the spot, wishing you could just disappear already, if it meant you could curl up and die somewhere much further away from here.

“B - this isn’t-”

“Am I understood, or not, Y/n?” She pried, and you rolled your eyes again, before begrudgingly deciding to give in again, knowing that maybe you should do so, just to make her happy, if it did end up making her happy, anyway, by the end of the day, long as it felt, right now.

“Yes, boss,” you murmured a little exasperatedly again, “so - what do you wanna do, exactly? Or what did my mom suggest we do here, today?”

“She wants me to teach you some things,” she answered vaguely, her eyes glinting even more as she did, your heart skipping a beat painfully as you couldn’t help, but scoff, as a smile fought to show as she took a sip from her own glass of wine, before she leaned a little apprehensively against the bar behind her, again.

“So, let me get this straight,” you began again slowly, as if trying to keep your demeanour precise, no cracks left on show, anymore, the way they had been, before, in response to her attempted consolidation of your self-determined well-deserved demons, “my mom wants you - my personal bodyguard, and kinda best friend - to teach me some things, that aren’t - I’m assuming - anything to do with killing Infected, or those hunters?”

“That’s right,” she answered a bit too brightly, and you raised your eyebrows even further, somehow.

“So we’re not going to be doing what we’re supposed to be doing, basically? We’re just going to be-.. procrastinating, or-?” You guessed, and she scoffed, before rolling her eyes playfully in your direction, only flustering you even more as you winced, and timidly hid your face from her again, but that didn’t mean she missed how embarrassed and slightly red you had found yourself appearing, in response to her previous reaction, the way you did, then.

“I wouldn’t call it procrastinating,” she mused, as she swirled her wine a little, before gesticulating her head toward your own as if to remind you of its existence, given that it was still standing quite alone on the bedside table, the way it was, now. You grunted again, this time more frustrated at yourself for being so negligent again, as you lifted the glass off of the surface within your left hand, and hesitantly raised it up to your lips. The liquid wasn’t quite sparkly - perhaps it had been sitting for a while, the last time it had been here. You couldn’t help, but appreciate it anyway, the sharpness taking you aback as you even spluttered a little at the taste, but once it had settled, you couldn’t help, but drink more, your eyes brightening a little as soon as it had started to get the better of you, the way it seemed to be doing so, by now. It pleased Bianca, to see you enjoying such pleasantries again; you’d been a lot more - subdued, since what had happened, before; it had hurt her to see it, more than anything ever had, since that moment in time. It was nice - being like this with you again. It had been, since she’d first met you. She smiled to herself a little as she thought about that fateful day; how your eyes glinted as soon as she had spoken to you, once her sister had introduced the two of you, a few years ago, now, after Outbreak day had officially been announced, before. “It’s not procrastinating to keep yourself healthy and happy, especially when it comes down to things like - well, drinking and dancing, I guess,” she hinted, and you faltered, feeling cold all over at that; you wondered if you should just get up and run now, before you embarrassed yourself in front of her even more, somehow.

“Wait-”

Bianca pouted, noticing the worried look currently residing upon your face again, the way it had, earlier, after she’d brought up your mom’s intentions again, the way she had, before.

“C’mon - it’s not like I’m gonna shoot you; it’s just a bit of fun, okay? Don’t get so panicked over it-”

“How am I supposed to do that, when I don’t know how to dance? Like - at all?” You questioned, sounding a lot more breathless than you did before. You also looked like you wanted to be sick, as if you wished to force the words back down where they came from, but it was far too late for that, now - even you knew that, no matter how much such a fact harrowed you down to the bone, especially when presented in front of her, the way that it was, then.

“Wait, what? You don’t know how to dance?” She mused, looking like it was hard to not burst out laughing right now, no matter how much she wished to do so, right then and there, at such a revelation.

You sighed heavily, before bowing your head again, wondering how much mercy she would have on you, right now, if she could have any, at all, knowing that about you, the way that she did, now.

“Don’t look at me like that, okay? I sign your pay check, remember?” You reminded her timidly, avoiding her gaze like the plague, though you could still feel her eyes boring into you, the way that they were, now.

“And you won’t stop, no matter what, will you? I’m the one keeping you safe right now, aren’t I? Anyway, the one thing I can promise you right now, is that I won’t laugh, okay? Just - explain. You’ve been going to those campsite parties with me for years, now, and you’ve never learned how to dance?” She questioned, and you rolled your eyes again, wishing she’d just drop it; you didn’t like to be reminded of things like that, especially when they could hopefully be easily rectified, anyway.

“You’ve never noticed?” You pried, and she winced, before shrugging truthfully, because she genuinely hadn’t, at all; she’d often found herself more immersed within the experience - or, failing that, in you, but that didn’t mean she’d noticed your lack of a dancing spirit. “I guess that’s understandable,” you mused a little worriedly, before trying to inject a little more brightness into your voice again, “we both know that I’m excellent at coming up with excuses for things, anyway - right?”

She appeared a little skeptical, but you didn’t have time to react to her doubtful look, as she sighed exasperatedly, before pushing herself off of the bar, and offering you her now free and softly enticing hands.

“On your feet, then - it’s time for you to learn, if anything,” she decided, as you warily glanced up at her offerings, prompting your heart to pound much too fast against your ribcage again. “C’mon,” she encouraged a little impatiently, but nonetheless amusedly, as you brushed off the fear that tried to shake you, picked up your drink again, and allowed her to help you up off of the edge of her bed once more. She giggled, noticing the way you almost fell forward, as if you were tipsy already, despite still having a relatively half-full glass left. She didn’t know how she’d done it, but she’d almost finished her own glass, already, but she knew she should try and drink it slowly, wanting to keep herself responsibly mindful for her sake, as much as your own.

“So, how - how do we-?” You began, as you tried to recover from a burst of giggles that had awkwardly escaped, as if trying to relieve you of the embarrassment you’d faced, falling upon her like you had, a brief moment ago, now.

“First of all - stop stepping on my feet,” she advised, and you winced, shifting your ground again as you apologetically smiled up at her again, but of course she’d already forgiven you - how couldn’t she, when you’d been the centre of her world for so long, now?

“Yeah, well - you put your feet under mine, B - what did you expect to happen?” You teased her gently, your eyes locking helplessly with her own again, to the point that you couldn’t quite get yourself to look away, anymore, especially when you both were this close, your bodies almost brushing together as one, the way that they were, now.

“I only did that because I had to; you were gonna fall on your face if I didn’t - you realise that, right?” She reminded you, and you appeared a little flustered again, but not just because of her statement; it was the feeling - her hands running up your back a little. It was so hard not to shudder again, you having to try and think of other things just to stay calm, and not break down that easily in front of her, no matter how much you wanted to, during moments like these that you both found yourself sharing, the way that you were, now.

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts,” she interjected gently, “d’you know what? I’m gonna tell your mom to let me give you dancing lessons; you need them, that much is already clear, right now.”

You rolled your eyes, evidently frustrated by such an observation, but it didn’t stop the smile invading your lips as you held onto her shoulders, your heart beating steadily alongside her’s as long as you were gazing into her eyes, the way that you were, now.

“I believe you,” you admitted whole-heartedly, and she didn’t know what it was about the way you said it that made her eyes want to drop down to your lips again. She could only just hold herself back, focusing her eyes upon your own as she smiled sheepishly over at you again, wondering what she’d done to deserve a warmth like this, especially during times like these.

“You’re so stupid,” she remarked, and you giggled, subconsciously connecting your forehead to her own as you both couldn’t help, but laugh together, chests heaving and falling as you tried to recover again, reminding yourself of the situation; how you needed to keep a clear head, if you wanted to learn how to dance for her, somehow.

“You’re stupider,” you returned, and she scoffed, and you didn’t know how your faces had got any closer than they did, then.

“Oh, really? Well, I think you’re stupidest,” she stated, and suddenly it got hard to breathe, the two of you holding one another even closer, somehow, your clothes brushing against each other a little as you admired one another, the air growing somehow even hotter than it ever had before around the two of you, the way it was, now, “what do you have to say about that?”

You didn’t know what to do; didn’t know how to even think anymore. You tried to catch your breath again, but it had never been so hard to do so, the way it was, then. There were so many things you wished you could tell her, but - all the same - you were terrified. Why would she ever want to try and start something of a new life with you, anyway? Your heart dropped at the thought, and your eyes darkened. Bianca appeared dejected, as soon as you pulled out of your embrace, the way you did then.

“Y/n-?” She began, but you shook your head, slinging your rucksack over your shoulder as her heart began to pound again; head began to spin, at the possibility of her losing you again, somehow. She couldn’t let it happen again, as she caught your arm within her right hand, and you reluctantly stopped in place, forgetting how to breathe all over again.

“B, we can’t-”

“Why? We’re not even doing anything wrong - Y/n, please-”

“I love you, B,” you admitted weakly, and she faltered, her heart skipping a beat again as her grip loosened upon your arm, but you couldn’t bring yourself to rush off again, keeping your head low as she tried to process your words, only to fail several times over; she didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way for her - not in a million years, even, and now that you’d said the words, she didn’t know how to react to them, at first, staring after you tearfully as she tried to catch her breath after you, but it was as if her heart was stopping her from doing so, pounding as fast as it was, right now. “I’ve always-.. but we can’t be like this, because if we do, it’ll just make things worse, okay? And it’s nothing like what it was, before, from what I’ve heard anyway - I just - I want-” You faltered, your voice cracking more regularly, now.

Bianca slowly turned you to face her again, her heart slowing just enough for her to begin to concentrate somehow, as you kept your gaze low, and had never felt so vulnerable, before.

“Then let’s go - away from here - can we?” She asked, and you appeared taken aback again, evidently not expecting such a request from her, after you’d confessed to your feelings for her, assuming she’d hate you if you did, somehow, not that you wanted her to, anyway - of course you didn’t; you just couldn’t hide it anymore, especially after you’d spent so long just - wondering, what it would be like, to be with her, the way you were, now. You could still feel the faint pulse of what felt like electricity running beneath your skin, at her looser grip on your arm. It made everything-.. so much brighter, than it had ever been before, now.

“You’d-.. want to - after-?” You inquired slowly, appearing puzzled as she beamed over at you, before slowly easing your face back up to her’s again, the fingers of her left hand resting delicately beneath your chin, now, only making it all the more harder to think clearly, somehow.

“Of course I would,” she answered truthfully, and you couldn’t help, but grin up at her again, your eyes a lot lighter than they ever had been, before now, “Y/n - I - I’ve been in love with you since-.. since fucking Palmdale - I loved you, even then, I was just too-..” She sighed heavily, and you didn’t know how to explain the relief that flooded over you; how it started with a warmth flooding the depths of your stomach, before it began to swarm your upper body, a small tear leaking down your right cheek as you giggled softly, before leaning forward to delicately press your lips to her own, no matter how much it scared you to do so, before she’d smiled at you like you were her world, as much as she was, and had always been your’s, too.

“Fuck, that - that was-..” You managed, after breathlessly pulling away, though it had been a delicate thing to start with. “B, I-”

You both faltered, hearing something crashing in the hallway outside; it sounded like it was something tinny, like one of the trash cans you’d both passed by, and that’s when you heard the notorious clicking of an invading Clicker staggering by. Bianca rolled her eyes, evidently annoyed that your and her time was being interrupted by the stupidest of things, such as the infected could be, sometimes.

“Assholes,” she remarked, and you sighed heavily, before making to remove your own shiv from its sheath, but she caught your arm before you could do so, prompting you to appear taken aback again as you glanced back at her, so many questions pouring off of you, despite their silent conveyor. “They aren’t coming in here - leave them,” she stated boldly, and you raised your eyebrows again, but you didn’t dare protest against her, knowing that when she was confident, there was no way that that confidence could be knocked down, not even by a herd of incoming clickers flooding the establishment, even if there were that many out there - it didn’t sound like there were more than a couple - not yet, anyway. “Besides, I’ve worked on that door for ages, now; it’s stronger than you think it is - trust me, I’ve tried to break through it myself; it’s not happening,” she boasted, grinning a little again as her chest puffed out a little, as if she were proud of her remodel of a simple defence system.

“I fucking love you,” you stated, before throwing the shiv away, and kissing her just a little more passionately. It would be a lie, if you said you’d both slept at all, that night, but you knew the Resistance wouldn’t be particularly happy with either of you, the bastards its leaders were. You couldn’t deny it was nice, though, as well as quite flustering to think about, again and again, to have a moment with her like that, as Clickers screeched their frustrations outside the room, as if trying to find you both still, but Bianca had been right; you didn’t know what she’d done with that door, but boy did she strengthen it just enough to hold them all out, no matter how hard they bashed and clambered against it, the way they did, then. You loved that girl, and now that you knew she loved you, too, you didn’t think anything could ever take you away from one another, but you guessed you thought wrong, before you found yourself crying and bleeding out within Ellie’s now shaky arms, all over again, the way you had, before.

You guessed you’d just have to live with it; time doesn’t stop for the good moments in life, no matter how hard you fought for it to.

~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed it! Thankfully, it doesn’t seem as if it is breaching the text-block limit this time, so I managed therefore to fit the whole instalment into this post! I look forward to further exploring this idea, and certainly hope that you’re looking forward to the next one, with me! Have a lovely rest of the day, everyone!

As always,

Your ever faithful, H.H. ❤️

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worokapi · 3 months ago

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after god observations

so I've read After God 6 months ago but recently in October it just absolutely out of nowhere FULLY seized my hyperfixation to a level so intense I'm genuinely so startled. I haven't felt this normal about a piece of media in YEARS holy moly.

the English fandom is so miniscule so hella I was SO happy to find there's an After God tumblr corner. anyway first post, hello anyone who stumbles across these ramblings... warning this gets kinda rambly but it's just me being gushy about the series.

abt me I don't actually frequent tumblr that much, I'm kinda new in terms of experience, although I just have some social anxiety over talking about things I like publicly so I hope this sideblog gives me a little bit of strength talking to the void. I need a place where I can go INSANE over this series anyway WAHOO!! maybe will also post fanart in the future also, maybe!

there seems to be a much larger fanbase in Japan (mangaplus/urasunday where the original Japanese is posted gets hundreds of comments as opposed to English's official publisher on comikey. albeit I don't think comikey's the best at making it accessible either). Mangaplus/urasunday do post the latest 1-2 After God chapters for free on the website btw for folks who like to read ahead. Unfortunately anything before the latest 2 chapters is region-locked to the app and I don't really want to bother trying to figure out how to get it but that's what I'm mostly aware of.

I've seen some mixed reviews in the English side, though there's only a handful really out there, but most times I feel people are missing the point!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

when I first read the series 6 months ago, I didn't think of it that much except it shared some similar ideas to my own existing original work I thought would be cool to draw some inspiration off of. I'm honestly not really sure what happened in october, but I think it started because I gave it a second reread. And SO MUCH suddenly clicked. I didn't skim the dialogue as much and began to reexamine scenes and panels with the foresight of the later chapter events. And I fell absolutely in love. preordered and got the first volume in english on release date yippee!!

the first volume or chapters 1-8 is admittedly pretty much an exposition dump, but I think that rough start is kinda to be expected for most series trying to get a reader hooked into a new world. chapters 9-20 are really where things start kicking. It leads you to think Kamikura Waka is shounen-type protagonist like one chosen hero vs the big threat, but then breaks down into a more raw, mature look at the complicated lives of normal people who're just trying to survive, find their own happiness, and fight threats they only somewhat comprehend.

are IPOs really that different from humans? But not in the sense "humans are worse and gods are better" or "humans are better and gods are worse", but in the sense that "we're all equally messy in the same way, just trying to exist because that's all we know what we want to do."

I feel it's a story that needs to be read with the attempt to understand the characters as people with layers of contradiction and their relationships with one another. That's where so much of the meat and the weight of After God comes from for me, and many of these "this was disappointing" reviews don't really seem to even notice that part at all or tend to be confused why the characters act the way they do.

/// spoilers ahead!! talking about some of my observations and thoughts

I can't really remember where it was if there was a more explicitly stated spot that Ahu'az takes the form of what people see as most beautiful (at this point I'm wondering if I'm hallucinating this up oh god). Closest thing with the implication this is the case is in Chapter 34 when Yako/Furuya asks "what form did the God Ahu'az take for you?"

if this is the case though and it changes from person to person's perspective... then oh all the more tragic when Shion went to see Ahu'az and saw Waka/Alu'la as her most beautiful person.... DOOMED YURI, FUCK

obikawa saying "wow it's cooler here than I expected" back in chapter 9 really gets a new perspective when you apply the later reveal how IPOs are basically born

silly thing to wonder about, did the florescent banana tee Obikawa gave Tokinaga somehow become the saving grace that stopped him from getting eaten lol?

he is such a loser (affectionate) though like TOKINAGA YOU'RE LITERALLY 10 STEPS AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE YOU CAN GET CHANGED!!

Tokinaga talks about being afraid of bathtubs chapter 17, and then on a reread I noticed he is standing in front of a bathtub in chapter 3. what kind of hell happened to you my guy omfg

I know that damn Default CSP Rubble Asset when I see it!!!!

pattern recognition throws me out of the loop a lot I work on comics in CSP as well and now I don't read webcomics the same way anymore oops. right off here I think it's pretty safe to determine After God was drawn in CSP; assets can't really be converted to other programs.

more CSP assets I recognized:

this hatching brush for the outline of Tokinaga here is ベタ線新 from this set

Nayuu's tree branches are from this set

and I'm pretty sure the water here is from this blood set, which might appear elsewhere a few times (i see these shapes in my dreams. this blood set haunts me so bad)

to be clear this isn't a critique or "using assets is bad" at all. normal readers are not going to notice these things. (in which i'm not normal i study Eno's art so intensely because i admire it so much). when making comics or other repetitively drawn works, artists will take shortcuts and should absolutely take shortcuts. it's just neat to share what tools were used for those curious!

off topic on the topic of csp if anyone would like the link, she's shared the brush she made for drawing Vollof here too!

I can't freaking imagine how it feels to have your beloved friend melt away on your lap between your fingers like that unholy

if you squint much, you can make out both Yoriko and Tokinaga overlaid in the speech bubble, though I'm not sure what the next one really says

but ahfjhfgifgh!!! the book being animal anatomy is such a stab in the leg cherry on top

(and it's probably an art error but tokinaga's pinky is back/weirdly has a solid shape there instead of it being flabby glove. wani asks how did tokinaga get there before he and yoriko so silly weird theory its tokinaga from a different time iterative loop? wonky. probably still an art error though)

so how did Alu'la get "reincarnated" within a human? How does an IPO get reincarnated at all? We've seen orokapi needed to eat a human to become a specific human. Alu'la definitely didn't eat a human.

We hear from Orokapi he drank seawater mixed with sewage and gained the intelligence that way. Closest I could think of are the microbiota that make up an IPO and their abilities. Maybe Waka's parents or Waka drank shit water of the sort and got the microbiota inside her that way or idfk

Thanks Tokinaga for the "uses chopsticks to eat everything" rep 🔥🔥

i'll leave you on that this is getting too long AHHAAHAJF thanks for reading, hope you got something cool out of this post! :]

#after god #after god spoilers #rambles #theories #technically a review of the series i guess? not officially but they are my thoughts #after god was drawn in csp btw anyone else recognize more assets #the queercoding is so freaking intense in this series #its making me think about how i want to love too #they might not be inherently romantic but they're absolutely not straight!!!

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dcangel · 1 year ago

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MY SMUTTY WRITING PROMPTS

I have a shit tone of smut prompts, so feel free to request any numbers for any of following characters: stiles Stilinski, Thomas (TMR), Dave Hodgman, Joel Dawson, Void Stiles, Stuart Twombly, Mitch Rapp, Simon Tarnum, Colin. I literally got pretty much done with this and was abt to post it bc I made the collage at the end and everything AND I FUCKING FORGOT ABOUT COLIN

As you can tell it’s all Dylan’s characters, and these are going to be the main people I write for. I don’t want to write about dylan himself as of right now bc I feel like it’s like sjrkrfk but yeah.

Anyways… there turned out to be 77 total prompts FOR THE SMUT ONES ALONE which is.. yeah

But I do have more than just smut prompts, I have some normal ones and I’ll make another post abt those.

RULES!! Idgaf how old you are as long as your 16+, I only write for fem!readers, and idk what else to add but like the basic rules yk? You can request more than just the prompts such as like sub!reader or sub!character (same for dom), or like maybe a specific kink if I feel comfortable writing for it like a nickname or just something else. You also don’t have to choose from one of these, you could just give me a request, and it also doesn’t even have to be smut. I’m always happy to hear your ideas and randomly thoughts<33

Anywayss…

SMUT PROMPTS—

1. “I want to hear you beg.”

2."Arch your back for me.”

3."You look better with my hands around your neck."

4."Swallow it. All of it."

5."God, you feel so fucking good."

6."Suck on it"

7."You're so fucking hot."

8."Open your legs for me, baby. I wanna see you."

9. “Don’t hold back.”

10. "Ah, fuck.”

11. "That noise...keep making it."

12. "Wrap your legs around my waist."

13. "Let's make this quick."

14. "Don't close your eyes, angel. Look at me"

15. "You're mine."

16. "Such a good little (slut/good boy, good girl), aren't you?"

17. "faster-ah shit-harder”

19. “I wanna go again."

20."I want you. I need you."

21.“Huh...uh...keep going."

22."Wait-uh-do...do that again."

23."Mark me. Mark me so everyone knows who I belong to."

24."Don't be gentle with me-I like it when you're rough."

25."One more time! Please!"

26. "Fuck-uh! I love it when you touch me like that."

26."kiss me again, but- mphh"

27. "lay down, love and let me do you how you deserve it."

28. “You can suck better than that, angel… don’t piss me off, alright?”

29. “Don’t muffle yourself. Let them hear your whiny voice, baby. Everyone should know how good I’m fucking you.”

30. "We'll take it slow."

31. "I've never done this before..” "Well, neither have I."

32."I'll take care of you."

33. "Tell me what you like."

34. "Tell me if it feels good."

35. "We can stop anytime."

36. "Do you trust me?"

37. "I've been wondering what it feels like…”

38. "I think l'm ready (for this/to have sex/...)."

39. "Please be gentle…”

40. "This is going a bit too fast…”

41. “I can’t believe you’re this innocent.”

42. "Makes me want to wreck you."

43. "You've never even touched yourself?"

44. "Show me how you do it when you touch yourself.”

45. "What do you like?" - "I don't know." - "Then how about we find out together?"

46. "It's my first time…”

47. “I can't wait to ruin your innocence"

48. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

49. "It's not a big deal. Let's just get it over with?

50. "I want you to be my first."

51. "I want you to teach me."

52. "Teach me how to make you feel good.”

53. "I wanna touch you too."

54. "Show me how to touch you."

55. "Am I going too fast?"

56. "You're doing so good for me.”

57. "Do that again."

58. "I never thought you could make such sweet noises." - "Me neither. "

59. "It's not scary at all. Let me show you.”

60."I'm worried I won't be good enough."

61. "Is it going to hurt?"

62. "I won't hurt you."

63. "I'm really embarrassed about this...”

64. "No need to worry."

65. "I got you."

66. “Kiss me?”

67. "Will you be my first?"

68. "Will you let me be your first?"

69. "I have no idea how to go about this "

70. "(If you like it), we can go all night."

71. "So (hard/wet) already…?”

72. "Are you sure this is your first time?"

73. "What do you want me to do?"

74. "Is this okay?"

75. "Does it feel good?”

76. "Tell me what to do."

77. "I'll guide you."

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alkaline-wtr · 7 months ago

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WE WILL SURVIVE (oneshot)

- - CHAPTER 3.5 - -

Graves x reader Description: Graves and reader camp out on a rooftop, and Graves teaches reader how to properly eat an MRE. Genre/Warnings: zombie apocalypse AU, Ghost x fem!reader, survivor!reader, oneshot WC: 860

My Masterlist

**Nothing fancy this time. This is just a quick little oneshot as promised, to make up for last chapter being so short. I have no excuse for why it took me so long to get this done. Honestly, I just lost interest and motivation for a while. I started a new job too, so I guess I lost a bit of free time there too but, I'm working on doing better about that. Anyways, this oneshot idea just seemed silly and cute, but not vital enough to make a whole chapter out of it. On another note, Ghost is coming BACK! Very soon. As well as a few other characters being introduced next chapter. Buckle up because Ch 5 is going to wild, and LONG. I've already got it mapped out and in the works. Stay tuned and Enjoy.

<< PART 1 / << PART 3

The sun had long set over the vacant city, leaving the sky saturated with stars. Without the haze of light pollution, they seemed to shine brighter and more plentiful than you remembered.

You looked on in awe, enjoying the view. This was the first time since the outbreak that you’d had the chance to breathe and admire the sky.

“This is nice.”

You say. You Keep your voice low as if it would disturb the peaceful night.

Phillip smiles. His face is illuminated by an orange glow as he stokes the crackling fire between you. You watch him for a moment.

“Who would’ve guessed the Military could prepare you for the end of the world?”

You add, shifting to face him, your legs crossed under you.

“No one's really prepared for the end of the world.”

He responds.

“Well... No, but you certainly learned more survival skills than I ever have.”

Phillip shrugs. To him, survival was second nature. A skill burned into his mind and muscles alike. It had been his livelihood for so long that this was no different than any other day except maybe fewer bullets.

"It's crazy to think just months ago we were all just living our lives, worried about bills, and jobs..."

Your words trail off and a sadness washed over you. Philip notices this, thinking of what he can do to take your mind off things.

His gaze follows yours to the sky. The Milky Way is much more visible to the naked eye now that the world is void of electricity.

"Just months ago, there wasn't this breathtaking view."

He reminds you. You look back at him. Watching the lines crinkle around his eyes as he smiles.

You smile back.

"You're right."

A beat of silence hangs between you before Graves drags his bag into his lap and rummages through it.

"How about food?"

You raise an eyebrow curiously.

"Okay."

Phillip pulls out two brown packages tossing his bag aside.

"What's that?"

You ask. Phillip chuckles.

"Come sit. I'll show you."

He pats the space beside him. A tarp lays folded neatly beneath him.

You stand up dusting off your backside and move to sit beside him.

"This,"

He starts, using his knife to slice open the top of the package.

"Is an M-R-E.”

"A What?"

You ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

“An M-R-E.”

Phillip repeats with a chuckle.

"It stands for Meals-Ready-to-Eat."

He explains.

"They are meals given to soldiers on the field, not the best tasting but, more substantial than anything you’ll find out here.”

He inspects the writing on the front in the dim light of the fire.

“Would you like Spaghetti? Or Chili Mac?”

Phillip asks.

“Uh, Spaghetti I guess?”

You reply still a bit confused.

"A shame... The Chili Mac is a classic."

You chuckle, moving to sit closer to him. Phillip finishes opening the package. He dumps the contents on the ground in front of you.

It was hard to imagine anything appetizing behind the muddy brown plastic.

You followed along with Phillip's instructions as he explained the process of cooking the meal. You nestled the 'entree' packet into a larger green bag, watching as he used his canteen to pour water up to the thick black line at the bottom and seal it up with a cardboard sleeve.

“Now, we wait for this to heat up. Here, is the snacks, dessert, and of course, a spoon. And this you can ignore.”

He says taking away the last package.

“Why, What is it?”

You ask curiously.

“It’s not important.”

You give him a quizzical look and look at the small plastic in his hand.

"Gum?"

You asked, eyes scanning over the two white rectangles. Philip nods.

"Not the kind you want."

You knew better than to defy Philip's warning but, you couldn't help but wonder the reasoning.

"How come?"

Philip smirks.

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Yes,"

You answered persistently.

"They are laxatives."

Phillip finally says. Your cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Oh..."

Philip nudges your shoulder with his.

"Don't worry about it. At least I didn't wait to tell you while you were chewing them."

He teased. That was a fact you were grateful for.

As the two of you waited for the entree to heat up, Phillip showed you which bag to make the powdered drink mix and you both shared the crackers and cheese spreads that came with the MREs. It was all so mundane, yet comforting. Something about the routine of it made you feel almost normal again.

Once the entree had finished You and Philip sat side by side enjoying your meals.

"Not bad, right?"

Phillip asked, watching as you picked at your half of the cookie.

The snacks weren't too bad, and just as Philip had said it was more substantial than anything you'd found out here. The entrees themselves weren't the most delicious thing you'd eaten but it was nice to have a hot meal regardless.

"No, it wasn't."

Philip tilted his head back to finish off the lime-green drink he had shaken up earlier. His eyes caught yours studying your expression. He dropped the drink to his lap and raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong?"

You shake your head.

"I... just wanted to thank you for all your help. You've saved my life. I owe you."

Philip chuckles.

"You don't owe anyone anything."

He sighs,

"If you spend too much time thinking about who owes what, this world will swallow you whole."

You thought back on the past months of survival and how desolate the world had been. But up here, with Phillip beside you, it didn’t feel so lonely.

PART 4 >>

Tag list

@yourfavbabigirl @keiraslayz @dcnocap207 @dustycrusty09 @nicolebarnes @jupiternighties

#cod au #zombie apocalypse au #graves x reader #ghost x female reader #graves x female reader #mw2 fanfic #cod mw3 #phillip graves #cod x reader #cod fanfic #simon ghost riley x reader #alkaline writes #cod oneshot #☑️mstlst

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so-long-soldier-writes · 1 year ago

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Dog Days Are Over

kai parker x reader

summary: the post-wedding heartbreak never ceases. without him, life seems to lose its meaning. but despite your best efforts to depart and chase the void that seems to call to you, somehow you're held back. someone refuses to let you go.

tags: tw: su1c1de attempt & thoughts, blood, blood drinking, vampirism / transition, heretics / siphoning, emotional hurt / comfort, light angst, heartache, anger / mild violence, slow recovery, domesticity, friendships, found family, canon divergence, loosely follows plot of seasons 7 & 8

word count: 8.2k

a/n: I'm obsessed with found family x heretics, if you can't tell. I've had this idea for months and finally was able to execute it! (and by execute, i mean write the whole thing in 10 hours & edit for 2 days)

A subtle weight rests on your body; a heaviness in your chest makes it hard to breathe. You don’t fight it. In a couple of minutes, it won’t matter anyway. The wound in your stomach bleeds, soiling your bright blue shirt with a dark red tint. Your heart rate slows, and your eyes flutter. The world around you is getting darker by the second. The end is near, and you swear you can taste it. To whether it’s heaven or hell you are headed, you don’t mind. Or maybe, it’s nothingness. A void. Either way, anything is better than here.

Your short gasps for breath begin to even out as your heart fails. Pumping no longer seems necessary, so the organ quits. It succumbs to the state that your brain has been in for weeks: numb. Cold. Dead.

A glimpse of life flashes before your wilting eyes. A figure running towards you, putting their hands on your cheek. Your lover, maybe, greeting you for an eternity of peaceful nothingness together. Your lips part in the joy of seeing him. Blood trickles from your mouth; the wound finally shutting down your body. Your eyes close and you welcome the darkness.

<•>

The next time you wake up, it’s still dark, and you automatically assume it’s the void that called you home. The Other Side collapsed over a year ago, but supernatural creatures have died since, and nobody ever knows where they go. Here, presumably. To the dark.

After a moment, your eyes begin to adjust and you move to sit up on your knees. The ground beneath you is hard and cold, like cement. It is not at all welcoming or comforting, but maybe that’s how death is supposed to feel. You shrug, not caring yet. Soon, you won’t feel anymore. Soon, you’ll enter the void, or cross the Styx, or whatever is the last necessary step of dying. Soon, you’ll be free.

You stand, then stumble. One minute, your mind and soul feel empty, but in the next, an insatiable hunger takes over your body. It knocks you back to your knees. A whine escapes your throat. Death should not feel this way. Death is supposed to be empty. Something’s wrong.

“Hello?” You call into the void, not expecting an answer.

Instead, you hear a far-off voice, talking not to you, but someone else. “She’s awake.”

Fear thumbs in your heart. You put a hand over it, only to realize after a couple seconds that it’s not beating. The hunger increases as the sound of footsteps approaches. This isn’t happening. You can’t be alive; shouldn’t be. You chose death. Wanted it. Sought it.

But someone had other plans.

<•>

“Hello?” A girl calls out, maybe to you. She waits, then pulls back a small window, letting a little light in your supposed void. “Where are you?”

“What do you want?” You ask, straining. Your voice comes out weaker than you like it to be.

“I brought you something.”

“Nora, turn on the light,” another girl says.

“Would you like a light?”

No, you think. You’d like to be dead. But… you’d also like to identify your captors. “Okay.”

An overhead light comes on a moment later. You shut your eyes tight as it floods your senses, then open it once you start to adjust.

“Too much?”

“Was there a lamp option?” You sass.

“I could find a lamp,” the second girl suggests.

“We’ll find her one in a moment,” the first turns back to you, “can you see us alright?”

Finally, you can. Two girls peek through a window, one brunette and one blonde. They seem sweet, not like the high school mean girls’ type, but you’re still cautious. “I can see you.”

“Good. We have something for you.”

The smell of blood attacks your senses. Your hunger grows.

You make two big strides to the pair, before realizing something. You weren’t a vampire before, so why should the smell of blood excite you now? You stop, shaking your head. “No.”

“You have to drink,” the blonde urges. You have to complete the transition, she doesn’t say, despite it on her mind.

“No, I wanted to die. I tried to die.” You lock eyes with the brunette. “One of you turned me.”

“Y/N, you can’t die. You-”

“How do you know my name?! Who are you?!”

“That doesn’t matter right now, what matters is that you drink.”

“No!”

“Y/N, please!” She holds the bag further out to you.

Your weak body begs for you to drink, but your mournful heart refuses. “No!” You shout again. “I’m not drinking your blood; I’m not transitioning!”

“You have to!” The blonde agrees with her friend. “You’re getting paler by the second.”

“Good. Then I’ll have lived and died a witch.”

“You’re too young to die, Y/N. You can’t give up. He wouldn’t want you to give up.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Please, drink, and then we can talk.”

“No. You can’t make me.”

“I can,” she argues.

“You won’t come in here with me. With me so close to transitioning. That would be suicide.”

“Well we can’t let you die, either.”

You stand off with the two girls. They seem to communicate telepathically between themselves. It’s quite frightening to not know what they’re thinking. You stare at them, wondering who they are and why they care that you live.

“You’ll thank us later, Y/N, just drink.”

“I don’t want to live. If I wanted to, I wouldn’t have stabbed myself.”

“You won’t feel this heartbreak forever,” the blonde speaks, like a Hallmark card you didn’t ask to receive. You roll your eyes.

“I think we have to,” the first girl says, hand undoing the bag.

“I agree.”

Before you can ask about their apparent plan, they’re opening the door and swarming to you.

“Get out!” You cry. The blonde holds your left arm, while the brunette backs you up to the wall. “I don’t want it.”

“You’ll be grateful one day,” she sticks her promise to you again.

“If it’s not today, there’s no point. I can’t take this anymore.”

“Take it from someone who spent a hundred years in solitary confinement, I know loneliness. It hurts. It’s worse than a knife to the stomach,” she references your attempt. It’s still apparent on your clothes. “But life isn’t all sad. Sometimes it can be beautiful.”

“I’ve seen it beautiful,” you argue, tears forming in your eyes, “I've seen it, yet I’ll never see it again.”

“You have to trust us. Trust yourself. You can be happy again.”

“No.”

“Yes, Y/N, come on. Drink the blood.” The brunette holds the bag to your face, pinning you against the wall.

“No.” In a last ditch effort, you raise your free arm and smack the bag out of her hand. It flies, then hits the stone wall across from you and splatters. Her eyes go wide, and when she looks back at you, a triumphant look shines in your eyes.

“What did you do that for?!” The blonde shouts. “Waste a perfectly good bag!”

“It’s okay, Mary Louise, just means she’ll get a taste of the real stuff.” Before you can ask, the vampire before you is biting her wrist and shoving it between your lips. You fight, kicking and swinging, but the girls are much stronger. “Keep her still,” she nods to her friend, “just a little more.”

Your wrist starts to burn. You glance down for a second and see an orange glow emitting from the point of connection on your skin. “What-”

The brunette takes advantage of your parted lips and shoves her wrist further into your mouth. “Okay, stop,” she says, and the girl siphoning stops.

Your body is weak, but your heart feels strong. It doesn’t beat, but the blood filling your stomach powers it. The siphoning, however, tolls on your body. The girls let go of you, watch you daze, then gently help your body to the floor. You’re out like a light, asleep.

<•>

You’re much stronger the second time awake. Stronger, with a vengeance. First, you need to find out who those girls were, how they were able to siphon you, and why they wanted to keep you alive. Then, you need to find the nearest piece of wood and send your soul to the void like you had planned.

You look around, searching for anything sharp and anything wooden. You realize now that you’re in a cellar with absolutely nothing that could be used as a weapon, and the only thing in there with you is another blood bag. Angrily, you kick it and it splatters. The smell reaches your nose and you curse yourself for wasting it, now hungry. On the bright side, the violent act seems to let your captors know you’re awake. They walk gingerly down the stairs only a moment later, then switch on a lamp before opening the window.

“Y/N?” The brunette starts, tone cautious.

Your reply is bitter. “What?”

“I’m sorry we had to hold you down. We didn’t want it to come to that.”

“But you had to drink. We couldn’t let you die.”

“What do you care? And who are you?” Then, “and why could you siphon me?”

“If we let you out, will you run?”

“We can’t let her out, Mary. I don’t trust she won’t hurt herself.” You scoff. She turns back to you. “I’m Nora, this is Mary Louise.”

“And? How do you know me?”

“Well, we don’t, but we recognized you from pictures.”

“Pictures? What pictures?”

The girls hesitate. A name rests on their tongues, but they don’t utter it. Unbeknownst to you, they fear saying it out loud will drive you mad. Names have power, and in this case, a lot of it.

“Doesn’t matter right now,” the brunette, Nora, says instead. “What matters is that you get better.”

You laugh dryly. “I would’ve been better off dead.”

Mary Louise seems to get agitated at that. “Stop saying that! You have to live! He’d-”

“Mary, don’t say anything.” The girl quiets immediately.

“Why do you care so much if I live? Who’s he? Where am I?”

“Technically, you’re in the Salvatore house. The basement. We’d give you a room if we could trust you, but it’s too great a risk that you’d hurt yourself still.”

“Why the boarding house? Where’s Damon? Stefan? Do they know I’m here?”

The girls share glances but confess nothing. “You’re safe here. We are not going to hurt you.”

“That’s what people often say before hurting said captive.”

“You’re at more risk by your own hand than ours,” Mary retorts. “You stabbed yourself in an alley behind a dumpster. You’re lucky Nora and I sensed the blood.”

“Luck is not the term I’d use. If you couldn’t tell, I did it on purpose.”

They sigh as if they knew it was on purpose, but for some reason they’re not telling you, they still felt the need to save you.

You ask again, “why did you turn me? Why not just let me die?”

Nora hands you a new blood bag. “Drink this.”

Rolling your eyes more, you refuse. “No.”

“Drink, and we’ll give you answers.”

“C’mon, you’ve already transitioned,” Mary argues, “you might as well not dessicate.”

You know she’s right. Angrily, you snatch the bag and drink it down quickly. When you toss the bag back at Nora, she sighs.

“You’re a friend of a friend of ours,” she says vaguely. “He would want you to live. He’d want you to live your life and die naturally, rather than die young and heartbroken.”

“That ‘naturally’ part is no longer happening-”

“-which is not our fault,” Mary snaps, interrupting you.

“Mary,” the other calms, “patience. Yes, when you die, it will no longer be natural, but at least as a vampire, you have a shot at life again. In a sense, maybe, it’s a gift. You can leave if you want to leave. You can go where you want. You’re not bound by human laws or rules. You can be free.”

“I don’t want to be free. I don’t want anything if I can’t-” you stop yourself. “I didn’t ask for this.”

“I know. But someday, you’ll realize life is worth living, and you’ll be glad that you got a second chance. Take it from someone - both of us - who were given one.”

“Easy for you to say, you have each other. I have no one.”

“Maybe we can be someone for you, if you trust us.”

“Yeah, not likely.”

“Give it time, Y/N. We’ll bring you another bag later.”

As she shuts the window, you shout. “You didn’t even answer all my questions!” But they’re gone. The lamp remains on, but you’re left to your thoughts, alone.

<•>

The same cycle repeats for days. Weeks, even. The longer the mystery girls keep you locked up, the angrier you get. They arrive, open the window, practically force you a bag, spew bullshit about how you’ll get better, then leave. Two, sometimes three times a day. No one else ever visits, although one time, they had a third girl - Valerie - join them. She didn’t talk much, but she sure did seem to study you.

That day, after realizing there were more people in the house than just the two of them, you grow restless. Your mind is understimulated and bored. Your heart is broken and sore. You haven’t seen daylight in god knows how long. The next time Nora and Mary Louise come down, you’re ready to pick a fight.

You drink the bag without complaints, then send it flying back through the barred window along with a string of shouts and cuss words. They’ve given you the bare minimum of information, despite promising an explanation, and saving you from death just to lock you in a cellar seems cruel and unfair. They want you to live, yet treat you like a wild animal. They swear they’re protecting you, but you can’t see them as anything but kidnappers.

Nora remains calm throughout your rants, though Mary Louise looks on the verge of tears. It hurts, a little, to see her so upset, but if she could feel the agony you feel day-after-day, maybe she’d understand your pain.

After every last word on your mind is spat out to the girls, Nora gives you a look that you hate. It reads that she sympathizes; she cares, in her own way, but she keeps you confined for your own good. You hate to admit it, but she’s right. If they had even given you a pillow, you’d find a way to hurt yourself. Even if you kill yourself daily just to be unconscious most of the time. Still, you scream at them. How you didn’t ask to live; how you were ready to die; how you can’t live without him, and he’s gone. You think Nora doesn’t understand, but she does. They both do.

She doesn’t tell you she does until you settle. And when you do, she finally tells you all of it.

<•>

“Your silencing spells are weakening with her anger. She’s literally breaking them down, there’s so much pain in her screams,” Valerie tells the girls. “You better get her under control quickly, or Lily will have something to say about it.”

“She’s just facing the worst part of her transition. All the pain is hitting her at once, coupled with the fact that her lover is dead. Give her a break.”

“You shouldn’t have turned her at all, Nora.”

“Well I couldn’t very well let Kai’s girlfriend kill herself out of heartbreak. We owe it to him to save her.”

“Some people don’t want to be saved.”

“She doesn’t want to die,” Nora counters, “she just doesn’t want to live without him.”

“And now she’ll live forever without him.”

“I’m going to help her find happiness in this life. Even if he’s not here, she needs to know life is worth it to hold on and find something that makes you happy again.”

“A heartbroken vampire in love with a murdered sociopath can be a very dangerous thing.”

“So can a previously dessicated heretic still in love with her ex-lover from the eighteen hundreds,” Nora sasses. “She’ll be okay, she just needs time.”

“I bet Mary Louise won’t like you devoting so much time to a girl that’s not her.”

Mary enters the conversation from the kitchen. She leans against the doorframe, a small smirk on her lips. “Mary quite likes the girl, actually. She’s grateful to Kai for feeding us and busting us out of that god-awful prison world, and she knows how much Y/N meant to him. And, she likes seeing her girlfriend put so much effort into healing someone else’s broken heart.”

Valerie rolls her eyes, defeated. “Whatever. Just put up new silencing spells, because the neighbors will start to complain.”

<•>

That afternoon, the girls visit you and prepare themselves for a new string of cuss words. The modern day tongue seems to have many at the ready, and the pair are always surprised to hear the variations you spew at them. Although, when they open the window this time, they’re shocked to find you sitting criss-cross, in the middle of the floor, sobbing heavily. Your hands cover your face, and you seem to neglect to notice their presence. Nora’s heart breaks. In the moment, you remind her of Alice in Wonderland in her sea of tears. She recalls reading that book over a century ago and relating to lost little Alice. Now, she’s transported back in time as she looks at you.

“Y/N?” She asks cautiously. You look up, glance at her, but then dart your eyes back to the ground. “Are you okay?”

“How is life supposed to get better? How do I live after all this tragedy? Where do I go from here?”

“That’s something we’d like to help you find out, if you’d let us.”

“That’s why we turned you,” Mary adds, “so that you could find it, and have friends along the way. We want to help you.”

You raise your head back up to them. “I can’t do it. I’m not strong enough for it.”

“You are perfectly capable of living a life you can be proud of. You just need a little push to get there.”

“And how am I supposed to get there, living in here? In this cellar?”

“This is only temporary. This is for your safety, until you find it in yourself to want to live. ‘Til the desire to hurt yourself is gone, okay?”

“We have another bag for you,” Mary says, tossing it to you.

You drink it unquestioningly, and they prepare for the shouting. This time, however, it never comes. You only nod to the girls, then lie on your back and continue to cry.

<•>

A month after your transition, you finally settle. Most of the anger and tears have subsided, and the boundary and silencing spells hold without wavering. Nora and Mary Louise want nothing more than to tell you their full story, and they think you’re finally ready to hear it.

For the first time ever, you smile at them. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Nora says calmly. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I want to die,” you blurt out, but then sigh. “But okay. A bit numb.”

“You haven’t turned off your humanity, have you?” Mary jokes lightly.

“And be even more bored out of my skull? No.”

“Good. Bag?”

You shrug.

“Can we come in?”

Your eyes narrow at Nora’s request. The question is new to you. Usually, they stay beyond the cellar door. The last time they had come in with you, she force fed you her blood. But despite that memory, you don’t feel threatened by the girls anymore. They give you a strange sense of peace, like you could trust them, for reasons you don’t understand. “Sure,” you reply.

They join you on the ground, the three of you all sitting criss-crossed. Mary hands you the bag, which you accept and drink quietly.

“Y/N…” Nora starts, “we know you have a lot of questions. And while we didn’t want to give you any responses before, we think you’re ready to hear some answers now.”

You pause sipping your bag. “Really?”

“Well the hard part of your transition is over,” Mary says, “we’d really like you to trust us, and we’d like to have trust in you, too, so that we can let you out. But in order for that to happen, we have to know you’ll be safe in the world. No pointy objects, no wood.”

You turn to Nora. “Is that one of the questions you’ll answer? The real reason you want me alive?”

“It is.”

You nod. “I’m listening. And I promise, I’m okay right now. I’m not going to hurt you, or myself, unless I have reason. Truth be told, I don’t really have the mental strength for it.”

Nora nods, too, then, “why?”

“What?”

“Why is it that you don’t have the strength? What’s plaguing you? Why did you attempt to take your own life?”

“I…” your eyes already start to water again, “I can’t live without him. I don’t want to live without him.”

“And who is him?”

“I- I can’t say.”

“Can’t say because you fear our judgment, or can’t say his name out loud?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Might I say it, then?”

“I guess. If you know…”

“Y/N… we know it’s Kai. And we know because his… passing affects us, too.” Hearing his name out loud shatters your heart, but Nora saying she knew him catches your attention. You tilt your head at her. “The reason we were able to siphon you earlier is because we’re like him. We’re heretics.” You straighten. “We were trapped in the 1903 prison world. Kai fed us and let us out. We owe our survival to him.”

“He became a brother to us,” Mary adds, “was a brother to us. We’re all of the same family, with the same rejected gene, although a century apart. Besides each other, we’ve never had anyone understand us, and aside from Lily, no one’s ever cared to listen.”

“But how do you know me? You know,” your voice wavers, his name coming off your tongue weakly, “Kai. How do you know me?”

“Because, silly, he loved you,” Nora rolls her eyes gently, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Mary nods. “Once he knew we were trustworthy, he talked to us nonstop. Some of it was about the modern world or his own past, but he mostly talked about you. He had the strangest device, a phone, he called it, and would look at pictures of you until it died, and after that, he had one in his wallet.”

“And he’d tell stories. How kind you always were, how he came to trust you, and how you had started a relationship together.”

“The longer he spent there, the more worked up he was getting. He told us about 1994 and what had happened, and that he’d spent eighteen years in another prison world, just to end up in a colder, darker one. I think that’s where the wedding went wrong.”

You agree. “He told me his biggest fear was getting sent to one of those again. Being alone.”

“Not only being alone, but being without you,” Nora says. “We were there, but he still needed you.”

“And although we kept him company, it wasn’t the same.”

“Valerie didn’t help much,” Nora mutters.

“Valerie… the other one? Upstairs?”

“She didn’t approve of his crime to get locked in 1994. She seemed to have forgotten her own childhood, judging his like that. We all grew up similarly. Told we were abominations and cast away.”

You’re about to make a comment on that, but Mary beats you to speaking first,

“You didn’t flinch when I siphoned you.”

“Yeah, um,” you smile, a memory surfacing, “I used to let Kai siphon whenever he wanted.”

“It didn’t hurt?”

“I liked it.” You shrug. “Hurt a little, sometimes. Like a burn, but… I liked the feeling.”

“You say ‘whenever he wanted,’ so like, not only for spells?”

“Sometimes he just wanted to feel magic in his blood. I didn’t use my magic a lot, and knew he had been deprived of it, so regardless if he was performing a spell or not, yes, I’d let him siphon.”

“So…” Nora starts, “you said you didn’t use your magic a lot?”

“Not really.”

“So you won’t be too upset at losing it now that you’re a vampire?”

You give her a playful glare. “I’ll miss it, but I can live without it.” Her face lights up at your choice of words. “What?”

“‘You can live without it’. That’s exactly what I want to hear from you; that you know you can live, despite the tragedy, just like you said you fear.”

“Nora-”

“Sh, sh, sh, let me relish this moment.” Mary giggles at her girlfriend. “You want to fight the war inside your mind. You want to live.”

“I wanted to live with Kai,” you remind. “Alone…”

“You won’t be alone. We know what it’s like to be lonely. We won’t let you feel that way.”

“I just… it’s going to take some time for me to heal. I can’t promise it’ll be easy.”

“We’ve got your back, Y/N. Kai would have wanted you to live. We want that for you, too.”

You nod, still a bit unsure, but now aware that these girls aren’t going to let you out of their sight, so you might as well comply. “Can I stay here, then?”

“In the cellar or upstairs?”

“I don’t know.”

Mary rolls her eyes playfully. “C’mon, we have a room ready for you.”

<•>

Adjusting to your new life is hard. Living without Kai is hard. Living with the heretics, though, is surprisingly easy. They’ve taken you in as one of their own, filling in the void that Kai left, and treating you like family. Valerie is a little weary around you, perhaps wondering how you could love the man that killed his entire family, but Nora and Mary Louise don’t ever let her get far. She, too, deep down, is grateful for the escape that your lover brought them; she doesn’t let her disapproval of his crimes cloud that too much.

Beau is more similar to Valerie than the girls. He’s older than them and Kai, and has never been one to seek revenge, as told to you by Valerie. While Kai had a penchant for violence, and Nora had a heart craving retribution, the other heretics were much more level-headed. They wanted to distance themselves from their family more so than to make them pay. And although Mary Louise was one of these, she strongly supported her girlfriend’s needs, understanding how their coven’s treatment could make them turn cold.

Once awoken in 1903, Nora quickly admires Kai for his actions. Granted, he may have not gone about his revenge in the best way, but he refused to let his father win, and won himself. Nora wasn’t a twin, just a sibling in her particular line, but she had suffered as much isolation as Kai did. For him to break free from his father’s prison world, then complete the merge he was denied and become their leader, it didn’t take much convincing to get her involved in the break-free from 1903 plan. Mary, again, went along with her girlfriend. She was passive but had a similar childhood, and couldn’t help but see Kai as the brother she always wanted. She had one, but wasn’t allowed to speak to him, and so when Kai spoke nonstop to her, she felt adored by him. And it’s true, Kai loved them all like family, because they were.

Despite knowing most of the heretics, you never meet Malcomb, who was killed by Damon while you were still transitioning. Nor have you met Oscar, who is out running vague errands for Lily. Though you remain in the boarding house with the four until tensions start to rise between Lily and her sons.

Lily, rarely at the house, is nonetheless welcoming to you. She offers you a simple condolence when you thank her for giving Kai her blood. She says she wishes things turned out better, and regrets not being able to save his life. In a way, you tell her, she did, but that Damon took him away from both of you. All of you, rather, as Nora strokes your hair as you speak.

The warming party between Mystic Falls’ residents and the heretics is the day your new status as a vampire is revealed. The wistful shock in Damon’s eyes and the concerned delight in Bonnie’s is something you’ll never forget, although by this time, you’re too disheartened by either of them to address it. When Mary Louise whisks you away with a bottle of bourbon, you don’t fight. Enzo sends Bonnie a confused glance that you miss, but neither comment.

<•>

A lot happens in a short time following that night. Jo’s twins are confirmed to be alive with Caroline carrying them, something about which you’re still unsure. Valerie had a rendezvous with Stefan a century ago, and Julian’s confirmed a monster when his atrocious response slips from between her lips. For a moment, Mary Louise is hesitant to trust her, and Nora finds solace with Bonnie, but you, now permanently bonded to the two youngest heretics, pull them back together. Oscar is lost along the way, caught by the Salvatores who had just put down their own mother. Four funerals are held in a mere couple of months: Kai, Malcomb, Oscar, and Lily. One month after that, a fifth is held for Beau.

Caroline’s twins - well, Jo’s, ish - are born, with the help of the heretics. You watch from a distance, concerned way more for Caroline birthing two refusing siphons from her vampire womb, than for the twins themselves. In the end, only Beau is the one to not make it out. A previously estranged vampire hunter released from Alaric’s armory interrupts the introduction of life with a promise of death. Bonnie was the one to let her out, it’s revealed, so it’s only fair that she’s the one to get tangled in the mess and take her down. After that, Enzo and Damon are captured by sirens and made to perform the dirty work of the two ancient beings. Bonnie’s trapped in the middle of it, as is Caroline, and incidentally, as is everyone else in the town. Eventually, what’s left of the old Mystic Falls’ gang manages to rid themselves of the sirens, only to be faced with Cade, the Devil himself.

Though most of these details are blurry to you. Parts of the story are missing, like holes in a blanket. You’ve kept up with the general plot, but lost a lot of the story’s structure along the way.

That’s because seven years ago, right after the twins’ birth and Beau’s funeral, the heretics ran. Valerie escaped to Europe, and you, Nora, and Mary Louise headed south. You didn’t want to get mixed up in the turmoil, especially not with Rayna Cruz, then a vengeful Bonnie, on the loose, so the three of you disappeared with barely a trace. You’re still in contact with Caroline, and Valerie remembers to charge and connect her phone, she still talks to Nora and Mary Louise, but for the most part, you’re set far apart from your old life.

And surprisingly, you’re happy.

Life in the boarding house with the heretics was easy. Living with Nora and Mary Louise is even easier. You’ve taught them to adapt to the modern age, despite their unfamiliarity, but as it turns out, they blend in quite well. You have a thing for take-out; the girls love catching up on all the movies they’ve missed, so many nights are spent as movie nights, eating large amounts of take-out and binging movies all night. Of course, you also rotate cooking. Mary’s the worst. Nora’s the best. You’re in the middle, no talent of your own, for it’s Kai that taught you all you know about it.

Speaking of Kai… over time, you’ve been able to talk more about him. You open up your relationship to the heretics, sharing stories you’ve never told anyone, telling them things that most might consider TMI, but by this point in your friendship, there’s no such thing as secrets. They love it. They love laughing at the funny parts, and crying over sadder ones. They share memories and tragedies from their own pasts, sometimes relating to Kai, but sometimes, also, relating to you.

You share blankets on the couch and straws with drinks. You braid each other’s hair and rotate chores. You dance together in the kitchen, singing along to music both old and modern, with no neighbors to hear how undeniably loud you are. You’re happy.

<•>

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from Caroline, but when you finally do, she sends you a cryptic message that immediately pulls you to your feet.

Caroline: I need a favor. Call me when you get a chance.

Your eyes narrow at the text. Rarely does Caroline text with such seriousness, especially with such a long period of not speaking.

“What is it?” Nora asks, seeing tension on your face.

“Caroline… asking for a favor.”

“You don’t have to go back to Mystic Falls, do you? It’s dangerous there,” Mary worries. Talk of the Devil filled the last phone call you’ve had with the other blonde. Specifically, Kelly Donovan returned for one more dramatic entrance, a bell was rung, and the Devil got out. A second protection spell was put around the house, just in case, after that news.

“I’m not sure. One moment.” You dial her number, and only wait a second before she picks up. “Caroline?”

“Y/N? Hi.”

“Hi. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Kind of. I need you to come back to Mystic Falls as soon as possible.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“It’s… it’s about the twins.”

You shoot the girls an anxious glance as they overhear the call.

“Is everything okay with them?”

Caroline hesitates. “How soon can you get here?”

“Caroline? Are they okay?”

“Y/N-”

“Overnight. I’ll be there by morning.”

“Okay. Come to the armory.”

You pack a quick bag and hug your friends, then leave immediately.

“Be careful,” they wish you. “Let us know if you need help.”

“I will. I’ll be back shortly.”

<•>

You burst into the armory quite loudly, calling for Caroline. She races to your side a moment later, a finger over her lips.

“What’s wrong? Where’s the twins?”

“The twins are fine. They’re-”

“What?! Caroline, what the fuck?! I drove all night. I-”

“Come with me. Please. And be quiet.”

Still worried, but now a little pissed, you follow her down the narrow, dark hallway to the cells. You’re about to ask more questions, but then you notice a person occupying one of the rooms. “Who-?”

She spins you around by the shoulders, forcing you to look at her. “Take him and go. Wherever you are with the heretics, bring him with you. I can’t let him hurt my girls, but if he’s with you, he’ll stay away from them.”

“Caroline, what-”

“Cade is looking for him, and Stefan and Damon want to send him back in exchange for Elena’s coffin, but I know how much he means to you and if I were in your shoes, I’d intervene, too. Hell, I’ve spent the last three days compelling Stefan’s victims that they’ve been seeing things. We’ve all done questionable things for the people we love, and so I’m telling you to do the same. Get him out of Mystic Falls, now.”

When you turn the corner, Kai Parker is on the other side of the glass. His hand is raised as he siphons the magic from the walls.

“Caroline, will-” he pauses, noticing you. “Y/N?”

Your breath hitches in your throat. “Kai?” You turn to Caroline, searching for answers.

“He escaped when the Maxwell bell rang.”

“That bell rang days ago, you said. He’s been here ever since?”

“Damon told me you were dead,” Kai says. The glass begins to crack under his hand.

“We don’t have time for this,” Caroline interrupts hurriedly, “Y/N, you need to go.” She waves in Kai’s direction. “Break the glass, make it look like you’ve escaped, and get out of here. Just don’t think about coming after my kids, or I’ll make you regret it.”

Kai sets his jaw, then shatters the glass. Caroline blocks the both of you from the shards, and in the next moment, you’re standing face to face with the man you’ve missed for years.

“Hi, princess,” he greets.

You waste no time jumping into his arms, legs around his waist, burying your face in his neck. You cling to him tightly, wrapped in an embrace, until he sets you down gently.

“Caroline,” you start, “thank you.”

She smiles sweetly. “I love you. Now, go!”

“I love you, too. I’ll call you when everything settles.”

“You better.”

You take Kai’s hand and drag him out of the armory. A series of turns leads you to a side exit; an emergency door, but with the sirens already blaring overhead, you’re not worried about it.

“Y/N,” he pauses the moment you get outside.

“My car’s over here, c’mon.”

He doesn’t budge. “But-”

“Kai!”

“You’re a vampire,” he says, clearly confused. “What happened? When’d you turn?”

“What? You don’t think I could look this young seven years later?” You joke, tugging more.

“No! I didn’t mean that-”

“I…” your grip weakens with the look he gives you. “Can we please get in the car? Alaric’s going to notice you’re gone, and-”

“When? When did you turn?”

“After you died,” you confess, face falling to the ground. You can’t look at him; can’t stand to see the sadness on your face.

“How? Did Damon-?”

“No, Damon didn’t do it. I… I couldn’t live without you. It was too hard. I didn’t want to. I tried… someone had other plans.”

“Princess…” his voice trails off as he realizes what you mean. Strong arms reach for yours to pull you into his chest. “You didn’t… oh. Oh my god.” He tilts your head up to face him, but you avoid his eyes. “Who turned you? Dam-”

“Again, not Damon. I, um, can we go? Ric’s gonna come any second, and-”

“Who turned you, Y/N?”

“Nora.”

“Nora? From-”

“1903? Yeah. “

“Is she-? Are the heretics-?” Kai’s interrupted by shouting coming from the armory. You grab his hand once more and drag him to your car. He climbs in the passenger seat without question, and you speed out of Mystic Falls as fast as you can.

Not until you’re fifteen minutes from the armory, do you finally answer the questions swarming his head. You lower your speed to follow the limit, then take a deep breath.

“Nora,” he beats you to it.

“I killed myself,” you confess, “attempted, I guess. She found me, fed me her blood right before I died. She and Mary Louise took me to the boarding house, where they had been staying.”

“Both of them?”

You nod. “I wasn’t an easy project. First I refused to transition, then I refused bags. She had to pin me to the wall to get me to drink; I still fought, and Mary had to siphon me to weaken me enough that Nora could complete the transition. After that, I’d scream and cuss at them for keeping me alive. Nora would give me this cold stare, and Mary would cry, but neither gave up on me. Then, I flipped a complete one-eighty and cried for weeks. Nora said I resembled Alice in Wonderland in her sea of tears.” You chuckle now, but Kai has a feeling you weren’t laughing then. He sure isn’t laughing at all as you retell the story. “But finally, after about a month, I settled. I realized I couldn’t die, and they wouldn’t let me die, and I had to figure out how to live, now, as a vampire. I let them give me bags without a fight, and with time, talked to them.”

“Why did they save you, do you know?”

“That’s something I begged them to tell me for weeks, but they refused to say until I was ready to hear it. They loved you,” you say, stealing a glimpse at him, “like a hero, like a brother. They loved you, and heard so many stories in the prison world about how you loved me, and when Nora found me in the alley, she knew she had to save me because you would’ve wanted me to live. She did it for you. She didn’t want me - your girl - to die ‘young and heartbroken’.” You sniffle, tears forming. “She wanted me to learn to live a life I could be proud of, and she wanted to honor her admiration for you by keeping me here.”

It’s a lot for Kai to take in; he’s quiet for a few minutes. As he thinks, though, his hand creeps towards yours and takes a hold of it. He squeezes gently, then kisses your knuckles.

“The heretics,” he says, “where are they now?”

“Val’s in Europe, traveling. She didn’t want to be near Mystic Falls; turns out she has history with Stefan. Damon and Bonnie killed Malcomb before I could meet him, and Damon and Stefan killed Oscar, also before I met him. Beau was killed by an ancient hunter, whilst protecting the twins after Caroline gave birth to them, and-”

“Mary Louise and Nora?”

“I live with them.”

“What?”

“We have a little house on the border. Just out of Virginia, but barely considered North Carolina. They’re still together; had some bumps in their relationship, but they’re happy now.”

“And you, are you happy?”

“It took me a long time, but I found happiness within myself and from them. So I would consider myself happy, I guess. As weird as it is to say.”

“And me… if I were to join you, would you still be happy, after all these years?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve learned to live without me. You’ve found your place in this world, and friends. You’ve built a life for yourself.”

Slowly, you pull over to give him your full attention. Kai watches carefully, curious at what you’ll say. “Not a day has gone by that I haven’t missed you. I think about you every day. I miss the feeling of holding your hand, and hugging you. Kissing you. Hell, I miss the feeling of you siphoning me. No matter how happy I’ve become, there’s always been a piece of me missing. I figured it would always be missing, but as I sit here and look at you, I realize it’s not anymore. I love you, Kai, and I want you in my life, with me. I always have. I’ve learned to live without you, yes, and I’ve found people and things within myself that contribute to my happiness, but I will never be as good as when I’m with you.”

“Y/N…”

“And if your next question is about Nora and Mary, just know that they adore you way more than you might ever know. Nora admires you, and to Mary, you’re the brother she never got to know. They saved my life because they were mourning you, and knew I was, too. We all saved each other, in a way, and we’re all brought together because of you.”

It takes another minute of focused staring to process your words. You follow his line of sight to the steering wheel, but the moment you catch his eye, he stutters a response. “I-I love you. I’ve missed you, too, every day, and the thought of you is what kept me strong when I was in Hell. I need you.”

“You have me.”

“I won’t be easy, either. I can’t promise I won’t have nightmares from all the shit that happened there, but I promise I won’t ever leave you again.”

“I’ll help you through them. It’ll be okay.”

“You sure you want me in your life?”

“I need you just as much as you say you need me. Don’t ever doubt that.”

He nods. “Take me home, then.” He smiles. “Wait, after a kiss first.” Kai moves towards you as you turn twice, once to the wheel, then back to him, and takes your face in his hands. He kisses you with a passion equally sweet and rough, fingers grazing your skin and tangling in your hair. Your own hands find his shoulders, pulling him closer. After a moment, he pulls back, needing to catch his breath after such a long time of not kissing you. “Good? You need any more convincing to keep me around?”

“Shut up,” you joke, lighting hitting his chest. “Convincing? No. But I am gonna need you to make up later for seven years apart.”

“Well that I can certainly do.”

<•>

Four hours later, you pull into the long driveway that is your home. It’s nestled peacefully in the woods, away from most people, yet not so much that anyone will assume it’s abandoned. It’s cute and dainty, with colored tulips in beds in the front, and a red wreath hanging on the door, all compliments of Mary Louise. A bowl of food and water rests on the porch, to which Kai makes a face, and you explain that Nora’s been feeding the stray cats. You, on the other hand, are responsible for the hammock on the wrap-around porch. It provides a perfect spot for reading, or, more often, a place to daydream what life would be like if Kai never left.

Just like this, you’d think, but he’d be beside you, softly kissing your neck.

You don’t knock before entering. However, Kai bumps into the doorway, and you let out a quiet giggle at his confused expression.

“Nora?” You call into the home. “I need you to let somebody in.”

The door is open wide enough that Kai can see into the house, but he can’t see the stairs. Nora trots down the stairs a moment later, asking to whom you could be referring before she sees him for herself.

“Just a friend Caroline wanted me to pick up. Kinda like a stray puppy, actually.”

Mary giggles, half-expecting an actual puppy. But then when Nora comes to the door and her heart begins to race, her girlfriend gets worried. “Nora?” She hurries to stand beside her. “Oh!”

“Kai?” Nora asks gently. It looks like him, but she can never be too sure. She looks to you for confirmation.

You nod. “It’s him.”

“Hi,” he greets, signature smile confirming his own identity.

“Kai,” she says, tone full of relief. She rushes into his arms for a hug he didn’t expect. Nevertheless, he hugs her back just as tightly as she holds him. “Come in,” she invites as soon as letting him go.

Mary gawks as he crosses the threshold. “Can I-?”

He opens his arms again for her to hug him, and the two share their own embrace.

“What happened?” Nora starts, “how’d you-? Where-?”

“As I told Damon, then Caroline told Y/N, I jumped out when the Maxwell bell was rung. Damon tried to keep me hidden from Y/N, but Caroline had other plans. She let Y/N take me as long as I didn’t hurt the twins, to which I’m happy to let those little Gemini gremlins go if it means being with her.”

“And Cade?”

“Caroline called on the way; Cade’s dead. And Kai ate on the way, so he’s feeling better.”

“Earlier I felt like I could still be slipping back into Hell, but Cade’s grip on me weakened, and her blood gave me strength, so I won and got my footing back on Earth. I am officially a live-dead man once again.”

Mary chuckles, but Nora’s attention catches on a word. “Her?” You glance at the ground, a blush rising to your cheeks. Nora smiles. “Not twelve hours, and the lovebirds are sharing blood.”

“Match made in Heaven,” Mary laughs more.

“Completely inseparable,” Nora agrees. “Well, Kai, I hope you’ve made plans to stay, because now that you’re back, we’re never letting you out of our sight again.”

“You want me to stay?”

Nora had turned, but now she whips back around to face him. “What? Of course. Did you and Y/N-”

“We talked in the car! I thought you were okay with staying.”

“But Nora’s the owner of the house, I have to ask her, too!”

“Of course you’re staying, dork!” She’d learned that word the last couple years and always said it fits Kai; now she gets to use it on him. “Now pull up a chair. I know you’re the cook around here, but I made dinner, and it’s pretty good!”

The four of you take to the table where Nora pours bowls of soup. You settle around the chairs like a family separated for too long, but finally joined back together, never to be apart again, and it’s good. Your hands connected with Kai’s underneath the table, and he squeezes. Across from you, the girls’ own hands are held in each other’s. The joy and laughter around the table is something you want to be a part of forever.

#malachai parker x reader #kai parker x reader #tvd fanfiction #tw: sui attempt #light bit of angst #angst with a happy ending #heretic kai parker

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thefrogdalorian · 9 months ago

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Hello!

You may (or may not... I don't like to presume) have noticed my little break from posting. I just wanted to share something in case anyone was worried about me and assure you there is no need to be :)

There isn't really one reason for why I've been on hiatus, but I guess a collection of things.

I was really poorly with covid but thankfully I'm feeling a lot better now! But being so sick and stuck in I guess made me reevaluate certain things.

Since recovering I got to see a lot of people I really adore with my whole heart, as well as being lucky enough to experience so many things I love with them.

And it made me realise what truly makes me happy in life. I suppose it really put things into perspective for me. I'm thinking more and more that tumblr (and being online generally) is something which unfortunately does not spark joy any longer.

To be honest, (as I'm sure many people who were given far too much unsupervised access to the internet at a young age also do), I have a complicated relationship with social media. It doesn't make me feel good most of the time. I don't know how to handle some of the things I read and some of the things people have said to me. And just like I do irl, if the vibes feel off, I usually retreat into my shell to regroup.

While I have made so many friends over the years of being chronically online and spoken to plenty of great people, I can feel myself getting drained again. And I really haven't missed it during the time I've been away.

I've filled my time with a lot of reading (I read Pride and Prejudice THREE times... doing amazingly), some writing and lots of long walks in nature. It's been really good for me!

As a result, right now, I just don't feel like continuing to post on this blog.

This decision wasn't caused by anyone or anything in particular. But when I've made my mind up about something, it's pretty impossible to change it. I've been mulling it over for a few days and my heart is telling me to go.

Anyway, I'm going to continue working on my WIPs and most likely continue posting them to AO3. It's by far the least social media-ish platform out there, and I really like posting on it.

I need to take a step back to remember why I started writing, which was really as a way to get emotions out and to scream into the void a little. I don't enjoy sharing my work on tumblr, I kind of felt like I had to rather than genuinely wanting to.

Truthfully, I just want to create and consume others' work in peace. I don't want to feel like I need to market my writing or whatever or compare myself to others. As much as I try not to, I think it's only human nature.

So, I guess I'm really making this post to say I'll be going on a hiatus from tumblr. But I don't intend to stop writing or posting to AO3 and I hope to see you over there!

I have no idea how long I'll be away for. Who knows... when winter comes around and my seasonal depression returns, or perhaps there is a major Mando update, maybe I'll return!

For now, all there's left to say is how much of a pleasure it was posting about Mando and talking with you lot all these months.

If anyone (mutual or otherwise) would like to keep in touch, feel free to message me for my discord! I'd be happy to continue chatting to you on there.

For me, in the headspace I'm currently in, one on one conversation is far less intimidating than being perceived by lots of people lol.

I'll likely drop in at some point soon-ish and check for any of those messages, but until then, it's not a goodbye, but a see you later!

Please care of yourselves and be kind to others :)

Love,

Spud 🐸🩷

#personal #i'll see you again... i promise :)#text post

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wellthebardsdead · 10 months ago

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Follow up to Lucy’s unexpected arrival to faerûn after cutting off Zariels head

———

Mizora: We had a deal Wyll. And by the way Karlach, Zariel Sends her regards.

Lucy: *feeling the fiendish urge return to scratch at the back of her tadpole, knowing she’ll corrupt another part of her soul if she feeds into the devil powers she’s been gifted, but unable to stand by* really? I haven’t heard a peep out of her.

Mizora: What?

Lucy: *pulls the bloodied burlap sack from by her pack and opens it, pulling out zariels decapitated head* silent as a- mouse. *grins assuming her archdevil form, growing in height as she spreads out large bat like wings* Now then. As the appointed replacement to Zariel by the disembodied voice of Asmodaeus himself, I hereby, set Karlach free. And- *summons wylls contract* since you’re under, my, jurisdiction Mizora. Wylls contract is now void, effective immediately. Besides, he didn’t break it anyway. Karlach, has a heart.

Mizora: sh-she does?

Lucy: *smiles and grabs her by the neck, digging her claws into her chest and ripping out her still beating heart, snapping her fingers and placing it in Karlachs chest, and the engine in Mizoras* now she does.

Karlach: *coughs as the flames die down, and the heart becomes hers* I… I have a heart…

Mizora: *screams and claws at her chest dropping to her knees* my lady you can’t! I made a mistake I simply didn’t know! I didn’t know it was you forgive me! It burns! IT BURNS!!

Lucy: *waves her hand making her disappear* away with you… *looks at karlach and wyll* I… have some explaining to do. Don’t I?…

Wyll: that… would be putting it lightly but, yes.

Lucy: okay, I kept this hidden because. Both of you would’ve killed me. Without hesitation. Wyll you were hunting a devil, and Karlach you were being hunted by a devil. Specifically- *holds up the head before dropping it back in the bag* this devil. And… I was. Just a human before this… I’m… I’m still learning how to deal with this… this world, exists only as a- oh god how do I explain a videogame-… as a story. Where I’m from… and… the more I feed into this body I’ve been given… I feel a part of my soul change in a way that I may never be able to change back… like the tadpole seemed to, bite off a chunk of it when I had to over power the goblins… I know I’ve no place to ask you to stay, or ask anything of you but-… Wyll, you need power still, and without mizora you’ve just got your sword so-… *thinks before feeding into the power again and hoping an act of good would make a difference as she summons a contract, words appearing on it as she speaks* you, can borrow some of my power. And in exchange… just don’t die… that’s all I ask don’t die… there’ll be no repercussions if you do just it costs 200 gold for withers to revive you and right now we don’t have that sort of money.

Wyll: *reads it and finds every word to be genuine with no room for her to cause harm* alright. *signs it making a ring appear on his pinkie finger and one on hers*

Lucy: it’s a pinkie promise then… thank you- and, Karla-

Karlach: *lifts her into a tight, warm hug* I can touch, I can touch people again… thank you. Thank you so, so much.

Lucy: *smiles and hugs her back* you should have never of ended up in the hells, and I’m so sorry it took this long to set you free.

Karlach: I’m free… I’m really free.

*the next morning*

Raphael: My my, what manner of place is this?

Lucy: *appearing as a lilac tiefling again* Aw look, it’s Mephistopheles boy. Done with your little tantrum over the crown I see?

Raphael: *brain short circuiting having no idea how she knows who he is yet or about the crown or who his father is* I? Pardon?

Lucy: Well? Come on then. Do your little song and dance, present me with your bread and circuses. I know for a fact you’re not really here to help us in exchange for our souls.

Raphael: *brain still reeling* Ah- I… What??

Karlach: Mephistopheles? That’s his son?

Wyll: never mind that I think she broke him.

Lucy: it helps knowing things, you can throw it out like a proverbial smoke bomb and catch even devils off guard-

#Lucy Tav #Lucy oc #archdevil Lucy #devil tav #devil oc #Raphael bg3 #mizora #Wyll bg3 #Karlach bg3

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sanfangirl-cynicalromantic · 10 months ago

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The Lady Knight | Chapter 4

Oh, my God, I didn't actually think I'd be posting the last chapter exactly one year after I posted the first, but well, here we are.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Read on AO3 here

Astrid wasn’t sure what to say to Hiccup at first. After everything had happened, they still needed to talk more. They still hadn’t resolved what to do about . . . feelings. Did he still like her that way? Had he realized they just wouldn’t work and that’s why he had forgiven her so easily?

The thing was, she had told him she was in love with him, and they were good now, but what did ‘good’ mean? Were they still friends? Was the proposal void or still being offered? Did she want to marry him? Well, yes, of course she did but she also didn’t until she sorted things out. But what about Hiccup? Did he want these things?

There were uncomfortable questions still battling for space in her head, but she discovered that they had not lost their companionable silence, and for that she was grateful. It was nice to forget about all the drama between them and slip into their familiar pattern of working harmoniously alongside each other. Stormfly and Toothless huffed at each other as if catching up on the latest gossip and Astrid found herself smiling stupidly when her visor was down at the prince’s concentration on the maps.

“So, what are you doing on this mission?” she asked into the silence.

“Huh?” Hiccup asked, dragging his eyes from the road to look at her.

“You said you were going to Raven Point because there wasn’t enough time to gather a squad, but I’m wondering how you got this information with so little notice,” she clarified.

“Ah,” Hiccup said. “Well, um, I was . . . actually the one who got the information.” Astrid frowned in confusion.

“Really? How?”

“I, uh, well, do you possibly remember the day I came to propose to you and you said no?” he asked sheepishly. Astrid grimaced at the reminder which Hiccup took as confirmation despite not being able to see her face. “Anyway, I stumbled across Trader Johann who generously spilled the beans.”

“He just told you Drago and his generals were meeting with Dragons of his own free will?” Astrid asked skeptically.

“After I threatened him and saved his life, yeah,” Hiccup nodded. “Not in that order, though.” Astrid snorted. The idea of Hiccup being the type to threaten someone was laughable, but Trader Johann had an uncanny knack of getting under everyone’s skin, and poor, patient Hiccup often lost his temper with the obsequious merchant.

They rode on mainly in silence, trying to cover as much ground as possible so that they could hopefully scope out the coves before Krogan arrived. The sun hadn’t halfway hidden behind the horizon before Astrid caught sight of a cozy looking clearing on the west side of the forest and called to Hiccup that they should set up camp there. He turned Toothless slightly and they investigated the brush quickly, still on their horses, before Hiccup nodded in satisfaction and dismounted Toothless, beginning to brush him down immediately.

Astrid slid off Stormfly and turned to unfasten her mare’s straps. Hiccup, finished with Toothless, held out a hand to take her saddle from her. She smiled and passed it to him, their hands brushing and setting her body atingle with prickly warmth. She could have sworn his eyes darkened in response, but chalked it up to the dimming light. After looping Stormfly’s harness around a low branch by the river she set about making camp. They could afford a fire for now as they were still early on in their travels and did not need to be so discreet, and there was no need to forgo what little comfort there was to be had when sleeping on the ground.

Hiccup set to stirring up a fire and unpacking the food as Astrid finished clearing the brush out of the way. He tossed her a bread roll, stale and cold from that afternoon, but a luxury for the next few days.

“I brought plenty of coins,” Astrid said as Hiccup started taking inventory of their supplies. She had brought a lot, planning to use money to get into certain people’s good graces as she started her campaign to let females inherit, but Hiccup had already established the case with the king and brought it to his attention, so there was no better use for it than perhaps providing them a night in a tavern bed.

“Oh,” he breathed. Astrid turned to see what he was looking at. He held up her hair comb, an unreadable look in his eye.

“Oh, that,” Astrid said quietly. He brought it closer to the fire, the light glinting off the polished metal. “I bring it everywhere I go,” she shrugged when he didn’t say anything. “Plus, you know, I was coming to apologize and I just - if you didn’t accept it . . .” she trailed off, not really sure what else to say and afraid to hear if Hiccup wanted it back or if he was angry she’d even considered giving it to him.

“It’s always yours,” he told her in a low voice. Her eyes flicked up to meet his and he offered her a tentative smile which she returned. He looked down at the comb again and then back at her. “May I?” he asked, gesturing with his hand still holding the accessory.

“Yeah,” she granted him permission immediately. She untucked her messy braid - the helmet wore out the braid in mere hours - from her neckline, ignoring the way Hiccup’s breath caught as individual strands lit up like golden threads from the fire. She brushed some wisps from her face and smiled shyly. Hiccup got up from his crouch slowly, moving the way one did when approaching a wild animal and didn’t want to scare them off, but she wasn’t sure who was the most skittish in this case.

She had to stop her face automatically angling to meet his as he brushed the wisps of hair that had fallen into her face again and combed them back with fingers that would have been shaky if it were any other person, but this was Hiccup, the man with the steadiest hands on Midgard and though they were unsure they didn’t tremble in the slightest. He was unaccustomed to dealing with hair, that she could tell by the way he didn’t know exactly how to pull her hair back, but he managed and slid the comb in place, pinning those stray locks into place. He didn’t move as his hands slowly fell away from her hair. She was ridiculous looking, surely. Her hair was frizzy and messy with those few strands pinned back in a mockery of an elegant hairdo and her face was an unflattering red from the heat of the fire, steadily growing almost unbearably warm under his tender scrutiny, but he was still gazing at her like she was the most beautiful lady he had ever seen.

Neither of them were breathing, too paralyzed with the presence of the other to move, until Astrid found herself tilting her chin upwards a smidge, and Hiccup’s gaze zeroed in on her mouth. Her lips suddenly felt dry and cracked and her heart pounded at the barely concealed hunger in his eyes. Their eyes met for a split second before they found themselves leaning it at the same time, just barely stopping themselves before they made true contact. There was almost no room to breathe, if any of them were even breathing. Astrid didn’t dare blink, but if she did she’d wager her eyelashes would tangle with his before they brushed her cheek. Her neck started to protest at holding herself too still. She let out a shaky breath and inhaled a greedy gulp of air before her eyes shut and she brushed her lips over his.

She had to hold in a gasp as the sensation. She could have sworn the contact sizzled the space between them and she retreated, a knee jerk reaction like how she automatically pulled back after placing a fresh cut of meat on the iron pans when it was her turn to cook breakfast back in the Berk Guard. Apparently frying bacon was all she was good at cooking. But even as she pulled away her hands gripped his shoulders and pulled him with her, his lips landing on hers with more surety.

This was a proper kiss, Astrid thought faintly as she pressed back up against him, her neck shifting to get a better angle and one hand sliding up his shoulder to grip the back of his neck, holding him there to ensure he wouldn’t pull away until she let him. She didn’t let go of the back of his neck even as they parted for air - a short gasp - before they were surging forward again to meet each other. His body was blocking the heat of the fire from reaching her but she couldn’t bring herself to care, not when the heat of his body was seeping into hers and the whole world had condensed to dark warmth and firm torsos and his hot mouth.

“Astrid,” he whispered when they parted again, and she shivered at the utter sin in his desperate rasp of a voice. Again they collided, mouths opening, tongues tangling. She didn’t even register them somehow slipping off of the log but she knew that now Hiccup was on the ground and she was straddling him and she couldn’t get enough and she was fumbling with his tunic, overcome by the need to be close to him, as close as humanly possible and then some but Hiccup’s hands gripped her hips to hold her still and she pulled away from his lips with a pop to look at him confusedly. “We need to stop,” he croaked, his voice tight the way it usually sounded when he was getting treated for wounds and held back his cries of pain.

She had to blink a few times to clear the cloud of lust and her cheeks immediately burned bright as she looked down at the flushed prince.

“What?” she asked stupidly because wow Hiccup’s eyes had never seemed as luminescent and dark and big before and his warm hands on her hips was terribly distracting.

“Um,” Hiccup tried to shift before he let out a deep groan and covered his face in his hands. “We shouldn’t. Not like - not like this.”

“Yeah,” Astrid agreed, not entirely sure why her body felt empty as she stood up. She offered her hand to the prince, too, but he just shook his head and rose to a sitting position, pulling his legs close to him and hunching forward like his stomach was in pain. Astrid wondered if she had somehow hurt him, if maybe she was too heavy to straddle him. Or maybe was he ashamed of what had just happened? She tried not to scowl at the thought.

“It’s just,” Hiccup continued, having caught sight of her face. “I, I just - I don’t think I could hold myself back - right then, at least. Because I, um, it was unexpected.”

“No,” Astrid said nonchalantly. “You’re right. It’s a bit too soon for us to…” she trailed off and shrugged abashedly, cursing her reddened cheeks. She cast around for her last bite of bread and stuffed it into her mouth indelicately.

“Do you want me to take the first watch?” she offered, not looking at him.

“No,” Hiccup sighed. “I won’t be able to sleep just yet.”

Me neither, Astrid thought but she unrolled the blanket and threw it over her legs before laying down with her back to the fire - and consequently, Hiccup.

‘Maybe we weren’t the match I thought we were’ rang in her head as she squeezed her eyes closed and tried to force sleep upon herself. Did he regret what had transpired between them? She fought against a shiver at what would happen to her marriage prospects if Hiccup outed her. He wouldn’t, of course, she knew she was being ridiculous, but she felt stupid and rejected and she wanted to punch him. So he had to do something that would justify her punching him.

She woke him up early in the morning right after dawn by kicking him somewhat gently in the side. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. Astrid brought Toothless, already saddled and watered over to him as he slowly packed up his bedroll. He was adorably slow for the first fifteen minutes when he woke up, and then was bright eyed until unholy hours of the night. He let out grumpy noises of protest as Toothless jostled him in the saddle and Astrid wanted to melt, but the warm thoughts of what had happened last night froze her sentimental feelings and she turned ahead coldly.

Astrid kept her eyes stoutly ahead as they rode that day. She was now beginning to regret coming with Hiccup. He kept sending her questioning glances and opening his mouth to talk and so though Astrid really didn’t want to talk to him at all, she was forced to distract him from talking about the other night by pointing something inconsequential out. She scarfed down her food that night and volunteered herself for guard duty, cutting Hiccup off efficiently by telling him not to be tired when she woke him up for his turn.

By morning again, Hiccup was also in a sour mood. His eyes bore into the back of her helmet as they trotted forward silently. It had been two days. They still had a week’s ride ahead of them, then scouting and another two weeks back. Thor strike her dead. Why was she doing this?

“Give me the map,” she said abruptly. She held her hand out and he wordlessly placed the rolled up parchment, carefully oiled, in her hand. She studied it aimlessly, trying to look occupied so she could avoid the conversation. “There’s an inn nearby,” she noticed.

“Is an inn a smart idea?” Hiccup asked. “We want to be discreet.”

“I doubt they’re expecting us,” Astrid reasoned. “And we’re only two knights. There’s nothing suspicious about that. Plus, we can do a little recon tonight anyway.”

“Alright,” the prince accepted.

“If we ride hard for three hours we should make it before evening and establish ourselves before the crowd comes in,” Astrid told him, rolling up the map and handing it to him smartly.

“Right,” Hiccup drawled in a voice that said, I know exactly what you’re doing, and you’re not getting out of it. Astrid flashed him a saccharine smile, pulled the visor over her face, and nudged Stormfly gently into a gallop.

They were silent for the ride until they caught sight of plowed fields. Hiccup straightened in his seat as the farm houses became closer and closer together before a two story building rose up invitingly. He let out a soft groan of hunger.

“Isn’t that a sight for sore eyes,” he sighed, rubbing his stomach. Astrid cast an amused glance towards him but couldn’t deny the grumble of her stomach either.

The inn was old gray wood. It was made of uneven boards that had small cracks in the thin walls, but Astrid supposed with a fire and warm food and drink it would be just fine. The bedrooms would be freezing, however. It was easily the biggest building around, so Astrid was willing to bet all the men and even some of the women would be gravitating towards the center of the small village, full of unguarded conversation if Astrid or Hiccup were to pay for their drinks.

Their horses slowed to a trot, then a walk until they stopped in front of the door. No stablehand came running to take their horses. No hired help, then. She turned to look at him before they dismounted, silently debating which one should go inside and do the talking. Two knights on their own were hardly suspicious, but the Prince and Sir Hofferson were a well known duo. The question was, which was the least recognizable? Astrid had not cut her hair before leaving her estate, not sure how everything was going to play out and not willing to risk months of cultivating her hair growth and ruining pillows with castor oil. It had also been months since she’d deliberately kept her voice low and gruff for hours on end. Mother had been pushing her to stop speaking so deeply and try a lighter tone. But she could hide behind her visor and blame any distorted sounds on the echo of her helmet. Hiccup did not look like the King, and with all the stories of his near-magical ingenuity his persona and description was probably far from the actual truth. But he wasn’t the best at bargaining, and they needed to save their money to pay for drinks later that night. They settled on Astrid, who dismounted Stormfly gracefully while Hiccup tied a kerchief around his mouth and nose.

She handed him the reins wordlessly and tried to clear her throat subtly as she walked through the door.

It swung open with a creak, revealing two women and a man bustling around the dingy room. Tables scraped against the floor as the seating was rearranged by the youngest girl. The older woman was red in the face as she snapped directions at her daughter from the fireplace while expertly balancing trays of meat and a cauldron of soup. Her husband was switching the kegs and opening them in preparation for the evening. Stacks of clean and dirty tankards littered the counters behind him. He looked up, a hint of fear and deference entering his eyes as he noticed Astrid’s intimidating armor and stance.

“How may I help you, good Sir?” he asked respectfully. His wife’s shouting ceased and the younger girl halted her work, not daring to approach the foreign knight in the room.

“Two rooms for the night, please,” Astrid said curtly. She was pleased at her voice sounding appropriately deep, although wished it had not come out so harsh. The innkeeper shifted uncomfortably.

“We don’t have two rooms available, Sir,” the man said apologetically. He was burly and his voice was steady. Astrid had to admire his guts as she pushed her visor up so he could see her piercing blue eyes and the top half of her nose. “We only have two rooms to rent out as it is, and the first one is under repair. It was damaged severely in the last raid and is completely uninhabitable.” The annoyance at his response melted a bit. This far up north the raids were deemed less important so the Berk Guard rarely had time to patrol the place when they were more focused with protecting the western and southern sides of Berk exposed to the war. And all the soldiers stationed up here would be poorer rookie knights. The people up here didn’t stand a chance. And if Hiccup was right and there was a whole army stationed up here and they were testing Berk’s reaction to small raids in this insignificant area? Odin help them all.

“Very well. One room for two, please,” she amended in a more amicable tone. The door opened and Hiccup strode through, dusting his hands. He must have cleaned out the stables for their horses and raked some hay for them. “For my comrade and I,” she explained, jerking her head towards him.

“We only have the one bed,” the innkeeper apologized, almost cringing. “B-But it is the finest we ‘ave, an you get yer own bathing room.” Astrid sighed.

“That’ll do,” she acquiesced. She produced three gold coins - far too much, she knew, but she wanted to help the family fix up their second bedroom and maybe fix those holes in the walls - and set them on the counter. “That should cover a night and a hearty breakfast and dinner as well as the stables and feeding for our mounts, yes?”

“Y-Yes,” stammered the man, likely never having received so much gold from one person before. “That’ll - that’ll certainly do.”

“Good,” Astrid smiled, though he could not see it. “Would one of you kind folks help us run a warm bath? We are weary after our travels and could use a good soak. Separate bathwater for each.” The older man nodded and snapped his fingers at his daughter, who scurried to haul some water.

“Right this way is your room, sirs,” the man led them to a small room with a rickety bed. A thin rug lay on the floor and a narrow tub stood in a corner, hidden by a sheet. The bed had one down blanket and two flat pillows. Astrid decided she liked it. She took her travel sack from Hiccup, who had brought them in and deposited it under the bed.

“The bath will be ready in twenty minutes,” the innkeeper informed them and Hiccup thanked him.

“You can have the first bath,” Hiccup offered when the man had left the room.

“Thanks,” Astrid nodded. She hesitated at taking off her helmet before the girl came in, because she hadn’t cut her hair yet and she wasn’t sure if they’d keep quiet if they realized she was a girl.

Ten minutes later the girl came bearing a yoke with multiple buckets of boiling water.

“I can pour them,” Astrid offered, taking the three large buckets of water easily. The girl nodded and went to fetch the other buckets. Once the tub was filled, Astrid dug through the sack for a change of clothes and Hiccup shuffled awkwardly.

“I think I’ll go downstairs,” he announced. “Help them get ready for tonight and see if I can get any gossip.”

“Okay,” Astrid agreed. “I should be finished by the time the hour’s done and I’ll ring to have it switched.” Hiccup dipped his chin towards her and slipped outside, leaving Astrid to finally take off her helmet and clean her hair. She stripped gleefully and slid into the tub, suppressing a pleased groan at the scalding water. She had to sit with her knees to her chest to fit in the tub, so she hadn’t filled it all the way in order to have space to shift and clean herself. She scrubbed furiously until her skin felt pink and raw. The servants at home would be horrified at her skin; it wouldn’t be as soft without their special flower baths, but Astrid relished the tender feel of cleanliness.

She dried herself off quickly after stepping out of the water, binding her chest and throwing a tunic over her head and wrapping her hair up in the remaining towel. She rang the bell and watched quietly as the girl quickly disposed of the dirty water and brought in buckets of clean water, already heated. Hiccup came back in and thanked her.

He slipped behind the sheet and Astrid averted her gaze as she heard the sounds of his tunic being pulled off and tried not to think about the lean silhouette behind the flimsy cloth divider. She fumbled for the brush in her pack and ran it quickly through her hair. She heard him step into the tub, a quiet hiss at the water and drew a shaky breath. She ran her hands through her hair, trying to dry it quickly so she wouldn’t get sick with a wet head of hair. For the first time in a while, she enjoyed the heavy weight of her golden locks. They had gotten smoother and softer with the care her servants had paid to it in the past months and she found herself planning which updos would work and how to hide her hair comb in it. She heard Hiccup scrubbing himself as she shook her hair out like a wild mane and stretched out on the bed. Even the thin mattress was much softer than the hard ground they had slept on for the past two nights.

She was wringing the ends of her hair again with her damp towel when she heard Hiccup step out of the tub.

“Oh - damn,” he swore. “I, um, forgot my undershirt.” Astrid turned to see his clean undershirt on the floor.

“Oh, it’s fine,” she reassured him. “Come out, I’ll hand it to you.” She got off the bed and picked up the shirt. Hiccup stepped behind the sheet and both of them halted.

She knew what he looked like without a shirt. But she had never had truly taken the time to look and appreciate, especially not with the unprecedented amount of tension between them and the hot brand of the memory of his mouth on lips. He was lean, with only shadowy hints of muscles and underlying strength in that stupidly attractive, unassuming way of his. His eyes were locked on her unbound hair, clean and wavy in its full glory instead of sweaty and wispy.

“Here,” she shoved the shirt into his hands and retreated as he coughed embarrassedly and scratched the back of his head.

“Thanks. I - I didn’t know . . . your hair.”

“I need to dry it so I don’t catch a cold with a wet head,” she explained. “It’s practically dry, I can just-”

“No,” Hiccup threw up his hands. “I mean, you don’t have to put it back up yet if you don’t want to.” Astrid stared at him quietly. He sighed. “Look, can we - can we talk about this?”

“About what?” Astrid asked mulishly.

“You’ve been avoiding talking to me all day today and yesterday,” he said firmly. “I thought we’d just sorted things through, and now we’re back to this.”

“I don’t think there’s much to say,” she shrugged. “I apologized-”

“And I stand by what I said; it was the best apology I’ve ever had. But I mean what happened two nights ago?” he demanded. “I’m sorry if I did something wrong-”

“No, that’s not - you didn’t do anything wrong,” Astrid protested.

“Then why are you giving me the cold shoulder?”

“I - You - didn’t like it,” she stammered. “You wanted to stop.”

“Stop? What, the - the kiss?” Hiccup let out a small laugh. “Astrid, the last thing I wanted to do was stop.”

“Then why did you?” Astrid asked. “Did you think it was a mistake?”

“I just,” Hiccup waved his hands around pleadingly. He reached for her hand and led them to sit on the end of the bed. “I want to do this right, you know, and ensure that there’s nothing to get in the way of a lawful marriage. Don’t you?” Astrid looked down at her clasped hands and didn’t answer. She felt him frown at her. Marriage. He wanted marriage, she realized. Hadn’t she literally refused it less than two weeks ago? He still wanted to marry her? Was she ready for marriage? She had only just come to terms with their feelings for each other. Was she ready for marriage to the Prince and the public scrutiny of being a Princess? Her eyes were growing bigger with her spiraling thoughts and Hiccup’s noted her panicked face with a pang.

“Astrid?” he asked hesitantly, his voice small and unsure. “Do you - do you want to marry me?” Astrid bit her lip. He sighed and made to move off the bed.

“Wait, no,” Astrid protested, grabbing his wrist swiftly. He tried to shake her off half heartedly and she caught sight of his face. Her heart dropped into her stomach at the sight. He was hurt. Again. Thor damn it, this was why she didn’t like to talk about her feelings!

“Hiccup, that’s not what I meant,” she amended hastily. “Okay? I really - I wouldn’t marry anyone else; it’s just -” she broke out and glared at the ceiling like it was withholding her words from her. “I don’t want them to win,” she finished ashamedly.

“Win?” Hiccup asked, turning to her. “Who?”

“My parents,” Astrid admitted. “They - they want me to marry you.”

“You don’t want to marry me because you already have your father’s approval to marry me?” Hiccup said incredulously. She groaned and contemplated smothering one of them with a pillow.

“No, not because I have his approval, but because - I don’t want them to think I’m marrying you because of them,” she explained. “Like they’re the reason their daughter managed to marry into the royal family. They - before you came that day to propose they had already been planning to marry me to you. They knew I liked you but the reasons they’d give me … They’d act like I’d be failing them if I didn’t, you know? I’m just expected to marry you now. All my years being a knight were useless if I didn’t use them to learn how to make the Prince fall in love with me and become royalty.”

“Astrid,” Hiccup scooted closer to her and rested a warm hand on her shoulder.

“It’s your worst nightmare,” Astrid continued. “You’ve always said you hate those families who eye you like a piece of meat and mine is just like that.”

“Hold on,” Hiccup interrupted. “Marrying you could never be a nightmare for me. But aside from that, how is it your nightmare?”

“I don’t mean that I don’t want to marry you,” Astrid said, hoping he hadn’t misunderstood her. “But all they had to say was how beneficial a union would be. And I don’t want to make them feel like any of that is justified. I don’t want to be relegated to a simple wife! I want to be one, sure, but I don’t want it to be all that I am. And their plan! I just,” she shrugged. “Is it awful of me to want to be difficult just to spite them?”

Hiccup barked a laugh. “Heavens, no. And even if it was, it’s not like I’d be in a position to judge. Do you remember all the ridiculous messes I made just to spite our instructors?” Astrid smiled at the reminder.

“How could I forget,” she teased him dryly.

“But if they were planning to marry you off, what were they going to do about the other you?” Hiccup contemplated. Astrid scoffed.

“They didn’t know you know who I am, so they were going to kill me off so that ‘Astrid’ could emerge properly back into society. They hoped I might console you over the death of your friend and perhaps remind you of him enough to marry me.” Hiccup snickered.

“That would have been a funny scene,” he grinned. “We could have played such games with your parents not knowing I knew.”

“It wasn’t funny to me,” Astrid admitted. “I dreaded having to look you in the eye and act like I didn’t know you. I thought you’d hate me for being so duplicitous to your face.”

“Hey,” he said intently, waiting for you to look up at him. “I could never hate you. And I know you’re in a unique position. I would never hold it against you. I would tease you, though, if no one was listening, just to mess with you.” She immediately swatted him and he yelped.

“You muttonhead,” she scowled, fighting back a smile. “You would have given me a heart attack.”

“Even better,” Hiccup smirked. Astrid leaned forward to rest her head against his chest.

“I hate that plan, though,” Astrid admitted. Hiccup wrapped an arm around her and squeezed gently as if to ask, why?

“I - I don’t want to stop being a knight,” Astrid whispered. “I don’t want to stop fighting. I don’t want to pretend like I haven’t literally given my blood for this country. Do you know what the knights our age are like to young ladies? They think they’re Thor’s gift to women and are the most condescending pricks to exist on Midgard. And I want to punch them and tell them who I am just to see their grins slip off their face, but instead I must smile politely and praise them for their bravery! It must be vain of me to want the adulation of the kingdom for my bravery and skills, but the only alternative is to be praised for outwardly beauty or perhaps virtue, how could I ever succeed in their eyes?” Hiccup was silent at her words.

“Well, what if you could be both?” he asked.

“Excuse me?” Astrid blinked incredulously.

“What if you came out as a knight as your female counterpart - as Astrid. Then people would know but you wouldn’t have to pretend any longer.”

“It’d ruin marriage prospects,” Astrid shook her head.

“Not for me,” Hiccup said immediately. “I don’t need to protect my ego and have my wife unable to defend herself. In fact, I’d be immensely proud of her being such a skilled warrior.”

“Hiccup-”

“It could work,” he pressed passionately. “Dad wants to change the laws surrounding women. We could make knighthood a part of it besides inheritance.”

“That would take years,” she argued.

“I would wait,” he told her seriously.

“I don’t think my parents want me to wait that long,” Astrid sighed. “And how do we know your parents would ever allow it? You’re the Heir; your standards for a wife are higher than most in the kingdom.”

“Who could possibly be better than a lady who is beautiful, poised, and can defend us all in a pinch?” Hiccup cried with righteous indignation. Astrid couldn’t help but laugh as she hung her head to hide the furious blush that bloomed on her cheeks. “I don’t want to marry anyone if it isn’t you,” Hiccup began but Astrid laid a finger on his lips.

“Don’t say that,” she said sternly. “Not yet. Please.”

“We’ll sort this out,” Hiccup promised instead. “Starting with taking down Krogan.”

“Right,” Astrid shook her head, having forgotten about the mission at hand. “We should go down. Supper is probably ready.” Hiccup lifted his arm from her shoulder and her hands immediately went to her hair. “I’ll braid this and be down.”

“I’ll finish getting dressed,” Hiccup added. “If you’re going to be in armor, I should be, too.” She smiled at him.

“You hate wearing your armor when you eat,” she reminded him. He raised an eyebrow at her and shrugged.

“It’s fine,” he assured her. “It’d be odd to have one knight in casual clothes an the other in armor. Plus, I wouldn’t want you to single yourself out as a target should things go south by being the one dressed for a fight.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. Hiccup had complained heartily to her over the years on those occasions where they had had to stay in their armor and on their guard even when eating. He hated how hard it was to move his arms and how inaccessible movement was. And, still having the residual clumsiness from his youth, he often accidentally spilled his food and it drove him mad not to be able to find the bread crumbs.

The casual inquiries went well. Astrid knew the way Hiccup thought and knew which questions to ask to give him the details he needed. They had their act down to an art, moving smoothly around one another, any awkwardness from their room forgotten. But it did not stay that way when they retired for the night.

“Hiccup, get in the bed,” Astrid said firmly. Hiccup shuffled awkwardly.

“I, um-” Astrid patted the blanket beside her aggressively.

“We have one night with a bed,” she pointed out. “I’m not going to be the only one to enjoy it.”

“You should take it,” Hiccup insisted. Astrid growled.

“We should both take it as knights who both need a good night’s rest. If you don’t get in I will give us shifts in the bed and wake us both in the middle of the night to switch places. If you’re going to pull the ‘I’m a lady’ yakdung I’m going to pull the royalty card which entitles you to the bed.” Hiccup sighed and pulled back the blankets on the other side of the bed.

“Why can’t you let me be chivalrous for once?” he grumbled as he shifted around to get comfortable. Astrid considered facing him but decided to stay on her back staring at the dark ceiling.

“You are irritatingly chivalrous to the point I worry you will get me found out,” Astrid said flatly. “I do not wish to be coddled in cases like these.”

“I don’t mean to coddle you,” Hiccup replied. “I’m sorry. It’s just hard to treat you without the care I want to give you. That you deserve.”

“Hiccup,” she said softly. “It’s never going to be easy. Us, I mean.” Hiccup shifted under the blankets.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “And I understand that, but at the same time, there is no one I feel as comfortable and easy with as you. You get me. I like to think I get you. We’ve already established ourselves as a legendary team; imagine us leading Berk together as a team.”

“It’s only easy because we’re on the same footing,” Astrid refuted. “When we’re both knights, we’re equals. As a fellow warrior, it is easy for us, but as a prince and a reclusive lady? Hiccup, the only time we’ve acted as such we fought.”

“We fought and grew,” Hiccup said steadily. “We hurt each other but came back stronger. Look, I’m not saying it won’t be hard, but I believe what we have is worth fighting for.”

“But I haven’t won you over,” Astrid protested.

“What?” asked Hiccup confusedly.

“I thought I’d have to woo you,” Astrid explained. “And now I don’t have to? You’re throwing me off the plan.”

“Well, my apologies,” Hiccup said in a tone that told her he was rolling his eyes. “But you’d already won me over years ago.”

“How?”

“How? By - by being a woman unafraid of fighting in a man’s world to support her family. With your resolve and faithfulness as you powered through dreary fights and helped me overcome them, too. With your straightforward honesty and how you didn’t coddle me with your words or actions.”

“I wasn’t trying to win you over, though.”

“You never had to,” Hiccup leaned over to press a kiss to her hairline. “You’ve won me just as who you are. There was never any question as to whether I’d fall for you or not.” Astrid’s breath caught and she pushed him off of her gently.

“Will you still feel that way if we part ways after this mission and don’t see each other for mayhaps years?” she asked. “I have not reached a resolution for my problems and you will become King.”

“We can only try,” Hiccup admitted, “But I am only certain that my feelings would remain strong while we sort ourselves out. I’d like to announce an engagement sooner rather than later, though, so I can get Mom off my back whilst I'm promised to another.”

“I’ll try,” Astrid told him. He scooted softly back to his side of the bed and Astrid closed her eyes.

“Astrid?” She opened her eyes again, then realized he couldn’t have seen the action.

“Yes?”

“Does this mean that you’ll say yes when I do propose eventually?” Astrid bit her lip.

“We’re nowhere near ready for that,” she said sternly. “But - Yes. When you propose. Eventually.” She couldn’t tell for sure, but the movement he made sounded a lot like he’d buried his face in his pillow and let out a yell of triumph.

.oOo.

Not a week later they arrived at the Coves. The land was rocky but green, courtesy of the late summer rains. Most of the land in northern Berk was full of small rocks and thin dirt, making it hard for any life to thrive. It was one of the reasons it was such a good hideout for the Dragons; there was no pressing incentive to farm the land they were occupying and terrorizing. The winds were harsh enough to discourage many trees from growing to imposing heights, so the most texture it had were the many hills and uneven piles of rocks. The Coves, however, were like a breath of fresh color. The rocks were larger and more stable. Moss blanketed the stone with green warmth. A couple brave flowers peeked between thin cracks, and the water was freezing but clean.

The journey to the Coves was a boring one, and the locals were wary enough of the place to steer clear of the bandits they knew were lurking somewhere. Most had been tight lipped in the inn a week ago, but with Astrid and Hiccup generously paying for everyone’s drinks that night, enough tongues loosened up enough to prove useful.

The raids had been getting a little more frequent, and it was getting harder for the surrounding villages and towns to restock enough provisions for themselves between each raid to have enough left over to feed everyone. Cows and chickens frequently went missing, and even the foxes had been hunted to the point where they doubted the animals were what was eating their precious livestock, and the alternative option for meat had disappeared.

“Aye, the Coves,” one older lady had nodded drunkenly that night. Astrid had smiled politely at her. “They’re beautiful, not that I’ve been there for years! Them bandits are always guarding that place, they are.”

“Beautiful how?” Astrid had asked. “Do you remember how to get there, exactly?”

The Coves were just the start of the magical place. There was a large lake in the middle of the coves that turned the surrounding area green and apparently, caves that created a large network of tunnels around the Coves and even branching into some of the nearby hills.

“We used to explore them tunnels,” the old lady had recalled wistfully. “Dunno what’s been dun to the place now, of course.” Astrid had waved over another keg of mead and pushed it into the lady’s hands.

Hiccup looked around the place with interest. “Amazing what a steady source of water will do,” he wondered. “Maybe if I talked to Dad and we could figure out an irrigation system-”

“Hiccup, focus,” Astrid laughed. The ruler in Hiccup was starting to show despite his protests that he wasn’t cut out to lead a country. They had grown closer in the past few days. Hiccup had assured her he cared for her and would do everything he could to ensure that Berk would become a better place for girls like Astrid. If worse came to worse after the war, Astrid supposed she could step down as a knight to marry Hiccup and help make the world easier from the sidelines. They were doing things right, but that didn’t stop them from sharing a couple kisses between every break and sleeping in each other’s arms at night instead of back to back. Neither had said it outright yet, but they were in love and Astrid was finding herself hard pressed not to just elope with him then and there. Being a future queen didn’t sound so bad or insurmountable anymore. But, she reminded herself, that was just because

“We have about a week until Krogan’s set to arrive, yes?” Astrid checked when Hiccup hadn’t stopped staring contemplatively around him. He blinked and shook himself out of his daze and Astrid bit back a smile.

“Er, yes,” he said. “I figured we could arrive ahead of time, scope things out and figure a course of action before he came. I don’t know how long he’ll be here and we want to be as efficient as possible.”

“When the lady I talked to said the place was guarded, do you think she meant like sentries, spies, or everyone just knows everyone?” Astrid wondered aloud.

“It’d be impossible to know everyone,” Hiccup responded. “According to Johann, their numbers are in the thousands. How long ago had it been since she’d tried to come here? Maybe they’ve gotten lax with their security.”

“Maybe,” Astrid said doubtfully. “I say we choose an opening and watch it until someone comes out,” she decided.

“I like the plan,” Hiccup agreed. They unsaddled their horses and hid the saddles behind a bush outside the main opening of rock.

“Bye for now, Toothless,” Hiccup petted the beautiful black stallion’s nose and rested his forehead against it. Astrid patted Stormfly’s flank before shooing her off gently. Their horses were well trained and Hiccup and Astrid would be able to call them back with a curlew’s song whenever they needed to. The horses deserved some free time roaming the plains for a week or so, and they wouldn’t be caught or found out while tending to their steeds. They had trained their horses that trick during their stint with the Berk Guard to show off to their comrades. Throk could catch literal arrows out of the air, and Alvin had been able to snap a small log in two with his bare hands. Every few nights or so all the Guards would take turns showing off, and after months and months of chasing down their horses, Astrid and Hiccup had proudly demonstrated their horses’ intelligence.

Hiccup and Astrid turned back to the cove and began to explore it, looking for an opening.

“There are multiple openings,” Astrid reasoned. “They can’t possibly all be hidden.” They eventually settled behind a big rock and pulled their hoods up over their faces, waiting to be shown an opening they could slip into and observe admittance. Hiccup let out a huge sigh. He didn’t appreciate stakeouts. They usually made him antsy, but Astrid liked the meditative practice of sitting still for hours on end. It was calming, and since she had already sorted through most of her complicated feelings with the wonderful man sitting next to her, she allowed herself to bask in his presence while they waited.

She’d always liked it best when it was just the two of them. Sure, she was friends with the other Guards and even liked Snotlout or Ingerman on occasion. And she always enjoyed lively Eret. But Hiccup and her were special. Maybe it was because he knew of her true self, but even before that, they had connected as two lonely kids and found solace in each other’s friendship. Hiccup thought he had benefited the most out of their friendship, but Astrid was certain that without Hiccup’s gentle awe of her, his quiet support and his unfaltering goodness she would never have wanted to share the experience of freedom with other girls. She would have never learned the elation of love and consuming hope of better things to come for the future. She broke one of the first rules of observing an enemy’s territory and turned her head to gaze at him. His eyes were half closed. It looked like he was falling asleep, so she nudged him gently, stifling a snort at the way his head shot up in a panic. He looked around quickly, remembering their surroundings.

He met her eyes concernedly. Has anyone come? He asked silently. Astrid shook her head and made no move to restrain her smile. He sighed and scanned the cove around them, debating whether or not it’d be faster to continue searching or wait for a Dragon to come out. Astrid’s legs were starting to seriously cramp when Hiccup gripped her arm hard and she stiffened as much as she could without moving and alerting anyone to their location. Her eyes narrowed as she caught sight of a rock moving and a curtain of ivy shoved aside. The Dragon whistled, oblivious to the two sharp pairs of eyes watching him. It looked like they had found their way in.

.oOo.

“This is stupid,” one Dragon member grunted to his companion. His left eyebrow was singed and his teeth filed into fangs. His friend tore into his leg of chicken, ignoring the one who’d spoken. “They’re treating us like soldiers,” he continued to grouse. “But we’re Dragons. We fight and steal for profit, not for stupid conquerors.”

“We’ll make plenty of profit from our coin once Drago pays us,” his companion deigned to answer.

“But there will be so many casualties,” the first one complained. “We raid, not fight. I tell you, the last Red Death would never-”

“Careful,” cautioned his friend urgently. “You can’t be heard saying that. You know she isn’t afraid to slaughter anyone who opposes her, and with Drago’s support, no one can rise against her.”

“I think she cheated when she challenged the last one,” the singed eyebrow groused. “She was nothin’ but his mistress. This is why we can’t never trust no woman.”

“Doesn’t matter if she won,” the Dragon rolled his eyes, biting off the last bit of cartilage from his chicken leg.

“She might not win next time, though,” the first one said, his voice lowering to nearly a whisper. His companion went still.

“Fanghook,” the Dragon said sternly. “Don’t tell me-”

“Kingstail is a strong Dragon, and he hates this yakshit going on with Drago. We’ll lose our identity if we become that man’s soldiers. We’re Dragons. We answer to no one but our own.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed,” his friend said flatly.

“No we won’t,” Fanghook said confidently. “Kingstail asked if he could count on me when he gives the signal-”

“This is treason,” the other Dragon hissed. “What signal?” Fanghook shifted.

“He said I’d know,” the younger Dragon said with a pout. His companion threw away his chicken bone in disgust. Hiccup’s eyes narrowed but he kept his head perfectly still. There was a coup happening? He waited until the two Dragons had walked away before he dared to stir. Clearing his plate, he hid a couple choice pieces of meat and grabbed a keg of the mildest mead to take to Astrid in case she hadn’t had anything to eat. He wove through the pillars until he reached a rather large one, pockmarked with cavities that were ideal for hand and footholds. He cast a glance around, then carefully took off his hood, stuffing the food inside of it and grabbing onto the rock.

He and Astrid had discovered that while the caves and coves eventually led to the one big cavern, there were pockets of rock that most Dragons liked to sleep in. The pillars were mostly sturdy, and water had carved large holes in the porous rocks over time so there were plenty of handholds. Dragons slept on the rock, and fought for the best places. They weren’t a tight knit group, though. It was every man for himself, full of temporary alliances that ended in backstabbing. Hiccup and Astrid had found a small slab by the northwest end of the coves. The holes were smaller and the slabs less sheltered. It wasn’t a coveted spot, so they were left alone. The only thing that distinguished Dragons were their tattoos and weapons, but as long as he and Astrid kept covered and didn’t get into any fights, they should stay undetected.

It was a good thing Hiccup wasn’t afraid of heights. That was another thing. The small pocket of rock they had chosen was hard to reach because it was so high up. No one wanted to climb that much before they could even make it to their bed, especially after a night of revelry or if they wanted to store their spoils. Hiccup breathed and tested his foothold before stretching out his hand to pull himself further up. He had climbed this pillar enough in the past few days that he had practically memorized his route up, but he wasn’t foolish enough to lose caution.

Astrid was already in the pocket when he had woven through the low ledge to their spot. She looked up at him with a smile, pushing back her hood. It was woven into a crown around her head to keep it short and out of her face, although her hair was too short for it to be fully smooth, and little flyaway hairs stuck out comically. He thought it was adorable.

“Brought you some food,” he said softly, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head. She swatted him, trying to hide her blush and reached to take the food from him eagerly.

“Oh, thank you,” she breathed. “This is so much better than the food outside. No one knows how to cook over there.”

“Learn anything?” Hiccup asked.

“Mmm, nah,” Astrid said. “They are working on loading carts, but they are unfamiliar with traveling in large numbers. Usually they just hide in the bushes and ambush traveling caravans. They’ve never fought on a large scale before, and a lot of them aren’t happy about it. No one trusts the other, so they won’t be as solid a force as normal soldiers when we fight against them.” She took a minute to chew and swallow. “But in a battle, they’ll probably break off in pairs or something and try to slip through weak cracks. They’ll be very difficult to beat, and don’t seem to have any honor.”

“What are the carts for?” Hiccup asked.

“Weapons and food,” Astrid replied. “They aren’t used to packing and preserving food for travel; usually they just steal it, but Drago wants them to be discreet. What about you?”

“I have something really interesting,” Hiccup smirked. “It sounds like these Dragons really don’t like the idea of teaming up with Drago.”

“Oh?” Astrid cocked her head to the side.

“It sounds like one of them - Kingstail - wants to seize leadership for himself.” Astrid leaned forward, a curious smile on her lips.

“Do you know when?”

“No. The guy I heard it from was utterly clueless. He’ll probably think the next shout is a signal to attack. Anything else on your part?” Astrid snapped her fingers and pointed at him as she remembered.

“Yes! Krogan is coming tomorrow with some of his own generals to lead the Dragons. They’ll be arriving and getting special treatment. Some of the Dragons have had to give up their sleeping spaces to make way for his soldiers and apparently they’ll even try to get a full on room for Krogan.”

“They’re probably to help the Red Death keep the Dragons in check,” Hiccup mused.

“Do you know how to find the Red Death?” Astrid asked.

“Not yet, although I’m sure she’ll make an appearance to greet her guests.”

“Then we’ll be ready. They’ll probably have the conversation in one of their rooms so as to keep their privacy,” Astrid frowned in concentration.

“So, we have until tomorrow,” Hiccup nodded.

“And then what?” Astrid asked. Hiccup wrinkled his nose in confusion. “What do you mean, and then what?”

“Will we leave as soon as we hear the plan?” Astrid asked.

“Yeah. This is just supposed to be a spy mission,” Hiccup said. Astrid stared at her leg of chicken contemplatively.

“We should probably stake out the meeting place before he gets here, then.” Hiccup nodded in agreement. Astrid looked longingly at the thin pile of blankets in the corner, including some they had stolen. “I say two hours rest and then we can spend the rest of the night searching.”

“Suits me,” Hiccup said, crawling over to arrange the blankets. “Wake me when it’s time.”

The best time to sneak around wasn’t late night, but rather a few hours after midnight during the early morning. It was still dark, but the guards on duty were tired after hours of trying to stay awake. Astrid climbed down the pillar first, landing without a sound and pulled her hood up over her head. Hiccup followed quickly and they set off down the cave.

They were pretty familiar with their surroundings on the northwest side of the tunnels. They expertly wove through the twists and turns in the rock, skirting around the cavern filled with Dragons who had passed out from their mead consumption. Astrid had spent the last few days inspecting the collection of wagons and horses the Dragons had in their stables to the western side of their camp to gauge the numbers. With approximately a steed to ride plus a pack horse for each and wagons that could hold more supplies and ten men, she estimated their numbers at eight thousand. Which left the southern and eastern sides. They were closer to the numerous villages the Dragons liked to raid and as a result were far more busy and protected. The south part of the coves were composed of thicker slabs of rock, which stood to reason it’d probably be where the Red Death and her most valuable things were kept.

They drew up short as they came across a sleepy guard standing by a tunnel entrance.

“Well that’s an indication to investigate if I ever saw one,” Hiccup whispered quietly. Astrid snorted softly. They stayed still for a minute, gauging his breathing. Finally, Astrid gave a short nod and Hiccup started forward, stepping in time to the guard’s exhales. Astrid followed suit and they crept down the stone hall until they came across an alcove. It was a cold place with very little light, so there was no way it was the Red Death or Krogan’s quarters, but it had to be important if there was a Dragon guarding it. Hiccup snagged a torch from the wall and brought it over to the alcove. It was actually big enough to be a room, and it was full of gourds, barrels, and boxes, all securely closed. Some of them were labeled and new while others looked old and untouched.

“They seem to be organized by some system, although it’s not obvious yet,” Hiccup observed. Astrid picked up a large gourd and frowned.

“This is awfully light, but clearly sealed. What could possibly be in this?” she wondered. Hiccup shrugged and simply held the torch higher as she looked around the room.

“They have all the weapons together, there,” she pointed. “So maybe they’re sorted by use?” next to the pile of weapons stood a collection of smaller chests and boxes filled with vials and powders. On the other side of the room were the big barrels and gourds. Hiccup brought the torch closer to the latter objects to see if they were labeled.

Astrid walked over next to him and opened a barrel. It had been opened before, and it was no problem to pry the lid and set it to the side. A pungent smell hit their noses and they struggled not to gag audibly. “It looks like . . . gel,” Hiccup frowned. Astrid dipped a finger in it and brought it closer to the torch to inspect it. Her eyes widened as it quickly caught on fire. She yelped and immediately enclosed her flaming finger in a fist.

“Astrid!” Hiccup panicked. “Are you okay?” she opened her fist cautiously, no smoke rising from her palm.

“I - yeah,” she said shakily. “Just surprised. It looks like it burnt all the gel but I stopped it before it could reach my finger.” She wiped the grease on her pants and winced. Her palm was a little red and raw. Hiccup noticed and opened his mouth to say something but Astrid interrupted. “I’m fine. It’s nothing. Is there anything else useful?” Hiccup turned reluctantly back to the stack of supplies.

“Flammable gel,” he mused, looking around the room. “Weapons. Nets . . .” he walked over and inspected a vial before jerking back. “Nadder concentrate. And Deadly Nadder leaves. This is the poison section . . .”

“Wow,” Astrid breathed. “This place is amazing. Poisons, explosives.” She walked over to a gourd. “This must be some sort of explosive gas, then.”

“We should bring back a sample of all of these poisons,” Hiccup murmured. “Half of them we’ve never seen. I mean, what’s F mist? Although it’s next to Speed Stinger venom so maybe it’s paralyzing, too.” Astrid decided not to fight her eye roll.

“They must use all of these on their victims - a few Dragons have occasionally been hired as mercenaries and assassins, even though the majority of them are bandits,” she thought aloud. “This must be where they keep their supplies.”

“Good to know,” Hiccup mused. “But the Red Death wouldn’t want to be so close to explosives, or keep potential enemies close to them, so Krogan and his men certainly won’t be here.”

The third corridor they came across had a lot more torches, and even fancy doors installed with tapestries lining the walls. There was no doubt this was where the Red Death resided. Astrid and Hiccup expertly immobilized a pair of patrolling guards and strode past the corridor, standing at attention, their eyes taking in every detail. The Red Death was a curvaceous woman who remained mysterious - or maybe didn’t dare to venture very far into her own den for fear of upstarts wishing to challenge her. Her meals were brought to her rooms and only a few select advisors entered her chambers. The guest rooms were cleared and the next day Hiccup and Astrid were part of the crew that helped set up Krogan’s rooms.

The meeting with Krogan was to take place in a ‘neutral’ room, sparsely furnished to show the absence of traps and with a big table. Only a few guards, two from the Red Death and two from Krogan would guard the entrance to the room to avoid anyone else hearing their plans. The two guards would probably be of the Red Death’s few advisors she allowed in her chambers. Hiccup and Astrid had identified four. So two of them would probably be in the meeting between the two leaders.

Krogan arrived the day afterwards with ten generals. Astrid peered over one of the ledges, laying on her stomach, her hood pulled far over her face to ensure no one saw her even if they looked up. They looked tired, and one of the Red Death’s close advisors escorted them to the southern caves.

“Krogan,” the Red Death welcomed him with a pleasant, deep voice. “A pleasure to meet with you in person again.”

Krogan grunted and inclined his head.

“How go the preparations to move?” he asked abruptly. The Red Death let out a soft laugh.

“Straight to the point,” she noticed keenly. “They are going well. Is everything going as planned on your front?”

“Berk sent in reinforcements,” Krogan said flatly. “It is nothing we can’t handle, but with the soldiers we have Drago wishes to act sooner than we planned.” The Red Death said nothing for a minute.

“With your soldiers helping my Dragons fall into place we should be able to be ready,” she acquiesced. “Of course, such a decision will cost you.”

“Deal,” Krogan agreed. “We’ll need you to move in four weeks' time,” Krogan said as he shook the Red Death’s hand.

“Four weeks?” she asked incredulously.

“Four weeks,” Krogan repeated sternly.

“Very well,” the Red Death acceded. One of her guards at the end of the table shifted.

Astrid tugged Hiccup’s tunic lightly. “Four weeks isn't enough time for us to get back to Berk and formulate a counter attack,” she hissed urgently.

“I know,” Hiccup agreed, frowning. Astrid cocked her head to one side as she studied him. What are we going to do? She asked silently. His eyebrow rose in contemplation. “If we need more time, I guess we’ll have to slow them down,” he said thoughtfully.

“You mean, killing Krogan, laming all the horses, burning the wagons and provisions, or blowing up the weapons and their base?” Astrid asked sardonically, a gleam in her eye at the prospect of battle.

“From what we’ve seen, the Dragons aren’t exactly feeling very loyal to Drago. The only real connection between him and the Dragons is the Red Death, who is in kahoots with Krogan.”

“So, no Red Death . . .” Astrid nodded, catching his drift.

“. . . no ambush,” Hiccup finished. “Yeah.”

“Well, great. We just need to incapacitate the leader of the Dragons in this den full of hundreds if not thousands of highly dangerous individuals. Easy. How do we do that?”

“We can’t fight off all of them, so we’ll need a diversion,” Hiccup said, a grin spreading across his face as he met her eye. A smile grew on her face in answer as she played along for dramatic effect.

“Oh?” Astrid asked coyly. “And what do you propose?”

“What was that idea about blowing up their transportation and provisions?” Hiccup asked innocently.

.oOo.

The Dragons and Krogan’s generals would be put to work the following day and the caves would be too swarmed with soldiers to set up any traps, so they had to act that night.

“It has been forever since we’ve done this,” Astrid said, biting back a smile.

“Do you remember how furious Gobber was when we singed his eyebrows that one time?” Hiccup nudged her.

“How could I forget the whack of his staff during our extra training,” Astrid shook her head. “I swear it hurt to breathe for days. But now I can beat almost anyone with just a staff.”

“Okay,” he puffed, standing up to stretch his back and looking at his work with a satisfied smirk. “That should be the last of them.”

“I’m pretty sure this is a record of ours,” Astrid groaned quietly. “I don’t think I’ve set more traps in four hours in my entire life.”

“You’ll be able to hit all of them, right?” Hiccup checked.

“Of course,” she assured him. “I’ll definitely be able to make it outside before Krogan.”

“What I want to know,” she continued, “is when did you get so good at this? I don’t remember you being so eager to cause this kind of destruction since we were seventeen.”

“Maybe I missed this,” Hiccup shrugged.

“You’re way too confident to have supposedly just resumed pranking after five years,” Astrid accused him gently. “Should I be worried?”

“Not unless you’re related to my uncle,” Hiccup assured her. Astrid sniggered.

“I almost feel bad for Snotlout,” she shook her head.

The plan was to take place during a meal, which was when most Dragons would be in the cavern that served as a mess hall. They would start an explosion right outside the cavern and feign a coup that Hiccup had overheard plans about. They hadn’t been able to glean much more information surrounding it, as Kingstail was a popular and shrewd Dragon; it was hard to eavesdrop on his plans. However, there were at least a couple Dragons who were waiting for an unknown signal. They would lead the attack and send the hall into chaos. Kingstail might try to stop them or take advantage of the situation; either way, they didn’t care. Hiccup would stay in the mess hall and try to target the Red Death while Astrid exploded a few entrances to barricade the Dragons in and make it harder for them to exit the den, plus their wagons and supplies to prevent them from having the resources to attack Berk. Krogan would also try to make a run for it, so with most of the extra entrances collapsed, he’d run into Astrid, who would overtake him and bring him back to the Berk palace to interrogate him.

“You probably don’t have to take the Red Death on directly, you know,” Astrid said hesitantly. “What’s more important is that you make the mess hall such chaos Krogan will want to leave rather than help and you can escape.” Hiccup turned to look at her.

“I can handle myself in there,” he assured her. “It isn’t my first brawl, you know.” Astrid winced.

“I need you more than alive; I need you well enough to ride back to Berk with a dangerous prisoner,” she said firmly. “It took weeks for you to move properly after those brawls.”

“Fine,” Hiccup huffed. “Getting out of there is my priority. But what about you? How are you going to take on Krogan?”

“I’ll coat my blades in Speed Stinger venom,” she shrugged. She had never used the concoction before, but had heard about it from the legendary healer Gothi and in history books. Even a few drops were enough to paralyze a fully grown man for a couple hours. As long as she managed one slice on Drago’s general, he would freeze immediately for long enough to tie him up securely.

The traps were a few tripwires connected to torches along the walls that would set piles of the flammable gel on fire, and a couple of gourds of the explosive gas by the entrance. If they failed, Hiccup had found a few weak spots in the rock where some of the Dragons had piled boulders themselves to give themselves more cover. Astrid could simply nudge the weak spot and tumble the rocks manually, trapping the Dragons inside.

“Did you pack our bags?” she checked. Hiccup nodded. He had carefully bundled the samples of substances he wanted to bring back to Berk in packs, along with their blankets and had retrieved their horses, getting them saddled and waiting by the entrance in the cove.

“We’ve done as much as we can, Astrid,” he said reassuringly. “You can stop worrying.” Astrid cast him a dark look and he bit back a laugh.

“I can’t believe we just spontaneously decided to assassinate the Red Death and capture Drago’s general,” she said drily.

“Never a dull moment with the two of us,” Hiccup smiled.

“Breakfast will be in about twenty minutes,” Astrid observed. “So we should get to our positions. Be careful,” she warned him as she began to walk away.

.oOo.

When Fanghook sauntered to breakfast early for once, he didn’t notice the gleeful eyes watching him from the corner. A few more of his comrades made their way down quickly, drawn first by their need for the latrines, then by the tantalizing smell of food. They helped themselves from the pots and platters on the main table. Krogan’s men were sitting at the head table like the good little soldiers they were. He scoffed and jeered at them with his friends. They were going to have to follow those foreigner’s orders and they would be expecting hardworking minions, so he had no choice but to ridicule them as much as he could now before they exhausted him. Who cared about stupid soldier formations? Fanghook excelled at ducking out of the fight whenever it came to confrontation and holding a knife to a pretty woman’s neck and forcing his opponents to surrender. What was the point of fighting next to a buddy who’d kill him as soon as he had enough spoils to make it worthwhile? Why should he save a comrade when less people meant a greater share of the prize? Soldiers with ideas of conquering made no sense.

The Red Death made her way to the breakfast table, surprisingly enough. He supposed it was because of the Krogan general. She didn’t want to seem unorganized or weak in front of him. He scoffed again. Women were nothing but weak, and it was so typical of a woman Red Death to team up with some conquering bastard like Drago to keep the Dragons satisfied. He couldn’t wait for Kingstail to take her down.

Fanghook was on his second bowl of stew when a loud boom sounded, filling the cafeteria with green gas which burst into flames. He jumped up, his short sword already drawn. Fanghook may have never learned to read or figure or even hold a meaningful conversation, but he was well versed in the lifestyle of stab first, think later and that had kept him alive as long as he had. Everyone’s heads snapped toward the flash of fire and coughed in the wake of smoke.

“THE SIGNAL!!!” someone from the midst of the smoke bellowed. Fanghook started. The signal? Had Kingstail set this up?

“THE SIGNAL!!!!” another voice roared. “Go, Go, Go!” Fanghook sprang into action.

“Come on, boys,” he shouted. They followed him without question.

“What’s happening?” one of them asked.

“We’re not gonna let these soldiers boss us around!” Fanghook cried. “Time to put someone else in charge!” Plenty of people drew weapons, too and leapt over tables to follow him. Someone stepped in front of Fanghook and he struck him down easily. The Dragon’s friend cried out in outrage and leapt onto one of Fanghook’s comrades. Now it was just a cacophony of petty squabbles resulting in blood. Some people targeted others they had grudges against and others swung their knives for the fun of it. Some were trying to stop the brawl but they didn’t understand that this was no brawl, but a rebellion. A slim figure streaked past him, aiming for the Red Death’s table. Explosions from farther away sounded, not that Fanghook cared as he roared in pain at someone’s knife in his shoulder. He threw himself into the fray, bloodlust taking over as he punched and grappled and swung whatever blade he could get his hands on, not noticing the absence of a certain general from the scene or the Red Death’s whereabouts.

.oOo.

In the instant before the mess hall exploded, Astrid was gripped by an all consuming fear that they had misjudged the situation severely. Maybe they shouldn’t have pushed their plan into action in the morning, with all the Dragons still waking up. But then one Dragon drew his sword and after that, everything took care of itself. She turned from the scene and sprinted to the nearest exit. So the explosive gas they had used was quite strong. She set the closed gourd of gas covered in the gel on fire and backed away, turning to see if this explosion was just as strong.

Reaching the two north entrances, she slipped into the stables, her torch aggravating the horses and opened the stalls and doors, chasing them out of the barn, yelling loudly and waving the fire around. She waited a minute to make sure none of them were close enough to be harmed before turning to the wagons, soaked in that very useful flammable smelly fluid. She targeted the wagons filled with weapons first, then the ones with healing supplies and food, snagging a piece of bread and stuffing it into her mouth before throwing her torch straight into the wagon.

The caves were full of Dragons running to and fro, some confused, others fighting. None of them took much notice of her. Someone swung a fist and she dodged before flooring him with a well aimed kick. She burst out into the coves and blinked, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the bright sunlight. She hid herself by the exit and removed her axe. She found herself frowning at the slight residue the Speed Stinger venom left on the metal’s surface, marring the shine and care she took of her blade, but Krogan was an experienced fighter, and if it looked like she didn’t know how to take care of a weapon, he might guess she didn’t know how to handle one, either.

She barely had time to stabilize her breathing before Krogan’s tall frame made its way outside. Astrid’s heart sped up but she forced herself to breathe evenly. He was hardly the first opponent she had ever fought. He began to climb the pathway up to the opening of rock that led out of the cove. She waited until he was close before jumping out of the brush with a fierce yell, aiming for his fingers. He yanked his hand away with enviable reflexes and managed to keep his balance, but Astrid stood above him on higher ground and with stabler footing.

“You,” snarled Krogan.

“You’re coming with me,” Astrid said with her deep voice. He scoffed.

“I think not,” he replied. “You no longer have much use for me or Drago. You are unorganized and have no respect for authority. Plus, some idiot blew up the wagons and provisions. Drago will cease trying to allow you Dragons your own authority and conquer you easily.”

“I’m the idiot who blew up the supplies,” Astrid said, her voice steely, “And you’re coming with me. To the Berk palace.” She quickly removed her hood and pulled it over her head before she could blink, tossing it away from her. Her hair was pulled back into a tight braid and tucked into her shirt, plus she had carefully applied smudges to her face to alter her features and make them more masculine. Krogan’s eyes sharpened into slits. He took out a long handled axe with a jagged axehead on one side and smirked arrogantly at her. Astrid lifted her chin and hefted her own weapon before lunging forward, aiming for his exposed arms. He dodged easily, but Astrid did not press further. She had good ground and there was no other exit out of the coves. She wouldn’t give him the chance to slip around her and escape.

His eyes narrowed at her and he leapt at her, swinging his axe. Wow, his legs were freakishly strong and fast. She dodged to the side, avoiding the sweep of his longer axe. She brought her own weapon up and slashed at him, not moving to the side to lend him enough room to escape.

“You’re not bad,” he taunted. Astrid smiled tightly, acknowledging the compliment but not letting it detract from her focus. A flash of annoyance crossed his face at her lack of response, and she bit back a smile.

She had a small knife by her side, also coated with the Speed Stinger Venom. If she were able to get close to him she could slice him. Or, she could distract him with an offensive attack with her axe and throw the knife, hoping to cut him. She was a great shot with a knife, but Krogan was powerful and strong. She wasn’t sure she’d actually be able to hit him. And if she missed, there would be no way to retrieve her knife. I just need a slice, she told herself as she moved to strike again. She didn’t need to kill him or make him yield or even draw first blood, although that was preferable. She swung again and he jumped out of the way. She swung around to block him from slipping between her and the opening. He relied the most on his strong legs, reaching ungodly heights and if Astrid ducked he’d probably be able to jump over her, although his swings with his axe were arm-shatteringly strong. His heavy cloak was a bit of a hindrance to him, but he was good enough that it wasn’t a weakness Astrid would be able to utilize.

She made to aim a swipe at his legs, crouching down low enough for, say, a certain opponent to jump over her. He took the bait, launching himself over her. She ignored the rush of fear as he sailed over her, and twisted quickly, drawing her smaller blade and slicing deeply along his unprotected calf. He bellowed, more out of arrogant fury than pain as he landed. He stood to face her but froze before he could completely straighten. Astrid smiled grimly at the effective work of the Speed Stinger venom. She knocked him over with her foot, delighting in the way he toppled over helplessly. Stormfly trotted over as Astrid whistled and Astrid unwound the rope from her horse’s hidden saddle.

“Hey, girl,” she greeted her mare. “Did you have a nice time roaming these plains?” Stormfly’s eyes twinkled at her. “I missed you, too,” she smiled, stroking the horse’s soft nose. “I’m going to put this on you now,” she gestured to the saddle and Stormfly stood obediently still.

Astrid made quick work of Stormfly’s saddle, then called Toothless over and readied him for Hiccup, too, casting a nervous glance back at the caves. She tied Krogan’s hands and legs securely, signaling Stormfly to kneel. She slung him over the saddle, cooing as her strong, beautiful mare shifted under the weight.

Ten minutes later, Hiccup still hadn’t come out. She inspected Toothless’s saddle bags one more time again. They had brought out the samples of the substances to bring back to Berk the night they had set the traps, not wanting to risk one of them being poisoned or paralyzed if the bottles broke. She cast a glance at her prisoner. He would not be able to move for a couple hours or so but did she want to keep him conscious? Should she knock him out now or wait for Hiccup to get back and subdue Krogan just as they began riding again?

Toothless’s ear perked forward and Astrid wanted to sag in relief. She saw Hiccup a few minutes after, climbing out of the cove and taking a moment to rest his hands on his knees and catch his breath before straightening up to address them.

“Hiccup-” she said, concerned. He waved her off.

“I’m fine,” he assured her. “It was just a hard fight, but it’s fine.” She eyed him suspiciously as he hauled himself into Toothless’s saddle with a pained grunt. “I’m good,” he insisted when he caught sight of her face. She arched an eyebrow.

“Okay,” she said disbelievingly. He clicked his tongue, signaling his stallion into a trot and Astrid turned and whacked the side of Krogan’s head with the flat of her axe. Hiccup winced. She turned to him, a wide smile on her face. Hitting the General had felt good.

Hiccup didn’t have any cuts on him but his breathing was slightly shallower than normal and a few times she had caught him gingerly holding his side between breaks. The ride back to the Berk Palace was going to take two weeks with the addition of Krogan and they wanted to avoid towns near Berk’s borders in case Krogan escaped and tried to make it back to Drago.

Maybe they should have stolen more healing supplies, Astrid worried. They had plenty of bandages and a few herbs for poultices if they needed them, although if there was a serious wound they’d have to restock at one of the cities.

“Let me look at you,” she decided as they dismounted for the night. Hiccup’s head snapped round to look at her.

“What?”

“You’re clearly hurt,” he glared at him. “Don’t try to deny it. I won’t let you. So let me look at how bad it is before I fuss over you as punishment.” He rolled his eyes.

“I swear you’re like a mother dragon,” he muttered. She cuffed him around the head and he snickered before removing his shirt.

He had bruises lining his torso from what looked like grappling and a few kicks.

“What were you doing?” she asked incredulously.

“Uh… fighting.” Hiccup responded. He scratched the back of his head. “She was a really good fighter, but better with long range and I had a few explosives left.

“Is she?”

“Dead.” Astrid nodded. “Good job.” She knew he hated killing, knew it haunted him at night but the Red Death was just too dangerous to be kept alive, and they wouldn’t have been able to restrain two powerful prisoners. She gave him an encouraging smile. You did the right thing. Her hands automatically began tracing his old scars and he sucked in a breath, moving his head closer to hers just slightly. She began to tilt it upwards when Stormfly snorted and Astrid remembered the prisoner just sitting there watching them.

“Uh- um,” she stammered. “Great. We actually - we should have a poultice for the bruises that you can use.” Hiccup looked adorably confused and put out at her pulling back before his brain caught up and he scowled.

Well, now Astrid was sure she didn’t have to worry about Hiccup being accidentally too nice.

It was stupid how much Krogan got in the way. It had been weeks since Hiccup and Astrid had had to watch themselves around each other, and all of a sudden stolen kisses or light flirtations that had so easily become part of their routine had to be cut out in front of their audience, leaving them embarrassingly off balance. And the prisoner was so quiet that they’d forget he was there at times. Hiccup would stumble upon her name or Astrid would lean too close before they remembered the third party. It was dangerous. And Astrid found herself cranky without Hiccup’s soothing affections.

This is how it’s going to be, she told herself. For a couple more years at least.

That didn’t mean she had to like it, though.

Sometimes, they let pesky urges get the better of them and did irresponsible things. Astrid was chopping up an old dead tree with her axe (cringing all the while; the blacksmith was going to kill her when he saw her weapon) for firewood when she heard a rustle behind her. She immediately snapped to high alert, hefting her axe in front of her.

“Who’s there?” she barked.

“Hey, it’s just me,” a nasally voice assured her as a figure slipped out from behind a trunk, his hands in front of him placatingly. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” Astrid let out a breath and loosened her grip on her axe.

“Hiccup. Is everything okay?” she asked concernedly.

“The General is properly secured; I just checked him,” he assured her. “I just needed a little break - and to do this.” He cupped her face and kissed her. Astrid almost dropped her axe at his forwardness. They shouldn’t - they shouldn’t … something. But oh, she thought as her hands slid up his shoulders and he pinned her against the tree, maybe they could spend a few moments …

“You need to go back,” Astrid insisted after they had lost track of time. “It’s too suspicious. You were only supposed to be gone long enough to relieve yourself; that doesn’t take too long.” Hiccup grumbled.

“He’s awful company.”

“He has valuable information you could try to get out of him.”

“Mmm. Fine. There is that.”

“Go now. He’ll know exactly what happened if we both come back together. And fix your tunic; it’s rumpled.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Um, and your hair,” Hiccup pointed. She touched her braid and swore. He chuckled nervously.

“I’ll be going now. See you soon, Hofferson.”

She arrived at camp half an hour later, her hair rebraided and firewood in tow. At one point Hiccup even accidentally called her by her real name.

“What did you say?” Astrid asked, trying to channel a proud knight being upset they were called a woman’s name.

“Astor, of course. What do you think I said?” Hiccup asked smoothly. She shook her head internally. She just hoped Krogan hadn’t caught the slip up. He looked like he was sleeping. Even if he wasn’t, there was no need to be paying attention to them. They were fine.

“I can’t believe you did that!” she hissed at him when they switched night shifts.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized groggily.

“We can’t risk sneaking off again,” Astrid decided. Hiccup acquiesced.

Never mind that she instigated the rest of the times they snuck off for the rest of the journey.

.oOo.

They arrived at the Berk Palace at last, grimy and sore but triumphant, Krogan handcuffed and blindfolded on the pony they had managed to buy a couple days back. The guards at the gate were waiting for them and jumped into action as Hiccup pushed his hair back and gave them a tired smile.

“Your Highness. Sir Hofferson,” they greeted, sneaking glances at the prisoner behind them.

“Would someone please notify the King of his son’s arrival?” Astrid prompted them as they gaped, unmoving as the three travelers passed through the gates. The guards snapped back to attention, one bellowing for a page boy.

The outer courtyards were as busy as ever, if a little more serious than they had been before they had left. It had been more than a month since Astrid had initially come for the Prince. They wove through the crowds that halted and stared at them as they made their way to the Eastern Entrance, a smaller door where the King usually welcomed close friends or officials on important business. Squires rushed to help the knights dismount from their steeds.

“Don’t take him down,” Astrid instructed, nodding to Krogan. “He’ll be easier to contain the way he is.” The squires nodded in understanding.

“Of course, Sir,” one assured her.

“Henry!” the King boomed as he appeared. He noticed Astrid and raised an eyebrow in surprise before shaking his head and muttering something that sounded like ‘should have known’ under his breath. “My dear Astor,” he greeted her cordially. Astrid bowed deeply.

“Your Majesty,” she returned. “I accompanied Hiccup on his mission without your permission.” King Stoick waved his hand.

“No matter,” he chuckled. “You two don’t seem to be able to be separated for more than a few months, and I can hardly begrudge your good influence on him.” Behind him, Hiccup blushed and grinned at Astrid, who fought not to look as if she wasn’t focusing on the King.

“The Dragons won’t be a problem, and we brought Drago’s General back to interrogate, sir,” Hiccup informed his father. The King smiled and patted his son on his back.

“Better than I could have hoped,” he praised. Hiccup beamed. “I’ll call a council meeting. You two should rest and recuperate. Give me your reports in the morning.” He led Hiccup into the palace with a hand on his back and looked over his shoulder at Astrid. “I believe your previous rooms are empty, Astor, if you’d like them.”

“I would be honored, Your Majesty,” Astrid bowed again.

The bath tub was big enough to lay down in entirely and full of scalding hot water. She groaned as her back muscles began to relax. Riding in the saddle while keeping a keen eye on Krogan and pretending not to notice the glances Hiccup kept stealing at her kept her back rigid and it was a relief to slump in the water. She had instructed the servants not to bother her, and took longer than she normally did washing herself, thoroughly wringing out her hair and skipping around in clean clothes before braiding it back in a crown and adding chain mail with a hood to her ensemble for dinner. They would be eating publicly, so one was supposed to dress finely, but it was disrespectful to wear a hat while eating, so the hood of chain mail would have to do. She was quite reluctant to cut her hair; she didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to keep up the pretense as Sir Hofferson. She hadn’t exactly discussed such things with her parents, having avoided them after Hiccup’s arrival and then suddenly riding off after him. They would probably be worried sick. She had written them the night she had left with the Prince, citing that she was on a mission and would be unable to reach them for a while, but there would certainly be Helheim to pay with her mother.

Dinner was delicious as always. She was invited to dine privately with the Royal Family so she was not bombarded with questions about her mission. King Stoick did not ask many questions concerning what they had done, only of the journey and their health.

“The council will meet in a few days, and you two will be rewarded for your bravery and hard work,” he told them kindly. He turned to Astrid.

“I can invite your father, if you so wish,” he offered. Astrid inclined her head to him gratefully.

“Thank you, Your Majesty. I would be honored to have my father in attendance.”

She retreated to her rooms and wrote down a comprehensive report of the past month, recounting the tales from the bars, the locations of the Dragon’s Den entrances, their weapons and fighting techniques as well as their numbers. She wrote of Hiccup’s bravery and, with a little pride, of her defeating Krogan. Satisfied she had all the details saved so she wouldn’t forget before submitting the report, she headed off to bed to catch a good night’s sleep.

Freya bless the one who had invented mattresses.

She was awakened a few hours later by a knock at the door. It could only be one person who knocked like that - but what was he doing at such an ungodly hour? The last stolen moment they’d had together flashed through her mind - she had pushed him up against the stable walls in the barn they had bought the new pony from and kissed him thoroughly until he was dazed before heading back to their horses as the prisoner. Astrid’s heart leapt into her throat as he tentatively knocked again. She pulled the door open a crack and grinned at him. He beamed back and she ushered him in, trying to shush the growing giggles in the back of her throat. She left him in the main room and ran to her dressing chambers, grabbing her robe’s large sash and belting it securely around her waist to give herself a figure and fluffing her hair absentmindedly. She was being absolutely ridiculous and wholly improper, but what else was one to do when the Crown Prince snuck out to see her at night?

“What are you even doing here?” she asked sternly because she had to have some principles. “Whatever you need, could it not wait til tomorrow?” Hiccup shook his head sheepishly, a shy smile on his face.

“You’ll be Sir Hofferson come morning,” he said. “I wanted to speak to Astrid.”

That wasn’t - that wasn’t romantic at all, Astrid huffed. Even so, she was glad the room was dark with dimly lit candles so he could gauge the color of her cheeks properly.

“Did you need to deliver your love poem in person?” she asked teasingly. Hiccup rolled his eyes.

“No. Unless-” he stepped forward, clasping her hand and bent down on one knee dramatically. “Do you wish for me to serenade you?”

“No-”

“My lady,” he declared, interrupting her with a mischievous light in his eye. “The glow of the moonlight dances upon thy flawless skin, whilst the candlelight sets thy locks afire.”

“Hiccup-”

“To Valhalla every mortal aspires but next to thee’s angelic form how could one ever wish to go higher?” Astrid ripped her hand out of his.

“That rhymed,” she accused him.

“That it did,” Hiccup laughed at her blatant colored cheeks.

“There’s no way you made that up on the spot,” Astrid said, incredulous. “How long have you had those verses up your sleeve?” Now it was his turn to blush.

“I didn’t - it wasn’t - I - not long,” he sputtered. He sighed. “I saw it in a book Mom was reading.” Astrid’s hands flew to cover her mouth.

“The Queen reads those things?” she dared to inquire.

“How else do you think my father’s speeches end up so flowery?” Astrid shook her head. She’d never thought about it - it didn’t matter.

“You can’t sneak off to see me every night,” she told him regretfully. “Someone would probably notice - and we can’t have that. Not to mention you would ruin my virtue even if we did nothing but talk.” Hiccup sighed.

“I have become spoilt with your presence, I’m afraid,” he admitted. “I find myself disliking not being able to call you Astrid all the time. And after this, you might go back to your estate. I’ll have to take on more duties, be it fighting or ruling as well as trying to change the laws. I don’t know when we’ll see each other again. I don’t want you to leave.” Astrid wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest.”

“It’s not decided yet,” she tried to reassure him. “You may see me more often than you think.”

“It is stupid to start missing something before it’s gone,” scoffed Hiccup.

“Maybe, yes, but understandable,” Astrid countered.

“I just want to steal a few more moments with you before we have to go back to pretending you’re just my friend,” Hiccup confessed.

“Of course,” Astrid promised. “You can have me for a little while longer.”

.oOo.

Astrid was called into the Council Room the day the council arrived. She and the Prince were sent to the dungeons to retrieve the prisoner they had captured and prove his identity to the council.

“Long time no see,” Hiccup greeted the general as the jailor took out his keys. “Now we’re just going to ask you some questions, and it’ll do you good to answer as many of them as they ask. Astrid stepped inside the cell and hauled Krogan up. He groaned at the change in position and Astrid gave him a moment to recover before tying a blindfold around his eyes and setting off at a steady walk through the castle. Hiccup took up his other side, a firm grip around the prisoner’s arms. He had been fed, so he wasn’t too weak to fight back, but he kept their pace without complaint and made no move to fight against them. Was playing docile a strategy of his, Astrid wondered.

The guards to the King’s Council opened the doors for them. The King and Queen sat in the middle of the room, five council members on each side and eight additional knights and lords were present. They sat in extravagant chairs on one side of a long wooden table that spanned the side of the room. Often, the table was covered in maps and war diagrams, but those had been removed to hide any information from Krogan should he escape. The King also had multiple rooms he held council in; the battle plans were probably in another one.

The King’s Council consisted of the King, his Queen, and their closest confidantes along with Berkian Elders who could not be taken off the council, only resign from it when they saw fit. Gothi, a great great ancestor of the King that was hardly ever awake, dozed in the far left corner, while Mildew sat right next to Duke Spitelout on King Stoick’s right. Lord DeRange, another member of the Council sat on the other side of Lord Mildew, his son sitting next to him with a sharp grin on his face. Lords Svenson and Meathead and Thuggory were also present, as well as Captain Throk of the Berk Guard. Some of the other lords she did not recognize on sight but would probably remember them when she heard their names. A few knights she’d worked with including Sir Alvin and Sir Eret - now Captain Eret - sat around the table gazing interestedly at the man held between her and Hiccup.

“General Krogan,” King Stoick greeted the prisoner. “A pleasure to meet you in person.” Krogan smiled insidiously.

“My master looks forward to beating you on the battlefield,” Krogan returned. Some of the lords muttered and scowled at his impertinence.

“I’m quite sure that’s not going to happen,” the King narrowed his eyes. “But we could always discuss accommodations to be made for you or your family following the battle in exchange for something. Krogan remained silent.

“Why did Drago combine forces with the Dragons?” King Stoick asked. Krogan sneered.

“He won’t,” he said loftily. “The Dragons were an unorganized force that Drago wished to use in one of his plans, but due to unforeseen circumstances, they were cut from the plan.”

“Very well,” the King said, pleased that the conversation appeared to be going somewhere. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell us?”

“I do believe I could tell you something,” Krogan said smoothly despite the grime still on his face and his hands behind his back. A couple of lords shifted forward eagerly.

“The number of soldiers Drago has?” one of them asked.

“Drago’s plan?” speculated another.

“Where is Drago?” King Stoick asked. The General scoffed

“Drago doesn’t employ traitors,” he sneered. “But the information I have pertains more to your own affairs. You have an imposter in your midst,” the dark skinned man declared dramatically. The effect around the room was instantaneous. Astrid stiffened and her face drained of color as she cast her gaze around the room. A traitor? In the council? Each man immediately glared at his neighbor suspiciously. The room felt like it was about to explode into a brawl but Krogan cut them off with an arrogant laugh.

“Who?” demanded King Stoick. Astrid cast a worried glance at Hiccup, her hand subtly moving towards her axe to be unslung if whoever-the-imposter-was decided to make a run for it. Then to Astrid’s shock, the prisoner jutted his chin at her. Gasps sounded around the room and Hiccup’s eyes widened in panic.

“Impossible,” Lord Mulch said stoutly. Astrid swallowed around a lump in her throat.

“Sir Hofferson is an honorable knight of mine and completely loyal to the crown,” King Stoick said in a low voice.

“You might be surprised,” Krogan sneered. “He wasn’t able to hide everything on the ride back; your so-called noble knight is a wench!” Astrid couldn’t stop herself from jerking back. Krogan suddenly lunged at her, dragging a cry of surprise from Hiccup.

“I’ll show you!” he shouted, his arms snapping his restraints. They must have been worn down while in the dungeon. She should have checked them before bringing him here instead of being distracted.

“Astrid!” her father cried desperately before clapping a hand over his mouth in horror. The General’s hands reached her helmet. Astrid twisted in an effort to escape his hold but he yanked the protective armor off her head. Her hair sprung into her face and blinded her as if in retaliation for her stuffing it into her helmet that morning.

She heard the sharp inhales of fury as she scraped her locks away from her face and Hiccup tackled Krogan to the floor. The King was blinking as if he couldn’t believe his eyes and the Queen had a surprised hand pressed to her mouth - although she looked more calm than upset.

“Bring me a new pair of manacles,” Hiccup ordered sternly but no one took their eyes off of Astrid.

“Astrid?” Duke Jorgenson asked dangerously. Astrid saw her father bow his head in shame and she wasn’t sure if it was for the instinctive slip of her name or her being found out.

“Who is this Astrid?” Lord DeRange frowned suspiciously.

“She’s my daughter,” Astrid’s father spoke up. The council swiveled to stare at him.

“Then who is Astor Hofferson?” asked Lord Bucket.

“No one,” Father replied. Astrid couldn’t help the pang in her chest at that. Yes, Astor was a fictitious name for her, but he - she - wasn’t nothing.

“I am Astor Hofferson,” Astrid said loudly. The Duke scowled fiercely at her and Lord Mildew muttered something derisive under his breath. “It is simply another name for me,” she went on. “It is I who has trained and fought and been knighted with the highest marks in the initiation. I who served in the Berk Guard for a year and defeated the Den of Dragons alongside our Crown Prince.” Hiccup, who had somehow managed to take Krogan’s belt and fasten it around the would-be attacker's wrists, stood up and gave her an encouraging smile.

“But you’re a lady,” protested a lord next to Captain Throk, whose own face was unreadable.

“Yes, I am a lady,” she said defiantly, focusing on Duke Spitelout’s scowl rather than her father’s panic or Hiccup’s pride. “But I am also one of the best knights in the kingdom and I will not stop serving the inhabitants of Berk. I have still helped the Prince bring in our most valuable prisoner of war. I have still fought and bled and proved myself capable of battle, and the discovery of my gender does not change any of that. I have not lied about anything but this, and have let others get to know me with my warrior’s spirit before they dismissed me due to poor misconceptions about my sex.”

“It’s blasphemous,” Lord Mildew sneered, the Duke shaking his head alongside him in agreement.

“There are truly no rules explicitly against it,” Astrid countered. “It is just not done. It has been done now.”

“We could never accept her as a pure lady,” Mildew protested. “Our women are to be models of chastity and decorum. She has been sullied by cavorting with lads who could not help themselves, and no one to stop her wantonness in seducing them. No one would marry her.”

“I will,” Hiccup spoke up. Astrid turned to him, a protest on her lips reflexively. “I have witnessed her since the beginning of her deception and can attest to the entirely modest attitude she has shown around my peers. She never entered while we were bathing or even attended the trips to drink and bed pretty peasants. She has behaved with the utmost modesty allowed for her situation and even if all the other lords were foolish enough to not desire her, I have fallen in love with her.” He shot Lord Mildew a dangerous glare as the man opened his mouth. The crotchety old lord shut it obediently like a chastened dog. “I have fallen in love with her wisdom, her battle prowess, her bravery, and lastly, her dedication and her beauty.” He stared the lords in the eyes defiantly. “From before I knew her true identity - and I’ve known for years -” cries of outrage followed his declaration as even the King’s jaw dropped at the omission. “I have known that she was the most capable of our peers. If it hadn’t been for her, I wouldn’t have been able to pass Squire training.” More cries of outrage followed his admission.

“Father,” Hiccup addressed the King who was glaring at Astrid. “I can think of no better future queen than Astrid. She can comport herself with every grace any other lady can, and can defend both herself and me in any dangerous situation as she has demonstrated for years. She is intimately acquainted with our battle tactics and leadership abilities, having studied from the same tutors as me. If something were to happen, she would still be perfectly able to run the kingdom. She already has practice with her own estate. And I love her,” he added. Stoick stared at him stonily.

“Is she the reason you have been pushing to change the laws around women’s inheritance?” Stoick asked. Lord Mildew practically choked and Astrid found herself wishing he didn’t catch his breath again.

“Yes, Sir,” Hiccup admitted. “She has opened my eyes to the capabilities of our women, if only we let them. Dad, we have a serious war coming up soon and we need as many fighters as we can get to end it quickly.”

“Preposterous!” cried Mildew.

“You dare interrupt your future king?” Hiccup asked venomously. The air stilled. Hiccup walked slowly to the center of the room and gazed into every one of the lords’ faces until they looked away.

“I am the one who will inherit my father’s throne when he is gone,” he said quietly but clearly. “I am the one who will take on the burden of caring for an entire kingdom and endeavoring to do right to all. And I know I will not always succeed. There were countless times I wished to relieve myself of such a burden. But I have accepted it now, and I will embrace my duties to the best of my ability. Women are an integral part of our society. Without them we cannot have heirs or mothers. Why should we disregard them, then? Would anyone here argue that our Queen is not the strongest woman in the land?” Everyone bowed their heads towards the Queen in respect, who beamed upon her son. “I wish for my wife to be equally as magnificent.” It was all Astrid could do not to duck her head in embarrassment but she held it high, focusing on the Queen.

I cannot be you, she said silently. But I can try to be my best as you would. Queen Valka’s face softened a smidge, and she inclined her head ever so softly towards the woman knight.

“But we cannot stand to have a lord who would so gleefully lie to us,” Lord Thuggory said with a predatory gleam in his eye. He was long contemptuous of the large estate the Hoffersons boasted next to his paltry one in comparison. “Who knows what else he might hide from us? He could be feeding our secrets to Drago, for all we know, with his wench in the trenches alongside our generals.” Astrid’s father stood abruptly, his chair scraping against the cold tile.

“The only thing I have lied about is the gender and name of my child,” Sir Hofferson hissed. “My daughter is perfectly adept at running my estate and I taught her enviable skills that many of your sons lacked, but her own discipline and bravery were always hers. I selfishly and cowardly allowed her to continue and expose herself to such dangers because I knew she would overcome them and endure for her family, but I always waited for the day we could cease the deception and bring her back as a lady. My eldest had a wonderful baby boy over a year and a half ago, so we called Astrid back to retake her ladylike mantle. It was never meant to be a lifelong deception.”

“Father,” Astrid interrupted, a mix of feelings in her chest; pride at the acknowledgement of her skills, but also annoyance? Anger? Sadness? At how quickly she had been replaced and forced back into a proper lady. “Trying to pull me back into being your daughter you could marry off would mean it would be a lifelong deception. I don’t want it to be a lifelong deception. I hated being restricted to being just a knight or a lady,” she caught herself looking at the floor and pulled her head back up to face the men surrounding her. “I do wish to be a mother and raise a family,” she said clearly. “But I have found a great love for fighting for this country.” She took a deep breath and forced herself to meet at least three lords’ eyes before continuing. “And I believe it is a great disservice to have to choose between raising a family and protecting one’s county.

“Can someone take him away?” Hiccup demanded, gesturing to Krogan who had managed to stand himself up and was observing the proceedings with a gleam in his eye. “Your hastiness and distrust are exposing unnecessary information to our enemy. The King nodded to three knights in the room who promptly pulled out proper handcuffs and escorted Krogan quietly out of the room. Astrid took a moment to draw a deep breath and close her eyes. Her contour had been done so carefully and her chainmail newly shined, but all the lords would see was her messy braid, the way she had been caught off guard, and deem it poor presentation. Hiccup reached over to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her eyes. You look beautiful, his eyes assured her. Color rose in her cheeks and she resisted the urge to take all of her hair out to hide behind it and redo it, but she knew such a thing was not done in public. She gave Hiccup a brave smile and nodded at him. She appreciated him fighting for her, but this was something she had to conquer for herself.

“But how could she be a role model for our girls to hold their standards without pretty features?” one lord asked his colleague a little too loudly. Astrid felt Hiccup bristle beside her but spoke calmly.

“I use contour, as a lady does, to disguise my features and make them more masculine,” she said succinctly. The men broke into more murmurs.

“But what about dresses?” Another one demanded. “Such a physique is not made for dresses.”

“I fit dresses just fine,” Astrid retoroted, clenching her jaw in anger. How dare she be quizzed on the fit of her dresses at an impromptu trial. “And should any of you get any misconceptions about my or my sister’s virtue I would be happy to challenge you on behalf of my honor myself. Are you all confident you would win? Lords, you need not worry about my femininity. It is perfectly intact. During the summers, I often shed my armor and joined the weekly tea parties. No one ever suspected me of being anything less than ladylike. If I wash off the contour I use to make me look more masculine, my features are delicate and pretty. I can dance easily in most gowns, and can ride straddle and sidesaddle. But most importantly, I wish to continue to fight as a knight for Berk. I am proof that Berk can have a successful woman knight, and I plead to be allowed to continue to serve my country.

“It goes against our code of ethics to put our women in such danger,” a kinder lord said contemplatively.

“The path of a knight is one I chose and enjoy, Your Lordship,” she answered. “It would be cruel to deprive me of patriotic pride and the defenseless citizens of Berk an upstanding knight just because of her gender.”

“Sir Hofferson has indeed been an invaluable soldier in Berk’s service for years,” Throk said reasonably. “She was the best in her class during training as a squire, and distinguished herself during the knight trials as well as in the years afterwards. It appears she has proven herself more than the average knight does; why should we stop her now?” Astrid’s heart rose with hope and pride at her former captain’s praise.

“My son has vouched repeatedly for her extraordinary influence in motivating him,” the King mused. “I have frequently dined with her personally, and she is respectful and clever. And I have read the reports from his - her superiors and accounts from citizens. All of them paint a fair picture of a chivalrous knight who does not lie, steal, or cheat.”

“Except for the very basic fact of her gender,” sneered Duke Spitelout. The King stroked his beard.

“But the reason for that is understandable,” he decided. “And so of little consequence determining her character.”

“But we still have a war to fight,” another lord tried. “Surely it would stir up unrest to hear that such a high knight has been a mere woman all along. It would lessen morale.”

“Or it might be better to keep her as a well known knight to rally around,” argued a political rival of the previous lord. The rival looked at the King furtively. “While it is too progressive to uproot society for just one woman, we can agree she is exceptional, and as such exceptions could be made if needed.” He wasn’t necessarily happy with Astrid’s revelation or what she wanted to achieve, but with the Prince so firmly in her favor along with Captain Throk and the King’s fondness for her he sensed showing support was the smart political choice, although he wanted to make it an isolated case. The King narrowed his eyes in thought, reading between the lines the same as she and deciding the best course of action.

They could not risk rebellion against them before the war was won by giving women rights the soldiers did not approve of, but Astrid would be damned if she allowed herself to lose her position as a knight. This hadn’t been how she’d planned this at all, but in a way, she was glad it had happened while she still had favorable sway so soon after her accomplishments. The Prince vibrated with excitement, wanting to say something but sensing the wisdom of remaining quiet while his father thought. Her father looked astonished at the turn of events, but also hopeful. Astrid wasn’t sure how much she agreed with her father on her status as a knight. He had never liked her choice, but had also been the one to teach her to fight and figure and enrolled her in Squire’s Training anyway. His support had lessened as of late, but he had originally come to see her rewarded for bringing in a dangerous prisoner of war. She knew if she had been a true boy her father would have been bursting at the seams with pride, but never once had he ever told her he was proud of her for the same things.

“I think,” the King said slowly. “That the woman in front of us here has proved herself to be in every way exceptional. She has proven her warrior capabilities time and time again, as well as proven herself extraordinarily clever, both in her strategies and ability to be … discreet with her gender. And I think she will prove to be extraordinarily beautiful when she wishes - after all, we were all jealous at one point of her handsomeness at a ball, yes?” The Queen chuckled while most of the lords scowled.

“My daughter pouted because she didn’t get to dance with the elusive Sir Hofferson,” Astrid was sure she heard one of them mutter. “Now I’m glad.”

“Therefore, all in favor of granting her immunity or special status?” the King asked, looking around the room.

The Queen and Captain Throk immediately raised their hands, followed by Lord DeRange and his son. Young Captain Eret raised his hand with a jovial smile towards her, and she found one growing in response. Her father raised his hand. Hiccup raised his pointedly, and glared across the room at quite a few other people until another four hands were raised, including Spitlelout’s. The others, Astrid noticed with amusement, were the ones behind on taxes. They must know Hiccup knew, then.

Eleven hands were raised and nine were not. Then Gothi raised hers. Everyone blinked in surprise at her clear eyes as she gave Astrid a toothy smile.The King looked around the room, nodded decisively, and raised his hand as well. Thirteen. Thirteen votes against eight.

“It’s decided then,” the King declared. ”In light of her service to our country and her help in battle, I hereby grant - er - Sir Astrid Hofferson a lord’s status.” The room gasped. “Astrid Hofferson. You are now free to inherit, write a will, choose your own marriage, vote on council meetings, and fight alongside Berkian soldiers.” Astrid bowed, feeling too awkward to curtsy in pants.

“Thank you, Your Majesty.” She turned to the Queen. “And thank you, Your Majesty.” She bowed to Gothi. “And thank you, Elder. Thank you all for letting me continue to fight for our country!” Hiccup let out a triumphant cheer and Astrid couldn’t stop the laugh that fell from her lips, all giddiness and relief.

“Meeting dismissed,” the King boomed. “We will gather again to question the General and reward the two knights at a later date.”

“-Petition to enforce medical tests on squires in Training-”

“-Dad-” Hiccup said, pushing his way through the crowd.

Astrid silently watched her own father pull himself out of his seat and slowly make his way towards her. She wordlessly offered him her arm and he took it, leaning on it heavily as they walked out the throne room.

“I’m sorry, Astrid,” her father apologized as they left. Lords milled around them, some hastening down to tell everyone of the scandal. Astrid stared ahead. ‘It’s okay’ didn’t seem like the right response, but she couldn’t bring herself to hold anything against him.

“It was always going to happen, one way or another,” she said at last. “In a way, I’m glad it’s happened and dealt with for the most part. It was never something that would have stayed hidden forever.” Why did you never want my accomplishments to never see the light of day? Did you not think me worthy of them? She wondered.

“I never wanted you to have to deal with this,” he sighed defeatedly. “The politics, the careful maneuvering, the silent enemies - staying a knight in society means navigating all those things, and I wanted to keep you away from that.”

“I never minded,” Astrid said, her throat thick for some unfathomable reason. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t unfathomable. Maybe she was able to admit things to herself a little easier. “Society among women is much the same - although the silent dangerous games are that much more a part of it. And I don’t like it, but I can do it. I have always been prepared to do it. All I wanted - all I want -” she cut herself off, horrified at the raw emotion in her voice. They were still in the palace’s public halls, for Odin’s sake! Anyone could come along and hear her.

“What do you want, my dear girl?”

“I want you to be proud of me,” Astrid whispered. She felt a hot tear sting its way across the bridge of her nose and hung her head in shame.

“Of course I’m proud of you,” Lord Hofferson coraked. “You’ve accomplished things I could have never dreamed of, you never did what was expected of you, and I love you for it because you are my child.” He pressed a kiss to her messy hair. “I couldn’t be prouder of my Astrid.” She lowered her forehead onto his shoulder and they stood there, not embracing, but soaking in each other’s presence.

“Oh! I hope I’m not intruding -” Astrid immediately lifted her head off her father’s shoulder and frantically smoothed her hair.

“Hiccup! Oh, no, of course not - never - we were just - ahem. We were just finishing up,” she repeated. Her father was watching the proceedings with a decidedly amused expression as Hiccup gave her a soft smile.

“I was hoping I could accompany you to your rooms?” he asked. “So, that … certainly happened in there.” He glanced obviously behind him, indicating the Throne Room a few corridors back.

“Indeed,” Astrid shook her head incredulously. “I cannot believe it ended as well as it did.”

“The nerve of some of those lords,” Hiccup grumbled.

“They shall certainly face raised prices in Hofferson produce,” Astrid’s father added loftily. Hiccup looked delighted. Astrid had learned over the years that Hiccup was concernedly forgiving of all slights to himself, but could get hilariously petty when holding grudges on behalf of someone he cared about. He once picked on a poor stableboy, spreading the horse manure and stepping in it to make it harder to pick up and to replace the straw more often when he’d overheard the boy speaking derogatorily to Toothless (the stallion had tried to bite him) for a whole year until the boy had absolutely begged to be moved despite the superior pay for caring for the Crown Prince’s prize steed. It looked like now Hiccup had found a new set of men to torment on her behalf. They could pull some more pranks, Astrid decided with a small smile. The Dragon’s Den had revived memories of the good old days when they’d torment their instructors weekly, and Astrid found herself missing the thrilling passtime of setting up traps and not getting caught.

“I won’t be able to wear men’s garb to dinner,” Astrid realized. “Word would get around. I need to prove myself to be a girl to those who have heard the rumors.” Her father nodded.

“I shall send for some clothes from home and look into getting you some formal gowns as quickly as possible,” he promised.

“My mother’s seamstress, Nadia, is very skilled and prompt, and she has a friend, Minden, who’s skill and efficiency is equivalent to hers, if you’d wish to get into contact with them,” Hiccup offered. Her father thanked him and Hiccup kindly directed him to her rooms both in the palace and a little out in the city. “In the meantime, you are welcome to dine with us, Astrid,” Hiccup invited her. “My parents will want to question you in earnest now that I’ve declared my intentions towards you, as well as probably congratulate you.” Astrid managed a weak smile in spite of her dread.

“I would be immensely grateful, as I do not yet have the wardrobe to probably make a debut at court,” she admitted. Mother was absolutely going to kill her. Oh, Cami was going to have a field day.

“Well, I shall take leave of you two now to procure you a wardrobe as soon as possible,” Lord Hofferson excused himself. “A father’s work is never done,” he nodded at Hiccup, “You would do well to remember that.” Hiccup’s entire face turned beet red and Astrid scolded with her eyes, mortified. He just looked satisfied at their embarrassment and their comfortability around each other.

“Astrid?” Hiccup asked when they could meet each other’s eyes again. His hand found hers and Astrid did not pull away from his touch.

“Yes?” she asked, bemused as he ran a thumb over her knuckles contemplatively. He took a deep breath.

“If … I was to propose now, would you … accept?” Astrid stopped walking.

“Is this a proposal?” she asked.

“No!” Hiccup assured her. “No, this is me asking permission.” Astrid thought. She thought of the lord’s sneers and Cami’s. She thought of Astoria’s gentle encouragement and her mother’s more aggressive kind. She thought of her father, who was proud of her but tried to pull her out of danger’s way instead of standing behind her and believing she could fight her way through it. She thought of Hiccup, his boisterous attitude, the growth she’d seen in just two months. His support, the smiles on the faces of the King and Queen - the heat of his body and the taste of his lips. He was patient and he was handsome and he loved her and he was asking permission. She thought about what accepting his proposal meant to her - not just being claimed by each other, but promising herself to her country in a way that was scarier than pledging to die for it.

“Yes,” Astrid said. Hiccup’s eyebrows jumped in surprised delight, and he threw his arms around her.

“Oh Thor - really?” he drew back to look in her eyes. Astrid leaned forward to press her lips to his quickly. Anyone walking down the corridors could just take a different path, she decided.

“Yes,” she said again. “Of course I’ll say yes when you ask me.” Hiccup’s face broke into a beautiful grin.

“It should be public, though,” Astrid decided. “For their benefit. We’ve kept everything else so secret, we should start letting Berk know about us.”

“Very well,” he smiled. “We can do that.”

“What should I wear?” asked Astrid. “The future princess of Berk should look her best when she gets engaged.” Like hell was she going to make the mistake of not being impeccably dressed for the event - everything about her was going to be torn to shreds by all the others rejected by Hiccup by default, and she wasn’t going to give more ammunition they didn’t need.

“Mmm,” Hiccup hummed, cocking his head as he examined her. “Blue that brings out your eyes.” Astrid’s eyes jumped up. Mother had actually commissioned such a dress a while ago. It would be perfect, and was up to the latest styles with a comfortable corset and the skirt wide enough to not make her legs feel trapped.

“When will I wear it?” Astrid asked archly, enjoying the discussion. Hiccup’s smile grew more cocky.

“It’s your decision,” he told her. “I’ll propose as soon as I see you in it.” Oh. He shouldn’t have done that. Astrid was going to make him wait - or maybe, wear it immediately. Dammit, she didn’t know when she wanted to wear it. Hiccup’s grin morphed into a fully blown smirk. The bastard. He had known exactly what he was doing.

“Be on your guard, Your Highness,” Astrid’s eyes narrowed at him. “You’ll never guess when I wear it.”

“I’ll always be ready when you are,” he replied smoothly, and bent down to kiss her hand.

Whoever taught Hiccup to say those kinds of things reflexively like that needed to be charged - and thanked. Viggo - she was pretty sure it was Lord Viggo who had handled tutoring Hiccup in additional speech and politics. He had turned the Prince into a dangerous man.

She pulled her hand out of his grasp and brushed her pants self consciously. “I’ll see you at dinner,” she smiled at him. Turning to the last corridor towards her rooms. “Goodbye, Hiccup.”

.oOo.

Her mother arrived at the palace faster than the wind.

“You ran off at us for a month!” she said dangerously. “And then you return and your identity is found out! Thor have mercy on us, young lady! You have sent Berk into a scandal before you even made your debut!” Cami and Astoria arrived a week later bearing more clothes.

“It is even more imperative you make a good impression on your debut,” Mother shook her head before snapping at the maids to get to work.

Four hours later saw Astrid in a light white gown; the color every girl wore to her debut. She was older than most, of course, which had made her hesitate initially at the color, but it made her look sweet and innocent and feminine, and that was exactly what Berk needed to see. Her hair only fell halfway down her back, so her updo could only be so big, but they expertly wove strings of pearls (and in some places, straw) into her hair to give it an elegant updo.

“You look perfect, darling,” Mother said approvingly as Astrid looked at herself in the mirror.

“Not yet - wait,” Astrid insisted, hastening over to her drawers to dig through them. She emerged with her golden hair comb. “Please,” she said, handing it to the maid who had done her hair. “Could you add this?” Astrid’s mother raised an interested eyebrow at the one lone comb in her hair but said nothing.

“It won’t be very visible, miss,” the maid told her apologetically.

“That’s fine,” Astrid assured her. “As long as it’s there.”

Her debut was a rousing success. Sir Jorgenson in particular took an interest in her, much to his father’s consternation. After two dances Astrid couldn’t find herself refusing the Prince swept her away coldly, a scowl on his face.

“You look awfully moody tonight,” Astrid teased him.

“I’m finally able to dance with the most beautiful woman in the room for the first time after years of watching you with others, and what does my idiot cousin do? Try to stake a claim on you.”

“Possessive,” Astrid tutted because she refused to let herself blush. Hiccup ducked his head apologetically.

“Sorry,” he apologized. He spun her elegantly - she was so glad to find he was a good dance partner. It seemed they fit together in every aspect - and pulled her in close by her waist as she returned. “You look absolutely radiant tonight,” he complimented her in a low voice that made her fight not to shiver. “This is my first time seeing you properly dressed up. I can barely breathe.” Astrid was struggling with keeping her own breaths steady, not that she was going to tell him. “I like your hair comb,” he whispered as the dance ended.

She danced with Eret next, who was both delighted and furious at the fact she had been a girl the whole time. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize,” he kept shaking his head. “I can’t believe you never told me! Seriously, you knew my secrets! Oh, everyone’s faces …”

The news of her dual identity was taken pretty smoothly. Or at least, as smoothly as she could expect. She sparred with the soldiers in the mornings with her age-old tunic and pants, her chest bound securely and her hair pulled back into a smart French braid. A few older lords and knights also had deluded themselves into thinking she was a worse fighter now that they knew she was female, so they thought to challenge her. She happily put them in their place. In the evenings, she donned her gowns and jewelry and danced - or, more importantly, established female allies. There were plenty of women who viewed her status as a knight and being politically equivalent to a lord was absolutely blasphemous. Not to mention it was no secret the Prince was enamored with her, so they inevitably deduced that the whole reason for disguising herself as a boy in the first was just to ‘get her claws in the Heir.’ Others, however, were more open to the idea and even impressed at her accomplishments. And how much would you be willing to stand behind me with your family’s influence to acquire these rights and accomplishments for even more women? She asked through her smiles and delicate conversation. ‘Long live the King,’ ‘To good health!’ they’d toast her, nodding delicately in silent answer of her unspoken question. Heather smirked at her from across the room and Astrid dipped her head in acknowledgement. They weren’t friends yet, but they would be soon.

A few days later, she wore the blue dress.

It had been a while since she’d properly enjoyed the power of a beautiful woman in a room full of men. On the battlefield, there was a certain point when opponents were able to recognize their doom in her walk. She had grinned then, feral and covered in blood, and swung her sword. Now, her smile was beautiful, but wide like a particularly satisfied cat as she sauntered down the steps into the ballroom.

Her dress was bright sapphire silk that rustled and shone as she walked. Jewels hung from her neck and ears, but subtly. There was one piece of jewelry she wanted everyone’s eyes on tonight. Her hands had been carefully soaked and scrubbed, her hair was artfully curled and pinned, her axe headed hair comb nestled securely into the intricate updo. Heads turned to watch her but she sought out Hiccup, finding him and sending him her best I-dare-you look. A slow smile spread across his face as he took in her dress, and he gave her an imperceptible nod.

Dinner was eaten first to ensure everything would be present during the dancing and drinking. Before the first man could claim her hand for a dance Hiccup appeared by her side.

“Lady Hofferson,” he said loudly, discreetly drawing everyone’s attention as he led her subtly toward the center of the room.

“Why, of course,” Astrid responded, all concern. “Whatever do you need, Your Highness?” Hiccup bent over her head and Astrid knew the moment clicked for everyone watching. It was all she could do to keep a smirk off her face as the Crown Prince knelt before her..

“My lady,” Hiccup said clearly. “You have held my heart captive for years and now it has simply made you its new home. You have been with me through thick and thin, even back when I was naught but a skinny fishbone, but even then, you believed in me. And I have believed in you through every battle, every fight, and everything else we’ve weathered together. You are wise and kind and clever and so beautiful you take my breath away. You could do me no greater honor than if you accepted my hand in marriage and became my wife.” Mothers of other contendents for Hiccup’s hand gasped in outrage and resignation. Astrid held her right hand over her heart. They had agreed on the proposal being public, but Astrid hadn’t expected such a heartfelt confession, so her response came out more emotional than she’d planned.

“Yes,” she said, shaking her head. She had the strangest urge to laugh and cry at the same time. “Of course,” she said again. Of course she’d say yes. He rose, a triumphant smile on his face as he slid the ring - a beautiful, intricate thing inlaid with small diamonds and sapphires - onto her finger and clasped her left hand. The orchestra struck up as if on command, and Hiccup expertly guided her into a dramatic waltz - her mother’s favorite to dance with father, and Astrid’s favorite by default. It was intimate and close, and neither’s gaze left the other’s faces throughout the entire dance. They didn’t speak. What words were there to describe the rising feeling of rightness, the utter terror of being in front of all these people, the restraint they were showing not immediately locking each other in a passionate embrace.

“It was my mother’s,” Hiccup shared quietly near the end of the waltz, flicking his eyes to her new ring glimmering in the candlelight. “I asked her for one of her rings and she told me to choose. When I saw that one, I knew. I saw you.”

“It’s perfect,” Astrid told him earnestly. “It’s better than I could have ever imagined. It fits perfectly.”

“Good,” Hiccup nodded approvingly. “Mom said it had always been a little big for her, so I hoped it’d still fit you.”

“I have calluses on my fingers,” Astrid told him dryly. “It’s a good thing it was too big for her.” The dance ended but instead of bowing Hiccup bent down and kissed her slowly. The kiss was chaste and sweet and oh-so-aware-of–everyone-watching, but she drank in every second greedily until they parted softly. She smiled up at him through her lashes. They had fully claimed each other in front of the court. There was no dispute about their relationship now. And Astrid felt proud.

Her brother in law swept her up in a congratulatory dance while Hiccup was congratulated by all the men.

“She’s a real looker,” Snotlout said obnoxiously.

“She’s taken,” Hiccup bit out.

“Man, it must be nice to just marry your bro,” Sir Thorston told Hiccup wistfully. “You know, you’ve already lived with them for years and been through thick and thin together. Getting a wife is weird; they’re all prissy and refined - except for my sister, of course. She’s a right shrew.” Lord Fishlegs stiffened.

“She may be your sister, but she is an Ingerman now, and I cannot allow you to speak ill of our women, Thorston.” The Thorston brother shuffled and muttered under his breath but said no more about his sister that night.

“You’ll take good care of her,” Eret grinned at him, squeezing Hiccup’s hand a little too hard. Hiccup found himself appreciating a man that cared enough about her to threaten his future king.

“Of course,” he agreed cordially and increased his own grip. “And you with Heather, of course.” Eret released his hand and bowed.

“I’m honored to have your blessing,” he said quietly.

He dared not go near the Hofferson matriarch, not sure if she’d threaten him or welcome him enthusiastically, and he was a little afraid to find out.

“That was a beautiful proposal, son,” his mother told him gently. Hiccup turned to embrace her.

“Mom. Thanks.”

“You are lucky to have her.”

“I am indeed.”

.oOo.

After they had gauged the public approval of Astrid, it was back to war preparations. It had been two months and they had been stealthily gathering the remains of their forces without alerting Drago. Hofferson is a girl, the trenches whispered incredulously. Some refused to recognize the unaltered feminine features now accompanied with a braid. But then they saw her fight on the front, and she was still as legendary as before. In such cases between life and death, her gender didn’t matter, only that she was protecting them, charging out into the battle, bleeding freely as she cut down enemies. She was a protector who would never stop fighting, and well, the soldiers could hardly let themselves be shown up by a girl, and so, too, they charged.

The battles were exhausting. Every other night Astrid almost prayed for death, even with Hiccup lying beside her. The soldiers said nothing about Astrid and Hiccup disappearing into each other’s tents to ‘tend each other’s wounds’ and not coming out for the rest of the night, but who cared? Astrid treasured those nights together, filled with the desperate closeness of two people begging the other not to leave the next day. Astrid received many, many more scars all over her body. This was not a fight to be fought lightly any more. There would be no more fighting after this, either because they won or lost, but knew no one was coming to save her unless she saved herself first.

The Prince and his Knight In Shining Armor were a power duo that swept across the battlefield. The King moved them around the battlefield to boost morale as the other forces prepared to battle Drago’s impending forces from the north. She was assigned a squire from Training, young and shaky looking as she quietly showed him how to polish her armor.

“I’ll probably be too tired to help you at night,” she admitted. “But I need my axe and sword sharpened every day. Can you do that?”

“O-okay Sir Hofferson,” the boy whispered in awe.

“Good,” she breathed as Hiccup entered the tent, dirty and grimy, kissing her neck all the same and began rubbing her shoulders. They spent their evenings catching their breaths from the day’s fight and discussing strategies, too tired to pick themselves off their cot. Astrid’s squire polished her armor til it gleamed every night and occasionally called female attendants to treat her to a delightfully hot bath when the injured were all too dead to treat so the hot water wasn’t needed for the night.

“Not much longer,” he whispered reassuringly into her hair.

“Not much longer,” he promised into her lips as they kissed.

“Not much longer,” he pleaded from between her arms as they slept.

“Not much longer,” he begged into her sweaty neck amidst the throes of passion.

And then, ‘not much longer’ became ‘hush, it’s over now.’

The war was won with casualties and hefty loss. Hiccup realized a way to challenge Drago, and so raced off like the heroic sacrificial hero he was to defeat Drago while Astrid kept the rest of his enemies at bay. She went down first, the sea of Drago’s men drowning and choking her as she fought. She needed … needed to keep them away … away from - who? What? … Hiccup!

Hiccup who was fighting still. Hiccup who was fighting for Berk and for her. Hiccup, who loved so entirely he couldn’t hide it on any part of his face. Hiccup who so staunchly defended the weak. Hiccup, who she was supposed to be protecting! Hiccup, who had lost a leg because she hadn’t been able to save him -

“Hiccup,” Astrid breathed in relief as she opened the door and saw him. He lay in his bed, his legs uneven lumps under the blankets. Astrid entered the room, shaking her braid out of her helmet and tucked it under her arm as she sat by the bed.

“Hey, there,” she greeted him softly. Hiccup just sighed.

“Thanks for coming by again,” he said in return, looking stonily down into his lap. He was bored and hated being still. He had his sketches nearby but they weren’t as fun when Hiccup couldn’t go down to the forge and tinker with hot metal until his diagrams made sense.

“Trader Johann has been officially banished from Berk for aiding enemy’s armies as of today and Toothless says hi,” Astrid told him conversationally. “I took him for a nice long ride today.”

“Thanks,” Hiccup grimaced. “I miss him.”

“He misses you too,” she responded immediately. “He can’t wait to see you again.”

“And then what?” he scoffed. “I’ll just tell him, ‘Hey, bud. Nice to see you again. Unfortunately, I’m lame and won’t be able to ride you.’”

“Don’t say that,” she frowned. “You’ll still be able to ride,” she tried to comfort him. Hiccup gave her a shaky smile.

“I can’t if I’m not able to walk,” he said bitterly.

“Hey,” Astrid said, reaching out to hold his hand. “You can do anything you put your mind to. I’m not saying this is going to be easy, but I know you’ll be able to do this.”

“Why are you still here, Astrid?” he asked. “I’m not going to make you marry me now I’m like this.”

“Good,” she said crisply. “Everyone can know it was my choice.”

“You don’t deserve an unwhole man like me.” She slapped him lightly.

“You are still Hiccup, leg or not,” she said firmly. “And I love you and I would never marry anyone else. You can still be a warrior - look at Gobber. And you’ll be a great King. Taking your leg didn’t take your heart as well. Losing your leg didn’t mean you’d ever lose me.”

“How did I ever deserve you?” asked Hiccup.

“You are the one man in the world I could stand to marry, Hiccup. You don’t have competition.” They laughed.

“Get better. Take all the time you need,” she kissed him. “But you aren’t getting out of the wedding.”

After a year, Hiccup walked and rode easily - or at least, without complaint. He got aches and plains aplenty, which Astrid had taken upon herself to identify quietly so she could take care of them before Hiccup had to ask - if she waited for him to ask for any help, he’d never ask - and learned to rub and massage the right oils and to anticipate his pain on rainier days, or those instances where he ran around castle determined to help everyone he could. He was still nimble and light on his feet, just a little clumsier than before which he hated but Astrid found endearing.

“You’re perfect,” she giggled as he bumped into the foot of the chair and swore. She caught him before he fell and he wrapped his arms around her in mock desperation.

“That would have hurt if my leg wasn’t metal,” Hiccup muttered.

“Mmm. Well then I guess it’s good you have a metal leg.”

“Shut up.”

“Never!”

.oOo.

She never wanted to have a wedding, until the day came for her to have her very own. When she’d been a little girl, she’d never cared for the fuss about weddings. The grooms were never handsome, and the girls, while beautiful, looked pale with overly rosy cheeks. She’d hated the idea of weddings and leaving her family, although now she’d learned that a healthy distance between her family didn’t prevent them from connecting frequently. And truthfully, by the end of those visits, she was glad to retire to her solitary rooms - although they were hardly ever empty. A certain newly crowned king of hers was partial to loitering around there for some unknown reason, but she let him. Someone had to protect the King while he slept.

On the day of her wedding, her hair had just reached her waist. Her maids left half of it out, the looseness representing her wedding night but also her freedom. She certainly had the freedom to kick someone without ripping the fabric if she so needed, but with Heather as her fierce Matron of Honor, she was rather certain Lady Eretson had any offensive company handled. She had not yet hung up her armor for good, only polished it carefully so that it still shone when she returned from her honeymoon. She was to be a warrior Queen, unafraid of fighting and of showing her scars. They had been hard earned, and served as a reminder of what she had overcome - and how she would still fight. It was still hard to change laws even as a lady with a lord’s status and betrothed to the king, but Astrid was nothing if not tenacious and she had been slowly winning simple rights one after the other. By the end of her honeymoon, women from families above a certain income would be able to inherit a small percentage. In a few years, they might have a female knight program. But she was getting ahead of herself. Today was selfishly all about her and Hiccup.

She looked in the mirror. Her makeup was light but dramatic, her pearls lavish but elegant. Her dresses’ skirts were loose but full. And the belt was heavy but worn with pride. She felt like she was walking on clouds even as they hung the ornate ceremonial cloak made from the hide of a white bear over her shoulders. In a few minutes, there would be an added crown on her head. (But somewhere among her shiny locks, a polished golden axehead gleamed.)

Her mother had tears in her eyes. “You look beautiful, my darling,” she said, sweeping her daughter into a hug.

“We’ll have to call you ‘Your Highness,’ now,” Cami, now at seventeen, said boldly.

“Of course not,” Astrid protested as she allowed all her sisters to pull her into a hug one by one. “You’ll call me Astrid like you always have and you can call him Hiccup, he won’t mind.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s your special name for him,” Agatha sighed dreamily. “There’s no need for us to intrude on it.” Astoria nodded in agreement.

“Nothing’s changed,” Astrid whispered to her older sister, letting her see the fear in her eyes. Astoria simply smiled in encouragement.

“Marriage is another adventure you will conquer like to do with everything else,” Astoria assured her. Astrid bent down to grin at little Gunner who was watching the proceedings with wide eyes. He was now decidedly her favorite nephew, as Astoria was a good mother but some of her sister’s little babies were squalling monsters. She suspected they were spoilers because their mother’s were, but that was just an older sister’s opinion. And it hadn’t stopped her heart from bursting with joy when they’d handed her an infant and she’d been terrified she’d drop it until she’d tucked it into her side.

“This is what we’re going to have,” she’d told Hiccup. He’d had a dazed look in his eye.

“I can’t wait,” he’d admitted.

And now, the day had come.

Astrid took a deep breath, and stepped outside.

#The Lady Knight #Knight!Astrid Hofferson #Prince!Hiccup Haddock #Hiccstrid #Hiccstrid fanfiction #HTTYD #my fics #my writing #Happy anniversary to my first ever fanfiction!

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