#another none trc

[squash1]

(part 1)

[visionarymode]

Melting

✧ warnings: smut, language, 18+

✧ pairing: jey uso x female reader

✧ word count: 1,327

thank you for the request! @trc-punzel 💓

₊˚✩༺♡༻ ‧₊˚✩༺♡༻ ‧₊˚✩༺♡༻ ‧₊˚✩༺♡༻ ‧₊˚✩

“Everything good?” he asked looking up at you sighing and plopping down on the couch next to him. 

“Yes,” you unclipped your hair down and fluffed it up before stretching your arms above your head. Your daughter stayed with the nanny for the night so you two could get a break but you made sure to call almost every half an hour to check in. Your eyes landed on the TV screen illuminating the darkened living room before you sighed again. 

“You good baby?” he asked. 

“It’s hot,” you whined in a little whisper before taking off your oversized black zipped sweater and throwing it across the other side of the couch. You’ve been tired, exhausted, and just trying your best to adjust. You felt a sense of calmness and reassurance every time you were with him and you were so grateful for it. 

You pecked his lips before turning back to the screen to give your attention to the movie playing but his attention didn’t seem to leave yours. You felt his eyes on you, making you turn your head with a curious smile. 

“What?” you giggled at his brows raised, his gaze dropping down to your little outfit. 

“When did you get this?” he smirked, eyeing you up and down again. You were wearing a white laced cotton crop top and a short shorts pajama set you ordered a while back. 

“I got it a while ago. I never wore it because I was just too self-conscious about my body,” you muttered the last part. 

“Man, what? You know you sexy as hell,” he deeply praised as his hand reached for your right thigh, subtly bringing it across his waist.  

“Shut up,” you blushed with another giggle as his hand snaked higher to playfully spank you. It made your pussy flutter because man it’s been so long since you both got intimate. It’s been a little over a month but going from a daily, consistent, crazy, wild, and passionate sex life to none at all is a transition you both didn’t like. Especially him. You saw it in his eyes, he wanted you so bad. But he respected the time frame and you adjusting to mom life. 

“I love you,” he confessed as you smiled, running your hand up and down his chest. 

“I love you,” you whispered back. 

Your leg rested around his waist as he squeezed your right ass cheek a little harder. You caressed the side of his beard before pulling him in by the nape of his neck and your tongues reunited like they never lost a beat. It was nice, slow, loving…but the hotter it got between your thighs, the more your cravings heightened. You moaned as you sucked on his tongue, pulling on his chain, causing a groan to slip out of him. 

“Damn…baby chill,” he cupped your jaw with his right hand as his left swooped you off the couch and onto his lap. 

“Why?” you breathed in between kisses. He pulled back, licking his lips as he caressed your cheek. 

“You sure?” he softly asked and you almost quickly nodded, grabbing his hand to enlace his fingers with yours. 

“Mhm…” you reassured, smoothing your hands down his chest before he cheekily grinned and abruptly switched positions so you were lying on the couch. You felt flushed as he stood between your spread-open legs, running his big hands down your thighs and up your waist as his chain fell over your chest. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he complimented as your pussy skipped a beat. His soft lips leaving trails of his saliva down your neck as he cupped your breasts. He slipped off your top and cursed under his breath in admiration before his tongue reunited with your skin. 

“Mmm…” you moaned as you shut your eyes, enjoying the feel of his warm and wet tongue flick and lick across your breasts. 

“I missed my girl…” he deeply whispered,  squeezing your breasts in his hands as his tongue slid up your neck and back on your lips. You moaned on his tongue as his bulge poked your belly. Your hand reached for it, massaging it through his boxers as your foot pushed him onto your body. 

“Whatchu’ want?” he asked, knowing exactly what you wanted as he tilted your jaw to meet his eyes. 

“I want you in me,” you whispered as you pulled him back onto your lips, moaning against each other’s tongues. He slipped off his boxers and your stomach did a flip as the tip of his dick brushed against your lower lips. 

“You always so wet for me,” he licked his lips, easing his length inside of you as you both groaned from the reunion. You gasped as he slipped all of him in you, taking his time filling up your soft, sensitive walls. 

“I gotchu’…I gotchu’,” he purred up against your dropped open mouth that let out pants. He slowly dipped his dick in and out of your wet and gushy already audible mess. 

“Mmmm…fuuuuuck,” you moaned. He stopped your loud cries as he passionately kissed you, his hand caressing your thigh ever so delicately pushing it in your direction allowing more space for him to deepen himself in you. 

“I missed this…I missed this pussy. My pussy,” he groaned as you both panted against each other’s mouths. 

“I missed you,” you whispered as your eyes shut from his deep, elongated strokes. 

“Like that baby? Huh?” he purred in your ear and your arms hooked under his shoulders as he embraced you. You whisperingly whined again as his thrusts picked up the pace, the audible, wet contact of his length slipping in and out of you growing louder. 

“Yes daddy…” you moaned as your fingers found his hair to lightly pull on. 

“Not too rough?” he panted as he moved strands of your hair out of your face. 

“No…just like that,” you panted back with a moan as you caressed his bearded face, pulling on his chain. 

“Fuck…baby don’t make me get your sexy ass pregnant again,” he deeply whispered in your ear making your orgasm suddenly creep up on you.

“Why? You wanna cum in me?” you teased with an aroused giggle that turned into another breathless moan as he scooped up both of your legs so your knees were now touching your shoulders. 

“Cum for me first,” he smirked with the lick of his lips as he watched your eyes roll to the back of your head as his steady, slow strokes got slower making sure to hit every inch deep in you. 

“Yeah…yeah baby. Let me see your pretty ass cum for me,” he moaned, his thumb shaking as it grazed your bottom lip. It felt so fucking good you started seeing stars. It felt like you were melting into the couch cushion with every deep, elongated dive of his dick in the pit of your stomach. 

“Yesyesyes baby,” you gasped in staggered breaths as you scratched his back, clutching your legs around his torso as his kisses on your neck paused to let out moans of his own as he felt you coat his dick with your nectar. 

“Mm-mm…” you grabbed his face to focus on you as you felt him about to pull out. “Cum inside me,” you whispered against his lips. He sexily nodded with one last moan, gently gripping your throat as he came inside of you with one last thrust. You must have accidentally turned off the tv with wherever the remote was underneath you both because it was pitch black, nothing was heard except your pants on each other’s mouths, your sweaty bodies stuck on one another. 

“Damn,” he playfully remarked as you giggled at his dramatics. 

“I know right,” you teased back as you caressed his beard, sharing one last sloppy kiss as he caressed your leg. 

“We still got it,” he smirked as you playfully smacked him, covering your mouth from the giggles. 

✧✧✧✧✧

thank you so much for reading! <3 if you want to be added to my tag list let me know :)

you can read more of my fics here ❤️‍🔥

tag list ♡ @harmshake @cyberdejos2 @hangermads-s @foreverlyjay @sassginaswanmills @theninthwonder @jeyusos-girl @bebesobrielo @2-muchsauce @southerngirl41 @walkintheprk @venusesworld @alyyaanna @gomussy @jstarr86 @nayys-world @mainthingdoja @empressdede @skyesthebomb @geekinstilettos @zzedah @justazzi @mzv11 @msbigredmachine @smile1318 @pixieduststyles94 @pinkpantheris @wrestlingprincess80 

[clotpolesonly]

What A Day This Has Been, What A Rare Mood I'm In

why, it's almost like being in looove!! i'm so very fond of this ship and i can't BELIEVE nothing has been written for it already 🥺 so when i found the Smash The Champagne event on dreamwidth, i jumped on the chance to write their first fic!!!! and it also just so happened to end up on my TRC rare pair/kink event bingo card, which was extremely fortuitous 😂 (also fortuitous that someone reminded me i signed up for this cuz i wholesale forgot, LOL) | Gansey/Matthew | 2.2k | Gen | Post-Canon | Established Relationship | Anxious Gansey | Matthew is Good at Feelings | Emotional Hurt/Comfort | (also on AO3)

.

Gansey was having A Day. That was the way his mother put it, at least, when she experienced moods like these. A Day—capital letters—was one where the mind simply was not up to containing itself and thus either spilled out haphazardly and made a mess all over everything or took a leave of absence and left behind nothing at all of substance to fill the space between one's ears. Either way, it was conducive to neither productivity nor restfulness.

Gansey's mind had not quite made itself up as to which route it was going to take for this Day, but the unproductive restlessness had already made itself emphatically known. It had taken him three tries to eat something that could reasonably be called breakfast because he'd kept picking things up and then putting them back down, forgetting that none of it had made it into his mouth. Now there were bran muffins and granola bars and cereal bowls scattered around Monmouth. Knowing him, they would probably be there until the end of time. They were just part of the decor now. He could build an entire aesthetic around it. Haphazardly Maintained Diner At Closing Time Chic would be very popular on pinterest.

Not even the prospect of his boyfriend coming over had managed to pull Gansey out of his mood, at least partly because he had forgotten about the planned rendezvous. Or, more accurately, he had forgotten what day it was and that time moved, mostly, in a linear fashion and thus said rendezvous was quickly approaching. By the time the door opened, Gansey was quite engrossed with staring uncomprehendingly at the pieces of cardboard he was almost certain would form a small building if he were so inclined as to pick up the glue gun that he'd left somewhere that was not here. Sadly, the building had not built itself in the last hour or so.

The door clanging shut startled Gansey rather more than he would have liked to admit. Helen had once accused him of being horse-like—easily spooked—and he hated to prove her right, but the last two years had been rough on his nerves. Perhaps he should embrace his equine nature. Blinders as a fashion statement! Yellow, perhaps, to match his favorite sweater.

A hand descended onto Gansey's head, tugging gently on his hair. Gansey obligingly tipped his head backward until a familiar, grinning face came into view.

“Hey, dude,” Matthew said. “'Sup?”

Gansey closed his eyes and sagged back against Matthew's legs. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Matthew ran his fingers through Gansey's hair again, unconcerned about being used as a structural support. He was tall and sturdy; it was a common occurrence. He hummed blithely. “There's always something. Right? Can't be, like, nothing-nothing or else you wouldn't be alive.”

That made some amount of sense. There was always something. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. Oftentimes, it was many things at once, overlapping in such a way to ensure that there were always at least two or three somethings of varying magnitudes. Gansey couldn't remember if he'd left his glue gun plugged in or not. Monmouth was not on fire yet, so he presumed he hadn't, but he couldn't be sure.

Matthew's hand had trailed downward, abandoning Gansey's hair to squeeze his shoulder instead. The muscle ached something fierce; was he tense? He was. He hadn't noticed. The kneading of Matthew's strong fingers hurt in a good way.

“Is that my shirt?”

Gansey opened his eyes to look. There, blazoned across his own chest, was a large cartoon leprechaun. He flushed.

“Ah.” He cleared his throat. “Yes, it appears so. I must have grabbed it without noticing. I wasn't feeling particularly on the ball this morning. I hope you don't mind.”

When Matthew laughed, Gansey felt the vibrations of it through his whole body. The hand on his  shoulder slid down a little further, far enough to give the leprechaun's face a fond pat where it rested over Gansey's right pectoral.

“Why would I mind?” Matthew asked. “I think it suits you. You should wear this every day.”

He folded himself over Gansey's body far enough to kiss his cheek. Gansey could feel the smile pressed into his skin and he tried valiantly to smile back, but the way Matthew's forehead creased when he pulled back told him he didn't do a very good job of it. Matthew tried again with an upside-down kiss that landed a little clumsily on the side of Gansey's mouth. When that didn't elicit the desired response either, he unfolded himself and nudged his knee into Gansey's back to get him to sit up properly. Gansey did so with a sinking feeling already in his stomach that stayed stubbornly put as Matthew scooted the cardboard pieces away so that he could sit cross-legged directly in front of him.

“Hey,” Matthew said again, once he was settled. His eyes were bright in the afternoon sunlight that streamed through the wall of windows. They didn't have quite the same intensity as Ronan's, or the sharpness of Declan's, but they were warm and they didn't waver from Gansey's face when he asked, “For real, bro, what's going on? Are you okay?”

Because there was nothing going on, and because there were many overlapping things going on, and because he hadn't eaten a proper breakfast and was wearing someone else's shirt, and because the tiny building had not built itself and the glue gun was AWOL, and because of the yawning hole nibbling away at his chest that he'd long since learned to live with, and because Matthew had come in smiling and no longer was, and because this was A Day, Gansey said, “I'm fine.”

For a moment, Matthew simply looked at him, warm eyes roving Gansey's features like they were a particularly inscrutable bit of academic text. The next, the crease in Matthew's brow deepened into a proper frown. His voice was not harsh when he spoke, because Matthew was not prone to harshness, but there was a sharpness that did not come out often.

“Please don't lie to me.”

Gansey flushed again, shame this time instead of the softer spread of embarrassment. “It's not—” His mouth closed again because it was a lie and he was not fine. His mind had spilled out and there was nothing left behind, not even the words to explain. It was simply A Day. Humiliatingly, his eyes stung with the sudden threat of tears. He hastily stuck his fingers underneath his glasses to press against them, as if that might force them back.

There was a shuffling noise and something bumped against Gansey's knees—Matthew's knees, now butted up to his to allow Matthew to be closer to him. Strong, gentle fingers took hold of Gansey's other hand.

“No, don't cry!” he said. “I'm sorry, I just— Don't tell me you're okay if you're not okay. You don't have to do that. I don't want you to.”

Gansey waited until the clench in his throat loosened enough to free his voice before he turned his hand to lace their fingers together. He tried to choose his words carefully; they were dangerous on the best of days, he knew, and everything felt precariously balanced on Days. “I don't want to burden you, Matthew. You shouldn't have to worry about me. We shouldn't both have to be upset about nothing.”

Matthew frowned again and Gansey braced for the metaphorical blow, for Matthew to take his hand back and leave. But he didn't.

“Maybe I want to worry about you,” he said instead with a stubborn light in his eye that was pure Lynch. “You don't just get to blow me off and decide what I worry about and what I don't. I get enough of that from Declan, remember?”

Gansey did remember. He'd gotten back from his gap year road trip with Blue and Henry to find the Lynch family in a truly woeful state, and the worst fracture had been between the eldest and youngest of the brothers. Matthew with his burgeoning understanding of himself, struggling for independence, and Declan, clinging to how they used to be like it might keep him from drowning in all the changing tides. Gansey wasn't quite sure how or why it had come about, but he had become Matthew's confidante, the non-familial shoulder to lean on, the sympathetic ear when he needed to feel heard.

“I'm sorry,” he said, the hole in him threatening to swallow him up. “I didn't mean to—”

“I don't need you to be sorry, Gansey,” Matthew told him. “I just need you to talk to me. Okay? Don't shut me out. Tell me what's wrong.”

Gansey shook his head, helpless. “I don't know. I don't know how to say it.”

Matthew didn't seem perturbed by this. He shrugged a little and a wry smile tugged up the corner of his mouth. “You can always just say you feel like shit.”

A laugh caught Gansey by surprise. The force of it seemed to pop some kind of balloon in his chest and suddenly his lungs could expand. He took a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess I do just feel like shit.”

“That's okay.” Matthew quickly banished his smile. “I mean, it's not okay, because you feel bad! And feeling bad sucks! But it's okay to feel bad and, like, just say so. You don't need to write an essay about it, you know what I mean? Sometimes a day just sucks. Say la vee or whatever.”

The French was shamefully mangled, but it made Gansey smile for the first time all day. “C'est la vie indeed.”

Matthew's grin returned in full sunny force. “Yeah, that! Now, do you wanna cuddle or not? I bet that would make you feel a lot better. Or we could make out! That might work too. I'm game for either. We could order a pizza? Also, why is your glue gun under your bed? That seems like a weird place for it to be.”

By the end of this little monologue, Matthew had stood up and dragged Gansey to his feet as well. They were already halfway to the bed by the time Gansey thought to say, “Pizza sounds nice.”

“Then we'll order pizza,” Matthew said easily, phone already in hand to put in the order. “Like, five of them, so you can have some for later.”

Gansey allowed himself to be nudged into sitting on the edge of his bed. “I do not need five pizzas.”

“You might need them later, though.” Matthew still had a hold of his hand with the one not currently in use. “It never hurts to be prepared. Like a boy scout.”

“Even a boy scout couldn't find time to eat five whole pizzas before they went bad,” Gansey pointed out, half-heartedly grabbing at Matthew's wrist to pull his phone screen into view and make sure he wasn't actually ordering that. “May I remind you that my mini fridge isn't big enough to preserve all that.”

Matthew cheerfully ignored him. He finished the order with a flourish, put his phone away, and pushed Gansey to lie back on the bed properly. It was barely big enough to hold both of them, if only because Matthew was so damn tall, but they were well accustomed with how to order their limbs to make it work. Some people may have felt smushed underneath someone as large as Matthew, but it was a grounding weight for Gansey. Some part of him heaved a sigh of relief to be so blanketed, and the rest of him joined in when Matthew wiggled into the right position to kiss him.

Still, Gansey had to ask. “The food?”

Matthew rolled his eyes. “I only ordered two pizzas,” he said with an air of martyrdom. “One for you and one for me.”

Gansey still felt that was a little excessive, but Matthew was kissing him again so he found that he didn't really care. Just a small, quick kiss. Then another one. And another one. And another, until an irrepressible laugh rendered Gansey momentarily unkissable. Matthew beamed down at him, obviously very pleased with himself. He glanced down, eyes lingering, and bit his lip. His cheeks looked a bit pink.

“I really do like you in my shirt,” he admitted. “You should definitely wear my clothes more often.”

Gansey suddenly felt warm all over, so full of affection and gratitude and want that it might spill out of him haphazardly and make a mess all over everything. He didn't have the words to explain that either, but that was okay. He pulled Matthew down into a kiss instead, this one slow and thorough.

“If you want that,” he murmured against Matthew's parted lips, “you'll have to take something off and not put it back on.”

Matthew's face lit up with mischief. “Oh, is that how it is?”

“We've got twelve minutes until the pizza gets here.”

“I think we can do it in ten.”

With that challenge on the table, Matthew set to his task with great enthusiasm. He took off many things and, obligingly, left them off. His bright green button-down was elected as the most steal-able of the bunch and he took pleasure in folding it carefully and putting it away in one of the perennially-open suitcases that had played the part of Gansey's dresser for the last four years. The pizza delivery man got an eyeful, accidentally, and a very generous tip, on purpose.

Gansey decided that perhaps not every Day had to be a bad one.

.

[bi4bisamjess]

part one

[cheeeryos]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thanks for the tag @clotpolesonly and @transboybuckley!

How many works do you have on ao3?

34

What's your total ao3 word count?

295,670

What fandoms do you write for?

almost exclusively raven cycle. I wrote one fic for the will darling adventures too but that barely counts

Top five fics by kudos:

how to be an ally

combat baby

how to handle rejection

the backup (shocked this is number four!? considering it's my second most recent and the fandom is fully dead these days)

talk to me

Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to every one, yeah!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhh none of them are really that angsty...maybe (miles to go) before we sleep since it runs right up to the edge of niall's death

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

reverse answer to above: most of them have happy endings. I guess the slender present would take top prize because it involves an engagement? but I think my favorite happy ending was in the waters and the wild

Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a couple anonymous comments that have taken issue with specific things but nothing that out there and no actual hate. it's a pretty tame fandom and I'm a pretty tame writer

Do you write smut?

I do

Craziest crossover:

I do not, however, write crossovers!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware 👀

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I'm aware 👀

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! I've co-brainstormed before. I'm v familiar with working with multiple authors in real life, but not fics

All time favorite ship?

for fic, pynch obviously. when thinking about the wide world of fictional people in love with each other that makes me crazy, lyra and will will probably always take #1

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

love island fic lmao, it was fun while it lasted

What are your writing strengths?

I'm sure everyone likes to believe they're witty but I do think I'm pretty funny. I may not be able to make people cry but I can usually get a smile with some snappy dialogue.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I've gotten compliments on plot before but tbh I don't feel that confident in my ability to plot a story well. I suspect it's more a novelty thing, since most fics are focused more on relationships instead of being driven by an external plot. if I ever wanted to write an actual original story that has action or mystery or whatever, I'd need to do a loooooot of work on executing my random throwaway ideas toward something that is both coherent and believable.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

uhh...what kind of thoughts do you want on the subject? perfectly normal if your characters speak another language, would be bizarre to put in if they do not

First fandom you wrote in?

I wrote a single fic for a book series I will not disclose when I was 14 years old, and it won a contest on a message board, and I promptly retired from fic writing until I read trc during the pandemic and it turned me into a crazy person

Favorite fic you've written?

don't ask me this, it changes all the time. but I've been on a spy/secret agent kick again since I watched slow horses so right now I'm having fond thoughts about nothing like a love song

tag @kelliealtogether and @behindtheatlantic if you're interested

[hazellvsq]

trc au - drive

Leo leaned his forehead against the door. Remembered the vision of Frank. Frank as a ghost, bathed in ethereal flames. Burning forever. 

If you kiss your true love, he will die.

Leo picked up the phone, dialed without trying to think too hard. Frank answered. “Valdez?”

“Frank. Can you pick me up?”

“Yes! Yeah.” He sounded worried. “Are you okay?”

No, Leo wanted to say, but he wasn’t hurt or anything and he didn’t want to worry Frank. He settled on something simple, keeping his head against the wood of the door. “I just...I can’t be home right now. If you’re not doing anything-” He let the words hang.

“I’ll come by, I’m not busy.” Leo heard muffled movement from Frank’s end. “Did you see Hazel this afternoon?”

Silence. Only the crackling of the line. Then Leo said, “Can we talk about something else?”

A month and a half ago he would have said nothing, because Frank very clearly had feelings for Hazel and very clearly thought Leo was a shithead. Four weeks ago he would have said nothing because Frank was mad at Hazel and trying to hide it, and Leo wanted to be nowhere near the inevitable eruption. Three weeks ago Leo wasn’t sure if he and Frank were even really friends. Two weeks ago even, they were, but Hazel was still Frank’s older friend, the one who was there first, the one who would win the friend group when she and Leo’s whatever had imploded.

Now Leo didn’t know if Frank and Hazel were still friends at all. And after this afternoon, he didn’t know if Hazel would ever speak to him again.

The quiet static hissed for another long moment. Frank said, “I’ll be there in five.”

Leo waited on the curb, knees hunched towards his chest, trying to think of nothing at all. The air was humid, breezeless, almost oppressively tense. Mosquitos hummed and whined. Frank made it in four, a knight in shining Volvo. He pushed open the door and tossed the keys at Leo.

“Yeah?” he asked, surprised.

“You need it,” Frank said seriously. 

Both Frank and Leo struggled with carsickness, but Leo could typically withstand Frank’s cautious driving. Frank would also give Leo shotgun recently, despite Leo having way shorter legs than Reyna. This had made Reyna like Leo even less, if possible. Oh well. 

Leo took it easy on the way out of Jo and Emmie’s neighborhood, kept the speed of the road past the residential areas, but the second the empty streets straightened out he hit the gas and held it. Instead of grimacing, which Leo was watching for, Frank rolled down his window and held on. Under the streetlights over head, appearing in flashes and bursts, Frank’s white T-shirt practically glowed. Looking ahead at the road, eyes narrowed against the wind, he held none of his normal awkwardness. He had all the solidity of a tree trunk, a thousand year old boulder.

Frank reached forwards toward the radio, turning it on and skipping past the dad rock station Leo had laughed at him for liking. Settled on something more interesting, with a heavy bassline that matched the rumble of the center strip beneath Leo’s feet. 

“How was Canada?” Leo asked. Neither he nor Reyna had been invited. He was annoyed about it deep down, so he was sure Reyna was madder. Neither of them had voiced it, to his knowledge. He kept the annoyance tamped down, tough - he’d already used all his words on the topic on Hazel earlier. Now he was just curious about Frank’s family home.

Frank frowned in the corner of Leo’s eye. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about Hazel.”

“I don’t,” Leo said. “I’ve just never been to Canada. Or met your family. How was it?”

Frank told him about the coniferous forests around his house, the national park he lived in the backyard of, and grizzly bears and little red foxes that roamed nearby. Then he talked about downtown Vancouver, the places he’d hang out as a kid. Seafood by the harbor and a trip to Seattle, once. He talked about his grandma conscripting him into kitchen duty, described how homesick the food made him.

Leo listened. Before Jo and Emmie, he’d been a foster kid for six years. Before that, he lived in a crappy part of one of the hottest cities in the country, but he missed his mom’s apartment there with an intensity that made his heart feel like it was withering away to ashes. 

Whatever was replacing it was steelier, harder. 

The tiny glow of the stereo lit Frank’s knees, the thick muscle in his calves, the sparse hair on his legs. The furrow of his brow, the finally-relaxed set to his shoulders. Leo stopped looking, checked back at the road. Then looked back at Frank.

“It sounds nice.” They had reached the mountains. Leo slowed down a little to drive uphill. “I mean it. I’m glad you went.”

He was, now. He had been mad that Frank left, but he wanted him to be happy.

“What did you get up to?” Frank asked.

“Oh, you know. Worked on the truck. Kissed Nico. I saw Reyna across the street and waved at her.”

“Liar.”

Leo was lying. About Reyna, who he hadn’t seen once.

“Me and Hazel are done, I think.” He hadn’t meant to say that. Not now?

Frank didn’t look at him, kept his voice neutral as he stared out the window. “I was never sure if you two actually got together or not.”

Do you still like her? Leo wanted to ask. He couldn’t. Everything was too loaded.

“I don’t know what we were doing. But we’re not anything now.”

He couldn’t say who had dumped who. The fight had gotten too heated for specifics. 

Suddenly, Leo couldn’t stand it. He pulled the car over, and the lights of the city spread out before them. He slammed it into park.

“Well,” Frank said. “You got out of the house.”

Leo huffed a half-laugh. Drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Both of them stared out at the city. Leo reclined his seat a little, then realized that that action, in this context, felt more than a little illicit. Because Frank, still sitting up, was now above him, and staring down at him.

Leo stared back, now very self-conscious about being half-leaned back. He felt like he’d just ripped off his shirt. He wanted Frank to recline his own seat and rescue Leo from this feeling. He wanted to crawl out of his skin.

Frank swallowed. Leo still didn’t move, just looked back up at him.

Then Frank grimaced and shook his head, turning his head away. His ears were red. Now he was awkward. “Sorry. I’m sorry, I don’t...”

“It’s cool,” Leo said. He had absolutely no clue if it was cool. He thought it might not have been, actually. He rolled sideways to face Frank so that he wasn’t feeling quite so vulnerable. 

Frank swallowed again, then sniffled. “I don’t know if we’re still gonna be friends.” He wasn’t talking about Leo. “I’m scared she hates me right now.”

“She doesn’t, man.” Leo might have been lying, and he was fairly sure that Hazel hated him right now. But Hazel and Frank were different. “She thinks you’re hot shit. A fight won’t change that.”

Frank’s voice was small. Defeated. “This thing is...it’s so much bigger than us, and she wants to take it on by herself. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix it.”

Leo couldn’t answer that. He’d gone out with Hazel to avoid his prophetically-ordained male true love. He probably shouldn’t give others advice. He’d been wrong about Hazel, wrong about Frank.

Frank had seemed so bumbling and insecure at first. Leo thought it was nearly unforgivable for someone to have access to all that money and strength and potential and still not know what to do with themselves. He had been mean to Frank in a way that made him squirm now. Then again, Frank had been nasty right back. So Leo had allied himself firmly with Hazel.

Before Hazel had made a deal with a creepy primordial entity that would sometimes seize her mind and soul.

“I don’t know either,” Leo said to Frank. He exhaled. “All this stuff she was seeing was scaring me.” Hazel had scared him. And the way she buttoned up every single thing - her silence didn’t scare Leo, no matter how ominous it became. It just worried him, but Hazel had made it very, very clear that he should keep that to himself.

Frank hunched forward. “I just want her to be okay,” he muttered. “I can’t stand it when she’s hurting.”

Leo watched his profile. If he reached- 

No.

There was no way to go through here without wounding somebody. Hazel was hurting. Leo was hurting. Frank was hurting.

If he did what he wanted to do, here, now, would Frank survive it?

No.

Leo checked the backseat in the mirror, wondering for a second if some spectral Hazel would be there, if she could materialize like Nico did. He did not want the presence of her here. He wanted to be able to be her friend, or her boyfriend, in something that wasn’t going to blow up. Something that wouldn’t be ruined.

Or, as he watched Frank, something that wouldn’t be a betrayal. Destroy three friendships for the price of one.

He wondered if Hazel and Frank had actually hooked up last year. If he’d been crushing on not just Hazel’s best friend but her ex boyfriend, or at least ex something. Nico didn’t even know, because he’d made a face when Leo had asked and said he made a point of not finding out. 

Frank scrubbed a hand over his face. “God. This is miserable.”

“And you’re usually such a ray of sunshine,” Leo said, ducking away when Frank swiped a hand at him.

“I wish we could just...” Leo flapped both hands at the windshield. “Get a redo. Through this car.” The city kept glowing beneath them. Leo would forgive any billionaire all their crimes if one invented a flying car that he could have. 

“Did I get one with you?” Frank asked. 

Leo snorted. “You know I actually wasn’t mad at you, right? I was messing with you.”

“You got me.” Frank smiled for the first time all night. “Easy target, though.”

“Very.” Leo smiled too, almost helplessly. For once, he wasn’t fidgeting, wasn’t wandering off.

Frank looked at Leo’s mouth.

Never, thought Leo. Never. He couldn’t know if Frank was his true love or if he’d wake up tomorrow feeling nothing towards him. So he couldn’t kiss him.

A ghost on fire, a boy built like a man, his face obscured by the flame.

Who are you? Fai.

Burning, burning.

Frank reached forward. Touched Leo on the cheek.

Leo stopped breathing. Imagined that his face was combusting with heat.

His other hand. His other cheek. Frank was looking right at him. Leo could nearly hear his own blood sloshing through his heart, quickening, hurting his chest.

He wanted to push Frank away. He wanted to pull Frank on top of him. He reached up and wrapped his hand around Frank’s wrist, not tugging or shoving, just leaving it there. 

Frank leaned towards him, and Leo finally flinched. “You can’t.”

“I won’t.” Frank was still looking at him. “Trust me, I won’t.”

Leo hesitated, then nodded. Frank leaned in until they were chest to chest, cheek to cheek - Frank was as red as Leo imagined he was himself, which was a little vindicating. Leo reached up, touched his neck, then moved his arms up behind it, around Frank’s shoulders. Breathed out slowly. Their chests were touching, moving together. He could feel Frank close his eyes, feel his lashes brush against Leo’s temple. Leo’s next breath in was a little shakier.

A car passed by, headlights briefly flicking into the Volvo. Both of them tensed. Frank hung on a moment longer to Leo, then pulled back, taking his hands off, returning to his seat. Leo sat up and followed him over, reaching out and covering Frank’s mouth with his hand. Kissproof.

“I’m going to start having to do this,” he said. “If you’re gonna go around doing stuff like that.” 

He could feel Frank’s smile underneath his palm. He wanted to pull it off and keep it with him, in his pocket so he could pull it out whenever he needed it. They had to go back to real life in a moment, a real life where they couldn’t blow up their friend group or kill each other, and having that smile with him would make everything easier. Make anything more possible.

He pulled his hand away. “Let’s go home.”

[faux-fires]

tagged by @ranilla-bean for the 20 questions meme!

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 35

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 466,309. Hey, that's not too shabby!

3. what fandoms do you write for? Currently NONE. previously: dragon age, tsubasa chronicle, supernatural, fullmetal alchemist, legend of zelda...

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Your Princess is in Another Castle ("Dragons kidnap princesses, everyone knows this… except sometimes, they get it wrong. Or do they? A story about mistakes, misunderstandings, and flower crowns. Also Kurogane's non-stop never-ending suck of a life, and the idiot that causes all that chaos to begin with.")

For Better or for Worse ("A 'five things' fic, featuring five different times Hawke proposed to Anders.")

The Centre of All Things ("Hawke gave Anders a ring, after their first night together, and never quite told him what it meant. As Kirkwall begins to crumble around them, Anders struggles to strike a balance between love and the needs of the mages.")

Adjustment ("A year after the end of Act 2, Anders comes home late, and Hawke missed him.")

Bound ("Anders receives many gifts from Aggressive!Hawke across the years. He's charmed by most of them, surprised by others.")

most of my fics predate ao3 and while i backloaded the TRC ones on, I can't be bothered doing the same for the FMA fic i wrote 20 years ago. and the SPN stuff, uh, well, AO3 kind of did it for me! i woke up one day and an old archive i forgot my fic was on had been ported to the archive, all my spn fics helpfully attached to my account in the process. when i tell you i orphaned them at something like the speed of light -

5. do you respond to comments? Um.... I MEAN to, but.... i'm not great at remembering...? i really cherish every one i receive and i KNOW it's bad of me, i can only offer apologies.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? i literally just write happy endings i can't answer this

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? how are defining happy??? look mikke takes the piss out of me ALL THE TIME for my definition of fluff, ever since i entered a fluff vs angst competition on the side of team fluff with a story in which one half of the otp was tortured and murdered (he got better)! *i* define a happy ending as one in which, during the course of the story, a character grows and develops. by that metric, an ending where the character loses everything and everyone they love but gains a mindset enabling them to find peace with the loss is a happy ending, TO ME. a sad ending, by contrast, is one in the character does not grow or change, and stays in the same state (or worse!) than they started the story.

so with that in mind, probably through a forest wilderness. people die! anders and hawke are rejected as monstrous by the people they tried to save! but they gained one (1) feral orphan and solved their relationship issues, d'awwww. <3

8. do you get hate on fics? nope

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind? yes, but not in EVERY story. i find smut to require a lot of effort to write! there's complex choreography and emotions to handle... the only thing harder (HEHEHE) is fight scenes for the exact same reason

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written? i'm not interested in crossovers (blorbos from series a meet blorbos from series b) but i love a good fusion fic, where blorbos from series a have always lived in the world of series b. craziest... probs the trc/wow fusion fic i wrote for an audience of three people? idk i've written a lot! i dreamed of a zukka howl's moving castle fusion a few days ago (probably inspired by chiptrillino's gorgeous illustrations she's been sharing recently) so that was pretty fun, as someone who very, very rarely remembers my dreams.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen? nope!

12. have you ever had a fic translated? yeah, to russian!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before? yeah, @mikkeneko and i wrote a whole SPACE OPERA. well. half of one, i guess (oops).

14. what’s your all-time favourite ship? whatever i'm shipping at the moment

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plead the fifth

16. what are your writing strengths? EMOTIONS. also i think i write humour well?

17. what are your writing weaknesses? starting, continuing and finishing. /sob

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? even if you're fluent in that language, it alienates more people than it impresses, i think. i love using other languages as an easter egg (like rana has a character named with a cantonese pun in the iconoclast) but whole dialogue is like... very hard to pull off, and outright mortifying if you don't actually speak the language and just google translate it.

19. first fandom you wrote for? the legend of zelda! my irl friends and i (aged 13) had a massive shared self-insert 'verse going on. my first steps into fandom PROPER tho was with fullmetal alchemist.

20. favourite fic you’ve written? this is a complex question because how do you define favourite? swift illuminations was probably the most fun to write (anders vs hawke arm wrestling) and i always enjoy getting to write comedy - your princess is in another castle has my favourite lines i've ever written, for example:

"Can I go?" Yuui asked Ashura. Despairing it was, then. At least he wasn't naked. It was a low bar to meet in terms of presentation, but so far two of the six people in this room weren't making it.

these skies are breaking i've always been fond of because it's 35k and i wrote it in two days but the plot is uhhhhhh. missing. ash on the windowsill same sitch, 50k in 36 hours and my first completed multi-chapter fic but i wince at how clumsy it is when i reread it. i'm proud of a lot of my later dragon age fics because they contain better exploration of ideas and characterisation, so... idk. toss up!

but in terms of stuff i'm most satisfied with, probs 'how to love a god' this short character exploration piece i wrote for the anderszine. first time writing second person and because of the zine space limit i had a hard maximum word count too so i agonized over every word choice. i don't really edit my own stuff - i post it pretty much hot off the hoop - but i did actually enjoy doing it that time.

uhhhh so that's me. but i'm tagging.... anyone who wants to do this!

[noa-ciharu]

It's probably been said before, but growing up with CLAMP works and then entering another different fandom is surreal. Like, I'll see fans complaining about how their OTPs wasn't canon because they didn't kiss or say "I love you" by the end of the series and I'd just look at them confused as heck.

On an unrelated note, do you know any fics about Kurogane and Fai's bet? I suddenly have this weird appetite for it.

Yup, entering another fandom (buddy daddy one I assume?) after CLAMPdom is a wild ride precisely of what you've mentioned. People are fighting over ships, accusing creators of queerbaiting cuz they didn't see xyz and projecting own expectations onto series and ofc complaining how their ship ain't canon. But what is 'canon' rly, do every ship must kiss, confess love or be seen in irrefutably romantic scenario to be canon? Where is the concrete line between what's canon and what not? Two people can watch the exact same show and one could think ship is canon 100% while other picked 0 romantic clues at all

Look at kurofai for example, they had none of those 3 i mentioned above but vast majority of fandom treats them as canon because of all the little sacrifices and developments as well as emotional bond they share. Whether they kissed behind the scenes or not doesn't really matter to me, their bond is strong and beautiful 💕🐶🐱

Hmm I read some kurofai fics before but never stumbled upon bet trope. So no, I unfortunately don't know any. I'll tag this as kurofai and trc in hope someone who has recs sees the post

[icharchivist]

god it’s so funny i’m just realizing, having CCS! Sakura and Syaoran joining Granblue and being SO CONFUSED while they’re walking around, meanwhile if it had been TRC! Sakura and Syaoran (accompanied by Fye and Kurogane) it would have been so stupid, none of them would be fazed because “yeah yeah another parallel universe hopping we’re familiar with it, move it”

[watsonmj]

2022 YEAR IN REVIEW

tagged: @abc2411 | @seek--rest | @bluepinstripes <3

1. number of stories posted to ao3

27 +/- 2 bc i updated 2 fics that i started last year buuuuuut i reached over 100 works on ao3 !!!! :D

2. word count posted for this year

101,410 (technically More bc i wrote ofic but that is obviously. not posted anywhere)

3. fandoms i wrote for

marvel, dc, pjo, the atlas series, soc, trc/tdt, hp, goncharov

4. pairings

petermj, petergwen, percabeth, libbynico, kanej, bluesey, blue/adam, clois, gonchandrey, jily

5. stories with the most

kudos: accidental heroism (the batman) 3,357 bookmarks: the jones-watson-parkers (spider-man) 844 but since that was posted last year it’s technically accidental heroism again w 640 comment threads: yet again… the jones-watson-parkers with 133 but it is still accidental heroism with 47

6. work i'm most proud of (and why)

ummmm idk actually the work im most proud of is my ofic theo and i cannot Show that to u anyway it’s bc i have never rly fully revised smth like. overhauled it n all that bc i finally Understood theo’s character and it was such a RUSH to work on her fr and ive produced some of my Best Writing To Date!!! for fic tho uh??!??!?!? im pretty proud of most fic ive written this year bc i have tried rly hard ok 😭 usually i can pinpoint a single fic but i think ive written consistently well ???

7. work i'm least proud of (and why)

a home for two (spidey) mostly because i did Not vibe writing it i was literally pulling teeth trying to finish it but ppl seem to like it idk

8. share or describe a favorite review you received

9. a time when writing was really, really hard

uh not for fic but i was tearing my hair out writing theo partially because of the content and partially because it is quite literally Difficult to write what’s perfect in your head and i haven’t even written theo to my own standards ngl

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

the entirety of final goodbye because. Well. who knew i would be writing goncharov fic actually who knew goncharov would even exist fr but in terms of spidey ... phantom bc. like. well i did not expect to write that At All and i didn't expect it to be That Long (relatively in my taste)

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing

Here’s the thing about loss: sometimes you grow up and around a person, fitting and stretching and expanding to add them to the patchwork of yourself, and when they leave, there’s a scar between both bodies. One here, one gone. An open wound. It’s surprising how much time you can spend with someone and still come out the other end empty-handed. (slip of reality | spidey)

12. how did you grow as a writer this year

oh i have learned to appreciate writing first person bc of theo <3 and writing a little longer things bc i am a serial 1-2k oneshotter and i have Exceeded that a bit

13. how do you hope to grow next year

perhaps i will Finally finish a multichapter fic jesus christ

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc)

there needs to be an @fnh button or smth at this point

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year

none that i can point out at the top of my head ! well. except for theo 🧍🏻‍♀️ i gave her too many lysisms which is concerning considering everything wrong w her n her chronic patheticness

16: any new wisdom you can share with other writers

new wisdom??? god not rly but here is some OLD wisdom that i feel like other writers should always listen to… read MORE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!

17: any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

working on the Novel™ n also attempting to finish all these wips i have left in the grave

18. tag some writers whose answers you'd like to read

LITERALLY ANY OF YOU. IF U SEE THIS UR TAGGED <3

[tigtree]

cannot believe it’s been a whole year since i was completely destroyed by CDTH

apparently this is a somewhat controversial opinion, but i adored TD3. i feel like the jump between TRC and TD3 really nicely represents how it feels to grow up, and to move away from your friends, and to have the entire world opened up to you.

in TRC, the story stays pretty confined to henrietta, and we have this set of main characters who are all incredibly close (both in proximity and love) and who put one another above everything. they’re still kids, all completely codependent and utterly obsessed with one another. they spend as much time together as possible, because they live so close and so they can.

in TD3, they’ve grown up. they still love each other, they keep in touch, but they’ve all got their individual dreams now. and it’s finally time for them to go out and chase them. and not only have the characters grown and changed, but so has the world. the entire world is open to them now, and i think the variety of new locations in TD3 represents that well. none of them wanted to stay in henrietta forever- they were there more out of necessity than anything.

that’s just how it is when you move away. you’ll stay friends, but with the world opened up to you, you’re bound to have new aspirations. and that’s okay. you’ll hold childhood friends and your hometown close to your heart, and see what else the world has to offer you.

i can fully understand not rocking so well with TD3 because of the vibe switch- i, too, am a sucker for small town shenanigans and unexplainable magic and codependent found family bonds- but i feel like to call TD3 a pointless sequel or bad is to discount a pretty major theme of the overall story, one that’s been apparent since the raven boys.

just finished call down the hawk and i can confirm that "It was tamquam, marked unread." fucking WRECKED me.

[dreamertrilogys]

literally this entire page makes me feel so fucking insane

[magicalyaku]

I spent two very great weeks of vacation in Seoul (and Jeju) with my friends and am now begrudgingly home again. I still managed to squeeze in a bit of reading time. My TBR didn't get any shorter though, because of the 10 books I read, 8 were from the library and only one of those was on my reading list beforehand. Great!

Solange wir die Sterne sehen (Liam Erpenbach): This was kind of heavy. Both from the flowery writing style and the topic of a serious illness. But it was done well and really sweet. Next to the romance, there's also a great and very important platonic relationship which is something I'll always appreaciate.

Fence 1-4 (C.S. Pacat, Johanna The Mad): After the heavy read and with just a week to go before my vacation I didn't want to start anything I might not be able to finish or too difficult. So comics it was! I borrowed all the volumes my library had. (And I will be the first one to get it once they buy the fifth, hrhr!) A fun read!

A Far Wilder Magic (Allison Saft): Another month, another YA fantasy book I did not like! 8D And what a shame, because the cover is lovely and the blurb sounded so good, but I never got into the writing style and the world building. I just expected a real fantasy instead of a "just like our world but with alchemy" and a real hunting adventure and not a silly competition event where the only action is the five mile walk from the house into town and back. I liked that for once the girl was the mysterious and strong one while the boy was the noisy, easy-going type. But I was a little dispappointed that her strength was just a "I need to keep it together" and not "I'm proud of who I am" kind of strength. And also that sex scene on the beach? "There was sand everywhere but I didn't care." Well, I did care. Gross.

The Foxhole Court (Nora Sakavic): I fully admit that I've been brainwashed. I've seen this book before and was always uninterested because sports and that hideous cover. Then my tumblr radar flooded me with fanarts and quotes for three weeks and I cried "But the cover is so ugly!!" and then a certain person went and made pretty new dustjackets, which made me suffer thoroughly, and then my library said "Look, it's available right now!". I couldn't help it. The universe told me to read! D: And what can I say, I loved it. Maybe it's thanks to the fact that I read A Far Wilder Magic right before and loathed it, that I had a much easier time appreciating things done well in The Foxhole Court. (Skip if you don't want lengthy examples: In AFWM the author uses way too many pronouns for my taste. As in several paragraphs with no mention of the name. At one point it even was the heroine and her mother talking and it would have been easy to use the names of either woman as none was used in the sentences right before, yet it was "she" in one sentence referring to the mother and "she" in the next referring to the daughter. (I know that this can work but here I was just confused). I'm a writer myself and I struggle with writing scenes like that and my beta-reader told me I use too many pronouns, so I'm probably extra aware of such things in the books I read. It annoyed me to no end in AFWM. And then came TFC with four boys talking in the same scene and it just worked and I was a little amazed. Funnily enough, something similar happened back then with The Raven Cycle. I hated the book I read before, it was so boring and the characters were incrediby lame. I DNFed it and started The Raven Boys and within the first 50 or so pages I realised that even though it introduced like a million characters at once I already knew and liked every single one better than I did with 3 people after 200 pages of the former book. 8D (Needless to say that TRC is one of my favourite series)) Back to TFC! For once, there's a bunch of interesting characters! I mean, yes, they’re all weirdos and the violence and drugs are kinda a lot, buuuut ... Neil can handle himself. Also, the showdown was a duel of words! And nothing of what Tumblr teased me with happened so far (which to be honest makes it more fun), so I'm looking forward to the next volumes!

Keeper of the Lost Cities 1 (Shannon Messenger) (Audiobook): This one is so long, omg. I'm usually bad with audiobooks but I started listening on the flight home from Seoul. And then kept listening at home while rolling around on the floor wallowing in despair that my vacation is over (and probably jetlag). It's definitely a series starter book. So many small things happening one after each other and the one big thing in the end doesn't even get resolved. But it's cute and interesting enough or else I would not have made through 12 hours. The only thing I did not appreciate as much was the amount of suffering Sophie goes through. I do like my characters suffering a bit (never say no to a cute boy crying), but she's only 12 years old. No need to torture her that much. Also girl, what's with that "I'm glad he won't be my big brother"? You have no idea, what's good! D: Keep Fitz as big brother and Keefe as a boyfriend, if you ask me. (Apart from the fact that with 12 or 13 you really don't need a boyfriend at all.)

This Is Why They Hate Us (Aaron H. Aceves): I borrowed this one from the library after I tossed another book after 50 pages because I could not bear another YA heroine with secret magic powers. It's not like I hate 17-year-old girls, but as I said in the previous post I have no patience for them at the moment. The best friend in This is why they hate us? I wanted to choke her in the beginning! 8D "Oh Quique, your summer can't be good without a boyfriend!" "You're 17 and haven't kissed anyone yet?!" (not literal quotes) I hate reading stuff like that. Luckily, it got better later. There were a lot of different topics crammed into and I'm not sure if it did justice to all of them, but in the end I think it was a decent story about finding oneself. After the bumpy start I decided to mainly read it as "life experience" (as in I'll never be a 17-year-old boy so reading about them makes me believe I can write about them better), but as it went on I actually came to like it.

Wo Träume schlafen gehen (Marta Kubis): This one was hard. From the blurb I thought I'd love it. 12-year-old girl, her big brother, an airship and an adventure? Sign me up! It's also pretty short with 200 pages yet I still got bored in the middle and once again neither liked the writing style nor the heroine ...

On a final note, due to ... things happening, I started watching Yuri on Ice for the first time ever. Between that and the other All for the Game books I think, my October will be fun! uAu~

[yournextflame]

this could be me not paying attention to item descriptions, but one thing i noticed is that for such a (seemingly) important character, radagon is just... barely there? miriel says he was just a "mere champion" and so no one undestands why marika chose him for husband (godfrey was supposedly just a murderous barbarian before, no one asks themselves about that choice), he's father to 5 demigods (maybe 6 for melina?), two of them empyreans. he brought the fundamentalism to the golden order after his time in liurnia - a bit of a vague time where the only info we have of him is that he studied sorceries under rennala. there's also that suggestion of him being somehow linked to the fire giants because of hair color but nothing comes out of it? do you think him being so... not there alludes to him not being his own person (radagon is marika and etc)? or is it just a play on the fact consorts in real life are largely "just there" ?

I largely agree with you, it something that was bothering me for a long time to the point where I spent last week drafting a post about how odd his role in game. Like, he could be removed and the narrative wouldn't change for the most part, especially if we go with the most popular interpretation of the story.

Also, he is giving me some weird Prince Lothric vibes in a sense that there is no reason for us to fight, aside from maybe some metaphysical rules of the world that I didn't understood yet. He attempted to mend the Elden Ring, we are going to mend the Elden Ring, but he attacks us. We aren't competing for the Elden Lord title, he is a god. I’m skeptical of the theory that he was clinging on the Golden Order (at least for religious reasons) because his seal is the reason why we are going to Farum Azula and restoring Death, but the whole thing is so confusing... It's really hard to understand what M/R were into, especially when R is for the most part abscent from the lore. [also, the way he is usually interpreted reminds me how DS3 fandom painted Lothric as some big bad antagonist before TRC] [I wonder if Twin Princes are somewhat responsible for this dual identities madness in Elden Ring]

But, yeah, Radagon is just sticking around and never leaving any strong impression. He is a jack of all trades, but master of none, a champion of Liurnian wars, but not famous enough to be considered as a valid candidate for Marika's husband, he learned sorcery, incantations and united them, but Miquella surpassed his Fundamentalism, Radahn had to look up at Godfrey, who was more bloodthirsty. Even as a final boss he is... half-baked, no second stage, say hello to jelly, no remembrance. There is a lingering motive of him not being complete and aiming for perfection, but it's not easy to pick up because 90% of it delievered through the visual language, and what does it mean on bigger picture is hard to figure out.

His lack of presence might be result of him being a half-person, but there is an important thing: Marika/Radagon narrative is written in three-act structure. At first they are introduced as separate characters, then, Goldmask quest reveals Radagon is Marika and it makes you think that Radagon is probably just a disguise, a byprduct of Liurnian campaign or whatever, but Marika's hammer, one of the last items we can obtain in the end, confirms that he had his own will.

For me, it's an interesting detail, I like to view him as a parallel to Milicent and Melina, another pair of incomplete beings with identity crisis, who in the end prefered death over loss of identity or purpose. But that's just my pet theory.

It can be argued, but Radagon's lore overall is a mess that touches many aspects of the worldbuilding - red hair of Fire Giants, red gold of the Crucible, his wolf can be found in Nokron and his servant is the one, who is leading Ranni to Fingerslayer blade, amber egg of the absolute ???, GO:F, but there is no obvious idea behind his character

[tamquamalteradam]

thoughts about adam and declan and their relationships to ronan

*SPOILERS FOR THE DREAMER TRILOGY*

deklo and adam are undeniably similar. both have been forced to grow up quickly and be extremely good at assessing others' motives to preserve their own safety

both are calculating and goal oriented and will do whatever it takes to achieve that One Far Off Thing that they think will protect them. for adam, it was aglionby and higher education. for declan, it was his facade of boringness, his internships, etc.

now, ronan is basically the polar opposite of adam and declan—he lives in the present while they are always planning for the future, this was explicitly stated in mi

restraint of any kind is not ronan's thing. remember his "happiest dream" in mi? in a car, on the road, nothing to stop him

he hated aglionby because it trapped him somewhere he didn't want to be, it put limits on time he would rather spend doing other things. it restricted him, and he hated it

in The Raven Cycle, who was another big restrictive force in ronan’s life? declan. always telling him what to do, what not to do, etc. even if it was in ronan’s best interest, all ronan could see was ~this man is trying to stop me from living my best life~

another one of ronan's main traits is that he's very immediate and present. what's in front of him, what he's feeling in the moment- that's the most important thing

so when declan was reduced to this remote, non-immediate force that called in once and again to put restrictions on him, ofc he was annoyed

(because from the whole ORBMASTER scene, we can tell that ronan and declan do care for each other a great deal. ronan's problem isn't as much with declan as it is with someone telling him what to do)

(further proof that ronan's problem isn't with declan- he falls for a guy who's literally declan incarnate, personality-wise)

ok so, in The Dreamer Trilogy, adam starts to assume the role of declan. he never had to before bc they were all part of the same adventure but as soon as cdth starts, ronan's like *i wanna chase bryde* and adam takes declan’s place as the person who’s like *don't do that be careful*

more supporting evidence: ronan literally changes adam's contact to MANAGEMENT

back to the immediacy thing, ronan and adam see each other like. once every few months? and barely call? so there's none of that implicit understanding of good feeling/good intent you get when you're physically with someone

so with all this separation, it was extremely easy for ronan to jump to the conclusion of *he's not on my side. he wants to stifle me* (which is what he thought about declan all throughout trc)

and so this all leads up to: "Declan and Adam didn't want to leave their own lives to come fight his battle with him. They actively wanted to stop the battle altogether. They wanted the world to change just enough to keep Ronan alive. Alive, but not living. That was good enough for them." (Mister Impossible, p. 310)

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING ON THE GROUND

this sounded better in my head, i swear it makes sense if you think about it. last night i was like, this is declan and adam. how it it get this bad?!

and it got this bad precisely because it's declan and adam. they've been playing the long game their whole lives, denying themselves immediate satisfaction for future gain

whereas ronan goes after immediate satisfaction at the consequence of future gain

so the conflict in personality types, fueled by lack of communication, resulted in the dynamics of them versus ronan, them restricting ronan, them against ronan's freedom, against his dreaming

how will this be resolved in TDT 3. i do not know. i am scared.

[hypokeimena]

hiiii u should give me some gansey thoughts its been a bit since I read some from u <33

i i was just thinking about him. most of my gansey thoughts were. more directly related to my personal hashtag trauma than i wanna get into on a public post but i think it's kind of neat how many of the trc characters have struggles around control and agency (learning how to navigate not having it all the time, basically) whereas ganseys whole deal is he's the guy who most is able to just do "whatever he wants" while at the same time having the absolute least amount of actual ability to exit the narrative; he's been dead since before the story started and you can't escape that. it's neat.

another ambient gansey thought: the gansey at the end of the series is a copy and not the original gansey who died, which is how gansey does biomedical transition... none of them knew he wasn't cis and by the end of trk he IS cis

last ambient gansey thought is he likes the robert plant alison krauss 2007 album raising sand