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#and yes I know not everything works the same way for everyone
https-harlow · 2 days
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By My Side
Summary: Despite his team's wishes, Jack has no desire to portray being single to his audience early on in his career. He wants you and your future daughter to be by his side through every step. You come in to meet his team, and bond with Neelam.
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Jack signed his record deal when you were five months pregnant, and they didn’t know about you for the first month. Not because Jack was trying to hide you, but because when he met DJ Drama for the first time, you weren’t there, and at some point, Jack just assumed they knew about you. He didn’t keep you hidden, he had posted you several times on his Instagram and assumed someone looked up his Instagram at least once and knew about you and the baby, but somehow, they didn’t.
Jack had been at the studio for a couple of hours with Neelam, Chris, and DJ Drama, he had Urban stay with you. Jack was always nervous about leaving you even though you were now seven months pregnant and still had two months left, Jack was extremely anxious throughout your whole pregnancy, even more nervous than you had been. Even though he tried to hide it, one of the ways he did show it was not wanting you to be alone. 
All four of them were discussing his schedule over the next month, Jack was about to leave for the day when you called him, Jack apologized before he answered the phone.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Jack asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, are you on your way home?” You asked.
“Not yet, I’m almost done. Why? Did you go into labor? Do I need to come home now?” Jack asked, panicking, even though you just said everything was fine.
“I’m so sorry, I thought you were on your way home. No, I’m not in labor, I’m fine. I was just wondering if you could pick me up food on the way home, I asked Urban, but he said you’d be pissed if he left me alone and I don’t want to go.” You said and Jack laughed.
“Yeah, he’s right, I would be, but yes, I’ll bring food home, text me what you want okay?”
“Okay, take your time. I love you.” You told Jack.
“I love you too, I’ll be home soon,” Jack said before hanging up. “Sorry about that.” Jack apologized again. “What were you saying?”
“Last thing, then you can leave, promise.” Neelam smiled softly at Jack; she could tell that after your phone call, he was eager to leave. “There was a club that asked if you could do a show in April if you’re interested,” Neelam told Jack and Jack sighed softly.
“I’d love to, but I can’t do anything in April or May. I know it’s not exactly ideal, but I’m going to need some time off around then.” Jack said.
“Like how much time?” Drama asked.
“I’m not sure. My girlfriend’s due date is in April, not until the 19th, but I don’t want to schedule anything to close just in case. I can still come to the studio, but I don’t want to be too far away or playing a show if she needs me. Or have to cancel anything so soon.” Jack explained.
“Oh, you’re having a baby?” Drama asked and Jack nodded.
“Yeah, with my girlfriend, Y/N. I’d love for her to come in with me one day so everyone can meet her, but it just hasn’t worked out yet.”
“Okay, you’re good for the day, you’re going to be here tomorrow right?” Drama asked and Jack nodded. 
“Yeah, I’ll be here at the same time tomorrow, have a good night,” Jack said goodbye to everyone before Neelam walked him out.
“I can’t wait to meet your girlfriend, and I’m happy for you, I can tell you’re excited,” Neelam told Jack and he smiled.
“Yeah, I’m really excited to be a dad, I’m nervous but excited.”
“Let me know if either of you need anything, I know I’m just a part of your team, but I also know that you’re in Atlanta without your parents, and that’s probably terrifying for both of you,” Neelam told Jack before he thanked her and they went their separate ways for the day.
The next day, you tried to go to the studio with Jack, but due to your rough pregnancy and never-ending morning sickness, you stayed back at the apartment. Jack had a long day at the studio, but before he left Drama, Neelam, Chris, and a few other people on his team pulled him aside.
“We wanted to talk to you before you left.”
“Okay, about what?” Jack asked.
“Your girlfriend. We think it’s best if you keep her hidden, same with the baby. We have no problem with you having a girlfriend, or having a baby. We just think that it’s better for your career if you give off the image that you’re single,”
“Is that all necessary?” Neelam asked.
“Sometimes you have to choose your personal life or your career. Plus relationships don’t normally last at 18 anyway.”
“I’m not hiding Y/N or our daughter,” Jack said. “If I wanted the image of being single, I wouldn’t be in a relationship. I know we are young, but I know I want to marry her. We aren’t some stereotypical teenage relationship. She moved to Atlanta with me so I could pursue my dreams. I’m not going to ask her to do that after all she’s done to support me.”
“I just think that it could be better for your career right now, in the future, sure, make your relationship public-”
“No, my decision is final. I’m not hiding someone I love, and I’m not asking her to hide either. You will all realize how special of a person she is, especially to me, when you meet her. I was going to bring her today, but she didn’t feel good, and it was going to be such a long day, I didn’t want to drag her here. I think she’s going to come tomorrow, since I won’t be here as long.”
“I’m really excited to meet her,” Neelam said before anyone else could say anything. She knew why everyone was hesitant, but she wanted to be supportive. 
The next day, you went to the studio to meet everyone. Urban walked a step ahead of you and Jack, Jack had his arm around your waist. You were nervous to meet everyone, even though Jack hadn’t told you that they wanted him to have a single public image, but you could tell he had been coming home stressed, so you had been worried something was wrong at the studio.
Urban walked in first, holding the door open for you and Jack. Neelam smiled as soon as she saw you and Jack. She wanted to be the first one to greet you as she didn’t know how everyone else was going to.
“Hi, I’ve been so excited to meet you!” Neelam said, completely ignoring Jack and Urban. 
“Hi, I’m sorry I haven’t been able to come in and meet everyone sooner, Jack’s been trying to get me to come in since he was signed,” You explained, Neelam shook her head.
“Don’t worry about it, you’re doing something way more important by growing a literal human anyways, I’m Neelam by the way,”
“It’s like we don’t even exist,” Jack joked to Urban, making Neelam roll her eyes.
“I’ve met you before, plus it’s nice to have another girl around, someone who knows how annoying you two can be,” Neelam said, making you giggle, the four of you started walking down the hallway, you and Neelam making small talk, Jack walked into the studio room first, and as soon as everyone saw you it got awkwardly quiet.
“Hey, everyone, this is my girlfriend, Y/N,” Jack said, sliding his hand from your hip to interlock his fingers with yours, gently but reassuringly squeezing your hand. Everyone went around the room and introduced themselves, but less enthusiastically than Neelam, which was fine. You didn’t expect anything crazy, you just felt more welcome by her then everyone else. One of the guys moved off of the couch so you and Jack could sit next to each other, which you appreciated.
After about 15 minutes of everyone figuring out what needed to be recorded today, Jack was in the booth, and Neelam had moved to where he had been previously sitting.
“So, Jack said you’re having a girl?” 
“Yeah,” You said, smiling, “Jack always joked that he wants eight daughters, and after this pregnancy, I’m for sure not having eight kids, but we’ll have at least one daughter.”
“Do you have her name picked out?”
“Honestly, I wish I could say yes, but we don’t, we have a few options, but we can’t decide on one, every time we do, we change our minds.” You explained, Jack looking through the glass to check on you, you smiled softly at him to tell him you were okay.
“I’m just so curious about everything, so if I get annoying, you can just tell me to shut up, and I will. How did you guy’s meet? Jack hasn’t told us much, but I can tell how much he loves you already.”
“I introduced them,” Urban chimed in from your other side.
“And he never lets us forget it,” You joked. “And it’s not annoying, I promise. My family moved when I was in middle school and we ended up living next to Urban, but we didn’t go to the same school until high school, where Urban introduced us on the first day of freshman year, and then we started dating shortly after we turned 16.”
“You’re high school sweethearts? That’s adorable.”
“Yeah, we’ve been together since, we never even took a break after a fight or anything. It’s crazy to think about, but he’s one of the few things I’ve ever been 100 percent sure about. I know we’re young, but I feel like you know when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and that’s how I feel about Jack.”
“He’s really lucky to have you,” Neelam said as Jack walked out of the booth, he was just recording some ad libs so it was going to be a bunch of quick sessions.
“Let me have my girlfriend back,” Jack joked, standing in front of Neelam, she shook her head.
“Nope, she’s mine for the day, you have work to do, we’re going to sit here and gossip, she can tell me about all of your embarrassing high school stories,” Neelam joked back, Jack looked at you.
“Please, not the embarrassing high school stories.” 
“I won’t tell any embarrassing stories, promise. But only because I’m probably involved in them too,” You promised Jack.
“Good enough for me, but don’t you also have work to do?” Jack asked Neelam and she shook her head. 
“I’m done for the day, I just wanted to stay and meet my new best friend.”
“Damn, I’m already being replaced by my girlfriend.”
“I never said you were ever my best friend, to be fair,” Neelam said, and Jack fake gasped in shock.
Throughout the rest of the day, you and Neelam continued to get to know each other, and while you didn’t know how anyone else in the room felt about you, she made you feel welcome and comfortable. Jack was glad that you and Neelam were getting along, he watched you two bond throughout the day, sneaking glances at you while he was recording or even sitting in the chair next to the couch you two were sitting on. He was glad someone was making you feel welcome, though he didn’t care what anyone else thought of you, you were going to be right by his side for his entire career.
Tag list @jackharloww @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @hoodharlow @itsyagirljaz @heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @awhore4moree @harlowslefttoe @twerkforambrose @jackmans-poison @ilovenudy @taniapri @killatravtramp @easternparkway @macey234 @toocriticalharlow @lightsoutstyles @rachxc13 @iknowdatsrightbih @idktbh101 @blossomluvv @middlechild404 @hufflewhore128 @christinabae @lafavoritaangel @jackslilsecrett @savvusworld @mingis-wrld
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somethingvicked · 1 day
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Forget me (not) pt 3
warnings: female reader, talk of memory loss, angst to fluff
You stared at Eddie, your head pounding from the sudden overload of information that just broke through the wall that had been there.
You felt the overwhelming love you had for Eddie, had had for so long. But you also remembered what he had told you, how he had pushed you aside like you were nothing, for Chrissy.
You pulled back, as if he had burned you and Eddie looked at you in panic, like a deer in the headlights.
“Easy, sweetheart, easy…” he started and you suddenly saw red.
“Don’t call me that!” you snapped and he paled. “I’m not your sweetheart any longer, don’t you remember? Because I sure do.”
But at the same time… Eddie had been at your side practically all this time. Why had he? Wasn’t he scared what Chrissy would think?
No, of course he wasn’t. Because he wanted to stay friends with you, he just didn’t want you to have feelings for him. And then you forgot them, a small voice in your head said.
Well, it worked out quite well for him, didn’t it?
You rose to your feet and Eddie quickly did the same, still looking at you like you were some unstable lunatic with a ticking bomb.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” you said, your voice tense. “It clearly worked. And so I guess you better go back to Chrissy, since I now remember everything.”
“Wait, no, Y/N, it’s not like that…”
“I’m back to my old self now, Eddie,” you growled at him. “You don’t need to protect me anymore or do your duty as a friend.”
“Sweetheart, me and Chrissy broke up!”
That made you stop dead in your tracks and you turned around. “You did?”
“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, panting as if he was in pain. “About two weeks after… your accident. She didn’t like that I spent all my time with you…”
You hadn’t thought it was possible for you to be more angry at him, but lo and behold!
“Are you saying it’s my fault she dumped you, Munson?!” you screeched, grimacing as the loud sound made your headache worse.
“No!” Eddie all but squeaked, “I… I’m trying to say that… being at your side was all I wanted. What happened… it made me realize… how much you mean to me. And I know I was an idiot, an insensitive dolt, a goddamn jerk! I hate myself for treating you that way and making you feel like you were not the most important person in my life! Always had been.”
By now he was nearly sobbing, tears brimming in his eyes. “When I heard what had happened… you have no idea… I thought you had died. And the last conversation I had with you was that I wished  you forgot everything.”
“And I did,” you said, shaking your head, still angry with him, but his tears and broken puppy eyes had made it go down a little. The fucker, even when he didn’t try he knew how to play you like a fiddle.
“Yes, you did. You didn’t remember me. I know I deserved it. To have you looking at me like I was a stranger, not being allowed to tickle you or carry you on my back… you remembering everyone else, but not me. I deserved that. But Y/N… please believe me when I say that you are the most important person in my life. When you left that day I sat and contemplated who I would miss more if I would never see them again – you or Chrissy. And… me never seeing Chrissy again, it didn’t made that much of a difference. But the thought of being without you, it made me… I felt shattered. I was going to call you, but then they called me and told me what had happened.”
You rubbed your temples. All of this… it was too much for you to handle right now.
“I… I need to go home,” you got out. “Think about all this.”
“I’ll drive you,” Eddie said, but you shook your head. “I want to be alone.”
“I don’t care,” Eddie said with a frown. “I’m not letting you walk home after regaining your memories and had such a shock. What if something happens? No, get in the van. I’ll drive you. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but you’re not walking.”
A part of you wanted to smile, both at his stubbornness and with how he cared for you. But the rest of you were still so shaky after everything that you just pushed it away.
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A little while later you sat in your room, back at your desk with the photo album in front of you. Eddie had kept his promise and not talked to you the whole way home, even though he had glanced over at you at least one time every minute.
Despite having your memory back completely you felt more confused than ever.
Thankfully your mother had gone to the grocery store, thinking you were spending the day with Eddie, so you didn’t have to go through the roller coaster to tell her you were back to normal.
You weren’t sure what to do with Eddie. Remembering how he had treated you when he got together with Chrissy and his reaction when you told him how you felt about him… it made you feel heartbroken all over again but also angry.
And then… then you remembered how he had supported you and stood by you these last weeks, never quitting on you despite you not remembering anything about him, no matter how he had tried.
It felt like your head was about to explode. This was just too big and complicated for you to take on by yourself.
Usually you went to Eddie if you needed advice and talk something out but obviously that was a no go.
You didn’t want to talk to your mother either, it was enough you had to tell her your memory was back – your parents had been through hell, probably more so than you these last couple of weeks, you didn’t want to worry them even more.
After some time of contemplating you decided to call Steve. He was Eddie’s friend, he was your friend, and he knew the history between you two. He seemed like a good choice.
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Steve didn’t dawdle, he arrived less than twenty minutes after you hung up. The first thing he did when you opened the door was to give you a big hug.
“I’m so happy your memory is fully recovered,” he told you with a smile. “Although I still would’ve hoped you forgot about me being King Steve forever.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle at that as you two walked up to your room.
You and Steve sat at the floor on your bedroom, backs leaned against your bed as you told him about the moment when you remembered everything, your reaction to Eddie, and how you felt so lost on what to do now.
Steve was quiet for a moment, running a hand through his hair, clearly deep in thought.
“You know I think what he did to you was really shitty. I seriously could have beaten him up for being so insensitive,” he told you, making you snort.
“But, he did tell me the same story – that even before you crashed into the tree he was imagining his life without you and without Chrissy. It was you that he almost broke down over losing. And this whole time… please forgive me for this, Y/N, but I actually told him that perhaps he should give you some space, do something else when the time went on and you didn’t remember a single thing about him. It was slowly draining him, he… he couldn’t fall asleep without looking at old pictures of you, crying.”
You were shocked. “Really?”
“Yeah. And – let me just say I didn’t exactly agree with that either – but he didn’t even look at Chrissy after your accident. Couldn’t stand to be near her. I think… I think he felt like it was his fault, what had happened to you, because he had been with her.”
“But I didn’t want him to do this because he felt guilty!” you protested.
“That’s what I said too, but he insisted that’s not why. And you know what? I believed him.”
Steve smiled at you and patted your shoulder. “Y/N, love is not easy. Everyone keeps saying it is but it’s really a fucking mess. When I was with Nancy I spray painted the sign of the cinema, calling her a slut. All because I thought she had cheated on me. The first girl I loved and I did that to her.”
You shook your head. You remembered that very clearly. It was before you and Steve became friends but you had still heard about it from the others.
“What I’m saying is… yes, Eddie was a goddamn idiot. But he realized he was and what he did wrong. And he has tried to make it right, and he will keep trying to make it right, if you let him. So… only you can decide whether you want to forgive Eddie or not, Y/N. But… perhaps you should try and do what he did. Try imagining the rest of your life without him. Does that feel like something you would be okay with?”
Your felt your breath hitch and your stomach turn into knots. A life without Eddie? It felt like… like suddenly the same feeling from your memory loss was back. Only now it wasn’t the past you missed but the future. It was only blank.
“No,” you whispered, your voice trembling.
“Then there’s your answer,” Steve told you softly.
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Steve drove you to the trailer park and you walked up to the Munson’s trailer and knocked on the door.
Eddie opened, and you got the feeling of dejá vu from the last time you had come here. But Eddie sure looked different.
He looked as if he had cried, his hair a nest, as if he had ran his fingers through the curls multiple times, his knuckles bruised as if he had punched a wall.
“Y/N?” he wondered in surprise when he saw you.
“Hey,” you said, smiling weakly. “Look, Eddie…”
“Is this the moment where you… you’re going to tell me that you never want to see me again?” Eddie interrupted, his voice trembling, and it honestly broke your heart.
“No,” you told, reaching out a pushing a curl out of his face. “I… I’m still quite angry with you for what you did. But… it feels like this whole thing, what happened… it was some sort of lesson for both of us. A lesson for you to have me forget you. And a lesson for me, how it would feel to have no connection to you. The feeling, when I think back of how it felt, not knowing everything that has happened between us… it was horrible. I don’t want to be without you again, or ever forget you again. Not even the stupid thing you did, even though it makes me want to shake you.”
Eddie let out a gasp and then he all but squished you against him, holding you so hard you were sure you would have bruises.
“Oh, sweetheart…” he whispered, carefully kissing your temple. The bruises were healed but he remembered them all too vividly, kissing every spot where they had been.
“I’m so sorry for what I did. And for how I behaved when I started dating Chrissy. I just… I guess I got caught up with how it felt that someone popular actually wanted me. And in the back of my head I always thought you and I would have more time. I was an idiot, I know that. I will never make that mistake again.”
He inhaled before he continued: “And I’m so sorry that I never realized… that you loved me. I… I wished I had realized it sooner but I didn’t…”
You shushed him. “I know. That’s what I mean, that maybe the accident happening… it was a wake up call for both of us.”
Eddie nodded. “Yes. I’ve always loved you, sweetheart. But it’s more than that. You… you’re my person. The reason why it has never worked out with any other girl. Why I couldn’t see a future with Chrissy. Because you were the one.”
Now it was your turn to blink back tears.
Eddie suddenly pulled something from his pocket. Your eyes widened when you saw it was the dried flower from the scene of the accident.
“I found it in the van, on the passenger seat,” Eddie said. “I want you to have this and save it. As a reminder, that you will never forget me again. And as a promise from me, that I will never forget you’re the only one I want.”
You smiled, and placed the blue Forget-me-not behind your ear.
“The only one?”
“The only one,” Eddie promised, sealing it with a kiss.
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Your likes are wonderful but reblogs expand my reading circle.
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blueishspace · 2 days
Text
Looped Sun 13
Loop #397
Jimmy: You know what? I'm not going to lose this time around.
Scott: Oh?
Jimmy: I'm going to win this time. I'm going to be the winner of third life.
Scott: Why not? I can help if you want.
Jimmy: This will be amazing.
Jimmy: This isn't amazing.
Scott: Oh Jimmy, you know this is how Third Life ends, I wasn't going to die before seeing you win.
Jimmy: I know... but I don't want to...
Scott: It's ok Jimmy, this is just a game after all.
Jimmy:... Alright.
Loop #399
Mumbo: ... Grian, why did I found an egg under my bed covers.
Grian: I don't know what you mean.
Mumbo: Grian!
Grian: Maybe It's yours, maybe you can lay eggs in this loop.
Mumbo: ... Can I? ... Wait no, you are trying to distract me!
Grian: What? Me??? Noo.
Mumbo: That's definitely a lie.
Loop #407
Scar: Oh! Jimmy, Jimmy, come here!
Jimmy: Deputy, what's going on?
Scar: You haven't seen my theme park yet have you?
Jimmy: Do you have one?
Scar: Oh yes, come with me.
Jimmy: This is... wow. How long did this take?
Scar: Like 200 loops.
Jimmy: This is insane! This is like, as big as a server! How???
Scar: Lots of effort!
Jimmy: You got a Tumble Town inspired section?
Scar: Of course! I am the deputy after all!
Jimmy: Can we go?
Scar: Oh yes! Just remember to keep all limbs inside the minecart!
Loop #418
Grian had woken up in a gray world... He could see people and trees and animals but everything was some shade of gray. He wondered around a bit and noticed a blur, a person in a cloak running into the woods... So of course they followed them.
Grian: Hello? ... Hey? Mysterious person-
Suddenly there was a blade to his neck, a person in a cloak and hat holding it to him.
Grian: Well, that's not nice.
???: Who are you!?! I have never seen you before!
Grian: Grian, and you?
???: I... It doesn't make sense, I gave never seen you before... why did the script change?
Grian: Script... is time reapeating for you?
The stranger took a step back, face shocked.
???: How!?
Grian: I am in the same position, now I ask again. Who are you?
Siffrin: Call me Siffrin...he/they
Siffrin: I just escaped one timeloop and now I'm stuck in a different one!?!
Grian: I... I'm not the best person to explain probably but you aren't alone.
Siffrin: I'm not?
Grian: Eventually other people will start looping with you, the closer to you the likelier.
Siffrin: ...
Grian: So, can I join your little party for this?
Siffrin: I can try to convince the others but I don't... I Don't want to go into the house again.
Grian: Oh, that, don't worry I'll deal with the king myself.
Siffrin: Are you sure?
Odile: What do you mean the king disappeared and everyone was freed!??
Bookstore keeper: I don't know what to tell you, it happened in the middle of the night.
Mirabel: D-does that mean It's over? Everyone is ok?
Bookstore keeper: Looks like it.
Mira: Oh! I need to see the head housemaiden!
Odile: I can't believe this.
Scott: So when are you going to tell Siffrin that you are also looping?
Loop: When are you going to tell that watcher that you are here?
Scott: Touchè.
Loop: Of course, I'll tell them... eventually. It is much funnier this way.
Scott: Agreed.
Grian: I have a gift.
Siffrin: A gift?
Grian: You probably won't know what it is but this is a reality stone.
Siffrin: ...
Grian: You remember how to access the pocket?
Siffrin: Yeah?
Grian: Hold on to it, will you?
Loop #422
Scar: Mumbo?
Mumbo: Yeah?
Scar: I've been thinking.
Mumbo: Weird...
Scar: Wha- Hey!
Mumbo: Heh... go on.
Scar: Right, me and Grian are soulmates so much that sometimes the bond stays even if we are outside if Double Life.
Mumbo: Yes?
Scar: And you got half of Grian's soul to get cured of pigness.
Mumbo: ... Yes.
Scar: So if you and Grian share a soul then you are also soulmates right?
Mumbo: . . . I guess?
Scar: So if me and Grian are soulmates and you and Grian are soulmates then me and you are soulmates too!
Mumbo: I don't think that's how it works?
Scar: But are you sure it isn't?
Mumbo: ... Not really?
Scar: Then it totally works like that soulmate.
Mumbo: If... if you say so...soulmate.
Loop #425
Scott heard a knock...then soon after another.
Scott: Coming.
...
Scott: Who's there at this hour?
Tango: It's me, Tango.
Scott: Why are you here?
Tango: I wanted to say I'm...sorry for your loss.
Scott: Wha- oh, you mean Jimmy?
Tango: ... Yeah?
Scott: It's...ok, I'll deal...thank you I guess.
Tango: ...
Scott: ... Do you want anything else.
Tango: Uh... I... Have a weird question.
Scott: Go on?
Tango: Is...is time reapeatificating for you?
Scott: ...
Tango: It is isn't it!? I knew it!
Scott: Tango... out of everyone...
Tango: Yea- ...uh?
Scott: It's just... I have a lot to tell you but I can't right now.
Tango: Wait no, I need to-
Scott: It's late Tango, come back tomorrow, bye!
Scott: Why him!? Why did he have to start looping as well!?
He needed to calm himself, he couldn't act aggressively towards Tango the following morning and especially not in front of Jimmy. This was...unexpected but it was fine, he could deal with this.
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Also interested in Hollow Knight lore, @a-sociopath-do-your-research if you are willing to loredump in my askbox I will be very grateful.
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dearweirdme · 2 days
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“It has nothing to do with this being trips he took with Jm. It has everything to do with this having been work and the way I saw Jk on the show.”
Again, those were Jk’s experiences. The trips were work yes but you don’t know that they felt like work to him do you? I am a hairstylist by profession, that is my Job, my work but I could do 10 clients hair on the same day and it wouldn’t feel like work to me because I love doing it so you cannot speak on people’s experiences based on the ones you believe are work and not work because you don’t know how they feel about that “work”. You also talk about the way you saw Jk in the show but that is subjective and the way you think you saw him could just be a matter of you not knowing him as much as you think you do or you just reading him wrong. Take Tae for example, many people read him so wrong because they assume that his blank face is him being mad or being bitchy or being rude when mostly he is just zoned out or has his resting face on. An anon just mentioned a few asks down how many people don’t understand that just has a blank face sometimes which doesn’t mean he is mad. Imagine someone coming to tell you that Tae is rude or bitchy or arrogant because of how they see his face. See how it sounds right?
You’ve never seen what Jk is like on an actual private vacation or trip, you don’t know how he looks, what his moods are or none of that so how do you compare? This is a matter of perspective and you could be looking at things in a completely different way than Jk is. To you it was work and must have felt like work so you don’t see how Jk could place something like that at the top of his list but to Jk, maybe it was work that didn’t feel like work, maybe it was a chance to get away from his actual work which was physically and mentally exhausting and just whine down. Maybe he enjoyed the chaos, the ups and downs and how unpredictable things were. Maybe on all or most of his other trips he had always known what to expect but maybe in these ones it was the unexpected things that made things fun. Maybe it was him getting to do a bunch of things he liked to do on the trips almost all at once, or maybe it was how the places and people made him feel in those moments so I don’t think you can measure where people rank their trips depending on if it was work or not or how you think they looked during the trips for the simple fact that your perspective of things could have been very different from Jk’s. What you saw as him being overworked, he probably saw as freedom or a chance to get away as he said, what you saw as him being disinterested or tired or angry was probably him just probably sitting there and not thinking of much.
Someone mentioned in the comments that they believe Jk lied because they have eyes. What of those who have eyes and ears and saw those moments in the solo where Jk seemed dismissive of Tae? Are they correct to assume Jk hates Tae because he refused to sing “LMA” a second time on Live when he was asked to? Would you say he hates Tae because Jk publicly supported Jm than Tae? Would you say he hates Tae because he doesn’t talk much about his hangouts with Tae while Tae does? Those are things Jk did, people saw and assumed that he didn’t like Tae and wouldn’t speak about their hangouts like Tae did because he didn’t care for them. Would you agree with them because they have eyes and that is what they saw? You see the issue with this line of thought?
Yeah well, welcome to Tumblr anon, the place where everyone goes on and on about their interpretation of things. You’ve heard my thoughts, I’ve heard yours.. I find it a bit odd that you go so strongly about a mere nuance (the nuance being that I think Jk had a good time, but not the best time). We’re not going to agree. I could easily go into to everything you mentioned, but I’m tired and sick and just can’t be bothered right now.
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windvexer · 2 years
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also spell methodologies don't get talked enough about (imo) so here's a thing that's totally a thing:
the need for your own mind to be a flawless diamond of willpower and faith during any spell/ritual or the magic will fail
is actually just one spellcasting methodology
and you don't have to work with that system if you don't want to.
I sometimes work with that method and I personally find it to be very exhausting but fun to mess with. But there's just no way I could get my Work done if I had to do that all the time.
so yeah just in case nobody told you that you're allowed to be filled with doubt, intrusive thoughts, embarrassment, anxiety, distraction (etc) during spells and rituals -
not only are you allowed
but it might literally have no effect on your spellwork at all depending on the methodology you choose to employ.
for example here is a type of spell which could not give one heck what you've got in your mind, as long as you get down all the details on paper.
but if you're NOT going to fuel spells by directly burning your willpower like high octane fuel you gotta power them with something else,
so tbh just research some planetary stuff, go by day of week and hour of day if possible, match as many correspondences as you can, don't stress too much about the moon unless it's a specifically lunar operation, use agrippa's seals, solidify your exact intent into a written petition,
burn a fuckin candle,
pay whatever you promised.
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simgerale · 6 months
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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piplupod · 3 months
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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
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rubberduckyrye · 6 months
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Just 2 AM thoughts: Theory crafting is just another form of writing fanfiction, you cannot change my mind.
#I think there is this misconception that crafting theories and doing literary analyses means you are only like#spewing facts and looking at facts and everything is fact fact fact#when in actuality that is far from the case#even if you were to take a piece of work#and have two people use the same literary criticism to analyze that work#you will get two very different analyses on the same work#Sometimes these analyses can even be contradictory in nature#but both interpretations are valid and have their own merit#this is why I don't like posts that are like “Ew I hate it when people write characters as OOC”#because while yes I do despise me some certain interpretations of my favorite fictional works#I don't discredit their existence#I don't say with my whole chest that they are truly wrong and need to rethink their interpretations#Someone could have a very different interpretation of a character than me and that is perfectly valid#but I digress#Theory crafting is a creative art not a science#Everyone has their own flare to add to theory crafting#Their own personality#their own meaning#their own biases#their own self#and that is exactly like how people write fanfiction#you do research on subjects you want to know more about before writing about#you interpret a character in a certain way and write about them in that way#and you know#I think more people need to realize that#because then you'd get a lot less people going “your theory is canon/your theory is bad and not canon”#and realizing that theory crafting is another form of creative art
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another day another "applying the concept 'disposability' to 'someone withdraws from a personal relationship, & that wasn't signed off on by the other'" kill me
#literal acknowledged interpersonal abuse Needing to be ''mediated'' (implicit premise of preserving that relationship >>>)#and if the victim doesn't participate they're treating their abusive partner / abusive relationship as ''disposable''#like in what meaningful way. getting away from an abuser is ''disposing'' of them like imprisonment / killing From A State?#dropping an abusive relationship is ''disposing'' of it? like uh yeah i sure hope it is#this is always Vaguely Applied to ''ppl don't want to HANDLE CONFLICTS or DO THE WORK'' & then connected to political actions#like well someone's just a bad person In The World / All Things if they stopped being my friend and i don't know why#like of course that Can Be good faith. it's a personal business#but if someone ghosts you and you truly don't know why Yeah maybe there's something going on but like okay let them go#if they want to do that for reasons you don't think are Compelling or they just aren't interested / putting in that Effort then like#what Friendship is really being lost here. but then tweet about it with no context & a zillion ppl like SO TRUE kys randos#[fart reverb Conflict Is Not Abuse] standard abuse apologetics which are easy & a zillion ppl go SO TRUE b/c It's Abuse Culture#someone HAS to Answer My Texts / Calls / In Person Confrontations As A Bold Clearsighted Political Actor are you kidding#someone really doesn't. even if you Really are like ''and i'm not even consciously malicious'' what a high bar#one gazillion abusive parents will tell you And My Estranged Child Won't Even Tell Me Why / Doesn't Have Any Good Reasons / Won't Talk....#what am i supposed to doooo i'm at a losssss And Really I'm The Victim#''i want to break up'' / ''okay i don't :) let's talk through Your Feelings :) [waffle around until insisting on Same Access To Person]''#someone can rescind interpersonal access to themself For Any / No Reason. on a dime no explanation necessary. for god's sake#and friendship is not actually some magically pure & Neutral relationship either. same things#anyway just unfollowed some rando for their thread spinning off a vague qrt ''ppl are so AFRAID OF CONFRONTATION they unfriend u''#going on & on abt how You Need To Put In The Work & Effort & You're Just Probably A Bad Person Otherwise & Disposability like#the disposability is my three points wastebasket toss. death via the state =/= someone won't talk to you. can we be at all serious#every day i reach out further like aplatonic people [some emblem gesture] lovelessness [same] help me#thinking of a Good Tweet i saw abt framing everything re: interactions with others around Consideration first & foremost#wildly enough the way you treat people doesn't need to have Fundamental Assumptions re: like ah Friendship / Community / Love / Family &ccc#how do you treat a stranger. how do you treat someone who you don't personally like &/or vice versa. how do you treat ppl you don't Meet.#it's all so vague it could mean Anything but a) often hints towards [abuse victims are framed as Bad Political Actors]#& b) then that's what people read into & respond to for sure lol#as ever ''oh everyone's just little bitches who can't handle any discomfort. yes; this was prompted by my being discomfited''#wait yeah lol i did not Confront this stranger to try to Posit this to them in twttr's character limit; just unfollowed. disposability smh
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on-stolen-sunbeams · 2 months
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#I spend a lot less time every week at food service job than at lab (excluding june bc prof had a thing)#but I still feel like I care wayyy too much about doing it “right” ie following the rules satisfying the customers helping coworkers etc.#and that specific trifecta is pretty much impossible bc I can't chat with coworkers and talk to customers at the same time#nor can I give customers literally everything they want while following corporate/manager assigned rules to a tee#(while I've worked over a year at a different location prior to this one and know when I can bend rules it's not always enough)#nor follow rules perfectly while hanging out with coworkers. so it's impossible.#it's been a year and I can't really increase hours much even though ik I'd be more of “part of the team”#bc my schedule is a minefield subject to the domino effect and I refuse to be late to anything#plus my commute is wayyyy longer now and I can't cut lab hours or other stuff.#I really miss my old location so bad tbh the people here are cool#but there I was part of the old guard and I knew everyone and I really miss camaraderie(& the higher pay (ily california))#like yes closing took way longer bc we didn't close dining room while the store was still open#and there were a couple deep-cleaning occasions I'd get out at 2 am#but tbh I'd take it back immediately if I could. even the understaffedness and running out of stuff and lack of coin change.#also yes I am a lil pissed that the moment I left the state minimum wage increased to 20 bucks. could that have not passed 3 months earlier#os2.txt
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chialattea · 3 months
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genuinely considering making easy-to-read pamphlets/posts about some STEM concepts, specifically about genetic engineering (CRISPR), how GMOs actually work, what epigenetics are and/or what popular lab procedures basically do. However. That would be like, incredibly niche and science-y. And this is also basically a fandom blog. And unless they’re fanfic writers trying to write a scientist or something I don’t think people come to tumblr to read this kind of stuff. Maybe… if I make them with anime characters…?
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rivilu · 2 years
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While we all know about Hawke's character-assasination in inquisition, I personally remain.. preplexed? a morbid kind of impressed? with how that game also managed to butcher my Warden with only about 5 lines of dialogue referring to him and a letter.
#dragon age#dai critical#mostly everything leliana says#because look. they were friends in origins. But it was doomed from the get-go#and that's kind of the beauty of it in origins isn't it? The setting of war makes a lot of room for relationships that would in any other-#place in time- any other scenario be impossible- to happen!#for Orion this applies to Sten and Morrigan too.#The whole thing of- one day you will walk out of Denerim and into a life that will entirely contrast my every value;#Stealing Dalish artifacts. Becoming Arishok. Working as left hand of the Divine.#Next time we see eachother chances are we will no longer be on the same side#we both know this but tonight we still gather around the campfire. we still sing. we still laugh; exchange gifts and talk about the world.#it's bittersweet yes but it's the type of tragedy that feels like everyone involved already knows and is at peace about it#So when inquisition comes around and Leliana tells me Orion is still a close friend of hers? It feels like it cheapens the whole thing#Yes the devs can't possibly account for every possible way either installment can be played just for those small moments#But that is WHY they should either be bringing the old protagonists back as playable or simply not include them at all#The warden I made would not even leave room to question that he and leli are now on hostile terms#and he CERTAINLY would not send a polite little letter to a force whose purpose is to restore the chantry to power#And then you have the throne room chatter. which i straight up hate im not going to be poetic about it#the fucking da keep remains horrendous#oh we desperately need to have shithead npcs shittalk the hof . what? your hof did NOTHING that would warrant that? haha too bad#you simply can't pick what you actually DID in those quests#You found Bevin didnt take the sword and just gave them 5 gold out of the goodness of your heart? No you didnt#You just persuaded the random mercenaries in the gnawed noble tavern to leave? No you killed them#it infuriates me
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doux-amer · 2 years
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I watched The Menu and loved it because it featured every single thing I hate about the food world and the arts in general. It’s brilliant because it's multilayered and multi-pronged in its satire and reducing it to just ONE aspect of its criticism (“rich people suck”) is too simplistic; even if you took away their richness, each character from the customers to Slowik and Elsa on the opposite side stands for a certain type of person who interacts with food and I hate every single one of them. :))))))
Also, it's hilarious because 2022 had The Bear and The Menu and people who work in the food industry/service industry or are have some connection to it talked about how they got stressed out by one and felt catharsis through the other. Both of them let them feel seen, but one was feeling seen in a bad way and the other one was in a good way even if you liked both fkasjflksajf.
#i don't particularly want to look at what people say about the menu#because i feel like i'm going to be benafflecksmoking.jpg about it the way i did when i saw some stuff about the bear#there are several things going on and if you just think it's about one thing you're wrong and i don't want to talk to you#like yeah rich people suck but the class and privilege satire got muddied because this is not a case of one good guy#who's a champion of service workers vs. all these rich snobs who make everything suck#but that's the point!#and it's not entirely about wealth because you can't look at someone like tyler for instance and think that's the point#and i assume people think tyler is the stand-in for obsessive foodies#when in reality all of the diners are different types of foodies all of whom are despicable and who are in fact bloodsuckers#although the way that slowik judges some of them is so binary and narrow and he's conflating everyone's sins to the same degree#and slowik is a hypocrite and a delusional egoistic bitter man but he's also not the only one perpetuating the abuse#he is culpable in contributing to the destruction of his own soul and life as well as his passion and the industry#and there are people like elsa who enable that and the way she does her job is just...EVERYONE SUCKS! THEY ALL SUCK!#the only person who's right is margot/erin for a lot of reasons#she is the only one who understood the assignment#the only one who didn't belong there yes...but as someone who's a service worker herself#she understood the fundamental basics of what a dining experience is#what providing that means and what someone is supposed to receive#and acknowledging what goes into it (her acknowledgment of the sous chef as the person who puts in the work#knowing there is a person whereas tyler couldn't give a damn)#what food is there for at the end of the day#even if someone else had gone into that room none of them were capable of coming to that conclusion#anyway i hate the culture around fine dining and i hate foodies :))))#every time i see a fellow millennial say they're a foodie or write that they love food on their ig/dating app profile/twitter bio/whatever#i roll my eyes so hard and it's HATE on sight!!!!!!!#you and everyone else in 2023 buddy!#and you can love food and i know if you love food versus....that#the bear and the menu are great in different ways and i appreciate and like them for different reasons#and i was SO interested in seeing which would stress me out. for me it was the bear (even though i enjoyed it) and the menu was fun#without any stress while the opposite was true for some people who HATED the menu (loved it but felt understood/seen/reminded of stuff)
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longagoitwastuesday · 2 years
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I love the Goncharov meme conceptually. It feels like classic academia perhaps, definitely like studying ancient philosophy at times. You get a fragment (knockoff boots), a general context (Martin Scorsese films existing), and then a very long discussion about nothing starts. But the nothingness isn't entirely nothing, and there are still limits to what can and cannot be said framed by both the existence and non-existence of that which is being discussed. Hilarious, truly, and the fact itself so very interesting to analyse in so many ways.
#This feels a bit like studying and discussing presocratics or Socrate himself xD#ngl while I loved the boots thing (I had often thought about those knockoff boots‚ I found them hilarious)#I don't find the Goncharov memes particularly funny#But the concept is fascinating conceptually and thrilling to analyse in so many levels#The fact that almost every webwaving‚ even the ones about a fake film‚ have the same quotes#That basically everything said about this film is what is said about any other popular media#Is so interesting as how short media analysis falls into superficiality and miopic repetition of patterns#As is the fact that we can discuss to eternity something that doesn't exist#in a sort of Narcissus looking at his reflection on the pond situation‚ in love with our own discussion more than the thing itself#And that's a level. But it's also very interesting in how basically everyone has a very similar idea of what the film is about#How nothingness with sprinkles can tell us something‚ a lot‚ and make a ghost of a film which can effectively to some extent be analysed#It's also hilarious in how it puts a mirror‚ so to speak‚ in front of so many academic studies#How we've basically been doing this for centuries unironically and I'd say with at least a certain sense of self awareness#How this brings back studying and discussing the lost texts of Ovid or Sappho based just on what they say about them or the absence#in what they say about them‚ or what other authors say about them or how their works are wrapped around those lost texts#How it brings back the study and analysis of presocratics like Pythagoras or even Socrate himself of which we have Plato and Xenophon#but really something close to nothing considering how important those authors are as basis of the entire history of western philosophy#And yet there's honestly so much to say about them given the nothingness we have accompanied by the something!#And Goncharov memes work a bit that way#I don't know. There are really so many facets to this meme and they are all conceptually hilarious yes xD#Another but not less important aspect of this meme that I love conceptually is that#I'm a bit fan of funny lies. I adore them. Especially when constructed between several people#And Goncharov is precisely that lol#Goncharov#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Meme shit
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exopelagic · 11 months
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yeah I have more to say
#I think priest was right when he said I wanted a lot and it’s more than I can have bc I’ve taken more than I can handle#I’ve been trying to say yes to things which is all well and good but I’ve been out every night this week between hockey and friends#this week has lasted six months#and at the same time Tuesday was a few hours ago#and at all times there is so much I’m not doing.#as always it’s partially an issue of wasted time bc ive been getting up late and struggling to work in my room#but I also still haven’t recovered from the cold mentally or physically and it put me so behind#which was now two weeks ago god#somehow only two weeks#.but also two fucking weeks that’s so long#and I’m still trying to be gentle w myself but that doesn’t work but i also know I’m being too harsh on myself all the time#I don’t know what to do with any of this#I think temporarily I might stop Doing Things and just have time for me to get myself back together and slow down a bit bc it’s way too much#I think I’m just really horribly overwhelmed by everything and it’s built up to a breaking point#so this weekend I’m not gonna go out and see anyone I’m gonna stay in or go to the library and finish my work#have a goddamn cup of tea before I go to bed#I need to go to the shop and cook at some point but that can be basics for now because as much as I’d like to do the pie thing#maybe leave it until I’m more together so I’m not worried abt Extra things. I think temporary goal is to minimise the number of things#I really want to cry and just have it out but I’m teetering on the like. wanting to cry feeling instead of pushing over#this is a jump but I’m so tired of prioritising everyone else’s feelings#I realised tonight when I’m playing I’m always holding myself back a little to let other people do shit#and it’s not even like I’m holding back bc I’m good. I’m just letting other people do stuff bc I think they deserve it more#and when we had Shit happen I took on talking everyone down and making sure they were all okay#and then that whole weekend after I was completely fucked I couldn’t Do Anything#even with ms main character I’ve been stroking her ego do she doesn’t blow up completely and fuck stuff up for Everyone#maybe. just maybe my feelings are also important and I’m allowed to have shit not be my problem like everyone else#I think I’m going to bed it’s 2:40#I’m gonna try prioritise myself just a little tiny bit more#luke.txt
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king127 · 2 months
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The conversation sucked but was so what I needed. I was asked to respect his decision to move on. & I asked for the respect to not have sex anymore. Because I love my husband & it makes it harder for me to move on. I was being cordial, not trying to fight. But instead of saying okay & ending the conversation I get shit talked about me. Like what?
I want to move on peacefully as well, just as he requested & not having sex with someone I love who no longer loves me back makes me wrong? So much negative things being said to me. When the convo could’ve been so short. Just crazy. Proves me how toxic he truly is.
But the conversation was needed for me to understand that I am not the only one who messed up. I was lied to & made to believe we’d always work through it & always get stronger through our downfalls. I mean I literally got all the proof of his betrayal, but to him it was nothing & I’m the bad guy. He told me to stay when I should’ve left & now he denies it lmao Okay. We both messed up. Take accountability as I have. I was willing to always try & you lied about never giving up & always trying & that divorce was never an option. Thanks for showing me your true colors. Even showing me how much of a snitch he is by threatening me with law enforcement like really. Thank you for the push. I’m with our kids 85% of the time cause you work a lot & that’s okay I understand that but you threaten to try to get me in trouble with the law. Fake AF. So unbelievable but it’s okay. Thank god I didn’t decide to go back to that place when you asked me to for our kids. I knew it wasn’t gonna be a good idea & I’m so thankful I stuck to my gut feeling.
& he’s mad I use this app to vent instead of talking to people & posting on apps where people know us. Don’t nobody know me here. Don’t nobody even care. You left me, you can’t dictate how I heal myself from being fooled. Crazy how the truth unfolds when things get rough.
#people really switch up on you#never trust a person who speaks poorly about you when man#never trust someone who only blames you#only good thing was the children who taught me to be gentle & loving cause they so stuck up my ass. lol#I let myself trust someone after never trusting a soul due to the bad that was done to me by people who were supposed to protect me#God sees everything & saw me try my best#yes I made mistakes but nothing to be treated so poorly about#both of us fucked up & at least I take accountability for my actions#glad I could now see the toxicity & lies told#never was his love just had been settled for#I couldn’t even get the same respect of what’s best for me to move on but I have to respect his decision#I’m so dumb#I let him in & he failed me & lied to me#trying to make me believe I’m bad when I know I’m not#I tried he gave up. I kept my promise to god in my marriage not him & god sees it all so stop your lies#belittling my feelings & speaking so poorly of me#you reap what you sow. & god has a better plan for. glad he pushed my limits. it so helpful#sucks I love him but reading everything he texts me for over a month helps me. I’ve been cordial & our texts prove it#manipulation at its finest. crazy how one switches up & blames everyone else but themselves#I tried. that’s all that matters. couldn’t reciprocate the respect asked of me. respect was never there#I was never the one. I have so much proof. it helps me move on & be strong for myself#I deserve better & will better myself for myself & my kids that he asked for to do it the right way yet breaks apart another family#make it make sense. but honestly it don’t even matter. things won’t get better. he hates me & I can’t trust him#when someone threatens you with the law & is okay with being snitch you can never trust them. with no trust nothing will get better#he don’t wanna make it work. I’m happy he disrespected me. was needed to let go as asked. I was never the one#just another lesson babygirl#I know I did my best but ain’t gonna keep being stupid for someone who disrespects me & makes everything an argument#like I literally just wanted to not have sex so I can let go. sex makes things confusing. I wasn’t fighting. n got the worst said to me.#like why can’t I get the respect I was asked for. I’ve been cordial. tryna be respectful to eachother for our kids. but he cant even do tha#ashamed in myself for letting someone in. fooled me so bad it’s crazy how someone can be so fake. I’m shocked by the reaction of my request
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