#and theres a possibility of me losing my job
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Theres no words that can describe the complete alienation of having severe long covid. One infection, caused directly by political decisions to remove public measures, and i cant walk. Can't stand except on really good days which are getting rarer. Sitting is a privilege i dont always have. Cognitive work is too much of a risk to consider for the moment. I live in constant fear of going back to being utterly bed ridden in the sense that i cant even feed myself, drink water, speak, move my limbs beyong my fingers and toes. For days and days without relief.
Nothing feels real. Every gain can be lost in a literal second. And on top of this, the fear of reinfection. The very real possibility of death, given how weak a single infection has made me when I was healthy and young. The even more real possibility of a worsened state, where there are no good days. That means death, too. If i am constantly in a state where I cannot move, i am going to have to resort to euthanasia because it is not a bearable existence. I can barely tolerate it when it know it will end. Last time was 14 days and I am still so traumatized by it 2 months later nothing feels real.
And on top of that, i am being told that my life doesnt matter. Covid is not a real concern. Let it fester. Even if the stairs in my building didnt lock me in, all public spaces have become lethal to me. I cant see my friends because they cant avoid exposure when theres a wave. To love me, you must live in a horrific world where no matter how many precautions you take, no matter how much they ostracize you, you might still cause my death.
Covid is a privileged issue they say. Im not even in the room for it bc i cannot be in the room. You can move your body, youre not afraid of death, you havent lost everything that makes you *you*, but im the privileged one. I cant even emote the way i used to. If i get too excited, too happy, i cant move. I talked to countless people who cant work anymore, are losing their jobs their houses their partners their immigration permits but no. Covid doesnt matter. I dont matter. Everyone cheered when i got covid bc they got to party for new years eve. I hope it was a good party. I will never agree that it was worth my life.
For the past 2 years ive had to share classrooms with students and professors who know everything about my story, who have seen how disabled i am by long covid, who ive begged to mask. They all refuse to mask. And i have to sit there and pretend its not a cosmical level farce that theyre talking about social justice and ethics and just what good people they all are. Not to mention that most of them have revealed themselves to be zionists. I have to sit next to an iof soldier and act as if its ok that she gets to sit in this classroom, except im not even sitting in the room because cases are too high and im too weak to be there physically anyway, so im on zoom. At least i get to remove my earbuds when she speaks so i dont have to think about the atrocities she has committed.
#long covid#complete loss of faith in the future#no one cares if i live or die even among leftists#i cant even be in the room anymore to be seen#its been almost 3 years of living in the most horrific reality#this summer has been so. dehumanizing#please care. please wake up. no matter where you are.#covid#btw if youre queer and you pretend to care about aids but dont a give a shit about covid. i hate you personally 🧡 do better#ive found extraordinary resemblance between my despair and the despair of people dying during aids. we are the same.#except their community started giving a shit. when will you#also people with mecfs who had it before covid im holding your hand we're in the same boat my future is your future
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Wow it sure is fun having covid a second time. Good thing covid is over tho and I can just go to work tomorrow *screams*
#like#i only tested positive yesterday#and theres a possibility of me losing my job#if i dont go#and i really cant afford to lose my job alcuz as we all know even when you apply to jobs they wont always call you back right away if at all#and i had been looking up til last month#and i never got any calls back#so like#fml ig#im so tired and in pain#im gpnna be as petty ad possible tomorrow vuz im just so doneeeee#rant#personal#hisao
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i feel like the makeup standards are not necessarily going to get Worse, just. stay the Same. "raised by sephora and ulta" christ alive yall act like this shit is new. as if this hasnt been the standard to blast young girls with makeup ads and shit via magazine and tv and imposed beauty standards anyway. the only real difference is like, idk, accessibility of tutorials for how to apply it well
#toy txt post#spoken as. a no makeup bitch#altho i have also been accused by a terf of wearing a pound if makeup for wearing. visible lipstick in a selfie. and that was It#the actual Beauty Standard has largely stayed the exact fucking same of like making your skin texture as fake as possible#that was the standard back then too but it was harder to achieve /know how to do it cos there werent tutorials the same way now#also yes sephora and ulta are evil and all that but like the same amount theyve always been.#yall really acting like these imposed beauty standards being exposed to children is like a new unique tiktom thing thats never happened#before. and yall blaming instagram are no fuckin better. this has been happening The Entire God Damn Time#also theres something rubbing me about the way this is getting talked about. 'she did all thos other arbitrary bullshit except this#One Thing! the discrimination against this one thing is awful!#and like. it is. but i feel like we could address that while also maybe stepping back a tiny bit further and questioning these arbitrary#standards of professionalism too while we're at it#why does she have to have a blazer either? why do the earrings have to be understated#why do the colors have ti be bland and boring? why does he hair have to be a natural color and gender conforming ?#etc etc etc#like if we're accepting all that other shit the ppl upset about this could acknowledge she might experience similar discrimination for say#very obvious goth or punk-y makeup or anything a little too far outside the bounds of the acceptable beauty standard#everyone is pissed about 'eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man' but theyd be saying nothing if she was discriminated for fuckin#big wings and black lipstick bc well thats Obviously not professional standard makeup. okay?#if we change how we look at professional standards of dress and makeup as a whole to include Fucking Freak Bitches#then it would be a lot easier to include No Makeup in there as welllllll#idk#im a no makeup bitch with blue hair whos only ever worked in warehouses so they didnt give too much of a shit about my lack of makeup#or blue hair as long as i didnt show up in like flip flops which is a Reasonable dress code bc its got an actual fucking reason#(safety so you dont lose your goddamn toes to a box or a grate or some shit) vs it makes the office corpo bros sad#anyway idk if you have the privilege to get away with it i think you should dress weirder in the office to get them used to weirder dress#maybe instead of Suddenly going No Makeup sort of slowly lessen the amount so its not a Sudden change or smth#again: if you have the privilege and job security to get away with it#also also also: easier to get away with if you were to say. mask. js. they cant get mad at schrodingers lack of lipstick
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whatever maybe im being too hard on him specifically maybe the other execs in that article are right that he's just an easy target because he's the one passing on changes from all of them. but even so what kind of insane defense is that. "no this one guy isnt bad at his job! the employees are just mad at him because hes the point of contact for the rest of us, who are all bad at *our* jobs!"
#god remember when i said it felt like they werent really in control of the chaos in this movie? turns out they actually fucking werent.#maybe because the producers and directors couldnt decide on what to do and had animation staff with no guidance for SIX MONTHS?#and then had to crunch them for a year to make up for it!!! yeah you guys are right this is an unavoidable part of moviemaking (/S)#there was simply no way you could have possibly. had a handle on what you were doing and had the employees work consistently#on a normal schedule instead of giving them nothing to go on until the last minute.#between movie animating and video games like. these industries are making me lose my fucking mind.#its all so needless its just blatant failures of people in management#who make their employees suffer to make up for the exec's incompetence#just for those execs to be the ones who get all the royalties and acclaim. for work that was good largely in spite of them.#avpost#once again reminded of how the movie that won best editing this year was run by writer/directors who were actively on the sfx team#and therefore. actually worked with the editors and had a plan and gave the effects team what they needed.#but yeah no you guys at sony are right your way is clearly the only option theres just simply no other alternative im sure.#its clearly too much to expect of you guys. to manage projects like this. when its literally your job to manage projects.
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whining hours . sry
#like idk i try to like. imagine a future where i have like. friends. you know. Bare mimimum i have People i talk to. who arent lamp. and i#just cant imagine it happening again#like. i genuinely feel like i cant connect to ppl anymore and idk how id like. i dont see a way for me to do that ever again since i cant g#to school and like. sny job im able to get wouldnt be the kind where i like. meet people or make friends. and last year when i eent out wit#the express purpose of Making friends i literally couldnt. speak to anyone. like i just sat alone with my headphones on until it was time t#go home ... i dont know how to like. initiate casual conversation#+ like. i worry i get way too invested in any potential friendships bc i want so badly to be Normal and have friends and then i freak out#rly badly over something trivial. and thats entirely my fault like I need to work on not letting my freakouts effect the person im freaking#out abt. yk. like its my stupid brain that just gets rly rly overly defensive and weird abt everything its not like. I need to work on that#and thats another reason i dont knowif ill ever be able to make friends again is bc i genuinely dont trust myself not to get overly attache#way too quickly and then explode or something. idk#i also think maybe im just not meant to have actual lasting relationships with anybody ever. yk. like maybe im not meant to ever have roots#and maybe i just wont ever get to have stability and my life will always be entirely transient. Perhaps thats for the best so that i dont#have t like. lose ppl. and ppl dont have to deal with me#+ if i make bad decisions there r less ppl to care abt it. you know. which is a plus. idk#theres like. some parts of me r like desperate for friends and for love and to just . feel like i exist and Talk to people and like. have#stability. and then the rest r like No this is good bc we cant hurt as many ppl like this and also we dont deserve any of that so this is#for the best. and i just have to sit here like ok ! bc if i seek out friendships that part shuts it all down and if i dont the other part#makes me feel miserable and lonely. like damn i am destined for misery. but whatever. it doesnt rly matter DHRNFJFN im just being whiny#it just feels like i need like. ok this is my abdicating responsibility and is the reason i dont have friends disclaimer. i know that. very#aware. but i like. i need somebody to be the one to reach out to Me bc i like. i cant reach out to ppl like. i cant Try to initiate#conversations . but i think if there was a person who like. initiated conversations w me and started a friendship with me i like. i think#itd help me get used to Having a friend again and then id like. id be better at maintaining it and eventually id be able to pick up th#weight. but Obviously nobody wants to like. put in all that effort for somebody whos incapable of returning the favor possibly ever. yk#i need to just bite the bullet and humiliate myself and reach out even if its embarassing and even if it makes me have to throw up#<- happened one time when i tried to talk to someone new. which is so. oh my god. there r ppl who have avtual fucking issues and then im#just like boohoo i tried to think abt a conversation starter and got so anxious i fucking threw up. GOD. i hateit i hate it i hate it. but#wtvr. ik i cant actually expect that from anybody basically like. ik its a stupid wish. idk. i just wish i had somebody who could help me#like. remember how to mask and how to socialize Like a real person. and wouldnt mind that im like. weird right now. and would be willing to#talk to me until i got normal and stuff. wtvr. idk ... 10000 lashings
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things keep happening and i really need $1,000 usd so if anybody wants like a character refference sheet made or wants to buy the dio brando figurine that my roommate left me let me know because this is getting serious
#technically we need like $3000 because were about to be stranded w/o a car possibly and losing a chunk of rent#but i honestly dont believe ill even be able to make $200. because i dont have any sort of reach with my art#the same 3 friends give me $20 and i appreciate them so much but i feel bad that theyre always giving me money and then#the money pit continues to keep getting wider#but i dont have a reach and my art doesnt intrigue people enough for commissions that will help and i still owe other comms#and my budgie is dying and i still dont have a job and my bank is slowly draining and i dont know what to do#and theres nobody
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in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️
#can someone also get him better inkers rn i am begging. pleading even. HE MAKES GOOD STUFF THEY JUST GIVE HIM SHIT INKERS WHO DONT GET IT.#MY FIRM BELIEF. im sorry. i like his stuff. there are certain things not quite my taste but i think he does good overall im a fan. BE NICE#static.soundz#sorry that last post was so directly inspired by seeing someone go can u guys be nice he is on a fucking nutbag schedule. which he is.#i dont think some people understand the insanity of comic production. and how much it takes a toll on you.#many have said and i will say it too: comics is a killing industry. it is a beautiful fun job. it is fulfilling. it will also destroy you.#the most common and easiest to use example is in fact the manga industry. they want chapters in a week. 20 page type chapters in a week.#A WEEK!!! and currently look at things like webtoon as well which also expect the same amount of pages. in a week. an issue in a week#is an insane demand. it is an unreasonable demand. it is scheduling that leads you to a crash and burnout and health issues#because it is fully finished polished pages. as much as i poke and complain about how some things look there#i am also highly aware of production schedules. even if some styles are not my taste that still doesnt mean it isnt insane work#and it's the same in american big industry comics too. it isnt weekly demand the way those are. but it's still an intense schedule#you are working on pages and can get behind years before those comics even hit shelves.#and as it becomes more individualized too as we lose the team element and work becomes more one person doing all pencils and inks#that schedule is a lot. it just is. it doesnt matter if theres more time in comparison to other parts of the industry#the point is that it is all very demanding and exploitative. there is a drive yourself to your grave mentality here and i've had ppl try#to shove that mindset onto my and my peers which is the worst thing possible to encourage. highly alarming and disheartening to encourage#impressionable students already so worried about making it to drive themselves to an early grave. abuse substances to get through work.#work excessive hours while you still can because when you hit your 30s youre gonna lose that ability#become bitter and prepared for rejection as opposed to success because this industry sucks!#it's just such an unhealthy depressing mindset. i've had more artists preach the exact opposite as that and more ppl have been trying to#shift over to valuing your time and health. but still a lot of people are in that other mentality. and it's very very very sad.#i am only a student doing very low stakes homework for classes. i have no industry experience. and i still get it taken out of me#to do fully fledged out pages in my style in one week. this is also just a thing for me bc certain personal factors just make it hard#but still. comics are fun. they are fun. they are fulfilling. they will lead you to so many fucking issues if you are not highly careful#there is a reason why so so so many fucking comic artists have very well known issues. why you hear about so many ppl with substance issues#artists with very poor mental health. when you are in comics this is how it is.#i am glad there has been a big shift in recent years towards taking care of yourself as an artist. and that more ppl try to value it so tha#things can hopefully change at large in a broader sense. but please remember. we are an exploited chew up spit out industry too.
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In the latest instalment of my personal divine comedy: I've spent all my spare emotional and mental energy on understanding chemistry (which I still don't understand) and now I'm about to take a biology exam over diabetes- a disease THAT I HAVE. And I am fairly sure I'm not gonna do great friends.
#all will be well im sure#im so grateful i have the privilege of my parents funding my college because buddy? im gonna lose a really good scholarship.#it's possible to salvage it but we're definitely going into next semester paying full price (minus any small scholarships i can get)#also my mom sent me a scholarship application for episcopalian college students and. while i love my church. im not episcopalian. im pagan#i go to church occasionally because i like the people#im gonna get a job this summer and save money so i can. invest it? im scared to start but i know its the smart thing to do#that way when im out of college i dont have to keep relying on my parents so much#this started as a#vent#but you know what? i love my parents. thats the new message of the post. thank you parents for being patient and reasonable#i was on the phone with my mom earlier and told her how bad things looked and she just said that we'll figure it out and she trusts me#she trusts im doing my best which i think i am? i know theres a lot more i could have done#but i also know plenty of people would have failed harder after starting the semester with 4 weeks of respiratory infection#i have hope. the universe always provides for me i trust her im just scared
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applying the law while experiencing the 3d
why do you accept the neutral 3d as true?
“she texted me saying she doesnt want a relationship”
“i got a rejection letter from my dream college”
“i still dont have my ideal appearance”
“my bank account says i only have $2.45”
-> “i cant manifest” “what should i do now?” “it didnt work”
why are you accepting these as true? why are you adding negative meaning to the neutral 3d and then accepting that you “cant manifest”? why accept that as true? whatever happens in the 3d is always neutral. meaning does not come on its own - you add meaning when you judge it and decide its something negative. you are the only one in power and you have the option to choose what to assume and accept as true and youre accepting that she didnt want to commit? youre accepting that youre broke? it doesnt matter what happens in the 3d because the real stuff is happening in imagination. the 3d is always a neutral illusion. as the only one in power, you chose that she wants you in imagination so stick with that. dont use the 3d as validation when it only follows you.
you always get to choose the meaning
3d -> she sent a text saying she doesnt want a relationship
person A: shit, she doesnt want me. now what? i failed at manifesting
person B: *knows that is only neutral & still knows she and her sp are already in a relationship in imagination*
the fact that you can look at something in the 3d and decide what it means (or stick with the fact that it has no meaning), means you have power over it. you always have power over the 3d. if you didnt, how does law of assumption even exist? how is it possible that a homeless woman can manifest wealth while living in her everyday 3d homeless life? because the 3d never matters. ever. the only thing that matters is who you are being in imagination because that is what constantly is molding the 3d every second.
“but what do i do if the 3d is always in my face?”
1. remember that the 3d is always neutral so whatever happens, doesnt mean anything. it doesnt mean, your getting failing at manifesting. get used to seeing things as neutral. even getting your manifestation is neutral. you are the one adding positive meaning to it. there are even times when “negative” things in the 3d become the actual thing that leads people to their manifestation. an example is a lady’s success story: she was manifesting a better job and in the 3d she lost her current job but that lead to someone recommending her to a higher company since the person knew she lost her previous job. so she experienced something that is usually seen as negative (losing her job) but it caused her to get exactly what she wanted (the better job). this is why we always say: stick to the end, no matter what happens, stay true to what you want in imagination.
2. now that you know everything is neutral, remember that your only job is to assume your desire is fulfilled in imagination only! theres no reason to assume you have it in the 3d if it clearly isnt there. the 3d is neutral and a therefore a dead world. assuming you have something in a dead world is just useless. especially since you know imagination changes the 3d. that means the only goal is to assume its done in imagination and leave the 3d alone! live your normal life in the 3d while knowing its already done in imagination. using the lady’s success story about getting a better job, when she lost her previous job, she had to find another way to pay the bills, but she still stayed true to imagination and remembered she already has her upgraded job. do whatever you need to do in the 3d, feel whatever emotions you have, because the dead world doesnt matter. emotions, actions, etc in the 3d dont matter and remember feelings (angry, depressed, etc) dont manifest. your only job is to know its already done in imagination. since imagination = 3d, of course, by law, the 3d had no choice but to obey imagination where she already had her better job. thats why the 3d reflected that.
kisses, jani ☆
#etherealkissed#loassumption#edward art#loa blog#manifesting#neville goddard#law of assumption#3d#4d reality#imagination creates reality#imagination#imagine#master manifestor#manifestation#manifesting it#loa tumblr
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I keep getting scheduled outside my availability and I've been messaging the scheduling manager abt it for the past like week and she hasn't even READ one of my messages since the first one
#i had messaged her to be like heeeeyy this is happening can u fix it please:)#the scheduling system is i think mostly automated? or not automated idk the word but theres a program that does it. so its not like#malicious or on purpose or anything its just like we have literally hundreds of employees and they probably just input my availability wron#or smth when they put it in so the program is just putting me in the hours that it has. but im literally in class during those times. anywa#she messages me back and is like what is your availability supposed to be? so i sent it to her annnd. she has not looked at it#and i get that shes dealing w a million employees and her messages probably get buried rlly easily#buttt. i got fucking scheduled outside my hours again next week.#i was already able to find coverage so its like fine i mean whatever it was annoying but that day at least has been delt with. but I can't#do this every fucking week! I've been @ing her in the chat and marking it as important pretty much every day to remind her. and i think she#off on weekends so it like makes sense that she didnt see it the last couple days but still idkkkk im just going crazy#i am like trying to be as empathetic as possible bc she is actually a very busy person but it is so so insanely frustrating to be trying so#hard to fix this problem that isnt even my FAULT and im just getting absolutely nothing back meanwhile it is still happening.#idk im gonna message my other supervisor who actually replies and see what else i can do. bc at this point like. if this doesnt get solved#soon im abt to just start ignoring the schedule and showing up whenever and if they want to fire me they can idc#im lying actually i literally cant lose this job. idkkkk what to do i wanna cry#zem diary
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hello panther, hope your doing well! can i request a romantic black noir (the boys) scenario w/ a reader who works in crisis management at vought? after having to oversee the cover ups of vought’s heroes they’ve become bitter to all heroes, they only continue working at vought out of necessity.
maybe with the prompts “I don’t scare you, do I…?” and “Is it so hard to love me?”
thank you for considering my request! no pressure to fulfill it, hope the rest of your day is great!
prompt links:
https://www.tumblr.com/ddarker-dreams/188458087108/yandere-sentence-starters-theres
https://www.tumblr.com/starbabytae/612088733784752128/yandere-prompts-1-i-saw-you-last-night-you
I can try! I've been getting into The Boys again and I'm halfway through Season 2. I know Noir has a bigger role in Season 3 but I got so impatient with my ideas so I just had to do it now. I did my research though!
Prompt 22 Here
Prompt 26 Here
Yandere! Black Noir Prompts 22 + 26
“I don’t scare you, do I…?”
“Is it so hard to love me?”
Pairing: Romantic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking mentioned/Implied, Delusional behavior, Subtle threats, Manipulation, Forced relationship.
You remember when you used to like Supes when you were younger. It was your dream to help Superheroes be super. Then, in your adult years, you l got a job at Vought's Crisis Management.
That's when you began to know better.
No, Supes weren't heroes in your eyes. They're people with way too much power. The only reason they look good is because people like you hide their flaws.
As Vought crumbles you're left bitter. How could you not when your job has only gotten more hectic as Vought's "heroes" mess up. But you try not to complain...
You really just need the money.
You've tried your hardest to not to associate with The Seven often. You've always been on to just keep your head down. Unfortunately... you still managed to attract attention.
From one of the most feared "heroes" in Vought, too.
Black Noir... even you didn't know much about him. He wears a mask all the time, he rarely speaks, and he always seems attached to you. You know what he's capable of... which is why it scares you to know he seems interested.
It becomes increasingly hard to do your job once Black Noir grows an attachment towards you. You've been constantly raising your head to see Black Noir standing there to visit you. He never says anything... he just seems like he wants to watch you.
You try so hard to ignore him... but you will admit... the hero scares you a bit.
Despite the violence he's capable of, he seems so gentle with you. You've even caught him reaching out to touch your cheek. You don't bother complaining... Vought would ignore the issue.
While you yourself are bitter towards Vought and its "heroes", Black Noir is infatuated. The Supe can't stop looking at you. He sees you as something close to comfort... perfection.
The Supe feels he's hopelessly in love with you yet make no real indication of showing it. He wants to hold you and feel your warmth. He could stare at your face forever.
... he wishes you'd look at him the same way.
Instead he notices the glint of fear you have towards him. You try so hard to focus on work... all while Noir tries to pull you closer. He wants that fear to be gone...
He wants you to adore him...
But your adoration towards heroes is long dead by now.
Tension between you and the Supe continues to rise as you try to ignore him. You hope the loses interest. You have no idea what he wants... but his gaze is suffocating.
It isn't until the Supe pulls you away during your break that you get some sort of idea.
You feel your heart rate increase drastically as Black Noir confronts you on your lunch break. You try to communicate with him and ask him what he wants. You're alone... just how you prefer it... but it leaves you vulnerable.
Noir merely passes you a paper, encouraging you to open it. So, you do open it...
Your heart drops.
In big bold letters on the paper... there's the words 'I LOVE YOU.' You pause, looking over the paper as you feel yourself shake. You barely even notice Noir sit beside you.
Not until he wraps an arm around your waist... he's actually oddly hesitant about it.
You slowly turn to look at the black mask staring at you again. Your hands are shaking as you lightly put down the paper. Oh... this really isn't what you needed.
"Y-You... You-" You're trying so hard to say something. However, Black Noir merely cups your cheek. Why is he so gentle?
He's a murderer.
"You... can't mean... me...." You whisper, but Noir merely nods while pointing to you. Black Noir has been following you... because he loves you.
Your worst fear has come true.
"I see..." You whisper, trying to stand up. Black Noir stops you from getting up, his grip pulling you back into his side. You're stuck... unable to leave his gaze staring into your eyes.
Fear shows in them... causing Black Noir to hold you in a tight embrace.
You feel your breathing pick up... then he spoke.
“I don’t scare you, do I…?”
His tone is a whisper in your ear, a soft yet unexpected question. You're shaking against him as you stare in his eyes. He seems to be trying to comfort you... ignoring the twisted confession he had shoved upon you.
The Supe's grip tightens.
“Is it so hard to love me?” Black Noir whispers again, sounding desperate as he holds you against him. You merely shake in his arms as he strokes your head like you're a frightened animal. Yes... yes it is... you want nothing to do with him.
You wish you could find another job other than Vought... you wish other jobs paid well. But no, instead you manage to catch the eye of Vought's best assassin. The same arms holding you... could easily tear you in half.
Black Noir then picks up the paper and passes it to you again. He taps the bold letter then points to you and him. He wants you to say it.
He wants you to love him too.
You take a deep breath, wanting to appease the Supe so you could leave. Black Noir looks at you expectantly. You're forced to play such a dangerous game....
"I love you, too." You say softly, hoping to appease the Supe.
Black Noir seems to take this as a positive, holding you closer. It was as though you said some sort of vow. One that would lock you to him indefinitely...
With how things work around here...
There's probably some truth to that... perhaps you really did just sign yourself away to a psychopath... all for the money.
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I just realised something with the kid of warlords AU: the seraphims!!
Cause they still have some of the same character quirks like the real ones (like hancocks crush on luffy and mihawks interest in zoros skill) so put it Sanji aka their kid, their lil boy
They see him walking around and randomly start lecturing him or hugging or whatever the fuck, idk its really funny in my head
Maybe since vegapunk works for the marines and world goverment and they mustve known about sanji being the warlords kid, theres a lil seraphim sanji? Idk idk
That's so cute! It reminds me of these asks from a while ago when warlord!Sanji was fairly new. Sanni is staring at the little Jinbei and Jinbei is also staring at little him because it's a possibility it could be his kid. Then before Zoro fights the little Mihawk with star eyes and white hair and black wings in front of him who reaches out to him but the little Hancock rushes to him first and hugs him. Everyone is staring at the seraphim in wonder because the crew doesn't know yet. Sanji and Jinbei haven't mentioned this so when little Jinbei yanks Sanji down by his shirt so that the seraphim can look him over it's weird. Then the seraphim pull away as one more comes in and it's a little Sanji looking like him as the others crowd around the smallest seraphim, clearly younger than the others.
Everyone is staring at them and then at Sanji and Jinbei and then back and forth. Sanji is looking confused at them as they try to figure out what's going on but then all the fights start breaking out and the group starts fracturing. When the run into Bonney and Kuma, who Sanji knows and grew up with and was kind of surprised was a Revolutionary in secret. No wonder he never participated in the weird hand off. Turns out Bonney is his daughter too so that's just...wild to Sanji. Sanji is just hoping that no one is going to ask too many questions even after he fights Kizaru and Saturn and Jupiter. Kizaru recognizes him and Luffy is confused and asks if this has to do with little him and Sanji says he'll explain everything after they get out of here. Kizaru keeps calling him 'little warlord' because of his parents and he's smiling and trying to catch up during the fight but Sanji is like 'not the time!' as Sanji starts escaping with Vegapunk.
When all is said and done and they're leaving with Kuma, Bonney, and the seraphim everyone immediately starts asking Sanji questions about that except Luffy, Bonney, Jinbei, and Kuma - Luffy and Bonney are asking for food as Zoro is trying to fight Sanji for answers which leads to some of the Seraphim getting ready to fight him. Sanji is trying to make sure they don't fight Zoro, or in S-Hawk's case fight him again and Sanji is very tired. Very, very tired and says they should probably head to Karai Bari because two of them are there and Kuma says the army could raise the seraphim and Jinbie laughs and says he'll have to fight Hancock and Mihawk for the seraphim of Sanji which he is holding and the seraphim is looking at him curiously. Robin asks if he was the child Crocodile would go see once in a while at Baratie and Sanji nods. Mihawk got him of the rock and didn't want to leave him alone and took him to meetings and then he had jobs so other warlords took him and Perona would visit him on Kuriagana and they'd dress up and make Mihawk paint their nails. Then he moved to Baratie full time and they would come visit him because they all wanted him to be able to set himself apart from them, not that anyone knew really but still. It was important that they kept their distance for a while because they didn't want Sanji to get kidnapped. Still they should probably at least drop Seraphim Sanji with Mihawk and Crocodile because they can get a hold of Hancock and do what they want there, but Kuma can take the others, probably, most likely. Kuma is chuckling as Jinbei is losing it because the way it sounds Mihawk and Hancock are about live their best parenting lives again.
When they do arrive at Karai Bari there's a Kuja pirate ship and Hancock is swooning on the dock at the sight of the strawhat flag. Luffy is sticking close to his boyfriend and is just holding Sanji's hand and also eating a huge piece of meat. Crocodile is there next to Hancock and lets them on land and Luffy cold cocks Crocodile. Hancock immediately loses it at that and Luffy then asks Sanji if he should have punched his dad and Sanji shrugs because it's not like he listens to Sanji. Crocodile sighs and asks them to come on land and they all start to follow to a tent and Hancock is swooning for Luffy until she notices the little seraphim and the little Seraphim Sanji and snags him and runs ahead causing a violent and fiery chase. The amount of shouting and yelling coming from said tent when they arrive is loud and Zoro and Luffy break in first only to see Hancock smiling widely and holding S-Croc and S-Shark while Mihawk looks genuinely bewildered at the sight of S-Hawk holidng a miniature Yoru at him and Seraphim Sanji hiding behind him.
"The hell is going on?" Mihawk asks as he looks at the men who bursted in and the others follow quickly.
"These are Vegapunk experiments, they're called Seraphim but they are us." Kuma explains.
"Right, and there's a little Sanji!" Hancock squeals.
"Oh not again." Mihawk groans.
"The Revolutionary army is willing to take them-" Kuma starts.
"Absolutely not, I'll take them Amazon Lily. I'll call Perona-" Hancock rambles.
"At least Doffy's in prison." Crocodile says to Mihawk.
"Maybe it would be more helpful if he was out of prison." Jinbei hums.
"I don't need my boyfriend fighting two of my dads, please." Sanji sighs.
"Right, of course. Which one are you dating?" Mihawk asks Sanji.
"Me!" Luffy smiles widely as he picks up little Seraphim Sanji and S-Hawk lets him.
"Oh, that's fine. I'd have a few questions if it was Roronoa." Mihawk shrugs nonchalantly as Zoro gets red, seeing a challenge.
"I would be a good boyfriend to your son!" Zoro yells with offense.
"Sure." Mihawk says as he looks at the seraphim who are watching them all with narrowed eyes.
#black leg sanji#monkey d. luffy#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#jinbei#jimbei#dracule mihawk#hawkeye mihawk#sir crocodile#bartholomew kuma#shichibukai#warlords#warlord!sanji#seraphim#sanlu#lusan#answers
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"fixing" the panic attack scene to be more platonic ™
im extremely active on twt and have been noticing a sydcarmy tweet go viral multiple times a week (like w thousands of interactions its crazy), and its really great to see how much people love and see it for this ship. recently carmys panic attack scene went viral again, and naturally, some ppl gave their piece about how we are all dumb for interpreting it as romantic. that sydney represents his love for his job or his duty to the restaurant (*sigh*).
this scene imo, is the most concrete proof of this ship. i can excuse (not really) interpreting every interaction between them thus far as platonic but this scene....i just refuse. this is gonna be a long post, not analyzing the scene per se because i can't possibly say anything that hasn't already been said but more "fixing" the scene to fit the narrative of antis, and i hope in doing so really shows there's no other way to interpret this scene as other than romantic. again its gonna be a long post bc im just ranting and i think i will lose my mind if i dont type this out.
lets go.
so first off i like to think of this scene as an equation/experiment. simply a problem that needs to be solved.
problem/reason of panic = ...we will discuss this...
solution # 1 = claire -> failed
solution # 2 = sydney -> worked.
Problem/Reason
s02e09 opens up with carmy and claire finally consummating their relationship, with an interesting song choice might i add and carmy dissociating, looking sad, or broken (???) after. because many have said carmy pulling memories of sydney from his psyche to calm down have to do with work i always remember that, it really doesnt make any sense?
carmy is clearly having a panic attack due to him not being "fixed" as soon as he made it official with claire. he felt pressure from his family both currently and in the past to date claire because she is amazing and perfect. add mikey also being a part of that crowd, and carmy so desperately trying to connect with him when he cannot, is why i think he looks so despondent after that scene. i truly think he thought he would be a changed person after everything with claire and when that didn't happen he flipped...
we know this is the reason bc his panic attack starts with their sex scene and the lyric "I dont know" from strange currencies by REM.
this isn't to say that he isn't nervous or stressed about the soft open but its clear that he's not having a panic attack about work nor have we ever seen him have a work-related panic attack (correct me if I'm wrong). in s1 he has one or two due to him greiving his brother.
platonic fix: To make it about work I would have added scenes like when Carmy started that stove fire in braciole, his meltdown in review, some scenes of his horrible time at EMP, and him grieving his brother. i think these would represent his fear of failure, falling back into old toxic habits pertaining his career, the fear of fostering a toxic work environment like the ny chef and also the idea of "failing" mikey
but theres a reason why none of this occurs bc its not about his job or the opening of the bear. this is explicitly about his personal and romantic love life.
Solution # 1 : Claire
carmy proceeds to try and calm down by thinking of claire through literal rose-coloured glasses...
the music is distorted, he's thinking of his abusive family, he remembers every one pushing him to date claire bc shes a #goodthing.
again...this is not about his job and wouldnt make sense to think of sydneys place in his work life as a soultion to his clear personal problem....
platonic fix: in the story of carmys love life claire and sydney act as narrative foils. they have been compared and contrasted for all of s2. my platonic fix for this would be making the NY chef this first "solution" of a work-related panic attack. he represents a horrible time in his life but also represents a time when carmy was at the height of his career. when carmy gets locked in the walk in and has his monologue, its alluded to that he will revert back to that mind set in order to not let everyone down.
NY chef abused him for so long, it makes sense that carmys psyche would readily go back to his insults and the time he himself was an isolated 'psycho' bc it yielded results.
nothing is black and white and i DO think sydney represents a healthier approach to the toxic mess that is the culinary world and does represent that for carmy. if the show was invested in that, sydney and the NY chef could be overtly contrasted like sydney and claire have been.
BUT again this isnt about his job and dedication as a chef...thus why he tries to think of claire to solve his personal problem, and it fails.
Solution # 2: Sydney
LMFAOOO.
carmy then in a crazy plot twist starts thinking of his platonic work bestie sydney adamu....the love song dedicated by the show to his relationship with his girlfriend is then made clear highlighting some pretty damning lyrics about desire and love.....all platonic btw. yes you are dumb if you think otherwise (*wink*)
I actually have two platonic fixes for this...
platonic fix # 1: if we only wanted to focus on sydney as a person who calms carmy down because shes his work bestie who represents his responsibilty to the bear and the postive change they are trying effect in the culinary world, i would add scenes where they are...you know actually cooking???
i think its pretty crazy how the memories carmys immediately jump to are ones that have little to do with their jobs. when they first meet (would also like to note that when carmy first laid eyes on Sydney, he forgot she was there for a job, so this is his raw reaction to seeing a pretty girl lol) and when she comes back after she quit and their break up fight.
i would add their scenes in carmys kitchen (even tho this is extremely damning bc they were flirting DOWN - they don't make this easy at all). this represents their collaboration skills and the way they WORK and bounce ideas off of each other seamlessly. specifically the scene about him wanting to give her a star, representing his duty to her and the restaurant.
*and no shade to carmy but if his responsibility to the bear/syd as a co-worker was bothering him this much and calmed him down wouldn't he have just immediately called the fridge guy.....anyways*
platonic fix # 2 (the best one): if i was chris storer and joanna calo and i REALLY wanted to sell it that carmy isnt in love with sydney then i would put every single member of the OG beef crew + Nat to calm him down not just Sydney.
im talking to them laughing at family, carmy giving tina his chefs knife, richie in his new suit, carmys one on one w Marcus/trying his donut, nat telling carmy shes pregnant (signifing rebirth/wanting to rid all the toxic abuse from his family), carmy trying sydney risotto, and her face when he said it was tremendous etc etc...you get the gist
and honestly?
even as i type this out im tearing up a little bit bc that would have been really beautiful. carmy is changing. he can and is getting rid of old toxic habits from his family and the mess that is the culinary industry. things are changing for the better....that would be beautiful....IF his panic attack was about any of these things lol.
and to even look at this scene without this need for symmetry and we entertain the idea of carmy thinking about his job as a solution for his personal problem...carmy has said himself (s02e01) that this isnt fun for him. i dont think that means he hates cooking i kinda disagree with the ppl who think he isnt passionate about it. i just think currently its something that doesnt bring him joy but i do think its something hes starting to or at least could have started to enjoy if he just committed to working with syd...
conclusion
theres a lot of....delusion? denial? straight up bias? yes all of that, going on.
idk what is happening bc this show is really great at being subtle. but i dont know whats more in your face, dumbed down, even a toddler could understand, than this scene. if you dont come out of this understanding that carmy is falling in love/currently in love with Sydney...and i hate using this term..but you just arent media literate.
bonus: bc it makes me laugh and connects the purpose and solutions.
i think we need a Snyder Sydcarmy Cut™ of bolognese and omelette.
the start of the episode is when sydney and carmy fight over claires inclusion in the menu, and also when sydney randomly asks him to define his relationship with Claire. the episode would continue until we get to the table scene.
i think its WILD how as soon as Sydney asks him to define their relationship, carmy starts calling claire his girlfriend. then the show proceeds to insert sydney in their romantic montage, shows her tattoo about heartbreak and someone getting in the way of your relationship...THEN proceeds to have carmy compare these two women in his mind and only calms down after seeing Sydney.
i could talk about this scene for AGES. wheres the straitjacket....
#the bear#sydcarmy#carmen x sydney#sydney x carmy#carmen berzatto#sydney adamu#idk why i typed this out#its not even really meta im just crazy about them and even more crazier about defending them#also tired of seeing braindead takes#yea...#hope you enjoyed my rant#time to go study for this bio midterm#my rants#sydcarmy meta
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Season 2 final thoughts:
My apologies to my Psych mutuals, my hyperfixation took me on a trip to Hatchetfield and very soon it’ll be in cinderellas castle. It can’t be helped. I plan on finishing my rewatch, especially because I’m about to get into one of my favorite seasons, but it’ll probably be sporadic at best.
Here are my final thoughts on season 2!
This is the official season of lassie stumbling upon shawn and gus by happenstance. He does it in american duos, dis-lodged, black and tan, and im counting lassie standing in front of his pic at the museum. He can push them away as much as he wants but shawns like a boomerang.
I find it incredibly disrespectful that shawn and gus took credit for finding that dinosaur when that one guy literally died for it . Also im pretty sure it would be impossible for a t-rex to be discovered in california because it was all underwater at that time. But thats neither here nor there.
Shawn being a forgery/handwriting expert brings up a funny/depressing image of little shawn having to write lines but in different peoples handwritings
Shawn is an incredibly fast thinker! He saw this scene
And not only deduced what actually happened, but also came up with a cover story for him at the same time.
Word of the day Abulic: abnormal lack of ability to act or to make decisions. Psych writers just casually dropped that little pearl in the middle of a scene in the finale
Overall it was a great season! Juliet got some more scenes, plus her character is beginning to get fleshed out, Gus was even funnier than i remembered, the heartfelt moments were very well acted especially by james who nailed the whole avoidant turmoil of it all. Henry, though, as ive stated in previous posts, is a lot harder to watch as a full fledged adult. He’s just such a prick to shawn any chance he can get. I’m so curious if I’ll be able to forgive him myself down the road. I mean, no wonder Shawn split when he turned 18 and hardly spoke to him again. Man, i wish we could’ve seen Shawn right after he left cause that is one juicy peach. He’d just be all angsty, jumping from one job to the next, getting fired or losing interest (or my personal headcanon is that his gifts of seeing everything kept getting him in some sort of trouble kind of like Poker Face (with natasha lyonne)).
Shawns add’l talents/ random knowledge:
-sketching
-forgery/ handwriting
-can operate a forklift (i think thats what it was lol)
-chess
-tango
-Spanish (honorable mention- he knows enough to speak it passably so i added it) and possibly Portuguese though i bet he just learned the one random phrase to try to trap jann
-acting
-airport codes
Gus niche interests:
-reality tv/ spanish soap operas
-archaeology
-legal tender
-santa barbara models/fashion
Rankings
The Blueberry Tier
American duos
Shawn (and gus) of the dead
Sixty five million years off
Black and tan: a crime of fashion
Nectarina Dulce Tier
Bounty hunters!
Lights, Camera, Homicidio!
Green Apple Jacks t-shirt tier
If you’re so smart then why are you dead
Rob a bye baby
Gus’ dad may have killed an old guy
Theres something about Mira
Did-lodged
And down the stretch comes murder
Psy vs. psy
Genocide of color Tier (somewhere a rainbow is weeping)
The old and the restless
Zero to murder in sixty seconds
Meat is murder…but murder is also murder
#psych#psych tv#psych rewatch#psych usa#shawn spencer#burton guster#shawn and gus#carlton lassiter#juliet o'hara#james roday rodriguez#james roday#dulé hill#dule hill#timothy omundson#maggie lawson#shassie#shules
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8a plot were eddie shows up to work with a mustache and buck just starts being like kind of bad at rescues like nothing too bad but maybe a bit clumsy or forgetful and hes all sad and nervous about it like am I losing my touch is it a sign I shouldnt be doing this job right now and he just has no idea whats wrong with him but its really starting to get to him. (background plot of everyone else hating on eddies mustache of course) and then theres a buddie scene where buck's cooking and eddies talking and buck just ruins all the food and hes like WHAT is going ONN with me :(((. and then eddie shaves because he cannot do another shift of everyone talking about his facial hair and buck is normal again and hes all happy and was like huh maybe it was just a case of the jitters Im all fine now and hen is like maybe you should sit down and think about when you started acting weird and when you stopped acting weird
IM SO OBSESSED 😭😭😭😭😭😭 SCREAM. hen being like buck i think you have some more soul searching to do. and buck being like what more could i possibly learn about myself ⁉️ and having to come to terms with his eddie stache kink.
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is butch killing people not bad enough for buttercup lmao 💀 actually this is something that always bugged me in mth why are bubbles and buttercup so understanding of the boys commiting murder to the point of keeping it hidden from eachother (we already know blossom is going to lose her marbles when she finds out but shouldn't all of them lose it a little bit?)
This is controversial possibly lol I think also my BIG ONION dunno if sbj is writing like this but this is a little what I think but I don’t think the worst thing the boys or anyone could do in this universe is to kill someone!
I think this goes with the morals and ethics of humanity and I think their reality is not that black and white. I think there’s a little bit of understanding when buttercup and bubbles brush past it not because they’re okay with it but because they’re not? Blossom is a bit more stubborn and not as understanding when it comes to what is good and what is bad so I understand if she will have a bigger reaction than her sisters do. At the same time I think theres a commonality between their situations because of their powers to get a job done whether than be saving the day or some more gruesome I guess…
I’ve said this before but I think theres a difficult line to walk when it comes to super hero stuff in comics at least.
Like would the girls kill to save the townsville? Personally I think they would and I don’t think that makes them bad people or not heros at least but it’s not a decision that’s like black and white ya know
Tbh violence for me isn’t the worst thing in this world either that’s why I’m like 🤷♂️
We can kinda tell that with the little bit we know JS those guys were under obligation and survival (?) at the point but we’re gonna see how that will play out! Which I’m excited to see how she goes about it or even if she decides not to I think that tells a lot about the world they live in tbh
But I don’t think the worst thing butch could do in buttercups eyes is kill a man I think it would be something else
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