#and now i take it in my stride
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*Don't reblog please!*
Sunday 9th July
God we are so tired. We were both up at 5am yesterday, at work all day, then went out for food with my family to meet my mam's cousin who is visiting from Australia. We had a lovely time and the food was divine but we didn't get home til 11.30, it was a looong day. But I did get to wear a cute dress and some jewellery which made me feel nice.
Matt walked Maggie yesterday so I let him sleep this morning and took her out at 7.30 and we actually had a lovely walk and I felt really good for having gotten up and outside. Drove over to my sister's for the village carnival and to see my niece for her birthday. We had so much fun and it was so nice to let my hair down a bit after being so stressed about meeting mam's cousin and being judged about my job (the only judgment came from my mother lol). AND I wore a crop top for the first time in years and it felt like nbd at all! I just felt cool and cute. And the weather was beautiful so I'm glad I did. My sister told Matt outright when we got down into the village to watch the parade that I was probs going to end up drunk and he would be driving home and bless him he was so good about it he just laughed, had a coffee, and had a great day even with us getting a bit hammered tipsy. We had so much fun and I'm really glad we went even if we were exhausted. I'm in bed now at 9pm ready for a long overdue good night's sleep bc I only have to walk Maggie and go get my nails done tomorrow and that's it. Rest day for me finally 😍 Hope everyone had a great weekend!
#personal#weekend#family time#happy#it's fucking crazy to think how anxious i used to get about going to any event ever#and now i take it in my stride#never thought i'd see the day#hurray for recovery from horrific panic disorder
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i think grian's whole fishing Thing this season is like the best example ever about how yes-anding things and going with The Bit is such an essential part of hermitcraft. like you KNOW this man did not have "build a cod dungeon shrine for the enchanted book gods" on his S10 plans but here we are,
#obsessed with how hes rolling with it#it's terribly frustrating but it is so soso funny how he's taking it in stride and making it a Thing skjdksjfkfjkg#grian#hermitcraft#grian: i'm gonna fish for mending first so i can go slower and not use a villager#grian now: ok well i guess this is my season's Theme now-
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Alice inviting Sam and Celia to the show seems less like trying to fuck w Sam or his relationship (or even flirting w then both) and more like she's fucking lonely. she might have genuinely wanted them there, cuz, y'know, hanging out w people is how you make and keep friends generally. like,,,, before Celia it sounded like Sam and Alice were chillin' at work and had regular banter but since Celia showed up Sam's attention is all on her and hes started treating every interaction with Alice as an annoyance (and just generally being grumpy, if you consider his interaction w Gwen that one time). plus it's not like Gwen has time for Alice to even mess w her anymore. everything is changing and I don't think Alice is taking it well
#someone correct me if im wrong cuz my memory is honestly horrendous#but yeah#Alice isnt okay and i think she might really want/need the support#and now? after that shitshow w the dead-but-not-really lady? oh girl we fucked up now#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol#tmagp#BTW THIS IS NOT DUNKING ON CELIA#shes got something going on for sure but so far shes actually been really cordial to alice and i appreciate that#even when alice is weird about her having a kid she just takes it in stride#sam however i think is going to snap#that boy is on his last legs i just think hes good at hiding it
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The sudden and overwhelming urge I have to record tonight's episode and my reaction to it just in the off chance bisexual history is made tonight.
#911#911 abc#911 on abc#911 season 7#911 s7#911 7x04#evan buckley#eddie diaz#tommy kinard#911 buck#911 eddie#buddie#911 buddie#bi buck#bi buck 2024#bisexual#the way I have taken strides not to look at any articles or like a lot of tweets about the possibility of bi buck canon#and have trained myself to keep my expectations nonexistent#but I HAVE seen reactions from people who watched it early saying that this episode was insane#and now im nervous#my bisexual ass can't take this anticipation#either im gonna sob with joy#or im gonna be dead inside#either way though#oliver is gonna serve as always#oliver stark#ryan guzman
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Nothing like walking back home after cutting your hair and seeing three police cars, police tape covering the park and people being questioned and car windows broken 🧍♂️ lmao i actually asked what happened 💀 they don’t know …
#what is up with this park being a crime scene hot spot#pix habla#I’m good still taking my break#ain’t nothing gonna break my stride#ain’t nothing gonna hold me down#oh no#I gotta keep on movinnn#and go home lmao#running home now#I’m safe !!!
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#fancy has made some strides with the babies and will now accept some affection#but she has also Changed and is much less confident and bright#and i noticed today that she has lost weight#so she's going to the vet when we can get her in on a Saturday#and hopefully there's nothing wrong#but if she can't pick up the threads of who she was#i#I don't know if we should keep the babies because it's having such an effect on her#she's never been anxious or nervous#meds help but also make her sleepy#she just isn't as engaged and spends a lot of time in her spots and not roaming#i know they're just rambunctious because they're young and have bad boundaries and maybe it will improve#but im so worried#to take them and then give them up again when they are so sweet and funny#i just#I don't know what to do#and my boyfriend is still really struggling with grief#im so tired#i just want it all to be good again#I want everything to go back to when everyone was healthy#they make me laugh and smile and they are beautiful to look at and I'm so lucky we found them but if they don't fit#we have to make a choice and it absolutely sucks#i hate this year so much
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interesting to me how when i turned 19 i was kinda terrified bc i was like “oh shit this is my last year as a teenager….. i won’t be a teenager after that… i wanted to be a teenager for all of my childhood and now that part’s almost Over. aaaaugh” and now approx. 9 months later i cannot fucking WAIT to stop being a teenager oh my god i am ready to move on. 20s please i would like to be in them. i am done being 19 thank you !!!
#marzi speaks#it’s . probably bc of the vasculitis thing#which like. while it is a traumatic thing that i need to work through and plan on going to therapy about#it also put a LOT of things into perspective for me#and like actually i do not think i am afraid of growing up anymore !#i mean i still have like. the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting overwhelmed and falling behind#that’s not gonna go away overnight that’s been there for as long as i can remember#BUT!! i know deep down that i can figure it out now.#bc i figured out a lot. i figured out how to gauge my physical well being#i figured out how to be someone who can regularly make phone calls without crying#i figured out pharmacies. and i’m figuring out how insurance works#and appointments and withdrawing from school and reapplying to school#and all of the lifestyle changes that come with having an autoimmune disease#i’m learning self advocacy. i’m learning how to respond when people treat me poorly (always accidentally so far)#yeah getting my license has been hard and slow just bc i have all the anxiety shit about it. but i AM putting that effort in#i dunno it’s just. adult responsibilities are horrifying and the prospect of existing independently in our current society#is horrifying. and i think i’ll always be scared.#but i used to think i might not be able to handle it. that i would fall apart#i know now that i won’t. i will find a way to move forward and be happy. because that’s what i’ve always done#if i can take the scariest couple of months in stride the way that i have. then i think i can handle it#anyways. 19 was eventful enough can i be 20 now. i think being 20 would be good for me#still a Weird thing to think about. two whole decades. but like i can do it methinks
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#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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happy birthday to me i celebrated by looking at my favourite sequence of images in the world and crying over it at half past midnight.
#im. 24 now.#appleyaps#gonna be honest with you guys idk where the fuck my life is heading atm.#but if this manga taught me anything its that i have to keep making choices in order to achieve my own happiness.#ive been making strides... im now exclusively using the men's toilets wherever i go.#and im working on getting a professional diagnosis so i can go on hrt... but the waiting lists are so long.#i took the transfer but now it turns out i still have to wait longer... even though i was promised help quickly.#i dont know how much longer i can take this though. being uncomfortable with myself. im sick of it. i just wanna live.#theres so many things id like to do. but my body and my voice are holding me back from it.#my mom and her boyfriend know now. but my mom doesnt understand and has never referred to me as a woman as much as she does now.#at least everyone at school uses he/him for me now. i was finally assertive about it in my new class#and everyone there calls me teddie. though i'd like people to use tom for me as well. my friends do.#i just need to be even more assertive from now on. im working on it. im doing my best. i wanna live.#at least i have lots to look forward too. thats whats keeping me going honestly. and my friends.#the hope that one day i get to look in the mirror and finally see myself. i want to believe that it can happen. i need it to happen.
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Love is tricky to navigate sometimes. Sera navigates it with a broken GPS and a sundial.
#devarambles#seraphinatag#nathanieltag#sera is very soft towards our blue doc man#She doesn't like being mushy in her native tongue and defaults to German instead. Spanish too if it's a special occasion.#Nate takes it in stride because he loves her. He also finds it really funny.#Yes I'm learning German because I now have three characters that speak the language#art#artwork#digital art#illustration#my art#my artwork#drawing#my OC#MY OCs#original character#god i feel wack for tagging with all of this lolol#ark_systema
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Mommy it’s so bad I have to support m*l*r*n now 😩.
It’s for the greater good bb. Short term pain for long term gain :)))))
#I wish I could put into word what it was like for me#opening Megs messages after my 6 am run#being oxygenated and clear headed . and reading red bulls decision 💆♀️#the heat hit my head in a violent manner but now I’m channeling my energy productively :)))#hot girl despair is sooooooo 2022 :) you need to take things in stride and learn from history even if you’re seeing red :))))))
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I got an idea for one of those talk about your characters prompts:
How would your Commander/other GW2 characters react to being stuck in a time loop?
#gw2#guild wars 2#guildwars2#gw2 commander#i may have watched a bit of a playthrough of a certain time loop game and got inspired#now for my commanders#rhixak would take it very badly#he would be freaking out the whole time but try to keep acting like everything is fine to others#he would desperately try everything and go through all stages of grief#it would be so bad for him#corrow would take it as more of a 'this might as well be happening'#having gone through so many hardships even before he became the commander#he would be much harder to shake#it's probably his personality as well#he would start working much more methodically to find a way to break the loop#he would not even care about others finding out about the loop#not bothering to hide it though he doesn't bother explaining it after the first time much either#though he would grow exhausted eventually#janis would try to keep a positive attitude to work through it#hiding the truth from others and managing much better than rhixak for example#but it would really start getting worse after just some loops#he would snap eventually#for null who already lives in a kind of loop he would take it in stride the best#for several loops he would continue on completely same as the first time#though would grow quieter with more#might even give up trying eventually since he has already been stuck in a loop
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Look man I just think it’s a shame that Lon Chaney Jr’s horror film debut usually gets cut from the roster.
#also I understand this is the rare pair of all rare pairs#but god I’m fascinated by the potential dynamic of Dan McCormick (the man-made monster) and Frankenstein’s creature#because their fascinating inversions of each other?#like Dan is this good hearted circus performer who’s taken the various tragedies of his life in stride#(from his backstory of being an abused orphan to right when the audience meet him when he’s the sole survivor of a horrific bus crash)#only to get his mind melted when some mad scientist figures out that Dan’s apparently immune to any sort of damage by electric shock#who then takes advantage of said mind-melt to make him kill the only doctor who might have saved him and to turn himself over to the police#go through the entire trial unable to defend himself and then be PUT TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR#walk out now that he’s juiced up enough on electricity to function#stumble through the woods killing and terrorizing people because he’s physically incapable of touching anything#kill the mad scientist behind it all and then kill himself by draining all the electricity from his body#which all seems just kinda like excellent set up for SOMETHING with the creature#if only because with the creature’s modern electricity thing pairing nicely#with Guy who needs to be charged with deadly amounts of electricity to function#like I don’t have coherent thoughts but it feels like it’s got so many fun opportunities.#my art#man-made monster#universal horror#lon chaney
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erm chat what is the appropriate reaction when you find out everyone you work with talked shit about you to your manager....
beware the essay in tags
#lol my depression is swinging around the corner#i just want to stop existing#like i dont want to care if they like me... but like genuienly idk how i could be a better supervisor than i am already#sometimes i feel like im actually going crazy on shift now cause people barely listen to me.....#but i alwas give them options#i never force them to do stuff#i literally always let them visit their fucking boyfriend and go to the bathroom#but then they turn around and ignore me#make fun of me#and like i take it in stride.. but im fucking tired#like how the fuck are you guys happy with any shift lead ever?#and like the shift they like? addicted to cigs bc his job is impossible.#the baristas like him#the dm wants him fired#he will literally take work out of peoples hands#maybe they dont like me cause i want them to actually do their job?#but it really hurts to see them call out of my shift#or make fun of me to another person directly in front of me#like im actually so fucking exhausted from them#OMFG i need a therapist#RGHHH
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
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