#and my mom isnt allowing me to get a job as of now since she wants me to focus on finishing high school

[zerothisnero]

Ghhh guys I been thinking about doing commissions to make some quick bucks soooo like if I were to do commissions or some shit

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset at my mom?

🎵🎵 (to find it)

I know it's not a real big deal, but it's starting to get upsetting. English is not my first language and im on mobile sl sorry about that.

Okay, so my(20f) mother (F mid40s) suffer from long covid. Her symptoms consist of chronic fatigue, short breath, join pain and brain fog. (I still live home because im a college student, and finding an appartment in this market is hell)

We've been really supportive of her :

I drive most of the time, and my sister(16f) has her apprentice driver license, so she drives for mom when im at school; when we go to the mall and she need to take a break to breath, i always offer to go get her a wheelchair, or going to get the car, she sleeps a lot in the day so we don't make noise, i bought her loops earplug for sleeping, etc.

We're are used to it and my dad (mid40s too) work 12 hours a day to compensate for the money we're losing with mom on sickleave (where we live we have job insurance and etc): he starts at 5:30am to 6pm, and i usually only see him in the evening, so the only time we really are together as a family is during the evening meal.

There is where i could be the a-hole:

Since mom got long covid, it takes more time for her to respons us, and her memory isnt as good as it was (shes well known in her workplace, she a well respected manager who takes great care of her employees). It's just, almost every night, when me or my sister or even my dad are telling a something that happened in our day, she always cut us to say something, like :don't forget to put this in that, or just to say something she did that day over our own story, or asking me to bring her water in the middle of my sister's sentences (which she could have waited for after she was done).

So we, someone different each time, always tell her "X was speaking, you just cut them, and you do this often, please let them finish" and, well, when it happens everytime i am (or my sister) is trying to say something, it get upsetting. And she always uses the same reasons: "we're a family and we're cohabiting, sometime we talk over you but still listen to you" (no she doesn’t, i have to tell her a million times the same fucking thing and she always forget) or "you know my mind is a little slow right now, i'll forget if i don't say it" or she gets upset because we're annoyed by it.

But god forbid if you cut her! She'll raise her tone, and still doesn't get why we're upset.

Like, i get it, she got long covid and it's a bitch to deal with the way your cognitive capabilities slow down with the fatigue, but we've been extremely helpful (and im still gonna be, because she's my mother) and her allowing herself to lack respect towards us doesn't excuse her because she's ill. At least this is how i see it?

At this point i dont really know if i can feel upset? Like, she's my mom, and she's ill (and it's really depressing seeing her this put down by the symptoms i don't wish it to anyone) but im just so tired to have to restart the same sentence four or five time because she keep interrupting me

So, aita?

What are these acronyms?

[br1ghtestlight]

getting war flashbacks to the bobs burgers fanfic where louise is doing math homework in the restaurant when nobody else is around and then bob has a heart attack </3 that shit was TRAUMATIZING

love linda shouting four whenever there's a math problem or anything related to numbers. best recurring joke. FOUR!!!!

you can do it gene :D also im so bad at math I 100% would not be able to help either. dumbass rep family

bob trying to help gene with his homework is cute. even if he is Not very good at it. he wants to be an involved dad :(

gene im not gonna lie that math question has gotta be fucking with you. rhat is not a real question. i could NEVER do that not if i was given 100 hours that shit is fake

see this is where when I was in math class i would just write a random number and move on bcuz im never gonna figure it out anyway im not gonna waste time. so that's my advice gene. just Give Up

he says "maybe your mom or tina could get you started" because they're older but I genuinely think louise has a better chance of helping bcuz she is so smart. if she'd WANT to help is another question entirely

because I'm stuck in a safe 😐

AND THEN HE BLINDFOLDED ME ON THE WAY HERE??? HE BLINDFOLDED YOU??????

teddy I think his guy is gonna murder you im gonna be so real right now

unfortunately im kinda following teddy's logic now like. it isnt like fischoeder isn't doing this type of shit everyday just for fun. rich guys are just like that BUT getting their money is nice

"gene was doing homework?? that's new"

WE'RE NOT ALL ECONOMICALLY COMFORTABLE LIKE YOU ARE

"Why did you tell me the whole long story about the sandwich in the drawer if you're running out of battery LOCKED IN A SAFE??" "Context!!!!"

also bob and teddy have such great comedic chemistry lmao they bounce off each other so naturally

louise isn't lying she Does have a certain set of skills 😭 if anyone could find him it WOULD be her the lockpicking genius nine year old supervillain

miss you. see you soon. gotta go!!

has he gotten a new cellphone since that MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND YOUR PHONE IS AT 23% argument or is it that same shitty 2008 blackberry phone that dies almost immediately lmfao

bob is a real one for doing this bullshit for teddy he did NOT have to. they're ride or die fr

I'm not entirely unconvinced that gerald isnt a serial killer but thats okay <3 men can have hobbies

also I'm choosing to believe this gerald is the same one from the taxes/weed cookie episode even though it ABSOLUTELY is not bcuz i think that would be funny. by day he's a regular tax agent by night he is a creepy rich kidnapper who pulls mind games on all his handymen

OH I FORGOT THE SUBPLOT FOR THIS EPISODE IS ABOUT SPORTS PEOPLE why did they do the whole thing with gene's homework then.... are they connected. what is the gameplan

WE PICK A NEW LOVER FOR MOM

i love how bob is apparently the only thing keeping his family from going completely off the fucking rails like. he's the only thing standing between his family and their restaurant burning down with everyone inside fr

your dad never loved that dream :/ because he's a hater :/ AND SO JEALOUS :/

you're not gonna break the world record. another hater. STOP THAT

I might be having a panic attack 💔 I CANT TELL BECAUSE IVE NEVER HAD ONE BEFORE OR IM ALWAYS HAVING ONE soo real teddy

WE LOST HIM 😭😭💔

aww I love them all wearing their lil aprons <3 (crappy photo of my tablet bcuz the app im using to watch this episode doesn't allow screenshots)

SAY SOMETHING SMART LIKE UHH HOW WOULD YOU FLIP A GIANT BURGER. OH GOD THEY DIDNT MAKE THE GIANT BURGER DID THEY. WHO WOULD EVEN AGREE TO EAT THAT. AN OVER FOURTY CO-ED BASKETBALL TEAM. REALLY 😯

sorry this episode has so many good ooc quotes FJDMDJSKSKKM

gene STOP calling him father

bob is being like a whole ass detective meanwhile linda and the kids are currently making The Worst Decisions Ever

h jon benjiman is doing such a good job voicing bob in this episode idk it has so much personality and sounds natural. or it's always like this and im just now appreciating it but either way A+ work

cute bob and teddy moment ❤️❤️

(ignore the awful camera quality. nothing I can do there) also love the fact that teddy can easily lift up and manhandle bob. Good to know

there's so much going on w/ this gerald guy I dont even know WHERE to begin. what a guy. wow

this is so cute and sweet im so happy!!! YOU DOUBLE FAKE WALLED HIM :D YOU SMART SMARTIE. YOURE A GENIUS BOB

"I knew I asked the right person to come help me. Yeah. Mort wouldn't answer."

"What? You called Mort first?"

"No..."

HE ASKED MORT???? LMFAO big win for tedmort shippers. I fucking guess

MORT NEVER DOUBLE FAKE WALLED ANYONE why is bob like genuinely jealous of mort and teddy right now 😭 chill out man you've got a wife at home

"let's just say it's twelve" FINALLY bob follows my very smart advice when it comes to math homework smh

ALSO THIS IS TECHNICALLY THE FIRST TIME WE'VE SEEN THEM EATING BOBS BURGERS FOR DINNER OR IN GENERAL!!! I mean it's a giant hamburger loaf but it technically was served at bob's burgers so it counts

GIANT FRENCH FRIES

aww this episode was so fun and cute!! I love the more adventure-y type episodes where they explore a new location so this episode was great and very stressful lmao. also very funny. I love bob and teddy's dynamic/back and forth throughout the episode and the weird mort mention at the end felt like they were soft launching his and teddy's relationship even though I KNOW they aren't actually. mort could replace kathleen if we believe. very solid 8/10 episode :)

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi Cas!

uh so ive always been a stem girl but next year we have our country's equivalent of the GCSEs and im a freshman right but my grades in almost every stem subject sucks rn like they're at an all time low, as in i have a 77 in physics in my report card and in my country anything less than a 95 is basically shit and i had plans to change schools in eleventh grade but my current report card isnt remotely close to what it should've been and the thing is im not bad at stem, like if i practiced or studied it regularly id probably be doing a lot better but yeah that didn't happen and the fact still remains that im a natural at humanities as in i study less than a week before the midterms and get more than i did in any stem subject? my best friend thinks i should probably consider a career in humanities bc im better at it but ive always wanted a career in stem, like, ever since third grade and everyone knows that i want(ed) to work at NASA but rn i dont really think i stand any chance of getting into my country's best colleges and that might not be the end of the world but ive always been like yeah im going to go there and it's basically common knowledge at this point

so ever since third grade i have kinda had my life all planned out? like obviously changes have been made but I've always been the one who's known what they wanted to do and i always thought I'd end up in aerospace engineering or at least another stem career but now with my grades im reconsidering and see, my country and family both value stem a lot like most people take up careers in it but my parents arent very restricting but it's always just been assumed that id go into stem too and i just casually mentioned it to my mom about dropping out of stem bc i felt like i couldnt do well in the subjects and later she was joking about it to my father and ik they wouldn't really care but i don't know if i actually want to drop out of stem and the thing is, my best friend's mom was kinda talking to mine about how both her and i arent doing as well despite having the potential (my mom agrees and our families are close enough for that conversation) and my best friend still doesnt know what to do so i was suggesting international relations to her which has always been my in another life career and that got me thinking as well about it just in case this doesnt work out but i have to make a decision by the end of tenth grade bc we get to choose our subjects for our junior and senior years then

im just kinda worried about how everyone will take it but more than that ive always wanted the freedom to move from one country to another without having to retake an exam like you'd have to for law and medical which was why i dropped the idea of doing law and im a very materialistic person, in the sense that i want to be rich like, have a large living space, luxury cars and brands, and most importantly be able to travel the world (which is probably my life goal) and money is just a means to that end and for that i need a good job but i also kinda prioritise my ability to travel when considering careers so i dont want to be tied down by becoming loyal to a particular government

im not even sure if i actually want to do ir instead of aerospace engineering. im just kinda testing the waters rn by doing research but im scared bc it's almost common knowledge that i want(ed) to work for NASA and I've always had my life planned out to the exact college i wanted to go to since third grade and the last i altered it and that too slightly was in seventh grade but this choice is going to affect everything and i dont know if im even going to make it

sorry for the rant, i hope you're having a good day wherever you are

Hi!

Okay so a few thoughts:

First of all, you're allowed to change your mind about what you want to do with your life at any time in your life, but expecially when you're this young. You should do what makes you feel fulfilled and happy, and if someone doesn't support you, that's their problem.

However, I do want to say that whatever you decide, don't just pick something that's easy. Because the thing is, at some point, everything will have rough spots. First decide what will make you happy, then figure out what work you need to do to get there.

I hope that makes sense!

[mental-health-advice]

hi

im currently going through some things and i wanted to have someone else's pov/opinion on it, so thank you in advance for taking the time to read this

im the eldest daughter of a sea household in a foreign country. its just me, my mom and my sister who is 10 years younger than me. i was supposed to go to college last september but unfortunately i did not pass the entrance exam and was not accepted and therefore had to take a gap year (however am set to go to college this fall).

my sister isnt doing well in school mostly because of the language here. we speak in english at home but she was a baby when we came to this country so we expected her to learn it as she grew up. all her friends speak it but since she goes to a bilingual school she does not speak it unless she has to and even when her friends talk to her, she responds in english. so unfortunately until now her proficiency in this language is even worse than mine (which i barely passed my finals with) and she struggles a lot because of it.

shes off to middle school next year and we just learned that she might not be accepted into the school she and my mother wants because of her lack of proficiency in the language and because of other factors like disorganization, not turning homework on time or at all and etc despite the way both my mom and i push and guide her.

my mother has always blamed me for my sisters shortcomings but i feel that it shouldnt be so. throughout our life here i never had support when i struggled through school despite the language difference and the lack of help. on the other hand, i feel i have done a lot of things for my sister regarding school even when i was struggling thru mine as well. though not consistently, when she comes home from school, i sit with her and help her with her homework when she has questions, teach her in different ways, tell her how i did things in school to pass and to study but she never really internalizes them and is still very disordered and easily distracted. she prefers to watch and play on her ipad instead of studying and when she reads she always prefers easier books instead of recommendations i give to her. whenever they have tests we have to push her to study and thats only if she even remembers (+to tell us) that she has a test.

my mother doesnt help with my sisters education. she works long shifts and changing hours and so her schedule never really allows her to help with any of our education.

its not the first time and i doubt itll be the last but my mother came home today after having had a meeting with my sisters teacher who explained that my sister have had no visible improvement in the language and that she still struggles with many things my mother and i push her to fix. she was mad and as always blamed me for not doing enough, for not sitting long enough with her and teaching her and for everything my sister is failing to do. she says that if my sister does not manage to get into that specific school they want then she will not let me go to college (i dont know if she means it or not but she has said this multiple times before)

i dont understand why im being blamed. shouldnt improvement come from my sisters own desire to improve? i can push and tell her to do this, study more, do her homework and so on but if she doesnt do it herself without prompting then isnt it just for naught?

my mother often brings up that she would not be doing this to me if i had gone off to college but she has been blaming for all of my sisters faults even as i was struggling through highschool. she constantly tells me that there are people my age who are working and earning money and yet whenever i bring up the idea of getting a job she always tells me to just focus on my studies.

i just dont understand why my sisters sins are mine as well

am i playing a victim? is my mom right?

im sorry this got so long, i didnt want to leave out details and wanted to be as transparent as possible because leaving out things would make it biased. thank you again, i hope youll have some advice for me

Hey there,

I really believe that when it comes to education, we can only help others so much. We can sit with them, help to explain things, help with studying with them to try to keep the other person focused and on track, but in the end, the will and desire to learn and to do well in one’s schooling has to come from within. I think that your Mum is being really unfair with putting your sister’s failure or lack of improvement in her education on you and especially when you are doing your very best and spending so much time with your sister already to help her. With this being said though, is it possible that given your Mum is working such long hours, that she may just come home really frustrated at your younger sister and you are the easy target to vent or blame her frustrations onto?

I know that your Mum works a lot, but when she, for example, has a day off of work, could you possibly pull her aside and talk to her about this stuff and how it leaves you feeling? I know that you mentioned that your Mum said she wouldn’t put all of this stuff on you if you were at college but given that you are not at the moment it’s hard to know otherwise. By talking to your Mum though, and explain/ let her know/ show her how much time you put aside to dedicate to your younger sister to help with her education then perhaps instead of blaming you she will be able to see that you can only do so much. So again, with all this being said, it sounds as though your Mum is just frustrated and/ or perhaps feels as though she needs to blame someone and especially if she feels judged or under pressure from other family members or members of the public in general and especially if education is of upmost importance to them. If the latter is the reason, then maybe she feels like a failure herself in not being able to give your sister the life she wants too where anything is possible for her, including going to college. Just something to maybe think about and talk to your Mum about if you feel comfortable in doing so.

I guess that perhaps it may also be important to acknowledge that not everyone (unfortunately) finds education as easy as others and yes, they may struggle more through no fault of their own but just because of who they are as people. They may not be being lazy but just find the workload and context of it all overwhelming and just ‘too’ hard that they give up without even trying in fear that they will fail anyway. So perhaps, and I am not sure how things are in your family, but if excess stress or expectations are being put on your sister then she may be feeling this and this may be adding to own stress to do well or be better fit into the mould that your Mum wants her to fit into (doing well and getting into the school of her choice).

Of course though, all that I have said is just in my opinion but sometimes taking a step back, trying to find the root cause of any issues that may be making things so hard for your sister to learn may be of some benefit and will enable you to all move forward in the sense of her improving in her future schooling and studies. Everyone also learns very differently from one another, that it may also be possible that she just hasn’t found what works best for her in learning things.

Either way though, I do not believe you are at fault at all for your younger sister to not be performing to the standards that everyone would like her to at school. So please try to take comfort in that you can only help your sister so much, but in the end it is up to her to take on board all the support and help that you have been giving to her and to have that desire and will to want to learn herself if that makes sense.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you, hope that you are going well and I wish you all the best with college!

Take care,

Lauren

[autisticlee]

I wasn't diagnosed with hEDS, despite very much suspecting it before that. my doctor used that testing method (I always forget the name of) that looks at like 5 joints only and judges based on that. some of those happened to be joints I don't have as much issue with (for example, my elbows and knees don't bend past the degree required and my back is way too stiff to touch the ground without a lot of stretching first) but I was told I have general, basically harmless joint hypermobility and there's no treatment to help me or anything. I'm basically fine I guess?

I was told by a few people on twitter that the test is outdated and the issues I mention having sounds a lot like hEDS and I need a second opnion (but can't get one because that's the only doctor in my hospital/insurance system) so all I have to go by is what people online have told me from a guess and what a doctor told me. so I really don't know what the truth it. but I feel obligated to go off of what the doctor said and say "I'm fine" because I was also told by twitter people that this "isnt something to wish for/it's a very serious condition/you can't just self diagnosed this/etc" so I can only assume I just have a few joints that bend more than they should but it's fine.

(this is longer than i expected so i'll cut it)

my joints are always popping and cracking and feeling very loose and floppy. I don't get big dislocations requiring hospital visits that I am told are a required symptoms of hEDS. )I can dislocated my jaw on demand though and have to use my hands to put it back lmao and other joints get stuck and feel like they're trying to dislocate and stuff like that? i've had toes and fingers dislocated and my parents just yank on them until they pop back in. my hips are some of the worst joints i think. of course those aren't tested in the EDS test. i'll be walking and suddenly my hip feels like it pops out of place or gets stuck. if i'm standing and shift my hips, I can feel it pop really dramatically. always a dull pain, sometimes sharp pain that makes it very hard to walk untol it goes away. but I try to ignore it.

I feel like I have high pain tolerance (not sure if due to being autistic and having weird sensory issues, or from basically being trained my while life to ignore my pain because my parents couldn't afford to take me to doctors, being told to suck it up i'm being dramatic, getting ignored or told others "have it worse," etc.) so i've just been accepting the joint pain I get, especially from my very physically demanding job, and don't do much about it. I'm pretty sure most, if not all my sleep problems are due to chronic pain and discomfort. everyone tries to tell me it's all in .y head and I can't sleep because my mind is "too active" and i'm just "thinking too much" so i've been suggested so many things to treat anxiety. thkae don't work and meds made it WAY worse. i'm the definition of "head empty" when i'm trying to sleep. I don't think that's it lmao. if it's anything in my head, it's the vivid dreams I have. but do dreams make you feel like you got physically hit by a truck? maybe mentally, yeah.

my mom, who I work with, has chronic pain and back and other problems. so since she "just deals with it" she applies that to me and says "mine is worse/I deal with it every day and it mever stops/I can't help you/you have nothing to complain about/etc" and not just her, my whole family seems to have chronic pain and stuff. it's like it's genetic, idk. so i'm expected to work through it and ignore it. she doesn't use any mobility aids despite probably needing to, so it was never suggested to me. i've had pain and issues most my life but was always told i'm "too young to have any pain. wait until you're 25/30/35" (the number changes as I get older for some reason...) "you arent allowed to complain/experience pain now, you're too young. exercise more. you sit at your computer too much. etc" so i've just tried to ignore it and deal with it because i'm overreacting and it's not bad, right? others have it worse.

I visited some friends this past week. One friend is disabled and uses a cane/wheelchair to aid her mobility due to severe chronic pain. I brought my hip brace with me, which helps hold my hip in the joint a little and helps stop it popping out as I walk (there's still pain though, but it stops my joint from popping out sideways when i move it, if that makes sense?) my friend noticed me struggling and despite me telling her i'm fine and this or normal, she demanded I don't just "deal with it" like everyone else. she made sure I had my brace on, shared her pain meds, and made me borrow her cane while she used her wheelchair.

we went to an anime convention and met up with one of my friend's friends for a little bit. she also uses a cane when walking around a lot. she noticed my hip issues and my skin having a bad reaction to the double sided tape I was using for cosplays and asked if I had EDS because I showed signs like people she knows who have it. that kind of further makes me wonder if maybe my doctor misdiagnosed because of the bad outdated test? perhaps it's not and i'm overthinking it. i'm just thinking that if that's what it it actually is, it would be nice to know so I know how to help myself? like maybe there's more treatments than just ignoring standard hypermobility? and what if there's other related issues i'd have to watch for amd not know about?

but anyway, borrowing my friends cane, with and even without my hip brace (sometimes with wrist brace too if i remembered because wrist pain particularly due to an old, severe injury as a kid), doing a ton of walking all week, I noticed I never got sharp hip and knee pains that I get normally that almost down me every day at work or when going for a walk. I always try to ignore them and push through and continue what I'm doing. I assume that's fine and even get annoyed at myself for being so overreacting to it????? i'm suppsed to have high pain tolerance, right? i'm making a big deal out of nothing probably!!!!

but using it that whole week and finding that it helped makes me wonder if I should get my own???? not that I really go anywhere and I can't use it at work because I have to use my hands the whole time. (or is that attention seeking behavior? I know using one draws negative attention because people are assholes about that stuff. but it's still attention. am I secretly wanting attention???) I also wonder if i'm experiencing more issues than I think. like have I gotten so used to ignoring things that it's actually worse than I think? am I a walking imposter syndrome? i've heard you can dull your own sense of pain by ignoring it long enough and being autistic with sensory issues can also cause a reduced sense of pain. it seemed like being around other disabled people and people who actually paid attention to me meant people noticed me struggling more than I notice, if that makes sense?? but I don't know i'd I am truly struggling or i'm unconsciously making it up????

when I was on my way home walking through the airport, I thought I was doing fine. yeah, I was going slower than everyone else and leaning on my rolling carryon luggage, but i'm sure I was fine......I must have looked like I was struggling. a man driving one of those little transport vehicles through the hall stopped and asked if I was ok. I said i'm fine and he insisted I get on and he take me down the rest of the very long hall. he got to the end where it splits and I needed the opposite way he was headed so he called for someone with a wheelchair to scoop me up and take me to my gate and wouldn't accept a no.

I thought i'd be fine shuffling the hour long layover I had to the opposite side of the airport to my gate, but turns out I made it a minute after boarding time started even with other people running me through on wheels double the speed or more i was going myself. I may have missed my flight if I kept shuffling on my own.....

even though it was a lot of help, I still felt bad, like I was taking up resources from people who really needed it. I never considered myself physically disabled despite my weird joint issues, weakness, chronic pain, lack of balance and coordination, etc. it was a lot of help, and like I said, I may have missed my plane without it, but I still felt really bad and still do, like a fraud, like I was wasting something others needed more. I just feel like my struggles aren't enough to warrant any thpe of disability aid, if they can even be considered struggles at all. I felt like i'm an able person being fake and taking something that doesn't belong to me, wasting resources that aren't meant for me, despite it not being me who chose it or asked for it. I tried to refuse, but it was given to me by someone who seems to have felt I needed it????? should I have rejected it more and tried to be more insistent on being fine? (though i'm not sure i'd be capable of that since I was overwhelmed and my autistic brain can barely handle airports....so talking at all was kind of out of the question)

i really feel like I don't need or deserve help like that! I need to deal with it on my own and ignore it, right? others have it worse! it's not that bad. I can deal with it on my own. maybe i'm being dramatic about any pain and stuff i'm experiencing and need to suck it up and stop complaining. It's not bad enough to even mention it! maybe i'm unconsciously trying to get attention or something like that. unconsciously looked like I was struggling for some kind of attention or something (despite trying to always shrink and hide myself in public to be left alone, especially when sensory overwhelmed). I hope I didn't impede anyone who needed and deserved help more than me 🥺😔

[nctsplug02]

Can I request dad!johnny? he cheated with y/n so they broke up and 3 yrs later he saw y/n with their son (y/n a single mom) but johnny isnt still aware of it that it’s his kid? Angst-fluff maybe? Thank you!

get your popcorns ready, this is gonna be a long story.

genre: angst, fluff

—

You and your son were waiting in line for some ice cream, he heard the ice cream truck and asked to get some, of course you agreed since it was so hot outside. “Hello,” you greeted the man in the ice cream truck. “Hi, what can I get for you today?” He asks and you hum. “I think I’ll get vanilla. What do you want, baby?” You ask your three year old. “Can I get the brown one?”

The man chuckles and nods before heading back into his truck to get the ice creams. “Okay, here you two are! It’ll be five bucks.” You hand the man a five dollar bill before bidding your goodbyes.

“Y/n?” You turn your head to the direction where your name was called. “Oh, Mark? Taeil?” You’re shocked to see your olds friends standing in line, waiting to order their ice creams. “So it is you! Hyung, you owe me twenty bucks,” Taeil rolls his eyes at the youngster and nods.

“Anyways, how’ve you been? It’s been so long!” The young boy cheers. “I’ve—,” you feel your dress get tugged on. “Mommy, who are they?” Your son asks, hiding behind you. “These.. um,” you look back at Mark and taeil. “They are my friends from a long time ago.” You smile at the two men in front of you.

“Wait, your a mom now? Wow!” Mark covers his mouth in shock. “Mark, youre too loud.” Taeil tells him, Mark apologizes and lowers his voice. “Uh, yeah.. I’m a mom now.” Mark crouches down and holds a fit out to your son. “Hi, buddy! I’m mark!” Your son tilts to the side to look at Mark. He looks up at you who just smiles down at him. “I’m Sungchan.” Your son quietly introduces himself and hi-fives Marks fist.

“Nice to meet you, sungchan.” Mark giggles at the three year olds shyness. “Where are you guys off to?” Taeil asks while Mark tried to start a conversation with the three year old. “Just back to the park, what about you guys?” You point to the park that had no people. “Well, we came here to get some ice cream for us and the others, so we’re headed back.. over there.”

He points to a place behind the cars that were all parked and lined up. “Oh, who’s all over there with you guys? Maybe I’ll come with and say hello to them.” You smile at him, thinking about the others that you hadn’t seen either. “Well, there’s taeyong, Jeno, yuta, Doyoung, and Johnny.” He lists them out, you pause at the last name.

“O—oh, um, actually I think me and Sungchan are just gonna head home after this.” You hug Sungchan to your leg. “Oh, well. Here, how about we swap numbers so you can come over tonight? I mean, we are throwing a little party.” You think about it, what could go wrong with reuniting with some old friends?

“Sure! I mean, it’s been years since we’ve all talked and seen each other, so why not?” He laughs a little and pulls his phone out. You and him swap numbers before you and Sungchan left home.

Mark and Taeil walk back to the little group with ice cream cones in their hands. “Okay, take your ice creams! Me and Taeil have to tell you guys who we just met.” They all take their ice cream and wait for Mark to continue.

“We bumped into y/n at the ice cream truck, she looks better than ever!” Mark announces with a giggle.

——

Later that night, Taeil had texted you, telling you to come over for a bit. You got worried and asked if you could bring Sungchan, he said yes and that he didn’t mind.

You got Sungchan out of the car and knocked on the door. The door swings open and you see Mark at the door. “Aye! You actually came!” He gasps when he sees the three year old standing besides you. “Ahh! Sungchan!” He giggles and starts to jump. “Hi, Mark.” You giggle at how excited he was to see your son.

Mark shuts the door after letting the two of you in. “Are you hungry? Yeah, okay. Why don’t you go play with uncle Mark while mommy grabs you some food, yeah?” Your son nods and looks up at Mark. “Let’s go!” Sungchan grabs Marks hand and allows Mark to take him to the basement.

You sigh and start looking around for the kitchen. “Oh,” you find the kitchen filled with food that they had just barbecued. You hum and start looking for plates, paper plates are sitting on the counter which you grabbed. You filled with plate up with some chicken and rice. You reheat the cold food and while waiting a voice scares you.

“Y/n?” Oh, you knew that voice, you knew it well.

You turned around to see your ex lover standing in shock by the door frame. “Johnny, hi.” You inhale sharply. “Is.. is that your kid?” He points behind him.

- few moments ago -

Johnny sighs and opens the bathroom door. “Yo! Watch out, man!” Mark yells and pushes the tall man back into the bathroom. “Woah, who’s kid is that?” Johnny asks pointing to the three year old.

“Mhm.” You nod confirming his question. “Oh, well, how’ve you been—?”

beep, beep, beep.

The microwave saves the awkward moment. “I’ve been good, how about you?” You grab the food out of the microwave. “I’ve been.. good too.” He nods and tucks his hands in his pockets. “That’s good. Can you show me where the basement is?” He nods and gestures you to follow him.

Entering the basement, you could see your son playing with Mark. “Oh, my god! Y/n? It’s been so long!” Jungwoo gasps and sits up, running over to you and hugging you. “Hi Jungwoo!” You giggle and pst his back as he swayed you back and forth. “Gosh! So that baby must be yours, huh?” You nod and scrunch your face up. “Okay, well I see you have a plate of food so, go on.”

You walk over to Mark and Sungchan who are playing with some action figures. “Channie, come eat food.” You sit down and place the plate down. “Okay, mommy.” He crawls over to you and sits in front of you. “Here, ahh.” You open your mouth and so does he. “Omm, nom nom nom.” Your son giggles at your food noises.

——

After feeding your son, your son got tired and wanted to go home. “Hey guys, me and Sungchan are gonna head home. He’s getting really tired and cranky.” The guys frown and whine, not wanting you to leave just yet. “I’ll see you guys next time, okay?” Mark walks you to your car with Sungchan in his arms.

“Okay, bye y/n. Drive safe, alright?” You giggle and nod. “I’m not that bad of a driver, Mark. But yes, don’t worry. Goodnight Mark, don’t drink too much.” He laughs and nods. “Okay, mom,” he jokes, “goodbye channie, see you soon! Bye buddy!” He waves the little boy off before running back inside as you drove off.

——

For days your son had begged you nonstop if he could spend the night at Marks, and honestly, you didn’t know if Mark would be up for it or if he would be able to take care of your three year old. “Okay, I’ll call uncle Mark to see if he lets, okay?” The three year old cheers and nods.

You pick up your phone and start calling Mark.

“Hey, what’s up y/n?” The man sounded so lively. “Hi Mark, can I ask you something?” The boy nods and hums. “Okay, so lately Sungchan had been asking and begging for me to let him sleep at your place, so is it alright if Sungchan sleeps at your place? For like, a day?”

The man on the other line freaks. “Dude, of course! Send me your address I’ll come pick him up.” You giggle at his excitement, him and Sungchan are growing up as best friends. “Alright, ill send it.” The other line goes silent, bitch hung up.

“Channie! Go get ready! Uncle Mark is coming to pick you up!” The little boy cheers and runs into his room, quickly packing some of his toys and some clothes.

“Im ready, mommy!” He says with his backpack on and his shoes on the wrong way. “Good job, baby! Let’s go wait for uncle Mark outside, yeah?” He nods and runs towards the front door.

You and him are outside, youre sitting on the steps while he sat next to you. “It’s a pretty day, isn’t it?” Your son nods and looks at the flowers that were planted by the big tree in front of your house, it had a swing on it from your childhood.

A car pulls up and you grab Sungchan hand. “Oh, it’s uncle mark.” You let his hand go as he slowly walks down the stairs and then runs to his uncle. “Uncle Mark!” He jumps into the mans arms and makes the older man giggle. “Hey buddy!” He lifts up the three year old and looks over at you, who is walking towards them.

“Hey Mark, take good care of my baby, okay? He’s the only one I’m having.” Mark and you laugh, but soon after he nods. “Hey y/n?” You look in the car to see Johnny sitting in the passenger seat. “Oh, hey Johnny, didn’t see you.” He slightly laughs and then looks back in his lap. “Alright, ready to go, buddy?” The three year old nods.

“You go and be good, okay? If someone tells me you were being a bad boy, then you don’t get to go back to uncle Marks, got it?” The little on nods. “Okay, give mommy a kiss.” You turn your head and point to your cheek. You pull away when you feel his little lips press against it. “Okay, bye bye, baby.” You ruffle his hair. “Bye mommy!”

——

Later that night, you had ran to that store for some food and bumped into someone very attractive. You and him swapped numbers and starts going on dates after that. While on those dates, Mark would babysit for you, you offered to pay him for every time he watch your son but he didn’t accept it.

Tonight was a rainy night, you and jaehyun couldn’t go on a date so you both decided to stay in with Sungchan.

- a little recap of their night -

“Happy 8 month anniversary, babe.” Jaehyun says and clinks his wine glass with yours. “Happy 8 months, baby.” You take a small swig. “Mommy, happy happy day.” Sungchan holds up his cup of apple juice. “Aww, happy happy day, baby.” You giggled and clinked your cup with his.

——

It was so late and the rain made the three of you guys so sleepy, so the three of you ended up sleeping early.

A sudden faint knock could be heard from the living room. You sit up frantically, another knock. “Who the f.. it’s so late..” you groan and get out of bed, making your way down to the front door with a bat in your hand.

“Johnny?” You see Johnny standing in front of your door all soaked, he looked.. intoxicated. “Y/n..” he slurred and wobbled, he couldn’t even hold himself up. “Johnny, it’s late, what are you doing in front of my door at this time?” He laughs but it sounded broken. “I.. I miss you so much..”

he was just drunk talking, you said to yourself.

“Johnny, should I call Mark—?” He quickly shakes his head. “No, please don’t. If you do then he’ll yell at me.” You sigh, the cold breeze making your legs shiver. “I just miss you so much, I miss holding you at night, I miss the way you kissed me, please just take me back—“ you stopped his rambling, his drunk rambling.

“No, johnny, you don’t get to do this! I’ve finally healed after 4 years of our break up. I was so heartbroken that you cheated on me with some random chick from the bar. I was so hurt that you hid it from me and that I had to find out from Renjun and Chenle. This ain’t fair, johnny!” He laughs and nods. “He’s my son, isn’t he?” Great, a new topic.

“So what if he is? It doesn’t matter anymore, you were never in the picture anyway so why does it matter?” He looks up at you. “He’s my son—“ you shake your head. “No he isn’t, he isn’t. He may have your blood but he isn’t your son.” Silence took over, all that could be heard was the raining showering. “Just leave, please? I don’t want to ever see you again.” He steps closer with tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Y/n, please let’s just talk—“ the door opens wider. “She said to leave.” Johnny looks at the man besides you and then back at you. “Alright, I’m sorry..” Johnny turns back around and walks out of your property.

Jaehyun closes the door shut and is immediately taken into your embrace. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He shakes his hand and taps on your thigh, telling you to jump, so you do. “It’s okay, let’s just go back to bed.” He says carrying you back up to your room.

————

a/n: i got really tired and confused at the end. hopefully you can see where i ran out of words and ideas for this story. and by confused i mean like, not knowing anymore words, not knowing what to write and etc. hopefully i can fix this and make it better because it isn’t really that good. I’ll try my best next time! :)

[blxetsi]

armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

emergency donation post. if you have the time please read for context.

please send donations to my cashapp $pikman2

hi i know i dont have tons of followers but im hoping i can get some circulation because my family is in some really dire circumstances rn.

ive always been against making donations posts because i always figured others had it worse than me, but now that theres children involved im desperate and im selling my own things/ working overtime just for cash. my moms wife, D, cheated on my mom with my moms boss after being married for 6 years with 2 kids, and up and left without trying to talk about it at all. After originally kicking us out, she realized she couldnt afford the house thats under her name alone, and let my mom and the kids and my nana live there temporarily. our name isnt on anything, and if my family gets kicked out again theyd be homeless. right now my older brother, my nana, and my two younger siblings- both elementary school children- are dependent on my mom. my mom recently lost her job because she couldnt work under her boss anymore and the entire work place was extremely bad for her mental health. D and her new GF then sent their work friend to go "spy" on my mom while she was out with her friends (D started doing coke again around last year so her behavior is erratic) and the guy who they sent physically assaulted my mom. my mom already has prexisting injuries on her back and a past broken wrist from a few different abusive exes she had years ago, AND on top of that just last year my mom got in a nearly fatal car accident that fucked up her back more, and the assault made these injuries incredibly worse.

my mom (pictured above) has been prescribed new medication, but no longer has insurance because she lost her job. she works retail now which is extremely taxing on her body. my mom lives in texas and has applied many times to state assistance programs but she keeps getting denied. The house isnt in my moms name, so she has no proof of address to allow her to get food from any nearby foodshelves. after the accident my mom has really bad fears of driving and cant drive long distance without her anxiety becoming debilitating.

my brother recently got sick and is getting tested again. my nana has social security but its only 900 a month, really only 700 after buying her meds. my mom and i are the only ones working.

below are the some of the bills my mom has to try to earn in one month on 11 dollars an hour

plus rent which is 1250 and her car insurance. currently they spend all money on bills and barely have food or hygienic products most of the time.

D  hasnt been very helpful during all this, as she expects my mom to pay  all the bills despite knowing my mom is solely responsible for the well  being of 5 other ppl rn, and despite the fact EVERYTHING is in Ds name.  unfortunately we cant really negotiate with her because she can just  kick us out and then we'd lose shelter.

TL;DR

to clarify, i live in minnesota rn, so im not asking money to help ME, but rather my immediate and closest family- 5 people, 2 children, one elderly. my moms mentally ill, has chronic pain and longlasting injuries mostly from past abusive relationships, recently got in a traumatic accident, then was assaulted by her wifes friend after her wife of 6 years suddenly left after her affair was exposed. she just got prescribed a bunch of new meds that she cant afford but needs in order to keep working, all the while needing to pay off all the bills which comes to a total of about 2,000. there are 5 people in the house- my mom, my nana, my brother and two children. they are all constantly at risk of homelessness, they barely have any food at the house, and because nothing is in there name they cant show proof of address which is required at all food shelves locally. my mom cant drive far because of her anxiety due to her past accident and shes the only licensed driver in the house.

right now ive stopped school completely to work full time at my current job in retail. im trying to find a new job that pays more so that we can start saving money so they can move somewhere affordable and no longer have to deal with D. ive been doing this since the beginning of 2020 and if youve been following me you know i also stopped my own HRT and meds just so my family can eat, which has basically fucked my mental health incredibly, as im already suicidal and have been on and off meds/therapy/inhospital since early highschool. i skip days without eating and only do it when i need to so that my family can have more money. basically, ive exhausted everything i can to help and its still not enough.

Please if you can consider sending any donations directly to my cashapp $pikman2. every little bit helps, even 1 or 2 dollars can help with small groceries. thank you.

[mrskisaki]

Um so my situation has gotten worse and I might be taking a break from tumblr all together but ima try not to.

Ima just explain in a short story version of what's happening (it's a long story)

Might have a few triggers in here idk, you dont have to read. Mainly just a rant for me.

I'm sorry how messy this is, my brain is in shambles rn

I made this blog to get away from my home life and bring me temporary happiness but I havent been able to enjoy it like I used to and I feel bad because lately I havent been active and I know this isnt something you all want to read about.

Okay so bam, when I was 9 years old my mother died (her friend od her on pain medication after she got out of surgery) so it's been My dad, my brother who was 10 and me until my dad got with my step mom when I was 12. We ended up moving in with her and her kids (19,18,17 and 12 all girls). It was nice at first but after a while things got bad for me and my brother bc we were the step siblings so we got treated differently. So fastfoward to 16, my brother ended up running away because of how toxic things were and left me alone ( I dont blame him though) so everything got thrown to me, one of the sisters got married and moved out and another got engaged and moved out, they're the two that are nice but the other two are complete assholes. It got to the point where I was unable to talk to any of my real siblings (my brother is the only one who has both parents as me) and I was forced to move schools my junior year so I couldnt see him and had to start 2 weeks late. Okay so fastfoward I'm 18 now and for the passed few years has been hell (the reason why I barely get any sleep is because I have to do all the chores in the house and there's 7 people that lives here along with 2 dogs so I'm constantly cleaning and I do all the cooking as well) . My step mom has a tendency to talk down and bad on my real family and on my deceased mom. Ngl, my momma was a Og. She was the plug back in the day lmfaooooo but anyways my step mom always brings up things my mom did back in the day and says that ima follow in her foot steps. She says I'm going to be a drug addict, alcoholic, a single parent and swears that I'm pregnant even though I've never done anything before. I have really bad anxiety to the point where I will start shaking bad, throw up and be unable to breathe until I calm myself down. I asked to go get officially diagnosed so I can get medication but she says I'm wanting attention and there's nothing wrong with me (hence why she says I'm pregnant) She constantly picks on my flaws and insecurities (especially my weight bc I actually have meat on my bones and her kids and skinny and also my stuttering and mispronunciation when I get anxious) and compares me to her kids with their achievements and swears that I will amount to nothing. Okay so the oldest is 26 and shes still lives here and has no job, shes a compulsive liar and just lies on me continously for no reason and since I'm not blood, I dont get believed and berated for something I didnt even do (they sometimes get really mad and put their hands on me and pull my hair). I try to talk to my dad about everything that's going on but he works 7pm-7am so when he comes home, he doesn't want to hear it but when he actually let's me speak, he doesn't really care and is on their side. Even though I'm 18, I'm not in control of my life; I'm not allowed to leave to hangout with friends, not allowed to basically do anything; I had to beg to dye my hair and pierce my nose even though I was graduated and it was my own money. I couldnt even invite who I wanted to my own graduation so my brother couldnt come and she made me cry and feel bad about the fact that I wanted him to go. I was even forced to quit college 3 days before classes started. I had a job at McDonald's for a few days but had to quit because I had a really bad anxiety attack and since I no longer have a job, I get shit on for it. Okay okay okay so basically the 26 year old lied again and I finally stepped up and defended myself (I never defend myself bc I dont like confrontation and it makes my anxiety raise quickly and I cant handle people yelling at me) and it made everything worse. They ganged up on me and to put a long story short, I have until the 15th of December to get out. Idk what I'm going to do considering I have nowhere to go, I'm going to try to speak to my dad about it when he gets off in the morning but I doubt anything is going to change. It gets alot deeper but I dont really feel comfortable speaking about it but just know, it's bad.

I'm sorry that you all read this, I hope the rest of your day or night is good :) <3333

I really dont want to take a break but I might not have a choice, I'm sorry.

[doberbutts]

ty for your post about ADHD, i was actually attacked for saying similar things and accused of not even having ADHD at all, when all i did was explain the logic behind the "ADHD isnt a disability" crowd and that it doesnt mean no one has struggles stemming from ADHD, just that its been both proven that people with ADHD show less harmful symptoms when allowed to thrive in their own way, and that in some nomadic societies ADHD is the default. it just means our exist shouldnt be pathologized

and to be clear i think that goes for a lot more things besides ADHD, pathologization of deviations from what is considered the default is a widespread issue. i dont think people even know it stems from literally a single sample of what researchers at the time considered an ideal family

ADD is absolutely a disability in today’s world. ADD might not have been a disability when we were in a different society, when things such as “must be constantly doing something Or Else A Tiger Will Eat Me” and “sometimes Professor Dillyhop locks himself in his library and doesn’t eat for 3 days while researching a new insect he’s never seen before” were significantly more common.

It’s been proven that, like with many developmental disorders, when provided a support network that seeks to understand and legitimize the neurodivergent experience rather than Make Them Normal, we thrive. Our more pesky symptoms such as RSD and Executive Dysfunction are lessened sometimes to the point of virtual nonexistence. Hyperfocus is put to constructive work, even if that constructive work is “I’m going to stare at these individual leaves on a tree until I understand why they move a certain way when the wind hits them”. Infodumps become lectures and workshops and public speaking. Overstimulation is either avoided entirely by making places less fucking chaotic the second you walk in or a safe place is provided for recovery. Understimulation is solved by creating self-soothing tactics and coping methods to stay on course. Medication is provided by those who cannot be helped with lifestyle changes alone.

But you know, what do I know, I’ve only been unmedicated since leaving middle school and learned to manage my own symptoms through enforcing not only my own lifestyle changes but being vocal with friends and my workplace on what I need to not feel like a complete failure on a day-to-day basis while also understanding that I wouldn’t have needed to feel like a failure and a waste of space if I didn’t grow up as “that weird kid no one likes but everyone pretends to because we get in trouble for being too obvious about it” and “Jaz has Can’t Sit Still disease which is the same as all these problematic unmedicated and unsupported kids in school so we’d better heavy-hand this or he’ll drop out of college and never get married”. I wouldn’t HAVE the majority of the problems I have stemming from having ADD if I had maybe just an ounce more understanding from my community growing up. It’s great that my mom taught me to advocate for myself and got me medication and therapy but it’s less great that she also used it as a weapon against me whenever things didn’t go her way.

And now? I work in a job where I’m not expected to show up first thing in the morning and so I stopped being late for work all the time. I found a special interest that actually pays well to be employed in that I can sit and hyperfocus about each individual client and the intricacies of their specific cases. I use nagging apps to fix my food and water situations. My dogs don’t let me lay in bed like a lump all day. My friends understand my RSD and how I can be sensitive to perceived rejection or mockery. Class is literally Jaz Infodumps For An Hour At A Time. If I get overwhelmed I can always just ask for a few minutes to myself to calm down. I’m able to keep a schedule and stick to the majority of the things I have planned provided Something Else Stressful doesn’t get in the way of that.

I unfucked my life by building a support system and I know that the majority of people who react negatively to those who say that ADD doesn’t need to be a disability if only our society were ready to provide this understanding and acceptance on a large scale basis are reacting to the idea that someone can snap their fingers and make all the bad stuff stop. That’ll never happen. But if you get the support you need, you’ll find that the way your symptoms affect your life lessen to the point where your ADD simply becomes another aspect of you rather than something holding you back from the person you’ve always wanted to be and never felt you could live up to. Disability is about your symptoms having a major impact on your quality of life- and your symptoms would not have such an impact if neurotypical people could perhaps imagine a world where more people like me could have the support system I’ve fought tooth and nail to get.

[frogmentarii]

QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

Haaaa ok so I am doing this cause i saw @fallout-lou-begas steal it from @tarberrymentats and they both looked like they were havin hella fun so i am commandeering this for my own purposes. So lucky for yall its Emi time (art by the dearest @yesjejunus because yall need to see more of her work)

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because she's an older woman (57) that breaks a lot of moulds and I love to see it. Aside from just enjoying older characters, Emi isn't a sweet old lady and she isn't here to try and mother anyone. Her drives are entirely her own and while she prioratizes herself and her sister before anyone else, its not always due to complete selfishness and just due to growing up in the wastes (I try to keep her character true to a fend for yourself setting as possible). I think Ill go into detail in another question with this, but I went through a lot of concepts and personalities for Emi before settling on someone who was seasoned and very much a product of the wastes. I think after seeing a lot of other couriers I finally figured out what I wanted to do differently, and that sort of helped guide her to become what she is today.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I think my last line there sort of short answers this. I wanted someone different from the other couriers I saw, and wanted to make one that was distinct or even juxtaposed against some tropes. She's a woman in her late 50s that doesnt try and play mom/granny to the companions, she very much has no stake in what happens to the Mojave, she doesnt care about Benny or that he shot her in the head (such is life in the Mojave, but she did have a job to complete so ripperoni him), and a lot of her motivations are selfish or exist to benefit her sister. She doesnt act 'old' in the fact that she isn't a wise caring soul or a grumpy old man, but rather her age is shown through her experience, and this also shapes her personality. She's never had to formally 'grow up' so she can come off as immature and irritating for her own entertainment, but she doesn't have youthful ignorance for how the world works. She knows how to be responsible but she doesnt have to act like it outwardly, even with her Tragic Caregiver Backstory.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To a large degree in the beginning, yes, and to specific degrees now, also yes. Writing in general isnt my strong point though I did know what I wanted for her. The main image is there but the details are funky, and Ive been slowly hammering those out as I work along with her and Camila's stories. There's been some huge changes along the way that help push both of them towards an ending I like and that fits them, and even if it takes forever and I never actually write a fic, I'll be happy when she finally feels completed in New Vegas.

Aside from that, she kind of fits in anywhere in regards to AUs. My friend @yesjejunus and I have probably like 40000 fucking aus for our OCs and all of them feel just as organic and their canon stories.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

So I know I have an 'original concept Emilia' art on here where she looked like Laura Croft and had aviators but that wasnt even her first concept. I had originally wanted to make a petite southern belle type from Louisiana who used a shot gun and had a mean streak, but as I kept playing with concepts Emi really started to lean other places. Another huge change was her personality. Even when her concept got settled as a sniper from Mexico, she was suppose to be an early 30s caravan guard who was way too sure of herself. While there are reminents of that concept still in her, she has a lot more experience in the wastes and in think-on-your-feet situations to back up her attitude. Another thing she required was dropping her "take me seriously" personality with more goofy "i do what i want cause why not" traits.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Emi can get along with anyone at a surface level, for a small while, if it will benefit her or she wants to pass time. She really doesn't have interest in folks who arent interesting or beneficial in some way. Since I don't really offer her much, and am a bit of a wet bag, she might yank my chain for her own funsies or she'd have no interest.

And while I did indeed give Emi my go with the flow attitude, I think I wouldn't be able to keep up with her. Emi is very fast paced and doesnt necessarily have regard for those she decides to pick up as drinking buddies for the night. Def dont trust her with my life, and knowing the shit she gets into I'd def want to steer clear of it....like a trainwreck its much better to watch her from a safe distance, lol.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A lot of affection from a meta standpoint? I've worked with Emi and Cam a lot since creating them, and they've def come a long way since their original concepts. I wouldn't say their story is quite where I want it yet, but I am quite happy with it overall.

That, and Ive met so many awesome writers along the way with Emi. Not all of my friends have posted fic but the amount of world building and having our characters interact and talking OCs ive done with them has placed both Emi and their OCs in a special place for me. Sure her having her own story is fun but I much more prefer the bonds Ive created with people over OCs and I think thats a bit more of a cherished component to character creation for me.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Literally? That she likes to be irritating if she feels she can get away with it (or even if she cant). Actually? That she has a very "I shelter you and feed you therefore I make the rules, period." stance on how she takes care of her charge. She lets a lot of shit slide with Camila but things get very Rapunzel-esque at times.

H) What trait do you admire most?

How sure of herself she is. Even if its to a fault, she trusts herself and her judgements. That sort of confidence is something I strive to have haha.

To a lesser degree, and more of a meta point I wanted to make with her, just...her appearance I suppose? To me she's attractive, but she also has a lot of traits that aren't conventionally attractive and that's played a lot into how Ive wanted her to be. Again she's 57 years old. She has age to her body, her skin wrinkles and droops, her tits sag, she has the body of someone who uses chems, and yet despite her age and breaking of beauty standards ive made it a point to show that she is desired or thought of as attractive in non fetish specific circumstances. She herself, while aro, also still has an active sex drive and I really wanted this to be a backseat part of her character, as I feel like fandom in general shafts older women in this department (this also goes for a lot of her non 'old lady' traits I give her too). She still has sexual needs and is still very much sexually active, and she is still found to be a regular sort of attractive and is desired by those she gets involved with.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? Ish, to a degree. I didnt have to but I wanted to. I also did a lot of headcanoning with post Mexico for her early life which, afaik is free real estate for lore/nothing super detailed has been given in canon.

Given that she and Camila both shape their stories as individuals, I did have to split up some canon elements to follow two seperate characters, but other than that I really just had to make sure Emilia's story wasnt "boring" in the fact that she again, has no real stake in what happens to Vegas/the Mojave.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Cackles in 'which au will I obsess with today'

For the most part yes, however I love placing her in new things or different stories. She may be 'my courier' but really shes just the frog granny that goes into whatever au I am feeling at the time.

[gcmblingdice]

..

Hopefully my next paycheck will push me having 2000 so i can pay off my aunt so I can get my car this weekend. Gotta make sure too that I can also pay off dad too (but he says to wait til next week?) But then i gotta like buckle down again om finding insurance.

Im also afraid Ill loose my state insurance and wont be able to afrord my meds because i cant afford insurance (unless i go through my work but idk how much extra that will be out of my paycheck.)

Yes I am moving in with my boyfriend and his partner, but I think its only until I am able to be on my own??? Idk. I need to get that clarification but i always forget.

Im also nervous and worried that once I move my dad may decline and idk. Also im not over how my brother keeps joking about me paying dad back cause its his inheritence too.

Like we already did the math and between bills going out and income coming in, he would have 600-700 a month of left over money to use for gas and grocerries etc. He can easily rebuild that 6k+ (8k if we counting the vet) and i mean I understand he wants the money back, but he keeps asking me ans reminding me and i keep telling him Ill.pay him back.

Then he also says to not rush it, but will remind me.of what i already paid him and its like SIR PLEASE? AND I AM SO DONE.

Im full on bulimic again and dont fucking care much anymore about shit and Im slipping. I find myself drinking more and more.

I resubbed to the gym but only went once and feel like shit. Like good job ya dumb bitch 10 dollars wasted a month. (I been trying to do evening walks tbh but i wanna do the gym for real again)

OH AND EVEN THO I CLOSED THE CREDIT CARD MOM HAD FOR DAD I FORGOT I NEEDED TO 0 OUT THE BALANCE LOL I FUCKING HATE IT SO THAT ONTOP OF EVERYTHING.

Man i just do not. Not to mention the walking on eggshells and I am still not over how my dad's side has villainized me ever since the funeral when i told them to fuck off. Also the gays are pedo narrative is one they cling tigthly too because CLEARLY ME HELPING TO LET THIS 13 YR OLD BE HEARD AND ENCOURAGING HER TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HER GENDER AND SHIT IS BIG NONO AND I AM I NOT ALLOWED TO HELP A YOUNG QUEER BECAUSE SHE IS 13 ANE DOESNT KNOW WHAT SHE IS FEELING AND ITS A PHASE.

Man fuck off. The way she was so excited to see someone who was also queer, who gave her space to vent, made me cry.

My aunt knows of her being gay (or qieer) but even she says that the girl might change her mind.

MA'AM. and even if she does end up not being queer ( which i highly doubt since she confessed she was always different in that she liked girls and those who were non gender conforming and always said she felt more seen by gay tiktok and that she wants ti learn more before she can settle on who she is, but she isnt allowed...

BUT APPARENTLY ME JUST SHOWING BASIC DECENCY AMD GIVING HER SPACE TO BE IS BAD AND MAKES ME A P*DO???

and people on either side of my family constantly telling me i look like mom or how well I am doing when ITS CLEAR I HAVenT HAD TIME TO HEALTHILY PROCESS ANYTHING BUT OKAAAAY AND YEEESSSS

Tell me Im selfish because I want a safe space to grieve. Tell me I should be more respectful of my dad cause he is hurt too. Also we love them telling me i am not allowed to speak out on my own abuse at my dads hands because "now you onownyour dad is a good man"

FUCK OUT HERE WITH THAT SHIT. ON GOD.

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[xflower-childx]

Talks until 2 am.

Breezy messaged me while I was stuffing my face with a slice of pizza bigger than my head, she said she had some family tea to fill me in on and apparently it involved me. Immediately I knew it had to do with me telling dad it wasn't up to me to fix mom's depression so I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. After inhaling the pizza I called her and she explained how she had a talk with Aunt K that sorta blew my mind, that we spent our whole lives believing that mom and dad had kept us away from that plastic side of the family for our sake because we weren't as... Plastic as them, when in reality we were actually shunned by them. I guess Aunt K and Gamberry decided they didn't want us involved in in holiday functions or anything else besides Christmas and New years because they didn't like my mom, they even put 'Wicked' and 'Witchy' before her name when speaking of her (Which how dare they uses the Witches name in vain.) I asked Bree to elaborate more on why they hated her so much and she said that mom was clearly out for the money they had and that she was a manipulative bitch, now while this information isnt crazy new to me, it just is surprising to really hear it confirmed outside of my sister's, although she also said that mom and dad were never able to keep any friends because mom was always controlling over dad and the friendships.

Which leads into my favorite topic of the video call, I mentioned to Bree how I didn't really have much recollection of childhood memories, that I have sort of blips of memories, I've always pegged that as a few things thoughnsuch as, Growing up and being forgetful, being a pothead, or trauma and just putting a wall in front of it all... But Bree brought up and explained that I was always drugged up as a kid, that mom couldn't control me as a hyperactive child so she was constantly having me pop pills to turn me into an 'emotionless cooperative zombie' so that I wasn't a burden to her, how I was this incredibly curious hyper and happy child one minute and then mom would give me different pills (Ya know the ones she wouldn't keep for herself) and I would completely shut down and have zero emotion the next, which now thinking on that it makes sense, along with other reasons as to why I've had such a hard time processing emotions (I mean we've never been a family to show emotion, but completely stripping a child from the ability to express emotions while they are developing is bound to fuck them up in the future and create a butterfly effect of other issues.) She even explained that one of the drugs I was put was so strong that I wasn't allowed to take it everyday because is stunted my growth, I could only take it during the school year and during that time I stopped growing, stopped gaining weight and eating so I was skin and bones (Which I actually have a small memory of this and being able to literally hold my rib cage) and had no emotion to me whatsoever, and then during the summer I would come off of it and then hit a growth spurt and have all the energy in the world that was cooped up in me for school, and she let this happen for multiple years like wtfffffffff. All so she could make money off of me having a disability that part of me doesn't believe I maybe never even had, like whose to say that maybe my issues developed from being a guinea pig child to all these fucking drugs I was put on. I mean fuck man I know that my teachers thought I didn't have it and Bree even said doctors told mom I didn't have it but she kept going to different ones until they gave her the drugs for me. Like fuck man did she want the drugs for herself? I don't know it's just so fucked up to me because it fucked me up for so long.

So that leads to final topic for now as I don't have anymore in me for this right now, and that's trauma bonding. I told Bree how I got yelled at at work yesterday because my boss hasn't been impressed with my work ethic the past few days and how she done so much for me and blah blah blah. I was literally sobbing the entire talk because at that point all my anxiety and depression with my job had hit me and I couldn't hold it back anymore. She started off with getting mad at me for unloading/reorganizing the sprinkle cart because the wheel broke off and how 'That wasn't and important task a few days before Easter and I should have given it to one of the other girls' and then went into as Bree put it, humiliation tactic by counting how many seconds I took to spray a sheet pan to bake cookies on and then scolded me for that. It's shit like that that makes me wake up every morning vomiting from anxiety about going to work where I feel like my every move and word is being judged. She then hugged me after and told me how she loved me and cared for me more than she should since I'm her number one employee and how I'm like a daughter to her which literally during the hug reminded me of myother and how to me it felt like manipulation. How that's literal abuse, ripping a person down to nothing, humiliating them, filling them with so much anxiety, and then praising them and rewarding them so they don't hate you and run from it.

I literally ran away from my mother to then replace her with someone else. We love trauma bonding.

That's all I have in me for now with this though, next time shall be about Bree explaining more on her discoveries of our childhood being much more cult like then we thought and how my parents are so petty and childish that they couldn't even properly show up to my grandmother's funeral because Dani was there. Also how my parents continue to blame us for the inability to have a healthy relationship between us all because they can't properly grow, learn and evolve as human beings because only they can be right with there stupid fucked up religious ways.

It's so hard because while I firmly stand behind giving people a second or even third because I truly believe that people can change, and things get said and done when someone is hurting or confused and it's an automatic reaction, but it's how a person acts after they react negativly, it's whether they strive andblear and grow from their fuckups that matter... I don't see them growing though. I just see them sitting there, stubborn and stuck.

But hey, at least mom's getting her money from grandma's death that I'm sure she was dreaming of so hopefully that will make her happy.

As for me, well I may not be my happiest, but at least I know how to make myself happy and provide for myself so don't need to marry into money to be happy, so I call that a win.

[themagicaltunaa]

Answer all the questions

well i have nothing to do so sure

1. What have you eaten today? 

some toast for breakfast, leftovers for lunch, and some cereal for dinner

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

never kissed anyone, don't really care about that

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

light grey sneakers

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Jeremy did, when I was watching his Alien Isolation stream on monday

5. What is your favorite scent?

I love the smell freshly baked goods

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

I love fall. I just love the aesthetic of the season, and my favorite holiday is during fall. I would love to experience it one day

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

lol nope. I was barely able to do it as a kid. If I tried now i’m pretty sure i’ll break something.

8. What color are your nails?

the regular pink color? I don’t paint my nails

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

aw geez, uhhh idk maybe like a tiny star or something

10. What is something you find romantic?

i dont know romantic things 

11. Are you happy?

eh

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

no not really

13. Dogs or Cats?

cats. i like dogs too, but sometimes they’re too much to deal with. i’m more comfortable being with cats

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

museum

15. What is your style?

my style is “im trying”

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be?

stay up all night to catch up on videos

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

single babeyyyy

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

nothing, because im not attracted to anyone

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

i dont like celebrities

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

i’m pretty sure i’m holding on to a lot of stuff, but I can’t seem to remember anything specific. if this question means metaphorically, the answer still works

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

I went to a drive thru haunted house with my 2 friends, and after we got some taco bell and went to the beach to eat our food. we sat there for like 10 minutes before it started to rain on us

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

nope. I try not to in general , I hate having to make any sort of big decision because I starting stressing 

23. Were you ever in a school play?

I’ve always had stage fright so no

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

uhhhh, I dont watch enough movies to pick one

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 

oh there’s plenty of things that I've dreamed of doing, but I just can’t do it because of anxiety 

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I dont like sharing

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

uhhh idk? maybe the whole makeup culture thing? but it’s not like it irritates me I just don’t get it. I can’t really think of a second thing

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

too much to list

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

fuck if i know

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

can’t think of anything rn

31. How long was your longest relationship?

never been in one

32. Have you ever been in love?

pretty sure I have not

33. Are you currently in love?

nope

34. Why did your last relationship end?

see question 31

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

not wearing any atm. actually, I just don’t wear jewelry in general

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

I think it was last week? I don’t remember why, it was probably something stupid

37. Name someone pretty.

the anon that sent me this ask

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

oh! I got a few gifts from my bestie :)

39. Do you get jealous easily?

no

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

no

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

sure

42. Ever had detention?

no because I was a good bean in school

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

city. the countryside sounds nice, but just the thought of being out in the middle of nowhere especially at night makes me nervous 

44. What do people call you?

by my name

45. What was the last book you read?

I do not remember. It’s been years since I’ve read a book

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

uhhh idk

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

anything that catches my fancy. I don’t really stick to one kind of genre

48. How tall are you?

my doctor said I’m allowed to say i’m 5′2

49. Do you like kids?

they’re alright. I can handle be around them for a bit, but I would never want to have any 

50. Favorite fruits?

watermelon, starfruit, and tangerines

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

jeans

52. What’s your earliest memory?

I was like 3-4, and I was at disney world with my family. I remember seeing a stage show of Bear in the Big Blue house, and I remember walking around ToonTown when it still existed

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

i hope not

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

I used to collect seashells as a kid and I still have some of the collection somewhere in my closet. I wanna start a new collection of something but idk what

56. Do you save money or spend it?

i try to save it

57. What would your dream house be like?

something cozy and not too big, with a cat or 2

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

its 11pm at the time of answering this, i really can’t think of anything to fill a list rn

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

see the previous question

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog. i hate my job anyways so I don’t care

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would definitely tell my closest friends, and some of my family members, probably my mom’s side of the family. If I had the money to, I would like to travel to some places that i’ve always wanted to go to. I would have a month to accept that i’m gonna die so i think i would be fine. i’d rather get plenty of time to know i’m dying rather than like last minute. this has been a topic that i’ve been thinking of for a while now, not because I’m like thinking about death or anything, I just need something to kill time with at work

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

a heart?

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

aw cmon, I can’t just think of stuff like that on the spot. I don’t even know where I would want to go

64. Do you like the beach?

It’s nice, especially in the early morning when everything is still calm and the beach isn’t packed with people yet

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

no? wtf does someone special mean?

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it!

Doesn’t everyone have a middle name? But yeah i do and i hate it so im not saying anything

67. Do you talk to yourself?

in my head all the time

68. Describe your hair.

brown, curly, very long because I haven’t cut it in almost a year, it’s very annoying

69. What is the meaning of life.

I wish i knew

70. What is your ideal partner like?

no one

71. Do you want to get married?

no

72. Do you want to have kids?

 ew no

73. Like or dislike your family?

 they’re bearable

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

I’m more than chunky, i’m just straight up fat

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

lol no. I’m an absolute dumbass

76. What would you change about your life?

everything if i could

77. Religious or Not?

no not really

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

I don’t drink so this would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

it sure isnt because no one is there

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

uhhhh no. I don’t really care tbh

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

idk

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?

i’m not opening the door because no one is there

83. Do you like when people play with your hair?

ehh not really. It’ll just make it frizzy

84. Do you like bubble baths?

no

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

I need to drive in order for that to happen

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

no. its not fun getting soaked in the rain

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

not really? 

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why does god allow suffering

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

1.greece

2. peru

3.disney world only because I have not been to all the parks yet, also i can bug my brother while i’m there

theres a lot more but i’m too tired to fill out the rest of the list

90. How was your day today?

it was fine

91. Play an instrument?

used to play mellophone/french horn in band in high school. after I graduated I haven’t touched an instrument since

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

it’s scary

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

aliens as anything that counts as a living organism not of this world, not green little men from mars nonsense. the universe is too big for only life to be on earth. for ghosts, i’m still iffy about them, but that doesn’t mean i’m gonna start walking around haunted places and call the ghosts a bitch

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

abosolutely not. every day I regret all the decisions i’ve made through my life. does that mean I’m trying to fix said mistakes or try not to do them again? lol no 

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

in my mind i do. I’m too scared of everyone to actually do it

96. When are you vulnerable?

always

97. How much free time do you have?

doesn’t feel like much. saturday and sunday go by way too fast and i feel like when i go home from work theres just not enough to relax. im tired all the time

98. Do you like to go hiking?

never been

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

no because I actually have self preservation. I am also a very big chicken