#cw self hate

[aether-link]

.

[pennycutenice]

Whenever I see imagery of two girlfriends happily cuddling my brain goes in a blind rage of jealousy and I want to violently punch a wall until my entire hand is shattered because the pain in my arm will distract me from the way worse pain in my heart. :)

[sloppypears-ash-sg]

182 Ref Sheet (OC)

CW: self-hatred, self-deprecation (obviously), SH/SH mention, sui mention

In case you cannot read the large paragraph... (read CW above before continuing...)

An embodiment of Pan's self-hatred that has existed since Coney was first favored by teachers and kids alike but only gained a physical form as a hallucination from being combined with Pan's guilt after Coney's death. It follows Pan in and out of their mind and, with all they can, insults them, compares them, hurts them, and all that can mentally hurt Pan - sometimes causing Pan to hurt THEMSELVES in the process. 182 is bound to hurt Pan and remind them that they hate themselves until Pan accepts Coney's death... or dies. 182's goal is to get rid of Pan faster and not allow them to accept Coney's death. In other words... k1ll Pan... cause Pan to k1ll themselves. Others can sometimes see 182 and attempt to fight them, but 182 is immune to attacks other than Pan's attacks, and, since they reside in Pan's mind, know how to find the real Pan if someone tries to impersonate Pan. If anyone else tries to beat 182, they will never win. 182 only ever looks at Pan with an upset stare. 182 never looks away because they look for mistakes that Pan makes to use against the latter. In order for Pan to accept Coney's death, they must defeat 182. And ONLY PAN can defeat 182 - it's PAN'S grief and self-hatred, not someone else's. But 182 WILL NOT go easy on Pan.

[kittydragondraws]

I feel like some of the jokes I make blur the line between "get help" and "haha human suffering"

[imagesofstrangenessandpain]

This is a dump of some weirdcore-like vents (rather not call it tr@umacore because these aren't trauma based edits, though there are themes of mental illness like ocd).

Warning for paranoia? (not sure if that is the right term, please correct me if I am wrong), scopophobia, intrusive thoughts, guilt, self hate, and implied animal harm

[bloodyrosesnthorns]

I'm sorry mom.

[robinspinknest]

... pick yr poison ...

[w3brot]

[patisratii]

Old shesh

TW BEANS

[euthyy]

SH be a true gamble fr. I either bleed arbitary amounts from a catscratch or I hit styro and barely bleed

[v4mpir3mon3y]

TW !!!

all fake sfx totally not real

superrr old vid

[lostmf]

I wish I could stop counting every bite ..

[pennycutenice]

Bad mental health time continues. I wish it wasn't as fast and easy for my brain to suddenly talk me down and present me as inferior to all my friends and mutuals to myself.

I am just overwhelmed I think. Multiple jobs and uni with too much personal shit to manage and no energy for creative outlets. I am just destroying myself. Or to be more exact: Capitalism is.

[sloppypears-ash-sg]

Cremehorn - Self-hatred But Not (CW)

CW: self-deprecation/deprecation themes, sui mention/themes, ab_se themes

Inspo: GameBoyFrenzy ( @gameboyfrenzy )

Cremehorn is similar to 182 in many ways, yet based around CONEY rather than PAN HERSELF.

Both hatred demons (inner demons) are after Pan. The goal would be... to push Pan to join Coney...

in the most gruesome way they possibly can.

Or just getting Pan to end everything like Coney did.

But unlike 182, Cremehorn is centered around CONEY'S possible hatred of Pan if Coney were to somehow come back to life (which they never will). He takes the form of Coney and bullies Pan. He scolds Pan for little things, chases her around the house, yells at her and belittles her, and is generally hostile around her. He is generally an asshole to Pan - and in the way that he isn't real, Pan is being an asshole to herself.

SELF-DEPRECATION AT ITS...

[kittydragondraws]

*hiss* stop trying to love me *scurries away on all fours like a feral creechur*

[rabbitcrimes]

When people are like Wei Wuxian was NOT suicidal it’s like. Ok sure. He just believed that his debt to the Jiangs should be paid with everything up to and including his life. And also that the moral and obvious thing to do in any situation is to put himself between anyone and harm's way. This is because he thinks he’s unkillable but he makes himself unkillable for the same reason he’ll die for a good enough reason: because it’s a way to have worth!

And then famously once everything goes to shit he does beg Lan Wangji to let him die as part of the moment where he is either destroyed by his own evil magic or lets his own evil magic tear him apart, a distinction I don't personally think matters very much at that point. Less explicitly textually, his mentally ill ass behavior after he gives up his core says to me that he wishes that he'd died honorably for Jiang Cheng when he had the chance and doesn't know what to do with himself since he hasn't.

Again I’m aware that he’s operating under a pretty specific set of culturally informed norms as a cultivator and member of a sect but like. TO ME. Everything about how Wei Wuxian conducts himself indicates that he has a box in his mind at all times that says 'in case of emergency break glass' and what’s inside the box is his own death. All the sound of mind actions of a man who has a normal and not suicidal relationship to death.