#namely that he doesn’t think he has inherent worth

[rabbitcrimes]

When people are like Wei Wuxian was NOT suicidal it’s like. Ok sure. He just believed that his debt to the Jiangs should be paid with everything up to and including his life. And also that the moral and obvious thing to do in any situation is to put himself between anyone and harm's way. This is because he thinks he’s unkillable but he makes himself unkillable for the same reason he’ll die for a good enough reason: because it’s a way to have worth!

And then famously once everything goes to shit he does beg Lan Wangji to let him die as part of the moment where he is either destroyed by his own evil magic or lets his own evil magic tear him apart, a distinction I don't personally think matters very much at that point. Less explicitly textually, his mentally ill ass behavior after he gives up his core says to me that he wishes that he'd died honorably for Jiang Cheng when he had the chance and doesn't know what to do with himself since he hasn't.

Again I’m aware that he’s operating under a pretty specific set of culturally informed norms as a cultivator and member of a sect but like. TO ME. Everything about how Wei Wuxian conducts himself indicates that he has a box in his mind at all times that says 'in case of emergency break glass' and what’s inside the box is his own death. All the sound of mind actions of a man who has a normal and not suicidal relationship to death.

[ceaselesswatchersspecialboy]

Offering an NPD perspective on Ford Pines, because I feel the most common discussions surrounding his narcissistic traits tends to go in two ways — from what I’ve personally seen — and that’s defending him, and denying the mere possibility he may have NPD because it’s seen as a negative, or using NPD as a way to villainise him, and thus demonise NPD. Or, the alternative, this part of his character is completely overlooked.

That isn’t to say I haven’t seen some wonderful analyses on Ford and NPD, rather, I find it surprisingly lacking when his character might be some of the best representation of my own experience struggling with narcissism (alongside Bill).

I believe a lot of it stems from the misconception and stigma around NPD, and the fact Ford goes again common, typically incorrect, ideas, such as showing genuine care for other people, and accepting his failures and where he went wrong in the end, trying to repair his relationship with Stan, and realising that he doesn’t need to be recognised worldwide, as he’s found happiness with his family instead. All of these do not correlate with the media idea of a narcissist, but the fact is, narcissists are no different from any other disorder or mental health issue. We come in all different forms, and the idea we are inherently abusive or evil is such a widespread misconception that it becomes difficult getting help or support.

And that’s why I find Ford so important.

This alone, to me, describes in simple words how it feels to deal with NPD, and though you could argue Bill is projecting here, I think the point is they’re so similar, the lines blur. Both struggle with this same mentality, but Ford is able to reach out, and accept help, and Bill lets himself sink deeper and deeper into his own lies. Also, I’d argue it isn’t Bill projecting, because we sees evidence of this behaviour in Ford in the show and the journal.

He’s someone who believes himself destined for greatness, and won’t accept the bare minimum, such as when Fiddleford suggests he publish his research as is — No, he can’t have that. He has to be the one to uncover this grand theory. He has to have his name cemented amongst the greats. He believes himself to be special, different and more capable than other people, and yet he longs for the company of others all the same. He lives off of validation and praise, and strives for it, his own ego clashing against his lack of self-worth. Bill’s manipulations work on him because Ford eats up this sort of validation — it’s like one big high. It’s confirmation he is special. He is meant for greater things. He was right.

Ford notably struggles with empathy, which is likely both related to his autism, and also his narcissism. Other people simply don’t make sense to him. It takes effort for him to be able to understand people where they’re at, and he is willing to put in that effort notably, taking note of Fiddleford’s habits for example.

He also does struggle with manipulation and being deeply self-centred. A great example being Dipper’s apprenticeship. Ford is very subtly manipulating the situation here, and he doesn’t even notice, which is, in my own experience, common with NPD. He’s also unable to see Dipper and Mabel as, well, Dipper and Mabel, rather putting his own issues with Stan onto them, especially Dipper. He sees Dipper as a younger version of himself, and is trying to point him in that direction, never thinking whether it’s actually right for Dipper, or whether it’s for himself.

I could probably go on, like how he tends to have a black and white view of people, with his opinions on them easily flicking between extremes as a method of coping, or how he panics at the idea of his life’s work being destroyed, despite knowing the dangers.

Whether you agree he has NPD or not, Ford definitely has a lot of narcissistic traits, and yet, despite that, despite every mistake he’s made, everyone he’s pushed away, he gets a second chance. He gets to be loved and understood. He finds happiness. He gets to recover.

It’s very rare that characters with so many narcissistic traits get endings like that!

Ford is not a bad person because he’s a narcissist, he’s just a person, one who’s fucked up, and who’s still learning, and still healing, and that’s why he works. That’s why he’s such a comfort.

On a final note, If you are someone who’s going to argue vehemently against this idea, I kindly ask you simply scroll by!

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Formula One: The Curse Of The Prancing Horse

There is something so inherently poetic about Ferrari— all the glory behind it's name, the decades of history behind the logo— and it's failures. The sheer splendor of decades worth of building its name to what it is, only to be stuck a step behind from greatness. Too close to rest, to far to push.

And yet, no matter how much they lose, it's still the dream of every young man stepping foot on the grounds of Formula One. It is the Formula One dream. The deep devotion that drives anyone with a Ferrari badge on his chest, the blind faith despite every blow. It's larger than a religion. A cult.

Because even in all its misery, Ferrari is Formula One.

Time after time, we have another spectacular driver who's won it all and won it again, coming to Ferrari in hopes of winning it all with a legacy to support. This deadly hope in the heart of every driver coming to Ferrari that "I'll be the one to change things. I'll be the one to give them back their glory." It happens over and over again because a martyr that does not die lives to create more like him.

It's a cut that always bleeds because not only do you lose your lustre and yourself in the process, you watch another young driver take your place and go through it all over again. Do you think the past drivers look at Charles and pity him? Do you think they warned him? Do they understand the feeling of losing yourself in the process of finding glory for the prancing horse? Do you think charles will feel the same about whatever rookie joins him in the coming years?

Because it's Charles' relationship with Ferrari that's the most poetic of them all. Every race weekend he gives his body and soul to the team, and this team— they don't know what to do with it. It’s all very Renaissance, bold reds and religious zealotry. He’s a walking tragedy. He knows how to suffer and does it well — he was raised Catholic, even if he doesn’t acknowledge God anymore. He acknowledged misery and that's close enough to God.

Charles knows what's wrong with Ferrari. Over the years, he's become well familiar with how they break you, but he no longer cares. Not when occasional glory is poured down his throat like white hot nectar. It burns, but the blisters too are rosso corsa, the colour of prestige.

He says "If this is a cage then I'd like to be kept in a cage my entire life." As if he thinks he has a choice. As if he has it in him to make the choice. He won't change being Il Predestinato in red to being Charles Leclerc in any other color. He was born for rosso corsa.

He says "At times I have not been merciful towards myself" but oh sweet boy was it ever your choice to make? This is what the prancing horse does to those who put a saddle on him.

They call him Il Predestinato, but for what? Predestined for what, glory? Ha, no. Predestined to be the next sacrificial lamb, is what they mean. Predestined to stand on the altar ringed with fire, bearing a prophecy that hovers its fingers over his heart, digging its nails into the warm flesh the longer he is unable to fulfill it.

And it's how we watch it all unfold. How we watch driver after driver sacrifice himself to the team, the team sacrifice him to victory and Victory's satiated sigh at the taste of winning blood before doing what she wishes. It's poetic— all the blood spilled with no respite.

It's the cycle of misery, the curse of the prancing horse.

Ferrari will forever be red on the canvas of history because it is stained by the blood of the heroes that tried to save it.

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Eps 30-33 Commentary

No meta, just reactions! I have less to say about some eps so I'm combining several episodes worth. To make up for my head-emptiness and lack of meta, I've included more pictures lmao. Spoilers under the cut!

Ep 30:

"You really are pitiful." Li Lun waking up thinking of ZYC's words oooh they did that opening line for Li Lun/ZYC lovers (me)

What a homoerotic way to give the Truth Eye

ZYC and ZYZ having their first drink(s) together here, ZYZ and Li Lun having one last game of chess here. Gay ppl will go “I know a place” and take you to a damp cave and a little stone table in the Wilderness

Oof. The apparent inherence of winning/losing in their activity of choice compared to the drinks that took place here between ZYC and ZYZ. Even with a draw, it’s competitive by nature. If Li Lun knew about the three (very intense, very intimate) toasts that came before in this very spot, I wonder how aggrieved he’d feel.

Ah well there goes the date spot /:

I’m so happy to see LZY (Bai Jiu’s actor) get to fight! His fight scenes in MTJY were awesome and he continues to impress here as well. It’s so fun to watch!

………..to revisit my question from previous commentary about when the grievances against Ying Lei will end, the answer is never ;-;

Damn…For ZYC to promise to spare Li Lun after all that Li Lun has put him through specifically and personally. ZYC really fucking loves ZYZ doesn’t he.

I’m so fucked up over Ying Lei’s last words jesus christ.

ZYC sobbing and feeling the fleeting warmth of the rock Ying Lei was just leaning against…when will the world stop taking away his family members??? His brothers???

That scene of everyone looking at Bai Jiu after Ying Lei dissipates. The fact that he's right there. And it’s like they traded one life for another. The two babies of the group. Goddammit.

Do NOT hit me with Bai Jiu’s actor singing “Broken-Tailed Bird” right now oh my god

So like…regarding ZYZ losing his demonic power, does he still count as the most evil demon of ZYC’s time? Can someone ring Ying Long and ask?

ZYC crybaby oh no I can’t believe he’s crying over ZYZ being so weakened aw I love him

My god, Bai Jiu running after Ying Lei and into ZYC’s arms has to be one of my favorite sequences in the whole show. So so good. So so painful. Between this scene, all the flashbacks, and ZYC’s reaction when he died, I’m at least glad the show is spending so much screen time and significance on Ying Lei’s send-off, even if I’m heartbroken that he’s gone. We couldn’t even have the whole family reunited for one moment.

Also have you ever seen a man so mother?

No but seriously "Cry if you want...[tears] have to do with our hearts" ZYC my healthy masculinity king!!!

This song fucking hurtssssssssss this cheese (it's buttermilk) hurts everything hurts

I’m glad PSJ gets time and space to react. Her lines about being a mortal and not being needed are so good but also ow!!! And oh WX always knows exactly what to say to her 🥹

I love everything ZYC says to Bai Jiu about each family member (like yeahhh WX is unlucky 😭 and yeaahHH PSJ does need support too) but MAN the way he says ZYZ’s name is so fucking good. The fact that it gets so much emotion across without saying a single word further as he gets interrupted. His voice and his expression both collapsing a little in that moment. Efficiency of acting strikes again.

Is it even possible for ZYC to cherish this little family more?

Yo this dramatic ass lighting on ZYZ and ZYC standing in the doorway. Why y’all need so much drama just to talk? Also oughhhh ZYC’s gaze is a mess looking every which way while discussing WX’s poison. He is such a bad liar (but he looks so good doing it). Is that why they gotta talk about this like ten feet apart so ZYZ can’t see him lying? Lmao

Okay also tho if ZYC's coming around looking like this I am not hearing a single thing he's saying:

They flashed back to the previous time ZYC held his hand out but cut away from ZYZ taking it this time. Is it bc the absolutely unfettered tension between them can’t pass censors anymore? Haha god but that shot of ZYC slowly meeting ZYZ’s eyes from ZYZ’s POV whewwww we don’t got the skinship but their gazes are kind of insane??? TJR in blue contacts is too powerful I'm shaking somebody needs to stop him.

Ep 31:

Trying so hard not to be driven a little crazy by the lapses in continuity in this show (‘: It’s just tonal and costuming stuff that are a little difficult for me to ignore, just the fact that it’s kind of apparent which scenes were filmed in what order based on their costume/styling changes + the sets, and how sometimes the tone from the previous events don’t smoothly carry over because of this. But it's momentary, I just gotta. Power through.

YO the Pei siblings sparring was so cool and for what. They should have had WX spectating instead of staring at nothing in the previous scene (-:

Damn how long has it been since they played the fun music. Also feels kind of wrong without Ying Lei though fml

Awwww Qing Geng I missed her she’s so cute!! I wasn't doing ep commentaries during her arc so I gotta make up for it here. Her actress is so talented and adorable, and her costuming in this show is stunning!! Her lashes!! Her colors!!

THE TREE BRANCHES lmfaooo ZYC what happened to being worried for ZYZ’s weak body?? We really haven't had a moment like this in so long though (':

Well I do like the reason why WZY had a fake out death, that’s pretty clever and narratively sound, but also oh god what in the AOT??? The inner cores hidden in the medicine is some odious fucking work dear lord

I also like that the endgame is coming about from what initially seemed like another small-time case. Of course the evil physician's huge scheme at the end weaponizes plague and poison and medicine.

Ayeee fun that they used the teleporter on WZY instead of as a getaway

Lmfao ZYC just standing there taking a huge hit of the poison smoke. Poor baby doesn’t watch movies and doesn’t know smoke from a bad guy always means some kind of poison

Why does poisoned!ZYC have such an incredible smokey-eye siren look I’m shook

After knowing the poison is about indulging in your greatest wishes, the first moment ZYC woke up and approached ZYZ they sure looked like they were about to indulge in something sorry ignore me

The way this is so similar to ZYZ’s imaginings where he and WX always turn around and look at the camera. The show wants censors to believe they’re looking at ZYZ but we've known all along who the third POV is here

Also why aren’t ZYC’s bro and dad in the wish illusion?

Ohh the eerie instrumental rendition of the OST when ZYC draws his sword is too good. And yesss we were so due for some more crazy dream fuckery like is this real? Is this real??

Ep 32:

The team is spread so thin )-: One man (mountain god) down and a whole town to save and an immortal villain to vanquish.

WZY's eagerness in trying to goad ZYC into killing himself while poisoned is so so sinister goddamn. I love how disturbing it is to slowly realize what he wants without any lines at all

ZYZ shielding ZYC from a huge fucking fireball with just his hand is adorable and sad:

I already normally love Li Lun's whole leaf-swirly entrances and exits but you know I cheered when he deus ex machina-ed his way here!!! With that bgm too!!!

Li Lun came back to accept ZYC into their throuple. He's had some time to think and yeah he's decided ZYC's kinda hot and maybe shouldn't die or else ZYZ will be sad.

):

ZYC's soft and anguished, "Qing Geng" when he realizes she gave him her inner core. That's my bleeding heart hero ;-;

Throuple of the fucking yearrrrrr:

Spoiler for ep 33/34 but—watching Bai Jiu watch the three of them and realize he can't do anything to help here... It would have been dangerous for him to stay, but I wonder if things could have ended differently ):

Ep 33:

Oughhhhh Pei Siheng ))): The cruel fucking poetry of PSJ, the most emotionally closed-off character, having her heart, her brother, made into her armor. And then to lose him once more.

ZYC proving time and again that his heart is entirely boundless and he'll shelter anyone from the rain and he just wants everyone to live:

LI LUN/ZYC LOVERS HOW ARE WE FEELIN'?!?

Did not expect MORE ZYC choking now that they're on the same side but yeah Li Lun is not one to let go of a good thing I get it. I'm screaming but I get it. "I'm giving you half my demonic power" yeah right just admit you like doing this dw Li Lun this is a safe space.

Literally what am I watching and also no don't mind me, keep going. Feral over ZYC dropping his hand and letting it happen.

But lmfao the way Li Lun did not need to be doing all that, like he sends his power out to ZYZ without even making physical contact. He could've just grabbed ZYC by the shoulder.

Can't believe I just keep winning:

ZYC didn't even know what Li Lun was doing putting his arms around him and he just let it happen. That's some next level trust.

Ah goodbye Li Lun, presumably another victim of the "(ex-)villains can't have good endings" brand of censorship

Oof I love that the initial horror after the seeming victory is reserved first for the simple fact that ZYC and ZYZ are separated, that ZYC can't go to him the way he was intending to. Even when it's unclear yet that WZY is still alive, just the wrongness of them being divided this way is so poignant. ZYC has such a helpless look about him when he says ZYZ's name.

Goddammit WZY saw Li Lun choke ZYC and got ideas.

Oh I love the uncertainty of whether the One-Word Spell works on ZYC or not. ZYZ's sudden and intense fear. Also though WZY tries to use ZYC dying as a deterrent for ZYZ blowing up the barrier but he's literally choking the life out of ZYC as we speak

Bai Jiu's completely unrestrained screaming and crying in pain is so brutal to listen to. His scenes go on forever. Also, the choice of having some of his flashbacks be blurred and vague in the background, once again something privately kept for the character

ZYC holding out his hand to ZYZ a third time ;-; The utter relief of being able to reach each other again paralleling that previous horror of separation.

ZYC physically feeling Bai Jiu's death oh god. We do not get a single moment of happiness and victory in this drama everything is bought with pain and returns pain I hate it here.

Also another post-finale thought (spoilers for the end of the drama)—If ZYZ remained in his weakened state, I really am curious if he would have still met the conditions of the prophecy (ZYC being cursed to kill the most evil demon of his time, if the prophecy is indeed conditional like that, of course). If that could have been a technical loophole, did Li Lun giving both of them his power and then ZYC giving ZYZ his as well basically fulfill it again? I mean, logistically speaking, without that extra power, I'm not sure if ZYZ would have been able to trigger the Baize cycle again (or whatever it is he did to save the town). So the show's final tragedy can be traced all the way back to these moments of giving out of love and protection, just as Bai Jiu being in the perfect place for his final sacrifice came about because ZYC, ZYZ, and Li Lun were trying to protect him and get him out of danger. The way love and grief are so helplessly, inevitably intertwined that one begets the other. They were all just trying to save each other.

On that completely painful note, that's 30-33! And it'll be downhill from here for the next one (-:

[oldhalloweentape]

🧨 Vinny Santorini (Atlantis) x (gn) reader🌹

(Honeymoon Edition!)

(Picture’s not mine!)

(Request here! Hehehehe SWAG

WARNING: Contains NSFW content! 18+ only guys!)

SFW

- So… Honeymoon, knowing Vinny it’s somewhere romantic and exciting, the type of place where no one will disturb the alone time you guys are desperate to have after making sure your wedding was great and had no major setbacks.

- Which we all know was as a miraculous feat considering many of the people Vinny knows have the tendency to be… Explosive. Pun intended.

- As expected you guys take many photos of all you can during your trip, maybe even bring one of those old clunky ass cameras that can film…

- The idea of there being a black-white video of you two on the beach for you guys to look back on is very cute to me ngl.

- Just you two, doing beach things, taking turns handling the camera, ending with Vinny getting attacked by a seagull because he fell asleep in the middle of eating something.

- For some reason him in one of those striped bathing suits does something to my brain…

- Hehehe, ANYWAYSSSS, he’s the type to smuggle in fireworks among other things all for the sake of having a firework show that would only emphasize the beauty of the night…

- Gets in trouble for it indefinitely, but in his eyes it’s worth it, especially when he gets to see you starstruck by the way they light up the dark night as he sits down alongside you on a blanket on the ground you guys packed in; a sight he wouldn’t trade for anything.

- A foodie inherently… Especially after having to endure whatever the fuck Cookie concocted during those expeditions, so, you guys are getting the best food the place provides.

- As a whole, you get the royalty treatment, which doesn’t change when you guys get back home in all honesty. He has that BAG and is not afraid to spend it.

NSFW

- On the topic of royalty treatment, you can be rest assured that you’re being tenderly loved on in more ways than one, all that alone time is spent well.

- To follow up with what I mean by that is that when things get hot and heavy it’s tender, passionate, leaves the two of you breathless yet yearning for more.

- He gives soft top vibes, maybe even a switch— He’s far from picky when it comes to you.

- Not the most vocal in the sack, a grunt or stifled gasp here and there, though I do see him slipping into Italian and murmuring it against your skin when he’s feeling particularly frisky.

- The pet names, oh the pet names, he’s saying them over and over again during the throes of passion.

- As sarcastic as he may be I feel like he has a praise kink— Just something about either you or him showering one another with compliments makes him into a pile of pliable mush.

- I think he likes it slow over fast, wanting to keep the moment alive as long as possible, holding you close and practically singing your praises as he brushes his face against your hair, kissing against your hair.

- Though, again he’s not picky, loving doing it with you however he can, in and out of your honeymoon.

- Aftercare with this guy is great, he knows how to treat you well at this point, just by looking at you he can tell— As goofy as he may be he’s very observant.

- All in all y’all have a great time which you guys look back on, those memories flashing through your heads from time to time as you enjoy one another happily.

(Sorry if the NSFW part was shit, again I’m not the most experienced in this way of writing. Hope you enjoyed this nonetheless.💖)

[hephaestuscrew]

“This has both our names on it”: Viewing Fleet and Clara’s relationship in Victoriocity through a queerplatonic lens

TL;DR: By Season 3 of Victoriocity, Fleet and Clara have developed a committed emotional partnership that certainly moves beyond the purely professional. Whilst very much operating as a duo, they can be interpreted as often rejecting or subverting romance-coded elements in their relationship, instead embracing a unique dynamic that can be read as resonating with the concept of a queerplatonic relationship (QPR).

Buckle up because this is over 2,500 words long! If you'd rather read it as a document, you can access it here: Fleet & Clara QPR Google Doc

Disclaimer: I'm not making any claims about creator intent, nor about how anyone else ought to interpret Fleet and Clara's dynamic. It's also worth acknowledging that queerplatonic relationships are inherently defined by the people in them and any attempt to apply such terminology to a story set in 1887 is obviously anachronistic (although whether that should matter when said story also contains a cyborg Queen Victoria is up for debate). 

With that said, if we define a QPR as a committed personal partnership which is not entirely captured by the typical expectations of either friendship or romance but may contain some elements typically associated with either (other definitions of QPRs are available), I enjoy viewing Fleet and Clara's relationship through a QPR lens, and I want to talk about some of the reasons why I think this reading works.

***Spoilers for all three seasons of Victoriocity and the novel High Vaultage***

Detective duos

Even before we actually get into Fleet and Clara's particular bond, detective / crime-solving duos as a general concept have QPR energy to me (which probably predisposed me to this interpretation). It's the Holmes-and-Watson legacy. It's the use of the word 'partner' in a non-romantic context (‘associate’ or ‘companion’ can also serve a similar purpose). It's the intense trust and reliance on each other. It's the sense of being a recognisable pair, always appearing together, known as a duo, with skills and attributes that complement each other. 

Romantic assumptions

Moving on to Fleet and Clara specifically, one aspect of their relationship that can be read through a QPR lens is how they are often in situations where other people believe or imply that there is a romantic relationship between them. Sometimes this is a deliberate strategy of theirs, and sometimes it’s imposed upon them by others. But I’d argue that there’s never a point where they both simultaneously seem entirely comfortable with that romantic narrative for their relationship. Usually one of them will actively deny the assumption or react negatively to the implication:

When Mrs Hampshire interprets Clara and Fleet as a couple experiencing “young love”, Clara might be happy to adopt this as an effective cover story, but Fleet seems unsettled and keen for them not to be perceived this way: “No. No. You’ve misunderstood, we are not, that is to say I am…” (S1E2)

When Warden Hughes assumes Fleet is the new Warden and Clara is the new Warden’s wife, Clara says “I am certainly not”, with emphasis on the ‘certainly’. (S2E2)

Fleet definitely doesn’t sound enthused when he realises Clara has gone for a married couple as their cover story at the Grand Salcombe: “I am sure I’ll regret asking, but by any chance am I [Mr. Theasby?]” (S2E2)

When Titus Byrne tells the pair “I take it you're happy sharing [a room]”, Clara responds with a horrified “What?” (S3E4) (Obviously sleeping in the same room isn’t inherently romantic, but it is often perceived that way.)

Of course, fake dating and external assumptions of romance are very common tropes in romantic will-they-won't-they dynamics, and these moments could definitely be interpreted that way for Fleet and Clara. But I prefer to read these instances as reflecting a different kind of closeness between these two characters. They have a sense of emotional partnership that allows a marriage cover story to seem plausible to others and that other people sometimes automatically assume to be romantic (obviously with some period-typical heteronormativity at play). But to me, it doesn't seem like either of them are fully comfortable with their relationship being perceived in a directly romantic way. Perhaps they are a couple in a different sense…

Proposal via door plate 

The way that Fleet asks Clara to be his business partner has always seemed to me like a platonic version of when people find personal ways to surprise their romantic partner with a proposal:

CLARA: You bought me a door plate for your office? [...] This has both our names on it. FLEET: What do you think? CLARA: I like it. (S2E7)

Fleet could have just asked Clara outright, without going to the trouble of buying a sign that would have been useless if she’d said no. If it was purely a professional business proposition with no emotional meaning behind it, I think he would have just asked verbally. But instead, he gifts her a sign with their two names paired together: Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. There's something so intimate about that to me: about Fleet asking Clara whether she would like to be a duo with him in a more formally-defined but still non-romantic way; about him choosing to present this offer in the form of a gift; about the way he presents her with their two names joined together etched into metal and asks what she thinks; about the significance that this gesture attaches to their partnership; about him having enough trust that she'll say yes that the effort and vulnerability of presenting her with that sign seem worth it for him. And the gesture means an awful lot to Clara:

She thought about the door plaque he’d had engraved with both their names on it as his way of inviting her to be his business partner – typical Fleet, refusing to tell her so much as his favourite breakfast food and then to go and do something like that. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. (High Vaultage, p187). 

Anniversaries

In the special episode ‘Murder in the Pharaoh's Tomb', Clara says “And you know what else is a big occasion Fleet? It's our one-month anniversary.” She wants to celebrate the anniversary of Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. Their partnership holds a significance for her that means key dates associated with it are worth remembering and remarking upon. 

When Clara first mentions their anniversary, Fleet nearly chokes on his drink, which seems like an instinctive reaction to the usually romantic connotations of an anniversary (see my point above about Fleet not being comfortable with their dynamic being perceived as romantic). But when Clara clarifies what she means, Fleet seems much more cheerful about the notion of their anniversary: “Ah, so it has.”

“Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner”

I get extremely strong QPR vibes from this moment, when Fleet introduces Clara to the sailors at Grave End:

FLEET: This is Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner - in business, my business partner. CLARA: I'm also his friend, but he doesn't like to say it. (S3 E3)

Fleet and Clara are partners, but not in the way the average person might assume from that word, which Fleet realises mid-sentence here. This is another instance of Fleet reacting negatively to the idea that their relationship might be interpreted romantically (see above). And yet, 'partner' (rather than, say, ‘colleague’) is the word that comes naturally to him in this moment to describe who Clara is to him. He then frantically emphasises the professional element of their relationship so as to avoid the romantic implication, but Clara is keen to proudly assert that there is a personal, emotional aspect to their dynamic too. They are first-and-foremost partners, and they are friends, and they do not want to be seen in a romantic light - this post basically writes itself... 

“Her ridiculous detective.”

When Clara fears for her life at the display of the Lanterns, the narration tells us:

“she thought of her brother, her sister, her parents... Her ridiculous detective.” (High Vaultage, p172) 

The fact that Clara thinks of Fleet in this moment of fear clearly indicates his importance to her, but I think the phrasing of this quote is particularly interesting. The narration lists Clara's immediate family: two of whom are dead (her sister and father), one of whom is publically mourning Clara's life choices (her mother), and only one of whom we have any real evidence of her having a positive relationship with (her brother). And then, separated from these complicated familial relationships by an ellipsis, the narration tells Clara also thinks of Fleet, “her ridiculous detective”. 

Parents and siblings are familial relationships that tend to come with established expectations, in which the use of a possessive pronoun (i.e. her brother) to indicate the relationship is a norm. ‘Detective’ does not fall into this category; unlike ‘brother’, ‘sister’, ‘parent’, ‘friend’, ‘partner’ etc., ‘detective’ is not a word that inherently implies a relationship or that we'd usually expect to see preceded by a possessive pronoun. The idea of ‘her detective’ therefore stands out, giving the sense that there is a unique relationship being indicated here. The way in which Fleet is ‘hers’ is something that Clara has chosen for herself, something that they have shaped together. Who they are to each other can't necessarily be fully expressed using standard phrases that traditionally describe relationships between people. But Fleet is Clara's detective, of which she only has one, and who she'll think of in the midst of “the screaming of the heavens at the end of the world”.

Fleet is also the only one in this list of Clara's loved ones who gets an adjective - her love for him has detail. And while “ridiculous” might often be perceived as negative (it's certainly not a classic romantic endearment), it seems to me like there's such fondness in it in this context: the recognition of and affection for eccentricities, the idea that his importance to her is not (purely) based on his professional strengths but on Fleet as a whole - perhaps at times ridiculous - person.

“Settled”

When Clara and Fleet talk about Clara's mother’s expectations for her, they have this exchange:

"She's still living in hope that one day I'll settle down."  "You're not settled?" asked Fleet. "I am." (High Vaultage, p259) 

By ‘settle down’, Clara's mother of course means ‘marry’, ideally into “at least a minor baronetcy”. But Clara already considers herself "settled", just not in a way her mother would understand or appreciate. She's not looking to "settle down" into a lifestyle other than her current one. She is settled in a situation where Fleet is certainly her closest personal connection in London (and perhaps anywhere), and where the two of them work closely together, operate as a duo, and then go back to their separate homes. And this partnership with Fleet is a comfortable set-up that feels right for Clara exactly as it is, rather than being a precursor to, or a distraction from, the marriage ambitions that her mother wants for her.

I think this exchange also contains an implicit sense of the commitment between the two of them. Fleet wants to check that Clara is ‘settled’ in her current situation, of which working closely - and platonically - with Fleet is obviously a major element; Clara confirms she is. There's a subtle indication of their shared intention to be in this for the long haul.

As a sidenote, Fleet and Clara’s implicit assumption that their partnership is a long-term one can manifest itself in joking contexts as well as serious ones. Look at this exchange from S3E5: 

FLEET: We're not bandits, we're just going to flag it down. CLARA: We'd be terrific bandits! FLEET: Let's just see how our current line of work goes.

I think it’s notable that, in this joking speculation, both Fleet and Clara use ‘we’ and ‘our’. The joke could have been phrased just as effectively if they were imagining only Clara becoming a bandit. But the suggestion is that, if either of them was a bandit, they’d be bandits together. Even if they changed their lives entirely, they'd still approach life together.

Inseparable 

Fleet and Clara have become a nearly inseparable duo in a way which is noticed by others. For example, after Clara and Fleet fall out in High Vaultage, Fleet meets with Keller, who says: 

"You're here with me instead of barrelling across town with her, so I'm just assuming there is some thickheaded puffinry for which you need to apologise to Miss Entwhistle" (p335)

Keller, hardly the most emotionally perceptive man in Even Greater London, automatically infers from the fact that Fleet is on his own that he has had a falling out with Clara, rather than that they just happen to be in different places. When all is well, Keller expects to see the two of them together, whether or not they are in a position to be actively working a case.

Going back earlier in their partnership, Keller makes a similar assumption about Fleet and Clara being inseparable in S2E6. When Clara shouts her name amidst Keller's anti-Vidoc booby traps, Keller asks "Entwhistle? Which means… Fleet?" Again, there's this idea that if one of them is there, the other is likely to be there too - they come as a pair. (It's worth noting that this scene takes place less than two weeks after they first met.)

“Like a friend might?”

At the end of S3E7, Fleet suggests that he and Clara go to the theatre together. It would have been easy for this invitation to have been explicitly framed as a romantic proposition, or even for the nature of the offer to have been left more ambiguous. But Clara says "Archibald Fleet, are you inviting me to a social activity? Like a friend might?" The use of the word 'friend' directly labels this as a platonic interaction. And it's with that platonic lens on it that Clara is extremely excited to spend non-work-related social time with Fleet.

“Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.”

CLARA: My grandmother's ring, I don't suppose you managed to hold on to it? [...] FLEET: Oh, it's been crushed.. I'm sorry Clara [...] CLARA: No, you keep it. FLEET: What? No... CLARA: Keep it. Maybe it'll remind you not to run towards trains. FLEET: Maybe. Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.

In S3E7, Clara gives Fleet a ring, which - as a gift from one person to another - is traditionally a symbol of a particular, legally recognised, kind of personal commitment. But when Clara tells Fleet to keep the damaged ring, down in the Underground tunnels after the destruction of the beast and Fleet's latest brush with death, it is quite a different situation to a wedding or a proposal. A married man would traditionally wear his wedding ring on his finger for all to see, but Fleet won't ever wear this ring like that. The ring itself has been bent into a different shape between the wheels of their misadventures, subverting the usual associations of a ring given from one person to another. (In a heteronormative world, those associations are particularly strong when the two people in question are a woman and a man.) 

That ring is not an engagement ring, but it is Clara’s grandmother's ring, an inheritance from the blood family she never really felt she belonged in, now given to the man who might be a very different kind of family for her in London. That ring - with which Clara saved Fleet's life - is a symbol of their bond. And it therefore serves as a reminder for Fleet “not to run towards trains" and as a “good luck charm”. I like to think he'll carry that ring with him, perhaps in his jacket pocket - a little piece of his partner, kept close to his ticking heart…

Thank you for reading all of this!

If you’ve read all of this, I'm assuming you also enjoy the concept of Fleet and Clara as a QPR (unless you're really a glutton for punishment) and that makes me very happy! This was long because there's so much to say about them… And I wrote all of the above without even getting into: the potential to headcanon Fleet and/or Clara as aspec (which I don't think is necessary for QPR headcanons, but which is also fun); Clara's baggage around and discomfort with marriage in general; the speed with which Fleet and Clara become a ride-or-die duo; and the many other demonstrations of care, understanding, trust, respect, and affection between them that didn't feel as directly QPR-coded to me but are nonetheless wonderful. Please do feel free to share your own thoughts!

[dioslesbianwife]

Here’s a jojo villain group chat lol, kind of a continuation of my last post.

The JoJo Villains’ Group Chat

(Officially named “The Superior Ones” by Dio, but everyone keeps changing it.)

Dio:

I’ve decided we need a place to gather and share the recognition of our greatness.

Kars:

Who approved this name?

Diavolo:

Nobody. He just thinks it’s his right to decide everything.

Dio:

That’s because it is my right.

Kira:

I don’t have time for this nonsense.

Doppio:

Hi everyone! 😊 Boss says I have to represent us in the chat since he doesn’t want to deal with you all directly.

Pucci:

The concept of this chat feels… unnecessary. Why are we using this for communication?

Funny Valentine:

Finally someone speaking sense. I have no time to waste on these frivolities. My mission- (((whole ass paragraph no one reads)))

Dio:

Mission? We’re dead. Get over it.

Speaking of which, did everyone see this?

(Posts a meme of himself)

Diavolo:

If you share one more of those stupid pictures, I’m leaving this chat.

Doppio:

Ooh, here’s one about me!

(Posts a cute fanart of Doppio with a phone.)

The comments say I’m “baby.” What does that mean?

Diavolo:

It means they don’t take you seriously. Delete it.

Wamuu:

Humans are strange.

Kars:

Strange doesn’t even begin to describe it.

Pucci:

Perhaps the world’s obsession with unimportant distractions is a reflection of its inherent sin.

Kira:

This conversation is giving me a migraine. I don’t care what strangers think.

Esidisi:

(Posts a meme: “Kira every time he sees a hand: 😍”)

Kira:

…I’m going to strangle you.

Wamuu:

It’s true that you have a rather disturbing obsession.

Dio:

Disturbing, though Kira understands what it means to crave beauty.

Kira:

I’m muting this chat.

Diavolo:

Do it. Save yourself.

Doppio:

But what if you miss something important? Like this!

(Posts a wholesome picture of him and Wamuu.)

Esidisi:

This one is nice.

Kars:

Wamuu, explain why you’ve been associating with him.

Wamuu:

Because Doppio is one of the few tolerable humans here.

Funny Valentine:

You’re all wasting time. Humanity’s foolishness isn’t worth dwelling on. I suggest we focus on more productive uses of the afterlife.

Dio:

Such as? Writing your patriotic fanfiction?

Funny Valentine:

…How did you find that?

Dio:

I’m Dio.

Esidisi:

Post it.

Pucci:

…This is why no one respects us.

(Kira has left the chat.)

(Kars has muted the chat.)

(Funny Valentine is typing...)

Dio:

Another successful day for The Superior Ones. You’re welcome.

(Diavolo has left the chat.)

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Retribution

Summary: The Trix are newly out of prison. Icy gets into a relationship with Sky only to find that he has a dark side for himself. He tells her that he hurts her because she's evil and that she's lucky that he is even letting her be in a relationship with him after everything she has put himself and the Winx girls through. She thinks that maybe he is right.

CW: Abuse,Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Physical Abuse, Past Angst with a Happy Ending, Manipulation, Emotional Manipulation, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Not Sky Friendly.

He has a kind smile and the prettiest, bluest puppy dog eyes. He has a strong physique—sculpted arms, chiseled abs, a great jawline. His hand is gentle until it is not. The same hand that gently strokes her hair sometimes yanks and pulls it. But he treats her well enough. His voice is soft and loving, sometimes he raises it and it takes her by surprise. But it’s alright, she is rather loud as well; how can she fault him for it when she also has a habit of snapping at people. 

She is lucky to have him and she knows it. 

Sky is a good man and she is…

Icy doesn’t know exactly what she is these days but it certainly doesn’t fall anywhere near ‘heroic’ or ‘good’. 

Really she is probably making a simple thing more complicated than it needs to be. 

She is a witch; witches are bad. Inherently. By nature. 

She got expelled from a witch school; she was too bad even for a building’s worth of bad people to handle. 

She is evil. 

It is simple. 

But she hasn’t really done much evil lately. Hasn’t really done much of anything at all. She hasn’t even partaken in a petty bit of mischief. 

But she hasn’t done anything worthwhile either. Nothing that would make her a good person or even a better person. 

So she is still evil. In the most passive sense. 

And so she can’t really wrap her head around Sky would bother with her, especially when his last girlfriend was such a catch. Powerful, resilient, bold, witty, and easy to get along with…kind. Icy craves power and wit. She likes to think that she is resilient. But she can’t imagine herself being kind and easy to get along with. 

Does she want to be?

Maybe?

She thinks so?

But she isn’t sure. 

She stares up at the ceiling. This has become her usual passtime. Maybe if she dwells and contemplates long enough she will figure something out. Surely this time will be different; instead of running circles in her brain, this time she will have some sort of epiphany. Some grand spark of self-discovery instead of a languid spiral of self-loathing and pity. Surely, if she keeps at it, one of these days she will come up with an adequate solution, figure out how to help herself. 

“You’re still in bed?” Sky asks and at first she thinks that there is concern in his voice. “Geez, how long can one person sleep for?”

“I’m not sleeping.” She replies. “I’m thinking.” And sometimes she doesn’t have the energy to do much else. 

“With all of that thinking you do, I would think that you’d have come up with something.” 

Yeah.

That’s what she had thought too.

He is probably getting frustrated with her. He lets her stay with him but she doesn’t contribute much. She hasn’t even started trying to put her life back together, not a respectable effort anyways. 

She knows that he is going to raise that soft, gentle voice of his. And lately she has been lacking the energy to shout back. 

.oOo.

“Have you talked to Icy lately?” Stormy asks.

Darcy hates this particular question. Hates it because it comes with a bubbling feeling of dread. “At the beginning of the week and a bit yesterday.” Which is less than how much they had spoken the week prior, which was less than how much they spoke the week before that and so on. 

“Did she have anything interesting to say?” Stormy asks. “Is she going to come with us to see Musa’s concert?”

“She didn’t really have too much to say, Stormy. Other than that she might come if she and Sky aren’t busy.” She scoffs Sky’s name like it is a bitter pill dissolving on her tongue. 

“Well that’s good!” Stormy smiles. 

Darcy hates that hopeful little smile—rather she hates to see that hopeful smile inevitably fade when Stormy realizes, once again, that Icy won’t be joining them. 

And Darcy knows that she won’t, she sounded horrible on the phone; bleak, monotonous, hollow. 

“Maybe we should visit her? Ya know, just check in?”

“I don’t know if she would like that, Stormy.” She trails off. But maybe they have moved passed the point of what Icy would like. Maybe they need to drop by and check on her regardless of how moody and irritated it makes her. “I guess that we can drop by.” Of course that is going to entail taking a few hours to mentally prepare for dealing with Sky bitching about them being on his property. 

Apparently it is a mostly witch free territory. And Icy doesn’t need the two of them to be ‘negative influences’ on her, as if Icy isn’t the most stubborn, controlling person that Darcy has ever met. 

.oOo.

He wasn’t always like this. 

She thinks that it is her fault. That she has broken something in him. She is not a good person and that has rubbed off onto him. 

He had been incredibly understanding. She had gotten out of prison the day that he had broken up with Bloom. And there was definitely something enticing about spending her first day of freedom seducing the now open and available ex-fiance of her arch nemesis. It had been easy to do too. All she had to do was bat her pretty, frosty blue eyes and tell him that she had done a lot of thinking in prison, that she wanted to change but had nowhere to go and nowhere to start. He soaked that right up, lapped at it like a kitten with a bowl of milk. 

And Darcy and Stormy had cackled. Cackled and howled at how gullible he was and how hurt Bloom would be. 

It isn’t so funny now that she has come to realize that maybe her words had been so believable because there was some truth to them deep down. 

It isn’t so funny now that she is on the ground again. This isn’t uncommon. He had told her that it was time to get out of bed. She said that she wasn’t feeling up to it. And now she is on the ground. She doesn’t know what his outbursts still surprise her; doesn’t know why she is so startled to have been pushed from the bed. 

She needed to get up anyways. 

She couldn’t do it herself. 

So maybe it’s true. Maybe he is helping her. 

She wouldn’t be rising to her feet and getting dressed if he hadn’t shoved her out of the bed and taken her spot. 

A part of her screams for her to put him under a sheet of ice like the good old days. But if she does she will be in violation of her parole and carted back to prison. If she does then she will be breaking her promise to Darcy and Stormy; that she wouldn’t leave them, that the three of them would put old rivalries away and try to make something of themselves. 

So she dresses herself and absently fixes herself something to eat although she isn’t very hungry. 

There is a dull throbbing in her knees and and her elbows from having collided with the floor.

.oOo.

“I’m going to go with Darcy and Stormy to catch Musa’s show.” Icy informs. “Don’t wait up.”

“You’re kidding.” He says flatly. 

“You wanted me to get up, I’m up.”

Sky furrows his brow. “So you can’t get off your lazy ass and find yourself a job or a way to go back to school but you can go to a concert?”

At least she is leaving the house. 

At least she is doing something . 

“Yeah, I guess.” She shrugs. “I haven’t seen those two in person in a while.”

“Guess that they can’t be bothered to stop by.” He gives a shrug of his own.

“I told them not to.” She didn’t want them to see her like this; sickly, paler than usual, considerably thinner. She still doesn’t. Maybe she should comb her hair a bit more, apply a little more makeup and do it in a way that better hides how sunken her cheeks have become. “I don’t know when the show will be over by—”

“She didn’t invite me.”

“Darcy doesn’t know you. And neither does Stormy. You haven’t made a point of trying to get to know—”

“I’m not talking about Darcy, I’m talking about Musa. Musa didn’t invite me to the show but she invited you? You! ” She swears that he mutters something akin to, “Bloom must have said something about me.”

She really doesn’t care right now. She is getting real damn fed up with him interrupting her. And tonight she is feeling more daring…more like herself. “Maybe they want to listen to the music instead of you whining about how much you miss Bloom.” 

For a moment he looks hurt. Emotionally.

And then she feels hurt. Physically. 

It was a mistake to turn her back on him after that comment. He yanks her back by the hair. “DON’T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BLOOM!” He roars and slams her against the wall. “As if you treated her better!”

He is seething, his breaths are ragged with hatred. 

“I’m not perfect.” He confesses as if she hadn’t already figured that out for himself. “I treated Bloom right! I gave her everything. She’s just so spoiled and picky and she’s so used to everyone praising her and bending over backwards for her that when someone doesn’t, she gets all emotional about it.” Icy wonders if he is still talking to her or if his rambles are for his own ears. “She got so needy. But I put up with it because I cared about her. I loved her and you want to stand there and accuse me of being a bad boyfriend!”

“When did I—?”

“You know when you did it! You know what you said!”

“When have I ever not bragged about hurting someone’s feelings? I said that you like to whine about your breakup and—”

“I’m not stupid! I know what you meant. You think that I got loud with Bloom. That I hit Bloom.” He hits her though, very hard. Right across the cheek, a solid back hand and then another slap on the other cheek with his palm. “I would never do that to Bloom!” He promises.  

But he would do that to her. 

Over and over again, for as long as she lets it happen. 

“You put all of us through so much!  You almost killed Bloom so many times!” He shoves her to the ground. “You almost killed me! Remember that!?” He gives her a good kick. “Do you!?” He asks over and over again until he is breathless. And he delivers each repetition with another kick; to the back of her head, to her stomach, to her ribs… “You’re the evil one, you destroyed Red Fountain, you froze Pixie Village over, you…”

And she knows this. 

She knows that she deserves this. 

That’s why she doesn’t fight back. 

“So go on, go hang out with my friends!”

His friends…he doesn’t think of Darcy and Stormy at all. But she does. And she can only imagine what they would think of her if they knew what Sky, of all people, has managed to reduce her to. It’s humiliating and he knows it. He knows that she won’t say a damn thing.

Not tonight. 

Not tomorrow.

“You’re like a plague to Magix.” He says. “Maybe Bloom wouldn’t have left me if you didn’t get her all moody. You ruined my life.” 

She has done the entirety of Magix a great number of wrongs and she has, indeed, done Sky himself terribly wrong. She is lucky that he has even given her a chance. So she lets him kick her until he is as completely short of breath as she is. Until her ribs are bruised and swollen and perhaps a kick or two away from fracturing. 

Eventually she will have endured enough pain to make up for everything and then the two of them can move on and be happy together.

.oOo.

Darcy is genuinely taken aback to see Icy sitting at their usual table in the Batz Brew Bar & K G rill. Being here again brings back so many memories, including when they had crossed off the ‘G’ in ‘Grill’ and spray painted a ‘K’ next to it.

It will be nice, she thinks, to have the three of them sitting together like old times. They can have a few drinks while they wait for Bloom and the others to pick them up. Musa herself is probably already at the venue and going through her warm ups. 

“Hey!” Darcy greets. 

Icy looks up. “Hey.” Her voice is quiet. Quiet and just as flat as it had sounded over the phone. 

Darcy sighs to herself, she doesn’t know what she had thought that Icy would find herself in better spirits within just a few hours of disconnecting the call. But at least the ice witch is here and not sealed away in that suffocating castle in Eraklyon. It’s incredible, Darcy thinks, that Sky has managed to make such a large place feel so encased. 

“Icy!” Stormy greets, giving her a sturdy playful slug to the arm. Icy winces. “Too hard?” 

Icy shakes her head. “It’s fine. I just wasn’t ready for it…”

Stormy tilts her head. “What do you mean? I always greet you like that after we’ve been apart for ages.”

“It hasn’t been that long?” But her tone betrays how little she believes that. 

They order their drinks and they all get to chatting, mostly they are just catching Icy up on what she has missed. Including Stormy’s idea that they should form some sort of band. “We could ask Mirta and Lucy to join us.” Stormy says, “like if we need more instruments or something.” 

And Icy’s mood starts to lift at least a small bit. 

Once or twice she cracks a smile when they reminisce over their first year at Cloud Tower. And when Darcy mentions that Riven had ruined their last date when he managed to ride his motorcycle into a parked car. Instead of eating at that fancy restaurant down the road, the two of them had been standing around waiting for the owner of the car to get back.

“And it wasn’t even damaged.” She finishes her story.

“Why did you just leave a note?” Icy quirks a brow. 

“Riven said that he is working on bettering himself, just like the rest of us and it would be wrong to flee the crime scene.” Darcy imitates. 

“But you’re leaving a note and contact details…?”

Darcy slaps her hand on the table, she doesn’t miss the way that Icy flinches, “that’s what I told him!” Her second flinch is even more subtle. Stormy doesn't notice at all.

She recovers quickly, “just wait until we invite him to take a swim in the fountain with the ‘no swimming’ sign in front of it.” 

“Oh we’re really gonna be living dangerously!” Stormy wiggles her fingers. 

“Right on the edge.” Icy smirks. 

“Wait, are we actually going to take a dip in the fountain?”

Icy’s smirk grows wider, “I’d like to see anyone try to stop us.” 

And for a moment, Darcy can pretend that Icy is okay. That she has nothing to worry about. The moment passes when Icy stretches her arms and her shirt hikes up a little, just enough for Darcy to glimpse at her alarmingly prominent ribs and the bruises that decorate them. 

But that is Icy’s business, she tells herself.

Icy hates when people pry. 

So she won’t encroach. 

Not unless she is asked to. 

But Icy will never ask. 

She knows that. 

.oOo.

The table is set by the time she gets back and the food upon it smells divine. There are rose petals and candles. “How was the show?” Sky asks gesturing for her to sit.

“It was…not my taste in music but I guess that I wasn’t there for the music. Darcy, Stormy, and I had a nice time.” She pauses. “You waited up?”

Sky nods. “I had to.” He pauses, appearing to choke up. “I…I hurt you and…”

And they have been through this once or twice before. They are in the doting phase now. He will pamper her for days, weeks even. She will be well dressed and wear the finest perfumes. Her nails and hair will be perfectly styled and there will be gifts. A lot of them. Lavish, expensive gifts; diamonds to adorn her neck and ornate miniature gargoyles with sapphire eyes to decorate her nightstand with. 

Every time she swears that this is a sign that she has finally received enough kicks and punches to make up for having put him into a deep slumber all of those years ago. 

But then she says the wrong thing, makes a joke in poor taste and she is face down again with her arm twisted painfully behind her back. She thinks that he is going to break it.

Now that he is on top of her, putting almost all of his weight into pinning her down, she realizes how big he is in comparison to her. Sure, she has height on him but he weighs at least twice as much as she does, maybe thrice as much with how poorly she has been taking care of herself. 

She has made herself fragile. Breakable. 

Unless she uses her magic. 

She can’t go back to prison. 

Not when she and her sisters have plans. 

He knows this as well as she does. 

She wonders if they would make an exception for self defense. 

But who would believe the notorious witch who had tormented Magix over the charming prince who’d saved it from her. 

She can point to her bruises and he can say that she had attacked him first. 

And she would be in prison once again but without having part taken in any of the fun that usually lands her there.

She wishes that she hadn’t let her body get so weak. She could have fought him off without her magic…

Just when she is certain that she is going to hear the popping of her shoulder he drops her arm and tells her to stand up. She is exhausted, dizzy. But she does manage to pick herself up off of the floor. Her hair is in disarray, it tumbles unbound and tangled over her shoulders. 

“Why can you just stop talking?” He laments. “Why do you have to say things that make me want too…” he holds his hands up, they are rigid an shaking. 

“I could walk right out of here and then you’ll never hear from me again.”

He laughs, it is a hitched, hysterical sound that strikes her ears in all the wrong ways. “Yeah. I guess you can but then what? Where are you going to go? Who else is going to tolerate you!?” He demands. “Everyone else hates you and they should. You’re lucky that I’m here, if I didn’t put up with you, then you would be alone.” 

She doesn’t think that Darcy and Stormy hate her but then she gets to thinking about it. And she remembers how they would always fight and bicker. They probably do blame her for holding them back in life. They probably do resent her for it.

But why then? 

Why would they worry over her bruises? 

Why would they ask her to come got to the Batz Brew with them. 

They don’t hate her.

Maybe the Winx girls are pretending just so that they don’t have to deal with her antics anymore but Darcy and Stormy don’t hate her. They can’t. 

But they can’t provide the type of love that Sky does. She doesn’t want to be alone. Darcy has Riven and Stormy has Musa. She doesn’t want to be the only one who has nobody. She isn’t exactly a pick so she can’t really be choosey either. 

Faintly she wonders what happened to the independent woman who didn’t care at all whether or not she had a date or not. The woman who was content with no commitment flings and one night stands. 

Maybe prison had done her more damage than she had realized.

.oOo.

Darcy says that Riven doesn’t treat her like that. 

And Riven says that even when he and Musa were at the height of their unhealthy relationship, they’d never laid a hand nor spell on each other. 

Stormy says that Musa wouldn’t dream of punishing her for things that are in the past now. 

But that is because Riven and Musa know that Darcy and Stormy were never bad people. They had just been following orders. Orders that she has given them. Maybe Darcy and Stormy should start throwing punches at her too. She would let them. 

She hates the way that they are looking at her; with concern and pity. 

She is not a victim. She is the person who does the bullying and intimidating, not the other way around! She is not weak.

But the two of them are staring at her like she is.

“Look, even if you don’t want to listen to us now…” Darcy says carefully. “We’ll be here when you are.”

“Alright. Sure.” 

She doesn’t want to lose them but she is certain that if she grows distant enough that they will eventually give up and leave her to her own decisions. 

But she thinks about it that night.

About how Riven almost never brings up everything that happened leading up to the summoning of the Army of Decay. How he never throws past mistakes back in her face.

About how Musa introduced Stormy to her father. About how they make jokes about their old rivalry. 

About how bizarre it is that Sky shouts at her over grievances that aren’t even his own. 

Maybe it would be better to be alone. She can’t imagine that Darcy and Stormy will have any qualms about letting her live with them again; that was how it was always supposed to be anyways—the three of them living together, conquering the world together even if they have to apply the statement more figuratively.

Sky is a heavy sleeper and she has grown so thin that she hardly makes a sound.

.oOo.

Darcy rubs the sleep out of her eyes as she makes her way to the door. 

“Uggg, what kind of lunatic comes knocking at this hour? Besides you, I mean.” Stormy grumbles.

“Who do you think, Stormy?” 

Stormy buries her face in her pillow. “Maybe you should have specified that we’d be here when she’s ready between 8AM and 10PM.” 

Darcy rolls her eyes. “Well you can wait three to five business days to talk to her, I’m going to answer the door.” 

Stormy lifts her middle finger and grumbles something else into her pillow. 

“Don’t mind Stormy.” She says as she unlocks the door. “You know how grumpy she gets after 10PM.” 

Icy nods. “I just want to sleep.” 

“Glad we’re on the same page.” Stormy’s voice is muffled by the pillow. “Have dark and dreary night and wicked dreams.” 

“Dark and dreary night to you too, Stormy.” Icy replies, flopping down on the bed that they had left waiting for her to take. She rubs her fingers over the deep blue fabric, tracing the little snowflakes sewn into it.

“Like it?” Darcy asks. “Stella helped us sew that up.” 

“It’s handmade?”

Darcy nods, “why do you think that the bottom few snowflakes look like shapeless blobs?”

“Stormy’s handiwork?” Icy quirks a brow. 

The witch in question groans. “Darkness, you guys! We already wished each other a dark and dreary night, you’re supposed to sleep after that!” 

Darcy watches Icy fluff the pillows to her liking. “Whose idea was this?” She gestures to the poorly sewn rendition of Bloom sprawled out with cartoonish X’s in her eyes and her tongue poking out. “It’s hideous, I hate it.” 

Icyis dully amused, she can see it in her sister’s eyes. “Bloom’s actually. She sewed it herself so that you’ll always think of her when you try to sleep.”

Icy crinkles her nose. “Stupid.” 

But she does lay her head on that pillow. The blankets, of course, are more for aesthetic. She has never once see Icy actually bundle herself up. But it does make the bed look nice. Icy falls asleep pretty quickly but for a good while Darcy stays awake.

Looking at Icy’s arm makes her blood boil. It is so covered in bruises that it more purple and red than its usual near sheet-white color. Seeing the gash on her lip and the swelling at the corner of her mouth instills a fury that she didn’t realize she was capable of feeling. 

Sky is terribly lucky that Icy sleeps through the night, seemingly untroubled. 

.oOo.

It is strangely hard to adjust to quiet mornings. She may not wake up to lavish breakfasts that she can only pick at but she does wake up to breakfast. She usually doesn’t eat this breakfast either, not because she lacks an appetite, but because she can’t distinguish one hard, blackened lump from the one next to it. Allegedly one of them is toast and the other is a sausage. They both look like lumps of coal. 

All of these years and Stormy still hasn’t learned to cook nor has she learned that sending the wrath of Zeus down upon a piece of bread isn’t a good way to make toast. But the clap of thunder that follows the lightning bolt is as good an alarm clock as any. 

So maybe, ‘quiet morning’ is a bit of a stretch. Stormy makes plenty of ruckus. But she doesn’t wake up to bitching and shouting. Just bitching. But not at or about her. 

It is strangely even more difficult to adjust to thoughtful gifts. They aren’t elaborate or fancy like Sky’s but they do suit her much more. She doesn’t know exactly what that thing that sits on her nightstand is but it is terribly unnerving to look at and it does haunt her dreams. Apparently Darcy found it in a thrift store and thought of her. 

“This is definitely a cursed object.” She mutters.

“Oh yeah.” Darcy agrees. “Absolutely.”

“So, like, are we going to get rid of it or…”

“No!” They say in unison. 

“Should we at least put it in a cage or something?” Stormy asks. 

“...Yeah. Probably.” Icy replies.

.oOo.

She knows that she shouldn’t answer the phone. Not when Sky’s name shows up on the caller ID. But she can’t help it. She misses hearing someone tell her that they love her and that they want to be with her. 

He says that he is sorry.

She knows that, that is bullshit. 

He reminds her that she is going to die alone.

She informs him that Darcy and Stormy will probably be taking aesthetically pleasing pictures with her corpse.

He tells her that that’s disgusting and that she knows what he meant.

She does know what he meant. 

He reminds her that nobody in their mind is going to date a criminal like her.

She knows that, that much is true.

He says that she got off easy and that she’s still supposed to be in prison, that she’s going to be on the streets sooner or later when their silly band is a flop and that she’ll be lucky if he gives her another try. 

Sometimes she thinks about going back there. When she has an argument with Darcy or Stormy. She can let him throw her around a bit and she’ll remember to not treat Darcy and Stormy like shit. 

Sometimes she doesn’t even need to fight the two of them. Sometimes she only needs to think about the Winx girls. About how they have been doing their best to make re-entering proper society so easy for the three of them. She can never figure out why the Winx would want to help them. 

“Who are you texting?” 

She must have leapt a good several feet to make Bloom laugh like that. 

“Don’t worry about it.”

Bloom, the nosy little cretin, cranes her neck to get a peek at Icy’s phone screen. Her face falls, “it’s Sky isn’t it?”

“Why would you think that?” 

“Because he likes to text me to tell me how great things are with you, how you’re a much better girlfriend than me.”

Icy wishes that the fairy would sound more bitter so she would have a reason to tell her to fuck on off. But she doesn’t, she says it just as plainly as Tecna speaks of her computers and their data. 

Icy sniffs, “we haven’t seen each other in person in like a month.” 

Bloom pulls out her phone and shows her the photo on the screen. “He said that this was from your date last night.”

“He might experience the passing of time differently than the rest of us.” Icy shrugs. “That was taken months ago.”

Bloom nods. “But he’s not lying about how great things are, is he?”

“Jealous?”

Bloom is quiet for quite awhile. “Does he ever talk about me?”

“He calls you a whiney, needy, attention whore.” Icy says bluntly. She doesn’t mention that he has called her much worse. “Why did you leave him?”

She shrugs. “I guess that he just wasn’t who I thought he was.” She holds her silence for another extended duration. Icy is starting to prefer that endless annoying chatter that the fairy usually pesters her with. “You don’t talk much about him.”

Icy shrugs. “I’m not really a kiss and tell type of person.” She pauses. “Unless of course I’m trying to hurt someone’s feelings after taking their man.”

Icy realizes that she slipped up after that smug smile creeps onto Bloom’s face, “you’re sparing my feelings? Well gee, I didn’t realize that you felt that way about me.” She holds a hand over her chest. “Why, I’m touched, Icy!”

“I’ll touch you!” Icy grits her teeth but Bloom is snorting and snickering before she even has a chance to declare that, that was both a horrible comeback and a poor choice of words. 

Bloom’s smile fades again. “Does he…does he treat you well?”

“He treats me the way that I deserve to be treated.” She replies simply. 

Bloom is not a very subtle person. Her eyes fall on the few remaining bruises that decorate Icy’s ribcage. Mostly they have faded. Enough that most people don’t ask questions. Why would they? Icy has a rough personality, it isn’t exactly out of character for her to pick fights. “I don’t blame him.” She shrugs. “I basically put him in a coma.”

Riven never brings up our bad history.

Musa and I like to dramatically re-enact our fights, the two of us should make a short film!

She swallows hard. 

“Do you think that I’m a bad person?” Bloom asks.

Icy furrows her brows. “What? No. Of course not, you’re the most irritatingly moral person I know—not to be confused with Flora who is nauseatingly moral.”

“Yeah well Sky would ‘punish’ me too.”

“For what?” 

Bloom shrugs. “I guess whatever he could come up with. I pay more attention to Stella than him, I focus too much on saving the world and don’t make time for him. I can’t just leave him because it’s my fault that his betrothal to Diaspro fell apart so it’s not right for me to leave him on his own.” She stares at her palms. “So I didn’t leave him because I felt like it would be unfair to leave him on his own after ruining his relationship with Diaspro…”

“But you did leave him?”

“Yeah, after a few years of letting him tell me that I’m the worst person he ever met. Brandon and Riven were so mad at me for ‘hurting’ Sky and then Stella got mad because her talking to me was causing tension between Brandon and Sky and so that was causing tension between her and Brandon. And then Musa broke up with Riven because she saw through Sky’s lies and Riven hadn’t yet.” 

“Well I guess the difference between you and I is that he’s wrong about you.” 

“He’s…”

“I did put him in a coma, I did try to take over Magix several times over, I did try to kill you…”

Bloom blinks, “you were trying to kill me?”

“You didn’t notice?” Icy quirks a brow.

“I thought that we were just part taking in a good old fashioned rivalry.” Bloom replies. “You wouldn’t have killed me. What would you do with your free time if I wasn’t around to bother?” 

“Regardless, he wasn’t wrong about me. I’m not a good person.” 

Bloom shrugs. “You seem…”

“If you say nice, I will show you exactly why you are incorrect.”

“Morally ambiguous, very prickly and grumpy but otherwise mostly harmless to me.” 

“What does that even mean, Bloom?”

“That you aren’t evil or a bad person anymore but you’re definitely kind of a jerkass a lot of the time.” 

“Thanks.”

“Sure thing, any time!” Bloom grins. And then she falls silent again for a good while before replying. “You should stop texting him. He’ll get all mad about it, he’ll probably come over and try to fist fight you, but the minute you transform he practically wets himself.”

“I will be sent back to prison if I use my magic to kick someone’s ass.” 

“I won’t let them send you back to prison.” Bloom replies. “They know why I left him and why Diaspro left him almost immediately after he won her back. He has a history too.” 

But she does text him back.

She snaps a photo with that idiot fairy and sends it to him. 

.oOo.

“You should make me a matching pillow.” Bloom declares. 

“I am not sewing up an artistic depiction of my own demise.”

“But it would be funny. People would ask a lot of questions like, ‘why do you have this’ and ‘who sewed this for you’ and ‘but why would Icy sew an image of herself dying?’ And then we can swap pillows and I can sleep on my own corpse and you can sleep on yours.”

“And I thought I was morbid.” Icy mutters. “It’ll be a super cute way of letting everyone know that we’re a thing now.”

Darcy snorts. “As if it wasn’t plenty obvious from the start that, Icy had a thing for you.”

“I did not!” Icy declares. 

Stormy contests with a rather straightforward, simple, and indisputable comeback.“Bullshit!”  

“Icy, you came on just about as strongly as I came onto Riven.”

They go back and forth about this for some time with Bloom periodically and unhelpfully interjecting to point out one of several times that couldn’t tell if Icy was flirting with her or insulting her.

“That is how Icy flirts.” Darcy informs. 

“Maybe if I call this idiot stupid enough times, she’ll fall head over heels in love with me.” Bloom says. “Sound logic, if you ask me.”

“It worked though.” Icy mutters under her breath. 

“Mmm mmm.” Bloom shakes her head. “That’s not why I love you.” 

Icy cringes. That word still makes her feel awkward. 

“I love you because you’re a strong person and you’ve got a great sense of humor when you aren’t bullying other people. You never give up on things and…” She prattles on and on and Icy pretends like she isn’t absolutely soaking it up. 

.oOo.

Now and then they argue.

But it is always over recent, usually trivial, drama. 

Sometimes she gets angry when Icy falls back on old habits; her knack for nasty insults and biting words. Mostly they argue because Bloom is worried that she will revert and find herself back in prison. And truth be told, Icy dreads the same thing. 

Their first fight had ended almost as quickly as it had begun. At that point it had still been an instinct to flinch at the raising of a voice or at sudden hand motions. Bloom hated seeing her flinch. Bloom had cried that night. 

It had hit too close to home. 

She had asked how long it had taken Bloom to stop being so on edge. 

Bloom says that it had taken quite a while. 

It doesn’t take all too long for Icy. And maybe that’s because she knows who she is talking to. Maybe it’s because Bloom had dropped the argument completely that first time. 

She brings up the past often, but never in their arguments. She doesn’t bring it up this time around either. And this argument ends like most of their other arguments; with Bloom laying in the bed next to her even though they face away from each other and refuse to talk.

Tonight is a little different. 

Tonight Icy wakes up in the middle of the night to Bloom stroking her hair. 

“What are you—?” Icy murmurs. 

“Oh, I didn’t realize that you were awake.”

“I just woke up.” That is a bit of a stretch. She is groggy enough to fall right back asleep if she closes her eyes for more than ten seconds. “What are you doing?”

Bloom shrugs. “You looked like you were having trouble sleeping. That happens sometimes. Usually when I touch your hair or rub your back, you relax a little.” She pauses. “What were you dreaming about?”

“I don’t remember.” And from the sound of it, she doesn’t want to. Probably about Sky. Or about her time in prison—that wasn’t a particularly lovely experience either. She rolls over to face Bloom who pulls her in closer. 

“Try to go back to sleep. We have to wake up early tomorrow before Stormy has a chance to cook all of us breakfast again.” 

Icy gives a small, sleepy laugh. “I’m supposed to be pissed off at you…”

Bloom pats her head. “You’re surprisingly not good at holding grudges.” 

“Fuck you, I can hold a grudge. I maintained our rivalry very dutifully over the years. In fact, I think that I carried that relationship.” Icy rubs her cheek against Bloom’s shoulder. 

“Mmmhmm, you did a good job at that.” 

Icy does slip back into sleep. It is easier to do when she doesn’t have to worry about a shouting match in the morning. It is easier to do when her past isn’t consistently thrown back in her face. It is easier to do when she doesn’t feel like a lost cause. It is easier to do knowing that she’ll wake up to the banter of her sisters and someone who is happy to see her in the morning. 

The Trix’s apartment is small and devoid of luxuries. Their cooking is usually horrendous, bordering on inedible. But it is so much more comfortable than a huge bedroom with chandeliers and meals that could feed ten people. Her girlfriend has the impulse control of a firecracker and a really stupid sense of humor. But it is so much better than what she had. It is exactly what she had been hoping for. 

Icy sleeps very easily that night.

[soullessjack]

not sure if I’ve ever made a post about this before but the idea of jack being non-binary is truly so perfect for so many reasons. firstly he’s always existed in this taboo gray area between two rigid/opposing binaries (human/angel ; good/evil ; mother/father)

and there’s also some gendering in those binaries if you squint hard enough but I’m not a fervent genderstudiesnatural expert

neither side of these binaries can fully accept that jack is a sum of their parts (for lack of better phrasing); Lucifer and AU Michael both view his humanity as a weakness/malfunction or a phase he’ll mature out of, and several hunters—namely AU Bobby—treat Jack’s angelic heritage like the equivalent of rabies, a ticking time bomb that will inherently and eventually go off. of course everyone can acknowledge that jack is a Nephil in his own right, but he’s still viewed specifically as two halves instead of one Whole being. it’s probably worth adding that he literally will die or become a megalomaniac if he isn’t a mix of his two halves

then, jack is also exceptionally morally gray. frankly the writing of the show doesn’t fully portray this well, and while he does openly position himself as a Good Guy and a Hero and aspire to be such,…. So did the rest of tfw and look at all the shit under their belt. They’re antiheroes at best but that’s another post

in AlCal’s own words:

jack is all-encompassing. he shows various parts of the rigid moral dichotomy—he literally has a penchant for torturing enemies out of sheer hatred for them while being nicknamed ‘sweetheart’—but isn’t really confined to either one (although he does try and fail to confine himself).

lastly, there’s a very common experience among queer autistic people called gender indifference, which is exactly what it sounds like. We just..don’t care about gender. there’s no strong attachment between it and our identity. I know what I am biologically but I literally don’t feel it, so I wouldn’t and haven’t cared if I was misgendered. and I think for jack, someone who deals with the weight of being this archaic nebulous creature while having an extremely new relatively-human body, there would be similar feelings of disconnection and indifference.

also, whenever people ask him what/who he is the answer is literally always “I’m Jack.” like. That’s it. That’s the sum of it. he’s not entirely good or bad or human or archangel; he’s not 100% kelly or Lucifer. he’s just jack :3c

[murfpersonalblog]

The Babygirlification of the Modern Vampire - marinashutup

The first half is mostly just her love of Baldur’s Gate 3′s Astarion, and Twilight’s Edward Cullen; but she actually starts cooking in the last ~15 minutes, about major themes about vampires & vampirism in general; and why audiences relate to monsters so much:

Toxic cycles of abuse & vampire guilt (30:58 - 32:56)

Considering the vampire cycle of abuse, is it really any wonder that so many vampires are angsty brooding and hate themselves? 

“This is the skin of a killer, Bella!” (Edward Cullen)

The overwhelming desire to drain innocent victims -like Elon Musk drains Diet Coke cans and Twitter's net worth aside--vampires are basically groomed into believing they need to be sadistic, unempathetic, tyrannical monsters. Sure, monsters don't have a lot of say in their nature, but the culture of  enslaving, torturing, and brainwashing certainly doesn't help.

This is also making me think a lot about the way that artificial family dynamics are replicated within vampire lore.

Cazador is described as the patriarch of his coven, and he repeatedly calls his Spawn his children. He uses infantilizing language, referring to Astarion--a 239 year-old man--as “boy” and “child.” The Zar family is also a literal family lineage of vampires, and there's a whole side story where you learn that Cazador turned his own niece at the age of 13 without her consent. Incidentally, she was kind of a bada** because she rejected the whole creepy family cult thing, changed her name, and refused to ever leave her room. Honestly, Queen Sh*t. 

In real life toxic family dynamics, abusive parental figures often think of their abuse as serving a greater good. In the minds of many abusers, corporal punishment functions as a way to correct perceived mistakes and reinforce desired behavior in victims. The schemas passed down from vampire Masters to their spawn are inherently rooted in a cycle of abuse. 

In vampire mythology, including Dracula, Interview with the Vampire, and Buffy, vampire lineage often requires that all vampires are both victim and predator. The original trauma of being preyed upon by a monster who has power over them, viciously attacked and turned against their will, is part of a cycle of violence that gets repeated every time a vampire feeds or creates another vampire. In many of these narratives, the dichotomy of vampire-versus-prey / Master-versus-Spawn mirrors the abuser-victim dynamic.

The Role of Choice (35:43 - 38:17)

The role of choice is the primary theme running throughout Baldurs Gate 3, but it's also a major recurring concept within vampire narratives. 

In Twilight, Bella spends three and a half long-winded books begging Edward to turn her, to allow her to exercise her choice, and become a vampire--and he just keeps edging her. There's a lot to be said about Bella's motivations for this, and whether or not her desire is valid or rooted in a teen girl's struggle with identity. The books don't really grapple with the weight of that choice in a satisfying or intellectually curious way, but it's undeniably a substantial part of the text. 

In Interview with the Vampire [the 1994 movie], after mortally wounding Louis, Lestat presents him with the choice he never had--

“I'm going to give you the choice...I never had.” (Lestat, IWTV 1994)

But the so-called “choice” that Lestat offers his targets isn't really a choice at all. Mortally wounding someone, and then offering them the option to become a vampire or die is a false dichotomy of choice, that Lestat manufactured to suit his own needs: 

"If I leave you here...you die.” (Lestat, IWTV 1994)

Like, sir!? Have you ever considered the third option of NOT bringing your targets right up to the point of death, and instead simply letting them go?! 

He targets Louis because he knows he's emotionally vulnerable. Louis’ grieving the loss of his wife and daughter, behaves recklessly because he actively wants to unalive himself. He begs for death, but when the moment comes, he hesitates.

"Have you tasted it enough?” (Lestat, IWTV 1994)

Lestat promises that the gift of Darkness will rid him of pain and grief, and Louis agrees, but only reluctantly.

When Astarion first meets Cazador, his experience mirrors Louis. He's similarly bleeding to death when he's given the option to die or become a vampire; a choice he references with a degree of sarcasm:

"Eternal life, or bleed to death on the street!” (Astarion, BG3)

Cazador also leaves out some pretty major details about the consequences of being a vampire spawn, and it's doubtful Astarion would have actually consented to being turned had he been informed of them. I think it's also pretty clear in the way that Astarion talks about his experience that the process of being turned was a major source of trauma for him, and not something that he would choose a second time.

"I don't want to turn into anything else.” (Astarion, BG3)

I think it's also clear in the language he uses to describe his experience that he does not enjoy being a vampire. He pathologizes vampirism with medical euphemisms, describing it as a “condition,” “complication,” and “affliction.” 

Even Cazador himself seems to struggle with the monster he eventually became. If you use Detect Thoughts while Cazador is asleep in his coffin, his thoughts betray an eerie internal monologue.

Abuse Survivors vs Abuse Perpetuators (42:19 - end)

Some survivors of parental abuse unconsciously replicate the same behaviors and ideals from their own abusers. That's why you sometimes see generational trauma pass down within families, from abusive parents to their children, to their children's children.

Astarion's romantic relationship with the player also morphs into this weird power dynamic thing--and, like, I get it, I get it! You can actually have him turn Tav into a vampire spawn. But it's pretty clear that he will then start thinking of you [Tav] as a subordinate.... 

But mirroring his transformation from human to spawn, Astarion's Ascension fundamentally changes who he is as a person--

"Something tells me he's not the same person we knew.” (Karlach, BG3) 

And what I think is so interesting about Baldur’s Gate 3 is that it presents players with the complicated choice between persuading Astarion from making a decision that would clearly damage his progress healing from abuse, and letting him make his own quote unquote choice to Ascend. 

To me, persuading Astarion NOT to go through with the ritual and save the imprisoned Spawn is an essential step in the character's healing journey. Instead of rooting his aspirations in the twisted ideals that Cazador and the vampires before him glorified, this decision shifts how Astarion views himself, and who he identifies with. Truly seeing and valuing the Spawn’s humanity is Astarion choosing to identify with Cazador's other victims and honor the humanity within himself by aligning himself with the Spawn. It means he too is a survivor worth saving. It means choosing to be better than Cazador-- choosing to form his own identity, and choosing to break the centuries-long vampire cycle of abuse. And that's really powerful. 

But of course, you can also choose to let your pansexual elf boyfriend double down on becoming a toxic Alpha Vampire Who Wants to Rule the World. Some players actually prefer letting Astarion Ascend, and live out his fantasy as a kinky vampire Top, creating a polycule of Spawn Submissives.

In Baldur’s Gate 3, you can make whatever choice you want. That's kind of the whole point.

“There are a lot of thirsty people around here.” (Halsin, BG3)

[humantorch]

Can you please explain more about the Sam as Antichrist elements?

i would LOVE to explain the sam as antichrist elements. this will not be nearly as coherent as this post about sam and cross imagery, which is definitely some inspo for my thoughts, but I’ll do my best to explain!

for starters, this is my base definition of antichrist: someone born/prophesied to be the opposite/opposer of christ. not inherently evil, but not good either. this definition is how i came to my conclusions about the following antichrist coded Sam stuff

1) the demon blood - I don’t think anyone can make a post like this without mentioning the demon blood. Sam is still a baby when evil is introduced to him, physically altering his body, and it affects him throughout his entire life. the demon blood arc is him becoming more evil (in a sense) for the greater good. he’s going against everything he stands for, but he also embraces it somewhat. his powers are a gift to him, even though he’s destroying the good in himself in the process. it’s the opposite of what a christ coded figure would do

2) Lucifer - once again cannot make a post like this without mentioning Lucifer. Sam was made to be Lucifer’s vessel. Lucifer is a very antichrist type figure. even though Sam resents being Lucifer’s true vessel, he can’t escape what he was born for. in the end, he still says yes to Lucifer and he fulfills his destiny. it’s exactly how you get an antichrist figure; he’s someone born to oppose christ (in this case, heaven in general)

3) psychic powers - Sam’s powers have pretty much nothing to do with him being born to be evil, given that they’re actually very useful and he only ever used them for good, but they’re worth mentioning. his powers change how other people look at him. hunters see him as more of a threat than something helpful, and we’re shown that when he actually does get hunted by Gordon for supposedly being the antichrist in seasons 2/3. and this is before the demon blood!! he’s seen more as inherently Wrong and Evil because of his powers

4) John - this post is my original reference, but take a look at this image

it’s John’s note about the colt with a drawing of a somewhat christ-like figure, halo over the head with a hand over the chest. Sam’s name is in all caps, circled and boxed. I believe OP of the post I linked above used this to reinstate Sam being christ coded, but John seems to view him more as the antichrist. this has been touched upon in the show, with John thinking Sam might need to be killed because of who he is. I think both comparisons work here, since Sam is viewed as the antichrist but eventually changes his own fate (I’ll come back to this)

5) outsider perspectives - as I mentioned before, Sam was hunted for being the antichrist and was generally viewed as evil by almost everyone at some point, whether that be the angels or John or other hunters. this is mainly with the demon blood and his powers, but it’s important to note that being the antichrist doesn’t mean you’re inherently evil, it just means you’re going against what is seen as right. that’s Sam’s whole thing, especially in the earlier seasons.

Overall, I don’t think Sam is actually the antichrist, and I think he’s equally if not more a christ figure. But the base is there for him to be the antichrist if he went with the flow of things. Instead, he goes against what he was quite literally born for and he chooses his own path, therefore destroying the idea that he is the antichrist and becoming something more. Still, I enjoy making the comparisons and seeing how antichrist coded he is, even if I don’t think you can label him as the actual antichrist.

[khalixvitae]

I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEBODY CONVEY IDIA'S CHARACTER AS WELL AS YOU DID OMG I JUST READ WHEN YOU SAID IDIA ISNT AN INCEL so many people misinterpret his character as just being shy but that just sets him up as a stereotypical introvert. It's not that he's SHY it's that he physically doesn't know hoe to deal with people and instead of trying to learn he just assumes there is no point so he perpetuates his own loneliness. IM SO GLAD IVE FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIM LIKE I DO AAAAAHHHH

Aghhhhh hello anon! Im glad you enjoyed my silly little post, that’s so sweet of you! Yea I feel like there’s so much going on with Idia (frankly with both of the Shroud brothers and their whole deal) that gets kinda bogged down by tropey perceptions. Like yes Idia is introverted and mostly opposed to interacting with people, but there are a lot of layers there. He’s agoraphobic, under-socialized, and painfully anxious. he’s scarily smart and prefers to scheme behind the scenes until he’s positive whatever he’s cooking up is fool proof (which I don’t think is an inherently bad trait) because things are easier and require less effort when there’s a script. freeballing social interactions with people and a broader environment you have no interest in connecting with is both taxing and in no way gratifying (in Idia’s mind, and in most cases). Its inefficient, which I also think is a good way of summarizing his attitudes towards social interaction.

He considers it pointless for everyone involved since he’s just going to disappear one day. Not to mention his upbringing and that hot mess of socialization, I think anybody would be fucked up from that. Plus his whole complex about his appearance and the fact that it’s not exactly been pleasant to just exist publicly. With all these factors in mind It’s important to remember that he’s the one who has decided he MUST be alone and that his fate is predetermined. In the name of efficiency/practicality and his sanity (while ironically undermining both) he just gives up before he’s even started. The world doesn’t end for the people around him, but he’s miserable and would be regardless. I mean he outright says so in book 6. The worst part is that he’s really self aware about it - he just doesn’t think he can change his circumstances or himself. I think the rest of his character really relies on that point. Honestly that’s what makes him so tragic and why I think his overblot is so interesting. It calls into question this focus on efficiency because it’s really just a bluff- as smart and rational as he wants to be, he’s quick tempered and honestly very emotional. We actually get to see just how far he can go with this almost martyr like philosophy because it hinges on his low self worth, but once someone he loves is brought into the equation, he completely jumps the gun. He may not see himself as worth saving, but for the one person he cares about/who understands him??? Who he believes he failed? Rationale goes out the window.

Anyways sorry for the little tangent there, I just think he’s so interesting and the incel trope really downplays the nuance there. He’s so smart but so emotionally driven despite being emotionally stunted and tbh I think that’s his downfall.

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

You Should Watch Wiseguy:

The show that changed the face of television while no one was paying attention

If you've ever watched and enjoyed anything that gets tossed around as “prestige television—”  you know what I’m talking about— long form narratives, high stakes, actors with something to prove— shows like The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, The Wire, etc.— you have Wiseguy to thank. While largely forgotten by mainstream audiences (for a variety of reasons, including sheer lack of availability), Wiseguy was one of the first non-soap-opera shows with a fully serialized story— one that expected you to see every episode, in order. When it began airing in September of 1987, really the only other thing on TV like it was Michael Mann’s Crime Story (also worth a watch), and Crime Story would be canceled before Wiseguy even hit its second season.

Writers, actors, and industry types of all kinds cite Wiseguy as a major influence— Vince Gilligan and Tom Schnauz credit watching Wiseguy in the 80’s as why they cast Jonathan Banks as Mike— Chris Carter hired writers from Wiseguy when he started the X-Files— actors like Stanley Tucci made their names on the show— and hell, David Chase wrote an angry letter to the New York Times claiming he was absolutely under no circumstances at all influenced by Wiseguy ever, which feels like the kind of thing you don’t need to write a letter about if it’s true. 

Of course, just because something is influential doesn’t mean it’s good. 

Wiseguy is really damn good.

Much like Miami Vice (and some of the later shows that took influence from Wiseguy), Wiseguy takes the position that there’s very little difference between criminals and the police, and that the justice system is wildly ill-equipped to create justice. Mafia movie blood, with all its inherent moral ambiguity, runs through Wiseguy’s veins, and then after episode nine, it asks you to think about how that blood would pump in a different milieu— corporate espionage and the destabilization of the global south by American capitalists, insular rural politics and the easy rise of small-time dictators, congressional politics and Twelve-Angry-Men-worthy courtroom drama, the music industry and the cutthroat disposal of talented young people. Money and power structures are always suspect, and good-hearted tough guy lead Vinnie is constantly torn between doing his job, doing the right thing, and doing the thing that makes sense to him emotionally.

The show is heartfelt, tense, funny, and above all else, incredibly human. The characters behave irrationally— they self-sabotage, they struggle with moral decisions, they lash out at people they care about— because they’re people, not plot devices. Little things will come back to haunt them, often many episodes later, in believable and sometimes gutting—but rarely shocking— ways. Despite this realism, and a deep sense of cynicism about our institutions, Wiseguy never falls into the trap of wallowing in grim bleakness. The writers and the actors clearly believe in people— it’s a show that says— ‘yeah, the world sucks. So how do we keep going, together?’ The characters are lovable not because they’re all good, but because you feel like you could know them, with realistic flaws and foibles and senses of humor. Sometimes it’s a little silly, and sometimes it’s a little melodramatic— but it works, because sometimes that’s how real life is, too.

Wiseguy is four (well. three and a half) seasons [cross out— and a terrible TV movie that disregards canon], and is notably divided into 4-11 episode arcs within those seasons, and occasional “breather” episodes between arcs. It’s actually a brilliant bit of plotting that I wish more shows would do today— it allows for overarching narratives and real stakes without running into DBZ-like “the next threat has to be BIGGER and MORE DANGEROUS” power level bullshittery that’s common to a lot of long running serialized shows. One of my favorite aspects of this design is that the cast partially rotates every few episodes, but the show still expects you to remember what was going on with the characters from the previous arcs— because they often return later in unexpected and narratively satisfying ways.

The three characters that remain more-or-less consistent throughout the show are Vinnie Terranova, an undercover agent for the Organized Crime Bureau, Frank McPike, his handler, and Dan “Lifeguard” Burroughs, the OCB call-center operator who gives Vinnie field instructions. 

Vinnie Terranova is just on the border of thirty when the series begins, a gregarious kid-from-the-neighborhood, just out of a cover-establishing 18-month stint in prison. He is a bundle of contradictions— quick to fall but slow to trust, a practicing Catholic who chose a job in the field of lying and murder, a 50’s hood irritated by bigotry. Vinnie is both far smarter and more sensitive than anyone gives him credit for, which is both his greatest strength and his fatal flaw— empathetic undercover agents burn out fast. He spends a surprising amount of the series trying and failing to quit his job. He has a marshmallow center, a steel-trap mind, and the general affect of your cousin who dropped out of college to marry his pregnant high school sweetheart. He also has no idea that his type is “angry asshole” and keeps being surprised when he falls for them. 

Frank McPike is a curmudgeon's curmudgeon, a career fed with a chip on his shoulder, a fathoms-deep sense of cynicism, and a collapsing marriage. He and Vinnie begin the series at odds, and as you watch the first few episodes, you're going to seriously struggle to believe me when I say that the affection between Frank and Vinnie becomes the absolute thematic and emotional heart of the series. Frank is also a genuine oddball failing to pose as a tough guy; he makes noises, he lurks in strange costumes, and the words he chooses when he’s irritated beggar normal human understanding.

We don’t get to know Dan as quickly or as deeply as we get to know Vinnie and Frank (in fact, he’s introduced as “Mike”), but he’s the man behind the curtain, a guiding moral and emotional star for Vinnie, a talented musician, and a cheerful face with a lot of anger bubbling just below the surface. He offers life advice even as his own home life is in constant meltdown, and loves both Vinnie and Frank with a fierce, sarcastic weariness. Dan is also an amputee, and his disability is portrayed with respect and without pity— a rarity for television even now, but especially in 1988. 

You’ll absolutely fall in love with these three, but one of the things that makes Wiseguy so special is its fantastic supporting cast. The world is fleshed out and lived in, and you get the distinct sense that all the recurring characters have their own lives we don’t get to see off screen. There’s Carlotta— Vinnie’s mother, as contradictory and sharp as her son, Pete— Vinnie’s brother, a progressive basketball-playing priest, Roger Lococco— a killer-for-hire who refers to every person on the planet as Buckwheat, Rudy Aiuppo— an elderly don with the heart of a trickster spirit, and a whole host of others who enter and exit the narrative throughout the arcs of the show. There are also a whole host of wonderful arc-based characters played by incredible actors, journeymen and and famous alike— including turns from Tim Curry, Debbie Harry, Jerry Lewis, Stanley Tucci, Patti D’Arbanville, Stephen Bauer, and Billy Dee Williams. You can tell everyone involved in the show had a fantastic time working on it, and nearly every actor who comes aboard really puts their whole Wisegussy into it gives it their all.

You notice that as I’ve been speaking, the lights have dimmed slightly, and the strains of an organetto have started to play quietly in the background. A man in a rumpled suit is smoking nearby, though you are fairly certain smoking indoors hasn’t been legal in a number of years. I pass you a plate of espresso and biscotti. 

Let’s talk arcs.

The first arc of the show, known as the Steelgrave arc, is a lot of fans’ favorite arc of the show, and for good reason. Vinnie infiltrates a New Jersey mob organization, and gets very, very close* to this man:

Sonny Steelgrave, human Knife Cat, is a complicated man, and Vinnie has complicated feelings about him. He’s very nearly a co-protagonist to Vinnie in this arc, and the show artfully toes the line between condemning him and making it clear that he’s not always entirely wrong. Vinnie’s goal is to get Sonny into prison and take down the entire family— how and whether he achieves this goal is best left unspoiled. Sonny may not have been the first complicated, likable villain on television, but his arc is intense, heart-wrenching, and splendidly morally grey. I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that the Steelgrave arc is the best nine hour mob movie ever aired on television.  

*I’m really not kidding about the closeness. There’s an episode where Sonny announces he’s getting married and literally all the other mobsters are like ‘oh, now I understand why Vinnie has been in a bad mood all day.’ They are as close to canonically in love as a federal agent and a mobster have ever been portrayed on screen.

Lest you get Kevin-Spacey-jumpscared, the following arc unfortunately has Kevin Spacey in it. Thankfully he plays a slimy sister-kissing coked-up hypercapitalist, so it’s fairly easy to just hate his character in the same way you hate the actor and move on with your life. 

This arc, the Profitt arc— in which Vinnie is tasked with taking down a wealthy business mogul who is suspected of drug-and-gun-running— is, for many fans, a close second to the Steelgrave arc. It’s an interesting change of tone and locale, and introduces Roger Lococco, who is a really stellar supporting character. Personally, I rank a bunch of other arcs above Profitt, because no matter how much I like Roger, Mel and Susan are bananas, and they wear out their welcome before they exit the narrative. Regardless, it’s a stylish arc— one that rather  kicks truth, justice, and the American way in the teeth— and Mel’s machinations have serious reverberations later in the show. The Roger subplot is also genuinely excellent, and good old Corey Matthews’ Dad plays him with aplomb.

Back home, after trying to quit his job and failing, Vinnie has to deal with a threat with much smaller, but far more personal stakes. A white supremacy group has moved into his neighborhood and is attempting to recruit working-class Italians to their cause, pitting an older immigrant group against a newer one, pitting Catholics against Jews, and pitting a previously “ethnic” group’s newly acquired “whiteness” against people of color. I have mixed feelings about the Pilgrims of Promise/White Supremacy arc, because it’s truly quite good, and it pulls no punches about the kind of people fascists are and prey on, but it’s also exceptionally fucking upsetting that nothing has changed at all since 1988. Literally you could remake this arc word for word today and a) it would be exactly as believable, and b) your show would be immediately boycotted and canceled for being too “woke.” Great writing, great stakes, great character motivation; so, so uncomfortable to watch.

And then Ken Wahl breaks his leg in real life, and they have to replace him for a few weeks. 

The Garment Trade arc starts off pretty promising— Vinnie meets with the son of a clothing manufacturer, they have great (borderline meet-cute) chemistry, it’s a wonderfully New-York-in-the-80’s kind of storyline, Jerry Lewis is there, and I think it’s the only time I’ve ever seen Sukkot represented on TV— and then Vinnie has to leave for the next four episodes because of Wahl’s broken leg. They rewrote the arc on the fly, and considering that, it’s pretty good. Jerry Lewis is still there, and he gives the serious, dramatic performance of a lifetime, and Stanley Tucci chews scenery as The World’s Slimiest Businessman. We meet Vinnie’s childhood bestie, “Mooch,” whose actor, delightfully, starred beside Ken Wahl in 1979’s The Wanderers. My beautiful and talented wife Joan Chen even shows up for an episode. However, all of this is undercut by the lack of Vinnie; his replacement, a semi-retired agent named Raglin, is… a bit milquetoast. He’s okay, and he’s given some interesting backstory in his final episode, but he’s no Vinnie.

Once again sporting a functional leg, Vinnie returns, and my favorite arc other than Steelgrave follows. 

In the Dead Dog arc, Vinnie has to pose as a music producer, because the OCB traded an airplane for a music label. It’s the dumbest, most fantastic plot device of all time, and brings me incalculable joy. I literally made Dead Dog t-shirts because I love this stupid fake music label owned by a fictional government agency so much. 

The Dead Dog arc sees Vinnie at his happiest (the poor man really, really just wants to quit undercover work and stop being involved with Murder Organizations), and the crime he’s investigating is… wait for it… bootleg CDs. You would think this would be a ridiculously boring premise for an investigation, but the Dead Dog arc has Tim Curry, Debbie Harry, Glenn Frey, and Patty D’Arbanville playing a cadre of unhinged music industry moguls all attempting to stab each other in the back, and it is exactly as chaotic as you would expect based on that cast. This arc also had a bunch of original music produced for it, which is extremely fucking cool, except that then the studio lost the rights to the music it created and this arc became inaccessible and unwatchable except through circulating the tapes, so to speak, of early 90’s TV rips. (The irony is not lost on me that the arc about the Evils of Piracy is the arc that one must pirate.) Miraculously, in the last year, Wiseguy’s rights have been renegotiated, and the newest sets of the show have Dead Dog restored. Accessibility via streaming is still a bit of a mixed bag— the episodes were streaming on Tubi and Youtube briefly, but now appear to have been taken down again.

After his turn as a surprisingly successful music producer, Vinnie returns to his roots: the mob. In the Mob Wars/Trash Wars arc, Vinnie unintentionally becomes the temporary leader of the local mafia commission (I will not spoil how.) The OCB wants to use this as an opportunity to take down the entire organization from the inside out, and Vinnie must deal with mafia backstabbing, pressure from Frank and the OCB, and surprisingly personal stakes. It’s an unspectacular but solid arc that regrounds the series, and the interpersonal aspects of the story— and its examination of fathers and sons and generational inheritance of social rules and expectations— are excellent. The Mafia Wars storyline won’t blow your pants off, but it’s thoughtful and well-executed and reminds us of who Vinnie is and where he came from.

What follows is another of my favorite arcs, referred to as the DC or Counterfeit Yen arc, but perhaps better described as the Mr. Terranova Goes to Washington arc. Vinnie is summoned by the federal government to investigate counterfeiting, and thus unfolds a multinational conspiracy that ties back to the Profitt arc. Much like the White Supremacy arc, this arc is distressingly current— Vinnie is a patsy for a group of corrupt republican senators who want to destabilize the currency of a perceived East Asian economic rival. It’s Yen here, but all you’d need to do to bring this arc into 2023 is swap out references to Japan for China, because the American government has changed very little from the 80’s and has to be awful about some country somewhere or, I don’t know, a bunch of horrible old racist politicians will shit themselves. Vinnie enters talking like Jimmy Stewart, and leaves with one more thing to be crushed and disillusioned about. We get some riveting and stomach-churning courtroom drama, the bad guy turns out to be capitalism all along, and Frank threatens to shoot a Howard Hughes stand-in on a ski lift.

And then somehow we end up in Twin Peaks. The Lynchboro arc predates Twin Peaks by a whopping two months, indicating a total coincidence of premise similarities, but it does take place in a corrupt rural Pacific Northwest town unduly influenced by one large family/company, wherein an outsider has to investigate a tangled conspiracy and deal with strange townsfolk and some spooky happenings. There’s no way either show could’ve plagiarized the other— they were assuredly written and in production at the same time— but it is deeply bizarre. In the Lynchboro arc, Vinnie goes undercover as a local beat cop, and finds himself faced with both a serial killer and a land-rights and building-contracts espionage plot. He also has to deal with Mark Volchek, the ostensible “owner” of the town, and his eccentricity and decreasing grip on reality. Roger returns, and Vinnie must finally confront the enormity of his trauma. One major character is literally brought back from the edge of death by another character’s crushing love for them, expressed via church bells. It doesn’t exactly end on a cliffhanger, but it doesn’t not, either.

And then Ken Wahl quit.

Season Four begins with a deeply depressed, heavily bearded Frank struggling to find the will to live after Vinnie has disappeared. (I don’t think I’m really at risk of spoiling anything serious by saying that we are “supposed” to think Vinnie is permanently gone, but that there are a huge number of blatantly spotlighted contradictions in that story. Wahl left on decent terms, and I firmly believe the Wiseguy staff was expecting to eventually win him back to the show and have his absence turn out to be a ruse. Unfortunately, Wiseguy got cancelled before this could happen.) Frank spends the first (and only complete) arc of this season investigating his partner’s disappearance, eventually working with the supposedly-corrupt DA who helped establish Vinnie’s cover back before Season One. 

It’s not an uncommon opinion to say, ‘hey, just skip S4’— and honestly, if you chose to watch S1-3, you’d have consumed a wonderful story with a reasonably coherent ending. But I don’t actually hate Season Four. The “new Vinnie—” Michael Santana, played by pretty-boy Scarface alum Stephen Bauer— is exceptionally likeable, and he brings with him a new set of characters who are also quite compelling. Furthermore, if you’re a Frank fan, he really gets the spotlight in this season, and if you’re a Frank/Vinnie fan, Vinnie may not be around, but Frank’s despair is really fucking something else. It’s almost worth it just to see him lie to the FBI and tell them he “never crossed the line” of professionalism with Vinnie.

Unfortunately, the next arc sets up something really compelling and unique, but it’s only 3 (unaired on TV) episodes, and ends on a complete cliffhanger, because the show was unceremoniously cancelled. After his niece is shot in the midst of teenage gang violence, Michael teams up with Billy Dee Lando Calrissian Fucking Williams to investigate red-lining and racist underfunding of schools. Oliver Stone shows up in the last like, ten minutes of the last episode?? I would be all over this storyline if it wasn’t just dropped like a moldy tomato, but I guess that’s what fanfiction is for. It’s not how Wiseguy deserved to go out, but hey, it was really aiming for the stars even as the plug got pulled.

Oh, and if anyone tells you there’s a 1996 TV movie, no, there isn’t.* 

(*The movie is so deeply mediocre that it’s worse than any of the controversy surrounding Season Four. It essentially retcons all of S4 and, frankly, really the last few episodes of S3, and presents a bland, uninspired “getting the gang back together” story that retreads thematic materials from the show without saying anything new. Vinnie has apparently been doing wiretapping for 6 years, which is completely at odds with everything we know about his character, and he and Frank are treated as “dinosaurs” that the OCB doesn’t know what to do with, and yet they are also simultaneously the only ones who can take care of a nearly-kidnapped child. It’s rushed, it’s emotionally hollow, the actors are phoning it in, and it ignores all of the character development from the series in a way that renders its plot nearly nonsensical. Furthermore, Ken Wahl had been in a seriously disabling motorcycle accident a few years before, so his apparent discomfort and stiffness throughout the film is because he’s genuinely in significant pain. Don’t watch the movie. You can always write fix-it fic for how Vinnie manages to come back after Season Four. It’s much harder to write fix-it fic for boring character assassination written by the 'due-process-is-for-pussies-and-torture-works' 24 guy.)

One of the other delightful things about Wiseguy is that Vinnie is both a big softie and yet is also saddled with a bizarre sort of erotic smolder, and therefore he has ridiculous chemistry with basically half the cast of the show. Vinnie very much seems a guy like you could say some blandly nice things to and buy him dinner, and you’d wake up, exhausted and satisfied, the next morning to him cooking breakfast. You’d think, wow, this guy is so thoughtful, he must be the one— and then you’d turn your head and he’d have immediately been seduced by the next schmuck down the line. He’s a good boy, but his “acceptable romantic target” sensors are so wildly mistuned as to render him, affectionately, a tragic slut. Will he end up with a mobster? One of a number of widows? His boss? No one knows but god.

Vinnie is also heavily bi-coded— his relationship with Sonny is almost explicitly romantic, he calls out Roger for homophobia (in 1989), one of his old friend asks if the reason he’s not married is because he ‘likes boys,’ and he doesn’t say no, and he has a borderline I-love-you moment with Frank. The boy just wants someone to love him, goddammit. 

I’m also really not kidding about Vinnie and Frank developing into the emotional core of the series. They live together for a period of time. They both imply they can’t live without the other. They go shopping for Dan’s birthday together. They pick up Frank’s ailing father from the nursing home together. Frank picks out Vinnie’s tie.

You pick at the plate of spaghetti that appeared in front of you, unsure of either its provenance or why it came after dessert. It’s the best spaghetti you’ve ever had, and that frightens you, somehow. 

I lean in close to whisper to you about crime. You note that at some point I changed into a pinstriped suit. You don’t remember me changing, or even getting up— you console yourself with the notion that maybe I’d been wearing it from the start, even though you know that isn’t true.

So, the thing about Wiseguy is— well— it’s more available than it used to be. The whole series was recently released on blu-ray, and both that set and the most recent DVD sets actually have every episode, a change from the previous releases. As of August 2023, all of the series except Dead Dog is available, legally, on Youtube. This is a vast improvement from even two or three years ago, when multiple episodes weren’t available through any means but blurry, VHS-tracking-laden downloads of TV rips. 

Unfortunately, the most recent renegotiation of the series home video and streaming rights still failed on the music rights front. Dead Dog has been spared the hammer, but there are still places where the series has gaps. Notably, there’s an episode (Stairway to Heaven) where Frank murders a jukebox, and looks completely fucking insane, because the original (thematically meaningful) music the jukebox was playing was replaced with generic elevator music. Worse, the final episode of the Steelgrave arc (No One Gets Out of Here Alive) is missing two musical cues: in one instance, Sonny himself is singing, in a fit of mania, and the footage has straight up been cut from the episode because they couldn’t get the rights to The Young Rascals’ Good Lovin’.  Equally egregious, The Moody Blues’ Nights in White Satin, which originally played over nearly a minute of sustained, silent eye contact between Sonny and Vinnie— has been replaced with the Wiseguy opening theme. It renders a scene which should be quite clearly devastating and unsubtly romantic instead utterly awkward and bizarre. It’s hard to demonstrate just how jarring the change is unless you’ve seen the scene, but suffice to say that everyone I know who has seen both versions— in either order— has expressed horror and bafflement at the substitution. 

Which is to say: there’s a couple of episodes of Wiseguy you’re probably going to want to locate those shitty old TV rips of. It’s worth it, even if it seems like it wouldn’t be.

I place my hand over yours. You jump a little. I have a number of large, dark-stoned signet rings, and my hand is strangely cold. 

I make you an offer you can’t refuse.

You’re going to watch Wiseguy. 

[starlene]

Layers of symbolism in Barbie (2023)

I’ve seen Barbie twice now, and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the symbolism in the story. It’s a lot!

So, I wrote a breakdown.

Barbie (the character)’s story

In Barbie’s story…

👠 Barbieland symbolizes girlhood, childhood, innocence, immaturity, and naivety.

👟 The Real World symbolizes womanhood, adulthood, growing older and more mature, and becoming a fully realized human. It also symbolizes accepting the inevitability of change, aging, and death.

🏢 Mattel symbolizes society in general, and men in particular, telling women how to live their lives.

✂ Weird Barbie is an example of a woman who does not look and do as she is told. For that, other Barbies have punished her by calling her names and pushing her aside – so at first, Barbie is terrified of becoming like her. At the same time, Weird Barbie is a wise female mentor who helps Barbie along on her journey.

→ For Barbie, moving to The Real World means she is free of the expectations Mattel, and people in general, put on Barbie dolls: she doesn’t have to be perfect or only dress in pink and pastels anymore. No one can put her into a box anymore.

→ At the same time, Barbie leaving her hyper-feminine aesthetic behind when she leaves Barbieland for good symbolically connects that aesthetic with childhood and immaturity. In turn, her more subdued costume in the last scene of the movie symbolically connects that aesthetic to adulthood and maturity.

→ Moving to The Real World is a positive change for Barbie: she becomes more mature and learns to appreciate the beauty in aging. However, I think it’s noteworthy how the movie mostly shows The Real World in a negative light: while in The Real World, Barbie gets disappointed, harassed, and chased down, and all of this makes her experience anxiety for the first time.

→ In the end, Barbie can’t stay in Barbieland because she’s grown too mature for it, showing that it’s impossible to escape growing up – even when the world of grown-ups seems very chaotic and unfair. Becoming a woman means you have to encounter, and learn to deal with, toxic masculinity and the patriarchy.

Ken (the character)’s story

In Ken’s story…

🕺 Ken himself symbolizes a young, immature man who hasn’t found his place within society and who has a very low self-confidence. Instead of placing value on himself and his inherent qualities, he has tied his whole sense of self-worth to Barbie’s approval. As a group, Kens are oppressed within Barbieland.

💃 Barbie symbolizes an idealized image of a perfect girlfriend. At the same time, she is someone who inadvertently hurts Ken because she doesn’t understand her own privileged position within their society. As a group, Barbies are the oppressors within Barbieland.

👠 Barbieland symbolizes oppression, marginalization, and social exclusion. For Ken, it’s a society that has no place for him or people like him.

👟 The Real World symbolizes patriarchy, which Ken interprets to mean a society where things are better for Kens than they are in Barbieland. (In truth, as Ken grows to learn, it’s a system that harms all genders with its strict and oppressive gender roles.)

🐎 Horses symbolize all the positive, joyous, healthy, harmless, non-toxic parts of masculinity.

→ In short, Ken’s story is about a young man falling into the manosphere, and how good self-confidence and supportive connections with other men can help battle toxic masculinity.

→ Just like Barbie, Ken too matures during the course of his character arc: he acknowledges that he’s been wrong about the patriarchy, he starts to feel a sense of self-worth that’s not tied to Barbie, and he learns to lean on other Kens for support.

→ Unlike Barbie, though, Ken remains in Barbieland at the end of the movie, and presumably starts working together with other Kens and Barbies to shape it into a more equal society. This is because to Ken, Barbieland does not symbolize childhood like it does to Barbie, so he doesn’t have to leave it behind when he grows up.

→ When you think about Barbie as a part of Ken’s story, it feels disappointing that when they arrive in The Real World and Barbie experiences the way real women are mistreated, she doesn’t seem to make much of a connection to the way Barbies mistreat Kens in Barbieland. This is, again, because The Real World symbolizes different things to Barbie and Ken.

→ Unfortunately, all too often, the joyous parts of masculinity become tied together with sexism and toxic ideas. The way horses are often seen as a girly thing in our modern-day culture underlines how ridiculous this is: Ken assumes horses and the patriarchy go together and gets into both, though actually, they have nothing to do with each other. In reality, Ken just wants to enjoy the majesty of horses – that is, the positive parts of his own masculinity.

Barbie <3 Ken

👫 The relationship between Barbie and Ken symbolizes heteronormativity and amatonormativity, and the way those concepts are forced down all our throats practically from toddlerhood.

→ Barbie and Ken are not in a real relationship with each other. At the start of the movie, they’re both too immature to understand what being in a relationship means – let alone if they really want that for themselves and each other.

→ Ken is in love with an idealized image of Barbie he has created in his mind. He tries to play the part of a perfect boyfriend, though he doesn’t really know or understand what being a boyfriend entails.

→ Barbie, in turn, is not romantically interested in Ken at all.

→ Despite all this, people (and even Barbie and Ken themselves) expect Barbie and Ken to be together. Notably, the Mattel CEO thinks that Barbie’s ending is that she is in love with Ken, even though there has been literally no evidence in the entire movie that this is the case.

From a female point of view

To the human characters Gloria and Sasha, and also to many real women watching the movie…

👭 Barbies symbolize idealized, stereotypical, perfect femininity.

👠 Barbieland symbolizes girlhood, childhood, imagination, and fun. It’s a thought experiment; a safe haven reminiscent of the innocence of childhood; a place where women can be whatever they want while looking and acting unashamedly feminine.

👟 The Real World is a place where the idealized femininity of Barbies and Barbieland is unobtainable. For many women, instead of being a source of inspiration, idealized depictions of womanhood turn into a burden, something that restricts and disheartens women instead of uplifting them.

Barbieland

👠 Apart from its role in the arcs of individual characters, Barbieland is an exaggerated mirror image of the real world we live in. It’s a joke that criticizes the gender inequality of our world – and as such, it acknowledges that one gender holding power over others is not a good thing.

→ Somewhat confusingly, it’s treated as a victory when Barbies take Barbieland back from Kens – even though that means returning to the unequal matriarchy, not becoming a truly equal society.

→ This is because in Barbie (the character)’s story and to Gloria and Sasha, instead of being a symbol of an unequal society, Barbieland symbolizes girlhood innocence and unabashed femininity. The Barbies, Gloria and Sasha take the joy they feel in their girlhood and femininity back from the patriarchy, which is certainly a feat worth celebrating!

Mattel (the fictional version of the company)

Finally, from the fictional Mattel board of directors’ point of view…

👠 Barbieland is a reflection of their Barbie brand and products, though it’s also shaped by the people who buy Barbies and play with them.

👭 Barbies are a way of making money. Because of that, the executives think they have to be perfectly beautiful and, thus, marketable. Notably, the Mattel CEO doesn’t like Gloria’s idea of a Normal Barbie – until he’s shown evidence that it will make Mattel loads of money, which causes him to immediately change his mind.

✂ Weird Barbie shows the way many children really play with Barbies. Rough play is not in line with Mattel’s pristine brand for Barbie, so Weird Barbie is pushed aside in Barbieland.

→ Barbieland is the way that it is partially because that’s how Mattel has designed it, partially because that’s how the girls who play with Barbies want it. For example, Kens are oppressed because no one likes to play with Kens as much as they like playing with Barbies, and thus, Mattel also puts less resources in designing and marketing them.

→ Somewhat confusingly, this connection goes both ways: the things that happen in Barbieland also affect the things that Mattel does. For example, when Ken redecorates Barbie’s Dreamhouse so it becomes Ken’s Mojo Dojo Casa House, Mattel’s factory starts producing Mojo Dojo Casa Houses in The Real World. What is that all about??

~

This is all I can think of right now. Let me know if you’ve interpreted something differently, or if you think I’ve missed something!

[nicejewishcharactershowdown]

NJCS 2024 Round One Eliminated Contestants (Part 1/2)

Toby Ziegler Status: Canon Jew Oh, Toby. I just can’t quit nominating you. Eagle eyed voters might remember his round one defeat last time he competed back in 2022, where he went up against Bucky Barnes. What do we think, folks? Would Josh Lyman make a better Aaron Sorkin-verse nominee? Or is my favorite turn of the millennium political escapism drama just not cut out for the high-stakes world of Tumblr tournaments? If you haven’t had a chance to watch The West Wing before, do yourselves a favor and watch it. Still bitter it’s not on Netflix anymore, but what can you do.

Han Solo Status: Transitive Jew Fun fact, Harrison Ford is Jewish! I love this one quote he said at an interview for Inside the Actor’s Studio a few decades back, “as a man, I’ve always felt Irish, as an actor I’ve always felt Jewish.” There’s something so cathartic about knowing a Jewish man gets to beat up Nazis in Indiana Jones. So why Han Solo? I’ll leave that up to you, dear readers, to deliberate. Note to self: watch Frisco Kid.

Richie Lipschitz Status: Coded Jew Riiiiiichie………. He’s not canon, but with a last name like Lipschitz, it would have to be proven otherwise. Go Nighthawks!

Ella of Frell Status: Coded Jew She questions authority. She longs for her freedom from a restrictive system. And she’s written by a Jewish woman (Gail Carson Levine!) What’s not to love about Jewish Ella? And there’s something so Jewish about the movie… maybe it’s the musical numbers. And while Anne Hathaway isn’t Jewish (and has played Jews in the past, like in Armageddon Time, making her one of the subjects of the Jewface debate in Hollywood right now), the coding inherent in any story written by a Jewish author is enough to validate any Jewish reading of this story, in print or on screen.

Professor Hershel Layton Status: Practically Canon Jew HERSHEL!!! I mean, how could he NOT be Jewish with a name like that?

Barney Guttman Status: Canon Jew So canonically Jewish that it’s practically screamed from the mountaintops! I absolutely adore this quote from Hamish Steele, the creator of the series. “… I actually think a lot of Zack’s mannerisms and personality influenced Barney. And when I just filled out the role in the comics, it just made sense to make him Jewish — in each version of the show, the characters become more like real people and more set in the real world. … All of the representation on the show, it never came from box-ticking. The show is set in the real world. It’s disingenuous not to represent the real world by representing all the people.” Plus, his last name is Guttman. Guttman!

Grace Adler Status: Canon Jew Check out this interview Kveller did with Debra Messing! There’s some great details about the Judaism of Will & Grace at the top, but the whole thing is worth a read.

Lexi Howard Status: Canon Jew Played by Maude Apatow, Lexi would already qualify based on the transitive property. And that’s where it would be left, that is, if not for a short conversation featured in the season two premiere, where she talks to Fez at the New Years Party. Here’s an excerpt:

When I first heard this exchange (while watching a YouTuber react to the episode), I grinned so hard. Doesn’t hurt either that Euphoria is based on an Israeli program of the same name. Which I’m realizing I reeeeeally should try and stream.

[hucosler]

Red Dead Redemption 2 and Legacy

Whenever I play Red Dead Redemption 2 the word legacy often pops up in my mind. It's an idea a lot of people think about through their life, but it also plays a huge part in Arthur's  story. 

Arthur Morgan, a man as loyal as can be to life of crime and yet still, at the end of his line tries to do right. "There is a good man inside you, but he's wrestling with a giant. And the giant wins again and again"  Of course I think the beginning of the game Arthur doesn’t really care about morals and all that, but by the end, after his diagnosis after talking to the Sister. I think then really he starts to think about the legacy he leaves behind, and starts his redemptive path. And what is a legacy? Your name on the tallest building? Building the most successful company? Creating the most niche world record to be entered into the Guinness Book of World Records? These are all examples of what legacy would look like to a lot of people. But I think a step above that, is more important. Family, Friends, the path that you leave in your wake when you pass. Is it destructive or constructive. Did you build and foster relationships, or burn all of them. Legacy is inherently tied to the choices we make. Choosing to be kind, choosing to be nice to someone, choosing to not give someone the energy they don’t deserve from you. The important part of a legacy is not how big your name will be printed on the world but the meaning the world will get from your name. I have a friend that passed away years ago, real funny dude, even now when I hang out with my old friend group I still talk about the funny situations he’d find himself in or the amount dumb decisions he’d choose to make in a day. And you see, that's what I find more important, let my legacy after I die be one that brings joy to the people I care about, let it teach a lesson of kindness and growth in the face of hardship. I guess after all, we can’t take any of those big names and money to the afterlife with us. But we sure can leave a lasting impact on the people around us. 

In the end, like Arthur, we don’t get to choose how people will remember us, but we do get to choose the kind of life we lead while we’re here. It’s not about leaving behind monuments or records—it’s about the moments we create with the people who matter most. It’s about the love, the kindness, the laughter, and the lessons we leave behind in their hearts. That’s what endures.

So, whether it’s in the choices we make today, or the relationships we nurture tomorrow, each of us has the power to shape a legacy worth remembering. Not for its size, but for its meaning.

Thank you for joining me today.