#and my memory problems are caused by adhd

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

So, way back in episode one, Mark knew who Helena was when he almost hit her with his car in the parking lot, too? Almost hitting the CEO-in-waiting would have been the highlight my day. It would have been the first thing I mentioned at the dinnerless party. I would share that anecdote all the time. "That's so visceral," Rebeck would say.

[neurospicyyy]

Yes, I threw fits when I was a kid.

No, I wasn’t in control.

No, you shouldn’t judge me for it.

Yes, I am aware you think I had the choice.

But surely you understand I didn’t really have one?

Surly you understand I was struggling?

That I’m still struggling?

That I always will be?

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

stuck in the what-if spiral 😭

[what-shitfuckery-is-this-ew]

worst part of the adhd is the amnesia

[sodacowboy]

yeah so anyway the meds I’m on make the process of drafting these dolls even more slow going than they were to begin with but they are still going

[xxsinisterbunniexx]

✘ Ticci Toby ✘

General Characterization and headcanons

My general thoughts and characterization of Toby :3

I will DEFINITELY add to this because he is always on my mind and I just know I will think of more stuff, especially the general headcanons

Toby is loud, obnoxious, impulsive, and extreme. Basically, on every scale of anything ever he’s at the far end. He’s uninhibited in just about everything, so he’s not afraid to speak his mind. This also means he has no problem making vulgar comments 24/7. He has no memory of his life before, because Slenderman wiped his memory. “Toby Rogers” no longer exists, and honestly the original Toby would be horrified by the version of himself that exists now. My theory on this is that Slenderman will “amplify” traits that are useful to him when he makes someone a proxy. For example: Toby has ADHD, which would likely make him impulsive and act without thinking. This trait would be amplified once he became a proxy.

Let’s address Toby’s many disorders (also these are constantly getting changed on his wiki page). Let me just say: I have a background in psychology but I am by no means a professional. Nonetheless, here are my thoughts on how these would affect Toby.

Tourette’s and CIPA are both neurological disorders. I feel like a lot of people get the general gist of Tourette’s but I do want to clarify that Tourette’s does not cause a stutter. I know a lot of people write Toby having a stutter, and I think it’s become a headcanon itself at this point, but this would not be due to Tourette’s. I keep it pretty simple when it write his tics, just a few motor and verbal tics, like cracking his neck or cursing. CIPA stands for Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis. Basically, this disorder causes him to not be able to feel pain or temperature (which makes sense because both of these are conveyed on the same spinal tract). He also can’t sweat, because if you can’t feel temperature then your body doesn’t know when to produce sweat. Realistically, people with this disorder have a lot of issues with living daily life, mostly due to overheating since they can’t regulate their body temperature. Most people with CIPA do not live past age 25, but he’s a fictional character so we’ll let it go.

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, and there is more than one type. Based on his behavior I’d guess Toby either has combination type or hyperactive type. He’s impulsive, easily distracted, and at times it can be hard to keep him focused. He will sometimes interrupt during conversations or speak at times when it’s not appropriate.

Amnesia is also listed which is Slenderman induced. Based off his original story, I would argue that the schizophrenia is also Slenderman induced. Nonetheless, I think his main symptoms would be hallucinations (so hearing voices) and disorganized speech. Basically, you’d ask him a question and he just would talk on and not really answer the question (Google patient interviews for Schizophrenia if you’re confused by what I mean by this). I also think Toby would be subject to delusions, mostly to do with illusions of grandeur or paranoia.

Toby also has bipolar disorder, though it’s not specified whether he has type one or type two. Honestly, this is where I have a qualm which is that I think instead of saying he has schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, it should just say he has schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. But I DIGRESS!

I think Toby would be silly goofy to be around. He’s super uninhibited and speaks his mind. He’s always full of energy. He can be a lot to handle at time and he doesn’t often listen to reason. You could definitely get into some shenanigans with him.

I think it’s easy to interact with him, he’ll talk to pretty much anyone and act friendly with them, but it’s a whole other ballpark trying to get close to him. It would take extensive amount of time, and would have less to do with your behavior and more with you just pinging in his brain in just the right way to make him want to invest more into you.

My thoughts on Toby are never ending, and I’ll probably continue to update this post when I think of new things. However let me say this: this man is not medicated for ANY of these issues so they would all be present in some capacity if you interacted with Toby.

Random headcanons

✘Toby is like 6’1-6’2 (yes I know he was originally short let me live) and he’s somewhat lanky but he’s got that sleeper build

✘ TOBY SMELLS LIKE PINE AND CEDAR AND LIKE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

✘ has snakebite piercings (meow)

✘ speaks German

✘ I like to think he’s second gen, like his parents were immigrants and thus he speaks German and English

✘ Toby, I need to know where ur grandparents were from 1939-1945

✘ lowkey would use his Tourette’s to get away with everything

✘ like would defo punch Jeff in the face and then be like “aw shit man sorry that was my Tourette’s”

✘ would also use it to get away with saying crazy bullshit

✘ covered in scars cuz CIPA

✘ Toby likes to go fishing and catch them with his BARE HANDS

✘ he can only be in the car if he’s the one driving, it really bugs him if he’s not in control of the car…. Though he doesn’t know why

✘ says crazy out of pocket bullshit 87% of the time

✘ but it would be funny as hell though

✘ like it would be the type of stuff where you know you shouldn’t laugh and you try to avoid laughing in front of him because you know it’ll make him do it more

[incognitopolls]

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! If this is the second time you're getting this ask I'm so sorry. I have severe memory issues from my ADHD and I'm not sure if I actually sent this to you, or if I just thought about sending it to you lmao.

Anyways, I have a quick question about one of my characters. I'm writing a medieval fantasy story and one of the characters has burn scars covering half of her face including the top of her head.

At the end of the story, she becomes a princess. Would it hurt her to wear a crown? I'm not very well versed in types of crowns but it would be like a small, lightweight tiara.

I just want to make sure it wouldn't aggravate her scars from pressing on them. Is there anything she could do to reduce issues? Like wrapping it in some kind of soft fabric?

Thank you!

Hello,

It could be a problem, but it's not likely. Tiaras are a marvel of ingenuity, many of the most famous ones having built-in designs that make them easier to wear. Here are some examples-

A lot of tiaras are actually pretty loose, especially when worn by royalty because they could find themselves needing to wear their tiara for a long time. If you look closely at a lot of famous royal tiaras, you'll see that many of them are actually held in place by the hair, whether it be through hair volume, like Princess Diana, or by braiding or twisting hair around parts of the band, or by just putting the hair in an updo and situating the band of the tiara so that it goes into the hair. Her tiara doesn't need to perfectly fit her head.

Some fancier tiaras, such as the Dutch Diamond Bandaeu Tiara, can also have a kind of spacer bar, which keeps the ornate part of the tiara from actually touching the head. This can help avoid getting hair stuck in those little jewels, and prevent the ornate detailing from sitting directly on the skin and causing irritation from the friction. These bars can be hidden using hair, but that isn't always required. More often than not, the people who wear tiaras with this feature don't bother trying to conceal it.

There are some tiaras where the band can be wrapped in a thin cushion. Some older tiaras will have some sort of fabric wrapped around the band, often a velvet or similar soft material that's close to either the colour of the tiara or the colour of the wearer's hair. Not only does this help prevent tangling, it can also help secure a looser tiara in place by filling the space between the head and the metal of the band, which is also going to be far more comfortable than adjusting the tiara and having the band directly against the head.

A more elaborate tiara can have a wider, thicker cushion hidden under the band for the same purpose. These are usually the larger tiaras that are one step away from being a crown, where more protection is needed because the tiara is bigger, heavier, and not as easy to adjust.

Sometimes, people in tiaras will wear a cloth headband under the band of the tiara, or even some kind of cloth head covering (some tiara can even have cloth inserts built in, like the fancy Crown Jewels crown.) Usually these are more common for people who wear some sort of diadem, but the option is open for anyone who needs it. If she wants to make this band fancy, she could probably even get a special diadem that matches her tiara and wearing both

The tiara could also be supported in a weird way, like with a band across the top of the head so that she wouldn't really need to tighten it at all, or even using metalworking addition that can put the weight of the tiara somewhere more convenient, like around her ears or neck.

Keep in mind that she can also get her crown custom made, where the metalworker can help her figure out what works best for her and then making her tiara to suit. There are ways to design tiaras that can distribute weight in certain ways that can help. There are also similar options, like diadems that can be gravity-based in how they stay on. There are also dozens of variations of crowns and tiaras and other royal or even just beautiful headpieces you can take reference from. You can do whatever would make her life easiest here, because her metalworker would do that.

If could cause a problem, but there are plenty of ways to get around it.

- Mod Aaron

[copperbadge]

hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

[reimeichan]

I really admire the people in my life who have the patience to actually understand and accept my DID. I remember a time, before I or the people around me knew about my disorder, where everyone would be frustrated time and time again as we had the same conversations over and over. How I would be frustrated at not being able to remember these conversations. How my friends and loved ones would be frustrated at having to say the same things to me over and over. How it felt like nothing ever got anywhere despite our best efforts.

And we'd try so many things to get around that. Note taking, lists, schedules, alarms... But these things only work to a certain extent. Notes are always infallible and prone to leaving things out, or you may misinterpret or misremember or even just not remember why you wrote down what you did. Lists and schedules only work if you actually remember to check them. Alarms only work if you even remember to set them. And you can't always rely on the people around you to send reminders either.

"You have to try harder to remember", they'd say. "You forget things because you don't care". "You don't actually care, that's why you choose to forget these things", as if I had a choice in what I could and could not remember. And these statements hurt so much, and they still ring in my ears anytime I feel like I've forgotten something even as small as what I had for breakfast.

So when I now have people in my life who will slow down for me and calmly repeat a conversation with me, who will actually gladly have these same conversations with me again and again... I guess I feel lucky to have people who genuinely try to understand me and meet me where I'm at. They don't see my memory problems as something I have to "work on", they just accept that it's a thing and will accommodate however they need to. And yeah, it can be an annoyance to deal with and may even cause problems for them, but they don't take out their grievances on me, and I very much appreciate them for that.

And sometimes, I find myself on the other side of that. I have friends and family with memory issues as well, where I find myself having to rehash things with them over and over and over again. In the past, I, too, would get snappy and impatient. Why can't they just bother to remember? Is it really that hard? But now I remember my own struggles with memory, and so I attempt to extend that same patience to them. They're not forgetting things on purpose, they can't help it. The least I can do is provide them some understanding; after all, it's not so different from how I have a tendency to forger things too, with the double-whammy combination of DID and ADHD.

I guess I'm grateful for the people in my life who have been able to model healthier behaviors for me, so that I, too, can become a better support for those around me.

[eliotquillon]

in the background of last night’s s5 rewatch liveblog has been my mother, who has never seen anything past s3 before on account of me usually looping s1-3 whenever i’m home and have the chance to rewatch on a big screen, and got very Locked In in a way she doesn’t usually whenever i’m watching house with her. so here are my list of Live Tracey Reactions that absolutely sent me:

-continually mistook amber for cameron in the backend of s4, including house’s head/first ten minutes of wilson’s heart. she did not have this problem while we were watching the first half of s4 a few days ago (and was devastated when amber got cut in games), which leads me to believe it’s mostly amber’s longer hair causing the confusion. still very very funny especially considering my status as no1 cameron fan

-has reconsidered her past hatred of wilson (who she previously declared a ‘horrible man’ while we were watching s2 together over christmas). now speaks about him like he’s a close personal friend. thinks house and wilson are just as bad as each other which officially makes her more media literate than most people who watch this show with only a few episodes of actually paying attention under her belt

-has a complete memory hole for thirteen which KILLS MEEEE. we watched lucky thirteen together off the back of binging every s5 episode before it back-to-back and she pointed at thirteen and said ‘who is that’. me telling her it was thirteen elicited zero signs of recognition. i think she’s about two episodes away from calling thirteen cameron like she did with amber

-upon watching the team break into a patient’s house: ‘as if this would happen in real life. even in america’. she has raised zero other objections to this show’s realism stakes

-bounces between earnestly asking why house is so awful and armchair diagnosing him with ADHD

-sincerely teared up at house’s funeral speech in birthmarks and got really mad when i started laughing. was also incredibly pleased to see gallstones come up as a potential diagnosis in that episode because she just got her gallbladder out

-upon seeing the patient in birthmarks haemorrhaging while still smoking her cigarette: *points* cee that’s you

-hates taub. rooting for rachel to divorce him. still went ‘what’s he done that for’ when taub confessed about the affair though

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I found this blog through a reblog and decided I’d poll Tumblr whether I’m the asshole. And the reason I’m concerned is because my mother (53 f) doesn’t think I’m the asshole, and that’s a bit of a red flag.

My sister (22 f) was home from college for break. She was to be traveling out of state to visit her boyfriend (23 m). Meaning, she was going to be flying in the continental US. As such, she needed a 1 qt, clear, plastic bag for her travel liquids. My family has several durable and clear plastic bags (as opposed to ziplocks) for this very purpose.

But rather than use one of these empty bags, she emptied my care bag.

This bag is fairly small. It usually holds my acne medication, including topical creams, tablets, prescribed moisturizer, etc… in travel sizes for me to take with me to work. I also include my migraine meds and lactose pills in this bag, among other things. And it fits perfectly within my backpack’s side pocket (which is why I bought it).

I noticed immediately that she had taken it as she had just dumped the contents all over my bathroom counter. So, I called her and told her that she needed to return it to me (at the time, she was only an hour away and her flight wasn’t for another week). She tried to play it off at first. “What bag?” Then she tried to reason that it wasn’t a big deal. Then she told me she didn’t want to make her bf drive an hour to return the bag to me as it’d put them an hour back in their drive, so I should just let it go.

And the reasonable part of me thinks… maybe I should? Maybe I should just go out and buy a new bag? Like… it’s annoying that she took it without asking and dumped everything out of it. It’s annoying that the bag doesn’t even meet TSA requirements as she claimed (it’s black and not completely clear). It’s annoying that I had asked her if she needed me to get her anything up for her night before and that rather than ask for help, she took something. And it’s annoying that she didn’t use the clear bags provided to her by our mother.

But the thing is… it’s not just the bag. This happens with all my stuff. It got so bad when I was a teen that my father put locks on all my drawers and doors that only I had keys to (my parents did have a spare set in the event I lost mine that they— ironically— “lost”).

EX: I have a pair of Levi jeans that I bought with a gift card from my grandparents. Levi’s are— well— expensive. Earlier last year, before she went back to school after break, I noticed they were missing. I called her and told her I was angry about this. She insisted I was “insane” and that she would never take them and that I likely misplaced them or lost them (I do have memory problems, combo of ADHD and whatever causes my migraines). My father helped me look for them. He even looked through her stuff. They *were not* in the house. But 5 months later after she came home from college, I found them under my bed (they were not previously under my bed). “See, I told you that you lost them.”

So, I told her that she needed to find a way to return the bag to me and that under no circumstances was she allowed to leave the state with it (if she did, there wasn’t much I would’ve or could’ve done about it, so I was hoping this ultimatum would work). And I said that if she didn’t return it, I would tell our mom about all the unused, unopened pregnancy tests she was stocking and hiding in her room (found when I went looking for spoons as she hides my mother’s spoons after using them). She told me “You’re insane. It’s just a bag,” but she did mail it back to me and I got it in time for work that Monday.

My mother says I was justified in demanding it back (she doesn’t know about the unused tests), but she is often petty and demanding and blows up or snaps at the smallest things. So, I am concerned that I made a big deal of nothing or that I took it too far.

AITAH? ESH?

What are these acronyms?

[taffywabbit]

it feels weird to finally get a year where I get to say this but I think maybe 2024 actually WAS my year. hopefully not the last, but it really feels like the first, at least in a long time. I was stagnant and static and drifting without much momentum in any direction for quite a while, and then suddenly this year:

I finally moved into a solo apartment and am no longer living in a house with an ever-shifting pool of like 5 roommates. having my own quiet comfy space to cook and relax and be nocturnal without bothering anyone has been HUGE for my mental health

I worked very hard to recoup the money I lost from that move and got myself in a fairly stable and comfortable position again, work-wise

I finally started HRT in June, after about 5 years of waiting/struggling to find a doctor/fear/general motivation issues. which absolutely kicks ass and is probably the highlight of the whole year if I had to pick just one

I also finally got diagnosed with ADHD and (with a little trial and error) got medicated for it, which is another thing I've been trying to sort out for like 6 years. hey did you know executive dysfunction and problems with memory/task management/motivation make it really hard to go through the process of getting treated for the cause of those symptoms? wild huh

I rekindled a much closer relationship with a couple of my younger siblings, especially the elder of my two sisters, and we have really nice chats fairly regularly now (crazy considering we did nothing but fight constantly for like 20 years lol)

I came out fully to my family, for better or worse, and MOST of them have been surprisingly chill and supportive about it

I worked on a little game project with a friend for a couple months! it didn't end up working out but I learned a lot from the experience

I started doing WAY more personal art and kinda rediscovered my passion for it, and as a result I've progressed a lot stylistically and technically within the past few months

I beat Pseudoregalia 94 times since the first time I tried it in February. not really an achievement on the same level as all this other stuff but I'm still proud of it

like idk! there were a lot of rough patches this year and I was honestly pretty burnt out for the first half of it, but 2024 still feels like the year where I bundled up all my frustration about going nowhere with my life and achieving none of my goals and turned it into fuel to just blaze through a bunch of stuff in the back half. I wish I'd done a lot of it sooner, but life has been reminding me a lot lately that it really IS better late than never, so I'm trying to keep that perspective in mind and not let the idea of a ticking clock intimidate me like it used to. I am trying to be optimistic that 2025 will allow me to continue this momentum. we'll see I guess!

idk if I really have any resolutions per se? I guess I'd really like to make music more often in 2025, even if it's just small things I do in one or two sittings occasionally instead of full songs. I started writing a song this year, with lyrics and everything, and then didn't finish putting it together, so at the very least I'd like to make THAT happen soon. I think finding a way to get myself back into animation casually would be neat too - I have a lot of mental hangups and personal roadblocks holding me back, largely from my awful college experience, but I think if I can just find some tools that are comfortable for me then I'll be able to conquer those and hopefully start enjoying it again on my own terms. there's other stuff I'd like to pick up this year as well but honestly I'm keeping my expectations small for now and we'll just see what happens! let's do it, wahoo

[radiosilence-psychonauts]

"I was struck by lightning, walking down the street. I was hit by something last night in my sleep." --Dead Man's Party, Oingo Boingo

_________________________________________

CHARACTER NOTES:

- This AU takes place around 2-3 months after the events of Psychonauts 2, making him 11.

- Raz, alongside his grief and shame for his father's kidnapping and his peculiarly changing body, has undiagnosed ADHD. He has faced belittlement from superiors, being told he’s ‘not working hard enough’ and ‘needs to act normal like everyone else.’ This has led him to believe that he’s ‘broken’ and needs to ‘fix himself.’ As a result, he has developed a dangerous method of reducing his symptoms that has caused damage. But he still continues, believing that he needs to do this or else he will fail as a Psychonaut AND as a person.

- He can sometimes be prone to unexplained bursts of aggression/anger episodes, irritability, self-isolating behaviors, dread and anxiety. This is a vulnerable area that Raz doesn’t understand nor can he control, and is overall very frustrating for him.

-Raz is prone to overstimulation due to heightened senses of unknown cause, especially toward scent and sound. This is a relatively easy way to deter him.

- In this AU, the majority of Psychics can't feel touch when using their telekinesis to help them navigate without looking. However, Raz does. His telekinesis is heightened and is more developed than usual, which has helped him adapt to his half blindness. He can also manage SCARY amount of psionic pressure, particularly when angry.

- He tries to hide it, but he's absolutely sleep deprived.

- Raz has done all kinds of experimentation and tinkering with his Mental Projection ability in particular, which has resulted in him being able to create a 3-D and completely singular Archetype. Even though Doodleraz seems to bully him (affectionately), Raz doesn’t seem to care and even encourages it. Deep down, the relationship between the two is hearty and symbiotic. They are two peas in a pod, having some quarrels and play fights sometimes but overall sharing a deep, affectionate bond. Self care <3

- Raz hates touch and everything to do with it unless you are close to him. He won’t even offer handshakes. The only person he’s truly comfortable with being touched by is his Archetype and his family, but he will hesitantly let people he trusts touch him (Lili, Milla, Sasha)

_________________________________________

BACKSTORY:

[Around a month after the events of Psychonauts 2, in an almost parallel universe…]

Raz's family, The Aquatos, have faced all kinds of threats throughout the years. For example, their memories were fooled by machine and they [THOUGHT THEY] were cursed by fortune tellers to always die in water. After a threat has been resolved, the family thought that they were safe... until The Aquatos faced a sudden yet vicious attack from unknown, mysterious figures one night... but don't worry. Everyone's fine.

Except for Augustus, Raz’s dad, who was kidnapped.

All kinds of threats that seem to be related to the kidnapping in some way plague the Psychonauts, and one thing is for sure: there is an otherworldly danger threatening theirs.

Raz, hardly keeping it together with the tension rising in his family and the absence of his dad, begins to go through things he's never been through before.

He always noticed that his mind was very different from others. It's... overwhelming and difficult to navigate. There's so much going on at the same time... cobwebs, figments, judges, doubts, regrets, bad ideas, all flock together at alarming rates. And not to mention, his Archetype is acting... strange. There's so much going on inside his mind that even his censors are intimidated.

But maybe if he finds a way in that place he always sees the censors come out of ... he can find out the source of the problem.

And he can fix it.

As Raz is forced to navigate his divergent mind amidst a heart wrenching case that has him losing hope, the demand for him to keep 'fixing himself' to keep up with the world around him only grows bolder. He's not sure what he is anymore. He's touched areas of his mind never meant to be touched. Milla and Sasha are worried about him. His family is growing more suspicious of him. He can hardly tell mind from body anymore. He's not sure if he's even human anymore. He's lost an eye to his own censors.

Damage is being done, and he knows it.

But he continues to punish himself through this.

For his dad.

Because he would've much rather been stolen than his dad.

_________________________________________

ALT OUTFITS:

I swear I will make proper refs for his alt outfits.

Cold weather:

"LSD Plane" Appearance:

(This last drawing is a commission done for me by @silvrfissh , and it is GORGEOUS!! Her art is absolutely beautiful, please go show her love and support and consider commissioning her!)

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CHARACTER SPECIFIC ASK RULES:

For the love of all things divine, please do not be weird. I shouldn't even have to say this, but Tumblr is littered with degenerates, so here goes: do not ask NSFW/suggestive questions to him. He is a goddamn 11 year old. You will immediately be ignored, blocked, reported and publicly shamed (lol)

Don't be a dick Yes, this AU does tackle topics of ableism, but that doesn't mean you get to be a dick about partially blind people (infantilization counts). You will be ignored, blocked and reported. He is representing a very real condition.

^ However, IN CHARACTER picking on him for ANY reason is allowed (including for his eye.) With that being said, still be careful and don't get too rough. And don't expect your character to not be criticized in roleplay. I draw the line at character giving death threats or telling him to kill himself. That's a trigger for me.

[sysventing]

uggghh, sorry this is so long. recently we told our therapist about that we most likely have DID (we fit the whole criteria and the diagnostic features) and this therapist has known that we're plural since we met them. They believe that we are plural but don't believe that our amnesia is "bad enough" and they keep saying that our bad memory is just from our autism. They only started to take me seriously about my amnesia when I said that it causes me extreme stress and embarrassment and also that sometimes I forget to take my meds or that sometimes I take them twice on accident. They said my short term memory problems were from adhd. and that they won't entertain diagnosing me with a dissociative disorder until they diagnose me with both autism (they said therapists shouldn't diagnose autism) and adhd (im already diagnosed with that and they know it)

It seems like they're doing everything in their power to not even entertain the idea of us having DID or any dissociative disorder. They were comparing us to their other clients that have DID (which seems like a confidentiality problem) and that those clients have such bad amnesia that they constantly forget sessions and that I've never forgotten a session. Like okay?? That's just one way DID presents? I know I just have to keep fighting or to get someone else to listen but I'm so tired. -💗👥

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[starrz-n-waffl3-fries]

Official introduction post 🙂‍↕️

EDIT: I got tired of scrolling past this pinned post so I put a cut on it- woh :3c

Anyway!!! That’s me!!! :3

My real name is Maxfield or Max, but you can call me Starrz!!! Considering it’s my name online :D

I am a digital artist who is very flexible in their craft, I see art very structurally so I don’t really have a set art style, but rather multiple art styles depending on what media I am drawing for! <3

examples of this include;

YDB(You Deserve Better) art style

C+B(Cuts And Bruises) art style

SJ(Soweli Jan) art style

And my signature doodle art style I use for everything!! :3

Fandoms I’m apart of!!!

-Btd(boyfriend to death)

-ykmet(you kill me every time)

-Undertale

-Deltarune

Circling back to the drawing of me with all of the symbols and flags that I identify with at the start of the post; let me tell you about those!!! :0

Country flags

America— I live in America, self-explanatory

Michigan— I was born and raised in Michigan, a Midwestern state in America

Germany— most of my roots are from Germany, making me German American

Disability flags

ASD(Autism Spectrum Disorder)— I was officially diagnosed at seven years old with Asperger’s syndrome; an outdated term for high functioning autism. This is a learning disability, however people with this disability(myself included) are very capable of wonderful things and we are all very intelligent in our own right<3

ADHD(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder)— I’m not sure when I was officially diagnosed with this, however I was diagnosed with this later in my life(I think). This one overlaps with autism a lot as it is also a learning disability, however it tackles more so the inability to focus on tasks more so- but much like autism, ADHD is also a spectrum! So everyone experiences it differently and manages it differently. For myself; I like to keep checklists and stuff!!! :3

Disability pride flag— this one is a general term for anyone who has a disability. I already explained two that I have, but I also additionally have two more regarding mobility. I walked on my tip-toes ever since I learned how to walk and this hindered how long I can walk on my feet without it hurting like a bitch(even after surgery)- another thing that this caused was huge back problems that I have yet to tackle, so that’s fun! I don’t use any mobility aids as I am scared to ask for them, but I do believe I would benefit from them some days when I have to walk for extended periods of time.

Mental health related disorders

C-PTSD(complex post traumatic stress disorder)— much like regular PTSD, this is something that you get from traumatic memories from your childhood. Emphasis on memories, because regular PTSD is only from one traumatic memory. As for people like me, I have several things floating around my head that make it so that even today I am deeply affected by what has happened to me. Make no mistake, however; this disorder is not and never will be an excuse for any actions performed by a person with this disability. I am responsible for my own actions, and this disability does not define me. Although it very much affects me every day, it is not my only personality trait, nor is it a way to excuse any actions of mine :3

Depression and Anxiety— these are pretty well researched Disorders that I don’t feel comfortable discussing too deeply, as they are very difficult to manage for me and they are kind of distressing topics for me, however I fully encourage you to do your own research! Stay safe!!!<3

LGBTQIA+ Labels

Transgender(ftm)— I was born biologically female, however when I started puberty I quickly realized I did not like the body I was growing into, and somewhere in 2021 or 2022 I figured it out I was a trans man, and so far I haven’t had any identity crisis about my gender, so I think it’s a permanent label of mine! Which is very nice<3

Panromantic— much like pansexual, this means you experience attraction to anyone no matter their gender! Many people with this have gender blindness, I don’t know what that means, so you should probably look that up on your own time as well! :3 but the reason why I say panromantic instead of pansexual, is because I do not experience sexual attraction to people! Which we will get into in a minute🙂‍↕️

Asexual— little to no sexual attraction, this does not inherently mean you have a low libido, however- you can have a high libido and still be asexual, so do not confuse those!!! me personally, I am sex neutral and asexual! So I’m not inherently bothered by the topic, just make sure not to get me involved or I will sob in self defense! :33

Other labels

Age regression pride flag— so age regression is basically a coping mechanism for people who want to experience their childhood again, for some people that can look like re-experiencing childhood joys, or reverting back to a child like state to make up for the fact that they feel like their childhood was lackluster or they grew up too fast! Me core :3

Therian/otherkin symbol— people who are spiritually connected to animals!! For me, my therio-type is a red fox!! So I feel naturally connected to them- this does not mean that I believe I am a fox, nor does it mean I am a zoo- there is a huge difference, and I am tired of people thinking they overlap. They do not. I am aware that I am a human, however I believe that I am spiritually connected to foxes<3

Cool people in my circle that you should follow!!<3

@0lizard-shark0 -my lovely partner<3

@watermelonolemretaw -my other awesome significant other depending on how this polyamory thing goes!<3

@burntmarshmallowqueen -their sibling that is helping write ydb with both of us and has a very nice and detailed art style >:0c

@blueleon-blog -my awesome older brother figure and my ride or die🙂‍↕️

@finnsworldz -bestie with the coolest art I’ve ever fucking seen!!! >:3

@gourd-n-cord a really cool friend of mine that I go to school with!! >:33

@m0nst3r-clawz A guy- that is also blood related to me- you can follow him if you want, his oc is pretty cool :3c

@f0rk-kidd a tulpa of mine!!!

For information on my tulpas; this post should take you to the formal introduction post of all of them!! This will be updated if need be so be wary! I have also tagged it ‘salami�� so that you search it easier bc it’s the only post with that tag :3333

I hope that my page brings some whimsy to your day or whatever٩( 'ω' )و🎉‼️✨