#and mona is like. right there with him even WHEN he comes back wrong and even though they want to beg for him to not do it

[valentinesparda]

unfortunately thinking about ffxiii selfships again

[lmvari]

⟳ 27. BLUEPRINT

Love terrified Kuni.

It was why it’s easier to pretend he didn’t care than to deal with the mess of actually feeling emotions. Because the truth was, he knew what came after. 

He learned too early that love doesn’t mean staying. It left him shattered and alone.

He'd lived it twice too many times.

It started with his mother. 

Sharp, elegant, composed. Always with one hand on her tea and the other on her schedule. She was the type of woman people admired from afar. Untouchable. Unshakable.

But to Kuni, she was simply his mom.

Though distant, she taught him everything he needed to, reminded him to be independent and never show weakness. A kind of tough love that you’d feel cared for.

She wasn’t perfect, but she was his entire world.  She made a silent promise to be there. To guide him. To raise him right.

By fourteen, she was gone.

No explanation. No goodbye.

Just a letter and a cold set of instructions.

Kuni later found out her whereabouts through his mother’s friend. Apparently, she left the country. Started over with her life. A life that didn’t include him.

She left him the apartment. A trust fund with enough to cover school, food, a quiet kind of living. She left instructions, contacts, legal arrangements, everything a responsible parent should leave behind.

But she didn’t leave herself. 

And that was the part Kuni never forgave. He felt rejected. How could someone who taught him everything just walk away? How could someone who gave life to him disappear like he wasn’t enough to stay for? She made sure he’d live. But she never once asked if he’d be okay.

But no matter how much he tried to harden himself, no matter how often he repeated her lessons in his head—

Don’t feel. Don’t break.

He still loved her.

And the thing is, the more someone taught you not to feel, the more devastating it was when you still did.

Since then, Kuni learned:

Love doesn’t mean permanence. Love is something people say until they decide they’re tired. Since then, he built a wall no one could scale, no one could touch. He never let anyone try.

But Kuni’s defenses were paper-thin.

Just before his senior year, Mona came into his life. 

Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, ambitious and brilliant in ways that scared him. He didn’t mean to let her in. He told himself not to. 

But she made it so goddamn easy.

She made him feel seen, like he wasn’t just someone people tolerated but someone they actually wanted. For a while, she made him believe he could be enough. To be loved. To be chosen.

But dreams don’t wait for love. And Mona had big ones. She was always chasing something—her career, the stars, a future that didn’t leave much space for someone like him.

There were days she didn’t answer his calls, weeks when she barely looked up from her screen. At first, he understood. People get busy. He could wait.

But then weeks turned into months, and Kuni slowly got tired of waiting for someone who no longer remembered to wait for him.

Still, he clung to her.

Even when the silence between them was louder than any words. Even when she drifted so far he could barely hear her voice anymore. Even when it got to the point where even he pitied himself.

He told himself she was just busy. That she’d come back. 

That people could stay.

He was wrong.

Mona sits at the edge of Kuni’s bed, hands folded, back too straight. She’s already dressed, coat draped over her lap. The air between them is thick. Final.

“I got the offer in Berlin,” Mona had said, barely above a whisper. She wasn’t smiling.

Kuni didn’t ask what offer. He already knew.

“You’re leaving,” he said, even though it wasn’t a question.

She nodded.

He stared at the coffee table between them. The untouched tea. The silence.

“When?” he asked.

“Next month. It’s… it’s everything I’ve worked for. It’s my dream.”

Right. Her dream. What is he, then? Just something she happened to like along the way?

He didn’t say anything for a long moment. His chest ached, but he didn’t let it show. Just leaned back against the couch and looked at her. Really looked. Memorized the way her brows furrowed when she was nervous, the way her fingers tapped her knee when she was holding something back.

“You’re not coming back,” he said as if it’s a statement.

It took her a moment to respond. She gave a small, hesitant shrug. “I don’t think so,” she said quietly. Her voice was composed, but not cold—just honest. “This is something I have to do, Kuni. For myself.” 

He nodded slowly, lips pressed into a thin line. “Yeah.”

He knew. But knowing didn’t make it hurt less.

It wasn’t her fault, not really. He knew from the start who she was. Knew she had dreams bigger than this city, than him. It was his fault for being weak and indulging in something he knew was a risk.

He wanted to come with. Drop out, leave everything behind and live a quiet life with her in another country while she pursues her dream. But he knows she would never agree to that. And staying with her while she’s away would only be a distraction and hold her back from the things that she wanted to accomplish. And he knows he would go crazy worrying about her whereabouts. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He gave her a tired, bitter smile. “Don’t be. I already expected this.”

And he did.  He just hadn’t realized how much of him she’d take when she left.

Kuni never hated Mona. He couldn’t.

She was doing what she had to do—what Ei had done, too. 

They were both selfish, yes. Except Mona had a valid reason. And he thinks maybe that’s why he didn’t react out of anger.

He didn’t cry that night. Didn’t beg. He just sat there, eyes wide and empty, letting her go. Because he knew better than to fight for someone who’d already made up their mind.

The next morning, she was gone. And in her place was silence.

Kuni knew, deep down, that he was fragile.He let someone in, even when every part of him screamed not to. Naive. Stupid. Too soft where it mattered most.

So this time, instead of just walls, he built thorns around himself. Weapons. Barbed words, sharp silence, cold detachment. Anything to keep people at a distance. He started hooking up, messing around, destroying his reputation, losing himself in the temporary comfort of bodies that didn’t ask questions.

Because love, he decided, was just a longer word for loss. 

And he was tired of losing.

But then you happened.

And Kuni wanted you.

He didn’t know it then.

The start of fourth-year.

He didn’t realize the girl at the bar, the one that suddenly sat beside him, was about to become the most emotionally confusing part of his life since the people he loved walked out and took parts of him with them.

Back then, you were just a stranger. A friend of a friend’s. A blur in the crowd. Another girl to satisfy his needs. You weren’t supposed to matter. Weren’t supposed to be more than just a one-night stand.

But you did. Somehow.

Somewhere between the stolen glances and clumsy laughter over shared drinks, between the way you didn’t flinch at his sarcasm or walk away when he got harsh and quiet—you started becoming unforgettable.

And Kuni didn’t remember people. Not like that. Not after just one night.

But that was the thing about you.

Even then, when you were both pretending, both half-lost in your own ways, you had this way of slipping under his skin like you belonged there.

He just didn’t know it yet.

“You look depressed.”

He turned to see a face he was sure he’d seen multiple times before.

Who were you again?

Oh, right.

[Surname].

The girl he usually saw with Ajax’s girlfriend in photos and parties. Usually somewhere across the room, half-laughing at something your friends said. He didn’t think you’d ever spoken directly to him before. Maybe in passing. Maybe not at all.

“And you look like someone who should mind their own fucking business,” he muttered, taking a slow sip of whatever was left in his glass.

Kuni wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone’s shit. Today was already bad enough. It was their anniversary. And he wanted to mourn it alone.  So either you leave him alone or deal with his asshole attitude.

Except you didn’t go away. 

Just slid onto the couch next to him like you were old friends, slouching on the backrest.

“Just saying. You’ve been sitting here for like thirty minutes, scowling into your drink like it said something rude.”

He gave you a side glance. Your lips were smirking, but your eyes were something else. Curious. Too perceptive for someone who had probably been drinking all night.

“What do you want?”

“A less boring night,” you said plainly. “You seemed like a good place to start.”

That made him laugh, just barely. People often don’t approach him first like that. 

“Why are you here alone?” he asked.

“My friends bailed on me. Had a rough week,” you answered. 

He simply looked at you with a side look, mulling over whether he should entertain you or not.

Well, maybe small company is okay. He decided.

The both of you talked.  Nothing deep. Just enough to fill the space between glances and refills.

It was surprisingly comfortable.

Your sarcasm met his in the middle. Your eyes lingered just a little too long. You leaned in when you laughed, nudged his shoulders when you disagreed. And the longer you stayed like that, the more the air between you shifted.

Warmer. Tighter.

Every brush of your knee against his felt more intentional. Every look a little heavier. You stared at him just a second too long.

Kuni found himself drawn in, caught in the way your gaze lingered. There was something disarming about you. Not in-your-face attractive like most of the girls scattered around the bar, but effortlessly magnetic. Your outfit was modest by comparison, yet the bare line of your shoulders and the way your top hugged your figure left just enough to wonder about.

Teasing, intentional, but not trying too hard.

He shook his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about what you looked like underneath it.

And yet—

Yeah. Something stirred. 

Shit.

He hadn’t come there to take anyone home. That wasn’t the plan that night.

He licked his lips, feeling them dry.

You looked at him again, head slightly tilted, a silent invitation hanging in the air, like you were waiting for him to say something.

Fuck it.

He mirrored your tilt, voice dropping low and lustful. “My place?”

There was no hesitation. Just a nod. 

A small, knowing smile.

Kuni thought you were odd.

Not in a loud, obvious way. Just odd enough to make him notice.

Most people who came to bars like that, looking for a warm body and a night of distraction, understood the unspoken rule:

Leave in the morning.

No lingering. No breakfast. No awkward small talk pretending that what happened meant something. 

One-night stands came with that silent agreement. Hit and run, no strings. It was safer that way. No messy emotions, no confusion. Either he slipped out first, or the girl did. Always.

He usually brought them back to his place, so he was used to waking up alone. On the rarer occasions when he woke up first, he’d lie in bed longer than necessary, sometimes even missing a morning class, just to avoid making it uncomfortable for the girl to make her quiet exit. It was routine. Predictable.

So when he woke up that morning after the bar, bare mattress on his back, the hangover still settling behind his eyes, he assumed it was the same as always.

You were gone. Of course you were.

He sat up, dragging a hand down his face.

But something felt off.

Kuni woke abruptly from his sleep, sweaty and heaving.

He stared at the wall, in a trance. Head throbbing from the hangover.

Fucking nightmare.

He shook the dreaded feelings away and scanned his surroundings.

The room was quiet, too quiet. But not in the empty kind of way. There was a presence still hanging in the air. The subtle sound of movement outside the room.

And that was when it hit him. He walked out of his room and into the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

You glanced over your shoulder casually, flipping something in the pan. “Cooking breakfast.”

His eyebrows twitched. He blinked.

“Right,” he muttered, scratching the back of his neck. “‘That’s not necessary.”

“I want to.”

There was no hesitation in your voice. Just calm certainty, like it was the most natural thing in the world to be in a sort-of-stranger’s kitchen making breakfast after a one-night stand.

He leaned against the counter, eyeing you like you’d just sprouted a second head. “Have you ever slept with anyone before?”

You didn’t even look up as you answered. “Yes.”

His brow furrowed deeper. “Do you always cook breakfast for them?”

That time, you did glance at him, smirking a little. “No.”

“The hell—”

“You looked lonely last night,” you said simply. “And depressed. You looked like shit. Still kinda do, honestly.”

Kuni opened his mouth to respond, but you kept going, unfazed.

“Also, your apartment’s a disaster. I had the overwhelming urge to clean it. Cooking seemed like a good start.”

Kuni looks around his place, seeing all of his belonging scattered. Laundry. Trash.

Oh.

He didn’t have a strong desire to clean much ever since he started fooling around. Keeps most of the girls away.

You slid a plate with food onto the counter in front of him with practiced ease. “It’s not that deep. I just thought you could use a small win today.”

He stared at the plate, then at you, silent for a long moment. 

You just smiled, turning back to the stove. Like it was nothing. Like it wasn’t completely, utterly confusing.

He takes in the sight of you cooking in his kitchen. You were standing there, his shirt hanging off one shoulder, hair messily tied back, completely at home in a place you’d only stepped into for the first time a few hours ago.

And something about that made his chest tighten. Not with warmth, but panic. It was too much. Too close. Too dangerous.

So he looked away. Swallowed hard. He walked back into his room, grabbed his phone, and when he went back out, he didn’t bother hiding the edge in his voice.

“This was a one-time thing,” he said flatly. “Don’t get comfortable.”

You froze, spatula mid-air.

He didn’t look at you.

“I’ve got shit to do,” he added, colder now. “You should head out after you eat.”

A beat passed. Silence stretching like a knife.

Still, he didn’t look.

Because if he did, he might’ve apologized. Might’ve said he didn’t mean it. Might’ve let you stay.

And he couldn’t afford that. So he hardened his voice one last time.

“Lock the door behind you. And leave my shirt.”

Then he walked out of his own apartment.

Ironically, Kuni let it happen a second time.

The one thing he swore he wouldn’t do.

Never repeat a girl. Never fall into the same pair of arms twice. Never give anyone the power to make him crave them more than once. He made that rule for a reason. To keep things clean, forgettable, and detached. It wasn’t even about morality, it was survival. Once was already too much for someone like him, someone who’d learned the hard way what happened when you let someone past the surface.

The plan was simple: drink, fuck, forget. Find a new face, a temporary escape, rinse, repeat. He didn’t even bother to learn the names of most of them.

You were supposed to be just like every other. A face he’d forget by morning.

But you weren’t.

Kuni wondered about you.

Not just in passing, not just in the shallow, fleeting way he did with others.

Unlike the others, he was already acquainted with you. He’d seen you around campus, around his friends, knew your name before he ever touched you. Got to talk to you before he even touched you. 

Back then, you didn’t even cross his mind. But that night and the morning after, something shifted.

You were different, not because you tried to be, but because you didn’t. You were sarcastic, annoyingly perceptive, and knew how to keep up with him in the short time he got to talk to you.

And maybe that was the problem.

That was what scared him.

The way you deflected all of his attacks. The way you lingered in his head long after you were gone. And that was dangerous.

So when he opened his door and saw you again, three days later, he was already on edge.

Kuni opened the door halfway, eyes slightly bloodshot, a half-empty glass of whiskey in his hand.

He stared at you in disbelief.

“Didn’t I say it was a one-time thing?”

Cold. Defensive. Because if he let it get soft, even for a second, someone would crawl past the walls again.

You didn’t flinch. “Relax. I just need my ring.”

He took a sip before answering. “What ring?” he says, tone bored.

“The gold one. I left it by your stove.”

He blinked, recalling it, then remembered exactly what you were talking about. It was the ring he saw when he got back to his apartment. 

He figured it was yours, obviously, since you’re the only girl that had the audacity to cook in his kitchen. But he didn’t really think you’d go back for it.

“You left it on purpose.” He stares at you.

“You wish. It’s a ring with sentimental value, unlike you. I just forgot about it.”

“If it’s really important, you wouldn’t’ve forgotten it,” he accuses.

“Would you just give it to me?” you glare at him.

He sighs in defeat. He walked back to his messy couch and gestured lazily. “Go get it yourself.”

He hears you mutter a frustrated ‘finally,’ before focusing back to drinking. 

You walked past his living room and headed straight for the kitchen. His eyes follow you, watching with half-interest, half-irritation, nursing his drink in silence.

You found it easily, sitting there like it never moved. You stared at it for a second longer than you needed to before sliding it back onto your finger.

Then thunder cracked loud outside. 

The rain had come fast and hard, lightning flickering in the windows.

“Shit,” you muttered, glancing out. “You got an umbrella?” you called over your shoulder.

“Nope.”

“Wow. Responsible.” Sarcasm. “I’m out,” he heard you say.

He didn’t respond. But he noticed how your steps slowed. How you lingered by the door, fiddling with your ring, eyes darting toward the storm. You didn’t want to go out in the pouring rain. You didn’t say it, but he could tell.

He let out a sigh and muttered without looking at you, “Stay until it stops. I’m not driving you.”

Simple. Emotionless. But you stayed.

You ended up on his couch while he poured himself another drink. He didn’t offer conversation. Not wanting the night to steer differently.

The silence stretched for minutes, but then, you surprised him again. You walked over and grabbed the bottle. Poured yourself a glass. Sat beside him like you’d done it a hundred times before.

“Seriously?” he asked, raising a brow.

You took a sip and shrugged. “What, you don’t share?”

He didn’t reply. Just let you do whatever you wanted. 

Just what is it with you and being too comfortable around him. 

He tried so hard not to interact, tried hard not to linger his eyes for too long. But he had a few shots already and the liquor is starting to take effect.

He took a subtle glance at you.

Then your eyes unexpectedly met his, and he was caught—just looking. 

At the curve of your lips, the slope of your neck, the way your legs crossed under your oversized hoodie.

“You’re staring,” you said, lips twitching into a smirk.

He snapped his gaze away, regretting his actions.

Something was growing on him. Hard.

He shouldn’t’ve let you inside. He should’ve just gave you back the ring himself.

“I thought this was supposed to be a one-time thing,” you added, voice laced with laughter and teasing.

It hit a nerve. He didn’t reply.

You leaned in closer. The air shifted. He clenched his jaw, still silent. Still pretending it didn’t affect him.

Your fingers grazed his knee. And that was it.

He was tipsy. Tense. Tired of pretending.

And just like that, everything he’d tried to bury lit up like fire under his skin.

The rules broke. Again.

You didn’t stay that night. You left quietly early in the morning while he was still asleep. But when he woke up, the apartment was clean. The dishes were washed. The clutter was gone. 

A plate of food sat on the counter. Next to it was a folded napkin with a note in what he assumed was your handwriting:

‘Just fucking eat it.’

It made him chuckle.

And that’s what pissed him off most. 

That you left no trace of yourself, except for something so human it stuck with him the whole day.

So Kuni let it happen. Again.

If the second time was unexpected, the third was deliberate.

You showed up at his door a week later, around midnight, cheeks pink from the cold. Or maybe from the fact that you were reeking of alcohol. Your hair was messy, jacket half-zipped, and your lips pulled into a crooked line that told him this wasn’t planned.

You didn’t bother with pleasantries. “Can I come in?”

He blinked. “What are you doing here?”

You shrugged. “Didn’t wanna be home. Fought with Lumi. Needed a distraction.”

And he was the first person you thought to come to?

“You’re drunk.”

“Sober enough to walk here.”

He almost shut the door in your face. But something in your face, tired, but still sharp with defiance, made him pause.

You didn’t wait for him to invite you. You pushed past him like it was your place, like you belonged there. 

And when he tried to say something, you kissed him. 

Fast. Desperate. Familiar.

He almost lost his balance. But he didn’t push you away. Maybe that was his mistake.

The two of you didn’t fall asleep this time. Both of you just lay there, skin warm, breaths uneven from whatever that just was.

Kuni stared at the ceiling blankly. “I swear, this is the last time,” he mutters.

You turned to him with a questioning gaze.

“I don’t do repeats. You already crossed that line.”

You stared at him, half amused, half insulted. “Right. I forgot, you’re the infamous campus heartbreaker.”

He didn’t respond.

You waited. Then asked, “Why do you do it?”

“That’s none of your business.”

You sat up a little, tugging the blanket higher. “It’’s about commitment, isn’t it? Doesn’t it get tiring? Having to find someone new every time?” you tried to pry more.

He didn’t answer. You studied him for a beat. He looked calm, but you knew better. You didn’t press further.

“Never mind. It means nothing to me. I don’t like commitment, either. So you don’t have to worry about reusing me,” you laugh. “Rather than worrying about your sex life, I should worry about my health. You probably have STDs, or something,” you hug yourself and shiver dramatically. 

He rolls his eyes.  “I always use a condo–”

“Relax, I was joking,” you snort.

This irked him. 

“Get out of my apartment.”

And you did. With an annoying giggle at that, too.

Kuni mulled it over long after you were gone. 

This meant nothing to you. You said it yourself.  Maybe that’s when everything took a turn. Because to him, this never meant anything, not really. But he was scared that he’d start to consider giving it meaning.

You were a risk.

But then again… so was everything else.

The exhausting nights of downing drinks to build the courage to flirt. The meaningless hookups. The silence in his room afterward. The emptiness that clung to him even when the bed wasn’t. He kept running from commitment, kept choosing chaos, but in the end, it still left him tired. Worn and bitter and bored of it all.

And then there was you. Bold. Audacious. The kind of fun Kuni didn’t have for a while.

He didn’t trust himself. Not to stay cold. Not to keep the distance. Because, again, he knew he was fragile despite everything. But when you said it didn’t mean anything to you, something in him relaxed.

Maybe, just maybe, if you could control yourself, he could too.

The next time it happened, it was Kuni who approached you first.

Then it was you. Then him again.

A quiet back-and-forth, a rhythm born from stressful weeks and late nights, each of you seeking the same kind of escape in the other.

It was unspoken, effortless. Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. A fling. Whatever label people might throw on it, neither of you bothered to define it.

It was easier that way. Easier to pretend it was simple. And for a while, it was.

Because Kuni was careful. Always.

He set his own rules. His own boundaries. After every night, he made sure to be the one who woke up and left first, even when it was in his own apartment. 

Sometimes, you beat him to it. And he took it as a sign that maybe you got it, too. Maybe you were just as good at keeping things distant.

When both of your friend groups found out what’s happening between you two, despite all the teasing and doubts about the nature of your relationship, you both kept denying it.

We’re just friends.

A short sentence that he repeated a hundred times. And you followed.

The two of you never hung out outside of bed. Never spent quality time. Never got to know each other beyond the surface level. Most of the time, when life was going fine for the both of you, weeks would pass in silence. No check-ins. No texts. Just distance until the next bad day came, and one of you reached out, needing relief.

So it continued. Wordless. Measured. A mutual understanding held together by silence and restraint.

For months, you both clung to the comfort of routine, anything to stop whatever complicated feelings were quietly growing in the spaces you refused to look at.

He appreciated you for it. How you never crossed the line he silently drew. You never asked the wrong questions. Never prodded at the past he kept buried. You never tried to peel back the layers he guarded like armor.

You were content with what little he gave. Fragments of deep conversation, fleeting touches, the kind of closeness and banter that never demanded more.

And somehow, that made it easier. Safer. It was comforting to him, in a way. Knowing someone could be there even when he offered next to nothing except his body. Even when the two of you barely qualified as friends.

But over time, something shifted. Because the more times it happened, the more curious he became. He became restless. He found himself wondering:

If you were willing to stay through the bare minimum—no promises, no answers, no depth—

what would happen if he gave you more?

Four months in, things began to change.

It was subtle at first. So subtle that it went past Kuni.

Maybe it was when you started ranting before getting intimate. Stating your reasons for calling him. You’d drop onto his couch with a sigh, words spilling out like a routine. And he just listened. Something he didn’t even realize was way past his boundaries.

“I swear this prof. hates me.”

“I keep getting migraines lately, it fucking sucks.”

“My thesis partner thinks ‘editing’ means changing the font.”

Then there were other things. You started checking if he had eaten, always in the form of an insult.

“Don’t tell me you’re surviving on caffeine and alcohol again.” And he’d roll his eyes, but the next time, you’d still ask. Even urged him to buy food that he can cook.

He started keeping snacks you liked. The ones you always brought when you were hungry, stating, “I want to eat before we do anything.” 

He later went on a grocery run and mindlessly stocked up on them. Kept them in a drawer in his kitchen. Along with headache meds. “Emergency stash,” he claimed when you noticed. Didn’t say whose emergency he meant.

Or maybe it was the time when nothing happened.

You showed up, visibly stressed, visibly shaken, and instead of touching him like he initially thought you’d need, you asked if you could just stay.

No ulterior motive. No need to touch.

So you sat beside him. On the floor. In silence. Shoulder to shoulder. And you didn’t even say a word. But somehow, it made all the noise in his head quiet.

That was when it started to really terrify him.

Because in all the flings he had, no one ever reached that far. They got his body. Never his quiet. But you? You found your way into both. Without even realizing.

Suddenly, Kuni wasn’t sure if this was just physical for him anymore.

Because for the first time in a long while, he started to wonder to himself how your day was. If you were sleeping okay. If you went out with your friends today. He started to replay the way you laughed when he humors your playful banter and insults. The way you looked proud when you beat him at a dumb card game one night after leaving the bed in a storm.

And worst of all, he started calling you up more often even when he didn’t really need to. Granted, it always ended in sex, but a part of him simply did it to hold you.

That’s when it changed.

The lines between you didn’t blur with the heated touches or the nights tangled in each other’s arms. No, those were expected. Part of the deal. What truly blurred them were the quiet, gentle moments that had no place in whatever this was.

It was never the passion that confused him. It was the tenderness. The kind that shouldn’t exist between two people who swore they were nothing. Because despite everything he tried to avoid, he started to silently care.

And caring was the one thing he swore he’d never do again. Not after what happened before. Not after everything he’d buried just to survive.

But he found himself forgetting what it felt like to be left behind—ironically, in something destined to end that way.

Because with you, it didn’t feel like survival anymore.

It was something dangerously close to living.

So much so that for a while, Kuni thought about ending it.

Not because he was tired of you. It was the opposite. It was because his feelings were changing, and that was never part of the plan.

He believed that it meant nothing to you. That it was all him making something up in his head. That the quiet care, the shared silences, the way you both stayed longer than necessary were just convenience. It simply stemmed from your personality.

After all, neither of you ever defined what this was. In those rare, intimate moments, where one of you would do something only people who cared would do, there was always a wordless agreement to never speak of it. To pretend it didn’t mean anything. There was always awkwardness hanging in the air.

So he convinced himself that if it continued, you’d leave. That one day, you’d see him for what he was—someone wrecked and weak—and you’d reject him for it.

But then the what-ifs started to creep in.

What if you felt it too? What if the small things mattered to you just as much? What if you weren’t staying because it was easy, but because, like him, you hoped?

And if he pushed you away first, he’d be losing you. Not because you left, but because he didn’t let you stay.

So Kuni continued. 

He continued to keep you around.

Continued to dance back and forth between acceptance and denial.

When Kuni woke up before you, he didn’t leave.

He used to always leave before dawn. Always.

But lately, every morning, he stayed longer than necessary. Half-asleep on the edge of your bed, shirt discarded somewhere on the floor, arm lazily draped around your waist. Close. Closer than he ever let himself be while conscious.

Shit.

He wanted to avoid cuddling, as much as possible. But it happened sometimes, blamed it on the cold or on reflexes. He’d usually slip away before you stirred. No trace. No warmth left behind.

But this time, when you shifted in your sleep, back brushing against his chest, he didn’t move.

You were turned away from him. Breathing slow. Completely unaware of the way he looked at you.

He let himself look. He took it all in. The calmness of your features, the way your hair fell across the pillow, the slight twitch of your fingers like you were dreaming. The kind of softness he’d convinced himself he wasn’t allowed to want.

He could’ve left. Should’ve, probably. But instead, his eyes fell to your hand, resting loosely on the blanket.

That ring. The stupid ring that started it all. If you hadn’t left it that night, maybe none of this would’ve spiraled into whatever you were now. Maybe he wouldn’t be here wrapped up in warmth he told himself he didn’t need.

But he was.

And without thinking too hard about it, he reached for his phone on the nightstand. Quiet. Careful.

He didn’t point the camera at your face. Just the way your back curled slightly toward him, the way the early morning light traced soft outlines across the sheets, the stillness of it all.

A snapshot. One he’d keep for himself. Just to remember. He observed the photo, thinking that it didn’t give justice to the real thing.

Pretty.

He never said it aloud. Not to you. But maybe someday, you’d see it.

And maybe you’d understand.

Kuni hadn’t been subtle.

Not lately.

And maybe that was the point. He knew he was slipping. Letting things show. Letting you see. The in-between, too heavy.

He started leaving hints on purpose. Not loud gestures that would risk scaring you away, but little things. Quiet gestures. Nothing he expected anything back for.

He just wanted to show you the change. Wanted you to know without him having to say it, and to see if you felt the same too.

He thought about everything—about how easy it would be to pull away again. How easy it would be to just keep things as it was.

But a part of him didn’t want easy anymore.

Kuni didn’t reply to your message, in a hurry.

He didn’t think. He just moved. Grabbed the snacks he knew you liked and stopped for coffee, even though it was already late and the café near his dorm was closing soon.

He didn’t have a plan. He just… didn’t want you to feel alone tonight.

When he spotted you hunched over a table in the library, looking one breath away from falling apart, something sharp tugged in his chest. So he walked over and dropped the coffee and snacks in front of you. Didn’t say anything grand. Just eased into the seat across from you like it was the most normal thing in the world.

You blinked at the table, then up at him.

“What is this?” you asked, wary.

He shrugged, trying to play it off. “You look like you’re two pages away from losing your mind.”

That was it. No ulterior motive. Just… worry. Quiet, uninvited worry.

He saw the way you hesitated before touching the cup. Like you were trying to figure out what he wanted. Like you were weirded about him just showing up.

You stared at the coffee like it might bite. Like it meant more than it did—or maybe exactly what it did.

“Seriously,” you murmured, not meeting his eyes. “Why are you here?”

He leaned back, tried to keep it light. “Dunno.” Then softer, “Just figured you’d need a recharge.”

He watched your fingers curl around the cup. That was enough. He didn’t need a thank you. He just needed to know you were taking care of yourself, even if it was through him.

Your notes were a mess. Your eyes were dull. He could tell your head hurt.

“You sure you don’t wanna take a break?” he asked.

“I can’t.”

“You look like you need one.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, well, I don’t have that luxury.”

He bit back the urge to argue. You were always so stubborn. Always acted like you had to do everything on your own.

So instead, he offered what little help he could. “It’s late. Continue studying at home.” He hesitated. Then, quietly, “Or at my place. It’s closer.”

And just like that, your expression changed. He saw the way your hands stilled. How you immediately shut down.

Why?

You laughed, cold and hollow. “Right. And I’m sure we’d get so much studying done there.”

He blinked, confused. The edge in your voice was sharper than usual. “What do you mean?”

Oh. 

You thought this was about that. Of course. 

He felt a heavy feeling he couldn’t describe.

You didn’t answer. Just brushed him off. Told him you still had a lot to do. And maybe he should’ve argued. Explained himself. But what would’ve been the point? You’d already made up your mind. So he let the silence sit. Then stood up quietly.

“Fine,” he muttered, trying not to let the sting show. “Don’t overwork yourself, moron.”

It wasn’t what he wanted to say. Wasn’t what he wanted to do.

But it was too late, and all he could do was walk away.

Kuni didn’t plan to call.

He read your message that you planned to do an all-nighter, and his thumb was already tapping the call icon.

He told himself it was to check on you. To keep you company while you worked. Not because he missed you. Not because the silence of his room felt louder without you in it.

When you answered, the image of you lit up his screen, half-tired, eyes ringed with stress, but still managing that soft ‘Hey’ that landed somewhere uncomfortably near his chest.

“Hey,” he answered. He kept it easy. Familiar.

You asked why, and he gave the first excuse that came to mind:

“You aren’t here and I didn’t have anything else to do.”

A lie, kind of. 

There were things he could be doing. He just didn’t feel like doing them knowing you’d be staying up all night.

You asked about studying, and he brushed it off like it was nothing. Said he already did. Said he doesn’t pull all-nighters like you losers.

Made you laugh. That was the point.

He didn’t say he’d been thinking about you since earlier. Didn’t say he regretted how that went. How you looked at him like he was just another interruption. Like all he ever wanted was you in pieces, never whole.

So he stayed quiet now. Watched you twirl your pen. Half-listened as you thanked him for the coffee.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“I know. I wanted to.”

Truth, laid bare without thinking. He waited for the blowback, for you to read into it and pull away again. But you didn’t. Not really. You changed the subject like you always do.

You didn’t know that he stayed on the call for your voice. Watching you frown at your notes and bite your lip grounded him more than sleep ever could.

That he was trying, really trying, to just be there without asking for anything.

Even when your eyes started to flutter shut. Even when your voice got quieter and softer until it was barely there.

He teased. Called you an idiot when you couldn’t remember what he last said. Then watched you drift off, your figure slackening in the frame.

He didn’t end the call right away. Didn’t hang up like he should’ve.

He just stared. You looked peaceful. Safe.

And under his breath—too quiet for you to hear, but loud enough to mean something—he whispered,

“Goodnight, pretty.”

Then he hung up.

And stared at the empty screen a while longer.

Kuni knew he was being too careful.

Why you couldn’t see what he was trying to show you. Why you assumed things that weren’t pure.

He wanted to make it more obvious. Not by saying something, but by doing something. Asking you out.

He remembered Ajax once casually mentioning how he gets his girlfriend little gifts when she does well. Sometimes for absolutely no reason. Something small. Something thoughtful.

Kuni had rolled his eyes at the time, but the idea stuck.

So when he saw the charm, delicate glass petals with a little space for initials, he didn’t even hesitate. He bought it without overthinking.

Well, maybe he did. A little.

Because it wasn’t just a gift. It served as a starting point. A declaration.

He stood outside the lecture hall, leaning against the wall, pretending to scroll through his phone. He heard your laugh before he saw you, that breathless, giddy kind that only came when you were running on adrenaline.

And then there you were.

You looked light.

Freer than you had in days. Weeks.

And the way your eyes found him—like you were surprised by him being there—it settled something restless in his chest.

“Hey, genius,” he said, tone flat, like this wasn’t a big deal. Like he hadn’t waited ten whole minutes rehearsing, nothing to say.

You lit up. You tried to play it off, made a joke about maybe not passing, and he scoffed.

Please.

He knew you passed.

He saw it in the way you carried yourself, like you finally remembered you were brilliant.

You laughed, and he felt it more than heard it.

So he pulled the charm from his pocket. Held it out to you with no ceremony. No big speech. Just a quiet offering.

“I figured you deserved something,” he muttered. “Should’ve gotten a bigger one, since you aced it and all.”

He watched you freeze. Watched the way your fingers curled around it carefully, like it might break. Like it meant more than you were ready to say.

And maybe that was the point.

This wasn’t like the coffee, or the food, or the study calls. 

This wasn’t fleeting. It was something you could hold on to. He didn’t need you to give it back, or throw it away, or overthink it.

He just needed you to keep it. To know he was proud of you.

When your voice faltered, he looked away. Shrugged. Stuffed his hands into his pockets like it was nothing. Like his pulse wasn’t racing.

“Don’t think too hard about it,” he said, already walking ahead.

Then, over his shoulder, with more ease than he felt: “C’mon. I just finished my own practicals. We need a proper celebration. Nothing big, just us. You in?”

He didn’t wait for your answer. Didn’t look back. But a big part of him hoped you’d see it for what it really was.

The hair thing.

He hadn’t meant to do it. It surprised him, as well. Like it was instinct, like your presence was already stitched into the rhythm of his hands. But the moment his fingers grazed your skin, he felt it. Too soft. Too familiar. Something that felt less like impulse and more like yearning.

You looked at him like you felt it too. That made him hope. Made him more confident.

He could feel that you wanted more.

So when you reached your dorm and he opened his mouth—finally, he thought. 

Just fucking say it. 

That he wanted more than what you had now. That this thing between you wasn’t just about satisfying cravings anymore. That he was starting to look forward to the in-betweens more than the aftermaths. 

That he was falling—fast, hard, and quietly—for the only person who might or might not catch him.

But then his breath caught.

His courage flickered.

What if saying it ruined this? What he got the wrong signals?

So he smiled, bitter and tired, and said, “Never mind.”

And you looked at him like you knew. Like you were waiting for something, too. Like you were hoping.

“Kuni…” you trail off. Your brows furrowed and your lips frowned, clear disappointment.

Seeing that almost made him cave. Almost. But instead he flicked your forehead, the safest affection he could manage. Told you to get some rest, and turned away before he changed his mind.

Maybe next time, he thought.

When he walked off, he didn’t feel lighter. He felt everything all at once. Tight in his chest, sharp in his ribs.

Kuni was still a coward.

And he continued being a coward.

For days, he said nothing. Did nothing. Just existed on the edge of every what if.

He kept thinking about that night. Your laugh echoing in his chest, the way your eyes softened when you thought he wasn’t looking, the warmth of your skin when he tucked your hair behind your ear. Stupid. It was so stupid. But it stuck with him like a song he couldn’t turn off.

He should’ve said something. That night. When he hesitated. When he looked at you and wanted—really wanted—for the first time, something more than what you were.

But he hadn’t. Because hope is dangerous, and he wasn’t brave enough.

A part of him started to regret his actions. Started to regret stepping over his own boundaries. Because he realized again that it really was easier to pretend it was nothing. 

At some point he hoped you’d do something instead—reach out, push the line, call him out. Anything that would make the leap easier. Something that would let him off the hook.

And still, he couldn't do it.

Because he knew it was his responsibility. 

Instead, he buried it under silence. Let the days stretch on with only a few texts, safe and distant.  Played it cool like he wasn’t checking his phone every few hours, like he wasn’t searching for your face in the halls more than usual.

It drove his friends insane.

“You’re being a dick,” Ajax told him flat out one afternoon. “You start treating her like she’s special, then keep denying to everyone else that you feel something. Do you know how that looks like to others?”

"There really is nothing to it,” Kuni spat. Denied.

“You sure? ‘Cause you’re sure acting like a guy in love.”

He had no answer to that.

Vague denials, dismissive shrugs to his friends. He clung to them like they were lifelines. But the cracks were starting to show. Even he could feel it.

And Kuni had always been good at many things—sarcasm, pushing people away, hiding behind sharp words and sharper silence.

But love?

It was something he swore to never feel again.

And you? You were becoming too important to risk on a maybe.

So he stayed quiet. A coward still.

But even he knew—

He couldn’t keep hiding much longer.

Kuni was genuinely curious.

He was looking forward to hearing your request after winning the bet.

What would you ask of him? It seemed like something you’d been dying to say.  Maybe it was dumb, but he was already prepared to give in to whatever you asked.

But he didn’t expect to get blindsided.

She was back.

He found out just not through whispers, but straight from her—texting him out of nowhere.

Hey. I’m back. Can we talk?

She told him months ago that she wouldn’t return. That she needed to do this for herself. And he accepted it. Quietly. Painfully. 

And now?

He stared at his phone too long. Didn’t answer. Thought ignoring it would make it go away. But fate had other plans, because next thing he knew, she was there, in the hallway, walking toward him like time hadn’t passed at all. 

Same familiar perfume. Same old eyes that once made him lose himself. And for a second, he forgot how to breathe.

Déjà vu didn’t come gently. It came like a wave, dragging everything he buried right back to the surface.

He agreed to meet her. Maybe for closure. Maybe out of reflex. 

The world felt muted.

“You look good,” Mona said softly. “Tired. But good.”

He didn’t return the compliment. Just looked at her, quiet.

“What happened to Berlin?” he asked, his voice low, guarded.

“I finished what I had to do there,” she said, smiling. “They let me come back. I’m gonna graduate here. Take some time to figure things out.”

Kuni nodded. Nothing inside him moved the way it used to. There was no ache. Just… a distant memory.

“Did it go well?” he asked out of courtesy.

“It did! I learned so much and had countless opportunities.” She smiled proudly, remembering the things she did and experienced.

After a pause, “I’m glad it went well. You did good,” he said, to his own surprise. And he meant it. She laughed at the sudden compliment, nudged his arm playfully. He didn’t mind.

And that’s when it happened.

He smiled. Soft. Brief. Real.

But it wasn’t for her. Not anymore. It was for who she had become. For who she fought to be. 

Because even as he looked at her, it wasn’t Mona’s face in his mind.

It was yours.

He remembered the way you clenched your pen when you were focused. The way your eyes sparkled when you got fired up talking about something. The way your voice shifted when you were nervous but pretending not to be.

God.

He wanted to see you like this too.

Thriving. Smiling. Accomplished.

And he wanted to be there beside you when you did. To be someone who stood still beside you while the world changed.

That’s when the guilt hit. That’s when the confusion clawed its way back in.

Mona being here—she complicated things. She was a symbol of everything he let go of. And now she was back. It’s the last thing he needed right now.

“I’m happy for you,” he said coldly, slowly walking away. “Really. But I’ve got to go.” He waved her goodbye, turning his back on her.

“Wait, Kuni…” she called out.

He stopped.

“Um.. There’s more,” she said. “Please hear me out.”

He turned, facing her again.

“My parents. They’re trying to arrange a marriage with someone in Germany. Says it was for a partnership. Pay back for accepting me in Berlin.” she said. “That’s… also partly why I came back here.” 

She continued, “I told them I’d go along with it after graduating here for a year but… I don’t want to. I don’t love him.”

He stared at her, silent.

“I want to try again. With us,” she said, stepping forward. “Maybe if I show them I’m in love with someone else, they’ll back off. If we can rekindle what we had…”

His heart dropped.

“No,” he said, voice cold. Sharper than before.  “You want to pick up where we left off like it was nothing?” he said quietly. Kuni really couldn’t blame her for leaving. Couldn’t get angry. But asking this of him?

“I—” Mona looked taken aback.

“You left. You said Berlin was your dream, and I respected that. I let you go without begging you to stay.”

A pause. The wind rattled through the open halls. 

“You don’t get to come back now that I’ve found reasons to move forward. You don’t get to do this to me.”

Her expression faltered. “But—”

“Goodbye,” he said. Then he left. No second glance.

He didn’t touch his phone that afternoon. Forgot to. 

Not with everything in his head. 

Kuni noticed your silence immediately.

You always replied. Sometimes late, sometimes short, but you always said something. But now, days have passed. No “lol.” No reactions. No dry sarcasm. 

Just… nothing.

He told himself maybe you were busy. Research, projects, a nap that turned into three days of recovery. 

But when the silence stretched longer, a dull throb of worry settled in his chest.

Had he messed up?

Was it the late reply?

The bet?

He hated how his first instinct was to spiral. And he hated how the thought that maybe you’re done with him made his throat tighten.

Still, he swallowed his pride and looked for you. In your usual hallway. Outside the library where you liked to sit. Even tried knocking on your dorm and waited for you to come out.

But you didn’t.

So he kept texting you. Even asked Ajax to ask your best friend if she’d seen you. 

None of the things he did resulted in a response from you.

He knew something felt off.

And it didn’t help that Mona was everywhere now.

She waited for him after class. Sat beside him during lunch like they were still something. Talked to him like nothing had changed.

Maybe to her, nothing had. But everything had changed for him.

He didn’t want this. Didn’t want her here. Didn’t want the past making itself comfortable beside him when all he could think about was you.

But when he tried to distance himself, when he gave her cold shoulders, short answers, quiet indifference, she just smiled and brushed it off.

“I’m an irregular student. You’re the only friend I have right now,” she said once. “It’s not like I’m trying to get back together. I just… feel safe around you.”

And he had nothing to say to that. So he let her stay. Even when it felt wrong. Even when it made him look like someone he wasn’t anymore.

Because what could he have done? Mona leeched on him.

What he didn’t realize was that you saw it. Everyone did.

Saw her sitting beside him. Saw her waiting for him.

It looked exactly like what he swore he didn’t want anymore.

He was blind.

Kuni didn’t expect your reason.

Didn’t expect you to disappear because of him.

For days now, Kuni’s been turning that silence over in his mind, retracing every interaction, every message he sent that went unanswered. But then he noticed, how you were replying to others since they started mentioning you again. How you posted that one tweet.

You weren’t offline. Just off with him.

That’s when it hit him.

Maybe he had pushed too hard. Maybe you were pulling away because he stepped too close to a line you never agreed on crossing.

He hadn’t even asked to sleep with you again lately. Neither of you had.

No excuses this time. No impulse to hide behind.

Just him, choosing not to make a move. Because lately, every time he looked at you, he didn’t want something casual. He wanted to stay. Stay even when it wasn’t convenient. And he thought you were somewhat on the same page.

And maybe that was the problem.

You didn’t ask for that. You never said you wanted more.

Maybe he got the wrong impression.

So he stopped messaging. Not to punish you. Not to give up. But because he thought maybe he’s the reason you’re backing away. Maybe you're trying to breathe and he kept hovering too close.

He didn’t want to make it worse. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

He noticed how fast you distanced yourself the moment things felt real. Something he thought he’d be doing. Though it ached him, because he was hoping otherwise, he thought maybe you’d call him up again when you needed relief.  That things would go back to how it used to. 

How it should be.

That rainy Sunday night confirmed it. 

He didn’t expect to see you. He didn’t expect to feel the ache surge back up like it never left when he spotted your figure across the store. Hoodie. Hair damp from drizzle. Your eyes darting away like he was a stranger and brushing past him.

An unforgiving storm poured down, as reflecting his heavy feelings.

You didn’t dare run through the storm, staying outside the convenience store, stuck. Thinking about it, it was similar to when you went to retrieve your ring and ended up staying at his place because it was raining.

Except this time was different.

He watched you. Watched your silence from inside.  He waited for you to go back. To talk to him. He waited for the words. But you didn’t make a move, just hugging yourself from the cold, waiting out the storm.

Feeling discarded again, he confronted you. Not wanting to face the same hurt he experienced in the past once more.

He came off strong at first, but he wasn’t angry when he asked. Just tired of pretending it didn’t sting. Tired of acting like he didn’t care, when he did.

And the way you answered—empty, vague, careful—it only confirmed what he feared: you were never going to tell him the truth unless he forced it out of you.

But he didn’t expect what you said next.

“I want to claim my bet.”

Then his heart sank the second you said you wanted to stop. 

No more late nights. No more whatever-this-is. No more excuses to see each other. Essentially, it was the only thing that held your relationship together. 

He was wrong. It was never anything deeper. 

Not to you, evidently.

He thought about saying something. Thought about asking why now, why like this, in the middle of a storm that sounded like the world was falling apart around you.

He wanted to argue. Wanted to reach for your hand and tell you that he wasn’t ready to let go.

That it wasn’t a fling anymore. Not for him. But he didn’t. He just accepted the hurt once more. Because it was what he’s used to. His first instinct. 

“Alright.”

Because, again, what else was there to say to someone who already made up their mind?

So he pulled his hood up. Took one last glance at you—quiet, expressionless, unreadable. And walked out into the storm. Not because he didn’t care, but because staying felt more humiliating than being soaked to the bone.

Each drop felt like punishment.

Every step away from you a reminder:

You were never his to begin with.

And still, as the rain drenched him and blurred the streetlights ahead, all he could think about was the sound of your voice, flat and final—

“Let’s just leave each other alone.”

And maybe, in the end, that’s what he’ll do. Not because he wants to. But because you asked him to. Even when it felt like a punch in the gut when someone he cared for left him again.  Even if it means walking away with the one thing he never admitted out loud:

You were more than just something to satisfy his needs. You were the risk he wished he took earlier. Something real that he wished he had established earlier.

Maybe your view of him would’ve changed. Maybe you would have opened up to him. Maybe it could’ve been easier than easy.

If he only had the courage back then.

Kuni regretted that stormy night.

The silence that followed. The words he didn’t say. The look on your face. He told himself it was better this way, easier for you both. But every day since, the hollow ache in his chest reminded him otherwise.

He didn’t text. Didn’t call.

He couldn’t. Because what would he even say? That he missed you? That he was sorry? That the space between you felt like it was swallowing him whole?

So instead, he waited. By the gates, where he knew it was around this time if the day when you left the campus that day.

He didn’t tell you he’d be there. He couldn’t handle being ignored again, or worse, watching you walk away with that same look in your eyes.

He knew you’d refuse to talk to him.

He waited.

Hours passed. His legs ached. But he kept looking. For your silhouette. Your steps. The familiar weight of your presence in a crowd.

And then—

He thought he saw you.

Or maybe just the shape of you. He blinked, unsure, stomach tightening with something bitter and hopeful all at once.

But Mona appeared. 

Her voice broke through his thoughts, casual and teasing. She said something about him being distracted again. He didn’t answer right away. Just kept his eyes in that direction, heart pounding.

He didn’t even realize Mona had reached for his arm until he felt her hand. He didn’t pull away. But he didn’t lean in, either. Not really. Just stood there, letting her talk, letting the moment slip.

And then—he saw you. 

Clear this time. 

Your eyes met his across the campus distance, and the world went still for a breath. You looked at him with an unreadable expression, but it was evident that you didn’t want to talk to him.

His chest ached. He wanted to move. To say something. Anything.

He noticed Lumi beside you, giving him a cold glare. He sighs, giving up, and turns to Mona, “Let’s go.” 

As he walked away, he kept thinking about that split second. The look on your face. He didn’t know if you’d ever talk to him again. But he hoped that you’d seen it.

That you’d seen him waiting.

That you’d understand he hadn’t stopped.

Not really.

Not ever.

Kuni considered entertaining Mona’s offer.

She made it easy. Familiar smiles, old jokes, the kind of comfort that used to mean something. Maybe if he let himself fall back into that rhythm, he could use it as a distraction. Maybe he could pretend her presence filled the space you left behind.

Maybe he could trick himself into believing he still had it in him to feel that kind of fondness for her again.

Though, it seemed unlikely. Because even as Mona laughed beside him, even as her hand lingered on his arm like it used to, his mind kept drifting.

His mind kept drifting to you.

He knew it was pathetic.

Going back to the past that caused him pain. Maybe it’s because the pain he felt with you hurt more. 

Unlike Mona, you didn’t climb over his walls, didn’t tear them down. You never pushed, never crossed the lines he set.

He let you in on his own terms. He wanted you. A conscious decision. One he made willingly, recklessly, because it felt right at the time.

And now, he regrets it.

But because in doing so, he cost you.

But at this point, he just wanted the ache to stop. Wanted the nights to pass without your name sitting on the edge of every thought. Wanted to stop remembering the exact way you looked when you said goodbye.

So he let Mona talk. Let Mona hang around, fooling both of them in the idea that she had him again.

And his friends didn’t take it well.

Lies. All fucking lies.

Truthfully, he agreed with his friends. But he couldn’t help but defend himself. Maybe it was mostly his pride talking.

They didn’t know the whole story to judge and reprimand him.

He knew that was one of his many faults too.

Kuni tried to reach out to you again.

He wanted a final attempt. Even knowing you probably wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Still, he found himself driving, on impulse, on hope, to your street late at night, at a time he was sure you’d be home.

He parked nearby, lights off, waiting in silence.

But your dorm windows were still dark. No signs of life. He knew you weren’t asleep this early, so he waited.

Ten minutes. Twenty. An hour.

And then he saw it. Headlights cutting through the street. A car pulled up to the curb right in front of your building. A car he recognized immediately.

Kaz’s.

The tinted windows were light enough to make out the face in the driver’s seat.

Tall. Relaxed. Familiar.

And then his breath caught.

You were in the passenger seat. With Kaz. At night. Alone.

What the hell were you doing with him?

A pit opened in his stomach, heavy and bitter. He watched as you smiled at Kaz. Soft, warm.  A smile he hadn’t seen in weeks. A smile he could recognize anywhere even through tinted windows.

You opened the door, stepped out. Kaz stayed in the car, waiting until you were safely inside before pulling away. 

Kuni’s hands clenched the steering wheel. Jealousy and betrayal burned through him, sharp and ugly. He didn’t have the right to be angry. But that didn’t stop him from seething.

Is that why Kaz was so angry at him? He thought it was weird how he seemed personally affected by what he’d done.  And you. How could you replace him so fast? Flash someone a smile so soft, so easy, just like that?

He considered stepping out the car, knocking on your door, and confronting you. But he knew better than that.

Kuni banged his head on the steering wheel, feeling his head throb from the pain of all these thoughts.

Was he really just nothing to you?

For the first time in a while, Kuni genuinely considered crying.

As pathetic as it sounded.

Not out of anger. Not even heartbreak. Just… exhaustion. The kind that creeps in after weeks of pained emotions.

He started seeing it everywhere. His friends’ tweets, their replies, their subtle jabs that weren’t so subtle at all. Mentions of you. Mentions of Kaz.

He ignored the provocations, pretended they didn’t get under his skin. But it all chipped away at him.

And the one time—the only time—he finally gathered the nerve to text you again, he found out he was blocked. Everywhere. Every account.

You were done.

His anger toward Kaz? It fizzled into something colder. Not hatred. Not even bitterness.

Resignation.

Because he saw the photo he posted.

You looked happy. At peace.

And if someone else could give you that, what right did he have to hate them for it? To ruin it for you? To demand something?

So he never confronted Kaz. Didn’t call him out. Didn’t throw a punch. Didn’t do anything.

Instead, he focused on Mona, as much as he didn’t want to. She was persistent. That night, she texted him out of nowhere. 

‘Let’s get ice cream’

He didn’t even think about it much before replying. 

He needed a distraction. Anything to quiet the thoughts screaming in his head.

Kuni didn’t bother opening any of his phone that night. 

Despite his circumstances, Kuni knew he could trust Ajax.

He was the constant in his life. His childhood friend. 

The only one who knew everything. What Kuni had been through. What shaped him. Why he shut people out. Why he was so goddamn difficult and confusing.

When things got too heavy, too loud in his own head, Ajax was the one person he could run to, whether he wanted to or not.

So he told him everything. How it started between the two of you. How somewhere along the way, it stopped being casual for him. How terrified he was to lose you, to lose someone again, that it paralyzed him. 

Made him act weak. Act like a coward.

And Ajax… understood. Almost as if he knew it all along.

Of course he did. 

Even with that annoying, too-loud personality that always got on Kuni’s nerves, Ajax had never been the type to judge a person for baring their soul.

He listened. Really listened. Because that’s the kind of person Ajax was.

Ajax simply expressed his disappointment in how Kuni handled it. How he made it worse by letting Mona back in his orbit.

"You set so many boundaries between everyone, even [Name], and yet didn't bother with Mona? That's stupid, dude."

What Ajax revealed to him after made things more complicated. More confusing.

Ajax told him that it was a misunderstanding on both sides. That he should talk to you properly.  He didn’t elaborate further, even when Kuni insisted and even threatened him. 

“Sorry, it’s not my story to tell.”

He said before leaving Kuni confused.

Kuni didn’t know what the hell possessed him to say yes to Ajax’s invitation to Ven’s birthday party.

He knew you’d be there. He knew Kaz probably would be too. He knew damn well you’d want to stay as far away from him as possible. And worst of all? The party was being held at the same bar where he first met you.

Just the thought of that night—, ow everything started, threatened to pull him under.

But still… he went.

Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was some desperate, silent hope that you’d talk to him. That what Ajax said was true. That it was all a misunderstanding. Or maybe he just needed an excuse to drink and see you again. One last time.

And he did see you again.

…Wrapped around Kaz like it was second nature, that is.

Close. Too close. 

He told himself it wouldn’t matter. That he was past this. He respected your happiness and that the ache just needed more time to fade.

But watching it unfold right in front of him, you and Kaz, set something off in him. Bitterness. A fire he thought he’d already drowned.

And maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was the week-long frustration burning at the back of his throat. But when he saw Kaz leaning in to kiss you, something in Kuni snapped.

He didn’t mean to grab you on the dance floor. Didn’t mean for it to spiral the way it did. But he couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand him. Couldn’t stand seeing your lips on someone else.

So when your eyes met his—startled, angry, confused—he acted on impulse.

His body moved before his mind could stop it. Tomorrow, he might drown in the regret. Maybe this was the moment he finally destroyed whatever was left of you both.

But god, did you taste good.

⟳ BLURRED LINES — PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

You say you’re just friends. You say it every time you leave a party together, every time you wake up tangled in sheets, every time you swear it’s the last time. But habits form, lines blur, and pretending gets harder when jealousy starts to sting.

NOTE yeah, i got frustrated with kuni too lol. there was a point where i got confused with what i was writing but honestly? that reflects kuni’s turmoil lmfao. sorry it took too long i’ve been busy and part of me was avoiding proofreading this chapter bcoz it’s so fucking longgg. anw, thoughts? i’m scaredddd. also feel free to correct any typos, plot holes, whtv u see fit bcoz honestly the cho is so long i couldve missed a lot of things

TAGLIST @joiurz @sketcheeee @mywillt0live @kyouzki @ylapsha45 @eternallykira-143 @bananasquash @kunikissr @swivi @ariesloves @lloversss @b-bbytears @kokoscutie @vi0let-writes @tomsishere @franaby @scaraenthusiast1 @iloveescara @usagiarchive @ilovecats-26 @quiechee @snetr @axquella @tatsuomii @lalalaloveallmydays @liyahbug @feiherp @jinjjjia @automaticpatroltragedy @mysterypotatoink @zuhahearts @adres-tia @ssetsuka @strwbrrybbpop @sesamemin @blvdmrcnry @aspinny @jiminscarmex @sammybeefangirls @lxkeeeeee @yu-yumii @linasxoxo @quiet-place-for-thoughts @randomhumans-blog @aaudreys @lesbi-snail @jayzioxx @meowpmzai @s-f-rants @cosmic-rainestorm @honey-and-sweetdreams @vincelikestomince @mono-dontidae @simeonmybabygirlicious @gugumioooo [50/50]

if your name is in bold, that means i can’t tag you

[pcyren]

WHAT YOU HEARD pt 2

LANDO NORRIS

summary ★ : streets are saying yn finally broke up with her loser boyfriend and guess who couldn't be happier? if you guessed lando, you'd be wrong, it's actually her (but lando's a really close second).

category ★ : smau.

notes ★ : as always times and dates are irrelevant and spelling mistakes are intentional. longer than the last part but worse 🫶. and when i use those harry styles and taylor russell pictures again, mind your business🤫 poll at the end!!!

pt 1

tagged: visavni

Liked by landonorris, monaspencer, zendaya and 1 154 748 others

yn_ln back to your regularly scheduled content of my face 🤗 did a fun little shoot with with a friend

View all 4 755 comments

user ugh face cardddd

user it's giving retro realness

user ur face card rlly is sum serious

visavni this was sm fun!

yn_ln thank u for always delivering

user always something amazing when y'all collab

user 1st slide is giving scream for some reason

user real "please don't kill me Mr Ghostface, I want to be in the sequel" vibes

user serving 70s editorial

user Already added to my Pinterest board 💞

user gagged, died, dead

user And I eat it up everytime.

landonorris real

user ofc instagram user landonorris on a yn_ln post

user not even f1 driver💀

user seeing different concepts from you is my absolute fav thing ngl

landonorris you look leng.

user anyone else side eye at this comment?

user honestly? not really, i'm sure he's said worse things

user legs are legging...

user what does this even mean

user the girls that get it, get it💋

user gah dam why are you legs so long🤤

user she's so overrated

user now why are you manspreading 🤨 do you want people to sit in ur lap???

user me wondering if that seats taken

monaspencer you've done it again! it's giving everything it's supposed to give🔥

yn_ln tysm ml🫶🏾

landonorris so she gets a reply but not me🫤

yn_ln now what was i supposed to say?

landonorris thank you?

yn_ln you're welcome.

landonorris oh that's no- ykw, you're right, i should be grateful

user damn right

user if he's not like this i don't want him

user He really said when a bad bitch tells me to shut up, I do it.

user i just know that ezra is somewhere sick to his stomach

user personally, I'd never recover

zendaya your shoots are always so good

yn_ln tysm queen. means a lot coming from you<3

user girl you do damage to me🥴

user amazing shoot 😍

yourfriend7 slenderman proportions🤩

yn_ln and if i kill myself, what then?

yourfriend7 😘

yn_ln spawning in your room🔜

yourfriend7 not beating the allegations pookie

user 😭😭😭

user love seeing your face pop up when i open insta

user the only reason people care about you is bc of ezra

user you're joking...

user you're delusional just like ur fav

user and yet here you are, on her page

tagged: landonorris, yn_ln

motormouth Lando and Y/n spotted out and about via friends and fans. New wag or just friends hanging out? Let us know what you think!

Liked by user, user, user and others

View all 854 comments

user tagging them is so messy.

user well it is a gossip page

user but still... the audacity

user man like lando norris yeah

user friends can't hang out?

user The way that one picture looks really romantic until you realise Mona's cropped out

user Ezra was right to dump her😒 She never deserved him and she's mid anyway. Never did and never will get the hype.

user stacy why aren't you watching your kids instead of commenting on things that don't concern you? user yeah stacy, why aren't you being a mom to your kids? user stacy is a man who, instead of paying attention to the kids he only gets to see certain times, is out here dick riding someone who doesn't know he exists. user damn, someone named a baby boy stacy? user Well, my mom wanted to be Stacy's Mom but only decided on having one kid, and unluckily for me, I was that kid user born in 2003, named stacy and has kidS (multiple!), yeah, no wonder he's on a gossip page instead of watching those kids.

user he really wasted no time

user i hope he knows he's probably a rebound

user the way y'all purposely hid the fact that mona was also there in the 3rd slide 😐

user this the type of timing i need to be on

user i just know that one twitter user is laughing rn

user she's just using him😕

user he's so weird for this, like she just recently got out of her relationship and now this??

user love the fact that they get to hang out more

user It's still too soon since her last relationship, so I'm thinking they're only friends.

user she probably broke up with ezra just to be with lando 🤢

user did she or Ezra tell you that? no? yeah, shut up

user and who would blame her? NO ONE

user mona erasure, i will not stand for this!

user the way he's looking at her😵

user fellas is it weird to hang out with your friends?

user only if your friends are the opposite sex, it seems

user they're probably laughing at this (if they even see it)

user i just know lando is giggling

user fr, like dating rumours with her?

user mans is kicking his feet

ezragallagher has uploaded to their story.

user: what you over here being messy for ???

user: bro move on!!!

user: i support you, toxic king🙌

user: ezra, baby, you can do better

sashabardot: really ezra? what the actual fuck is wrong with you

user: bros going through it

user: this is kinda pathetic don't you think?

user: someone's paying attention to their ex

user: babes this isn't your cf

user: don't you have work to focus on?

user: the way this would make me get back with you

user: ☕☕☕

user: this feels targeted

user if only i had half the confidence and audacity that you did🙂‍↔️

user: this is an... interesting song choice

user: see, me personally, i would never show my face on the internet but you do you💪

user: better as in you?

user: hope you guys get back together 🤞

user: God, I see how you've given some people the courage of lions😂

user: might as well have tagged her

user: just how i like my men... toxic and pettty 😍 *pretty but petty works just as well

user:

yn_ln has added to their story.

user: uhhhhh

user: is this what i think it is?

user: oh!

user: please tell me this is in response to ezra

user: beabadoobee mention!!!

user: I love this song.

user: the way fucking batman wouldn't be able to get this out of me

user: this is wild

user: stop being so cryptic! is this about ezra or not

monaspencer: messy asf😭

yn_ln: he started it, so idgaf also, it could've been worse

monaspencer: true, you could've posted to still your best

yn_ln: lmaooo, can you imagine���💀

user: taste>>>

user: have you ever thought that maybe you were doing something wrong if he cheated on you?

user: oh no

yourfriend: do you ever wonder...

yn_ln: YOU'RE FUCKING SICK😭😭😭

user: You know what you're implying w this right?

user: publicizing the fact that you've been cheated on is insane

user: ezra fucking gallagher, count your days.

user: ok i alr know this is about ezra but who is the girl???

user: are you not embarrassed?

user: 🤨

user: ik you guys dated and everything but he wouldn't cheat🙄 you're just making up lies to slander him

tagged: lukacyr, yn_ln, landonorris and 3 others.

Liked by lukacyr, yn_ln, landonorris and others

monaspencer spent some time with some of my favourite people... and lando

View all 1 787 comments

user you and luka are so 🥺

lukacyr that's my baby!!!

monaspencer 🩷🩷🩷

user dare i say... couple's trip???

yn_ln hot girl alert!!!

monaspencer love youuu

user lando catching strays?

lukacyr so gorgeous, im so lucky🩵

monaspencer i love you pretty boy🩷

user wish i was that cat

landonorris and lando? damn i thought we were besties😔

lukacyr we all know she loves you

monaspencer 🤥

landonorris thanks luka, knew i could count on you for the truth❗

user wait, whose cat is that?

user love how they're all just living their best lives.

user oof uno w yn and luka? I just know there was lots of yelling

user them making up their own rules and frustrating those of us who play the game properly 😭

lukacyr sorry you guys are boring 😔

user ughhhh miss spencer you are looking teww damn foineee 🤤

user sprinted to this post when i got the notification

user mona + yn = the prettiest friends. ughhh, love them

user you and Luka make me feel so single and im in a relationship!!!

user that's -

user just smile and wave

user game night is back baby!!!

user adding the song to my playlist immediately

user slayyy

lilymhe can't wait for the next dinner!

monaspencer you and alex are hosting nexts babes

yn_ln i have a meeting that night

landonorris me too

lilymhe alex will be cooking

yn_ln i will be in attendance

lilymhe hey! i'm not that bad

lukacyr sureeee

alex_albon you are not talking, mr i once set fire to water

user how tf

user i love tht Luka buys her flowers whenever he can

user i have so many questions

user do you and Luka want a third?

user 🔥🔥🔥

user your nails in the first slide is everything to me

user not mona and yn having matching rings,,, i love them😭😭

user very on brand for them

user they all look so cool, I wish i was apart of their friend group

user real, they all look like so much fun

user TV girl>>>

user face beat is so FAB imo

user wait what's happening to me... 🧍‍♂️🚶‍♂️🧎‍♂️🐈🐾

user the dress from the last slide is EVERYTHING

Liked by monaspencer, landonorris, lilymhe and others

yn_ln 1st slide is me after thirdwheeling my (girl)friend and her boyfriend 😴 and the last slide is literally them, I'm sick😞

View all 1 853 comments

user girlll

user this said so much and nothing at all

user how can someone be so cute and hot at the same time???

monaspencer ik you're not talking lol

user what does this meannn

lilymhe i would never treat you like that bbg

landonorris don't you have a boyfriend? matter of fact ﹫alex_albon come get your girl

lilymhe snitch😒

alex_albon lily???

maxfewtrell dinner was great, sending mine and p's thanks again

yn_ln tell her she needs to join us for game night next time and you're invited too ig

maxfewtrell im starting to think you like my girlfriend more than me

yn_ln i do!

maxfewtrell fairs, i like her more than you

user last slide unlocked a memory

lukacyr and proud of it

lukacyr you're just mad she likes me more

yn_ln thats so funny considering she's in my bed rn

landonorris should've been me

user I jus know Lando took that 5th photo

user and you know this how...

user idrk but you can always tell when he's the one taking her pictures bc something about it just makes her look.. especially stunning ya know? like you can tell someone who's in love w her took the pic

user you're actually so right

landonorris a whole slide of just me? yeahhh you want me so bad

user i aspire to be this type of delusional

yn_ln oh absolutely

landonorris so glad you're admitting it to the world😌

user i cannae tell if this is sarcasm or not

user it's ok, neither can lando

user in the words of one troye sivan, "face card, no cash, no credit"

user when he sang "look, look at you", he meant her

user and when he sang " baby, I'm first in place" he was singing about Lando

user swear i saw you guys at that restaurant but was too nervous to make sure

user i would have said hello ngl

user i didnt want to disturb and like i said, i was so nervous.

user have i mentioned that i love everything that is happening here, bc i do

user genuinely thought the 2nd slide was y'all eating sushi and was amazed that you got lando to eat it

user same! but i didn't even question it and just scrolled

user would honestly be flattered if i was compared to arnaz and breanna, they were such a cute couple

user true but i still can't get over the fact that her dad was called Flex lmao

user eye cant get over the shows theme song, like i still think it's good

user not to mention Breanna was in her fashion bag, girlie was serving LOOKS.

user Check out my profile for art of your favourite artist's favourite artist!

user omg that's crazy haha, i have 10 lambo's btw, like i am super rich and you'd never be tired around me bc i'd make sure you get 10 hours of sleep (2 extra hours bc you deserve it, must be exhausting being so gorgeous)

landonorris this person literally set fire to my house and is stealing from their job. please report them so i can have some peace of mind🙏🙏

user YOOO, this is NOT TRUE, NOBODY REPORT ME FSTHSNTH

user idk man, why would Lando lie :/

landonorris exactly, for what reason?

user ik this is a lie but imma do it anyway lmao

landonorris why would i lie?

user bffr.

user: i know we're all focused on yn's beauty(and rightfully so) but can we take a moment to appreciate that picture of lando???

user: like hello, he looks so hot

user 💖

user LIVING it up

landonorris: you ever see someone so beautiful you start barking violently? cause thats me rn

landonorris: got me acting unwise❗

yn_ln: please calm down you freak

landonorris: mmm call me a freak again😩

user: what the

user: he's so real for this

user: jesus h christ

user: think i've had enough of instagram today, peace out✌

landonorris has added to their story.

user: mona's miss steal your girl well not really your girl🤣

landonorris: blocked

user: i want someone to look at me like that

user the art in the background is so pretty

user: damn, you're never making it to relationship status

user: she's wearing orange... interesting...

user: art and art/two masterpieces in one photo

user: guess i need to ask Mona and Yn if they want a third instead

user: i'd say deserved 🤷

monaspencer: you're both such liars

user: waitt,, the fits are eatinggg

user: they literally look like they're in love

user: women *sighs dreamily*

yn_ln: damn, i look good wait when did you take this picture

landonorris: yeah you do. orange is really your colour, you should wear it more often

monaspencer has added to their story.

user: not them getting "this you"-d💀

user: they are never beating the dating allegations

user: exposed in a single photo

user: you're an absolute legend for this

user: this just in, yn ln is a LIAR!!

user: i don't know why you're friends with her🙄

yn_ln: you make my ass itch

monaspencer: funny, i was thinking the same thing about you

yn_ln: why do you do this to me?

monaspencer: suffer x

user: my otp!!!

user: ugh, what a eyesore(i'm violently jealous)

user: They look so good together, they should just date already smh.

user: now it definitely seems like y'all went on a couple's trip👀

landonorris: send me this🙏🏻

whatyouhe4rd has posted a new article, based on your likes, this may interest you. check it out?

landonorris has uploaded a story.

user replied to your story: you're jokinggg, this is a joke

user replied to your story: you didn't actually post this, im clearly just seeing things im just gonna pretend that it didn't happen since you deleted it

user replied to your story: When I tell you I burst out laughing seeing this, I'm not lying.

maxfewtrell replied to your Close Friends story : you did not delete the 1st one just to post it on your CF

landonorris: it was an accident?

maxfewtrell: an accident that's going to end up on hundred's of gossip sites

landonorris: rachel is going to kill me, isnt she?

maxfewtrell: seriously surprised she hasn't already

yn_ln replied to your Close Friends story : Rachel is going to kill you

landonorris: i just told max the same thing, we're soul mates fr

yn_ln: i'm being serious

landonorris: so am i but did it make you smile?

yn_ln: yes?

landonorris: then it was worth it and i'll die happy

yn_ln: you're so cheesy🙄

landonorris for you i will be mozzarella, parmesan, chedda, gouda, brie, cottage, feta, swiss, burrata, cream, etc.

user replied to your story: this is iconic, lando norris, my fav malewife

randomfriend replied to your Close Friends story : i think you've been on tiktok too much

charles_leclerc replied to your Close Friends story : your head must be a fascinating place to be in, how do you do it?

landonorris: my brother in christ and racing, you can not be talking

user replied to your story: you're so right and you should say it

user replied to your story: Sometimes we don't have to share what's on our mind with the world

user replied to your story: I'm fucking creasing

⤷ end note ‧ ★ : heyyyy, how y'all doing🧍... sorry for the wait, i really did have most of this done and in my drafts but then writer's block hit and i left it for a while. also, i kinda suck at making articles lmao. thank you to everyone who reads and/or interacts with my smaus, ily<3.

taggingᯓ★ : @firelily-mimi and @appl3-0rchard

[sugrhigh]

BOY NEXT DOOR 8 - ( c.s )

part seven

summary- you and your roommates live beside a bunch of senior hockey players, one of them being the infamous team captain chris sturniolo. he’s effortlessly flirty and undeniably attractive, but he’s also a pain in your ass. you find that you have to fight between lust and hatred as you finally get to know the boy next door, whether you want to or not.

warnings- ANGST! it’s just fluff and angst get ready baby

a/n: hellllooooooooo sorry everything takes me fucking forever to write but i am once again back hehe i truly hope you enjoy

despite what many people might think, chris has never been on a proper date in his life. and it’s silly to admit, considering he’s hung out with women in so so many different contexts, but it’s never been formal like that.

he swears he’s never even said the word out loud, as if he was scared of getting infected with real feelings, scared of things getting too serious. so he vowed there would be no flowers, no fancy dinners, no romance. just pure physical connections.

and it stayed that way for so long that he figured it would never change. he’d be a bachelor forever, hopping from girl to girl, showing them no more vulnerability than a simple smile.

then he met you, got to know you, and that mindset disappeared. the fear of being blindsided is still there, nestled somewhere deep in the trenches of his heart.

but to him, you’re worth the potential heartbreak.

so when he shows up at your doorstep with a bouquet of tulips saturday afternoon, it’s a bit of a surprise for the both of you, though not an unwelcome one.

“there’s my pretty girl.” chris smiles, trying desperately to play off his nerves.

my pretty girl. the words ring through your head like a church bell, and even though it’s embarrassing, you’re unable to stop beaming at him.

“what are you doing here?” you ask curiously as he hands the flowers over.

he swallows thickly, shoving his now-freed hands in his pockets. “i wanted to ask you out. on, like, a real date.”

for a moment you think you’ve heard him wrong, or that this must be some kind of prank. in what world would chris sturniolo, infamous playboy, be throwing in the towel and dating? let alone dating you?

but his face remains eerily serious. you can tell he’s a little anxious by the way he’s shuffling his feet, which is endearing. you’re not sure he’s ever done this before, and yet it's the sweetest gesture.

you’re pleasantly shocked by the happiness that’s washing over your body, and as much as you don’t want to give into it, it’s almost impossible not to.

“i think i can definitely squeeze that into my calendar.” you grin.

he visibly relaxes, chuckling slightly at your response as he shakes his head. “next time i’ll schedule it with your secretary.”

the fact that he said next time almost makes you freeze, but you play it off without skipping a beat. your heart is doing backflips, so you clutch the flowers and try to contain it.

“you know the drill, i’m a busy woman.” you shrug playfully.

“be ready by seven?” it’s a question more than a request, because he’s not fully confident that you actually are free.

“yeah,” you nod, stepping closer to give him a kiss of reassurance, “i’ll see you then.”

even feeling your lips on his for a second drives chris absolutely crazy. but there’s plenty of time for that later. right now he’s the perfect gentleman, the guy you deserve.

“oh my god, is it seven already?” ramona checks her watch from the couch, completely in a daze.

she's been religiously rewatching her favorite show, swearing that it inspires her to work on the project she’s been procrastinating. you know she’s too invested for that to be true, but you can’t blame her.

“it’s time indeed.” you nod, slipping your feet into your knee highs.

“oh my gosh, you look so good!” she gushes, popping up from her spot to come wrap you in a hug.

mona barely gives you time to fully zip up your shoes, and you both almost go toppling. you can’t help but laugh at her enthusiasm, straightening up so you can hold her back.

“jesus, you could’ve given me one more second.” you tease as you pull away.

“sorry, cuteness aggression. i think i’m just too excited for you.” she apologizes, even though she knows you’re not actually angry.

“i’m happy you approve.”

it’s the truth; having both of your roommates’ support means the world to you. especially since you’re falling for him, which is terrifying on its own.

you can’t remember the last time you’ve been this serious about a guy, but it feels so good.

ramona smiles right as the doorbell rings, and you hear cassidy come bounding down the stairs. she looks bewildered, definitely startled awake from her nap, and you can’t help but laugh.

“he’s here! and damn, you look sexy bitch.” she says, joining the two of you by the living room.

you smile as she pushes you forward slightly, shaking your head. “you guys are embarrassing me.”

“payback for the millions of times you’ve done it to us.” cass snaps back playfully.

ramona rolls her eyes, waving you to continue to the door as she tugs her counterpart into the kitchen. “no fighting, go have fun! we love you!”

you let out a breath, squaring your shoulders and raising your chin as you step toward the door. you’re more nervous than you expected to be, but when you pull open the door it’s like you immediately relax.

seeing chris dressed up in a quarter zip and those ripped jeans you adore on him makes your heart swell. the easy-going expression on his face calms your anxiety almost instantly.

you see his own eyes travel down to your exposed legs, covered only by your favorite little black skirt. your off-the-shoulder long sleeve is hidden slightly by your leather jacket, bold makeup accentuating your features.

he feels like he’s suffocating, seeing you look this good knowing it’s all for him. that you’re almost his. he wants to taste you, to ruin your lipgloss just to feel you on his mouth.

“you look…unreal.” he breathes, offering you his hand as you step out to join him on the front step.

“you look pretty great too.” you admit sheepishly, and he gives you a gentle kiss because he can’t help it.

you chuckle under your breath as he pulls away, wiping the gloss from his mouth with your thumb gently. chris just smiles, kissing the pad of your finger briefly before tangling his hand in yours.

“come on, we can’t be late to our first official dinner reservation.” chris urges as he leads you to his car.

he’s embarrassingly giddy as he holds the passenger door open, and you hop inside happily. it’s become one of your favorite spots, riding around next to him with his hand on your thigh.

tonight is no different. his thumb brushes against your skin reassuringly as you hum under your breath, watching chris drive out of the corner of your eye.

he’s just so handsome, especially right now. you’ve always known that, but it’s different. you care about him so much that just looking at his face kind of makes your day, as horrifyingly honest as that is.

you can’t help but smile to yourself, and he pulls into the parking lot of a fancy little restaurant a few moments later.

“i’ve always wanted to try this place, you know. i just never had the right occasion.” you admit as chris helps you back out of the car.

he laughs slightly, hand snaking its way to your waist after he closes the door behind you. “i haven’t either, but you’re the only worthy occasion i can imagine.”

you feel your cheeks heat up slightly. “stop flattering me, i know you just want to get lucky after we’re done.”

“i want a lot more than that, sweetheart.” chris replies truthfully, kind of enjoying letting his mouth run. he’s held his feelings in so much lately that it’s nice to just be honest.

meanwhile you’re desperately trying not to read into his words too much, but at this point it’s hard not to. it seems like he truly does like you, and for the first time in your life you might actually see a future with someone.

once you’re inside, the hostess guides you to a nice booth in the corner, smiling sweetly at chris as she leaves. it doesn’t matter; he’s got his hand in yours, and he’s not looking at anyone besides you as you sit down.

“quit staring at me like that.” you tease, even though you’re only half-joking.

chris tilts his head to the side, smirking at you like he can read your mind. “why, does it make you nervous?”

“no.” you lie, and he just shakes his head like he doesn’t believe you.

your waiter saves you a moment later and you order your drinks; a beer for him and a margarita for you. by the time they’re on the table, you and chris are already deep in your usual random conversation.

it’s impossible to stop looking into his eyes as you chat, your foot bumping against his as you both lean forward towards each other. his fingers dance across the top of your hand, simply because he’s unable to go more than a minute without physical contact, especially when you look so gorgeous.

you’re halfway through the actual meal when you’re finally forced to excuse yourself and use the bathroom, even though you don’t want to leave for even a minute.

“don’t miss me too much.” you joke, sliding out of your side of the booth to give him a quick kiss.

“you know i will.” he smiles as you pull away, watching you head toward the restroom with hearts in his eyes.

looking at yourself in the mirror once you’re done only confirms what you already knew; you’re having the best first date ever. your reflection smiles at you as you wash your hands, so wrapped up in your own head that you barely notice the girl who comes up beside you until she clears her throat.

startled, you glance her direction, only to find that she’s already staring right at you. your stomach bottoms out as your body fills with dread for a reason you’re not yet sure of.

“uh…can i help you?” you ask, trying to keep your voice light and friendly.

she flips her long brown hair over her shoulder, cat-like eyes narrowing just a bit. “so, you’re chris’s little plaything, huh?”

you try to swallow the lump in your throat, but it simply won’t go away. “that depends on who’s asking.”

the girl scoffs, turning away from you just a bit so that she can reapply her lipstick in the mirror. “the girl who fucked him three weeks ago when you walked out, that’s who’s asking.”

the acidic taste of bile fills your mouth, and you suddenly feel like you’re going to throw up. your ears ring and the world shrinks, like there’s no air left to breathe.

how the fuck does she even know that? did he talk to her about you? your mind is spiraling out of control, thinking about every single aspect of that fateful morning.

you see her smile sharply at your reaction, satisfied that she’s caught you off guard. it’s impossible to compose yourself, though, because everything is coming crashing down.

“c’mon babe, you thought he really liked you? he didn’t even wait twenty-four hours to get on top of me.”

“he wouldn’t.” you whisper, even though you know that’s not the truth.

this time she actually barks out a laugh, tossing her tube of lipstick back in her bag before turning to face you once more. it doesn’t help that she’s undeniably gorgeous, exactly his type.

“he would, and he did. but if you don’t believe me, just ask him. mention the name daniela and you’ll see for yourself.” she says, fixing her hair one more time before stepping around you to get to the door.

you hear it slam behind her, still rooted in the same place, unable to move. you don’t want to believe it, but she was speaking with such certainty that you’re already convinced.

tears sting your eyes like salt in the wound. your face is no longer filled with the cheerfulness it possessed a few moments ago; now you just look crestfallen. but you won’t give in to your emotions yet, not without confirmation.

you don’t want to confront chris, but you know you have to. so you send your roommates an SOS text to ensure you have a ride home, and then you steel yourself to go back.

you have no idea where daniela went, but it doesn’t matter because you don’t look anywhere but straight ahead as you walk. your whole body is tingling, entirely on the verge of breaking down as you find your way to the table.

not yet, not yet, not yet.

the second his face lights up at your return, you want to crumble. he looks so sweet, the boy you thought had finally changed for you. but then he notes your tight expression, and a frown replaces the grin.

you don’t sit down. you just blink at him for a second, trying to force the words out. you’re silent until he opens his mouth to speak, which finally empowers you enough to cut him off.

“tell me about daniela.”

he straightens uncomfortably at the mention of her name, which already gives you your answer. your heart twists, so much so that it physically hurts inside your chest.

“what?” chris responds, staring at you dumbly.

“did you or did you not sleep with a girl named daniela a day after me?” you ask as calmly as possible, ignoring the fact that your fingernails are digging into the skin of your palm.

his face somehow contorts to look even more grim, and you shake your head slowly. a smile of disbelief makes its way across your lips, which you suppose is better than sobbing.

“yeah, i’m done here.” you snap, yanking your jacket and purse up before turning on your heel.

“please—” his hand circles your wrist and you yank it away without a second thought, not caring if anyone sees.

you just keep walking. everything is completely numb at this point. it doesn’t even feel like you’re in your own body, you’re just moving. the fresh air hits you as you step outside and you inhale the cold, letting it shock you awake a bit.

you unravel your jacket from your arms and put it on as you book it through the parking lot, only to realize that you’re shaking.

the double doors burst open behind you, and you hear him shouting your name, but you still don’t stop. his heavy footsteps increase in pace, and you make it to the sidewalk just outside the restaurant when he finally catches up.

“please, just give me the chance to explain.” chris begs, once again reaching for your hand to try and slow you down.

you stop, only to shove him away from you with a surprising burst of power. he let’s go, but he’s still looking at you desperately as if it’s not black and white.

“there’s nothing to explain. in fact, this is exactly why i fucking hated you so much to begin with, why i was so hesitant to let myself believe that you could actually feel something for anyone besides yourself. you made me look like an idiot, thinking that you’d changed at all.” you lash out, unable to control the rage spilling out of your mouth.

he winces, visibly hurt from your words, but he powers through anyways. “i immediately knew i made a huge mistake, and even though i did it thinking it would make me feel better, it made everything worse. when you left that morning i thought it was over for me, and it hurt in a way that i’ve never felt before because i really fucking care about you.”

you snort, crossing your arms over you chest defensively. “yeah, well, you’re doing a fabulous job at showing it. i mean seriously, chris, do you know how fucking horrible that was? to find out from the girl herself because you couldn’t be bothered to at least be honest? and now you expect me to believe anything you say when in reality your words mean shit.”

chris feels you slipping from his fingers, so quickly that he doesn’t know how to stop it, or how to get you to trust what he’s saying. it’s a type of distress that he’s never been through before, because he’s never gotten attached.

“i know i fucked up, and i know i should’ve never even responded to her in the first place. i don’t have the right to ask you to trust me, but i need you to know that it didn’t mean anything to me.” he pleads, unable to keep the emotion out of his voice now.

you feel your eyes burning again as you meet his gaze, and you’re not sure if it’s hurt or frustration making you cry.

“it means something to me. i put my faith in you enough to go all the way, to let my guard down this past month and admit to myself that i do have feelings for you. and now i look just as stupid as everyone told me i would, even though i really did trust you so much. i thought things were different, that you wouldn’t dare do that to me.” you’re choking on your tears as you speak, and all he wants to do is reach out and wipe them away but he can’t.

you take a step back, almost instinctively. “but you did, and now it’s over.”

chris feels his whole world stop for a second. he takes in every inch of your heartbroken face; eyes wide and red, tears streaking down your cheeks as you hold yourself in your own arms.

he hates himself so much, more than he ever has in his life, for destroying things with the only person that matters. especially on a night that was supposed to be so special.

“i’m begging you not to do this. i’m so, so sorry that i ruined your confidence in me, but it’s only ever been you. you live in my thoughts, in my dreams, in every single goddamn place i go. and it took me way too long to say it, but i want to be with you so badly that it kills me. you know this is real, and i will do anything to prove it to you.” he takes a step closer, but you move away and put your hand up as a warning.

it’s everything you’ve been wanting him to tell you, but it’s too late. you don’t know how to forgive him yet, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to forget.

“i can’t, chris. i just…i don’t know anymore.” you sound so defeated, but you don’t care.

by the grace of god, your friends pull up at the exact right moment to save you. cass throws her hazards on and stops the car, glaring bullets at him through the glass as she waits for you to get in.

you’re done talking for now, and chris recognizes that. there’s nothing he can do or say to take it back, and as much as he wants to keep trying, it’ll only push you even further. so he nods his head once solemnly, vision beginning to blur as he takes all of you in one last time.

you’re the girl of his dreams, and he’s absolutely fucked it.

“i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.” he repeats as you pile into the backseat, unable to conjure up any words besides those ones.

it registers in your head, but you don’t respond. you can’t even look at him anymore, because it’s too hard to think about what could have been. so you close the door hard, determined to shut him out of your life for good this time.

@fawnchives @l9vesick @55sturn @luverboychris @teapartyprincess4two @pinksturniolo @mattinside @stonermattsgf @impureals @chrisactualwife @fikefries @riasturns @mattybsbitch @mattsmunch @sturnifyed @julessspoetry @beijhe @luckistar-posts @gnxosblog @braindead4l @hearts4matty @orangeypepsi @ponyosturniolo @cupidsword @rainydayenthusiast @sturnvvz @wurlibydominicfike @poopydroopt @bernardsleftbootycheek @trilliwarner @rubyjanexxx @reallykaz @neatcarrot767 @kirby0strombolli @bunnysturns @junnniiieee07 @hrt-attack @sturnssmuts @stunza @beccaluvschris @asturniolos @slutz4sturniolos @mattslolita @alorsxsturn @sturnrc @chrissystur @kellsbells-18 @realqueenofpepsi

[fashionteahouse]

out of your league - paul lahote x reader

AN: thank you all for showing love and support to twenty nine parts of this series 💜 just wow ! can’t believe we made it this far ☺️ <<prev >>next

You didn’t like it. It looked rushed and sloppy. It ruined your mood the longer you looked at the half finished painting that was supposed to be completed.

The morning light made it seem ugly.

You were frustrated as you woke up around dawn to have a head start, only for the process to not come together smoothly.

Edward peered at the canvas before looking to you, “Are you hungry?”

You shrug with an attitude.

“It’s not bad.”

“It is.” you say as you follow him to the front door.

“I think you’re trying to be a perfectionist. There’s nothing wrong with the picture, Y/N.”

It had rained through the night, the aftermath of puddles stares back at you.

You both had to walk to the small restaurant. A deep puddle was fresh and wet and your footsteps were hesitant as you peered at it.

Your body was gracefully lifted, by your waist and your footsteps are resumed right along with Edward's.

"Close one."

"It would've been ugly." you comment softly at the dirty water that was now behind you.

You both were seated as you wait for whatever dish you ordered, Edward points out your missing splint.

“I forgot after my shower.”

“I can put it back on when we go back.” he offered.

He picked up your tender wrist gently.

Your heart thudded at the conjoined hands. Your mind imagined taking it out of his hand but your body didn’t move a muscle.

You didn’t move until it was time for your plate to set down.

You caught him staring. You set your utensil down shyly as you stifle a smile, “What?”

He smiled softly before looking at the table.

“I want to take you to Paris.”

“Paris?” you ask in stupor.

He nods.

“Have you been?”

You shook your head, “No.”

“A flight from here is two hours….Or we can take a train.”

“Um…” you trail off. The thought of going excited you deeply. You have never been.

“What do you think? Do you want to go?”

You stare at a spot on the table as you went mute.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked carefully.

"I'm just..." you speak quietly as you slowly pushed around your food on your plate, "I'm just thinking about how hard I would flip out if Paul told me he went to Paris with another girl."

"You seem to lack motivation, with you doubting yourself, so I only wanted to help refuel it."

You scratch the back of your neck and when you put your hand down, the dangle of your bracelet caught your attention. The bracelet Paul had gotten for you. You smile a bit as you were suddenly picturing of when you and Paul were in bed looking at the oil pastel drawing that you created.

"The Louvre." you whispered.

"Smart girl. Can't even surprise you." Edward teased.

"Sorry, Edward. I have to decline such grand offer."

He smiled a bit, "No worries. I do hope you go someday. With or without me."

"I'm sure I will." you say quietly.

You both walked side by side and your arm is slightly tugged in a direction of a small library.

You breathe in the smell of books as you skim through the books.

Edward idled by you as you flipped through a book. He pushed a book he was looking at, back on the shelf.

“I still didn’t get a painting.” he murmured.

You breathe in the sweet scent as you peaked up at him. You look away from the topaz gaze.

“Edward.” you breathlessly say with a slight nervous chuckle.

“I will pay for it.”

“It’s not that.” you say quietly.

“Everyone can get one but me? I’m the forbidden one?” he joked.

You shake your head slightly with a soft chuckle. His grin matched it.

The conversation was hushed between you two.

“Why do you want one from me so bad? You have enough money to go buy the Mona Lisa.”

“But I don’t want that. I want what you make….Plus, we had a deal.”

You closed the book and look at the cover in your hands, “I should draw a stick figure.”

He shrugged a bit with a tilt of his head, “I’ll take it.”

You slowly move from around him as you walk to another shelf before turning back around to face him.

“What would I even make you?”

“So, you’ll do it?”

“I didn’t say that.” you roll your eyes a bit.

“What do you want to make me?”

"You want me to paint and come up with an idea. Wow, Edward. You're so lazy." you nudge his arm as he chuckled warmly.

"Fine..." he says and you watch him as he thinks for a quick moment, "The waterfalls in Ithaca.”

“Why there?” you speak in a murmur.

“It was beautiful. Then….I had a good time while I was there.”

You felt a drop in your stomach as you were nervous.

All that ran through your mind was how he looked at you when you two were there.

The golden eyes that he possessed, merged in with the leaves and the ambiance. It looked more like a dream than a memory as you thought back at the scenery. You remembered how it smelled, how the moving water was sound in your ears.

“See? I can never get enough of that.” he speaks quietly as he gently tapped your temple.

“What did you pick up?”

“It felt like I was there all over again.” he answered.

After he put on your splint, he tells you he wants to hunt. You were then alone. Looking at the architectural details, you slowly sit down on the sofa.

It was like an epiphany.

“I’m coming home, tonight.” you rush out into the cellular device.

“You are? What happened?” Paul spoke out.

You thought about it.

“I’m being swayed… I don’t want to participate in something foolish. It’s not worth losing you or my baby. I love you.” you say honestly.

“….I love you too….Just come home, babe.” he says and you could hear him trying to stay calm.

Hanging up, you rush to the bedroom and stuff clothes and any belongings in your suitcase before zipping it up.

You go to the room where you do your art, the project was unfinished but you didn’t have an ounce of desire to finish it.

Setting it to the side, you prop up a fresh canvas. You take off your splint. Your wrist was getting a bit better, although the pain never dulles. You were desperate.

You went to town, wincing through the pain, you didn’t care. It needed to be done. Details brought the eye in. You swiped the colors around as the vibrant picture came together. When you were finished, you step back and wipe your hands with a rag.

You held the canvas to you as you slowly approached Edward who stood next to a window. You didn’t even know he came back. He turns to look at you , excitement was purely on his face.

“Okay..Um..Close your eyes.” you tell him.

He closed them and you turn around the canvas.

“Okay, open them.”

He opens them and ataraxia was all over his aura to where it leaked to you. His eyes lit up like a thousand stars and it actually made you smile a bit.

“Do you like it?” you whisper as he continued to stare at it.

“I love it….Just as I remembered…”

You both give each other a smile.

He took it from your hands and you watch as he hung up the canvas on the wall. You immediately see that your painting lit up the room with such vividness.

He pulls you into a hug.

“Thank you so much.”

You nod with your head against his chest, “You’re welcome.”

You step back after a while. Your heart was thudding in your chest.

“You’re all packed up. You still have days left.” he comments.

You nod as you stare at the ground.

“I’m heading home.” you declare.

“Why?….Is something wrong?”

“I have to be honest…I thought I could fight it.” you say and your face started to crumble.

“Fight what?”

You shake your head a bit as you sniffed.

“Y/N, fight what?” he asks again.

“This bond….It’s destroying me…It’s destroying me completely…” you breathe out heavily.

He looks down.

“What do I do?” you choke out, “You have to take me back to them.”

“I don’t want to take you back to them. We got lucky last time.” he says in slight frustration.

“You might have to. I-I mean, Chelsea can just manipulate it to where we hate each other or something.”

“She can’t make us hate each other…She can’t change what’s natural-“

“It’s not natural! If I wasn’t with Paul we wouldn’t even be together!”

“We don’t know that for sure….A future with us was indeed possible…We both know from Alice.”

You huff softly as you then pace a bit.

“I can’t lose what I have…I love Paul…I do.” you say. You weakly sink to a sit on the couch.

You lay over and put your face in the couch pillow and muffled a sob. Edward’s own face looked pained as he kneeled with a hand on your back.

“Please, don’t cry.”

After a very long time, you lift your head. He reached his hand to gently wipe the leftover tears that were rolling down your face. Your face was hot from your emotions and he cooled it down from his touch.

“You don’t have to leave….I will keep my distance…I promise.” he told you soothingly but there was weight behind his words.

“I gave you your painting…Now, we’re even.”

“I don’t want to get even, Y/N…..If you stay, I’ll make sure that this is the last time you cry. I’ll make sure that you won’t be sad or upset.”

You shakily inhale as you rise on shaky legs. He looked up at you as he held your hand in both of his hands.

“I reject this bond, Edward…I can’t do this.” you say with meaning and the heartbreak on his face almost made you stumble back from your own heart from cracking.

“But, we’re friends.”

“I can’t be your friend….I can’t do that to you…I know that you feel something more..”

“I’m okay with being just your friend….I finally started living again because of you.” he says as he stands up, continuing to hold onto your hand. His eyes were wet and blinking but no tears fell from his eyes. It was like he wanted to cry so badly but he physically couldn’t.

“I’m sorry.” you whispered.

“Let me change your mind.”

“Edward, no.” you say weakly.

“Please, just let me change your mind.” he whispered.

“I’m sorry….I’m sorry.” you replied as you pull your hand out of his grasp. It’s like he went into shock. He stayed frozen, you would’ve thought he was a statue. You slowly walk backwards before leaving out of the room to get your suitcase and belongings.

“Can I take you to the airport?” he finally spoke out as you headed for the front door with your phone in hand.

You study the ground before you nod.

The drive was tense and somewhat silent. It was pretty lengthy due to the part of town that you were staying at.

He pulled your suitcase out of the trunk and you slowly take it from him as you both stood outside of the airport.

“I don’t believe that this is the last time we see each other.” he whispered.

“Hopefully it’s on good terms.”

“Why wouldn’t it be? You’ve been nothing but good….It will be impossible to forget the light you brought to my life.”

You look down from the intensity of his eyes. Urges to change your mind was strong but you had to catch yourself as you knew it was Chelsea’s influence.

“Can I hug you?” he asked. You slowly step forward and you’re in his arms as your nose breathed in nothing but his scent. It almost made you high. It was so addicting and reminded you of your childhood in a way. It was strange but dangerous.

He lingered his touch on you as you slowly step back from the tight hug. He was a great hugger which made it so dangerous.

“Take care of yourself. You still have life to live.” you say.

He nodded sadly.

“Just…Promise me something?” you ask.

“Anything.” he breathed out.

“Don’t do anything stupid or reckless….Please?”

“….For you, I won’t.”

“Good enough.” you say with a quiet chuckle. You say your farewell and turn around so you wouldn’t have to see his heartbroken face.

It was bad enough that the further you walked from him, your body wanted to turn back around. You kept your focus on your baby and Paul who was waiting for you at home.

You sat in the airport as you still had time before it was time to board.

You reach out to Alice.

You didn’t expect her to reply to your email so fast.

You then ask for Carlisle’s number. She happily gives it to you.

He answered on the second ring. You both let each other know how nice it was to hear from each other.

“If you see Edward, can you please let him know that I genuinely wish him the best. I won’t forget the memories that we had but sometimes people cross paths and we just have to move on to separate paths without each other. Please make sure he doesn’t…Do anything that you would disapprove of.”

“I’ll pass on the word. Don’t worry, he will be okay, Y/N.”

You cover your face with the blanket the flight attendant gave you.

Headphones blasted downloaded music into your ears as you silently sobbed. You hated this feeling. You felt so melancholic and you just wished it could go away. It was poison. Going back to Italy, back to Edward, was poison.

You take out your shoebox out of your suitcase before leaving out of the airport. You open it and stare at the shoes.

Sophisticated.

It was poison. You leave the box there without turning back.

“Where are you going?”

You look up from your phone, from trying to book a ride, and gasp happily at the smile that waited for you.

You rush into Paul’s arms.

Kissing each other wasn’t shyly done. Smiles and kisses crowded each other’s personal space.

He drove right to his father’s place.

You both stood in the kitchen as Paul cradled your bare wrist.

“Shit….I told you not to use this hand, Y/N.” Paul scolded.

“I had to make a painting, Paul.”

“I should ban you from your own art supplies.”

You protrude a small grin.

He held a ziplock bag that he filled ice with, on your wrist.

You absolutely couldn’t even clench your fist.

“Paul.” you speak quietly.

“Yeah?”

“I want to go to the Louvre for my first time with you.”

He softly smiled, “It will happen.”

It was silent for time until you caught him staring.

“What’s wrong?” you murmured.

“You were being swayed by a guy in Italy.” he starts.

You nod.

“Did he offer to take you?” he asked.

You look into his eyes as it was impossible to lie.

You nod.

“It wasn’t right. I knew then that I needed to be back here.”

“Told you.” he muttered.

He put your splint back on and follow him as he went to the front door.

“Where are you going?”

“Replacing dad’s ice since we used the last of his.”

”Oh.” you speak softly.

Paul smiled a bit as he took a look at you.

“You wanna go?”

“I want a snack.” you shrug.

You just didn’t want to be alone.

“Well, come on.” Paul says as he swiped his keys.

You stood next to the freezer where ice was as Paul’s name is being called. They greet each other.

A guy looks over with a smile. He waved and you awkwardly wave back.

“Is that wifey?” he points a bit at you.

“Yeah. Eyes over here.” Paul reinforced.

“Sorry.” he replied and they talk about someone who came back. He listed the people that Paul would know to further entice the get together invite.

“You coming?”

“Yeah.” Paul tells him and they go their own separate ways.

You both get into the car.

“I take it you know him.”

“…Sorta.”

He was an unfamiliar face.

“The guy who is back, what did he even go to jail for?” you ask.

“I don’t want you worrying about all of that I want you to relax and enjoy what we have going on.”

He studied your reaction. You look over at him before focusing back on road.

”Just..Why, Paul? I’m only curious.”

“You can come with me, if you want.” he says:

You lift your fingers a bit off the steer wheel as an act of surrender.

“Sure.” you say quietly.

You both walk into Paul’s father’s house and he had a warm meal waiting for you two at the table.

The only sounds were the soft scraping. Paul’s father looked at the both of you and Paul’s slumped figures at the table.

“What’s with you two?” He asks as he waved his fork between you two.

You peaked up. Paul saying a firm, “Nothing.”

“Paul.” His father warned.

“Dad just leave it, alright?” He says and you sit up a bit.

“Y/N?” His father asks you.

“It’s nothing.” You mutter before looking back down at your plate.

“Hope you two aren’t fighting.” he states, he adds on that your kid doesn’t need to be around that.

“We aren’t fighting dad- Y/N, are we fighting?”

You shake your head no.

“There you go.” Paul says to his father with annoyance.

You stand up after finishing your plate.

”Me and Y/N will be back.” Paul says to his father with an arm slung around your shoulders.

His father was already changing the child.

”Hurry back you two. I have work in the morning and I’m tired.”

You both nod.

As you got in the car, you ask Paul in a hushed voice, “It was tonight?”

“Yeah..” Paul shrugged and backed the car out.

It really was small and intimate. You mainly observed the scenery as Paul kept you to him like you were an extra limb. Everyone in the room knew Paul.

His recently incarcerated friend had his own fiancée, she showed off her ring. She was sweet.

“You picked a good one. Never thought I would see you have your shit all together.” he says as he looked at you both.

You and Paul share a small chuckle.

Soon, you were speaking to the fiancée, making conversation as you two veered off.

“Do you want kids?” you ask.

“Of course. We can try now that he’s home.” she says and you two laugh lightly together.

She then pushed a cup of tea in your direction. You already knew there was that was cannabis infused in it.

“Oh…I shouldn’t.”

“I made my specialty…” she says.

Staring at it, you then look over at Paul who was speaking to his old friend.

“How come your fiancé went to jail? If you don’t mind me asking.” you say as you take a small sip to invite her to speak.

“I told him the narcs were heavy. Wrong place wrong time.”

“Narcs?” you whisper.

She motioned for you to follow her with a grin. Green marijuana plants grew strongly and it was clear she was the one taking care of them.

“He was so sure that he would be fine, only for me to be right.” she rolled her eyes a bit but then smiles as she gestured to the growing plants, “But, now he should be safe.”

You nod without judgement. You didn’t drink anymore of the tea.

“We didn’t do anything last night and I feel like I got hit by a bus.” you say the next morning and yawn with a stretch.

Paul munched on his cereal as he stood in the living room, “Getting old.”

You shush him as you keep an eye on your baby from your spot on the floor.

Paul was finished as he put his dish in the sink and gave you a fat kiss. He picked his child up and let them know that he will see them later with kisses. The child babbled incoherent vowels to their father.

“Be good for mommy.” he cooed and placed them back down for them to sit up against their large pillow.

While he was away, your mind was still veering off to Italy. Trying your best to shake it off, you kept your mind occupied. Until the thoughts and feelings were too overwhelming.

You kept seeing Edward’s heartbroken face. Replaying the conversation in your head. You had to dress your child and make your way to Old Quil’s once you started craving to smell his scent.

”I seen him again.”

“In Italy?” Old Quil asks as your baby was snug in his arm while he sat in his loveseat. You sat on the couch and held up the number two.

“Both times. The first time, he saved life and the second time, he just wanted my company.”

“How much company did he keep?” Old Quil asks as your baby looked at you while contently sucking on their pacifier.

“A lot…” you admit in a whisper, “He cooked me meals, he bought me shoes….He even told me he wanted take me to Paris. I didn’t keep the shoes. I even rejected the trip that he offered.”

“You ever take your ring off?”

“Never…..Besides, I don’t like it when you doubt my feelings for Paul. Just like when I hid my pregnancy, you asked me if I was ashamed of him.”

“It was a question to understand why you didn’t tell anybody.”

“It was less stressful. I think that’s why my baby is so mellow…It was intimate and I don’t regret it. I won’t regret it.”

“That’s good….Did you tell Paul all of this?”

You sigh, “No.”

“You should….”

“I will I just…I can’t believe all of that happened on a simple work trip.”

“Are you leaving again anytime soon?”

“Nope…I’m staying home for a while…Might even take a break. I feel the burnout coming my way.” you say as you raise your weak wrist.

Coming back home, you try your best to be quiet as you lay your baby in their crib. They fell asleep on the ride back.

You stared at their sleeping figure. Just the thought of leaving them hurt your heart and you couldn’t imagine such thing.

As you wipe your silent tears, Paul called your name from the other room. You enter and look at his back facing you as he sat on the bed.

“Why were you at Old Quil’s? Why were you crying?” his voice was tired.

You look up to the ceiling, but you knew you had to come clean.

“I haven’t been completely honest…”

He turns his upper body, along with his head.

“About what?”

Your heart was pounding as you wrung your hands but it had to come out. He deserved the truth.

“First….I just want to let you know that I love you. I always have and I always will.” you say.

He blinked before slowly saying, “I love you too.”

“You’re going to get mad…You have every right to be….I haven’t been completely honest about Italy.”

He turned back around and continued to rest his forearms on his knees with a soft sigh. He was tired of bad news.

“Um…I don’t even know where to begin.” you speak quietly.

“Better start somewhere.” he says.

“I didn’t tell you…I didn’t tell you who saved me from being robbed.”

“Who?”

The name was on the tip of your tongue. But, you couldn’t spit it out.

“Who. Y/N?” he asked out impatiently.

You breathe in and rush out, “It was Edward.”

It was silent, as all you saw was his back. You definitely were scared to tell him what else.

“So….These trips…They were so important, so that you can creep around with Cullen?” he says in a freakishly calm voice.

“N-no. I would never. It really has been for work. I swear.”

“How did he even know where you were?” he fired back. His tone made you nervous.

“H-he told me….He told me that he was hunting..” he rises up and it made you even more nervous, “A-a-and he caught a whiff of my scent and followed it and was able to then read the intruder’s mind who was planning to squat in the villa I was staying in.”

You step back as he walks towards you slowly.

“What else?” he blankly asked.

“Um…He…He um…” you shake your head as your mind went blank.

“You didn’t tell me none of this…Why?” He demanded as he’s close now. You felt his body heat.

“I thought that would be the last time I seen him-“

“So, you saw him again.” he states sternly.

He gives you a look that let you know he wanted a yes or no question right then and there. You nod.

“Yes.” you speak in a small voice.

“You want him?”

“Huh?” you ask in confusion.

“Do. You. Want. Cullen?” he almost roared out.

“No. No Paul, I don’t. I don’t want Edward.”

“You’re fucking lying.” he accused with clenched fists at his sides.

“I’m not-“

“Yeah, yeah you are.”

“I’m not!”

“You are!”

Your vision gets blurry as you wipe a tear that escaped from your eye.

“So…You saw him again…What else?”

You try to even your breath, “He tried to kill himself…Well…Set it up to where he could get killed. He came to a festival…The St. Marcus festival that I went with people who I was working with and I saw him trying to expose the sparkles of what his skin could do in the sunlight and I just….”

“You just what.” he says impatient.

“I…I made him move out of the way.”

He slowly shook his head as he takes a deep sigh.

“Everything is starting to make sense….Everything is starting to make so much fucking sense. Why you want to grind for money so bad, it’s because of him! You even had this bloodsucker telling you that I can’t take care of you. You tell him I couldn’t take care of you? Sorry, I don’t have mommy and daddy’s money to feast on. Sorry, I didn’t live over a hundred years to accumulate that much fucking money! I’m trying my fucking best!”

“I didn't tell him you couldn't. You are trying, I see that-“

“That’s why you kept wanting to separate.” he shook his head.

“No! That’s not why..”

“You thought I was fucking cheating. You swore that I was just tripping about everything. But, look at you. Look at what you’re doing. I feel so fucking played.”

He watched as you couldn’t look him in the eye.

“I don’t even want to fucking look at you, right now.” he says and walks towards the door.

“We still have to talk.”

“I don’t want to fucking hear the rest.” he says and slams the door so hard, it shook the room.

You put your face in your hands. You had a strong urge to cry but you knew there was no use in crying about something that was your doing.

The truth was out, you felt lighter, but you didn’t want Paul to leave out.

Sleeping alone, you kept jerking awake thinking that he was coming in. An empty bed was familiar to you for two days.

“You alright?” Jacob asks when he opened the door. It was just you two and you were glad inside. Bella and Rachel took Billy grocery shopping.

“No…I feel like shit.” you say as you step in.

He looks away before meeting your eyes, “Are you and Paul good?” he asked cautiously.

“I plead the fifth.” you say dryly.

“Why the hell are you two always fighting? Like seriously.”

“It was my fault. Usually it’s… About stupid stuff sometimes but this time….I caused this wedge between us.”

“You? Cause trouble? I need to hear this.” he says.

You tell him all about Edward Cullen in Italy. He listened but his face showed he didn’t like it.

“So…Is it irreversible?” he asked desperately about the manipulated bond.

“Who knows. I rejected him and I keep seeing his fucking face.” you say and groan before putting your face in your hands as you were sat on the couch.

“I’m sure the bloodsucker would love to hear that.”

“Fuck off, Jake. This is serious.”

He sobered up his chuckle, “But seriously, just give Paul time. You two didn’t kiss, you two didn’t get deeply involved. Just let him cool off.”

“It’s been two days and it felt like two years…..I miss him….” you say and start to tear up.

“Y/N…It’s okay,” he says as he rubbed your back, “I’m not good with girls crying. He will come home.”

“The hell do you do with Bella when she’s crying?”

“I make her feel better….I make her cry in a different way.”

You groan and shove his shoulder as he laughs.

You didn’t want to go back to pick your baby up from Paul’s father’s home so soon. It hurt you to know that Paul hasn’t been there at all. You didn’t know where he could be.

You were desperate. You were tried of the demons taunting you.

Your dealer looked frightened to see you after he opened the door to your knock. You were confused when he doesn’t have a talkative nature.

You were in slight shock. It was as if Paul was waiting for you. Expecting your arrival.

He lounged with his jacket open with a snide expression.

“Look at what the cat dragged in.”

“What are you doing here?” you ask him and then turn to your dealer, “What is he doing here?”

They sheepishly look away and Paul speaks up to make you look at him.

“Neither of us will like it if we clash so let’s keep it peaceful, alright?”

You look to the side before finally looking at him.

“Can you please just come home? It’s been two days.” you quietly asked.

“Look how the tables turned.”

“Paul, don’t do this…”

“Do what? I’m giving you room to go have your fun with Cullen. You won’t have me in the way this time. Let him take real good care of you.” he says and goes back to reading his magazine.

You reach and snatch it and throw it to the side.

“Circumstances were manipulated. Had you not left before you let me finish explaining everything, maybe you would know that.”

He stands up, towering over you. The dealer decides to leave the room, not wanting to be apart of what was happening.

“Go home.” Paul ordered.

You blink.

“Not without you.”

“Without me.”

You shook your head in defiance, but you had to listen. Your feet was already moving but you fought against it with a strain.

“Wow, this is where you’d rather be instead of home?” you ask in frustration.

“I’m not even fucking staying here. I know you. I knew you would fold sooner or later. Think about our baby, Y/N. You would rather be fucking stoned than to face your own reality?”

You shiver as you close your eyes a bit and open them.

“Paul just come with me…It’s so cold without you.” you beg.

He guided you outside, back to your car. You tear up because you missed him touching you. He shrugged off his jacket and put it on you, zipping it up.

“Whatever I have to do…Just tell me what I have to do.”

“Go home. Take care of our baby. I’ll see you later.” he says and turns and jogs off.

A tear fell straight down on command. You thought that he would go back into the house but he instead went straight into the woods that was behind it.

A shaky hand opened the car door and you cried as you drove home.

Paul’s father dropped the baby off, he had to go to work.

The night was lonely again.

You never took the jacket off. You lived in the jacket.

You laid on his side of the bed, you slept on his pillow.

You weeped until you fell asleep.

The morning sun was rising, you peak into the dimmed baby room. He was there.

He was softened at the sight of the baby. His gentle hands were like a feather as he held the child.

Your heart lurched with joy at the sight of him.

“Daddy will see you later, okay?” he cooed to his baby.

You began to be teary eyed.

“Paul, please stay.” you say in a broken tone.

He only looked at you once before placing one last kiss on their cheek before you watch as the baby was reaching their small arms for him after he put them back down.

They start to whine.

Paul cooed for them to calm down before the pacifier was in their mouth.

As he walked through the home, you follow him like a lost puppy with the hoodie on your head.

“Paul…”

“I gotta go. I came when you were sleep and they were awake.”

It was like a piece of your soul left with him when he closed the back door.

Your baby wasn’t settled. It was the most they cried.

You cried with them.

With Paul gone, the unwanted thoughts were strong. So strong, you almost called the Cullens.

You just wanted comfort.

Bella had came over. Nobody heard from you.

“Jesus…You look worse than I did.”

You shrug as you didn’t want to speak.

“Come on, Y/N..Let’s just go to Emily’s. It’s just me, Jake, Angela and Embry that’s going to be there.”

You drug your feet as Bella held your baby. The jacket was still on your body.

The looks of pity was too much so you made your way outside. Hands were stuffed in the jacket pockets as you stood on Emily’s porch and you turn your head a bit to sniff his remaining smell.

You place a hand on your mark and massage it. You missed him so much. You didn’t care if he chose to not speak to you again, you just wanted to look at him, to hear his voice, to touch him. You ached for him to come back.

You hear the front door open and you look over.

”Hey, Y/N.” Embry says to you and pulls you into a friendly hug. You didn’t have it in you to say hi back. You would much rather not speak ever again.

”You alright?” You weeped. Embry patted your back and offered words of support.

You both sit down on the porch swings.

“How is he?” you speak without energy.

“He’s…Okay, I guess. I only see him on patrol…His mind is blocked…I don’t know how he does it.” Embry says gently.

You nod woodenly.

“He’ll come around, Y/N. He’s pissed off but just give him space and time.”

“I fucked up. Major. I was so self absorbed that I don’t even blame him if he doesn’t want to come back.”

Embry shook his head softly, “At least you didn’t flat out participate in indefinitely. You came home before things got too far with the leech.”

”It feels like I did cheat…He swayed me so good, I lost common sense. I didn’t even think about Paul…”

“What if he wanted to conquer you in spite of Paul?”

“I didn’t pick that up. He was…So heartbroken when I told him I can’t see him again. It was like I told a kid that Santa was never real.”

Embry chuckled a bit, “He’s a bloodsucker. A hundred years from now, he’ll just latch onto someone else to fill his pitiful void.”

“It’s a bit sad….To be lonely like that when you could live forever.”

“Don’t be naive, Y/N. He needs to be involved with his own kind instead of humans. He’s just leeching off of their human experience to feed into his own. He wants what he can’t ever have again.” Embry states.

Emily then comes out on the porch and hands go both you and Embry a cold treat.

“Thanks.” you and Embry tell her at the time.

When she leaves, Embry speaks hushed.

“I’m not judging you on what you did. We’re the imperfect ones. We’re human….But, you feel something back?”

You look at Embry in the eye.

“In Italy, I was up close to vampire royalty…Their guards are powerful with various gifts…Look, if you see Paul, you can show him our conversation. Chelsea is her name. She manipulated a bond between me and Edward. It’s been driving me fucking crazy. I’ve been itching to go back to Italy and I don’t even feel like myself. I can’t face the Volturi again, their powers are too powerful.

“Shit.” Embry commented as he took it all in.

You both sat there in silence.

Nights were sleepless. Your baby had a hard time with sleep as well. Waking up every couple of hours.

It was then that you were thankful for your child. Without them, you were sure that you would feel hopelessness.

Your only focus was to make sure that you kid was taken care of.

The baby fell asleep on your chest, it was late afternoon. You felt sleepy. Your eyes drooped.

The patter of the rain was relaxing.

A set of hands picked them up and took them into their room. You wipe the sleepiness from your eyes as you watch as Paul watched his child sleep in the crib for a bit.

He then makes his way to leave out.

You didn’t know if it was because it’s been so long, but you couldn’t stop staring at him. His hair had already grew enough to cover his eyes.

”You’re leaving?”

“Yeah.” He whispered.

You touch his arm before he turns.

“I can cut your hair if you want.” you offer quietly.

You were surprised when he then walked to pull out a chair and sat down. You go to the bathroom, pull open a drawer and grab the sheer hair scissors.

It was silent. The only sounds were the sharp snips and you purposely moved slow to savor his presence.

You were brushing off the bits of his hair off of his shoulders when he stands up.

“It’s alright. The rain will wash it away.”

You nod sadly as he walked and reached for the back door.

"Can I have a hug?" you blurt out.

He puts his hand that was on the door knob, down as he looked over at you.

"Please?' you ask quietly.

He slowly walks towards you and you fling yourself into his arms.

You feel his arms around you and your soul hummed with satisfaction.

"Y/N."

"Yes?" you whispered.

"I have to go."

Your heart dropped. It was too soon. You didn't hug him long enough.

“I just want to hold you…Please..Just let me hold you.” you whisper in anguish.

Your arms got tighter.

"Y/N, Sam's going to be on my ass and I don't feel like hearing his mouth." he says as he's annoyed at his potential future ear beating.

You lift yourself up and your legs wrap around his waist.

You hear him breathe in shakily as he called your name again. You squeezed tighter as you cling tighter to him. Soft tears stream out your eyes as you try to hold onto his smell. It was fresh. The scent of him was fading from the bed that you two shared. It was fading from the jacket. You were desperate.

“Let Sam get mad at me. Just blame me.” you tell him. His face looked pained as he slightly had his eyes closed.

“I only love you, Paul. I never loved anyone else as much as I love you.”

He doesn’t speak but his face showed that he had words on his mind.

You trace his lips with your fingers, his face, and caressed his cheek.

“Don’t go.” you softly cry out.

You bury your face in his neck as fresh tears dropped on his shoulder blade. You kiss the bare skin on his neck.

You felt him walk until he lowers you to bed. You cling to him for dear life with strength that shocked him a bit as he tried to lay you down.

“Just sleep……I will be here when you wake up….I promise.” he soothes.

Your eyes grow heavy as he watched you try to fight sleep, but you don’t remember going to sleep.

You feel a gentle shake and a lulled whisper of your name.

You keep your eyes shut and squeeze the blankets tighter.

"Y/N, wake up."

"No." you whimpered.

"You slept long enough."

"I'll wake up and the dream will be over. You’ll be gone. Im not ready for it to be over. Please don't make me wake up. Please.” you whisper in desperation.

"You're not dreaming." you hear in a velvet whisper as lips brushed against the shell of your ear.

Your face was still scrunched and you hear a gentle, "Just open your eyes."

Sadness filled your body as you slowly open your eyes.

Paul was still lying next to you. You blink at his figure as he stared at you.

It was your turn to stare at him at the table as you watched him eat the lunch that you made.

“Can I have my face back?” he joked.

“Corny.” you say softly with a small smile.

He chuckled a bit as he returned to eating.

You move out of your seat and snug sideways into his lap and bury your face in his neck.

“Eat, Y/N.” He tells you.

“I…I’m okay.”

“No, no. You have to eat..” he says as he has an arm around your waist. Your lips were glued onto his. You both kissed as if it’s been years. It felt like it. You turn to straddle him and you both sensually kiss each other’s lips.

You hear the faintest sounds of your baby and you slowly rise up as Paul still tries to get his last kisses.

Paul held them as you did eventually eat. Food tasted good with him around. It didn’t taste like black and white.

Your baby wouldn’t stop staring at his dad. Eager to be lifted by his father.

They fell asleep on Paul’s chest as you both watched television.

You were smushed against him.

”How’s your wrist?”

“Hasn’t…Hurt.” you realized.

He nods a bit in satisfaction.

“You’re going to mad, but I don’t care. You can do your work from here.”

You nod in contentment, “I don’t even care, that’s fine.”

He gets up to lay the baby down and you follow him after turning the tv off, the nighttime darkness surrounded you.

He takes your hand and you both lounge on the bed.

You lean your body against him. It felt like if you didn’t touch him, then he wasn’t real.

“I missed you.” you say gently as you wrap your arms around him, placing a kiss on his cheek.

He leaned with a fat smooch on your lips, “I missed you too.”

You kiss his naked chest, on his heart, you whisper with your lips brushing on his skin, “I’m sorry.”

He cupped the nape of your neck and you both fell into the realms of each other as you both kissed deeply.

You felt yourself be lifted and your eyes was looking up at the bedroom ceiling as he circled his fingers on your sensitive private.

You clutched to his arm as he had your legs shivering.

His warm, hot tongue that took its time to taste and collect all of your natural sap, made you clutch the pillows with your hands.

You never sounded so needy but you just didn’t care.

His fist dug into the mattress as you both smushed each other’s hips against each other. The soft creak of the bed and the sound of skin smacking against each other turned you on even more.

”I missed you.” you moan out breathlessly as he continued his strong thrusts, they mixed in with his grunts.

“Oh…Shit.” Paul dragged out in a whisper, he was about to climax but you clutched him closer to you. Encouraging him to press more of his body weight on you.

“Keep going…Just keep going” you softly whine out as your legs are tighter around his waist. You didn’t care if he finished in you. You just didn’t want to feel empty again.

His thrusts became deeper as you felt his grip on you become tighter. It felt like you couldn’t breathe but you wouldn’t rather have it any other way.

He groaned softly in satisfaction as he was able to ride out his high inside of you, it felt was his favorite feeling. You both kiss until you stopped having mini shakes.

Watching him rise up, you felt empty in a way as he walked further from you.

You follow him, not even bothering to have any type of common sense, you push open the cracked door.

The sound of urine hitting the toilet lit up the bathroom's surroundings.

He shook himself before looked over his shoulder at you.

“You seriously watched me take a piss the entire time?”

He had an amused smirk as he started washing his hands. You continue to lean against the bathroom doorway.

The baby gurgled happily as they smiled up at their father in the stroller that he was pushing. Paul bent down with a smile to coo to them.

You walked next to him as you all went on a stroll. It was as if everything was snapped back together. You couldn’t stop touching him. A touch, a brush of your body on his, it came instinctively. He didn’t mind at all. He actually loved it.

The rain beat down on the roofs of La Push.

“They live underground in the streets of Italy….Three are the most important rulers. Aro, Marcus, and Caius.” you say.

Old Quil nods in understanding.

“The woman…Chelsea…She can manipulate bonds…She made me and Edward share a bond. It really felt close to imprinting.”

”Did you break it?” he asked.

You look over at Paul’s tired face. He didn’t have a reaction. He looked like he was over everything. You look back over to Old Quil’s ancient face.

“It was risky. But, I did. I rejected it.”

“What did you do?”

“I made him let me go.” you say quietly with your head down.

Old Quil leaned his head back with an actual laugh. You didn’t know what would be funny.

“I don’t think that’s enough. The vampire, has the power to manipulate bonds. You have to sever that bond from your soul entirely.”

“I can’t go back there!” you cried as you look back up at Old Quil.

“You don’t have to. You will just have to go under a deep spiritual cleansing. I will do it…You and Edward Cullen weren’t even fated to be together. It’s all artificial.”

“…..Marcus, who can read bonds, said we’re starcrossed…What does that mean?”

“It means that the stars wrote you two against each other to be incompatible…”

“He said we needed a push. Chelsea said she didn’t have to work as hard.”

“You were the push, Y/N. Seems to me, it was heavily manipulated only on your side instead of two people. Edward already felt what he felt. All she did was make you in tuned with him, prompting you to feel how he feels.”

“Son of a bitch. He still has connection.” Paul mumbled under his breath.

“Did they find out about the shifters?” Old Quil asked.

“No. They didn’t even see my mark. I covered it with makeup. Aro, who can read every thought that you’ve ever had, didn’t see any of them in my mind, thank goodness. He was more interested in my…Talent.” you answer.

“Your art talent?”

You nod, “He offered me a place in the Volturi. Edward and Alice too. I turned it down and so did they. He even got excited saying that I would be exceptional as a vampire.”

Paul snarled loudly to where you were startled. You felt deep unsettlement in his wolf. You place a firm hand on his thigh.

Old Quil shook his head at that possibility.

“You become a vampire, your soul is just as good as being dead.”

“I was afraid that they would kill me…Like the people who was lured….But…Edward read from his mind that Aro found me too valuable.”

“For his own gain.”

You nod.

“What are you doing?” Paul asked from the doorway.

“I’m making this for Old Quil. He needs to know what the Volturi actually look like.”

“Y/N. Come to bed.”

You stare at the unfinished canvas. You felt his tug under your elbow as you walk out of your art room.

You both slide into bed and is surprised when Paul has a sketchbook and pen in his hand.

“Want to play draw and switch?”

A smile spread across your face like wildfire, “Yeah.”

His own grin was displayed, “Alright.”

As you two took turns drawing, passing back and forth the sketchbook, he quietly said your name.

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t been honest either.”

“W-what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong…It’s just that you were right. I know I told you that at Rachel’s party, she was trying to open up to me about her mom….She was disrespectful way before words were exchanged.”

You give him a curious look to encourage him to continue.

“She tried to press up on me and kiss me…It’s what really caused the argument…I snapped so hard at Jake’s when my mom was brought up because she was telling me I should do.”

“Told you.” You just say quietly and continue to scribble out a quick sketch.

It was silent until you give him the book. As it was his turn, he spoke.

“No more secrets,Y/N…I mean it.”

“No more secrets.” you confirm.

“I don’t want you drawing them.”

“Who?” you ask in confusion.

“The Volturi or whatever….” he says with furrowed eyebrows as he moved his hand. You could watch him sketch all day. You didn’t know why he didn’t do it often.

“I might have nightmares again.”

“Who wouldn’t?”

You watch him for a moment before linking yourself with him.

Paul couldn’t take it. He faced the wall instead of watching Old Quil crack each of your joints. You were asleep and couldn’t feel anything but the loud popping sounds were disagreeing with his ears.

“Can’t miss a spot if we’re trying to cleanse her soul.” Old Quil says.

“Just…Please hurry up.” Paul replied sadly.

You blink as Old Quil closely inspected you. You didn’t recognize some of the things he had out around you. Paul looked stressed.

“Some of it wore off, but I got it all.” Old Quil says to you.

“How long would it have worn off?” you ask in a rasp, your throat felt dry. Paul immediately made you drink water.

“By the looks of it, a couple of years…It was strong…Really strong. It takes longer when you’re constantly around that person.” Old Quil answered.

“Does Edward…Does Edward know that I broke it?”

“He will feel the disconnect, if he hasn’t already.”

“Okay…Good.” you say and firmly grab Paul’s hand.

You both walked hand in hand to his father’s house to get the baby. With no rush.

“How do you feel?” Paul asked quietly.

“Back to myself. It felt like…” you shudder, “It felt like I was going insane.”

He slowed his walk.

“Paul, what’s wrong?”

“Am I doing enough?”

You stare at him sadly. You weren’t used to him having a blow on his confidence. You cup his face.

“You’re doing more than enough. I promise.”

He nods in security, he knew you were telling the truth. He just didn’t know what he would do if he were to ever lose you, let alone lose you to another man.

[shana-silver-fox]

TBOC 2.03 L'Invisible

The title was clearly a callback to Rick and Carol's conversation at how good she is playing undercover detective. She gets it done in this episode.

Lots found this one boring, but for someone like me who likes to over analyze every little bit it was packed with lots of goodies.

Ces Douleurs

Genet: These pains we carry, we women need to learn to let them go. Men seem to have no problem doing that.

Carol: They certainly do not.

Damn. I FELT THAT hard!

we open with Genet's back story and what will be a parallel later to Tinkyl

The purposeful comparison of Carol to the Mona Lisa is just *chefs kiss.

The most famous painting in the world. The most famous lady of The Walking Dead. Both with that hidden secret behind their smile.

This quickly turns into Genet displaying a show of power over a much bigger man by making him eat food off the floor like a dog. There is another scene in the next episode that is very similiar. Would like to hear ya'lls thoughts on the point of this.

The man she humiliates has disrespected the lady who is serving them food. I lost count of the times haters have tried to diminish and disrespect Carol for "just being the cook". Wonder if this was a Melissa note? Genet tells Carol she has no tolerance for bullies, and no one has been bigger bullies in this fandom than the Carol haters.

Loved this. We know Carol wants Daryl in the kitchen with her.

Experiments. Yes we heard about Daryl’s “experiment” from Norman. Just as gruesome. No thanks.

Cordron: I had him and I let him go.

Carol knows what that’s like. Cordron also thinks Carol’s last name is Dixon now.

More talk about coincidences and signs. Look for the signs. 🪧

Remmy let us down, but his line saying Carol would have done the same for HER DARYL is so true.

The symbolism of Carol riding to the rescue on a white horse through a tunnel was beautiful. She was just cut off, unfortunately. So much tunnel symbolism connected to Caryl I could do a seperate post. Even Losang talks about light at the end of the tunnel. “you make the light” “follow my light”

I do love Carol’s reaction to hearing Daryl has aligned himself with a religious group. “REALLY?” Like the fandom’s reaction to this version of Daryl so far 😂

Carol: the war to end all wars? I’ve heard that before.

Shade at Rick?

Calling Daryl Carol’s raison d’être is spot on. It translates to “reason to live”

Tick tock time for the fairytale to end

Conveniently Sylvia dies so Isabelle doesn’t have to confess to executing Emile.

Why did Izzy just stand there and wait for Daryl to shoot walker Sylvie? Was she gonna let it happen? 🤨

I was impressed with Daryl’s action scene. Norman’s stunt double actually got a bit of a break. He made sure to get his Carol knife back!

Losang’s break down of Daryl is amazing….

losang :Simply reacting. A man alone. It’s a sad state. He’s right. Daryl has been just reacting not feeling since he got to France. and he feels totally alone

Only by risking everything can we be sure. Daryl’s so scared to risk everything with Carol

Daryl: What happens if you’re wrong?

Losang: If I’m wrong there would be no point in going on There’s Daryl’s greatest fear. If he risks it all to tell Carol how he feels and ends up being wrong and she doesn’t feel the same way, then loses her friendship, he will think he doesn’t have a reason to go on.

Laurent and Daryl’s cave couldn’t be more Lost Boys coded.

Laurent: Not Daryl. He never believed.

Yes toodles, & that’s why Tinkerbelle dies.

The Leah parallel is just too much

When Isabelle figures out she’s Tinkerbelle 😥

Ok did everyone hear that distinct change in music tone after Tink says ILY? It was fraught, not happy. Along with Daryl’s expression.

Lasong to Daryl :Isabelle has always had an open mind and heart. You sadly are beyond hope

Daryl’s heart has been closed off and he thinks he’s beyond hope 😭😭😭 but hope is coming to open it!

Hope in the form of a tiny woman from Georgia is on her way to save you. Hope is not lost Daryl, she has a map!

The perfect bookend to this episode was Isabelle’s Douleurs Exquise . It’s a very common French phrase that means the pain of unrequited love. Poor Izzy. Getting silence and no return on that ILY was rough. 🥶

From Ces Douleurs , to Douleurs Exquise

Fin

[featheredclover]

September Rain

Chapter Ten

Also on Wattpad

Read from the beginning

Chapter Nine>> <<Chapter Eleven

She settled against her pillow snugly. After the morning bus ride back to campus, she had crashed into her bed. Preeto had left to spend her afternoon with horses, and Mona was snoring beside her. God bless Sundays!

Kicking her feet under the covers, Khushi blushed. Her lips tingled , as she recalled the fervour with which he had kissed her.

She hadn’t said anything. She couldn’t believe it had happened. Arnav had always been a buzz under her skin. But she hadn’t dreamt of kissing him. 

Running trembling fingers over her lips, she flushed. 

Turning over, she pulled the cover tighter over her. The globe sitting on her bed side table caught her eye. With a sigh, she reached over and picked it up. He had gifted it on her thirteenth birthday.

A girl and boy with yellow raincoats, playing with paper boats under the rain.

She turned it over.

To my Khushi~ happy 13!~ Love, Arnav

She hugged it to herself. All these years with Arnav…and here she was mooning over him. He had kissed her, she thought with a wide smile.

What comes next? Do they date? 

Khushi frowned. What will change if they date? Will that ease and sense of home she had always known to have with him fade and disappear? Will they fight like Di and Akash bhaiya?

She sat up with a jolt.

No!

She wanted her Arnav to be just like before. She didn’t want their friendship to dwindle away, even at the prospect of something so…so beautiful.

Flopping back on her bed, she didn’t fight the blush as her thoughts went right back to last night, as sleep pulled her in finally.

————-

“Khushi!”

She looked up from her maths homework, glittered with pencil shavings.

“Arnav asked me to tell you he wanted to meet at 6” Preeto mumbled while unlacing her charcoal black boots, now marred with mud stains.

“Where?”, she asked , hoping the catch in her voice didn’t alarm Preeto.

“He didn’t say”, she frowned “He was weird today, I must say”

“Weird?” Khushi stood up, her legs leading her to Preeto as she wrung her hands together.

“Yup!”, she grabbed a towel “He fell off Basanti! Can you imagine? The calmest of horses! And when he stood up, he was just grinning like an idiot! Something was really wrong with Raizada today”

With a shrug, Preeto was off to shower, leaving Khushi with her thoughts.

Grinning like an idiot? That sure sounds a lot like her today.

————

The sun had lent a purple tint to the sky as it began to set. Lamps were flickering as the evening breeze sent a chill down her spine. 

Khushi tugged at her brown sweater as she hurried towards their stairs. 

He stood there, with his back towards her. His head bent, as if reading something.

She couldn’t bring herself to break the solace he was in. Or so she told herself.

Standing at the entrance, her foot hovered in hesitation. 

What does one say after a mind blowing kiss?

She had simply mumbled “good night!” and hurried off the night before. 

The swish of his shoes made her look up. His hair fell over his forehead, making him look like the eleven year old who had shared sodas with her.

She desperately wished she was funny at that moment. A witty line could have broken this awkward ice between them!

“You-you fell off Basanti?”

He let out a strangled laugh.

“Ya, she brought me back to earth really quickly”

She smiled, “She’s the sweetest thing! Only you could have done something to provoke her!”

“You are to be blamed!”

She stilled at his accusation. 

“I was thinking about last night”, he continued as she said nothing. His face pale, under the dim light.

“L-Last night”, she stuttered.

“Last night”, his voice bursting with strength, as he stepped closer.

“Yeah, um..it was..”

“Good?”,he held her waist in his arms, even as her breath hitched. 

With a raised eyebrow , he seemed like the devil reincarnated. A sexy one, she finished in her head.

“Yeah ... .nice”, she mumbled absently.

“Nice?”,he frowned.

His baritone voice made her skin erupt into goosebumps.

She shivered as he pulled her closer.

“We will have to change that review won’t we?”, he whispered before bending down to take over her lips.

A whimper escaped her as pure pleasure pervaded her veins. Her mind was reeling as he continued his onslaught.

Her hand fisted around his collar, as he tightened his hold around her waist.

She felt warm all over, as he deepened the kiss, his tongue invading her mouth. A muffled moan escaped her, but she was too entranced to be mortified.

She broke away for air, her heart pounding a mile a minute. But she found that he simply couldn’t stop. Showering pecks on her lips, he mumbled her name before kissing down her neck.

Her stomach swooped against the still unfamiliar feeling, as she jumped.

“Arnav”, she almost pleaded.

She felt his chest rise against her, as he took a deep breath. Resting his forehead against hers, he looked deep into her eyes. Seduced from the warmth his embrace brought, she couldn’t bring herself to untangle from him.

“Good enough?”, his hoarse voice belied the laughter in his eyes.

“Shut up”, she whispered before hugging him close.

The sky clouded over, hiding the moon, granting an illusion of privacy.

Tagging: @hand-picked-star @phuljari @msbhagirathi @thenainitaldisaster @thedupattaknowswhatsup @jalebi-weds-bluetooth @barshifan @andli @shiyaravi @chutkiandchotte @laad-governess @minpdnim @bigfatreader @arshiradio @simplycurlz @scorpio-smiles @bengudill @exosexosekai @0218fm @atomicmentalitytruimph

------

Next chapter>>

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list!

[14th-century-verona-queer]

Sokka Headcannons

pt 2!

As always i remind you all that I’ve not watched atla in genuine years, please correct me for any wrong information

On to the hc’s!

he’s secretly a VERY good singer. Kya used to teach him how to sing when he was younger in order to do simple prayers and rituals asking the spirits to keep Hakoda safe and bring back a successful hunt. Sokka would sit next to her, looking up starry-eyed at the beautiful melodies that would come out of his mothers’ mouth. He would spend all day practicing, humming the tunes to himself, trying to get them perfect, and at night would run up to his mother with a hushed “look look mom! Listen to this!” And sing it right, note for note. And she would smile and say “very good, sokka. You might even be better than me some day!” And sokka would always grin at the thought of finally, I did something right! And now mom’s proud of me. After Kya’s death, he spent months without singing. He would train all day and almost all night to try to be better, be faster, be stronger. One day after he finished his night training, he heard Katara wake up and screaming from a nightmare. He pulled Katara onto his bed, lay her head on his lap, and stroked her hair while he sang softly to her. Kya’s lullabies one of the few things that he remembers about her, and it’s the only thing that would calm Katara down. He’s still sort of embarrassed about his singing voice, so no one but Katara knows how good of a singer he is until one day Zuko wakes up from a nightmare. He put’s Zuko’s head in his lap, just like he used to to Katara, and starts singing a low, haunting melody in his native language (more on that next), and Zuko looks at him suprised, but then slowly relaxes and falls asleep with a smile on his face. After that night Zuko begs over and over for Sokka to sing for him some more which is rare because Zuko isn’t usually very pushy. I guess he liked his singing. It’s mostly because of the look on Sokka’s face when he sings and how pretty he looks and how well he sings and wow hes just really pretty oh my god and it makes zuko lose his fucking mind. Eventually the rest of the Gaang finds out (after a very very long time), and sometimes certain words, (or even just randomly he’ll remember) will remind him of a song and he’ll just quietly hum or sing and everyone stops and stares for a second cause damn sokka thats rlly pretty youre acc rlly good

(Ive seen this headcannon that all the nations have their respective native languages, and then a universal language used for trade and all that, so this stems from that ) Sokka slips back into his native language a lot and switches between his native language and the universal language a lot (kinda like Spanglish lol). Bc of this everyone in the Gaang knows enough of the language to have a conversation (especially Suki and eventually Zuko because teaching people he dates his native language is just?? Rlly important to him? He wants to share everything about their culture and teach his partners about how see this word actually can’t be translated to Universal Language, but its really versatile and here’s the whole history of how this word was created. He really loves language and learning so he wants his partners to enjoy it too) he mostly slips back into the language out of force of habit, but also makes a conscious effort to speak it to make sure he doesn’t forget his culture and remind people that the water tribe’s aren’t savages, they have genuine spoken languages and converse like normal people. Whenever he and Katara are fighting they’ll fight very fast and unintelligiblyin their native tongue so everyone else is just kinda trying to figure out what they’re arguing about lol.

after everyone made fun of his art skills you know DAMN WELL he learned how to draw after that. Brother was up at DAWN learning the basic elements of art so he could show up with a Mona Lisa next time the Gaang got together and wipe the smirks off their faces (and ofc Zuko hung up every single one of his drawings, no matter how messy or fast or bad, in the palace)

HE BUILT A STATUE OF KATARA. SOMEWHERE. (I haven’t watched LOK but ik that there are statues of the Gaang around!) if there’s one thing that that man loves, its his sister. He will CONSTANTLY remind everyone. “UHM YEA, ALL YOU WOMEN TRAINING IN BATTLE IN THE NORTH POLE??? DONT FORGET WHO YOU OWE THAT TO. YEA. MY WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL AMAZING (but dont tell her i said that abt her) SISTER DID THAT. AND DONT YOU DICKWADS FORGET IT”

And yea, thats all i got for now lol

You can find part 1 here (cause its been a month since the first one): pt1

[curio-queries]

I've been thinking about your post on Mona Lisa, and it helped me realize my feelings and thoughts about it. Like you, I was really put off by the lyrics. It's super catchy, so I can turn my brain off to enjoy it (and seeing it in concert definitely was so much fun lol), but if I even for a second start actually paying attention to it, then I feel all icky.

The difference between it and Seven/3D for me, though, is the framing. Ostensibly, all 3 songs are about wanting to have sex with a girl, but Seven and 3D focus more on the sex while Mona Lisa focuses on the girl. Like in JK's songs, the mention of the girl is basically always just in relation to him wanting to have sex with her (at least his parts). J-Hope's Mona Lisa, on the other hand, is all about the girl and her looks and how those things entice him to want her. Like you said, it's subjective, but the latter feels objectifying to me. (I came back to this after typing the whole message, and I wanted to add: comparing a woman to a piece of art is inherently objectifying for me. Again, just my opinion, but this song is just expanding on an idea that's rooted in objectification. Like yeah, it's just a song; it's not that serious; it's just J-Hope expressing how beautiful he finds this girl. Sure, but I that doesn't change how I feel about the lyrics.)

(Sidenote, I'm also aroace, and for me, Seven and 3D (JK parts) are just like coming across smut scenes in books/fics. It does nothing for me, but I'm not disgusted or put off by it or anything. I can appreciate it for what it is. I don't know if I would attribute my dislike of Mona Lisa to being aroace, though. Like, it just doesn't feel right for me to say that being aroace has made me more sensitive about what I perceive as objectification.)

Hi anon, thank you so much for sending this in! Like I said, I'm pretty lost with myself on this topic right now and that's very strange for me. Usually I can dissect and describe exactly why something is bothering me. So I'm exceedingly grateful for the people that are sharing their viewpoints, especially my fellow aspecs.

The main reason I was thinking it may be influenced by my aspec is I tend to fall into the demisexual category most days (Although, I really struggle with the concept of labels period so even classifying it as this doesn't feel right). But the idea is that sexual attraction only develops after there's an emotional bond first. Which is obviously not part of this song. But let's be honest, what catchy sexy songs talk about emotions at the same time? Not very many, and I told have a problem with those. So I don't think that's it.

I was talking with someone about the idea that maybe it's the expected level of maturity. Let's face it, most of ARMY feels like we know the members of BTS pretty well so having some expectation about their level of maturity is not surprising. JK is more easily accepted of releasing 3D because he was younger than the others. But Hobi releasing a song like ML AFTER completing his military service? Idk i guess I did have certain expectations for him.

Your completely right about Seven and 3D being like smut scenes. Everyone knows what these songs are about and it's clear to opt in/out when you're up for it. But no one's talking about ML being in the same vein. Like we're in the wrong for saying that this should be treated as opt-in/out-able. (Boy that sentence is awful grammar but I don't know how else to write it right now)

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and viewpoint. I still don't think I have an answer for myself but it's so nice to know that I'm not alone in having been bothered by it.

[zalrb]

PLL 3x15 Review - As Per Anon Request

"Is it a bad time?" and she quite literally broke into Hanna's room. Oh, Mona.

"But Hanna, you're different."

I don't know, I just feel like there's nothing heterosexual about this scene.

Should've made them bi and in love.

"You're putting an alarm on my window?" You literally killed your ex girlfriend's stalker, Emily.

Every time I cry for Shay's eyebrows. THEY NEED REST.

"Dad, I raised 274 dollars in pledges" you also had to kill a dude and the people around you keep getting shot or strangled, Emily. He's not being unreasonable.

"Well, I'll tell you what, she sneaks in my house past midnight--" Aria, girl, shut up. We all know no one is going to your damn house. You're safe. Just sit there in your tacky blazer and tackier dress and drink your coffee.

"I'm not going to go to my dad" omg shut uppppppppppp. Spencer had to confront her sister about being Ali's killer. Hanna had to confront Caleb about spying on her. You'll be fine.

OK but why this necklace

"Maybe you need to give this girl a chance to win you back." Mmhmm.

Why does Mona look like she's pretending to hide her face from paparazzi. It's hilarious.

She's good Mona now so she dresses like Spencer

"Please stick a fork in my neck." Do it, Emily, it's the most danger Aria will ever be in.

tuuuuuuuurn around. every now and then i get a little bit lonely and you're never coming 'round.

tuuuuuuuurn around. every now and then i get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.

is that song not them or what?

Like for what reason.

Hair just standing in the background being hair watching Mona and a cow brain. Are you not an adult, an authority figure in this school?

"Mona is a lot stronger than me, I would've lost it." We know, Aria.

"I felt sorry for her." "Me too." Spencer:

"Face it, Caleb, we were never under the radar." Better yet, the radar does not exist because no one CARES.

Like, is he a human person?

The way that A terrorizing Aria has more to do with Ezra and the fact that he potentially has a secret son, which makes it more of a devastating realization for HIM than her is so indicative of the writing for her character.

*sigh* none of the dudes on PLL are attractive enough for topless shots.

Spencer: [Hair] Mona is dangerous. She once tried to kill Toby by unscrewing a piece of scaffolding

Hair: Idk, I just feel like it's wrong to judge people tho.

"Hey, feed me. I'm starving." There's a LINE, Caleb. I don't know the boys on this show are all passively the worst while the men are just monsters.

"Before we what, let her destroy our lives again." Aria, WHO is "WE"?

The funniest thing about Spencer and Toby scenes is how half of the time, Spencer isn't even paying attention to Toby

and considering that Toby is also supposed to be as intensely stubborn and inquisitive as Spencer, they could've just made them a non-toxic Chair but instead it's this.

None of you need significant others.

"Right now, I think Mona is the best argument we've got against human cloning." What a BIZARRE insult because what it really should be is that Mona shouldn't reproduce but I guess they won't say that on a teen show. Just add in more blind jokes.

Speaking of, why haven't I heard a blind joke? It's been 27 minutes.

"I miss you." "I miss you too." You nearly killed him, Hanna.

Aria and Caleb look like siblings.

"Have you ever thought of what your life would be like if your dad had been around when you were, like, six or seven." Well, maybe he wouldn't have had to live in school vents.

They're trying to make Caleb deep here and I simply do not care.

I like how Hanna's grandmother is more Hanna than her mom.

I remember being in the States for the first time and seeing everyone put their hands over their hearts during the National Anthem and being freaked out and then people glared at me because I wasn't doing the same. Good times.

"The bag was right here wasn't it?" As if people don't move things.

and the diary just HAPPENS to be open to the page about Aria's dad.

Ali just out here extorting grown ass men.

"It doesn't matter, we were just SO lucky you were here." You're acting like you were all about to be murdered. Creepy Harold dude just took the diary page out of Aria's hand.

Lol, Mona injuring Meredith as a sign of remorse.

It's odd that they're giving Hair a semi shirtless scene when the scene is him interacting with his half-sister.

Ah, Mona.

[fablesrose]

Ch 10 - The Two Live Crew Job

Series Rewrite Masterlist 

Pairing: Eliot Spencer x Ford!Reader

Description: Stealing a family painting back for the client becomes more complicated when a competing crew comes to town.

Words: 3273

A/n: I wanted to get this out earlier, but here it is. I hope you like it!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was supposed to be a simple job. Stealing a stolen painting, giving it back to the rightful owners. But no, not only did someone beat us to the punch, but delivered a bomb to Sophie’s apartment. Now I stood here next to Nate at Sophie’s funeral. Though she was being buried under a different name. After Eliot, Parker, and Hardison all spoke, Nate went and closed the casket, giving it a soft pat as the pallbearers took it away towards the grave. 

I watched the curtain under the table where the casket sat, to see if it ruffled. It did as Sophie looked out quickly, gave me a wink and snuck out the other side where no one would see her. 

Faking someone’s death was surprisingly fun, especially when trying to find her potential killer. The four of us left, leaving Nate (and Sophie in a disguise) to keep scanning the mourners to see if one of them had any potential red flags of being her supposed killer. Only one man fit the bill. 

Sophie started the slides once we got back to Nate’s apartment, “Marcus Starke, brilliant grifter, even better forger.”

We all gathered around the living room to hear Sophie explain who this guy was. Parker sat next to Sophie, staring at her curiously.

“It’s like you’re haunting us.”

“Parker, I’m not really dead,” Sophie said. Parker poked her testingly. “I’m not dead!”

Parker replied with an unconvinced ‘okay’ before leaving her alone. 

“We used to work together,” Sophie continued about this Starke fella. “We did the Copenhagen job of ‘97, the Berlin Polytech job of ‘98, and, Nate,” she turned to him specifically, “remember that great run in Moscow?”

“‘That great run?’” he repeated, “I chased ya for three months.”

“Well, technically, you chased us,” she replied, “sorry.”

“Are you saying that you saw other teams before us?” Hardison asked.

“Really just another Nate, before Nate,” Parker rebutted. 

“Let me ask you a question,” Eliot said to Nate, “what bugs you more, is it the fact that he was with Sophie first or that he outsmarted ya?”

There were a few beats of uncomfortable silence before Nate expressionlessly said, “Moving on,” in a gravelly voice that showed he was very much bothered. 

“Ouch,” I whispered, of which Eliot replied with a smug huff. 

“Um, Starke doesn’t keep a permanent crew” Sophie continued, “He specializes in whiz mobs. He puts a team together, they slam into town on one high-profile job, and then they scatter. But usually they do one sm-” she paused as recognition spread across her face, “they do one smaller job first just to work out the kinks in the team.”

“Like our client’s painting, for example?” Nate asked. 

“Wrong place, wrong time,” Sophie said, mostly to herself, “Starke must have seen me, and now that I’m one of the good guys, and decided to get rid of me because… why?” She continued to think out loud, “because… I know his scams. Because… I know his favorite scam: the Mona Lisa variant.”

“Ooo!” Parker clapped a couple of times, “that was the first one I learned! In 1911, the Mona Lisa was stolen, and the conman who did it made six identical copies.”

“And then they put it on the black market, and each buyer thought that they had the original,” Nate finished. 

“So the dude sold the same painting six times,” Hardison said. 

“Seven,” I corrected, “depending on what he did with the original… the six copies plus the original, right?”

Nate nodded at me in agreement, but a bit distractedly. I glanced at Hardison to see he was agreeing, but a little embarrassed. 

“Not that that particular detail matters right now,” I added, motioning for them to continue.

“Hardison, pull up all the auctions in Boston in the next two days,” Sophie instructed, tossing him the remote. “Starke never stays in a city more than two days,” she explained. 

“Wait a minute, not museums?” Eliot asked. 

“No, no,” Nate answered, “Starke likes to use auctions to figure out who wants the painting. He picks who he’s gonna sell the fakes to.”

“That bit was actually my part of the scam,” Sophie said. “I made that up, it’s good isn’t it?”

“That’s still a lot of paintings,” Eliot said. 

“Yeah, it’s high profile,” Nate agreed. “A scam like this requires a lot of publicity, paintings ten million dollars or more.” 

“He does all his own forgeries,” Sophie said, “post impressionists, late 1800s.”

The screen showed all of the paintings available at auctions in the allotted time frame and slowly disappeared as they were eliminated on the given criteria just given by Nate and Sophie until there was only a couple left. 

“There,” Sophie pointed at one in particular, “That’s it. Van Gogh. He has a soft spot for Van Gogh.” 

The painting was a street scene, focussing on what seemed to be a restaurant or cafe with outdoor seating. I could tell that it was Van Gogh from the painting style once Sophie mentioned it. It was a quiet scene, peaceful, but the bright colors gave it life and energy. I could see the appeal to it. 

“So we just– we call the cops,” Hardison concluded. 

“Why is that the first thing you thought of, considering what we do,” I asked. I then said to myself, “I thought I was becoming part of the team, because that was not my first thought.”

“No,” Sophie said to Hardison, backing me up a bit. “If Starke goes down for this, there’s no guarantee we can get that painting back for the Mercers. He even smells the police, he’s gonna run, and we’ll get nowhere near it.”

“He did try to kill you, Sophie,” Nate reminded her. 

“We risk our lives all the time,” Sophie said quietly. “No,” She continued more resolutely, “We need to barter. We need something to trade for the Mercers’ painting.”

“Such as?” Hardison asked. 

Sophie looked back at the screen that showed the Van Gogh painting, “That. That’s what he’s come for. That’s what he wants.”

Nate turned to us, “We just gotta get there first.”

I turned to the rest of the team, “I feel a bit over my head on this one.”

Parker turned to me with a puzzled look, “What do you mean? You help us steal things all the time now. This is no different.”

“This is totally different, I mean, we’ve had time crunches before but this is a race. Against other professionals. I have learned a bit here and there, but not enough to be an asset against professionals,” I emphasized.

Nate shook his head, “Nah, you’ll be fine. We’ll find something for you to do. Come on, let’s go.” He walked away and everyone started to file out after him. I sat there watching them for a moment before following with a shake of my head. This will be interesting. 

There were people milling about the high end auction place, looking at the paintings on display. It was a relatively relaxed atmosphere, with servers handing out flutes of what seemed to be white wine, but I didn’t know enough about alcohol to pay much attention and I declined when one was offered to me. I wanted to stay particularly sharp in case we ran into trouble. 

We all had our assigned roles, with me acting more like a floater. Nate was obviously doing his point thing, making sure everyone was on task and being the brains of the operation, Parker acting like a server to swipe security credentials from the auction house manager, Hardison on computers and cams, with Eliot and I doing other general recon. Sophie was stuck in the van with Hardison, at least she felt like she was stuck. We had to keep her behind the curtain so to speak with her supposed to be dead and all. 

Eliot leisurely sipped on a glass next to me, surveying the room. With his hair pulled back with a beanie and his glasses, he looked comfortable. I could tell he was on alert, his eyes always peeled, but confident. I couldn’t help but admire him out of the corner of my eye until Hardison gave a direction.

“Eliot, check out the back corridor. I think I see an access point.”

Eliot looked at me and nodded his head in that direction, silently asking if I would come along. I nodded and followed him. It wasn’t long before there was some static in the comms with a voice I didn’t recognize coming through. Hardison argued with the voice, talking about baby monitor frequency and hacker whatnot. 

“Hardison, what is going on?” I asked, still following Eliot.

The voice responded before Hardison, “Ooooh, now who is the owner of that delectable voice?”

The voice was so… greasy that I reflexively gagged, silently, luckily.

Still, Eliot caught my response and growled into comms, “Who are you?”

“Nuh uh, we are stopping that right there,” Hardison answered. “Switching to backup comm frequencies. Eliot, they’re here, they’re here!”

“What are you talking about?” He asked as we turned a corner. At the end of the hall, an absolutely bombshell of a beautiful woman suddenly stopped as we spotted each other. She had a hand to her ear which she was talking to, which clued me in that she was part of the other crew. Eliot saw it too and quickly but gently pushed me back behind the corner as he analyzed the threat. I was in a position where I was relatively out of sight, but could watch both parties. 

I simultaneously listened on comms to Nate trying to figure out what was going on when Starke approached, striking up conversation, clearly already knowing who he was. I listened as it seemed the crew members paired off with their rival counterparts, battling it out in their respective fields. At least, I assumed that was what was happening in front of me as Eliot and this chick shifted between different combat stances. When each of them changed their form, the other seemed to flinch, leading to the conclusion that this was a more psychological battle. 

There was a look in Eliot’s eyes that I wasn’t sure I liked, particularly looking at this unfamiliar woman. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, and I didn’t want to explore the feeling any longer, so I turned away from them to go search for that access point Hardison mentioned. I thought I found it when I heard the manager ask everyone to leave. I worked my way back to where I left Eliot to find that Nate beat me there to grab him.

“Done giving her bedroom eyes?” I asked, trying to keep my tone light and teasing, but I was sure there was a different undertone present.

The laugh he had on the tip of his tongue from the interaction (or lack thereof) seemed to fall, and he gave me a light scoff and eyeroll, “Whatever, y/n.”

I raised my hands defensively as we exited the auction house, “Just calling it as I see it.” I walked ahead of him, passing Nate to load into the van, claiming the passenger seat for myself on the ride back. 

Coming back to Nate’s apartment to debrief a bit, Nate had a new fire and determination about him. It seemed like Starke pissed him off a bit.We reviewed the other members of the team with Parker and Hardison mirroring Nate’s annoyance for their own rivals. Parker was up against a thief named Apollo and Hardison against a hacker who goes by Chaos. 

“Was that who I was hearing on comms? He sounded greasy, gross,” I commented.

Hardison laughed once, “Well he is, and unfortunately very much knows what he’s doing.”

 Eliot, on the other hand, seemed to admire the girl, Mikel, and her reputation. She sounded very skilled and very scary. 

Once the opposing team members were established in the debrief, Nate was scrambling through papers and information. Trying to retain as much as possible. 

Eliot turned towards Sophie, “How’s this gonna play out?”

“He’s been challenged, okay?” She answered. “His pride is hurt. His… his ego’s at stake. He’s gonna… he’s gonna come up with a bigger, riskier plan than…”

“You talkin’ about Nate?” Eliot asked.

“Nate, yeah,” Sophie agreed, though a little distractedly. 

Eliot looked towards me and I hesitantly nodded in agreement as well. I didn’t know this side of Nate as well as Sophie, but the more I watched as Nate became more frustrated, she was right. I knew Nate was competitive, he’s been like that as long as I could remember, but in this environment, with the constant undertone of at least a little bit of danger, it seems to be on a whole new level. 

“There’s no way. There’s no way this crew is gonna get to that painting before we do. No way,” Nate repeated, determined. 

“We’re not giving up on our only hope of helping the Mercers,” Sophie added. “They’ve waited their entire lives for justice and we are not gonna fail them now.”

“Yeah, yeah. That. sure. Yeah,” Nate haphazardly agreed. “But I mean, who does this guy think he is?”

I looked at the team cautiously, and it looked like we were all on edge. This might be becoming personal.

“We know their MO, their strengths, their weaknesses,” Nate continued. 

“No, no, no,” Hardison interjected. “I have noticed a distinct lack of weaknesses.”

“We know their target,” Nate reassured, “even better, we know their timeline. That painting is going up for auction tomorrow, and it gets sold, it walks out that door. That means they have to hit it tonight. We gotta go in hot. In and out before they even…”

“Tripled security since today,” Eliot reminded him. 

“We barely had time to check out the cameras, the motion sensors,” Parker added. 

“Whatever happens, one way or another, we are walking out of that auction house tonight with that painting,” Nate finished, “No matter what.”

There was a beat of silence, tension clearly hanging in the air. 

“You got it?” He asked.

We all nodded and voiced the affirmative. 

“Now, let’s go steal ourselves a masterpiece.”

 Before I knew it, it was go time. I graciously took a minor role with how technical this plan was, leaving Hardison, Parker, and Eliot to their specific niche. Nate was the main distraction to have Eliot and Parker sneak in, but I was there hanging in the background in case more attention needed to be drawn. 

It didn’t take long for Parker and Eliot to run into their rival counterparts and for Hardison to get in a hacking battle with Chaos, stealing security capabilities from each other. Nate was holding the attention of the guards pretty well, but he started to lose them after the motion sensors went off. I was about to step in when none other than Starke stepped up to aid in the distraction, posing as Nathan Ford, with the insurance company. 

That might have been as bold of a move as any. 

Starke led Nate away from the gates towards the park where I was hiding out. This was when we were put on our back foot. Parker was stuck with the lasers that Chaos turned on after he locked Hardison out of security. It sounded like Eliot was still fighting Mikel. 

“What do you want me to do, Nate?” I asked him through comms, staying hidden. I watched as he glanced at Starke and the time on his watch. 

“Come on out, I’m still thinking.”

I approached the pair and watched as Starke spotted me, a curious expression crossing his face. 

“Ahh, see,” Starke turned back to Nate, pointing at him, “we found information and learned about your whole crew,” he turned back to me, “with the exception of you.”

“Let’s keep it that way, shall we?” Nate replied, just as a police car pulled up to the auction house, lights and sirens blazing. 

“You all out of tricks, Nate?” Starke asked.

“Oh, I think he has one more,” Sophie called as she stepped out of the driver's seat of the police cruiser. 

“Sophie?” Starke asked, surprised. 

“Oooh!”

“You’re not-”

“Dead? Yes.” She stepped up beside Nate and I.

“You went through all this just to set me up?”

“Uh-uh. No. We went through all of this to save you,” Sophie corrected. 

“Now, Hardison,” Nate spoke smugly. 

I smiled as I heard Hardison get himself up and running again, activating the alarms as planned. Parker was acting as a police officer inside and ‘arresting’ the other thief and grabbing the painting; Eliot was ‘arresting’ Mikel. Hardison went in as a third officer to smooth things over with the guards. We as a group watched as they all walked out of the front door.

“This is saving me, how?” Starke asked. 

Nate nodded at me to go and help the others get everything sorted out. I still listened as Sophie and Nate explained how Chaos was going to double cross Starke and how he was the one who tried to kill Sophie. I flinched as Starke’s car exploded down the street, catching me off guard. 

“Easy, y/n,” Hardison teased, packing up the artwork.

“Explosions happen all the time, nothing to be afraid of,” Parker commented casually as she pushed Apollo into the back of the police car, even though it was unnecessary. 

I laughed, “Well Parker, I’m not used to it yet. Explosions don’t happen on the daily for most people.”

She had a puzzled look on her face, “Huh, weird.”

 It didn’t take long for it to come to the traditional celebration of a job well done. Both teams gathered at the pub for bonding and the exchange of paintings. Parker was racing Apollo in picking locks and Eliot was exchanging scar stories with Mikel. I tried not to linger my gaze on them from where I sat at the bar and moved onto Sophie and Nate. They had made Starke hand the Mercer’s painting back to the aging couple who were overjoyed at its return. Starke was only satisfied when he received his compensation in the form of the Van Gogh painting.

We all shared a knowing smile as he left the pub. We had snuck into their home base while they were gone and had stolen his forgeries of the painting. Nate had given Starke one of the fakes, sending the rest of the paintings, including the original, to the airport under Chaos’ name. That should be sufficient evidence to frame him for forgery and theft. 

I didn’t stick around the pub for very long. It, for some reason, felt a bit disingenuous to insert myself anywhere after playing the backburner in this job. No matter how wrong I knew that feeling to be, I couldn’t quite shake it. Hardison had joined the thief table with his laptop, but was mostly admiring Parker with her determination to beat Apollo. My heart warmed with his genuineness that I could read even from a distance. 

I caught Nate’s eye from his booth where he was sitting with Sophie and nodded my head towards the stairs to signal I was heading home. Once he returned a nod in understanding, I exited the pub. I put effort into not making eye contact with anyone else to reduce the chances of being stopped. All the same, I wondered if anyone else noticed I left, or if Eliot would tear his eyes away from Mikel to see me leave. 

I didn’t even want to know.

A/n: Reblogs and comments are welcome and encouraged! Thank you for reading!

Tags: @instantdinosaurtidalwave @kniselle @technikerin23 @kiwikitty133 @plasticbottleholder

[loversarcanas]

like a movie i've seen before

series: persona 5

pairing: haru/ann

words: 1,819

based on ceilings by lizzy mcalpine

read on ao3!

Your fiance isn't bad, at the start. He’s tall, handsome, suave, dressed to the nines in fresh pressed suits, and has a way with words that would bring most girls to their knees.

Still, being around him never feels comfortable - he makes your stomach knot up, blood go cold, even at his nicest and most gentlemanly.

Mere months later, you learn to trust your instinct, as he slowly but surely shows you his true colours - muddled greens, as murky as a swamp.

But what is there to do? Your Father never pays any mind to your feelings, to your worries or your misery, only considering the effect your marriage will have on the company's financial success.

When was the last time he'd been 'Papa' and not 'Father', anyway?

You wish so desperately that you can be rescued, that your prayers will be answered by the very heroes you looked up to as a child. But heroes are a fantasy, a fiction far away from your own grim reality. 

And then you find him.

A lost cat to the naked eye, but the catalyst of something so much greater, bringing you to a place that completely changes your worldview.

The inner workings of your father's heart, a twisted, cognitive wonderland. Your clothes change to match those heroines you so adored. You become your own heroine. 

And then they come along. The Phantom Thieves. You're guarded, at first - how can they be good when they've caused this poor cat (or not a cat? you're not sure) such distress? You run off with your new feline companion (Mona, he says to call him), leaving them to their own devices.

But when you're later confronted by your fiancé, when he kicks Mona to the side, his small body smacking the wall, when he tries to force you to come home with him, the Thieves very quickly prove to you that their intentions are pure.

In their leader's room, a lonely attic above a corner café, you witness firsthand how much this group cares for one another, how much they love each other. 

You wonder how that must feel.

And so you join them, opening your heart to a new kind of power. The woman inside you encourages you to fight back, to spill the blood of those who've wronged you - a tantalizing idea that you've always repressed, in hopes of being the perfect daughter, of taking up no space. 

But you know now, and you will take up as much space as you want. You will encompass the entire world, no longer playing the role of subservient puppet, the role you were trained into. You are Noir, and you will cut down anyone who tries to harm you or friends again.

—

They said they did everything right. They took his treasure, They left his cognitive self intact. He seemed to be getting better.

So why are you watching him bleed from his eyes on national television? Why is he, of all their past targets, the one they failed?

The atmosphere of Destinyland lends nothing to the overwhelming dread of watching your father die. Seven pairs of eyes become trained on you instantly, and you feel even worse. You need to leave immediately.

You tell your friends to stay as long as they like, in your calmest voice possible, and secure a ride to your house.

When your limousine pulls out of view, you let yourself crack.

-

All of the Thieves have been wonderful in your time of mourning, and the most understanding of your complex feelings towards your now-deceased father. You've spent time with each of them one-on-one (group hangouts are too crowded for you right now), and all have done their best to comfort you.

None more so than Ann, much to your surprise.

Of the team, she's one you've spent less time with. Not out of dislike or anything of the sort, really the opposite. You admire her quite a bit, despite her being a year below you. She's loud, outgoing, fiery, but she's also compassionate, gentle. Kind Hearted, and yet she knows when to stand up for herself.

Maybe it's your admiration of her that holds you back from spending time, and you wish you had figured that out sooner. Despite your grief, while you're out at the mall with Ann, trying on outfits and looking at jewelry, and just talking, you feel lighter than you have in weeks.

Ann calls you over to your fourth clothing store of the day. She takes something off a rack just inside the entryway, and shows it to you. An elegant, fluffy lilac sweater, embroidered with small silver butterflies down the sleeves. She says you'd look beautiful in it, and insists you try it on. And just like every outfit before this, you feel like you'd be beautiful in anything she hands you.

As the evening sky sets in, you walk out of the mall, arms spilling with bags of things neither of you probably needed (Ann says it's called “Retail Therapy”, and is a valid form of treatment), but you're both laughing and talking about the sweetest nothings as your driver pulls up.

When you drop her off at her place, she gives you a tight hug, one so warm you might mistake it for a heart attack. Perhaps it's the fact that your father rarely hugged you that makes you wish you didn't have to let go. But when you do, she smiles brightly at you, and tells you she'll be there for you no matter what.

Your heart thrums in your chest in a way all too familiar, as you say your goodbyes and watch her make it safely into her apartment.

When your driver pulls away, you crack again.

-

Bisexuality is not a foreign concept to you. There were times as a child you remembered fleeting feelings for girls in your classes, and dating the occasional boy (before your father found out, and made you break it off). You were never averse to the idea of loving another girl, it was only a matter of your father's approval. While you still feel some semblance of guilt in the wake of his death, you're now free to do as you please with your relationships.

Meaning if you want to fall for Ann, you're allowed.

Spending more time alone with her has given you more to love about her. While you looked up to heroines as a child, she wanted to be like the cool villainesses. She was isolated for a long time due to moving counties, and struggled to make friends in Japan. Despite being outgoing with her friends now, she was withdrawn and lonely for a very long time. She's obsessed with sweets.

The more you learn about her life, the more you want to learn. The more you want to experience it at her side. And so, as you sit on the couch of her apartment, watching her play her favourite game, you ask her if you can.

She's extremely cute when she's flustered, you realize quickly, when she kicks her feet and nearly throws the controller at the TV. But when she recovers, you hear a small, bashful ‘yes’ from under your breath and suddenly your heart is doing backflips over itself.

You ask if you can kiss her, and she tells you it will be her first. And just like Noir would, you steal it.

-

Light shines brightly through your sheer curtains. You rub your eyes, mildly annoyed at the sun for disturbing you, but completely forgive it when you rub the sleep from your eyes.

In front of you lies Ann, still undisturbed in her slumber. Long, messy blonde strands cascading over her face, pale, bare shoulders peeking out from beneath your shared blanket. She looks ethereal, bathed in the glow of the morning as she sleeps. An angel, a goddess in your mind.

You carefully sit up, slide on your pink slippers, and slowly walk to the kitchen, careful not to wake your sleeping beauty. You arrive at your coffee machine, a gift from Boss many years back, and sort through your collection of blends until you come one that feels right.

‘Finca Flores’ is your coffee of choice for the morning, with hints of toffee and maple syrup. While you usually like a more robust, dark roast, this is one you know your wife will like as well. You look down at the gold and white band on your finger, and find yourself giggling like a schoolgirl again. Even after all these years, you still can't believe it sometimes.

When you walk back into your room, coffees in hand, your wife utters a groggy good morning, and a thank you for the drink. She takes the cup from you, sets it on the nightstand, and immediately wraps her arms around your neck.

You unfortunately have to tell her to wait, so that your new sheets don't get a permanent coffee stain.

When you set your cup down, she continues where she left off, nuzzling her face into your neck, breasts pressed against your arm, smelling just like the rose perfume she sprayed on her pillow last night. She whispers good mornings and I love yous in your ear, peppering your neck with the gentlest kisses you think anyone has ever kissed.

And in this moment of pure bliss, you feel like nothing will ever hurt again.

-

You wake up. 

You don't remember falling asleep last night. 

You look at your alarm. It's 8:45 in the morning, meaning you're late for school. As you quickly get dressed, brush your hair, you still feel your heart thrumming from the intimacy of that dream last night. 

When you arrive at school, after getting scolded by your teacher, you try your best to sit through morning classes. You absorb no information, the only thoughts running through your mind is that of Ann, how real she felt in your dreams, how soft she was, how beautiful. 

And how awful you feel, having dreamt of her so intimately.

You see her in the hallway after class, talking to Shiho. You watch from afar, deciding not to invade their conversation. It feels like a creepy thing to do, you think, yet you can't stop yourself. When they part ways, you can see Ann sigh audibly, and mouth something that looks awfully familiar. Your stomach drops.

When you meet with the Thieves after school, you find yourself unable to meet Ann's eyes, even when she talks directly to you.

Stupid, you think, to believe that there could be something between you. Stupid to think Ann would feel the same way. Stupid to dream so sweetly of her, to feel so safe, only to have it ripped from you entirely. Like the gods are playing tricks on you.

And when your driver picks you up from school, like clockwork, you crack.

[goshdangronpa]

Just watched School Days for the first time. My thoughts below the readmore ...

[EMCEE, spoken] And now, the six merry murderesses of the Cook County Jail In their rendition of "The Cell Block Tango"!

[GIRLS] Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz! Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz! Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz! Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!

He had it coming, he had it coming He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it I betcha you would have done the same!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!

[LIZ, spoken] You know how people have these little habits that get you down? Like...Bernie! Bernie liked to chew gum -no, not chew. Pop! So, I came home this one day and I'm really irritated, looking for a little sympathy, and there's Bernie lying on the couch, drinking a beer and chewing -no, not chewing, POPPIN'! So, I said to him, I said, "Bernie, you pop that gum one more time…" And he did. So I took the shotgun off the wall, and I fired two warning shots Into his head!

[LIZ & GIRLS] He had it coming, he had it coming He only had himself to blame! If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it I betcha you would have done the same

[ANNIE, spoken] I met Ezekiel Young from Salt Lake City about two years ago and he told me he was single and we uh, hit it off right away. So, we started livin' together. He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd mix him a drink, we'd have dinner Then I found out, single my ass! Not only was he married, well, he had six wives; one of them Mormons, you know? So that night, when he came home, I mixed him his drink as usual You know, some guys just can't hold their arsenic!

[ANNIE & GIRLS] He had it comin', he had it comin' (Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-huh! Cicero, Lipschitz!) He took a flower in its prime! (Pop! Six! Squish! Uh-huh! Cicero, Lipschitz!) And then he used it (Pop!); and he abused it (Six!) It was a murder, but not a crime! (Squish! Uh uh! Cicero, Lipschitz!)

[JUNE, spoken] Now, I'm standin' in the kitchen, carvin' up the chicken for dinner, and in storms my husband Wilbur in a jealous rage "You been screwin' the milkman!" he said, and he kept sayin', "You been screwin' the milkman!" Then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times

[JUNE & GIRLS] If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it I betcha you would have done the same!

[HUNYAK, spoken] Mit keresek én itt? Azt mondják, a híres lakóm lefogta a férjem, én meg lecsaptam a fejét. De nem igaz. Én ártatlan vagyok. Nem tudom, miért mondja Uncle Sam, hogy én tettem. Próbáltam a rend?rségen megmagyarázni, de nem értették meg

[JUNE, spoken] But did you do it?

[HUNYAK, spoken] Uh uh, not guilty!

[VELMA, spoken, GIRLS] (He had it comin') My sister Veronica and I did this double act (He had it comin') And my husband Charlie traveled around with us. For the last number in our act, we did these twenty acrobatic tricks in a row (He only had himself to blame) One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles, flip flops, backflips, one right after the other! (If you'd have been there) Well, this one night we were in Cicero, the three of us (If you'd have seen it) And we were in this hotel room boozin' and havin' a few laughs. And we run out of ice, so I went out to get some (I betcha you would have done the same) I come back, open the door… There's Veronica and Charlie doin' number seventeen… the spread eagle! (He had it comin', he had it—) Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later, when I was washin' the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead!

[VELMA, GIRLS] They had it comin' (They had it comin'!), they had it comin'! (They had it comin'!) They had it comin' all along! (They took a flower in its prime) I didn't do it (And then they used it), but if I'd done it (And they abused it) How could you tell me that I was wrong? (It was a murder, but not a crime)

[MONA, spoken, GIRLS] (He had it comin') I loved Alvin Lipschitz He was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter (He had it comin') But he was always trying to "find himself". He'd go out every night looking for himself (He only had himself to blame) And on the way, he found Ruth, Gladys, Rosemary and Irving (If you'd have been there) I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences (If you'd have seen it) He saw himself as alive And I saw him dead

[GIRLS] The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!

They had it comin' (They had it comin'), they had it comin' (They had it comin') They had it comin' all along! (They had it comin' all along) 'Cause if they used us ('Cause if they used us), and they abused us (And they abused us) How could they tell us that we were wrong?

He had it comin' (He had it comin'), he had it comin' (He had it comin') He only had himself to blame! (He only had himself to blame) If you'd have been there (If you'd have been there), if you'd have seen it (If you'd have seen it) I betcha you would have done the same

[LIZ, spoken] You pop that gum one more time--

[ANNIE, spoken] Single my ass--

[JUNE, spoken] Ten times--

[HUNYAK, spoken] Miért csukott Uncle Sam börtönbe!

[VELMA, spoken] Number seventeen, the spread eagle!

[MONA, spoken] Artistic differences—

[GIRLS] I betcha you would have done the same!

(I plan to write a Letterboxd review with my actual thoughts so if you wanna see that then lemme know)

[gala-xyzz]

hello tumblr i just woke up from this crazy dream

so in this dream, i was in the living room of my old house (a really big room with high ceilings and this ugly gray carpet everywhere), sitting in front of the tv cabinet with my wii turned on. i'm not sure what controller is in my hands, but it's definitely not a wii remote

anyways, there's only one game i can play, and it's some sort of kingdom hearts game. i don't remember the name, just that it had the word "dream" in it, but it wasn't 3d. the logo was totally different from other games (it was just big maroon text with a black outline). i boot the game up, and i'm talking to someone in the room about how nervous i am, but nobody's in the room that i can see. i get a response from a voice that one of my sisters (i think it sounded like mona?) telling me that i'll be fine and that i'm this close to completing the game

i'm on the start menu now. the background is a black with dark blue patches and is covered in stars. i look at my save file; apparently i'm on the final boss. i start it up, and get thrown right into the boss fight, thinking "i've done all of this before"

the fight begins. i'm on a long cobblestone path with weeds growing between the rocks, a grassy field to my left, a big river and a row of old houses to my right. the camera starts behind me, showing me a long, yellow dragon with red eyes. i can't see it's tail, the thing is that long. there is no end in sight to this path. in the top left of the screen, i am given my objective as the camera moves over to me: defeat and kill the dragon.

i am now playing as sora, though i'm not sure from which game, maybe kh2, except he has his kh3 haircut. i just know i'm playing as sora, with donald and goofy next to me. we are running on this cobblestone path, and we have to jump over these big rocks in the path, but for some reason they don't jump, and they eventually die

once they're dead, the dragon comes at me and kill me. i get a game over screen, but instead of being upset, i sigh and just try again. this time only goofy dies, and when the dragon reaches me i am ready for it. i attack it, but it never fights back, and i get through half of its help before it shoots up toward the sky. i follow it, but instead of donald for a companion, it's a german shepherd and a girl who looks vaguely like kairi.

we fight the dragon in space. it kills me again. i try again, getting back to the same point, this whole time talking to the disembodied voice of my sister, even though i don't remember a word i said. this happens a few times, but each time, something feels more and more wrong. until the final time i try again, where it is no longer the dragon i am fighting in space. it's sora, and i am playing as some blank shadow of a character, with no face or name, just a basic keyblade. i am alone. my companions are gone. all i hear is the game music

i fight sora. i win. he's crying in pain by the end. suddenly i am taken to a blue screen, with a sequence of numbers and letters on it. there is a white keyboard in my hand. i am prompted to type the numbers, but i am crying, because if i do this will kill sora for good. he is here in the room now, as his kh1 self, hugging my left arm, screaming and crying.

i remember the first handful of numbers/letters: O21b00000. after that, i don't remember the rest. but as i type, the numbers distort and look scribbly. there is a picture of a heart, and it breaks with each key i hit. i hit the last one, and sora screams loudly as beams of light shoot out of him. he is dead. gone. and i have won my game

i sit there as the tv turns off. i am dumbfounded and start crying. dearly beloved starts playing and i turn around, thinking "i have done this before" and i see sora, his kh4 self now, standing there with a smile. he's okay. i run over to him, screaming and crying, and when i hug him, i hear myself saying, "it's okay, you can wake up now."

i wake up. i'm on my couch. it's 8am and i need to feed the pigs.

what the fuck just happened.

[panoralis]

⋆⠀⠀RAISE OUR GLASSES.⠀⠀ ┉ ⠀⠀ DECEMBER 2021

“⠀⠀ AND IN THE END, even saints can admit her fault was staring through the wrong shade of lenses. ⠀⠀”

STARRING.   hwang haein .. bang chan .. mention of kalaya cherinsuk and hwang gyuri

CW(S).   arguments, possible toxic mindset (particularly when it comes to work and personal relationships), initial refusal to accept accountability, swearing, emotional injuries

MONA SAYS.   welcome to the mini trilogy i unofficially title ‘the happiest girls’ !! i’ve had this planned for a while now then ended up writing this at like.. google docs said 1:08 a.m. slides that out of the way let’s just go with early. also yes, the formats are inspired inspired by fiixion’s ocs and moirtre ♡

UNKNOWN, 10:03 P.M: can you meet me here? UNKNOWN, 10:03 P.M: haein, i don’t want us to dissolve so easily UNKNOWN, 10:03 P.M: please give me this chance

haein swears she blocked his number. but in this universe, she doesn’t have the power to enforce the same command on his manager. it’s not a surprise anymore—he’s clearly mastered the art of finding loopholes.

without the bustling students weaving between the machineries of the arcade, or kids accidentally knocking people’s legs during their endeavor to get on the little rides, it doesn’t take long for haein to find him. he’s so predictable; silently leaning against the wall beside the photo booth. 

..seven, eight, nine.

it takes the anxious man seven flashes of his lockscreen, eight deep breaths, and nine flicks across the space before his gaze finally catches her. knowing him too well, haein can see the specks of relief that shimmer upon his cocoa-tinted irises. was he truly so worried that she wouldn’t show up like he desperately expected?

funny.

“you came..” the words barely squeeze past bang chan’s lips. his impulsive thoughts kick in; strongly tempting him to hug her. “you’re here-”

“-to officially put an end to this.”

haein can’t remember the last time she let her professional persona bleed into her personal life. clearly, neither does the male idol, for the hope in his face is ruthlessly erased. he can strain his muscles as much as he wants—the corners of his lips won’t reach his dimples. 

just this once, she’ll let him grasp her arm and lead her to the vacant space between the photo booth and row of motorcycle racer stimulators. while she wants to nip the bud and return home already, the last thing anyone needs is a scandal.

“no, haein- please..” he begins to plead again. “i know you understand me when i say that i was trying to protect everyone.”

hitting back with a scoff, the noirette retorts, “you call concealing the truth from inka—someone who looked up to you, trusted you—protecting her? spare me the bullshit, chan. you had so many chances to be honest with her. and yet, even when you got caught, you still spun the narrative on her; ‘made her feel like she was too young to face it.”

and there his hand goes—fixing the edges of his beanie despite it not being a distraction in the first place. haein has experienced enough fights with him to spot the tell-tale signs: a shadow covers the warm gleam in his eyes, his attention is abruptly averted to things surrounding him, and he bites his tongue to refrain from saying something he will regret-

“why are you even on her side? i’m your boyfriend, aren’t i? you should be assuring me that i did what was best for the group.”

(oh? oh, sounds like the eve of new year is already trickling into.. certain people’s personas.)

“no chan, you’re a hypocrite.” haein states without hesitation. “look at us, we began dating even though you still have that dating ban in place. what makes us different from inka’s situation, huh?”

stunned, the once candid male doesn’t have any words to spill. but his girlfriend still has plenty.

“i may not know inka as well as gyuri does, but what i do know is that you didn’t have the right to meddle with her personal affairs. you kept acting like she’s this fragile doll that in the end, you were the one who shattered her into fine fragments.” 

her sharp words cut so deep, the strings of frustration that tried to move bang chan are cut seamlessly. no longer is his common sense eclipsed by undeserved self-assurances, yet everyone knows the importance of timing. 

so haein forces him to reap the consequences by watching her walk away—from him, his recklessness, and their previously sturdy relationship. 

sure, she’ll listen to him call her name, sprinkle some ‘don't go’ too. she’ll feel the hurt he blends with desperation while trying to get her back. and she’ll look back once to notice the tremors in his hands as he tries to reach out for her.

but the young woman had just finished dressing the cuts littered across her skin. they’re not very pretty.. then again, witnessing the man you love shatter the foundation of your story so easily isn’t either. still, if he ever gathers the audacity to ask her again, she’d let him know her preference.

she wants to draw stars around her scars, not layer them some more.

FANBASE  :  @stealanity @lost-leopard-beanie @fairiepoems & send an ask or dm if you'd like to be added !

[msfbgraves]

After a binge of 'The Bear', I don't understand why so many characters in the show say there is something exceptionally strange about Carmen. If anyone, Sydney should get it without knowing anything about his history.

He's an exceptionally gifted, creative guy, and they're Like That.

And by like that I mean that creative people are self absorbed. Or, maybe not self absorbed the way narcissists are, who are literally pondering the genius of them - they don't feel they have to share anything with the world but their supposed awesomeness, in a reality show way. (Like what do these people like the Kardashians even do?) But the creative types want something to exist, want it to be Right, and that has something to do with how they interact with the world. How their self interacts with the thing they're doing. What that results in, what they make, brings joy to those it is for. A lot of joy. Carmen is a three Michelin star chef. What he makes is out of this world good. It is a way of spreading so much love.

But you can't do it if you pour yourself fully into other people. It interferes. You need to make your art, your food, your world record, caring for other people comes second place. It simply does. You do it when you're on a roll, when your first gift gives you so much back that sure, your cup runneth over, you can pour yourself into other people too! And maybe there are people who can do both, but a lot of the time, you're a star chef first and a brother second and Sugar, you can be mad about it all you want, but if you'd take the cooking away from him, he wouldn't even be a brother third.

So many people pour all of themselves in a few other chosen select people. We see that as moral and right and just, and we don't expect any feats of genius. But Carmen is the type of genius who can't do both. You want love from him? You get great food and whatever else he may have left to spare. And it will be less than any other random person who can't do what he does. There is a reason people's relationships with him improve when they join him in his world. He doesn't have to step away from the most important thing to his brain, he has so much more to spare for the people he loves. Of course he pours out his love to Syd while fixing a table, because he doesn't have to choose then.

And, well, is that sociopathic? Yes, if you feel that it's the wrong way to relate to people, if you feel you need to be able to leave something like that behind to go shopping, or watch a game or do things everyone enjoys. But it's not how they work. If you let them show love through what they do, they have more time to watch the game after. Or watch the game at his restaurant and let him serve you the best burger you have ever tasted during, with homemade beer and vanilla coke and fries to die for. Yeah he will come up with a new use for spinach during but so what? You'll also get to talk about what you're up to, how he can help. It's completely legit if that isn't enough and you need to find someone to pour more of themselves into you, but don't blame him, it's no use. His love is in his output first. If you'd have asked Leonardo to stop scribbling for three seconds, for your friendship you might have been fine without the Mona Lisa, but the likely result would have been 1, no Mona Lisa, and 2, a miserable Leonardo. Maybe stop trying to be friends with Leonardo then and find a buddy who isn't obsessed, if this bothers you.

One thing Carmen probably shouldn't do is have kids. That's not fair. He'd only be half a parent. But he's made thousands of lives better in other ways: he's elevated the careers of everyone at the Beef. He gave cousin Richie a purpose within a week. He's going to get Syd her star if it kills him. Poor Sugar is getting the short end of the stick for now, and maybe he can't do much for her in general, but those future birthday cakes are going to be epic. Any food intolerance? He's on it.

Who says that isn't love?