#and learning to handle my emotions

[trafficpan-ic]

Im gonna write the most beautiful poem about u and never show you

[dykedvonte]

I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?

What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.

[stardustdiiving]

Kaeya when he has to function around the existence of the brother he mourns his relationship with due to a volatile hurtful falling out born out of the crushing guilt he has about his own existence: 😎

Kaeya when he gets told he’s descended from the founder of the abyss order & deflects feeling any attachment or emotional conflict over his past: 😎

Kaeya when ppl arguing make the child he cares about sad for .2 seconds (he cannot bear the sight of Klee being subject to the confusing & seemingly pointless pain of familial conflict that he is so familiar with when (unlike himself) she does not deserve to have to accept it & learn to endure it all on her own):

[theanonymousninja247]

✨ Star Friends ✨

When I found out that @chessman-protocol boy Crit liked Astronomy, let’s just say I was beyond estatic and immediately planned this little comic. Here’s to my boy Vincent doing his best to make friends with folks who share similar interests 😅💙

Funny enough, I didn’t realize I put this in Vincent character’s until I looked at the whole thing, but Vincent very much shares the lack of stranger danger the way I did/ I do to this day. To quote one of my past managers I’m “abnormally friendly” or whatever

I can’t tell you how many times even as a small child (drove my parents nuts) that I saw a cool person with whatever connecting factor and I just straight up walked to them and was like “Ok cool. We’re friends now.” And nobody’s really stopped me? So apparently I have friends now. 😆

Vincent however is just a wholesome baby boy who doesn’t realize he’s actually an intimidating hunk of a turtle and randomly walking up to strangers and not saying anything can be taken the wrong way.

Like I said, he’s trying his best. He wasn’t exactly the most socialized if you can’t tell, but he does love dearly and is certainly a boone of a friend to have once you get past the inevitable social awkwardness. He’s loyal to put because he really doesn’t know better, and I adore him for that. Anyway, dunno if Crit knows any ASL or not, but either way Vincent is just excited to meet somebody else who likes space ✨🌌 💙

[tj-crochets]

The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)

[clerichs-xi]

tender as a bruise, sharper than a razor wrap her tentacles around me like she'll never let me go

klaus' backstory arc just ended heho and it was revealed he used to be the lover of the goddess of storms and pirates... she had basically kidnapped him and imprisoned him into murder and piracy for 20 years and needless to say it greatly damaged him on every level <3 its okay he's been able to be normal for once since the start of the campaign thanks to the party aka his new found family

get urself a surrogate middle-aged father who can speedrun a forbidden romance in one minute and then immediately go to confront the darkest version/a corrupted version of himself, as well as his toxic lover as she tortures him -w-)b

details and just the lines hehe

[anotherpapercut]

working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do

[hexalene]

Looks like you average 175 calls a day! :O

Depending on your shift length that's about 20 calls an hour, dang. I've heard 911 inbound calls are very mentally taxing, sometimes. How do you handle it?

It depends!

There’s kind of a mentality you develop doing this, which is that there is no closure. Once the line has disconnected, it’s over, you’ll never know what happens next.

It gets easier to compartmentalize. There are a good number of calls I think about a lot, but for the most part I let myself forget them.

As for the bad calls, I take breaks. My center has a policy that if you need a break, you take a break, it doesn’t matter how much the phones are ringing, if you need to step away, step away. This helps A LOT. I can go outside or to a private room and breathe, cry, talk it out, whatever I need.

If I’m being really really honest, I can compartmentalize terrible emergency calls a lot better than other difficult calls. With the emergencies, I do whatever I can to help and close the call knowing I’ve done all I can.

The calls I have trouble with are the people who call to verbally abuse us and the mental health frequent fliers, who also call to verbally abuse us in a different flavor. These suck because they’re just on the line to scream, cuss, threaten, and abuse you until you confirm there’s no emergency (and they’ll avoid letting you know if there is one to keep you on the line).

But even those? They’re fine. I might be annoyed with them, but they don’t know who I am and I don’t take the insults personally. It’s just exhausting to see a particular phone number in the queue and be like “oh boy, time to take my headset off because Jane Schizophrenia is about to call and scream as loud as she can into the microphone.” Or worse, to be answering in succession and be shocked when the scream belts out at full blast.

But again, even that? Not that bad.

There’s a LOT of talk about how awful the job can be and how not many people can do it, but honestly?? I think a lot more people could handle this job than they think.

Like bruh have you worked in an abusive retail environment for shit-tier pay and stayed calm while a 45 year old woman with a cropped haircut screams for the manager? Have you gotten into an argument with a coworker and managed to de-escalate it without mediation?

Have you successfully been in behavioral health therapy and have a good regimen of SSRIs, ADHD meds, anxiety pills, or all three (guess who) and can hold off the big emotions until you’re in a safe environment?

You’ll be fine. You can do 911.

[cloudd-nyne]

.

[sag-dab-sar]

I really really really need to get the bravery to say "don't move my wheelchair without asking me", when a medical person moves it when I am not in it. Like I need to directly say it to them after they have done the act to correct them. A nurse did today, simply stating "I'm moving this out of our way," and then did so before I could even say "please unlock the breaks." Then all of my possessions except my phone were completely out of my reach, even my glasses case was. It was so upsetting.

[actualsunflower]

hold on I just started crying because I stared at this pic of the Earth from the moon. The Earthrise photo from the Apollo 8 mission.

Not only was this pic taken in 1968 but it's from the fucking moon. There's so many people in this picture. And animals. And plants. And everything. Everything is right there all in one picture. There are people in this picture who've passed away and are forever immortalized from the moon. FROM SPACE. taken by a Human FROM that planet ..well I guess not every human is in that pic cause some of em are on the moon lol

[merlions]

Vent (lol)/whining/ignore me/etc

Flipping a mental coin over whether I should go downstairs and figure out if we have new filters for the heating unit. Like my dad wants me to be dumb little baybey who doesn't know shit about a house or any skills cause I'm the youngest kid and fuck me if I learned anything about heating unit safety from spending 7 years living by myself (like with roommates but not with my parents) in the damn snow belt so he definitely wouldn't be happy if I asked if he'd changed it at any point and definitely didn't tell me where the replaceable filter is on the machine so I could do it myself, I'm sure I could find it but like. I mean. I already took my sleep meds.

Sure the house smells like burning a little bit and sure the thermostat says it's switched to aux heating (probs cause it overheated because he didn't clean the filter even though we went through this last year when the heating stopped working and the guy said "you haven't switched the filter yet this year?" And my dad said "you're supposed to switch the filter?" And I said "YOU DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SWITCH THE FILTER IN THE FIVE YEARS SINCE YOU GOT THIS HEATING SYSTEM?") Anyways I'm not fucking w any of that idek he's gonna have a screaming meltdown tomorrow when he realizes he forgot to switch it I'm just vibin thinkin good thoughts abt my house not burning down peace and love in the no sunshine state ✌️ 😎

[lesbiansanemi]

I'm so tired

[badcountryofficial]

Thinks abt how the one person in my family I really relate to and respect settled in her marriage and later wakes up in a cold sweat

[britneyshakespeare]

I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."

I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.

Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.

[lilacponds]

also other life update

ive been EXTREMELY stressed out and burnt out with social life and staff duties (am staff in one of the minecraft servers im in) and roleplay, and just, shit in general,

so im on a break!!!! not talking to people is a bit difficult but i need the full mental reset, even though i miss my partners and my best friends. its been three days tho and i deleted the discord app on my phone (not my pc tho) and its been so fucking relaxing already???? waking up without like 20 notifications on my phone is??? actually really relieving????

when i go back to socialization i might turn off discord app notifs on my phone. i can still use it to chat while im like in bed and shit, but i wont wake up and immediately be stressed that way.

hopefully this is also good for my mental health for like... proving to my brain that things won't collapse or go wrong if i'm not there to see them. my friends and my partners have other people in their lives, i don't have to break down to be there for them - a support system exists so no one person has to bear the brunt of all the supporting themselves. i've struggled a lot in my life with the feeling of "if i'm not available 24/7 then i've failed as a friend and a partner, what is my use". part of it is some more or less traumatic situations i've been in, where i found out that while i wasn't there - while i was asleep - bad shit happened to ex partners, with the potential of even worse shit happening as well. i won't go in details here. and i've always carried this guilt with me, as if i could've changed things if i had just been there. i'm plagued by what ifs.

this is one of the reasons right now im on strict "will not reply unless emergency". i have to teach my brain that thing will not implode if i'm not there. i have to teach my brain that if someone needs support, i'm not the only one they can turn to, even if i (think and hope i) am the one who loves them most. i have to teach my brain it's okay to not be there.

the people that love me will love me even if i need time. the people that love me will love me even if i can't help.

so yeah.

i am on a break.

and it's been good so far.