#and just make my points so much less valid and interesting

[teaboot]

I remember you having a good post on the whole "I'm just a girl" shit and how demeaning it is but now I'm talking to a friend about it and I can't remember any of the points or find it, am I misremembering?

Also you can ignore this half but in case anyone has better counters then I did her arguments are:

- "if people get to excuse boys actions by saying 'boys will be boys' why can't I excuse my actions with 'Im just a girl', I won't care about I'm just a girl unless people start scrutinizing boys will be boys."

- "what does it matter if it's demeaning it's just a joke there's far more harmful things I can't do anything about why should I care."

- "Women are always going to be seen as lesser by men so why shouldn't I make the most of it"

- The statement is somehow empowering by implying that a man being spoken to is less smart than someone who is "just a girl"??

“Boys will be boys” is not so much a redeeming claim as it is a reduction of a person to their base animal nature, and “I’m just a girl” is no better. Are you a person, capable of understanding right and wrong and thereby responsible for the choices you make, worthy of praise when you do well and culpable when you do wrong, or are you no better than an untrained dog that shits on the floor? If you surrender responsibility for your wrongful actions, you surrender responsibility for your good ones as well.

A joke tests the boundaries of what is socially accepted in any given environment. Outrage at racism is absurd to a racist, outrage at sexism are absurd to a sexist. Outside of these circles, the punchlines don’t land, because the assumed truths extant in the reality posited by the joke are not universal. Similar to how puns don’t often translate across languages. Any jokes can be told by anybody, but the jokes we choose to tell can be indicative of the audience we seek to ingratiate ourselves to, and the values we are willing to adopt as our own.

“If women are going to be seen as lesser by men, then why not take advantage?” Interesting question. I’d say that this is very similar to the first argument: To accept the benefits of a posited reality is to accept the expense as well, and by extension, to validate and reinforce the belief. If you aren’t capable of doing better because you are a girl, then anything bad you do is out of your control, and if that is true, then men- so much superior, capable of higher thinking and self-control- are morally obligated to protect you from yourself. Crash your car? Spend your rent money? Of course, you’re just a girl. That’s what girls do. Which is why it would be irresponsible to let you have a driver’s license, or your own bank account or credit card, and if you’re so dangerous to be left alone then of course you shouldn’t be trusted with any kind of important job at all. In fact, it’s be better that you stayed at home, and had a husband to do all these things for you. Until he gets bored or fed up when you don’t behave, of course.

This last one is too stupid to parse.

TL/DR: Accept the consequences of your poor choices as a being worthy of respect and capable of better, or deny them, and trade your life of agency as a free-thinking individual for short-term comfort.

(I do not know which post you meant in part 1, but this topic makes me angry enough to write about it anyways.)

[itspileofgoodthings]

so funny because my emotions are a strength of mine (also their strength in particular is a strength) but they’re also a huuuuge weakness and downside and pitfall as well, and not just because they make me suffer. they also just, like, get in the way of so many good things.

[anxiously-sidequesting]

how about you shut the fuck up Mr. Irresponsible

[capesandshapes]

If you're an American and you're really scared about the Trump administration overtaking the Institute for Museum and Library Services, I'm just going to quick break down how this works on the library side from someone who has worked in libraries, made the director handbook for libraries in my system, managed archives, and continues to engage with libraries pretty actively:

-Federal funding for the bulk of libraries in the US is far less than most people think it is. This is because the majority of libraries are sustained by local and state taxes in their area.

-Typically new developments like growing stem programs, hotspot services, and adding library locations is done through federal grants. In a few select states because of how they've structured their libraries and how new their libraries are to the system, Federal grants do technically still pay for ebook services and (less frequently) day to day operations in libraries that have less foot traffic, but still serve an important role to the communities surrounding them. A few libraries do pay additional staff via federal grants, but typically core staff are funded via state and local taxes.

-There's a whole lot of reasons why libraries are funded the way that they're funded, part of it is that conservatives at one point did argue that a library should provide enough value to its community that like it is supported only by the local and State taxes, which is a valid reason.

Another argument for why libraries don't take more Federal funding that's been popping up a lot in the 2020s is that taking a significant portion of your funding on a federal level would make you more beholden to the federal government and encourage them to begin making restrictions that impact the ecosystem of libraries and what you are allowed to have on the shelves, which likely wouldn't necessarily serve your patrons. It also would basically mean that book banners would have a place to go to push their agenda wide scale.

-all this is not to say that this isn't going to hurt libraries.

This is going to hurt a lot of rural locations, independent libraries, and summer reading programs-- which are important resources for education, socialization, and just the general well-being of our nation's youth.

These programs provide an important break for parents who have months-long stretches where their kids are suddenly home all of the time and don't have the same easy social access that they had before.

I cannot put into words just how important summer reading programs are for communities, they provide so many opportunities for kids to learn and interact and foster a lifelong appreciation of reading.

Even if you have just read a hundred books to get an ice cream cone, you were reaping the emotional and social benefits of reading, we learn so many cues in communication from reading and so much empathy.

I cannot put into words how much reading impacts child development. When you teach a child to read and you teach a child to read well, you are giving them tools to communicate with the world around them-- and summer reading programs help maintain and in some cases supplement the skills that kids develop during the school year. Learning is not something that should be restricted to just 9 months of the year.

Reading programs are important programs to the development of our nation's youth!

A lot of the additional summer programming is done through grants, and while a lot of states have really expansive Grant opportunities, the federal funding cuts in other areas are likely going to result in people looking really close at what we're spending on and why.

-one of the most important things that you can do for your state libraries is continue to use their services, show that you appreciate what they offer. If you want a program to remain, you have to be an active part of it.

Most libraries are allowed to count services in patron numbers to show interest in ebook catalogues and other things, but visiting in person and using community courses when you can helps further support the existence of branch locations.

Some states are likely going to get hit harder by this than others that have larger systems, but you using and talking about your local library helps make a case to hold onto the funding they have and look into additional ways to replace federal funding.

-what is an ungodly awful part of this is that we're going to see a lot of national libraries get hit hard by this. And national/federal libraries are typically legal libraries and special topics libraries.

It's a lot of historical preservation, information about our environment and agriculture, medical research, and technology AS WELL AS collections/limited libraries that were created via federal funding to inspire diversity and inclusion. A lot of these libraries don't have bustling locations to inspire funding via foot traffic, but they do provide resources to our library ecosystem. A really important way that they do this is by making large print, braille, playaways, and other ability aids accessible via the interlibrary loan system. They even scan items that are too fragile or precious for transport so that patrons and different systems can use them.

Just running down a short list of times that national, federally funded libraries have really helped my patrons via interlibrary loan services: one of the various libraries for the deaf and blind provided me with the cds that I needed in order to allow a patron to read the next cj box book while long haul trucking, I have received copies of photographs of people's parents on reservations via interlibrary loans and using grant funding have also uploaded photos of people's family members and newspaper articles that are relevant to their family history, I've actually received sheet music for a trombone player as a result of the various music libraries , and there was a niche queer library that mailed us so many books that were requested because we didn't have access to any of the 1970s queer pulp paperbacks and a patron desperately wanted to read the books that she had seen on shelves when she was growing up but never been brave enough to check out. (The art on their covers was wonderful)

THESE ARE IMPORTANT SERVICES TO OUR LIBRARY ECOSYSTEM. We want these services and access to these collections to remain, because you never know what is going to happen to you in this life, and because people deserve the opportunity to interact with their own history and their own culture. These will be lost if these libraries are no longer funded.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

What can you as an ordinary person do?

1. Kick up a fight and make sure that you are hounding your lawmakers the moment you so much as sniff someone trying to defund your libraries.

2. Use all the resources that you can to show that they actually matter to you and do so while understanding that because life gets busy, your usage is also advocating for other people in the community who don't currently have the time to use those resources but would appreciate them later on.

3. Make sure you're talking about libraries and what they offer to other people, a lot of people don't know what their local library has going on.

4. Take the time to volunteer and look into ways to donate not necessarily money, but your time and resources to the library. Not every library takes old books, but some that won't put your books on the shelves will put them in the library book sales. Not every library allows volunteers to shelf, but they do often allow for people to join their friends of the library organization and help raise money and come up with community events and staff them.

5. You can donate money, but I want to note with donating money, that not every library is structured the same.

Please check with your local librarian how their donations work.

I have worked at libraries in the past where we got donated money that went into the city slush fund, and are late fees also went into the city slush fund... Which was used on a road. Not a road near us, but just a road. One that actually kind of fucked a lot of people over.

We actually had to come up with a separate method of donation for monetary things that classified them as being earmarked for specific services and usage so then the city couldn't take it. Which is insane but you know.

We would take money from patrons and ask them if they wanted to go into our general fund, or if they would like it specifically to go towards the repair of our roof.

A lot of people once they realize the reason why we were asking about the repair of our roof did in fact get heated about the way that the city was treating us, but the city still fought back about whether or not we would get to hold our own donations rather than specifically earmarked ones.

Just having people know how our donation system worked and fight for us to actually hold the money that had been donated specifically to us did make a difference in the end, because suddenly we had a roof. And, you know, some people lost seats in elections.

EDIT:

-YOU CAN ALSO START A BOOK CLUB THROUGH YOUR LIBRARY, WHICH IS SO IMPORTANT!!!

Most libraries will give you a free place to meet and promote your event, you can also engage with your community and make new friends,

aaand something that's really important is that you can show your support to the books that you love.

Not only do book clubs encourage foot traffic, they help promote different niches of offers, and form lasting community bonds. Heavy book club usage has in my experience actually shaped when we had our library hours. Like to the point where we added an extra day a week because they were coming in so frequently and they had indicated that they would keep coming in with even more people if they were able to come in on the weekend.

It also allows libraries to show that our space is being used, and have like a solid number of formalized meetings that happened there and helped us exist.

You can start a book club for almost anything in most cases, though most libraries ask for a lack of profanity in the name of your organization, and if you formally affiliate with your library then most branches help clubs acquire their books at the same time and arrange resources for whatever events you have planned.

[milkoomi]

⋆˚࿔ a new canvas means a new you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

a mini series on the art of becoming a better you

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

chapter four — THE ART OF SELF RESPECT

when you live a life where you don’t respect yourself, your boundaries, your health, your mind, your emotions; just anything about you, you’ll end up living a life where you’re walked all over, where people take advantage of you, where you’ll find no successes or achievements— you live a life feeling lost and feeling empty, feeling like your mission in life is to be meaningless. we’re taught to respect others, but we’re never taught to respect ourselves. we, as individuals, need to have the highest level of respect for one person. that person being us.

ᥫ᭡. where to start

decenter men

i was talking about this the other night with my best friend, but way too many people (women, men, trans women/men, literally anyone) center their lives around men. the patriarchy has stolen so many people’s individuality, stripping them of finding their own personality, their own interests, opinions, hobbies, etc. and that is one of the main reasons people don’t have any self respect. decenter men.

a man should not, and never define who you are as a person. a man should never make you feel like you are undeserving of your own successes. a man should never make you feel any less than what you truly are! men should never be a source of validation for you as a person. it doesn’t matter if you’re a man yourself (cis or trans), it doesn’t matter if you’re a woman (cis or trans), and it doesn’t matter if you’re nonbinary/gender-nonconforming; you should never ever— and i mean ever— center your ideals, thoughts, opinions, hobbies, interests, and your entire self and life around a man.

too many people are so focused on men and what men think about them. and let me just give you some food for thought: when have you ever done something solely for yourself without the back thought of a man’s approval? i’ll admit, back in high school i spent all four years thinking about men and seeking validation from a man. from my freshman year all up until my senior year i was in back to back relationships because i couldn’t even fathom the thought of being without a man. and you know what that did for me? it made me miserable, it made me more insecure, and it made me put myself into situations that the person who i am now would be insanely repulsed by because what the fuck was i thinking? majority of my teenage years were spent centering my life around men, and i was miserable.

now, at my current age at this point in my life, i am so unbelievably lucky to be engaged to the man of my dreams, but! i remember when my partner and i first started dating, my therapist asked about 5-6 months into my relationship, “do you feel like you depend on him for your happiness?” and it made me think, “oh my god, what if i am? what if all the anxieties i have about my relationship are because i rely too much on him for my own happiness?” while my relationship with him is the healthiest, happiest, and most healing relationship i’ve ever been in, i had to learn to be okay with being by myself; with being in the company of my own, without him, because i can’t depend on him for company or happiness or peace— i have to depend on myself for those things, and he’s just my wonderful partner that i get to enjoy and experience life with. he’s not my entire life. he’s only a part of it.

you have to learn to be happy and to find peace with being by yourself. your whole life can’t be surrounding the idea of a man.

here are a couple posts that i’ve found to be really helpful with how to decenter men:

“decentering men and recentering yourself” by @honeytonedhottie

“how to decenter men” by @femmefatalevibe

stop seeking validation from others

not only do people seek validation from men, they seek validation from literally anyone. parents, teachers, bosses, friends, classmates, colleagues; people are looking from validation from all the wrong sources. you, yourself, should be the only person you seek validation from. you should be setting your own standard from yourself.

again, looking for validation from any outside source only makes you lose yourself more and more in the process. you forget all about what you want and need from yourself because you’re so focused on what other people need and want from you. validate yourself, affirm yourself, just be there for yourself. you don’t need anyone or anything else telling you that you’re doing something right. you’ll know what’s right for you because you should know yourself better than anyone else!

set boundaries

chapter three was all about learning how to say no and how to set boundaries, so i highly recommend going back to that chapter and reviewing it since i go more in-depth on that topic!

setting boundaries for yourself is one of the best things to do to regain your self respect. knowing what exactly you want from yourself and from others and setting that line will not only protect your happiness and peace, but it will also show an immense amount of respect that you have for yourself to others who may think that they don’t have to respect you.

ᥫ᭡. self respect as a whole

respecting yourself means respecting your peace, your privacy, your thoughts, your opinions, your emotions; you as a person. it protects you from things and people that could potentially harm you, whether it’s physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.

protect your peace. protect your happiness. protect your mind and your body. when you disrespect yourself by partaking in an overuse of harmful substances, having unprotected sex with someone you don’t even have a genuine connection to, or accepting behaviors from someone who’s constantly hurting you or betraying your trust you become a doormat for people to walk all over you in life.

i have known too many people, myself included, who disrespected themselves and faced one too many hardships in life. it makes us miserable and that misery turns into so many mental health issues that can sometimes cause too much harm that it makes it 100 times more difficult to recover.

self respect doesn’t have to be hard. you can always start small by just taking care of yourself! this has been a recurring theme in this series, but here i am to say it again: prioritize yourself! respect that you have needs and wants and do things for yourself that make you feel good and that benefit you. self care is vital, and respecting the fact that your own health needs to be in check is a wonderful first step towards gaining more self respect.

you have to show up for yourself, you have to immerse yourself in activities/hobbies/media that’s actually good for you— not what you think is good for you, you have to be kind to yourself, and you have to love yourself, babes. seriously, self respect can be a really simple thing at the end of the day and it can come so easily to you if you just let it be. don’t make your life harder by disrespecting yourself.

ᥫ᭡. final notes

we’re nearing the end of this mini series! chapter five will be the final chapter! i’m so thankful that this series has been shown so much love so far and i hope that it’s been able to help you guys as much as it helped me! i know i’ve been writing all of these, but something about creating content like this really motivates me to keep moving forward with my own self improvement journey.

i hope you guys always know i’m with you every step of the way in this journey. you never have to walk it alone, trust me! i know i always talk about being there for yourself, but other people (who are genuinely worth it, of course) can be there for you too! we’ve all got the same goal: to better ourselves. it’s going to be a difficult and long journey, but we’ll make it together!

with lots of love, juno 🌷

[honeytonedhottie]

decentering men and recentering urself⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💅🏽💓

the secret to decentering men and not having ur entire world revolving around them (bcuz it should be revolving around you, duh) is having a fulfilling life. it makes me ICK so bad when im watching a video or reading a post and im rly loving it, and then it'll find SOME way to make it revolve around men. like can we not?…💬🎀

WHY WE CENTER THE OPPOSITE SEX ;

a lot of people find themselves centering their lives around the opposite sex in an attempt to fill a void within themselves. they do it because they aren't happy with themselves or their lives, or maybe its learned behavior. whatever the reason is, its NOT hot.

some things that someone who centers men might think are "oh my life is so boring, maybe it would be spiced up if i got with a man" or "maybe it'll bring some excitement into my day" like EUGHHH. obviously the solution is to find ways to make our lives fulfilling but how do we do that? and how do we get to the root cause and squash this self sabotaging behavior?

SELF AWARENESS ;

if u have nothing going on for u, ofc ur gonna be energetically desperate and accepting anything and EVERYTHING. practice self awareness and try to get to the root cause of why u center men through things like shadow work, therapy, or just straight up having an honest conversation with urself cuz i swear it helps.

when you make the conscious effort to build ur dream life you'll notice that people that are on the same mindset as you will vibe with the REAL you. the need to fake/adjust urself to fit in with other people will dissipate because ur fitting into ur own standards and ur connections will be more meaningful because of it.

TAKE UR POWER BACK ;

no ones actions should ruin ur day or make u upset for more then a day (even less) cuz its YOUR world. 💕🍰

make time for YOU, doll. plan self care routines for urself every week. doing face masks, journalling, vision boarding, WHATEVER U LIKE TO DO. making time for urself reminds u that ur the main character of ur life so u dont have to settle for crumbs.

stop giving that power to someone else and dictate how u feel, NOT the actions of a significant other or the opposite sex or anybody. the reason why its important to make sure that ur the center of ur own life is so that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of if there is a man or if there isnt a man present. so the objective is to decenter men -> and then put yourself at the center

GET A HOBBY ;

find something to make ur life fulfilling. pursue ur OWN interests and try out different hobbies if ur unsure of what ur interests are yet. cultivate ur world to the point where it GLEAMS with perfection and then do a little extra. build a life that u love so much that whether u get male attention or validation doesnt even matter cuz their opinions have little to no relevance 💀

challenge yourself: next time you catch yourself thinking, ‘would a guy like this?’ flip it and ask urself "hey, do i like this?" start checking with yourself first instead of checking with others.

MAKING THE DECISION TO DECENTER MEN ;

decentering men simply means that ur deciding to no longer think, feel, act, dress, or plan ur life around a man or for the validation of any man…💬🎀

relationships will actually get BETTER when u decenter the opposite sex. cuz ur not looking for someone to compete with and ur whole on ur own. this sets the stage for balance and mutual respect and THATS hot.

you can be in a relationship and still decenter men. decentering men simply means that you are the priority, not the relationship. how can we tell if we're decentering men or not? here are a few questions to help you know if u are ->

if i did not care about looking good to the opposite sex what would i actually like to wear?

if i did not get married, how could i create the best and most abundant life for myself?

what hobbies/interests do i have that dont involve being around men/have male attention as a component of it?

[pastabaguette]

May I ask what the origin/inspiration for all your humanstuck names are? Big fan btw, very nice!

thanks for the question. let me first preface this by saying i know that some of these are a bit of a stretch. this is how my thought process worked when naming them. i know that some of them are simpler or less interesting than others.

arisa - spelled with the kanji (有沙), “have” and “sand”. sand in an hourglass represents time, her aspect.

maeda - doesn’t have any particular meaning that i thought of, it just sounded nice with her first name and was close enough to her original.

tavio - short for octavio, but everyone really just calls him by his nickname. octavio relates to the number eight, of course. he can never escape her :(

martínez - very common spanish last name. it’s derived from nitram, which is “martin” spelled backwards.

solomon-alexander - this really is his full name. he has two first names, keeping with his binary theme. it’s also a reference to the fandom joke of calling sollux “solluxander.”

carillo-perez - again, a double name. i like the way the double “l”s look.

kamesh - relates to lord krishna, who in turn is associated with leadership and compassion. these are also associated with karkat.

vanakar - it just sounded good to me phonetically in tandem with his first name, and plus it has the “kar” in it. his full name is a bit pokey, due to the harsh “k”s.

naipunya - associated with dexterity. it also has “nya” in it. i read somewhere that it also had an association with hunting, but i’m not certain of the validity of that source, since i didn’t see that much elsewhere.

lamba - also just sounded good with her first name. they kind of roll off the tongue, like a cat rolling on its back or perhaps playing with a ball. i like the “a” sounds.

khadijah - i’ve always thought this was a very graceful name. it’s also pretty heavily religious and feminine.

mariam - the same as maryam, but an alternate spelling. i thought it went better with her first name since they both have an “i” in them.

tessa - diminutive of theresa. i thought it sounded short and kinda playful.

perry - it wasn’t intentional, but this could be connected to perry mattfeld, who’s best known for playing a blind woman in “into the dark.” someone else pointed this out to me.

victoria - means “victory.” it’s pretty flashy, kind of “mean girl” sounding, and it still has that good “k” sound in there.

sadik - i thought it matched well. the “a”s in her first and last name make the same sound, and so do the “k”s.

ezequiel - meaning “strength of god.” can be likened to equius’s role as a lord english component, english being god in this case. it’s the portugeuse spelling, really just because i liked the “q”.

ziegler - sounded good, and it repeats the “ee” sound and the “l” sound from his first name.

gabriel - means “servant of god.” gamzee’s quite literally a servant of english.

macario - very similar in sound to makara.

edison - relating to thomas edison and eridan’s preoccupation with science. very similar to “eridan” in that it shares the beginning and end, as well as the same amount of syllables.

achari - also just kinda sounded nice.

fiona - i don’t really know how to explain it, but it sounded kind of “princessy” to me.

pierce - sounds cool. you could say a trident “pierces” things, but that’s kinda lame.

some of these might only make sense to me, sorry. a lot of them have to do with the pure sound of the word, which i’m not sure i articulated particularly well here. please let me know if i got the meaning wrong or if i’m misusing any of their names.

[nneiljostenn]

i need to talk to you guys about the colors of the Cattons (Felix specifically) and Oliver. the clothes they are wearing are telling the story of Oliver taking over and leaving his mark throughout the whole movie, with Oliver's failures and successes and a final triumph. holy shit. get in. this is long and ends in ancient greek culture trivia. let;s talk please.

disclaimer: am starting from Oliver's arrival at Saltburn. before that the outfits are also very intentional, but it's a lot more complicated and it has been discussed before. the world distorts once we are at Saltburn and the story gets truly gothic there, and every detail—including color!—is enhanced in meaning. also, special thanks to @kivlaro for doing this with me, the thoughts on this specifically and the Saltburn craze on the whole. pics and detailed analysis under the cut!

let's start from the beginning. here is Oliver at the door. simple, blue shirt.

the shirt is sort of its own character. logically it makes sense as Oliver's suitcase is small and he spends the whole summer there, of course he'll rewear stuff a bunch. but it is blue.

in contrast to Felix, in yellow. yellow is one of Felix's colors (he is the sun, which i've talked about here btw, so this makes sense).

same to Pamela, in blue. first time we see her, she is next to Elspeth, wearing the color that is Oliver's, taking the place that he takes right away, in this very scene. the only other time she is physically present on screen is at dinner, in black and white, and black and white are a blank slate. she is stripped of color and gone very fast.

a bit of crucial data for later: Oliver, in blue, and Felix in pink. pink is very important on Felix. this is their first morning together. they are separate and opposite, solid, contained.

where it starts to get good is the morning after the vampire strike.

Venetia is a Felix extension, just as everyone in the house is to Oliver. i will eventually rant about Saltburn as a whole entity and Cattons as aspects of one self, and Oliver as psychosis, but not here. so, yes, Venetia is a pink riot, a euphoria of self-containment because Oliver gave her a piece of something she felt she lacked to feel whole (validation, attention, care), not a piece of blue, of himself. Oliver is expectedly solid blue. Felix is incredibly interesting and something i didn't pay much attention to at first: predominantly blue, incredibly upset at Oliver for ditching him, with a tile of bright red (on the left! close to heart! over-reaching here but like still!), which still tracks. i mean, really, if i had so much foreign color bleed into me and then abandoned, i'd be pissed, too. nice little touch is sir James' beloved hydrangeas, behind Felix, also pink, very pink, always pink; i don't think i've seen them blue in the movie, although the sort exists.

Farleigh. sweet baby Farleigh i love you. I'm not dead-set on my interpretation of this specifically but i think multiple things are happening with Oliver and Farleigh here. like Rent, which is their song, blue is their color of outsiders and the triers to fit in. Farleigh points out the favoritism and preference of Oliver to him and his mother here, so it may also be appropriation of color to draw attention to Farleigh as almost (but never quite) Oliver. it may also be as simple as that Farleigh, as much as he denies and resists, still retains Oliver's influence, which bleeds into him very slowly.

a nice little moment of Felix wearing blue swim shorts with just tiny specks of a pink pattern. Oliver's shorts also have a bit of pink, but less than Felix's. Oliver is pretty good at remaining unaffected and uninfluenced overall.

and we're getting to where it all clicked and started for me. the Quick family house, the failed reconciliation, and the immediate aftermath. oh it's so good.

on the drive there, Oliver is blue, Felix has a pink polo shirt with a solid blue pullover over it. this is the most blue Felix has ever been (this is the most blue he will ever be!), this is trust. however shaky and toxic it is, Felix loves Oliver and accepts him into his world. as a side note, Oliver's parents are also very blue, mom more so than dad. nice!

and then it crashes. immediately after, it's the evening of the same day, but Felix is not wearing the blue pullover anymore. this is very, very important. this is rejection. it's the end for Oliver in Felix's world and with his trust. Felix, again, in solid pink, Oliver in solid blue. Felix successfully rips him out with the roots and everything. ouch.

daddy. sorry. is that highlighter? sweat? fuck. let me- daddy. SORRY

no i actually have a point about this.

the clothes are replaced by the lights, but we roll with it. Oliver basks in the blue-green light, while Felix is on the other side, in pink and purple and red. sure, blue shines through, and Oliver also walks through the slashes of pink, but it is mostly pretty separate, Oliver watching Felix's pink in his own blue from a distance.

the morning after palette is deep. the wine color that is so prominent in these scenes is fascinating to me. if i were to over-reach again i'd say it's the Oliver in Felix's attributes and in his place that requires the robe to be so dark, not usual definite pink, because deep blue has leaked into the color itself, mixed with it, made itself integral to the shade. but it's also just a nice color, and it is pink in its core. the flowers (with sir James in the background) i think are also this specific shade for the same reason. you look at what remains of Felix everywhere here, and it is his color.

and finally oh the lunch scene. the last supper. the judgement day. the who's afraid of virginia woolf madness.

i think we've established what's up with Oliver, but i also think it's important that he is his own color at lunch but in Felix's pink/wine right before and after. lunch is where he attacks, whereas before and after is where he grieves and enjoys. Farleigh is almost completely blue save for a strip of the same deep pink, and he is soon cast out, and Venetia is striped, blue and pink/salmon, affected deeply by Oliver yet still clinging on to the Catton pink with grief, probably, but also love for Felix.

and after all this, Oliver leaves himself.

no, like, actually, literally himself. sure, he'd got a taste of the Cattons and the pink, but he is a monolith, a solid blue when he leaves Saltburn. he has not been affected by the house, he has taken what he wanted but stayed true and whole. what a power move, honestly.

but it's an even bigger deal that 16 years later, Elspeth runs into Oliver wearing all white and a blue scarf. oh, she's not let this go, alright; it was a long time ago, "but not to me," she says. What Oliver has been up to in that time is a great question, without a doubt he's been keeping tabs on the remaining family as much as he could; but Elspeth has never moved on, either. She has held on to Oliver's blue and the pink is not important at all now. Oliver, of course, is invariably, unwaveringly blue. welcome back to his show.

and welcome back to his triumph.

the only color (except for, again, white and black) we see him wear in the flashback about Saltburn inheritance is the all-too familiar deep pink. wine. bright pink mixed with deep blue.

now i will take a liberty and step back, over-reach, over-interpret and go insane. here's a fun bit on ancient greek culture trivia for you.

this is an interesting and complicated historiographical and linguistic debate that i will not even attempt to relay here, but the essence of it is this: for us, the sea is conventionally deep blue. historically, one of the most prominent civilizations considered "deep wine" to be the descriptor for it (not necessarily the color but the property. highly rec to look this up it's so fascinating). what it gives me here is that Oliver has changed color, but not his self. he has integrated, mixed, but persisted, completely winning over, triumphing. long live the king!

in conclusion, i would just like to propose "colors" by halsey as the next cattonquick anthem. thank you for your attention, please let me know your thoughts. yours, yes, you. cheers. god. peace out

[kraangdroidz]

I really enjoy looking at Donatello's characterisation - especially the 2012 version of Donnie.

I don't know why, but something specifically about the 2012 iteration of our favourite brothers draws me to them. Maybe it's because I think they have the most interesting and unhealthy brother dynamic to explore out of any version of the Turtles. But just to say right off the bat, I don't agree with the statement that Raphael is abusive toward Mikey in this version. I don't think this to be true at all.

But in the 2012 version of Donnie, I think it's the obsessional aspect of his character that I find interesting. People flame him hard for it - which is very valid - the way he treated April was very creepy, and some of the things he did April had no knowledge of, (Like Donnie taking a photo of her and having it as his laptop wallpaper). But I like doing a little more when it comes to characters' less-than-ideal traits. Yeah, what they're doing is bad, creepy, etc. But why exactly might they be acting that way?

For Donnie, I think his problem is how he looks.

In the 2012 iteration, we never really see the turtles have a strong desire to be human. Mikey sometimes doesn't understand that humans will be scared of him, but he never lashes out and has a big moment like, 'I want to be a human so I can make more friends!' We see Mikey wonder what he'd look like as a human in an episode after Donnie creates retromutagen - with Mikey assuming if he used retromutagen on himself he'd turn human and not back into a regular turtle.

It is played as a joke, though, and he doesn't seem genuinely upset by the fact he's stuck as a turtle, as he is seen smiling after saying he wondered what he'd look like.

Interestingly enough, Donnie is the one to be portrayed as having a negative view attached to being a mutant more than any of his brothers.

Outside of being a mutant, it is implied that Donnie already has a fragile self-image anyway.

Remember the episode Turtle Temper? I think it's the third episode of the first season. But at one point, the other turtles are instructed to shoot arrows at Raph, while Raph has to try and avoid the arrows. Splinter makes it clear, however, that Mikey, Leo, and Donnie are allowed to insult Raphael during the exercise.

I've seen another content creator say that the insults they throw at Raphael could be more them self-projecting views they have on themselves rather than them actually thinking these things about their brother. Leo says, 'And you're always whining, poor me, nobody understands me.'

While this is easily applicable to Raph as an insult from Leo - Leo does have his own fair share of moments where he has gone to Splinter complaining that the others aren't listening to him or respecting him, that they don't understand the burden he has to hold as leader.

Mikey tells Raph he moves like a bloated buffalo - which, although never hinted at in the show, could imply that maybe Mikey is insecure about how much he eats. Maybe his brothers have made comments about his greediness.

Donnie says, 'Oh! You can't keep your back straight during Omote kote Gyaku! And you're ugly!'

I think the first part is interesting as Donnie is the tallest out of his brothers - gangly limbs could mean Donnie has more difficulty knowing how to stand, how to sit, so on so forth. A lot of tall people can feel really awkward as a result of their height.

Donnie most likely is sat over a desk all day, and again, being tall, Donnie has more of a slouched posture out of his brothers. I think it was Karai that also insults Donnie in an episode by calling him scrawny, in which he responds, 'And I'm not scrawny! I'm svelte!' Svelte meaning slender and elegant.

Raph has also insulted Donnie's looks before in an episode, and again, it is unclear if this is a common occurrence, but knowing 2012 Raph's character, it's probably happened on more than one occasion.

Donnie : And why do you keep grabbing me by the face? What is wrong with my face?!

Raph: Do you want me to list the reasons alphabetically or in descending order of grossness?

So regardless of being mutated or not, it seems Donnie just has a generalised lack of confidence and some issues surrounding how tall he is.

But to his issues regarding being mutated.

Donnie might've previously not had any issues with being a mutant. Before, it might've been just a general lack of confidence, as I have already said. But in society, looks are always seen as a good trait to possess if you want to have any shot at a love life. You need to fit into the beauty standards and be attractive if you want a partner.

Before April, his brothers would've been the only thing to compare himself to. He lived in a home with only mutants for fifteen years of his life - so had normal teenager issues of going through puberty and insecurities. A lot of people can feel odd/uncomfortable and dislike their growth spurts, which is why Donnie's issues at first might seem like normal things for a teenager to worry about. Donnie's biggest issue would've been how scrawny and lanky he saw himself.

But when they meet April, there is a glaring difference.

Suddenly, there is somebody in his life who isn't a mutant like him. It becomes abundantly clear to Donnie that from somebody else's standpoint, their biggest issue with him wouldn't be his tooth gap or his height, but just the plain fact that he's so different. Inhuman. Out of the ordinary. A mutant.

When he's rambling to Timothy (Mutagen Man at this point) about why April might be on a date with some punk kid (Casey) the conclusion he resorts to is, 'Because he's human, that's why.'

At the end of the episode A Foot Too Big, when Donnie apologises to April, he says, 'I'm just... a mutant.' Again, this shows Donnie jumps to the conclusion that this is why April doesn't want to be with him, not his overbearing nature or the fact that she just genuinely might not be interested. The problem in Donnie's mind is that he's mutated.

The fact that Donnie used the word 'just' implies that being a mutant is all that Donnie has boiled himself down to. He thinks that his other traits aren't worthwhile or good - like him being funny, smart, inventive - because he thinks that nobody would pay attention to those aspects of his personality. At the end of the day, he thinks nobody will be able to see him outside of being a monster.

In Fungus Humungous, the hallucination of April that Donnie experiences calls him an 'ugly mutant freak'. It is unlikely April actually thinks this of Donnie, but it's what Donnie thinks she does because it's his biggest fear. I'd like to split Donnie's hallucination into two parts. April insulting Donnie about being a mutant, and Donnie's hallucination of April kissing Casey.

We see April kissing Casey. I think the fact that this part of the hallucination comes second is meant to represent this fear of rejection and insecurity surrounding being a mutant are two sides of the same coin. His fear of April choosing Casey is a by-product of his main insecurity. We are shown April calling Donnie an 'ugly mutant freak' first. Donnie isn't afraid to lose April as a person to Casey. He's afraid of losing his only hope at feeling confident to Casey.

In the first half of the hallucination, it shows that April uses a sharp tongue like a whip.

This tongue is shown to go through Donnie's heart and subsequently breaks it.

"To have a sharp tongue" means to be quick to criticize, speak harshly, or make cutting remarks; essentially, someone who is often unkind or sarcastic with their words.

I think this represents that, over anything, it is April's words that break his heart more than her actions. It is her disgust at him being a mutant that shatters him. It's what makes him crack in the episode. He starts screaming, runs away, and shouts that he, 'doesn't want to hear anymore.' This is Donnie's breaking point. Her sharp tongue and words, over her actions like kissing Casey, that is Donnie's true biggest fear.

Donnie doesn't want to be with April purely because he loves her. To Donnie, it would be more than April simply making a choice on who to partner up with. It would be confirmation for Donnie that the issue all along was because he's a mutant.

The point I'm trying to make is that Donnie is more obsessed with trying to improve his own self-image than he is obsessed with April as a person.

He wants to use April as a means to prove someone could love him despite appearances because, as I said earlier, looks are important to a lot of people. Gaining a romantic partner would most likely grant Donnie the confidence, the consolidation that he 'isn't ugly after all' because someone managed to fall in love with him. That is why he so desperately chases after April.

He chases after the feeling of confidence.

His character kills me.

[houseofthedragonn]

omgg how about Cregan with a shy wife/betrothed?? she's meek and quiet, CANNOT hold eye contact for more than three seconds, finds joy in the smallest things. Just wondering how Cregan would be like with a betrothed or wife like that.

I LOOVVEE YOUR WORKS BTW, they're all so mwamwa delicious, scrumptious 😋🤞

THANK YOU LOOOVVVEEE!! & this is interesting!

i think Cregan x shy! wife/betrothed would be birds of a feather as he gives me very much Ned the Quiet Wolf

reserved, not the type to say something if he doesn’t have anything to say (but everyone is entitled to their headcanons all are valid)

your initial meeting very much gives me middle school dance HEAR ME OUT OK like awkward but in a sweet endearing way, you both want to break the ice but are shy

of course it’s him who does in the end, being a true gentleman and saying, “how nice you look, my lady,” which only makes you even more meek and quiet

“thank you, my lord. you as well,” you utter barely above a whisper that he hardly hears it, but does not ask you to repeat yourself, which you are thankful for

he notices you struggle holding eye contact for long, which in anyone else he would find untrustworthy, but with you he just gets the sense that it’s from your shyness

so he does not take it personally and even accommodates for you, or tries to the best way he knows how, showing you things like little flowers or trinkets to look at instead of having to look at each other directly

though you notice him stealing glances at you, which you don’t mind as much if not having to look him in the eye, instead focusing on the things he shows you, finding joy in even the smallest flower, which he finds endearing

if anyone else ever tries to shame you for your shyness or even embarrass you, it is him they have to answer to, as he is very protective of you, being such a gentle soul

you thank the gods for him, since at feasts and court he does enough of the talking for both of you so you don’t have to, but only if you want him to, as he never wants to speak for you out of turn

but he just understands you so well innately that it is like you are on the same wavelength, with maesters even swearing he has some sort of Greensight that lets him read your mind and feel whatever it is that you are feeling

Stark also loves that he is one of the few if not the only person you are less reserved and more talkative around once you are comfortable around and with him it is truly an honor for him he holds dear

still, Cregan tries to help you get out of your comfort zone and meet new people, talk to them, but never to the point that it makes you anxious or upset, again only if you’re willing, which with his help, maybe you can start to be

(this one hits veryyyy close to home so to all of my painfully shy introverts, trust you are not alone💕)

[bwat5-blog]

Vi's Ending

**Spoilers for all of Arcane**

I have written about and discussed Vi in significant detail. However it was pointed out to me recently that her ending is worth its own detailed discussion and I completely agree. For those who have been sticking with me on these, you already know Vi is my favorite character. She means a lot to me, as she does to many of you for various reasons. So before we dive in let me say this:

Vi is NOT the Jinx

Vi is NOT a bad sister

Vi did NOT get Jinx killed

I have written in great detail defending and explaining each of these points, and because of that I will not detail those here. But if you are interested I'd love for you to check out my other posts and share your thoughts! Ultimately I am just another fan, and I am really enjoying celebrating the achievement in story telling this show has become, and its legendary characters.

The End:

At the end of this story, we find Violet, sitting alone, drinking, humming powder's song from the very first moments of the show. She appears deeply in thought and is curled up on herself, only opening up when her beloved Caitlyn joins her. They share a tender moment where Caitlyn asks her if she is still in this fight, to which Vi responds "I am the dirt under your nails cupcake, nothings gonna clean me out" and lays her head on Caitlyn's shoulder allowing herself to relax as Caitlyn smiles softly looking into the fire. This seems to be our last look at the couple outside of the game if Riot is to be believed (money talks people, keep these characters popular and they may listen!), and it has understandably sparked reactions across the board. For myself, I found it bittersweet. Beautiful and hopeful in many ways, but recognizing the weight of what they have survived, and validating the healing they still need. I view it as Vi finally being on the road to peace, just not quite there yet.

The Heart of Zaun:

I have extensively detailed who Vi is in other posts and therefore will spare you the diatribe here. But to properly appreciate and understand why her ending was so meaningful we do have to understand who she is.

"You've got a good heart. Don't ever lose it, no matter how the world tries to break you"- Vander

Vi is not perfect. She impatient, quick to anger, stubborn beyond belief and impulsive. But these are things born of the dark and angry world she has been forced to survive in all her life. At her core, who is she really?

A Daughter

A Sister

A Warrior

A Guardian

What Vi proves time and time again throughout this story is that she is fiercely loyal, loving, and true. She is tough as nails and brave sure. But we also get these beautiful moments of fragility. Moments where her love, her fear and her hope bleed through the mask she keeps up showing us who she is beneath. Other lessons from Vander plays a major role in who she becomes as well:

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish"

"Who are you willing to lose?"

-- Vander

Vi was already trying to care for the kids around her, and had at a young age been through so much trauma and loss. But as any teenager would, she still displayed a lack of understanding about the potential broader consequences of their actions. After her talks with Vander, almost every decision she makes she is trying to protect those she loves, or trying to atone when she feels she has fallen short. Her own happiness becomes her last priority in almost every situation. And her journey to overcome this, to learn that its okay for her to know tenderness, and peace, and love and that those things don't make her unworthy. This is Vi's inner journey.

She deserves the things she fights so hard to give the people she loves. I meant to re-blog it and hope I did, but another user pointed out something I have never considered. When she and Vander are talking on the bridge, and he gives here these lessons, what does she say is the reason she wants to fight? - that she grew up knowing she was less than, but she wants more for her little sister and will bleed to do it. Even at that young age, before experiencing so much of the pain she goes through, she doesn't see herself as deserving of that same defense as everyone else in her life... She believes is meant to be the shield, and never the shielded.. An inspiring and heroic notion on paper, heartbreaking to recognize in a teenage girl who is only just beginning in life.

Back To The End:

Okay, with that refresher lets return to Vi's ending. We see this beautiful, tender moment between Vi and the woman she loves. And sure, on the surface of the moment alone it appears your standard happy ending. Safe, warm, and in the company of the woman she loves. These are all undoubtedly good things. But context matters. No decision in this show, no plot point, no animation, no detail is accidental. So we need to account for the following factors:

They have just survived a truly terrifying battle which no matter the result in terms of life and death ,would be deeply traumatizing

She and the woman she loves have made it through together its true (thank god). On a purely physical level, Caitlyn's heroic willingness to sacrifice a part of her own body to achieve victory has left her forever changed. And Vi's body has become a tapestry of scars from a life time of sacrifice and struggle

Caitlyn and Vi's reconciliation is a controversial topic in the fandom. I feel that it was justified in terms of us being given the necessary pieces to believe it, but rushed (the whole season was). Like if I asked a student to show me his work on a math equation, he got the correct answer, but he could only show me the beginning of each step he took to solve it. Correct, but incomplete. All of that to say this, their scene in the jail cell was beautiful, and it was full of meaning far more than the spicy quality (although god damn who are we kidding), but we are talking about months of time apart, with both of them living through an extremely dark period, all precipitated by an extremely traumatic "breakup". I don't think it's unreasonable to assume they have more to work through and heal from regarding this issue, although thankfully their love for each other remains strong.

The death toll of this battle is seemingly enormous although we are not given an exact number. The impact of this is obvious. And although I agree his character was not perfectly utilized, I saw Loris as the face of the countless faceless citizens of Piltover and Zaun who died in this conflict. His death right in front of Vi happening so quickly, and brutally.

Vander.. Vi had to watch her adopted father die not once, not twice, but three times. The first time after saving her life, the second time after they seemed so close to saving his, and the third time with him very nearly killing her. I'm not a mental health professional but I don't think I need to be in order to suggest this may leave lasting emotional and mental scars on her

Jinx. Vi's crusade for her sister's soul begins the moment she steps out of Stillwater with Caitlyn. The relationship between Vi and Jinx is far too complex and detailed to cover in a bullet point like this, and is one of the pillars upon which this show came to be. I'm not getting into fault or blame or any of that right now, because what it comes down to is this. Vi loves Jinx and fought so.. so hard to BE her sister again. And finally, right at the end when it seems like they are finally going to be okay, she loses Jinx. again (not dead but Vi doesn't know that). And why? because Vi breaks at the sight at the sight of Vander's body and Jinx sacrifices herself to save her. Vi's breakdown is heartbreaking. It its understandable, its realistic, its painful and its human.. But after a life time punishing herself for how she feels she failed her sister.. it hurts to admit the truth that as things stand now, Vi will probably carry the guilt of Jinx's death for the rest of her life.

I know that is all so bleak, and so heavy. And it hurts because you want to see Vi happy. We want to see her and Jinx living as sisters catching up on the time that was stolen from them. We want to see a world where she and Caitlyn are energetic and happy and healed. We want to see Vi in some way acknowledge that in the end, Jinx's sacrifice was not because Vi failed her. It was because Jinx saw that her sister who had always loved and believed in her, needed her this time. That the woman who had always stood for those she loved needed someone to stand for her. So Jinx became the shield Vi never believed she deserved.

That Vi is a bad-ass is never in dispute. We see her fight countless times in defense of those she loves, and do so quite well. Her journey is not to find her strength. It is to recognize that she is worth more than that. She deserves more. And our hope for her is born of the changes we see. As her relationship with Caitlyn evolves, and she sees her belief in her sister finally validated, She comes to understand she has more to offer than the strength of her arms.

Her relationship with Caitlyn: Their love story is so amazing, and complex, and layered. It is far too much to cover as a bullet point in another post like this and I do intend to deep-dive it soon. But in terms of this discussion, I want to stay this. That Vi and Caitlyn have their ups and downs is obvious. Its not that every moment of their time together is an unending parade of joy and romance, that would be not only bad story telling but not realistic. But the best romantic partners are those people who can fall into the flames together and walk out not untouched, but re-forged into something stronger. These two women are a great example of this. There are many important moments in their relationship that greatly effect Vi, but I am going to focus on just one:

Caitlyn Finds Vi in Jinx's Cell:

As I mentioned previously, this scene is so important for so many reasons. For our purposes, we need to remember what leads up to it. Vi immediately goes to rescue Jinx after confronting Caitlyn over her imprisonment, only for Jinx to stun her and leave her in the cell herself (there is so much context and meaning here in terms of Jinx and Vi/Jinx but we are focusing on Caitlyn right now). Then Caitlyn finds her. Alone. In the cell of the woman who killed her mother. Now there are a lot of ways this could go and Vi is clearly expecting the worst. She laments that she always chooses wrong trusting and believing in Jinx, and that this time its cost her everything. Her sister is gone. She assumes Caitlyn will be enraged, and not to mention she is in this incredibly vulnerable state, in a jail cell, after surviving seven years of false imprisonment that started when she was still in her teens. But it doesn't go how she expects.

"Sorry to say, you've grown a bit predictable"

Vi believes that this part of her, this emotional, trusting, vulnerable part of her is always wrong. But Caitlyn reveals just how much she knows that part of Vi. And not only knows, but accepts it, predicted it, and even stepped in to help the woman she loves, putting aside her own hate and bitterness. Its a powerful moment. It shows Vi just how much she is worth to Caitlyn, and it has nothing to do with her fists. Just her heart. And Vi's response to this revelation shows us maybe the first time in the entire story, where given this tiny seed of evidence that she may deserve to be happy, she chooses to let herself be. Right there in that cell with Caitlyn.

Her Relationship With Jinx:

Like Caitlyn, this relationship could only be explored properly through it's own deep dive. So again, I am going to focus on a single moment between these two as evidence of Vi hard earned affirmation of her refusal to quit on those she loves. When Vi goes to break Jinx out of jail, Jinx stuns her and escapes instead, leaving her locked inside. As Vi panics for her sister, Jinx walks away, pleading with Vi to let herself be happy, and to stop looking for her. This of course leads to the incident we just mentioned in which Vi claims she always chooses wrong in trusting her sister. "I really thought she'd help" Vi says to Caitlyn about her sister when Cait arrives. And how does her belief in her sister shake out? Jinx rides in on a war balloon at the head of an under city army, and saves the day... and then later on, saves Vi's very life at what seems to be (We know better) the expense of her own. Vi was right about her sister all along.. its just that some lessons are hard won indeed..

Conclusion:

Vi is an amazing character who has quite frankly, earned her rest. And that's what the end of the show is sharing with us. Vi is warrior. She has fought, and bled, and lost so much, but she has endured. Through her two most important relationships in her life she has found the road to the recovery from the many, many wounds her existence has left on her, and they are still wounds that need healing. There is grief, and pain, and guilt still dwelling in her. But we have seen the seeds of her self-worth beginning to bloom and it is in them that we place our hope for Vi. Because she has an inkling that what Vander told her, the same thing the woman she loves noticed within hours of of meeting her, and the same reason Jinx knew Vi would never give up on her, has always been a far greater power than her ability to do violence.

[i-chrystophylux]

007n7 Headcanons 2.0

This is strictly between himself and the killers. Mainly because I think he is the bridge between them. In a way.

(This is my opinion, if you don't agree- valid. lmao. What, did you think I was gonna say you were wrong?)

- - - -

- - - -

Due to 007n7 being the unsaid pariah of the survivors, despite all of the colorful pasts- there is naturally a curiosity about him from all of the killers- save his own son.

C00lkidd is no aware of what he is doing to the survivors at first- but after being trapped in forsaken as a manifestation- he starts to become more aware. He has genuine disdain for the other survivors, but there is nothing but love for his dad.

1x1x1x1 is a being of hatred. So naturally there is a hatred for 007n7 despite it being nowhere near as large as the hatred it has for Shedletky.

Despite there being almost uncontrollable hatred, there is also a fascination with 007n7. Mainly concerning the bond that the former hacker and exploiter has with C00lkidd. One that is made of nothing but love despite such grim circumstances. The opposite of himself.

John Doe, despite being mostly unconscious of his actions seems to have a primal curiosity about 007n7. This is actually because of the code that had consumed John Doe and corrupted him- sensing the code of the C00lgui that 007n7 bears.

Jason also harbors interest in 007n7 for different reasons. These reasons specifically being his observations of the other survivors with 007n7.

007n7 is often on the outside of the group. It's easy to tell he's not welcomed. Even in this hellscape. Whilst some harbor less grudges than others- there is some sort of grudge of negative light about 007n7 no matter where the heads turn. Jason feels a kinship because of this, due to him having a past of bulling before his demise and rise as Jason.

1x1x1x1 feels confusing and unwanted envy toward C00lkidd and 007n7. This is due to his connections with Shedletsky, his own creator. -> A child, not even created by 007n7 got unconditional love no matter the circumstances. Or at least an admission of ownership. Even if the actions committed by the child were terrible. Shedletsky refuses to tell anyone that 1x1x1x1 is his creation and the fact that he was created by the other intentionally and the other won't own up to it enrages him more.

John Doe often hesitates to kill 007n7. It is unknown if it is because of the primal urge of apprehension. Or if it is the code within him, sensing a kinship with the C00lgui code.

In rounds with Jason, Jason is less brutal with 007n7 when it concerns killing him. Almost to the point where it may be considered a mercy killing.

Jason wants to protect 'his land' but at the same time- there is also a kinship with 007n7 in a way. -> This is because Jason Voorhees was obsessed with avenging his mothers death and he had clear love for his mother. His kinship is due to the connection 007n7 has with C00lkidd. Not only because of unconditional love, but 007n7 being a single parent. (Much like Jason's own mother was)

(With that being said, Jason has disdain concerning Shedletky for the same reason- as 1x1x1x1 is his creation and the other is nothing short of Disattached from 1x1x1x1. -> Jason also seems to show light kinship to Guest 1337 as Guest 1337 is also a parent. A good parent.)

C00lkidd will often boast about 007n7 to the other killers. Telling them 'How cool his Papa is' and 'He used to be a super cool hacker and stuff'

C00lkidd will deliberately make rounds with 007n7 last longer, and usually fails to kill 007n7, but if he does he almost always waits until the round is almost over so he can spend as much time with 007n7 as possible. Always targeting other survivors first.

All of the killers have outright taken interest to sit back and OBSERVE 007n7. (Save for doe, because bro's part animal /j, he just hangs around) This is to see what causes the tension between the survivors and 007n7.

1x1x1x1 finds it ironic how 007n7 is still considerably the biggest pariah of the survivors group. -> Two-Time who has a KNOWN past that's pretty bad is also disliked- but somehow still trusted more than 007n7 is.

All of the killers consider the potential of 007n7. Considering his past, and just what power he had in his hands- the killers can't help but wonder about 007n7 and the potential he could have on their side. (Especially if 007n7 got ahold of the full version of the C00lgui again, which 007n7 definitely CAN, but refuses to)

1x1x1x1 has tried to mess with 007n7's will before. Specifically in consideration of 007n7's ostracism. He thinks 007n7 is foolish, and hardheaded.

[cultkinkcoven]

Genuine question

How theistic are you guys really?

I’ll go first. I’d say I am extremely theistic. I not only consider deities, demons and spirits to be energies, cosmic constructs, symbols and archetypes, but also sentient consciousnesses that can have ideas and make actions. I believe they exist in a fundamentally different form and space than human beings and I think they manifest in they physical world through a multitude of ways, including through human beings. I believe they experience emotions and thoughts, though not in a human way. I think they have roles, purposes, and functions.

The thing is, I want to embody Lucifer. I want to not only make him proud in a symbolic sense but literally, I want to be a source of his influence in the world.

But I also want to know him intimately. Not just in affection but proximity. I want to know what exactly makes him, him. I want to know what he thinks of things, -because I believe that he thinks- that have nothing to do with him. I want to know what he thinks of me. And yes, I’d like to worship him, adore him, but more than that, I’d like to dissect and examine him. I don’t feel this way about any other deity, and so Lucifer is the only one I have ever known in this way. And perhaps he is the only one I ever will. I love him unlike any other God.

The interesting thing about the cultural clash that happens in spaces like Tumblr is the varying degrees of theism that people have. I know that some folks consider deities and their workings to be more metaphorical and symbolic than real and tangible. Which is totally okay and good.

But I get comments and asks constantly that seem to encompass both an accusation and a question.

“The spirits can’t and don’t love humans- how did you get so close to Lucifer? The Gods don’t have opinions on our mundane lives- how do you get him to respond to you so often? Demons do not get involved in human’s lives in an overt way- how do you keep receiving all these gifts and messages from him?”

I don’t know how exactly to explain that this paradox always perplexes me.

People are hyper cautious of going too far- of humanizing the spirits too much- of seeing signs where there are none. And I think that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I think it’s very important to be vigilant of your mental health and to remain skeptical.

but also - people do not approach or regard the spirits like people, or consciousnesses, like individuals with the capacity to feel, so they do not experience the Gods as intelligences that can think and feel. To the point where seeing others that do, do so, is disorienting and even upsetting.

This isn’t me trying to shame anyone’s type of theism. I’m not saying that people who are not totally theistic are any less valid as pagans, practitioners, and devotees. In fact I’d argue most traditional groups create a hard barrier between the spiritual and personal for good reason.

I don’t approach my relationship with Lucifer in any kind of even remotely traditional fashion because our relationship is very far from traditional. The things that he would feel compelled to do with me would very likely not be done to me by any other deity.

It’s just always interesting to have conversations like:

“How do you know Lucifer loves you?”

Oh, because I asked him and he told me.

“But Lucifer doesn’t love humans and he doesn’t talk to people, so how would he have told you that? and how could you know?”

… well

maybe Lucifer couldn’t tell you because you do not believe he has the ability. Maybe he couldn’t love you because you never considered such a thing to even be possible.

Idk. It’s strange. I called and called because I wanted an answer. I assume that’s why we all call. But then when an answer is actually received, it’s like we forget we were always engaging in a conversation with someone else, and we were the ones that picked up the phone and called in the first place.

To ask is to be sane, but to actually receive an answer? That’s what makes you crazy.

It always boils down to “I asked and he answered” and the round about questioning always boils down to one thing.

“He answered, but do you trust him? and do you trust in your ears and your eyes as well? and if so, why?”

Maybe that’s the one question that really has no answer. Or at least not one that isn’t circular.

I trust him because I trust myself. I trust myself because I trust him. and I trust I suppose, because I love. And I love perhaps because I recognize. I suppose I trust that he recognizes me too.

Other folks might not trust me, you all might not believe anything I say. I just hope he does. I trust that he does.

[lordofdestructionm]

Reading Mordecai Heller as a repressed gay man

The tragic attraction

This is a full post based on my response to a great analysis by @sedgewick-gayble

Let me start by saying that if you read Mordecai as being totally asexual/aromantic and any affection he has for other characters to be entirely platonic that is entirely valid and I respect that

However as this response by Tracy makes clear on the topic of fans reading Mordecai as gay there is an intentional ambiguity about it. Being 28 at the time of the main story his "lifestyle is certainly asexual" up to this point, yet "being ace and being gay are not mutually exclusive things" and people sometimes "don't know themselves or understand their own motivations all that well"

This leaves the possibility open that Mordecai is actively repressing his natural desires and feelings

Mordecai's early life didn't exactly provide much time or opportunity for "self discovery", even by the usual standards of the less than tolerant and understanding world of the early 20th century

Being born into an impoverished family and having his father die very early in his life leaving him and his Mother and two younger sisters in dire straits, Mordecai had to get to work and assume adult responsibilities pretty damn early.

As Tracy says "selling newspapers wasn't going to cut it" and so using his natural talent with numbers Mordecai starts bookkeeping for the mob. Is it any wonder someone with that background would develop such a serious and rigidly buttoned up demeanour?

Since being forced to abandon his mother and two sisters at the start of the 1920s and flee New York, being picked up by Atlas's due to his habit of collecting useful strays, Mordecai had very few people he was close to in St Louis. With his generally anti-social personality and not only lack of interest but discomfort with any sort of flirting or romantic entanglements, that would be unlikely to change

Side note: Probaby coincidence but

There are only two people who seem to make it onto that exclusive list of people that "count" for Mordecai, who he cares about and are able to bring things to the surface he would normally keep hidden

Atlas to Mordecai is not just an employer, he is the man who saved his life, the man who moulded a desperate fearful shabby young stray into the sharp professional he is today, who took him under his wing and made him his protege. Filling the empty space his father left in his life. His grief and desperate hunt for those responsible for his death are his big motivation (the strain of which is slowly tearing him apart)

That connection is undertsandable

Much more surprising on the surface is the bond with the partner Atlas teamed him up with soon after his arrival, Viktor Vasko.

The assumption at the start would have been that while their skill sets might compliment each other in the field there would have been no warmth in their dynamic.

Certainly not on Mordecai's part as Viktor appears to be a sum total of many things Mordecai hates. Viktor is unshaven, relatively casual in his attire, speaks a broken English, and hates people chattering or “noise, noise, noise” as he calls it. Clashing hard with his obsession with good grooming, high quality tailoring, correct grammar etc. Indeed Mordecai doesn't hesitate to nag/criticize Viktor for these things

Yet at the same time Mordecai has far better chemistry with Viktor than with anyone else, able to banter and bicker with him in a way you rarely if ever see with others

Its why when he gets tailored clothes for the first time Viktor is the first person he wants to show off too. Its why the one time he is intoxicated Viktor (and his large physique) are his chosen topic of converation. Its why at Christmas/Hanuhhah he gives him the gift of a tie while claiming its just because of the big guys poor fashion sense and that its "embarassing to be seen with him" (even that justification makes him sound like a nagging girlfriend)

A smaller detail is that during their iconic chess playing in the side content, set during their days staking out the remote town of Defiance, Viktor is shown very casually winning the game much to Mordecai's visible distress

This is hilarious but could also be taken as a metaphor for Viktor (possibly without even realizing it) breaking through his defensive emotional barriers

Something Mordecai doesn't know how to handle or respond to

The animated short only adds fuel to the fire

During their dispute over strategy Mordecai moves his face so close to Viktors that he almost knocks his cap off his head. His eyes at one point even dart down towards his mouth

Sharp eyed Vikdecai fans have also noted that Mordecai seems on some level to want the two of them to match

The tie being the same colour could simpy be Mordecai giving Viktor one of his own ties because its a joke gift and he just grabbed it on a whim to tease Viktor about his poor fashion choices

But think about the matching suits at the New Years party for 1926

I mean, seriously, not only is it the exact same style of suit in the same blue-grey colour distinct from everyone else, but they are standing in the perfect spots to be symmetrical to each other. Something that we all know means a lot to this compulsive man

Mordecai must have known there was going to be a big group photo ahead of time and then carefully planned this

Got matching suits made to his and Viktors measurements

Then most impressively convinced/nagged Viktor into cooperating (he may have taken off the tie and rolled up the sleeves but hey him playing along at all is quite a compromise from Viktor "I hate dressing up" Vasko)

Mordecai is intent on making Viktor retire and get out of danger, and avoid a situation where he gets sent to kill him by Marigold because he knows he could NOT do it, and his cover and investigation into Atlas's death would be over

He is horrified that Viktor is still working at Lackadaisy (though he again has to hide how much he cares) and that he has gotten not only hurt again but hurt by Mordecai again (albeit this time indirectly by stealing the guns)

Can this be read as simply platonic comradere? Absolutely

But there is something so *intense* in the fact he was willing to resort to kneecapping him. Its an extreme and desperate act that could only result from intense emotions, seemingly out of character for someone who tries very hard to appear logical and controlled.

While Vikdecai is a very fun ship when imagining them as an actual bickering married couple, I have often said that a tragic one-sided on Mordecai's part version of Vikdecai is the one that fits closest and surprisingly well into the canon.

His nagging and complaining about Viktor in that context take on a Tsundere aspect, both to protect himself from being found out and maybe even try and convince himself the uncomfortable alien feelings aren't there. He not only doesn't want others looking too hard at his feeling he doesn't want to examine them himself all that much

There is a heartbreaking but appealing angst to the idea of this extremely repressed man having such feelings for the first time in his life for his straight best friend and NOT knowing how to handle that. Having to perform the balancing act of being around him so much as his partner but being painfully aware that he can't let anyone catch on, especially not Viktor himself, as it would likely destroy his bond with the only person in town other than Atlas he is close to.

Though tragically he did that anyway later via the kneecapping, which while about trying to keep Viktor safe, he may now looking back try and tell himself its actually somehow "better" for Viktor to hate him for that

Because the big guy now wrongly thinks the feeling is mutual and that Mordecai never really cared about him, which may be better than (what Mordecai assumes would be) disgust at his partners doomed more than platonic feelings

Because he sees those feelings and his situation as a sad perfectly structured joke life has played on him

[emilibro]

Ughhh I'm so sorry to be an ass but I see so much popular art on tumblr and around the internet that really woobifies both Laios and Kabru and their relationship, especially when they're together.... You guys are aware that Laios eats monsters the way people would like. Eat animals, right? He's not crazy or stupid or sadistic or anything. He has a special interest and it's monsters.

Furthermore, his past having himself and his sister be shunned for their interests in the abnormal made him develop a distaste for humanity. Laios has just thought monsters were way cooler since he was a kid, and Falin really looked up for him for his dedication to his interests and personal code of moral ethics. He never loved his sister less for her abilities, he admired her for what made her different. Because he's fucking awesome and they're autistic as hell.... they both went through so damn much. Laios never fit into the military, into his hometown, he barely fit into most groups of adventurers since he met Marcille, chilchuck, and company, and two of the members of that original party didn't care enough to join him. His feeling of worthlessness to his friends in the beginning of the story are enough to make him imagine a whole scenario in between major chapters where he was the one who was eaten.. and he thought nobody except Falin would care enough to save him.

Point being Laios has a much richer character that goes ALONGSIDE his special interest in monsters. Which honestly is more comparable to, like. A fucking biologist. Not a monsterfucker, not a cannibal, none of that shit. Monsterfuckers are cool as a monsterfucker but he's not one.. he's more like a furry man.... And he's not stupid he's just. Autistic. Why are we making autistic characters with a silly side seem stupid? Everyone has dumb moments sure but like.. he's really smart guys... there's a reason he's such a good leader outside of his ability to listen to his party members. Don't fall for the mischaracterization of Laios that his party members originally set for him before major important arcs guys...

And Kabru. Oh my God. Kabru. Kabru is also autistic but for humans, social interactions and culture... he's a nerd for politics and the humanities, and I'll avoid saying much more to avoid spoilers for non-manga readers but you'll see more of that as time passes. But he's not the type to be easily flustered. Laios only gets to him, not even because he's that difficult to read, but because he catches him off guard. He's an interesting critter, bro. And Kabru definitely sees that. It takes time to respect that, but within a period of time he learns to see him as a relatively competent adventurer and places a lot of faith from him. On some level, this guy has learned to understand this very interesting autistic guy who is forward with his feelings that a very autistic Kabru hasn't learned to understand. That's what makes their relationship so cool, man. He's not cold in reality (though people may perceive him that way due to backstory motivations and attitude within the dungeon), but he's a lot more serious than this... c'mon guys.. let's be a little real here please.... at this point I barely like Labru anymore because they've been so like. Babied. Woobified. Whatever the word is man. I'm starting to appreciate their friendship more as a friendship now because I just think the beautiful qualities I saw in their romance have been sort of overlooked or misinterpreted. Nowadays I just think their platonic relationship is beautiful. Sighs.

Farcille is awesome though and these girls are awesome slay

-

Edit: hey guys, I wanna address a couple of things here! For one, this isn't intended to be ship hate. Labru is a perfectly valid ship - rather, I'm just not a fan of how deep the mischaracterization of both characters runs, and how it results in the subsequent babying of their relationship. While it's driven me personally away from the romance a bit, I have no problem with the ship itself. Additionally, Farcille has its own issues with woobification that could use some addressing, I just haven't had to see as much mischaracterization on my feeds. Maybe in a future post I'll address some of my personal peeves with many people's characterization of Farcille, ESPECIALLY Falin.

[cressidagrey]

I found you by accident! And of course I immediately started reading your works. The first thing I read was "Such a Mystery" and then I found Lando and Elizabeth. I fell in love with both stories and read them several times. Currently my obsession is the new story "White horse" I LOVE IT! Every day from the morning I refresh your profile to check if there is a new chapter. when I see that it is my day immediately gets better..

1. I love it when someone new finds out that Max is in a relationship. Pure chaos. Sometimes I get the feeling that Lando will have a heart attack because of it (especially because of dinner 😂)

2. The ring is gorgeous. It suits Belle

3. Charles, Arthur, and Lorenzo make me want to punch them in the face

4. I'm trying to gather information from your answers and put them more or less into a whole. But oh my God I feel like it's going to be interesting.

5. Can we expect some bigger drama?

6. Can we know if there's another chapter today?

7. How did you come up with the idea for this story?

8. Are you overwhelmed by the number of people asking for more chapters because they're unsatisfied?

9. I’m sorry for my English, it’s not my first language (Polish is)

Once again I love your writing! Remember you are amazing! Have a nice day!

Ahhh I’m so happy you found me — even if by accident!! 🥹💛 Such a Mystery and The Queen of Romantasy and the Race Car Prince hold such a special place in my heart, so hearing that you loved those and are now deep in the White Horse obsession?? Truly the highest compliment!! Thank you so much for being here, and for rereading — I’m so honored 🫶🏻

Now let me go through your amazing list because I LOVE this message:

You’re absolutely right — someone new finding out about Max and Belle every chapter = pure chaos. And yes, Lando is absolutely one dramatic reveal away from passing out in a restaurant 😭🍝

I’m so glad you love the ring!! I imagined something vintage and intricate and very Belle — quiet, timeless elegance.

Charles, Arthur, and Lorenzo... yeah. Fully valid. The rage is earned.

You're gathering clues like a pro 👀 and yes... it's going to get very interesting very soon.

Bigger drama? 👀 Let’s just say... yes.

I never want to make promises about exact updates because life (and law school ���), but I do try to update as often as I can. If not today, then very soon! ❤️ (I had the chapter nearly finished and then I had another idea and it has now snowballed...once again.)

The idea for White Horse actually started as a one shot of May 2024. So that was the starting point. And then I realise that to give the story the time it deserved, I needed to start much earlier. It was pretty much a thought experiment at one point about how it would be to be a sibling to a famous driver who is the golden child of the family...and the main character just gets pushed to the side. again and again and again.

I’m not overwhelmed — mostly just very grateful 🥹 Sometimes it’s hard or even lightly annoying when people ask for more chapters in a way that feels like pressure, but most of the time, people are so kind and patient, and that makes it all worth it 💛 Though asking me when the next update is, is not gonna make me write faster. Mostly the opposite, because I need to answer that question and I could have written something in the time that took lol.

And please don’t apologize for your English — it’s fantastic and I understood every word perfectly! Dziękuję bardzo (I hope that's correct) for reading and writing to me — it truly means so much 🫶🏻

Sending you the biggest hug!! Can’t wait to share more of Belle and Max’s story with you ❤️✨