#and its ruined things in so many ways
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#close to crying and idk i just wish i felt less alone#i wish i felt loveable#its strange...ive had so many people express interest in me#but it hasnt helped at all#because theyre not really seeing me anyway#and its ruined things in so many ways#and i just want someone to love me and for it to feel right and not...i dont know- objectifying?#like i know they dont mean it that way but#i feel like an object of desire#not a person#idk i just want forehead kisses and for someone to tell me its okay#i want cuddles and to be called sweetheart#i want things to be easier#and yeah these problems are fucking tiny compared to so much thats happening#so im sorry for that#if anyone reads this i mean#totally fair if you dont hah
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please tell us more about hector's quirks o great sniler
also your art and tags bring me so much joy!! hope you have a wonderful weekend :D
Context: In a previous post i drew Hector with visible seems on his body and in the tags said he has a few ... quirks for being an ex-god.
Hector will quite literally fall apart at a random seam (or a few) if he gets too wrapped up in destructive/unhealthy thinking now. If you wanna think about it in a more terrifying context this is essentially what i headcanoned happened to his body when he ascended - except in the rift it all dissipated, leaving him as how he was as Inspekta.
Once you go in the rift even if you choose to leave it still will affect you. You will have to live with the choices you made either way. You climbed the tower of Babel and looked gods in the eye as an equal- you do NOT return the same.
#ggg spoilers#great god grove#ggg hector#ggg godpoke#ggg inspekta#also i hope yall enjoy how i set the comic up as angst and immediately ruined it with the bit of his head popping off#and his body falling into the fucking creek#i love setting up bits like this its just. very personally funny to me#this is still very sucks for hector though despite it being silly#also besides the silly bit. i do really have thoughts about this.#THOUGH TO BE FAIR. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. AN INSANE AMOUNT.#'BOUT MANY VARIOUS THINGS#but just. something something metaphor about falling apart emotionally taken physically & literally + a disability metaphor#being changed in an unfathomable manner to reach divinity and then even if you return your form is still perverted in some way#and its tied to how you see yourself and your mental health#sniles ..... :]#also thank u so much anon it means lot people actually enjoy my art and insane rambles#i was used to radio silence most the time when making art unless directly dming friends so its nice to see.... any response honestly#i esp love seeing people making noises in tags in response to my art because. yeah. felt. oooooouuuughgghghg
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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When people are like Wei Wuxian was NOT suicidal it’s like. Ok sure. He just believed that his debt to the Jiangs should be paid with everything up to and including his life. And also that the moral and obvious thing to do in any situation is to put himself between anyone and harm's way. This is because he thinks he’s unkillable but he makes himself unkillable for the same reason he’ll die for a good enough reason: because it’s a way to have worth!
And then famously once everything goes to shit he does beg Lan Wangji to let him die as part of the moment where he is either destroyed by his own evil magic or lets his own evil magic tear him apart, a distinction I don't personally think matters very much at that point. Less explicitly textually, his mentally ill ass behavior after he gives up his core says to me that he wishes that he'd died honorably for Jiang Cheng when he had the chance and doesn't know what to do with himself since he hasn't.
Again I’m aware that he’s operating under a pretty specific set of culturally informed norms as a cultivator and member of a sect but like. TO ME. Everything about how Wei Wuxian conducts himself indicates that he has a box in his mind at all times that says 'in case of emergency break glass' and what’s inside the box is his own death. All the sound of mind actions of a man who has a normal and not suicidal relationship to death.
#suicide cw#I know I don’t need to engage with self identified wwx fans#who want him to be a perfect angel who only made good choices for pure reasons#but like#to ME dying for the jiangs is the only thing he might be able to do to please madame yu#and I think they both were very aware of that lol#in many ways Wei Wuxian was very comfortable with the idea that he’d be better use to people dead#this is like the CRUX of suicidality lol#it’s still suicidality even if it doesn’t look like#him being like wow I hate myself I want to die lol#which I do think as much as I don’t agree with giving him self esteem issues uwu style#he definitely gets there after he realizes that he’s ruined his life all to save the wens and it hasn’t saved them#the like who can tell what I should do soliloquy#anyway saw a post and was just thinking about it#also bc I made an offhand comment about him being suicidal#but i actually do genuinely think its an interesting facet of his character#specifically because i think his relationship to his own death is complex is based in his life also being not entirely his own#this is whats so juicy about a lot of the pre timeskip stuff!!!#like arguably this is true of cultivation society bc it’s a martial world#sure!#but imho he’s taking a step further#bc he does have inherent worth issues#namely that he doesn’t think he has inherent worth#which is why everything he does is designed to make up for that
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Homura Hc’s (or a mini appreciation post tbh)
Homura is one of those characters we see only a handful a times. I think we see her maybe three times in the show, and a couple times in the merch. Mostly Hesokuri wars.
But despite the fact that she has about two speaking roles in between three seasons and a movie, the writers try to keep her personality in tact and I like that they do that.
Most of this comes from Jyushimatsu Dolphin (season 3 Ep. 8). Where Homura sticks her neck out to help Jyushimatsu follow his dream of being a dolphin.
We don’t know exactly how cannon these skits are, but certain characters are chosen for a reason and I think we can take away a lot from some of Homura’s decisions and actions.
Like the fact that she even agrees to help Jyushimatsu at all despite not knowing him (in this skit at least). She tells us directly that it was because she was moved by his passion, but staking your job on something as flaky as passion would be- what some people call- a dumb risk.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/92b88af37f3e2d0572c58f6fa7a927cc/83d8f0e12cb88177-75/s540x810/d30c9ce00dae3fd0844366505dff441f67593e49.jpg)
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Despite being the only one in his corner, Homura gives her all into training him. In her first appearance in season one, Todomatsu call her “Weird” And I think this skit goes into depth about how weird she actually is. Homura hardcore trains him in the ways of being a dolphin that she is familiar with, even if that means nearly drowning him.
This girl that we met in season one, who we knew as soft and sad, is in fact a weirdo.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b25086e963d3f9f0e4dde683d909abea/83d8f0e12cb88177-d7/s540x810/77bf7234f92d0ce60578cf3ba5ab97b07784d37c.jpg)
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Like just look at how everyone reacts to her! Go off queen!
I really like how this skit gets rid of any assumptions about Homura’s character. From her first appearance alone you would think maybe she’s weak willed or fragile- but she really puts her all into the things she cares about and doesn’t let anyone slow her down.
Homura doesn’t even call it out or try to explain herself, it’s just how she is and I love that for her.
We also see pretty consistently how she handles conflict, or failing.
In season 1 she calls off ever seeing Jyushimatsu again because she has to go home, and you can tell it hurts her to just outright reject him like the that.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/07f0d60efeb324b46aeed9fba0b4ee49/83d8f0e12cb88177-1e/s540x810/59fa136ef2373c2e2f7e1990197130357df211a7.jpg)
The fact that we possibly know her background also adds context to her decision.
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It’s possible she just wants to get away from that industry and the people, maybe too many people know her from the porn dvds and she just needed a fresh start somewhere else. Maybe she felt like she was lying to Jyushimatsu because she couldn’t tell him all she’d done- who knows?
There’s a lot of ways you can look at it but I think most of all, the skit in season 2 could reshape how we looked at her reaction to conflict in season 1.
When faced with failure, Homura gives up.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/30afb78c5a173d23a572bdbca0e7584c/83d8f0e12cb88177-b5/s540x810/b95f614e2fb4851431098f280bdd4fcdb4a0689e.jpg)
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She gave it her all, and it still didn’t happen. Homura is grounded in reality to an extent. While the Matsuno’s live by their own rules and do whatever they want- it feels like Homura found a way to work within the rules. To try everything she can, but not to exhaust herself with something that’s not baring fruits.
She doesn’t seem disappointed that Jyushimatsu will keep trying, she’s angry. Homura yells at him and calls him a block head because he’s being stubborn- but why try so hard to get him to give up when it’s his dream? Why does she want him to quit? He will continue with it without her so why?
There’s a possibly that she doesn’t want to see him hurt. Like season 1, Homura distances herself from Jyushimatsu specifically after he confesses.
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We can assume it’s because she would be in a whole other city, and with the past attached to her, she didn’t want to hold him back. Either that, or she didn’t want to face rejection if things didn’t end up working out.
But I also think it’s important to note that Homura was moments away from ending her own life. In the end, she chooses to take herself to a familiar place rather than to attempt again- showing signs of gaining some perspective or some motivation to keep going.
My main take away from Homura as a character, and outside of her potential relationship with Jyushimatsu, is that Homura is a character ground in reality who is a little silly.
Homura takes things seriously, no matter how goofy they are (like wanting to be a dolphin- like an actual dolphin), but she also likes to laugh and have fun like everyone else.
Homura knows not to spend time on something that possibly won’t work out, and this could be because she’s been beaten down before and knows the prolonged pain of hope. She also has a past we know nothing about that could’ve shaped the person she is today.
Homura is a silly weird girl, but unfortunately life got to her first. That doesn’t stop her from being weird and silly though.
#osomatsu san#ososan#osomatsu san analysis#fandom#homura ososan#Jyushimatsu mention#Talking abt Jyushimatsu and Homura as a couple is its own thing#but I don’t see too many ppl talk about Homura on her own#like I’ve seen it but I don’t see ENOUGH of it#not that I’m judging we have maybe one episode where she speaks full lines of dialogue#and it’s a skit so there’s barely anything to work with#Even if I am kind of making a mountain out of a molehill I still like the consistency in some of her actions#like Homura is a realist but she’s also fun and weird and I love that for her#I think especially because the main boys all live in their own bubble#compared to the rest of the cast who-while cartoony and silly-are also grounded in reality#EX. How Totoko is aggressive and cute while also trying to build an idol career#this is also my way of summoning Homura into season four BRING HER BACK YOU COWARDS#Shes in the games I know y’all have her#Omg guys please don’t share your Homura hc stooop nooo that would ruin my daaay#*Bats my pretty long lashes*#okay I’ll go first- her only friends growing up were farm animals
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thinking a little recently about trivia based fandom vs transformative based fandom, and how cleanly these can be divided into reddit and tumblr fandoms respectively a lot of the time, and how foreign only doing the first is to me from an artist perspective
#idk. ik that looking up facts and knowing all the things about your favourite media can be fun#but so many people on reddit and similar places- those type of straight nerdy men#(and they are usually men. i say this as a man myself lol)#they do ONLY that. its the only valid form of nerdom for them because its all strictly canon#its being right. its something you can be right at.#but idk man. whats the point in knowing the designation of every single ship in sw#if you dont understand the themes of what ur watching#whats the point in knowing all the hollow knight lore-#if you dont understand how it highlights the games themes of ruin and memory and legacy#whats the point in knowing it all if you dont understand a lick of it#i keep thinking thay maybe this is the case because themes and literary analysis is much more subjective#its harder to be objectively right here. esp once u start transforming. expanding on canon#its insane to me thay so many of them see that as a lesser form of fandom#like im sorry but im out here digging into the well of this character in a way thatd make u vomit#because u cant imagine ur macho man having a hint of vulnerability.#idk i cant imagine being so fundamentally incurious about what the art you love is trying to say.#i cant imagine not wondering what the characters are feeling in a situation. wondering how an event might affect them etc#like sure my fics arent canon but theyre interesting conversations with it.#because we're trying to say something. idk i had to leave the hk subreddit bc this attitude in particular was bugging me#i remember someone was doing speculative thinking/charcter analysis about bretta and one comment was somethig like#'all this for a cartoon bug' KING UR O THE CARTOON BUG SUBREDDIT HELLO??#luke rambles
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i don’t talk about bridgerton on here but just to clarify. i will not be having ANY eloise hate on this account. i will bite.
#eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you!!#addressing the normal talking points one by one to get them sorted:#- no i don’t care that eloise called pen some names after the discovery. she was devastated and furious.#she can apologise in the future but in the moment of course she said it#- yes pen did write about eloise as a way to save her but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t possibly ruined eloise’s life#- similarly: eloise isn’t (just) angry that she was written about. daphne also went through whistledown and it very much terrified her#so have many other women including marina#- eloise is betrayed because she told pen everything and is realising pen told her nothing#(and she’s probably thinking about any secrets she might have said to her best friend that could now be used against the ton and her family)#- as claudio said: being regency gossip girl isnt a moral girlboss thing its deeply harmful tbh#- pen did have reasons to become whistledown! that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent or right!#- eloise isnt now friends with cressida to spite pen lmao she’s alone and scared and cressida was the last person who offered her friendship#she has no idea how to manage society by herself#(and she needs someone to improve the reputation of her and her family)#- im also convinced she has other ulterior motives for befriending cressida. like she’s keeping an eye on her or smth#- eloise didn’t just ignore anything pen said and that’s why she only just figured it out. pen deliberately didn’t speak like lw to hide it#the moment she did eloise was like huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally talk like that. and THATS when she figured it out#- eloise just found out her best friend has betrayed her and been hiding this massive secret#but she hasn’t told anyone. not even her own family. im not hearing out any accusations of HER of being disloyal#- also pen clearly wasn’t that upset at writing about eloise bc the moment eloise and colin upset her she went straight back to it lmao#side note but no i don’t think the queen is going to name her the ‘emerald’ or anything because she’s suddenly in the spotlight#eloise is tbh the only debutante she actually consistently recognised (for good or bad)#a new dress is not going to be interesting for charlotte to change her whole tradition#tl;dr i love eloise and i will die on this hill#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton
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ANYWAY i recently got into tng and am now super obsessed with wesley (just a lil dude!! why does everyone hate him i don't get it!!) and all the Implications and Potential that his character had (and has)
like your father killed on duty, lingering resentment with the man who feels responsible for it, the same man whose words are like gospel to you, who gives you every single opportunity that you shouldn't be given, who was only persuaded to do so by a somewhat higher being who is oh so carefully crafting your life in just the right ways for Something, constantly being brought forward and pushed away, too many parent figures and only one and none, the only meaningful friendships you have are with people twice your age (they will always see you as a child), you do everything for Him, everything for His legacy (your dead father? your captain? they're so closely intermingled and so far apart), you finally reach what everyone knows you're going to do, you get into the best team in the school, you have a best friend (was he something more? do you even remember?), you kill him (it's so much more than that but the black and white is addicting), everyone hates you, He's disappointed in you, how long has it been since you could look your mother in her eyes, you want to die but that would be unfair, how dare you feel guilty, and oh look, the beings who have watched you for your whole life (they knew this would happen) want you to join them. there's never been another choice. the prodigal son always completes his duties.
#GOD#ive only had wesley for a day and half but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room and then myself#except everything is happening to him all the time#like NO ONE on the enterprise thinks its Weird that this guy is So into wesley and knows exactly when to show up to help#and conveniently there's an open spot for him in the time space cult roster when his life is falling apart and he has no direction#(no one is giving him direction)#i think about wesley too long and i implode#not even getting into the whole thing with jack 2....#anyway i watched a bit of prodigy because i wanted to see wesley as a traveler and i gotta say i Do Not like it akjdg#i really wanted to but i just couldnt#some people like him because he feels happier#but all i can think about is why would he be#sure its nice in some ways i wont deny that#but he's isolated he's important he's meaningless nothing he does matters everything he does matters it's too much and not enough#it's the exact same position he was in at starfleet. something Bigger than him telling him who he is what he means what his morals are#ALSO HE GOES BACK HE GOES BACK TO STARFLEET HE SERVES UNDER RIKER LIKE HELLO#god there's so much more too like how many times has he almost died as a child remember when he fucking did die#how many times did the adults around him get controlled and hurt them#genuinely think wesley has felt helpless his entire life and that culminates in him being obsessed with needing to know everything#that happens on the ship + eventually running away to the Know Everything In The Multiverse Cult + going back to starfleet#his whole life has been him fighting for control while simultaneously bowing his head at every parental figure#wesley: surely This Guy can give me a sense of purpose and identity#it started with jack man... wesley never really escaped i really dont think he did#wesley crusher#anyway i need a nova squadron fixit fic sooo badly it's ruining every day of my life#on one hand i love them tragic and depressed and dead on the other what if happy yippee hooray???
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thinking abt the ggy easter eggs rn
#im so ready for whateber theyre cooking#this is like the only era rn where the sw games arent interesting me rn im so ready to want to engage again#plz focus on ggy vanny gregory vanessa cassie and not cassie dad mapbot dying absent father doing nothintnfor the story#and a game based totally off of books instead of the other way around#i really hope SW games dont become super tftp oriented#as in they make games based off of books instead of the other way around#that would suck majorly#a ggy game would be new content based off of game lore that does exist for ggy and not the book#like patient 46 and his canonical mysterious past#plus everything the tapes said he did#it could be so good#i really want to just see like. any progression of the story#outside of very basic ideas like 'vanny cassie' that are probably going to happen but are so bare bones#theres not much you can think about#insyead of useless plots like cassies dad. sorry but its true if hes the hw2 story he does nothing#nothing that cassie couldnt have also done if shes the protag#i know that sotm has to happen before they can progress so im being patient#but man#i hope we get more stuff like ruin that has good linear on screen storytelling and is more character oriented#everybody liked ruin but not everyone likes sotm#when hw2 came out i saw soo many opinions not just by me and the moots or something but just#fans on twitter diehard or casual#that hated how hw2s story was handled#people actually want storytelling now at sb and ruins scale instead of old school barely comprehensible frustrating lore#thats what sotm feels like its leaning into and im not excited#i hope its a one time thing since its a good chance to do that#a game that already takes place in the og fnaf days#before it even#of course its a good idea to put old school easter eggs and characters and story and stuff of the og days#i just miss my guys :(
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the downside to being a sitcom neighbour sort of person is that when rough things happen and emotionally fuck u up a lil bit, it also sounds completely made up
#bert's dead dad tag#found out today the way my dad told mom he wanted a divorce?#he wrote her a letter and left it on the dining room table for her to find on the morning of her fortieth birthday#who the fuck does that dead father#like that is the sort of thing i would entirely make up if i needed everyone at the table to fuckin hate an npc#and at least one person would go 'you're laying it on a little bit heavy'#i know he did work to become a better person as he got older#which is good because BOY howdy was that man a piece of shit in the early 90s#and we are having Complicated feelings about it tonight and also for the last nine months#something something when i was writing his eulogy i came across an old article discussing something he did in the 90s#YDIP (your dad is problematic)#like yeah this is the sort of thing that would have been vaguely acceptable in the cultural context#but like. still objectively bad. potentially ruining several lives sort of bad.#learned this and then wrote the rest of his eulogy about how he was a great guy and how i'm lucky to have been his son#(which was rough enough on its own because i've never said 'i'm [dad's name]'s son' as many times as i did that trip home)#but like what else do you do? i sent off a message looking for more information#and that information if it comes is just gonna sit with me i guess#sure as hell not telling my sister and this whole thing i've been getting through without really having anyone here for me to talk to#(hence the big fuckoff tag rant. your problem now losers who like clicking the read more button)#so even if i get all the answers i want about this one thing it's not gonna do any good except putting an end to one question#but part of having a dead dad who's been out of the business of forming new memories since you came out is having more questions#answering this one's just gonna add even more questions to the pile#but. got fuckall else to do
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botw got me into watching every zelda theory on the planet and totk got me out of it :I
i will focus on my comic and the rewrite project, rant here an there or answer some questions but im pretty sure im not gonna watch/read anything zelda theory related for a good while
#ganondoodles talks#totk just makes me feel hollow#but it will keep coming up in everything zelda related now and in the future#like maybe theres some people critical of it#i doubt its the popular guys tho#and its probably not gonna be about the story anyway since even in old theories they were always pretty -save-#but it was kinda fun seeing all the ways to connect things and think about what it could mean#totk ruined that for me tbh#wheres the mystery#it let me down so many times i just cant stay interested in anything#and i dont got the will to clikc on a video and realize halfway through i wasted my time#hope you dont mind me staying in my lil bubble and doing my thing xD
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There's a lot of reddit refugees/AI bot accounts here and on other websites that are spreading AITA posts around, but not sharing the required-reading post that's necessary if you want to engage with that content without becoming a goblin
#reddit#am i the asshole#AITA#AITAH#196#there's sorta 3 main things you NEED to be thinking about with every one of those posts you se#1 everyone is trying to paint themselves in the best possible light#everything from the information they choose to present to the way they phrase their sentences is written to make you think OP is correct#2 every story you see there no matter how thorough is ultimately incomplete#intentionally or not its just impossible to get the full scop of a situation in the bounds of a reddit post#and most importantly of all 3#the audience does not care about finding the best possible solution or the fairest possible judgment#they care about getting the best story#so many of those posts jump to divorce or no contact or stupid reddit revenge schemes because people want catharsis#they want a win they can get vicariously through others#they don't care if their solution inadvertantly ruins your life or burns a bridge that could have easily been mended
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I'm going to redo all our throw cushions with velvet yarn and I'm trying to decide if I should stick with crochet or use it as an opportunity to learn to knit...
Quastions for fibre artists:
Is chenille/velvet yarn a good or bad choice to learn knitting on if I already know crochet?
And out of the two, which do you prefer to do high use homewares with?
#its gotta be in chenille or another single solid strand yarn#because diva grooms things nonstop now that shes going senile and she pulls all the fibres on regular yarn up into fluff#many jumpers and blankets have been felted and ruined this way recently#shes very happy doing it so we dont want to stop her#just stop her from getting to stuff she can ruin this way#fibre arts#yarn crafts#fibre crafts#knitblr#crochet#knitting#crochetblr
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projects actually can be fun how about that ?
#astro talks#dude if i had been in ritalin when writing my stranger things fic... my goddd#i literally only finished (after many breaks) bc i had such love for it. like an immense connection to it and just coudlnt let it end badly#but it brought me so much mental pain just to do it. and i ddint understand !!#dude.... yeah.#choosing the icon for the sideblog now :) gonna use one of chilleds emotes#like i dont want to show bias but like pr1 kinda does have him at the center. if not just for a way to explain how theyre all associated#also if i was showing bias i would do speedy lol#its a dinosaur with his hat and a love heart. felt appropriate for a shipping thing#and ill like make the blog pinned page. and start on teh submission form#which ill try to have out tomorrow#and then maybe a week? or two of submissions?#maybe open ended for a bit.#but yeah my dudes this is happening ! hell yeah :)#and i have most of my little degrassi fic done for today#its just kinda vibes and thoughts but that can be ok#and i might have smth up tmr for it. but bc i have changed it to aprox a fic a day#i can skip if needed. we will see :D#hell yeah !#dude being on disability benefits can kinda make u feel like a useless piece of shit to the world#(or at least it has for me at times. but rn. i just feel really good about myself and thats so nice)#god u read about how undiagnosed/unmedicated adhd ruins ppls lives... but like wow#i assumed even if i did have adhd. it woudlnt be that big of a deal. bc i have all my other shit as well. but dude no.#it was so much more debilitating than i could have known#anyways <3 projects yay :)
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...I miss having a best friend to talk with about everything. Everything is so quiet now... Sometimes I regret it. Sometimes I'm sorry... I just miss having a friend who cared for my creations the same way I cared for theirs.
Now I feel obnoxious with my characters or like an everyday fan of my friends'. Late night regret and loneliness spiral, sorry chat...
^^"
#sometimes I think maybe I'm just not meant to have friends#its incredibly hard when my BPD is not professionally diagnosed bc nobody in the field believes me#despite hitting the mark for every single symptom and train of thought#and that leaves me unmedicated and yk- the C-PTSD#im... not a friendly person. im explosive. and rash. and i hate getting attached to people for too long#so i sabotage myself and ruin any chance at life long friends bc it scares me and theres no way I can let myself have something like that ig#no matter what I do I cant stop burning the world at my fingertips#why can I just keep friends like a normal person without the urge to be loud that they are hurting me even if its a mistake#my walls are so high it feels like they never really go down with a person because of how much deceit Ive endured#i cant fully trust anyone because of how many broken empty promises ive gotten-#promises to be different#to not fall to the same thing as the last#to be patient and give me time and work through things and talk it out#and then the mental illness I suffer and am still trying so hard to get better from gets in the way again...#barely 22 and I know I have a friendless life ahead of me because I cant help but ruin it and leave them first before they can leave me#i just expect it now...#how pathetic is that..?
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god i love tumblr tags i love this shit only feature i actually like on this goddamned site and also fuck you tumblr
i only use them to sort a select few types of posts but i use it to stay stuff
sneakily...
#under my breath#where i can continue my thoughts#or say the goddamn stupidest shit imaginable in the form of a non sequitur#this is an actual warning this post has so many tags in it scroll past fast#its like a bonus#and many many times#these tags will go on for longer than needed#like way way way way way way way way longer#and sometimes not#this is one of those times where it goes on longer#i just try to jam as many tropes into my shit as possible this crap has ruined me#i had beef standoff for dinner. beef stroganoff. for dinner tonight#i cannot believe the word stroganoff was not in the dictionary for firefox i thought i was spelling it wrong#and absentmindedly i clicked the autocorrect and it changed it to standoff. okay.#theres the non sequitur i mentioned earlier#blah blah blah overly long gag#im sorry to whoever clicked to expand tags seriously you probably hate me for this#ill make it up to you by not doing a goddamned thing#🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎#call back#is there a trope where someone references the name of a trope or is that just way too specific#i would actually challenge anyone to count every single trope i used in this even absentmindedly and for a prize i wont do a goddamned thin#i miss you textposttropes#okay like im genuinely done#youre still here? its over! go home! go!#... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... *bows* thank you. thank you. i feel this is truly my magnum opus. ... ... the stinger.
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