#like NO ONE on the enterprise thinks its Weird that this guy is So into wesley and knows exactly when to show up to help

[secretlythatsme]

ANYWAY i recently got into tng and am now super obsessed with wesley (just a lil dude!! why does everyone hate him i don't get it!!) and all the Implications and Potential that his character had (and has)

like your father killed on duty, lingering resentment with the man who feels responsible for it, the same man whose words are like gospel to you, who gives you every single opportunity that you shouldn't be given, who was only persuaded to do so by a somewhat higher being who is oh so carefully crafting your life in just the right ways for Something, constantly being brought forward and pushed away, too many parent figures and only one, the only meaningful friendships you have are with people twice your age (they will always see you as a child), you do everything for Him, everything for His legacy (your dead father? your captain? they're so closely intermingled and so far apart), you finally reach what everyone knows you're going to do, you get into the best team in the school, you have a best friend (was he something more? do you even remember?), you kill him (it's so much more than that but the black and white is addicting), everyone hates you, He's disappointed in you, how long has it been since you could look your mother in her eyes, you want to die but that would be unfair, how dare you feel guilty, and oh look, the beings who have watched you for your whole life (they knew this would happen) want you to join them. there's never been another choice. the prodigal son always completes his duties.

[mandatory-blog-stop-asking]

my favorite stand-alone star trek episodes

someone in bluesky asked around my sphere what are the best Star Trek stand alone episodes for each show and I thought it was a cool exercise. My list and specifications are below. Long post so click the button to check it out.

Rules: Can't be super dependent on other episodes of the show, can't be a two or multiple-parter, can't just be every season finale just because it made me cry or anything; it has to be something that showcases how the show works its own individual aspects in a relatively ideal stage. Think of it like the episode you could show someone to prime them to like any of these shows if they don't even know the show exists.

The Original Series - The Corbomite Manuever

It's one of the first times Star Trek talks about peacemaking and looking before shooting as something you're supposed to do even in a situation where an overwhelming power is bullying you. Kirk comes out of this as a genius who knew better than to take a situation at face value, and has one of my favorite lines in the show:

What's the mission of this vessel, Doctor? To seek out and contact alien life, and an opportunity to demonstrate what our high-sounding words mean.

Banger idea, banger execution, iconic alien, cool shit all around, 10/10

Runner ups: Balance of Terror, Court Martial, The City at the Edge of Forever. Didn't make it because I like this one more.

The Animated Series - The Magicks of Megas-tu

I think it's probably the wildest episode in TAS? Kirk & Crew meet the devil and he's like, a swell guy you should be friends with. Spock learns magic. The devil tells the audience of mostly children to not have prejudices against those oppressors have deemed unworthy of attention. There's a magic duel at the center of the galaxy that is then tailored after the Salem Witch trials. If you haven't watched TAS, it goes fucking crazy.

Runner ups: Yesteryear, The Lorelei Signal, The Time Trap. Overall just think Megas-tu is more interesting and more incredibly fucking wild, how did that air in the 80s, oh my god.

The Next Generation - The Measure of a Man

While it is pretty early on, I think it's a very good example of what TNG does best: single-issue stories using its main cast as a vehicle for drama. This has a little bit of everything people love TNG for: Data's struggles as an android, Picard's struggles as a reinassance man occasionally having to face the dumbest motherfuckers in the entire Federation who would be burning witches at the stake if they could, a Badmiral, Riker vs Picard, Guinan taking Picard by the hand and gently reminding him the human condition includes some unpleasant elements, a farcical trial...

it's not perfect but I do think it holds up, and whenever I recommend Star Trek to people, this is always an easy case study to check if they're interested in the project.

Runner ups: Elementary Dear Data, Yesterday's Enterprise, Sarek, and honestly a lot of other episodes that just don't quite work if you don't have all the context of watching more of the show. Either that or they have weird characterizations that I don't think work super well for the episode.

Deep Space Nine - The Ship

I think Deep Space Nine has a ton of great episodes, but I do believe that show shines brightest when everyone involved is stuck in a bottle episode having to fight their way out of it. In TNG they would talk, in VOY they would trick people, in DS9 they use violence!

I think The Ship is the best version of a good DS9 episode that doesn't need so much preamble to understand. You have a tight cast, a very clear drama point, and the slow build up into a horrific ending where nobody is happy and everyone wishes war wasn't such bullshit.

While there's literally better episodes, I think this works really well for this "challenge."

Runner ups: This list literally had Homefront/Paradise Lost as my pick, but I ended up deciding two-parters don't count. Other than that, The Wire, The House of Quark, Badda-Bing Badda-Bang and my favorite episode of Star Trek of all time, It's Only a Paper Moon, that unfortunately only works if you've spent 7 seasons watching Nog go from the worst character in Star Trek to the best character in Star Trek.

Voyager - One Small Step

I think Voyager is very flawed and that season 4 is the highest peak the show comes to, but even then, I think One Small Step is my favorite episode. It has the BIG VOYAGER THINGS: Seven of Nine trying to wrap her head around human emotions, an old-timey feel (literally, it's about an old Mars mission), it has the Delta Flyer, and it ends with an absolute emotional gut punch that I haven't really recovered from to this day. It's a love letter to space exploration that really fits a show named god damn Voyager a lot more than it would any of the others. I really love this episode.

Runner ups: The 37s, Living Witness, Death Wish, and DISTANT ORIGINS, OH MY GOD, THE LIZARD PEOPLE ARE REAL; all episodes i like but that either don't quite get me where I want to go, or I just personally feel aren't as strong.

Enterprise - Dead Stop

So like, this list is awful for Enterprise, because every single episode of that series builds on the previous ones somehow. Season 3 is impossible to watch out of context so I can't use any of it, and my no-multiple-parters rule means Season 4 (which I don't even like anyway so I guess it doesn't matter ) is mostly out. But I really do think Dead Stop excels at what Enterprise is good at: making the galaxy look fucking weird again.

Dead Stop feels like a really good sidemission from a game you've played a lot but never did 100%. It proposes some things about the state of the galaxy that you never really consider and never comes back, and it acts like this really interesting bottle episode that, while relatively predictable (this is Enterprise), is also effective. I think everyone shines in this and I think the situation is very unique. Worth a shot if you've never seen Enterprise.

Runner ups: E², The Catwalk (lol), it... look, I'll be real, Enterprise is not made for this.

Discovery - Unification III

Speaking of shows that aren't made for this, Discovery wouldn't have made it if it didn't get a soft-reboot halfway through. I'm one of the people who likes the second half of Discovery, sometimes a lot even. And while I think it should have gone way crazier with its own stuff instead of wasting its time with references (season 4 is probably the moment I was happy saying I like Discovery), I think Unification III is the first time I actually liked Michael's character.

It still has Discovery's major problems of being overly melodramatic in the wrong places, wasting a little too much time with dramatic camera shots and monologues that don't always hit, but I think Unification III is Discovery deciding it can stand side by side with other shows: it fundamentally changes the Romulan/Vulcan dichotomy, it takes something old and makes it new again, and it for the first time in years doesn't feel embarrassed of itself.

I don't know if it would make a Disco hater become a Disco enjoyer, but hey, I enjoy the episode, and it's my list.

Runner ups: Forget Me Not, and.... that's it actually. Don't watch Discovery on random, it doesn't work. Picard isn't in this list.

Lower Decks - wej Duj

Lower Decks rules and wej Duj is the best episode of Star Trek released in the year it came out. It takes its premise and allows it to breathe, shows you parts of the universe you'd never see, introduces great characters you could make a mini series about if you were crazy, and it looks and sounds great. Lower Decks was too good for this world and cancelling it characterizes cruel and unusual mistreatment of an audience.

Runner-ups: First First Contact, Empathological Fallacies, a couple more but Lower Decks is so referential in nature that it also makes it hard. But this wasn't really a contest. I wrote wej Duj without looking up other episodes.

Prodigy - Time Amok

Prodigy is a weird one because it's less "Star Trek" and more "Voyager 2". It has a different idea and execution for what it wants to do, so it doesn't really adhere to structures other shows have. That being said, I think Time Amok is the first time the crew really comes together and shows why they're a good cast, what their specialties are and why you should like them. I would probably not have continued the show without an episode like Time Amok, and genuinely, it goes great places. Season 2 is one of my favorite seasons of current Star Trek. It just, you know, isn't the same.

Runner-ups: Honestly for my specific rules, this is it. But I want you to know Prodigy fucking rules and you should watch it. "Now... go boldly" still gets to me every time I think about it.

Strange New Worlds - Ad Astra per Aspera

I like Season 1 of SNW a lot more than Season 2, but the S2 opener really is the show at its best. It doesn't pull any punches when exploring the subject of what's essentially Federation-approved apartheid, and it might have the best performances in the show so far. It would have probably interested me more if this wasn't another prequel that can't change things too much, but, still. If you've never seen SNW and don't want to just watch it from episode 1, give this one a try.

Runner-ups: Strange New Worlds the pilot! It's a very good pilot! Also "Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow" and "Those Old Scientists", but like, a crossover wouldn't really fit here very well.

And there you go, that was a fun little exercise. How about you make your own? Add any of the shows you want, I just happen to be a freak who wanted to do it with all of them.

[electronickingdomfox]

"Planet of Judgment" review

A novel from 1977, by Joe Haldeman. It begins with a rather generic "stranded on dinosaur planet" plot, but then the story becomes far more unhinged and entertaining. By the end, I was wondering what drugs was the author taking. So yeah, recommended novel, for sheer insanity.

As usual, Spock is gay. Also, McCoy is probably gay too.

Spoilers under the cut:

The Enterprise arrives at a strange rogue planet, with its own artificial sun. Of course Kirk has to investigate the anomalous planet (aptly named "Anomaly"), and he lands there with some security guys in a shuttlecraft. The fact that the transporter doesn't work, should be hint enough that this planet is trouble. They encounter giant beasts similar to dinosaurs. Also pterodactyls. And soon discover that the usual laws of physics don't apply as they should. Their phasers only work on stun, they have no communications, and the shuttlecraft is dead. So far, no redshirt has died, so the Enterprise sends another shuttlecraft with more redshirts just in case. At last, since it's obvious everyone is trapped on that planet, Spock decides to send three more shuttlecrafts with a ton of people (including himself, McCoy, Chapel and Uhura) so the party can begin.

The first part of the novel deals with the crew trying to survive in the wild environment. There's also two strange, stream-of-consciousness scenes to show Kirk and McCoy's dreams. The crew spots some hominid creatures that they take for cavemen. Also, two redshirts finally die. One being half-eaten by a giant flower, in a surprisingly gory scene. There's more body horror ahead, as one injured redshirt vanishes suddenly, and returns the next day significantly changed. He has no eyes, ears or nose, as if they had never been there in the first place, and hair is quickly covering his whole body. It's discovered then, that the supposed cavemen are actually a very advanced telepathic race, and have mutated the crewman into one of their own, to better communicate and study the humans. (By the way, the crewman is very happy with the changes.)

The aliens, called Arivne, only need the scientists (Spock, McCoy and three others) for their experiments, so everyone else is sent back to the Enterprise. Then, they force them to relive traumatic moments of their past, in order to learn things like "decision-making" or "betrayal", which their species, living in perfect unity, doesn't know. There are interesting glimpses into Spock and McCoy's past, as part of these visions. Such as Spock being bullied by his human cousins as a child, or McCoy's divorce. It's finally revealed that the Arivne are doing all this to prepare against the attack of other, insectoid aliens, that will soon invade the whole galaxy (McCoy describes one as an "ugly son of a bitch"). The aliens, called Irapina, are sending first three champions to test the waters. If Spock, McCoy and Kirk (who's been returned to the planet to not miss the fight) can defeat the three Irapina, they'll withdraw to invade another, less interesting place (like the Romulan Empire).

This is where things become really, really weird. As the battles against the Irapina take place inside hallucinations, that can nonetheless kill the loser (a bit as in "Spectre of the Gun"). Come to think of it, something similar happened in "Spock Must Die". These early novels truly loved their hallucinations... We have McCoy battling the baby Irapina in a poker game, set in the Wild West. Which ends with McCoy decapitating the alien with a card. Yeah. Spock takes a math quiz on a sinking game board. Then Kirk fights in a naval battle against pirates, while Spock is busy inside a star, trying to make it go nova (Spock has practice with this, as earlier he had created a volcano by pushing to the surface from a planet's core).

Anyway, it's all gloriously crazy. Even though the ending seemed a bit rushed. There are also some seemingly abandoned plot threads. For example, the love triangle between a female scientist, another guy and a professor. I thought that these three characters would have more relevance later on, but eventually, nothing is done with them.

Spirk Meter: 7/10*. I was determined to give this novel a low rating, even a zero. After all, how slashy can it be if Kirk and Spock barely interact? It turns out, it can be fairly slashy... For starters, the most traumatic experience in Spock's past that the Arivne could find, was his battle against Kirk in Amok Time and the thought he had killed him (the whole sequence is taken from Blish novelization, which is a rather lazy way to fill pages, if you ask me). Relieving the scene makes Spock cry actual tears. Then, what is Spock's biggest worry while stranded on the planet? Being eaten by dinosaurs? Nah! The greatest danger for him is that Chapel would try to seduce him! Even though poor Chapel doesn't even interact with him in the whole novel, and has been nothing but professional. He goes as far as suggesting that McCoy seduces her, to get rid of Chapel himself (too bad for Spock, McCoy's gay too; more on this later). So far, this isn't much. But then, near the ending, it's Spock's love for Kirk that saves the whole galaxy once more. During the final confrontation, the Irapina cheat at the game and merge the two hallucinations: Kirk battling on the pirate ship, and Spock creating a supernova. If Spock succeeds at his test, the heat from the nova will kill Kirk. Of course, he chooses to fail his test and die himself, so Kirk has a chance. He does it out of "logic, morality, and a vestige of an emotion he might deny: love" (direct quote). The Irapina hadn't predicted such sacrifice in the name of love, so they declare the battle null, which gives Kirk and Spock another chance.

This is as far as Kirk and Spock are concerned. Now, what's the deal with McCoy? For starters, during his dream sequence, he wonders about the fact that he has never been truly interested in a woman, not even his wife. Later, Spock asks McCoy to explain sex and love to him, since he doesn't understand why Chapel is so interested in him. McCoy explains that women (and men) are attracted to power, which Spock has; intellect, which Spock has in spades; fairness, which is congenital for Spock (these are his words); and of course, that mysterious aura of strangeness, that is so very Spock's... And yeah, it doesn't seem AT ALL that McCoy has reflected a lot about Spock's appeal... After this, Spock asks him to seduce Chapel himself. McCoy refuses as he doesn't see Chapel that way. Spock assures him that he won't ask him to do anything against his nature, to which McCoy becomes very defensive. There's a long passage then, where McCoy ponders about his reasons to prefer the other female scientist in the party (all very un-romantic, practical reasons) over Chapel. As well as the fact that, despite being familiar with the female body because of his work as a doctor, he kind of fails when it comes to women. Something that he can't confess to Spock, but has confided to Chapel; the reason why he can't see her as a lover, and why Chapel can't be attracted to him either. What does Chapel know? It's also noteworthy, that this whole scene serves absolutely no purpose for the plot, since Chapel disappears from the story quite early and nothing happens between her and Spock. Last but not least, during the re-enactment of McCoy's divorce, we learn that a major reason for his wife abandoning him is that she was sexually frustrated. And neither of them were happy in their marriage. McCoy doesn't take it so bad, joining Starfleet right afterwards... So yeah, in my opinion, there's something about all this that screams "closeted homosexual".

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

[pyromaniacldrt]

Damn, just realized I forgot Jimmy in my headcannon list.

Which is embarrasing, since he´s one of my faves.

He is a csi-fi movies nerd, specially of Pixel and Back in the Future.

He has defeated Tertis once, and to this day that´s the achievement he´s most proud of.

He is a Harry Potter fan thanks to the influence of his weird, on the run and probably a mafia memeber uncle, who has enough debts to sink Mark Zucchenberg in poverty. He has a boat tho:)

Jimmy comes from a HUGE family full of Gingers™, and at some point the Wild Kratts theorized he could be a Weasley, but it was descarted because JZ is VERY rich.

His wardrobe is full of the Adam Sandler´ aesthetic. That, and a sinlge Gala Suit that no one is sure how it got there.

When looking where to apply for a job after graduating, at first he had thought on joining the air force ,since he didn´t want to go to a local airport to get experience; but then Chris (a dude he met playing minecraft online and later on became friends) offered him to work as a pilot in his older brother´s proyect for an academy.

He couldn´t belive it when he met Koki again, and they pretty much tackled eachother into a hug.

He has a power suit, but Jimmy never uses it (plus, it has malfunctioned so many times that Aviva is impressed its still working)

bro is great at social events, but he has to be dragged in to participate.

Jimmy thinks very little of Gourmand to a professional perspective, if not as a decent human being, and finds his recipes disastrous, and not only because they are made with endangered species.

Back when his grandma wasn´t in the nursing home, she had a five star restaurant that she later on lost to a bet, in which she would teach enterprising chefs her recipes and different cooking skills, including a teen Jimmy, who wanted to be just like her if his dream of becoming a pilot didn´t work out. Between those enterprising chefs was Gourmand, the so called "prodigy", who even got to become the main cheff when Grandma Jimmelda retired. He also won the restaurant when betting with the old woman (he probably cheated, but there´s no evidence)

Jimmy went there regulary and even worked there because his parents wanted him to be hardworking (didn´t exaclty work, but ok)...

Until he found out about the cooked endangered animals and reported Gourmand, making him loose the restaurant and his cooking liscense. Yeah. They don´t get along.

He has a shark stuffed plushie that Martin gave him on christmas. (Jimmy gave him a new pair of socks. He needed those.)

He likes to make pastries a lot, specially if it´s one of his gandma´s recipes.

Grandma Jimmelda has some very deep lore stories from her youth, including marrying at 14 and going to war twice (don´t ask which one though, not even she knows).

Jimmy has had thought of letting his hair grow long, and I personaly belive he would have it very long to try to make the Rapunzel fight moves(he can´t).

Still, he has to go and have a haircut every time he visits his parents and Zach.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that: Grandma Jimmelda has a niece, Aunt Jaminet, who is the cousin of the mother of Zach´s grandma. Somehow (I don´t want to know how), they´re almost the same age.

The family meetings are just something else, specially when there´s a whole bunch of gingers on the table and a singe black haired guy that only comes once every two christmas because he lives across the state and no one likes (Jimmy also rarely shows up, but he´s the cool cousin/uncle, so he´s been forgiven by the little ones, unlike Zach)

Tbh, nor Zach or Jimmy know they are related. I mean, they are distant second cousins(?), but they are still family. Somehow.

He has played World War Z and finished it in three days.

He has also bested with full stars Cooking Mama, ofc at the extent of his emotional stability, but pshh Who needs it?

Martin´s - Chris´- Aviva´s - Koki´s

[anewstartrekfan]

Alright I’m now convinced this was intentional

Guys buckle in cuz it’s time for another installment of Kirk judges someone for doing something morally questionable for possibly good reasons and then finds himself doing something similar/faced with the same dilemma several episodes later.

First round it was the Menagerie and Conscience of the King

Kirk was mad at Spock for lying and hiding why he took the ship off course with Pike and then literally the next episode Kirk hides his intentions with Kodos as he takes the shop off course until he is confronted. Another fun contrast between the two is everyone except Kirk thinks Spock is acting weird in the Menagire before he explains himself, while in conscience of the king, only Spock notices Kirk is acting off and has to do digging on his own to figure out what is going on because Kirk refuses to explain.

Second round was a taste of Armageddon and the Errand of Mercy.

In the former, Kirk was pissed at the locals for fighting this war on computers, condemning 3 million to die every year, instead of going to the negotiation table and working this out. So he destroys the computer (their weapon of war) to force them to negotiate.

And then in the latter story, the locals of a planet take away Kirk and the Klingons’ ability to fight via disabling all their weapons across the entire galaxy in order to force a negotiation that both sides are hesitant to start.

And round three is Tomorrow is Yesterday and The City at the Edge of Forever.

In the former, after the enterprise accidentally time travels, Kirk kidnaps some pilot b/c said pilot has seen their spaceship and could change the future. The pilot tries to escape several times to get back to his country and wife, not caring about the consequences, much to Kirk’s annoyance. And the episode ends with them erasing everything, even the events themselves so the timeline is restored.

And of course, in the latter story, Kirk is faced with the dilemma letting the woman he fell in love with die in order to restore the future, or saving her and condemning millions to die in a changed future. He chooses the former, and is so wrecked by this he curses for the first and last time in the whole tv series. And the episode ends not on a shot of the enterprise sailing away to its next location, but lingers on the time portal.

Edit: This one really gets me cuz that pilot was willing to break the timeline to be with his family, something extremely selfish, while Jim was able to let Edith die, sacrificing his personal happiness, saving the timeline.

Big picture is we can watch Kirk both see these dilemmas or actions from an outsiders perspective, and then later he either does the same thing or faced with the same situation personally. In short, it humanizes Kirk in a way that doesn’t make him an asshole.

I love this so much and I hope it continues.

Edit: so it didn’t really continue but I still really like this. You learn what kind of a person Jim Kirk is based on how he interacts with each given episode plot and how he deals with said plots in comparison to other people rather than him just monologuing about himself.

[raisinchallah]

like enterprise is almost terminally generic like even the "good" episodes dont have like a distinctive vibe or theme that really grabs me like voyager i think is at its strongest when its being kind of weird a lil gothic with a focus on like memory and being inherently changed by your surroundings like meld the raven barge of the dead and gravity they commit to being character studies of like kinda weird stuff and are willing to blend ideas of imagination and reality in ways that enterprise seems frankly far too conservative to attempt not that it has to be like that but even the better episodes are stunningly generic sci fi that i think feels a bit afraid to be truly odd that like it feels like competent execution of square one sci fi concepts which feels insane as a star trek product at the end of like over a decade of pumping out every possible imagined episodic sci fi story under the sun and inspiring so many imitators ur now competing with ratings from ur own knock offs you cant keep doing like bomb diffusing crashed shuttlepod evil computer stuff guys or like extended homages to beloved star trek episodes nobody really wants to commit to a distinctive voice in the first two seasons of enterprise and its just kinda sad... like nothings even been spectacularly bad of the episodes ive been watching its all just fine... and its like its been 13 years of continuous star trek broadcasting you cant just be turning in these halfassed assignments idk nothing feels like engagement with say older beloved sci fi media that inspired this or was inspired by star trek it doesnt feel like a critical or weirdly reverent eye to old trek its just going thru the motions and too often has very little to say about itself or what star trek or sci fi of its nature even is or aspires to be

[quarktrinity]

quark watches star trek season 1 episode 23

planet sends out a "dont fucking come here" code

obviously evil ambassador says go there anyway

kinda dont think this dude should have command over kirk

i was about to ask why star trek brings up the threat of interstellar war so much and then i remembered The Events of the 1960s

"im taking some security people with me" theyre going to die

this planet looks like this meme

/checks off the "background music indicates sexiness" square on my star trek tos bingo card/

The Unspecified Danger

this dude has an evil goatee

theyve been at war for 500 years?

theyre pretty casual about being attacked

are these people just making up the war. whats going on

i. what the fuck ok let me explain this

they dont actually launch any bombs or do any real attacks. they pretend they do with computers and basically roleplay this war, and when people are simulated to die they just kill them irl.

this is absolutely about the cold war

the enterprise has been "classified destroyed" so they all have to go into a disintegration machine. because war roleplay.

that is so stupid and im extremely impressed with this plot

the computer lady voice just sounds like shes yelling from across the room

scotty big brain

since when did vulcans have weird psychic powers

not even 20 minutes in and ive already got bingo

escape from weird roleplay land

spock says "there is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder" shortly before knocking a guy out

wasnt there an ambassador guy before. whered he go

oh there he is

scotty says fuck diplomacy lets fight. dont say that scotty the cold war era writers will hear you

yes scotty go insubordinate king

evil goatees never lie

hey kirk. why are you, as a man, pinning another man to the wall

hey evil guy. why are you, as a man, offering a drink to the man pinning you to the wall

yes kirk beat their asses

yes kirk get damseled

spock says "among us"

spock tells a woman to knock down and sit on another woman if necessary

spock refers to extreme violence as a peculiar kind of diplomacy

"let us go or we explode your planet :3"

whoever wrote this one had some unique opinions on the cold war

some real moral ambiguity in this episode

star trek says FUCK computers

i dont even care what the intended message of this episode is. i love it. its messy. it commits. its ballsy.

"why, mr spock, you almost make me believe in miracles" WHAT???????????

[weerd1]

All right, I feel it’s time to dig into my new comfort show, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Let me say up front, I love this show, so if you’re looking for someone who’s been watching Star Trek since the ‘70s to gripe about new Trek, you won’t find it here. Is this show perfect? Of course not. Is it Deep Space Nine good? Not yet, but I see potential. Episode by episode look and a long chat after the break! THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!

What it DOES feel like is TOS. From the variety of genres used to tell stories, to some downright weird plot points, to some remarkable social commentary, this really feels like what would happen if they just made TOS now. I lament a bit that we have 10-episode seasons instead of enough in a season to allow for some MORE variety the way TOS had more than 25 episodes a season.

So how about visual continuity?

This show looks like the way I would see this universe when I read novels or played the RPG: effects have caught up with the way I brain painted the Blish adaptations or those early novels. It works for me.

What about character continuity?

Barring the fact the show has canonized the idea that even the “Prime” timeline can shift a bit due to the influences of time travel across the universes (which I love), I think the nuances this show brings do nothing but enhance my understanding of TOS. The Spock/Chapel moments now on TOS? Christine now asking Spock, “have you ever been in love?” in the episode “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” becomes a bit of gut punch! What does it mean to her when he begins to lose control due to Ponn Farr? Does she think he might be reverting back to the Spock of a decade before who chanced to unleash emotion?

Visually and character-wise, we have not changes but expansion. Honestly, most of these perceived “changes” reminds me of Gene Roddenberry taking the opportunity to enhance the Klingons when he had the budget in The Motion Picture. Did he care that the Klingons weren’t bumpy? Did he care to come up with a solution? He didn’t: He was a creator who now had more tools to work with. SNW does that.

My sole complaint, which honestly stretches across many modern shows, Trek and otherwise is about language. TOS and its progeny up until Enterprise used a more stolid, slang-free method of writing which to me added to the timeless nature of the show. When characters in modern Trek use modern vernacular it ties the episodes for me more to the present rather than allowing me to suspend my disbelief that this is the future. This is just my personal preference, and is certainly not something that torpedoes my love for the show or characters.

So, if you’re still with me, let’s get into the nitty gritty, each episode rated from 1 to 5 LLAPs. 🖖

SEASON ONE

“Strange New Worlds” 🖖🖖🖖🖖

After DISCO S2 gave us a Pike which made Spock’s actions in “The Menagerie” entirely plausible, we pick up here with him knowing his destiny and he’s having to work on that. As it plays out, we get some great explorations of what Star Trek and Starfleet within the universe is about. We also get a pretty pointed commentary on our present and what allowing politicians to appeal to and encourage the baser, xenophobic impulses of their constituencies leads to. Solid start, solid introduction of return and new characters, and wow is this show gorgeous.

“Children of the Comet” 🖖🖖🖖

A solid episode which feels a little long in places. However, showing Sam Kirk is this universe’s Guy Fleegman is terrific, and we get some great Uhura moments. Also, fly, Erica, fly!

“Ghosts of Illyria” 🖖🖖🖖🖖

About as TOS as you can get! Crewmembers trapped on a planet below as danger approaches, a strange disease threatening the crew. Plus, a couple of good character revelations that start threads which will continue well into Season 2.

“Memento Mori” 🖖🖖🖖✌️(That’s a half)

The beginnings of expanding on the Gorn while giving us more background on La’an Noonien Singh (whom I originally was none to happy that she was Khan’s descendant, but S2 really uses that beautifully). She’s a terrific character and this episode helps us know why. Also- see my comment above about making the Klingons “more” because you have the opportunity as SNW picks up the way ENT showed us the Gorn were more than just a slow moving dino allegory and kicks it into high gear.

“Spock Amok” 🖖🖖🖖

A very fun episode which continues to show us that TOS’s T’Pring was more than just a diabolical woman who dared mess with our heroes. Have greatly appreciated what they have done with her. Also, Enterprise Bingo!

“Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach” 🖖🖖🖖✌️

Credit here first of all for a very TOS title. Then a TNG style morality play, but one that does not end happily. Dig it.

“The Serene Squall” 🖖🖖✌️

The Orion pirate captain and Pike’s mutiny was a little too…well silly for me. However, Captain Angel and the Sybok name drop, plus Christine being badass? All in there. Also, this sets up some Spock/Chapel stuff for S2 and I dig all of that.

“The Elysian Kingdom” 🖖🖖✌️

Again fun, and a neat way to deal with M’Benga’s daughter storyline. A bit indulgent in places, but everyone seems to be enjoying themselves so much, and we get Christina Chong’s dog Runa. VERY TOS when it all comes down to it. Bonus points for the DS9 reference.

“All Those Who Wander” 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖

Oh- the Gorn are warp capable Xenomorphs. How HORRIFYING. Also, some real stakes as we lose Hemmer, and Spock really starts his S2 arc here.

“A Quality of Mercy” 🖖🖖🖖🖖✌️

Terrific method of tying in some more TOS to contextualize the show, a modernized TWOK uniform, and a new Captain Kirk. I didn’t walk out convinced by Paul Wesley’s Kirk, but he wins me over early in S2. My real complain here is Ortegas falling into the role of the bigoted Styles from “Balance of Terror.” Did NOT seem like her style. Kudos to a bit of a cliffhanger, even if it does feel a little tacked on to the episode. Also, they missed a bet not having James Frain (DISCO’s Sarek) playing the Romulan Commander.

(Also, the show misses a bet not having Rebecca Romijn or Jess Bush voice the computer.)

Overall S1 is a solid start that ties itself plenty to what has gone before, without resorting to simple, overwrought nostalgia baiting to tell a story. Like some other recent Star Trek.

SEASON TWO

"The Broken Circle" 🖖🖖🖖🖖

Spock stealing the Enterprise on a semi regular basis is now in my canon, and I am grateful. Pelia, I am convinced, is actually Carol Kane’s character from “Taxi.” M’Benga rolling out the stimulants didn’t make a lot of sense to me on my first viewing, but in context with the season, this is actually setting up a really interesting—and dark—bit of character development.

“Ad Aspera per Aspera” 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖

This. This is Star Trek. ‘Nuff said. (Ok, also, THOSE DRESS UNIFORMS!)

“Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow “ 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖

Here, HERE Paul Wesley’s Kirk wins me over, even if it is an alternate version. Earning money (and apparently a lot given the remarkably nice apartment they stay in) by playing CHESS, recognizing that La’an’s universe should stay because Sam’s alive, the slow seduction…yup, that’s Jim Kirk. Plus, This episode acknowledges that time is fluid, referencing how TOS tells us the Eugenics Wars SHOULD have been in 1992, but it keeps shifting. Elegant solution that opens so many doors to future stories. Also, baby KHAAAAAAAANNN!

“Among the Lotus Eaters” 🖖🖖🖖🖖

Nice callbacks to “The Cage,” yes. But this episode BELONGS to Erica Ortegas. “My name is Erica Ortegas and I👏🏻fly👏🏻the👏🏻ship!” And let’s add “thread the needle” to awesome starship tricks, shall we? Erica makes this good episode great.

“Charades” 🖖🖖🖖🖖

Vulcan shenanigans are back with a fully human Spock, and indeed, this one is funny. Ethan Peck’s comedy chops are great here, especially with Sam Kirk’s mess. Anson Mount delivers in the funny department too as Pike serves up Vulcan food. Very poignant stuff here for Christine though, and though I was initially, “oh no,” continuity-wise, I really ended up liking what this MEANS to what we saw on TOS.

“Lost in Translation” 🖖🖖🖖

A bit cliche, but a good Uhura episode, and though it seems like they're trying a little TOO hard to bring Kirk in, the Lt. Kirk/Ensign Uhura dynamic here is really good. The Jim/Sam thing also something I enjoyed. What makes this episode for me though is when Uhur figures out what's going on, Pike trusts her. Blows up a whole-ass mining station on the word of one Ensign. Go, Nyota!

"Those Old Scientists" 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖

Just perfect. From the seemless merger of Lower Decks animated characters, to the meta commentary about "oddly specific references" and people talking "really slowly and quietly" this just works. Also ENT love! Uhura and Ortegas geeking out over Sato and Mayweather just made my day. So much fun, nothing could wipe the smile from my face! (Spoiler alert: The next episode will gut me.)

"Under the Cloak of War" 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖

Holy crap. You thought DS9 played around with questionable moral decisions in a war setting, SNW here shows us they're not afraid to travel into Moore/Behr's space and take a whirl. The weirdness with M'Benga pays off here, and as a veteran myself they way this episode delves into our inability to provide the emotional context to what war does to us to someone without the same frame of reference? Fantastic. I was pretty uptight for most of this episode, because I felt it. I cried in places, was made uncomfortable in places, and what a set of reveals for both Christine and of course M'Benga as we see those flashbacks.

"Subspace Rhapsody"🖖🖖🖖

I WANT to give this one another LLAP, as I love musicals, and I love the fact they were bold enough to do one. The cast pulls off their numbers wonderfully, there's some great moments, especially between Jim and La'an (HE'S BACK???), and they conceit that makes this work is though a hair silly, pretty consistent with Trek and it's quantum/multiversal/anomaly episodes of times past. The only thing that doesn't work for me are the songs themselves. A couple are OK, but they just didn't stick with me. And I made sure I watched a couple of times, just to see if it was my mood. I can't help but compare this to Buffy The Vampire Slayer's "Once More With Feeling" though, and there are three songs from that I keep on my permanent playlist, and can sing pretty much the whole ep verbatim. This didn't make me want to do that; I just really enjoyed it. I wanted to love it. (Shout out though to the "Once More With Feeling" Easter Egg.)

"Hegemony" 🖖🖖🖖🖖

As soon as they gave Captain Batel a first name in the musical, I got worried, and sure enough these Gorn bring that to fruition. She's not dead yet, but she's in trouble, and this is a tight action episode. I appreciate that this new young Montgomery Scott is a) played by a Scot, and b) something of a mix between the Doohan and Pegg versions of the character. My only fear now is we have this cliffhanger, and between the writer's strike and modern TV's general refusal to follow seasonal schedules, we may be in for a far worse wait than the summer of 1990 left us with William Riker's "Fire."

So that's my take. Yes, there are missteps, or things that don't QUITE work, but if I want to compare this to the glory days of 90s Trek, we're only 20 episodes in, and already having a great time when TNG, DS9, and VOY all took at least a season or two of 24 episodes each to find their way. Sure, classic Trek all but hit it out of the gate, but again, we don't have but slightly more than 2/3 of their first season of episodes. We’re 20 episodes in and the worst ones are JUST good, there hasn’t been a bad one yet. SNW has found a way to be a prequel without suffering from their audience’s foreknowledge, and fit themselves firmly into Trek lore without just relying on playing Trek Trivia Madlibs to write their scripts (though Kirk KEEPS showing up!). I'm a little worried as I was really digging on DISCO for the first two seasons as well, and season 3 was a huge disappointment to me. Let's hope whenever we get back to this, they keep up the good work. I am more than ready to again boldly go.

[jennawynn]

Chronotrek: Strange New Worlds Part 1

I've now finished Enterprise and Discover seasons 1 and 2, as well as all the Short Treks up to Children of Mars.

For those of you who are just finding this (sorry for invading your SNW tag), when I started this 'project', I had only seen a handful of episodes of ANY Trek content and the JJ Abrams movies. I decided to watch all the Star Trek canon in in-universe chronological order. Well, simplified. I watch typically while I'm working, so not only might I miss a few things when I get focused, but I also can't just switch episodes on the fly, so I'm only switching at the ends of seasons. No "this episode had time travel and they went back 300 years, so it should be between these two episodes of a different show" stuff. But I am splitting Disco at the end of season 2 so I've finished Season 2 and will pick up 3 after I finish ALL THE REST OF TREK :scream:

You can follow me on this journey (or block it) with the tag #chronotrek.

Ok! On to Strange New Worlds Season 1!

Interesting intro... retro but modern, very colorful (like they said their uniforms were when Pike was introduced on Disco 2x1 :joy:)

Tell me Number One never has a name. I think that was an excellent running gag.

Pike looks like Chris Pine with that beard. I thought that was the former Admiral Cromwell until they showed her face, like it was a flashback. I don't actually know what the dates of everything are, so the date flashing on the screen means nothing. lol

I thought she looked a little familiar, but did not recognize Melanie Scrofano.

At first I thought it was flashing all the way back to Archer's dad and the warp engine. That was in Montana too, right? Were Pike and Archer both horse guys from Montana or am I confusing the two?

Aww Spock guessed right, her name IS Una. Which... is number one :Joy: omg I thought I wouldn't like her being named but the name is a PUN?? I take it back.

Shuttle Stamets?? They named a shuttle after him?

So I guess they retconned the last tiny bit of Disco season 2? Where Spock shows up without a beard and they go off doing things.

And a ship named for Archer.

Mentions of Lt Kirk along with Uhura on the bridge... I know those names.

That should be 'you have the conn' not the comm. >.>

So Pike is scared of what he saw in the time crystal. Not issues with the Discovery 'disappearance.'

Jumping right to the 'another civilization is following the same kind of historical story beats' so we're going down to Alien!World War II or Alien!Civil War Part 2.

Spock looks like Cumberbatch :joy:

lmao using footage from Jan 6 as documentation of the beginning of WW3.

Now there's black side panels to the women's uniforms that look like dress tunics instead of shirts? And Kirk is Samuel, not Jim? idk who Sam is.

Episode 2 Children of the Comet

Shades of Hoshi Sato there- the comms officer who knows way too many languages and is afraid of away missions. It's weird because I know that Uhura is an OG character, so Hoshi came after her, but this show is after Enterprise (and I haven't seen OG Trek) so to me, she's Sato II not the other way around.

Why would you take a man's helmet off after a blow? One, you're wearing the helmets for a reason. Can you breathe? Two, if he had a head or neck injury the helmet could be the only thing keeping him from getting injured even worse.

She has a pretty voice.

I mean... the comet _let them go_ shouldn't the Shepherds respect that?

There is a reason things like 150 and 180 are said 'one-five-oh' or 'one-eight-zero' and not one-fifty or one-eighty. It could cause miscommunication, confusing it for 115/118.

"Maybe don't judge our faith next time." Pike's smirk saying 'we made your god change its mind.' ...so then they explain how the comet is precognitive? It is fate and not science? That seems antithetical to Trek? I thought science was the god Trek worshipped.

I don't like Spock's little curls on the ends of his sideburns.

Episode 3

Yet another reason that the highest level officers shouldn't be on away teams- when someone gets infected with something at impairs their decision making and such who is in charge of the ship, bad things can happen.

Oooh what's M'benga hiding?

Number One has a last name too? And not just one but two!

She just fuckin' carries a full grown man over her shoulder like it's nothing. That's a dummy :joy: Why she so strong? Oh, the strength is even remarked on by the nurse. It's A Thing. She's not human? And nobody knew that? I feel like that would have been a thing noticed in all the many times Starfleet surely scans you. Like... species _has_ to be a thing that they know for medical reasons.

Rukiya means 'she rises up' in Swahili. I used that name for an NPC trans princess in my D&D game. She's The Chosen One.

[gayspock]

okay girlies trek movie marathon ahead go go go we're starting with the final frontier

so to set the mood its 10am and i have hot cocoa (fancy one i got for chrismas + marshmallows (vegan ones i got for chrismas)

goodness fucking gracious they really put the budget into this one again didnt they. i mean i know they do for the trek movies in general in comparison to the shows but fuck me this feels like a step up even from tvh

okay girlie pops lets do therapy in the desert . practice mindfulness with me really think about the sand on your feet ow hot hot hot

i wish someone would do this to me to be honest i take the piss but cant some beardy vulcan cunt come up to me and chat about starships and the whatnot

ISNT THIS SYBOK BTW. spocks first retroactively added sibling. btw i wont share how much i hate that fucking choice in so many ways and how theyve done it fucking twice n- sorry seeing red breathe deep. hesgot a good presence t-

AHRHGHGH OGUGHHFHFUAHDHHGF FUCK I FORGOT THE TREK THEME DOOO DODODOOO DOOOD OOO MY PUSSSYYYYYYYYYY SOAKEDDDDDDDDD SHES MAKING THE SAME NOISE SH oh christ i took that one too farback up back up

i sometimes think theres no way ppl read these lbs but if theres one person there hi the credits are rolling

guys the hot cocoa is making my tummy hurt btw but that might also be okay so i got this vegan kebab meat and i didnt know you meant to cook it so i ate the whole pack raw and it was already expired but its like vegan so it cant like be like meat levels of insanity right..... right like im not getting worms am i its. uhm. whatever guys hesclimbing

wheres he going .

dude

th

I SAW CLIPS OF KIRK CLIMBING UP THIS BIG FUCK OFF MOUNTAIN BEFORE AND I KNEW BILLY SHITSTER PUT THIS IN TO WANK HIMSELF OFF BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE A PLOT RELEVANT SCENE WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE CUNT IS JUST DOING IT FOR THE JOKES

THERES NO WAY THIS IS SO FUNNY . KIRK COME BACK DOWN FROM THERE

hi bones- OH MY GODDDDD HIS CUTE LITTLE JACKET HES SO CUTEEEEEEAND HIS LITTLE SCARFFFFF

PUT THIS CUNT RIGHT ONTO YOUR PINTEREST BOARDS LADY HES-

okay ffucking hell the way william shatner still says "spock" i forgot it was like that

"1200 points of interest in yosemite and you pick me" right i forgot they were like that

his spoots.........

that made me laugh i wont even lie the way the cunt just feel

can we get a close up on the dancer cat woman please just for uhm my own . purposes interests i dont - OH HERE WE GO- THREE TITS?

WHOS THIS GIRLBOSS

CAITLYN KATELYN KAITLYN whichever its spelled- also romulan??? i assume that there's been some cultural mingling but imagine if you met a fucking cunt from mars called Sarah.

anyway shes beautiful as hell . for what reason.

seriously the dusty desert planet in scifi they all look the same its so funny

right the prblem is syboks actor is charming as all hell. fucking divert that smoldering gaze i feel fucking weird as hell

OUGHHH SCOTTYYYYYY HII BABYYYYY CAKESOUGHGHH HI ENTERPRISE OHHHHH HIIII UHURAAAA

oh my god she looks so good she LOOKS SO GOOD ... ahh nichelle 3: ... shes got such a good onscreen presence though man HELL its a shame they didnt utilise her more earlier

okay so they decided to put them together i forgot about that im not mad i gues

sulu and chekov hi guys theyre just vibing in the woods HI GUYS SORRY IM NOT IMMUNE TO NOSTALGI AND SEEING MY FAVOURITE GUYS

GUYSSSSS CAN WE ALL BE NICIESSSSS

"ive always known i'll die alone" ALRIGHT GIRL...

this is actually so cute i wont even lie im not endeared im not (is endeared) theyre on freaking holiday together

MARSHMELLON

SPOCK THEY ARENT VEGETARIAN

except for mineeeee that i have om nom nom

afterthe ritual camp sing along we all have insane freaky gay sex onscreen for the rest of the movie. its normal. it would also be less gay than them singng row row your boat like this

im absolutely ctazy for the sfx in this movie like it feels like half of them are pretty solid but theres just random bits that look so janky this is exactly how i want my star trek i wont even lie to you

also i cant tell if this klingon part is meant to have subtitles or not

ok i found the script online + im following along iwth that LOL ... i guess it makes SENSE why the actual subtitles arent like on the video itself but its still funny

sorry to be crass but i know someone somewhere has edited this to say spock (goes off to do that)

the way it takes me 10 million years to watch a movie you have to understand theres sidequests in every movie for me to do

GOD....

THE UNIFORM JACKET WITH THE JEANS THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME. ABSOLUTE SLAG MOVES. COME ON SERVE ME CAKE CASUAL STYLE

i love it when the enterprise is busted to be honest its so good i hate functional ships i love it when theyre breaking- fuck me i wanna relisten to wolf 359

i already know the plot twist of that being his brother but its very fucking funny nonetheless that spock just sees his broth-

UI WASL

I WASLITERALLY JUSY ABOUT TO SAY THAT ITS VERY FUNNY WHEN SPOCK SEES HIS BROTHER AND IS DEAD SILENT LIKE "THATS SO ME AND MY BROTHER WE DONT NEED TO TALK LIKE THAT"

AND THEN MY BROTHER DEAD SILENT PUSHES A BIRTHDAY CARD UNDER MY DOOR. THROIWING UP. COSMIC TIMING THANKS BUD

by the way ive actually heard a lot of bad things about this movie and im absolutely agreed that this is corny as fuck but frankly when it comes to tos movies... im actually on board if its corny, even if the story might suck in the end. i mean granted- im hardly into the meat-meat of the movie yet. i dont doubt people slate it for NOTHING, and i presume i'll understand the problems better the more i watch (after all i am already kind of irritated with syboks existence even if i do quite like the actors vibe) but its like... hm how do i put this...

im not actually ever against, like, "nostalgia bait" stuff , i guess, and having fun with things if its kinda a) self aware enough and b) well earned. does that make sense? if it isnt taking itself too seriously and bigging itself up in a dramatic way, AND there's a solid foundation to actually have fun with then im okay with a movie that kind of only spins on the funnier, more casual moments and is somewhat self-indulgent in terms of how it panders to fans with, like, showing them all having fun camping .

the issue for me is when its either, as i said, unearned or trying to take itself too seriously... or maybe, like, when it does veer too close to flanderisation or even just spinning the wheels on the characters. its why i think a lot of chibnall doctor who doesnt realyl work when its trying tobe "fun" or "goof off with the fam" like... you guys never really did the legwork to establish these characters well enough to have that, you know?

and im not saying tos has marvellous character work- we can be honest, and say that outside of the triumvirate theyre all over the place- but i do think theyre solid enough to crry and im well okay with that yeah?

and anyway thats all to say. ive known too many pretentious types disavow all sorts of media that does kind of act a bit self-indulgent or does something fun/stupid and i dont know man i do agree in many ways but also, like, entertainment is sometimes meant to be entertaining and its hardly the worst ever if a star trek movie just fucks about a bit instead of doing some epic space opera every single time, nor does it ruin the entire franchise or work that came before it. its why i really fucking rate the voyage home- because it lets itself take the time, take the breather after the other three movies. like i understand if it does purposefully undermine something else but like... i dont know i feel like some people ironically have such a shallow mindset sometimes where theyre likt, fucking hell, its the death of all media because they were silly 1 time and did something a bit funny/had fun (esp if it isnt just to their tasts)

(adnd yeah its also like... i dont know you know osme ppl who seem to have 0 media awareness in terms of like.. yeah man you can wax pretentious gobshite all you want but also its star trek man and thats not to belittle the franchise in any way but also manage expectations of what youre going to be consuming AND also realise that its not BAD that not everything is, like, you know some high calibre art and that actually that diversity in art is kinda better for your media diet tbh like they all serve a diff purpose like- you know so unrelated its also like im sorry it reminds me of all the discourse around knives out and the such and people not taking that movie into context and whatever the fuck or ALSO how im watching bsg lright now and i know im tempering my expectations interms of what that will deliver, what it will do and even further than that the actual politics)

( BC THAT ALSOOO is a whole other thing im so off topic here where its like im obbiously not talking about genuinely harmful media here but ive seen some ppl online kind of assume that media has to cater to their exact political alignment or else it isnt good and its like i absolutely agree you can analyse/dissect that and with bsg i do sort of like look at it and think well are we being serious with what we're doing here but also like eh shrug its kinda weird when you go in with the intention that apiece of art has to come to your exact own personal conclusions about the world by the end of it do you know what i mean . like i dont even mean tht in terms of like.. trying to defend things, but i mean that in terms of your own personal growth and open mindedness and appreciation for others' worldvew... anyways im so off topic im so so off topic this is literally the final fontirer 1989 here)

anyway im like

IM THE WORST IM RAMBLING LIKE THIS WHEN IVE BATRELY WATCHED THE MOVIE BC LOL #ANNOYING WHEN THIS ISNT EVEN RELATEDDDDDD

my point is i feel like what ive seen so faris kinda fun and the dialogue though corny and whatnot has made me smile enough that i feel like if this is gonna be sustained throughout im not gonna be mad if the overall plot does suck which idk is contrary to what i thought before i started bc ive heard such bad things about this one

which hey i guess theres other stuff behind that too because going back to that self-indulgent part.... it is obvious billy shits is, as i said, having a long self pleasure session . i also know theres other problems there tbh too-yeah...

ANYWAYS

can someone edit in them kicking their legs and giggling 👆

OK I SAID ALL I SAID ABOVE BUT THE UHURA SCENE WAS THAT ONE NECESSAY GUYSSSSSSS

also my god i eed to stop pausing ive been watching for almost 2 hours and im 40 minutes in thats so fucking funny

sybok: "ok but dude i didnt want anyone to dieeeee i was joking"DUDE PLEASE

the catgirl is feral i repeat the catgirl is feral

oh so it turns out the hostages are rather cheeky

WHY DID THEY HAVE TO CHANGE THEM OUT OF THEIR GOOD OUTFITS UGHHH BOOOOOO LOSERS BOOOO at least sybok is slaying does he have long hair? i do like that; i do appreciate that

"which will take...?" "exactly 15.5 seconds" "AN ETERNITY, DURING WHICH-"

I GET WHAT THEY MEAN BUT LOL

can i also say i think i said this when watching bsg but i love how many scifi ships have a lets fuck off really fast mode. its so fuckinh funny.

YHE GIRLS ARE FIGHTTIGNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG

"PICK IT UP" I LIKE HOW HE HAD TO BE TOLD.

AND SYBOK IS LIKE BE SERIOUS I KNOW YOU ARENT GOING TO D- SHOOT HIM? KIRK. BE SERIOUS . HE WONT DO THAT

KIRK YOU BEST NOT BE GOING INTO A STROP LEAVE SPOCK ALONE WILL E VERYONE LEAVE SPOCK THE FUCK ALONE

can i also say . sarek is a right fucking whore. how many wives did he have . like after amanda how many human women did he go through exactly

okay so round about this point i got distracted for another half fucking hour guys its so ufnny how long it takes me to watxh movies

THE WAY THEY JUST KNOCKED SCOTTY OUT. COME ON GUYS HELP

jim being tired climbing up when he literally beasted that mountain come on behave

THE SPOOTS ARE MAKING ME GIGGLE SO BADLY sorry.

the way they all got on together.... please... i will say BOTH times ive expected spock to straight up bridal carry kirk somehow

also i will say god . throwback to pk wars; im still laughing at how farscape presented the eidelons as, like, the answer to peace when its literally brainwashing just like this and its totally unacknowledged. anyways

WHY ARE WE GIVING BONES DADDY ISSUES

THIS IS SO FUNNY ACTUALLY

IM UNDERSTANDING MORE WHY THIS MOVIE IS DRAGGED BUT I CANT EVEN HATE IT ITS FUNNY TO ME BONES WE'RE GIVING YOU THERAPY TONIGHT

its so funny with bones they just give some random horrors to him whenever the fuck you know and then its never brought up again god love god bless

sarek can be so....

sarek can be so funny im sorry i know this isnt the time im watching him reject infant spock but do you remember in tng when he and picard were... well... they were well acquainted pen pals werent they if you understand me . its like hes a whore . hes a terrible father. hes like the worst. but hes kinda funny sometimes.

OKAY SPOCK SLAYED THAT GET HIS ASS

BONES LOYAL TO THE BESTIES

igotdistractedgaian guys btw this is so bd its like 1pm i started this at 10am but do you know what i need some new shoesso i needed to go find some and research do you know what i mean

i focus now i focus

THE GANG MEETS GOD. WHY NOT.

i always find it outrageously funny whenever they meet god or go to eden in sci fi . beyond hysterical. why not guys hes just been chilling somewhere why not babes .

KIRK BEING LIKE EXCUSE ME ☝️🤨...?

SORRY THATS SO FUNNY . HEY GOD. EXCUSIES. SCUSIES. [GETS HIS TITS BLASTED OFF]

thats funny as fuck

AGAIN IM SEEING MORE AND MORE WHY THIS IS CLOWNED ON THIS IS RANDOM AS ALL HELL BUT ITS FUNNY AND SO INCOHERENT AND THE PACING IS ALL OVER . GOD BLESS THIS MESS

"but captain we're firing directly on your position" can you have a little fucking fun for once chekov light it up bitch

HE SAID OOIEEE YEOWCH

woah he said damn... he said damnnnn

are you about to say sorryyyyyyyyyy

THATS SO FUNNY

THE KLINGON GUY JSUST SAID SOWWWWYYYY I WONT DO IT AGAIN BWAA..... THATSSO FUCKING FUNNY

GOD

YOU WERE NEVER ALONE... DUMBASSS.

PLEASE CAPTAIN. NOT IN FRONT OF THE KLINGONS FUCKING HELL. GAY ASS

"i lost a brother once. i was lucky i got him bakc" you guys remember when kirk actually lost his brother like hsi real life brother who died

OUGHGHH OH MY GOD THEIR OUTFITS BY THE CAMPFIRE YESSSSSSSSS

CANT WE GET JUST A MOVIE OF THEM CAMPING SORRY THIS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE MOVIE LIKE THE REST OF IT WAS DEAD BUT I RATE IT FOR ROW ROW YOUR BOAT

HELP...

OKAY THATS OVER

SALUTATIONS I NEED TO TAKE ABREATHER BUT THEN WE'RE ONTO UNCANNY COUNTY

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

When a Weird Dream from 2004 Links Two Disparate Things...

Around July of 2004, I had this strange-ass dream that has kinda stuck with me...

I was going to turn 12 in a few months. It started with my parents somehow leaving me behind in a grocery store after it closed. For some reason, Meg Griffin from FAMILY GUY was there, as was... I think her name was "Fanny"? from CODENAME: KIDS NEXT DOOR. I forget what number... Erm, NUMBUH... she was, but she was the bossy redhead with that shrill voice. (Not googling, because it's fun to write this as I'm remembering it.) They were both there for some reason, as dreams often tend to do. Throw in something or someone totally unrelated to the situation... Like that time I had that dream where I was at a casino, Metallica was having a concert, and Dr. Fauci of all people was someone I bumped into there.

Then I was going through books in one section, and happened upon...

A THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE picture book. As in a book made a little after the show came out in the U.S., the illustrations were painted and hand-drawn, but were show-accurate with all the right details. Like, for anyone who happens to be reading this who hasn't seen anything from the series prior to 2010... For the longest time, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE was made using remote-control model trains on immaculately-crafted real-life sets... And some picture books replicated that quite well. This book from the dream was kinda similar to the '90s picture books from Random House/Please Read to Me.

Now, THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE was a hyperfixation of mine when I was a kid. Like, one of my prime special interests from age 6 to around 8-ish, then I dropped it for a bit, likely thinking it was all "babyish" or whatever for a third/fourth grader to be watching. Then around 5th grade, at age 10, I slipped back into it for some reason. Might've been because the new season dropped at the time (2002), and new characters came about, and back then, I was still like "Yeah, I like Thomas." It was the first new season of the show since 1998, and the only new Thomas stuff we got between both of those seasons was the especially weird theatrical movie THOMAS AND THE MAGIC RAILROAD. And that revisiting of THOMAS was a rather short one, and then by age 10 1/2 I was past it once more... But it continued to linger in subtle ways, because deep down I knew that show actually kinda freakin' ruled.

So now it's mid-2004, it's been about a year and a half since I actually watched a Thomas episode or looked at anything pertaining to that whole franchise spawned by Reverend Wilbert Awdry's legendary book series. I'm trapped in a supermarket that has closed, yet many lights are still on, but it's like mood-lighting almost. Soothing and kinda reassuring. And two cartoon characters from two shows I was watching *a lot* back in the day were there. FAMILY GUY was being re-run on [adult swim] and TBS at the time, after FOX had cancelled the show. These re-runs from 2003-04 were what brought the show a whole new fanbase, which in turn helped get FOX to renew the show for a fourth season that debuted in May 2005, and then it was unstoppable since then. I can kinda proudly say that I was at the forefront of FAMILY GUY's revival, I watched it almost every night, because it was edgy and cool for 10-12 year old me to put on after everyone was asleep. And as for CODENAME: KIDS NEXT DOOR? I watched it constantly, among many other shows being aired on Cartoon Network at the time. Cartoon Network practically raised me, so- I can only imagine why Meg and Fanny, of all characters, were there in the dream.

I come upon this illustrated picture book based on the THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE television series, and it gets my eye because... It features Thomas on the cover with a character that *never* appeared in the TV series proper. The character was known as "Diesel D199", a nameless bully diesel who showed up in the 1968 book ENTERPRISING ENGINES, and only appears in one of its four stories.

That story, 'Super Rescue', was never adapted into an episode of THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE... But I knew the character because toys of him existed, and he was unusual in that he had a yellow face while all the other characters on the show had grayish-white faces. This is likely because a lot of the diesel characters in the original book series didn't have gray-white faces, like the steam engines largely did. Characters like Daisy, BoCo, and the green bully diesel from 'Bowled Out' had gray-white faces in the show, but not in the books. Since Diesel D199 didn't show up in the series, the companies making the merchandise just used his yellow book illustration face. As a kid, who was only familiar with the show and not the books, that had always puzzled me.

The book cover depicted him and Thomas going up Gordon's Hill, smiling at each other. I was unaware that he was an antagonist in the books, as the merchandise usually depicted him with a friendly smiling face. The title of the book was "Diesel Do It Again", maybe this was so because my brain was recalling the Season 3 episode "Diesel DOES It Again" - featuring the character simply named "Diesel", an episode largely set on the seaside.

Which brings me to the next thing I want to talk about...

The Beach Boys.

One of my all-time favorite musical groups. I had known of this group since I was a small kid, because my mother owned the 1995 greatest hits compilation 20 GOOD VIBRATIONS, so I know a few of their iconic hits. Then, while spending days and nights at a beach house that my dad would rent at the time, I had my brain chemistry altered... When my dad bought a 30-song compilation called SOUNDS OF SUMMER: THE VERY BEST OF THE BEACH BOYS... That compilation opened with 'California Girls', and my mind was *blown*...

The collection contained several hits from their fruitful early period, all the hit songs off of PET SOUNDS, and a scattered mess of tracks from 1967-1969 and 1976-1988, and none of it in chronological order. It was a lot of weird whiplash between eras, styles, and moods, for sure. And often, on car trips, we'd only make it to about the 15th track or so. Usually it would end at 'Wouldn't It Be Nice', maybe the opening bars of 'Getcha Back'. (Which is a very weird song to transition into, coming off of PET SOUNDS' haunting opening track, but I digress.)

This music made me FEEL. And it's no surprise, Brian Wilson is a goddamn genius, but yes, even at age 11 1/2... I was like, really moved by how many of these songs were crafted and arranged. It was musical education right there. Years later, I deep-dived into their history and yeah, it too is a special interest of mine.

What the hell does this have to do with THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE?

Nothing, really... Except, for in my head.

I was staying at that beach house in mid-2004, and I was addicted to that CD at the time, and I had also dug out my mom's Beach Boys CD as well. So, my rotation in mid-2004 was largely that Beach Boys CD, Cartoon Network, some of my XBOX games (such as TEST DRIVE: OVERDRIVE and DISNEY'S EXTREME SKATE ADVENTURE), and... COMIC STRIPS.

I was really, really, *really* into comic strips back then, namely a strip called GET FUZZY by Darby Conley.

A hapless man with not much of a love life, his naive dog, and his rather mean cat... Sound familiar? Surprisingly, there was a lot to it that differentiated it from GARFIELD. I was literally *in love* with this comic back then, and I still love it, actually. It dawned on me many years, but it's autistic AF... and I'll likely elaborate on that some other time, maybe on here!

Anyways, comics... I opened the Thomas book in the dream, and it was half usual Thomas illustrations you'd often see in the picture books, *and* it was... Black and white comic strips with the characters and all these random human side-characters who looked like they could've come right out of something like SALLY FORTH or BEETLE BAILEY... Sort-of existing and being up to random things that didn't have much to do with the trains, but it was part of it all. Very odd in a way. And I was like "Wait-a-minute, Thomas was also a comic?"

Not much happened in the dream beyond that, and it went kind of quick, I recall Meg remarking "Oh yeah, I read/watched that when I was a kid!" (Meg is 16 in the first season of FAMILY GUY, meaning she was likely born in 1983-ish, so maybe she theoretically would've caught the show - as part of SHINING TIME STATION - when it first came out in the U.S. in 1989. But I'm getting way too ahead of myself here.) Other random stuff, the kind that usually happening in dreams, etc. It would go very off-topic, so I'll cap it there.

So, my mind was like... Hmmmm... This old show about talking trains and talking cars, and The Beach Boys did a lot of car songs...

But... Why was my autistic brain making this specific connection that likely was not there?

My guesses...

A) THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE had a lot of seaside episodes, either set at a harbor, or on a beach. Bright skies, water, seagull sound effects, etc. The whole book series and show is set on the **Island** of Sodor.

B) I had went to car shows a lot as a kid, and heard a lot of those Beach Boys, and many similar-sounding surf/hot rod songs.

C) I went to beaches *a lot* as a kid with my father. He also had a raft, and we'd fish or crab a lot, too.

D) A lot of the iconic RAILWAY SERIES stories, which the THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE TV series is based on, were written in the 1950s and 1960s. I didn't know this at the time, I only knew that the show came out sometime around the mid-1980s. The copyright dates on the American VHS releases of the show were kinda wonky and sometimes inaccurate. When I discovered the books for the first time, I was particularly struck by the illustrations done by John T. Kenney (1957-1962) and Peter & Gunvor Edwards (1963-1972)...

Like, I'm immediately reminded of all the retro 50s/60s stuff I saw quite often as a kid, *again*, at car shows and relatives' houses and such. Old toys, etc. I might've been born in the early '90s, but your relatives and people you know hang onto stuff from decades prior. I grew up around a lot of "old" stuff, old architecture and decor and such. My dad's former house, for example, had those '70s wood paneled walls and mustard yellow countertops. A green toilet, of all things. Lots of vintage crockery and such.

Perhaps that aural world that Brian, his brothers, and company created with their music in the 1960s and 1970s makes me think of Sodor in a way, a sort of quaint island community from decades back, albeit far across the Atlantic. It's worth noting that when The Beach Boys' popularity sunk in the U.S. in the late 1960s and they had an image problem, they remained ever-popular in the UK and most of Europe.

But yeah, one weird dream in 2004 linked the two things... And I guess I'm not alone, because someone made a mashup of Toby's theme from the TV series and 'California Girls'... and they go together very, very well...

Dreams are the brain's YTPs... and sometimes they make a real impression on you...

[misireads]

Män som hatar kvinnor (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) by Stieg Larsson

[ audiobook, listened in finnish ]

an investigative journalist and the head of a magazine named millennium is convicted of publishing a fradulent article defaming some billionaire guy and decides to step down from his position. he's then hired by an elderly former CEO of a powerful family enterprise to travel to some tiny ass town in the middle of nowhere to investigate what happened to this old man's great niece who disappeared 40 years ago. mikael the journalist accepts the assignment, not expecting to find anything new at this point, but is drawn in deep into the vanger family's troubling history and broken relationships with each other. his research is eventually joined by a very weird young woman named lisbeth who turns out to be one hell of a hacker, and together they not only solve the lost niece's case but also reveal how that billionaire that mikael originally wrote about is even shadier than expected.

➕ this is really three stories in one: the story of mikael and millennium and the wennerström guy he wrote the article about; the story of the vanger family and the mystery of harriet's disappearance; and the story of lisbeth, her past and present, a total deep dive into what made her the kind of person she now is and how she operates. and i looove that, i really enjoy layered storytelling. when you go in, you don't know what to expect and there's the intrigue about mikael's sentencing, then you're thrown a curveball about this really complicated family, all while lisbeth's story kinda plays in the background seemingly unrelated. this captured my attention wholly and completely.

➕ i adore lisbeth's character. she's implied to be neurodivergent, a total bad bitch who doesn't take shit from anyone, defies all expectations, is independent and resourceful despite nobody having any faith in her. she gets back at her tormentors in the most satisfying way.

➕ the vanger family deserves its own plus point because i just love stories about weird families with internal conflict and tons of skeletons in the closet and the protag has to kind of dig it all out because nobody is willing to speak but it's obvious there's something very wrong about these people. though the truth about them turned out to be so gross instead of just weird, it's really off-putting but

➕ i liked that this was a mystery solved by a journalist and a… well whatever lisbeth is, because i'm not really a fan of police or detective novels. i mean i've read some good ones but i dunno, i always prefer stories about laypeople solving mysteries and crime.

➕ this is soooo swedish.

➖ could have been a bit shorter, some parts kinda dragged on. although i liked the ending, there were like 3 hours left of the audiobook by the time the harriet mystery had been solved which made me kinda… okay time to speed the audio up to 1.25x because this is gonna drag the fuck oooon.

➖ content-wise this gets really really gruesome. it was almost a bit much even for me.

➖ not a minus about the book itself but i find it in such poor taste that the english translation is titled "the girl with the dragon tattoo" which is a reference to a very minor detail about lisbeth and it just does nothing for this novel or anything in general. i can understand maybe they didn't want to call this "men who hate women" (which is the literal translation they kept for the finnish title) for international marketing purposes because it would deter so much of the male target audience lmao (i don't think it does in sweden and finland??? just saying). but the original title packs way more of a punch because that's exactly what this book is about, it's about misogynism. and that title is so self aware. but no, instead you make it "the girl with the dragon tattoo" and lisbeth isn't even the main character. she's a secondary one, a sidekick to mikael. this book isn't about her per se and most definitely not about her tattoos. what a stupid choice. i don't want to watch the film versions because i worry they made this way more about her than it should be.

⭐ score: 4- -- one of the better mysteries i've read in a long time for sure. i don't think i'll go for the sequels though, i had my share of mikael and lisbeth already. the audiobook was like 18 hours long.

[thrown-away-opinions]

Alright. You asked for it.

After the original Star Trek (aka TOS) ended and they finally started working on The Next Generation (TNG), they needed a new bad guy faction. TOS had the Klingons, who became allies with the Federation after the whole series ran its course. TNG has the idea to introduce a new alien species to be the Klingon replacements. Someone who could reliably pose a threat to the heroes.

First episode, they were name-dropped as an opposing faction, implied that they were as powerful as the Federation. Nothing else said in the episode, but it was put in the script to imply that they were out there and they were a cause for concern later on.

Few episodes later, we're told that the Federation had never actually made contact with, nor seen the Ferengi, but reports indicated they're very trade driven, very shrewd, and not very trustworthy. Then they finally contact a Ferengi ship and these guys have giant, bald heads, huge ears, big wrinkly noses, and mouths full of jagged teeth. They talked in an exaggerated, stunted style, where they overemphasize syllables incorrectly, like calling humans HOO-muns, while constantly hissing and growling. Off to a bad start.

Rest of the episode involved a strange planet that was sapping the systems of both ships. Both sides initially blamed each other until they made the choice to go down to the surface and investigate. They showed the Ferengi in all their glory: all hunched over and constantly jumping around and making weird gestures. They wore furs as part of their uniform. These were members of the Ferengi fleet, not just random barbaric idiots, for the record. The implication was that all Ferengi are like this.

Worst of all is their weapons... They had these blue dildo whips that shoot bolts of energy, just to hammer on this barbarian thing they were doing.

You'd think, vaguely knowing Star Trek as we do today, that the Ferengi and the crew of the Enterprise would learn to set aside their differences and begrudgingly work together against some greater threat, right? Lol no. The Ferengi are shown to be a bunch of lying, backstabbing, opportunistic shitheads. Even after the mystery was solved with no help from that gaggle of hissing goblin assholes, they were still trying to lie and twist the situation to their benefit..

These were the big bad Ferengi, meant to be the new threat to replace the Klingons, who were supposed to have multiple seasons of conflict with the Federation. Short-tempered, stupid, ugly space goblins. Everyone instantly hated them.

Behind the scenes, they scrambled to change plans. Ferengi were out as the main antagonist faction pretty quickly. TNG was better for it. The Ferengi did still show up as recurring villains, but with better uniforms. They lost the furs, and the dildo whips, and the constant goblin fidgeting behavior. They were shown to be more cunning, but they were demoted to comic relief villains. They generally ended up being more a nuisance than a threat that no one ever took seriously

Fast forward to Deep Space 9 (DS9), which was a spin-off series that ran parallel to TNG's later seasons and also Voyager. DS9 established itself as being a different kind of Star Trek by having the majority of the show focus on the titular Deep Space 9 space station and it's precarious placement as a base of operations located near the planet Bajor, where a brutal 50 year occupation by a fascist (literally and unironically) alien race called the Cardassians had only recently ended. The whole area was a powder keg of interstellar war and the events of the first episode reveal the universe's only known stable wormhole that connections to the opposite, and totally unexplored by the Federation, end of the galaxy, bringing so much more attention and traffic to DS9 itself.

DS9 ended up being kind of sci-fi take on the old west/frontier town TV series. Which was why DS9 had its own saloon, run by a crooked barkeep, who was constantly up to no good. Enter QUARK.

Quark was the lovable scumbag. He's got style (his suits are legendary. Look them up), he's got charisma, he's funny, and even though he's constantly scheming and engaging in outright illegal trade, he's kind of a good guy at times, even when he's constantly skirting the law.

Quark was played by Armin Shimmerman, the same actor who played the first Ferengi on TNG, who specifically came back so he could have his chance to make right for what they did to the Ferengi in TNG. Shimmerman's own words.

So all throughout DS9, Quark was the audience's window into the larger Ferengi culture. You learn more about their religion and their holy book "The Rules of Acquisition" and you gradually learn more about their planet, their government, their leader, and all kinds of other stuff.

The Ferengi are still a little comical, a little snivelly, and they don't get a lot of wins, but you can see something more resembling a flawed, but functional alien culture. You also get to see their ideology in action a few times and how it actually kinda works and how they aren't just an entire planet of bumbling idiot goblins who were constantly shooting themselves in the foot.

This goes along nicely with DS9's other running themes, particularly that the Federation's high-minded utopian idealism doesn't actually hold up at all times and that there isn't always a simple, philosophically enlightened solution to complex problems. Sometimes you need to be a scumbag or a coward.

Conversely, you also see Quark's beliefs put to the test. He was not shy about voicing his opinions about the faults and shortcomings of the Federation and all the things human, especially, prided themselves on. And he did have a point, sometimes, but Quark was also put in situations where he learned that his own beliefs are not infallible either. Specifically that there are problems in the galaxy that can't be solved with a crooked deal or a clever scheme.

Running through the entire series is an additional subplot about Quark's nephew, NOG. He's one of the few children on the station and lives with his father Rom, who works as Quark's lackey. Rom is a slack-jawed idiot, but more on him in a little bit.

Nog is initially a troublemaker and a brat at first, but he befriends Jake Sisko, son of Commander Sisko, who is in charge of running DS9. He's initially seen as a bad influence, but gradually changes. It was shown that he had never had any good role models in his life, and never had any meaningful interactions with other cultures outside his own, rather than him just being an annoying idiot troublemaker for B-Plot shenanigans. As far as Ferengi go, he was also shown to have some talent for bargaining and trading, like Quark, but that he wasn't as interested in going into business.

Jake and Nog also ended up being a huge course correction for child characters on Star Trek. Neither of them were magic geniuses and they didn't always show up to save the day with a brilliant plan that none of the adults trusted, which was often the case with Wesley Crusher.

Jake didn't even join Starfleet and that's not treated like a massive character failing, compared to Wesley Crusher whose whole character amounted to joining Starfleet and then dropping out because he's a magic space genius. However, Nog did join Starfleet, and became the first Ferengi to ever get into and graduate from the academy. Somewhat of a big deal, coming off of all of TNG's "The Ferengi are big dumb annoying idiots" plots.

Nog's primary motivation for joining Starfleet was his father, who he described as being a great engineer, but a bad Ferengi. Rom didn't have "the lobes" for business, so he was considered a total failure in the eyes of their society, and Nog didn't want to end up like him, because he feared he didn't have what it takes to cut it in the Ferengi business world, either. With Sisko's approval, he aimed for Starfleet instead, where he felt he actually had a future.

As far as Nog's arc goes, they did a good job showing that nothing about being a Ferengi actually stops him from being Starfleet material, while at the same time, not having to denounce his Ferengi culture. This is in-line with Star Trek's overarching beliefs about being able to achieve more through working together and leveraging the strengths and talents everyone brings to the table.

It was very explicit that the Ferengi and Starfleet ideologies were not inherently incompatible. That incompatibility from earlier TNG episodes was because the Ferengi were written like retarded clowns and the writers were not interested in doing anything with the Ferengi that didn't involve them looking dumb. Ironically, it was a very un-Star Trek thing to do.

What's so fucking frustrating, however, is the last few seasons of DS9 commits a lot of time to tearing down the Ferengi. Enter ROM.

Rom was Quark's slack-jawed, bumbling, idiotic, fuck-up brother/henchman. He was incompetent, slow-witted, prone to screaming and making all kinds of dumb noises, and in a lot of ways, he was just outright worse than the space goblin version of the Ferengi.

No one liked Rom, because he was shown to be just as greedy and underhanded as Quark, but a lot less clever or charming about it. No characters ever took Rom seriously and they never had a reason to until much later. The writers later gradually retconned him into a sort of idiot-savant repairman, which developed into the idea that he's a good Engineer, but a bad Ferengi.

Rom is gradually turned from a decent engineer into a sort of super genius in a few episodes. It's not that he undergoes some training, but instead it was flimsily retconned that he was always that smart, but no one listened to him. Just ignore the first few season where he was a bumbling dumbass.

The idea that Rom was an extremely skilled engineer this whole time is frustrating because The Ferengi have to have engineers and scientists already. He landed the space station repairman job instantly and got promoted along the way, so it's not that he couldn't prove it. The Ferengi Alliance has laborers and craftsmen. They built their own ships and weapons and technology to become an interplanetary civilization, after all.

Not that it mattered by the end of the series, because of what happens with Rom towards the end.

First, it got worse, because they had him shouting Marx quotes and trying to start a union in one episode. This led to Quark getting beaten nearly to death by goons hired by a Ferengi bureaucrat, since unionization is illegal for Ferengi. It ends with Quark relenting anyways and Rom quitting his job to go be a repairman. The writers thought Rom triumphantly and egregiously fucking over his brother was the good ending for that plot. Y'know, because unions and praxis and etc.

By the final season, the Rom problem had reached critical mass when he gets suddenly promoted from repairman on a spacestation to Leader of All Ferengi. To explain this, we need to cover THE GRAND NAGUS and MOOGIE.

The Grand Nagus is like the King of all Ferengi. The greatest businessman and the greatest schemer on a planet of schemers. He was also played by Wallace Shawn, The Inconceivable Cicilian himself.

The Nagus was a weird, fucked up old man who was pretty ridiculous in most episodes that featured him. In his first few appearances, he was shown to be an insatiably lecherous, greedy, and gluttonous geezer, but he was also frequently shown run schemes within schemes, and almost always coming out on top, because he was a cunning old bastard who knew how the game was played.

I'm not going to tell you this guy was a badass, super cool character, but you could understand why he was in charge of all these other greedy assholes. Also, Wallace Shawn was just having so much fun with the character even though he was allergic to all the latex makeup.

MOOGIE, aka Ishka, is Quark and Rom's Mother. In the episode where she was introduced, she is accused of earning profit, which as we learn is totally illegal for females in Ferengi culture.

One of the ways they tried to establish the Ferengi as silly and backwards in TNG, aside from their religious worship of profit, was to say that Ferengi females were not allowed to wear clothes, own property, or earn profit. No particular reason why. They were just shitty like that because they just were, because that was easy shorthand to make the audience understand that the Ferengi suck.

I think the only reason the writers chose to double down on this point was so they could correct it and pat themselves on the back for it. Later interviews with the Writer and Producer, Ira Steven Behr, heavily feature him congratulating himself for being so progressive.

I think this first plot could have worked if it were something small. Like, Moogie has earned a tiny bit of profit, but Ferengi law is so strict and unreasonable that they're willing to jail her over it... But they didn't do that. They had to make it so she wasn't just making a little money, but that she had made a fortune on her own, and that she better than Quark ever was. In later episodes, she starts dating the Nagus, and it's revealed that she's better at business than the Nagus, too.

Then it was revealed that she had been secretly running the Ferengi government and managing the economy for months because the Nagus was slipping. In order to build her up even more, they had to tear down the Nagus and make him senile and clueless. Not even fully understanding that he's completely lost control over everything and it's his girlfriend who runs the Ferengi Alliance.

And then later, they had the Nagus suddenly sharpen up again, only to declare that The Ferengi Alliance is going to reform itself, and that Rom will now be the Grand Nagus, because Moogie decided he should be. Somehow, Nog is considered the perfect leader because his Mom says so and this is accepted unconditionally. It wasn't explained why, beyond some vague line from Moogie about not underestimating him. The fact that the writers had Rom obnoxiously blurting out early 2000s progressive talking points throughout the episode made it obvious that they were trying to say that Rom deserved it most because he was the most left-leaning Ferengi ever.

In the final episode of the series, Quark laments that his homeworld is forever changed and essentially being forcibly molded into the Federation's idea of a proper modern civilization. The last bastion of true Ferengi culture is his bar on a shitty space station.

Now, Ferengi society seemed like it sucked in a lot of ways, and the inconsistent writing gave them a pretty big pit to climb out of. I don't think having some things about them being changed as part of the story is bad. However, this comes at the expense of characters that actually matter and it contradicts earlier ideas presented by DS9. Like that Ferengi weren't entirely hopeless and that they had ideas of their own to share that were helpful to others, when they weren't being written strictly as comic relief antagonists.

Quark and Nog needed to be the ones to push for female integration into the rest of Ferengi society. Quark was the one with more connections and influence, a sort of respectful rapport with the Nagus, and he's the one who's had lots of meaningful interactions with both Ferengi Females who can do business, and independent females of many other species for a very long time. Nog was the one who joined Starfleet and worked alongside a wide variety of females of different species. Both of them had good sense for business and could clearly argue that cutting the Ferengi workforce in half was bad for business and it was causing them to fall behind every single other species in the Galaxy.

It also suits Quark as a character, because despite trying his hardest to be a literal by-the-book Ferengi, he was prone to making un-Ferengi-like decisions. He was shown to genuinely care and take risks for the sake his friends and allies. He's the scumbag coward with a heart of gold, but he was still loyal to his own culture. There are things that work, but also that some things need to change if the Ferengi want to actually be part of a rapidly changing and advancing Galactic society.

And they took all that potential and tossed it aside so bumbling jackass character could go "Duhhhh.... I think we should just force our entire culture to change and adopt the social justice politics of 21st century California!!" and then they took a fucking victory lap and high fived themselves over it.

If it didn't happen so late into the show, just before it ended, you'd think there'd be a Ferengi civil war over this gormless asshole being given total authority because his mother was puppeterring the previous senile leader, even though his only talent is engineering. He was never shown to be a leader or to have a talent for management, let alone overseeing an interstellar economy.

Then the first thing he starts doing is dismantling centuries of culture and law, which was already shown to be a highly contentious and aggressively resisted issue for other Ferengi. They'd probably have Rom assassinated within the same day he was suddenly appointed as leader without any questions.

Meanwhile, Quark gets to stay at his bar on the space station. What a great arc for him and the Ferengi after all those seasons. Also nearly everyone else in his life has moved on, is fucked up, or died in the Galaxy shaking war that just wrapped up. His arc for the entire season is that he gets to be in exactly the same situation he started in, only everything in his life is worse.

In various Star Trek media that followed, the Ferengi were often shown in the background of flashes forward. A few more Ferengi crew members on Starfleet ships, Nog shown as the first Ferengi Captain at one point... but outside of the novels and games, the Ferengi are still just shown to be kind of a joke or a little easter egg.

I do not count anything made by CBS over the last few years as canon. Prodigy is really damned good, but everything else is trash.

DS9 elevated The Ferengi the slightest bit, showed that they could be interesting and fun and that they aren't without their own redeeming qualities, but then just shunted them right back down into comic relief territory and they've never recovered since.

While none of this truly matters, I just think it shows that the writers disappeared up their own asses for a little too long. There was a theme about the Federations ideals faltering and how different characters from wildly different cultures and backgrounds should still have a say in the fate of the galaxy, but also that they have things of value to say. It's a very appropriate message for a Star Trek series.

Fortunately, the last few seasons of DS9 both do a fantastic job of rounding out Nog's arc, including a really fantastic episode about PTSD. Unfortunately, they also do some of the worst episodes, like one where Quark undergoes a temporary sex change to try and influence a Ferengi politician.

(It's every bit as awful as it sounds)

Star Trek went to great lengths to give so many other species greater depth and nuance. Klingons, Vulcans, Romulans, Cardassians, Borg, Shapeshifters, Jem'Hadar, Trill, and a bunch I'm forgetting, are all given a chance to show the audience their best and worst sides. Ferengi started out bad, had a chance to get significantly better, and ended up barely improved at all.

It's so bad that nearly half the page on Fergeni on Memory Alpha (Star Trek Wiki) is just about discussing their fucked up introduction, the things that were quickly changed, the behind the scenes attempts to salvage them, and DS9's further efforts to refine them as an interesting alien species... and in my opinion, it's all kind of wasted because of some misguided attempts to inject out of place messaging at the expense of two main characters' mutli-season long arcs. All so some drastically less important and less interesting characters could achieve things that make the overall story worse.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

just found some new Nog lore...

Edit: it appears this is an excerpt from Strange New Worlds, an anthology of Trek short stories, which was titled “The Bottom Line”

[therealaves-blog1]

I want the void to hear my takes on Star Trek: Coda

okay finale book. Oblivion’s Gate by David Mack. Lets see how they close this out.

So we open on ‘the second splinter’ which is Picard and Co dying on the Devidians planet moments before they can activate their plan. We then hop back to the Defiant which is hiding out in the badlands. Sisko tells Kira they gave her the Orb for a reason and the prophets might not be dead as fuck yet. They get a message from the mirror universe and a wormhole opens for them. They head through and decloak, to meet Captain Luc Picard of Jauntship Enterprise.

Okay, Mirrorverse catchup. Basically everything happened as it did in the shows (I think the Disco part too). But, Alt Spock set up Memory Omega which was a secret organization dedicated to bringing the federation to life in the mirrorverse. They hid in like hollowed out planets and stuff and have a bunch of advanced tech like wormhole drives and slipstream as default. When it became clear the revolt started on Terok Nor was taking wing, they came to support them and helped establish a galactic commonwealth, with the Romulans taking the place of the Klingons as former enemies now friends. So theres a big ol psuedo federation thats very advanced on this side.

So Bashir knows some people over there (presumably for a thing he did prior) They really should’ve chopped and changed the dot points per book for relevant stuff. They come aboard and meet Luc Picard and his first officer, Alexander’s mom. They have some brief awkward counterpart moments and then Alt Savik (special guest star Kirstie Allie) is like ‘holy shit its spock’ but in vulcan. They’re all like ‘time apocalypse’ and the commonwealth people are like ‘please more info now.’ They deliver and Wesley is like ‘our realities are linked which is why stuff happens in weird mirror ways’ and no one asks for a follow up.

They get permission to go to a Memory Omega site that has like a wild reality viewer thing. Meanwhile Riker is going crazier and Vale, Troi, Doc Lizard, and secretly counselor lil guy attempt to prove that he can be dismissed on medical grounds and realise his brain is cooking with two rikers in it. Confirming everything Troi got from Picard. They very nicely sit down with him and give him the data and he briefly takes the pad and secretly deletes the info before having Vale and Lizard arrested and threatening Deana.

Over there, they hand out the bands they’ve made to keep time multiple personality disorder which is sent throughout the whole fleet. Wesley plugs into the chair and Data does the data analysis, trying to find the original fault that the Devidians are using to do the whole Time War thing. They find it and its very depressing. So here’s how it works.

Way back during the movie First Contact, when the Enterprise was the only remaining ship above Borg Earth and jumped into the timehole to undo what the borg done did. The Borg on Earth realized what they were seeing and kept the portal on their end open. They did a bad science on it in an attempt to prevent the Enterprise from returning to the present and undoing its undoing of their new Borgy history. This busted up reality. So we got the prime timeline (the tv canon feat. new shows) which diverged from Borg Earth (which somehow became stable on its own) and the First Splinter Timeline (which is the novelverse eu). The First Splinter is inherently unstable and so are all of its descendant timelines which is what allowed the time crimes. They relay this and reveal the only option left to them: prevent their own existence by stopping the initial splinter to stop the time ghosts from eating all the stable timelines once they get through the first splinter.

Kira reactivates the orb of time and sisko and wes do a mindmeld to reach into it for prophet advice, they sanction the course they’re taking. Everyone is different shades of bummed about this but they agree to go ahead for the needs of the many, they relay this to the mirror lads who agree to help as their universe is starting to break down as well. In main verse the president of the federation asks why riker is acting so crazy before the weird universe breakdown they’ve been witnessing expands and destroys the entire sol system. Riker takes control of the fleet and orders them to find the Defiant for reasons that arent making a whole lot of sense to anyone but him. over there, Kira goes to the wormhole with the orb to act as a beacon, Sisko, Picard and the Defiant go to the past of borg earth to undo the thing there, and wes and Luc Picard go to the normal verse to find the devidians base by scanning black holes and use the stuff they have there to wipe their history out.

This is kind of a bummer for many reasons (im sure we’ll get a fun time bullshit ‘we saved things! yay!’) but no one gets enough time to process all the shit happening or see this from a personal perspective to give us an understandable look at something on this scale. Like, the goal is to retroactively erase all the things that happened in this canon, which can be done if we get a strong character dialed in look at it, but we arent. Its shifting too much and a bunch of faves have already died. So the sense of everything is out of wack. Like part of what works about Hickman’s FF and Avengers runs is the focus on a few characters we know in the face of insane cosmic chaos. It helps ground it, but this still feels like the Picard show, but not sufficiently deep enough to justify the focus and the jumps to other characters are too shallow. idk, Kira is the only one who feels like she’s understands the weight of all this and she’s not in this much.

[raisinchallah]

the temporal cold war plot really is so insane of an idea to me because it seems like shooting yourself in the foot before the race even begins like it seems clearly to be used as a device to both lampshade its status as a prequel and knowing the audiences devotion to the canon by having the various future characters lay out what is and is not supposed to happen in great detail and i guess to be a plausible explanation for why so much of enterprise will inevitably not line up with tos because that is an impossible task since tos had famously contradictory and unclear continuity but its like the entire show is set up not as a show on its own merits but this stage to act out continuity arguments to an imagined audience and keeps such concepts top of mind even for people who frankly dont care and its like a death spiral for a prequel to feel like its not able to be its own story and must instead cohere to prelaid tracks and never deviate as well as on a basic storytelling premise it keeps writing these terrible episodes where like nothing matters everything is undone and seems to believe so whole heartedly in a great men of history worldview that like the world is apocalyptic without archer in it but 3600 people dying is a blip on the radar which is like insane i mean none of the star trek fix history time travel stories have had the best grasp on worldviews outside of the great men of history type stuff but the most successful like past tense always emphasize the impacts of the little guy and about events and ideologies more than just being puppets on a preordained stage its like all the worst stuff from first contact just ratcheted up to 11 i think and idk its also just again such a weird way to frame your story that its not a story that matters in its own right like each of the star trek captains have been mythologized in the trek universe but its something that happens like mostly after they have done things and in the rear view of their respective series or in finales or whatnot u cant set people up as historical figures from like day one it keeps hobbling natural story and charcter development to have greater weight on every event like divorced from the regular conflicts idk its like if best of both worlds was some kind of silly time travel story to make sure picard got borg'd so the federation dont lose the dominion war

[istherewifiinhell]

im being an asshole here and these are gonna be shittly annonated more than described... for the sake of my fucking health lol. (mental and RSI lol) pls go look at my wifi reads mirage tag for better and more worth while comics blogging (lot of those are labours of love u know)

okay now to commence with the comic that hurt my brain. lets see. 5 issues? oh and only one i even kinda liked. uh oh

lemme do my due first.

ST vs TF No. 1: written john barber, mike johnson, art philip murphy

colours priscilla tramontano letters christa miesner edits chase marotz and david mariotte pub greg goldstien

No. 2: colours by leonardo ito and josh burcham No. 3: art by jack lawrence. colours by burcham No. 4&5: art by murphy

(its a name and shame as much as its giving credit >_>)

what i want from my tf st crossover comic:

like. 1. mccoy aphorism (also... may i?) 2. brilliant. perfect. spock saying illogical and optimus prime in the same sentence. no notes.

. 1. mccoy called her MAAM. ghbfdjhg. see. im saying. if u gonna do a sexist thing. at least put an old southern man it using his manners <3 only time i really enjoyed a woman being on screen im afraid. 2. they turned the enterprise into a big robot. yaaaaay.

kirk says. prime directive. oppie says. PRIME's directive. hearty chucky. great.

a note here u can see that this is a g1 and tas crossover. i have no familarity with tas actually (is that shocking i wonder. 70s cartoons i know less of, in fact) so like idk maybe theres some stuff i dont like cause its actually a reference or smth. lol. THE INCLUSION OF. tf stuff thats clearly not aligned with actual g1 cartoon visually or thematically tho.... i have my doubts. sucks </3

(see that those first four were by lawarence, which i like. and the next two by murphy, which i dont tho those arent particularly bad showings)

the things i did not really want but knew i was gonna get anyway 'dammit im a doctor not an x' 'more than meets the eye' <- TOO MANY TIMES. talk about blowing ur load. and not even in a fun way.

but there were things ill always like too see. like speaking of blowing ur load.

.1. megop menacing each other. gayass. 2. megs unloading a fusion blast into prime. rearrange his GUTS!!!!

.1. megs looming and threatening. oppie on the ground. you wanted to do WHAT on cybertron? 2. they are grappling each other. hehe hold hands.

and screamer:

megs riding inside screamers cockpit in gun mode. hey thats two the phallic things for the price of one.

yes girl go do ur crazy shit i know how it goes lol.

screamer is refering to the klingons in both cases. 2. hey like. why u phrase it like that (microagression)(gay as hell)

.1. lawrence screamer. my tiny wife (so small. drawn so good. i cant explain it) 2. lawrence megs. hes handsome :) (whats with the moment of victory line tho)

MOM! you never take MY side. thats a lot of judgement for not having a face soundwave

screamer menacing the klingons. hes crushed many high councils and fuck the government.

WAIT. BASED STARSCREAM. SAY THAT SHIT. also thats just a classic g1 screamer face ill give u that murphy. thats him throwing megs out the air lock type shit.

now why exactly this comic thought i would care more about like. tos klingons (sure one of the enemy factions but not particularly. like... ICONIC?) than the decepticons. like.... idk obviously the decepticons cant win but why can the klingons get a win over them u know? like idk... tos klingons are whatever. g1 cons. thats. those are my guys?????

but hey at least they put megatron in bondage

like. oh for me? thigh restrains.... why u shouldnt have..... i am barking at this image even if i think his arms are wrong? cant quite place it. cursed my dick etc.

OKAY. now heres some concern points. women.

woman decepticon (who looks weird btw) grabbing kirk and shes 'not his type'. BAD.

and yes instead of the fair superior make some of the seekers girls method. THATS AIRARCNID for some fucking reason. and she still has that stupid fucking steath helicopter alt instead of. oh idk ANYTHING that would look normal next to g1 vehicles. even windblade looks better in alt mode. where the FUCK IS SKYWARP (girl version <3)

screamer calling her airachnid (also this comp reference straight from the g1 s1 intro)

utube screenshot. same pose, different character positions

TC, screamer and soundwave posing up. the the lady con crammed behind them. me when i definitely remembered to block the woman into my pencils (this is the artist i like. CHRIST) (also cause im definitely working from a thumbnailed layout and not just comping in all these crisp jpegs like... however)<- more the other guy

sulu 'flying' wind blade. she tells him to back off. the amount of things i dont like about this image...... do i even need to say em? WHO LET IT HAPPENED

acree grabs ravage. (kitty) to protect mech version of mress (cat alien). why the fuck does robot mress look cooler than arcee thats sad (though that arm...... )

also now that i think about... i dont think i ever saw arcees alt... this is g1... she literally has one whats ur fucking problem. comic from 2018. shes had one since 1986. no one is asking u to prove the transformation scheme WORKS.

THE JAZZ ISSUE.

group posing of autobots. acree looks bad next to earth alt mode bots as always. wind blade looks bad just ingeneral as always. ratchet and bees faces look.... not great. jazz looks fine but hes yelling about not wanting to see humans.

so like..... theres this thing...... ive seen this guys comics wiki page and theirs a lot of jokes about him shooting humans. why does jazz hate humans? (like. i know. at least one comic i guess? multiple? unsure. went has far as. HE HAD TO SHOOT A COP. to save someones life. which. which. sure. thats. a commentary. probably. what is GOING ON in there) anway. i think including whatever stupid fucking baggage u gave him into. THE SILLY HAHA 70s and 80s CARTOON CROSSOVER. IS DUMB. hey jazz is really agressive and hates humans now. NO ONE SEES THE PROBLEM THERE? IS I THIS THING ON?

and then they still had him do some nominally g1 jazz like dialogue (i cannot speak to the authenticity of his use of jive slang uh... ever? but at least in the cartoon it was being said by scatman crothers?) anyway. really weird. bad tonally. jazz is my fucking friend he LIKES humans. thats the whole fucking.... THING. what the hell.

also combining it with even having to just. SEE windblade. eh yeah well. you know.

FINALLY. the art. i actually dont want to spend too long just specifically belabouring the bad art. i mean 1. cause i dont want to screenshot a bunch of bad art. two cause yeah its kinda mean. 3. im not actually sure i can explain it in a way that wont make me sound crazy. i hate when i start getting the really niche tf opinions like this.

but like. yeah the comp isnt very good. like artistically and also literally whatever way they were getting all the characters into the same scenes. not great like. perspective or sense of place which.... kinda need that one. in this specific case.... weird errors that stood out too. some awkward paneling too....

but mainly yeah i found the way murphy drew the g1s like... really off putting. as soon as i got to no. 3 i was literally just so relieved i scrolled the whole thing without reading it first just to. look. and then that was the only one </3

just something like no no this way of drawing the blocks ISNT GOOD. kibble looks wrong. etc. and then also. g1 characters just. dont move in certain ways okay. in the arms and stuff... i know it when i see it. (smh at myself) whatever.

in essence and most important i guess. it didnt often charm me. for shame.

but may i present

optical illusion acid storm. damn i guess they really must be a non binary icon cause i cant fucking figure out what angle thats supposes to be. (<- unclear what i mean by that)(actually i think this is nifty more that bad like. it genuinely is tricking my eyes)

worst fucking splash page ive seen in my life

the decepticons coming in to kick starscreams ass. all just kinda pasted together without much scale, composition, values. etc. note rumbles (purple guy, bottom right) missing head (like yeah hes mid transform but.... it looks dumb. what was gained drawing him this way) and trypticon (that big robot dinosaur you may notice just kinda. in the background layer) lines being way larger. as if it was just. select transformed to be big enough for this. it actually haunted me cause it looked so much like default art or smth. not that i could find tho. BUT HEY! skywarp. (top left corner)

like idk boss it looks like ass. if i saw this printed out and slid into some kids binder id be like. oh wow bud thats awesome! you like the decepticons? me too! did you edit this other your self? thats cool!!!

in conclusion

girl boss cover (screen cuts to black but u can hear me muffled but loud and agonized "nurse chaple wasnt even IN-)

okay im gonna need to be a hater in peace here