#and it just dropped out of the pocket

[silent-lily]

My wife, putting away her clothes in the wardrobe: Oop, almost dropped my rings there!

Me, absentmindedly in almost monotone: Be careful not to lose your rings again like the last time, dumdum.

Me and wife, a second later: *suddenly burst out laughing in sync*

(the jokes, they make themselves, haha) (I'm a hilarious person I know)

[nana-mizu-shiki]

NO THUMBS! YOU HAVE NO THUMBS!

[grand-line-shenanigans]

do not disturb. watching world hoppers (again)

[danwhobrowses]

Since Critical Role's big endgame battle has begun (as of ep. 113) and looks to give us a fair handful of Lv. 20 combat across the board with VM and later the Nein - and also since the Omen Archive are yet to do a level up overview for Bell's Hells to Lv. 15 like I expected them to do after ep. 112 - I find myself optimistically and curiously wondering how Bells Hells would shape up should they reach Lv. 20.

Admittedly, I do remain worried about how underleveled they are; I know it's intended since the Hells are the 'underdogs not meant to be in this position' group but still, for comparison Essek debuted at Lv. 15 in C2 and Vox Machina ended their campaign at Lv. 18 when the stakes were slightly lower than what we have with Ludinus, the Vanguard, the Imperium, and Predathos. Still, with nothing we can do but pray they make it out alive - and I hope they do - I've decided to indulge that rare bout of optimism and deep dive into what would their Lv. 20 state look like? While also considering what they may add during this final arc should they level up in between like they did the last time they were on Ruidus.

We're gonna go through each character one by one for this, so I'll start with my favourite (aka the one I wanna talk/ramble the most about).

Ashton is perhaps the easiest endgame build to tell class-wise, it's likely Tal will have them go the full 20 since Grog has already done the Fighter dip and there's not many other multiclasses that can be of a greater benefit to them; the intrigue however with Ashton focuses on the ASI they get at levels 16 and 19, the first one particularly if there's still a level up mid-battle. The obvious route for the first ASI is to get back the CON they lost in the shard incident - which I still find an unfair penalty since they gained nothing from surviving the bold and deemed impossible action, 'your reward is you get to live' doesn't stick with me given that the 10 rolls (well, 9 plus the resurrection ring) are proof of survival anyway - and absorbing Dusk Hunger sadly didn't give back, adding to their DEX instead - which, also kinda stubborn of Matt, adding 1 AC isn't exactly worthy of absorbing a legendary item especially compared to what Orym got with Ishta, they were better off trying to dual wield it if Matt's not gonna give stats that'll suit Ashton's wheelhouse, STR and CON, and let the tank be a tank - so it will likely fall into Tal's hands to get Ashton's stats to where they want them to be. Either way, Ashton's STR and CON are going up if they hit Lv. 20 as pure Barbarian, Primal Champion adds 4 to both and increases their max to 24, so without ASI Ashton will have 22 STR and 20 CON by Lv. 20 anyway, with ASI however Ashton can go 24/22 in either direction - and we can't rule out more absorption in the future, since Legendary loot may be yielded from this endgame battle plus Otohan's Backpack, Zathuda's storage cloak and maybe any other armour from the two could be Legendary items just gathering dust among the group, but if Ashton were to take any of them they'd have to wait a day since the Harness only grants 1 permanent and 1 temporary buff per person, and each person who uses it on the same day risks it breaking by 20%. However, we also can't rule out Ashton taking a feat instead of ASI, it's a slim chance but there are some feats that can be of use for Ashton in general or specifically vs Ludinus; Mage Slayer, Strike of the Giants (Hill or Stone Strike, of the two I'd go for Hill because of it causing the prone condition, which will help Ashton and allies, like Orym with that 1d6 extra Force Damage, stack critical damage), and Great Weapon Master could be powerful if they don't focus on ASI. The Tough feat is always good for being tanky too, but such a feat would likely only be used at the Lv. 19 ASI/Feat domain to get the most out of it. The only other places Ashton can get major potential buffs - outside of any new enchanted items that aren't armour - are from Dunamancy and their Titan powers, but neither have provided a clear opening for improvement as of yet. Ashton hit their final Dunamancy path at Lv. 14, where they got Mark of the Messy End (which compared to Essek getting access to stuff like Reality Break doesn't seem to balance out but I guess Wizards are glass cannons so Dunamancy does more with them), but there is a quiet, lingering mystery over how Potions of Possibility and Luxon Beacons will behave if Ashton and their Dunamancy brain interacts with them, given how they have many potions on hand, in general and gifted to them by the Kryn Dynasty before they met with the Nein, and Ludinus using Luxon Beacons as power sources, there is potential for Ashton's Dunamancy to increase that way - or simply through Matt adding an extra Dunamancy path in place of an ASI/Feat, a Dunamancy-based feat, or swapping Primal Champion with something else. The Titan Form could also improve by level, and I kinda hope it does, it's powerful but given the time limit and Exhaustion it's still below the level of Grog's Titanstone Knuckles in terms of utility, if more power or less limitations are imposed the higher their level it could scale Ashton up further in a similar manner to having a Vestige or, in Orym's case, a Relic of the Red Solstice.

Speaking of Orym, you'd assume that he'll also go for the clean 20, but this is Liam O'Brien we're talking about - he gave Vax a Druid level for his love of Keyleth, so you can't put it past him to add a level in Bard for Dorian. Like Ashton, Orym has 2 ASI waiting for him at levels 16 and 19, due to maxing his DEX - and absorbing Ishta overclocking it (a DEX increase that actually makes sense as a Finesse blade Fighter, adding +1 to AC and attack rolls and a higher DC for enemies to save against superiority die attacks) - Orym has already dipped into feats a lot but could always find room for more. Great Weapon Master, Shield Master, Mage Slayer, and Tough again at level 19 are viable options for Orym and his build, but there's also a unique option of, instead of taking a level in Bard, Magic Initiate: Bard in lieu of Dorian; taking the feat lets him gain the 4th attack Lv. 20 Fighter yields while adding some handy Bard magic such as Friends, Thunderwave, Command, Bane or Cure Wounds - all of which are Level 1 Bard spells. While adding a level in Bard would be a nice gesture, the Magic Initiate feat would probably work better for Orym's build if he wanted to reference his connection to Dorian this way, since he doesn't need 4 extra 1st level spells and he already has a lot of proficiencies and bonuses to cover his rolls anyway, plus he still carries the sending stone if he doesn't want to do either. If he went for ASI, Orym could try to rival Ayden's passive perception by buffing his WIS, but I doubt anybody would hold it against him to be less perceptive than a god. Regardless of ASI and feats, a pure 20 in Fighter does up Orym's lethality immensely, getting a potential 12 attacks with two Action Surges - the second gained in Lv. 17 - in one round (16 attacks if hastened and 17 if hastened and a Time Rage Mark of the Messy End - which I believe allows you to attack with Bonus Actions - is used on an enemy), which would make him an extra efficient killer and protector for combat, which suits his character as well. While multiclassing is an uncommon trait to reference a partner, in Orym's case it's probably moreso cute but unnecessary flavouring.

Adding an element of their partner into their build is something Imogen has done already with decent effect, however. Imogen is another pure 20 likelihood; she has 2 ASI, a Metamagic choice, her final Origin Feature - Warping Implosion: essentially you teleport and anyone within 30 feet will be caught in a gravity fissure - and Sorcerous Restoration - 4 sorcery points restored per short rest - waiting for her at the full 20. As alluded, she already has Laudna influences in the Shadow Touched feat and a vial of her blood in her equipment so she needn't use a feat or a multiclass in further reference to her, which means it comes down to what options she chooses for her ASI/Feats and future skills. With her CHA maxed out already, the two ASI would need to go elsewhere or to feats; War Caster could be used to help her concentration spells, such as the reskinned Hunger of Hadar, Telekinesis, and Investiture of Lightning, unused spells such as her mother's Reverse Gravity, Hold Person, or Globe of Invulnerability, or future 8th-9th level spells such as Dominate Monster, Gate, and Mass Polymorph (turn them all into horses!). Otherwise using one of those ASI to add 1 to INT and WIS will add to saving throws of those stats (+1 for INT and +2 for WIS), she can also remove all her stat negatives by adding an ASI to her STR in place of a feat. Imogen also has options with choosing a final Metamagic from Sorcerer; she has Quickened, Distant, and Twinned Spell already, so the next one needs to also be helpful in combat; the potential of Extended and Transmuted Spell are decent, but Heightened Spell may be the best fit for her - spending 3 Sorcery points to impose disadvantage on a spell save can be very useful when using Imogen's spells such as Psychic Lance, especially against powerful magic users like Ludinus. Going a little extra meta with things, Imogen at Lv. 20 is only going to exist in one-shots or guest appearances - which means short rests aren't likely to faze her as much, also recovering 4 out of a total of 20 Sorcery Points per short rest isn't a lot when you get all of them back after a Long Rest. If Imogen were to pull a swerve and multiclass she could simply sacrifice an ASI for an 18/2 split or just take a 19/1 dip without it doing any negative effect to her current build. Of the multiclassing options, I find that the Tempest Cleric could gel pretty well with her build; connecting her lightning magic and her storm analogies (and her attempt to reach out to the Stormlord) from a narrative perspective, while combat-wise she'd get to use Wrath of the Storm to damage anyone that attacks her (as many times as her WIS, so 1-3 depending on her ASI usage) and, if she goes for the 18/2 split, she can use the class' Channel Divinity to max out a spell's lightning damage - which if used on a 9th Level Lightning Bolt is 76 damage without enhancements! - she also gets some minor healing to add to her repertoire, and with a group without a pure Cleric you can't really have a shortage of players who can heal even if it's a little bit. I can't see any other dip doing her as much benefit, so the full 20 is more likely, even if the maxed out Lightning Bolt would work wonders.

You know who also knows Lightning Bolt? Well, a fair amount of players and NPCs but also Dorian! Let's talk our Boy in Blue - no I did not say 'Blue in Boy' in my head when typing, shush! - he's our last PC likely to be a pure 20 of the group, also because the rest have already multiclassed, but like Imogen there is also the opening for a little bit of multiclassing. The ASI in levels 16 and 19 are probably best put into maxing his CHA stat that's currently at 16, DEX could also go up to 20 for additional Gambolcleft damage but the sword is pretty powerful as it is - it depends if Robbie wants Dorian to focus on Spell or Melee output for stats, but casting is probably the better way to go. Not many feats would help Dorian outside of maybe Tough and War Caster, perhaps Slasher but they do seem like minor additions he can go without, so ASI is likely the best route to take for him. Unlike with Orym where a dip in Bard wouldn't do much good mechanically, Dorian could easily take a dip in Fighter and have it be a solid investment; the Bard's Lv. 20 ability Superior Inspiration only helps if you've used up all of your Inspiration, and as said with Imogen that probably won't come up in a one-shot scenario where Lv. 20 Dorian would likely appear, but by Lv. 19 he will already have added spells from any magic class via his final dip into Magical Secrets - and honestly I have no clue what one he could take because like, all of the spells! Wish is probably the go-to one but Dorian doesn't want anything from the gods so maybe not? - and he'll already have a 9th level spell slot from earlier levels. A 1-level dip in Fighter can give Dorian Second Wind for some self-healing and another Fighting Style to choose from: either Superior Technique - like Orym has - or Duelist would suit best, and if Robbie sacrifices an ASI he can go up to a 2nd level for Action Surge, which is handy should he focus on melee. There aren't many other 1-level dips that would suit Dorian narratively, there was probably Warlock potential in EXU: Prime when the crown was in play but since, again, the group lacks a pure healer, Dorian is probably better off investing his stats and skills towards Bard spells - which in turn bolsters DPS as well as healing.

From one Bard/DPS healer to another, Braius debuted with some pretty high stats to begin with, with only WIS being a negative modifier. As a 12/3 multiclass he can go a few different directions - much like his character arc and selection of deity - but it leaves him at a crossroads - also like his character arc. The 12 levels in Oath of the Ancients Paladin means he's locked out of getting Bard's Magical Secrets, if he maxes out his remaining levels in Bard he gets 2 ASI, a College of Tragedy feature (make crits be at rolls 18, 19 and 20 after an ally is hit with a crit plus a '+10 on a roll but a -10 penalty on the next' skill), Countercharm, and his Bardic Inspiration dice will go up to 1d8, but all of those are kinda covered by Dorian's higher level Bard class and Ashton's Mark of the Messy End while in Luck Rage to a higher or better extent. The 3 levels in Bard however has locked Braius out of Paladin's Aura improvements and the big Elder Champion buff, which is a big loss, if maxed out in Paladin they'll get Cleansing Touch - end a spell on yourself or anyone you can touch as many times as your CHA, one ASI, a 5th level spell slot (handy for Banishing Smite, Circle of Power, Destructive Wave, and Summon Celestial), and Undying Sentinel - which is just a once-a-long-rest Relentless Rage with no CON save. Build-wise, it would be best for Braius to go one of three different paths; either go for a 15/5 split - so no 5th level spell but he gets 1 ASI, Undying Sentinel, and Font of Inspiration for the 1d8 inspiration - a 14/6 split - where we swap Undying Sentinel for the college feature, or go the unique path and add a third class - while the 5th level spell slot has powerful spells Braius' combat is much more melee-based so it is a less likely option. A 14/3/3 triple split sacrifices his ASI/feats but 3 levels in Fighter gives him another Fighting Style, Action Surge, Second Wind, and a Fighter subclass to add to his combat prowess. One unlikely Fighter subclass that could suit Braius is the Rune Knight; with 3 levels Braius will have access to 2 runes, which can be tied to his character's artistry, to add to his gear - the Fire and Cloud Runes being the most useful to him from what I see - they would also get Giant's Might as a skill for an extra 1d6 of damage once per turn. Fighter isn't the only class Braius can benefit from though; he would only need to dip 2 levels in Cleric or Druid to gain their subclass-based abilities; a Shepherd Druid would give the group a slight benefit with the Hawk Spirit skill, using a reaction to attack with advantage and having advantage on perception checks, but similar to Imogen he'd probably benefit a bit more from dipping into Cleric - particularly Grave, War, Ambition, and Peace Domain Clerics, who each have abilities that can further empower him. A dip in Barbarian would be handy for Danger Sense - not so much Rage because you can't use spells - maybe opting for the Zealot path subclass, which also suits narratively, for an extra 1d6 damage, or a dip in the Monster Hunter Ranger to aid in picking out weaknesses. A 12/4/4 split could also work, forgoing Cleansing Touch to grant Braius 2 ASI or feats if Sam wanted them; with that they can balance their WIS to 10 and then max out their CHA and another +1 elsewhere, or just do a feat like Fey Touched - since he was touched plenty by a Fey Hag all across her manor - to max the CHA and gain a spell like Hunter's Mark to aid in combat.

Speaking of Hunters, Chetney may not have been designed to survive the campaign but with Travis rolling the fatal 0 when playing as Grog that old man is still, somehow, kicking. If Travis doesn't pull a Bertrand and allows him to continue defying the odds and live to Lv. 20, Chetney would be in a similar position to Braius - having gone the Tealeaf route and locked himself out of the full 20 in Blood Hunter by having a dip in Rogue - in being in a crossroads of classes. If he invests his remaining levels in Blood Hunter to 19, he still gets a lot from the class; 2 Order Features (advantages on bloodlust saving throws and on any branded creature, then unlimited hybrid transformations on the next feature), 2 ASI, and an extra Blood Maledict. Chetney's 1-level dip in Rogue however means he could also invest into any Rogue subclass for a 17/3 split (or a 16/4 split if he sacrifices a Blood Maledict for 2 ASI over one) instead; Assassin would help his damage output especially since he likes going Invisible, but the Revived subclass would be funny implying that he died but miraculously came back and no longer needed to risk dying in his sleep because he doesn't need to sleep anymore. Chet could also triple class like we suggested with Braius; 3-5 levels in Artificer - since he's a toymaker his toys can be infused beyond the enchanted distractions, going for the Armorer subclass can also be handy for the Thunder Gauntlets ability too, 2 levels in Fighter - for Action Surge, 2-4 levels in Monk - which has decent potential if his chisel is made a dedicated weapon plus the possible boons from Kensei, Mercy, or Open Hand paths, or even 3 levels in Ranger - where Hunter, Gloom Stalker, and Monster Slayer subclasses each have skills that could help Chet in combat, can all be seen as options, but it can also run the risk of being overcomplicated. Despite a Feat sidestepping Chet losing control in his Hybrid Form, logic says that Chet would likely stick with the 19/1 route since the feat only imposes a disadvantage against losing control and he can still do collateral damage, character-wise he'd likely want to keep his Lycanthropy on lock as much as he can. Plus, going to 19 Blood Hunter levels yields unlimited transformations and the second ASI hits at Lv. 19; with the two ASI - which he cannot get from triple classing - he can max out his STR and buff up his CON, DEX, and/or CHA for any additional bonuses, he has no negative stats so any are fair game. I don't see any feats that'd be too helpful, but outside of AC or DC boosts from increasing CON or DEX, upping CHA could also help with persuasion and being persuasive and tricksy.

Persuasive and Tricksy are some of many words you can use to define Fearne, who is also a Rogue multiclass. Her current 10/5 with Wildfire Druid as the majority allows her some wiggle room for her to go a few different directions. The 5 levels in Rogue have locked her out of a second ASI in Druid, the timeless body (not really a big deal for a fey), additional Wild Shape perks, and the 9th Level Spell Slot though, but if she invests only into Druid levels for the full 15 she does still gain one ASI and her Wildfire Feature 'Blazing Revival' - where once per long rest Mister can sacrifice himself (I don't think it's a permadeath sacrifice just like an 'off the board until resummoned' sacrifice) to revive her to half HP if she's downed - alongside a 6th, 7th and 8th level spell slot. If she goes for an even spread of 10 levels each with Rogue's Arcane Trickster however, she gains 2 ASI, 2 more proficiencies, Evasion, Magical Ambush, and a few more lower level spells. Both have valid directions - and as much as Fearne is a 'collector' I think a third class probably won't suit her and will perplex Ashley further - for her character even with mixing the level splits; a 12/8 split will grant her 2 ASI and a 6th level spell slot, while a 14/6 split grants one ASI, a 6th and 7th level spell slot, the Blazing Revival, and 2 proficiencies. Since Fearne doesn't do many sneak attacks and uses her Rogue abilities more for pickpocketing, it would probably be sensible to lean more towards Druid; a 15/5 split if she wants that 8th level spell slot for Sunburst, Incendiary Cloud, or Feeblemind, but a 14/6 split if she can do without - Plane Shift could narratively be on her radar so she can travel to the Feywild as she pleases, but Fire Storm is still a mighty 7th level spell that can be additionally buffed by her titan form which as mentioned with Ashton could also potentially scale up with levels - would give her more stuff to work with, plus extra Druid Levels buffs up Mister's health so he could be looking at 75-80 total HP (5+(Druid Level x 5)) depending on whether Fearne goes level 14 or 15. Since Fearne took War Caster already from her last level and her WIS is already maxed out, ASI to CON could be looked into to add health, AC, and DC, while also improving her chances at holding concentration for her saving throws, alternatively she can up her DEX to improve her pickpocketing so she can finally claim one of those eggs, since she's tragically 0-2 on that. Feat-wise, there is still the Elemental Adept: Fire feat to bypass enemy resistances to Fire too, lots of enemies will have Fire Resistance after all, so if she doesn't want to use ASI there is still that to use it on. So level-wise there is some wiggle room but class-wise she is better off picking one to focus on.

Our final member of the Hells Laudna has already picked her focused class; on a 12/3 Sorlock with her patron bound to a soul anchor - get fucked Delilah - she has implied to go pure Sorcerer from herein. Marisha has previously stated that she saw no gain in any more Warlock levels even when Delilah was still active and while a 6th level in Warlock would grant her an ASI at Lv.4 and unlocks Grave Touched - change damage to Necrotic plus 1 extra damage die when in Form of Dread, which is pretty solid - it does indeed suit narratively for Laudna to avoid more Warlock levels. The 3 levels she has gained from Warlock though have (war)locked her out of her final Sorcery feature of Umbral Form - which would've made her resistant to everything but Force and Radiant Damage, so like Braius' Primal Champion it's quite the loss - but she still looks to get Shadow Walk which aids her mobility, providing that there's darkness or shadows in the vicinity, as well as one ASI and another Metamagic option by continuing the Sorcerer's path, not to mention a dangerous 9th level spell slot. Unlike Imogen, Laudna opted for Empowered Spell in her current Metamagics alongside Quickened and Twinned, doing Heightened or Transmuted probably wouldn't suit Laudna like it does her partner though. Instead, Careful Spell could be a good choice for Laudna since her CHA is maxed out, so she could pick 5 creatures to auto-succeed a saving throw to a spell she sends, but since she doesn't have many AoE spells Extended Spell may be the better fit to keep up concentration on spells like Animate Objects, Mirror Image, or any future powerful concentration spells she'll have access to like Eyebite, Globe of Invulnerability, Reverse Gravity, or Blade of Disaster - which Delilah used pretty effectively in Aeor - ongoing. Even so, the one ASI remains; the Amulet of Health puts her CON to a fixed 19 so if she added one CON it'd be 16 without attunement, which is still pretty good but worthless if she just keeps using the amulet, she could put +1 in her woeful STR so it's a -2 rather than -3, or opt for feats such as War Caster - for those powerful concentration spells - or another Eldritch Invocation with Eldritch Adept, such as Armor of Shadows or Eldritch Spear, which may be more fitting for her fun scary nature.

And that's all of them, for a TL/DR I expect Ashton, Orym, Dorian and Imogen to do the pure 20 for their classes, while Chetney will go 19/1, Braius and Fearne go 14/6, and Laudna goes 17/3. But if it were me, the only ones I'd adjust from those would be Dorian (19/1, adding Fighter), Imogen (18/2, adding Tempest Cleric), and Braius (14/3/3, adding Rune Knight Fighter) just from a meta/fun perspective. Either way I'll just be happy to see them make Level 20, so fingers and every other digit I have stay crossed for whichever route they choose.

[pockettgcf]

moongazing waning moon

[dykesynthezoid]

The thing is if they ever have Armand undressed to whatever level and he turns around and there’s lashing scars on his back and/or legs I’ll straight up just have to end it all idk. Or maybe go into a coma. I won’t be able to come back from that actually

[coquelicoq]

actually natori has some kind of tracking talisman on matoba at all times. that's how he knew where to abduct matoba from for Operation: Kitty Cat City. matoba fully knows about it; it's why he wasn't at all surprised to find a paper doll in natsume's hair after the mask youkai debacle (matoba internally as he watched it fly away: classic mother hen shuuichi-san momence 🥰). because this is matoba "boundaries? what are those? can you eat them?" seiji we're talking about, he's not bothered by this "violation" of his "privacy"; rather, he finds it fittingly clingy (it is, after all, only right that natori should be keeping tabs on him obsessively). sometimes the talisman gets confused and sticks to yesterday's outfit, so he always checks to make sure he has it on the way out the door (his pocket patdown is "keys, lighter, wallet, exorcism supplies, shuuichi-san's cute lil tracker he thinks i don't know about <3"). i wouldn't be surprised if he's figured out how to uno reverse it and now uses it to track natori's location as well. this may not technically be canon but it is probably all 100% true in an important way that transcends canon, we just never hear about it because it isn't relevant to natsume's journey 😌

[aboyshapeddog]

WIP ⚠️

Jacob Gives Staci The Boyfriend Treatment

Relationships: Staci Pratt/Jacob Seed

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Drug Use, Smut, Unhealthy Dynamics, VERY Dubious Consent, Dom/Sub dynamic, Bliss = Slutweed, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Intox Kink, Dark, Massages, Rough S*x, Daddy Kink (kind of), PWP, Violence

Staci wasn’t allowed to consider refusing the Seeds, ever; the thought alone was in a territory his brain was no longer wired to reach. So when the Herald of the whitetails offered him a lit joint (what the fuck), his only questions were internal.

“Finish this for me will you?”, Jacob’s grumbling voice brought him to focus, the thing hadn’t been touched. Staci couldn’t remember the last time he’d smoked either. The familiar and just as unfamiliar smell filled his chest, it made his stomach twist. “Yes Sir.” Staci agreed like his words meant anything, then he reached for it, whatever the fuck it was.

“Aht aht aht.” His hands were both held still by one of Jacob’s own, whose movements always seemed to be a step ahead of his somehow. Instead the larger man pinched the burning piece between two fingers and brought it directly to Staci’s lips.

His voice was low, “Show me you know what you’re doing first, Deputy”. Staci didn’t hesitate, he leaned forward, wrapping his lips around the end of it, looking down as he took a sharp pull, to save himself from the intimacy of connecting eyes. He coughed into his hand, and smoke puffed out through the spaces between his fingers. Jacob smiled and let out a short laugh, “Been a while?” the personable part of Staci wanted to smile too, he didn’t. The joint was pressed back against his lips, he caught Jacob’s eyes this time; they were calculating, observant in the same manner he used to track deer, fowl, and rabbits; prey.

When Staci inhaled this time it was long and slow, like a well deserved drag from a cigarette; his mother would be sick at the sight. He was reminded of the D.A.R.E. t-shirts she’d gotten them both after attending a program at his high school. The smoke curled in his chest, he let it idle there before blowing it out of his nose with practiced grace. Sorry Mom. Jacob’s grin then was something Staci recognized too - wolfish, wild, and fucking ecstatic, the cat that caught the canary, he could be sick.

Jacob released the deputy’s hands and moved to his large oak desk, grabbing a clipboard off the top and clicking a pen. he motioned with one hand for Staci to approach, and Staci, like a good dog, silently took his position beside and behind Jacob.

The large man scribbled on the sheet in front of him, every once in a while pausing to think . . . creating a brief permeating silence before the scratching would continue. Jacob held the joint in his left hand, lifting it into Staci’s space with one hand while the other continued to jot notes. Pratt had to lean down to get his mouth on the thing, so he leaned.

As he took another long pull, Jacob turned to look at him directly; eyes like dissection pins, the thoroughness of the examination made him falter. Staci coughed again, and Jacob scratched another note on the clipboard. They locked eyes and Staci felt a nail through his gut, Jacob was studying him.

Knowing Jacob, this could be like his own personal project ARTICHOKE. Staci’s thoughts were already racing; jumping off the springboard of paranoia, and here he was, anonymous test subject PEACHES directly under Jacob’s thumb. No, that’s what angels were for, come on Staci. He took another big hit. Jacob hummed to himself “Only You”, glancing back at Pratt every once in a while. Staci stared straight ahead.

The nervousness clawed at his gut like it could tear out of him and save itself from whatever fate awaited its owner, he couldn’t stop himself, “What’s in that?”. His voice was hoarse from the smoke and disuse but he kept it steady, he cleared it and continued “uh, Sir.” Jacob ashed it before turning to face the deputy, “Worried about something?” He chuckled, only waiting a moment before standing to his full height and sticking the blunt between Staci’s parted lips. “It’s a personal blend, a gift.” He spoke with the same nonchalance he used when noting ration cuts and delivery schedules. “You’ve been promoted to my personal food tester, Pratt.”

Jacob sparked the lighter underneath it again, watching the cherry turn bright red as Staci hesitated. Exhaled. Then inhaled.

They stood in silence, the sound of the second hand of the old clock on the wall struck like thunder in Staci’s ears. “Tell me, how are you feeling?” What kind of question was that. How should he be feeling? He was lonely, tired, hungry, he couldn’t remember being anything else since his arrival. “Sore.” Oh yeah, that too. Somehow while he was stuck in his own head, Jacob had closed the distance between them again, staring down at his deputy and taking in every minute expression. “Sore.” Staci said again, his words seeming less and less of his own volition.

The redhead turned his partner around, pulling the small man’s back to his chest, and firmly running his hot hands down the younger mans sides “Here?” he asked. The sensation sent shivers down the deputy’s spine, he could feel his muscles twitch under the contact. “Umm, no actually. More near my uh neck, and shoulders.” Jacob released his hold and went to note something on his clipboard, Staci charted every movement. Then Jacob’s hands were on his shoulders, thumbs digging into his trapezius, the pressure, pain, and relief almost made his knees buckle. Jacob noticed “Right here?” his question was more of an acknowledgment, but Staci answered anyways. “Y-yeah. Right there” his voice was as low now as it was rough, jesus did he really sound like that.

He should stop, he thought to himself, really, but god his mind was racing. When was the last time somebody had touched him like this, when was the next time anyone would take care of him again, if there was a next time. “Stop thinking so much Pratt, I can smell the smoke coming from your ears.” Was he that obvious? Staci relaxed into the other mans touch, taking another drag of the “personal blend” and letting his head loll to the side. The deputy allowed himself to be completely hypnotized, eyelids fluttering shut, and taking deep, heavy, breaths.

Jacob worked silently, a silence the deputy had come accustomed to, diligently massaging the tight tissue; stretching and kneading the others tan skin under his fingertips. Staci let out a breathy groan, shocking himself out of his trance. He shot up to perfect posture. Only to be shoved down into Jacob’s chair, “I said relax, Pratt.” And he did, taking another hit, fuck he was already so high he was laying back nearly boneless in the Herald’s arms. “Now-“ the older man started, continuing to massage as he spoke, “How are you feeling?”. Staci sighed deeply. Warm, fuzzy “Good” he breathed out, “A little uh lightheaded, and uh”, horny- his eyes flitted open. Not now, not with half a mind in front of Jacob. Mot like he could help it but holy fuck now was not the time. “Good?” Jacob responded, running his hands up and down the younger mans sides. Staci tried to ignore the way it tingled in his gut “Yes Sir, Good. Thank you, Sir.” Jacob smiled. “Good.” He removed his hands from Pratt, who promptly began tensing and relaxing his closed fists on his thighs, while Jacob made another quick note on his board.

He was back, again, in the blink of an eye, now sitting on his desk across from Staci. The mountain before him leaned down slowly, taking the brunettes ankle in his hand and unlacing a boot, then sitting himself back upright, bringing the socked foot into his lap. “How about here Pratt, this sore.” His voice was lower now too. “Yes Sir.” Pratt answered too quickly, wanting needing Jacob’s warm hands on him again. Jacob smiled. “Alright Pratt, that’s good, i’ll take care of you.”

Jacob slipped off the man’s jeans and continued his slow methodical journey of tenderizing every bit of meat on his body; cracking toes, and rolling his ankles, then firm squeezes up around his claves to the pits of his knees. Staci was in heaven. Sinking deep into his seat still smoking like a chimney, he was reduced to muted gasping and groaning through a fist over his mouth, while the joint burned down to the filter. Jacob, ever the observer, took hold of it when the stoner started burning paper, casting it aside to his pristine ash tray before getting right back to work. “How are you feeling now, Staci?”Jacob’s voice tickled in the deputy’s ear, he smiled and puffed out the last bit of smoke he’d been holding through his nose, “I’m-“ he interrupted himself with a short laugh “I’m excellent.” He smiled wide before adding “Sir.”

Jacob smiled back, nowhere near as lighthearted. “Excellent?” he asked, and Staci knew that smile; he’d been on the receiving end every time a food can had been placed just far enough out of reach. But right now, body and mind singing praises for the earth Jacob walked on, he cherished it. His body seemed to follow his thoughts without filter, leaning closer to the Seed as he nodded “mmhmm.” Jacob let him, leaning even closer so he could whisper in the younger mans ear. “Well isn’t that nice. Unfortunately I don’t think that’s true, Peaches.” He slid a firm hand slowly up the muscle of Staci’s thigh, inching his way in to press his open palm hard against the fat bulge in the Deputy’s briefs. Staci gasped loud, shutting his eyes as a wave of pleasure crashed over his body, “Fuckin- mierda.” he choked. “You’re telling me you don’t want any help with this, sweetheart?” Jacob tutted, grinding the heel of his palm against Staci’s hard cock. “Dios mio, please.” Jacob loved it when he begged, with those wide brown cow eyes, long dark lashes, and pretty pink lips always a little wet and raw from being chewed on.

“Oh don’t you look pretty.“ He admired with clear condescension. “I’m gonna need you to use your words, Staci; ask me to take care of you.” The poor kids mind must have been a soup, Jacob knew it. The way he blinked slow, his eyes seeming to get stuck on one thing or another for too long. But now, he was pink, in his cheeks and his fingertips, panting with his legs spread wide for Jacob; his eyes practically crossing as he made contact. “Take, take care of me. Please, Sir.” Perfect. “Atta boy.”

For Staci it was a blur, hot hands everywhere, manipulating his drunk feeling body. For Jacob it was tying his own neck with a lobster bib, pulling the smaller man’s briefs down and spreading his knees over his own. Jesus, Jacob thought, the poor mutt was leaking already. He didn’t hesitate, sliding his hand over the top of Staci’s cock, and twisting his fist over the dripping head just so- “Ahnnnn fuckingh Jake-” there it was. “That’s right, i’m gonna make you feel real good.” Pratt really knew how to whet his appetite. Jacob spit directly on Staci’s cock, and used his free hand to squeegee saliva straight from his tongue. Staci just took it, lying still while Jacob violated his mouth, it made Jacob hungry.

He pulled his wet fingers out of Staci’s mouth and coiled them in his hair, wrenching his head back so Jacob could lick the inside of his mouth. Staci stuck his tongue out for good measure. “You fucking whore.” Jacob panted wet breaths into Pratt’s mouth, “You take off your pants for every man that gives you a joint?” Staci kept his tongue out. “This is all it takes to get you swallowing my spit and humping my hand, a little brain buzz and a few minutes of the boyfriend treatment. You are pathetic, Peaches.” The Herald ground his cock against his the other man’s ass as he spoke. The deputy’s wordless whines dripped drool on his uniform shirt.

Jacob used his larger size to keep Staci pinned in place, one arm holding him tight, and the other jerking his cock at a torturously slow pace. Staci begged and bucked his hips, dizzy with endorphins, but his cries fell on deaf ears. Well, not literally. Jacob heard every halted “oh god” “feelssso-“ “mierda” and reveled in it. “please, uhn- Jay“ Oh he was perfect wasn’t he. “Jesus you’re a fucking mess.” The herald chastised like it didn’t turn him on even more.

“You like it when a big man takes charge of you?” He lined up a slick finger with the smaller man’s hole “Hmm Staci?” and shoved it in deep. “Yes. Yes, Sir.” Staci would be mortified at the degradation if he weren’t on the verge of exploding. Jacob thrust his finger in and out of the deputy, switching their positions again so he could slip in a second. Now he had the younger man balancing on tiptoes, bent over his desk, hard cock hanging over the edge. Staci’s legs locked at the knees to present his wet hole like breeding stock. The deputy pressed his forehead against the cool polished wood.

Jacob fucked two fingers in, curling them as he slowly pushed in and out of Staci’s tight heat. “Alright, yeah. I’ll be your Daddy.” Jacob grunted, starting to work his own cock with oil and line it up with his partner’s entrance. Then so slowly, pushing the head in. “oh fucking God.” Pratt whimpered, and Jacob just as slowly rolled his hips, fucking deeper into the smaller man with every motion. Staci whined when their hips met, gasping, and hiding his face deeper in his arms as the clap of Jacob’s hips against his ass echoed through the room. Fuck this was so dirty.

The herald started picking up his pace, and force, the kid had his fun, now it was Jacob’s turn. He grunted with every thrust, leaning down to squeeze the deputy’s cock as he bottomed out, slamming deep against his prostate. Moans were pushed out of Staci’s lungs now, with every connection of their hips his back curled, shoving his body forward like dead weight. Jacob was so deep it almost hurt, “W-wait can you, uh Jay-“ a hand was thrown over Staci’s mouth “Not now sweetheart, it’s Daddy’s turn” he sounded as sympathetic as he could manage as he pinned into the other man with reckless abandon. A gargled moan with drool slipped through his fingers, he smiled wide, and pressed a kiss to the deputy’s back. He fucked into Staci like a toy, gripping his hips and pulling them hard against his own. Staci’s legs trembled, switching from one foot to the other to keep his ass high enough for Jacob’s liking. “That’s a good boy.” Staci whined again, causing more drool to pool beneath Jacob’s hand.

“Just like that.” And just like that Staci was cumming, choking out a moan and fat white puddles between Jacob’s uniform boots. His legs trembled and he fucked into nothing as he eked out the last drops.

This was overwhelmingly ignored, save for a low whistle Jacob let out at the sight, and it sure was a sight. Staci collapsed in from of him, hair slick to his face from tears, sweat, and smothered drool. Jacob fucked him mercilessly, still tugging at his pink cock as it dangled between his legs. “Please Jacob it’s too- it hurts, please I can’t.” In lieu of a verbal response the other man bit him, hard at first, before licking and nibbling his neck and shoulders; it mixed the sensitivities excruciatingly. Then Jacob was growling right in his ear, “I’m gonna get every last drop out of you, then i’m gonna breed your little ass”. It was all so much. The larger man fucked continually, hard and deep, pin pointing his sensitive spots with every thrust. His hand too, twisted around the head of his cock, teasing the over sensitive slit like he meant torture another orgasm out of him. “Please, I-“ his mind went completely blank, knees folding and collapsing again into Jacob’s arms.

It wasn’t long before Jacob joined him, thrusts becoming more sporadic, and harsh before “Fffuck.” Jacob panted, now directly into Pratt’s neck as he crushed the poor man beneath him. Staci could feel the warm semen dripping down his thighs, it made him shiver. He felt disgusting, truly, but Jacob all over him and inside of him it felt so so good. The older man grumbled above him, lifting himself off of the deputy slightly, and slowly pulling out his cock. More cum on the floor, now dripping directly out of his ass and Staci could feel it.

Staci made to stand up himself but Jacob pushed him back down, and said“Stay.” So Staci stayed, until Jacob came back with a damp cloth, wiping him down thoroughly with a gentle hand. Staci didn’t dare utter a word.

They were both dressed in no time, Staci itching to run and hide in the nearest shower or cage for eternity. “Before you go..” Jacob started, “Yes, Sir” Staci was too eager again, “How are you feeling?” The question felt heavy without the lip loosening that the drug had given him, he really couldn’t say, he really shouldn’t say . . . “Sore, Sir.” came out again, and he was. Jacob scribbled down another note on his clipboard, seeming to finalize whatever assessment he’d been conducting. “Good.” In his experience, Good could also mean Dismissed; Staci walked to the door before turning around, and pausing, “I think the blend is good, Sir. If you want to try it yourself. Sir.” They locked eyes, reading one another for what felt like minutes, and there was that hunters look again. “I’ll make a note of that, thank you, Pratt.”

[paradife-loft]

so I fucking. went to a really neat talk this evening, hosted by my old school. had a great time, somehow managed to get one of two winning raffle tickets (!!?!) for copies of the speaker's book that they were giving away (!!!!). took a little bike tour through campus on the way home, which was fun and also slightly unnerving (??? passage of time????).

and y'all. within that whole process. I'm 95% certain I dropped my phone and left it at my seat in the school auditorium. 🙃. 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃.

[myopicry]

reddit is easy pickings I know I know I know but I was genuinely shocked to see how easy it was to immediately find something that made me uncomfortable/slightly more peeved at the state of it all

the post--a fair and common sentiment for lesbians to experience. men are dumbasses and say shit like this all the time. frustrating for sure:

so, if you were someone who has any sense of respect or basic decency on respecting lesbians (+women in general tbh) when they speak, and you were perhaps a trans woman who might not really understand the truly frustrating experience of your sexuality being belittled and disrespected like this, wouldn't you simply let this one post go and not leave a comment as it is not something you have meaningfully experienced and thus don't need to add commentary?

well:

anyway good reminder that I should frankly never use reddit ever again sigh

bonus good comment that is weirdly more applicable than maybe the user intended:

anyway that's all from me thanks for indulging my public pettiness once more o7

[knaveofmogadore]

You ever wake up from a dream so fucked that you have to sit there for 10 minutes after waking to rewrite the ending so that you can move on with your day or are you normal

[leslieseveride]

was watching the latest little clip from 6x09 and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY MY STUPID STONER BRAIN MADE THIS CONNECTION?????? 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

[pocketramblr]

Ask Game AU: Where Nao grow suspicious of her husbands "friend" and his constant need to involve himself in their lives so she does her own investigation of the man.

1- Nao was glad, at first, that Kotaro was befriending people at work. He's always been slow to trust. With this friend, though, he wasn't. Kotaro ended up working later, and when he wasn't, going out to dinner or drinks with his coworker. Nao didn't want to bring anything up, didn't want to discourage him, and it wasn't like she had been abandoned to watch Hana all day by herself- her parents were there, and Kotaro wasn't out every single night. Just a lot of them.

2- Still, she doesn't say anything, until one night, Kotaro is back and in bed next to her, only a bit of wine left on his lips, when he brings up trying for a second child. She stares at him, and he withdraws, but she tells him it wasn't a bad thing- just, she had no idea he was thinking about it. They were both only children, and Kotaro had spent some years in a home with many other kids and didn't speak fondly of the experience. Kotaro tells her his friend brought it up, is all, and Nao nods, but is more worried.

3- Kotaro's office is hardly difficult to find things in. She discovers that he was the one to hire his friend, which she notes is weird, because he never mentions that detail. The address on record for him doesn't seem to be a place someone lives. The numbers on his bank account are... fine. But she doesn't find any trace of him online. She asks a few questions to Kotaro here and there, what his friends qualifications were, where he went to school. He's not even found there, on any list of graduates or alum forums. It's odd. but maybe he is just very private.

4- Hana brings up having a little sibling. Nao asks her if her father said anything, and she says no, they had a substitute teacher that day who'd told some stories and said he used to have a little brother. When Kotaro comes home late from work, he's unaware of what his daughter said when Nao asks if he's been thinking about it still. He says he has, and she says she still doesn't know. Two kids after all is a lot of work. and he's not home very often anymore.

5- Nao looks at the package of pills, the last row of seven, and opens her next box instead. She's done it before, once, for a vacation to the beach. She'd spotted a little then, but this time its more. Her birth control's been tampered with. Kotaro couldn't have done it, she'd just gotten the new box the day before she'd opened it and what'd he know anyway about it? What had that pharmacist looked like? Perhaps it was a defect, something she should notify the manufacturer about. She resolves to do so. Kotaro doesn't eat dinner with them that night, and when she asks how it went, he tells her that his friend told him such a funny story about his little brother, listen, he'll tell her and she'll laugh. She asks about the brother, Kotaro goes quiet and says his friend talked about him in the past tense. He's got enough dead family of his own to not press more than that. But really, the story was funny. Nao thinks about Hana's substitute- but clearly, Kotaro's friend was at work that day, must be another coincidence. In a line of many bad ones. Kotaro asks her if she'd like a second child. Nao thinks she might have, before all this. Now, she isn't sure what she'd like. Instead, she tells him that he barely sees Hana. is he really sure that he wants another kid? Kotaro goes quiet again, realizes she's right. He offers to take the next day off. Nao tells him she just wants him home on time for dinner.

+1- Kotaro agrees, and the next day Nao's parents watch Hana for an hour while she meets with her friend Shirota Akiho at the park. Akiho gives Nao a hug, and an unopened box of birth control. She tells her that her sister Beru's bridal shower is in a few weeks, and she can give her another box then. She agrees everything sounds weird- but Kotaro probably isn't to blame. Nao goes home. Kotaro on time for dinner that day. But he realizes when he reacts to Hana telling him she is playing heroes before bed (and Nao and Hana react to his reaction) that maybe he should spend more time at home before welcoming someone else into it.

[hxzelwallflower]

ooc.♡ˎˊ˗ Give me your childhood muses. 90's cartoons/games, 2000's niche genre, I thrive off it!!

[inkwell-god]

What are you doing?!? You're to young to have a gender!

[sea-buns]

next week is my final yall im SO CLOSE

if all goes well ill be working this month and im v excited to help my parents out with med costs

...but also extremely hyped to finally have the money for crochet materials T-T lmaooo