#and in reality
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Starting every sentence with āactuallyā because Iām an annoying California girl at heart
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I mean, the fact that I successfully rescheduled the ADHD meds follow up appointment over a week before the prior appointment date probably means they're working at least a little bit right?
#had to reschedule bc the follow up appointment date was based on me picking up the meds the day after the original appointment#and in reality#it took me 13 days to pick them up#from the pharmacy FOUR BLOCKS from my apartment#on account of The Agonies
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realizing and accepting that Iām autistic has done a lot for understanding my mental health and healing but itās also opening up so many old wounds and retraumatizing me in a way and I just
#tbc Iām self diagnosed#but itās like a 98% certain self diagnosis#and a therapist I previously had suggested it and I was like nah#but anyway the fact that I have a history of believing ppl are my friend#when theyāre not#Iļæ½ļæ½ve always assumed Iām closer to ppl than I actually am#and in reality#while ppl like me#most donāt actually want to befriend me#they donāt want me around because I just donāt fit in#I get left behind and hurt again and again#I have some very close friendships still#but now theyāre all based entirely online#I donāt have any irl friends anymore#and itās lonely and isolating and I just feel like thereās something wrong with me#I never understood why I felt this way for so long#and now I do#but in a way Iām even more sad#because yeah Iām distant and itās hard to get close to me#but itās cuz Iāve been hurt so many times before#Iām not comfortable being myself around most ppl#cuz I know most ppl wonāt like the real me#socializing is exhausting because Iām constantly masking to keep from being the person everyone grows to hate#the person ppl tell to shut up or roll their eyes at or mock#Iām lonely#and I miss when I could see the people I love in person
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work all night on a drink of rum
daylight come and me wan go home
stack banana til the morning come
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
a beautiful bunch of ripe banana
daylight come and me wan go home
hide the deadly black tarantula
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
dayo
dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
#someone suggested i turn off reblogs. to that i say. iām not a fucking quitter#esp when i get to see my husband dancing in my notifs every time this gets a note#since this reached 30k notes i wanted to say that people in the notes saying you shouldnāt feel safe around horses are right#story time :) āwhen i was very little i got kicked in the face by a horse.#obviously this is very dangerous and i could have been concussed but there was no bleeding or bruising or no teeth knocked out#so my family didnāt believe me and even tried to convince me that it never happened at all. accused me of lying about it#it was specifically my grandma (who i realized much later in life was extremely emotionally abusive) who insisted i was lying.#but i remember it clearly. i know that it happened. i know that it struck my front teeth and knocked me to the ground#and i have never felt safe around horses since <3 or my family actually#ahem. i always felt safe around my grandparents. āānot anymoreāā said knife grandma#are you still reading this?#reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram#you just lost the game#speaking of loss#|#|/#||#|_
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baby animals move like theyre playing a new video game & havent figured out the controls yet
#gray.txt#which i suppose is basically what's happening#<- guy who's only ever played video games experiencing reality for the first time: getting a lot of video games vibes from this
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ME MANIFESTING THAT EVERYONE WHO SEE THIS POST GETS WHAT THEY WANT.
(Masterlists)
#manifesting memes#manifestation#manifesting#shifting methods#manifestation method#loa methods#spiritual development#explained#manifesation#explain the method#journal#affirm and persist#how to manifest#law of assumption#master manifestor#law of manifestation#neville goddard#manifest memes#manifestaciĆ³n#shifting memes#reality shifting#shiftblr#desired reality#shifting antis dni#blessings#blessed#oneness#abundance#encouragement
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It's honestly crazy that discussion around testosterone HRT skews so much towards the beginning stages of it (to the point that you have dozens of guys thinking their transition is "failed" if they don't pass by like a year in lol) and what the initial changes of the first couple of months to years look like, like the classic laundry list of those early basic changes like bottom growth, voice drop, etc, when IMO literally none of that compares remotely to the depth and intensity of the long term total masculinization you start to experience like 3-5+ years in.
#also has made it increasingly difficult to relate to those early into their transition honestly#like not in a bitter way itās just like hard to express how diff the experience is#of being like a year on T vs 5 š#ETA I muted this post ages ago now but fwiw seeing transphobes pop up in the notes on occasion just to say cruel reactionary shit#you are clowns I cannot imagine seeing a post that is ONLY about discussing with folks about the reality of a medication#and choosing to make that your moment to get a schoolyard bully jab in about how you find it gross or something.#you are less well adjusted than most children. may the universe be kinder to you than you are to others.
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I actually love hearing about reformed people's stories. I love hearing about people who were in toxic communities or people who used to objectively be dickheads talking about how they got out of that. How they made themselves better.
I hate how most people's initial reaction to stories like that are things like:
"How could you have ever done those things?!" "Oh my god, you believed those things?!" "Well it doesn't un-do the harm you did!"
People incessantly advocate for change but then refuse to allow people who have changed the grace of being acknowledged and given opportunities and chances.
I love hearing about ex-antis talking about how they don't spend their days being angry and sending death threats anymore.
I love hearing about ex-homophobes who realized there's no magic law about what is "natural."
I love reformed bullies talking about how they made amends with their victims and spend their days being considerate of others.
You can't scream about wanting people to change but then expect them to spend the rest of their lives stuck in the past and on who they used to be. You can't expect people to spend the entire rest of their lives grovelling and apologizing and demeaning themselves.
Instead of clinging to who they were, latch onto who they are.
Ask how they got out of it. Commend them on changing. Enjoy that there's one less cause of harm in the world.
#sephiroth speaks#myfandomrealitea#fandom#proship#reality#proshipping#society#community#bigotry#bullying#change#world issues
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#quotes#writing#poetry#positivity#thoughts#spilled poetry#spilled thoughts#spilled words#spilled writing#my thoughts#spilled truth#spilled feelings#spilled ink#posts on tumblr#my post#literature#aesthetic#motivation#reminder#reality of life#peace#heartbreak#love#life#deep thoughts#sad poetry#romantic#artists on tumblr#art#creative writing
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I hate how acknowledging unfairness in the world is seen as "childish". Maybe children are right. I don't think you should be proud of the fact that you've become complacent with the state of your miserable existence and took on this loser "it is what it is" mentality. Things can be better.
#Maybe it's the 'tism but I've never lost my childlike rage.#If suffering is what reality is supposed to be then I must strike down God and pull the heavens here to Earth
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"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw
#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now#there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??'#and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies#aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you#so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager#the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience
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not to sound like a boomer, but I need some people to learn how to write emails in a semi-professional (at the very least) format so you're not cold emailing a business/potential employer/any other stranger about formal matters in the exact same way you'd DM a close friend on instagram
the formality/language can loosen up in the email chain once you've established a rapport and you match the other person if they're being less formal, but please don't have the very first email you send a stranger be written in all lowercase ultra-casual sms slang with no greeting or signature and a billion emojis
#this sounds like a 'argh kids these days doing [insert exaggerated story they don't actually do in reality]' kind of thing#except that I've gotten soooo many emails like this#there's a reason that I don't have my DMs open on any socmed and it's bc they attract people getting way too casual/parasocial immediately#and forcing people to write out an email both filters out 90% of weird impulse messages and also throws them out of that casual headspace#except that I can actively tell when this fails and someone is treating emails as if they're the same thing as DMs
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I love nautical and seaside town horror stories. Tell me more about the fog and water that eats people
#living by the sea also is an experience#cus i love th3 sea so much dude swimming is my fav activity ever#but since tahts my reality i dont experience the horror of it#and some fics and stories really puck a punch#OHHH#rare rambling
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#Iāll probably get unfollowed/ hate for this#but this is the reality of the conversation weāre having#and I canāt do it anymore
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i can't imagine a world in which i haven't put this video on my page
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