#and i had gotten myself into this lie
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One time my little brother, who is now 12 but I think would have been like 11 at the time maybe, asked me if I knew what vine was
#he also asked me if i knew what rickrolling is#and would get surprised when i knew certain vines and memes#and ask how#like buddy those are outdated and i was there when many of them were written#being 25 with a 12 year old brother is funny#dfghj people would ask me if he was my kid when he was a baby#which is wild bc i was 13#and looked like a baby myself#i am sure people think i'm his mom sometimes now too#one time when he was a little guy (old enough to walk and talk but still a little'n) a man asked me if he was my kid#and i panicked for unknown reasons and said yes#and then i had to live that lie for the whole bus ride#and was worried my brother would ruin it by being like hey wait#the guy was like 'is the dad around'#and i said 'no'#so he thought i was a hard working devoted single teen mom#and i had gotten myself into this lie#for the record the guy did not use the 'is the dad around' thing as an angle to hit on me#i still don't know why i panicked and said yes this is my kid
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speaking very bluntly and candidly from experience, if the note is genuine and he made an attempt after posting it, then i hope it was unsuccessful and he is getting help and is able to recover.
however, i don't think that a. hbomberguy should be blamed for driving him to do anything when he was calling him out for very shitty things he'd happily gotten away with for years. and hbomberguy didn't even highlight ALL of his offenses, either. & also b. i feel like mentioning nick outright in the note shouldn't be like... dismissed. as a person who's had that kinda weight/pressure put on me both from REAL tragedies that occurred afterward & ppl faking shit, that kinda shit is incredibly heavy & outright traumatic to deal with. nick is obviously not innocent, but he doesn't deserve that kinda pressure/weight on his shoulders.
this entire thing, regardless, is a huge mess that never had to or should've gotten this far. and either way it's ultimately just sad nobody can even garner if this is a true attempt or not bc he has such a manipulative history. there's many lessons to take away here, i guess.
i ultimately hope he's okay and just stays off the goddamn internet, for his own sake and the sake of his victims.
#mine#suicide mention//#literally the only reason i've ever gotten out of attempts is my alters busting their asses to push through & stop me#& then on the other end i've had exes literally lie to my face abt making attempts when they knew i was unstable myself#or in other cases i was just. the last person spoken to before tragedy struck & that kinda shit still haunts me to this day so.#like.. idk this is suddenly v personal & weird & im uncomfortable so this will probably be the last post i make#unless a significant development happens#but take care of urselves ok#james somerton#hbomberguy
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Today was the last DND session for a three-year campaign and I am big sad :(
One of the players brought whiskey for a last toast, which was very kind of them. I had never had whiskey before. Turns out I do not like whiskey. Unsurprising.
It tastes like slightly nicer hand sanitizer.
#blue chatter#it was a flavored whiskey as well#everyone else who had it said it was rly smooth and sweet#so I don’t think I super wanna know what regular whiskey tastes like#it was supposed to be like vanilla caramel flavored or smth#I was told it was like cream soda and that was a LIE it was like disinfectant#with a vanilla aftertaste#the campaign went rly rly well though#I’m seriously going to miss it#the final boss battle was just pure catharsis we absolutely whaled on that dark abberant goddess#she got Destroyed#an entire section of the continent restructured bc of the removal of her corruption#I rly like that my character got to be disabled at the tail end of this campaign#they wielded experimental magic that wasn’t supposed to work and resurrected someone who the Keeper very intentionally kept dead#it worked because they partially fused with Arawai the goddess of life and became her aspect on earth#but becoming partially divine in a mortal body takes a toll#they had more and more limited mobility and the more they cast magic to compensate the more of a toll it takes#functionally that meant my movement speed was reduced#and I lost more abilities after each combat as the consequences of overextending myself caught up to me#I wish I’d gotten to play this longer to see how this ended mechanically but it was a lot of fun to get a character who is both#very magically competent and still disabled and that still affects their ability and they still get the dignity of risk#to choose whether to continue casting or not knowing the consequences of doing so#it is very much a fantastical disability which I flavored heavily off of chronic fatigue and a mobility disorder#in-game their skin became hard and brassy around their joints which make them difficult and painful to bend#they lose a lot of sensation and fine motor control#thankfully they have a lot of money from their adventuring so they can commission an accessible house and mobility aids#and their friends help take care of them
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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry
#idfk#im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know#im a failure#i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to#im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes#idk. i was so chipper last week#i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him#i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words#i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid#but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months#im so like. i feel like such a failure#likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real#pinocchioesque maybe#ughhh#im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys#im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but#every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie#like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever#i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me#why#i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young#and full of hope#i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to#be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me#and he didnt back then either idk#i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself#if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out#haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna#draw my teddy bear giving me a hug
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it's only taken me an entire year of avoidance and amnesia, but I finally pulled on my big boy boots and scheduled an appointment with a dentist in this city! I've been living here for two years next month and have just... been putting this stuff off because I didn't know how to get started. I feel a hell of a lot better having gotten this task off of my back, even though I still have to go through the cleaning and try to explain my issues with local anesthetic. that's a different battle for another day.
#I'm not gonna lie- I'm kind of terrified. I've had some bad experiences in the past and my touch aversion has gotten significantly worse#but it's either keep avoiding until my teeth rot out of my skull or deal with it now while I can still do preventative care#nobody is going to step in to save me. my wife can help me but I have to do these things for myself where I can#that's been one of the hardest lessons I've learned since cutting my parents off and moving across the province#I haven't had any luck finding a physician here bc of The Shortages but my dr in [hometown] is willing to continue supplying perscriptions#and referrals where necessary#so I at least have that going for me#and I'm about to try to book an appointment with a local optometrist today :)
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i hate drawing so much bc i can SEE that something is wrong but i cant actually FIX it yet bc im not good enough and obviously the solution is practice but every time i practice i want to throw everything i made out the window and never try again!!!
#seriously the only time my perfectionism hasnt gotten in the way of developing a skill is w writing bc i just enjoy it so much the fact that#everything i made was horrible wasnt enough to make me stop. i still had to be really really really stubborn about it tho#and lie to myself about how good my writing was sometimes. and get praise i didnt earn and rely on it far too heavily#I HATE THE WAY MY BRAIN WORKS SO MUCH YOU GUYS#i need someone to tell me my art is good even tho its a lie and i know it. maybe that will fix me :(#sera posts
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me when i am full of wrath
#this us a lie i think i m just hungry. but also feeling miserable < first time ever my mom had 2 to something for me bc my hands wouldnt#stop shaking. usually i can do things by myself but oh my word i needed her help and it felt terrible asking . i feel like its gotten worse#over the year too. UGH!#txt
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ugh its starting to get a lot worse again
#i feel like im constantly policing my own thoughts#i try to figure out what all my thoughts mean#what is the root cause and everything#i think that’s why im so attracted to determinism and naturalism#i guess it’s comforting to think that it was always going to end up this way#doesnt make it feel much better though#i think i need to start being more honest with myself#and honest with others#i lie so often it’s basically instinctual#but i also equally feel like there is no one i can truly be honest with#ive always had a small problem with intrusive thoughts#it was particularly bad in y8 when i had this recurring vision of someone gouging my eyes out omori style#and then i would get stabbed and id bleeed over a white carpet and no one would ever find me#but it went away eventually#i guess they have come back now#it just feels really awful and i wish it would stop because i always feel really bad after it#but when the thoughts arent really awful towards others it’s always endless self criticism#i check my weight every day i pull my shirt tight every day i feel my adam apple in my throat all the time#i look at my face and the imperfections change every day#im worried that i look so awful and it’s impacting my relationships with everyone around me but im equally worried that i have bdd or smth#and then i try to sleep and it takes hours because i just feel so awful and ugly and alone#ive gotten serious insomnia i stay up until 2 am every single night doing nothing but thinking and thinking and thinking#and then all of a sudden that awful stupid feeling from when i was 10 comes back and im just sad and wanna cry all the time and i don’t kno#why im like this there’s nothing to cause this i have friends now i have goals now why do i feel so fucking awful#my brother is getting sad a lot now and im worried its genetic#im really worried my dad has some serious mental issues its kind of scary#he genuinely doesnt empathise ever he genuinely doesnt acknowledge others emotions he doesn’t recognise tone and he doesn’t keep secrets#fucking hell he outed my sister to me he talks about really personal shit on a whim and he never changes his behaviour ever ever ever#he had to go on a 2 week no phone retreat to come back with any fucking sympathy but that all went away because of course it did#his dad went crazy too and i have hardly met any of my dads brothers it has to be genetic
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guy is so so brave
#ive survived overstimulation outside of my room. barely.#oooh when i arrived at school they were doing like construction where i park my bike. and it was loud. and i couldnt find a parking spot.#and then. when i sat down inside. the wifi was broken.#and then my headphones broke. and then the assignment i wanted to work on wouldnt start up.#and then. i still had to do the group project chat thats the only reason i went there in the first place.#but. im alive. i only mildly wanted to kill myself (lie)(god am i glad guns arent easily available here)#oooh it sucksss#sillyposting#but were here. calmer now.#the groupd project chat went actually pretty well all things considered!#we have to make a proposal by friday. which is doable now that weve finally gotten a concrete idea yayy#now i only need to worry about my headphones. :) let us pray they were just being sillyy!#ive set that as long as they at least. play music. i wont get new ones.#xmas is coming and i (like always) need all the help i can get to think of presents =3=b#!! ok.#im alive. this is good.
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i had so many things to do today, but i only wound up doing two. the two simplest things on the list, in fact. putting tabs on my sheet music and writing dates in my planner. no actual homework. (or more accurately, late work.) now a week of three classes' worth of work all has to be done tomorrow, and i already made plans with my friend for that afternoon. it's 1:32 in the morning. what am i doing anymore.
#friday chats#friday vs post-secondary school#tw vent#one of my assignments not actually due monday (from a t/th class) is to write a poem using a technique in one of several poems showed to us#had to pick a poem and technique in class; i hadn't read the textbook excerpt so i picked a poem and talked right out of my ass#i wonder if i could use extensive personification and allusions to human society to describe the mess that is my brain#something something a city with horrible infrastructure where traffic sucks and it's hard to even get from place to place. or something.#bc Good Fucking God#this time around i've been honest about the fact i'm behind when people ask how i'm doing#i thought maybe if i were open for once instead of fibbing that i was on top of everything i'd be met with assistance#but i've just gotten hollow ''oh you'll be okay! you'll catch right back up''s#(y'all online have been lovely. i'm talking about my family)#for God's sake i want HELP. ADVICE. ANYTHING but platitudes#i don't know how to make myself DO this#literally the fucking meme of the drowning person reaching for help and receiving a high five for their troubles#...i need to go to bed. i'm gonna do that. maybe i'll feel less like a sack of pain and misery in the morning.#in the meantime if y'all have any advice for combating still-trying-to-find-the-right-medication-dosage ADHD pls share it#i'm fighting for my life rn. and losing. badly#(though kind words would be nice too i won't lie. it's just the way my family says them makes it sound like they aren't really listening)#or you could just scroll past this post idk. do what you want. it's your dashboard
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trying so hard to convince myslef 2 bad grades on my transcript is not the end of the world
#i know 'college is a humbling expierence blah blah you wont always get As blah blah' but i am still going to be mad about it >:(#and i know all tha tmatters is that i have a good enough gpa to stay in my program which i do#but im so stressed cuz i dont understand why its so hard for me to be as on top of my work as i was in high school#well i do know why and thats cuz i have friends that i love to hang out with but i dont think its just that i think#math classes are just hard#which sucks cuz they didnt used to be hard in high school :(#the only thing im telling myself is taht its first year which is usually harder to adjust to but if i get a C next year in any class#ill be so upset but i already know im getting a C if im LUCKY in intro to math reasoning#no wait actually the only thing im really mad about is that i let myself get Bs in two classes i couldve easily gotten As in if i#actually treid to study for tehir finals smhhhh#i did not appreciate the time i had with them. now im gonan get a C in a class thats actually meant to fail me next year#god its so over can i just lie in the ground and die#sunny rambles
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bought more nail polish today. someone’s gotta stop me from doing this
#the shades are limited edition and so pretty tho#and then unrelated I had to buy normal drugstore polish bc I realized I didn’t have brown#and my next holiday set was gonna be gingerbread#so all in all I bought three polishes and a nail oil pen#and I’m excited about the mail ones! I can’t lie!#they delight me so!#I just don’t have enough money to feel good about spending willy nilly#especially right before Christmas after I swore to not buy myself stuff that could get gifted#I reason that no one is gonna get me this lol#also with the amount I’ve gotten I am now in the second holo taco loyalty tier#which is neat bc it means I get the 13th day of cristmas#and also I have enough points to get a free polish#I just don’t like how it illustrates just how much I’ve spent lol#oh well. It brings me joy. And I work so that I can afford to buy things that bring me joy sometimes
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Literally feeling sooooo horrible and hopeless oh boy 🌝
#theres just a lot of horrible factors rn that have built a perfect storm#canceled the internet to my old apartment months ago and then they decided to charge me for ‘not returning their equipment’#when ive literally tried to send it twice and get like no fucking direction from them#and i dont have anyyyy money right now#yesterday i was woken up at 10:30 by my dad who had to come home from work#just to move the car cuz these fuckijg. i dunno. gutter guys showed up and couldn’t do anything with my car in the way#i had no way of knowing theyd even be there but i checked my phone and had mean angry missed calls from my dad#all cuz i just couldnt be fucked to wake up earlier#this whole week ive been completely exhausted and i cant do anything as a result i cant focus i cant feel anything its all numb#my mother tells me shes gonna spend money that i guess she does just have ready to throw away on getting me diagnosed with autism#something i tried and tried to tell her for months that i dont need nor want and that its too much hassle#not to mention the price which all my parents do is guilt trip me for costing too much money everything i do that costs money is being cut#necessary meds are being cut off cuz its a waste of money even though insurance covers most of it#but they spend money on this and i just know. i know its gonna be used against me#that if i dont obey them theyre gonna bitch about how i cost them so much money on something i explicitly said i didnt want them to do#its all getting in the way of me just trying to escape now i have to take care of this i just want to cut them off but how can i do that now#i like to lie to myself thinking ill get a job but then i dont my dad yells at me every day for not applying to a job#he gives me big lectures on religion and how im failing and how i shouldnt trust anyone except family#ive gotten an excuse to avoid him last week and this week but its over now so im stuck here again#annnddd to top it off i found a fucking lump in my stomach who even fuuucking knows what it is maybe a hernia or something#so great now i have that to deal with what the actual fuck did i do to get that ughhhhhh#its just another thing forcing me to stay in this shithole it seems i wanna fuckijg bang my head until it explodes#i cant cry though i just want to cry so i can feel the relief but that wont ever happen again cuz im a worthless nothing robot#who feels nothing and does nothing and is nothing
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Had an awful fucking nightmare and nothing I do is helping long term. It's just short bursts of forgetting until the images flash in my head again
#mud rambles#it was fucking sickening#and involving a person I care about too so I just. ugh. it sucks so bad#I've gotten good at handling nightmares/intrusive thoughts that involve me harming others (on days that arent extra horrible anyway)#but I still really struggle with intrusive thoughts/nightmares of my friends and other loved ones committing harm#it makes me feel extra awful that my mind is projecting that onto someone I love#Like I woke up partially frozen and fucking shaking. it was fucking awful#I had to have my fiance hold me cause I thought I was gonna have a heart attack#nightmares are worse too because they're vivid. intrusive thoughts at least are usually just flashes#I really thought I was experiencing that happening and I'm still. I've been up for hours at this point but if I let myself dwell I get sick#i think what makes it the hardest im not gonna lie is that it started out REALLY good#like one of those dreams i specifically go back to sleep for and start going lucid to keep it going#but then it took a hard right turn into nightmare territory and I was trapped in it for a good bit until#my heart literally started beating so hard it woke me up
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‘ DARLIN’ CAN I BE YOUR FAVORITE ? ,
ᡴꪫ sum. if you knew you’d be sandwiched between two of your dad’s colleagues, you’d—actually let’s not finish that sentence. turns out you get walked in on by shiu kong, toji’s best friend who’s also your ex boyfriend. awkward…
wc. 6.5k
warnings. fem! reader, toji & shiu kong, threeśome, age gap + (reader's over twenty), unprotected, shiu walks in on you and toji, size kink, cowgirl dp, sucking toji's nipples, praise, degradation, shotgunning, double penn, overstim, spit, squírting, spanking, face-fucking, cunnìllingus.
dbf! toji masterlist.
oh, everything felt like a fever dream…
one of those dreams that was so good that you just never wanted to wake up from—yeah, those ones. it’s been quite some time since your little fling with your father’s best friend took off, as if you’d even call it a 'fling' anymore. perhaps you were getting a bit too attached. maybe he was too, the both of you ended up screwing around literally any chance you got. so secretive, you’d almost gotten caught when your panties were found that one time. thankfully, toji came up with some bullshit excuse that was surprisingly believed.
he had a single taste of you, just a taste and he was whipped. addicted just like that. it was a sunday evening, pretty quiet and you were currently drying yourself off from the shower. toji came out right after you, and he lifted you, pressing a sweet wet kiss near the corner of your lips. “mhm. how much time do we have, baby?”
“like an hour,” you’d mumble, your legs swiftly locking around his slim waist. toji’s kisses were always so sloppy and rough, a faint touch of passion trodding underneath before his hand found its way near your ass again. a towel wrapped around his waist, another wrapped around your torso, so wet. “i think he’s still out.”
“so i have ya all to myself again,” he rasps, leading you towards the bed, his warm lips coat a plethora of steamy kisses all down your collarbone before placing you down. “perfect.”
although, perhaps it wasn’t as perfect as toji initially thought. because who knew you’d get walked in on—again? not by your father thankfully, but shiu kong, toji’s long-time best friend, and no one other than your one and only ex-boyfriend.
shit.
you moan, feeling him lie you back down towards the mattress. toji stares at you, such an appetizing stare. he was feral, feral for you.
the two of you had been going at it for hours just moments ago in the shower—yet he wasn’t exactly finished with you. toji had stamina equivalent to a hefty stallion, he showed no signs of fatigue whatsoever.
your eyes peer at his body, his perfectly sculpted hardened pecs— he was a statue, his entire frame had you soaked. momentarily, he then starts to slowly peel your towel off. he’s slow, basking in your beauty, seeing your body was a sight he doesn’t think he’d ever get used to.
“damn. look at this perfect fuckin’ body,” he huffs out, taking in every sight of you. every curve, every angle . .
you felt your heart throb for a moment before he leans in to plant a multitude of chaste kisses near your tummy. toji then lolls his tongue out briefly, creating a wet trail to lick way down between your legs. “messy girl. ‘s still running down y’er thighs.”
“clean it off me then.” you’d tease him, parting your legs ever further for him.
toji tsks, kissing his teeth before brushing a thumb between the slit of your folds. so damp, so swollen . . . swollen just from a few moments ago.
you watch as he gets on the bed, it sinks down a tad bit from his weight — a springing noise commences in the process. he decides to be a mere tease and blows against your pussy. near the very entrance part. the moment he watches you twitch as a response, he snickers. “ooooh. someone’s eager. look at how ya respond from just a little blow, baby.”
“t …. toji,” you’d choke out, grabbing onto the ruffled slightly wet strands of his hair. “hurry up ‘n just finish.”
“nah. girl. what i tell ya ‘bout rushing me?” he grouses, and his abrupt switch of attitude made you throb.
you whimper once you watch him graze a thumb down your sopping cunt. your body was still immensely wet from the shower, he brings a single kiss towards your folds before lapping up the remnants of your syrupy flavor. “now shut the fuck up ‘n let me enjoy my meal—”
the entire atmosphere gets indecorously ruined once your door opens, and the familiar person standing there is the last person you’d expect to meet eyes with.
“…….oh my,” a low rasp escapes from his mouth, and you sit up as well as does toji. there stood shiu kong, in nothing but his usual attractive business attire. his hands were deeply buried into the fronts of his pockets, and a typical lit cigarette stuck out of his mouth. “fushigurooo?”
“… shiu?” you’d mutter, and toji glances at you.
“psh. don’t tell me you two know each other,” toji dramatically rolls his eyes, getting up to close your sprawled out legs for him. your mouth suddenly felt dry and shiu stares at you with the most blank, unreadable expression.
you awkwardly squeeze your thighs together. “uh, sorta.”
“sorta…? sorta?” shiu replies, and he’s amused. you lowly grumble to yourself, finding this entire situation crazily awkward. better yet, how’d he even—you had too many unanswered questions. “aw. now doll, don’t try ‘ta be all smug in front of this cheap bastard. she means to say, we used to be a thing.”
toji grows quiet before, clicking his tongue out of sheer annoyance before scoffing. “you’re joking.”
the entire room felt so hot, you had the most dumbest expression on your face the entire time.
talk about timing . . seems like the universe was never on your side.
your ex-boyfriend and the guy you were currently messing around with in the same room? only to discover that they had history also. talk about a small fucking world. you clear your throat, shielding your body with a cover before mutterng. “...shiu, why are you—”
“did ya forget, doll? i’m your dad’s handler,” shiu says with a mere bland tone. he shifts his weight before pulling his hands out his pockets. his posture was straight and he fixes his collar. the band of his watch glimmers in the light, so flashy.
god, he was so sexy…
forevermore with a cigarette sticking between his pink lips, his gaze that he gave you was so intimate. hooded eyes that you always got lost in, you could never forget shiu. “told your father i had to use the men’s room, only to find out you’re getting all nasty for this bum,” and then he smirks. “woah. toji you grew two inches.”
you were smart enough to know shiu was talking about toji’s height..
“…doll,” toji repeats with a mocking sneer, ignoring his little comment.
perhaps you were a bit delusional, but judging from toji’s tone he sounds… jealous? “still can’t believe you dated this guy,” he yawns, sitting up to strech before glancing at you. “who’s better in bed?”
“...huh?” you murmur, not expecting a question as such as that. again, the entire room felt thick of hot tensed air. you squeezed your thighs shut before realizing both of them were giving you the same intrigued stare. they favored each other if you squinted.
mayhaps your type was quite obvious. older guys with dark hair, tall and buff … the list continues to go on and on. “um, probably—”
“girl, don’t answer that.” toji grumbles, immediately cutting you off from speaking any further.
shiu snickers, making himself comfortable by sitting between the both of you. “awh. mad that she was gonna say me, toji toji?”
“call me that again ‘n you’ll be six feet under, shiu.” he stares at him, and you nearly gasp once you feel toji softly place his hand down near your thigh. his touch . . . it never failed to make you practically weak in the knees.
you feel yourself growing more hot the more toji gingerly skims a thum between your squeezed thighs before you speak, “so you two know each other?”
“yeahh, we fuck on the low.” shiu shrugs, and that makes the tips of toji’s ears boil. the difference between toji and shiu was somewhat cute yet humorous. toji was more laid back and stern whilst shiu was more playful and perhaps even a little dominant. “toji would never admit it though.”
“…..we’re just close friends,” toji bleats, and a near cute pout tugs on his lips. he’s still holding onto your thigh, yet it starts to go higher and you had to restrain yourself from moaning. “he works for me too or whatever,” and that’s when toji leans in close to you, scudding a thumb near your chin. “enough about him though.”
firmly, toji grips your chin before closing the remaining distance with a kiss. a rough kiss. you already lost whatever composure you had left, moaning right into his mouth the moment his lips mashed against yours. minty, he always had such a sweet candied flavor to him.
toji groans himself, feeling your tongue swiftly glide against his, giving it a brief suck.
the way you were somehwat of a . . . sloppy kisser so to speak, he always found it so cute. you breathe through your nose, warm jagged breaths colliding amongst each other before suddenly you’re pulled away abruptly.
your peripherals spot shiu lingering near the corner of you. you turn while he holds your chin now, removing his cigarette before whispering in a low, “mmm. may i get a taste too, doll?”
“y—yes,” you mutter immensely, and you don’t even realize how fast you said it before shiu swipes a thumb against your bottom lip. so shiny, he’s missed your lips—he remembers how you taste, it was saved all the way in the back of his mind. he stares at you for a long while, a quite stern yet relaxed expression.
“now now, open that mouth for me,” he whispers, and you listen without even questioning. “just like that, goooood girl . .”
toji watches the two of you. he’s got the biggest scowl on his face and its adorable.
it’s not like you two were a thing or anything, but he wasn’t fond of sharing his new favorite girl.
once you part your spit-glossed lips, shiu blows a nice amount of smoke into your mouth. a decent sum of smoke. you moan, wanting him to kiss you and after long seconds later, he finally does. shiu’s kisses were more sincere and passionate. it was as if he was waiting to kiss you again for ages, it felt natural. you couldn’t lie to yourself, you missed shiu . . a lot more than you wanted to admit probably. nothing relatively bad caused the two of you to break up. the two of you just separate and decided to be just friends, but did friends kiss the way you and him were doing?
probably… not.
a concoction of your own saliva concisely mixes with his, and you can still taste the rough scented smoke on his tongue. you feel yourself throb, grazing your tongue near his before toji pulls you off.
“okay that’s enough,” toji growls, and then you watch as he wipes your lips. you could tell he wanted more of you, and not like toji would ever admit it, but . . seeing you kiss shiu turned him on a little. “tell me,” he says, and his thumb runs across near your chin. he was so close to your lips, nearly inches apart from kissing you again. “who do you want more? me or that idiot?”
you keek at the two of them, both exchanging the same lust filled gaze before you hum, merely out of breath. “i— i want both..”
“greedy girl,” shiu snickers, moving a few strands of hair away from your face. shiu’s right beside you before he makes you sit right on his lap. you hear toji grumble before he starts to peel the cover that was shielding the top half of your body off. “i bet you’re still a mess from toji, huh,” and he gently reaches in between your legs to rub against your slick entrance. you moan, feeling shiu drag two fingers inside. he feels the residuum of toji’s cum that filled you to the brim, merely leaking all out before he chortles. “my, what a dirty girl. how’s it feel when i do . . this?”
you mewl out another whimper, feeling him curl his fingers further inside before shiu runs it against your swollen slit. “g—good,” and then you stare at toji who’s got the cutest jealous scowl. “toji . . kiss me.”
“don’t fuckin’ tell me what to do,” toji carps, and he cups your face, kissing you anyway. you lean into his embrace, and that’s when you feel shiu’s knee propped up right underneath you—right between your precious thighs.
you moan, your body moving rhythmically before sooner than you knew it, you were riding shiu’s thigh, you hear shiu cackle, a hand teasingly sliding up your frame. he bounces his thigh and a tiny squeal leaves past your lips as toji’s tongue roughly swipes against yours. you felt so hot, being felt by two men—two men that wanted you just as bad as you wanted them. the friction, it had you whimpering all inside toji’s mouth, you couldn’t stay still and they both found it adorable.
“so eager,” shiu murmurs, a hand squeezing against your hip. his roughly textured fingers always felt soft on you, you remembered his touch like it never left your body.
(mainly because it didn’t, it never did…)
you were still a bit damp from your shower, nearly dried off when shiu leans in to kiss near your neck. “toji doesn’t deserve a pretty girl like you,” he whispers, taking a fleeting pause between each pull away he makes. “jus’ look at how y’er riding my thigh right now, doll. you missed this, missed me.”
toji turns your head to focus strictly on him now, deepening the passionate kiss before he bites gingerly near your bottom lip. you moan, your arms slinging around his neck before he eventually breaks away.
“shut up, shiu,” he scoffs before a hand trails down towards your ass, he gives it a firm squeeze before spanking it. “you want both of us, princess? ‘n look at me when you answer.”
the entire room felt clouded with heat — the tension, you could feel it from a mile away. you were pulsing, yet you were most likely sure it wasn’t your heart but instead right between your legs. you stare into toji’s eyes, murmuring out a sweet, “yes, i want you both,” and toji’s thumb continues to run against your lower lip. he teasingly pulls it down, darkened eyes flickering towards your mouth before you moan. “please...”
“such good manners for a good girl,” shiu utters, and he continues to twitch his thigh against your legs. you were still insanely sensitive thanks to toji earlier, feeling his hand rub right near the inner part of your thigh. the way his pants against your leg creates so much friction, you started to spasm—it was that easy. “i bet i can make you finish quicker than toji ever could.”
“oh please. is that a challenge?” toji gruffs, and he suddenly makes you lie flat on your back.
you swore things like this only happened in the movies—being shared between two hot men, coincidentally enough, you had some sort of history with the both of them. more-so shiu, toji was just a mere fling, nothing more . . or was it? “don’t get so cocky. i last longer than you anyways.”
“yeah? and how would you know?” shiu snickers, placing his cigarette back between his lips.
“ . . . . ”
their banter was so annoying yet it was practically laughable. you eye as they both sat over you, shiu makes you suddenly sit up before you’re laid flat on all fours. your palms dig into the silk cushioned sheets and toji’s right in front of you. “pretty girl,” he huffs out in a rough voice, grabbing ahold of your chin. “stick out that tongue ‘n say ah for me, baby.”
you comply with ease, slowly rolling out your tongue and toji groans.
always so obedient, you watch as he removes his own shower towel before being met with his hefty shaft. you could never get used to the sight, despite how feral he had you just moments ago.
“y’er pretty but you’d look even prettier with this bratty mouth stuffed all full,” he grumbles through gritted teeth. you moan, feeling as toji rubs and smears his fat tip against your lips. he then smacks against your tongue and you moan, oh so desperate for him to hurry. the way your tongue tried to sneak a lick but couldn’t due to the movements, cute…
toji’s tip was dashingly pretty, swollen with a pearly pink tip. he had a few specks of black hair near his base, the carpet most certainly matched the drapes. your tongue strums against the head before he grips a handful of your hair strands. a brief yank that makes you slightly jolt forward earns a sweetened moans from you.
“toji’s made such a mess out of you, huh,” shiu says from behind you, and you gasp once you feel him bring a kiss towards your ass. his kisses were sweet and gentle, he brings a single sharp spank to your ass simply to watch the recoil jitter right before his eyes and he grins. “mhm. missed this ass. look at how happy she is to see me again.”
your back arch you had going on was immaculate, hands propped into the fat sheets of the bed—your eyes remained focused on toji the entire time, slowly but surely lapping up the remaining sprinkles of pre that coat his tip near his frenulum. his most weak spot…
you made sure to take your time, purely savoring his sweet yet bitter taste. he groans, pulling your head forward just a second before you whine once you feel shiu’s tongue run against your soaked entrance.
“aw. toji got ya all soaked already? damn shame,” shiu grits, and your eyes suddenly droop out of pure pleasure the moment he delves his tongue right between your slit. you couldn’t lie, you missed his long tongue—so long, it reached many many places.
his technique was always killer, a bit different than toji. he preferred eating you from the back, the tip of his hooked nose prods everywhere, getting damper and damper in the process. he removes his cigarette of course before he dives in, and you could barely concentrate. you couldn’t process anything in that small brain of yours. it was merely impossible.
“eyes up here, girl,” toji reminds you in a rough pitched voice, bringing your head to face him once more. you felt the sensation brew and brew, nerves forevermore pulsing through your veins. your mouth was full, toji’s cock was so fat that strands of your own spit starts to seep out near the corners of your lips. pouring down like a waterfall, you were a drenched mess.
and he loved it.
“oh fuckin’ shit, how ‘bout that? y’er drooling for me,” he scoffs, bringing a thumb to wipe it all away. “such a mess,” and then he slowly thrusts his hips into your mouth, making you cling onto his beefy thighs. “such . . a . . fuckin’ . . messsss,” he’d coo gruffly between thrusts. you could savor his taste forever, such thick balls reaching to the very back of your throat. “how’s it taste. the meal okay?”
it was a mere joke, he knew you couldn’t physically reply due to your throat being blocked with such bulky inches of dick, but you nod.
“yeah? yeah. best meal you’ve ever fuckin’ had. don’t forget it.”
you whine, feeling shiu’s tongue resume against your clit. he knew just where to go, to pivot and slither his tongue past all the right spots. he’s always been a sloppy eater, occasionally breaking away to spit right onto your swollen folds. it was his favorite part. spitting on your cunt only to clean it up happily with his tongue.
“she’s so pretty,” he sighs, and then that’s when he blows on your pussy—straight on it. your eyes start to roll back, it was dramatic, really…
“get her niiiiice ‘n wet. i know toji always fails at that part,” shiu jibes, and that earns a vexed glare from toji. you tremble within him, his tongue being practically no match for you. you part your lips, nearly gagging once toji reaches way past near the roof of your mouth. “ooooh. that spot, baby?” he purrs in a seductive voice, watching his own spit trickle right in between your puffed folds. it was a sight to witness, glistening spit making your entire clit sheeny.
“she’s gonna cum, shiu,” toji groans, basically guiding your head by this point. you bobble back and forth, back and forth, a hand then wrapping around his erect shaft. your thumb skims against the few veins that coat near his dick, and you continue to moan out sweet muffled whimpers. so close, you could nearly taste your candied orgasm approaching.
shiu hums, two rough hands spreading your ass a bit further before he starts to create loooong sloppy sucks.
by that point, you were just near the edge. he was so good, you felt your nipples start to perk and tense—you whine, still taking toji into your mouth before you watch toji start to moan louder too. the both of you were approaching quickly, he huffs out a single breath before giving you a single head pat. “make me cum girl, fuckin’ do it.”
you blink thrice, feeling your eyes become watery for a brief moment. gradually, you swipe your tongue against his tip before sinking deeper down. your throat was so compatible, compatible with his inches. so much saliva ran down the sides of your mouth and down your chest. he had to keep wiping it like a true gentlemen.
gentleman was… a word.
waves started to grow, rising and rising. the build up of it all was purely exultant, euphoric even…
for the both of you, it felt so hypnotizing. equivalent to a tsunami about to create total havoc, he felt the ache in his thighs subside before building back up again. your maw lowers just a tad bit. and toji groans lowly, making your head go back and forth until he heard those sweet gagging sounds once more.
he was really that big, you always wonder how he even fit inside your mouth sometimes—he always made it for though…. just for you.
his favorite girl.
the moment toji cums, it’s so much.
it comes out in warm spurts. ropes and ropes galore.
your tongue catches it all, making sure to not miss a single drop. it tasted sweetly bitter, sugary but bitter. he shakes a bit, a hand still tightly grabbing onto the crown of your head as he finishes down your throat. whenever he came, he came a lot. toji never failed to leave your throat full, loaded with such velvety ropes of his honeyed flavor. “s-shittt,” he’d pant, feeling his chest tighten. hearing toji stutter was always cute, the swear that left past his lips sounded so enchanting. he swallows, and whilst he pulls out his now flaccid length, he grumbles. “stick that shit out for me.”
you loll out your tongue yet again, showing him that you proudly swallowed it all and he wipes a few beads from his forehead, feeling at such a high, “….phew girl.”
you end up finishing shortly afterward, your body jerking against shiu’s tongue. it felt so intense, you shook violently, legs shaking—contractions arising everywhere. his tongue slows down, still against your clit before the endorphins that ran through your body waves and roams all throughout. you bit your lip, finally coming undone and your moan was so pitchy and loud.
“forgot how noisy ya usually get,” shiu remarks, and you felt yourself still profusely throbbing. you swipe a tongue over your lips before moaning. once shiu gifts your ass with a final mean spank, it’s so rough. “awh,” and then he shifts his gaze towards toji—a very flustered-and-out-of-breath toji. “look at toji babygirl. ‘s all speechless. is he usually like this?”
“n—no,” you spat, intaking a sharp breath before sitting upright. your entire body still felt warm, tingles running all over before you stare at toji yourself.
he glares at the two of you, suddenly feeling cornered before sternly.
“shut the fuck up. ‘m not flustered,” and then he grabs ahold of your arm. softly, he pulls you into his chest before he falls back. “any-fuckin’-way,”we’re not finished here, little girl. we haven’t even gotten to the best part,” and you watch as he gives himself a few concise strokes. he was surprisingly hard a bit, despite his previous release. “shiu, get over here.”
“ah, so demanding,” he sneers. with glossy eyes, you reach for shiu’s black long slacks, giving it a cute tug. he hums out in sheer amusement, watching your fingers unzip near the fly of his pants and you could make out the bulge that was eagerly presenting itself. he moves closer, closing the distance between the two of you before toji briefly lifts you up. “oh i see,” he whispers, and then you feel shiu’s hands softly graze against your waist. “doll, can you handle both of us inside?”
“y— yes,” you quickly reply, throwing your arms over toji. he snickers at you, that same scar that runs across his lip contorting each time his facial structure twitches. again, this entire thing—this entire scenario, it felt like a dream. a fever dream.
a fever dream, you never wanted to wake up.
not now, not ever.
“yeahhh? let’s see,” shiu breathes, and he gingerly brings his hands towards your hips.
thumbs of his gently presses into your skin before he picks you up. by now, you’re hovering over toji’s angry tip. toji leans back, all manspread with that annoying sly grin. he’s waiting, awaiting patiently. he was never a patient man, but for you, maybe that could have been changed.
you moan, slowly but gradually sinking down onto toji’s thick length.
the sounds your cunt made upon impact was so lewd, salacious squelch after squelch—it ringed into your ears, so tediously repetitive. as you got lowered down onto toji, you wriggle your hips a bit, grinding forward and he grunts. “don’t fuckin’ do that,” he mutters, spanking you. “stay the fuck still.”
shiu gazes from afar, and that’s when he whips out his own hardened shaft — he breathes, smothering his glossed lips together before preparing to go inside of you too. into somewhere where it wasn’t so occupied, you let off a soft whimper once he inserts himself, real slow.
you were a ticking time bomb, gnawing down on your lip as you started to feel madly stuffed. you’ve felt stuffed by toji, but with them both? you felt extra stuffed, double stuffed even..
“s-shiu ‘s big,” you moan, feeling him slowly ease his way inside—everything felt so hot. your ears, the very tips of them was probably fuming with a scorching temperature by now. “fuckkkk.”
“always the right size for you, baby girl,” shiu huffs out, a thumb strumming against your sides. you stare at toji and he’s got the biggest pout on his face. the fact that you two had history irked him for reason—again, he shouldn’t care. it shouldn’t bother him. the two of you weren’t even together but still. it pissed him off, he felt threatened—as if he had some sort of competition against his best friend. “there we go, easy now. bare with me,” and his voice was so low, right up against your ear. being double stuffed between the two of them, you whine. your hand placement was right onto toji’s beefy pecs before you tap on him, yearning desperately for his attention.
“what.” toji grumbles, his tone was sharp and he grips onto your waist just as you’re about there at taking both of them fully. his pout was cute, briefly glancing at shiu who was propped right up behind you.
his pecs were so soft, chiseled even. it flexed a bit each time you ran a finger against his skin and he shudders a bit. “can i…” you mumble, a quick short second stare averts towards his nipples. they were so hardened—perky, you felt awkward at even asking but they were so big, literally right in your face. “can i suck on them?”
“girl what?”
you moan, starting to move forward against the both of them, a pace starting—so incredibly stuffed, they both reached deep inside of both holes before you clench. you huff out a single breath before repeating yourself. “i said can i—”
“i ain’t deaf, i heard what ya said,” he responds, bringing the left cheek of your ass a brief squeeze. “you wanna suck on my … nipples?”
“awhhh. don’t be mean, let her suck toji. i’d suck too,” shiu cackles, and he starts up a jerking rhythm. you moan out, feeling the girth of them both wholly stretch you out. it felt too good, drool-worthy. “your tits, i mean—pecs are fuckin’ huge man.”
“shut up. y’er both fuckin’ weirdos,” toji swats, clearly irritated. it was cute, he was cute. he then averts his darkened green eyes back towards you, pleading with your eyes. “fuck. fine….fine. just not so rough, ‘m sensitive there.”
you smile, leaning near his chest before softly rolling your tongue against his nipple near his left chest.
you earn an abrupt strained moan from toji, and he wasn’t kidding. he really was sensitive there, his head throws back slightly—so much was occurring that you kind of forget how you were being stuffed full of not only one cock but two. you were quite vocal yourself. slumped against toji as you start to suck on his nipples, you gingerly nibble against it and he slips off a whine.
“aw, doll. you got him soundin’ like a girl.” shiu titters, and his rhythm had you moaning with toji’s pec right into your mouth—you felt your mouth ‘pop’ in surprise, feeling shiu’s fingers slither down against your back. his touch, it was so warm. the way he’d strum his fingers alongside your back had you throbbing desperately for more.
“s—shut up man,” toji groans, a hand grabbing onto your head. he gives it an awkward pat, not exactly wanting you to stop because it feels good. the way you flick your tongue against his nipple, lathering it with your saliva—so lewd, he’s always loved that part about you. he ruffles your hair and for a split second you can see that his eyes sort of soften. “shit baby. just like that…”
toji’s rough and mean demeanor went away for a moment it seems.
you whimper once you’re brought back to reality. reality of feeling yourself soak up both shafts buried deep inside of you, buried to the very hilts. your cunt pulsed and pulsed as you’re just rutting back and forth against him. you’re jerking, it was so repetitive as the bed creaks. it created the same harmonic noises of squeaks and creaks, forevermore ringing into both of your twitching ears.
“f-fuckin’ freaky girl,” he breathes through clenched teeth, watching as your eyes playfully linger up at him. “no one’s ever— did that to me before.”
your body felt so warm against theirs, both bodies colliding against you—you felt the pace quicken, clenching down on both of them before a whine slides out. your mouth was still primarily occupied, sucking on toji’s nipple. with a muffled, “mhm,” you suck down a bit deeper, making sure to coat every part of the center of his pec with spit.
he stares at you the entire time with dark dilated pupils, sucking his teeth before he feels his cock twitch inside you.
he was turned on….
yet after a while it dawned on him, toji wasn’t gonna cum from being inside of you with shiu, he was gonna cum from you sucking on his sensitive nipples.
a hard reality to face, he was the epitome of embarrassed.
“fuck,” he growls, watching you still attach your lips against his nipples—shiu continues to stuff you full from behind, he starts to feel his breathing rapidly pick up. toji’s thigh aches as he’s just bouncing it against you. “shiu, quit fuckin’ looking at me like that.”
“like what?” he chortles, and you were approaching close too — it was coming quick, so quick that you could barely even fathom anything.
you were merely drooling against toji’s hardened pecs, feeling as if you were in heaven. you always did wonder what his pecs tasted like, and it didn’t disappoint. you moan, lapping your tongue up against his nipple once more before he groans out again. this time, it’s the low pitched moan he always does when he gets close. his jaw tightens and he spanks your ass, a rough smack that brings you back into reality again for the umpteenth time. shiu snickers, making you arch forward in toji a bit more before purring, “aw. gonna cum just from our girl suckin’ on y’er tits?”
our girl.
for some reason, shiu addressing you as his and toji’s girl made you throb a bit. actually, ‘a bit’ was quite the understatement. you were convulsing, stuck in a lewd frenzy as you were just spasming out. every few seconds you felt shiu’s thumb prod against the outer part of your hole, his strokes was slow yet deep and thoroughly thorough. same with toji, although he was starting to merely bottom out. more like he already was.
“fuckkk,” toji groans, and you suddenly lean in to kiss him. he moans right into your mouth, tasting bitter arousal all on his tongue. he pants heavily, short two second pants pouring into your mouth. wrapping his arms around you, he shudders from the sudden cold air that wafts against his bare chest.
he ends up finishing inside of you, such sloppy ropes of cum pouring right into you—you slump against his chest once more, intaking all of his warmth before squeezing him dry.
shiu was reaching his peak too, the more he picks up his frenetic pace, the more he was so close to give you another deep filling. it was so sticky, you felt the remains of toji’s sopping cum run down your dripping cunt, jerking forward against him you let off a moan before reaching down to touch yourself.
“ah. no touchin’ our pussy.” shiu swats your hand away softly, pinning it behind your back.
yet everything comes to a halt when your phone rings.
your ears twitch at the loud screeching ring of your ringtone, it was more closer to toji so you mutter.
“who is it?”
“y’er dad.” he replies, fat thumbs turning the brightness down on your phone whilst he squints.
“a-answer it. just tell him ‘m busy.” you whine in a shaky voice, merely feeling yourself about to burst right into both of them.
“okay.” toji snickers.
toji swipes the green button to accept the incoming call, putting it on speaker for you all to hear.
“heyyy honey… i was just calling to check on you. i had to go step out for a moment to buy some beer. want anything?”
“hey buddy,” toji snorts. “she said she’s busy.”
“toji?” your dad responds with a tone of pure confusion. there’s a long three second pause before he adds onto his sentence. “uh. what’re you doing with my daughter’s phone?”
“well shit. that’s a good question,” and you nudge on toji, watching him merely burst out into a straight goofy guffaw. you’re so close to your orgasm that your vision started to blur. stars clouded your entire eyesight, and you feel shiu guide your hips to its inevitable release. “heh. ‘m just joking man. she’s …….. takin’ the trash out. left her phone on the table.”
“oh okay! that’s so sweet of her, tell her i said thank you.”
“i’ll be sure to do that,” toji grunts, his thick base thwacking against you — he was still a bit sensitive from his previous release, and shiu ends up dumping a load into you after a while. you end up mimicking his actions, releasing yourself but toji has to cover your mouth. “since you asked, i’d take a pack of beer too. we still up for the game tonight?”
“yeah man! go packers!”
toji sneers, feeling you coat his entire lap with your slick arousal. you were soaked, a quavering mess before shiu pulls out.
“i’ll talk to you later though. drive safe,”
and he tosses the phone aside once your father replies with a cheery “alrighty then!” he was so oblivious. if toji hadn’t have been covering your mouth when you orgasmed, you were sure he was gonna hear. it was a lewd sight entirely, you started to suck on toji’s fingers and he eyes you with a sly smile. he wasn’t so whiney anymore, in fact— you ended up squirting on them both with them still shoved inside of you, so much too.
it came out so much, you were filled up with slick amounts of seed as well as damping yourself. you feel all against toji’s chest, moaning before shiu spins you around to kiss him. you lean into his touch, still tasting a good amount of smoke thay resides on his breath.
toji watches for a few long seconds before pulling you to kiss him instead—you moan, savoring both of their tastes before you feel toji’s fingers skim against the entrance of your filled up pussy.
“wonder how y’er dad would react at you doing this instead of taking the trash out. getting stuffed by his two friends, tchhh,” he mutters, delving two thick fingers into your cunt— he swirls it into a circular motion before pulling it out, staring at the mess that coats his digits. “shiu. c’mere.”
shiu inches towards toji before smirking. he gives his best friend a sly grin before humming. “yes, toji?”
“taste her for me.”
shiu lets toji slide his fingers into his mouth, and he sucks on them.
slowly, he glides his tongue across his fingers, tasting every inch. you found it a little hot as you watched, the way shiu stared at toji in such a playful gaze—you started to feel like the third wheel for a moment.
“mhm,” he mumbles, cleaning both of his fingers before he pulls it out. a pretty sheeny cobweb of spit left his mouth before he wipes his lips, dark irises focusing back towards you. “you taste so sweet on toji’s fingers, doll. like you always have.”
it was so filthy, they were filthy and you only wanted more…
you gasp once toji suddenly drags you off his lap, making you bend over for him. “i want more of a taste, bend the fuck over, princess.”
you do, being face first between shiu’s parted thighs and he gives you a subtle head pat, a thumb slides against your lips before he brushes his finger to make your jaw hang open.
you had heart eyes, metaphorically, not literally but even still—
a sweetened whimper pours from your glossed lips the moment toji’s tongue swipes against your folds, wasting no time to suck near your throbbing impulsing nub, tasting the aftermath that they both created with no shame whatsoever.
in front of you, you wrap a hand around shiu’s length, staring into his eyes before suddenly near the edge of the bed, you jolt at hearing your dad’s voice through the phone . . .
“what the actual fuck am i listening to?”
#★vegasbaby.#toji x reader#toji smut#toji fushiguro smut#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x you#fushiguro toji x reader#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujustsu kaisen x reader#anime smut#female reader#shiu kong#cw sex mention
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i love my boyfriend i love my boyfriend so mych he is so soft and warm and comfy and pretty and
#so bbing into my hands YOUR HONORRRRR#wishing i could bury myself into his arms i am so so normal. let me be completely surrounded by the dumb impulsive dramatic nerd please#still rereading the manga at a snails pace because i have the attention span of a fruit fly#but i got some progress in this weekend so i’m back up to mima and mai’s duel#and. i reread the flashback segment of jou and rishid’s duel. it was very hard to do i won’t lie >_>#it’s hard to do because i hate seeing marik in pain. i hate seeing any of my f/os in pain by extension#and i hate having to actually read what he went through and it’s made worse by how he’s literally shown *shaking* right before the ritual#like. sobs. this poor baby :( he was so tiny…#paced the kitchen for like twenty minutes just to stall even though it’s only three pages long. i’m normal#anyway hand in hand with that. i’m reminded how much of a jerk he can be agdjdhs#new found respect for rishid this read through (even though i definitely already had some before this)#like marik. my love. politely. things would not have gotten this out of hand so quickly if you let the duel end with selket#politely (x2). rishid getting struck down by a god was your fault too >_<#gosh and it’s the whole thing after when everyone is in the medical room with rishid#and they’re talking about how marik ‘abandoned’ him when things got tough#jou talks about how he was the one able to stand first because he had the support of his friends and he didn’t feel alone#that he ‘had friends waiting for him’ while rishid didn’t#and like ??? something about that messes me up so bad because i know he’s right and i know it’s pretty messed up behavior from marik#not that there was much he could do to be there with rishid since. yamima situation but#i don’t know. some part of me still adores that part of his character#the early parts of it before he redeems himself. the parts before he realizes the truth of what really happened with his father#that drive and that recklessness and eagerness to get revenge even at the cost of the ghouls and his brother#it all still comes from some place where he thinks he's doing the right thing even if it's primarily for *himself* rather than the clan#that's always been something i've loved about him. he's so stubborn. he's so determined. he does the stupidest things because of it but#i still adore him all the same for it. i adore him even more when he takes responsibility for it later#i don't remember battle city messing me up this bad but i teared up like five different times during this one duel so. *shrugs*#asghghg i love going back and rereading or rewatching episodes of him... lets me get a better grasp and sometimes a different view for him#just. picks him up and shakes him YOU GIVE ME SO MANY EMOTIONS!! some more negative than others!! but i still love him so so much#probably partially because of that lol. anyway i'm gonna go and. space out thinking of him probably okay bye#with you i feel alive
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