#jou talks about how he was the one able to stand first because he had the support of his friends and he didn’t feel alone

[ectoplasmer]

i love my boyfriend i love my boyfriend so mych he is so soft and warm and comfy and pretty and

[meandmyechoes]

Kingohger ep24

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERICA~!!!!

LOTS happened IRL and I'm near my fking limit. dpeending on kingoh to keep me going at this point

big big shame the kyoto event is cancelled because of the typhoon😭😭 but at least 14/8 Kyushuu is safe so we'll still find out if they let Rita have short hair

--- episode ----

Gira awakened the giant robot "with the people" 😭😭

kamejim still lives huh. a split in opinion in the villains... destroy the earth vs. rule the earth 🤔🤔

wait this is the same global warming plot as g-rosso 😂😐 /jk

is there deeper meaning zooming in on Gokkan…? (like where exactly IS the bugnarok base and how that lead to 27-30?)

Gerojim following up with each sentence after Jeramie cuuute

Jeramie my dear, if you keep up with the "protecting the young is the duty of the elders" I'm gonna be really afraid for you near the 40s

(edit: glad I misheard this: he said "disciplining the young" ok boomer)

busy man fighting and narrating for the show

ohhh he changed the narration "the story of Hell's King and another who'd become king" it's entirely about him now

he's even taken over his teammates' OP shots

the kings asking gira to validate their treaty and. rita. rita-sama. how does moffun marathon help with the melting of your glaciers

dead stare rita 💜

OI does Caucasus Kabuto-jou even HAVE a security if a nine-year-old can get in or is the orphanage some kind of ninja academy instead

ah… Boon... Gira can you just adopt him otherwise the first policy you make as king should've been improving the orphange's welfare huh 😢 but yes more personal vs. duty conflict

it hurts them both for Gira to say "the evil king is not your nii-chan" 🥺

Yanma looking sideways when in fact the other kings are in front of him in his phone

Yanma你嫁過去啦好無😂 賢內助

不満を発散しないと爆発しる

Rita: "If one cannot disperse thier dissatisfaction, they will explode." perfect. 100% what someone who screams random would say

AHHHH Geroujim-chan helping!! Good boy! Jeramie defending him!! Geroujim refuse to leave him alone!!

Takada Masahi being the busiest person running both A & B plot this ep 😂😂

stopping mid-fight to talk... what a jeramie thing to do

ah they really are a shooting stand told you Yanma looks like a scammer lol. Why are the prizes his personal merch...

New Fry Noodle dance just dropped

as a person i'm fulfilled. to be able to hear Rita singing* Moffun's Song on record

what privledge to have the Sovereign/Chief Justice make you shaved ice…

the ice machine making chibi moffun chirps

"chimidoro" + red syrup 😂

Takada-san has a close-up too!

lamp post… smol. helpless. the evil king.

Speaking of which these three aren't royal blood (rita quantum as always but)

The team care about Gira as a person before he is king 😭

this may not be the best storytelling or my fan filter is too heavy at this point but. i really love how the team has this unsaid understanding and respect of each other's position on the (equal!) ground that they are both leaders of their country and had to face the same struggle of duty vs. self

and that kizuna is often reflected in action (instead of words)!

taking Jeramie's speech about "what's written in the past cannot be changed, but the present and the future is still in my hand" with Gira's conversation with Rainoir… the theme of creating your own future ne.

Like, I feel like this episode is Jeramie's movie (where his character exploration was sacrificed for screentime in the actual one)

the cameras! can you be more obvious! the eventual Red-Sixth heart-to-heart is gonna kill me

Gira repeating his philosophy of "I protect the people, the people protect those around them" as echoes to his brother (ep18) and movie's "living in this world is hell (re:ep23)" huh

Jeramie kneeling down below his sight line when Boon is all offenseive 😭😭

Boon, you're both Ohsama Sentai 😭

Jeramie is "The Prophet" not because he actually has prophetic power but the current animosity/ignorance is created by his stories and choice of words 😭😭

Jeramie thinking his wordings is just a statment of fact while others interpret it as an opinion is peak autistic behaviour

his disillusionment *heart hurts* Masahi's acting and also the cameras closing in + replicating 11's angles. He put his bug hand over his face like the spider mask that he stayed behind all those years. the mask that was a gift from his parents. maybe as if to hide, maybe as now he truly understands the bugnarok. whyyy is jerami's character so tragic!! (talk about being named after greek myth characters)!

ah Gira immediately covering Boon!

exclusive full team transform!

ooh Boon held onto his cape!

the gattai took too long and the monster ran away 😂 (FALSE)

minatures my love!!

red gira i missed you

minatures my love!!

ahh high five!!

history repeats itself...

formation fights formation fights!!

Souchou are you flying with tonbo wings !?!

the b&w shippers!

(but Kaguragi's movie scene about betrayal!)

His middle name is Idomonarak?? (namesake)

(edit: with Himeno having one as well, are the kings' middle name gonna be a story? or had a story but not included to save screentime?)

I'm really glad they kept Jeramie's weakness in family matters (not as much a "lack of strength" but something that can easily persuade him since he values it) because i'm also very weak in family matters… that's one of the reason i grew a liking to him

i objected to yanma at the same time as gira. thank you gira 😭

"I'll do it all by myself. Only then can I be the King who Rules Over All." STOP YOU'RE IN A SENTAI S.E.N.T.A.I we join forces and have NAKAMA didn't we went through with this whole arc with rita (at least in my head) 😭

but that's a very Sixth thing to do. um *nods*.

Eighth-chan!!! NOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOO there's no way back once you go giant!

I salute you. You are a good villain.

Jeramie reaching out with his bug hand

"Akarui" any connection to Deathnarok's comment looking into Gira's eyes in ep10?

bro I love this episode but I didn't expect it would be because of the main plot part and not the silly matsuri part?!?

they are furthering the angle that everyone involved in ep20's relief operation is a member of the Taskforce 😭

totally forgot to take note of earcuff-chan. too distracted by plot and expecting tomorrow

+ if they have the whole supporting cast here is this is probably what they shot on Yuhei-san's birthday (19 July)

ep25:

KABE... KABE... KABEDON??!?!!?!?!?!?!

[shihalyfie]

You talk a lot about how the Digimon are born from the kids own souls, would you be interested into describing how the digimon partners reflect their humans' personalities?

Oh man, I love this topic! (You’ll have to forgive me in that my desire to do justice for it is why it ended up taking me this long to answer it.)

The part about the Digimon literally being part of the kids’ souls comes directly from official (it’s been mentioned several times, not only in what I just linked). This was never stated outright in the original Adventure or 02, and it took until Kizuna to really shove the link between the partner and the human’s inner self in your face and make it a huge part of the actual story, but fans had been catching onto it long before that, and even without reading what the staff had said. Kizuna throws a bit of a nail in this because it’s said to be a bit lore-noncompliant, but considering how much of the background lore it still goes out of its way to adhere to, and the fact it still does match the fundamental concept of “human heart = Digimon partner” regardless of detailed minutiae, we can still apply and analyze this concept with no problem, especially since Adventure and 02 always walked the line between sci-fi and fantasy, and there is undoubtedly a spiritual element to them no matter how you look at it.

(My personal comfort zone in analyzing Adventure and 02 comes moreso from a human behavior and mentality perspective, which is also why my meta on this blog tends to focus more on the human drama aspects of Adventure and 02 and especially the latter’s story being so heavily about human relationships, but if you’re interested in said spiritual elements, I heavily recommend @analyzingadventure‘s very comprehensive meta on Adventure background lore and themes, which also covers similar territory in detail. We’re different people, so our takes on it probably differ in some respects, but that’s the beauty of having different perspectives, after all.)

In any case, back to your question. I think it would be best to break this down piece-by-piece with the Adventure and 02 kids in detail, so more is under the cut!

...Well, okay, before we continue, I do want to touch on something briefly, and it’s regarding the fact that “evolution” in this series is generally a metaphor for human growth. That counts for when everyone gets their evolutions, but it also counts as a metaphor overall -- after all, Adventure is about self-assertion and pushing oneself as far as possible (the major evolution gimmick being tied to Crests), whereas 02 is about cultivating differing aspects of yourself and applying it to how you form relationships with others (the major evolution gimmick being tied to Digimentals and ultimately Jogress). The human self is quite a flexible thing, and the Digimon themselves quite often change personalities as they evolve. (I touched on this briefly in my discussion of honorfiics and first-person pronouns earlier, but in Japanese, the Digimon will often even change personalities and speech patterns as they evolve.) This also leads to a few other potential observations (not really corroborated by official, just my personal view of it):

Speaking from a meta perspective, the fact that only the “front protagonists” end up getting the highest level forms is pretty obviously so they don’t have to spend toy budget on allocating it to everyone, but from an in-story perspective, Adventure episode 50 adds an implication that not reaching as high of a form may also have to do with how inherently attuned one is to combat (Jou says that he believes that Gomamon will never reach Ultimate because he doesn’t have the sort of strength Taichi and Yamato do, and it contributes to his conclusion that his skills are more meaningfully applied as a healer instead of as a fighter). Of course, none of the Adventure or 02 cast is necessarily the belligerent type that inherently likes fighting in itself, but of course certain ones are less emotionally drained or more attuned to it, so you might be able to see a rough pattern there. (Again, I’m not going to sugarcoat how this still has a lot of dismaying issues on the meta level, but the difference between “how much this sucks on a meta level” and “whether this at least tracks in-story” is a common theme on this blog.) In a franchise sense, Digimon were of course conceptualized as fighting monsters, but within the narrative of Adventure, it probably stands to reason that having a manifested part of your soul or inner self shouldn’t necessarily mean they have to be fighting things all of the time unless it’s necessary.

It’s very often been pointed out that the 02 cast is at a sort of “combat disadvantage” compared to their seniors (well, and Takeru and Hikari, anyway) because their highest forms require two people/Digimon to be in play, so their overall combat power is rather low. My impression is that this is by design (and it’s a subversion of the usual expectation of shounen anime sequels where the sequel will often power creep everything to make the new guard outdo the first). That the 02 team is inherently dependent on each other for support, and to a degree far more than their seniors, is rather baked into its narrative, and moreover, from an in-story perspective, the 02 group doesn’t seem like the type to really care about being outflanked by their seniors (on the contrary, they’d probably take that as more proof that their seniors are amazing). Moreover, the forms you see their Digimon in most of the time tend towards the smaller Baby-level forms instead of the Child-level ones, and while this is partially due to plot logistics about being in the real world (and, admittedly, kind of inconsistently applied), it gives you a much stronger impression of the 02 kids and their partners in general being people who aren’t that individually imposing or strong and get more mileage out of flexibility and variety (see: the Digimentals and the huge number of lower-level forms the kids have access to).

With this kind of metaphor, I caution against taking it too literally as a 1:1 thing (especially since official has been generally quiet about it and there isn’t much in the series text itself to corroborate this), but I do think there is certainly some kind of relevance that’s worth thinking about.

Many people, including the official notes I just linked, refer to there being some Digimon partners that are "like-minded” with their partner, and some that are “opposite” in personality. This is roughly true, but I find this to be a very simplified description of the concept; it’s more like all Digimon partners are a reflection of the less easily exposed part of their human partner (and, most pertinently, the part that would allow them to express themselves in ways they wouldn’t normally), it’s just that the kids with more straightforward or less extreme personalities don’t have as much to hide or cover up in the first place, and so their partners come off as more “like-minded”. Even Urawa Megumi, voice of Iori and Armadimon (arguably one of the pairs of partners that seem “opposing” in personality), stated that she didn’t personally feel like the two characters are all that different, since humans have different sides to them, and Armadimon is functionally an expression of the side of Iori that isn’t apparent.

Because the Adventure narrative has the Digimon partners be linked to human mentality, this leads to the side effect that you won’t have a Digimon partner who ever truly denies the human partner (barring external factors like Evil Ring-induced brainwashing), which is something producer Seki Hiromi was quite insistent about. That said, this is a very Adventure and 02-specific thing, since other series go more into different angles about how one would approach partnership when this factor is not in play; half of Tamers’s drama regarding partners comes from the fact they are not necessarily mentally linked all of the time, and need to find a way to build a relationship by bridging that gap, and so non-Adventure universe entries are more freely able to explore the concepts of a Digimon partner more consciously entering conflict with their human partner. Well, that’s the beauty of having a multi-entry franchise, after all.

Taichi and Agumon

Taichi and Agumon immediately jump to mind as the first among the “like-minded” pairs, especially since the series shows them so often in sync and chilling together. Taichi himself is a straightforward person, so it stands to reason that his straightforward personality would also lend to Agumon coming off as being rather much like him.

However, there is one slight difference between the two, and it’s that Agumon has a somewhat stronger sense of “easygoing chill” than Taichi does, right down to using the more polite boku first-person pronoun in contrast to Taichi’s more assertive ore. He also lacks Taichi’s penchant for mild insensitivity -- in fact, very unlike Taichi, he has an incredible amount of emotional insight (02 spends quite a bit of time in 02 episodes 32 and 46 to showing off Agumon as someone who makes up for all of his lack of intellectual understanding with emotional and borderline poetic insight). And, really, while Taichi is a bit surface-insensitive, and while he seems to be impulsive, he actually is a conscientious person and is trying his best in his own way, and he isn’t the kind of person who cares about societal things like seniority, and he demonstrates multiple times that he’s easygoing and chill, and so you can say that’s a part of Taichi as well. Remembering that a Digimon partner’s presence helps their own human partner grow, Agumon being so openly friendly helps Taichi maintain good relations with others without running afoul of them.

One of Agumon’s most famous traits is that he likes food, which is not actually something that was in the original Adventure or 02 all that much but has been somewhat exaggerated since. That said, back in Adventure, while it was established that all Digimon regularly need food in order to maintain their evolutions, Agumon would usually be the first to complain “I’m hungry,” and whenever they did get food, Agumon would be one of the most prominently enjoying it. Food is, after all, one of the simplest and most universal of pleasures, and there’s a lot of visual framing of Taichi chowing down just as ravenously as Agumon is -- so, honestly, he probably got it from him.

Taichi also speaks a bit about his pain of being separated from Agumon in the space between Adventure and 02, and he directly refers to Agumon as “the other me”. The word “partner” was not actually used very much in the original Adventure or 02, and Taichi is not able to fully elucidate the sentiment of Agumon’s connection to his own self, but he still understands this much and why the loss cuts him so deeply, and by the time we get to Kizuna, it’s presumably why he uses similar language in his thesis proposal to refer to him. (I already covered the circumstances of Agumon’s relationship to Taichi’s existential crisis in Kizuna and how it led to their separation earlier, so I will omit it here for the sake of avoiding redundancy.)

Yamato and Gabumon

This might surprise some people to hear, but I would also pin this as one of the more ostensibly “like-minded” pairs. Gabumon is shy on the surface, but turns out to be quite passionate -- he uses the same assertive ore as Yamato, in contrast to Agumon’s boku, and he demonstrates his capacity for passion and action in that he’s arguably one of the most assertive in the cast. Note his taking initiative against Yamato’s frostbite in Adventure episode 9, or declaring his intent to stay with Yamato even if it means going against the others in Adventure episode 44, or singlehandedly dragging Yamato out of the hole of darkness in Adventure episode 51.

And, of course, Yamato himself is someone who initially seems a little awkward or detached around everyone, but is actually very passionate, so that’s all the same. And because Gabumon himself is so open about communicating with the otherwise closed-in Yamato, Yamato is able to express himself better over the course of Adventure.

Funny thing about that “shyness”, too -- the idea of Gabumon being particularly shy isn’t present in 02 much at all (we don’t get to see him very much, so it’s hard to say whether it’s completely gone, but it’s at least gone enough for the duration of his appearances). Which is funny, considering: guess who else stopped being shy and became naturally outgoing in 02? Yeah, so, as much as you might hear people (even official!) claim that the Digimon are static while their partners change, that’s not completely true -- the Digimon themselves develop in personality in the same way their human partners do. It’s just more subtle and less drastic, since they’re representing an abstract single part of their personality rather than being an exact match.

Sora and Piyomon

Sora and Piyomon have an interesting relationship in that they’re the only one where their relationship started off on a note of conflict -- mainly in that Sora was very put off by Piyomon at first and even looked down condescendingly on her (well, only for the duration of a single episode). In fact, Sora’s own surface behavior is very different from the kind and caring Sora we know -- Sora dislikes associating with the clingy and affectionate Piyomon for being “mushy”, and even declares that she doesn’t want to “take responsibility” for lugging her around.

Of course, Sora’s character arc later revolves around the fact that she has abysmally bad self-awareness and doesn’t even realize that she has a compulsive sense of responsibility to others. So Sora is affectionate and loving -- she just puts up a front of trying to act a little above that (well, at least, during this part of the series) and doesn’t even see herself as someone capable of being like that (again, purely during this part of the series).

Piyomon is also interesting in that she has one of the most dramatic personality shifts even as early as Child to Adult, where she suddenly switches from the casual atashi to watashi (sometimes even kono watashi, which is super regal), and becomes incredibly dignified and regal even as Birdramon, and you can certainly see why Sora immediately started taking her seriously thereafter. It also begs a lot to think about, considering Sora’s very convoluted character and the many layers of herself that even she isn’t consciously aware of.

The way Piyomon helped Sora shift her own mentality is pretty directly handed to you on a plate in Adventure episode 26 -- because Piyomon played the role of Sora in the metaphor of Sora’s behavior towards Piyomon correlated to Toshiko’s behavior towards Sora, Sora was able to re-adjust her position relative to her family and consider her both someone capable of love, and someone who is loved.

Koushirou and Tentomon

Koushirou and Tentomon are another pair that initially seem like they’re opposing types, with Koushirou being constantly curious and Tentomon being comparatively simple-minded, but the first key to figuring out where the similarity is ends up being a bit deceptive -- Tentomon says in Adventure episode 5 that he’s not particularly interested in himself. And, certainly, Koushirou is interested in Tentomon, but he, too, is not interested in himself -- in fact, he considers himself to be a topic he’d rather avoid instead of looking into everything else.

As far as language goes, while Tentomon does also use the stereotypically easygoing Kansai dialect, he also specifically uses the polite form, mirroring Koushirou’s own perpetual use of polite language. But unlike Koushirou, who uses it to keep distance from others, Tentomon is in fact very sociable, and is even portrayed as a Digimon who’s conscientious of others and “takes care” of them. And because Tentomon is so openly friendly, he manages to coax Koushirou out of his shell and allow him to think about more complicated things related to his own position in the world that he’d been avoiding.

As Koushirou’s character arc proceeds, we learn that he’s polite not only out of distance but also because he really is a very kind person, and moreover that he does eventually want to open up to others. And the payoff for this eventually comes in 02...

...when he ends up becoming one of the most visible members of the older Adventure cast to appear in the series, checking in on the younger kids and developing into someone capable of organizing and managing people. Hmm, seems familiar.

Mimi and Palmon

This one’s an easy one. Mimi is possibly the most straightforward person in the original Adventure cast -- well, that’s the point of her Crest after all -- and so Palmon is almost exactly like her, being a cheerful type who loves being cute. Any contrast between them is only really apparent in the very early episodes of the series, and that’s not even a contrast in theory as much as it’s just something that might intrigue audiences at first when Mimi spent a lot of those episodes complaining, but that’s also mostly because she was heavily under stress, and otherwise Mimi has always been kind and cheerful and indulgent in being cute.

Perhaps the only real difference is that Palmon, being a plant, is more willing to get involved with dirt and other things that Mimi ostensibly would rather not, but as the series progresses, Mimi manages to gain a higher sense of tolerance and get past her initial sense of materialism (which is something she’d had the capacity for the whole time).

Jou and Gomamon

Of the Adventure pairs, this one is probably the one that seems like the biggest contrast on its face, with the overly high-strung and constantly stressed Jou, and the more playful and relaxed Gomamon.

In the end, Jou is someone who’s defined by his desire to support others, and even admits at the end of the series that he’s better suited for a support role than for fighting, and that there’s nothing wrong with that as long as he continues to channel his desire to help people in a way he’s most comfortable with. So, in the end, he’s not actually an inherently aggressive type. And, meanwhile, Gomamon is the kind who’s constantly looking out for Jou, to the point of knowing (such as in Adventure episode 7) when he’s about to do something phenomenally stupid and minding him so that nothing bad happens to him, and so, this is probably why they’re ultimately able to settle down and end the series eye-to-eye (or perhaps hand-to-hand).

And, again, recall that Digimon partners generally reflect a part that’s vital to their own human partner’s growth; considering that Jou is most certainly one of the more extreme personalities in this cast, you get the feeling that he probably needs someone this chill to keep his massive stress tendencies in check.

Takeru and Patamon

Takeru and Patamon are an interesting case largely due to the two of them being so present for a whole two series. In Adventure, both of them seem to be largely like-minded, being playful, innocent, and childish -- although Patamon is more open about expressing the childishness that Takeru keeps trying to cover up. Patamon being roughly on the same playing field (no pun intended) as Takeru means that Takeru has someone he’s willing to be open with and let himself loose a little (such as in Adventure episode 12), because for the first half of the series, he’s almost entirely in the presence of elders and stifling himself for the sake of being “well-behaved”, and it starts his long journey of being able to understand his position and his actual sense of emotions over the course of Adventure and 02.

Patamon also has a striking personality change upon evolving, becoming the regal and dignified Angemon, and, interestingly, his appearances have a very “knight templar” vibe where he takes a no-compromise stance against dark forces and states that he’ll condemn all of them to oblivion. This is a stance that’s unnervingly similar to Takeru’s own no-compromise stance against the darkness in 02, and it’s interesting in that Takeru himself had been advocating for pacifism in Adventure episode 12, but this incident traumatized him enough to start taking a position that more resembled Angemon’s.

As we go into 02, Takeru’s contrast with Patamon initially seems like an increased mismatch, since Patamon is still ostensibly childish and playful while Takeru is ostensibly more mature. But for one, Takeru’s character arc is about the fact that he’s still pretending he’s more in control of his emotions than he actually is, and in some way you can also glean that there’s a sort of naivete present in his character that he keeps covering up with confident smiles. Patamon, for his part, does actually seem to have adopted a bit of a mentor role to the other Digimon, and we also learn that he’s capable of deliberately trolling people instead of just being generically playful -- much like Takeru himself, who’s a bit evasive and not entirely honest.

We do actually see Patamon reach HolyAngemon in 02 episode 34, but it doesn’t work out well, and while this is partially for plot mechanic reasons, it also says a lot that the “knight templar” stance that both Takeru and HolyAngemon have, with the full depth of no-compromise, isn’t going anywhere, and in the end, something more effective is only possible when Shakkoumon appears in 02 episodes 36-37 -- that is, Takeru is only able to better move on with Iori’s support.

Hikari and Tailmon

Hikari is the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have a Digimon who “defaults” to Adult instead of Child or lower, and it means that Tailmon herself comes with a certain amount of maturity -- on top of having been become a bit hardened due to her experiences being isolated. This is an ostensible contrast to the more pure-hearted and innocent Hikari, but note that Hikari’s own will can be pretty assertive when it comes down to it. On top of that, as much as Tailmon is a bit standoffish, Hikari is also “emotionally isolated” -- she has trouble vocalizing her negative feelings, and it’s difficult for anyone in Adventure or the first half of 02 to truly connect with her internal thoughts. Recalling that the Digimon partner reflects a side of the human partner that’s less easily exposed and allows the human partner to grow in ways they wouldn’t before, Tailmon’s sheer presence gives Hikari a route to action in ways she probably wouldn’t have beforehand.

In 02, Hikari becomes a little more mischievous and playful, and Tailmon also becomes a bit more willing to indulge (she even switches first-person pronouns in sync with Hikari, going from the more polite watashi to the more casual atashi). Both of them are now more able to enjoy themselves more openly. That said, Tailmon still has a certain degree of stuffy personal pride (she snarks at everyone quite easily for fussing over snacks in 02 episode 3), and Hikari herself remains emotionally elusive and repressive at the start of this series.

Tailmon evolves temporarily to Angewomon in 02 episode 13, which is the first time anyone (in this case, Takeru) makes some degree of headway to reaching out to her and allowing her to open up a bit more, but it’s not until 02 episode 31 when Hikari is fully reached out to via Miyako, which marks the first appearance of Silphymon.

Daisuke and V-mon

Now here’s a very like-minded pair, even more so than Taichi and Agumon -- and, after all, Daisuke is simple-minded, so painfully simple-minded that he’s practically incapable of hiding anything, and so V-mon is almost exactly like him, down to using the same ore pronoun and being feisty and mischievous (a point is also made that he plays soccer with Daisuke, something that Agumon didn’t necessarily do with Taichi), and, heck, in a rare show of Digimon-Digimon crushes, has a crush on Tailmon in the exact same way Daisuke has on Hikari. (By the time we get to Kizuna and its higher animation budget, a lot of attention is paid to having even their body language mirror each other.)

There is only one real functional difference between the two in disposition, and it’s that V-mon is very straightforward, friendly, and kind, without being prone to getting angry or spiteful at anyone, and in the end, it’s indicative of the fact that Daisuke’s tendency to lash out defensively at everyone is just a front -- at his core, he’s friendly, supportive, and kind. Daisuke’s experiences and banter with V-mon contribute to him getting the sort of validation he needed without having to worry about being on edge or lash out defensively, and because of that, he was able to form a healthier and more supportive relationship with the rest of the group.

Miyako and Hawkmon

This one seems to be a contrast right off the bat -- Miyako is bubbly, over-the-top, and rather messy and lacking in restraint, whereas Hawkmon is formal, graceful, and polite. But Hawkmon’s most prominent trait is his absolute loyalty and devotion to Miyako -- he’s very often referred to by both official staff and fans as her “knight” -- and is constantly minding her to protect her and make sure she doesn’t go over her head (most prominently, 02 episode 18). And as far as Miyako’s relationship to others goes -- she’s also devotedly loyal to everyone she loves and is constantly going out of her way to help others, and her character arc in itself is about the fact she wants to do her best to reach out to people and help emotionally support them in the best way she can, and Hawkmon managing to channel that to its utmost extent to Miyako in turn (in a very “who watches the watchman?” sense) allows her to regain her bearings and have better control over herself in the aftermath of 02 episode 18.

On top of that, as the series proceeds, it turns out that Hawkmon also shares Miyako’s penchant for dramatic theatrics and being a bit over his head -- even if he seemingly has himself more together than Miyako does, he’s not completely above it all...

Miyako is also the franchise’s first example of a female character with a masculine Digimon partner, and while Miyako herself openly identifies with and indulges in all things hyper-feminine, she also has zero issue engaging in more masculine-associated things as they suit her -- most prominently her Digital World outfit, and the fact she often displays a rather aggressive go-getter and hot-blooded/in-your-face personality that would not be out of place on a male shounen hero in a more conventional show. (Although, as much as these have generally been on the thread of “less visible aspects”, it’s not like this was that less visible of an aspect of her to begin with...)

Iori and Armadimon

Iori and Armadimon hold the honor of being the only pair in the Tokyo Chosen Children to be voiced by the same voice actress (Urawa Megumi), driving the parallel down even further. And while their surface temperaments seem different, with Iori being rather uptight and strict on himself while Armadimon is laid-back, carefree, and even somewhat assertive, they’re not that different -- Armadimon is basically the curious, impressionable, somewhat childish spirit that Iori would be if he weren’t constantly holding himself back. (There’s a lot to be said about Submarimon going out of his way to take Iori for a ride in 02 episode 16 so that Iori can finally properly enjoy himself for once.)

Iori takes a lot of very stubborn, no-compromise positions over the course of 02, but Armadimon asking just the right kinds of questions allows him to “snap out of it” and be a little more receptive to considering alternatives, or at least taking into account more emotionally-oriented issues he’s dealing with. You can say that Armadimon (especially as Upamon) softening Iori up a bit -- since Iori will never be cold or unforgiving towards his partner, no matter what -- serves as a precursor to Iori starting to question the limitations of his black-and-white view of morality, which allows him to successfully break through to Takeru and fill out the rest of his character arc.

Ken and Wormmon

Considering how much of the plot revolved around this one, this one almost goes entirely without saying! During Ken’s stint as the Kaiser, Wormmon represents the heart that Ken’s not entirely willing to leave behind -- and, also, the affection that he’s still craving from his family. The Kaiser going practically out of his way to deny Wormmon yet paradoxically keeping him around is basically his attitude towards his own “weak” and naturally kindhearted self. Notably, recall that the principle of “a Digimon will never deny their partner” applies here -- Wormmon’s “betrayal” of the Kaiser isn’t really any kind of denial, since he was doing it mainly for Ken’s own sake, and, more symbolically, it’s Ken reaching his own limit and coming to realize that this path isn’t what he really wants.

Wormmon is unusually clingy to his own partner over the course of 02, and it’s vital to Ken needing to learn to love himself and also getting important validation that he needs, especially during the critical point in time during 02 episodes 23-30 when he’s still not sure how to approach the rest of the group -- Wormmon gives him someone to talk to honestly and openly, giving him a proper springboard to sort out his complicated feelings about the others and himself. You can say also that as Ken becomes more open and straightforward over the course of the latter half of 02, he, in turn, becomes much more shameless about showing affection and opening his own heart.

Wallace, Gumimon, and Chocomon

Bonus round!

While it’s hard to fully apply Hurricane Touchdown to this theory (by official admission, it wasn’t properly cross-referenced with the original Adventure/02 series lore, and trying to correlate all of the evolutions in this movie to something metaphorical will give you a headache), Wallace’s two partners still fit very neatly into this overall theory of Digimon partners as a part of the self. Wallace is a character with very sharp duality, trying to be a flirt who asserts himself as a vagrant who’s about to “become an adult”, yet still feels an obligation to keep calling his mom and is engaging in increasingly self-destructive behavior.

Most pertinently, Gumimon and Chocomon represent the two stances Wallace is torn between: wanting to “return to the past” (Chocomon) because he’s still hung up on having lost Chocomon and is convinced that he can make everything just like it was before, and “being able to productively move on” (Gumimon). For most of the early parts of the movie, Wallace is stuck on Chocomon’s mentality of fixating on the past, and Gumimon isn’t even remotely subtle when he draws an explicit parallel between the two (saying that Chocomon didn’t like the heat, followed by offering to give Wallace shade as a hat). But once the conflict escalates and Wallace realizes just how deep in denial Chocomon is, to the point of being destructive to himself and others, Wallace comes to embrace Gumimon’s stance of practicality and moving on. In the end, the ultimate conclusion is reached, and Wallace is forced to fully accept that latter stance when Chocomon dies, but the movie’s ending (and Kizuna) provide an extra option: allowing the past to come back, but in a new form and treading new territory instead of trying to make it “the way it was before”.

[yanderepuck]

Sunflowers Die Eventually

I told you all I was going to do it.  I warned all of you.  I have one (1) Vincent simp tell me they wanted this for the angst, but also didn’t want this for the angst.  So I’m bringing it to you.

~~~~~~

THAT BEING SAID. JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER DEPRESSING VINCENT POSTS I HAVE MADE THERE ARE THEMES OF SELF HARM, SUICIDE AND POSSIBLE DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE.  IF YOU THINK THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU HORRIBLY PLEASE DON’T READ OR READ WITH CAUTION.  WRITING THESE CAN EVEN TAKE A TOLL ON ME.  I WRITE THESE OVER A LONG PERIOD.  IF YOU CANNOT FINISH READING THIS BECAUSE OF THE THEME I UNDERSTAND.  MUCH OF WHAT I WRITE IS FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE AND NOT EVERYONE DEALS WITH IT THE SAME WAY.

THANK YOU

~~~~~~

The past few weeks have not been kind.  Even Isaac has been asking where Vincent is.  Theo can’t tell them the truth.  No way.  Besides, he doesn’t even know whats wrong with Vincent, he can’t possibly explain it to everyone else.

Should he go to Comte?  But what would he do.  What can he do.  If this didn’t go away when he was turned what is he going to do now.  Should . . . should he maybe get Dazai?  Dazai knows what this is like, he’s gone through with it.

Theo shook his head.  How could he possibly ask that clown to help him with something so serious.  Theo’s head lists off everyone in the mansion who could help.  Arthur?  He does have a medical background, but this is mental, those are different.  Leonardo doesn’t have experience with this as far as he is aware of.  Maybe Sebastian could talk sense into him.  He knows many things the rest don’t, or would that be too much to handle.

His thoughts are racing to the point where he is giving himself a headache.  Theo has spent the last few hours walking back and forth in his room thinking endlessly.  There is always the possibility of a hospital.  No.  How could he be so stupid.  He can’t do that, they’re vampires!  But wait, Vincent doesn’t drink rouge, but how could he get the blanc to him.

The thought that entered Theo’s mind that made him stop in his tracks was the thought of Will.  They are close after all.  Maybe. Just maybe- No!  He trusts Brush more than him around his brother.

Leaving his room he went down the hall and let out a deep breath before knocking on his brother’s door.

“Vincent?” nothing.  “It . . . it’s Theo.  Can I come in?” silence.  Well . . that isn’t a no. Opening the door slowly he pushed  it open.  The room was dark which is very odd since one wall is an entire window.  It was covered, just enough light came through for Theo to be able to see the outline of his brother on his couch.

Closing the door behind him he walked over and sat on the floor next to him.  “Vincent?” his voice was calming, but you could tell he was worried.  “Broer?”  Vincent didn’t say anything, let alone move.  He was facing the couch.

“Broer, please.  You haven’t left your room in weeks.  Lets go to the floral shop, we can take Brush with us.”

Just as he was about to reach out and give Vincent a shake, he moved to pull the blanket up closer to his chin, and he seemed to get more tense.  Theo relaxed.  He’s alive.  

“I’ll let you be, but please broer.  If you need anything at all please tell me,”  he gently brushed the blonde hair before standing up again and going back to the door.  “Ik hou van jou“ Theo murmured and left the room.

The week comes to an end and there’s still been no word on Vincent.  Everyone has noticed Theo being on edge and being in his room a lot as well.  Something is up with the brothers but no one can quite tell what it is.

No one has been able to talk to Theo, not even Arthur.  But very quickly did things escalate when Will came over.  Theo should have expected this.  Vincent and Will are close, he should have at least let him know he wasn’t feeling well so this wouldn’t happen.

Theo heard a knock and someone calling for Vincent.  It was coming from the last person he would want to deal with right now.  He quickly hurried out of his room and looked at Will down the hall.   

“Go home, Will.”  Before he could knock again Will looked over to see Theo.  “Vincent isn’t feeling well, leave him be.”

“Has he not been well for two weeks?  What troubles him?”

“It’s none of your business.  Now leave.”

Being stubborn as always, Will just stands there, not leaving.  “Not until I see Vincent,” he knew something wasn’t right.  He hasn’t heard from Vincent for nearly two months, which was very odd.

“I told you,” Theo began to walk over to move Will out of the way.  “He’s not feeling well.  Now leave.”

“Is that not for Vincent to decide?”  Will looked up at Theo, glaring at him.  Will quickly moved his hand to the doorknob.  But when he went to turn the knob his hand stopped.

It wasn’t because of Theo.  It’s locked.  Will froze when his hand couldn’t  turn the knob.  Theo looked down at the knob.  Locked?  But didn’t he check on Vincent earlier?

No.  No he didn’t.  He hadn’t seen his broer yet today, he didn’t even check in on him last night, he had gotten so caught up in his paperwork that he fell asleep at his desk.  He didn’t even make it to dinner.

“Broer . . “ Theo’s voice was soft, that’s now Will knew something was really wrong.  Theo pushed Will out of the way to try to door for himself.  But it didn’t budge.  He was going to have to break it down.  He didn’t want to think the worst, but of course he couldn’t help it.  

Will demanded Theo to tell him what was going on, but all he told him was to stand back.  After taking a few steps back Theo ran into the door.  It budged.  One more hit and it should open.  He did just that and tumbled into the room.

The room is still dark.  Will peaked his head in, his eyes started to adjust and could see Vincent on the couch.

“Broer?”  Vincent was laying on his back.  Theo knelled down on the floor in front of the couch as he always does.  “Broer?” 

After kneeling on the floor for a few moments his could feel his knees getting wet.  He looked down.  Of course he couldn’t see what it was, but now that his mind was on it, he could smell it.

With a click from the other room the lights came on.  Theo was kneeling in a puddle of blood.  Tears started to form and he looked up at his older brother.  He was paler.  Paler than he’s every seen him.  One of his arms was hanging off the couch, blood still dripping down his arm to the floor.  

His other arm was laying on his chest, his clothes stained in blood.  “No. No no no no no!” Theo slid closer and put his hands on his cold face.  “Broer!  Wake up!”

Will couldn’t believe what he was looking at.  He forced his legs to move himself quickly down the hall.  He didn’t care who he saw first, he needed to get someone.

Then he finally found someone and wasn’t sure if they were in the right ones.  But it didn’t matter.  Will ran into the parlor, grabbing onto the door frame to stop him.  Arthur and Dazai were arguing and playing chess.  The sound of Will’s heavy breathing made the two look over.

“Will?  What do you-” Arthur began

“Vincent!  He’s hurt!  Badly!” Arthur and Dazai look at each other before getting up.  “He’s in his room.  With Theo.” Will moved back out into the hall and they ran in different directions.

Will was ideally hoping to find Comte or even Leonardo, they had to be able to do something.  Arthur and Dazai ran down the hall.  They didn’t know what to expect, but when they got tot he bed room, that’s really not what they expected.

“Comte!”  Will turned the corner towards the pureblood’s room and ran right into him.

“Will?  What are you doing here?  What’s wrong?”

“Vincent!  He’s hurt!” Will started talking so fast that Comte couldn’t understand him, and understanding him to begin with was sometimes a challenge.

“Will.  Relax” he put his hands on Will’s shoulders to steady him.  “Tell me what’s going on.”

“T-there’s a lot o-of blood.  Vincent wasn’t waking.”

Comte’s face went white.  Theo wouldn’t tell him what was going on even when he tried to pry, but he knew how Vincent’s first life was, and he could only guess what was going on. 

Rushing around Will, Comte ran down the hall to get to Vincent’s.  Dazai rushed past him from out of the room.  Arthur spilled out a list of things he needed to get and he went running.  

Stopping outside the room, he looked in.  Leonardo was on the floor holding back Theo who was covered in blood and tears.  Leonardo kept his arms around the other while Arthur was looking over Vincent.

Arthur had ripped his coat off and was tying his ascot around his upper arm to stop the blood flow.  Theo wanted out of Leonardo’s grip to be next to his brother, but Arthur needed room.

Comte stood there.  Frozen.  Vincent was so pale.  How long had he been like this?  Why didn’t he tell anyone?

Seconds felt like minutes.  Minutes felt like hours.

Dazai came running back and passed Comte and got next to Arthur to help him.  Theo wasn’t stable enough to help.  Arthur and Dazai have dealt with this before.  They knew what they were doing. 

Arthur ripped up a rag and tied it tightly around Vincent’s other arm.  Dazai took one of Vincent’s arms while Arthur took the other and using rags they applied pressure to the cuts.  Blood just soaked right through so they put another cloth there, but the same happened until they had six layers of cloth, then it seemed to be slowing down.

“Vincent, wake up,” Arthur urged.  “Vincent!  Wake up!” Arthur tapped his hand on Vincent’s cold cheek a few times.  There’s no response.  Arthur and Dazai have blood splatted all over their clothes and skin.  “Vincent!”

This can’t be happening.  Arthur went to check his pulse, but wait.  Do vampires even have a pulse?  He can’t find one.  Is he too much in a panic to be able to find it?  He sure hoped so.

Theo is still struggling against Leonardo, yelling for Vincent to wake up.  Comte forced his legs to take him to the doorway.  As soon as Theo saw him he started yelling at him to do something.  How could he just stand there and watch.  But Comte already knew.

Arthur is struggling to find a pulse.  He doesn’t want to admit defeat.  Meanwhile, Dazai leaned in and put his ear to Vincent’s chest.  Nothing.  Nothing but Theo crying and yelling.

Dazai’s gaze went to Arthur, who was starting to cry himself.

“Come on, Vincent!” Arthur said through his tears.

“Arthur,” Dazai spoke softly and placed a hand on his shoulder.  Arthur knew.  But he didn’t want to admit it.

Arthur shook his head repeatedly. “No no no no,” he said under his breath.

It was like a train wreck.  Comte couldn’t tear his eyes away, but when he finally managed he looked at Leonardo and gave him a nod.  With that Leonardo let go of Theo, who rushed to his brothers side, with Arthur and Dazai on either side of him.

“Broer!”  Theo was yelling things in Dutch that no one else understood.  He clutched onto his clothes, his hands so tightly balled up they were white.

“Theo . . “ Arthur placed a hand on the other’s shoulder but Theo immediately pushed him off, yelling not to touch him.  Arthur and Dazai’s eyes met and they backed off to give Theo room.

Only minutes have gone buy, but it felt like days.

Forcing his legs to move, Comte stood behind Theo, looking down at the brothers.  Leonardo had the other two leave the room for right now.

“Why didn’t you do something!”  no matter what he said, Theo wasn’t going to accept his answer.  “You let him die!  Did he even want to come back!” Comte was still silent. He could barely move his body let alone being able to form words.  “Answer me damn it!”  Theo didn’t even dare to look behind him.  The tears weren’t stopping.

“Th-there was nothing I could have done.”

“Liar!”

Just as he expected.  “Theo.  Listen to me,” he tried to stay calm, he could feel tears forming the more he spoke.  “We both hoped this would stop.”

Vincent wanted a new life where he didn’t have to deal with his depression and schizophrenia.  Obviously it didn’t turn out that way.  He was defiantly better, but when the depression hit, it hit harder than ever.

“Vincent . . . Vincent wanted to live.  But his pain didn’t go away.  I can’t take that away.”

Theo didn’t even respond.  How does he respond.  He has to live without his brother, again.  He did what he could to keep Vincent safe without being forceful.  But he should have been.  He thought he understood him.  He thought he knew what he was going through.  But he didn’t know anything.

Comte didn’t know what else to say.  Turning around he made his way for the hallway to give him some peace.

~~~~~~

It wasn’t long until the entire mansion knew.  Seeing Arthur and Dazai covered in blood was enough to ask what happened.  They were hesitant to say the truth at first.  Once Will saw all the faces of the two, he knew what the outcome was.

It was days before anyone could speak to Theo.  Comte was fully aware he was the last one Theo wanted to see but they needed to talk.  Comte knocked on the door to his room before entering.  Theo was sitting cross legged on his bed a bottle of whiskey in his lap.  He didn’t even bother to look up.

Comte pulled out the chair from his desk and sat across from him.  “Theo,” he let out a deep breath.  He was expecting Theo to get snippy back.  Telling him to leave.  Saying that he wants nothing to do with him.  But Theo didn’t move.

“It’s been three days, Theo.  We have to do something with his body,” it was hard to bring up.  His voice was low and soft.  He didn’t want to start an argument with him.  “As vampires, we normally burn the body for-”

“No,” Theo finally spoke out, cutting off Comte.  His head was hanging, Comte couldn’t see his face.  “I’m not letting you burn him.  I’m going to bury him.”

Comte knew there was no way to talk Theo out of this.  Just this once he knew he could let it slide.  He nodded.  “That’s fine.  Do you have a place in mind?”

It was silent for a moment.  “On the hill, where he’d always paint,” with the end of his words he brought the bottle to his lips.

With a sigh Comte got up and sat on his bed.  “Make sure you keep taking care of yourself.  Try to come out for dinner tonight,” he tried to get a glimpse of his face.  Theo didn’t say anything in response.  That gave Comte the hint to leave.

~~~~~~

The first time anyone in the mansion saw Theo after that was when they were going to bury Vincent.  Arthur and Dazai offered to dig the grave under a tree near the cliff.  You’re able to see the entire city from that hill.

Part of Theo didn’t even want to see his brothers body.  He wanted to remember Vincent as being happy and filled with joy.  Theo was taking his time getting up to the hill.  He so badly wanted to think this is all just a bad dream.  A really, really, really bad dream.

Getting nearer to the edge of the property, from the corner of his eye he saw something move, so he stopped walking to look.  It was Brush.  Theo nearly broke down just by seeing the little raccoon.  Brush scurried over to Theo’s feet and stood up.

Under any other circumstance he wouldn’t, but he picked up Brush and carried him.

Everyone was already up there.  He walked to the edge of the grave and kneeled down, letting go of Brush.  They had a coffin made.  He’s had to deal with this twice now.  How could he possibly not blame himself.

Arthur came up behind Theo and put a hand on his shoulder. “Holding up?”

Theo just simply nodded.  He knew very well that if he tried to talk he’d loose it.  He didn’t like being seen that way, but its not like anyone there would actually blame him.  Its hard for all of him, but especially Theo.

As the day went on everyone slowly left.  Theo ended up sitting in the grass, a tear or two escaping from his eyes every now and then.  The sun was setting and the last ones up on the hill were Theo, Arthur, Comte, and Leonardo. 

The purebloods weren’t going to leave Theo alone, and Arthur had the same thought.  Only Comte and Leonardo kept their distance, giving them space.  Arthur wasn’t planning on leaving his best friend’s side.

“Theo?  You ready?”  Arthur was holding a shovel, and there was another one in the pile of dirt.

“Y-yeah,” after sitting on the ground for hours he finally stood up.  Arthur couldn’t tell if his legs were wobbly from sitting for so long, or from drinking.  Maybe a mixture.

Theo grabbed the other shovel and tossed the first pile of dirt into the hole.  It took nearly a half hour to get all the dirt in place.  Arthur put an arm over his shoulders and  brought him close.  “Let’s get going.”

“You go ahead.  I’ll be right there.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you,” Theo just sighed.  “How about the pub?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” the words were barely audible. “Just, just give me a sec.”

Theo got down on the ground once again and stuck something in the dirt, said something Arthur couldn’t make out, and stood back up.  Arthur had to grab his arm to get him to start walking, or else he’d never move.

Comte and Leonardo noticed them walking in the other direction.  “Don’t worry.  Arthur will take care of him,” Leonardo assured.

Comte looked down at an envelope he had in his hand.  It was for Theo, but now isn’t a good time.

~~~~~~

It wasn’t until the next morning that Theo saw a piece of paper on his bed.  He didn’t remember last night at all, and now he has one hell of a hang over.  It had to be near noon at this point.

Sitting up he grabbed the envelope and opened it.  It’s a letter.

I’m sorry.  I know I’m a coward.  I really wanted to live again.  I really wanted to know what it was like to really live.  But I couldn’t.  Theo, you shouldn’t have to take care of me, or worry about me, I am the big brother after all.  Don’t beat yourself up.  I made this choice.  I made the choice to stop living.  It’s better this way.  I love you, broer.  I love all of you . . .

He couldn’t read anymore.  Tears were blocking his view.  He fell back down onto his bed and held on to his pillow as if his life depended on it.  Theo stayed hidden away for another week, and another, and another.

Everyone knew he would take it hard, but not this hard.  Arthur and Dazai eventually pulled Theo out of his room to go to the pub.  They were making sure Theo was taking care of himself.  Comte would do it himself, but there is no way Theo would listen to a word he said.  Its best coming from his friends.

~~~~~~

It’s spring.  Vincent’s favorite.  

Theo’s picked up plenty of bad habits in the past few months.  

Vincent would be ashamed.

You’d think that would be enough to get Theo to stop.  But he’s hoping one of these will eventually kill him.

Due to some bad storms, and Arthur and Dazai trying to get him back on his normal schedule, he hadn’t been able to visit the grave.

When he got tot he top of the hill, he smiled for the first time in months.

He had planted a sunflower seed at the head of his grave, and it was beginning to grow.

Masterlist

[darkacademicfrom2021]

The Dark Team (part 12)

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(Taglist: @lucywrites02, @louieboo87, @the-departed-potato, @jesuswasnotawhiteman, @idontknow296, @beksib, @spythoschei, @geekwritersworld, @whatafuckingdumbass, @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 @toe-vind-ek-jou @joscelyn02, @t00-pi, @irwxnhugsx)

Warnings: alcohol.

Disclaimer: pic not mine.

After the sun came completely down and the night bathed the city, making the flashing lights of the buildings and cars look like the sky had spat all of its stars, you gathered all your work and called it a day. Thor, Steve and Bucky were able to go through everything you told them to, and everything was in control. You had managed to solve a chaotic situation from the distance, and the pleasant feeling of doing things right gave you the last push to close your laptop and join Peter and Loki.

Opening one of the windows, you let the fresh wind hit your face and unfurrow your brows, releasing all the tensions you had been accumulating all week long. Peter sneaked up from outside the building and hung upside down from the frame. You gasped, forgetting for a brief moment he was sticky and not completely out of his mind.

“Are you joining us, older?”.

“Yes, little. I’m going”, you laughed at the comeback of the nicknames. Standing for older sibling and little sibling Tony had baptized you with, years ago. Loki chuckled.

“You two are the epitome of adorability, sometimes”.

“Oh, we can get worse”, you laughed.

You had ordered some food in, without wanting to ever touch the mess of that kitchen again, and a bottle of wine. Nobody was there, else than you three; might as well have fun. As you waited for dinner to arrive, you decided on a slide presentation night. You gave each other no more than twenty minutes to arrange it all, so the chaos would be absolute and uncontrollable.

Peter presented first, with a long powerpoint ranking things the Avengers did in “vine-vibes” ascending order. You two tried (and failed miserably) to explain to Loki what a vine was and why something would have its vibes without being actually a video.

Loki’s presentation was titled “Seven hundred reasons why you shouldn’t worship the God of Sparkly hands”. There were actually only six reasons; two of them were about mass murders he was about to commit, and most of them talked about annoying things he did as a child. There was an extra one where it was just a white background and tiny letters in the middle saying “he dyes his hair blonde, he’s actually a redhead”.

Your presentation was titled “Seven hundred and one reasons why you should worship me instead”. No need to elaborate. They all differed except for Friday; she clapped with her electronic hands.

Two board games and some chess later, the food had already arrived. Peter was famished and ate more than you could’ve imagined a boy was capable of. He got so full, so quickly, that he instantly got sleepy. Loki could not bite his tongue and had to say “just like a baby”. It did not help that you snorted, and Peter shot his webs at you two; Loki avoided them and you couldn’t, so you ended up stuck to the roof. Peter started to walk to his room, leaving you up there.

“Hey, hey! Don’t leave, I’m still here!”, you called him. But he was gone. What an avenger. Loki chuckled, and raised his hand to free you with magic, and you instantly realized you were six meters away from the floor. “Wait! I’ll fall!!”.

He didn’t stop, and dissolved the net with a simple spell. As you fell down, you closed your eyes and tried to cover your head, knowing you’d have at least a broken bone. Peter has done this before, you knew there was no way to actually leave unharmed. Loki’s arms tightened around your body, avoiding you to fall flat against the floor.

As you looked up, you met his face, closer than ever. Closer than it ever has been. Your heart skipped a beat, and you knew you had to think about something else than the feeling of his chest against yours, his hands in your back, how he was holding you so gently, how he was looking at you so dearly. You knew you had to think about something else; for he could be reading your mind. He surely was. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t stop focusing on his peach lips and how soft his cheeks looked from up close. You couldn’t see anything else than the movement of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed hard, and how his hand trembled a little in your back.

He let you down slowly, still holding eye contact, still with his arms around you. Not the threatening gaze he would hold against everyone else on the compound. Not the lustful gaze he would sometimes draw while stealing some glances at you changing on your suit (he thought you didn’t notice, you certainly did). Not the concentrated gaze he would hold still on his face while reading one of those books he always carried around.

It wasn’t any of those. You had studied them thoroughly, meticulously, every inch of his facial expressions, every inch of his being while he wasn’t aware of your eyes on him. God, how you hated to look at him this way, but how much you couldn’t avoid it. Your brain knew you shouldn’t get attached. You had no chance at all to be with him; he was a God, a criminal, and he’d go back to Asgard. And, foremost, he didn’t feel the same. He had a lover, and his mind was still there, stuck in that person, undeletable.

And, as much as you could have read him like a children’s book the entirety of the past week, right now, you had no clue what those green eyes on you meant. You had no idea why the blush on his cheeks was in there, and why he let out a tiny (the tiniest, ever so subtle) gasp. Parted lips that shone, looked so…

You shook your head, closing your eyes. He didn’t let go of his grip around you, but your feet were already on the floor. You could’ve walked away if you wanted to. And you wanted to, you definitely did not want to stay there, and sink your nose in his neck. You certainly did not want to play with his hair while staring at those pair of emeralds he couldn’t keep away from you. You couldn’t read him. He looked at you in a way you’ve never seen him before. Yet it felt so… right.

No, it wasn’t right. God, what were you thinking?

He pulled away, and the cold breeze from the window surrounded your body. You didn’t realize how much body heat he was warming you with until he left. Or maybe it was your own. Your face was still burning. You visibly cringed at your reaction, and could not play it cool at all. He chuckled, again, and walked to the kitchen.

You didn’t say anything. Your face still burned, and your chest was tight. You haven’t felt like this in a long time, why now? Why in the middle of an important mission? Why just now, that he specifically told you he would not stay, and that once he left he would not come back? Why now, that he was opening a bottle of wine in the kitchen, and pouring it in two glasses?

Opening the balcony’s doors, there were two metal chairs (those with delicate designs, that would usually belong to a grandma’s garden) and a round and tiny glass table, just waiting for you two to sit there. You needed fresh air, so you did, sinking in all the city, the active flashlights of the cars, the minute people running around, or walking.

Two glasses of wine clicked against the glass table, and Loki sat in front of you with his eyes fixed on the city, too. You observed him from the corner of your eye, and he did the same. A subtle smile drew across his tightened lips.

After a glass of wine, a refill and about an hour of small talk, he uncrossed his legs and stretched his arms and back with a yawn. The blush still remained intact on his cheeks, and it couldn’t be because of the wine. If you weren’t drunk, much less him. He looked back at you, and chuckled uncomfortably.

“What?”, he asked.

“What what?”.

“You’re staring”.

“Oh, sorry”.

“No, it’s fine”, he said, and you furrowed your brows. He specified, “I don’t mind. I wonder what you’re thinking while you stare, nothing more”.

“So you’re not reading my mind?”.

“No. You said you didn’t like that”.

“Ah”, you gave your glass of wine one last sip and emptied it. It was such a simple gesture, yet you didn’t expect him to actually have listened. Of course he would, he wasn’t actually as bad as he was portrayed by Stark, or so you have seen so far of him. “I just… I wonder about you”.

“About what?”.

“You’re difficult to read. My job here is mainly knowing how to read people”, you explained, and he nodded. “It’s almost like you’re purposely hiding. Like you’re shifting your microexpressions into whatever they are now, so nobody can see what you actually think or feel”. He let out a short chest laugh. Probably sarcastic, but how would you know.

“Who would actually want to know what goes through my mind?”.

“I do, just told you”.

He looked down and played with the empty glass in between his fingers. It looked small in comparison.

“You don’t want to, believe me”.

“Are you afraid of letting people in?”.

“No, it’s not that”, he said, trying to let you know he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You ignored it and opened your mouth, but the words died in your tongue as he added, “please, don’t”.

“I wish I knew you better”, you said after a few more minutes of silence. You swore you heard a creaking foot on the stairs, peeping in the conversation. You ignored it; if Loki was to talk to you, he would also say it in front of Peter. Not like you had some sort of special bond, or even friendship. You kind of wished for it, though.

“Why?”. His knitted eyebrows showed how actually curious he was about that. He believed you. He was certain you were telling the truth, but he simply couldn’t put his head around it. Why would anyone want to know me better? What is it about me that you care? And you wished to know the reason, too. If you knew why you were so drawn to him, maybe you could’ve stopped yourself.

“I feel like I’m missing out on something”.

“Something like what?”.

“Something great”.

“There is no greatness in me, it’s all an act”.

“I know it’s all an act”, you said, referring to his whole I’m a God and you’ll kneel before me and I’m superior. “I don't mean that kind of greatness. You’re hiding the wrong things”.

“You’re not missing out on anything”, he insisted, and not for humility, but because he wanted to brush you off. Keep you away from him.

“Don’t you think we could ever get along? Friends, even?”, you pressured. You knew you shouldn’t have, but Loki didn’t take it badly. Instead, he finally looked at you, drawing a sad smile.

“I’m going back to Asgard after the mission. I don’t intend to make new friends”, he said, but a softness in his voice hinted he wasn’t being mean; simply stating the facts. Exactly as it should be.

“Why did you come only for this mission?”, you asked. You actually wanted to ask do you even have friends back there?, but you knew better.

“I owe Stark. I messed up and wanted to fix at least something with him. He’s not taking it too kindly, but I think he understands the intentions”, he explained, sitting back up on his chair and getting his eyes back on the city.

“A peace offering?”.

“More like an apology. Redemption, even”.

“Redemption? Do you see yourself as a villain to him?”.

He didn’t answer right away. Took his time to find the words.

“I wronged. I did things I shouldn’t have”, and then you realized, he wasn’t apologizing for the New York incident. It was personal. You even wondered, maybe… was he…? Was Tony actually the...? No, imposible. “I know helping out on a mission won’t cut it, but if I can at least be a little bit of help to his planet…”.

“May I ask what did you wrong him in?”.

“I tried to take over Midgard once”, he said, and you didn’t believe him.

“If you ask me, it’s not Stark’s place to accept that apology. He doesn’t own the planet, even though he thinks that”.

“Does he?”.

“He acts like such, at least. He has a big ego, but also a big heart. He’s the closest thing I have to a father”.

“I know”, and you weren’t sure what he had said I know to.

The night was kept awake with more small talk you wouldn’t remember the next day. You saw the sun rising from behind the buildings in silence, with a bad aftertaste of wine, takeout food and unspoken words that would stay just like that.

[pomegranates-and-blood]

νοσταλγία (Chapter 30)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: The usual

A/N: Like eleven things happen in the course of one chapter. I’m sorry lol

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius​ @heavenly1927​ @toe-vind-ek-jou​ @xbellaxcarolinax​ @pieces-by-me​ @angelofthorr​ @samsationalwilson​  @peachyboneless​ @1950schick​ @punkrocknpearls​ @ietss​   @itsmysticalmystery​ @revolution-starter​​ @chibisgotovalhalla​

Ivar crawls over you, cages you against the cold ground, his lips a breath away from yours, “Half a kingdom for a promise...”

When you wake up the next morning, luckily free of any dreams you can remember, you are rather surprised by how not even Ivar getting out of bed, getting dressed, or the thralls that are walking around the room were able to wake you up.

And, of course, Ivar notices.

“Are you well?”

“Of course I am,” You reply easily, going through the motions of your day and slipping into the warm blue dress. When you pick the earrings and trinkets to wear today and walk back to your husband, you are greeted with a murmur of your name. After a deep breath, you amend, “Dreams, nothing more. I promise.”

“Don’t hide things from me.” Ivar reminds you, and you accept his words, feeling strangely reprimanded.

You start putting on the blue earrings you like to believe are the ones Ubbe gifted you shortly after your wedding, you muse, “‘Half a kingdom for a promise, half a soul for a ring’. That’s what they say about my Goddess, and her…”

“Marriage?”

“Abduction,” You correct, turning your back to him and trying and failing to suppress a shiver as he moves your hair out of the way with ease, fingers skimming over the bare skin of your back. “She had only to vow to be Lord Hades’ wife to earn half a kingdom, yet she had to give up half of her soul to bear his ring.

You toy with your own wedding ring absently, a nervous gesture you have found yourself doing more than once ever since Ivar first put it on your finger.

“You think that’s a bad deal?” Ivar insists, voice low by your ear, “She was made Queen.”

“Not fully, she…she is not fully anything. Not fully his, because he gives her up each spring, not fully her mother’s, who still mourns her every winter. Not dead, not alive. Nothing.”

“Or everything,” Ivar whispers, and he tugs a little harder on the laces of your dress, a playful reminder you ought to straighten your back. “I’d think you more than anyone would understand the privilege of being fully bound to nothing.”

“It wouldn’t be a privilege. I don’t know who I’d be, if…” If Fate weren’t tearing me in two.

“You could have been happy.” Ivar offers, voice low. You have a feeling he not only speaks of you and the circumstances of your life and what they made out of you.

You close your eyes, and let silence reign, because there’s no answer you can give that doesn’t lie.

Before you take your leave, you gather your strength, what your mother called your Athenian nobility, and call out Ivar’s name.

“You said I have your trust,” You start, certain steps taking you to the dresser where the golden snake a very skilled craftsman made into a bracelet lays. Without hesitation, you grab it, and put it on, on the same wrist Ivar did when he gifted it to you. “I want to talk with some men that arrived a few days ago. They come from Greece.”

He stops by the door, turning to you with a frown, “Your home?”

“Macedonia, further North from my-...from Eleusis. I want to know what…what the Gods have made of my land, of Greece. They surely have information.”

Ivar considers you for a few moments, before sighing, and limping towards a chair, where he sits.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he narrows his eyes, “I trust you, but I am far from an idiot.”

“If I were intending to fool you, I wouldn’t be telling you this.”

His head tilts to the side as he regards you. After a few moments, Ivar frowns and turns to you, “Am I the one being tested now?”

You offer him the same words he did once, “Can you blame me for my curiosity?”

Ivar considers your words, before accepting them with a movement of his head.

“Fine. But I want to be there.”

____

“The world you left behind isn’t the one it is now, Eleusinian.” The man tells you, offering a shrug. Your eyebrows lift, and you wonder if you ought to be offended, if there’s truly an edge of accusation behind the man’s words.

“Then tell her about it, hm?” Ivar presses, eyes set on the man that spoke, making something quite close to fear cross his features.

“I-I don’t know much.” The man stammers, but you step closer.

“It’s alright, I-…just tell me what you know.”

He shrugs, “There was an invasion by the Byzantine Empire on Laconia. It was all done on the orders of the Patriarch of Constantinople. To convert the…pagans of Laconia.”

The same crusade was sent to Attica, and they razed it all. They killed, and defiled, and burned. They won.

You grit your teeth, but force yourself to keep your voice steady as you press,

“And?”

“Sparta was well aware of the army they sent, they…prepared, and they fought. Anax Lysander was victorious. They burnt the Christians alive, left their bodies high up in the walls, for everyone to see.”

You smile slightly, brokenly. Leave it to Lysander to remind the Christians of their sins, burning their defeated warriors like they once burnt you. Who would have thought the mighty Anax of Laconia was capable of sentimentality?

“Those Athenians will not let you fight,” The Anax stands, arms crossed over his broad chest. “They will never follow a woman into battle.”

“I will not fight, Lysander,” You argue, “I do not need to.”

“Ah, I’ve heard that tone before,” Lysander’s mother chuckles, weathered skin wrinkling with her smile. Even her smile, you notice, is coated in iron and blood, backed by the mettle that makes Spartan women famous as they are. “You have your mother’s ambitions, child.”

“And my father’s drive. I do not come here empty handed, expecting Sparta to accept me without giving something in exchange.”

“And what is it you offer, sweet one?”

“An army,” You turn to your cousin, “Narses, the Strategus of Attica, he has put his men at my disposal.”

“For us to…what? Retake Greece from the Empire and their God?”

You smile. You know it is madness, you know it is a lost cause, but you still smile. And Lysander returns the smile, hungry and mad.

The man nods, slightly comforted, or reassured, it seems, by your smile.

“If I may,” One of the men says, stepping forward. He bows his head in greeting when he comes to stand before you, before speaking, “The Empire retreats from Spartan land. Your cousin has bought our lands and your Gods a few decades, with this display. The caliph recognizes Laconian independence from the Empire, if only because they have a common enemy. So do the Kievan Rus, and the Rashidun.”

You simplify his words with a phrase, and yet you know as you utter the words that you are standing there, begging for them to confirm it as true, to reassure you there’s no lie, no twist, in this.

“Laconia is free of the Empire. O-Of their God.”

The Macedonian man smiles, and nods his head, “It is free.”

You over your mouth as a sob threatens to leave your lips. Free.

The man bows his head again in a sign of respect.

“We honor your fight, even if we do not share your drive. May your Gods keep you, and our home.”

You nod your head, but you can’t say anything. Free.

“You can leave.” Ivar says somewhere behind you, but it sounds like you’re underwater.

The men leave, and you cannot move. Not because you don’t want to, but because you don’t think you can control your own body right now. Free.

Ivar stands before you, eyes searching yours. You cannot stop shaking.

You think you say his name, your voice small and broken.

His hand finds the back of your head, you think he is trying to soothe you with the soft caress of his rough hand on your hair.

A murmur of your name, and you can only look at him with wide eyes, begging him to have an answer to the chaos that brews inside you.

Ivar brings you to him, quickly and roughly, and you think dazedly that you wouldn’t have been able to thaw if he hadn’t made you move. Your face is pressed against his chest and you feel you can finally breathe since you’ve heard the word free.

Your hands scramble for purchase against him, and your breaths are quick and out of your control, and you…you…

The jarring movement of Ivar’s left arm as he thrusts his crutch deep into the ground, as if to find a way to keep you both upright, makes something break within you.

The panicked breaths become sobs, and you shut your eyes tight. You cry, you cry for the grief you carried for so long, you cry for the nostalgia that chokes you, you cry for the relief of being finally free of the flames.

Ivar doesn’t say anything, or if he does, you don’t hear it.

His free hand is warm and certain at the back of your head, keeping you safe and whole as you hold on desperately to him, trying to find any semblance of certainty in the world that has turned upside down.

Or maybe it is upright, for once, for the first time since they dragged your mother out of that temple and set her alight in front of you.

Free. Laconia is free of the Empire, of the Christians and their God.

You started a war you knew was doomed from the start, a war for the freedom you deserved, for the freedom your Gods had promised you. You hoped, you dreamt, you prayed, you died for that freedom; but deep down you always knew that it wasn’t a war you could win.

You believed for a while, when the pain of the burns was not so fresh on your body but still fresh on your mind, that maybe you weren’t meant to survive this war, that maybe you wouldn’t live to see the day the Gods were rightfully honored again. That maybe you’d die defeated and afraid in some realm that belonged to no one but the Christian God.

Each soul you lost on the way…their ghosts have haunted you with the memory of your failure, taunting you that for your arrogance and your pride you started a doomed war that only brought death and chaos to your home.

And there aren’t words to speak of the weight you feel lifted of your shoulders, and you can only grasp with shaking hands at whatever you can reach of Ivar, hoping he can somehow keep you from disappearing.

For so long, to so many people, you were nothing but the symbol of their hopeless fight, nothing but the rallying call of an already-lost war. And now, the fight proves not hopeless at all, the war isn’t lost yet.

And you feel like you’ll unravel at the seams, you feel like all the hopes and expectations and titles they put over your head, around your wrists and ankles, will disappear and prove you are nothing without them.

You know Laconia isn’t Attica, you know the war against the Christians will not end for many years, if ever; but…it is a victory.

You realize as your breaths slow, that when you once would have resented not being a part of a victory in this war, now all you can feel is relief.

Because as you loosen your hold on the Viking that seems to be trying more than anything to keep you standing and realize he might as well be the reason Fate hasn’t torn you in two yet; as past the mist of panic and chaos and emotion you find the peace that comes with knowing they don’t need you to fight or to win; you cannot help but take a breath and send the Gods you’ve given everything for a single plea.

To let another be the symbol of the fight, let another be the rallying call of the free Greeks. Let another fight and die, you have done so already.

To let you live. Let you choose, let you be free, too.

“Thank you.” You whisper when all that reigns between you and Ivar is silence.

Ivar’s hand moves down from the back of your head, settles somewhere at your back. His chin rests at the top of your head, and you feel him sigh.

“Don’t. I’m not here for gratitude.” He tells you gruffly, stubbornly, giving you back the same words you told him mere days ago.

____

You watch the men train, so differently from the orderly soldiers you would ogle as a teen back in your homeland. They go after one another brutally, grunts and shoves and yells and if blood is drawn then so be it.

You try it deny the part of you that is intrigued by it all, but apparently it cannot be hidden even from the Prince that stands at your side overlooking the training as well, judging from the chuckle he lets out.

“Different from you peace-loving Greeks, isn’t it?” He boasts, looking at the warriors with something akin to pride.

You offer a smile and a nod, “Quite.”

After a few moments of silence, he turns his head towards you, eyeing you for a few moments. You turn to him as well, the question written in your eyes going unanswered. The man instead walks ahead, reaching for a shield and an axe.

“Women in your homeland aren’t allowed to fight, are they?” He questions, turning to you.

Excitement that you try to bring down courses through you as you answer with a shake of your head. He tosses you the shield. It is heavier than you thought.

“We ought to care for the home.” You offer as explanation, but he laughs.

“Can’t you do both?” The Prince taunts, testing the weight of the axe in his hand. Nodding to the shield you hold, he instructs, “Defend yourself.”

“What?” You ask, panicked, but he has already lounged. The axe swings with a lot of strength but is stopped by the shield you raise just in time. “Gods!”

Even your leg suffers the strain of holding your stance when his weapon lodges in the wood. You hear Hvitserk chuckle.

“Now, push back,” He orders, and you are about to follow his command, putting all your strength in your torso to push him back, but his foot finds your leg and brings you to the ground. You let out a groan of pain as your back collides with the hard earth, and he chuckles, again, “That was for telling them about Thora, sister.”

“Don’t call me that.”

He offers you a hand to help you up, but you refuse it. This turns his smile a little proud, you dare say, as he readies his stance again and regards you with interest in his dark eyes.

You raise the shield the way he instructed you to you offer him a smile of your own. Hvitserk goes through axes and swords, gives you a smaller and a bigger shield. His short phrases telling you how to stand, where to put your strength help you, but after a while your body, unused to this, begs for retrieve.

When the Viking knocks you off your feet for the fourth time in a short while, he puts the axe back in the rack where he took it from, and offers you a hand to stand up.

“Turns out that fighting is as hard as it looks. Thrilling.” You dead pan, licking your lips and wondering why you taste blood.

The Prince smiles your way and tugs on a lock of your hair that by now has fallen in complete disarray and no longer resembles the traditional updo you worked on this morning.

“This won’t work if you want to learn to fight,” He laughs, “Don’t you know how to braid your hair?”

“Sit.” The Varangian asks, motioning behind her.

“No.” You state back, arms crossed. Her green eyes flash with fury for a moment before she sighs, running an inked hand over her face and attempting again.

“Sit, child.”

“I do not need to learn because I will not wear war braids, Sie-…”

Her expression when she lifts her eyes again to yours silences you quickly.

“Sit.” She orders.

You do. It never hurts to learn, after all, right?

She teaches your fingers to move with voice alone, and when you tug a little too hard, when you catch a knot and end up with a tuft of hair in your brush, she says nothing. She just grunts and tells you to start from the beginning.

You learn to make war braids, learn family is what we make it. Learn the Varangian is a mother to you, by Fate if not by blood.

“I do,” You reply, trying to ignore the pang in your heart at the reminder of the gently brutish woman that spared your life and raised you. “But we wear them differently in my homeland.”

He raises his eyebrows in question, and in a moment of confidence you do not have you motion for the wooden steps at the entrance of the longhouse, offering to show him.

Hvitserk laughs, but nods his head, “Alright, show me your magic, witch.”

You sit behind him and work meticulously on disarming the braids at the sides of his head, before moving upwards and separating the last one.

“You’re fast at that.” He notes.

You hum in response, focused on your task. Your fingers make quick work of his soft hair, finding it incredibly easier to disentangle than Sieghild’s. 

You start with the small braids by the sides of his head that would fall loose like a woman’s curls to frame his face, trying to recall the hair you saw actors of Leonidas wear when you were young.

You lose track of time as you work on his hair, but judging by the way he asks for an apple to one of the passing merchants and starts eating quietly, you do not think he is in a hurry.

While you are working on the braid that makes the hair move back and away from his face, you feel a tap on one of your knees where they rest one on each side of Hvitserk’s body.

“About Ivar’s decision to give me time to avoid losses in Strepshire,” The Prince starts swiftly, “Thank you.”

“I did nothing, Hvitserk.” You mutter back, but find your work interrupted when Hvitserk tilts his head back to look you in the eyes, skepticism written all over his face.

“Why do I find that hard to believe?” He sentences dryly, almost resting the top of his head against your stomach and messing up the braids, so you roll your eyes and push him so that his head is upright again.

“Because in my experience you sons of Ragnar are incredibly odd in your relations with one another.”

He laughs at your words, and you think it is an acceptance of them. “You don’t know half of it.”

From an errant thread of your own sleeve you manage to close the loose knot of braids at the back of his head. Although these people’s hairs are straighter and thicker than the ones you worked on back home, Hvitserk still could look like one of the depictions of young King Leonidas you saw when you visited Athens.

When you release his hair and lean back, he immediately reaches up to touch the braids, scrunching up his face.

“It’s strange.”

“It’s what we peace-loving Greeks wear.” You smile, correcting your work with a few light touches.

The Prince stands up and you do the same, but he still wears that uncomfortable expression on his face.

“I hate this.” He mumbles, looking indignantly at a minuscule braid that falls to frame his face.

“I don’t blame you,” You reply, shrugging. “I can disarm it, if you like.”

His eyes stray from yours and his eyebrows lift.

“I think you do not have any more time.” Hvitserk offers with the beginning of a knowing smile on his lips.

When you look over your shoulder you catch the King’s angry gaze set on you. Ivar stands unmoving by the entrance to the training grounds, making you question how long has he been watching you interact with his brother.

“Oh.”

“You see, I have dealt with…that my whole life. It’s your turn, witch.”

You watch him take his leave, and don’t miss the way the King’s eyes follow his brother as he walks past him. You are almost certain words are said, but you cannot hear them. Even then, this only seems to make Ivar even more angry, nostrils flaring and lips pressed into a thin line, but his eyes quickly return to you, silently berating you for breaking a rule he didn’t set.

Still, you take a deep breath and walk towards the King. Before you have a chance to speak, his growled words reach your ears.

“What did he tell you?”

“Huh?” You ask, dumbfounded. He takes another step closer, the movement of his shoulders as he moves his crutch only helping remind you of that injured Lynx you stumbled into as a young girl. “He didn’t tell me anything.”

“I don’t want you spending time with my brother.”

“Well, I don’t recall asking for your permission.”

He holds your gaze for a few moments, nostrils flared and eyes cold and yet furious; but eventually just grunts for you to come with him. You do, and you bite your tongue and keep silent as you do so, even if you itch to talk.

“You and Hvitserk seemed…content,” He starts, a muffled grunt leaving his chest when he moves his braced legs. If you weren’t so weirded out by his choice of words you would ask him if he’s in pain. Either way, the King soon continues, “Must be that he’s not a monster keeping you captive, right?”

“What?” You frown, stopping when he does. Ivar turns to look at you with fury in his eyes, however held by the mask of cold and distance of the King of Kattegat.

“Is that not what you think, hm?” He asks through a smile as false as it is cruel, “You have no interest in being at a monster’s side, isn’t that right?” It feels strangely like having your own words spit back at you, but you cannot dwell on it, for Ivar steals your focus and breath as he moves. None of the usual grace in his movements and another muffled grunt leaving his lips, he crosses the distance between you. You hold your ground, even as he towers over you with the eyes of a man that would kill for less offenses than yours, “You have been wishing and praying for a way out, but you won’t get one.”

You feel your heart beating wildly in your chest, and your temper begs to rise to meet his, to argue back with just as much fire and return as much as you get.

But, you force yourself to keep your calm, looking into his eyes and trying to see what is making him say these things. Surely it was not seeing you and Hvitserk together? No, this is something else, something else entirely.

“What…what brought this on?”

“You’ve blinded me, and you know it. Did the same to that poor bastard you promised to marry. I won’t let you-…” He snarls back at you, eyes blazing and mouth curled too alike an animal baring its teeth. Even though he stops himself, you hear the words he doesn’t say: I won’t let you tell me one day that it was all a lie. With an even lower voice, he reminds you, “Give me reason to believe you’ve betrayed me, and I won’t keep any promises I made to you.”

“Don’t threaten me. That’s not-…this is not what I want, for us to fight.” You try, your hands tightening to fists to keep your anger at bay. When you look into his eyes, you know he also hears the words you don’t say, it isn’t what you want either.

A clench in his jaw, his eyes hardening, his voice low as he speaks, “What do you want, then? What will you ask for now, hm?”

“Honesty.” You reply without hesitation, voice low.

To your surprise, Ivar tilts his head to the side, and accepts your words with a gesture of his mouth. It all looks awfully performative, false, an act, and you stand your ground, ready for whatever it is that he has driven himself mad with.

“Alright, let’s be honest, wife,” His gaze pierces into yours, and his mouth curls into a snarl, “How long did you wait for someone to come save you before you lost hope?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You have kept your eyes on the people coming and going, on the ones close enough to your homeland. You have been waiting patiently for a chance to have them take you to your home, have them save you from me. But it never happened, did it?”

The edge in his voice, the bite, the tone, it all reminds you of that first dinner you had with him here in Kattegat. It reminds you of manic words, of deluded convictions.

“You sound…”

Ivar smile manages to make you feel cold and small. And you realize that is exactly what he wants, that was the game he was playing, the part he was playing. To corner you into defeat.

“Like a mad man?” His smile trembles, and for a moment you see the mask slip, for a moment you see him, and you see the fear, you see the pain, you see the desperation. But Ivar pushes, “That’s what happened, isn’t it? You waited and waited for someone to come save you, and when they didn’t you…” He gestures with his hand, the nonchalance in the gesture completely lost at the rage written in his eyes, “Caved.”

“Caved?”

He shrugs, but you see past the façade, “Agreed to play pretend, to…to keep the monster happy, to keep yourself safe.”

“I don’t cave, Ivar.”

His smile is mocking, “Oh, but you do. You like to pretend you don’t, your insufferable pride likes to pretend you don’t. But you do, and you have,” Ivar nods to himself, the cruel smile on his lips earning a manic edge you haven’t seen in a while. He presses, “Will you deny that’s what you saw in me? I thought you wouldn’t lie to me, wife.”

“I thought those things when everything was different!” You insist, gesturing with your powerless arms and not caring if someone is to hear.

Ivar moves closer again, and this time you meet his stride, also stepping the distance between you and looking into his eyes. Your Gods and his both know you may lose a battle of power with him, of strength, of courage. But not one of wills.

He will have to kill you to have you relent.

Still, he insists, and if the mask slips, if the so tightly held control vanishes through his fingers, if the armor cracks, if his questions are true and not cruel tricks, who can truly know?

“How are things different? How is any different how you see me now than before? To you I still am the monster that imprisoned you, nothing changed since the first time you saw me.”

“No. Ivar, if you’re a monster…what does that make me? I stand by your side, I trust you, I-…”

It makes you a monster too.

But the woman that lured Narses to the cliff the Varangians pushed him off of, the woman that accepted the thrill of war knowing she would lose and die, that woman was a monster already, and didn’t have anything to do with Ivar.

Maybe you both are monsters, maybe you’ve just been playing at being human.

The thought doesn’t unsettle you as much as it should.

Ivar holds your gaze, before he takes his eyes from yours with a breath that seems to shudder past parted lips. You keep your attention on his expression, on the tremble of his brows, on the conflict between vulnerability and anger.

After a few breaths you hold, Ivar lowers his head, leans closer, quietens his voice,

“Tell me things have changed. Tell me I’m not...seeing things.”

You cannot help the foolish and hopeless beating of your heart, that both soars and breaks at his despairing request. The words that that same foolish heart wants you to say back are at the tip of your tongue, held back by sheer will even as Ivar’s uncertain and unmoored blue eyes look into yours looking for…anything.

But you can’t give in. If you give words to it, if you name things you make them real, and if the flutter in your heart, if the emotion tight in your chest, if the truth even your mind accepts are real, then you are nothing, you’ve failed your legacy, your homeland, your people.

But you cannot return to fighting, to this mad chase for a freedom that never was and never could be.

Because you know the bindings keeping you tethered to Greece are as punishing and as suffocating as those Ivar first set on your wrists. Learning of Laconia’s victory wouldn’t have felt the way it did, you wouldn’t have threatened to break when the chains loosened, if you weren’t a prisoner to them as much as you are to Ivar.

And you’ve realized you are also nothing of without Sieghild, without her guidance and her Gods, without Kattegat and all the freedoms it has granted you, without…without Ivar.

So you look into his eyes, and you can’t do what your heart tells you to, but you can’t do nothing. So you step closer, you lay a hand on his chest, let your palm rest over his heart.

Your voice is hushed, “Everything changed. O-Or maybe nothing did, and I just don’t lie to myself anymore,” You take a breath, and after a moment you offer a helpless shrug, “Maybe we changed. You aren’t the man that put chains on me and forced my hand, I’m not the woman that would have ran from you at the first opportunity.”

Ivar’s eyes search yours, but it seems the fight leaves him for once, and he bites back the anger. Still, he grits his teeth, his head moves with a gesture of annoyance -that you dare think is at himself- and he huffs an angry breath.

Ivar stops leaning so close to you, and with a stab of his crutch on the wooden floor that looks more forceful than need be, he turns his back to you, and leaves you behind.

____

Two things: one, yes I probably broke the poor reader, I didn’t plan it but hey, these characters do what they want at this point, and two, I think somewhere in between I also broke Ivar, also didn’t plan it but hey, fuck it. These two wanna rush like three chapters ahead? Fine, go ahead, I suppose.

Bright side is, look at them argue and giving in/being honest instead of screaming their heads off! :P

Oh, and the Laconia stuff is just me playing loose with history, but Laconia was able to withstand the Slavic invasions of the 9th century and remained pagan till the 10th. I’d have to check, cause I decided on this plot point a long time ago and I can’t remember, but I think there was a failed attempt at christianization in the 9th.

Thank you so much for reading, I love you!!

[rokutouxei]

speaking your language

part 5 of atelier heart

ikemen vampire: temptation in the dark theo van gogh/mc, vincent | T |  2506 | [ao3 in bio]

spoiler warning: key plot points mentioned in chapter 10 and 15 are used in this fic, with the vaguest hint of chapter 24 at the tail end.

also: my deepest apologies to people who actually speak dutch, i’m taking all of your con/crit with an open heart.

The first Dutch word you’d ever learned was hondje.

Dog, you’d learned. Or puppy. Not the worst first word to learn in a new language, but definitely up there if one considers the fact that it was meant to refer to you. It’s not that bad, though, and puppies are pretty cute, so it was easy to let it slide.

Then, knabbeltje. A snack, a little nibble. Not that Theo has any interest in taking any bite at you. He’s made that clear from the first night. For someone who’s so good at smooth talking his clients, that was a weird word to use for you, you’d thought. But, Theo has his reasons, you supposed.

Which is exactly what makes you so keen into learning the language.

You’ve learned that a little bribery can get you a long way when it comes to Theo—as in, get him invested and you’re good to go—so that morning, you take the extra effort. You rise earlier than you’ve ever done to prepare pancakes for him, whipping the egg whites with as much vigor as you can muster to ensure that the pancakes are as fluffy as humanly possible. You make sure every portion is peak jiggly, and they are, because you can’t help but tap them contentedly on the plate as they cooled, watching them wobble. Then, like a cherry on top, you take out the special pancake syrup you’d bought the day before, having come with Sebastian to buy groceries, the one you’d chosen specifically for Theo. (And oh, only for Theo, because no other mansion resident with the right mind about sugar would dare try it.)

You try to keep it a secret as long as you can, presenting the plate of sweet goodness to Theo once he’s come down from his room. The both of you are alone at the dining table, because it’s still way too early. He’s already dressed and ready to go, even if it’s just six-thirty a.m., and if he has a comment about you being already up when you usually aren’t, he holds it back.

Good choice—you want him to focus on the pancakes, and a smile erupts on both of your faces when he begins to munch happily away on the syrup-drenched disaster of a plate. The sigh he makes goes straight under your skin.

But you can’t let your guard down, because you still have a mission, and that is: to convince him.

When his shoulders relax, you finally pop the question.

“Won’t you please teach me some Dutch?”

Theo’s fork hovers in front of his mouth. “What?”

Over the past week, you’d learned two basic Dutch phrases from Theo, in the notes he’d written for you. Tot ziens, which he said meant goodbye for now, and Dank je, thank you. That makes four total things you can now say in Dutch. Not much, but clearly already much more than what you started with. You belatedly realize you don’t actually have a reason you can dare tell him as to why you want to learn Dutch, but never mind that.

“I said, won’t you teach me some Dutch, sometime?” you repeat. “I still have three weeks to spend out here, and while my French and English are pretty fine, I can’t really keep up with your Dutch. I thought it wouldn’t be so bad to learn, especially since you’re bringing me along to work anyway.”

Cringe. That wasn’t a good reason, you were sure. But maybe the pancakes will make Theo’s steel heart a little more malleable for your favor.

What other reasons do you have? Well, maybe he’ll be able to better explain to you certain things about art and their work if he reverts to his mother tongue, right? There are certain things translations miss, after all, and maybe if you learned the language, it’ll be much easier on the both of you? Oh, wait, but does that mean you’ll be intruding on the shared, perhaps too-personal language he shares with his brother? Oh, no, that wasn’t what you meant. Maybe—

“Dutch syllables are very different from English and French,” Theo says, instead, after a long moment, a not-really yes or no.

You narrow your eyes with his response, but quickly realize maybe he’s just testing your will to do it. You are motivated. Learning languages are fun. “That’s fine, nothing practice won’t conquer. It’s really not cute that all I know how to say is stuff like dog and snack.” He snorts. “I mean, if you’re not up to it…”

Theo sighs. A sigh of defeat. “Okay, but you’ll have to work hard for it.”

You grin. That morning, you learn pannenkoek and siroop.

-

The learning curve for languages always differ according to the person, their own mother tongue, the language itself, and of course the work one puts into studying it, but one factor that really ups the vocabulary and grammar retention is being able to hear the language being spoken, rather regularly. This is how you end up having Vincent help you out with your little adventure in learning Dutch.

Having gotten used to conversing in French to each other, the brothers take time to adjust switching to their mother tongue for you. But when you’re looking at them with amazement exchanging words you can barely say, much less understand, there’s little they can’t do.

(Theo is mortified to have to surrender to it, but when he’s transparent to his brother, does he have any other choice?)

All of this happens just in time for the preparation for the exhibit to begin. The three of you spend much time together, selecting paintings, planning the exhibit orders, looking for themes. The two decide that this isn’t just a good opportunity to learn, it might also be in your best interests if they team-teach you the language.

Counting the paintings, Vincent teaches you the basics, hauling canvas after canvas going—een, twee, drie, vier, vijf, zes, zeven, acht, negen, tien. With the chosen paintings laid out on the floor, you point out colors and he teaches you their names—rood, oranje, geel, groen, blauw, paars, roze. He teaches you how to introduce yourself, say your name, teaches you greetings, basic nouns, the kind you will learn in introductory Dutch classes in universities if you were back in the 21st century. Vincent is gentle and kind and claps when you get the words right. (It makes you feel like a child. The word is kind.)

Theo, on the other hand, focuses on teaching you things related to the work at hand: een gallerij, een tentoonstelling, een schilderij—of course, a gallery, an exhibit, a painting. Teaches you words to describe the things you see, like mooi, for beautiful, and interessant, for interesting. He corrects your grammar, teaches you how to say, “let’s go home” or “I’m hungry, let’s eat”. When you don’t get the phrase right, he gives you a look, completely ignoring what you’d just said until you finally say it right. He corrects your pronunciation to the best of both your abilities.

He’s also found great joy in teaching you phrases before telling you what it means, and that’s how you’ve practiced saying misschien ben ik een hond die een jurk draagt as if you were a dog wearing a dress.

But you hear his laughter and it doesn’t matter as much.

-

Theo buys you a notebook to compile the words you’ve learned. In only a few days, you’ve amassed a wide range of words you now sprinkle throughout your sentences like a playful multilingual. You’ve gotten odd stares, sure, but it’s always better to keep using the words you’ve learned, because that’s how you make it seem natural.

So far, though, for the ones you’ve learned, it’s the Dutch verbs that are trickier than you expected. The conjugations keep tripping you up. They seem simple, and in fact a lot of them sound pretty close to their English counterparts, but Theo’s stares and (im)patient waiting for you to correct what you’ve said betray your misuse of them over and over again.

So at night, you practice. Staan for stand. Zeggen for say. Helpen for help. Leren, for learn.

Blijven, for stay.

Sorting Vincent’s paintings at the gallery Marquis Vollard had lent you, you bump shoulders with Theo and ask, “How do I say, ‘I love this’, in Dutch?” as you pull out a canvas from the stack.

“Ik hou hiervan.”

“Hmm.” You put aside the painting and pull out your notebook and pen. “So hou means love?”

“Houden, means to hold,” Theo says. “Like a hand, or a book. Hou van is what’s used for love.”

“So it’s ik hou van…?”

“Ik hou van jou,” he answers, without a thought.

A long moment, before the realization hits.

He turns away from you, and you’re thankful because of how hot your face feels.

“You use the same for other things,” Theo says. His voice is as even as always, and it makes your heart fall a little. “Like paintings, and art.”

“I see,” you say, before dropping the topic altogether.

You’re getting good at this keeping your heart tucked away thing, so you write ik hou van jou in looping letters on your notebook before returning to work.

All the while thinking: to love means to hold.

-

So you hold him.

After the fire.

After wheatfields.

After Gauguin.

Even when it hurts to hold.

Even when it’s him that’s let you go.

Even after you’ve heard the gunshot.

You hold on to him, even if you’re not sure if the both of you are speaking the same language anymore, if you’ll still ever be able to understand the other.

You hold on even if there’s blood everywhere.

Blijven means to stay.

And herstellen… means to recover.

The hospital is rather cozy. Quite similar to the ones in the 21st century, but still different from the sterile whiteness of it. You sit next to Theo on the bed, waiting for him to speak. You are alone for the first time since he’d said goodbye.

You hadn’t left him yet.

That night, he presses the words please forgive me into your lips, praying it’s the last time he’ll ever have to hurt you that way. You cradle his face in your palms and hold his love in your hands gently, as you exchange promises that it will no longer break.

-

You learn a lot of words after that, too.

Like wheatfields, tarwevelden. And forever, voor altijd. Each word learned is linked to a memory, making them hard to forget. Like katje, the day a kitten spooks Theo in the garden. Lekker, once you’ve made him a delicious batch of syrupy pancakes once again. Schat, treasure, and schatje—that is, you.

You’re still years of practice away from being fluent in Dutch, but at this point you’re fluent in Theo, and that’s really what matters.

And one night, Theo’s got you in a kiss when the both of you enter the room. You push at him just enough so that he sees the look on your face. “Teach me Dutch,” you say, half-teasing, and he laughs as he joins you in stripping off your clothes.

There’s no easier way to remember vocabulary than to learn it viscerally, carve it against your skin into a memory, and Dutch is no exception. You both fall into the bed in an entanglement of limbs, righting yourselves up just to catch each other in another kiss.

You cup both his cheeks, and he teaches you, “gezicht.” Face.

You kiss his forehead, and he says, “voorhoofd.”

You gently run your thumbs under his eyes, and he says, “ogen.”

“Kus,” he says, “is like this,” pulling you toward him in a kiss. You sigh into the word without much grace.

Pressing his lips against your throat, he teaches you, “hals.”

Grazing a fang onto your shoulder, “schouder.”

He sucks a bruise onto your collarbone and says, “sleutelbeen.”

The sensation makes your hand fly onto his hair, and with a chuckle he teaches, “haar.”

He takes your hand in his, presses a kiss onto your wrist. “pols.”

You cup Theo’s face in your hand and scour his body for more words, like a dictionary made of flesh. Your free hand grazes the scar on his back and with a sigh he teaches you “litteken.” You wonder if the same word applies to those found in his heart.

“Rug,” he teaches you, the vast expanse of his back.

Your hand goes down to his waist and he says, “taille.” You touch his hip and he says “heup.”

He gives you a mischievous look, one that suited his boyish features so much, your heart nearly stops. “Where is je favoriet?” he asks you, teasing. A phrase you’d learnt earlier. Your face flushes at the connotation but you refuse to give him the answer he wants, tapping his nose (“neus”) with a finger.

“You are mijn favoriet,” you respond, and you know when he steals your lips even more deeply than earlier is only because you’ve made him flustered. You laugh into the kiss and he growls.

Never one to be outdone, Theo pushes you backward onto the bed. The two of you share a short moment of intimacy, staring at each other’s eyes with the kind of searing fondness that always leaves you breathless, before he’s on his way down again to teach you.

“Dij,” he mouths against your thigh; lifts your leg up toward him, pressing kisses all the way down. “Knie. Kalf. Voet.” You nearly kick him when he kisses your foot but he holds you still. “Enkel.”

“But I haven’t taught you the most important one,” he says. Crawling back upward, he cups the apex of your thighs and grins. “Paradijs,” he says, and you hit him on the shoulder, covering your mouth with one hand. The laugh that rolls out of him makes your embarrassment worth it.

You pull him upward to take another kiss from him, and while you could have at it tonight, you just want to bask in his presence. You whisper “omhelzing?” hoping to get the pronunciation right or else he’ll ignore your plea to cuddle, thankful that he pulls you up to switch position.

He rests his head on your chest and says, “hoofdkussen,” with a sigh, and you’re not an expert yet, but you’re pretty sure that’s not what it should be.

You push him off with a groan (“you’re heavy!”) and the two of you switch to your usual cuddling position, Theo holding you in his arms and your head on his chest.

You don’t realize your hand has hovered over the spot on his chest right over his heart until he places his hand on yours.

Whispers into the listening night air:

“Voor altijd van jou.”

---

in the atelier: The Kiss by Gustav Klimt 

also in the atelier, hidden somewhere hard to find, is Gustave Courbet's L'Origine du monde. (and because it is hidden, you’ll have to find it on your own. do be careful when you look it up though.) that painting singlehandedly inspired the paradijs bit, so it has to be mentioned.

[fizzingwizard]

Ep 38 is another good one! We are on a roll. I have some thoughts on why and whether I could still end up whining in future episodes again... but for now let’s just enjoy the moment.

We are finally catching up with Yamato (and Jou) who has the sort of episode you’d expect from the brooding lone wolf of the group. I wish they’d pushed it just a liiiittle further than they did and I’ll tell you why below. Still, the point is we learned some things we needed to about Yamato, and with some higher than usual stakes (for a side plot) than usual.

Pic of the day, though, is all about his highness, our lord and savior, JOOOOOOOOO.

You will bow before him, peasant!

More below.

Like I said, the stakes are a bit high this week:

Right off the bat, Gabumon’s been beaten, captured, and tied to a cross...

... where Mephismon (this guy) is apparently planning to kill him in ritual sacrifice.

In other words, this episode is: Yamato and Gabumon Go To Digimon Hell

:P

I mean... Mephismon even looks scary. Very Satanic. Gives me chill, lol. Probably not as scary for kids who didn’t grow up being hit over the head with a Bible every day by evangelicals, though. Sometimes I look back on my childhood and just think “wtf?”

That being said, Mephismon is the sort of lackey you’d expect Millenniumon to have, much more in the vein of Devimon or DarkKnightmon. Aka, pretty darn scary. I was so frustrated for so long by all the small fry Digimon Taichi “struggled” with by himself for no apparent reason - they felt like filler episodes, tbh - filler for a show that has no reason to have filler!

And I STILL do NOT understand why we got WarGreymon’s evolution over a totally forgettable nobody Digimon, but these recent episodes with Koushirou, Mimi, and Yamato have all been serious crises where the characters put everything on the line, and yet nobody evolves. It’s not that I think they HAD to evolve here - I can see they’re leading up to it and since that guarantees more focus on them in the future, I’m totally down for that. What I don’t understand is why Taichi DIDN’T get that. Why play WarGreymon so early? The episode itself did involve Taichi challenging himself, but it all felt so setup. And so unmemorable that it’s just hard to care.

Anyway... I’m ranting about things that didn’t happen in this episode. Rant over xD Back to Yamato.

His desperate play to rescue Gabumon by himself goes as well as you’d expect.

Yamato: I’m too cool for this shit

He is chased by those gas mask-wearing Digimon whose name I forget. But they are conveniently blown back by the gush of a timely geyser. Geyser, you say? That means hot springs must be nearby. If hot springs are nearby...

Jou: Now I know what it feels like to be Team Rocket!

Jou falls out of the sky and right into Yamato’s path. Dressed in nothig but a towel, he looks to Yamato like a scrawny, nerdy, guardian angel.

Yamato: You’ve gotta help me, Clarence. Fly me to the top of the mountain.

Jou: I can’t, I haven’t got my wings.

Yamato: Yeah, you’re about what I’d expect my guardian angel to be like...

So, Jou immediately starts to chatter at Yamato, and it looked to me like Yamato might be getting annoyed. If this were 99 Adventure, he’d had snapped and said something like, “Can’t you see Gabumon’s gone? Aren’t you even going to ask about that or do you only think about yourself?”

But this is 2020 Yamato, and 2020 Digimon Adventure, where the kids are all Very Nice and don’t have much in the way of flaws. That’s my number one complaint about this show so far. So Yamato just waits for the moment where Jou needs to take a breath to break and ask for his help rescuing Gabumon.

(Gomamon reminds Jou to get dressed first, thankfully.)

Up on the mountain peak, Mephismon sacrifices the Data of poor blue!Elecmon to the fragment of Millenniumon he is guarding.

At first I was like, why do Yamato and Jou know about these crystals?? But then they’re like, we heard from Taichi over the digivice. Ah, of course. I kind of miss the old digivices that pre-date smartphones :P

Yamato explains how they ended up in this situation, and I REALLY like this. They came across Mephismon sacrificing innocent Digimon on their journey to reunite with the rest of the team, and it was Gabumon who insisted they had to stay and save them. Gabumon!

So this is not the first time we’ve seen the Digimon partners take initiative this season. The lack of personal flaws and personality clashes are my least favorite part of the reboot, but the increased agency of the Digimon themselves is probably my favorite. When DanDevimon swallowed Taichi, it was Agumon’s pain that caused his warp evolution. Not saying Taichi had nothing to do with it, but the focus was certainly way more on how losing his partner sent Agumon over the edge. Now we’ve got Yamato actually arguing with Yamato because he feels so passionate about rescuing the captured Digimon.

Yamato’s not heartless, of course - he just prioritizes the people closest to him first. And I have no idea if we’ll see much more of this sort of willpower from Gabumon - it’s partly there for convenience, since no one else is around. (Last time, it was Sora who wanted to help others at their own risk and Yamato clashed with her over the same thing.) The other reason is, this is the episode where we find out how Yamato and Gabumon became friends - which is especially important for the guy who gets the Crest of Friendship - so they needed something a bit more meaty than “the proof of our friendship is I follow you wherever you go and do whatever you want.”

But I love it because it really makes them feel like partners.

Of course, Yamato can’t say no in the end, so he and Gabumon go to save the Digimon. But they’re overwhelmed.

The vision of his partner’s bony ass shrinking into the distance as bullets fly overhead will haunt his dreams always ;^;

Yamato: Once a psychic read my palm and said I have an unusually short life line. I guess she was right. But she also said I’d marry Emma Stone and have eight children.

Jou: are you sure she wasn’t just playing a game of MASH?

While Yamato and Jou plan their strategy, we switch back to the rest of the team, where the girls are having tea time.

I know I complain about this every time but WHO DA HECK decided Sora and Mimi should wear the same color scheme look what you did now they both blend into the couch

The boys talk a bit of shop, then Takeru reveals that he and Yamato don’t live together because their parents fight and don’t get to see each other because they both work so much. He doesn’t really come out and say “they’re divorced” but he says he and his brother are separated. Even though Yamato calls Takeru to talk a lot, Takeru still feels sad that there are things he misses since they live so far apart.

Taichi assures Takeru that Yamato will be fine, pointing out that Yamato had already been adventuring in the digital world for an unknown amount of time before Taichi’s group ever got there. Wow, haven’t referenced that in literally ages. I’m glad these things are finally relevant again. Also like how it seems to confirm Taichi still kinda holds special admiration for Yamato. That seemed like the route they were going way back when Yamato joined the group in episode 8, but then it wasn’t touched on till now.

Then we get the long-awaited Yamato & Gabumon origin story! Yamato appears to have arrived in the digital world in a similar way that Taichi did. He looks the same, so probably it wasn’t a huge time difference (in human world time anyway).

At first, Yamato’s like, “leave me alone. I don’t have any interest in the digital world. Where’s the exit?” And Tsunomon says, “Fine, then I will just protect you whether you want me to or not.”

Yamato: Reeeeeally wishing Ikkakumon could fly, lol

Yamato recalls how, despite his chilly behavior, Tsunomon still jumped to his rescue.

(The rescue involved Ikkakumon shooting torpedoes up the mountainside so Yamato can grab them and climb to the top. What I don’t get is why this didn’t draw Mephismon’s attention :P I guess he figured his gas mask lackeys would handle it but uh.)

Past!Yamato rescues Tsunomon, who is so touched that he is able to evolve. Yamato makes an attempt to remain aloof...

... but in the end he turns into Taichi :P

So that’s the origin story! It’s more or less what I figured. Kind of surprised we didn’t get any scenes of them in the digital world proper, since I got the impression Yamato was familiar with that world as well as this plane that seems to be a sort of interface between worlds. But maybe not, who knows.

What they try to do here is set up that Yamato is an aloof type who tries to avoid relationships. But he snaps out of it and warms up to people so fast that it’s hard to really appreciate it. Plus he doesn’t really do much to push them away other than say “leave me alone.” Eh.

Lol it’s funny because he’s strapped to the cross but because his leg fur hangs like that, from behind it looks like he’s just standing there....

Mephismon starts to sacrifice Gabumon!

A power blast of dark energy starts to pulse from the mountain, sending everyone to their knees. Jou thinks fast and hides inside his bag. Nylon is good at blocking out satanic chanting after all.

His eyes fall on... his textbooks! Social studies, chemistry, the periodic table, Japanese history memorization textbook... these useless books! Could they actually be useful?!?!?!

no.

no they couldn’t

Yamato: Ahh! That’s it, I have got to start lifting more.

But wait - Jou gets an idea. There’s something that calms him when he’s stressed and that’s... chanting passages from his rote memorization technique books x’D So he sits down and... it’s basically a throw back to the Bakemon episode in 99. I believe he’s chanting things from the Japanese history book, but as I’ve never been a Japanese kid, I’d have to do more research than I want to to figure out for sure.

He then switches to chanting the numerals of pi! He has pi memorized! x’D I don’t know why that should surprise me. He soon begins to glow with the Zen energy of a cram school trance.

Jou: 3.14159265359... 3.14159265359...

Gas mask Digimon: 3.14159265359.... 3.14159265359...

These bright ripples emanate from Jou, counteracting the evil ripples coming from Mephismon’s mountain. It soon pulls the gas mask Digimon into the trance as well.

Ikkakumon: ... I have no effing idea what is going in this episode on anymore

Jou comes out of the trance to discover the gas mask Digimon ARE NOW HIS OBEDIENT SUBJECTS. WHAT.

(see I told you you’d bow)

seriously what just happened! XD is this Jou’s mutant power

or is this something all Japanese children who survive juku can do as a result of spending so much time memorizing shit

Ikkakumon then is able to shoot a bunch better pathway of torpedoes for Yamato to climb and MEPHISMON STILL DOESN’T NOTICE

Yamato finally makes it to the peak!

Mephismon’s like, “nice try, but what were you planning to do now? You left your friend at the bottom of the mountain and I’ve got your partner. And I doubt you’ve memorized all the numerals of pi.”

He kindly creates an evil burning vortex to increased the hellishness of the landscape. He understands that a Yamato episode needs the proper ambience.

Gabumon’s about to be sacrificed to Digi-Satan lmao

Yamato steps into the pentagram and get shocked. But he presses on despite the difficulty (and the hellfire), thinking about how much his partner means to him.

He drops to his knees while Gabumon begs him to save himself.

Yamato: “You’re my... friend!”

The power of friendship destroys the pentragram and also frees Gabumon from the cross.

The Crest of Friendship glows...

Gabumon is strengthened and becomes... WereGarurumon.

:P

Yeah... seemed like a good time for MetalGarurumon but whatever.

After a cool but brief fight, Mephismon is defeated.

He appears frozen? Can Gabumon freeze stuff? Whatev. Anyway he’s frozen and then disintegrates.

Gabumon is tired but happy. Their bond is now even stronger.

Cute Takeru on Pegasusmon flies down to his brother at last.

And the others wave up to them from Komondomon. Aw. So finally the team is back together! ;__; Please let it last this time, please please please....

Kay so, overall... I liked this episode. The whole “You’re my friend!” bit would have been stronger if we’d seen more of Yamato resisting that though. I don’t really know why but the reboot seems to pull its punches a lot. I really wish they’d let the kids be mean to each other like 99 Adventure did sometimes. Being mean doesn’t mean you’re a bad person and a terrible influence on children watching your show. It just means you are human and your viewers can learn from watching your mistakes and seeing your growth. Try to understand that, showrunners :P

A missed opportunity in this episode: Yamato and Jou. I was excited that they were gonna be together because they often clashed in 99. And in the reboot as well, it was established that Yamato is annoyed by Jou, although he’s much more polite and hadn’t said anything about it till now (just stayed away from wherever Jou was until he fell asleep lol). So I thought, in this ep, we’d see them butt heads and learn to work together, something like that. But aside from the very first moment where Yamato might look a teensy bit annoyed, they just get alone fine. Idk. Not interesting.

In the end, though, the ep was clearly meant to be Yamato only and Jou was just there as a matter of convenience so the whole group would be together at the end. Since the team is finally reunited, I hope we do start to see all of them interacting in different ways that show their personalities more. Might not be the same as 99 (or, I should say definitely won’t be, at this point), but just something more than “look how well we all get along.”

Next week...

Looks to be a light and funny episode. The Burgermon were one of my fav bits of Frontier. But I’m a little nervous about this being a Jou epiosde. It’s his turn, I know, but everyone else got something meaningful. Even Mimi - though there was lots of humor in her episode, she was also major league cool the entire time. Maybe that will be the case with Jou here, but I’m not sure because 2020 Jou is a little different - more scatterbrained, more open, more talkative, less serious, less likely to act sullen... he’s quite different, now that I think about it. So I’m actually having difficulty imagining what his personal test will be in this episode. Guess we’ll have to wait and find out. Maybe it won’t even be that kind of episode anyway.

Also, just a guess, but next week is ep 39. So ep 40 maybe will be the start of something big again. It would be good timing: the team’s together and everyone’s had a chance recently for an episode to themselves...

See y’all next week! As usual didn’t check for typos :P

[ilikelookingatthings]

Yona’s tagging in for Soo-won XD

So I noticed something interesting about Yona’s behavior in there recent chapter. At first I was thinking it was odd that Yona was being so composed and taking charge so easily. after all these are foreign leaders. She hasn’t really had experience with a official situation like this and there is only so much she could have learned in the three days stuck in soo-won’s office reading.

But the one thing Yona has always had is confidence. Yona is used to getting her way as a princess even if she hasn’t been living as a princess for a while. Hak always reminded her that she is a princess and to never lower herself and told her to order him to teach her the sword. telling him to give himself to her without a hint of shame or why that wasn't the natural course of things. Sure yona asked the dragons for help but she still never hesitated to ask in the first place.

Yona has also experienced witnessing her father being murdered. getting thrown off a cliff. getting stuck in a cave in with people who don’t want her there. proving herself to pirates with climbing across a cliff and going undercover in a slave ring. She’s killed multiple people. acted as a dancer. pretended to be a bandit running a gang. been slashed by a sword. dealt with getting kidnapped into a drug ring. and yona dealt withthe political issues of the two princesses and dealingwith interacting with soo-won in public and keepng her composure so she wouldn’t be instantly killed. smar enough to use that they didn’t want people to know she was alive and what soo-won had did to the king to get out and her connections to her advantage. not to mention the whole kidnapping and kul-bo thing and the nuances and the advisor gave yona and the group to tackle.

With all that in mind its suddenly makes sense that some officials from the super strong country aren’t going to scare her. If she could stand up and talk to soo-won and look him in the eye while she is surrounded by soldiers I’m pretty sure shecan handle keeping her composure. Its definitly a tense situation that could go sour quickly if she isn’t careful but this actually does feel pretty incharacter for her. Her dad Il’s best trait as king was his serenity and dignity. not to mention Yona has personal experience with being on the ground and directly involved with multiple incidents that are directly involved with what this country had planned to visit about.

Yona has leaned that she has to keep her dignity and composure to win this. As long as yona doesn’t give them the wiggle room than she can keep the upper hand which is something I forgot because mister advisor has been feeling like he has been winning lately but when yona didn’t hesitate to shoot down the guys telling her to call soo-won your majesty or to tell her what to do you could tell yona fell back into her zone.

Yona also has some personal anger to be invested in since she was personally invested in these incidents and it simultaneously wasa power move to show she has actually knowledge that is relivant so they can’t keep complaining about soo-won not being there. 

we know yona wasn’t involved with the political side abd was very spoiled but it doesn’t mean yona didn’t learn how to properly conduct herself when she wanted to.

and honestly I feel 100% that yona is channeling certain teachers to get her through this like how she channeled Captain Gigan when she was pretending to be a bandit or mid battle. More than even the Captain I 100% believe Yona is channeling a bit of her father but even more than him Soo-won. you can’t tell me Yona ISN’T doing a bit of a soo-won impression or thinking what Soo-won or what her father would do in that situation.

Just look her that bubbly serene smile on her face! We have seen even Hak channel Soo-won before in battle thinking about what Soo-won would do. As soon as I realized that this...it feels very incharacter for Yona and perfectly plausible for Yona to be able to do what she’s doing. Its not lika Yona’s actual strand suit is battle. Yona is good at talking and we’ve seen her come up with plans like when he figured out that plan to stall soo-won to stall for time. and  how she took charge when running away with lili.

Its really interesting because as much as Soo-won has the strongest chops when it comes to being a good king and is talented and knowledgeable in many areas and he is the king right now. Technically Yona is still the true heir to the throne that everyone instinctually wants to dismiss. Even the advisour who has been so focused about the dragons lately might have forgotten that YONA was the one who actually rung all of the alarm bells with how she influenced and put together pieces to stop that war.

I’m weirdly excited to see jou-dou and mister advisor to see the amazing lady that is yona cuz its very easy to under estimate her. like...I care about yona ripping these people a new one...but I’m pretty sure after soo-won rests up for a while he will be prepared to give the main course smack down. and considering soo-won has mentioned preparing to fight them before I do think that yona swooping in to take some spot light here makes some sense so we get a feel for who soo-won is up against. though I wish we saw Yona maybe watch or obverse them for a bit.

[digitalworldbound]

Takari Week, Day One: Confessions

Hi! Here is my contribution for the first day of my favorite week!

Title: Puppy Love ft. Hikari 

Pairing: Takeru x Hikari. Takeru promises himself that he will confess his truest feelings to Hikari by the end of the year. I have a longer version of this story, but made it brief for Tumblr! I had to cut out several months, so the end seems rush, but I will post the full length story on AO3 sometime soon!

JANUARY

As the first sunrise of his sixteenth year bathed him in a glorious light, Takaishi Takeru made himself a solemn promise.  By the end of the year, he would confess it all to the girl he loved.

On the morning of January first, he was surrounded by eleven of his closest friends. They had spent the last day of the year together, sharing stories and eating street food. With their bellies full, they watched the sunrise together for the last time. Come spring, Jou would be moving into the heart of Tokyo to begin his graduate studies. Yamato had already expressed and interest in touring with his band one final time before he started, so Takeru snuggled up to his side as the golden rays of sunshine caressed their cheeks.

“This is it.” His voice was no more than a whisper. The others chattered aimlessly, filling the crisp air with giggles and shared experiences. Despite the noise, Yamato had heard him. He always did.

“Don’t think like that, Keru. You know I’m always just a phone call away.” The older blonde rested his cheeks on Takeru’s head, pulling him closer into his embrace. Despite the reassurance, there was a hint of finality in his voice, as if he, too, believed that this could be the end of all of them.

Growing up was messy business, and Takeru wistfully longed for that one, eternal summer.

“Yeah, but you take after dad. What if you get so busy that you won’t pick up?” Takeru did his best to conceal the worry in his voice, but Yamato could hear his tone waver. “When it comes to you, Keru, I would do anything. Besides,” he nudged his little brother playfully, “I think you will be preoccupied with a certain someone.” He gestured towards the direction where Hikari sat. From his position buried in his brother’s shoulder, Takeru couldn’t see much, but his cheeks colored regardless.

“How did you know?” Takeru cringed as the words left his mouth. If his blush didn’t give him away, his question surely would.

Yamato grinned, shooting his brother a quick wink. “Just call it a brother’s intuition.”

Somewhere to his right, Hikari giggled at something Iori said. The sound seemed to dissipate in the morning air, briefly riding on the wind until it faded away. Takeru suppressed a smile. “Hmm, well what does ‘brother’s intuition’ say about my odds?”

Takeru glanced up to find his brother’s attention on the horizon, the golden haze fading into a sea of milky blues. He tucked himself further underneath Yamato’s arm, feeling like he was eight years old again.

“In all honesty, I believe that you are the only person with odds when it comes to her.”

The pair sat in silence, letting the morning wash over them. Before long, Daisuke would be complaining about his stomach and Taichi would insist on sleeping in and the year would officially begin. For, though, they relished in their friends, the glowing horizon, and each other.

MARCH

“You know, I’ve never understood the point behind a love letter. If you like someone that much, wouldn’t it be easier to tell them in person?” Hikari took another bite of her bento box. Today, her mother had been gracious. Instead of a failed science experiment, Hikari had been able to pack some grilled fish with a small container of rice.

Takeru raised an eyebrow, swallowing the last of his ramen. “I think you only say that because you’ve never gotten a love letter. Personally, I think it takes a lot of craftmanship to be able to express a person’s innermost thoughts on paper.”

She laughed, tilting her head to the side. “Ah, I see. And just how many love letters have you written, Takeru-kun? Is there a special lady I should know about?” Her chopsticks pointed at him accusingly. She seemed tense, but Takeru wasn’t sure if it was her mother’s fish or the context of their conversation.

He could feel his face grow warm while Hikari remained as cool as a cucumber. The unfairness of the situation dawned on him. Takeru, so easily flustered, did not stand a chance against his brunette counterpart. “Ah, um, well-”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.” She smiled triumphantly.

“Why? Is there something you would like to tell me, Hikari-chan?” he leaned in, stopping just before she could become uncomfortable. Her mahogany eyes peered up from her dark lashes, widening in surprise. His mouth was just a breath away, and Hikari’s heartbeat wildly in her chest.

“O-Of course not, don’t be silly. It’s about time you get a girlfriend. Besides, spring formal is a month away. There’s about fifteen girls dying for you to ask them, and I’m sure there’s at least one girl you would like to take.” Hikari leaned back into her chair, her eyes focusing on cleaning up her mess.

He waited until she was packed up before rising out of his seat. She followed him to the trashcan, silence hanging between them like a weighted blanket. The pair walked towards the back hallway, preparing for their afternoon classes to start.

“You’re right,” He began, pausing in front of her classroom. A few of their peers leaned curiously from their seats. It was rare that Takeru and Hikari were seen together outside of class. “There is someone I want to invite to the dance, but I wouldn’t make to make my bestest friend in the whole wide world jealous.” Takeru pinched her cheek playfully, smiling as she colored. For once, it seemed that he finally had the upper hand. Giggles could be heard from behind them. Hikari seemed to come to her senses and swatted his hand away, taking a step into the classroom.

“You know,” she shot back from the doorway, skirt swaying behind her, “If you ever needed someone to practice writing love letters for, I’d be happy to proofread it for you.” She winked at him, a teasing glint in her eyes.

MAY

After the fifth failed attempt, Takeru tossed his phone onto his bed. Yamato’s tour was in full swing, and it had been weeks since he had last heard from him.

“Are you ready yet, baby?” His mother’s blue eyes peered in from his bedroom door. She raised an eyebrow at the state of his room. “What’s all this?” She kicked a ball of crumpled paper in Takeru’s direction.

“Mom! At least knock first; I could have been naked!” He rolled his eyes in annoyance. Ignoring her questions, he turned back to the mirror. With a thin comb and a stolen bottle of his brother’s hair gel, Takeru attempted to style his hair to resemble some handsome anime character. Once he was finished, he turned towards the doorway for approval. His mother grinned, admiring his sideways part.

“Come here, I need to straighten your tie.” Her hands felt like a cool breeze against his neck, and it was only then that he realized how warm he was. Glancing down at his watch, his pulse quickened.

“Momma, I have to get going soon; she’s waiting for me.”

Her fingers finished twisting the fabric, resting just above her son’s heart. “Kaori-san?” The disappointment in her voice was undeniable, and Takeru couldn’t help but to share the sentiment. Kaori was the student council president, overall a lovely girl. She had silky blond hair that reach her hips and green eyes that put sapphires to shame. Boys would often pull at her locks, teasing her until she would blush. Kaori seemed to like the attention, giggling like a banshee whenever the opposite sex would approach.

As of last night, she was also the only girl that didn’t have a date to the spring formal.

Takeru only nodded, toeing the crushed papers around his feet.  It was his own fault, really. By the time he had worked up the nerve to look Hikari in her eyes, Daisuke has swept her away. It didn’t help that he dangled his date with Hikari in front of Takeru as if he were a dog, but the blond couldn’t shake the settled look in her eyes.

She had turned down several boys before, almost waiting until the last possible moment like Takeru. ‘Daisuke-kun must have bribed her.’ If Yamato had answered the phone, he might have given Takeru the boost of encouragement (re: kick in the ass) that he needed.

The blond struggled with his civility. Kaori, dressed in green satin, insisted on taking pictures. After the seventeenth click of camera, his cheeks became sore. Walking to the gymnasium had been another ordeal. Kaori was talkative, but the excitement of a first date made her unbearable. As she rattled on about tennis matches and brands of shampoo, Takeru let his eyes glaze over. He missed comfortable silence and the girl that spoke with soft smiles.

‘I’m being ridiculous,’ he thought, struggling to hold back tears as he held another girl in his arms. Across the ballroom, Hikari struggled to keep Daisuke’s hands in place. With each dance, they seemed to slip lower on her hips. She had told him twice already to cut it out.

His palms danced across her lower back. “Daisuke-kun, I told you to stop!” Hikari pulled away, cheeks coloring with indignation. With a scoff, his eyes flickered with anger. “You’re the one that said yes to me, Hikari-chan. I think you know what you got yourself into.”

Her mahogany eyes searched for a familiar mop of blond hair; her rescuer. “This would have never of happened if I went with Takeru-kun instead.” Hikari eyed Daisuke, daring him to come closer. She had enough of his unwanted advantages. Takeru hadn’t picked up on any of her hints, but she couldn’t bear going to her final middle school dance alone. Daisuke had been her only choice.

“It always comes back to him, doesn’t it?” Daisuke raised his voice, and Hikari could feel Takeru’s blue eyes burn into her. Heads turned at the commotion. “You know what? I’m done, Hikari-san. If you want to be with him, just do it. Next time, leave me out of it.” With a huff, Daisuke disappeared, burgundy hair slipping through the gymnasium doors.  A crowd had formed around the pair, Hikari standing helpess in the middle.

Takeru tensed as Daisuke raised his voice, preparing himself to intervene. Before he could interject himself, the boy was gone and Kaori had a vice grip on his arm. Hikari’s face grew splotchy, the first sign of tears. Takeru tugged his arm free, sparing his date a look of remorse. “I’m sorry,” he offered, gentley touching Kaori’s hand. “Hikari-chan needs me.”

“Go to her.” Kaori had been insufferable the entire night, but in the moment, Takeru swore he could have kissed her. Without a reply, he weaved through the mass of people, tugging Hikari away from their wandering eyes.

The cool, night air enveloped them as Takeru pulled Hikari to the swing sets. They sat down beside each other, absorbed in their own thoughts. Despite her flushed cheeks and swollen eyes, Hikari was perfect. Her hair fell in loose waves at her shoulders, a glitter hair clip holding her bangs hostage. Glitter had been brushed across her eyelids, catching in the light. Takeru’s breath caught in his throat. It was now or never.  His silence must have unnerved Hikari, her eyes trailing him nervously.

“I’ve got to get this off my chest,” he started, voice unnaturally loud in the quiet twilight. “I’m sorry, this is going to be weird for you, but I just can’t keep pushing it down. You might not want to speak to me again, and it might ruin everything but...I have feelings for you. Really strong feelings. I know you were kind of with Daisuke-san, so I know that I may be too late. I just… couldn’t fathom living my life without telling you how I felt. That would have been my biggest regret.” Hands shaking, he focused on the gravel underneath the swing. There it was, out in the open. He couldn’t crumple up that love letter.

The silence seemed to stretch on forever. Tears burned in his blue eyes, convinced his feelings were one-sided. As he opened his mouth in apology, Hikari found her voice.

“Wait! What? Who told you I was with Daisuke-san of all people?” Her heart was beating too fast and too loud for her to be able to focus on the gravity of his words. She could feel a warmth rush to her cheeks, staining the tips of her ears. Takeru watched these emotions skirt around her face, the smallest bit of hope igniting in his chest.

“I just assumed. I mean, you went to the dance together, Well, before he left.”

An incredulous laugh slipped between her lips. “Takeru-kun, I only went with Daisuke-san because you didn’t ask me. I was waiting for you.”

His heart was singing. Hikari’s laugh seemed to wipe gravity away; Takeru was floating. His cheeks were pink, pulse erratic. “You…feel that same way?” Hikari must have super-human hearing, as his voice was barely a whisper.

“Yes,” she whispered, and Takeru swore that this would be a moment to remember the rest of his life.

[wishingforatypewriter]

(Tumblr didn’t notify me on the OTP Question Meme Im mad !!) May I ask for 5, 12, 15, 16, 19 and 21 for Raiden/Maria please?

5. How would they describe each other?

Raiden would say that eating her cooking is like coming home after spending a lifetime away. He would tell you that Maria Aldini’s smile is what keeps the earth spinning on its axis, and that she creates community wherever she goes. 

Maria....let’s be honest, Maria would gush once you got her started. She would start by saying that he is kind, and handsome, and worldly, and creative, and the greatest cook she’s ever known. She would tell you that the most selfish thing she’s ever wanted was to keep him for herself (not for Totsuki or the Nakiri family or the culinary world at large, just for Maria Aldini). 

12. What would happen if they never met?

I don’t think Maria would have risen as far in the Elite Ten as she does if she hadn’t met Raiden (as of now I have her landing at the fourth seat during their third year). Before meeting him, she kind of felt like having a lot of ambition was a negative thing—that it was corrupting—but Raiden definitely changes her attitude towards power. 

If he hadn’t met Maria in Tuscany when he did, he probably wouldn’t have ever ended up at Totsuki (and ironically enough, if Raiden didn’t end up at Totsuki when he did, Akane definitely would have ended up with Erik). Honestly, I think she kind of saved him from spiraling into a bad place mentally. He could have very well ended up the way Mana did if not for his fated encounter with Maria Aldini. 

15. Describe your favorite moment of that ship!

I really love the moment when they met. Whether or not they ultimately end up together, I feel like when they first crossed paths, both of their trajectories changed irrevocably and each of them is a better person for having known the other. I know it’s corny and cliche, but I don’t get to write love at first sight often and the instant chemistry between Raiden and Maria was something I really found fun and refreshing. 

16. What do other characters think about this relationship?

Sosuke ships Raiden and Maria a lot. He thinks that Raiden’s at his happiest when he’s with Mari, and that they bring out the best in each other. 

Yuna thinks they’re a really cute couple for a lot of the same reasons as Sosuke. She also thinks Maria deserves to end up with her first choice. However, she does feel for Akane because she too knows what it’s like to pine after a childhood friend. 

Utau also ships it, mostly because she wants to see Maria—her pet project—marry well and rise in the world. (That Maria actually loves Raiden is just an added bonus as far as she’s concerned). 

Interestingly, Takumi ships it more than Megumi does (although they both like Raiden as a person and support the relationship). Megumi’s on Team Kesuke, but more on that later lol. 

Souma supports the relationship; he likes Maria a lot and respects her as a chef. Erina is pretty lukewarm about the idea of them together, but she certainly won’t stand in their way.

Grandpa Jou definitely would prefer for Raiden to end up with Maria, but Grandma Mana likes Akane better. 

19. Talk about a headcanon you’ve never talked about before.

When Isshiki Kesuke assumes the first seat and had the Elite Ten vote on whether to launch an investigation into the Nakiri family, Maria votes against it to protect Raiden and his family...and then breaks up with him because she realizes that continuing a relationship with the Nakiri heir will force her to compromise on her principles. I don’t see the breakup as permanent, or even lasting the entirety of their second year, but I’ve had that headcanon for a while now.

21. What’s a really significant moment in their relationship?

When their relationship is getting started, Raiden is often taking refuge in Maria’s world. It’s kind of a relief to him to spend time with her and her family at the trattoria and only worry about the customers in front of him. But I think a really significant moment is when Maria makes her debut in Raiden’s world and is determined to hold her own there. 

(In one of my many unfinished drafts) Right after they meet during family and alumni weekend at Totsuki, Erina invites Maria and Raiden to a get-together at one of Alice’s estates. The invitation is kind of a test because Erina suspects that a simple girl like Maria wouldn’t be able to navigate the world of the elites. However, Maria goes to her Aunt Ikumi and Uncle Isami for a crash course in the important names and faces and is able to handle herself, even when she comes face to face with Akane in her natural element. I found this an important moment because it’s when Maria really decides she isn’t going to step aside and asserts herself as Raiden’s partner to the people in his world. 

[lukatheselkie]

HMC - “I’m so sick of lying. I have to tell you…”

@hetaliamondaychallenge

Sorry it’s a bit late! I got busy creating for a cosplay I’m super excited about, then I got stuck talking to my parents. BUT I’m finally finished with today’s challenge! I wrote this all today because I had no idea what pairing I would do, then my pairing actually changed about 200 words in, and, well... It became angsty at that point. Then it got out of hand and became about 800-1000 words longer than I had planned. Oops?

Pairing: DenFra

Warnings: Bar, alcohol, one “bad” word (it’s dick)

Human AU

    "Mathias!" Gilbert runs up to him excitedly. He tries to stop, but can't because of the speed he built up, and throws his arm out. He manages to drag the Dane down to the ground with him as he falls, both laughing. They get a few looks from the bar patrons, but overall their tumble goes ignored. Gilbert sits up, smoothing his hair down quickly. "Mathias! Zere's a really pretty woman over zere! I'm going to flirt vith her, und jou can't beat me to her!" He hops up and makes his way toward the woman, walking suavely. The Dane's smile drops, and he sighs heavily as he watches his friend make his move. He looks away and pushes himself up off the floor when she appears to flirt back.

    He trudges over to the stools by the bar, and plops down in one. He stares ahead miserably, heart aching. "Alright. Who broke your heart?" He jumps at the voice, then frowns down at the counter. "If I had any doubts before, they're gone now. Want to talk about it?" He jerks his head up to glare at the man, but finds himself holding back his shock. The man is absolutely stunning. "You'll catch flies, mon cher." There's a soft tap to his chin, and he closes his mouth, completely embarrassed. He turns his head away, cheeks flushed. The stranger chuckles. "I don't normally do this, but you're too adorable. Have a drink on me." Mathias swivels his head around.

    "You don't have to-"

    "Nonsense. I want to. Besides, it might help get your mind off the person that broke your heart. Oh, I do hate seeing that pitiful expression on anyone's face. Especially someone so cute." He winks at him, before turning to get him a drink. When he puts down a beer, Mathias stares at him in awe. "What's your name?" He tilts his head slightly at the question. Name? Oh! Right! His name!

    "My name is Mathias!" He says too quickly. "What's yours?" The man smirks playfully.

    "Francis. Now, I have other orders to tend to, but perhaps we can converse at a later date? Over some coffee?" He nods eagerly, watching the beautiful man scribble something onto a napkin before hurrying to the other side of the bar. It isn't until ten minutes later that he realizes he just agreed to a date. He glances around the room quickly, searching for Gilbert. Luckily (or unluckily) for him, Gilbert is parting the crowd, making a straight line toward him, beautiful woman in tow. His stomach drops to the ground again, and he remembers why Francis spoke to him in the first place. His stupid crush on his best friend.

    "Ve're going out~! Don't vait up. Und don't vait here, eizer. Go home vhen jou're done. I'll pay for jour drinks! Zanks for letting me bring jou out tonight." And with that, they're gone. He's gone. Mathias downs his fresh beer and lays his head on the counter miserably. He closes his eyes, just for a moment, allowing himself to wallow in his sorrow.

~

    "Hey. Wake up. Please." Mathias drifts into a drowsy state of awakeness, but keeps his eyes closed. Someone's running their fingers through his hair; he imagines it's Gilbert, though he knows it's not. "Mathias. Please. It's closing time." He opens his eyes with a groan. He lifts his head up, closing his eyes again at the bright lights. "You poor thing. How much did you drink? I'm sure you have a hell of a hangover. Alright. You can stay here while I clean up, then I'm taking you home with me. Lay your head back down." He does as he's told without arguing. Some time passes, though he's not sure how much. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he looks up again. Thankfully, the lights are out now. "Come on. I can't leave you here, and I would like to go home." He stands slowly, and wobbles a bit. A hand presses into the small of his back, enabling him to steady himself a bit. He shuffles forward, letting the person guide him. He's almost certain it's Francis, so he's not worried about being kidnapped.

    "You're familiar," he mumbles out, leaning into him. He wants to place where he's seen him before. Stunning white hair and beautiful pale skin comes to mind. "Gil," he whines loudly. "You know Gilbert." They stop, but only for a second.

    "Oui, I do. He was here tonight. He told me he was with a close friend. I didn't know that was you." Mathias scoffs harshly.

    "I wish it weren't!" Okay, maybe he's still a bit drunk. He's not usually truthful about... this.

    "Why is that?" A heavy silence falls over them. He doesn't want to answer. It feels too selfish. They make it outside, and Francis leads him to his vehicle. He opens the passenger side door, helps him in and buckles him, all in the awkward silence. Mathias turns his head to watch him get in the driver's side, and decides he should say something.

    "He's the one that broke my heart," he whispers out. Francis freezes for a long moment, then looks at him, an unspoken question in his eyes. How? "I've got this stupid crush on him. It's not even because I have feelings for him. That would be better than this. At least then I would be able to tell him. But telling him 'Hey, I like how you look, you're absolutely beautiful, and I have feelings for that appearance. Not your personality because I only see that as my friend, but I'm absolutely in love with your body.' would be beyond insane!" He trembles, and forces himself to take a deep breath. "He likes women anyway. And even if he likes men too, I don't want a relationship with him. We're perfect as friends. I don't think anything more would be good for us. We're at our best as friends." He closes his eyes yet again. "Just... Take me home with you. Please. I don't want to think about this anymore. I want to sleep off this hangover."

    "I can let you do that. But you really should tell Gilbert about your attraction to his appearance. Maybe not everything you told me, but something." Mathias glares daggers at him. "It's just a well-meant suggestion." He starts the vehicle, and pulls out of the space. The Dane turns on some music for background noise as they ride. He's leaning against the window, half asleep, when the vehicle stops. He stumbles out of the seat quickly, and is met by Francis grabbing him by the waist. "You are hurting. Let me help." He doesn't protests as he leads him inside. He only takes note of how soft the couch is before his eyes are closed for the final time that night.

~

    Mathias sits up in a rush. He looks around the room frantically, heart beating fast. He had dreamed about... He flushes crimson at the fleeting images quickly leaving his mind's eye. Of course his subconscious has to tell him everything. He pushes the blanket off of him, furrowing his brows. Francis must have put it over him after he fell asleep. Where is Francis, anyway? It smells good in here, so he assumes he's making breakfast. He follows his nose to the food, and smiles when he sees the man in the kitchen. He's only wearing short shorts, and an apron. He's not sure if it's sleep or his dream, but he feels the need to say something. So, he does. "I didn't know I would get a treat before breakfast." He whirls around quickly. Mathias can't help but feel pride in his slightly pink cheeks.

    "I didn't hear you come in! You scared me." He gives a soft, shy smile. "You really think seeing me like this is a treat?" He nods eagerly.

    "Oh ja. You are very alluring. Both your personality and your body." Francis raises a brow, and steps toward Mathias. He doesn't stop until he's right in front of him. Before he can say anything, the Dane blurts out, "Please kiss me."

    "Gladly." He presses their lips together gently. It's a positively marvelous kiss.

~

    "Mathias? Jou're here!" Gilbert grins at him. "Jou're really here! Vhere have jou been? Ve haven't spoken in five months. Did I do somezing vrong?" He shakes his head slowly.

    "Nej, nothing like that. I had to think." The albino's brows furrow.

    "Are jou okay?"

    "That's not important. Francis and I are together. We have been since we last saw each other. He wanted me to tell you when I was ready. Don't get upset at him for not telling you. I asked him not to. He agreed it was best for me to wait to be ready."

    "Vhat's vrong? Jou sound drained." Mathias sighs heavily.

    "I am. I’m so sick of lying. I have to tell you... I stopped hanging out with you for my own good. I'm mostly over it now, but I used to be attracted to you. I didn't want to date, but I couldn't deny your beauty. Again, I'm mostly over it now, but it was only fair you know why I've been gone." A thick silence falls over them. It stretches out for a minute, then two. By the fifth minute, Mathias turns to leave, having told him what he needed to.

    "Vait! I'm glad jou told me. I zought I had done somezing horrible. Jou know jou could have told me, right? I vould have done everyzing I could to make myself less attractive!" He laughs, and wraps his arms around Mathias tightly. "I'm glad I didn't lose jou as a friend. Und I'm glad jou met someone to be vith! Vhen's ze vedding?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Mathias turns crimson, and pulls away from him.

    "Not for a long time!" Gilbert smiles fondly.

    "I know. But seriously, I hope jou have found ze ein. I'm rooting for jou two! Now go be vith him." He shoves him toward the waiting vehicle gently. Mathias is almost certain he recognized it, and that's why he's letting him go so soon after their re-connection. He hurries to the vehicle, and hops in. He sighs in relief the moment he's buckled, and Francis chuckles.

    "How did it go, amour?" He starts driving.

    "Much better than I thought." He feels his phone vibrate. It's a message from Gilbert. Get some dick! It reads. He groans, and puts his phone away without replying.

    "Things are exactly how they used to be between you two, aren't they?" He nods with a joking huff. "Good. I knew they would be. Now, how does a picnic date sound?"

    "You spoil me. That sounds perfect, and so wonderfully you." He glances at his boyfriend, watching the smile play at his lips and flush travel up to his ears. He's completely in love with Francis, and he's positive his feelings are reciprocated.

[shihalyfie]

Yamato, Adventure’s most dramatically emotional cast member

The “edgy cool bishounen rival” has been such a staple of shounen anime for years that the moment you look at Yamato and his position next to Taichi, it’s easy to go “ah, yep, there it is.” But just like how Taichi’s actually very different from the shounen hero stereotype, Yamato, despite what his first impression and character design might suggest, is in fact the complete opposite!

Actually, I’ll start this off with an interesting story from Yamato’s own voice actor, Kazama Yuuto:

Yeah. When my agent asked me which role I wanted to try out, I thought I couldn’t do a pretty boy character like him, so I was really astonished when I was chosen for the role. Afterwards, when I asked Kakudou-san [the director] about it, he said that he’d decided on me the instant I’d come in... I’d heard that Yamato was a cool character, which I thought was a part of him that didn’t agree with me. So there was that factor in the beginning. But I learned that he was actually quite similar to me, and a surprisingly passionate guy.

I don’t generally have a huge tendency to include voice actor comments in analysis about writing, but I do think it says a lot that even his own voice actor walked in expecting the typical “pretty boy rival” character to the extent that he felt he’d have difficulty doing the role at all, only for the actual nature of Yamato’s character to catch him off guard! Because, yeah, that really is the case: Yamato’s first impression really is very deceptive, and his actual personality is, indeed, full of open passion and emotion in nearly every way.

Yamato in Adventure

...No, really, it really does not take long for it to be very clear that Yamato’s immediately not like the stereotype his character archetype would suggest, considering that even as early as Adventure episode 2, he was depicted as very obviously being open about his opinions, even if that made him quick to criticize.

When you talk about “rival” characters, usually, the reason such characters seem cold and standoffish is that there’s a certain degree of pride to them, or, in other words, they want to keep up a facade of being “cool” and rational and thus aren’t quick to show their emotions. But Yamato isn’t like that at all! From the very beginning, he speaks often, is very open and honest about his thoughts, and doesn’t seem to even really care what others think at all.

The Adventure novels do, in fact, make clear that he was more closed-in prior to arriving in the Digital World, and these bursts of emotion were actually unusual behavior for him at the time -- but it’s not because he’s prideful or anything! Firstly, it wasn’t necessarily that he deliberately cut himself off from others -- rather, he was still willing to engage in some degree of friendly interaction:

It wasn’t because he was lonely. In fact, many of his classmates would greet him with a friendly “Yo!” or “Hi~!” when they came across him and, naturally, Yamato would respond back with a smile.

And, in fact, said novel indicates that there’s a lot going on deeper than him merely suppressing his emotions for the sake of it:

The people around Yamato may have thought that he was a cold, aloof person, but that was only because he didn’t show what he thought to other people. When had he become like that? He hadn’t been like that when he was younger. But after his parents decided to divorce and his mom took Takeru by the hand and left home… Don’t go! Please don’t go! Don’t leave me! The truth was, he had wanted to plead with her and cry — but he couldn’t. Part of it had to do with his father standing by his side. Maybe his mother had secretly wished for Yamato to say that to her. But at that moment, Yamato had thought that he would never show weakness in front of his mom, even if he died from it. It was his own decision to follow his dad. Ever since coming to the Digital World, even Yamato was surprised by how much emotion he expressed. All of the emotion that he’d held back while at home, at school, had come bursting out without pause.

It’s also important to understand the reasons why he blows up so easily at Taichi in Adventure episodes 3 and 6 and whatnot -- he does it because he’s constantly looking out for the others and worried about their welfare. Pretty much all of the arguments he has with Taichi for the majority of the series involve him objecting to his perception of Taichi as insensitive, because Taichi has a tendency to tease others or bid for everyone to keep pushing forward into dangerous situations or when they’re tired. So, really, Yamato gets angered and emotional and picks his fights with Taichi because he cares too much, not because he’s deliberately trying to cultivate an image of being detached. Once they were outside the range of his family and their classmates and stranded in another world, Yamato’s bleeding heart instantly won out, and he started advocating for the welfare of everyone else.

This is why Yamato’s the one who gets the Crest of Friendship, because even though he starts off by putting up a defensive wall between himself and the others and seems very difficult to deal with, even when he gets angry and upset, he’s constantly upset on other people’s behalf. Even from the very beginning of the series, he’s actually one of the most caring people in the cast!

Really, the entire first few introductory episodes with Yamato can be pretty succinctly described as Yamato coping really badly with all those years of emotional suppression and letting it out in some pretty severe outbursts, especially when it comes to Takeru, whom he’d never been able to properly take care of as an older brother due to their parents’ divorce. (And while he’s definitely a little better at managing it, Takeru himself is actually also doing a pretty bad job with that whole emotional suppression and lack of catharsis thing.) Standoffish and cold? Nah -- not when Yamato has the single highest count of openly breaking down and crying out of the whole cast in Adventure.

And, for all it’s worth, remember that stereotypical “cold rival” characters in this kind of shounen series would normally be very ashamed at others seeing them so emotional, but Yamato...doesn’t really seem to care about the others seeing him do some really embarrassingly reckless stuff during his episodes of exploding over Takeru’s welfare. Once it’s past him, he doesn’t really dwell on it and moves on. Again: Yamato isn’t the kind of person who actually cares that much about what other people think of him.

Adventure episode 18 is an often-overlooked episode when it comes to Yamato, but it’s significant because it makes it clear that he doesn’t really have a problem being conversational and friendly with others (especially since, remember, any emotional suppression had more to do with the trauma and sensitive feelings surrounding his parents’ divorce and a desire to not show weakness) -- he starts a very lighthearted, friendly chat with Koushirou over why they’re looking for their Crests, and even admits that the reason he wants his own Crest is that he’s self-conscious about the idea of everyone else changing and improving as people while he gets left behind. That’s a really personal thing to admit, and arguably something very sensitive! It’s something you wouldn’t even blame him for potentially being self-conscious about! But he’s perfectly humble in admitting that this is something he wants to improve in, and carries on this entire conversation in a light-hearted, cheerful manner.

This episode takes place during a time where everything seems to be “safe” (they’re within Piccolomon’s barrier and finally have a proper place to sleep), and are on the verge of finding their own Crests in a situation that does not ostensibly involve running for their lives, so this is when you get to see Yamato in a relaxed situation. And, really, he’s very friendly and open, with no restraint about it. He really isn’t the kind of person to be condescending or cold by nature!

It’s even more incorrect to pin Yamato as someone who tries to act more on rationality (again, like the “cold rival” stereotype would suggest) because, in fact, he’s the kind of person who gets completely carried away by his own caring for others to the extent of irrationality. For instance, in Adventure episode 23 when his conflicting loyalties to Takeru versus wanting to help Jou in his situation get all mixed up, and he tries to buy into PicoDevimon's trick to turn Jou against him as a solution to taking sides before Jou clearly indicates this is the case, and Yamato doesn't hesitate to feel really bad about it. Openly so. Condescension? Nah.

No, really, I could just keep taking screenshots from Adventure all day if you want evidence of “Yamato is openly and passionately emotional to explosive degrees because he cares too much about others, and makes no real pretense of hiding it.” If you’re still not convinced, I don’t know what to tell you.

When Yamato infamously succumbs to Jureimon’s bait in Adventure episode 44 and ends up picking a fight with Taichi -- possibly his most self-centered action in the entire series -- it’s interesting to see that Jureimon does use the word “rival”, the same word used in anime trope lingo to describe “the person you’re constantly fighting with and competing with in order to improve yourself”. The reason why this is fascinating is that Adventure is making a point here that this kind of “stereotypical anime rival” relationship would be extremely unhealthy for these characters.

No, really: at least as far as Yamato’s concerned, and what defines the kind of “friendship” these particular kids need, what these kids need is mutual emotional support, not engineered conflict that can be passed off as “they fight but it’s a sign of how much they know each other!” Remembering that Adventure is, in many ways, a series that prioritizes wanting to focus on portraying the intimate nature of human behavior, it’s not surprising that it goes out of its way to make clear that centering your relationship with a friend around needing to “outdo” them is a really bad thing. (Observe how 02′s Daisuke and Ken also don’t fit the “rivals” archetype at all and are merely a straightforward relationship of best friends in little to no conflict, despite occupying the stereotypical position.)

But Jureimon successfully digs into all of Yamato’s insecurities about his perceived lack of self-improvement and his tendency to compare himself to the polar-opposite Taichi in terms of Taichi’s charisma and way of (ostensibly) playing better to Takeru’s dislike of being coddled. And so, the engineered conflict happens, and, of course, it traumatizes everyone around them. When Yamato finally manages to get over himself after some timely intervention from “the one who seeks stability” (Homeostasis) in Adventure episode 45, everyone in the group is miserable from the ordeal.

Adventure episode 51 basically lays down the two major issues Yamato had been facing up until that point, and ties it into a neat bow: the reason Yamato had become so obsessed with self-improvement was because he wanted to prove he was "independent" and "not weak", but in the end, he still sees himself as an inferior person compared to everyone else -- culminating in him eventually seeing Taichi as a better person than him. Gabumon reaches out to Yamato by clarifying Yamato’s right to not compete, but be unique; it’s not about competing or being a “better” or “worse” version of others, it’s finding his important niche in the group or in the world with the things only he’s good at. Yamato says it in explicit words in Two-and-a-Half Year Break:

Dad doesn’t remember. On the day when we had to decide whether Takeru or I would go with him… Neither Dad or Mom could decide, so I did. I thought, this way, Takeru would be able to stay with Mom. I chose for myself. And after that, I always chose for myself. Or that’s what I’d planned to. Even though I was called a Chosen Child, it was me who was going to choose what to do. No way was I going to be used for other people’s convenience. Maybe that’s why I went so far to keep myself from making friends. But in the end, I acknowledged that what I was doing was unreasonable. After all, I’m not living in this world by myself. If I hadn’t met Gabumon, I never would have realized that. The person I am right now, is not alone.

As long as Yamato only ever sees himself as a replaceable piece meant to fill in the same niches as everyone else, he’ll continue to be horribly critical of himself for not being a perfect person and ultimately being “useless” or “not necessary”. But it’s not about being perfect or a better or worse replacement, it’s about embracing himself and what he can do in his own way, and, indeed, at the end of the episode, Yamato’s arrival on the scene makes it clear that the group ultimately needs both of them, not just one.

It’s also interesting in that, whereas most of the kids (especially in the Adventure finale) are very open about their own feelings to their own partners, Yamato and Gabumon are capable of “communicating” in some sense just by Yamato playing the harmonica. But it’s perhaps because Yamato is normally so open and passionate about his own feelings that such a tacit method is something they can do -- they’ve already bared themselves to each other so many times already, that in the end, all they need to do is just enjoy the abstract things together.

Yamato in 02 and after

So by the time we get to 02, any trace of coldness or detachment from Yamato has completely vanished.

I cannot emphasize this enough: completely vanished. Even in the middle of being a heartthrob for the teenagers in school thanks to his good looks and work with his band, he’s open and lacking in condescension whatsoever, and it’s basically like seeing the openly friendly Yamato from Adventure episode 18 for a whole series. Actually, it already says a lot that he’s in a band, considering it feels like shifting his music activities to a full-on band is there to make a deliberate statement that Yamato is now much better at socializing and working in organized groups now -- it’s a far cry from having to work solo or independently, and it’s significant that “the person who wanted to be able to do everything by himself” is now interested in doing something a bit more cooperative. (And to lend further to the idea he’s sentimental and constantly thinks of others, his band, the TEEN-AGE WOLVES, is all but confirmed to be named in indirect tribute to Gabumon.)

He’s open, conversational, makes a lot of silly faces throughout the series, and basically the only thing he has left that remotely resembles the “pretty boy rival” stereotype is that he’s deep in the aesthetic. But even then, you get the impression that he just does that because he genuinely likes it, not because he’s trying to be “cooler than you” or anything. And it’s easy to see why: Yamato, quite simply, got over himself. He stopped restraining himself all the time in his attempts to become a perfect person, and simply let himself loose to express himself how he wanted, and ultimately became a perfectly sociable and friendly person who’s now even popular at school!

Yamato’s punch on Taichi in 02 episode 10 is often taken as evidence that Taichi and Yamato embody the “rivals who constantly get in fights but are somehow still friends” trope, but this tends to avoid the actual context of the rest of the scene -- in fact, Daisuke himself rightfully points out that if Yamato had done this out of any actual anger or condescension, this would have been a really cruel thing to do to Taichi when he’s already going through so much. But Yamato’s not doing this out of resentment or condescension, he’s doing this for Taichi’s own sake to help him get out of his stupor, and the important part here is that he immediately holds out a hand to him afterwards. Or, in other words, this isn’t something they’re doing out of conflict, but out of communication, and it’s now at the point where Taichi understands Yamato’s intent, and Yamato knows that what he wanted to do would be conveyed to Taichi, without words.

That is why Taichi and Yamato are finally so close now: they understand each other’s feelings. They’re not competing with each other. They’re not resenting each other. They’re sympathetic and forgiving of each other, and they communicate, verbally or otherwise.

It’s followed by a scene in 02 episode 11 that’s also often construed as Taichi and Yamato advocating fighting as part of a healthy friendship, but, again, this omits context: they talk about their fighting in past tense! They’re referring as fighting having been part of the things they had to do to understand each other now, when they clearly aren’t in that kind of conflict anymore. The idea they’re espousing is that Daisuke and Takeru need to let out their feelings and have some catharsis if they want to truly understand each other (which is, indeed, how Taichi and Yamato eventually settled their differences) and hopefully get to a position of mutual understanding, instead of the others forcing them to have peace for the sake of peace and not letting their feelings get out on the table. (And, ultimately, Daisuke spends the rest of the episode thinking about Takeru’s position, and none of the 02 kids ever end up in this bad of a brawl for the rest of the series, yet manage to build a friendship in spite of that -- so, yes, the important part was that they had their feelings out in the open and got catharsis, not fighting in itself.)

Yamato also has an interesting role in the 02 drama CDs, including one entirely devoted to him (Letter). Said drama CD has quite a few things to note:

Gabumon says that Yamato being rather silent and not speaking up about what he’s thinking is unusual behavior for him.

As much as Yamato’s managed to do a better job opening up in general, he’s still suffering from extreme self-worth issues, considering himself as worthless if he’s not able to do anything for a girl in the hospital, even though it’s of course completely reasonable he can’t do much. Despite that, he continues to emotionally fixate on her welfare and basically self-flagellate and do a lot of pretty emotionally occupied things in the process.

Speaking of getting emotionally occupied, as much as he ends up snapping a bit at the people on the beach who keep annoying the hell out of him, he eventually feels so bad for the shaved ice seller that he forces himself to eat it just for him. (Even though it’s freezing.)

Yamato’s a really poetic person. Almost sappily so.

On top of that, Armor Evolution to the Unknown gives us an ever-so-slight glimpse of his dating life with Sora -- which, while he hadn’t been super-flagrant about, he also hadn’t been hiding either (he’s clearly willing to engage in a bit of PDA as per 02 episode 43), and, if the admittedly-kind-of-crack drama CD is to believed, he’s actually very emotionally passionate about his relationship to her, and very dedicated! Beyond just the (very sudden) passionate declaration of love to her in the middle of tap dancing, when Sora is found to have been worrying about him being cold lately, he immediately goes out of his way to try and make things right and prove his love...

Yamato’s initial appearance in Kizuna pretty much defines in a nutshell what his and Taichi’s relationship eventually turned out to be: they’re willing to banter because they’re comfortable with each other, but when it all comes down to it, they appreciate and trust each other deeply. Again, the point is that Yamato and Taichi are emotionally there for each other, considering that (even if he ribs Taichi a bit for it) Yamato’s willing to come all the way down to meet Taichi for late-night beer and talk to him through his emotional troubles.

And, yes, Yamato’s still there to be a concerned minder for Taichi and to make sure he doesn’t get too inconsiderate of what he’s doing -- but there’s no conflict over it, just the two of them balancing their necessary roles as part of the group and keeping each other in check. Again, as was made clear back in Adventure, it’s not about one person being more necessary than the other, it’s them both working together to fulfill their own roles.

As one of the central characters in the movie, Yamato’s also having an existential crisis of adulthood, and in his case, it’s that he’s playing everything too much by ear but isn’t really sure what he wants to commit to. He’s still enjoying music as a hobby, but it’s apparent he doesn’t want to commit to it as a career (which is, well, quite the common thing for those who have hobbies in middle school) -- and moreover, the novel indicates that it’s not bringing him happiness the way it used to. (The movie goes out of its way to depict Yamato feeling isolated with both a harmonica and a band, referencing that neither Adventure nor 02′s ways are doing it for him anymore.)

Beyond the motorcycle we see Yamato driving a few times in the movie, the official website profile makes it clear that this is one of his major new interests, and it’s presumably why he’s also attending an engineering school -- he can’t decide on a long-term goal, so he’ll at least experiment with the thing he likes. Yamato’s always been someone who thinks with emotions and feelings, so it fits him.

We also learn that he’s surprisingly studious, and is picking up some things that run contrary to his image (the glasses!), including the fact he seems to like school enough that he wants to do more school while he figures out what he wants to do. This is something that happens in real life for a certain kind of person in a career-based existential crisis -- as many people as there are who play very badly with educational structures, there are also people who rely very heavily on the structure of college or grad school basically handing you tasks to do on a plate, and find the job market to be scarier than staying within that bubble. It’s not too unreasonable to imagine that Yamato, who in certain ways has never really been the kind of person to assertively have an idea of “this is what I want to do!” and generally works by immediate feelings instead of long-term goals, would end up becoming that kind of person. As he says, it’s really just him trying to postpone the inevitable decision and get a grace period.

Since “shutting out one’s own partner (and therefore one’s own inner self)” is key to the cause of partner dissolution, Yamato’s way of it isn’t as direct as Taichi or Sora (who end up actively shutting out their partners in a bid to become an adult), but is most certainly there -- especially when he’s the one who drops a mocking line about the idea of bringing Gabumon to his school. (It’s not about whether it’s actually doable or not; it’s the fact that he laughs and scoffs at how stupid this is.) The fact he treats friends drifting apart as an “inevitable” thing, and eventually is shown very obviously to be keeping Gabumon out of the phone conversations (in stark contrast to the 02 quartet going out of their way to keep them involved on the other end) ultimately boils down to: neglect. Yamato’s coasting by on everything he likes, but it also means he’s just letting everything happen, instead of consciously pursuing things and passionately following things with gusto, the way he used to.

But we do see Yamato’s single-minded and passionate side come out again -- while Taichi shuts down and ruminates on what to do about his impending loss of Agumon, Yamato’s the one who desperately runs around trying to figure something out, recruiting the 02 quartet into it, losing sleep over it, and eventually having a passionate confrontation with Taichi as the climax approaches. (Note that this, again, is not a real conflict in nearly the same way the two of them would be spitting insults at each other all the way back in Adventure; it’s just the two baring their own feelings, and Yamato quickly accepts Taichi’s answer very easily because he, too, feels the same. Again: they’ve become very good at communicating.)

Yamato does eventually let Gabumon back into his periphery instead of neglecting him so much, and their final scene together in the movie involves them resuming their old method of tacit communication that they’d once shared together, with Yamato playing the harmonica. It’s a sign of Yamato finally embracing those things in the past that used to make him happy rather than cultivating an uncomfortable relationship with it just because he’d kicked it out of his career prospects, and ultimately coming to terms with what he likes and what makes him happy.

And speaking of career prospects...

The question of “why did Yamato become an astronaut?” is one that’s infamously weirded out people all over the globe because of how much it clashes with his image, and how much of a kind of “out-there” thing it is that had virtually no precedent whatsoever in Yamato’s prior hobbies. (Although, if you really think about it, space travel isn’t that huge of a hurdle as it sounds for a world like this where Digital Gates exist to bend space-time; you just send a probe with a Digital Gate link up there...) The original meta reason was, simply, that it was a holdover from one of the original ideas for the third Adventure series, in which they would be investigating forces that were obstructing evolution from space. (The original logical progression was that Adventure would have a threat from the Digital World, 02 a threat from the real world, so the theoretical third series would be space...) When you think about which of the original Tokyo Chosen Children would be the most likely to actively pursue this route, it actually is likely to be Yamato, given that Taichi is more of a person who’s an overall leader and coordinator, whereas Yamato, who’s much more up-front aggressive and openly passionate, would be more likely to want to tackle the situation with his own hands.

Kizuna -- or, more specifically, its novel -- offers another (and not mutually exclusive!) explanation:

While studying at graduate school, Yamato came up with a dream he had for his future. He wanted to study cosmology, and become an astronaut. The way there would not be easy. There was a whole mountain of things he’d have to do to get there. But Yamato had a certain ambition in mind. Someday, he was going to go to space with Gabumon. Whenever he thought of that future, Yamato was willing to do anything to get there.

Remembering that Yamato was at an engineering school (presumably originally from the motorcycles connection), it seems that he eventually “ran into” the career option by chance and happenstance, and thought about it and decided he wanted to follow it for the sake of going with Gabumon. It’s a very “romantic” and sappy kind of “out-there” dream, and, actually, that’s the point -- Yamato is a ridiculous romanticist, the kind of person who waxed about barbecue back in Adventure episode 6, and compared his relationship with Takeru to Hikoboshi and Orihime back in 02 episode 17, and spouted a bunch of poetic words at the sea during Letter. And, remember, he’s always been openly shameless and passionate about everything he’s felt and liked, and has never cared what other people would think.

And in the context of Kizuna, where Yamato was slowly losing touch with himself and his passions and eventually lost Gabumon as a result, it’s a very important sign that everything’s on its way back to healing, and that he’ll be able to achieve that future where they meet again.

[digitaldreams0801]

Adventure Rewrite Idea Dump (Again)

Listen I want to talk about my OCs but I don’t have the energy to actually write right now since I feel like literal ass so it’s random fact time! Warning: random mashing of English and Japanese names for Digimon ahead. 

First off, I’m planning on giving one Armor evolution to all of the kids. Regardless of Adventure or 02 affiliation, all of them are getting one Armor evolution. Only Pegasmon and Nefertimon are staying the same while all the others get reworked/redesigned or new stuff entirely. The 02 kids get Armors first while the Adventure kids are later on. 

Also, there aren’t going to be any D3′s needed to open the gate between the worlds. All of the kids are going to have the same original model Digivice from Adventure. For colors at higher levels of evolution on the others it’ll go as follows: Daisuke - Gold, Miyako - Turquoise, Iori - White, Ken - Black, Meiko - Magenta.

Everyone is going to get to have a Jogress partner, but not in the same way that 02 used them. Instead, it’ll be more like Omnimon: an evolution that takes place after the highest level is obtained. Pairs will go as follows: Taichi/Yamato, Sora/Mimi, Koshiro/Jou, Daisuke/Ken, Miyako/Hikari, Iori/Takeru.

As of now, my plan for evolution is going to have Agumon and Gabumon go Mega in the original Adventure while Omnimon shows up during Our War Game. Veemon and Wormmon will go Mega in 02 and Jogress during Revenge of Diaboromon. All other Megas will appear during the first half Tri (which will be rewritten entirely to include the 02 kids) while the second half has the remaining four Jogress pairs. 

Since Jogress is being handled differently, the 02 partners get to go all the way to Mega on their own. The evolution lines are below: Veemon - ExVeemon - Paildramon - Magnamon Hawkmon - Aquilamon - Silphymon - Valkyrimon Armadillomon - Ankylomon - ??? - ??? Wormmon - Stingmon - JewelBeemon - GrandisKuwagamon

The only Jogress evolution that will remain from canon is Imperialdramon. The others will be redesigned entirely due to either not fitting as much (Shakkoumon) or being used already (Silphymon). As for Armadillomon’s evolutions, I’m going to have to design those myself. No matter how much I search, there’s never anything that properly fits in with the theme of Ankylomon, so I’ll just make up mons myself. Fight me on it. 

For the 02 kids, they have the Crests of Loyalty, Passion, Integrity, and Kindness for Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, and Ken respectively. Meiko will also get a Crest, though Meicoomon is special in the way that she has no Jogress partner and will act on her own. In fact, Meicoomon is being handled completely differently than in canon and is not used as a villain because I said so. Tri is being handled completely differently, so nearly everything about the plot is different now. Again, fight me. 

Hurricane Landing is going to be reworked so that it fits into canon. In it, Willis is not going to be designated specifically as a Chosen Child. Instead, he found Gummymon and Kokomon by pure accident, and they bonded to him on their own. Humans naturally have the power to make Digimon evolve at an advanced speed; a Digivice simply refines that power and makes it less unpredictable. Willis is partnered to them in a unique way since has no Digivice but is still able to make them evolve pretty reliably. 

On a similar note, I’m not using the international Chosen. I was never the biggest fan of them, so I’m just cutting them out. I’ll handle things differently during the World Tour segment (assuming it even remains in the final draft) to compensate. 

Mimi won’t be moving away to America either. I feel like it would be best for the sake of the plot if I kept her in Japan, so she’s sticking around there with the rest of the squad. 

I mentioned before that Tri is getting a complete overhaul, right? The first step is axing King Drasil. Yeah. Oops. Instead, I’m going to create a much more direct rival to Homeostasis. For now, let’s call them Havoc (which is a placeholder in case I wind up coming up with something better).

Havoc existed in the times before Homeostasis was created. In between the birth of the Digital World and the arrival of the Harmonious Ones, Havoc seemed to rule over the Digital World from afar. They created Apocalymon as a way of manifesting their chaotic whims, causing a reign of terror over the Digital World. In an unprecedented course of events, Apocalymon caused a severe distortion in the Digital World that caused time to flow faster than on Earth. Apocalymon’s existence caused a rift between the Digital World and Earth as well, and that portal pulled in the original group of six kids in 1980 (Daigo, Maki, Hiroaki, Haruhiko, Kaya, and Chisane). Their partners eventually evolved to become the Harmonious Ones, and they sealed away Apocalymon in the process, though time remained sped up. Homeostasis was born as a result of the Harmonious Ones coming to existence. 

Havoc was mostly left to linger in the shadows, forced back by the arrival of Homeostasis. The Order led by Homeostasis developed Digivices and Crests for twelve children based on manifestations from the original six. Another distortion caused by an escape attempt from Apocalymon opened a gate to Earth where the Greymon and Parrotmon fight took place in 1995. That selected eight of the twelve children, and when disaster struck and the Order was destroyed, the eight were called upon, prompting the events of Adventure to play out. 

During the attack by Myotismon in 1999, Daisuke, Iori, and Ken all witnessed events related to the Digital World. While they were not the only witnesses of these events, they caught Homeostasis’ eye for fitting three of the four traits. This left only Passion lacking in a host, though it found one when Miyako watched the fight between Omnimon and Diaboromon the following year, making her the final child of the group to be Chosen. 

Meiko was not a Chosen under Homeostasis. Instead, Havoc was the one who selected her. After the fall of Apocalymon, Havoc tried to concoct a further plan to usurp Homeostasis and take over the Digital World, and they created Meicoomon. By imitating the power of the Digivices seen up to that point (which was only known to evolve Digimon up to Mega), Havoc created another Digivice, the one that would later come to be used by Meiko. Since Armor and Jogress capabilities hadn’t been seen yet, her echo of a Digivice lacked both of those powers. She was given the Crest of Darkness, and Havoc planned for Meicoomon to evolve into another world-breaking monster on par with Apocalymon. During the events of this AU’s version of Tri, Meiko purifies the Crest into the Crest of Balance, and Meicoomon doesn’t slip into her destructive ways, instead finding a place as Rasielmon. 

As for the original Chosen, they split up after their original adventure. Hiroaki and Haruhiko grew distant from the rest of the group while Daigo and Maki went on to attend school together. Kaya and Chisane (both of whom are my OCs; fight me if that’s a problem okay) became romantic partners. All of them went on to live regular lives, most of them in the Odaiba area. Kaya and Chisane moved out to Tottori while the others stayed in Odaiba. When Digimon started to rise to prominence after the 1999 war with Myotismon, Daigo, Maki, and Haruhiko came to work together as Digimon researchers. Hiroaki remained on his own since he had other work at the TV station. 

As for Kaya and Chisane, they established a small restaurant in Tottori. They left Odaiba without a word once they were old enough, tying the knot and living alone while owning and running their cafe. Chisane couldn’t stand the city life due to the noise and crowds, and Kaya wanted to follow her. They avoided much of busy life, staying away from any incidents involving Digimon despite wishing to see their partners once again. 

All Crest bearers are sensitive to influence from Homeostasis, but their connection is on the lower side. Hope and Light are easily most connected due to their angelic links, though Light’s link is the strongest. Keepers of the Crest of Light can communicate with Homeostasis easily while bearers of Hope can still do it but are harder to contact. All of them are also sensitive to the balance of other worlds, but again, Hope and Light are most affected. 

Since Chisane was the original bearer of Hope and Light (all the original six kids had two Crests), her connection is so heavy that it borders on being dangerous. Being near so many Digital Gates in Odaiba can cause sickness for her at times since she has a lacking constitution and immune system. When the worlds are unbalanced, it has a horrible impact on her. To avoid any unnecessary sickness, Kaya moved with her out to Tottori where there were fewer gates. They moved not long after the Parrotmon/Greymon duel in 1995 since the sudden outburst by Apocalymon’s escape attempt sickened Chisane immediately. The destabilization of the worlds always harmed her, but that was the most prominent example of imbalance at the time, causing terrible harm. 

While the two mostly kept to themselves, Chisane was still vulnerable to being contacted by Homeostasis. She seems to speak to herself somewhat often, though this is more often than not Homeostasis asking for permission to borrow her body and mind. It was through her that Homeostasis learned more about how things were on Earth from the Digital World. 

When the Mochizuki family moved in near them, Chisane and Kaya took to avoiding them. Chisane was fine with Meiko at first, but when Havoc placed the Crest of Darkness inside her, being around Meiko for too long began to make her feel nauseous after prolonged contact. Kaya grows incredibly protective of Chisane when Meiko is nearby, coming off as hostile due to her blunt nature. 

The Digital World was created as a mix of three things: digital networks on Earth, the world of dreams shown at the end of 02 (one where everything is possible), and the Dark Ocean. The second of these two worlds is called the Dream Light. When all three of these lands came together, they spawned the Digital World. From there, lifeforms from all three lands were combined to create Digimon. Havoc emerged naturally, starting off as a virus program from Earth before mutating into something much larger and worse. 

Okay. I think I’m done. Also, I have a tag for my bullshit ranting now! You can find my AU junk under ‘Digital’s Adventure Rewrite BS’. It matches my Frontier tag, in other words. Now, I’m going to bed. It’s 3 AM, and I need to sleep. I hope you enjoyed tonight’s Tumblr tangent from Digital!

[darkacademicfrom2021]

The Dark Team (part 14)

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(Taglist: @lucywrites02, @louieboo87, @the-departed-potato, @jesuswasnotawhiteman, @idontknow296, @beksib, @spythoschei, @geekwritersworld, @whatafuckingdumbass, @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 @toe-vind-ek-jou @joscelyn02, @t00-pi, @irwxnhugsx )

Huge warning: explicit abduction/kidnapping. Violence, blood, torture (non-explicit).

It didn’t take you long to realize the blood in your body was not yours.

Where were you? Your head was dripping something cold. It wasn’t blood, but it was thicker than water. A putrid smell didn’t let you breathe properly, and… what were you sitting on? Something cold. A metal chair. Thin. If you moved, you’d fall. If you fell you couldn’t put your hands up to save your face; tied up head to toes.

With covered eyes, all you could do was to listen. Trying not to panic, you checked all and any noises that surrounded you. The room was tiny and closed. Away from the city noises, so maybe many floors up. You were alone. People walked around the room; there was a corridor, but nobody seemed to care you were in there even though they clearly knew it. You heard several footsteps approaching the room, standing on the door and then leaving again, muttering things to each other. How did you get there? Where were Loki and Peter? Oh God, if Peter got kidnapped too...

Moving your head around and shaking it fiercely, you finally managed to take the tape off your eyes. The incandescent lights blinded you, hinting you that you were there for longer than you had initially thought. They took off your wrist watch; where your first location device was. That way Tony couldn’t track you down. They didn’t take off the earbuds, though, and you chuckled to yourself. You had them designed especially for these kind of extreme situations. The chuckle quickly faded away.

You looked around now that your sight was restored, and made sure nobody was around. Cameras… yes, four of them. Probably a bunch of microphones, but how would you know. Whatever. It wasn't like you had any other choice. You activated your earbud with your shoulder, trying to connect with the Stark Tower.

“Hello?”, you whispered. Your voice cracked, and you weren’t sure if it was the terror of getting caught, or because of the long period of time you were silent. “Hey? Is anyone…?”.

“Good evening, Mx. y/n”, called Friday’s voice. Alright. It was an evening. Bad way to start, because the last thing you remember was at that Saturday night. “Your heart rate is increasingly high, are you having an anxious epis…?”.

“Listen, Friday”, you cut her quickly, trying to keep it down. “Is anyone in the Tower? Mr. Stark? Anyone?”.

“The only one currently entering the building is Dr. Bruce Banner. Would you like me to put him…?”.

“Yes, fast”. God, Friday was painfully slow, and you were starting to freak out. “In the meantime, try to tell me everything you can about where I am. Can you trace my location down?”.

“Unfortunately, your second location device is damaged, and the first one is impossible to track”.

“What can you tell me?”. Where on Earth was Banner and why was he taking so long?

“It is Thursday afternoon, currently the day is rainy with a precipitation of…”.

Friday kept talking, but your brain wasn’t able to keep up with her uselessness and the crippling fear of not being able to get out of this one alive. As far as you knew, nobody was here to save you.

“Hello?”, called Bruce’s voice from the other line, interrupting Friday. “Who’s this?”.

“Thank God. Bruce, it’s me, y/n. Listen, I…”, and as you were about to explain, you heard his gasp.

“Oh my God, y/n! I’m calling everyone. No, wait. Where the Hell have you been?? Where are you? Are you safe??”, his voice was many pitches higher than the usual. Why was he so freaked out? You haven’t said anything yet.

Wait.

Did Friday say Thursday?

“Bruce, I have no idea where I am, I just woke up and I’m tied up. You have to help me. Where’s Tony?”.

“He’s out there looking for you; so is the rest of the team. I have to let them know you’re calling”.

“WAIT”, you shaked. He stopped and waited in silence. “I’m not sure how long I actually have in here. Help me first, alert them later”.

“Alright. I can’t trace you. Have any plan in mind?”.

“I…” you looked around. “I can tell you… agh”, you gasped, and he jumped again, asking you a thousand questions at a time. “Banner, I’m frightened, you’ll have to calm down because otherwise I will have a fucking heart attack”.

“I’m sorry. Answer one question at a time. Are you hurt?”.

“I’m not sure”.

“What do you mean?”.

“I’m covered in blood”.

“Then you are hurt”.

“I don’t think it’s mine”.

“What?”.

“Let me guide you through what you have to do to actually trace my location. There’s a method, I…”, you started saying, but you soon ran out of breath. You explained with little detail what he had to do, and everything was becoming dizzier and blurrier. “I think I have a contusion”.

“You… you think?!”.

“Shh, don’t scream. My head hurts”.

“You’ll pass out. Quick, tell me all you can before you do so. We’ll get you out of there. Do you see movement?”.

“Just outside the room. Men in suits, prisoners tied up from behind, cops…”.

“Anything inside the room? What’s the place like?”.

“Nobody’s in here, other than me. Seems like a… an interrogation room. But old fashioned. There isn't any windows and there’s not many other objects other than the chair I’m in”.

“Is anything behind you?”.

“Yes. There’s… I’m not sure what that is. Looks like some sort of teaser, but bigger. And has a line of buttons with a beeper in the holder. And…”.

“That’s… oh crap”.

“What?”.

“We have to get you out of there. Do you have any marks in your neck?”.

“Marks...? I don’t…”, but as you were about to deny it, you touched your neck and it burned, badly. It burned both your neck, your hand and your head. You screamed in pain.

“You have a sensor with electroshocks. It alerts them you’re awake. You have little time to speak with me now, before they get in. Try to play unconscious as they get in, alright? It’s gonna be okay”.

But it didn’t feel like it was gonna be okay at all. I’m getting killed in here, aren’t I?, you thought, sighing. And Bruce was right. Footsteps approached your room, louder with each step. The empty corridors made the shoes echoe all the way up to your doom.

“Bruce, I don’t even have what they want. I… wait, you said the whole team. Are Peter and Loki too? Are they safe?”.

“Yes, they’re safe and looking for you”.

“Are they looking for Bucky? He was kidnapped too”.

“What? Bucky’s always been with Steve on the other mission”.

“What? No, they lost him and then he got abducted and was being tortu…”.

“No, listen. Those were old Hydra recordings. It was all a trap for you to fall in. We don’t have much time, we’ll explain everything once you’re safe in the compound”.

“What if I never get out?”.

“Do as I say, you’ll be alright”.

“I hear them coming closer”.

“Play unconscious, I’ll track them down with their voice pitches and will figure out where they work. Stay silent. Don’t move”.

You did as he said, and closed your eyes, dropping your head as if you were still sleeping. Three people walked in. You figured at least one of them was holding the big teaser, because behind you something buzzed and your neck hurt again.

“Must’ve passed out again. Check out they’s not making it up”.

One of the men stomped on your foot so harshly, your eyes watered. But you didn’t move half an inch. Not a single sound escaped your throat. Not a single muscle moved your body.

“Should we wake them up and try with another session?”.

“Won’t say anything in this state”.

“Maybe we can crack them, because of this state”.

One of the men grabbed your hair and pulled up your head violently. Your eyes opened reluctantly and you flinched.

“How long have you been awake?”.

You didn’t answer.

“What have you heard?”.

You didn’t answer.

“What do you remember?.

You didn’t answer. One of the men sighed.

“It won’t work. We’ve been trying the same thing for too long. Maybe we need to high up on the voltage and go from there”.

“We don’t want them dead, they have to talk first”.

You started shaking uncontrollably. You had to stop yourself from sobbing. Banner whispered something but you couldn’t hear it. Your ears were filled with that high pitched tone that would usually mean you’ve been shouted at. But you weren’t. It was all too silent to be true. Violence would not always come in a loud way, would it?

“Alright, wipe them again, just in case. Delete this day too. We’re going big tomorrow morning”.

[pomegranates-and-blood]

νοσταλγία (Chapter 16)

(Gif credit HERE)

νοσταλγία Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: This is a retelling/romantization of the Greek myth of Persephone’s abduction with Ivar as Hades and you as Persephone. The Reader character is a Byzantine woman, follower of the Greek Pantheon/Religion, and a devoted follower of Persephone. This takes place after 5A, but the universe of this is a little changed in relation with the series, of course. Thank you for giving it a chance, hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: The usual

A/N: I’m sorry I uploaded a bit later than usual today, I’m just idk, I think I’m nearing a burnout on this. But anyways, I’m sorry, you’re not here to hear me whine lol. Today as promised there’s a second chapter (17), and schedule will stay as is for now. Thank you, and hope you like it.

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius​ @heavenly1927​ @toe-vind-ek-jou​ @xbellaxcarolinax​ @pieces-by-me​ @angelofthorr​

You can certainly say the people of Kattegat have surprised you. A few days since the King’s announcement that you are to be his wife, their queen, and yet the whispers, the curious eyes; they don’t seem to be any louder or more insistent than before they knew of who you’ll become once their King returns.

You are grateful, you cannot pretend otherwise. To be normal, or as normal as can be in these strange times, it is a luxury you do not take for granted.

So, as it is your new normal, you help the women at the apothecary every day, learning more and more, and yet also having opportunities to teach them better ways. The Gods made you smart, and they also made you arrogant, you are not one to deny it, which is why you and a warrior-like woman have been arguing on how to treat a simple but deep wound for quite a while now.

“We have always done it this way.” The blonde woman argues, but you shake your head.

“That doesn’t mean it is the best way,” You stir the boiling water, pour it over the wine mixed with vinegar and offer it to the woman. “Trust me, I was a healer all over the Mediterranean and the Silk Roads. I know what works best.”

“Arrogant little witch, aren’t you?”

You cock your head to the side and curve your mouth downwards, doubtful, “Is it truly arrogance if it’s founded on actual skill?”

She blinks but then softens her expression, and with a rueful smile on her lips she says, “If your tongue is just as wicked when you face the King, I pity the poor fool.”

“Are any of you going to clean this or sho-…” The warrior sitting in the ground grumbles, but the blonde woman silences him with a hit to the top of his head.

“Shush,” Her eyes remain on you and after a breath she extends a hand, “Fine, give me that water.”

“Careful, it’s hot.”

“He’s Viking, he can take it.” She offers with a sly smile, that quickly falls at your mocking glare when the man squirms and groans as the hot mixture is used to clean the wound on his shoulder.

When the man leaves with a dressed wound that will remain clean thanks to your help, the woman brings the big bowl of fresh water so you can both wash your hands.

As you do, she concedes, “Your ways are proving to be useful, witch.”

“I have a name.” You quip quietly, your voice a grumble. The Viking woman chuckles.

“I know. But ‘witch’ is not an insult, at least to us. It’s a title. You wage war, you sit next to the King, you are welcomed in any hearth.”

“I am no Völva.” You argue calmly, recognizing the traits and benefits she lists as those of a traveling Viking Völva.

“What would you be, back in your home?”

“Dead.” You reply dryly, to which the woman laughs. Clasping a heavy hand on your shoulder, she says,

“I’m Valdís, witch.”

You roll your eyes, but accept the title and her offered seat on the table near the hearth. She passes you an apple and a knife, and you start quietly cutting little sticks for you to eat.

Lifting your gaze to her and watching her toy with a pear and a knife in her own hands, you ask, “Fine, I’m a witch. What are you?”

“A mother. I used to be a shieldmaiden, but…”

“You got married?” You supply when her words die, but the blonde shakes her head with another low, raspy laugh.

“As if a cock could keep a Viking woman from her shield,” She boasts crudely, strikingly reminding you of Sieghild for a moment. The doors to the shop open again, and Freydis walks in, empty basket on one arm and coin pouches on the other. You greet her with a smile, and she returns it as she shrugs off the cloak and takes a seat by your side. Valdís continues her explanation quietly, “No, I did not lay down my shield for marriage. I was…captured during a raid in Wessex. They injured my sword arm badly, and I cannot fight anymore.”

“And your child…” You start, but the words die out, like saying it out loud would make her pain real, like you need to let her decide if she voices this.

Valdís squares her shoulders, strong and unmoving as she says, “He is mine, he is Viking. But…yes, he was…the Saxons forced themselves upon me.”

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

“I don’t need your sympathy.”

“You Varangians are so strange. It’s not an insult to be offered compassion.” You tell her. She narrows her eyes, chewing in silence.

“What about you? You weren’t here last winter.” Valdís asks instead of answering, turning sharp focus to Freydis.

The blond girl shuffles in her seat before giving her answer. You eye her with concern and curiosity.

“I’m-…I used to be a thrall. I was freed by a son of Ragnar.”

Why doesn’t she say it was Ivar?

“Surprising he didn’t ask you to marry him,” Valdís huffs, and at your look shrugs and explains, “Those brothers have always had a thing for blonde thralls.”

“Slaves don’t get their hands asked for, Valdís.” Freydis quips, and you catch sight of her fingers playing with one another nervously where they rest on her lap.

“My personal thrall has a husband I have met, and children of her own. What are you on about, girl?”

Even if Valdís sounds gruff, you catch a genuine silver of concern, of care, in the woman’s eyes when she regards the frail girl that seems unbreakable and fragile at the same time.

You remain silent, and wait for Freydis to speak again. She does so, quietly, cautiously.

“We are not-…Slaves don’t fall in love, we just get husbands, slaves don’t have…families, we just birth children. Like animals.”

You do not try to stop your hand from finding hers, stopping the maddening twisting of her fingers and bringing her blue eyes to you. With certainty, you say, “First of all, you are not a slave anymore. And you were never, and never will be, an animal, Freydis.”

But she shakes her head, resolute like that day she tried convincing you the Gods marked you favorites for having endured a world of pain, “You don’t understand, witch. Slaves are not people, you cannot love them, you cannot trust them.”

“Says who? Men in power?” Valdís spits out, bitter chuckle on her lips, “Just because of the Gods we follow we are not people if you ask the Christians. Will you let them say if you are a person or not?”

“No.” The blonde girl bites out, voice wavering even in such a short vocalization. You squeeze her hand, but don’t know what to say.

 “Then don’t let others, even our own, tell you that because of capture or birth you are not a woman like any other,” She sounds so motherly you have to bite back a smile. With certainty, the woman continues, “We are all children of the Gods, you are a child of Freyja. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m-…If Freyja looks over me, why…why did I suffer like I did?”

“Because suffering is what makes us human, and who we are,” You supply without hesitation, offering her a sad smile at the truth you had a hard time accepting as well, “How else would you be able to stand tall today and heal your own wounds, fight for what you want, enjoy what you have; without knowing what it’s like to hurt without remedy, to want and be left wanting, to lack and have nothing?”

The mangy black cat that belongs to the shop by now jumps swiftly into Freydis’ lap, and she absent-mindedly starts petting it as she talks,

“So the Gods mark us for pain? You said-…”

You interrupt her words, not wanting to argue this again even if you know now that the deluded notion of pain being a badge of pride is not so certain in her mind.

With another squeeze of her hand, you offer, “Suffering is not preordained, no. Pain, scars, misfortune, they are not proof of the favor of the Gods.”

“Then why-…You were born under the sigil of your Goddess, and you told me you almost burned alive,” You flinch slightly at the reminder, the soft touch of the linens of your dress against the scars burning like the Christian’s fire for a moment. You steal a nervous glance to Valdís, who watches you with wide eyes, and return shameful eyes to Freydis. The blonde girl continues, “You should have died then, but your Gods kept you alive, gave you their favor, their love.”

“The scars I bear are not proof of my Goddess’ love.”

“Your Goddess’ love carried you here!” The girl insists, eyes wide, “You stood in chains in front of Ivar the Boneless and had him release you. You stand at his side, you whisper in his ear, you have power.”

Her words make you pause for a moment, feeling you are witness to the darker side of the blonde girl for the first time since you arrived. She talked with you about lying to get your freedom, she asked about you seducing Ivar in exchange for what he gave you, and now she boasts about you being by his side like a conquest, as if nothing but a crown and power make up the Viking King.

You decide not to dwell on it, but you still release her hand and straighten in your seat. She notices, you know she does, but says nothing.

“No one’s love carried me here, Freydis,” Your voice may sound colder than before, and on the edge of your vision you catch Valdis raising her eyebrows and looking away. Still, you continue, “Sometimes pain is just pain. I don’t know about your Gods, but mine are-…In my home wise men said it takes strength greater than that of believing the Gods guide our every step to accept the Gods sometimes look away from their creations.”

“So they let us suffer?” Freydis asks, frowning.

A loud groan interrupts you, and you both turn to see Valdís throwing her head back where she sits, dragging rough hands over her face.

“Enough with this. Leave it to old and boring men to discuss the wills of the Gods.” She grumbles, earning a small laugh from you.

The days moves on slowly, though you notice the elders in the apothecary start ordering all of you to work more and more on healing salves and presses, making you wonder what the aftermath of a raid or a battle is like for the healers of Kattegat.

After a few days since meeting the former shieldmaiden, you are invited to join the women of the apothecary on the baths, and curiosity as to how similar these could be to roman public baths wins over your modesty, and you accept.

As you walk there, hearing Freydis hum a strange tune behind you, you catch Valdís, the dark-haired shieldmaiden stretching her stride to walk at your side as the group approaches the baths.

“So, witch.”

“So, shieldmaiden.” You reply, to which she offers a small smile as she meets your eyes.

“King Ivar said Sieghild Vorsdottir is the woman who raised you, who claims you as her daughter,” You nod slowly, not sure where she is going with this, “But she isn’t here, and you are to be a new bride soon.”

Your eyes narrow, and you steal a glance to Freydis as she moves closer to your side, very obviously wanting to hear this conversation.

“What are you on about?”

“You have no one to help you…shed the title of maiden,” Valdís explains, smirk devilish, “To prepare you to be a wife.”

“Not that any of us can prepare her to be the wife of Ivar the Boneless.” A woman quips from behind you, earning a chuckle from a few others in the group.

“My point is, we could use this time to teach you.”

“Teach me.” You repeat, and her smile only turns much more mischievous.

“Of course!” She turns to one of the elders, gesturing with a muscular arm, “Isn’t that tradition? Aren’t we to share our wisdom?”

The woman considers her in silence, though you could swear there’s a small smile betraying at her lips.

“I’m too old for this.” She mutters in response, but Valdís only laughs.

The baths are warm, warmer than any room you’ve been in, and though your hair hates the humidity, you sigh in pleasure at the almost-suffocating warmth.

You undress with ease, and it is only when you are readying to enter the bath turning your back to them that you realize what they may have seen.

The scars. Burn scars, not as bad as they could have been but still there, still present and marring.

They run over the outside of your right thigh, climbing over your hip into part of your back, almost up to your ribs. A gift from the Byzantines, so that you remember what happens to pagans.

“Are those burn scars, witch?” One of the women asks, and you turn around with gritted teeth.

Offering only a nod in response, but you cannot bring yourself to say anything more.

“Burnt alive for refusing to worship the Christian God, or so they say.” Valdís offers in your place, no hesitation in her voice, and no shame either, you notice, as she sheds her clothing as well and bares her strong yet scarred and marked body for everyone to see as she approaches the large stone tub as well.

It makes you feel much more at ease, even if it wasn’t her intention, seeing she has scars too, she has marks too. Not that the women that traveled with you are without their marks and badges of honor, but…the mark of war on a woman is something to be ashamed of, at least where you come from.

“No different than a scar from a sword or an axe,” She states confidently, bowing her head in recognition with a small smile on her face, “Glory to you, Greek.”

You offer her a small smile of your own, and get into the hot water.

“Thank you.” You offer sincerely, and go under the water to get your hair wet, silently pleading with them that the conversation finds an end. It does.

Conversation diffuses between the women soon enough, and the loud laugh of the shieldmaiden echoes in the walls, but you find yourself…comfortable, safe, even if the weight of what kind of failure this comfort, this ease you feel in this land means sets on your chest and almost keeps you from breathing if you think about it too much.

“So, about what we ought to teach you.” Valdís presses, drawing a groan from you.

“Would you leave the poor girl be?” Someone quips, but she dismisses them with a gesture.

“Witch,” Valdís -who you are noticing more and more has no qualms about keeping her mouth shut, reminding you strikingly of Sieghild- asks, moving closer to you in the large tub, “Do you know how to please a man?”

Oh, Gods.

“Yes.” You bite out, resisting the urge to close your eyes in mortification and hoping to everything there is on this earth, let it be Persephone or Freyja, that she doesn’t push this.

“But do you know how to please a Viking?”

“No matter what I say, you will talk anyways, won’t you?”

She only gives you a look that says you should know the answer already, before laughing. You groan, and lower your face further into the waters, igniting a laugh out of the other women.

_____

The routines of spending the days at the apothecary, exchanging secrets and tales with Freydis and loud laughs with Valdís, sharing short conversations with the other women, watching and learning and teaching; they quickly become a source of warmth and familiarity in this cold and strange land.

Even more now that Ivar is gone. You have no shame in admitting you have…grown used to him. Maybe that’s what hurts the most, what feels the most like failure; the fact that you have grown to enjoy his company, to hope for something more than resentment, to see him not quite as you did in Aneridge, but differently all the same. And the Gods made you too arrogant and proud to admit it to anyone but yourself, but you do miss him while he is gone. His curious eyes, his endless questions, his taunts and his infuriating stubbornness.

Prince Hvitserk has kept you company, and you offer murmured greetings each time you cross paths and maybe exchange a few words during dinner. It is more than you could ask for, and you think is all you should want. You have always had a soft heart, and not even Kattegat’s cold or its cruel King could harden it; and…a soft heart brings forth familiarity, care, affection. You have no use for neither, for you cannot forget the chains set upon you.

If you forget the chains, it will feel like a choice to remain here. And this is not a choice you can make.

You keep reminding yourself not to forget what brought you here, not to forget the chains set upon you, not to forget that you do not belong here; even as you occupy your day with a foolish and sentimental project.

You run into Hvitserk as you are carrying an armful of wooden planks -that you may or may not have exchanged a necklace for- to your rooms.

“What are you doing, woman?” He asks, and when he offers you, not demands, to take the heavy wood and carry it for you, you accept with a smile.

“I’m…making planters in my rooms,” The Prince still looks at you like you grew a second head, so you add, “I like plants. Herbs and flowers.” You offer as your sole answer, shrugging your shoulders.

When you reach the doors to your rooms, you hesitate, and the Prince offers you a smile.

“I can help you make them.”

“Is that…proper? For a man to be in a woman’s rooms?” You ask lowly, but the laugh you startle out of the young man takes away any secrecy you expected to get.

He pushes open the door with his shoulder and walks in, you trailing behind him.

“‘Proper’. You spent too much time with Christians, witch,” He chuckles, and drops the planks where you point him to. Crossing his legs underneath him as he sits on your floor, he motions for you to do the same. “If it’s my brother you are worried about, I’ll handle him.”

You thank him with a smile, tremulous as it is, and help him as you both work in amicable company, exchanging snippets of stories, quiet laughs and easy smiles.

“The King,” You start cautiously, and the Prince nods, giving you permission to talk, “Has he always been so…?”

“Usually worse,” He bites out when your words die, hitting particularly harder than needed at a nail as he does so. “You keep him preoccupied.”

“Should I be worried?” You say with a smile, scooting as you reach your favorite window and measuring for the perfect length of a planter to set there.

“He listens to you more than me, witch, I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”

“You don’t get along?” You ask even if you already know the answer, readying a few nails to start forming an angle for a planter.

“My brother and I…we are bound to kill each other, I think.” He says, and you lift your gaze in surprise as your hand already moves the hammer down.

The hammer falls down on your finger with all your strength.

“No! Why would you say that!?” You say, sticking the hurt digit into your mouth as you frown at the Prince.

He laughs in response to your clumsiness, but there’s a burden in his eyes. Hvitserk shrugs,

“I risked it all to stand by his side when Ubbe almost turned his back on him, Odin knows if there’s a reason why our brother is not with Lagertha wherever she has run off to now is because of me,” He mutters, and you stay silent, thinking to yourself it seems like it has been too long since someone sat to hear him speak, “Ivar wouldn’t have held on to Kattegat for this long if it wasn’t for me.”

“But you do not want to take Kattegat from him.” You offer quietly, not even a question. Hvitserk presses his lips into a line, seemingly overwhelmed.

“I never wanted to be King. Neither does Ubbe, the throne…Even if you don’t agree and he doesn’t believe I think so, I know Ivar is the best choice to be King of Kattegat,” The young man shakes his head, and he looks much more fragile than you ever thought he could look. You get closer and lay a hand on his arm, as comforting you can be without feeling like you are being ‘too touchy’ like Sieghild used to chastise you for. Hvitserk furrows his lips with no little anger, and continues, “Ivar is my brother and I will always stand with him, I just want the arrogant little fuck to acknowledge what I have done and continue to do for him.”

You have no idea what happened between the three brothers, you assume whatever it was caused the breach and struggle for dominance that permeates the air every time Ubbe and Ivar discuss battle or matters of the city; but you listen to Hvitserk with a compassionate smile on your lips and offer the best you can.

“If you want to talk, my Prince, I am always here.”

Surprisingly enough, he does.

He tells you of their allegiance with Bjorn Ironside and others to avenge the death of Ragnar Lothbrok. You needn’t be told of the Great Heathen Army and the fear and awe it inspired in its enemies and allies, for the words reached all the way to Carthage when the Vikings moved against Aelle. But Hvitserk tells you, and he tells you of the struggles of the men at the helm of the forces and how as the eldest son of Ragnar sailed South, their brother Sigurd married to warrant a degree of peace, and King Harald moved back to Norway with a new Queen; the three sons of Aslaug where left to be the leaders.

He tells you of Ivar pushing to take control from his brothers, of Ubbe being at the brink of breaking away from Ivar and turn against him if needed. He tells you of facing both of his brothers and reminding them of their blood shared, even if vows made, if ambitions clashing, if old pain and rancor, threatened to pull them apart.

He tells you of the marches for York, of many cities raided and pillaged. He tells you of the land granted for a settlement, of the funding of Dublin and the struggles for power that took place there. He tells you of the battles and blood that got Ivar to be King of Kattegat, and he confides that even if he appreciates and sees the change in his younger brother and how he is trying to appease him with by making both his and Ubbe’s voices heard when it comes to matters of war and the Kingdom; Ivar still treats him like nothing more than a dog, always mistrusting and always cold towards him.

“I’m sure he loves you.” You offer quietly, but the Prince does not look at you, instead toying with a piece of wood between his fingers.

“Ivar loves nothing.” He corrects quickly.

You shake your head, the hand on his arm squeezing to call for his attention. When he looks up at you he looks young and open, but his expression speaks of tiredness and resentment.

“You don’t believe that.” You promise quietly, to which he answers with a chuckle and a shake of his head.

Soon enough you both finish the planters, and you both bring the earth and branches needed to make the layers. Whispering prayers you carry in your heart alongside the secrets of the Thesmophoria, you water the earth and promise it care and seeds for growth.

The seeds will have to wait until you can get some, but the knowledge that fertile earth surrounds you fills you with a certain degree of peace. Even if this cold city kills you, you will force life and spring upon it. If you have to feed the flowers with your blood then so be it.

Hvitserk calls for your attention telling you he thinks he knows a little bit of Greek, and as you start getting horrified by his attempts at your language while he butchers it unwillingly, you both walk outside side by side.

Conversation starts on other topics soon after, and he tells you of the strange people he has met while handling Kattegat’s commerce influx and trade deals, which, paired with the way he recalls the stories with gestures and voices and expressions, makes your laugh louder than you have released it in so long.

Your giggles die down as you take a sip from your tea, and the Prince leans forward on the balcony railing, sighing.

“For all your strange ways, you seem…honest, witch.” He says, eyes on the horizon. You join him quietly, overlooking the cold city.

“If you were to ask the woman who raised me, she would say it is due to my arrogance that keeps me from being able to shut up,” You offer with a smile, “But thank you, my Prince.”

___

I know this chapter was kinda filler and kinda boring, I’m sorry. I promise the next one is hopefully more exciting. As I said last saturday, I’ll be uploading two chapters instead of one today. Chapter 17 will be up shortly after this one. :)

Thank you for reading <3