#and i can almost feel it like a physical pain now

[thetadispatcher]

The bear was perfectly content with just receiving physical affection, and she'd learned only to get excited at the word treat if G said it. So the others never had to worry about her barreling them over if they used the word well she was nearby.

"That's one way to put it, yes." Dan nodded, there was more that went into installing a stomach into an android so they could actually make use of the food they ate, but he wasn't about to bore them with the technical side of things.

"It was the dinner we had made for Christmas. The visiting family was a little confused why I had a place at the table, but they didn't say anything, as I believe they thought it was all Peter's doing. And questioning Peter on his reasoning rarely gets any results, usually the response is 'I don't know', or 'I just wanted to.'" He felt anyone who witnessed the unusually kind treatment Dan received just chalked it up to Peter's doing. So it made it a lot easier for his parents to get away with doing it as well, since everyone would think they were doing it as to not upset their son.

"Although the first food I was ever offered was a chocolate chip cookie. Peter had bought it from a vendor with the money left over from purchasing me, he thought I needed food to survive too." Dan chuckled quietly, although Peter's choice in what to feed what he thought was a starving android wasn't the best, it was still a kind gesture.

Dan glanced at Bishop, his LED started flashing yellow as he reviewed the information he'd accidentally gotten from touching Strasky. "I suppose that's a good place to start..." He felt he might as well use what he learned of the other Johan Ross and his AI, and see what applied to the Johan he knew and his android. The android was a prototype his parents got from working at Cyberlife, so his model might be called the WAU as it would have no official label yet.

The PL600 glanced at the human in his arm who gave him a lopsided smile in response. "It is. After hearing so many other androids speak of being mistreated by those they thought were family, I'm glad I can say that never happened." He was thankful he didn't have to experience the pain and suffering other androids had at the hands of their owners, he felt sorry for them still, but at least he could tell them that not all humans were terrible. He could give them proof that there was hope for them, they just had to find the right humans who'd accept them as part of the family like he had been.

"Now I just need this one to stop almost dying on me." He gently flicked the human's forehead, getting a glare in return that held no weight as it was clear Peter was trying hard not to smile at the android. "Hearing him call my name in that crowd of androids had to be the happiest I ever felt, then to see he'd lost an eye after the happiness stopped clouding my mind... I can say it felt like my heart sank. Realizing that I could've actually lost him without even getting to say goodbye, that's not something I want to feel again." He fluffed up the man's wild hair, looking at him with a fondness that made it clear how much of an impact the human had made on him.

"Someone's hogging the treats. Heck." Rook said, still petting BeeBee, "And I didn't even bring any snacks along."

It normally wouldn't be an issue to go retrieve some, but she had to mind her own energy levels while they were out there.

"So you can just go out and buy a stomach. That's sick!" And weird at the same time. But Dan's story showed there was at least some kind of reasonable use for the upgrade.

"What was your first meal?" Willow asked, while keeping an eye on Peter.

"I bet it was chips." Rook said.

"You should start with giving him a proper name. Perhaps you could call him WAU." Bishop said with a not so subtle grin that won him a skeptic look, including from his double, "What?"

The android didn't need to ask to know when Bishop was being a dick on purpose. He flexed his arm, as a reminder that he was now ready for another go if he didn't behave.

"Yes, sometimes love comes at the expense of our wardrobe." Willow agreed.

"Hey, I never bled all over you." Rook protested.

"But it's still worth it, isn't it?"

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Shenhe, Clorinde, Dehya and Noelle with S/N hugging them tightly.

(Genshin Impact) Shenhe, Clorinde, Dehya, Noelle, and Chiori's S/O hugging them tightly

Strong women...

Shenhe's whole body eases up the moment S/O's arms wrap around her, with them squeezing her as tightly as they can.

Her heart feels calm, yet its rapidly beating with S/O being this close to her.

Strange, yes, but far from unpleasant.

(Shenhe) "S/O?"

(S/O) "You don't mind me staying like this for a little bit, do you?"

(Shenhe) "I don't."

Shenhe returns the embrace by holding S/O closer.

Though of course she doesn't use her all her strength despite the fact she wants to return as much loving attention.

Because doing so would cause S/O's spine to bend at a 90 degree angle all of a sudden.

Clorinde goes stiff for a moment before exhaling, a small smile forming on her lips alongside a blush.

(Clorinde) "I take it you have missed me?"

(S/O) "Mmm...maybe just a little."

Their teasing tone betrayed their thoughts, as if the pressure around her stomach wasn't any indication either.

But Clorinde had no objection, doubly so since they were in private.

She leans back into their hold, a soft chuckle escaping her.

(Clorinde) "Then I am all yours for the night, S/O."

One hand reaches upward to their arm, gently holding their waist as she takes a deep breath, now fully relaxing.

And with one last gesture before sitting next to them, Clorinde kisses the top of their fingers, holding their hand as if it were made of glass.

Dehya is slightly startled but it doesn't take her long to immediately turn around and give a fierce hug back.

Her laughter was loud, quickly joined in by S/O.

(Dehya) "S/O! Geez, could've said hi first!"

(S/O) "Where's the fun in that?"

With a cheeky smile, Dehya lifts S/O off the ground as she gives them an even tighter hug than the one they were giving her.

S/O's breath hitched for a moment as it was almost crushed out of them, but Dehya put them back on the ground, her arms crossing in front of her chest.

(Dehya) "Dinner on me? Just got paid a nice amount too!"

(S/O) "Sure, you gotta tell me what happened out there!"

Her smile gets even bigger as S/O walks beside her, Dehya's arm immediately seeking S/O's and wrapping it tightly around them.

(Dehya) "Alright, let's see...-"

Noelle doesn't even physically budge when S/O suddenly hugs her, but she does yelp in surprise.

(Noelle) "HUH?!...Oh, S/O! Jeez, you scared the daylights out of me!"

(S/O) "Hah, sorry, sorry!"

Noelle blushes madly as she reciprocates their hug, her head resting on their shoulder as she did so.

Unfortunately for S/O, she used her full strength and they heard a few of their bones pop from their spine.

Whether or not that was a good thing remained to be seen, but they could still feel the pain and could stand upright, so that was at least a good sign!

After being dazed by her affection, S/O smiles at Noelle as she did the same.

(Noelle) "Did you need me for something?"

(S/O) "I got us a table for dinner ready, and wanted to see if you were off yet!...Might also need a healer."

(Noelle) "Oh! Yes, I am nearly finished! I will have this mess sorted out in no time but...what was that last part?"

(S/O) COUGH! "A-Ah, nothing!"

Chiori raises an eyebrow but doesn't really blush or budge, instead an arm softly reaches out to their wrists, gently shoving them upwards to give her more breathing space.

(Chiori) "What's with the sudden hug?"

(S/O) "Am I not allowed to show love to my beautiful girlfriend?"

She hummed in acknowledgement, finishing the sketch on a new design.

(Chiori) "Preferably not when she needs steady hands to draw something-."

(S/O) "I can hold you and be still at the same time!"

(Chiori) "Is that right?"

Despite her tone, there is no real malice in it, even as she sighs aloud.

(Chiori) "Alright, just don't squirm too much, alright?"

If S/O could squint, there's the slightest hint of a blush on her face.

Though S/O didn't need to that to tell them she was comfortable.

The way her shoulders slumped and she subtly shifted closer to them, head leaning back onto S/O for support:

That physical shift was what made S/O happy.

And of course, Chiori too.

...As long as they didn't intentionally mess with her as she was trying to come up with something for work.

[asarigg]

Inside the Character's Mind: Part 5

CHILDHOOD. SLY AND KOUJAKU. THE AVOIDANT BEHAVIOR: part 2

When we get to the bad ending, the first thing that catches our attention is that it’s not Aoba’s point of view, but Koujaku’s. This is also a thing with most characters as well, but I feel like it takes a very special meaning here because it resonates with previously mentioned themes.

It’s a way of emphasizing that duality between the two of them, that deep down they are the same, and that they are always being a reflection of one another. If the whole game has been under Aoba’s perspective, why change now? Maybe it’s because he loses the ability to speak and it’s a way of telling us what he thinks and what goes through his head during the process of losing sanity, which the others, with the exception of Ren, can do. That’s another thing, when we get the bad ending in the base game we jump straight to Sly telling us how Aoba weakened and disappeared, letting him take control, and that Koujaku also lost all rationality. We assume that Koujaku completely transformed into a beast immediately after the failed Scrap, after all in all the endings when Aoba fails Scrap is when the other goes crazy, but here we learn that that is not the case.

Koujaku is able to wake up, physically drained, but still himself. He’s the first to wake up and sees his group members and Aoba by his side, still worried that he might be dead, that he might have killed him. Platinum Jail guards then come and start taking everyone away.

When he sees that they are taking Aoba away, he tries to call his name, but his throat is torn and his body is too weak to move. Seeing that he can do absolutely nothing to wake Aoba up, he begins to despair, knowing that nothing good can happen if they take him away. With his internal dialogues we can see how far the obsession and desperation goes, repeating his name non stop in his head almost maniacally, repeating his desires to protect him and stop them from taking him no matter what, even if that means his own death or something worse, as long as Aoba is safe.

It’s not Scrap, but these thoughts that really drive him insane. His obsession with Aoba, his love for him, and his willingness to sacrifice himself to keep him safe. The person he swore to protect, his mother, died at his hands, despite all the love she had given him, betraying her in a way. This trauma is extremely shocking to him, and I think you can understand how deep is the shock and terror he feels at the thought of harming Aoba in any shape or form, only for this cycle to repeat itself again and end up doing something unforgivable to Aoba at Glitter. All he could think was that he intended to kill himself when he betrayed his mother, and he would do the same (and kill Ryuuhou in the way since he hurt Aoba too) now that he betrayed Aoba, because a monster like him can’t stay, thinking about what could happen if he lost control again terrifies him.

It almost seems like he’s letting the tattoo consume him just to use its power and free Aoba, that’s all that matters now.

Despite this, he won’t turn into a beast yet, as he later wakes up inside a cell. When Aoba arrives we see him completely changed, his personality and his appearance. We know he’s Sly/Desire, but Koujaku doesn’t even know he exists yet.

Sly begins his torture, one he’s been doing ever since he took control, as this isn’t the first time Koujaku wakes up in this cell. He’s been losing and regaining consciousness constantly for who knows how long, and each time Sly tortures him to break his consciousness, his spirit, his will. He could do it with his power easily (or maybe he knows it won’t work), but he doesn’t bother, he prefers to do it with the most painful words Koujaku could ever hear. That Aoba is gone.

I feel like the reason why Scrap doesn’t affect him as much and why it takes so many tries to fully transform him into a demon is because he’s been dealing with this kind of influence and power for years, working on being able to control it, which resulted in him developing a really, really strong will and mind. Also the reason why his usual anger doesn’t make him lose control, but only his deep, rooted hatred towards Ryuuhou and his devotion, equally intense, for Aoba. Only these intense, personal feelings work against him.

Which by the way, the reason why Aoba can’t keep control is because of the tremendous anxiety and depression that comes over him knowing that he didn’t do Scrap well, constantly blaming himself for having failed him, he becomes so weak that he “becomes someone else”. I find it interesting that the main reason why they both lose their minds is for the well-being of the other. It’s more of that mirroring and parallelism we were talking about. Get a bitch as devoted as this. In a way, they are both captives of themselves, in their own bodies. How poetic.

Sly even tells him that he isn’t completely gone, that he’s still there, but that he’ll beat him up until he’s practically dead, out of revenge, while grinning and laughing out loud, just to take advantage of that little hope left that Aoba will return back to normal to crush him and let it drive him crazy again, because he knows that Koujaku will try to talk to him, that he’ll try to do anything to save him, he knows that his desperation and his love for him will do the rest. He even lets Aoba out for a few seconds, to which Koujaku can only respond by screaming his name while chains pull his body back. Notice how they refer to the beast as an entity, it’s not just the tattoo transforming him, it’s someone else.

There is one thing I want to comment on and it’s that many people over the years have taken this interaction as pure hatred and many times it’s considered that they would basically hate each other even in a good ending, mostly by having Koujaku hating Sly for not being the cute kid he knew (lol). But Sly doesn’t scare him, he’s not intimidated, even if he doesn’t know he exists, of course, always being aware of the limits his violent actions should reach. I feel like Koujaku would sympathize a lot with him in case of meeting him normally, he doesn’t judge his violence, he uses it too, and in his head Sly wouldn’t be worse of a monster than him, as he continuously blames himself for what "he did", no matter what.

One of the key points of his route is acceptance, Aoba accepts Koujaku as he is, and Koujaku accepts him as he is, and that includes Sly. If Aoba accepts that inner “demon” inside Koujaku, he’d do the same with Aoba’s. Beast Koujaku and Sly are equivalent. Also, we can’t forget that the context of the good ending and the bad ending are completely different, with Koujaku chained in a cell while Sly is torturing him. There is no possible reality in which Koujaku could not despise him or go mad with rage after that. I could hardly call it hatred at all, anyway, or at least not in the purest sense.

There’s a line Ryuuhou says in one of Koujaku’s memories that appears when he’s losing control of his body that I think sums it up pretty well, although it varies depending on the translation, because one takes the liberty of using an expression I doubt it’s translated the same in Japanese. The important thing is to keep in mind the comparison of hate and love. It resonates a lot with what one feels in some kind of abusive relationship when someone is extremely dependent on the other person or have been together for so long, or both. If you add knowing that the other person isn’t really bad, but external conditions are the ones that shaped that relationship it’s even harder to make a logical decision. You know it’s wrong, that you would be better off without it, but somehow, you can’t let it go. I feel like this is something specially relatable with familiar relationships, with parents/mentors/whoever raises you.

Koujaku keeps within him an intense love and hate alike, to the point of obsession for both. His love for Aoba is what condemns him. So does his hatred.

He seems to hate Sly, but it’s impossible to separate it from his love. If Koujaku really hated him for that, in the purest form of the word, he would have already tried to kill him, it’s something that Sly himself wonders when he bites him. He could perfectly sink his teeth in a little more and it would be over. Death would be merciful for both of them. His lips can no longer kiss him, so he bites him instead. To a certain degree Koujaku still has something in him capable of thinking, rationalizing even if just a little. In this state, Koujaku still loves him, he prefers to stay by his side as a slave, as much as it hurts him, because losing him is an even worse option. Deep down, no matter how much harm Sly does to him, he is incapable of hating him. As long as Aoba breathes, Koujaku will be there.

[justaparsec94]

Wounded

Summary: In the aftermath of Tantiss Hunter pays a visit to Pabu's resident healer to help him deal with his battle wounds.

Pairing: Hunter x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5,798

Author's Note: This is just pure, pointless fluff.

*****************

In general, Hunter did whatever was within his power to avoid medbays and med droids. Truthfully, anything and everything medical-related. It was, in his mind, a likely byproduct of growing up in a laboratory and essentially spending most of his life being poked, prodded, and scanned. You name it it had likely happened to Hunter and his brothers. Once he had been released from Kamino he had adopted the mentality that there wasn’t anything some bacta spray and a self-applied bandage couldn’t fix. The only way someone would get him anywhere near a medbay was if he was unconscious and physically couldn’t have anything to say about it. 

He learned rather quickly though, that the people of Pabu had a different outlook when it came to looking after oneself. They actually cared. Not only that, but they were careful about taking care of one another. No unnecessary scans or blood draws. Just basic sentient kindness. It was a foreign concept to him and despite knowing that no one on the island would intentionally hurt him or anyone for that matter, he still avoided their medical clinic at all cost. 

A decision that he was questioning currently, as a stabbing pain shot through his side as he lifted the other end of a mattress. An involuntary groan left him and the end of the mattress dipped, his head swam as the pain reached an almost unbearable level.  He tried to take a deep breath to clear his head but that only made the pain worse, his hands slipped off the mattress and the loud thump that resulted caused every pair of eyes in the house to turn his way.

“Hunter?” Omega asked, voice filled with concern.

At the same time, Phee placed the box she had been carrying down, “You ok there, Hunter?” 

“Fine,” He managed to reply though it came out more of a wheeze. His skin was crawling at all the unwanted attention but it seemed the pain in his side wasn’t going to be ignored in that moment. No matter how much he wanted to pretend it was fine and continue on with the task at hand. 

They’d only returned from Tantiss a few days prior, but each day had seemed busier than the last. Between getting the other clones and children settled, trying to coordinate with Rex, and moving into the house that Shep and Phee had given them there had barely been any time for Hunter to rest, despite that being what he really wanted most of all. They’d all sustained injuries on the mission, but Hunter had felt that as the least injured, he could take over doing everything his brothers shouldn’t be doing at the moment, like moving a mattress with Shep.  

A scoff from the corner of the room drew his attention, Crosshair was sitting on a stool, his usual stony expression on his face and arms crossed over his chest. The lack of a hand was still jarring to Hunter and filled him with guilt each time. 

“He’s just pretending he’s fine, like usual,” He said, tone filled with less malice than was typical for Crosshair, but still incredibly snide. They might have made a lot of strides but the two of them still had a long way to go in repairing their relationship. 

“What’s wrong, Hunter?” Omega asked, putting down her own box and coming over to him. They didn’t have many possessions, especially since what they did have had gone up in flames or sunk to the bottom of the ocean with The Marauder, but Shep and Phee had very generously rounded up donations so that their new house would feel more like a home. It wasn’t much and it was mostly furniture but after a lifetime of having nothing, it meant a lot to them all. 

“Nothing,” He said again, this time his voice came out stronger. The pain subsided somewhat now that he was no longer lifting a heavy object. 

“You sure?” Wrecker asked, crowding into the space, “I can help Shep with this if yah need a break.” Wrecker was in even less shape than Hunter, he’d been so badly injured during the mission that it was a miracle he was even moving around only a few days later. 

“I’m fine,” Hunter snapped, uncomfortable with all of the attention that was currently on him. He didn’t want or need them to worry about him. 

“It’s his ribs,” Crosshair said cooly, which caused Hunter to curse internally. Nothing ever got past the sharpshooter. 

“I’ll get AZI!” Omega said, turning quickly to make her way out of the small house but Hunter caught her gently by the arm. 

“It’s fine, Omega,” he repeated as she looked up at him in confusion, “I don’t need AZI. It’s just a twinge.”

Crosshair scoffed in the corner again but Hunter pointedly ignored him as Omega continued to look at him with wide, concerned eyes. The expression was almost enough to make him actually consider seeking some form of medical treatment from the droid. Almost.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Positive,” Hunter said, letting go of her arm to pat her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting way. She gave him another long, scrutinizing look that she seemed to have inherited directly from Crosshair before she picked up her box once more and carried it toward the room that would be her own. Wrecker gave Hunter a long, knowing look before he followed after her, keen to help her re-create the space she had lost on The Marauder. 

“Why don’t you help me with this Phee?” Shep asked, clearly ignoring Hunter’s protests that he was actually fine and capable of moving furniture. 

“Sure thing, take a break boys!” Phee said cheerfully. She gently pushed Hunter out of the way but turned to look at him before picking up his dropped end. 

“If you’re so against seeing AZI, you should go see Y/N, I’m sure she could help you out,” Phee suggested with a look in her eyes that Hunter decidedly did not like the look of. Despite his best efforts, he felt his face flush at her suggestion. The last thing he wanted to do was have the most beautiful woman on the island know his problems. 

You had been one of the first people outside of Shep, Lyana, and Phee that he’d met on the island. You were one of the island’s resident healers, unofficially, according to Phee to be the best. He’d met you in the aftermath of the tsunami, tending to those injured in the scramble to safety. The crowd had parted as he had been carrying supplies and it had been like one of those moments straight out of one of the horrible holo films Wrecker and Omega liked to watch. You had been all he’d been able to see. And then later when you’d asked him if he was injured with a warm smile and kind eyes he’d been instantly smitten, which up until that point had been a completely foreign feeling to him. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t think you were capable, you were, even Tech had commented on more than one occasion how ‘proficient’ your skills as a healer were. But it seemed that any time you were around he was only able to say something stupid, or worse, nothing at all. He’d never been very good at dealing with emotions, his own or others, another byproduct of his upbringing, so his feelings for you, whatever they may be, were completely foreign to him. It seemed though, judging by the knowing smirk on Phee’s face that they were not unknown to her. 

“Her bedside manner is a whole heck of a lot better than AZI’s,” Phee said lightly, eyes dancing with amusement, “She’s got some good tricks up her sleeve. I’m sure she’d be able to whip up something to give you some relief.” 

Hunter was about to protest, brush it off as nothing once again but Phee stopped him, her expression turning serious as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Seriously, Hunter. You don’t need to suffer anymore.”

“It’s in his nature,” Crosshair chimed from his spot in the corner, “Always the martyr.”

“Look who's talking,” Hunter snapped, glaring over at his younger brother who only smirked back over at him, “But fine, I’ll go,” Mostly just to get them to stop bothering him. 

“She’s not in clinic today so check over at her house,” Phee answered before she turned to help Shep carry the long-forgotten mattress, “She’s always happy to have people make a house call.”

Hunter wasn’t so sure about that but it seemed no one was going to let him keep pretending to be ok. He sighed, the pain in his side flaring and causing him to groan softly. Well, he thought as he made his way out of their small home, might as well get it over with sooner rather than later. 

*

Your house was small but well-maintained and looked just like every other house on Pabu, with the exception of a variety of potted plants and flowers lining the front and doorway. Sea glass wind chimes hung beside the door and tinkled softly in the gentle breeze. He briefly wondered if Omega would like some for their house. Maybe potted flowers too? Did that count as decorating? He wondered as he reached up to softly knock on the front door. 

There was no answer after a long, silent moment and with his heightened senses he couldn’t hear any movement within the house. He frowned, it looked like you weren’t home. He stared at the closed door for a moment, considering his options. He wasn’t sure if it would be better to just wait and risk looking like a creep or leave and try again later. 

Before he could even make that decision he turned suddenly, picking up on another presence moments before a figure stepped around the side of the building. You stopped short at the sight of him, eyebrows shot up in surprise and he watched as your head tilted slightly as you took the sight of him in. He took the same moment to look at you, your hair was wet, piled onto your head messily and you were carrying a large board, like the ones he often saw people riding waves in the ocean on. He was pretty sure Tech had said it was called surfing. 

Your momentary shock seemed to wear off and your gaze turned warm as it swept over him from head to toe. He felt your look like a physical weight against his body and he did his best to remain loose and not tense. His senses suddenly seemed to be heading towards overload for no reason he could discern. Maybe all that torture and the hit to the head had done more damage than he had thought. 

“Hey, Hunter,” You greeted warmly before you turned and placed the board up against the house on a small stand he hadn’t noticed before. Oblivious to his internal struggles you turned back towards him, smile somehow even brighter than before, “To what do I owe this pleasant visit?”

“Uh…” He started then coughed, he could feel his face heating at his inability to speak like a normally functioning human being. He didn’t know what in the galaxy was wrong with him, “Phee sent me. She said you might be able to help me out… with some pain.”

A look of understanding dawned on your face and you nodded, suddenly all business, “Of course, come on in,” you gestured towards the front door before moving towards it. He followed after you, trying to keep a respectful distance. 

“Don’t mind the mess,” You replied airly as he followed you further into the house, “I haven’t cleaned in a bit.” 

Hunter couldn’t help but think this was the cleanest home he’d ever been in, it was warm, bright, and inviting. Exactly the type of place he hoped they could make out of their own for Omega’s sake. Most importantly, it didn’t smell like a dirty barrack, so that alone made it the nicest place he’d ever been. 

He followed you into a little room that had been made up into what looked like an examination room rather than a bedroom. He paused at the threshold of the room as the same uncomfortable feeling he always got when it came to medical treatments crept up his neck. 

“I’m sorry it’s not a state-of-the-art medbay, but it does the trick,” You said as you gestured towards the small padded examination table in the centre of the room. You turned back to look at him when he remained silent, slight concern visible in the depths of your eyes, “We can go up to the clinic if you’d be more comfortable with that, though.”

“No,” Hunter replied quickly, face flushing. Even though the medical clinic on Pabu was nothing like a medical facility on Kamino, he still had no desire to go to it. 

“Alright,” You said with a soft nod, clearly noticing his discomfort but thankfully ignoring it, “What can I help you with, Hunter?”

Even to a relative stranger, it was hard for him to admit that he was suffering. His entire body ached worse than it ever had before, had since the moment he’d woken up in Hemlock’s lab. He’d taken a lot of bad hits in his years but the blast from the shuttle that had blown him off his feet and caused part of the roof to collapse on him had done a number. Everything still hurt, but his ribs hurt worst of all “It’s just my ribs. It’s uncomfortable but not too bad.”

You cocked an eyebrow at him, clearly seeing straight through his lie, “I’ll need you to take off your kit so I can take a better look,” You said as you eyed his armour.

Hunter cursed internally, he was now definitely regretting not putting on the clothes Shep had given him. He hadn’t felt comfortable removing his armour just yet, old habits died hard, he supposed but a simple tunic would have made this station a lot easier and less time-consuming. 

You had turned away from him, likely to give him some sense of privacy as he went to work removing the top half of his armour and undersuit. He set his gear aside on the chair in the room neatly before he hauled himself up onto the table, stifling a groan at the pain that laced through him with the movement.

Hearing he was done you turned back around to look at him, approaching the table slowly as though not to spook him. He had to hand it to you, if you were surprised by his state you didn’t let it show. You were pure professionalism as you approached him, eyes taking in the mottling of his skin before your gaze met his. He felt himself tense slightly at your proximity, at this distance, he could see the exact colour of your eyes, and the usual incoherent thoughts he always seemed to get when you were around clouded his mind. 

There was a small smirk on your face as you looked at him and your eyebrow was cocked once more at him as you spoke, “Not too bad, hmm?” 

A small chuckle escaped him before he could stop it and he felt his neck warm once more at being called out, “Well, I’ve had worse…” 

“I don’t doubt that,” You said softly, eyes were warm as you looked at him for a moment. You smelt like the sea combined with something warm and citrusy that he couldn’t name. It was wonderful and with such little distance between the two of you, it was difficult for him to focus on anything else. 

He flinched slightly as your hand gently rested against his left side, pain but also something else entirely shot through him with your touch. He tried to focus on you as you spoke instead of the way his skin was tingling under your touch, “Take a deep breath for me.”

He did as he was told, wincing slightly at the pain it caused. You made a quiet humming noise before your hand moved around towards his back, “Deep breath again.”

You had him repeat that multiple times on each side before you stepped back to get a better look at his face, “Didn’t AZI give you bacta for this? I don’t need my medscanner to tell you’ve got broken ribs.”

He felt his face flush as he spoke, “I uh, told him to save it. We don’t have a lot and my brothers needed it more than I did.” 

Instead of scorn or judgement though, the look you gave him was soft and full of understanding, “I’m sure we can get some more, there’s lots of people on this island who will likely need it at some point. You don’t have to suffer, Hunter.”

The uncomfortable feeling that had been following him around for days was crawling its way back up his throat. He wanted to tell you that he did, that after everything he had failed to do a bit of suffering was the least he deserved. The words almost made their way out before he stopped them and instead, he gave a half-hearted shrug that hurt his ribs, “It’s really not that bad.”

The look you gave him was so knowing that it made his skin crawl. It was like you could see the thoughts currently in his head, but you didn’t push, you simply sighed, “Alright, I know when to admit defeat,” You gave him a soft smile and your hand gently patted his knee once before you turned and made your way to the counter against one wall.

He watched you as you moved methodically, pulling things out of cupboards, and mixing things together. It didn’t take you long to do whatever it was you were doing and when you turned back around you had a small bag of powder in one hand and a jar of what looked like green paste in the other. 

You smiled softly at what he knew was likely a look of skepticism on his face. He knew there was more than one way to heal injuries, that fancy medbays, droids, and bacta weren’t the only things in the galaxy with healing properties but a lifetime of Kaminoan treatment did make him wonder just how effective whatever you had would be. 

“Like I said before, my first recommendation is actually to take the Bacta,” You said as you stopped in front of him once more, “But since I’m assuming that will not happen, you can try this instead.” 

You held up the small bag of powder in your hand first, “Drink a tablespoon of this two times a day, morning and night. My professional tip is to add it to hot tea, it helps with the taste,” You then held up the jar, “And rub this on to your ribs two to three times a day. I’ve adjusted the doses a bit, I’m not exactly sure if it’ll have the same effects as normal given your faster-than-average clone metabolism, but I think it should give you some relief,” You set the bag of powder down beside him on the table as you opened the jar. She put a small amount of her fingers, gesturing towards his ribs with it to let your intentions known. 

He nodded and then his breath caught at the tingling sensation that occurred as you rubbed the salve over his bruised torso,  “And lastly, but most importantly, rest. No heavy lifting, no twisting, no saving civilians. Rest,” You said gently as your hand pulled away from him once the salve was completely rubbed in. He felt his eyes widen at the cooling sensation that suddenly spread beneath where you had applied the salve, it was the first bit of relief he had felt in days. 

“Come back in a few days to see me, I’ll recheck them and if you’re still having pain we can maybe try something else,” You said as you replaced the lid on the salve and put it down beside the bag of powder. 

“Thank you,” he said as he grabbed the top of his blacks and gently pulled it back on over his head. His ribs were still painful but the cooling sensation from the salve was helping a bit. Once it was in place he looked at you again, “What do I owe you?”

You looked momentarily surprised, “You don’t owe me anything Hunter.” 

“I can’t just take this from you and you took the time to see me on your day off,” He protested as the uncomfortable feeling returned. They didn’t have any credits, what they had had from Omega and Crosshair’s gambling adventure had been on The Marauder. He was certain he could find some way to pay everyone back eventually though. He hadn’t quite figured that out yet, but he would.

You shook her head, “No, I don’t do this to make credits, Hunter. I do it to help others. And the lack of excitement on this island means pretty much every day is my day off,” Your gaze was soft and sincere as you looked at him, “Plus, Phee sent you so you automatically get the friends and family discount.” 

He was still hesitant, it was hard to trust the generosity of others. Especially after having spent so long working for Cid and seeing how many in the galaxy operated,  “What’s the friends and family discount?”

“Free,” You replied brightly, patting his knee once more before you retreated, cleaning up the supplies you had left on the counter. He watched you for a moment but when it was clear you would not be changing your mind he sighed and went about putting the top half of his armour back on. 

Hunter was silent as you walked him back towards the front door, he didn’t know what to say, or really how to thank you for helping him but you didn’t seem to be bothered by his silence. You stopped at the door, turning towards him with another bright and warm smile on your face that made his heart rate pick up at an alarming rate. 

“Take it easy, Hunter,” You said gently before your eyes narrowed playfully, “I mean it, rest.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” He finally managed to say. Which only made his face flush more, because that was a dumb thing to say. He technically wasn’t a soldier talking to a civilian anymore, and ma’am just sounded old. 

You chuckled softly but before he could do anything else to make a fool of himself he made his way out of your house, looking back once with a wave before he disappeared from sight. He sighed as he walked, now he just needed to figure out how to actually rest. 

*

“New outfit! I like it,” You said with a bright smile as you pushed open your front door. For the second time that week Hunter had found himself standing outside of your house in the early morning only to have you appear moments later with a surfboard in hand. 

“Uh, yeah,” Hunter replied because once again his brain didn’t seem to be able to keep up with the rest of him. He rubbed at the back of his neck as you shut the door behind him before turning to smile at him once more. It had been hard for him to shed his armour, even though he had to admit that no longer having hard plastoid rubbing against his side made a big difference to the pain in his ribs. The simple tunic and pants that Shep had given him felt odd, but he guessed that eventually he’d get used to it. 

“A bit more practical for island life,” You said as you led him towards the medical room, “I could imagine it would be a bit more comfortable too.”

Hunter shrugged, “I was pretty used to the armour,” 

You paused for a moment, seemingly considering his words, “Well, it looks good and your ribs probably thank you.”

He felt his face heat at the looks good comment. He wasn’t unused to attention, but coming from you it felt completely different. Other than a quick night here and there he’d never really had the chance to even think about beyond a simple attraction, never mind anything that even somewhat resembled a relationship. But now, on Pabu with no more battles to fight, the rest of his life stretched out before him, he would be lying if he hadn’t thought about more with greater frequency lately. If your smile had been filling his dreams lately, well, that he would keep to himself. 

“How are they feeling?” You asked, clearly unaware of what your comment had done to him. 

“Better,” Hunter replied, which this time, was not a lie, “You might be a miracle worker,” His ribs, while not fully healed, felt so much better than they had before. The salve and tea had done wonders, he almost felt normal again. Or at the very least like he could get back to carrying things. 

You smiled at him but the sheepish nature of it had him raising his brow questioningly, “Well, I don’t know about miracle worker. It was probably the rest. I roped Omega, Shep, and Phee into making sure you took it easy.”

Their sudden increase in concern and pestering despite him denying any need for help suddenly made a lot more sense. He frowned at you, “I knew that was suspicious.” 

You laughed which did something to him, “I’ll gladly take the credit though. Can I take a look?”

Still reeling from the sound of your laughter he nodded, pulling the tunic off quickly as his face heated once again. You were once again nothing but professional as you examined him, having him repeat the same deep breaths you had early in the week. Meanwhile, he had to count back from 100 to try and keep his mind off of the feeling of your hands on him. 

As your hands ghosted over a particular spot on his ribs he couldn’t help but flinch, a quick hiss of air escaping his lips before he could stop it. 

You froze, hand hovering over his skin as you looked up at him with concern. You were so close that he could see every fleck of colour in your eyes, could hear your heart beating, strong and steady in your chest. Your scent was nearly overwhelming, and he wanted desperately at that moment to close the distance between the two of you.

“Pain?” You asked, breaking him from his thoughts. 

He shook his head, “Cold.” 

“Sorry, it was a pretty chilly swim this morning,” You answered with a shy smile before you placed your hand back on him. He shivered at the contact while trying to remind himself that this was a professional setting and that kissing you would be decidedly unprofessional.  

“It’s ok,” Hunter said, and then because apparently his mouth wasn’t on the same page as his mind, “I don’t mind, feels good actually.” 

At this distance, he didn’t miss the way your cheeks flushed slightly or the way your heart rate picked up a notch. It was thrilling, he thought, to know he had at least some effect on you. 

You continued your examination quietly for another moment before you stepped back. An impressed look on your face as you did so, “It’s really incredible how fast you guys heal. You look so much better.”

Another byproduct, with their advanced aging it meant their cells regenerated much faster than average. Quicker maturity and healing with the cost of half the lifespan. 

“Do you still have some of the tea and salve left?” You asked as he pulled his shirt back on. 

“Yeah, about half I would say,” Hunter replied, “It really did seem to make a difference.”

“They both contain a natural painkiller that we’re able to grow here on the island. It’s the main ingredient in bacta, actually," You answered, “I’d keep up with the tea and the salve for the rest of the week. And keep resting, it looks like you’ll be ok in a few days but take it easy. I don’t want you back here because you’ve re-injured yourself. Not that I mind your company, but I’d prefer these visits to be on a non-professional basis.”

Hunter sighed, not liking the idea of staying idle when there was still a lot to be done. He needed to help Rex, the other clones, and never mind the whole house situation. But he wasn’t so stubborn that he couldn’t listen to medical advice, especially not when it actually was making a difference. He followed after you out into your living room, resigned to his fate. His mind however was turning over your last comment, you actually liked his company. Which was, admittedly surprising since he couldn’t seem to string more than a few words together anytime he was around you. 

He paused near your door, his gaze casting around your warm and bright space, a conversation he’d had with Omega earlier suddenly at the forefront of his mind, “Your home is very nicely decorated,” The words felt awkward coming out of his mouth and he instantly cringed. But if you thought he was weird you made no indication of it. 

Instead, you simply smiled at him brightly, “Thank you.” 

“Do you… have any tips? For, uh - decorating?” He asked, his voice stilted as his face began to heat up. He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he forged on, “Omega wants to decorate our home and uh… I don’t really know…how?”

Your gaze was so warm that it didn’t help the fluttering in his chest. Your look was completely judgment-free despite it being honestly a ridiculous question, “Well, I don’t really know if I have any tips… I just pick things that speak to me.”

He stared at you blankly, “Speak to you…”

You laughed, the sound once again making him feel as if he were having a mini-heart attack, “Sorry, I guess that does sound pretty silly, but here-” you said as you walked towards one of the tapestries you had hanging on the wall behind your couch. You looked at him for a moment with an easy smile before you gestured to it, “What do you see when you look at this?”

“Uh…” He started then stopped, looking between you and the tapestry, “Blue?”

You laughed again and he was surprised at the soft bark of laughter that escaped him too, it really was ridiculous, “Ok, maybe I started off with too hard of a question” You said, continuing with a soft chuckle. He watched you closely as you turned your head back to look at it, a wistful expression overtaking your face, “When I look at it, the colours remind me of the ocean. The very first time I saw it I had the same feeling I get when I look out at the sea and I decided I wanted to get that feeling even when I’m in my home.” 

He looked back at the tapestry and its multiple shades of blues and whites woven together, it was quite nice. And the longer he looked at it he supposed he could see how the colours were similar to the ocean, “Oh, uh, yah.”

“Did you ever have posters up in your barracks or ship? Or see art or a picture that maybe you feel something?” You asked, amusement colouring your face. 

A wave of embarrassment rushed through him, “Well yah, but uh - I don’t think that’s very appropriate for a house with a kid in it.” The scantily clad picture of Senator Amidala that had once adorned the nose of The Marauder before General Skywalker got wind of it was the first thing that came to mind. 

You chuckled, “Ok, yes, maybe not like that. But obviously, there was something about those posters that you liked... some sort of feeling you got when you looked at them…”

“Arousal?” He teased before he could stop himself. He immediately felt embarrassed by his inability to keep his mouth shut but it seemed he didn’t need to worry about that. 

Your head tipped back as you laughed and your hand came up to rest on his arm, as if to steady yourself while you did so. A small thrill rushed through him at the sound. It had been a long time since he had made someone other than Omega laugh like that. 

“I walked right into that answer,” You said once your laughter had died down, “Let me correct myself, we’re looking for a different emotion.. happy, calm, peace, joy… something along those lines.”

“This all sounds a lot more difficult than I was expecting,” Hunter replied with a gruff chuckle. 

You laughed again as you squeezed his bicep gently, “Try not to overthink it, when you know, you’ll know.” 

“Sure…” He said, though what he wanted to say was that it all sounded like a load of poodoo to him. 

Clearly, his skepticism was showing because you chuckled again as your hand moved from his arm, “How about this, every few months we host a market on the island where all the bakers, crafters, makers, artists, anyone and everyone get together to trade and sell their wears. It’s in a few weeks, how about we go, you bring Omega, and maybe the three of us can find some things that speak to you?” 

“Ok,” Hunter agreed before he even fully processed what you had proposed. 

“Great,” You said with another beaming smile, “It’s a date.” 

Hunter felt everything inside of him freeze, his brain short-circuiting, “It’s a date,” He found himself repeating so quickly that embarrassment coloured his face. 

Your answering smile was worth every painful moment he’d ever experienced in his short life as the two of you walked towards the front door. You leaned casually against the door frame once Hunter had passed through, arms crossed over your chest, expression warm, “Great. See you later, Hunter. And remember, take care of those ribs.” 

He nodded, not trusting himself to say something else ridiculous before he left, giving you a quick wave over his shoulder as he headed back up the hill toward his own home. 

He still might not like medical treatment or know anything about decorating. But he had a much better idea of what spoke to him. Now, he just had to figure out what one actually did on a real date. 

[beef-brisket]

Mouthwash

(( @fanofstuff01 , let's goooo- I hope this is a good start 😫))

He never thought waking up would be so painful. But it's to be expected, to suddenly be dragged out of the peace he had yearned for, would obviously be unpleasant. But painful? He hasn't felt physical pain since his time on Earth, so why was he feeling it now?

He should be dead. But he's not.

His eyes slowly came into focus. He hadn't realised he even opened them. He was assaulted by red. It wasn't the usual red either. It was sickly, pale, and uncanny. But he recognised it. He would care if his body wasn't radiating with pain.

He slowly gathered himself and tested the waters by moving his fingers and trying to shift his body.

He eventually made it to his knees, leaning against a piece of rubble. His left arm gripped his chest, his robe soaked in golden and red blood. There should be a wound, but all he felt was risen flesh. A scar. He felt sick even thinking of his body being marked in such a way.

He glared towards the hotel, its lights bright and more alive than before. Everything he and his girls fought for was for nothing. The building was grander and more magnificent.

He felt hatred when his eyes landed on a tower on the side that was shaped like an apple. It was a mockery.

With a groan, Adam forced himself to his feet. He needed to get away from the blasted place, not wanting to see anyone that had any relation to the building or the family that ran it.

His steps were weak and uneasy, the pain turning into more of a throbbing.

Gasping, he fell against a glass window, having made it into the border of Pentagram City. This was the first time he got to look at his reflection.

Adam: ...What the fuck...?

He touched his face, he looked the same, just more well rested, and his completion looked healthy. His eyes were multiple shades of pink, and his stubble was gone.

Pulling open hos robe, he almost weeped at the sight. He was fit and lean. He looked new. Perfect.

So perfect.

He ran a hand down his face. At the same time, Adam could feel himself getting lost in his deep pink eyes. The world around him disappeared, just melted away.

Adam: I'm fucking back... who knew all I needed to do was die. Fucking Sera can stick her diets- ahh~!

Falling against the glass, Adam felt a new kind of pulsing run through him. It was a feeling he was familiar with bug he couldn't understand why he was feeling it now.

His lower stomach cramped and tensed, his nails pushed into the glass. He felt his cock harden and a strange wetness form, coating him.

All decency thrown out of the window, Adam pushed his hand into his boxers. He was relieved to feel his cock, but he what he felt next was completely unexpected.

Two fingers brushed inside of him, into something he recognized.

Adam: I-Is that a fucking... vag?

What broke what was left of his sanity was even more wetness the further his fingers went back. His ass was lubricating itself to.

He felt sick. His stomach cramped, making him cry out. A wash of pink covered his vision, giving Hell a new look, it looked so fuckable.

Sinner: Hey, man. You okay?

Adam moaned as a large hand gripped his shoulder. Looking up, his eyes locked with a large, bull looking sinner.

Adam: F-Fuck me- please, daddy~.

The sinner blinked before smirking. Adam almost screamed as his whole body pulsed with pleasure. He was thrown over the sinners' shoulders and walked a few steps down the street. Turning, Adam noticed that they were I an alley way, and there were two other sinners behind them. One looked like a spider, and the other some kind of hoofed demon.

Bull: Want us to fuck you, baby?

Adam quickly nodded, and as soon as he was dumped onto the ground, he spread his legs.

Spided: Holy shit- and this sluts free? It costs double my paycheck to fuck a whore not even half as pretty as this one.

He blushed beyond happy that these sinners approved of how he looks.

Adam: Can- take all three of you- please~. I need it so badly~.

Deer: Damn right you do, bitch.

Bull: Holy shit- he's got all the fucking parts! I'm taking his ass~.

Spider: I've got his fucking puss!

The goat smirked: Guess I have the mouth~. Keep those teeth away from me baby~.

Adam: Y-Yes daddy~.

Moving to his hands and knees, Adam opened his mouth, waiting for the sinners to enter him. He was getting so desperate that even his robe was making him moan. He's never been so sensitive.

Spider: I'm getting underneath, give you some room, big guy.

Bull: Fuck, that's hot~.

His heart raced as the sinners got into position. The goats thick, long cock rested on his lips. The spider got under Adam, his cocks head already pressed between his folds and the bull was basically vibrating as he spread Adam's cheeks apart.

The bull growled: Haven't even started yet, and this robe is pissing me off.

Adam: Rip it off- please, tear it apart~!

Laughing, the bull grabbed the collar and tore the fabric off Adam's body, bumping it to the floor.

Without any warning, the sinners pushed into Adam, their cocks felt so refreshing inside of him, rubbing and hitting multiple sensitive places inside of him.

He wanted more. He was moaning and crying as his body was rocked by the sinners. He wanted as many dicks inside him as possible.

For a moment, he thought this was a mistake. He was the first man. He shouldn't be built like this. But those thoughts had quickly left his mind. Nearly all logical thought left his mind. All Adam cared about was getting fucked, and having as much cum inside him as possible.

Bull: Fuuuck~! So fucking good~.

Adam was good. Adam was the best they were ever going to get. And he wanted all of Pride to know that to. For them to line up and each take a turning using and filling him. He nearly came from the thought alone.

He was definitely going to need some mouthwash after this.

[reidhalstead]

He falls quiet when she seethes, that finger squeezes on the trigger; he sees the fractal movement right before he feels the cutting sting of a bullet splitting the skin of his hand wide open. Reid curses under his breath, forcing himself forward instead of back — though, the sunlight over a verbena-smeared hand has little in the way of pain comparison. He clasped the side of the wound, drawing it towards him, the fingers shaking with the pain as his skin slowly struggled to heal.

"Anika, what the fuck," It's an instinct that has his teeth gritting together. He's looking for something from the ground, ignorant to the idea she's still got bullets left in that pistol. Oh fucking shoot me, Booker. It's a long-drawn-out thing of silences and looks that he can no longer decipher. Reid had thought he'd become so good at learning the language of Anika. Turns out, he doesn't know a dime about this. And when he finds her t-shirt, it's so he can tear it (she's wearing his) and use a strip of fabric to wrap around the glaring hole that's so neatly almost centre to his palm.

He doesn't know what the hell she's playing at. But it's sobering, suddenly. To physically bleed; droplets daubing the carpet at his feet. Halstead starts to realise he'll never get his answer. She's entirely lost it, or regret in Anika Booker's deck of cards looks a lot like an episode from a psychotic ex.

She hasn't killed him if that were her plan. She's had a hundred chances; the last one, a gun aimed point blank at the emptiness in his chest. If she could open him up like that, before he'd be dust, she'd see how vicious he haemorrhages in there. He's more alive inside for the first time, in the turmoil of grief than she'll ever get to know. It's a painted picture all over his features (the kind an artist might appreciate), the shock and despair of it all.

He's still tending to his hand when she's slamming open the fridge and clattering metal cans around. A frown knits together, breathing a laugh of disbelief. He's no longer sure who has lost it. Him or her, or both. Maybe she's poisoned him and he's on his way out, the slow, agonising way. It sure feels like it. The can in her hand is an odd sight, but it's not shocking. There's always been canned animal blood in there, a butcher helped him with that, a little while later; not without a price.

"Obviously—" It's hissed, as he ties the knot of fabric around his hand, flexing his fingers as he turned to duck beneath the suddenly launched can. It smacks against the wall to his rear, spraying red across his back, the sofa and the walls. "Jesus, what is wrong —"

She's snarking at him, that gun back — poised.

He really isn't sure who has lost their mind. Any memory of gentle, lusting touches is gone. Ripped out of him and replaced with a nauseating confusion that he's way too slow to puzzle into place. His good hand is outstretched in one final bout, to urge her to stop firing bullets at him. Or at least, to stop tormenting him with painful injuries. Just end it, if that's her intention. Anika's never been a gamesmaster.

"A joke— I —" He cuts himself off when his eyes look at the brotherhood tattoo on his hand, the thing held out between them. The faded, magicless stain forever reminds him of what he's lost. Reid's streak of losing things is unmatched. But there's no way she —

"You're telling me you didn't know?" It's accusatory, a lot colder where pain seems to get caught in his throat at the stupidity that would be. "You — Anika, you've been living with me for months, you're a damn hunter," All those compliments he's ever served her for hunterhood seem null and void now. "You're fucking with me. You cannot stand there and tell me you didn't fucking know." She has to be, because what else is there? It's a lie. It's all a lie. Because Anika cannot be that stupid. Not that much of a terrible hunter to fail to notice the blood in the fridge, or the curtains drawn, or the night job — or the surviving being stabbed, or Book's damn apprehensions. This isn't drunken idiocy.

Reid's unfairly annoyed by the revelation — because he feels foolish too, to think for even a second she might have looked at him as someone, and not a monster. But, that doesn't mean anything either, because she wasn't looking past the vampire to see a man; she was looking at what she thought was something else; something alive. He's pissed enough, that even if his softness remains in his stillness, he nods his head towards her cocked weapon:

"Your father hesitated too."

Holding that gun aimed at his heart felt familiar. It felt good. Because this — this she could understand. Screaming, and fighting, and every lover turned enemy, and every caress a goddamn punch to the jaw. It's what you really want, isn't it? This was the only language she understood, the only one she spoke, because It was all she'd ever known. Anika would rather hold a weapon in her hands, than what was left of a broken heart. The thought that she had, for mare minutes, traded one for the other poured more gasoline into the fire and fueled up her anger.

Whatever his plan had been all that time, he could unfold it; then and there. Bear sharp fangs and turn into a monster. Drop the fake act and that look in his eyes, pleading and broken, like he hadn't been the one pulling the strings the entire time. Anika wondered why it took him so long, if he had a change of heart somewhere along the way, if the cries for help and the longing stares were just things that happened; cracks in the facade, small slips of control, string of that mask loosening before it was readjusted again on pale, cold features. She expected this persona he'd built up to crumble, at the sight of her weapon; for his mouth to grow wide and malicious, eyes dark and bloodshot. If anything, she was making things easier for him, wasn't she? She was begging for the rage and the hatred.

But he was raising his hands in surrender and uttering her name like it was anything but bitter on his tongue. She was confused — why wasn't he doing anything? Her chest was heaving and her brain was trying to stich up facts and memories stained with his truest nature that she had foolishly miscalculated together, and nothing made sense. What about the fucking tattoo? Nothing made sense. He didn't make fucking sense. "Shut the fuck up." the gun went off.

A verbana laced, wooden bullet ripped through one of his raised hands. It was a warning shot, still. If it was anything other than that, he'd be dead.

Fuck, did she want to tell him he was nothing, as she watched blood tickling down. That he was just another name on her list; just another victim she had picked up off the side of the road. That she had known all along, and was waiting to see how far he'd take this, how long before he snapped. That all of this was a test; a stupid, little game that only had one way of ending, and they've reached the finish line.

How could you be this fucking stupid?

She moved to the kitchen then, francticly opening the fridge to look for whatever it was he had been drinking all that time. She never had any interest in them, nothing he ever did was of any importance to her. He could be fucking up beings in the woods, judging by the hunter mark on him, and she wouldn't give a damn. With one can already in her hand, she felt more questions swirling up a storm inside her mind. "This' been blood in here, the whole time?" she didn't sniff it, but poured it into the sink to really look at it. Then the flask flew across the room, and she aimed the gun at him once more. Her throat raw, thoughts a fucking mess. "This has all been a fucking joke to you, huh?"

[theodore-lasso]

.

[kuruk]

genuinely sort of obsessed with suicide and killing yourself and dying lately. main character in a manhwa I was reading tried killing herself kind of late into the story coincidentally at a time where I was already starting to become very obsessed with death wnd now I'm having so much fun finding more killing yourself stories like yes let's all kill ourselves no more I think that'squite enough.. like 8ts really the only thing I look forward to thinking about lately I wake up disappointed that there's nothing to look forward to for the day or life but remember I have time to think about killing myself and I'm like Yay and hurray and such. I've felt this way like twice and it's a comparatively higher risk level of being suicidal for me since I kindof dont care about anything but this focus and I feel almost genuine excitement and anticipation about death and for hours a day I'm just fantasizing about being able to give up or start over, which is worse than having severely sad angry emotional issues kind of depressed where things do matter and they're just not good but in this case nothing matters or excites me except this. it's worse as in like it doesn't feel as impossible to happen but it does feel way better like well at least I still have killing myself and dying we wlways have killing ourselves and dying

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[pkmoth]

having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself

[conkreetmonkey]

I wanna make a Conky ref and lore sheet/bio, I'm really growing attached to that goober

[lesbiansanemi]

I'm so tired

[actualaster]

I know media does it to most easily showcase how much pain a character is in, but you don't actually need to be in so much pain you're screaming from it for a limb to give out from pain.

Sometimes it's just a white-hot flash of agony so sudden it takes your breath away and the next thing you know you're on the ground/bed/back in the chair/whatever.

It's so abrupt and intense and quick that it's over before you have even a chance to make a sound and all that's left is the deep, lingering ache of it.

And sometimes it's not even pain! Sometimes a limb can just... Stop working and down you go. The pain comes after.

(That's what happened to my knee where I ended up needing to be wheeled around because I couldn't walk--just gave out and hurt after it stopped working)

There's pain you cry out from, for sure, but there's plenty of pain--pain that can be literally debilitating--that you don't scream from, either, but that doesn't make it less of an impediment. Depends on the person themselves a lot, as well as the type of pain itself.

[l0rd-0f-c0ws]

I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun

[databent]

strated writing and gave up on 2 separate posts basically just yelling about how mad it makes me that n24 is so misunderstood and accomodations are so unavailable. MAN

[m-for-now]

Improving in your life is actually kinda hard and sucks, I'm gonna pretend I'm at the beginning of my anime arc now