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hyckism · 22 hours

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BOX. — three

(this chap also has written parts :)))

as you entered the small shop, the aromatic scent of books wafted into your nose. despite feeling like absolute shit, you always found solace in being at work.

“ugh finally! you're here," renjun says, sounding exhausted. "it’s been super slow today, but i managed to go through about 3 boxes. the rest are in the back and just need to be sorted on the carts to be put out. OH! also, chenle and jisung should be arriving in about 5 minutes. you could-"

“hi y/n how are you today??? i’m doing good renjun, just trying to forget about this hangover i have,” you interrupted while walking past him to place your belongings down behind the counter.

“listen y/n i’m SOO sorry, but you know how particular ms. jeong gets about things not being put together,” he says genuinely. you roll your eyes eyes and let out a small sigh.

“yeah i know. i forget to put the step stool away ONCE, and i haven’t stopped getting passive comments from her since. like i get it lady, damn,” you muttered while placing your right cheek against the cool counter, letting it ease the heat radiating off your face.

“yeah, i meant to ask, what happened with you and beomgyu?? last week, you were talking like it was going so well between you guys,” he questioned curiously. you turn your cheek to the left, now facing the door instead of him, embarrassed.

he sort of left me high and dry with the whole moving in together thing," you said, trying your best not to tear up at the thought of getting your heart broken. “he said he thinks we’re ‘moving too fast’ and he wants to ‘live a little’ before he settles down.”

“what a fucking ass? he really said that? i swear if i catch him i’ll-.“

“renjun, it’s okay! i promise. i actually don’t feel too terrible about it. like yeah it hurts, but i’m glad he did it now instead of at the alter or something. would’ve been WAYY more embarrassing honestly,” you chuckle.

“i guess… still wanna beat his ass though,” he mutters, coming over to your figure at the counter, leaning resting his chin on his hand. you turn back to face him placing your arms under you head, the smooth material of your jacket replacing the cold counter.

“worst part is, i already told my landlord i was leaving and he’s already got someone else in line to move in when i’m out. i don’t think i’ll ever be able to find a deal as good as the one i’m getting now. the economy sucks,” you sigh. renjun perks up, processing your words.

“wait did you just say you’re looking for a place?” he questions.

“yeah. and i only have three weeks to-“

“i know a place,” you stand up immediately urging him do do the same and continue.

“are you serious?? omg tell me!! tellmetellmetellmetellme!!!” you shout while shaking his shoulders. “w-well yeah. jisung’s roommate just left today and he was complaining about not being able to afford the full rent by himself. i don’t know all the details so you’d have to talk to him about it.-“

**DING**

just then the chime of the door brings your attention to it, a tall man in a red hoodie and dark sweats comes rushing in, breathing heavily.

“i came as fast as i could, is she-“ almost instantly his eyes land on you and he immediately stands up straight and adjusts his look.

“hey,” he says in a deep voice, still attempting to ease his breathing while trying to maintain his fake cool guy demeanor.

“hi,” you giggle, attempting not to burst out laughing in his face. “i’m jisung by the way, you must be y/n,” he says voice almost fully back. you turn to renjun and give him a look that says ‘really? THIS guy.’ he nods his head in approval and you turn back to the man in front of you.

yes, i am," you smile, "it's nice to meet you, jisung." you extend your hand for him to shake, and he takes it, shyly smiling back, his façade faltering. you notice that his hands are slightly rough yet still super soft, and they're so large, almost engulfing your own. the grip on your hand was strong, yet not too tight, nor too loose, with veins accentuated by his slightly rolled-up sleeve.

lost in thought, you hardly even catch renjun clearing his throat until you swiftly release jisung's hand, causing him to snicker. as you turn to face renjun, he squints suspiciously at your antics and then shifts his gaze back to Jisung.

“i was actually just telling her about jeno moving out, and how you’re gonna need a new roommate,” he speaks as he places his hands on your shoulders turning you back around to face the other man. “you see, y/n here, is looking for a place in the area to move into, says her place is too quiet or something,” he lies. you mentally note to thank him for not sharing ALL your business to someone you just met.

“oh yeah?” jisung says in his rich voice, your knees ALMOST buckling as he slightly leans down to your level, raising one eyebrow with a tilt of his head. “need a place, pretty girl?”

your face immediately heats tenfold at the nickname, hangover long forgotten. hands immediately fly to cover most of your face and cheeks, looking at jisung through the gaps in your fingers. you nod before continuing to speak. “y-yeah. i have about three weeks to move out a-and…” you shut up, clearing your throat standing up straighter and lifting your chin to meet his gaze.

‘come on y/n. LOCK IN.’

“i’d have to get to know you more before i consider it though,” you finish, moving to walk in front of the counter to get out of his proximity, placing your hands on your hips. he laughs and stand to his full height.

‘damn he’s tall.’ you thought.

“yeah of course. how ‘bout after this you give me your number and we can work out when to meet again when we’re not busy? sounds good?” he asks, once again tilting his head slightly with that fucking eyebrow.

“yeah,” you chuckle while looking down slightly “i will,” you finish.

“now that that’s done, where’s the hell’s chenle?? i thought you guys came together?” renjun questions jisung.

“yeah ha… i may have actually…” jisung starts, nervously twiddling his thumbs, but the door opening interrupts once again.

“this motherfucker RAN out the car at a red light, THREE stoplights back mind you, saying i was taking ‘too long’ and he has a girl ‘waiting’ on him,” the slightly shorter man walks up to the counter, looking at renjun and pointing to jisung as he spoke. the man in question seems to be unusually intrested in the light fixtures and celing fans around the shop. you approach him and wave to get his attention.

“hey there! you must be chenle, right? i’m y/n,” you smile meeting his gaze. chenle waves back looking over you towards renjun and jisung, smirking.

“i get it,” is all he says before placing his items down on the counter.

“well now that everyone is here, it's time to get to work," renjun enthusiastically claps and gestures for everyone to follow him to the back to begin restocking.

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UNEDITED

im so late😭😭 but chap 3 SLAYYY!! tysm for everyone being so sweet i love it here honestly haha💕💕

☆ TAGS ☆ @yyangj3lly @miyawwn @buns-inhiding @axo-l0tl

#hyckismwrites #box. hyckism #jisung x reader #jisung x you #nct #nct dream #nct imagines #nct smau #nct jisung #park jisung smau #park jisung fluff #nct dream smau #nct dream imagines #jisung nct #nct x you #nct x reader #j

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starlightswait · 5 months

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GONNA THROW UP GINNA HAVE A OANIC ATTACK GONNA COMBUST

#personal #i got a job offer #and for what it is the money woulld genuinely be really helpful #i would have to put in my two weks at [redacted]#and i am not terribly broken up about that #but i feel bad feel anxious #and more distressingly - it’s a cobtract that goes until november #but i’ve been applying to gard school #and won’t hear back until. march or april or even may #and if i got in i would start august and wouldn’t be able to do both #bc it’s full time #until november #i texted her explaining this and asked if there was any flexibility with the end dated but i doubt it #and if there’s not then i have to say no #but if i say no and then get into none of the schools im going to fuckinv hate myself #tbc - i did not apply for this knowing all the conflicts lmao #i didn’t apply at all #a supervisor with a company i’ve worked with a couple of times rrached out and said she thought the role would be good for me

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sysig · 12 days

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By the skin of your teeth (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #DAX #ZEX #Pyramid Head #The Captain #Blood #The cuts themselves are just black and white because I'm controlling myself lol - clearly not That much with the rest but hey!#Still it is a very nasty cut for how nonchalantly I've drawn them all haha - ZEX's back too he's just facing forward #I also momentarily forgot that he was in his uniform it's fine don't worry about it lol #All these speculations on where and how about the injuries and then just - What Uniform That I Am Enamoured By? Haha #I've done the same thing with DAX I keep forgetting about his poor ankle and then it comes up and I'm like ''Oh yeah haha I knew that''#How are some details so sticky and others so smoke-like! Some stay in my brain and others - pffbtl how silly #All the same it's still the Funnest Fun <3 #There's something so Extra delightful to have Seen a setpiece - an object - an idea - and then get to interact with it <3 <3 #Hitting Pyramid Head with Zelnick's frying pan! Forget PH I can't believe we had the budget for the skillet's appearance fee ♪♫ Hehehe #No but honestly Pyramid Head was incredible ✨ Wonderfully scary and distressing and tense and full of fallout! Terrible things!! ♪♫#I've never drawn him before so it was interesting! :0 His appearance in SH2 looks all squished #Like his belly is jutting out across from a broken spine! Quite spooky #I don't think I fully managed to capture that - kinda just looks like his hip bones are very prominent hehe - but maybe some other time :)#I hope they don't run into him again - for their sake tho haha ♪#DAX continually pulling ZEX behind him to try and protect him (and failing) was something I really Had to put to paper <3 #As well as snuggles!! Even before they got Really hurt I was like Oh everyone needs hugs so bad :'0 And they do!! They need so many hugs!#Maybe especially Zelnick poor Captain :'0 Give this boy a break #The injuries are more of a self-guide hehe I'm not sure how accurate they are - they Feel accurate based on handedness et al #I was the least sure for Zelnick since he got tossed (poor thing!) but at least bruises are always fun to draw hehe #The return of my rainbow bruises lol - I only use three colours they're just so vibrant!#DAX trying so~ hard not to be taken in hehe what could these feelings be! Familiarly repressed? No surely not ♪#Be nice ♫

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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months

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...

#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad #bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young #and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder #but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small #and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible #grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing #and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is #probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a #fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong #with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality #and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever #as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun #its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to #read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like #yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess #i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she #clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate #unrelated

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grandtourz · 7 months

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i have so many thoughts about gohan and goten its kind of unreal

#and what am i gonna do... write about it? get serious #what can i say i love siblings in media :(#gohan who hardly got a childhood and spent it solely around people twice his age and maturing way faster #than he should have and then his dad dies (again) and he has to take care of his mom and his new baby brother #and he is 10!#and goten who got to experience peace thanks to his mystical legendary warrior of a dad and everyone tells him he looks like him and #how amazing and great he was and all he grows up seeing is the damage done to his family and then BOOM he just. comes back.#and listen i love goku okay im not a goku is a terrible father believer. he loves his family. but hes not a good dad by any means #gohan is trying to grow up while taking care of his mom and making sure his little brother never has to go through anything like he did #and at least goten has trunks! the only same aged friend gohan gets is dende and thats only because #hes off on a space mission at SIX YEARS OLD??? and then he gets his fucking neck broken and almost DIES #i could keep going.

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pepprs · 8 months

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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all #purrs #chicago #i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about #when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m #for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi #and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t #recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting #for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that #my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it #just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of #stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and #utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a #biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL #i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i #have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again #delete later #kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol

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arolesbianism · 5 months

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I've been playing the new cotl update and I generally like it but god do I fucking hate like all of the balance changes just let things be strong man

#rat rambles #like Im ok with the dice relics getting nerfed because they were pretty rediculous before #but making them fragile relics is absolutely terrible and unacceptable #I dont wanna be mean abt it but like time and time again theyve nerfed things way too fucking hard and only some of them get unfucked #like I am not even slightly exaggerating when I say this one change has made all of the dice the worst relics in the game #making them a one time use just completely fucked up the balance of them especially when theres other relics that are also deeply powerful #for getting health And are good damage dealers #it also showcases that they do not understand just how bad most of the fragile relics already are #like genuinely I am baffled by this decision its been making this update so much harder to enjoy #also apparently they massively lowered the level cap which? sucks so fucking bad?#like there's ways to let things be strong without being overpowered #like literally just make it harder to level up followers as they get to the stupid high levels thatd be a much better way to go about it #because lemme tell you its obnoxious to go out of your way to pour that much attention into a follower but rewarding #and for the dice and similarly broken relics just add an extra slow charge speed #you can throw kalamars ear into that pile too along with the bomb one since it's never worth picking up as a fragile relic #like I do genuinely like this new update and what it adds so far its just that the actual yknow gameplay got a smidge bit worse #and since I like the combat in this game any negative changes on it hit much harder than most quality of life stuff #also for the actual new content I do like it but I do hope this is the last big content update at least for a while #I worry abt the game becoming too crowded with mechanics to the point it stops feeling like a coherent game #and to be clear in my personal opinion this update is already bluring the lines of those fronts #again I do genuinely rly like this update it just makes me worry abt the future of this game #I hope if they do make another larger update they focus more on expanding upon already existing mechanics instead of making new ones #like I think sin could rly use more things to do with it #like with how many ways there are to generate it its strange that almost all of the things you do with it are cosmetic #although tbf I havent been dungeoning much today so maybe theres some hidden stuff to use sin for there lol #also one huge thing that Im confused by is the choice to put the sewing building on the first tier of the inspiration tree #cause it uses silk. aka the stuff from the last dungeon most players unlock #I feel like itd be more appropriate to put it as an ofbranch of the housing tree #so basically my review of this update is that its fun and I like the new mechanics but they do feel a bit half baked #and Im not a fan of the balance changes and Im also not a fan of the gun but thats more of a me problem

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oatbugs · 10 months

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whenever i think/talk abt a "you" it's at least 5 different people usually

#ive been thinking about how you separated the star of david into triangles and taught me about the equilibrium about as above so below #are we in equilibrium? ive been thinking about the star of david and the rest in peace beneath it #fuck the fascists and fuck how they took you and fuck how theyll take everyone. am i good at analysis?#it turns out weve all been lying a lot. it turns out the person weve all lied the most to was ourselves.#ive been thinking about your 5 journals and a whole week of crying just to realise our sin. you felt like a nucleus inside a fuzz of #electrons and i felt like the fuzz of electrons. we caught a ribbon and followed it past the point of discomfort #this is how you breathe so that you dont die and this is how you breathe so that you do. on your own terms.#i am going to be a good architect. i am going to be a good engineer. i am going to be a good neuroscientist. i am going to be good.#i reserve the label for being a let-go-of-labels person. i am going to be the one who lets go of identifiers #and make it my identity. how do you achieve constant bliss? separate the nucleus and the fuzz.#suffering from the impact of the self and the self-image، you told me about the bliss of separation.#okay. let them hate the cloud. youre inside of it all. i am nothing. this is not a label for the self. mereology is a lovely thing.#baby you are ripping through all these spiderwebs just to live. this is part of the normal developmental process. i am surrounded by people #who throw sums of millions out of their mouths like any other lovely word. i cant stand the thought of your loss #except only in theory. ive been thinking about the bird with the broken wing in florence and how we stood around it until #two friends picked it up and took it home in hopes of nursing him back to flight. ive been thinking about how we are designed to care #for each other. tomorrow you will have your dreams crushed. the day after you will keep going. we are sharing #in the wonders of being perceiving beings. isnt that enough? why do you need to perceive the monstrosity of your own soul? is it #because i love you? is it because you love yourself? you love yourself enough to allow yourself to feel the terrible corners of you.#you can finally stand on your own. you can only stumble forward until you walk for the first time.

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bluesidedown · 2 years

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.....

#babes forgive me but i need to complain just a leetle bit #i am soso tired and also pmsing and four qater mains in my sad old infrastructure needs replacing college town #have broken and we are on a boil water advisory #and i havent washed dishes in like five days #and i dont know what ill do about supper #and meanwhile i absolutely must finish my application for my prospective internship today which will involve some fairly introspective #thinking and also a good hard look at my finances which i just loathe (hatred despair i dont know anything)#and im crampy and sad and i just want to curl up in a blanket and cry a lil bit #and like. none of this is truly that terrible and i know that it will all seem better tomorrow #but damn it it sucks right now. just in all the little dumb ways.

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oculusxcaro · 1 year

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I always look forward to when you write... Well, anything! :) You're always so thoughtful and thorough. I have a lot more to admire about you but very little time to express it, so I'll just say thanks for writing with me and I genuinely enjoy your character. ❤️

Please tell me your favorite things about my portrayal/muse?

Thank you so much, halekulan-i! You might only have had a little time but this meant so much to me, how thoughtful your message was and that you took the time out of your day to send it. Thank you for writing with me and sharing your wonderful Harvey (and Two-Face) with us all; not just that, but also for jumping on the two bagels thing which started off how our two (or three?) started interacting??? I'm so glad you enjoy Khare and I hope she continues to bring you joy!

#halekulan-i #memes ;; what's your favourite thing about my muse?#Thank you again for sending this!#Your interactions with Khare have brought me so much happiness and Harvey gosh #He is wonderful like yes he's done terrible things but he's done some incredible things too and the whole two bagels thing was so funny #I'm glad you enjoyed it too #Harvey though he is a GEM #He brought to Khare's attention just how fucked up her housing situation was #She was in a very bad place like she didn't even know it was so bad she was just glad to have a roof over her head #And Harvey was just one of a few guys who actually have a damn and looked into doing something about it #Something which not many people would have done because why worry about a sketchy landlord when there's killer clowns on the loose?#Harvey cared and Khare was fucking devastated when she learned about the acid attack #Sending him those cheapass flowers bc it was all she could afford #ANYWAYS UM #Really appreciate you sending this and for being so very thoughtful thank you #I hope you continue enjoying this girl because I am sure as hell am enjoying your Harvey + Two-Face!#My heart for this tragically broken man #And his wife aka ex-wife Gilda she is a queen #We can't forget her

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bibridlizzie · 2 years

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Lizzie Saltzman

#lizziesaltzmanedit #legaciesedit #legacies #lizzie saltzman #legacies edit #tvdverse #She deserved to get a real apology for Hope and have a real deep conversation about it and also acknowledge everything she went through.#She died! She died and all we really got was her saying she hadn't wrapped her head about being immortal in like one line and that was all.#And she yelled that hope killed her in their argument but it's like. She died in a terrible way and was betrayed by someone she thought #she could trust! And she died! That deserves more acknowledgement! Plus I'm glad she likes being a vampire I really am but like. She's #always had issues with her mental health and controlling her emotions/reactions and we don't get anything? Like vamps emotions are supposed #to be hightened and we don't see her struggle with that almost at all. And we don't see any blood lust issues or issues with control #regarding feeding for her or for hope and it's just. We SHOULD'VE. Even Caroline had a few episodes where she was struggling with her #feelings and the blood lust. But whatever.#god she was Murdered by someone she loved. two actually bc josie killed her in s2. and on that note like shes just been through so much.#like she got stuck with a sister who was beyond ableist and blamed her for her own mental illness and breakdowns.#like 'she did this to herself' 'she can choose to take her medication' fuck OFF. and josie readinglizzies personal diary to the other #witches and then defending reading it by saying it was to help her??? as if thats not still fucked up. she literally told landon that #lizzie self harmed like what the actual fuck. in the au world shr blamed lizzie for alarics alcoholism and caroline not being around.#lizzie constantly got put down by her own sister and treated like she was broken and told she was suffocating for literally being mentally #ill. it'll never not be so ridiculous to me that Josie straight up acted like lizzies mental illness was a bigger problem and harder to #deal with for her than for lizzie. like??? she literally told lizzie rhat she never changes as if lizzies not the most developed character #in the show and isnt constantly trying to improve and working on herself. like. imagine being called suffocating and told that you take up #all the air in the room just bc you have a mental illness you literally cannot control. penelope and josie fuck all the way off like.#i could go on forever but lizzie deserved to call Josie out and be mad about it all. hope should've gotten to go off on her too. tbfh #hope and mg lizzie defense squad forever. (also. josie saying mg (who has adhd) 'has the impulse control of a preschooler'. like shut UP.#character #my moodboards #luca's stuff #moodboard tag

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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years

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If I had a penny for every time a dentist treated me and then immediately took a long break from work leaving me to try to find a new dentist I got along with, I’d have two pence. Which is not a lot of money but it’s weird that it’s happened twice

#my first dentist was SO nice. i came to her terrified of dentists and i had a giant cavity in one of my molars and she completely lulled me #into a sense of security and then promptly fucked off as soon as my teeth were fixed #and now it’s happening Again. the dentist who gave me a filling back in april is now on some kind of long sabbatical #and will not be doing appointments ‘for the foreseeable future’#she’s super nice as well #what is it about me that i’m causing dentists to quit. WHAT IS IN MY MOUTH #is it the fact that i’m resistant to anaesthetic and i hate needles so i turn down numbing injections and then just lie there eerily calm #while my teeth are being drilled and terrible things are happening to my gums. you know now that i type it out like that #it Does sound unnerving #like she literally asked twice if i was sure about not wanting anaesthetic and then said ‘okay hold your hand up if you’re in pain’#and i just. laid there and didn’t flinch. while she stabbed my gum to get a broken bit of tooth out of it #honestly they probably think i’m some sort of cryptid who can’t feel pain considering i’m also deeply weird looking (6 feet tall and so pale #i may as well be translucent) and i never speak and am bad at eye contact and all of that #today i have figured out that the dentists in my town think i’m an eldritch being. more on this as it develops #personal

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emeraldgreaves · 2 years

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#emerald speaks #spent a lot of time analyzing communication styles today and here's something i've concluded:#i am good at analysis and terrible at anecdotes #and this is why my writing ends up leaning clinical and explanatory #and why i'm sure i end up leaning towards certain characters #EG i like writing in the voice of the guy who calculates every threat the second he enters a room and the guy who likes asking 'why' about e #everything new or exciting he encounters #and i am absolutely awful at the ones who are social butterflies or good at connecting #not everyone wants a solution. sometimes they just want to talk for the sake of knowing someone else can relate #identifying that split is something i'm bad at #i'm thinking about this wrt to the ofic project #so the exercise: is to have my characters tell stories. to have them tell other people about their lives #side benefit of improving my dialogue #it will make them feel more real to people who read them #when i write analysis it feels real to me but i come off like a robot to most everyone else #idk i feel like i've broken through something today. that's very fun.

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tchotchkez · 2 years

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mmmmmm, 💀

#dwelling on existentialism and death and the loss of childhood and how once things and people are gone they're gone forever #and nothing is ever going to be the same ever ever ever again #nothing will ever have the same kind of surety and simplicity and kindness and familiarity and peace and safety #bc your grandpa is fucking dying and then your grandma will be fucking dying just like your dad your stepdad your everything else #your friendships and your family and your potential and your self-esteem and your dreams and literally everything else #i hate this i hate all of this loss i hate not being good enough i hate letting everyone down #i hate how i've lost everyone i love the most bc i am awful and terrible and broken and stupid #and the only place i can really open up and speak honestly about this is here in tags on this website #to no one and everyone

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