#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it
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shiftinghoesblog · 5 hours ago
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yapping about my drs ❕❕
okay so this was a request from one of my moots to do this so yeah!!
i have no clue where to start but i’ll talk about some of my desired realities that i shift to but probably mainly non group shift ones so personal ones 🫦
INFLUENCER
- this is one of my most recent drs i’ve been scripting and not gonna lie the main reason i’m shifting here is because of my man 🤭 he cosplays gojo... so you probably know as to why but besides the point, i was raised a nepo baby and younger sister to meghan thee stallion. i am a content creator, influencer (duh), fashion designer and i live with my s/o in the upper east side of new york🗽. i scripted that my first shift will be during christmas eve because who wouldn't wanna experience the city that never sleeps during the festive season and with your partner 😩 it’s gonna be the dream. i have a mad crazy friend group but i love them all because we’re so hot, cool and sexy. i did script that megan’s parents are still alive in my dr so let’s not worry about that. 💀 i dreamt about this dr a couple of times actually and about my s/o 😍, a couple of my friends. really looking forward to this dr.
OUTER BANKS
- i think i shifted here like twice or a couple of times but didn't realise it because i did mention to y’all about chilling with kiara and sarah, another time i did find myself surfing like literally just living the life through the waves and my ass thought it was a dream. looking back i doubt it was, in many instances to be honest. in this dr i am the sister to kiara and my s/o is pope 😌 i grew up a kook but i transitioned to a pogue when i joined the others. i’m the reason behind kiara and sarah making up and i’m close with rafe since kiara and sarah were best friends and probably would have sleepovers together. i scripted that cleo’s lesbian lmao 😭 you know why. i wiped the plot out a little and also made everyone graduate already so that school is out of the way when hunting for the gold.
AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER
yep, i have an atla dr yay! in this dr i’m the oldest sister to kiara and sokka. i’m a waterbending master and my s/o’s zuko??? enemies to lovers kinda vibe. definitely part of the gaang and i’m shifting here because atla is part of my childhood. i have the ability to also create ice and other powerful combat skills so i can't wait to experience this universe.
LEGENDS OF KORRA
i also have a lok dr because why not, i’m the little sister to korra the avatar but i’m gonna prove to everyone that i’m also capable to make a difference and i scripted that i can blood bend.. so ain't no one gonna touch me as well still being able to water bend. my s/o is bolin because he’s so underrated for real.
THE ORIGINALS
in this dr, i’m a hybrid so vampire and werewolf and an adopted mikealson. i live in new orleans and my parents are rebekah and marcel even though their not my bio parental figures because they are already dead 💀. also hopefully i can survive when dahlia comes in because i scripted that my first shift will be during season 2 😓 well shit wish me luck y’all. at least i’ll get to see baby hope aw.
FAME
i have a fame dr because i love attention 🥰 my main profession is being an actor and i’m known for my role in the vampire diaries. i also play robin in the one piece live action and act in many more projects, a nepo baby in this dr too because almost all my family members are well-known. my s/o is caleb mclaughlin? he plays lucas in stranger things and our characters in the show dated so that’s how our relationship sparked.
TWILIGHT
i love talking about drs so yeah i have a twilight dr where when i first shift, i’ll be human but i get turned by a villain in order to send the cullens (my friends) a warning like it’s “game on” so i’m gonna have to mentally prepare myself because i’m gonna basically die 😭 lmao. my s/o is jacob because i’m team jacob simple and it’s a slow burn 😀 woop woop.
SOME OTHER DRS
waiting room - i plan on permashifting here, chill, script, feel free, play with my cat, breath fresh air.
better cr - a better version of my cr and my s/o is jiung from p1harmony, i live with jenna ortega, i attend a boarding school in london, i also model.
wednesday - i’m the sister to bianca and my s/o is kent, i’m a siren and psychic medium.
fate: the winx saga - it’s so underrated i see no one shift here but it’s like the winx live action adaption on netflix, the only dr where i didn't script an s/o.
ateez - my s/o is san and i’m the only female and 9th member, main rapper, performer and maknae.
streamer - i go by lemonpie and my s/o is cory kenshin 😚.
victorious - grew up watching it and i’m andre’s sister.
soloist - i’m a k-pop soloist in this dr and my s/o is blackpink jisoo (yes I’m wlw) she’s so 😍😍😍.
singles inferno - this is a dating reality tv show but at the end of it i end up with wonho (ex. monsta x) i’m besties with song jia.
GROUP SHIFTS
not gonna lie they piss me off if they don’t put the damn effort
one piece (anime) - so far my most enjoyable one is the one piece (anime) shared dr because we talk almost everyday. anywho my s/o is sanji ahhh my vinsmoke baby! i’m the little sister to the asl brothers and my devil fruit is similar to aokoiji so ice ect. i am part of the straw hats and joined them during the alabasta arc.
kard - the k-pop co-ed group basically, me and the person barely talk so you see why i prefer my personals drs.. yeah. my s/o is enhypen’s jay 😍 and my positions are sub-rapper, sub-vocalist, producer and maknae. i’m always a maknae in k-pop group drs for some reason 😭.
the legacies - person dipped on me and didn't even fill any of their sections so! i’m poly with hope and josie, i’m a werewolf and witch.
harry potter - i’m the head girl of slytherin and my s/o’s draco, i scripted fred’s death out. also shifting to the half-blood prince era.
teen wolf - i’m a tribrid in this dr so i’m gonna be unstoppable!
the vampire diaries - a bennett witch, cousin to bonnie.
one piece (live action) - i’m a phoenix hybrid in this dr and also part of the straw hats, grew up around shanks.
private romantic - umm this dr ticks me off low-key because the person that i’m group shifting with ghosts me 😝 i didn't script an s/o for a reason i’m just gonna ditch them for jonathan daviss 💀💀💀 like imagine fumbling manon (I'm shifting as manon from katseye in this dr) i don’t want that person as my s/o anymore and like we’re “friends” here, miss me with that shit.
my hero academia - the group shift is dead bro no one is fucking talking in the group chat, one of them quit shifting, the other i was pfp matching with changed their damn pfp without telling me. script ain't finished too, they all called it a day. and y'all wonder why i don't wanna join no group shift no more.
this was lengthy but y’all asked to yap about my drs other than jujutsu kaisen which you already know about that dr and spill some tea so i did exactly that, i hope you enjoyed and this better not flop, i spent hours typing this 🥳.
@angelic-daiquiri
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nexus-nebulae · 4 months ago
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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie
#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff#kinda surprised they still exist#but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal#i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years#they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic#bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing#heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone#anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away#others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future#i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class#so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time#also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing#i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit#and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years#so she went with me and we lived with my grandma#so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him#bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores#getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife#he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean#his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too#he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed#and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first#he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol
#i know i know. and i need to let the anguish motivate me to get out of here. but it feels like i dreamed it all#purrs#chicago#i had a rough time getting out of the hotel and through the airport to my gate and also im bad at math so i fucked up the calculation about#when my flight lands bc of the time zone change and i gave my parents the time in central time not eastern time so my dad was waiting for m#for like a half hour and texting me and i wasn’t answering bc i was still in the air and he was pissed at me and snarky in my texts with hi#and i was sitting there on the plane and could just feel his words ripping into me and the horrors rushing back in and i still haven’t#recovered from it honestly. it wasn’t that big of a deal he just said something that i misunderstood as him saying he was giving up waiting#for me and going home bc id already wasted his time and even though that was not what he actually said it just kinda burrowed into me that#my parents were mad at me and were probably also mad at me for not communicating with them AT ALL the entire time i was in chicago. and it#just was eating me alive. im home now and we haven’t talked about it but they did say things disapproving of the fact that i did a lot of#stuff by myself which i probably shouldn’t have told them. idk. it’s not even that bad i just am torn apart by their rejection of me and#utter inability to just like be happy for me without criticizing some part of it or restraining me. plus the house is just as much of a#biohazard as it was when i left and all the broken things are still broken and it’s like. a lot. i miss the hotel LOL#i think im just sleep deprived and not in my head right today but i do not want to be here. sinking in quicksand unable to breathe. but i#have to be the one to get me out of it and i should have learned how in chicago but i didn’t it was just a break and now im stuck again#delete later#kind of terrible that instead of being so proud and happy about what i did my immediate reaction is to be miserable that im home now lol
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angered-box · 11 months ago
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yknow realizing my family was super fucking mean to me for no reason before i turned 18
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 year ago
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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.
#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye#yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all#until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs#I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone#and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor#the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T#I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home#lonely TT-TT#it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry#I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now#but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up#and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time#I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me#I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over#so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind
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thedreadvampy · 11 months ago
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realising how much of my expansion beyond rock and metal into a wide range of genres is because:
Slipknot crossed over with the edgy/gothier end of 2000s hiphop
Disturbed are just like. The BIGGEST nerds for 80s British pop (they're not alone in that, it's a whole numetal Thing, but I think like a solid 10% of the 80s pop I listen to I first heard as a Disturbed cover)
Lady Gaga was the top 40 artist it was Okay For Edgy Alternative Teens To Like In 2007
Being an Alternative 2000s Teen was in many ways very musically stifling cause it was incumbent upon me to perform disdain for anything deemed too Pop.
I was somewhat rescued by my own gayness (when me and my gay goblin friends discovered CAMP!!!! and got semi-ironically big into Katy Perry and Rihanna and of course Gaga) but mostly I was so aggressively self-policing my music tastes and deciding what to listen to based more on my assessment of where it fitted socially than on whether I like. Liked it.
Catch 13 year old me studiously typing "punk" and "metal" into Limewire and listening to whatever came up. Catch 15 year old me assessing whether the fact that Rihanna is making music videos about murder in black lipstick means it's ok to like top 40 pop. Complicated by the fact that honestly half the biggest Alternative Teen bait acts of the 2000s were pop as hell, and that as above, numetal acts were nerdy musicians with a broad range of tastes outside metal, and it was very complicated for me. It probably took me until I was like 20 to really start to get a handle on what I personally liked musically, rather than what fit my persona (vividly remember being in a goth club when I was like 18 where they closed out the night with Leonard Cohen's Closing Time every time, and thinking like oh man am I allowed to like Leonard Cohen then? having been listening to Leonard Cohen since I was a literal infant.)
Once I let go of the sense of having to like the Right Music, I very rapidly developed very eclectic tastes and music became a really big part of my life. although my friend did recently still describe my music taste as "two genres - heavy and gay" so that 2000s alt teen is still in there big time.
I think it's a normal thing about being a kid. You're developing music taste basically from scratch and there's a world of music out there so it helps to start out with a narrow focus and build a solid few acts, albums or genres you really like and work out from there. But I do regret how much good music I missed out on first time around because even though I liked it I wrote it off for being rap or being too pop or too upbeat. But the good thing about music is that it doesn't go away! I'm still discovering a lot of music that I heard 50000 times when it was on the radio but never really listened to at the time. It's fun!
#red said#also i do think the fact that my family didn't really listen to music radio did change the ways i developed taste#it was talk radio or music my parents or us kids already owned so there wasn't like. a time i was listening to new music where#i wasn't also performing Teen Coolness for other kids. i mostly heard new music in the art room at school or in cafes or on coaches#whereas i know a lot of people who built their foundational music tastes really on from what was on the radio when they were kids#lot of people i know reminisce about hearing certain songs in the car to school etc and for me that's not music that's BBC Radio 4#idk i think it's really interesting that like. early developmental stage of music tastes#cause it's different for everyone. for most it's a patchwork of your family's music what your friends listen to and what's on the radio#as well as stuff you stumble on or seek out of of interest#and the balance is different for everyone. i think it says a lot about your experience of childhood#and i also think like for myself I'm often quite judgemental of child!me's basic and limited tastes#because i was pretty judgemental of myself at the time for not knowing Enough Music#and as an adult I'm like nah that's a pretty vital part of development. like you don't get mad at a baby for not knowing what words mean.#you have to start somewhere! when you're 14 you've only had 14 years to listen to music and for most of that time you weren't choosing it#and you probably haven't been going out to gigs or record stores off your own back. you're going with friends or family's recommendations#so like as a teen i knew my parent's music. i knew my brother's music. i read Kerrang! and listened to stuff my friends suggested#but it took time to build up that solid foundation to go 'what i like is a hefty beat/ bass and a lot of energy. i will find more of that.'
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princesscedar · 1 year ago
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Trying to tell mom "hey maybe don't call j ewish people rats even unintentionally" event leaves 10 dead thousands injured
#INCREDIBLE how any time i address mom's casual antis emitism she goes into a tirade like 'oh THEY get to be treated special' like#literally me n the 19 yr old give receipts and she always flies off the handle lol lmao haha#she was referring to the tunnel thing in new york and said 'an orthodox j ewish man climbed out the sewer like a rat'#and me n 19 yr old both 😬😬 and casually lightheartedly say 'hey you probably shouldn't say that abt j ewish ppl' and she took it personal#like we said she said it w/ malice and not the same tone as 'hey don't call a black person a monkey even if you didn't mean it offensively'#and 2 hours later she STILL is on her 'well i think it's an agenda some ppl just try and SAY things are offensive and they're not' mom.#u r LITERALLY black. WHY is this hard for u to understand#she did the same when i said a o t was fascist anti semitic nationalist but she's like 'i read it and i didn't see any of that so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#'if you didn't read it you can't say anything's wrong with it'#same w/ that Witches remake a few years ago and i pointed out the witches were coded as j ewish caricatures in the book#and hopefully it wouldn't happen in the new movie#and she thought it was an agenda to cancel it because the main characters were black now#somehow transferred into talkin abt cops and th3 m ilitary and me saying both should be abolished and now she's like#and how i think it's kinda unnecessary to include blatant mil itary propaganda in a show for 6 yr olds lol#and she's like 'are you saying every cop and military person is bad and evil? should kids w/ parents in those forces never be represented?'#no i literally didn't say every individual is but the organizations need to end at least 90% in my lifetime <33 and no i also don't think#a kid w a soldier dad is the same as a kid with a black dad so no mili tary n cop rep is not the same as poc rep lol she literally said that#and mad that i didn't have THEE solution to replace them like i need to know the exact plan to fix it to point out that they shouldn't exist#anywhooooooo she raises my blood pressure lol <33333#sentext
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celticwoman · 1 year ago
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thanks for the kind words the other day :-) i got my period yesterday so thats whats making it soooo much worse but im trying to keep myself busy even tho thats really hard rn bc i have no interest in anything which sucks but whatever. im thinking of taking my sisters to an ecopark tomorrow, just to get out and do something different and have a nice day out :-) so im looking forward to that
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pyrrhicpaths · 2 years ago
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Actual footage of Iris dealing with TALLcott. sdlfkjf
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timeisacephalopod · 2 years ago
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I love my mom but sometimes, for lack of a better way to put it, she acts like an entitled boomer. It's already a peeve of mine when people bitch about kids and what they're bitching about is kids doing completely normal, expected shit for kids to do but my mom takes it a step further and implies my nieces doing normal kid idiocy is like a personal failing and ok. Look, my youngest niece is rammy as hell this kid is a bowling ball and she's here to win, but she's seven. I expect seven year olds to be Like That and be empty head no thoughts until they break something, that's normal. No sense in getting pissed off at a seven year old for acting exactly the way you'd expect them to, but the thing that extra pisses me off is that instead of just making peace with this and teaching any of my nieces where they went wrong and how to fix it my mom just kind of expects literal children to be able to just get some verbal feedback and figure it out?? Like come on now, I have 2 siblings surely she should know zero kids are equipped to get not very useful feedback and figure out how to apply it to everything??
My oldest niece gets it the worst and every time my mom says shit about personal responsibility I want to roll my eyes so hard they pack their bags and go on a vacation to Hawaii because my niece is 12 (almost 13)- if she's not taking 'personal responsibility' then someone didn't teach her how to or at least not in a way that stuck and worked for her. It's actually the adults personal responsibility to teach a child how to develop emotional maturity, not for a kid to be grated about all the damn time like any 12 year old is equiped to be The Most Emotionally Mature Ever. Problem being my mom is NOT good at taking feedback on parenting so if I say anything I gotta wrap it up nice and sweet and make sure it comes off almost more like offering advice rather than criticism, which irritates me because "if your so pissed off about this behavior why don't you do something about it and NO not the only thing you've been trying for years and complaining doesn't work because fucking obviously why do I have to explain this to someone who surely knows far more about parenting than I would" is a lot easier than my methods that aren't working any better than my mom's.
#winters ramblings#the biggest problem is that when i HAVE pointed this out she points ME out. half the time i never even needed to be tokd what for#my susters did dumb sbit and i decided not to do that same dumb shit but like you cant take a particularly smart kid#and decide ALL kids are like that. neither of my sisters were like that especially my middle sister#so like why the hell am i being used as an example here lmao im not relevant in this case#my nieces are not weirdly smart emotionally like i was and id also like to point out HALF MY PARENTS WERE DYING#for nearly all of my childhood that i can remember. im pretty sure THATS what made me Like That. i just had am awareness most kids dont#because most kids arent as unlucky as i was to go through something so harrowing. my sisters also had shit but not like that#their shit i think made it hard for them to do relationship stuff whereas mine made me a snart kid and an extremely distrustful adult#still if youre mad a kid is acting A Fool its the ADULTS job to make sure that kid is bding taught ahat they need to know#in a way THEY understand and put to use. not repeating how YOU understand shit over and over again#my mom is great dont get me wrong but sometimes she does shit and i want to roll my eyes because its so stupid#kids do not naturally posess every adult skill in the book and actually will probably take their WHOLE livesto develop#so instead of being mad a seven year old rams shit around give that kid 80 billion reminders every time theyre rammy#not to do that. drop in an example where they brine so.#something they liked because nothing convinces kids to behave like being reminded that they actually like their stuff#and even then a million more things will break. thata how kids work#if i busted some shit being rammy then that would be that abd id clean it up. kids deserve the same courtesy
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thebigqueer · 1 month ago
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sibling literally said 'youre a BITCH' and my dad tells me 'you know how senseitve they are' bro i did NOTHING. all i did was stand there
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the-bluestreak-cat · 3 months ago
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My extremely personal red flag is if you’ve never lived independently.
Do not open tags it’s just a personal vent and I hit the tag limit (30) and that’s never happened to me before ajskdlf
#like not even having to live alone I think living with roommates gets a similar enough experience#and this is a vague blog but not for someone on this site (of course)#plus it is entirely founded on deep jealousy but like#but like man. I don’t wanna live with you if you’ve never had to maintain your own life before! bc it’s not a magic thing that happens#I’ve been ‘on my own’ for years at this point and I still struggle to keep my shit intact. maybe ur just That Good but tbh#I don’t wanna live with That attitude either!#idk man. like. it’s food. it’s dishes. keeping the floors clean. the bathroom clean. making sure you don’t run out of groceries or toiletry#it’s having a schedule of events around you. it’s being able to get places around you. it’s doing shit on ur own without friends#and again. I’m being unduly harsh. lord knows they’re better with their finances than me and that I had a spoiled ass childhood#the kind that spills into adulthood the way I refused to change my own car battery#I get that most of these things are there bc there’s limited space and they wanna care for their family and have a nest egg before moving#and it’s impossible to be mad at them for that bc it makes too much sense to do it. I’d do it if I got along better with my parents#idk. I feel like a shithead for not prioritizing them over other things in my life and it makes me defensive#bc I have to keep my life on track myself and at times it feels like they don’t#and I got frustrated bc I was late to a meetup bc I had to cook dinner and their mom brings them dinner every other day#and again. I get it. god knows I get it. but I also feel frustrated#I’d been considering a trip where we could see a national landmark but we’d have to drive two hours one way. and they’re anxious driving#and like. one time their friends car was shitting itself but that friend still ended up driving. come on dude#it is spoiled kid syndrome and my personal hamartia and I could be infinitely more understanding but#I cannot fathom not going somewhere bc I’m scared. if I want it that bad I figure it out. and sometimes it’s miserable but it’s done#and I cannot see a world where I live with someone too nervous to do things themself#urgh. I think they got into a bad wreck once when they were driving. idk. they mentioned it once in passing but I remembered them mentioning#I feel like a boomer haha.#what’s the plan for the rest of ur life? it has to be finding someone who will take on these for you#maybe not. maybe they’ll actually grow and find ways to be a person by themself but uh. depending on a person changing is bad business#I’m probably just a tightass. I couldn’t handle a roommate on account of being a huge control freak anyway lol#it’s unrelated but I’m sure I feel bad bc their other close friend (car shitting friend) is really good about this kind of stuff#driving them around covered food payments plus gifts vacations etc#hard not to feel like if I were more magnanimous this wouldn’t be a problem. but I’m not#and I shouldn’t feel bad about it but I do? bc friend b is a total star and I’m like. normal lol
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the-amber-droid-dreams · 7 months ago
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[ID: A priest in a confession booth looking shocked]
#id added#both are equally shit probably. only saw my dad once a year ish tho and i see ppl talking abt shit moms less often so :#tw shitty parenting. def neglectful. probably counts as abusive idfk. also self harm.#my mother was extremely emotionally neglectful. she started refusing to hug me when i was like.. 12 ? bc she decided i was a problem child#and bc she was always 'mad' at me but she never specified why. she wouldnt budge on it even when i borderline begged#she is constantly saying ableist sanist shit to me. like calling me a psychopath. insane. autistic (as an insult) n telling me i deserve#to be locked up in prison or the 'crazy hospital'#literally came to laugh in my face when she heard some info abt depression on the radio bc it sounded like me#when i ended up in the er bc of sh she yelled at me for months. told me i traumatized her. wasted her money.#she looked though some personal journal notes abt the experience then tried to blackmail me. threatened to keep me from going to uni#she still doesnt believe im mentally ill. not after ALL THAT.#she doesnt hit me but she throws things at me sometimes. she once threatened to give me a concussion so she could be arrested and taken awa#bc she said that would be a break from me#she said all the years she spent raising me were a waste of her life#she once accused me of trying to break her arm bc i was afraid and pushed the door shut hard ig#she talks shit about me to my relatives on the phone. loudly. she makes sure i can hear on purpose. sometimes shell live commentate to them#when im just walking past her to go the bathroom or smthg. shell make shit up like saying im glaring at her#she has criticized every single inch of my existence. the way i talk. tone. word choice. facial expressions. body language. body.#it got to the point where if she entered the room i would go stock still and stock silent. hurry to cover every offending part of my body.#she hated that too#she made fun of me for crying in our arguments when i was younger so i lost that ability for years. she always called me oversensitive#then a few years later shed call Herself sensitive and tear up after some of the worse fights and then cry to her mom about it for sympathy#she has looked through my trash and gotten mad abt the things she found there. like a single one dollar snack wrapper bc thats wasting mone#we were not by Any means poor. we even owned the house we lived in. but she was stingy to the point of absurdity.#we lived in a house w broken appliances for YEARS bc she refused to find a repairman or to replace the objects (AGAIN WE COULD AFFORD THIS)#aircon. lightbulbs. sinks. water filter. the FUCKING WASHING MACHINE. THE GODDAM TOILETS. etc etc etc#there was no laundromat nearby and i wasnt given any money so i wouldnt have been able to use one anyway. it was allll handwashing.#tbf she did it all. but then she would endlessly complain. when i told her to replace the washing machine she told me to shut up#she also told me i should be grateful i didnt have to pee in a hole in the ground like in Some Countries when i told her to fix the toilet#bc of mental illness (and bc the bathroom door DIDNT FKIN LOCK OR EVEN CLOSE PROPERLY and i was v uncomfortable) i had a really hard time
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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the connor room glowup (above is my washington room below is my now room ^_^)
#you cn barely see them in the bottom right pic but theres miku and my clownnpy#clownboy. miku i got in wa#idk if u can see her in the top row pics.. im blind.#the little bed was very cozy. like probably bad for my back and stuff but i felr very safe behind the doors#also most of the shelves in my now room is Not my stuff LOL like the wall shelves#i have a couple of things on them on the bit closest to mybed#but since this is the gaeage it was storage. and the front half of the garage still is#but ya. im so happy 2 be living here now the only issue is how fuckass hot it is#i couldnt stay in wa for obvious reasons but also i actually wouldve died in the summer it was WAYYY worse.#luckily for likee over half the summer i was still living in the avtual house. and even then i was rly overheating esp bc thats when i stil#had medication and stuff#but the garage was unbearableee the first monthish. luckily i was in too much of an episode to avtually care much LOL#and luckily my heaters pretty efficient (i bought it last year) so winter wasnt the worst it was judt a bit cold whenever i got home bc my#roommates didnt like me to have it on which is fair#but ya. so it was cold for the first hour i was home but i would just cuddle up and otd get warmer eventually#ummm SO yeah#and here its nice bc if the heat truly gets unbearable im allowed to go inside the house. and it only sometimes feels like everybodys going#to kill me. as opposed to wa where it always always always felt like they were gokng to kill me or evict me or starve me or mock me#or call me a child or but lets not get into it ok.#also u may not notice but the blanket is a different blanket#these blankets r the ones our parents got me and lamp when i was like 12#but i got slime on mine nad switchednit with lamps and they Knew and have been mad abt it 4 ages#esp bc now their blanket has lumps in the corners#BUT the other day i switchied with them bc i felt guilty for the sins of 13 year old me. and their blanket has been washed with black sheets#so its darker. but u mag notice the lumpy corners#also i set up my bed up judt like this the past couple of weeks i havent been able to sleep like this#i usually have to curl up horizontal at the top of the bed
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inbabylontheywept · 4 months ago
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the house i grew up in was a little bit of a fixer upper. for the first 19 years, my dad just sort of slowly fixed it, but pretty early on in college, he came into a large amount of cash and decided to just do the whole thing at once. so he rented a different house for like, 2 months that was just a block down from us, and then got a bunch of contractors to fix original house ASAP. it was kind of crazy, but it compressed many years of work into like, three months.
the sitting in a new house for three months was actually pretty fun. and i shouldnt really complain at all (staying at home while in college is a sweet deal)
but.
but. my parents are fairly hard of hearing, and their bedroom in the old house was in the furthest possible annex from everyone else. wheras in the rental it was just in the middle of the house. so without going into details, i was extremely aware that my parents were having sex like, eight times a day. my dad had just retired and i guess they were celebrating, which is great i guess, having parents that really like each other is way better than the alternative, but also, it did make me envy their deafness. i kept headphones on for so long that year i got literal ear calluses.
at the same time, the house my buddy from the shoe incident grew up in flooded. turbo flooded. they burst like, two pipes at once and the damage was so severe they had to redo all the flooring and all the drywall. his family actually had homeowners insurance, which is either incredible or suspicious for a family that used the drained pool in their backyard to store rusty scrap metal. so insurance was handling the work, but in the meantime, they were crammed into a very small hotel room space. we did the math on it then, it averaged about 80 square feet a person.
so one day i got home, and i was chilling, and then six rolled around, and apparently six o'clock was sex o'clock because my parents decided to flex their cardio. i grabbed my headphones and prayed that god would do for me what he did for beethoven, but that failed to work, and then seven rolled around and my parents were still at it, which again, very impressive, but was pushing me to swap out judas for mozart in those prayers. there's a definitive point where you stop praying to be deaf and instead pray that god could take you to a nice field and pop you like a gore-balloon.
i was about five minutes away from that point when my friend called me and basically said i have been stuck in a 500 square foot space with 6 people and i didn't have many marbles to start but what few i had are gone. please. if we are friends, if we were ever friends, take me out of here just for a moment.
and i was still pretty mad at him, but i had pity on the poor guy. also helped that i was desperate to leave the house. so i drove the chickenshitmobile to the hotel and i picked him up, and then we did our normal hangout activity, which was go to food city and buy produce. his normal house was, on a good day, nasty, and his backyard was, as i stated before, mostly used to store mosquito larvae and rusty metal, so what we'd always done before was just walk to the grocery store a half block away and leer at vegetables.
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so we did that and it was like old times again. they had some radishes that were expired, so i could buy like, literally an entire grocery bag of them for about $5. so i did. i really like radishes. he got a coconut because he liked fruit and beating things with hammers.
which probably would've been great except we didn't have a hammer, so instead we spent about 30 minutes stomping itike it owed us money. when it finally cracked we cheered like we just got the winning touchball at the superdome and then he ate some of the flesh, and i ate some of the radishes, and we admired the black, starless sky of the city before i took him back to his hotel room.
and then we got pulled over.
i forgot to turn my lights on because the street all around the food city was ludicrously well lit. so it went from being pretty bright, to pretty bright and flashy, then i pulled into a parking lot and a cop came to ask us for IDs which is where everything went to shit:
i’d forgotten my license at home. 
the cop was was actually kind of chill about it - he said he could get by with just an address. except i did not know my address. i hadn't memorized the new one yet. so i told the cop, my house is getting remodeled, i don't know my address right now. and then he went to my friend, and my friend said the exact same thing. house getting remodeled, staying somewhere else, no address, sowwwwwwy.
now the cop genuinely didn't know what to do. he went back to his car, and i was stressed that i was about to get into HUGE trouble so i started eating the radishes and my buddy started eating more of his coconut, and we actually managed to eat like a quarter of both before the cop came back. we ate enough produce that he could smell something weird in the air, and he asked what the smell was, and i said radishes, and my buddy said coconut, and the cop said which, and then we produced a large bag of droopy radishes and an absolutely brutalized coconut, and the cop was just like
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so my buddy tried explaining how he was sharing a 500 square foot apartment with 6 people and wanted a fruit he could fight with power tools, and i tried explaining how i'd actually tried buying my parents like, board games and puzzles and stuff but nothing worked - the only thing my parents seemed to like doing right now was each other, and we both went on long enough and pathetically enough that the cop eventually went:
ok. stop.
and we stopped.
and he said do you know why i pulled you over?
and i said, because of my headlights, and my friend (who is hispanic) and the cop both looked at me like like i was the dumbest person in the entire world. and then the cop said no. that's why i'm allowed to pull you over. i checked your car because this neighborhood has a terrible sex trafficking problem, and i pull over every car i can to make sure no one is buying or selling sex. and you two are obviously doing neither. now i could give you, like, four tickets right now, but that would do nothing to make this area safer, so just turn your lights on, go home, drive safe, and try to be less stupid in the future.
and i said okay but i was thinking, you know, damn, this is just how i live man, i don't have a hidden third gear i can shift into. people can't just get smarter because it would be convenient. it's always convenient to be smart. i am literally trying my best.
but i didn't say anything because i was, slowly, learning how to filter what i said. instead i nodded and the cop left then i dropped my buddy off, and the last thing he said was said he owed me for responding to his SOS. I said he owed me for a lot of things, and he agreed that was true. then i drove home with my lights on, 5 under the speed limit, and arrived to a peaceful quiet home. I could’ve wept with relief but instead I went to bed.
the relief was short lived. i was woken up at 6 am by my parents. i swore, and then i prayed, and when i did not explode, i swore again. then i got up to make breakfast before my first class.
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morgenlich · 10 months ago
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my high school offered a foods class, but it wasn’t one you could take with any of the honors classes so i never did
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