#and I got frustrated bc I was late to a meetup bc I had to cook dinner and their mom brings them dinner every other day

[the-bluestreak-cat]

My extremely personal red flag is if you’ve never lived independently.

Do not open tags it’s just a personal vent and I hit the tag limit (30) and that’s never happened to me before ajskdlf

[leatherjacketvan]

5/25/18

[REQUESTED]

“i actually requested this before but maybe it never actually sent bc the app is faulty :-// but maybe you’re a singer as well, music you wouldn’t expect like BANKS or something but Van publicly says he likes you and is a massive fan or whatever? Fans go crazy and start shipping, eventually meeting, lots of cuteness!!?”

- - - - - 

Hope you enjoy! Not my best work but because exams had been stressing me tha fucc out but school is over! So expect better writings in your near future! :)

- - - - - 

It all started with a sentence.

“Yeah she’s great, I love her.”

And ever since those few simple words were spoken. The media had been in a frenzy over making Van and Y/N a ‘thing.’ She didn’t even know who he was at the time. So when Y/N’s PR manager told her about the boost in her ratings and the extreme rise in her popularity on social media platforms due to the interview, she was left completely awestruck.

“Wait, who is this again?” She asked Gwen. Her longtime good friend as well has her PR manager. She didn’t like to consider Gwen, her ‘manager.’ The same way she didn’t like to consider her fans, fans. They were all supportive friends in her eyes. And she valued them all the same.

“His name is Van. . . Lead singer of Catfish and the Bottlemen.” Gwen replied.

“Catfish and the Bottlemen? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of them before.” Y/N said as Gwen handed her a tablet playing the very interview of Van talking about Y/N and her music.

“She’s amazing. Something about her music just really stands out to me. Not something many artists these days do, ya know? I think she shows a certain sort of vulnerability that’s still really mysterious, so people are able to relate to it. I really admire her. So I’d say. . . Yeah, she’s great, I love her.”  

Y/N was taken aback with shock as well as the feeling of fulfillment. In all honesty, she was flattered that someone way better respected in the music industry would say such endearing things.

“Well, he’s definitely heard of you.” Gwen giggled as Y/N handed her back the tablet.

“What happens now?” Y/N questioned.

“I suppose only time will tell. . .”

- - - - -

2 years later.

In two years a lot had changed. And that was putting it lightly. Y/N had come out with her sophomore album that people seemed to love more than the first. Her following had boomed dramatically. And the whole ‘Y/N and Van’ concurrence had still been going on, however, had died down a little bit. The social media platform was practically the birth of their ‘relationship.’ Interviews had even occurred where questions upon questions about either Van or Y/N were mentioned. But even after all this time, the two still hadn’t met. Gwen called it a ‘forbidden romance’ Y/N said she didn’t believe in that.

The fans from both sides either loved the idea of Y/N and Van together or hated it. She didn’t really mind what the fans thought of the situation because they weren’t together. It was all some wild fantasy portrayed by a few simple words. She knew that’s how high-status life was lived. By rumors. Therefore, she tried to act like the whole issue didn’t exist. It wasn’t exactly the healthiest way to deal with it. But it was the easiest.

Van, on the other hand, did mind.

It bothered him more than he liked to admit to. He’d always been a helpless romantic. Anyone who knows him, knew that. But lately he found it hard to feel so intensely. The songwriting and nomadic lifestyle suited him well. He loved it. However, it drained him. Both emotionally and physically. So the fact the he could still even feel this way. Feel so passionately? It was like his heart was on viagra. He didn’t understand it. It frustrated him at times. But in a way, he was glad that he felt this way. He loved the idea of Y/N. He loved the way she smiled, and the music she made. It was nice to think about an idea that maybe, just maybe he could still fall in love. Maybe with her? Maybe with someone who could understand what he’s feeling. It was just a thought. A wild one at best. But it was comforting. So it never really left his mind. The idea of her was always there in the back of his brain. He never let it go.

Y/N had just started her tour for her new album. She had a lot of sleepless nights and didn’t really have time to think about where she was headed, who she was seeing, and what she was doing. After two months, she finally got a break. She got a week to rest up before she had to fly back to the States for the second part of the tour. . . Or at least she thought she did.

“Oh my god!” Gwen screamed from the hotel bed right next to Y/N’s.

Y/N had finally come down from her caffeine high that had been keeping her awake these past few weeks and was finally able to doze off. She was just on the verge of some peaceful rest when she heard Gwen yell.

“Oh my god, what!?” Y/N retorted, a little frustrated from lack of sleep.

“Guess who’s in town?” Gwen blurted, excitedly.

“Gwen, you know I’m no good at guessing stuff.” Y/N sighed heavily.

“It’s your boyfriend!” Gwen squealed.

“My who?” Y/N replied, dumbfounded.

“Catfish and the Bottlemen are playing here! Tomorrow!” Gwen said.

“Oh, not this stuff again. . . He said he liked my music like. . . Two years ago. . . How is that still relevant?”

“Oh, honey, when it comes to celebrity gossip. Rumors never die.” Gwen replied.

“What rumors?” Y/N replied, once again, dumbfounded. She never paid much attention to social media.

“Oh. . . Just how you’re dating. . . or how you’re possibly engaged. . . or that you might be having his baby. . ? It’s absolutely crazy some of the lies people are able to sell to the public.” Gwen said.

Y/N laughed at the absolutely ridiculous situation she now found herself in.

“So what does this mean? I meet up with him? Go out with him? What if he’s an asshole? What if he doesn’t even actually like me?” Y/N questioned with a raised brow.

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” Gwen said.

“Yeah. . . And how is that?”

“In the two minutes we’ve been talking, I already bought tickets to the show and sent an email to their PR manager,” Gwen smirked.

Y/N groaned dramatically. “You know I love you. . .  But right now I think I really really hate you.”

Internally Y/N was screaming with anxiety and nerves. She really didn’t want to meet Van. She felt it would stir up more rumors and give her even more attention than she already gets from just being these days. But she also was relieved. Relieved it might finally all be over. That meeting this ‘Van’ from ‘Catfish and the Bottlemen’ would put the rumors to rest.

She had a lot of faith to test.

- - - - -

The next day

Y/N still hid the fact that she was fearful of the what the night would entail. She sat on her balcony overlooking the beautiful city with a bottle of rum and a glass. She was pre-gaming as well as trying to kill the nerves built up inside of her.

It was around time to leave to go to the show. Gwen had managed VIP access so that they wouldn’t get spotted in the crowd and become trampled. Gwen also managed a private meetup with the band. The thought of that made Y/N’s whiskey glass go bottoms up.

Y/N decided to dress casual. It was warm outside. She settled for a pair of slacks and a cropped blouse. She wore light makeup, trying to remain as natural and as casual as possible. She didn’t want to meet him in full glamor or anything intense. She wanted to be as real as she could manage. Maybe he would see that. . .  and not be interested. Maybe he would see that Y/N’s not all she makes herself out to be. That really everything about her is the media’s facade of who she really is. And that she’s very normal like everyone else.

Gwen and Y/N walked majority of the way. Y/N insisted on fresh foreign air. But Gwen insisted on a taxi after walking for three blocks, because she decided she was going to wear heels on their three-mile walk to the arena just to stand in said heels for the entire concert as well as the private aftershow. Gwen’s priorities weren’t always straight but she tried her best.

When they arrived at the arena, Y/N and Gwen snuck around back. Gwen introduced herself to security and they escorted the both of them to the backstage entrance.

“Wow. I don’t think I’ve performed on a stage this big before.” Y/N mumbled, awestruck.

“You will one day.” Gwen smiled.

Y/N smiled back. Gulping down the nervousness one last time.

By the time they got there the band was halfway through their set. They sat on the side of the stage. Y/N remained cautious about staying out of the way of any potential camera angles that could spot her. She moved along to the rhythm, next to her was Gwen making a whole mess of herself. They both drank about the same amount. Y/N was always better at holding her liquor though. Gwen was a lightweight. She was even more fun and quirky when intoxicated. So the fact that she was doing the robot to Cocoon was no surprise. Y/N occasionally glanced over at Gwen, only to look back on the four lads performing their hearts out on stage. She didn’t expect to get Van’s attention till after the show. But when he saw her, his heart sank. He looked over at the side of the stage where she was standing. Missing a few verses of the song. He almost forgot where he was when he saw her face. In person. Finally. Her.

He knew that she was coming to the show that night. But that still somehow managed to catch him off guard. So he put on his best cologne despite the fact he was just going to sweat it off. He wore a white button up with the top button undone and a pair of skinny jeans.

He tried to look as proper as he could when he first met her. Hoping she’d noticed that he tried on his appearance, just for her.

When the set was over. Y/N and Gwen had disappeared. He said his goodbyes and they all walked off the stage. They all made it back to the dressing room where they were greeted by their PR manager, Y/N, and Gwen.

Gwen went up and introduced herself. Y/N waved a shy ‘hello.’ She stood back as Gwen stated her relationship to Y/N and the situation they had found themselves in. How they just happened to be in the city and knew that after all the media coverage it would be great to finally meet the band. Y/N nodded in agreement. But didn’t say anything.

They all took seats on the dressing room couches. Y/N sat next to Gwen who sat next to Bondy. An instant spark occurred between the two. They were both flirts. He was contempt and casual. She was the total opposite. But opposite in a way that would attract one another. Every in the room took note of that.

The night carried on, everyone drank and drank. The liquor seemed never-ending. She didn’t even realize how much she had to drink until nausea washed over her. It was something that happened when she used substances to avoid her problems. It was like a way of her grief telling her to ‘deal with it the right way.’

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go grab a smoke.” Y/N mumbled.

Van was laid back in his comfy chair when he finally heard her. The whole night she had just been going along with the conversation. She never really put her input on things. When Van talked. Which was a lot less than he usually did. She never gave him direct eye contact. He didn’t expect things to go like this. He always expected her to be very extroverted and confident. Which she didn’t display any signs of at all. She was so reserved and poise. He didn’t need to know her to know that wasn’t her. So when she mentioned going out for a smoke he took his shot.

“Want me to join?” He asked.

“No, it’s alright.” She replied.

“I think the fresh air will be nice.” She spoke getting up abruptly. Leaving. No one seemed to notice. They were all to busy in conversation to really care. But Van did.

Y/N quickly paced through the backstage area of the amphitheater. She found the exit that led her into the alleyway that she came in. She walked towards the street light. It was quiet outside. So quiet she could hear the wind sway. She didn’t even know the time, but it was late enough for even the nightlife to have had died down. She tried to take a deep breath. But was stopped by the rumbling in her stomach. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, or how much liquor she had consumed. Her nerves were still there. It was all too much. So much that it expelled out of her like vomit. Literally.

This is not how she had planned her night to go. And that only made it worse was the. .  .

“Jesus, are you okay love?”  

Coming from behind her.

“Fuck.” She muttered as she wiped the gunk off her chin.

Her eyes were all watered up and she just felt like taking a nap on the very ground beneath her and wishing this night had never happened.

She felt hands on her shoulders helping her stand still as she slowly stood back up straight.

“Yeah, I’m fine. All good.” She said, shakily.

“I think I’m just going to call a cab.” Y/N spoke to Van as she reached for her phone.

Van just looked at her with this sort of hurt in his eyes. She quickly looked away. She held down the home button on her phone. But it was dead. Of course.

“I’m going to call us a cab, love. Make sure you get home safe.” Van spoke softly.

This what not what Y/N had expected him to be like. So calm and caring. Maybe he wasn’t the hypothetical asshole after all.

Van called a cab and gave them the address. Y/N curled up against the brick wall beside her and tried to calm down.

‘This isn’t really happening.’

‘This is all just some fucked up dream. . . Right?’

Van crouched down beside her. Handing her a half-empty bottle of water.

“Here, I usually bring one with me to put my butts out in. I think you probably need it more than I do though.” He grinned nervously.

Y/N took the kind gesture and shyly took the bottle from Van’s hand. Gulping it down and sighing.

“I’m sorry, this is. . . So, so embarrassing.” Y/N muttered looking at the ground.

“It’s alright. I don’t mind. . . I mean this isn’t what I expected our first time meeting to be like, but. . . well, life is pretty unexpected.” He said.

Y/N chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so. . .” She spoke.

She looked over at Van, making eye contact this time. He looked at her back. She never knew how blue his eyes were until she saw them under a full moon in the early morning hours. A very rare occurrence at best.

“You got a little something.” He mumbled as he slowly moved his hand towards her cheek. He used his thumb to wipe the tear dripping down her face. She hadn’t really been crying. It was more of a physiological reaction to when she became stressed. Or maybe that was her dumb excuse for ‘I’m not crying.’

She gave off a shy laugh and a sniffle. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He replied with a grin.

They sat in a short moment of silence until the taxi pulled up. Van held the door for her as she not-so-agilely, plopped into the seat. Instantly leaning her head against the window.

Van got in behind her. And they drove off back to the hotel.

- - - - -

When they arrived he got out and opened the door for her once again. He slung his arm behind her to help as she sloppily walked towards the entrance of her hotel.

“Van, you really don’t have to do this. I got it from here.” She said secretly embarrassed.

“I don’t mean to spook ya, but you’re really drunk Y/N. I don’t know if you’ll be able to find your own room. . . I’ll walk you there, and then we never have to see each other again.”

“Why would you want that?” Y/N retorted.

“Oh- I assumed. . . That’s what you wanted.” Van spoke shyly.

“Of course not. I’d love to see you again. Just. . . on better terms.” She groaned as another wave of nausea hit.

Van smiled. Internally his heart felt like exploding.

“Of course.” He replied.

Van helped Y/N as they stumbled up to her room. Walking up the stairs because the hotel was ‘Rustic’ themed and decided against elevators.

When they made it to her room she fidgeted in her bag for her key card. Once she grabbed it she turned around to face Van, who was really close.

Face to face they stood. After all this time. All the controversy. All the rumors. They stood here. Together. He thought it was just a dream she did too but in a totally different construct.

“Thank you.” She murmured to him. Meeting him in the eye.

“No problem. Anytime.” He chuckled back. Putting his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Y/N said.

“Course.”

“Would you mind hugging me? I feel really weak from all the barf and stuff. Sometimes it helps.” She said in all seriousness.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around her. He held her tight. Lightly tracing his lips on her forehead.

She slowly inched her arms around his waist and there they stood. In a foreign country.

Together.

After all this time.

She slowly let go. His heart ached a big ‘no’. Knowing that he’d have to get on a plane that afternoon. Not knowing the next time he’d see her face.

“Goodnight, Van.” She spoke softly as she disappeared into her dark room like an apparition in the night light.

“Goodnight.” He replied. As the door slowly shut.

Till next time. . .

Goodnight.