#I keep telling them to go to fucking marriage counseling or something but nope

[raeathnos]

.

[artificialqueens]

Girls in Love, Chapter 1 (Viopearlax) - Grey Darling

A/N: Hello friends! It's been a while lol. Anyway, here's the first chapter of my new Viopearlax fic, in which useless lesbian Pearl must navigate the perilous landscape of polyamorous romance while trying desperately not to lose it altogether. This is mostly just setting the scene - things are gonna get shippy in the next chapter. Special thanks to @dollalpaca for beta-ing this literal centuries ago. Hope you all enjoy!

“I’m getting married.”

Pearl almost choked on her water. “I’m sorry. You’re what?”

When Scarlet had asked Pearl out to dinner that night, Pearl had assumed it was just for a catch up. She hadn’t seen her little sister for ages, so of course she’d jumped at the opportunity when Scarlet had messaged her that morning. All she’d expected was banter, a good laugh at all the stupid shit they used to do when they were kids; the last thing Pearl anticipated was for her baby sister to tell her she was getting married, while Pearl herself was struggling to get someone to go out with her on more than one date. Wasn’t the older sister supposed to find their soulmate first?

But Scarlet was beaming. “I’m getting married!”

“Since when? Jesus, Scarlet, I didn’t even know you were dating anyone.”

“You so do!” Scarlet retorted, pouting. “You literally met her last year.”

“I did? Who the hell was it?” At this point, Pearl had no idea whether to be angry or just confused. “I mean, seriously, Scarlet, you’re what, twenty? Twenty one? You’ve got shitloads of time before you need to make any big decisions like that. This isn’t the kind of thing you can just decide to do on a whim.”

Scarlet stared down at her half-empty plate, tugging at her bottom lip with her teeth. When she spoke, she was quiet. “I thought you’d be happy for me…”

“I am- I mean- I don’t know.” Pearl slumped back in her chair. “I just… I think you’re a little young, that’s all. Give it a bit longer with this guy, maybe a year or two. If you’re still into him by then, then by all means, tie the knot. But-”

“She isn’t a guy, Pearl. She’s a she.” Clearly upset, she stabbed into a piece of pasta with force. “I thought you knew I liked girls?”

“I do.”

“So why’d you assume she was a guy?”

“I don’t know! I’m not exactly in the greatest headspace right now, Scarlet. Fine, you’re engaged to a girl you barely know-”

“I do know her! And I’m in love with her!”

By now, it felt as though the entire restaurant was staring at them. Pearl shot Scarlet a narrow eyed look. “Can you keep it down?”

“No! I thought you’d be happy for me, but I guess that’s just too fucking much for you. I was gonna ask you to be one of my bridesmaids, but if you’re gonna be such a bitch about it I’ll ask someone else!”

Pearl sighed heavily, squeezing her eyes shut. By the time she opened them again, Scarlet was pushing her chair out from the table, the harsh scraping of wood against wood just making everything feel worse. “Wait, Scarlet-”

“I’m done. Good fucking night.”

Pearl just watched as her little sister stormed out of the restaurant, clearly not intending to pay for their meal judging by the way she breezed past the counter without so much as a glance. Well, this wasn’t how she wanted this meal to end.

Pearl knew she was right. She knew that Scarlet was way too young to be getting married, and she highly doubted Scarlet had known this girl long enough to make a serious commitment. If Pearl couldn’t even guess who this fiance was, it was a bad sign—if something important happened to Scarlet, Pearl was always the first to know about it. Surely if she’d met the girl of her dreams, Pearl would’ve received at least five essay length texts about her by now. But she hadn’t, and that made Pearl incredibly suspicious.

At the same time, she absolutely hated the idea of her little sister being mad at her. From the moment Scarlet was born, she and Pearl were as thick as thieves, and any argument they ever had was always resolved ten minutes later, both of them sobbing and apologising profusely to each other. But somehow, Pearl knew she’d overstepped the line this time, and that it would take a lot longer than ten minutes to win Scarlet’s forgiveness. And frankly, that made her feel sick.

Sighing, Pearl hailed the waiter, deciding that a stiff drink was in order.

***

“She still hasn’t texted you back?”

“Nope.”

“Shit. You must have really pissed her off.”

Pearl groaned, turning around to softly bang her head against the metal surface of Katya’s all American Russian food truck. It was a place Pearl would often go to for wise counsel and sage advice, although often the hardest part was figuring out where Katya had parked the damn thing. Katya herself, who’d been one of Pearl’s best friends since she moved to the city, reached through the window of her truck to pat Pearl on the head.

“There, there.”

Pearl glanced up at her with a glare, not in the mood for half-assed comfort. Katya raised her hands in mock surrender.

“Sorry! What do you want me to say?”

Letting out yet another groan, Pearl turned back around to lean with her back against the truck. “I don’t know. Can you tell me I’m not a massive bitch?”

“Ok. You’re not a massive bitch.”

Somehow, it didn’t sound as comforting as Pearl thought it would. But then again, she’d imagined it coming out of Scarlet’s mouth, not Katya’s. “Thanks, I guess.”

“You’re just a bit of a sour puss today, aren’t you?” Katya started rearranging the various condiments she had adorning the window of the truck, not having much else to do since the lunch rush had come and gone. “Or are you just having an existential crisis?”

“Probably the last one. I just feel conflicted, Kat.”

“Right.”

“I want to feel happy for her, but I’m also worried about her. Does that make sense?”

“Yep.”

“Good. So I’m not going crazy.”

Katya thought for a moment before responding. “I don’t think anyone would think you’re going crazy. You’re worried about your sister getting married when she’s like, still at college. Why wouldn’t you be?”

“But you should’ve seen her last night. She looked like I murdered her puppy or something.”

“I mean, by the sounds of it you did stomp all over her romantic dreams.”

“Oh, fuck off, I did not.”

Katya chuckled, bringing out that bright, toothy grin of hers. It was usually infectious, but not today. Pearl was inoculated with guilt. “Well, would it make you feel better if you met the person she’s getting hitched to?”

“I mean, I’m trying to convince her to meet up with me again, and I’ve told her she can bring her girlfriend - uh, fiance. But she isn’t replying. I’m literally blowing up her phone and getting fuck all in return.”

“Hmm. It’s a tricky one. Maybe she just needs time to cool off?”

“Maybe. I just don’t want to wait - I want to be friends with her again.”

Katya pursed her lips before reaching her hand out. “Gimme your phone, I wanna see what you said.”

“Katya, I’m not giving you my phone.”

“Come on! I wanna see if you’re being apologetic enough.” When it was clear Pearl wasn’t going to relent, Katya pushed harder. “Trix says I’m really great at being a warm and friendly person, y’know. Maybe I could write you a really good apology.”

Pearl shook her head. “That’s not happening.”

“Aw, why not?”

“Because I’ve fucked up enough as it is. I’m not going to be that disingenuous to let someone else apologise for me. If Scarlet finds out about that, it’ll just make things worse.”

“You’ve got a point. Well, I guess you’re just doomed to wait it out.”

“Fuck…”

Just as the curse left her mouth, Pearl’s phone pinged. Katya’s eyes widened as Pearl scrambled to grab her phone out from the pocket of her jeans. It had to be a reply from Scarlet, it couldn’t be anything else. Somehow, she must have subconsciously known how much Pearl was beating herself up over their disastrous dinner the night before and felt the need to text her and reconcile. That was how the universe worked, right?

Pearl grabbed her phone, Katya leaning out of the window so she could see the screen. Almost nervous, Pearl tapped on the home button, lighting up the screen and revealing the text she was so desperate to see.

SHEA: Can you fill in for my shift tonight? Not feeling too hot. Thanks!!

*** Being the good friend that she was, Pearl did fill in for Shea’s shift that night. No, spending an extra seven hours at the dodgy bar she worked at wasn’t exactly what Pearl wanted to be doing, but at the very least it would take her mind off of Scarlet.

Or at least, she thought it would.

No matter how many cluttered trays of drinks she was made to serve, she kept on replaying her and Scarlet’s argument in her head again and again, the sense of guilt almost too much for her. Every single female customer she served had her wondering - is that the girl my sister’s getting married to? She knew it was a ridiculous thought. Scarlet would rather die than spend a second with the lowlifes that frequented the bar, but that didn’t stop Pearl from worrying about it.

Maybe she should’ve just been a good sister and supported Scarlet’s idea to get married. It wouldn’t have been that hard, right? She didn’t have to go all responsible, killjoy big sister on her and crush her romantic dreams. Scarlet was old enough to make her own mistakes, right? And who even knew whether or not this marriage would be a mistake? Maybe Pearl was just being paranoid?

These were the kind of thoughts that plagued her the entire night. She’d arrived at work at 8pm, all decked out in her skanky waitress uniform, hoping that work would take her mind off of her current crisis. But there she was, three hours later, hiding out in the break room because she just couldn’t calm down about it. Did that make her a bad worker? Yes - her break wasn’t for another hour. But she’d be no good to anyone if she spilled a tray of drinks all over a customer because she was too distracted by the image of Scarlet crying her eyes out to look where she was going.

Scrolling through all the text messages she’d sent to Scarlet, Pearl began to second guess what she thought had been perfectly acceptable apologies.

PEARL: I’m sorry about last night. Can we meet up and talk about it?

PEARL: I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just worried. Sorry again - let me know if you’re free to meet up?

PEARL: I’m sorry, Scarlet. Please text back.

PEARL: I could shout dinner? We could get Indian takeout and talk this over. Like adults.

PEARL: You could bring your girlfriend? I want to meet her.

PEARL: Sorry. I was a bitch last night. Please text me back?

And still no reply. Maybe Pearl would be able to get by on the theory that Scarlet had lost her phone, or was out of credit or something. But she didn’t believe any of that for a second - she knew perfectly well Scarlet was pissed at her and not answering her texts for that very reason. It was silly to try and assume otherwise.

“Pearl? Pearl, where the- Oh my god, could you please go back upstairs?” Pearl looked up as one of the other waitresses poked her head into the break room, her full lips shaped into a defined frown. “We’re dying out there, there’s so many people.”

“Sorry, Aja, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, and I’m probably gonna get my assed handed to me by dozens of impatient customers. Get your ass up here already!” With that, Aja was gone, her summons impossible to ignore.

Sighing, Pearl quickly checked her makeup in the mirror, straightened her dress, and stepped back out into the bar.

***

It should be illegal to make people work past two am. Pearl trudged into her tiny, cupboard sized apartment, head pounding from an unpleasant mix of not enough water and not enough sleep. At the very least, her daydreams (nightdreams?) about her bed and a nice, cool glass of water had distracted her from the Scarlet issue. So that was a small blessing.

Pearl flicked the light on as she arrived, wincing as the brightness made her headache even worse. She didn’t hate her apartment - it was tiny and under heated, sure, but there was space for a bed, a little kitchenette, a small bathroom off to the side, and her favourite bean bag chair. Plus, it had an amazing view of the city, something Pearl wasn’t planning on complaining about. Her artistic sensibilities had told her that if she didn’t get that view, she’d never forgive herself. She had to constantly remind herself about how great the view was when she was freezing her ass off in winter and would kill for a well heated apartment.

Making a beeline for the kitchenette, Pearl turned on the tap and poured herself a glass of water. It felt like magic as the water passed through her lips; the sticky, dry feeling in her throat vanishing in an instant. It even made her head feel a little better, although the brightness of the light cancelled out any progress on remedying it completely. You win some, you lose some, Pearl supposed.

After a second glass of water, Pearl didn’t even bother getting out of her uniform before collapsing into bed, dragging the duvet covers up to her chin and snuggling down into comfort. She was more than ready to drift off when she realised that she still needed to plug her phone in to charge. So, without making any effort to get out of bed, Pearl reached for her bag and pulled it towards her, digging her phone out from amongst the other items that cluttered it - wallet, pack of tissues, a worrying amount of receipts from Katya’s food truck. It was as she stuck the charger into her phone that the screen lit up, revealing a notification that made Pearl’s heart skip a beat.

It was a text from Scarlet.

Thoroughly jolted awake, Pearl scrambled to sit up and open the text, her thumbs impatiently tapping the screen as she waited for it to open. She bit her lip once it did, her wide eyes reading the text with more concentration than she’d ever read anything before.

SCARLET: Starbucks at 12. I’m bringing Yvie.

[nalgenewhore]

Too Late To Turn Back Now - Two

masterlist - ao3 - last chapter - next chapter 

Elide Lochan has been living and working in Doranelle for years. Unknowingly, she let her visa expire and now must leave the country for a year - including losing her position as Crown Counsel. Without thinking, she ropes her associate, Lorcan Salvaterre, into her scheme to let her stay in Doranelle and announces that they are to be wed. As they fumble their way through their new relationship dynamics while visiting Lorcan’s family deep in Doranelle’s northern isles, they must keep up pretenses while their intentions change, all under the watchful eye of the immigration bureau.

+*+*+*+*+*+*

an: just a quick lil thing! so, i headcanon lorcan to be native and the nation i use for inspiration is the Lakota tribe, this will be more apparent in the following chapters, but just wanted to let yall know! happy reading 💛

+*+*+*+*+*+*

“Lorcan? Did you hear me?”

He hadn’t said a word in the past five minutes and Elide was getting worried. Finally, he opened his mouth, “I quit.”

Elide scoffed and rolled her eyes, “You can’t quit.”

Without another word, Lorcan stood and walked out, passing the rows of cubicles as Elide walked quickly after him, trying not to cause a scene. “Lorcan. Lorcan,” she hissed, her heels click-clicking on the marble floor of the building.

She followed him into the elevator and he pushed a random floor button, glaring at the paneling as if it had somehow grossly insulted him as he leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. Elide tracked the way his jaw ticked and his nostrils flared, his eyes ablaze. Sooner than she could react, he slammed the emergency stop button and whirled on her. “You told them we’re getting married? Elide, you’re a fucking prosecutor, do you even understand that’s a crime? Like, punishable by the law.”

“They’ll never figure out it was a scam and besides, you can’t quit.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have the power to ruin your career and make sure you never get a job practicing on the continent and you know it.”

He did know it, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Lorcan fumed silently and said, expertly calculated, “Fine. Say I say yes to this. I have some conditions.”

“Naturally.”

Lorcan shoved the urge to snap her neck down down down and breathed deeply, “First of all, a fifty percent pay raise, effective immediately. Secondly, after I finish articling, I get Cairn’s job with an added thirty percent pay raise after the first raise. And I want your office.” The last one he threw in for fun, knowing she would fight tooth and nail to keep her coveted corner office.

Elide seethed silently, tapping her foot on the floor, glaring up at him. Gods, she was an itty-bitty woman and he’d never been more terrified by anyone. “Thirty-ten percent raise. Promotion, Cairn’s office.”

“Eighty-sixty. Promotion, your office.”

Elide spoke through gritted teeth, “Forty-five-thirty, promotion and your choice of office besides mine.”

“Deal,” he said, holding his hand and they shook on it. “I’ll get the necessary documents.”

“Really?”

“Nope.”

Elide muttered something in her first language that he chose to ignore as he restarted the elevator and they traveled back to their floor. News sure traveled fast because the moment they stepped out, everyone was staring at them with semi-horrified expressions.

She pretended not to notice while Lorcan stared ahead, stony-faced. As he stopped at his desk, Elide informed him they’d be leaving in fifteen for the immigrations office. Lorcan groaned and hit his head on his desk, wondering just what he’d done to deserve this.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide’s pert nose wrinkled as they stepped into the crowded office and she took in the long line up. With a sigh, she snapped her fingers at Lorcan and bypassed the line. “Elide, you can’t do that,” he said, trying to get her to stop and wait her turn, like everyone else.

Of course, she dutifully paid him no heed and slid in front of the person who was stepping up to the counter, “Hi, I’m sorry, do you mind if I just? No? Good.” She plastered on her case-winning smile as she put her papers down. The tired man keeping the desk looked at her unimpressed as she said, “I have a marriage visa I need processed.”

She tapped her sharp nail on the folder and the man gave her a dirty look before he picked up her papers and moved to the back to process them. Elide blinked and turned to Lorcan, “Rude.”

Lorcan bit his tongue and ushered her into an empty seat as they waited for their fraud to be processed. A few minutes later, their names were called and Elide stood up excitedly, clapping her hands before she tucked her hand in his elbow and tugged him back to the front desk. “Hi, thank you so much-“

“Ms. Lochan, Mr. Salvaterre, if you two would just follow me please,” a serious looking man said, clearly no time for any games as they walked at a brusque pace to a dreary little office in the back. They both sat in the uncomfortable chairs, hands clasped on their laps.

“Is something the matter?” Elide inquired, a picture-perfect air of innocence on her stunning face. Though Lorcan loathed her most of the time, he wasn’t blind. Her high cheekbones and angular, uptilted eyes paired with a button nose and round, bee-stung lips made for a breathtaking image, especially with her molten brown eyes and hair that was black as a starless night.

Her figure wasn’t bad either, sinful curves in all the right places, lean legs that looked like they went on for miles and miles – Elide would be exactly Lorcan’s type, if only she wasn’t like this.

The man looked up from their file, his dark eyes lingering on Elide too long before flicking to Lorcan and sliding right back to the petite woman. He addressed her breasts as he spoke, “I am Agent Benson and it’s come to our attention through anonymous tip that this wedding might be a scam so that Ms. Lochan can keep her position as Crown Counsel.”

Elide tensed as his gaze never dropped and Lorcan reached over, gently taking her hand in his before she could commit yet another crime, one that she would never see the sun again for. She gave him an almost grateful smile and turned to Benson, “Mr. Benson, did this anonymous tip come from a man named Cairn Beinn, by any chance?” The agent hesitated to answer and inadvertently showed his hand. Elide chuckled and shook her head, “Mr. Beinn is nothing more than a disgruntled former employee. It’s merely a coincidence, nothing to worry about.”

Lorcan nodded, squeezing her hand once. Benson looked unconvinced and rose a brow, flipping through their papers once more. “Five years in federal prison and a fine of two-hundred-fifty-thousand dollars.”

“What?”

“When I find out you’re lying, Mr. Salvaterre here will go to prison for five years and you’ll both pay the fine. Ms. Lochan, you will be deported and never allowed in the country again.”

“I guess it’s a good thing we aren’t lying then,” Lorcan said, pulling Elide’s chair closer. She squeaked in surprise at the sudden movement. “Ain’t that right, sweetie?”

She smiled uncomfortably and he subtly shook his head, nodding as her smile grew more natural. “You know it.”

Benson sighed and leaned his elbows on his desk, “Let me explain what's going to unfold. Step one will be a scheduled interview. You’ll be put in separate rooms and I’ll ask you each and every question a real couple would know about each other. Next, I dig a little deeper, start going through phone records, emails, interview your friends and families. If your answers don’t match up at any point, it’s over.”

Neither of them said a word and he pressed again, “So, which one of you is going to tell me the truth?” Elide refused to break and leveled him with a cool look. Benson turned to Lorcan. “Well?” 

“Mr. Benson, the truth is that we started dating six months ago and kept it from our coworkers and friends. We fell in love and we’re getting married. That’s it.” Lorcan gripped Elide’s knee and she gave him a loved-up smile she’d seen her parents give each other all those years ago. “We weren’t supposed to fall, but we did. Nothing we could do about it.”

“Hm. Have you kids told your parents about your… love?”

Elide said bluntly, staring with deadened eyes, “My parents were murdered when I was seven, so no.”

“How convenient.” She sucked in a breath and Lorcan squeezed her knee harder as Benson turned to him, “How about yours? Your parents dead too?”

“My mom, very much alive. Don’t know about my dad, haven’t seen him since I was eleven so.”

Elide cut in, “We’re telling her this weekend.” Lorcan choked on his breath and coughed, growing red. Elide patted his back and went on, “Yeah, it’s his sisters’ birthday, so we’re making the trip and letting everyone know. We thought it’d be a nice surprise, the whole family’s coming together.”

“And, uh, where’s this taking place?”

“Lorcan’s mom’s place.”

“And where might that be?”

Elide laughed coyly, “It’s Lorcan’s mom, why are you asking me? Come on, darling, jump in.”

Finally, he had his breath back and said, “Otȟúŋwahe*.”

“Otȟúŋwahe,” Elide repeated, nodding. She hadn’t stopped rubbing his back and Lorcan realized it was rather soothing in the situation, her long nails scratching over the material of his suit jacket.

“Northern Isles.”

“Yup, Norther-ern Isles?”

“You’re going to the Northern Isles this weekend?”

Elide and Lorcan nodded along, the former trying to control her look of utter fear. “Mm-hmm. Cause that’s, that’s where Lorcan’s from. The Northern Isles.”

The agent just laughed humourlessly, “Fine. If that’s how you want to play it, fine.”

“Perfect,” Elide said, “my fiancé and I will see you then.”

She turned primly and walked out of the office, holding herself as though she had done nothing wrong and doing the interview would be an inordinate waste of her time.

 +*+*+*+*+*+*

Elide was tapping away on her phone when Lorcan came out of the building and walked right past her. “Lorcan, excuse me, Lorcan!”

He slowly turned around and looked down at her with an extremely displeased look in his eyes. “Yes, dear?”

“Funny, anyway, we need to talk about what’s going to happen when we get up to Oto- Ota-“

“Otȟúŋwahe.” The fact that she couldn’t remember, despite having a near photographic memory made what he was going to demand of her so much sweeter.

“That. So, I’m thinking, we play girlfriend-boyfriend, tell your family we’re engaged-“

“Ask me nicely.”

She arched a brow, looking up from her phone, “’Ask you nicely’ what?”

Lorcan smiled and batted his eyelashes. “Ask me nicely to marry you, Elide.”

Elide made a face and gestured vaguely, “What does that even mean?”

He tilted his head to the side, a strand of his hair falling over his harsh cheekbone. “You heard me. On one knee and everything.”

Elide glared at him and he glared right back, not budging an inch, so Elide tucked her phone in her purse and held out her hand. Lorcan took it and helped her down to her knees, her dress not allowing for anything but a two-kneed approach. “Is this good?”

Lorcan swallowed his laugh and nodded, “Mm-hmm, I like you like this.”

Scowling up at him for the implication, Elide rudely asked, “Will you marry me.”

“Mmm, nope. Try again, baby.”

“Don’t call me that,” she spat before closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. Her gaze was true and deep when she swept her eyes open, smiling serenely up at him, “My darling Lorcan?”

“Yes?”

“If you would, please, do me the greatest honour of any woman’s life, and marry me? Please, with a cherry on top?”

“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, but fine. See you at the airport tomorrow.” With that, he left, leaving Elide to fend for herself on the pavement.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+

*Otȟúŋwahe is Lakota for town! 

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[tendous-socks]

DRAFT. “ don’t, take another step in my direction. just stay where you are oikawa. “

he freezes, hand slowly lowering itself as he sees you across the bed room facing the window sitter on the bed.

your silhouette being encased in a dewy glow as the sunsets behind you, showing the end of another day.

“ i’m sorry? y/n - chan what are you “

“don’t call me that oikawa “ you breathed, hand snapping towards him as the shine of the background illuminated your face, visibly distressed as you stared directly into his chocolate eyes, one you got lost in for hours.

ones that seems like the glow of honey, but are now full of shit.

“ i i don’t understand y/n - chan, what’s gotten into you are yo”

“i know that all the accusations posted against me have been getting more attention, so i have decided to talk about them”

the moment you cut him off, there was a sinking feeling in the chest that dropped to the pit of his stomach. eyes slowly widening as your shaky form continued reading.

“ yes it is true, i did sleep with the saun “

your back was back to face him, when you swiftly snapped back to your previous position.

though, your smooth reading quickly came crashing down down as he heard you struggling to even breathe.

a step was taken, “ y/n-san”

“ with the san jaunt ram manager who i have been seeing for a few months prior. though i had a fiancé. i was doing all of this without her knowing and with her husbands knowing consent. “

like a spring, he saw your trembling figure shot up as the glowing device laid captive in your whitening hand.

“ SOMETIMES we would do it in my own house, where my fiancé“ a pause. “ where my fiancé was away from at the time for an overseas trip to the state’s for her work. “

you had skipped a line, he had noted.

“ though, i regret the action, i can not keep quiet about it anymore, i sincerely apologize to all my fans and to y/n, as they don’t deserve this. we had cut off all contact as of today. “

though once he heard you stop reading he wen to open his mouth to talk, though the action stopped as his voice was held in a, iron cage, the lock not coming undone as h entries to break it.

“as of today..what about the day before yesterday hmm? YOU TELL ME TOORU. WHERE YOU SEEING HER YESTERDAY, THE DAY BEFORE I GOT BACK TO BRAZIL. PLEASE JUST FUCKING ANSWER ME”

“YES I DID”

silence followed quickly after, encasing the dimming room as he took another step towards you, face unreadable at his sudden out burst.

“ i see... you know tooru.”

in, out, you breathing had calmed a bit as you chucked the phone he got you for christmas onto the contaminated bed.

“ i see how all these girls look at you, men sometimes too. i see how they all flock to you, fall to one of your many charms, one i thought was reserved just for me. “

finally with a quick change you were now making eye contact as he looked into your eyes, the lighting stilling as your grimacing eyes met his fully, truly for the first time tonight.

“ your smile “

the eerieness continued as the sun stopped setting, stating in place as the air got harder, tenser, like he was on a mountain.

“ you know oikawa tooru, age 27 who loves argentinain native food, who loves volleyball as if it were his daughter, our daughter, who’s in back home now as i don’t want her knowing what you did. “

home? this perplexed him cause wasn’t your home here, with him in argentina ?

oh. you meant back japan where you stats for before ,asking the big move to argentina to pursue a life with him, and at the time unborn child.

mouth twitching down as the side of your neck bulged a bit as your hand went hide this tic of yours he had never once seen.

“ i don’t know you, oikawa tooru. “

another pause.

“ i won’t pretend i know you anymore, i’ve never knew you tooru, i only know a side of you that you want me to know. i’ve realized that now. “

“ you know me better than anybody else y/n”

do he had found his voice was slipping out fo it’s cage.

“ do i? maybe you’re right. maybe you know how i see you look at my brother. maybe i see the longing glanced you both send as you catch up on old highschool days. maybe on our wedding night hajime warned me.”

“ maybe he warned me about marrying you, saying how ‘ you were his best friend and wanted you to be happy, but wanted me to be as well. ‘ he had called you an icarus who was making his way to the sun, slowly getting closer, and closer, and closer. “

“.. you know i don’t love iwazumi, that was in the past y/n, but i love you now, from the moment we met i’ve loved you “

“so why! why did you do it oikawa? why did you do what you did, why are you looking at my brother the wya you look at me? sometimes i feel as if you would’ve rather married him than i. “

“ you were away for so long y/n i missed you and it was lonely, she came onto mei promise i tried to stop her “

“ should’ve tried harder than. but what baffles me is that you posted it? why. why the fuck would you tell the whole world how you brought this girl into our bed. what were you trying to clear your name or something. cause you ruined our ducking lives oikawa “

“ i’m aware y/n “ he winced.

timing back in, the room grew darker as the once small shadows started to creep up the wall, shackling themselves onto him as he looked at them clinging to his legs.

“ you know, i thought i made you happy, i thought i was the one to finally say this. loosely like yourself. ‘ tie down oikawa tooru, the world famous volleyball player who i’ve been with since highschool where he fought tooth and nail for what he wanted. “

a silence entrapped the two as oikawa was waiting for her to continue, knowing if he tried to put a word in he’d just get shut down.

“ .. why did you even marry me, tooru?”

a sharp pain erupted in his head as in he jerked up, mouth drying went dry as his eye eyes met your narrowed ones hip propped as you stared at him.

“ i know you’ve always hated the idea of marriage, children even as you wanted to be free, as you would always tell me in highschool. so why did you?”

“easy, because i love you”

“nope, no, jett no oikawa, you love the idea of me, of having a family, to have string to lean on “

“ no it’s not y/n and you know that, i love you that’s why i married you, that’s why i wanted to have a family with you “

“ are you sure about that cause you seem like you wanna family with her “

“ y/ n you can’t blame me i was lonely “

“ then call me damnit! “

“ i did y/n, but that wasn’t enough! “

“ obviously i can see that now asshole. and you know that i know that you could’ve fucked any bitch that came up to you and got them pregnant and i would stay because i love you. but like you i’ve changed. “

“we’re not the same as we were back then tooru, you know that“

“ y/ n lease, i’m sorry “

“ no. no. you’re making this harder than it needs to be oikawa please stop. “

“ no i can’t because i love you “

he was getting desperate, chains restricting him as he hastily made his yea towards you, reaching out to you, for you.

pain circulated through his hand as he stared dumbfounded at your scowling face, pressing your lips firmly together as you growled out a curse.

“ don’t you dare touch me. “

massaging his brows he tried again. “ y/n please i didn’t mean to “

“ shut the fuck up shitty bitch. one time is when you didn’t mean two, i could look past with counselling. six fucking months? you’re kidding yourself if i plan to stay with you. i’m going to Switzerland for some work i have to do. “

speeding towards the door he had finally noticed the two duffel bags that sat next to the floor white barrier.

he couldn’t move a single muscle in his body as she bent over to pick them up. one in each hand.

“ goodbye oikawa, good luck at nationals “ something else was muttered as you traveled through the untamable portal.

but he stared, eyes wide as slow, cold, glossy tears trickled down his cheeks. he wouldn’t, couldn’t move as it closed, only seeing the back of your head as you left your shared bedroom.

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 52e (NSFW)

“Then how exactly did you mean it?”

"This is completely different. I eat. If I had a problem then I wouldn't eat."

“Fine. Fine. You don’t have an issue.” He held his hands up in the air, “Shall we go to bed?”

She followed him upstairs in silence, her head full of everything they'd discussed.

They were still in silence when they got into bed together.

Several minutes passed as she lay staring at the wall, her back to him.

He wrapped his arms around her as he lay on his side near her. “I love you.”

Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't know how to make it stop."

“Have you spoken to anyone about it?”

"No."

“Try talking to me?” He suggested quietly, his arms still around her.

"I don't really know what to say."

“Why do you hate yourself so much? Why do you hate your figure?”

"Its been there so long that I'm not really sure."

“What can I do to help?”

"I don't know. Nothing seems to help."

“Does having sexy underwear help? Or does it make it worse?”

"It depends. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't."

“Depends on how you’re feeling?”

"I feel more confident when I'm slimmer."

“But why?”

"I don't attract the wrong kind of attention when I'm skinny."

“You think you were assaulted because you were—are curvy?”

"The second I developed curves the boys wouldn't leave me alone."

“Because boys are instantly drawn to curves.”

"And don't like the word 'no'." She sighed.

“Some boys don’t respect women, whether they’re curvy or skinny.”

"I just wanted to disappear."

“After what?”

"It was just one thing after another. I very quickly realised that the only thing in common was me."

“So you had to make yourself disappear?”

She nodded silently in the darkness, a tear sliding down her cheek and landing on the pillow.

“Making yourself skinny doesn’t stop bad things from happening.” He whispered as he kissed her cheek.

"It gave me back control though." She whispered.

“Does it?” He paused, “You know I don’t care about your size right?”

"I do though."

“Tell me what it means being curvy?”

"It makes you a target. Body of a woman, mind of a frightened child."

“Are you scared of being curvy?”

She nodded.

“Tell me everything? How it started? How it makes you feel?”

"At first it was just words, jokes. But pretty soon the touching started. I'd tell them no but they'd just laugh in my face."

“So you associate curves with people being pricks?”

"I guess." She shrugged.

“Did anyone ever hurt you when you were skinny?”

"Andrew would force me to eat and then mock me when I gained weight."

“Andrew is a cunt. You know that right?” He paused, “Turn round and face me?"

"And I was just the stupid bitch who let him do it."

“No you’re not. You’re not stupid nor are you a bitch!” He replied. He moved his arms from around her and moved to the other side of the bed, so he could lie and face her. He wiped the trace of the tear from her cheek.

"Maybe not but there's clearly something wrong with me."

“No there isn’t. You’re beautiful the way you are. Curves or no curves.”

"Then why do men treat me so badly?"

“Because they’re idiots and don’t know a beautiful, strong, independent woman when they see one.” He replied. “I don’t treat you badly do I?”

"And you have some kind of special super power that means you can?" The disbelief was clear in her tone.

“I’ve always seen it in you.” He replied. “Even at the very beginning.”

"So you decided to make it your life's mission to get me to see it too?" There was the tiniest hint of a smile.

He nodded, “Because I want you to see what I’ve always seen.” He smiled.

"Its a shame you weren't around when I was twelve. Though I doubt my mum would have been too impressed if you had been!"

“Probably not.” He stroked his fingertips against her cheek, “My only goal is to make you happy, give you the world. And make you see yourself for the beautiful person you are.”

"I am happy." She sighed. "I thought being happy would make all the other feelings go away but it doesn't."

“It doesn’t because you haven’t dealt with them. Packed them into a box and hoped it wouldn’t open?” He kissed her tenderly.

"If I open the box there's too many other things that might get out."

“But you need to let them out. You’re not on your own.”

"Is this where you suggest I go into therapy?"

“Counselling yes. It might be helpful.” He smiled sadly.

"I don't really have the time for that at the moment."

“What if you spoke to me?”

"What do you call what we've been doing all evening?"

He rolled his eyes playfully, “Talking?”

"Don't you think it's your turn now?"

“To talk? What about?”

"I've told you why I feel the way I do. Now it's your turn to do the same."

“About why I’m depressed sometimes?”

"Yeh. I can't help you if you won't let me understand why."

“I think I just punish myself for the mistakes I’ve made.” Charlie shrugged, “I don’t really know.”

"What mistakes?"

“Hurting Baz. The abortion.” He whispered.

"Those things happened because of me."

“No. They happened because of me and my actions.”

"You didn't force me to sleep with you. I bare at least some of the responsibility for what happened."

“I could’ve walked away from you.” He replied, “But I didn’t because I was selfish and thought I could have my cake and eat it.”

"We probably could have done if we'd been a bit smarter." She shrugged.

“I promised her I wouldn’t take Louis from her.” He admitted, “Even though I want Louis to stay here with us.”

"I hate the thought of him going back there too." She sighed. "It broke me seeing him cry like that earlier."

“Me too.” He sighed, “But I can’t break my promise to Baz. You understand that, don’t you?”

"Of course I do. She loves him. Even if she does have a weird way of showing it!"

“He’s the only thing she has left out of this. She lost her husband and her baby. She’ll do everything in her power not to lose her son too.”

"Which is why she hates me so much."

“That was my fault.”

"How did you figure that out?"

“I fell in love with you.” He sighed, “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone but that’s all I did. I regret so many things. They eat away at me constantly.”

"Do you regret us?" She whispered, though a part of her feared the answer.

“No, never.” He replied instantly and moved closer to her.

"I'm not sure I could have coped if you'd said you did."

“You’re my best friend, soul mate and wife. Why would I regret my life with you?”

"Because of all the damage we caused as a result."

“The damage wasn’t part of the plan. I don’t actually know what the plan was.”

"Maintaining the pretense of a happy marriage to Baz while at the same time keeping me as your dirty little secret?"

“Knowing I was madly in love with someone I shouldn’t have been in love with.” He replied. “I didn’t really know what to do about that. I wouldn’t have said my marriage to Baz was happy either. It was more of a convenient marriage for the two of us.”

"Because of Louis?"

He nodded, “Everything we did was for Louis.”

"A parent will do anything for their child."

He nodded and stroked her cheek again.

"All that time we kept it a secret I was fully expecting at any minute that you would drop me for his sake."

“I tried. I planned to but my dick overruled me.”

"You really know how to make a girl feel special!" She snorted.

“Sorry.” There was a comfortable silence between them for several minutes, “When did it change between us? When did we stop being just friends?”

"I'm not sure we ever were 'just friends'. Not really. It was always bound to happen."

“Overnight you went from being my best friend to the person that was giving me wet dreams on a daily basis.” He blushed.

"Was that before or after our drunken fuck in the carpark?"

“Before.” He confessed.

"Bet that went down well with your girlfriend at the time!"

“She didn’t really know why it was happening.”

"I presumed not as I didn't suddenly find myself being transferred to a different department."

“I wouldn’t have let that happen.”

"Oh that would have sealed my fate for sure!"

“You were— are a bloody good nurse! Hell was I going to lose you to another department!”

"And the fact that you'd decided I was easy on the eye wouldn't have entered your thoughts at all?" She smirked.

“Nope. Not at all.” He smirked catching her eye.

"Liar!" She giggled.

“I’m not!” He laughed softly.

Her eyes lit up as she grinned at him.

“Your eyes are sparkling.” He replied with a bright smile. Her shining eyes were beautiful to see.

"I'm impressed you can tell in this darkness." She teased.

“I can always tell.” He answered back confidentially.

[stargate365]

[SGA] 2.16: The Long Goodbye

Previously on Atlantis… Caldwell got snaked and almost blew up the city.

Space! I love space! What are we doing?

Oh… we’re telling Ronon and Teyla about TV… and Rodney is making a dig at the show. :D

?? What’s the flashy screen for??

“Maybe it’s a coffin?” Srsly Ronon??

Hello random space pods with people in them!

So… What’s with the weird old lady?

Pfft, Liz, no, I don’t think she’s an Ancient… Wait… the fuck? Why did you have to get so close?

Okay, Liz is looking at us oddly, I don’t think that’s Liz...

Nope, not Liz.

“Oh, here we go again.”

Space Explorers? Yeah… since when did we have such an easy day?

Hus…band?? Jfc… I don’t buy it.

Oh god, not another ep of John playing Prince Charming, I can’t take much more of this, unless it’s McKay he’s snogging.

“You’re a hopeless romantic, you know that?”

Yes, John has a point, and reason for being reluctant.

*sighs* This was a bad idea, I can tell.

Thalin-in-John looks really confused and rather annoyed… and then she snogs him. Jfc.

“That’s not what I expected.” Yeah, me neither.

Really Carson??

“You two need some very serious marriage counselling.”

“Now radio security and tell them everything is fine.” “Everything is not fine.” *zap*

How does Lorne not notice Liz suddenly seeming more military??

H O L Y S H I T

She may be tiny, but goddamn is she fierce.

“Well, they’re headed straight for divorce.”

Okay seriously, why do people keep falling for the hand-through-the-stairs trick?? You wouldn’t catch me trusting that kind of staircase.

Jfc, Ronon noooo.

I get the feeling that Rodney is gonna murder Caldwell before the week is out.

Ohmygoddd!! Thalin is such an asshole, but at least he called a med squad.

What is she doing???

“Will you people stop getting in the way.” (RUDE!!)

Yay! Rodney got the lights working again!!

Oh ffs.

Wow… Evil Liz is… jfc, I’m getting chills.

Whooo! Finally something is going right. Time for Evil John to take a nice nap.

Space-Marines. XD

Jfc… This… this is not fun. Not at all. I would like to express my dissatisfaction right now.

WHOOO! Go McKay!!

Huh… that’s where the gif of John being tied up on the floor came from.

Sorry Evil Liz, Evil John is gone now, it’s just John and Teyla.

“How’d you know it was me?” “I still do not.” Teyla is badass. :D

This is weird… shoe being on the other foot now.

“Try not to kill each other while I’m gone.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 031: Just How Many Kids Am I Gonna Have to Adopt

Previously on BnHA: Bakugou went on a roaring rampage of revenge. The once-mighty class B ate some humble pie and got shut out of the finals. Tokoyami was the fucking MVP and kept Team Deku’s hopes alive at the last second. Todoroki used his Arm That Reminds Him of His Dad Who He Hates for a half second and had instant angst. He, Deku, Baku, and the mind control guy with purple hair advanced to the final round along with their teammates. Todo and Deku went off to have a private chitchat while their dads met up in a random hallway.

Today on BnHA: Todoroki thinks All Might is Deku’s dad (but is he wrong?). He then tells Deku all about his dad, who is terrible. And his childhood, which is also terrible. And his scar, which, you guessed it -- terrible. All Might and Endeavor have their own separate conversation during which Endeavor is, wait for it... terrible. Deku has no idea how to respond to any of this, so he affectionately declares war. Bakugou listens in on the whole thing because of course he does. I basically lose all of my shit and then some and I’m not gonna pretend like I didn’t.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 68 now, so any ETAs will reflect that. Although there is one ETA here that was written the day after I read the chapter and is noted as such.)

well hello there Todoroki! are you about to become my third adopted son from this series, because it’s getting a bit crowded tbh. but you’re all good boys, so. it’s hard to say no to you

finally some more info about this guy!

his mouth is relatively ill-mannered? I haven’t gotten that vibe from him

(ETA: and I still haven’t? like is he using the wrong kind of keigo or something and I just never noticed or what)

Todoroki’s burn scar: dot dot dot. except that this is one of the few things I think I might have accidentally spoiled myself for, because there was a gif making the rounds a while back that I happened to see accidentally. which is my own damn fault, and it’s not like it’s other people’s job to keep me from getting spoiled. if anything this taught me to take extra care now that I’m at the point where I know and recognize the majority of the cast, and am thus more potentially spoiler-literate than I was before

anyway

(ETA: haha so let me just explain here. I actually was not spoiled, but I thought I was. what happened was that I saw a gif of Todoroki lying on the ground and then his flames slowly ignited, starting from around his left eye right where his scar is, and then expanding to cover the scar. and I thought, oh, that must be what happened originally before he learned to control it! hence, burn scar! little did I know that was not the case at all and that the actual story was so. much. worse. omg. but the whole thing really set me up to be properly shocked, so.)

he apparently is another one who’s not immune to his own abilities! he has to use his left side to regulate the temperature changes from the right so he doesn’t give himself frostbite or anything like that

“if he uses his left side for too long”... yeah I’m pretty sure I did spoil myself there lmao. we’ll see, I guess

IZUKU: “you wanted to talk?” TODOROKI: [GLARES]

well this is off to a smashing good start

there goes Deku comparing everyone and everything to Kacchan once again! Todoroki apparently has “a much colder sort of intimidation”

“you overwhelmed me. so much that I broke my own pledge.” it’s kind of a stupid pledge, honestly, Todo

whoa hold up

did this kid just fucking put two and two together and actually come up with four

“I felt the same pressure coming from you.” hahaha! you don’t say! :’D

WOW he’s SO DAMN CLOSE

I’m pretty sure he’s not! he supposedly does have an actual bio dad somewhere out there, but we’ve never seen him and he doesn’t seem to be around! but!! aside from that, All Might did pass down his quirk and he has adopted him now, so! I’m gonna give him close to full marks for accuracy!

motherfucker, Deku is going off on some meandering rant of denial and it’s possibly the least convincing thing I’ve ever seen

lol Deku. at this point maybe just shut up

now he’s asking why Todoroki thought that. well I guess it must be because he himself is the son of a famous hero, right?

oh shit

yeah, come to think, it really does imply the existence of a “but” there, huh

now he’s telling Izu that his dad is Endeavor. would Izuku have already known that, what with the degree to which he tends to stalk his favorite heroes? the number two hero having a son his own age definitely seems like the type of factoid he would have made a note of

“all the more reason for me to crush you.” boys, no. :( why are all of my sons so antagonistic toward each other

cut to All Might and Endeavor!

All Might is being super nice so naturally Endeavor basically tells him to shove it!

hey, Endeavor! get fucked!!

DAMMIT ALL MIGHT STOP MAKING ME LOVE YOU EVEN MORE

he’s talking about how Todoroki (or “little Shouto” as he calls him... what was the Japanese equivalent? don’t tell me it was Shouto-chan) (ETA: nope, just the same -shounen suffix he uses for all of his kids) won the round even without using his left side, and says that “someone has been raising him well”

are you guys going to have a battle of who is the best dad

?! All Might is asking him for tips on how to dad?

All Might, maybe he’s not the best guy to ask? unless you’re going for a “how to make your son hate your guts” thing here

oh. whoa. hold the fuck up

[PULLS THE CAR AROUND!!] I’VE MADE UP MY MIND, SHOUTO, YOU’RE ADOPTED. HERE, YOU CAN PUT ALL YOUR THINGS IN THE TRUNK, AND I’VE BROUGHT YOU A TEDDY BEAR. TAKE IT EASY, KID, EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT

ENDEAVOR YOU ARE ALSO CANCELLED. I’M SERVING YOU PAPERS. BY THE WAY, I HATE THAT STUPID MUSTACHE

All Might is all, “wut”

lmao I just realized he basically went up to Endeavor and was like “can you give me some advice” and Endeavor’s response was basically, “FUCK YOU!! NO!!! I HATE YOU!! ALSO!!!! MY SON WILL BE BETTER THAN YOU AND THAT’S THE ONLY REASON I HAVE A SON IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!”

and he said all of this while being, just... on fire. just all over the fucking place

what a weird conversation, is my point

he says Todoroki is a “rebellious little brat”, but that he’ll make him surpass All Might

wowwwwwwwwwww. CANCELLED. SO FUCKING CANCELLED

back to Shouto! Shouto we’re on a first name basis now

his dad basically embodies the worst of all this pro hero crap. the complete antithesis of All Might

All Might. bud, hold up. we need to sit down and discuss. there are three of them now, All Might. we need to do everything we can to make sure that none of these impressionable young kids ends up going down the wrong path and ending up like this salty fuck. I apologize for my language, All Might, but this is serious stuff. I know Katsuki is pretty rambunctious, but he has a good heart underneath it all, I’m sure of it. Deku is a good influence on him. now, I don’t know what kind of emotional damage this new one has been dealt, but he seems all right so far, so we just need to make sure he stays on track and makes some good friends, and is doing all this because he wants to be, and not because his POS father tells him it’s what he’s supposed to do

-- oh sorry guys I went off track there

so anyway, Shouto is telling Deku all about his horrible dad who wanted to be better than All Might but wasn’t better than All Might (AND HE COULD NEVER!!!!)

so he “came up with another plan.” oh honey ;_;

Deku apparently doesn’t have any idea why Shouto is telling him all this, because he’s still relatively new to this shounen protagonist stuff, and it’s his first tragic backstory. hush and just listen for a sec, Deku

“quirk marriages” fucking shit we’re really getting into fucking eugenics now. that got real heavy real fast

so basically Shouto’s dad forced his mom’s family to agree to marry their daughter to him. WOW. WOW

now Deku has shut up and looks properly horrified

I’m glad he understands that his father is a total piece of shit, though. like, good. good fucking show, Shouto, you keep it up

“as I remember it, mom was always crying...” ;_;

-- WHAT

WHAT.

DEKU. YOU AND ME ARE TWO OF A KIND HERE

FUCKING WHAT. SO YOU’RE TELLING ME BOTH PARENTS WERE ABUSIVE. DAD IS A NARCISSISTIC ASSHOLE WHILE MOM TOOK HER OWN HORRIFICALLY SHITTY SITUATION OUT ON HER FUCKING CHILD, WHICH IS NOT FUCKING OKAY NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES, AND ABUSED HIM EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. HOLY FUCKING SHIT

I APPARENTLY WAS NOT, IN FACT, SPOILED BY THAT GIF, THANK GOODNESS

YEAH THIS CAME TOTALLY OUT OF LEFT FUCKING FIELD FOR ME TBH

SHIT

poor Deku really does look so shaken up all of a sudden. like, he has the best mom in the world, who loves him so much even without him having a quirk (as far as she knows). and then along comes this cool kid who seems to have it all, but in fact his home life was horrific and abusive, and he just came up and told Deku all of this out of the blue lol, and I say lol, but I’m not actually lol, you guys, I’m so not lol

okay. okay, dude, I get it. but! I still think that if you were to go ahead and use it, it would still be fine, because in the end you are not him, you’re not his tool, you are you, and you can go ahead and be as incredible of a hero as you want, and it’ll be in spite of Endeavor and certainly not because of him

(ETA: this is basically exactly what Deku ended up telling him. only I bet you I could have done it without dramatically ripping every fucking limb in my body to shreds. but hey, you know, shounens gonna shounen)

does U.A. have counseling. aside from All Might, who to be fair does try his best. but like, real counseling

because if not, they should. have counseling

-- !!!!!!!!!!!!

[AUDIBLE GASPING SOUNDS, I LITERALLY GASPED IN REAL LIFE???!!!!]

KATSUKI OH MY GOD. SURE, GET IN ON THIS. OF COURSE YOU WERE LISTENING, NO FUCKING WAY DEKU AND TODOROKI GO OFF ON THEIR OWN AND YOU DON’T NOTICE AND SLINK OFF TO FOLLOW THEM AND EAVESDROP. BUT I BET YOU WEREN’T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YOU

ARE YOU HAVING FEELINGS OF EMPATHY?? I HOPE TO GOD THIS IS HELPING YOU WITH YOUR EMPATHY MY ANGRY SON

LESSON ONE: DON’T BE LIKE ENDEAVOR!!

LESSON TWO: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE COOL AND STRONG AND POWERFUL DOESN’T MEAN YOUR LIFE IS AUTOMATICALLY GONNA BE GREAT

LESSON THREE: I’M JUST CURIOUS, WERE YOU LISTENING IN ON THE “IS ALL MIGHT YOUR DAD” PART OF IT TOO?????

OH MY GOD

[shaking out hands to dispel all of my crazy excited nervous energy] oh my god. deep breath. okay

s-sigh. okay, Deku. now you have to say something, okay? don’t think about it too much, just. say something back to him, dude

oh shit Shouto’s walking off now. DEKU YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING!!!!

also!! Shouto mentioned the All Might connection again, so even if Katsuki hadn’t heard him the first time, he definitely heard him now

ugh I’m SO FUCKING DYING TO KNOW just how much Kacchan has actually put together when it comes to the “Deku received his powers from All Might” thing and it drives me fucking crazy and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get answers any fucking time soon. this manga has been good to me so far, but not that good

(ETA: this is a next day ETA! like, just to be clear, I haven’t read any additional chapters yet. but I was thinking on this some more, and basically I’ve come to the conclusion that Katsuki must know. the thing is, I keep forgetting just how insanely thorough Horikoshi is when it comes to his attention to detail. and I just can’t see him going out of his way to show Katsuki within earshot of a conversation like this, twice (here and on the bus to USJ), and not have that lead up to anything. yes, Katsuki has shown himself to be fairly oblivious to a lot of the goings-on surrounding him if it doesn’t involve him directly. but we’ve also seen that he absolutely does pay attention if the matter involves Deku. and he showed during the fight with Kurogiri and the rest that he’s definitely clever enough to pick up on subtle clues and connect the dots. and the thing is, the thing with Deku getting his power from All Might is not subtle at all. it’s the most obvious fucking thing ever, so obvious that two of Deku’s other classmates have come close to figuring it all out even without any hints. and neither of them had Deku literally come up to them and say “I got my quirk from someone else, but I can’t say from who.” yeah, Bakugou didn’t seem to understand it at the time. but he’s had time to process it since, and I just can’t see any way he wouldn’t have made the connection by now. so until we’re shown otherwise, I’m going to operate under this assumption from now on.)

(ETA 2: as of chapter 68, this is still up in the air! so I stand by it! I’m putting it out there!)

-- DEKU IS SAYING SOMETHING!!!! DEKUUUUU

and he says he’ll repay everyone who helped him by becoming the best

“let me return your declaration of war with my own.” awww. “declaration of war” isn’t really the best description for it lol. not when it’s being done like this

;_;

a healing shounen bond of determination is born

meanwhile Kacchan’s still listening in but doesn’t say anything. last time he got upset because they were having a rivalry without him. I wonder if he’s gonna let them have this thing for themselves this time around

don’t worry Kacchan, no matter what happens you’ll always be Deku’s number one rival. seriously, no matter how many other people he goes around declaring war on, you’re the one that fucking inspires him and lights that crazy fire in him and spurs him on to do crazy things and be amazing. you and All Might. but he’s not in love with All Might

lunch break is over. I wonder if they ever got to eat lunch

lol I’m so checked out of the sports festival now. I just want these three to go get ice cream together and chill

apparently they prepared some sort of “recreational activity” for the kids that didn’t end up making it to the final

um. what

I’m hovering my hand over the “cancel” button once again, people. don’t make me do it

[REPEATEDLY SLAMS CANCEL BUTTON FURIOUSLY!!!!!]

...okay, we’re back to the actual plot now

YESSSS THIS IS WHAT I FUCKING HOPED FOR THE MOSTTT

I mean come on, you can’t have a fucking shounen tournament arc without a fucking tournament

wait a sec. I’m looking at these individual panels, and the only conclusion I can draw is that Aoyama and Ojiro were somehow on the purple haired guy’s team this entire time and I didn’t realize it?? how’d he manage that? (mind control. obviously.)

quick bold predictions: MY GIRL OCHAKO TAKES IT ALL. LET’S GOOOOOO

more seriously, Deku and Todoroki will obviously have to fight each other, most likely in the final. so Bakugou is probably out in the semi or quarterfinals. although I can’t picture him going up against Deku again this soon, and if the finale is going to be Deku and Shouto, having Baku fight Shouto first kind of takes away from that, I feel? so maybe he won’t make it to the semifinals either. in which case probably the purple haired guy will, along with... MY GIRL OCHAKO. DID YOU NOT HEAR ME EARLIER. LET’S DO THIS. PLEASE. SOB

(ETA: honestly this tournament ended up surprising me at every turn. what a fucking ride)

BONUS:

STEEL RYOHEI!

Tetsutetsu is actually a pretty easy name to remember, but I just like calling him Steel Ryohei so much because I feel like it’s so fucking accurate

this guy really likes spinach

[lackwhen]

In Conversation: Sabrina Cates on Thrifting, Social Media, and Freedom

Sabrina Cates,

born and raised in New Orleans, is fly as hell and giving me a read on purpose and freedom. We heard of one another through word of mouth and met via Instagram. What started as polite exchange of compliments turned into a discussion about leaving corporate America to build on our dreams, brands and our own businesses. That, is why I chose to sit down with this wonderful woman. Sabrina is a gorgeous, compassionate, light of a human being who finds value in doing what she wants to do, be that blowing bubbles, case managing or channeling her mother at the thrift store. 

My conversation with Sabrina will be the first in a series of conversations and interviews with creative, inspiring folks around New York and beyond. In wanting to learn more about relationships, imagination and the world, I also want to give these people a chance to tell their stories in hopes that they’ll reach and touch some of you. I want to expose us all to the way some of us are living out their imaginations and the ways they are trying to love, move, work and what they really think about the world.

Sabrina Cates: I have this thing, I know what my purpose is. I’ve known what my purpose was since about college.

What’s your purpose honey? 

My purpose is service. I’m here to serve people who have less than me. To help them, to build them, to work in communities and to grow them. 

I went to college originally for sport journalism. I loved sports, I played sports in high school, I had all brothers and I wrote. It made sense. My sophomore year, I started going to counseling for some things I’d gone through in the past and it just hit me. So I was like, I want to do this. I want to help people. Kids who'd gone through what I went through. So I switched my focus to social work. 

Right out of college I worked a few corporate jobs. First, with Verizon then as a flight attendant. At a point I felt like I was just living my life for fun. I was flying, I had money, I was never home, but what was I really doing? Who was I really helping? I had to find something more meaningful.

How long did it take you to come to the conclusion that what you were doing didn’t align with your life’s purpose? 

Maybe three months before I quit flight attending I realized like wow, I am not doing anything, I’m helping people, but not really. So I went to the internet looking for jobs that would let me use my degree. I hadn’t really gotten into case management since college. I figured, I got this degree and spent four years doing case management work, so why not try to use it. 

Eventually, I found a case manager position at AmeriCorps. I applied, interviewed, and they gave me 2 weeks to move to Paterson, New Jersey. They gave me a housing stipend but that was really it. It was more of a volunteer project than a job.

Earlier, we talked about shying away from corporate America. When you are building your own business and stepping away from corporate America, what does that actually look like? 

I wouldn’t do case management anymore. I’ve done social work for so long, and I loved it. I do love it. What I would do now is be in the community, volunteer and tutor after school programs. Things like that. I want to step away from case management a bit because coming here, I’ve realized I am more in-tune with myself in tapping into my creative side and that’s like the thrifting brand that I own.

"“When you no longer are moving in a way of worrying about what other people think and feel, especially in regards to you, that’s when you’ll truly know freedom.""

Lets talk about that, because we just shot and you are stylish as fuck, I’m like, who could give a look like this? 

So, I didn’t like thrifting growing up with my mom, we were very poor. I used to have to go to thrift stores with my mom and brothers. She’d pick out all our shit under a certain amount. I would complain the whole time worried about getting teased at school. And we did. We got teased a lot. I hated it, but when I got to college, everybody looked the same. Everybody shopped at Forever21. I remember going to the club one day and this girl and I had on the same exact outfit, from the skirt to the top. Ever since that day I decided to shop at the thrift store. And so when I went, it was like everything my mom taught me just kind of came back. All of her lessons.

Was mom fly?

Yes, she was fly! Apparently, to my family, I’m an exact mold of her when she was my age. I can go into a thrift store and can find anything. I can create these ideas and outfits in my mind and I can go and find everything I want. Everything. My mom taught me that.

It is a skill. A lot of people just cannot thrift. Did mom even teach you the styling part? 

She didn’t teach me the styling part. She just taught me what to look for. She dressed us pretty fly as kids, for what she could afford. But when it comes to styling, I guess it’s naturally in me. I can’t even explain it. 

That just comes from being a creative. 

It comes with freedom and really being able to find out who you are. I feel like once I found out who I was and became in-tune with that, my creativity just amped; it’s not complicated. After a while friends would start asking me if I could style them and I’m like “nope! I just know how to dress me.”

So do you ever style now? 

Yes, I have my own Vintage Brand called Vintage Austerity. I launched it April of this year. I started the brand because my friends, line-sister, and my favorite cousin Roni started asking me to style for them. Once I started, it showed me that I truly have talent. Now, all I have to do is work on making it a skill. I started selling my thrift items on my Instagram, soon I’ll be selling it on my website. My partner gave me the idea to start these wardrobe parties, to sell my things and so when I chose to do them, I decide to have people really dress up. At the last party I had about 20 vintage items up for sale on this name-your-price basis, and I did not have to negotiate at all. They are quality things that I thrift so people were really into it. 

You’re like the middle man, it’s like personal shopping. 

Yeah! I am going to start selling other items too. Vintage furniture, antiques, and things.  My whole home is thrifted. I love vintage things, from items to clothes.

I want to be full out with my thrift line. I’ve always had this vision of taking a school bus and flipping it into this travel store and taking it to festivals. So that’s my project in a couple years.  

It sounds like you’re taking all of the steps to getting there. With your management experience, your thrift parties and such. You’re even working for a start up and not some huge corporation so I imagine there is more room to grow, learn, and practice even more skills, right?

Yeah, definitely. I am currently building their customer service presence on social media. 

""Social media, to me, is creating this microwaveable-instant-popcorn-ready-society.""

What do you think about social media? 

Social media to me is creating this microwaveable-instant-popcorn-ready-society. It is building up this generation of people who think that their dreams and everything should be ready in 3 minutes, like popcorn. 

I do see the positives, though. I've seen people with brands grow and make money. Even looking at my partner, building her brand on social media, selling merchandise. It’s great for marketing and business, if you really put in the work and don’t expect it to happen over night.

What ways do you use social media?

I use it for business and for fun. Keeping up with relationships, but also researching other businesses and things creatives are doing. That's really all I use it for, I try not to take it too seriously. 

I went to Chris Rock’s show yesterday and they collected all of our phones, said we’d get them back at the end of the show. I talked with my friends until the show started. Out of the hundreds of people at the show, not one person had their phone out.

I cannot even imagine that.

I hadn't seen that in a long time. Chris Rock even made a point. He said, “I was with my wife for 16 years and my parents were together for 40. I talked to my wife more in that 16 years than my parents did in their 40.” And that's because there were no phones to call and text. When his dad would go to work at 6:45 in the morning, he wouldn’t get back until 8 at night. There was no communication during that time. When he would get home, they’d sit and talk. There was actual conversation. Now, with texting, Instagram and Snapchat, by the time you get home, there is nothing left to talk about. 

In that sense, his marriage kind of couldn’t have lasted 40 years. We get so burnt out, in many ways being in our phones.

Yep, and everyone thinks they can have Cardi B’s outcome, coming out of social media. But we don’t get to see the work she put in and so people don’t think they have to work hard to get success. People can't even imagine a life without Instagram.

Being a photographer, especially, I can’t imagine deleting it. I actually get sick being on it so much, but because of my line of work, I can’t be without it. I get lost on there, spending hours doing non-work related shit. Killing my self-esteem and wasting my time. 

Exactly, that’s why I try to stay back as far as I can. I still write letters, I journal by hand. I like to read and sit in the park for 5 hours blowing bubbles. I am about not being limited to one thing. If you’re a photographer, take your pictures. If you’re a poet, write your poems. If you wanna flip around and hula hoop, do it. When you no longer are moving in a way of worrying about what other people think and feel, especially in regards to you, that’s when you’ll truly know freedom. For me, I don’t care what people think. At my age, I do what ever I want. 

I remember having a conversation with this girl and she goes, “You’re 30, and blowing bubbles and dancing in the street? What about a career and work? What about family? You don’t want to be serious about that?” Why do people think life is so serious? I work, I have a full time job, I have a savings, I am learning about investing. The adult part is figured out. But that’s not all life is about. I want to be free. 

I learned that people define you by what you do. 

They really do. After I left corporate life I stopped getting pats on the back. People aren’t as impressed that I am trying to build my own thing. People seem so concerned about finishing school and getting a salary with health care and it's exhausting trying to convince people that this is valid way of living.

It’s not your job to convince people that what you’re doing is important and has value. It stems from how they were raised. Older black people were taught that you work hard in school to get a degree to get a good job, to buy a house and car, to have a family, to retire. That’s life for them. That’s what they were taught, that’s what they teach you. I can’t fault them completely. It’s a generational thing. They won’t be as open minded to see it differently. You have to accept those people for who they are and trust that eventually they’ll see your light.

I'm probably the weirdest person in my family and they are still super supportive. Coming out to my brother, who is my best friend but who I also look at as a father figure, I was super nervous. When I told him he responded with "oh, so you like the same thing I like!" My brother has a favorite line: "if people don't like you, fuck them." "if they have a problem with who you are, what you do, who you're fuckin', fuck them." It's not their job to like you, it's not your job to make them. My family accepts me for exactly who I am. They don't understand me all of the time, but they still love the shit out of me.  

That's how I support my friends, that's how I support my partner, that's how I support anyone. Do what you want to do. It won’t always be easy, but stay true to your self, and find out who you are. Spend your time discovering and creating you, stay true to that, love yourself first, and fuck other people’s opinions. To thine own self be true.

This interview has been edited and condensed.