#and he is also sexy and i like him
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fantine was literally already on her death bed so her body did in fact do that on its own…
#mine is ‘other’ once again#he did not hurt anyone at all. literally. he’s one of the less violent characters in the brick lol#he is also a miserable and was also just doing his duty#he does suffer and picked the best option he had available to him!#love how people shit on him for being a cop like i would LOVE to see what y’all would have done#born in prison in 1780s france lmfao. i’m sure you’d have made such excellent decisions#and he is also sexy and i like him#so other: javert isn’t a villain and anyone who interprets him as such has zero reading comprehension#and would rather act like they have these flawless pure morals (over a fuckin fictional character)#than actually approach the narrative in good faith#people who seriously think javert is a VILLAIN outright missed the point Entirely.#like the themes of les mis zoomin over their head as we speak#anyway#les miserables#poll
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Grumpy, meet Sunshine.
Quote by @sstarbitss
#atla#avatar the last airbender#zuko#atla fanart#prince zuko#atla art#aang fanart#atla aang#avatar aang#aang art#aang#atla zuko#zuko art#zuko fanart#tales from the couch#Tales from the couch AU#atla modern au#modern au#HELLO HELLO I'D LIKE TO MAKE A STATEMENT#*ahem*#Zuko is hot in every single hairstyle he tries (yes even the Ponytail fight me)#Undercuts are inherently sexy (I will also fight you on this)#Zuko + Undercut = Sozin's Comet levels of hotness#That being said!#Aang is a sweet boy the sweetest of them all#He's such a cutie pie I love him so much#the gaang#Also yes they both have earrings#Zuko and Sokka may be Undercut Buddies™ but you just know they're part of the Cool Earrings Team founded by Aang#My precious precious boys
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it is, i think, symptomatic of the way larian has built this brand: bg3 was always marketed as being mature (read: sexual), and that was one of the big draws for players - myself included! especially as media pulls more towards extremes, with mainstream video games starting to get increasingly graphically sexual, graphically violent, and the vogue for 'grey morality' becomes the norm, those boundaries get pushed, and it becomes more and more of a selling point.
larian obviously focused on this, along with the How Do You Do, Fellow Kids brand, the increased accessibility of game devs on twitter, and adopted it heavily into their marketing strategy, and are now pretty reliant on the horny gamer crowd for a lot of their audience, and more importantly, they're doing this on purpose.
which is how you end up in situations like this.
characters (white men) the players want to fuck get centred: they get updates, they get more content, they get favoured. halsin's gone from a side character in EA to a half-fledged romance option, to a full romance option: he shows up in the promotional material, is larian's poster boy for the sex scenes, he gets more content with every update.
now gortash gets more heavily implied situationship lines with the dark urge, because players are horny for him. nevermind that some people aren't playing that way, or that he was originally set up to be a lower-level antagonist; nevermind that if the durge's storyline needed expansion, it should've been with orin and sarevok and bhaal, or that it muddies the writing for the rest of gortash's arc + characterisation: people want to fuck him, so it gets put in the game. it's not even to do with karlach, whose quest so desperately needs expansion! it's specifically catering to the people who want their character to have a Relationship with the slaver, because they're either not interested in or not able to focus on strengthening the weak spots in the narrative: they're just doing things that will net the 'my favourite dating sim' people lmfao.
meanwhile, literal main character wyll gets his quest demoted to a subquest, doesn't get bugfixes, doesn't get a single unique romance greeting after 6 patches and months of requests. he's not a Horny character, so he doesn't get the focus: he's not a player favourite, so he gets nothing. it's just... so unbelievably, indisputably racist, and it's incredibly grim and disappointing to watch it happen in real-time.
#also#and I can't believe I'm saying this#it feels like character assassination against enver 'can't be in a room with you without 5 robocops for protection' gortash. like come on.#stop trying to make him sexy he'll never be sexy#he's a slaver.#i feel like larian have backed themselves into a corner where they have to pander to this side of the fanbase#because they've encouraged it so strongly that now it feels like a majority share of their audience are here for the sex#bg3#larian critical#bg3 fandom critical#to be clear. Yes i am being a hater#baldur's gate 3
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I could fix him but I kinda like him a little murderous and psychotic tho
#he would kill me too#but i don’t mind#love my sexy psychotic men#i don’t care about fixing him lol#can you tell i’m also insane?#i like my men broken#and deranged#and psychotic#with a dash of mommy issues#coriolanus snow x reader#anakin skywalker x reader#void stiles x reader#tom riddle x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#theodore nott x reader#ethan landry x reader#billy hargrove x reader#luke castellan x reader#aaron warner#cardan greenbriar#jonathan crane#patrick bateman#this is so unhealthy of me#also very unhinged#but also so real#this is the last time i’m going to talk about being a fixer upper i promise
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Let us be brutally honest with ourselves and with eachother for a moment. If he weren't obese you motherfuckers would be capable of percieving evrart claires sexy sexy moral ambiguity and complex charms
#i am (lesbian) sipping him like a fine DESSERT WINE#my evidence by the way is very simple and very damning. joyce messier. there i said it.#if you guys can appreciate the fact that Joyce is a complex figure worthy of disgust yes but also worthy of empathy#despite being a venal coward facilitating acts of violence and slaughter of the organized working poor of martinaise in the name of capital#if you can understand that she is a dimensional figure while also being an embodiment of the moral apathy and cruelty if capital owners#but you cant look at evrart and see that he is (while deeply flawed and morally suspect) also a dimensional figure#on top of the fact that his motivations are eminently relatable and dare i say it baser#and his greatest failing imho is in failing to advocate for the interests of *all* the poor of martinaise#opting instead to marginalize the inhabitants of the fishing village in favor of a power grab in the interests of himself and his union#though this is imo a bit of a grey area morally. undeniably a wrong and bad thing to do but done in service of clairs political goals#to gather power to advocate for the working class against ultraliberal monoliths like wild pines and fascistic orgs like krenel#still super wrong but i can follow the moral arithmetic there tho i don't like it#but like my point is if u can see that joyce is evil and pathetic but still cool and sexy but you consider clair flatly distasteful#thats cus hes not conventionally attractive#cus he is *every bit* as dimensional and interesting as joyce and he is not nearly as politically shite even if hes interpersonally a jerk
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Bonus 13: Beware the Grapes of Wrath.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen qing#wen ning#WWX's main weapon as the Yiling patriarch is considered to be 'Wen Ning' - which makes sense as far as the whole necromancer thing goes.#However...That *is* Wen Qing's beloved baby brother!#In her perspective WWX skipped town for a few days (or so) and took WN with him#only for them both to show up bloodied and in a state of disarray.#There's no way he told her he was going out to duel Jiang Cheng. For several reasons.#He doesn't want to involve her in his messes anymore than he already has.#It's less that she would try and stop him and more so that he honestly wouldn't even think to say something about it to her.#WQ and him aren't partners in this situation. He actually openly disregards her opinions several times.#Wei Wuxian's emotional distance from everyone around him is a big part of this arc.#Like all good tragedies...his biggest flaw is his hubris. He doesn't *need* anyone when he's so capable on his own.#He doesn't need to ask permission when obviously this is the only way forwards.#He has to do it all on his own! No one else needs to be involved!#And if you've been in the position of realizing you have a problem of toxic self-reliance - you know how harmful this mindset is.#It's why it's so satisfying to see WWX in his 'new' life start to let other's share his burdens.#I will die on the hill of 'love means carrying each other's weight. All a burden means is that I can give you support and you support me.'#YLLZ is less 'competent and sexy' and more 'depressed and can't see it'.#Another lovely nod to the main theme here is how he starts leaning more and more into the rumours about him.#Though we are also still confronted with how these rumours fail to actually live up to reality.#Rumour has it the Yiling Patriarch is undefeatable. What a shame if that rumour turned out to be untrue!
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Hey if Deathbit ain’t scorched to hell in 97 I’m gonna be disappointed. I’ll draw that too. Obviously. Asap. Till then, comic Deathbit
#gambit#gambit xmen#remy lebeau#remy#my love#that man is a Wife and I will not be taking criticism#thank you very much#anywho#death?#Death xmen#deathbit#x men 97#xmen 92#ugh I wanna kiss him#he’s tall and nice#Cat dad#you got another thing comin if you think that ain’t gonna make me like him more#also!#the Antarctica debacle?#Honestly super sexy of him#dick move by the xmen#but BOY if he weren’t a determined lil fucker#so cheery in those recordings he left#make me wanna#on GOD
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The Rebirth B-Team that we deserved...
#i'll never stop being mad about what they did to my boy wedge............... >:(((#AHEM anyway. little minor redesigns to fit with rebirth biggs!#it's the subtle things that count. like letting zack show off those sexy sexy shoulders.#wedge took one of his pauldrons off because that's what cloud did and he thinks that cloud is cool and awesome and amazing and badass#idea: cloud gets shot in the jenova injection site in his arm and it destroys the parasite before it can spread.........#still dealing with the mako poisoning though. plus relearning how to do literally anything after being in a coma for a couple of years#gave him a rifle bc he's a good shot!! and also because i think the rocking chair grandma with a shotgun vibe is SUPER important for him#it's about that country boy thang.#ffvii#cloud strife#zack fair#wedge ff7#wedge#biggs ff7#jessie rasberry#my art <3#not pictured yet: kunsel and cissnei dlc where they team up to rescue sonon from deepground 🤔
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just some ivy league kids trying to figure out necromancy
#the overall plot is pretty cool i just hate the characters now. they're cute though hi#they need sooo much revamping. or maybe i just explode this universe and move on to the next we'll see#anyway yeah the fourth pic that's evelyn she's dead and she was super obsessed w the occult and she's very manipulative and bad#that's her twin sister hazel in pic 5 they hated each other. she did not murder her. but should she have been allowed to i mean who's to sa#also HIIII LIAM MY VERY BELOVED (he's the first one <33 my oldest oc <33)#he basically grew up with me. my friend once said he's like my imaginary friend now that's what i call him djskfljds#while now i'm more like let's try to make characters that look like real people not barbie dolls#i do appreciate 13 yr old me just saying yeah liam's just like a hot sexy supermodel with zero imperfections. he's 6 foot 7#the others are evelyn’s friends liam just transferred here though. but HE’S trying to do necromancy for his cousin ppl think he killed#ffkldjflkdfds#ts4#ts4 cas#the sims 4
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positively obsessed with how Rockstar Lestat is the exact kind of guy one of my friends would show me a picture of and swear he’s really sexy and cool and brilliant. Whole time I’m thinking “oh dear GOD” staring at a trainwreck weirdo and wondering what’s happened to everybody else that is absolutely missing me. jesus christ he’s blond
#his outfits are busted he’s cosplaying a vampire as an adult man and on top of it he’s blond#if he was a real guy who came out of nowhere I would think he was so cringe#and iwtv fans are like ‘oh we love him! we would always love him!!!’ LIES#you are on the HATER WEBSITE you are simply partially sexualising him and then rolling your eyes at Lestat/Reader band fic#while reblogging hate tweets (made by armand). don’t look in my eyes and tell me you don’t think he’s a little cringe.#does it matter how camp a man is if straight women want to fuck him. I think not. site of haters we’d be on armand’s side#and also you’d wanna fuck Daniel. as recent trends show#the x reader fic swiftie aesthetic girlies would love Lestat#they want to be a rockstar’s gf#but the gay gore amc hbo nbc bitches would take one look at Daniel crazy geriatric homosexual#who claims to be a vampire and is now touring around with another separate guy claiming to be a vampire#and they would (as they are a currently doing) posting shit like#‘hey is vampire peepaw kinda sexy. like I’d let him bite me. Lestat can die but Daniel come and get it grandpa’#lestat is nothing this is daniel’s time. in the reality where this is actually happening to us and not a tv programme#iwtv#interview with the vampire#rockstar lestat#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire lestat#daniel molloy
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Hualian Idol AU where instead of the statues the big reveal of Hua Cheng's longstanding amorous fixation on Xie Lian is all of his self-insert "my mom sold me to One Direction" style fanfics located in the depths of some boyband RPF archive.
#tgcf#hualian#hua cheng would write the most unhinged fanfics#he probably still prefers drawing to writing but a keyboard opens up avenues for him not having to worry about handwriting#300k magnum opus starring himself as a ghost haunting an antique ring xie lian buys and then he also owns hua cheng's soul and etc#he doesn't do y/n because YOU are not being sold to xie lian#he'd be totally shameless about it as well#like 'in this fic I get turned into a fox and gege hits me with his car and then nurses me back to health'#and people are like at least make up an OC or project onto one of the other band members or something and he's just like no#go feel shame on your own time#nineteen year old hua cheng is too busy writing a story where he is a sexy soldier who dies tragically in xie lian's arms
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i imagine it's quite chilly in the black sea (for the lack of sun and color), so they're wearing slightly warmer clothes now uwu
+ thoughts
#i was meaning to only draw jay to try and figure out a design for her *once more*#but i was super happy with the first one i did so i drew the boys in slightly changed outfits instead#also yeah im VERY pleased with this outfit for jay. the colors look sooo good and exactly like i imagine them to look#the pants are not straight up green but they have this green ish hue to them that adds a lot i think#quite happy with chip's and gill's outfits too they're very sexy and cool hehe#gill in the turtleneck with short sleeves-- so good. and i gave him a haramaki!!!!!!!!!!! hell yeah the one piece fan in me is happy#and chip in the high waisted pants and these boots-- brooooo. slaying so hard. and he's wearing a proper shirt which is rare#also. there's a lot of typos in the explanations probably. um. yeah. not always looking at what i write#edit: forgot the actual tags whoops#jrwi riptide#jay ferin#jrwi chip#gillion tidestrider#my art#sketch
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Hey! I apologize if this question has been asked before since it seems like a pretty obvious one, but where do you think the idea of Aventurine being a sex slave came from? Other than the obvious factor of it being something fun for the fandom to mess around with, I mean.
It's something I kind of took for granted as being true before playing his quest, but after finishing it I realized there wasn't really any indication. The only thing I can really think of is his master's comments about him having a good body. Is there anything in his behavior you can think of that would lead to this conclusion if it wasn't a popular fan interpretation already/kind of just an easy conclusion to reach with a slave character?
(also kind of related but what do you think of the idea that he sleeps around/with his clients to make deals? he's obviously willing to sexualize himself with the boob window, but that doesn't necessarily mean he goes further.)
As far as I can tell, the idea that Aventurine was involved in sexual slavery comes from three (maybe four) places:
First, the comment from the master about Aventurine's appearance. People were holding this comment up as refutable proof that Aventurine was used in sexual slavery on top of being tossed into the Hunger Games; however, the response from other players on this interpretation, especially the Chinese side of the fandom, was very mixed, with a lot of people pointing out that the context in the game probably meant the slave master was talking about Aventurine's ability to attract attention from fans watching the literal Sigonian Hunger Games, rather than having a direct sexual-slavery connotation.
Second, the comment from Sparkle about stripping naked and getting on his knees for Sunday. This one has way more implication in English than I think it might for an Eastern audience, actually. In English, this pretty much sounds like Sparkle saying Aventurine trades sexual favors for success in his gambles. However, I suspect the original intention in Chinese was more about humiliation. Western audiences don't have as much history with honor-based prostration, i.e. accepting corporal humiliation as a form of reconciliation that Eastern audiences might be more familiar with. And in any case, Sparkle is Sparkle. She probably just went for the lowest blow she could think of here.
Third, the general assumption that if Sigonian slaves were being chained, branded, beaten, sent to death matches, etc., it seems logical that they would also be taken advantage of in other ways. I honestly think this is probably the fairest take--many, many real slaves around the world faced (and still face!) sexual abuse, so if slaves from Sigonia were treated so poorly you could make them fight to the death for entertainment, it stands to reason they were probably also not safe from other forms of assault. We also have no idea what happened to Kakavasha in any of the years between his being a tiny child fleeing the massacre and then being purchased as a slave as a late-teens-early-twenties person. That's a very long time for a child to have to survive on their own on an extremely hostile planet and not face risks of all kinds or end up needing to do unspeakable things to survive. So I think this is at least not that far-fetched, although it's important to say there's nothing in the game that directly confirms this.
And fourth: I read a tweet semi-recently that stated that one of the Chinese (or maybe it was Japanese) names for a quest Aventurine was involved in was actually a reference to a book about a teenage sexual assault survivor. However, when I tried to verify this myself, I couldn't find any quest Aventurine was in that was based on a book about sexual assault in either English, Chinese, or Japanese. It's possible I just missed something, but I'm taking this one with a bit of a grain of salt currently, since I can't confirm it personally.
Regarding your other question, about whether I think Aventurine sleeps around to make deals...
I definitely think he does not, for one major reason.
First, I will admit that Aventurine is definitely willing to use his appearance to his advantage. This is pretty obvious. He wears incredibly flashy clothes, baths himself in cologne, overloads on glittering golden jewels, and absolutely calls attention to his appearance when working with clients.
We see him actively doing this in his Moment Among the Stars video, where he is clearly using his looks as an equal tool (to his wealth), to daze his target.
It's not an accident that he says things like "Use me as you wish," with all the explicit connotations preserved. The implication is there. However, unless he was absolutely backed into a corner, I think that implication is all it will ever be.
The reason I think this is that the devs go out of their way to give Aventurine three fairly noticeable physical behaviors in his in-game scenes:
For one, he has some of the most closed off body language of any character in the game.
Aventurine's default conversation pose is arms crossed directly and tightly in front of himself. This is like "Defensive Body Language 101." By crossing your arms, you put a symbolic barrier between yourself and the person you're speaking to, and also ensure that your hands are up and available in case you actually need to physically defend yourself.
Virtually all of Aventurine's conversations take place from this stance, no matter who he is speaking to (from the Trailblazer all the way to Topaz). He deliberately closes his pose off and tightens up his silhouette, which just sends a glaring "Don't touch me" message.
This closing off is also blatantly apparent when you compare it to the deliberately open poses he strikes while trying to make himself seem accessible to others (like tempting clients) or seem powerful (to intimidate):
Complementing this habit of closing himself off is a second noticeable aspect of his body language: He frequently avoids eye contact to the point that he even holds conversations while entirely facing away from the person he's speaking to.
I might be a bit lenient and say maybe he's doing this to on purpose to be mysterious, whoo~~ But... in all honestly, he just does this with everyone, even with Ratio while trying to talk about an actual important issue (wanting to look into Acheron's real identity). Hell, even the fake Aventurine does it to himself!
We can even say that wearing the rose-tinted glasses in the first place is another intentional barrier, one Aventurine deliberately removes in specific moments to give people the (false) impression that he's "letting them in" to his circle:
Now, this might be a bit more complicated in Aventurine's case, because eye contact has a whole extra meaning when eyes are the defining trait of your species and come with particularly challenging racial stereotypes. So it may be that Aventurine is simply used to conducting conversation while looking away to minimize racial prejudice against his eyes' unique appearance.
However, I'd also argue that the devs deliberately turned his entire model away in cutscene after cutscene to create a clear sense of being inaccessible, unapproachable, and unwilling to engage in the physical intimacy of standing closely, directly facing, and staring at his conversation partners.
While he faces away, he controls both the figurative and the literal direction of conversation, forcing people to keep their eyes on him while he is free to move as he pleases. Over and over again, it just says "I want to be the one in control. I'm not afraid to show my back to you, but you are not welcome to come near me."
And, in fact, that's a third aspect of his character's body language that I am sure the devs did not include accidentally: More so than other characters, many of Aventurine's conversations are conducted from weirdly far distances. Like, half the time he's talking, he's standing all the way on the opposite side of the room!
This habit of speaking from a-larger-than-normal distance is apparent in the first scene with Himeko...
And then in just about every other conversation too:
The bubble is twenty feet in every direction.
Like yes, he does approach and have conversations like a normal person... sometimes... But it is significantly more noticeable with Aventurine than with other characters that he often conducts whole conversations--even with his allies--from a distance. Just genuinely weirdly far apart.
Leaving space for Gaiathra, I guess.
And it's because these significant decisions were made with Aventurine's in-game body language that, when he deliberately alters his own behavior, it is instantaneously noticeable.
In 2.0, he closes the distance, the glasses come off, and he gets directly up in the Trailblazer's face.
It's uncomfortable not just because the player is suddenly being loomed over, but because this behavior has already been subconsciously established for the player as out of character for Aventurine.
The barriers the character himself was putting up are deliberately stripped away so that he can use physicality and demanding eye contact to intimidate his target. He has to reverse his own normal body language in order to come across as domineering (and, I guess if you're into that, appealing in a domineering manner).
And ummmm, just a tiny aside here because I can't resist:
This does mean that when the game goes out of its way to demonstrate Aventurine altering his own normal habit of distant and defensive body language, it is absolutely intentional.
Yes, this is a Ratiorine post in disguise. There literally isn't any other character in the game that Aventurine is shown being comfortable standing so close to and interacting with in this manner. This doesn't occur in every one of their scenes, but Ratio is the only character that this happens with repeatedly. It's not an accident that the devs literally added "They were walking side-by-side" as flavor text.
But look, I'll be fair: There's a great example of this in Aventurine's scene with Acheron too, where he closes the distance and attempts to make eye contact with her--seeking her guidance and closeness--and she is actually the one stepping away, speaking with her back turned, demonstrating her power and control (and issues with connection!) in that scene.
Anyway, this was a whole longggg tangent into analyzing Aventurine's body language, but my point is that, overall, the devs deliberately adjusted his model's actions in-game to give the impression of a person who clearly wants to be in control of every interaction he has with other people, who insists on distance over intimacy, and whose stances and habits suggest that he is significantly less accessible and open than his "Use me as you wish" motto might suggest.
Long story longer, I think that there is almost zero chance Aventurine is willingly ceding control over himself or the actions expected of him to anyone he isn't 100% comfortable with, and I think that using physical intimacy of any kind would be an absolute last resort for him. Frankly, he comes across as more likely to shoot himself in the foot than let someone he doesn't trust lay hands on him.
To me, he reads very much as "You may look, but you may not touch."
#honkai star rail#aventurine#honkai star rail meta#ratiorine#aventio#lowkey though#body language analysis#I fully respect people's sexy Aventurine headcanons#and I read many many fanfics too lol#but as far as what we're shown in-game is concerned#I think Aventurine would rather eat live scorpions than kiss a stranger#don't get me wrong#I think Aventurine will always do what he NEEDS to do#to win the gamble complete the mission etc.#BUT I also think#that he is FAR more likely to jump off a bridge to solve his problems#to commit MURDER to solve his problems#than use himself as a (literal) honey trap#it seems to me that this would be the last resort and only the last resort ever#not out of a desire to avoid sex or anything#but simply because of the issue of control#any form of vulnerability that would leave him at another person's whims#seems off the table unless absolutely absolutely necessary
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"Can we chat about – I don't know if Gabriel's gonna be somewhere mad at me for this, but I gotta point it out. Harvey's got a very, sort of, coquettish, pillow-hugging thing going on on the bed. [Sarah laughs.] Do you know in this scene, where he's putting it all together? Like, it's such an interesting take. Like, you'd – I don't know why, you'd think he'd kind of . . . be reclined, but instead he's on his . . . stomach, like holding a pillow. It's very . . . different. And I love it. But I definitely, I was like, "Huh! Harvey?""
– Patrick J Adams on Sidebar: A Suits Watch Podcast episode "Play the Man"
Scottie pegg/d him.
#scottie pegg.ed him!#also I find it. so funny. that this stood out to patrick. and he HAD to point it out. top tier podcasting patrick#suits#suits tv#suits usa#marvey#harvey specter#dana scott#scottie#scarvey#patrick j adams#sarah rafferty#suits sidebar#also I love scottie/harvey and the history they have. to me...harvey doesn't /tell/ people he's bi bc he's like. if you don't pick up on it#that's on /you/. but I think. in college. scottie was someone harvey /did/ outright tell he was bi.#they're so compatible. and so sexually compatible. + I think scottie was probably the first person harvey was so sexually vulnerable with?#and that connection's just really lasted with both of them. they really know each other and care about each other.#and of course playing intellectually is really sexy for them too.#but yes patrick. harvey does like to be submi.ssive in bed <3#and yes he is fruity. thanks for noticing <3#tumblr your choice of which words will hide a post from search results is! frustrating!
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I like the general fandom trend to just take the plot of Hyrule Warriors as a loose guideline at best and just use the whole concept as a good excuse to get blorbos to interact across timelines, BUT I'm very disappointed that everyone is missing the comedic potential of a very specific squad of characters:
Young Link (aka Mask), who walks out of the nightmare of Majora's Mask and immediately gets portal kidnapped into a temporal war, takes one look at the whole mess and decides that you could not fucking pay him to admit to being the resident expert on Time Shenanigans. He introduces himself with the title of Hero of Termina, and definitely doesn't have any other ones, that would be crazy. Hero of Time? Never heard of him.
Tetra, who is a kickass pirate captain with zero patience for people trying to shove her into the Designated Princess role, and realizes immediately that Oh Fuck, this Hyrule has a lot of Ideas about how the Hero and the Princess are supposed to properly play their parts, the second they realize she's technically a Zelda they're gonna shove her in a goddamn dress and damsel her again, that's not happening. So she's definitely just a really cool pirate captain, nothing else going on here at all, definitely not the heir of the Hylian royal family in her time, that'd be crazy.
Ravio, who is literally just a palette swapped Link, meaning that the second his hood comes off, things are gonna get Awkward. There's no way in hell he's dealing with all that Hero baggage, that's Link work, so that giant bunny hood/mask is practically superglued to his head, and he's not taking it off for love or money.
Spirit Tracks Zelda, who is just in the Phantom Armour the whole time, and passing herself off as just a friendly ghost posessing a suit of armour to help the Hero of Spirits. Of course she isn't Princess Zelda, that's ridiculous, if she were a Zelda then people would start getting really weird about her technically being dead, and boy does that ever sound like a whole Thing she doesn't want to deal with, so she can't possibly be Zelda, she's just a nice ghost knight. Also, her teenage grandma is here, and that's kinda weird, so it's easier to just not admit to being royalty and avoid that awkward conversation.
Finally there's Sheik, who is not the Princess Zelda of the era straight up abandoning her war torn country for months at a time so she can risk her life in extreme cosplay for no clear reason, but is instead the actual Sheik from Ocarina of Time, who just beat Ganondorf like a month ago and is still trying to process what the fuck to do now. Also, he's been pretending to be a boy since he was ten, and is realizing there's a pretty good chance that he isn't pretending anymore, so that's a whole other can of worms. But for the last seven years of his life, being Princess Zelda meant certain death, so he's not really inclined to introduce himself like when in a new and stressful situation (not to mention he might actually just not be a girl named Zelda anymore), so he automatically introduces himself as just Sheik the spooky ninja man, and fuck he's in too deep to back out now, looks like he's committing to the bit. If you think you sense the Triforce of Wisdom on him, no you don't.
Cue shenanigans as the five of them attempt to hide that they're all actually kind of A Big Deal. The group motto is "Nobody says shit", which is usually delivered as a frantic hiss whenever someone slips up. Just the reunion between Sheik and Mask alone would be absolutely buckwild given how they parted, and how they're both frantically pretending to Not be involved with each other. For added hilarity and/or drama, Sheik gives his semi-bullshit cover story of having just been a friend of the Hero of Time, then runs into said Hero of Time and they both have to desperately pretend not to know each other, because if anyone picks up on the mountain of baggage between them then Mask is busted, and he won't hesitate to drag Sheik down with him out of sheer spite. Not to mention the weird balance of Sheik being used to this Link being a teenager that's actually a small child, and now has to adjust to Link who is a small child that's actually a teenager.
Also, i really feel like we're all missing out on the comedy potential of Ganondorf recognizing Young Link on sight and the two of them immediately launching into a grudge match with some extremely personal and specific insults on both sides. Meanwhile literally everybody else is just standing there watching, trying to process the fact that out of every single person that's been pulled out of time, Ganondorf only has personal beef with a literal nine year old.
I just feel like we're all really sleeping on the potential for Shenanigans here. The whole thing is an absurd mess, why not have some fun with it?
#legend of zelda#hyrule warriors#for the record im picturing the sheik-mask reunion as being the spiderman pointing meme for like five minutes#also my mental image of sheik is extremely Bad haircut (he does it himself with a knife and doesnt care about making it even)#and a ridiculous tanline across his face from wearing a mask all day#OOT magiaclly growing out zelda's hair and manifesting a Royal Gown was some top tier bullshit and i'm always angry about it#like dude. literally all of princess zelda's finery was made for a ten year old#she's like eighteen now. nobody's making royal finery for teenage zelda. where was she supposed to get that dress.#i am eternally on my agenda to let zelda wear some goddamn pants without an immediate magic makeover to *fix* it#anyways nintendo's sexism aside i like sheik being trans its very fun and sexy of him#tfw you go into hiding to escape political assassination and accidentally trans your gender in the process
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what was with cameron house md she spends 90% of the episode saying she wants their patient to die bc he's a genocidal dictator and her colleague husband says "babe it bothers me for ethical reasons that you want our patient to die :(" and she said "hm maybe you're right :/" but when it comes down to it the genocidal dictator lays a finger on her in an aggressive manner and chase instantly commits medical malpractice to murder the guy and then when he tells her she LEAVES HIM bc boo hoo he's a murderer now like GIRL he killed a man for you!!! he's wracked with catholic guilt!!! he's being crushed beneath the weight of his sins because he chose his devotion to you over his devotion to god!!! he literally could not get any sexier at this moment in time!!!
#girl what are you doing......#also just in general she did not deserve him honestly he was so good to her and for WHAT#just to be abandoned at peak devotion and guilt and hotness 🙄#girl get OUT of my way i'm stronger than you#if she cared she could fix him or make him worse but i could love and support him no matter what 😌#his muder is a part of him and its SEXY#robert chase#house md#malpractice md#i know the actors broke up irl or whatever but wtf.....#i should have ended my rewatch w their happy lil wedding at the end of s5#s6 everything instantly goes to shit#and stays shitty#chase should be happy fr#he's supposed to turn into house basically but they should have made him the well adjusted version of house#like how nightwing is the well adjusted version of batman#anyway i have no real point here i just lowkey dont like cameron bc of this arc#also her obsession w house is so weird i wish they hadn't made that a thing#this has been a shitpost#anyway she left chase at the absolute peak of his sexiness wtf.......#anyway since this apparently needs to be said its not that deep this is a silly post if you send me hate messages i wont answer#i block and ignore anon hate bc i am too busy touching grass to be rude to strangers over a tv show
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