#he did not hurt anyone at all. literally. he’s one of the less violent characters in the brick lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

theerurishipper · 1 year ago

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Felix and Kagami dating is way too out of the blue that Adrinette dating can't even compare. Kagami went from "You kidnapper!!" To "He's the same as me just socially inept kid!" In less than ten minutes top and I always wonder what the heck is happening. But the last scene where Felix give back Kagami's ring make me wonder if he slipped a command to make her change her mind about him. He's an oportunist thorough and thorough and also despite his claim that creating and destroying a sentimonster is cruel act, he didn't seems to have big moral flop after the red moon incident. So what's the chance he didn't do it, especially if he think it will works in some way?

Yeah like, they speed-ran enemies to lovers so quickly and both their characters suffer for it. It makes Kagami look pretty awful for siding with the guy who betrayed her friend and hurt her so badly, who is the reason their city is in danger, and Kagami goes ahead and lets Felix know her identity? What the fuck Kagami?

And I don't like how Felix is considered to be redeemed just because he's dating Kagami. He hasn't changed, he still justifies himself and doesn't apologize for the hurt he's caused Adrien and Marinette.

And literally, Kagami apparently falls in love with him a few days after he kills her mother in front of her. Sure, he brought everyone back, but he had to be talked into it, and yet she's so chill about trusting and defending him. This all also after he's just kidnapped her violently and admitted to having spent the past few days stalking her. It's played off as endearing because Marinette also does the same thing, and she just goes "you're so bad at social interactions" instead of calling Felix deranged and trying to get away from him. And apparently it just takes Felix giving one hint at a sob story and one speech about Senti-rights to convince her that everyone was wrong about him and that he never did anything wrong and that he was just misunderstood and couldn't express himself. That's some BS if I ever heard any. Kagami with the strong sense of justice who held a grudge against Adrien for not being a good boyfriend (she had the right to hold a grudge, I'm not blaming her for that, just pointing it out) just... instantly forgives Felix and defends him, and agrees with his justifications for betraying Ladybug and the people of Paris for selfish reasons? Kagami, who hates liars and manipulators, goes behind Marinette's back to reveal her identity without her consent to the last person she'd ever want knowing that information. Feligami as a ship thoroughly assassinated Kagami's character in every single aspect, and I hate what they did to my girl so much. The moment she started a relationship with Felix, her character just became so insufferable.

And Felix goes from being a wild card villain to just "sad boy uwu" the moment he meets her, and the writing just starts pretending his negative qualities, like his manipulative ways and his tendency to lie and take advantage of other people don't exist anymore. Because if they acknowledged those, then they'd have to acknowledge that Kagami "I hate liars" Tsurugi would despise him. Their personalities do not click at all, and for them to have any kind of dynamic and to speedrun their relationship, the writers wrote out their qualities that oppose and clash with the other person and just made them so OOC that it would enable them to get together in a few days. Kagami is saying shit about how Gabe and Tomoe won't allow them to "love each other freely" with her whole chest after she's known this guy for less than a week. And like, the way Kagami now just cares about her love with Felix instead of about anyone else around her, especially in the season dedicated to her friendships with others is so... bleh.

And I don't think Felix can be considered redeemed just because he's now just focusing on his obsession with this girl instead of trying to ruin his cousin's life again. All that talk about how he's doing this for Adrien and how he wants to fight for Senti-rights, and it all goes down the drain the moment he meets Kagami. Apparently, those things don't matter to him anymore, because he never mentions or speaks to Adrien ever again, outside of bringing him up as "the boy who Marinette loves." And he's perfectly okay with killing the Senti-projector, so I guess the drive to find freedom and justice for his fellow Sentimonsters was just a silly phase that he gave up on once he found a girlfriend? Okay.

And the implications! Felix just loves her because she's a Sentimonster like him, Kagami just confessed to still being in love with Adrien and he has Adrien's exact face and is similar to Adrien and Marinette (because they are both stalkers apparently). It just seems like their projecting their feelings onto the first person who seems like they meet their expectations instead of liking them for who they really are. Felix doesn't know jack shit about Kagami, and Kagami doesn't know anything about Felix other than that he's a massive jackass, and they are apparently in love less than week later? Sure Jan.

I don't think Felix used her Amok, honestly, but I also can't help but think it makes so much sense as to why Kagami does a complete 180 about him, like, she went from hating his guts to defending him against Ladybug and Chat Noir in less than a few hours. That ain't the Kagami I know, and it would make sense if she had been commanded to do so with her Amok. I used to think that Felix wouldn't do that, at least, but given how willing he was to give Adrien's free will back to Gabriel and how willing he was to kill his Senti-projector, I don't put it past him honestly. He's a massive hypocrite.

I have plenty more thoughts on these two and not enough time to write it all down, but I have written a long critique of Felix and Feligami here, if you're interested. But yeah, they suck lmao.

Thank you for your ask!

#MLB #Felix Salt #Feligami Salt #ML Salt #ML Writing Salt #Meta #My meta #Sentimonsters

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horizon-verizon · 1 year ago

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Viserra’s story always makes me so sad. Alysanne literally did all that for no reason and decided a bad enough fate for her child (seemingly out of nothing but spite) that said child went drunk horse racing on her last night of freedom. I can’t blame her.

I read about this girl in F&B and I was like, “wow, she’s cool, wonder if there’s any content™ out there” and I happen upon a meta post talking about how Alysanne’s decision was justified and how Viserra just seemed like a caricature because she has “no redeeming qualities”.... I’m sorry but what does she have to redeem for ?? Because she knew she was beautiful ?? She was literally just living her life, she was 15. Viserra has threeish paragraphs written about her, but it’s enough time for the author to tell us that she was vain and aware of her attractiveness and Alysanne rightfully (her decision is at no point criticised by anyone but Viserra) decides to send her to be the fifth (!) wife of a northern lord at least two times her age because she committed the heinous and unforgivable crime of *checks notes* wanting to be Queen.

@ half the ASOIAF fandom: try and learn to love outrageously gorgeous female characters with a (justified) high opinion of their own worth and maybe you’ll calm down.

Anon is maybe responding to this recent post.

I read Viserra as more "she wasn't given a chance", as Saera, but she was less prone to take advantage of others as Saera was and therefore more likable. I didn't think of her as "impressive", but a little more comparatively more ethically responsible.

Don't get me wrong, Saera was definitely neglected & she deserved none of the brutality Jaehaerys emotionally inflicted on her. It's that in my first and all other readings of that moment, her hurting or almost harassing people plus the Maegor comment got to me and continues to get to me. Even with her obviously doing it all to get the feeling of being in control, and that being Jaehaerys & Alysanne's faults.

After all, even if we don't like Jaehaerys, Rhaena was forced to marry this man & he killed the 2nd Aegon--Jaehaerys & Alysanne's oldest brother.

Still, this doesn't justify imprisonment and forcing her to watch as you murder one of the only people she seemed to get close to (enough, considering). The "punishment" was more about expressing anger, saving political and machismo faces, reaffirming his control over her body violently, and revenge. Not about guidance towards autonomous ethical action nor protecting her.

On her own, Viserra was a teenage girl who happened to be beautiful & who should have been allowed to grow into her own, the bare minimum. The same goes for Saera.

So, yes, simultaneously, Viserra had nothing serious to apologize for, nothing to be "redeemed" for.

#asoiaf asks to me #viserra targaryen #viserra targ's characterization #fire and blood characters #asoiaf fandom #fandom critical #fandom misogyny #saera targaryen's characterization #saera targaryen #character comparison #asoiaf #fire and blood

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grimlins-chaos · 1 year ago

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Lo'gosh/Vari revamps! full body w/ comparisons to the og designs + alt looks + my mad rambling under the cut!

Do keep in mind these are my takes on the character and this is for my fic that's in the works where i'm doing some MASSIVE retconning of story and world building to 1, feed my brainworms because this *is* a warcraft x ffxiv crossover and 2, keep my fucking sanity because blizz retcons their own shit so much and the way they handle characters so inconsistently it makes me violently angry i fucking hate the books with every fiber of my being

I'm more than happy to give clarifications on some of my ideas just be aware that i might sound unhinged as i explain the ideas i've cultivated in my brain case for literal years like a conspiracy theorist so without further ado LET'S GO!

First things first let's get into Lo'gosh!

He starts off with his OG look as functionally it works and it's an iconic look in a ring where your gladiators are being pitted against guys who are damn near naked you don't want to disadvantage them with too much armor

the only few changes i made was switching out the sash for some more straps and the armored pieces are not nearly as bulky (i did straight up forget his spikes but i'll add them another time when i have a bit more time so just imagine they are there lmao)

But as iconic as the look is his clothes do deteriorate especially as my version of lo'gosh gets tossed around on the regular (think of captain america's "i can do this all day" while bloodied and beat the fuck up) on top of because it being such an iconic look Lo'gosh would need a change of clothes to replace the torn ones he was given as well as make him blend in a little more with your common adventurers, so when he meets up with allies in the eastern kingdoms he gets some new drip

he does hold onto the old armor pieces as to hold on to the lo'gosh identity for as long as he can before he has to return to being Varian Wrynn (to build more upon his feelings of "i don't know this varian, is that really the life i want?" in issue 7 of the comics because it was such a missed opportunity for internal conflict, we love a man who's struggling emotionally)

Storywise i felt that rather than have him be the strong willed half of Varian while the other half is more "weak willed" instead Lo'gosh and Vari represent two different sides of his ideals, attitude, and how he expresses love (yes we are going FULL fuckin' cheese mode here) Lo'gosh would represent the rebellious side of Varian, the one who would try so desperately to escape because he just wants to be free. Pre-split this would present most in his younger self who would regularly sneak out to have fun and support his people, away from the pressures of his duties that would later on take away any minuscule amount of freedom he had in his life. Lo'gosh also represents Varian's strong sense of justice, never afraid and not even hesitating to throw himself on the line to defend complete strangers because (unknowingly to Lo'gosh for most of the story) his past with a young abused girl that he once called best friend along with Arthas very much ingrained it into his head that he would never leave anyone who takes advantage of others and hurts them like how he had failed that girl

Lo'gosh is the side of Varian that's a force of nature that will act on the spot to protect others, unwilling to back down and has absolutely zero fucking idea on when to just give up (granted giving up seems more like a made-up concept to him)

When it comes to Vari (the nickname i gave to the more charming/gentle dad side of Varian just for the sake of making it less confusing) I do have a lot more to say so buckle the fuck up XD;;

In terms of design i fuckin' hate his pajama suit, i tried to redeem it, i very much did, but it wasn't workin' out for me XD It makes sense in that when it comes to Vari i very much see him as being extremely insecure, and so while katrana bumps up his charm to obnoxious levels the actual charisma he displays is a mask to try and hide his struggle. So it makes sense for him to make himself seem less regal and wear as simple as clothing as he can outside of obvious formal affairs and Katrana would very much prey on this especially as corrupt black dragons lean on self-importance and ego and so she'd make herself wear purples and reds while Vari blends more in with the crowd, she makes it so your eyes go to her rather than the fuckin king because she has manipulated her way to the top and holds all the power over him

But the whole body suit deal? uglier than sin, this ain't your wish medieval batman costume so for my redesign i gave Vari this

it was a combination of norse inspired renfaire tunics and as well as the outfits in one of my favorite movies; Quest for camelot (as King Arthur was a minor inspiration for my version of Varian)

And as for armor it does still have close resemblance to the og look in the comics but gave it a bit more bulk and baggyness in some areas as i imagine Vari representing the protection spec while Lo'gosh is of course fury, so to take a bit more of a beating he's got more protection

Vari being the half of Varian that retained his memories, he carries the brunt of the trauma and guilt brought on by all the trials and horrific events he's experienced but to cover his pain not only to try and hide from it but also in an attempt to protect his son and be there for his people (the mask of "everything's just fine" while the wearer of that mask is actively drowning). But Vari also carries the fatherly attitude of Varian, this is the half that presents Varian's love of his son the absolute most and for him he's willing to literally jump off a cliff just to save him. Vari will defend those he loves with his life.

Lo'gosh: Offensive Vari: Defensive

Together they are the two halves of one ballsy motherfucker you really do not wanna piss off

Anywho if you've made it this far i personally applaud you for subjecting yourself to my madness, i hope it was at least entertaining and a fun read!

#varian wrynn #world of warcraft #wow #warcraft #oc x canon #my art #art #lo'gosh

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william-s-churros · 1 year ago

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buddyposting

i get why people do this, but i think that in trying to combat the perceived sexism in the lisa fandom, a lot of people seem to miss basically the entire point of these games by essentially excusing the behaviors of characters like lisa and buddy or acting like its fine that they did what they did, when what they did is take their anger at people who were stronger than them and who hurt them out on people who were weaker than them and had not hurt them (lisa to a lesser extent with buzzo, buddy with fucking every living person left on earth essentially but especially the pacifists/mr beautiful) brad also did this! almost like its.... the entire theme of the game.... that abuse is often cyclical... and acting like these actions were in any way justified is kinda uhhhhhhhh...... like even the new scenes with brads grandpa include long passages where he just shits on marty relentlessly and acts like the thing thats wrong with him spontaneously appeared out of thin air, rather than accept his own potential role in creating the horrible creature that marty is, and i can't imagine that thats the first time this kind of conversation happened. if anything, the strength that buddy has in the end is in her choice to not become the monster that everyone else does (symbolically portrayed in her choice to take the joy antidote, if you do that) and to wrench herself from that cycle of abuse that has, up until this point, literally caused her to kill pretty much everyone left on earth and also make it impossible for those that still remain to have any of their basic needs met, because one of the first warlords she kills is literally the guy who's responsible for vital infrastructure that keeps most people fed? i don't think that indicates strength-- i think it indicates weakness, in fact, if you feel like you have to exert your power over other people-- especially people who have no qualms with you!!-- through violence, and i dont think that even being the last girl on earth excuses her behavior. her anger is clearly so obviously mostly directed at brad, just as his anger is so clearly directed at marty, without really having the added benefit of the guilt about lisa and dusty that occasionally tempers that anger in brad to make him try to not be the person his father/grandfather was (though not enough that that really changes anything). i think these games operate on the premise that their protagonists are in fact wrong and misguided. i think if you simply write off anyone calling buddy wrong and misguided as merely sexism, you take away the thematic throughline of these games. i love buddy and i sympathize with her in her situation obviously, but i love her because she is fucked up and wrong and dangerously misguided and its not like you get to see female characters like this all the time-- especially not female characters who are not in abusive mother/shallow mean girl roles!!-- who are so unapologetically wrong and angry and violently awful to the people around them... its like, i guess, nice? like the need to soften her, make her less of a caustic, destructive and needlessly cruel element because she is a girl? i really don't love that lol. i dont love when people act like lisa didnt hurt anyone either. its not like being hurt makes it okay to hurt others, especially not those weaker than you. idk. i think about this a lot. i know the lisa wiki is written by some jabroni who doesnt take into account that brad and buddy are exactly alike, and seems not to give buddy the grace that they give brad, and i think that is wrong, but i also think that swinging back in the opposite direction and arguing that everything buddy did was fine bc shes a girl is kind of equally ridiculous and not doing anything to combat the sexism in this fandom lol.

like tl;dr igss: yeah its understandable why she comes to the conclusion that this is the best way to act, but it like. isnt? she is wrong lmao. so is brad. this whole family is wrong? they raise each other to be wrong because they were raised to be wrong because their parents were raised to be wrong, and so on and so forth, lol

(that said if you hit me with an ironic "buddy did nothing wrong" or "god forbid women do anything" im not gonna shit on you because of the inherent understanding in that joke that actually she did do wrong lmao. its just very serious and sincere posts that are like okay.... did we play the same game...)

#not tagging this shit lol #stop talking matt #possibly delete later lol #two wrongs dont make a right baby....

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edwinspaynes · 1 year ago

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hey I saw on twitter someone called you a racist , can you post thah anon? I cant believe it how can people be like that

or did you delete the ask?

Hey anon! Thanks for coming to me directly. You're a sweetie <3

You know what, I wasn't going to address this because it's so stupid, but I figure I have nothing to hide.

What happened was I made a joke that was like "if you voted for thomastair (in the least popular ship poll), you're a monster block me." It was intended in the same tone as Will telling Tessa she's a monster for hating chocolate, or me telling one of my best friends she's a monster for not liking ice cream. This did not go over well online since it's hard to indicate tone, and I am an awkward person. I got this anon. You can read my response beside it.

I am sincerely sorry to those who were hurt by my initial comment.

However, this still sits poorly with me because Thomas and Alastair literally have sex on page and are all over each other throughout the book. My intention wasn't to accuse anyone of homophobia, it was to shed light on the way that this was perceived because I quite frankly see no way to perceive Thomastair as platonic.

Even if you don't like them. They're all over each other.

Anyway, I then got this anon:

I didn't reply to it because I was sincerely sorry for hurting their feelings and I didn't want any drama. So I deleted the offending posts, having apologized.

Also, this response has a lot of really obvious flaws, and I originally didn't feel like picking apart the anon in ways that I think are just common sense.

But if I have to reply to this ask, fine.

I don't think Kit is aroace because he's neurodivergent, I think he's aroace because he consistently shows a lack of interest in relationships. Other neurodivergent characters like Henry and Ty are obviously not aroace.

I don't think Grace is aroace because she was abused. Abuse doesn't always make you aroace. I just like her in a qpp with Kit. As for Alastair, he's canonically gay. Attracted to men. They're incomparable in the text.

I do not think Charles is violent. I have specifically said "STATUTORY rape." Alastair was a kid he groomed when he was 14-16. I don't think it was violent, but it's statutory rape.

I fail to see how my thinking that a woman of color (Cordelia) who I adore could do better than a specific white man is racist. I also am not denying that they're in a relationship as anon is doing with Thomastair. Also I'm not a Jordelia anti, I like them fine since Cordelia is happy. I just don't find their dynamic interesting.

As for Jem, don't care. I just don't care about this character. And I never said I wanted to erase him from existence, I just said he's overused in current content and I wish he'd be utilized less frequently.

I also was linked to a post where I'm apparently being fileted for this shitpost:

I don't think this post is controversial, and it also wasn't directed at any one person. In fact, the individual who took offense to it was totally off my radar until like 2 days ago when I was sent the post. They could not be less relevant to me and I definitely have never thought of them when making a post.

Thomastair is just a ship that is to me- and apparently many other people, considering my engagement- synonymous with hope and happiness. Because that's what they represent, hope and second chances and healing. Generic posts like this are just... generic. If someone I haven't thought about in months feels personally attacked, that's not my problem.

This is all I'm going to say about this. I will not be answering more anons about it or addressing any juvenile callout posts that anyone chooses to make. Honestly this experience is mostly funny to me because, like, I am just some random blogger on the internet at the end of the day. The block button is great. Use it.

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tonya-the-chicken · 2 years ago

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I mean though Enji could have been a little less OTT and not done everything wrong. Its just too much really. Like his predecessors being Gaara's dad or Shinji Ikari(or Zuko's dad) more or less were just fated to be villains who die or get a redemption that now feels quite deserved for Erina's dad but none of them did anything as much as Enji. At this point Endeavor has more number of villainous acts depicted than AFO and his kids together.

I feel like it's less about what he objectively did or didn't and way more about the way it is depicted, ye

Some bad fathers are written in a way that hints they are meant to be perceived as the flattest most one-sided dudes out there. And I think it's ok because sometimes you just can't dwell on the character for too long, you have to make priorities. And when you make more complex characters you have to prioritize where you spend your time too

In Horikoshi's case FOR SOME REASON the need to balance between "Enji did all those horrible things and tormented all his family members" and "Enji is capable of growth and has some genuine care for his family and is a person with his own struggles" is resolved by gently writing how his desires overshadowed any care he had and how he had bad ideas he might've not registered as *that* bad and how he didn't necessarily have intended to cause all that harm but he did anyway and he is analyzing he is growing he is finding new priorities trying to become better REMEMBER HOW HE BEAT UP SHOUTO???? LOOK AT THAT. IT IS SO CRUEL HE IS A MONSTER and the way he felt he can't stop if he went so far already and how he once took a genuine interest in his wife and he remember it for years HE IS A VIOLENT ABUSER DO YOU REMEMBER THAT???? OK???? MAYBE A RAPIST TOO and the way he tries to fix things that can be fixed and we see him worrying about Natsuo and others... And how he cried after finding out Touya is alive. Like, he is so deeply human A LITERAL MONSTER LOOK AT THIS FACE

I don't think anyone else receives this kind of treatment. Dabi almost caused Natsuo's death and openly says he wants to kill Shouto but that doesn't influence the way he is treated by the narrative. There are no constant throwbacks to him hurting someone. No trauma in our protagonist, whom he attacked and Shouto has no hard feelings, only a desire to save him. Enji is trapped in the past he can't fix but none of the literal villains terrorists mass murderers are treated this way. Sure, their storyline is different but how come the things THEY did in the past can be forgiven and forgotten but with Enji we have to constantly keep in mind all the evil he did. Like, if the manga doesn't end with him alive and moderately well while redeeming someone like Shigaraki or Dabi I'll tell you honestly I think it would be the most trash writing ever. You can put all the effort into becoming a better person and all you get is "past never dies" or you can put zero effort but have sad childhood so of course you will be saved!!! Let's forget everyone who ever suffered from your treatment. We are not mad at you

It's confusing and inconsistent. It reminds me of the way people would write something and then get mad if others don't see certain characters as bad/good enough. Like, why do you love this and not that? And so they start being aggressive at fans. How dare they liked someone I created not in the way I want it!

But then, I don't want to be too mean to Horikoshi. Maybe he is just that shit at keeping a balance. A sorta straight line between past Enji and present Enji though I feel like it would be easier if we had his motives explained in detail. Past Enji and present Enji don't feel consistent with each other enough which makes little sense when he is the one telling the story of his past. "I didn't mean to neglect you" but no sign of him thinking about not neglecting them in the past? You have the opportunity to confirm every Enji's word. Idk man

It's a lot about perception and depiction and what is important to the plotline. If you are going to drag the backstory so much and keep on returning to it, then shape it out nicely, show new details, change perspectives. We don't dwell on anyone's backstory for as long as todofam

Sometimes I just feel I like the idea he wanted to write but not what he actually wrote you know? But then, how do I know what was his idea

#asks #bnha #local girl can't shut the fuck up #todoroki enji

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nidmightcookies · 7 months ago

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you talk about Ed baiting the crew to murder him and committing other violent acts. The original point is stating that Ed is not depicted as uncontrollably violent in the show, not claiming that he perpetrated no violence full stop.

Yeah, I addressed this is another reply to someone, but I'll apologize again for going off on a tangent without making it more clear. I did agree with PCCP, that Ed was not uncontrollably violent, but the fact remains that he was a danger/did harm to his crew (which I've seen other people argue against). The thoughts all got smushed together. Sorry. :(

I’m really glad that you mentioned that OP hadn’t made either of those arguments (that you know of), that was genuinely very cool.

I truly was/am trying for honest discussion. A lot of shitty arguments about the characters and their motivations have been made on Tumblr, but I've always liked PCCP's more grounded arguments. So it was only fair to point it out.

As for the rest of it, I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone say that Ed is “never shown to be violent” or that he can always be “absolved of the blame” unless you want to remove all of the nuance from common talking points.

Sadly, I have seen those arguments, hmm, sometime in the last month I'd guess? I don't recall who made them, just noticed them uttered in the daily anti-Izzy rants I scrolled past. I haven't seen them in a few days. Maybe those people blocked me as well.

I mean, back to my question: how many other pirate captains did we see get literally beaten to death by their own crew, in order to stop the violence? I'm not saying Ed was violent without reason, or that he deserved what he got, or anything. He got abuse heaped upon him, and he reacted. It's not the why I was trying to point out, just the fact that it happened.

His actions make sense. They’re not spontaneous violence committed because Ed flies into rages and homicidal spirals out of the blue.

Agreed. But those actions, while perhaps not his fault, had consequences that other people (even people who had done him no harm) had to suffer through. Back to those "absolved of all blame" posts mentioned upthread. It was frustrating to see that argument come up. I won't miss it, if it's gone now.

Ed's race isn’t inconsequential. We can't really remove race from the story and end up with the same character, y'know?

True, though my question here was more directed at PCCP's comment on the subject of racism being used to paint Ed as uncontrollably violent. I wondered what would be different in a situation where everything was the same, but that couldn't be a factor.

Also: I do think it’s inappropriate to turn this question back on POC. I don’t think that POC are obligated to reconsider biases against a white character.

No one's obligated to do anything. I thought the post was meant for debate as is was posted to the general public and labeled "discourse". I had questions, so I asked them.

Ed’s relationship to Izzy is not comparable to his relationship with the crew. The crew have done nothing wrong and haven’t behaved antagonistically towards Ed.

I feel like that's irrelevant. My statement was in response to "Ed never hurt the crew, only Izzy", which I felt was ridiculous, because Izzy is still crew, even if he's bad crew.

Yes, Ed did do that, but I think that Atticus is talking about Ed’s S2 actions in that point, not what happened in S1.

Yeah, valid. I didn't get that on my first read.

When we watch OFMD, we have to adjust our physical violence meters to account for the fact that we’re dealing with an environment that’s full of physical violence.

See, I feel like that leads us back to the "most violent pirate discussion" though...

I don't consider Ed emotionally abusive.

Heh, now here's where I was the one talking about just the Kraken stuff! I was thinking of Ed pointing the gun at everyone, "do you think this is a toxic envionment?", Fang crying... up until they're all facing dying in a shipwreck. Plus, killing Ed was pretty traumatic for them also.

Someone really needs to open up Ye Olde Pyrate Therapy. Maybe Spanish Jackie's new side gig.

Same, friend, and I'm sorry you went through that.

Same to you. :(

(That’s actually one of the reasons I’ve always been wary of Izzy. What he says and does in S1 is too familiar to me, sometimes to a point where I can’t watch certain scenes.)

Hadn't thought of it that way, I guess. I can see how that would make it hard to warm up to the character.

For me, Izzy's redeemable because he actually has a redemption arc, and tries to make amends in a few ways. The abusive people I've known personally never felt the need to change, so it feels kind of hopeful to see that in the fantasy realm of OFMD. I'll admit, Izzy is a prick in the beginning...and the middle... but when he has to change, I dunno, I like the idea that he could come back from where he was.

There are things in the show -- whole episodes, if you want to look at S1E5 and the fancy party guests who treat Ed like exotic entertainment and not a peer

Yep. Each time *cough*too many times*cough* I did a rewatch I'd notice another condescending look or snide remark or whatever. It's brilliantly scripted/acted/directed. But yeah, it is the show we have. My questions around this point in the post were mainly in the "what-if" realm.

And yeah, Ed being brown changes the dynamic between Ed and Izzy.

The reason I singled out this point in the original post was that "Izzy tried to control Ed" was used as an example underneath the heading "are all Izzy fans racist"... TBH I don't remember exactly where I was going with this, but it struck me as a sort of loaded question type argument, and I wondered how it would go if the difference in race was removed

Agreed. The only problem being when the one side says the other side isn't allowed to feel whatever. (This applies to every side)

But with OFMD, it can raise eyebrows when people say their main concern is the suffering of a white man who behaves antagonistically towards a brown man

Honest question: Has anyone actually said that? (Some of my problem here is I'm somehow missing most of the arguments that trigger these "ugh the Izzy fans are at it again" posts) Or is that just something that people are reading into it, every time somebody says Izzy's their favorite character? I don't think that being a bigger fan of Izzy than you are of Ed, actually equals "the white man's pain is greater". Some people just root for the asshole characters?

and that Izzy's loyalty belongs to the violent worksona that Ed wants to shed.

I just want to take a moment to delight in the word "worksona", which is perfect. Okay, moving on.

Is Ed being abusive when he’s reacting in response to abuse from his abuser?

In retaliation for abuse directed at him, no. When he later directs the abuse at subordinates who hadn't previously hurt him, yes. (I know that wasn't part of your argument)

There are also a lot of things that are very clear. When people try to subvert the messages and ideas that OFMD is conveying loudly and openly, other fans get suspicious and wonder if the folks doing the subverting have an agenda, a bias, or just misunderstand what the show is saying.

We're back to the "I haven't even seen these posts" again, which is why I'm so damn confused. Seriously, is it stuff bleeding over from Twitter or somewhere, 'cause I'm not really on any other platform.

Or are you trying to tell me that my posting was the problem? In which case... I can only wave at the word "discourse" one final time, and promise I'm not trolling here.

I did enjoy reading/responding to your reply. Thanks for taking the time!

Heyo, @nidmightcookies! This is my response to your reply on Atticus' post over here -- I didn't want to take away from the message of that post or the additions from other POC.

Sidenote: I'm extremely white and have no credentials that make me qualified to talk about race (I'm just a person who reads and tries to listen), and my takes are probably going to show that. That's another reason I didn't want to clutter up the original post with my reply.

In response to this

“Why is it racist to depict Ed as uncontrollably violent? Because he's not actually depicted that way in the show.”

What Ed does is purposeful, not uncontrollable. He doesn’t push Lucius off the ship after he gives up all hope because he’s a violent guy who just does stuff like that, and the mutiny situation in S2E2… as allthinky said in a response, “that’s Ed at the end of his rope,” not him being uncontrollably violent. He’d been working towards suicide ever since he started baiting Low. As a backup plan, he’s been working the crew hard, disregarding their well-being, and being an overall awful boss in an attempt to incite a mutiny.

Yes, he was “a serious, immediate threat to his crew” by the time he was out of other ideas to make someone take him out. Ed commits acts of violence -- I don’t think I’ve seen anyone claim he doesn’t -- but he always does so with some amount of reason (not necessarily good reasons) and control.

“Upon reflection, my biggest issue may be with the people who argue that Ed's never been shown to be violent, or that any time he has resorted to violence, he's absolved of blame by the fact that someone was mean to him first. Which... I don't think I've seen you make either of those arguments at any point in the past.”

I’m really glad that you mentioned that OP hadn’t made either of those arguments (that you know of), that was genuinely very cool. As for the rest of it, I don’t believe I’ve seen anyone say that Ed is “never shown to be violent” or that he can always be “absolved of the blame” unless you want to remove all of the nuance from common talking points.

He is never shown to be more violent than the average pirate and, due to his deep-seated trauma relating to his own capacity for violence, he’s actually on the less violent end of the pirate spectrum. He can’t be absolved of all blame for his actions because he’s a grown man who makes his own choices (and saying otherwise robs him of his agency). What I’ve seen said is that Ed’s actions are informed by things like trauma, abuse, and racism. His actions make sense. They’re not spontaneous violence committed because Ed flies into rages and homicidal spirals out of the blue.

“Not saying we shouldn't consider it [that is, are we “assigning more weight to Ed's violent actions than those of other characters or assuming he's worse than he actually is”], but I mean. If a white character on the show had cut off his employee's toes and fed them to him, shot him in the leg, ordered his death, held a gun on his other subordinates, marooned some/tossed one overboard, threatened to drown the ones that remained... because he was pushed into it, with the same combination of abusive childhood/hostile work environment... would he be equally deserving of that consideration? Would it be an overreaction to call him dangerous?”

Probably, but if everything was the same except Ed Is White Now, his baggage and his relationship with Izzy wouldn’t be exactly the same. Ed's race isn’t inconsequential. We can't really remove race from the story and end up with the same character, y'know?

Also: I do think it’s inappropriate to turn this question back on POC. I don’t think that POC are obligated to reconsider biases against a white character.

“Izzy is crew”

Ed’s relationship to Izzy is not comparable to his relationship with the crew. The crew have done nothing wrong and haven’t behaved antagonistically towards Ed. Izzy and Ed have a complicated, toxic, and difficult relationship (regardless of where you stand on whether or not Izzy’s abusive), therefore any harm caused to Izzy has to be considered differently than harm caused to the rest of the crew.

“Even if we say that he doesn't count, Ed still pushed Lucius off the ship.”

Yes, Ed did do that, but I think that Atticus is talking about Ed’s S2 actions in that point, not what happened in S1. Most (I think all?) meta I’ve read does consider Ed pushing Lucius off the ship an act of violence that Lucius himself did nothing to provoke.

This might be controversial, but I’d put Ed pushing Lucius overboard on par with, like, a particularly unjust firing in a workplace that isn’t a pirate vessel. When we watch OFMD, we have to adjust our physical violence meters to account for the fact that we’re dealing with an environment that’s full of physical violence.

“Also, emotional abuse directed at the rest of the crew is still abuse”

I don't consider Ed emotionally abusive. He works the crew hard. He’s a terrible boss who doesn’t give his employees vacation days or paid time off and then throws them a sad pizza party. That sucks, it’s not okay, and his final death spiral in S2E2 is terrible and he never should have involved the crew in that.

Abuse is a pattern of behavior that’s meant to control people. Not all harm is abuse. When I say that Ed isn't abusive, I'm not saying that he didn't hurt people.

“So... I was raised by a physically and psychologically abusive parent. I get that Ed's been hurt, is still hurting, and why. The "why" doesn't matter for the question of "did he or didn't he", though. It may or may not be his fault, he may or may not have done it because he felt unsafe. The point is, his actions did hurt people.”

Same, friend, and I'm sorry you went through that. (That’s actually one of the reasons I’ve always been wary of Izzy. What he says and does in S1 is too familiar to me, sometimes to a point where I can’t watch certain scenes.) I don’t think anyone’s saying that Ed isn’t hurting anyone, or that all of his actions can be attributed to abuse. If that’s not what you’re getting at here, apologies for misunderstanding.

“His boss that he was trying to control was brown. Was that a factor in his power play though, or was it because Taika wound up being cast as Blackbeard? Any other (white) actor in the role, would Izzy be as bad for trying to control him? Would the scripts have gone a different way?”

Here’s the thing. In the show we have, Blackbeard is played by a Maori/Jewish man, and this fundamentally alters the character. There are things in the show -- whole episodes, if you want to look at S1E5 and the fancy party guests who treat Ed like exotic entertainment and not a peer -- that wouldn’t be the same if Ed was white.

And yeah, Ed being brown changes the dynamic between Ed and Izzy. It would still be bad if a white guy was trying to control another white guy, but it wouldn’t be bad on the same level. Same goes if they were both brown. A white man trying to control the behavior of an indigenous man is worse.

“Izzy got permanently disfigured, crippled, and dead, while Ed came out largely unscathed in a physical sense, due to Muppet logic. Not to say one is more deserving than the other, but for a bunch of fans, there's probably a sense of Izzy getting the short end of the stick, to consider.”

That’s fine if some people feel like Izzy got the short end of the stick. It’s fine that some people feel like Izzy’s arc was kinder to him than it should have been. It’s okay to feel whatever! We connect emotionally to different characters and that biases our opinions and meta. That’s not a crime. We just need to be aware of our biases and why they exist.

The thing with OFMD is that Ed is a main character with more background and a story that, at every turn, asks you to sympathize with him. We’re given a look into Ed’s psyche. We understand at least some of his trauma and hurt and why he acts the way he does. Izzy has virtually no backstory and we’re never offered a glimpse into his mind; we don’t know why he’s like that. You can totally like a secondary character (or even an antagonist!) with no real canonical background or mental groundwork. It’s fun to ask why characters do what they do when canon doesn’t offer us any answers, and who doesn’t love a mystery box?

But with OFMD, it can raise eyebrows when people say their main concern is the suffering of a white man who behaves antagonistically towards a brown man, especially when that brown character is a well-developed lead who also suffers (and suffers at the hands of aforementioned white character). It’s not inherently racist for someone to care more about Izzy than Ed, but it’s also not unreasonable to ask that someone to think about the possibility that subconscious racism could be factoring into their point of view.

“I don't think it's fair discussion to have a rule saying ‘even though you didn't directly call out the brown man, your argument is still racist’... even if it's true in many cases, it effectively means that no criticism of the character can ever be considered valid. If someone wants to argue ‘removing your employee's toes and feeding them to him is abusive behavior’, they can't, because of the unspoken skin colors involved? I don't know what the solution to this is.”

No one is saying that all criticism of a character of color is racist or invalid. As allthinky said in response, we’re saying that “those critiques have to be based on real evidence, and placed in a careful context, so that their actions can be understood as human, and not just the brutality of some brute.”

Criticize, but criticize with evidence and with awareness of the context of the criticized behavior.

With the Izzy example, you have to consider the context of their relationship and Izzy’s actions throughout S1. Izzy isn’t just an employee: he’s a trusted second-in-command who has been insulting, controlling, and disloyal; he endangered not just Stede but also Ed and the rest of the crew; he told Ed that he was better off dead than acting as he was, and that Izzy's loyalty belongs to the violent worksona that Ed wants to shed. Is Ed being abusive when he’s reacting in response to abuse from his abuser?

“[T]he show has layers (like an onion). Sometimes the meaning is not entirely surface-level, and everyone has a different level of comprehension. Sometimes obvious things to us aren't obvious to other fans/vice-versa. There's a whole 'nother discussion of media literacy to be had.”

I think that Atticus said it best here: “This is not a subtle show. That's not to say it's a simple one [...]. It's amazingly layered and emotional responses by characters are often extremely complex. However, when the show is trying to tell you something, it's not subtle and it never tries to hide it.”

There are a lot of things in OFMD that are subjective and open to interpretation, and those things are fun to discuss even when we have different takes. There are also a lot of things that are very clear. When people try to subvert the messages and ideas that OFMD is conveying loudly and openly, other fans get suspicious and wonder if the folks doing the subverting have an agenda, a bias, or just misunderstand what the show is saying.

I hope that reply was sufficient!

#ofmd #fandom discourse

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balillee · 4 years ago

Text

tommy's character gets far too much shit.

hi tumblr. i'm gonna need a few bitches to spread this post everywhere, essentially because i want someone, or just tommy really, to see it. so if you really want, you can screenshot it and post it on twitter, reddit, link it everywhere - go absolutely buck wild. i know he reads the VODS comments a lot, but they're chock full of people just insulting him, his character, his writing and everything about his story in the dream smp simply because they don't understand it and because they refuse to acknowledge his character's perspective (mainly because they only care about the pig). reading that many critical comments on something you've created can only make you feel worse about it eventually, and in light of all the awful techno apologist takes on his character, i wanted to basically just word vomit about how wonderfully crafted c!tommy is, as well as compile some other tumblr posts about his character.

there is a massive fuckin community of people who enjoy the character of tommy, because the character is incredible. i myself have made post after post after post commenting on and analysing tommy's character because i find that there's so much to pick apart. but that enthusiasm for his character only seems to be found on tumblr. reddit and twitter seem to hate his character, the VODS seem to be filled with comments from people who only care about techno's perspective (and treat techno as a reliable narrator, which, is the furthest thing from the truth - that guy lies through his teeth all the time), and the smp wiki is a hellscape of godawful takes and mistruths, not even on just tommy's character.

c!tommy is brilliantly acted and brilliantly written, and almost everything he does is either justifiable or has been rectified or admitted as a mistake. you can clearly make connections as to where he got his conclusions from. you feel what his character experiences, as a member of the audience, vividly.

if you look in the more objective sense, c!tommy, and this is especially in the context of him being the youngest character, is a scapegoat. people claim he's awful and destructive when in reality he's a lot less destructive than most characters on the server. a moment that comes to mind is where he diverts schlatt and quackity's attention from pogtopia by breaking part of the flag in manberg, and then replacing it so as to buy tubbo some time - he literally monologues after it about how he doesn't want to destroy but instead rebuild, and how he feels as if nobody else seems to understand that.

his arc in season two was incredible. it was very character driven, and it gave a spotlight to his motivations. at the start we see him in new l'manberg, and he's enjoying his time there, he's skeptical of his friend's presidency, but his main goal is to get back the discs so that he can stop dream and eliminate that threat. he made one screw up that didn't even matter to george, and he paid for it tenfold, even after dream had spent a while with puffy griefing the server and framing it on tommy - what tommy and ranboo did was convinient. then, in exile, we see c!tommy straight up get abused. he's gaslit and conditioned into being c!dream's friend, and in his brain he teaches himself that those acts of abuse are moments of bonding, and it eventually brings him to the point of wanting to end his own life - he's been torn away from his friends and his support system, and nobody will visit him consistently anymore because they only showed him pity, and all he had left was dream, who had hurt him.

but he doesn't die there, because while he didn't understand the full gravity of it back then like he does now, he recognises that dying isn't an escape, and he can beat dream, even if he doesn't know how. so this is where he goes to techno's place, and here's where the fandom starts to misinterpret the situation wildly.

it's the problem similar to when your parents tell you that they're owed something back because you put a roof over their head, despite that being Not How It Works. techno took tommy in and severely mistreated him emotionally. sure, and i understand this, c!techno is a bad communicator who isn't really that empathetic to anyone who isn't phil or wilbur, but that doesn't excuse the blatant lying to c!tommy's face, the guilt tripping, the friendship buying and the degrading. the day before the festival, tommy finally does something violent in his interrogation of fundy, and only then does techno tell him,,,,

that tommy's not equal to him, that techno doesn't respect him all that much, and that they're not friends.

from techno's perspective, and at the time, this was viewed as a positive development in their relationship. oh, he's starting to warm up to tommy! this friendship could really blossom!

no. from a more objective standpoint, what techno has just said to tommy is : 'i respect you only a little bit more now, because while you're starting to act more like me, you're still annoying and a burden.'

and i haven't even touched on the whole 'erasing the words 'Destroy L'manberg' from techno's to-do list' thing, because that instantly refutes the point of 'techno was upfront with his intentions the whole time' - because he wasn't! he may have said it the first time, but you also know what else he did? he repeatedly told tommy that they'd 'air the details out later' whenever the discs were brought up, and from a tommy viewer's perspective at the time, it was framed as if techno was no longer going to do that.

and i also haven't dared touch the 'i would have fought them all for you', because that's major guilt tripping if ever i've seen it.

so, the day of the festival comes, and here's where c!techno and his apologists completely misread c!tommy's thought process, and why he makes the decision he does.

tommy instantly regrets valuing the discs over tubbo, and it's framed as the culmination of tommy having become all the people he said he would never want to be like. and what does he immediately do? he tells tubbo to give up the disc, and he sides with tubbo. he puts his value in his friends, and, by proxy, l'manberg. and when he betrays techno, he tells him 'i'm sorry'.

from a more objective standpoint, tommy's time with techno is him valuing the discs over almost anything else. so, in leaving techno to be with tubbo again, he is valuing people above the discs. so when, on doomsday, techno says his 'discs aren't people' line, what he doesn't realise is that he himself fueled tommy's valuing of discs above people when attempting to fuel tommy's vengeance against tubbo and l'manberg. techno doesn't realise that he was an unhealthy presence for tommy, and an even worse influence.

what techno also doesn't seem to understand is that tommy never hated tubbo or l'manberg - tommy recognises, now at least, that his exile wasn't a product of tubbo, but a product of dream's manipulation, likely in part because at the time, especially with dream lying about tommy blowing up the community house, tommy was the only one who could see it because he had experienced it firsthand. so when techno sides with dream, it's like kicking tommy in the teeth.

and i want to mention that betraying someone doesn't necessarily make the person who was betrayed good, or in the right, or even justified, because tommy was entirely justified to leave techno. you know who else was betrayed? schlatt. but i don't see many schlatt apologists around angry at quackity for joining the rebellion.

tommy stole the axe of peace? good. it was a moment of tommy defining his self-worth, instead of having it defined by others. gone is the age of c!techno belittling him and deciding how much c!tommy should be respected. NEXT!

here's a moment i wanted to talk about that will forever be funny to me.

'i am a person.'

techno's very famous line from doomsday. techno says to tommy that discs aren't people, and that tommy should value people, despite not understanding that by leaving techno, he did just that. and what does tommy say in return, which has been omitted from every c!tommy-critical analysis, and every animatic?

'yes you are, but so are we.'

an acknowledgement of techno's hurt, to which tommy has already apologised for. a statement that says 'your hurt does not excuse, nor justify, the hurt you have inflicted onto us.' an acknowledgement that tommy has already learnt the lesson techno seems to be trying to 'teach' him. but you can't teach him anything by destroying.

c!tommy has had almost everything he has ever owned or built either taken from him or destroyed. ranboo even points out that the only two things of tommy's left standing are his house and his hotel, and if i'm honest, his house is dissheveled. it's a labyrinth of terror due only to how many times it's been torn apart. l'manberg being blown up didn't teach anyone anything about anarchy, or about valuing people over possessions. logstedshire being blown up didn't teach tommy to be obedient.

i could honestly ramble for ages about how nuanced tommy's character is and how much depth and complexity there is to his character's process and his relationship with others, but more than that, c!tommy is forgiving. he invites almost everyone who hates him to the grand opening of his hotel - if that isn't an indicator that he just wants friends, and not to be treated like the embodiment of evil, then i don't know what is. he holds grudges, but he doesn't really actively hate anyone, other than c!dream. but, we'll let him. c!dream deserves nothing but to be pummeled into the floor.

tommy doesn't spoonfeed his character nuance, and he doesn't really spell it out for his audience. he'll mention things like trauma and triggers in passing, but a lot of analysis on his motivations has to be picked up from what is said in passing or from what can be seen in between the lines.

i'd be here for hours if i were to talk about everything i love about c!tommy, because honestly he's one of my favourite characters, and there are so many angles you can look at his character from in terms of his age, his relationships with others, his motivations, his personality, his character arcs etc etc. so instead of doing that, i'm going to compile some much more specific analysis posts below to skim through because they highlight so many good aspects of his character.

^^ A thread about the 'yes you are, but so are we' line.

^^ About how shit the VODS comments are.

^^ A comment on how c!Tommy is actually pretty peaceful, and is actually less destructive than most characters on the server.

^^ Possibly the best c!Tommy analysis thread I've ever seen in relation to his trauma, which gives multiple perspectives.

^^ About how c!Tommy is treated as a scapegoat, and how, from an objective standpoint, he is no more violent than any other character, it's just that the little violence that is committed is blown far out of proportion.

^^ Tumblr user flypaw being a bad bitch, as per usual.

^^ c!Tommy being incredibly intelligent, and talking about wanting to rebuild and not destroy. A very underrated monologue of his.

^^ Something short about c!Tommy and c!Wilbur's relationship in Pogtopia.

^^ Less about c!Tommy, more a meta on L'Manberg. Really interesting to think about.

^^ A take on Doomsday.

I'll add some more posts in a reblog in the notes, but if anyone's post(s) is on this and they want me to take it off, let me know and I'll do that for you! Feel free to add your own banger c!Tommy takes or ones that you've found.

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burr-ell · 2 years ago

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(#also dimitri isn't as narratively interesting as claude and i stand by that") 👀👀👀 is it alright to ask if you explain a bit what you mean? literally have never seen anyone think that before lol it always seems like claude's the one people think is uninteresting

Sure!

To preface this, I should note that I like Dimitri and think he's well-written on a technical level. But his story fails to really hold my attention for longer than it takes to replay Blue Lions, because after that I don't know where else his story can go.

Put simply, I don't know what Dimitri's flaws are.

Not in the sense that I don't think Dimitri did bad things—obviously he did—but where did those things come from? For the most part they came from his trauma-induced breakdown, and from his desire to protect the weak becoming so strong that he is willing to do unspeakable things to his enemies. And that's...not really a result of flaws that real people have that screw them over in everyday life and relationships. Dimitri violently slaughtering Imperial soldiers and threatening to torture Randolph to death are very much tempered by extenuating circumstances, both because he's very clearly traumatized and hit an understandable breaking point and because these are people trying to invade his home and subjugate his people. Now you could argue that Dimitri's flaws are his bloodlust and anger issues...but again, that bloodlust is never turned against the innocent, and the rage issues don't do anything worse than hurt his friends' feelings.

I think of it this way: in an alternate universe where these characters got to grow up and live relatively normal, peaceful, happy lives with loving families, what would their flaws be? And in such a world, Dimitri would basically just be Marth 2.0. I don't know how he'd screw up in a way that is unequivocally his fault. The problems Dimitri has that are explored in-game came about largely because of trauma from the Tragedy of Duscur, and don't seem like flaws he might have had without it. Without that particular event...who is he, exactly? And not in the "traumatic events shape you into the person you are" sort of way; more in the "traumatic events were the only way we could think to round out this character" sort of way. There are plausible issues that he might have...but they're things I'm having to come up with on my own, not things that I've been given within the narrative itself.

And the way that fandom talks about Dimitri doesn't really make that better. I agree that Dimitri is motivated, at his core, by a sense of empathy for the suffering that is so powerful that he isn't able to mentally handle the strain of all the injustice that people endure...but that isn't a terribly interesting flaw. It reads more like the one person in a job interview who says that their biggest weakness is working too hard (which is, incidentally, the only flaw Dimitri is shown to have once he recovers—which, again, removes quite a bit of agency from his breakdown and rampage and therefore makes him less interesting). Dimitri feels very much like a character in a story, someone who had to be broken down and then built back up again in a very dramaturgical way.

But look at Claude's flaws. He pries too closely into other people's secrets and he's sometimes insensitive to what others are doing. He looks at Almyra through rose-colored glasses, unaware of the problems that are affecting the average citizens. He hurts Marianne by pushing her too hard and he makes assumptions about Cyril, the Church, and Rhea. He snoops around and prods people that he thinks are hiding something and yet immediately gets his hackles up when Balthus figures out his secrets. Some of those things are resolved (like apologizing to Marianne and realizing that the Church might have good reasons for hiding some things), others are not. But those are real problems that real people have, because real people are contradictory and real people make conscious choices that hurt their friends. Claude feels like a real person with real flaws that he's still going to have to unpack after the story of FE3H proper is done.

And that's so much more compelling to me. Claude being so relatively well-adjusted and normal compared to Dimitri and Edelgard is a double-edged sword, but one of the benefits to that is that his flaws are more relatable. He feels, despite Intsys's best efforts, like a real person who is grounded in a nuanced portrayal of a human being. Dimitri just doesn't.

Basically, I think it's narratively much more interesting to just...let a character be a dick sometimes.

#fe3h #fe3h meta #asks #this iiiiiiiis probably word vomiiiiiiiit and i apologize but i've had a Day #this is incidentally why percy hits for me and dimitri doesn't #at the end of the day percy's flaws (arrogance and disregard for consequences among others) would exist regardless of trauma #and his bad actions actually hurt sympathetic people—giving grog craven edge or accidentally killing vex #letting ripley get away knowing she's more dangerous for the world at large #and he actually has to grapple with that and he'd have to grapple with something like that in any version of his story

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kass-storycorner · 3 years ago

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Hello!! i stumbled across your works and i absolutely fell inlove with your writing (especially the angsty ones)

Can i jump on the angst train and request a fic with a line that goes "I'm here, you dont have to wait anymore," with childe? Like maybe the reader told childe that theyll wait for him no matter how long it takes (and maybe a sprinkle of argument) but something happened that made the reader be on the brink of death. With or without comfort/happy ending is up to u!!

first of all thank you so much for the request! and it really makes me so happy to hear that you like my writing, especially my angst haha secondly I am so sorry that this took so long, since I saw this ask in my inbox I couldn't stop thinking about it and finished the first part of this pretty quickly - only to be stuck at how to end it (and actually fulfill the request haha). right now i am not really happy with the ending, though I feel like this is the best I can currently do! I really hope you enjoy, please let me know if it was alright haha (also I fear that I didn't really...wrote Childe in-character, I don't know)

Waiting for you

Genre: Angst, Hurt, comfort at the end

Characters: Childe x gn!reader (Childe is referred by is actual name by the reader, but outside of dialog he's called Childe)

Format: bullet points (backstory) + Text (actual fic, answer to the prompt)

Word count: 4324

Content warning: veeeery slight spoiler warning for the Liyue quests, its literally just one sentence and I tried to keep it as ambigious as possible, slight cursing (using the word bitch too, though thats the only instance of using gendered-vocab for the reader, i still wrote them gn!), mention of blood, mild violence, not proof-read ahah when will i ever do that

you can find the fic under the cut, have fun reading!

You and Childe knew each other since you were just little kids – him and his family being neighbours had meant you always ended up playing with him and his siblings, though you both got along the best.

On more than one occasion you both just ran off to somewhere no one could disturb you, your secret hideout, trading stories of great warriors from outside of Snezhnaya you heard the fishermen at the docks talk about.

Most people and children were wary of Childe, he was always the one who wanted to ‘play-fight’, which ended most of the time with the other kid running home, crying. However, you were the exception, always able to beat him or at least have a tie. Your parents, especially your father, hated it when you came back home with bruises on your arm, a bright smile and telling how you beat Childe up that day. He never felt like Childe was someone you should surround yourself with, but he kept quite for your younger years, also thanks to your mother who wasn’t fond of the fighting either but saw how much time with Childe meant to you.

Things however changed after Childe fell into the Abyss.

It was apparent how violent he got after it, even his own family was completely helpless when it came to him. So his father send him off to join the Fatui, which was a very controversial decision in the small town you both called home – most were happy to not have Childe be around anymore, for he picked up more and more fights and became more violent, but even within Snezhnaya the Fatui have a bad reputation, so most people were convinced that he would only become even worse.

Your father was one of those who was happy, but also concerned. Your mother died shortly after Childe fell into the Abyss, so your father forbade you any contact with Childe.

This, however, did not work. After Childe had to leave Morespesok you kept in touch through letters and whenever he was in town you always met up in secret.

The letters you send each other turned sweeter the older you got, changing the feelings for friendship you both felt for each other slowly into a romantic love. Childe always ended his letter with saying that he would return soon and you always with “I’ll be waiting for you Ajax”.

You always looked forward to his letters and so did he for yours. When he came back to Morespesok after every mission he had to do for the Fatui you both would meet up in your secret hideout. This place became your save haven. Conversations, hugs, kisses and even more – everything that wasn’t written in a letter between you two happened there.

Childe was fine with this and so were you. He didn’t want people to know there was someone he loved as much as he loved you, as one of the Harbringers of the Fatui it could endanger you. You on the other hand were fine with it because, even though you had no understanding for why your father forbad you the relationship with Childe, you couldn’t stomach to disappoint him. After all he was your father and you loved him dearly, no matter how much you both might disagree on things.

Still, you longed for something more – with Childe and for your own life. You wanted to travel too; you haven’t had the chance to leave Morespesok past the few neighbouring villages. So, when Childe wrote to you that after his next visit, which would only be a few days long, he was going to Liyue and didn’t knew for how long he had to stay there – you asked him in your reply if you could join him. Him writing that it wasn’t possible and better for you to stay in Morespesok and just wait for him hurt, but you understood. You are fine with waiting for him, you always were.

You were expecting a sad but loving last night with Childe before he had to leave, ending with a bittersweet goodbye. You weren’t expecting what happened instead.

Childe was angry, it was clear to see. The moment he stepped into your secret hideout you knew something was off – how he averted your eyes, how he didn’t return your kiss with a passionate one, like usual. “Ajax”, you purred in a sweet voice, “what’s wrong?”. You tried to take his hand, but he only pulled it away. Ah, that was unusual. He never refused your touch, no matter how angry he was before. “There is nothing wrong, I just was curious if there is something you want to tell me?”, he replied in a bitter tone, not even looking at you. It took you completely off guard; you saw him be angry or sulky before, you two had your fair share of arguments in the past, but somehow this was different. “No, there is nothing except for the fact that I missed you very much,” you told him, but you could feel how you started to become irritated. When you saw him two days ago visiting your family’s shop with Teucer he gave you a warm and loving smile, winking at you when he handed you that piece of paper asking to meet up tonight. What had happened in between that made him act like this? “Tsk, fine,” and with that he was on his way out. You moved quickly in front of him, blocking the way out. “Now wait a moment, would you kindly tell me what is going on here?”. He just quietly looked at you for a few seconds before he shoved you aside. “AJAX!”, you couldn’t hide your irritation and growing anger anymore, burying your fingers in his arm in order to stop him from leaving. “What did I do to make you be angry at me?”. “It doesn’t matter”, Childe replied coldly, while trying to get you to loosen your grip on his arm. “Now let me go and run home to your father and your fiancé, I bet they are already asking where you are right now.” “My what?” you replied with bewilderment. “Childe, is that why you are angry with me? Because you think I am engaged to someone else?”. Honestly, you would find this situation hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that Childe still looked at you with a sour face. “Well, I don’t think you are engaged to someone else; I know you are. Your father was really excited about the whole thing when he told me, he even invited me to your wedding, granted if I could find the time.” As he said this, he noticed how your face was a combination of confusion and anger. And oh yes, were you angry. Angry at your father for telling such blatant lies and at Childe for believing them, confused as to why he would even believe your father in the first place. “Ajax, I-“you let go of his arm, pinching the bridge of your nose and letting out a deep sigh. “I am engaged to no one, never was. I didn’t tell you this, because I didn’t want to upset you or worry you needlessly, but maybe I should’ve done it. My father continuously tries to marry me off whenever he finds anyone, he deems a worthy suitor. I guess he might have found one of your letters, though he never said anything about it, but I can’t explain why he suddenly started to become so interested in my marital status. Every few weeks he brings another person home, tells me I should marry them, for me to turn those poor fools down and tell my father he should stop. Most accept it that I have no interest in them, some stick around for a few weeks until the realise that nothing will come of it, but yeah. Ask anyone, Archons ask your family, it’s already a running joke here.” You expected the atmosphere to become less tense after you explained the whole situation to him, for him to even turn it into a joke and to apologise for his behaviour. Instead, it just grew more tense. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, his voice still being cold, underneath it you could hear how angry he still was. “Because it wasn’t important, at least not to me. Honestly Ajax, I don’t see what the issue is here. I am not engaged and I do not plan to agree to one unless-“, you stopped yourself right there. ‘Unless it’s you who’s asking’, is what you wanted to say. You could feel how your heart fluttered even just at the thought. Childe, however, did not notice where you were going with your last sentence, too

occupied with his own anger. “Unless what?”. “It doesn’t matter, can’t we just drop the topic and enjoy our first and last night in months with each other without fighting?”, this was your last offer of peace, hoping he would finally calm down. But you knew deep down – Childe never was one to back out of a fight. “No no no, continue, tell me what you wanted to say!”, his voice growing louder and louder with every word. “Ajax, let it be,” you really weren’t in the mood for anything tonight anymore and the least you wanted to do was discuss your wish of a future with him. “No, I won’t. Tell me, because I would love to know. Or don’t, you can also just go and choose one of the various suitors your father picked out for you to fuck, I bet you really enjoy it how they are all standing in line for you,” he spit his words out, full of anger and disgust. This was the final straw for you, it was apparent that Childe choose words that he knew would hurt you with intent and it made you explode. “You know what? I’ve had enough!”, you screamed at him, feeling how tears were pooling in the corner of your eyes. Not out of sadness or because his words hurt, those were tears of pure rage. “You come in here, after I haven’t seen you in weeks, before you leave for an unspecified amount of time and all you have to do is pick a fight? Fine, here have a fight! You are unhappy that I didn’t tell you how my father wants to force me in a marriage I don’t want to be in? Boho, I am so so sorry for you Ajax. Really, I can’t fathom to imagine how much you must struggle with this, but oh well, life must be so hard when you keep travelling around Teyvat. Because I really can’t imagine how life would be outside this place, what it’s like to have anything to do. Have you ever noticed, ever realised how much I hate it? Hate the wating? Because that’s all I do! I wait for your letters, and I wait for you to return. All I ever do I wait, wait, wait. Wait for you to come home yes and wait for you to finally be ready for something, anything more!”, the tears were now streaming down your hot, angry face. Childe just looked at you, waiting for you to end what you had to say. “I am tired of waiting! I am tired of keeping us hidden, yes, I agreed to it too in the beginning, but now? Dammit, Ajax. I don’t want to be left alone here when you go to Liyue, I don’t want to wait if I don’t know for how long I should wait. I just- “it became harder for you to speak, sobs interrupting you every few seconds. “I wish you would let me join you.” Except for your sobs, which you tried to supress, silence fell over the two of you. Childe just stood there in front of you, watching how you tried to stop the tears. “You know I can’t take you with me. It’s… it’s not safe,” he said after a while. You didn’t expect for him to change his mind, however his words didn’t make you feel any better… on the contrary they made you feel even feel worse. “Leave me alone,” was all you could tell him in that moment. You didn’t want to have him near you, you didn’t want to see his stupid face or look at his sad, blue eyes. Right now, you only wanted to be alone. “(Y/N)”, Childe began softly, wanting to take you in his arms but the look you gave him made him stop dead in his tracks. “Please, I need to be alone now”. The atmosphere was heavy, both of you didn’t want to part on bad terms but – right now wasn’t the right moment to make up. “I will leave you alone, but (Y/N)”, he said, looking at you with regret about how he acted just earlier, “please wait for me.” You scoffed at his words. Wait for him, again. “(Y/N)”, you turned away, so you didn’t have to see his face when he spoke your name again. “(Y/N), please. Please promise me that you will wait for me, I’ll come back, I promise you and I will make up for this… and for making you always wait for me. I promise. You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice.” At the mention of the nursery rhyme you had to chuckle a bit. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend,

the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again,” you finished it, looking back at him. “Fine, I’ll wait. But leave now.” And with that Childe left you alone, leaving Morespesok for Liyue the next day.

It has been a few months now since Childe came to Liyue and while his endeavours here were more or less successful, what was on his mind most of the days was you and how you both parted. He wanted to kick himself in the arse for how he acted that day, for making you so angry and for making you cry. The worst however is how you haven’t written him a single letter yet and Childe, though he would never admit it because of his pride, was too scared to send you one first. That he should be the first one to send you a letter was something he was aware of but still – he couldn’t find the right words. What should he write? Every time he sat down at his desk, looking at the piece of paper in front of him… he was never able to make it past “Dear (Y/N)”, and even with this he wasn’t sure, maybe “Beloved” would sound better? Childe would’ve even considered asking Zhongli for advice, however after finding out that Childe was just a pawn in his plans – he still considers Zhongli a friend, but before he could ask for advice the feeling of betrayal needs to fade out. And now he got the order to return to Snezhnaya by the end of the next month… he felt so anxious at the thought of seeing you again, not even knowing what happened with you the past months. So in the letter to his family in which he announced is return, Childe asked them, after months of not hearing anything from or about you, how you were. When he held the letter of his family in his hands, he started to feel nervous, it included the answer of your wellbeing. He knew you would keep your promise, but still. What if when not? Reading the contents of the letter, however, made him wish that he had asked sooner. Childe couldn’t stop reading the few lines his family wrote about you over and over again.

You asked about (Y/N) wellbeing in your last letter. Ajax, we wish we could tell you some more pleasant news than this, but we haven't seen or heard anything of (Y/N) for a week now. No one really knows where they might be, the last we know is that they left their home after a fight with their father, but there is nothing more we can tell you.

After reading those few lines, the letter already crumply at the edges from the way he held onto it, Childe decided to immediately make his way back home. In his opinion it didn't matter if he returned sooner than ordered and that was a problem he will face later. For now, he wanted to know what had happened to you, because he couldn't, didn’t want to, believe that you left Morepesok... you promised that you would wait for him. But doubt crept into his heart and his mind - you were so frustrated with waiting, he noticed it before you even said anything that night. However, he kept ignoring it. It wasn't like that Childe didn't also wish for more, to build a home with you, to spend more time with you. The feeling of not being good enough for you, something your father and others in Morepesok made clear to him since your childhood together, and the fear of putting a visible target on your back by being by your side... all of it held him back.

The way back home only took him a few days and when he came close to his village, seeing the once so well-known roofs and chimney of the houses, he took a junction into the woods, making his way to the secret hideout of you two. When he arrived, he noticed how it looked lived in, at first a relive for Childe, until he saw the traces of a fight - and blood on the floor. He was quick to follow the trail of blood, the father he went away from the hideout the more blood was on the ground. Suddenly he could hear a strangers voice in the distance.

"Answer me you stupid bitch!", you felt a hand pulling you up by your hair, but you were already too tired, too beaten up and injured to even respond to that violent pull. All you tried to do was to keep your hands on your stomach, trying to stop the blood from gushing out. You could barely remember what had happened, how you got there. It all started over a week ago, when you father came with another suitor wanting to marry you. Like always you turned him down, saying you had no interest in marriage, this time however he wasn't as understand as the others were. The whole thing ended in you having a huge fight with your father about it, he tried to pressure you even more than usual to take that fella as your husband. It made you sick, you just couldn't stomach being around him anymore. You always wanted to make him happy, always feared of disappointing him. But this? Him asking you to marry a random person? It was something you just couldn't do. So you went away, ran out to the little hideout planning to stay there until Childe came back. You wanted to wait for him - you even got over your stupid pride and sent away a letter for him earlier this morning... and maybe this was your mistake. Carefully you tried not to be noticed by the people in your village, you didn’t want anyone to worry about you, however you also didn’t want to explain your disappearance for the last few days. The man who your father tried you to accept as a fiancé however seemed to have spotted you when you left the post-office. It was already too late when you realised that you were followed - the man made his way into the place that was only meant for you and Childe. After that your memory started to get blurry, how was that even possible it just had happened. He attacked you, you fought back, though the man was just stronger... you ran away, feeling the blood already coming from your stomach. Your body started to become weaker, your legs grew heavier and slower until you fell. Now he was above you, grabbing your hair and screaming. It was hard to even focus on what that man said to you, too tired grew your body and mind. 'I have to stay awake', you thought. It was clear that if you lost consciousness now... well, who knows what would happen then, you only knew it wouldn't be good. You had to wait for Childe, you had to be there when he got home.

There were more than a few things in Childes live he wished he never had to see. Seeing your limp body, blood streaming out of your stomach which you could barley cover with your hand, your hair in the hands of some stranger and your eyes struggling to stay open – yes, Childe wished this was something reserved for his nightmares, not for the reality he had to face now. It didn’t even take second for him to react at that sight, swiftly being next to that man and cutting his hand off with one of his blades, kicking the rest of him away. Childe would have loved to take his time with that man, torture him, make him regret that he was born, but what was more important was to stop your bleeding. Quickly Childe sat down next to you on the ground, using his scarf to stop the bleeding. “Ajax,” he could hear you whisper quietly. “Hey, I’m here, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay.” You desperately tried to keep your eyes open, to look at him. He was a mess, his eyes filled with fear and panic spread across his face. Never had you seen him with such an expression. For only what felt a few seconds you closed your eyes and then – “Hey, (Y/N) hey, open your eyes, talk to me”, you opened them and realised that you were in Childes arms now, his eyes switching from you to what was apparently the way to Morepesok. “Ajax…”, it was so cold. When did it became so cold again? “I waited for you and now you’re here… I waited. Kept my promise.” The last few words came out slurred. “Yes, I'm here, you don’t have to wait anymore. I promise you don’t have to wait for me ever again, just please-“ his breathing was heavy, he ran as fast as he could to the village in the hopes that the healers there could help you, that there was anyone who was able to help you now. “Please, don’t close your eyes, okay?” Before you could even answer him that you will try to keep them open you could already feel yourself slip out of conscious again. All you could say before everything went dark was his name again. “Ajax…”

The first thing you noticed was a warm hand on yours. Even before you opened your eyes you knew which hand it was. “Ajax,” you were a bit shocked at the sound of your own voice. It sounded so weak. You opened your eyes, seeing into those deep blue eyes looking at you. “(Y/N)”, he didn’t sound any better. Only now you started to notice the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair looked even messier than usual. Was he by your side the whole time? “How are you feeling?”. “Better than you apparently”, you joked, weakly grinning at him. He smiled back, rubbing the backside of your hand with his thumb. “I’m glad you’re better,” he replied quietly, looking down at the hand he was holding. “I’m glad you’re here.” At that his smile faded, turning into a sad expression and you already knew what this meant. “Don’t tell me…” “I’m sorry, I wasn’t even supposed to be here just yet and my early departure from Liyue apparently has caused some issues and… well, I was able to stay here until you woke up. The deal was when you wake up or-, well that doesn’t matter now. The deal was that I had to go back and fix the damage I caused once you wake up, which is honestly way more generous than I had anticipated.” You didn’t really understand what he was exactly talking about, you were still tired, but all you knew was that he had to go again. There wasn’t any energy left in your body to hold back the tears that were now falling down your face. Childe cupped your face in his hands, wiping away your tears with his thumb. “Hey, listen,” he said softly. “I promise you won’t have to wait for too long, when you recovered, I will send for you.” At this your ears peaked, looking at Childe with hopeful eyes. “Send for me, you mean-?”. “Yes, this time around I’ll be the one waiting for you to arrive in Liyue and not you’re waiting for me to come home.” At that you threw your arms around his neck wanting to hug him, causing you to hiss in pain. You forgot that you still had a stomach wound. “Careful now”, he laughed a bit at how enthusiastic you were about the news that you forgot your injury. “You promise that I will really join you in Liyue?”, you still couldn’t fully believe that he really was fine with it. “You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice,” you leaned back and held your pinkie up in the air. Childe smiled at you softly, interlocking his pinkie with yours. “The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off, so you never lie again.”

#genshin x reader #tartaglia x reader #childe x reader #ajax x reader #gn!reader #reader fic #genshin impact #genshin fic #fan fiction #angst #angst prompt #bit of comfort #hurt #hurt prompt #writing

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musclesandhammering · 2 years ago

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I’ve reblogged this 9 or 12 times before, but this meta is so perfect.

But you know what- the morgue scene was fundamentally different for me. It definitely did cross a line.

That doesn’t mean it was ooc (it’s actually very in character for John to resort to unnecessary violence when Sherlock pushes his buttons), but the thing about all of the other instances of John’s violent outbursts before this is that it’s been on an equal playing field. Sherlock is no saint- in fact, he’s extremely manipulative of people’s emotions (John’s in particular), so they both have some abusive tendencies.

All of the other times John’s blown up, though, Sherlock has been perfectly capable of fighting back (physically and emotionally). In the morgue scene, Sherlock is literally incapacitated- he’s so high that he ends up in the hospital later, he’s having hallucinations and severely altered thought patterns, he’s barely even able to walk straight much less hold his own in a fight. Not to mention he’s in such a terrible place emotionally (I would argue passively suicidal) due to his own grief (because John’s not the only one grieving- he’s just the only one that beats the shit out of his friend because of it) that he doesn’t even try to defend himself.

So yes, shoving Sherlock against the wall was perfectly valid. Even the first punch might be understandable (because yea he’s threatening a guy with a scalpel), but beating him until he falls to the ground and then continuing to kick him as he lays there and takes it until someone has to physically pull you off of him…. Yeah no.

And I think my problem with this might be wrapped up in my bigger problem of how Sherlock’s friends (especially John) treat his addiction, especially in this episode.

Most of them (aside from maybe Molly) seem to either not really care at all and are just content to leave him to stew in his own drug den, only care about it when it affects them personally, or outright get mad at Sherlock and act as if his relapse is a moral wrongdoing that he’s consciously choosing to perpetrate instead of what it really is: a disease that he can’t control that he’s been fighting with for years and he’s now having a very difficult time with that fight because his grief has mentally and emotionally weakened him.

And it’s not just about Mary’s death, because John’s always treated Sherlock’s addiction with annoyance and contempt more than anything else. Like he’s a doctor- he should know that this isn’t just something Sherlock’s choosing to do for fun. But because he lets his hero worship of Sherlock blind him, he thoroughly buys the lie that Sherlock tries to sell that he’s not an addict, he just uses when he’s bored- and that mistake in judgment hurts Sherlock more than anyone.

We did see it coming. We always saw it coming. But it was fun.

#I stopped abruptly but I forgot where I was going with this #lol #it’s 5 in the morning and I haven’t been to bed yet #anti John watson #Sherlock #bbc Sherlock #Sherlock meta

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salemwritesxx · 3 years ago

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𝓽𝓼𝓾𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓪.

𝕋 𝕒 𝕜 𝕒 𝕞 𝕚 𝕂 𝕖 𝕚 𝕘 𝕠 | ℍ 𝕒 𝕨 𝕜 𝕤

⇴ male reader [25, Vigilantes, quirkless] ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+

↳ request: Add on to the ask my bad! {Vigilante reader instead of hero-: When hawks found out he was expecting a baby he immediately kept it a secret from the reader and his friends. Since he doesn't want the hero commission/the public to catch wind of it cause it'll put both of their lives at risk also the public wouldn't be happy to know that their hero is in a relationship with someone who isn't a female- {{Angst!- The hero commission isn't supportive of hawks love life and unborn child_ if they found out about it, they'll probably blackmail the reader into doing their dirty work in exchange for hawks life.) But,, he soon tells the reader after being confronted about his change of behavior and appearance. About 3-4 months into the pregnancy. Time skip to where the kid is born- happy ending🤙🏾

↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: mpreg, size / height difference, lil’ bit of angst with happy ending, discussion of abortion

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

“No… No, no, no. Fuck!”, he cursed quietly.

Staring in disbelief at the little plastic strip, he put it besides two others. All three of them were positive. There was no doubt. Hawks was… pregnant.

Falling back onto the closed toilet seat, he sighed deeply as tears welled up in his eyes. Keigo wasn’t one to cry easily, but right now everything broke apart. How would everyone react? How would the HPSC react? How would you react? Right now, it seemed like his past was catching up to him, what if everything turned out the same? What if history repeated itself? Would his unborn child have to endure so much as well? Wouldn’t it be better, if it was never born-

“Keigo?”, your voice made him snap out of his dark thoughts.

“[Your.name]?”, hastily wiping his tears and pushing the pregnancy tests into the trash, he tried his best to sound calm.

“So you’re here! I was worried, Kei! You ignored my calls.”, when he came out, you stood there leaning against the wall, a worried expression on your face.

“Ah, no. I was just busy, you know? HPSC needed me again today.”, Kei tried his best to lie and put on his best fake smile.

But you still found it suspicious.

“Are you okay, Baby?”, taking a step towards him, your big hand cupped his cheek and your thumb gently wiped over his red, swollen undereye.

Had he been crying? Keigo? That’s rare.

“I am fine, [Your.name], I am fine. What about you though?”, he kept smiling when he pushed away your hand and walked past you into the kitchen.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while, too, ya know?”

“Ah…”, was the only sound you made as you shyly scratched your neck.

“That’s true. I’m sorry if I worried you, Kei. It’s just… I had to hide for a few days. The police were especially pesky and I couldn’t risk being caught.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”, he waved aside, “It’s not like I was worried. I know you can handle yourself just fine.”

This was the last thing you thought you would hear from him, leaving you confused and maybe a little… hurt? Sure, you chose to be a Vigilantes and go out at night to take care of some things your own, but to think your boyfriend wasn’t even worried about you while doing so? Maybe he really did despise what you did and he just never said so out loud. Until now, he had never commented on the illegal things you did, because ultimately, you never destroyed anything and just helped the less unfortunate people, but maybe…

After all, you worried about him constantly and he was a licensed pro-hero, still – many things could happen. Like that, you had a weird feeling that Hawks was not fine at all despite him claiming he was.

And while normally, your little reunion would have been much different, Kei just couldn’t think about anything at that point. All he was thinking about was the baby growing inside of him and what he should do about it…

As weeks went by, you noticed Hawks was changing. His excuse of being “bloated” was weird and got old quickly. Furthermore had your relationship taken a big hit. Few kisses and almost no touching. It almost seemed like he was uncomfortable constantly. You wondered what it all was about. Was it just over? Did your relationship just slip right through your fingers and you couldn’t do anything about it?

Usually, when you were both home, the apartment was filled with dumb laughter. It was so nice being around you, but all Keigo was in the past few weeks was anxious, quiet and easily agitated. His home was his safe place, it’s where he could forget everything and relax. Not think about his work, about the HPSC, but with your child growing consistently, it was harder and harder to relax. In just a few weeks, someone who had a keen eye could probably tell that he wasn’t “bloated” anymore. Instead, he didn’t know what to do anymore.

Then, one day, it must have been around the fourth month of his pregnancy, someone rang the doorbell in the middle of the night. First, Keigo wanted to ignore it, however, as they kept ringing, a thought popped into his head. He hadn’t seen you in about a week, which wasn’t unusual per se as you had to hide from time to time, but for you to not contact him at all was a little… odd. Were you in trouble? Did they find about your connection to him?

Hence, with his own feather in his hand, he was ready to defend himself as he made his way to the door. The rain was drumming against the windows mercilessly. Perfect distraction if someone wanted to raid him.

Though, when he swung open the door, ready to cut anyone and anything, it all came differently. A large body was leaning against the side of the door.

“[Your.name]!”, his golden eyes widened as your own [eye.color] ones looked quite lifeless.

Before Hawks could do anything, you couldn’t hold yourself upright anymore, thus falling through the opened door. Quickly reacting, he caught you, but being so much smaller than you, his feathers had to help lift you and get you inside his apartment. Only then, when he pulled his hands back did he realize what was on his hands and what he had thought to be water, was actually blood.

His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. Rushing to your side, he literally ripped open your black coat and what was underneath, revealing a gaping wound on your side.

“Kei…”, you suddenly croaked, trying to reach out your hand, which he immediately grabbed and squeezed tightly.

“Don’t talk, [Your.name]! Everything will be alright, okay?!”, he visibly panicked.

He could hide his feelings very well. At least usually. But not this time. Maybe it was because he was hormonal due to the pregnancy, but just the thought of losing you made him cry. Hastily standing back up, he rushed into the bathroom to grab some towels and into the bedroom to get his phone.

“I… I didn’t know… where else to go… Kei…”, you coughed up a bit of blood, even though he had told you to not talk anymore.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, Baby.”, hugging you against his chest, all he could do was sob, “Everything will be alright, okay?!”

With a thumping heart, Hawks stood in front of the door for a few moments, before he knocked and entered eventually.

“Oh! Kei!”, you were just eating your pudding.

“[Your.name]!”, without holding back, he rushed towards your bed and jumped you.

However, hearing your painful whimper due to the ecstatic hug, he immediately pulled back with a small “I’m sorry.”

You, however, just shook your head and put the pudding and spoon away before gesturing him to come closer again.

“No, it’s okay, come here.”, you said with a soft smile as you pulled him in again.

Keigo just following your movement, scooching closer and in the end, hugging you again when you wrapped your own bandaged arms around him. You were so much more beat up than he initially thought…

“Thank you for saving me, Baby. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“You did!”, sitting back up, his golden eyes were shimmering, “I was so worried about you.”

“Ehh? Didn’t you say you weren’t worried about me a few months ago?”, you just teased him, but Keigo was hormonal and highly stressed, so he reacted way too violently when tears welled up in his eyes.

“I know… But you know I like to talk big sometimes.”, he sniffled.

Quickly, you reached out to softly cup his face and wipe away the tears.

“I know. Hey… Kei. Tell me what’s going on, hm?”

“Huh?”, his golden eyes widened a bit as he stared at you.

“Baby… I know something’s going on. Things haven’t been normal lately and you act different, too. Tell me, if it’s something I did, I can change. I will do anything, but please be honest with me already… Last night, I thought, that’s it. I thought I’d die with things being so weird between us. It was horrible to think about it…”

Looking around for a moment, you were the only one in this room and even if it wasn’t the best location to finally say it out loud, Keigo just couldn’t continue to lie. He had wanted to get an abortion three times and canceled every time because he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Clearly, he wanted this baby. And he wanted you to know, it was just all so… complicated.

“Kei…”, you squeezed his hand one more time.

“Okay…”, sitting down on the bed properly, his other hand reached out as well, needing every bit of comfort and support he could get.

“I…”, biting his lip, he hesitated for a moment before looking up and straight into your eyes, “I am pregnant.”

Your eyes widened and for a second, you just stared at him in disbelief.

“Wait… you…? Really?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh my God… that explains a lot.”, you kind of laughed while shaking your head, but then you realized something.

“Wait… How long...?”

“17th week… Do you not understand, [Your.name]? I am pregnant.”

“Yes, I understand quite well and I think that’s amazing.”, you squeezed his hands again, a big smile on your lips.

“No, no! You don’t get it, [Your.name]!”, Hawks then suddenly stood up, “This is not amazing. Do you know what that means?”, he sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“Kei…”

“We are fucked, [Your.name]. Do you know what happens when the HPSC or the public finds out? Let alone who the father is? What if… What if our baby has to endure everything I had to endure? What if… I become like them? Or what if the HPSC finds out and takes them away from us?”, his voice broke a little at the end, just imagining it…

“Keigo, hey.”, you turned around and placed your feet onto the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed, hence why you could take his hands again and pull him closer.

“You will never become like them.”, you cupped his face, gently wiping the tears away from the corner of his eyes.

“And, Kei, you already made a decision, no? You want to keep the baby – our baby – right? It’s already the fourth month…”

“I do… But… I don’t know what I should do. I am not myself, [Your.name]. I keep crying over stupid things, I can't concentrate when I’m doing my work and I am always scared someone finds out.”, eventually, you pulled him onto your lap, though he was careful not to hurt your side.

“I know you’re scared, Baby. I am too, but we can do it. Together. I will be with you every step. I will protect you.”

“[Your.name]…”, wrapping his arms around you, he buried his face in the nook of your neck, his small frame shaking.

“It’s okay. I’m here, Kei. And I won’t go, ever. We will do it together. And I promise… I promise I will stop going out during the night.”, you whispered this promise into his ear, earning his small sniffles as he clung to you.

“Our baby doesn’t have to grow up in isolation because of my recklessness. I will become a good father. They will have a great life, okay, Kei? We can do it. Whatever the HPSC throws at us, we will deal with it, together. I promise they won’t grow up like you had to.”

The last thing surely broke him as Hawks barely whispered a “Mhm.” back. But at the same time he was smiling, so grateful he was finally able to let you know as the last few months were really straining.

---

“I wish you were never born! You are a nuisance! You keep me from being free!”

“Why did I not get an abortion? Why did I do this to myself? You good for nothing!”

“-go! -igo! Keigo!”, his golden eyes opened at last.

Breathing heavily and with beads of sweat running down his temple, Hawks stared at you for a moment. Still not really sure what just happened the realization sank in little by little. A dream.

“[Your.name]…”

“Hey, I’m here. It’s okay now.”, you whispered and gently kissed him, before hugging him tightly.

Melting into your arms instantly, he buried his face at your chest as one hand reached down to his growing belly. He would probably pop soon.

“It’s weird… I haven’t thought or dreamt about them in over ten years and now… ever since I found out I’m pregnant… I …”, he mumbled more than anything, glad you were there to hold him.

“I know.”, was the only thing you whispered back while gently caressing his back.

When the HPSC trained him, he forgot, or rather suppressed most of his abusive and traumatic childhood. Maybe it was because he worried so much about your little baby that it all came crashing down on him eventually. But he would never become like them.

“Oh-“, both of you felt a little kick, making you giggle.

“Seems like our little baby girl wants to cheer you up as well.”, you whispered and nuzzled his head with your own while your hand reached out to his belly as well, softly caressing it.

“Seems like it.”, Keigo finally smiled a little.

“We will protect her.”, he quietly said after stealing a soft kiss from you.

“We will. And hey, the public took it really well when we outed us. The HPSC can’t do shit to hurt us anymore.”

“Yeah, I know. Thank God.”, cupping your cheek, Kei pulled you down again, before whispering against your lips, “Thank you.”

“Mhmh, for what?”, you chuckled and kissed him again, making him also giggle.

“Just… for everything. I love you, [Your.name].”

Smiling softly at him, you pecked his lips again and whispered an, “I love you too.”

For a few moments, it was quiet as you just cuddled and tried to calm down the excited little girl who was kicking and punching Hawks.

“Say… how do you feel, though? You haven’t been out in-“, but another kiss stopped him from continuing.

“I am perfectly fine, Shortcake. It… was hard, but it was the right decision. You are more important than anything or anyone else, and now with our little nugget growing… what we have is just so much more important to me than vigilante justice.”

The smile that spread across his face was truly warming your heart. It was the right decision and you wouldn’t regret it. You knew how hard his childhood was and you didn’t want that for your baby girl. She should be able to proudly say who her parents were and for that reason, you couldn’t continue your former lifestyle.

After sharing a few more kisses, Hawks then asked for cuddles, which you happily agreed to. Hence letting him shift positions and turn around, careful not to hit you with his wings, he hugged his pregnancy pillow. And then, you slipped your own arms around him, hugging him carefully and littering small kisses onto his neck.

He was so small in your arms, but that’s what he had loved from day one on. Keigo felt protected and loved when he was in your arms.

Calling out for you, Keigo carried the groceries into the kitchen, just to bite his lip instantly when he saw you laying on the sofa. Your little baby girl sprawled out on top of your broad chest, sleeping. Once Hawks came a little closer, he realized you were sleeping as well, thus with a soft smile he just kneeled down in front of the sofa.

“What would I do without you, [Your.name]? You two are seriously the light of my life.”, he thought with a big smile on his lips.

To think he was so incredibly sad when he found out, he couldn’t be more happier now. Everything turned out alright after all, just like you said. Leaning in, Hawks gently kissed his baby girl’s forehead before standing up again, leaving you and Tsubasa alone – at least that was his intention.

However, a soft tug on his clothes made him stop. And a glance back made him smile and turn once more, following your movement and laying down beside you, softly tucked under your arm, just where he belonged.

There were no words needed as you softly kissed him before your head fell back into the pillow. Your arm securely holding him and Tsubasa and just like that, you were able to hold the whole world in your arms.

And it certainly wasn’t any different for Keigo.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

⇻ salem.talks: I think I repeat myself every time I write for him but… KEIGO IS SO TINY ovo probably cuz I absolutely adore the EndHawk ship and their size difference gives me life? so I cannot help but make it happen when I write x reader with kei. like I can just dream of being as tall and buff as endeavor lmao but yeah this was nice I love preggo hawks!

#salemswriting.#hawks #takami keigo #hawks x reader #hawks x male reader #bnha x male reader #bottom hawks #pregnant hawks #mpreg #bnha x reader

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