#and guess what we don’t talk anymore
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one day i’m going to write an article about how yes all of my friends are online and no i don’t really want to meet them in person
#i have met one before#and guess what we don’t talk anymore#— unrelated but yknow still stands#but it’s basically for me & my ism#being around people is extremely taxing for me unless they’re my Person#(which is my partner tm)#it’s easier for me to mitigate my emotional responses to people when i don’t have to physically see them#i’m actually more talkative!!! online!!!!#than in real life#i’m less likely to be ignored or pushed out of conversations#i can have a Voice in ways i can’t idk#so no i don’t want to meet you in person bc our relationship is perfect like this#sometimes i do get hit with the longing#wanting to be around people irl#but it’s like#the price i have to pay bc all my irl friendships have blown up in my face and i’ve had very few online ones dk that so#i’d rather this than that yknow#about renjamin
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Sometimes a day makes you want a Starscream to bite and squeeze
#guess who got their final scores back ahaaa#class avg was 60 percent 😭#also I have blocked the transformers tag on TikTok that place is a hellhole#bit of a vent here but it’s so crazy#I was talking to a person I didn’t even follow a while back and we were making jokes like yeah the autobots ship megastar#on my fyp a couple days later and I see them reposting “shipping megastar is bad and gross’ like bruh what#I saw one of my followers commenting ‘yeah can’t believe it’s so popular’ I HAVE POSTED MEGASTAR BEFORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE#I POSTED MY STARSCREAM AND MEGATRON FIGURES RAILING EACH OTHER#I only started posting cause I was like eh if it’s getting banned might as well#these people were poisoning my fyp smh#I’m convinced it’s just a moral superiority thing like all of those people who thought abo was so cringe and then someone was like#‘I secretly like abo’ and everyone agreed that they also like abo and it’s not that weird anymore#Ngl though. it is kinda sad but also kinda funny#sorry for the rant cause I talked about it before and I don’t want to keep on talking about it but those two baffled me#transformers#transformers fanart#megastar#megatron#starscream#transformers g1#megascream#maccadam#its like watching one of those religious couples where one of them is gay and theyre like 'I am working through my gay to be straight'
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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the holiday party i had to go to ended up being fine lol i was basically just talking to the other ppl i externed w and some previous interns so it was not actually uncomfortable when i went at all even tho i did almost pass out at one point idk what that was abt. my body is allergic to going out i think i have some sort of medical issue every time i go outside. anyway. i should not have whined and complained so much it was literally fine 😭
#michelle speaks#i was sooooo close to not going like sitting on my floor giving myself a pep talk level 😭 it was so bad a real low point for me 😭#but like i just had it in my head for some reason that i would be alone bc the other ppl i externed w would not want to talk to me or smth#but like literally we just talked to each other the whole time 😭 and when i got there 40 mins late they were like oh we were wondering#where u were & one of them was like i was going to text u & realized i didn’t have ur number etc. so i went insane for no reason.#i mean there IS a reason but i’m not going to get into my tragic backstory. it’s actually not tragic i’m js there is a reason why i had#that mindset from a previous experience but like yeah i was all worried abt it for no reason 👍#which like typically i don’t do the everyone hates me wah wah bit since i started taking antidepressants & it wasn’t really that it is#different but quite literally i don’t feel like explaining i am soooooo tired 😭 not from going to that party i was only there for a few hrs#& i got back a while ago idk what it is. maybe i was so stressed abt it & now i’m not anymore so i’m tired……:#no idea why i almost passed out tho i was just standing there and i was like whoa. and i sat down & i was fine but like idk 😭#i literally only had one drink and like a fourth of another drink bc i did not like that one so i got the other one#and i have drank many times w my medications & stuff and have always been fine that has never happened before#and i have drank a lot more & been fine so like?? at this point i am just like yeah ok whatever. u do u i guess.
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no harder curse to bear than having a favorite character that the writers stopped caring about two years ago
#Three guesses who I’m talking abt it’s not hard#Like there are interesting bits in s2&3 and 4 is so awesome for him#And then 5&6 is like why are we literally forgetting he just won the all valley#Devastating to see him loose to Kenny devastating to see him suck shit in the sekai taikai#HE BEAT ROBBY!!!! HE IS A GOOD FIGHTER#Like I don’t wanna be like “they nerfed hawk” but like they literally did#I understand why in 6x4 he’s bad bc he’s distracted#What’s the excuse for the entirety of p2#And like they did nothing interesting with the fascinating set up of binary boyfs divorce#Like there were so many interesting conversations they could have had and they just didnt#And why is he only allowed to hang out with Demetri now#Like I like it but where are my Miguel and Eli bestie moments where is any acknowledgment that he and Tory were besties and then enemies an#Are now on the same side#Why give him a stupid background girlfriend if ur not gonna do anything abt it#AND HES NOT EVEN FUN ANYMORE#Like even when he was cartoonishly evil he was fun as hell and Jacob was clearly having the time of his life#Now he just stands there#God actually I wish he stayed evil Jacob literally said he thinks the random change of heart didn’t make sense and I agree#Like no acknowledgment of how ck affected him no acknowledgment of literally anythingn#Making him be besties with the guys who brutally bullied him for years like honestly fuck off#N e ways#Clearly I think abt this a lot#Could talk about this forever and will if prompted
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#rant time#ok you know what im literally done bc if you’re going to act like my friend only when it’s convenient for you you’re not my friend!!!#like!!! hello??? do you realize how not ok it is to treat people that way??? to make comments that lift them up and make them feel like#they’re your best friend and then ignore them for the next two weeks or whatever??#seriously stop being so fake!!! you should’ve just been a mature person and told me that you don’t want to be my friend anymore instead of#whatever this is#like just tell me if i did something wrong to you and we can move on#because do you understand how terrible it makes me feel every time i’m in a class with you and all of your friends and you act like you’ve#never seen my face in your life??? and i’m just sitting there alone when years ago you would always sit by me when i was sitting alone#because you said you hated when people sat alone#yeah right ok girl i believe you!!!#of course you don’t understand that because you’ve never felt that way#you just ditch your friends every one or two years because there’s new people you like better#well guess what??? if you keep being a crappy friend those people will never be your real friends#like seriously who are you actually friends with??? you’re so fake!!! you constantly talk crap about all of your new friends!!! and then#the second they’re in the room with you you act like they’re your best friend for life#like no they’re not!!! not when you’ve said stuff like how mean and braggy they are and how you don’t want them to get leads over me!!!#well guess what if you want to ditch friends who are actually good people then you’re stuck with mean and braggy people so deal with it#and it’s not just me!!! i feel like you’ve treated everyone like this and it’s so not ok#so anyway i know I’ll say all this and then the next time you try to talk to me i’ll keep acting like it’s fine#but just so you know i think you’re the fakest friend I’ve ever had and i hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine#sorry for the rant lol#lav speaks
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Did sleeping help
No </3
#vent#tsk. isn’t it like. if you hate everything then eat#if you think everyone hates you then sleep#if you hate yourself take a shower?#sooooooooo. uhhhhhhh. didnt. work?#hng. artfight... I was so excited I have so many ideas#but it’s like. everything is triggering me or making me upset or freaked out or sick. idk what to do#I go ‘oh lemme see what my friends have done so far’ and then I see an oc from someone not my friend anymore and I’m like. ougghhh#I feel like such a baby for caring. stupid for being upset still. it’s like it only mattered to me and no one else had to deal with such#crippling anxiety and stress because of it#everyone is getting so much done so fast and I STILL can’t submit the second thing I did. I’m going to lose my head or cry or both or die or#SOMETHING uhhhhhhggggggg and it’s like all my anxieties are circling back around cus it was this time last year shit hit the fan#I have college!! I have no clue what my plans are!! all I’m good for is making fake people and drawing said people!!#I’m such a fucking. stupid.. I wasn’t even supposed to take this last semester off. we just didn’t know what other classes to take or what#to focus on... I’ve been literally free all day every day since December and it’s like I’m STILL not doing anything worthwhile#mmm I’m so alone in this I can’t DEAL well I guess I’ve been ‘dealing’ but I don’t believe thinking about bad situations literally every day#since they’ve happened can be considered as ‘dealing’ with it. I doubt anyone else is thinking about it that hard but I can’t help it#I can’t do a complete cut off from the internet. my only friends are here! what then? then I’m just. some sad sack who doesn’t talk to#anyone? mmm this isn’t a good way to start the day but I can’t NOT think. it’s all I do. my brain is one of the things that makes be I can’t#self labotomize myself into being a chiller person without killing everything that makes me with it#ugh. I’m going to be stuck in this headspace forever. even with apologies and make ups or agreements to stay apart#I’ll still be the one dealing with the negatives and fallout from shitty situations. funny seeing as I still don’t understand how things#even escalated so fast. but whatever. I’m the bad wolf forever. can’t change that
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*2015 voice* i wish i had the chillness instead i got the mental illness
#evidence of life#tw for mental illnesses major distress illness symptoms that aren’t romanticized (lawl) suicide ableism i guess?#idk just a massive tw for what i’ve said in the notes / don’t read if descriptions of mental illnesses bother you etc#////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////#i literally had to mix rubbing alcohol into my body wash then put it all over my body except my hair to stop myself from committing suicide#i’m so serious if there’s one thing i don’t say with my convoluted levels irony it’s suicide whenever i say kms im 100% serious#suicide is literally a constant ideation for me and i just can’t teehee about it ever i think it’s because it is one of the few ways i feel#that i can take total control full autonomy#anyways isn’t crazy traumatic things will happen and we have to just keep going like im literally on tumblr after [redacted]…#also why is my psychosis so obsessed with break ins these days when i was doing my rubbing alcohol scrub it did the break in scenario#like miss girl literally nobody want us that bad take a seat…#anyways this day started out okayish and now it’s literally *burning building in the background*#i wanna try to at least make it possibly kind of better by going to watch the sunset but no promises kinda itching for more rubbing alcohol#anyways slayyyy respectfully i hope this scares off…who it usually does…#like bro i am not a manic pixie dream girl i am not a smol bean with anxiety not a depressed gloomy muse etc#i am [as described by men who thought that i was just another goth bitch with daddy issues that knew all the right moves to make me into#whatever they needed me to be and or thought i was being hyperbolic when i say i am insane in the head and the pussy (as above so below)]#‘crazy crazy’ ‘fucked up’ ‘not worth it [because i am crazy for real]’ ‘[in need for a dude who one course in psychology and thinks that and#his dick are enough to ‘cure me’ ‘weird’ ‘freak’ ‘looney’ (kinda love that one like so true) etc (bc i don’t want to talk abt this anymore)#edit: my temporary icon bothering more than it should rn ughhh bad end all around goodness
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i dreamt of her again
#this is so weird#ok story now#i met her on the internet in some facebook grupo abt one direction or something lol and since the first time i interacted with her she#seemed to be a very beautiful person. she was (is) fascinating to me#we started talking and became really close#we used to watch movies together and talk about everything all the time and yes#it was like… since the begging i knew that i was going to start feeling something more for her. it was weird because obviously we don’t even#know each other like in real life lol but i felt like i did… and one day i remember it was Valentine’s Day#she told me that she was in love with me and she wanted to know if it was mutual#and i was like no way this is not happening i remember it took me HOURS to answer to her because in that time#i was very bad. there was a lot going on with me i had depression and i wasn’t eating well and etc and oh#it took me hours to think about it but i told her that it was indeed very mutual#and so she told me that if i wanted to be her girlfriend and i was so happy#but i don’t know. it didn’t worked and it was because of me#and i know that it probably meant nothing to her but it did to me because she was the first woman that i liked#she made me realize who i was. and she made me feel beautiful and seen and she taught me so many things#and i still feel things for her i guess. which is kinda funny cause i don’t really know her#not anymore. we stopped talking to each other (also because of me i stopped talking to her because i felt horrible because i couldn’t make#that happen) and i think that’s what hurts me the most. i will always love her#and i don’t know english btw this is redacted like shit
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Gonna need everybody on here to take one for the team and start reblogging my posts at the same rate people on twitter do cause I’m gonna have a rage-induced heart attack within a month if I can’t find a way to reduce my time over there lmfao
#the problem is online is like. my social activities#y’all are the only people I really can talk to and hang out with#and thing is here there’s like one person who talks to me on tumblr#and more people do on twitter but my god I just#I’ve begged people to tell me how they avoid seeing shit they don’t want to#and they never answer me! no one does!#so I guess it’s literally just me who has this problem!!!#on tumblr I don’t have this problem but Twitter it’s just. there’s almost no fandom stuff anymore#it’s all just yelling about this or that#sure some of the yelling I agree with but WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS YELLING#CAN WE HAVE ONE FUCKING DAY WHERE WE JUST POST NOTHING BUT BLORBOS AND KITTIES#WHAT THE FUCK#anyway#idk I’m like. almost in tears over here lmfao I just don’t know what to do#text#misc#shut up nerd
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I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can 🙃🙃🙃 I’m way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.
#plz no sexyleon#life update basically#I’ll still be using tumblr and stuff and I’ll probably reply to things on here#but I likely wont be responding to direct messages#I just???? I’m too clingy and needy and I feel reliant on the people I talk to for any sort of social interaction to be happy#I gotta figure it out because my mental health is in the shit and I can’t be reliant on others for stability#and I didn’t even really notice that’s what was happening until all my friends were busy on the same day and I really just needed someone#anywyas sorry this is complicated I just needed to vent in the void#also for my mutuals who I talk to all the time this is why I’m afk and I’m sorry I love you very much I just have to figure it out#why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them????#idk this is why I gotta stop#im the loneliest bitch in the world but I really can’t be anymore I gotta be alone in this bitch but not lonely#or I need to make friends with my loneliness and we can tackle the world together#otherwise im not going to survive#my anxiety is out of the roof and I constantly feel like I’m having heart palpitations#I literally think I’m going to die sometimes#I used to say I’d prefer the anxiety over the depression because I know how to navigate anxiety#well guess what my anxiety evolved like some sort of mega Pokémon and now it’s kicking my ass and I don’t have any idea how to defeat it#sorry for venting
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💫.
#megaman starforce#is so…. easy….#it makes me a lil sad#I’ll never be that kid who spent years trying to beat the game and growing up with it steadily again#I don’t really know what point I’m trying to make w this#I guess I’m just mourning my childhood and youth/the naivety innocence simplicity of the past#I guess it’s just bittersweet to look back and see how much I’ve changed in 10 years#we’re barely the same person anymore-we don’t even have the same name#it’s just this love for this moderately unpopular niche within a niche game that connects us#I still think the game aesthetics and setting are the coolest fucking thing on earth ok#on another note the story in sf1 is just so peak#ryucoded af I really did not expect that. kid me wouldn’t have related but the present me sure does#it’s funny… returning to a childhood game-a gift that my kid self gives me to in the future-and finding myself in it too#it reminds me a lot of the things I used to love/I still love them but it’s been a while since I’ve thought abt it#I was pretty into Danny phantom too growing up#I really loved stories of heroism and kid heroes having to hide their identities#actually I was huge into dp I watched it every night without fail#if I had found the dp fandom earlier I would most definitely be a different person#kid heroes-> it’s kinda messing me up actually oh man geo is ELEVEN 😭he really is just a kid…#I too used to be 11 like him and had childish dreams about being a hero#guess you lose the magic and delusions of grandeur when you get older and reality sets in#another reason I’m glad I played mmsf as a kid#I’m trying desperately to find the mmsf amv and let’s play that I used to watch as a kid but ough#I found some but not all…. was it removed…?#sad 😔😔it’s a part of my childhood that will only exist in my memories I suppose#ough at the end of it all I just sincerely wish this game had gotten more love#fandom so small I can’t even find people to talk to#if anything I’m glad that at the very least the story was wrapped up nicely by sf3#and the fact that it’s the last game before their hiatus just makes it slightly funny. I still mourn sf4 tho.#I really hope for a starforce legacy collection-!!!
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~ ~ ~
#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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best friend just left for uni again. maybe one day I won’t cry about this!
#just kidding I’ll cry about it forever#I’ll really miss her yknow. I don’t get to see her all too much anymore and especially from now on since she’s not really coming back#bc she has stuff during the summers from now on#so like. I’ll see her at Christmas. Maybe a little bit when she comes back for her brother’s wedding#but not a ton. And it sucks bc she’s the first person who I genuinely found myself spending a lot of time with#my other friends in hs weren’t really the hanging out types#and her forcing me to get out and go do stuff with her is partially what got me through first year#without her I’m pretty bad at getting out of the house#so yeah we’ll talk fucking every day I’m sure but I’ll miss seeing her in person as much as we do#I guess I’m lucky to have someone to miss.#anyway. gonna go cry more now
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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3
#it’s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot#am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor#this is. for a bake sale. pray for me#I’m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning#this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it#however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over £100 which isn’t bad#TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES#I’m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff#primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer#there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey I’ve been having such a good time this past week while I’ve not had to stress#abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay#like okay I’ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer#(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair#we talked a BUNCH last night and he’s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I don’t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway!! he’s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. I’m being insane but oh my god this is torture#I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like#this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ‘reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feeling’ if you will#where there’s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. it’s NICE that doesn’t sound good but it is#is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just don’t watch/read much anymore but also#there’s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyone’s in this city so I can get my shit together#ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but it’s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but he’s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory I’m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me I’m just gay#boy 😔. they shouldn’t be allowed to do this#on Wednesday he’ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend#2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks I’m just trying to decide whether that’s too much to put on her. I think I’m being insane there#luke.txt
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uhghghfh I need to cut off someone in my life so bad but I just don’t know how to do it
#they make me feel like SHIT I HATE talking to them#idk … it’s hard because we have a history I guess#I’ve talked to some of my friends about them idk .. we used to be close#or I thought we were close but I think I always loved them more than they loved me#part of me still loves them and wants things to work but I am TIRED of it.#I Never feel good arounf them or abour them.#I’m just tired of how they treat me I guess#they always ignore my boundaries. I tell them hey I don’t like this thing. then they do the thing. and I cannot keep up with it anymore#it’s so tiring. I need to find someone who actually cares abt me and respects my boundaries and wishes and doesn’t get pissy when I call-#-them out on it#liek. It’s not that fucking hard. I know it’s not because I have people in my life who respect my boundaries and love me not for what I can-#-give but just for me. and I think that was a huge turning point#I was like oh uh oh . oh they’re just. treating me like shit#when it’s so easy not to dawg my boundaries aren’t even hard or complicated. fuck offf#I have a history of attracting people who overstep my boundaries idk why#but like idk it’s for the better#I might feel bad now like oh no I shouldn’t cos we have a bond but no#I’m just going to torture myself trying to get them to treat me like a fuckinf person I need to man up and drop them#I’m so bad at dropping people though UHGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHGGGG ‘!!!!!#like idk man#they said liek oh no I promise I’ll chnage I’ll be better! and they’re just. worse. so much worse#they just keep getting worse ??????????
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