#why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them????

[sexyleon]

I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can 🙃🙃🙃 I’m way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.

[inkedbybarnes]

anything

bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: bucky is determined to take care of you while you're sick.

word count: 1.6k+

warnings: mentions of insecurities, mentions of illnesses (but vaguely described), fluffy ahh shit bc why not, usage of pet names such as baby and doll. bucky being stubbornly sweet (it is indeed, a warning), lowercase writing.

i've been sick the past few days hence the creation of this fic. idk why my mood drops when i'm sick... once again, this is too fluffy even for my own good but i warned you and you're reading it still anyway. 🤨 haha jk, i hope you enjoy this one! 🩷

dividers by @cafekitsune!

reblogs, comments, and likes are highly appreciated! thank you. ♡

“can you please let me in, baby?"

that was the fifth time bucky had asked the same question, never giving up on his mission to take care of you after learning from jarvis – out of all people... or robots? – that you were sick.

“bucky, i promise, i'm fine. stop trying to break the door,” you answered, your clogged nose not helping as you sounded horrible even with a concrete wall separating you from him. “go and tell steve that you're joining the mission. you can't withdraw yourself just because i'm—achoo!”

your nose began to leak, and you were now distracted with the need to find the tissue box that used to be on your bed. you didn't hear the door clicking open as well as the heavy footsteps of a certain soldier walking towards you.

“just because you're what? sick?”

you jumped, feeling the edge of the bed sink with his weight. you quickly grabbed the tissue box that was mysteriously thrown under the bed before facing bucky with the duvet covering most of your body.

“how did you open the door?”

bucky shrugged. “i broke the doorknob. you didn't say anything about breaking doorknobs.”

you sighed, not winning this argument with bucky. “you shouldn't be here, bucky. you're supposed to be preparing for a mission tomorrow, not babysitting me!”

“and let you go through this on your own? tough chance, doll. i'm your boyfriend for fuck's sake, and don't tell me that you're worried about getting me sick because we both know i'm immune," he argued, reaching out and pulling the blanket down enough to reveal your face. “are you really upset that i want to take care of you? you should be demanding things from me, baby. instead you've been hiding from me.”

“because i don't need anything, bucky. i can handle myself just fine." you huffed, knowing you wanted his attention and care so badly. remembering your face was exposed, you felt insecure again. you dragged the cover back up and turned away. “i also don't want you to see me like this.”

“like what?"

“like a mess," you muttered underneath the sheets. “you've never seen me like this before, and i swear i am the worst when i'm sick. you don't have to see me like this, okay? i don't want you to.”

you felt silly. it was completely normal to get sick, but you hated how extreme your body would act out whenever an illness would attack you. you'd always sound and look like you were fighting a battle in hell alone. the way your mind would take an entire flip and drag you to your lowest point didn't help either. so, not only were you feeling physically horrible, you were also struggling mentally.

“a mess? what mess?” he asked, lifting the cover to join you underneath it which caught you off guard. you were entirely exposed to his eyes now. “there's my girl. where's the mess that you're talking about, huh?”

with the little amount of energy left in you, you brought your hands up to cover your face. he could see how much of a mess you were now, far from the dream you've painted since the day you dated him. now, you were nothing but a nightmare of your reality.

“don't you dare hide from me. i haven't seen you all day and it's driving me insane," he complained, pulling your hands away from yourself. he brought his thumb to your teary eyes, wiping the tears away before they could fall. “i can't believe you're hiding from me just because you think i can't handle seeing you sick. what did you think i'd do once i saw you like this?”

you sniffed, hesitation holding you back from telling him the truth. it's only been three months since you've started dating bucky, and you were still in that stage where you'd constantly try impress him.

you weren't faking yourself, no. however, you still did your best to only show your good side and tuck away your insecurities. unfortunately, you had to get sick too soon and have to risk bucky seeing you this way.

“you thought i'd leave you? won't like you anymore? get turned off or something?”

you nodded, knowing that was exactly what went through your head and a bit pissed that he was able to read your mind without actually having the power to do so.

bucky's eyes softened at your confession, letting out a soft sigh as he saw how badly you were beating yourself up.

“if it's because of how you look right now, then it's true. you do look different," he answered, your chest tightening. “your eyes lost their glow, you're frowning more often, your eyes are all puffy, you are definitely grumpier than usual, your lips are dry and chapped from—”

“okay, i get it, bucky! you don't have to rub it in my fa—”

“but i won't be doing whatever is on your mind. you're sick, doll. it'll affect you. it's normal. hell, i look even worse when i used to get sick, but you? you still look so fucking lovely." he held your face gently, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “even then, i don't give a fuck on how messy you can get. i'm your boyfriend. i should be taking care of you, helping you feel better, and bringing back the glow in your eyes. please, baby. let me take care of you.”

this time, you were looking back at him. "you mean it?"

"of course I mean it," he replied softly, his voice filled with sincerity. "i love you, doll. i don't care how you look like right now. you could look like a swamp monster and be sick as a dog, and i would still think that you are the most beautiful woman for me."

you giggled softly, his words filling you with warmth and reassurance. you felt so lucky to have a man who truly loved you and handled your insecurities with such understanding and care, and even sillier for thinking he'd leave you for such reasons.

“thank you. that really made me feel better," you told him, your arms slowly creeping forward to hold him. “i'm sorry for hiding. i was just scared to turn you off or anything.”

“are you kidding? i'm trying my best not to hold you down and kiss you all over. i haven't even hugged you for a day,” bucky said, a pout on the verge of forming on his face.

“it hasn't even been a day, bucky. now, who's dramatic?" you said, rolling your eyes playfully. “and you're supposed to be on a mission tomorrow! are you really not going?”

“when i could be here taking care of you?” he asked, as if the answer was already obvious. “the others can handle it. my main priority is to do anything you want and make you feel better.”

“anything?”

he smiled, leaning down to let your lips meet softly. "anything."

( a lil bonus < 3 )

“what is that smell?”

sam, steve, and natasha entered the compound after a quick briefing for their mission tomorrow. they joined tony and clint who were having a casual conversation in the living room about the best burrito in town.

the kitchen was an open space, the aroma of whatever bucky was cooking spreading all around the nearby rooms.

sam didn't hesitate to come closer and inspect the kitchen, finding the entire counter lined up with various spices and plates that bucky filled with his dishes.

“what's the occasion? did i miss something?" sam asked, grabbing a fork to take a little taste until bucky slapped his hand away. "ow! what was that for?"

"hands off." bucky warned, frowning at sam. “that's not for you, wilson."

“not even a nibble? come on, man. it smells amazing!”

their usual bickering caught the attention of the other avengers, immediately joining them in the kitchen which annoyed bucky even more when he saw them eyeing the food he made.

"before any of you try to ask, no. this is not for any of you."

"who's it even for?" natasha asked, the least interested to have a taste, but was curious either way.

bucky answered with your name. "she's sick."

"what? since when?" clint asked, worry flashing across his face. "can we do anything?"

bucky glanced up before hesitantly answering. "well.. she did say she wanted to watch a movie after eating."

clint snapped his fingers and smiled. "i'm on it."

"i'll get jarvis to check on her vitals every hour and create a diagnosis," tony said, already tapping on his smart watch. "assuming she wouldn't be too comfortable letting the entire team know what's going on with her body, i'll just let you receive the updates. just update me with what you can, yeah?"

"i'll talk to fury and let you both have a week free from work," steve offered. "she needs the rest and she needs you."

"oh, i'll handle fury. he can't say no to his favourite," natasha said with a smug smile. "tell her i'll bring her all her favourite snacks once we're back from our mission, and that she better be back to full health so we can go out together."

bucky nodded, chest warming with the genuine concern they shared. he was excited to let you know how loved and deserving of all this you were.

if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Don't Worry Today, Face It Tomorrow

kai parker x reader

summary: kai's been lonely enough in his life to sense something's off with you. tonight was a good time to trust his intuition.

tags: mental health issues, depression, loneliness, late night conversations, suicidal thoughts, emotional hurt / comfort

word count: 2.6k

a/n: this is a fic i kind of wrote for myself but still want to share. i somewhat vaguely made the reader's problems my problems, because i needed to talk them out, but struggle to do that with people, so i do it through my writing. i wrote this a little while ago but have been hesitant to post it bc i didn't want to worry my readers by posting so many sui/sh related fics, but as explained in the ending note of this fic on ao3, i'm entering a new stage in my life where i hope i can start writing gentler & more lighthearted & fun fics again. i've been in a dark place these last couple months and have completely lost myself as a person, but i'm actively trying to make my life one where i'm not afraid to be present. i saw a quote recently that said, "...if hope is out of reach, try curiosity instead," and so that's about where i am rn. but anyway, i hope, despite it's heaviness, you guys like this, or maybe, it helps you feel less alone. <3

“Thought I’d find you here.”

You roll your eyes at the familiar voice. Of course he’d come to disturb your peace. 

“What do you want?”

He doesn’t answer immediately. The sound of shuffling indicates he’s coming closer. “Just checking on you.”

“I don’t need checking on. I didn’t the last time, nor the time before that, and certainly not this time. Can’t you catch the hint that I want to be left alone?”

“See that’s the thing… the hints are all there, I’m just choosing not to leave you alone.”

Fully irritated now, you shift your whole body to face Kai. Annoyingly, he leans against the restaurant’s chimney, unbothered by the heat that must be emanating from it. His arms are crossed over his chest, but his usual smirk is replaced with a somber look.

“Why?”

“Because…” He isn’t looking at you. In fact, he seems to look right through you, perhaps into some far off world or a deep void that threatens to swallow you whole. “...You look like someone who shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve climbed up here five times in the last two weeks. You’ve been acting distant. You don’t eat, I doubt you sleep. Everyone’s worried about you, and they have every right to be.”

“I’m fine,” you lie. “Maybe I just like it up here. I can see the whole town. I’m in it, without being in it. It’s peaceful.”

If that was supposed to comfort the young witch, it didn’t. He tilts his head against the brick. “And what about the rest? Are they right to worry about you? Are these new habits you’ve seem to have adopted secretly a cry for help?”

You narrow your eyes. “Of course not, that’s insane. I told you, I’m fine.” Before he can ask anything else, you continue. “And what’s it to you? Why do you care? If they’re so worried, why don’t they come and bother me instead?”

“Because they haven’t followed you to the extent I’ve followed you.”

“Comforting.”

“They see you at lunch, not talking, not eating, not laughing. And then they see you go home, usually early, and not come out for days. They acknowledge the fact you haven’t answered their texts in days, and they know you’re not feeling well, but they’ve barely scratched the surface.” He pauses. “I’ve been studying you. I see the dullness in your eyes, and I can tell apart a real laugh from a fake one. I’ve begun to notice that right before you’re about to make up an excuse to go home, you tap your nails on the edge of the table. You scan the restaurant, making sure the coast is clear, so that you can make a sure shot to the door without being interrupted.” You open your mouth to speak, disturbed by the detail, but Kai interrupts. “I’m a sociopath. I notice things in a person’s behavior that are missed by most.”

“And why do you think all these ‘things’ are reasons to have you so worried? Maybe I’m just tired of socializing.”

“Maybe. But I’ve been alone for a long time and I know how it feels. How it feels to be hopeless, and anxious, and exhausted, in a way that goes beyond needing a couple more hours of sleep. I might not’ve been under the same circumstances, but I remember searching for the nearest, tallest building several times when I was locked in that prison world. Let me tell you, the view is nice, but when you finally get the courage to walk up to the edge, the fall is not.”

Your eyes had dropped back down the roof’s floor, but they snap back up to him quickly. His words make your heart race with sudden anxiety. When you try to open your mouth to respond, nothing comes out. It takes a moment to recover. 

“How many times did you try?” Invasive, but he’s sharing, so you ask anyway. 

“Truth be told,” he surprisingly answers, “I lost count.” He inches closer to you, but you don’t move away. “I couldn’t die in there, but that never stopped me from trying.”

“Until Damon and Bonnie got there.” 

“Yes, but I was alone for eighteen years until they did.” He sits beside you now. “Maybe you can see why I was so determined to get out.”

“I could see it before,” you admit. 

You know most of Kai’s background. You know he had a big family, most of which are dead now. You know he has been in and out of prison worlds for most of his young life. You know his time spent in those other worlds was deserved; he wasn’t just a sociopath, but a serial killer, as well. Only recently did he finally stop hurting people, afraid of ending up in another one. It was a deal he made with the brothers and Bonnie.

Kai is less afraid of death than being alone. Hell would be a cakewalk compared to the prison worlds. 

“My father ensured I couldn’t die so that I wouldn’t be able to take the easy way out. And then again, in 1903, the heretics could only dessicate; they couldn’t die, either. Guess my ancestors have some deep-rooted fascination with eternal suffering. The twin merge is a curse. You either die or kill your sibling before you’re old enough to rent a car. Then, if you live, you have to marry and watch your kids do the same. And if you die before you have merge-able kids, whoops, the death of the coven is on you. Like, imagine you get hit by a car and die, and so does the whole three hundred year old coven. That’s embarrassing. Imagine explaining that to the ancestors in hell.”

You snort and let out a laugh. 

“Obviously, I don’t care about my coven, and I only wanted to be the leader so I could prove that I could, but it does suck that we’re all nonconsensually born into this life and can’t get out of it. It would be easier if we didn’t hate each other so much, and that instead of life being one big game of dog-eat-dog, we could come together and be like, ‘Hey! This sucks! Can we try to figure out which ancestral bitch cursed us and maybe reverse that? We’re supposed to be witches, right?’”

You laugh more now. A genuine laugh, amused by Kai Parker’s unusual bareness and honesty. Never had you had such a sincere conversation with him. Frankly, you didn’t know he was capable of opening up as much as he is now. It’s nice. It’s the most meaningful conversation you’ve had recently, and if you’re honest with yourself, it’s healing. 

Not only do you know Kai’s background, you know his loneliness. Of course, you’ve never been in his shoes exactly, but you know what it’s like to feel helpless. Sometimes your parents teach you about pain before anyone else has the chance. Sometimes your friends break your heart the hardest. Sometimes it feels like there’s a target on your back and everyone’s carrying arrows. 

You don’t need to experience the same trauma to relate to someone, you just need a little bit of courage to speak up about it. The right people will listen. Those who understand. 

“I said before that I understand why you were willing to hurt Bonnie and Damon to get out,” you say. “I stand by that still.”

“You do?”

“I met your father once. I was friends with Liv before she skipped town, and he came to her dorm when I was there. He was cold.” You pause, rubbing your arms as a chill runs through your body. Whether it’s the cool night breeze or the memory, you’re not sure. “He smiled, and he made a joke, but his posture was rigid and his eyes were dark. It was like looking into the face of a snake that could strike at any moment. I was afraid to look away, yet afraid to look right at him.”

“He was never a warm person. He loved his wife, and did love my siblings, I think, but coven always came before family. He would betray even those closest to him in a second if asked. I was always told it was complicated for him, but it’s pretty simple. He never hesitated. It was obvious. There was no right vs wrong war in his mind. Guess it makes him a good leader, though. Maybe.”

“Not a good leader,” you argue, “but a dedicated one.” Kai seems to ponder that. “My family’s the opposite: they are complicated. They say one thing, but expect the other. Everything is a guessing game. You’re never quite sure what they want from you, and nothing’s ever good enough. Life feels like a competition: you have to do the most, study the hardest. There’s a thousand boxes to check by the age of twenty-three, and if you don’t complete them, you’re never going to catch up, never going to make them proud.” You’ve ranted a little, spoken somewhat quickly, but Kai follows along with great understanding. “I have a relatively big family, too, and they’re all over the country checking boxes. I live in a small town, with goals only big enough that I won’t feel like a failure if I don’t achieve, and spend every day just trying to stay alive. I’m the biggest disappointment to them and it’s so obvious.”

“Looks like we’re both family disappointments. Do they know about the supernatural?”

“Oh, god no. Their heads would explode.”

Kai laughs. He sees you shiver again and silently unzips his sweater. You startle a bit when he puts it around your shoulders, but then welcome the warmth it brings. It smells like him, so you pull it closer, finding that as a new comfort. 

“Thank you.”

“It’s technically Alaric’s-”

You start to pull it off, “ew-”

He stops you with a hand to your back. “But I’ve had it for months.”

“How’d you-?”

“After Damon woke me up when they put me on ice. I’d siphon the magic from Caroline’s mom on two conditions: one, he’d let me merge that night, and two, I could borrow a sweater.”

You chuckle, then let it envelope you again. Kai’s hand leaves your back, taking some, but not all, of the new warmth with him. He stretches out, leaning back on his elbows, and watches you copy the position. Your knees touch gently, though neither of you move. He studies you again, eyeing your face for tension, but finds your lips slightly parted in a relaxed state. You aren’t afraid of him; you aren’t trying to get away. 

The only person who isn’t taut as a band around him is Damon, because the vampire’s confidence and strength matches that of the young witch. But here, you’re only human, full of emotion and exhaustion, and alone on a rooftop with none other than the self-proclaimed sociopath himself. If your friends knew, they’d surely be freaking out, and maybe an hour ago, the thought would panic you, too. But now, at this moment in time, you’re completely calm. You’re trusting him. 

“So what’s the verdict?” He says out of nowhere, speaking up in the dead of night. The restaurant crowd left some time ago, and the roundabout hasn’t been driven through for less. In the far-off distance, you can hear a dog, but it stops after a few barks. 

“What?”

“How are we getting off this roof tonight?” You look over to him with an eyebrow raised. “Are we jumping, or are you gonna climb off with me?”

You ponder the question. Truthfully, you didn’t climb up today with the full intention of climbing back down. If Kai hadn’t followed you up, you, as he put it earlier, may have made it to the edge. 

But now, with both of your hearts and histories spilled out in front of you, things are different. Things are harder, because he’s involved. Yet, at the same time, things feel easier. He’s involved. He listened, and he shared his own story. You found common ground and it brought you closer than you’d ever imagined you could be with him. Hell, lately, with anyone. Somewhere, deep in your heart, you feel a bit of hope. 

“I’ll be honest,” he starts, “even though I’m out of the prison world, finally leading this dumb coven, and somewhat surviving in this town, I’ve considered it. I thought getting out would be a fix-all, and once I was, I would be okay, but I never imagined that life outside of it could be as lonely as my life was there. My coven still controls me and my family still hates me, and I wanted to get out and prove myself, and live, but now, sometimes,” he struggles for the right words, “I can’t find it in myself to care anymore.” He looks over to you to find you nodding, understanding. “I could die a hundred times over in the prison world with little consequence, but here, death is permanent.”

You offer a smile and a second of silence before agreeing. “Sometimes its permanence is a comfort, but sometimes a hindrance. It's permanent, I’ll never have to carry this weight again. I’ll never be a burden, or a failure, or a disappointment. But at the same time… what if I regret it? What if I’m halfway through the fall, or lying in a hospital bed, and there’s no saving me, but suddenly, I regret it? Or what if we’re conscious in the afterlife, and I miss the body and soul I once had, but gave up before my time was up? It haunts me. I have decision paralysis over dying. I wish I could make up my mind.”

Kai’s never cared much for other people, but in this moment, he knows if you got any closer to the edge, he’d hurl himself forward to pull you back. He sensed something was off about you earlier. You’d been climbing up here for weeks, but this time felt different. Necessary. 

“How about this? Climb down with me and we don’t have to make any decisions. Okay?”

“So the decision is to make no decisions?”

“Exactly.” He sits back up, outstretching a hand for you to take. “Let’s go get a coffee or something, and we can worry about it later. And, maybe, tomorrow won’t be so bad, and we can put off that decision making a little bit longer.” Kai manipulates slightly. He knows there is no decision to be made - it’s not a yes or no - but an ultimate decision on when you will take that step closer to the edge. So, if he can distract you day by day, and put off that ultimate decision, he could, with time, pull you from the edge, and eventually, off the roof. 

And that is a decision he is willing to make. He’s never cared much for other people, but something about you softens him. His life hasn’t been a fulfilling one. He hasn’t accomplished much, and he’s done little that makes him proud of himself, but you make him want to change. Be better, do more. Even if he only does one good thing, he wants to do it. He wants to save you. 

“Okay,” you finally agree, taking his hand. “Coffee sounds nice.”

For the first time of possibly many, he helps guide you back down the stairs, onto the safety of the pavement ground. You keep a hold of his hand all the way to the twenty-four hour diner two blocks down, and the whole time, he can’t stop smiling. 

[bloody-bee-tea]

IntiMarch 2024 Day 19 - Trust me enough

The prompt for this was "I'm here for you"

Suguru is an insanely private person, Satoru had enough time by now to realise that. Sure, Suguru talks about what he likes and dislikes and he shares funny little thoughts with Satoru, but he never ever talks about his childhood, his parents or any other relatives.

Satoru knows that Suguru is living alone, even though he’s never been to his place, and that’s all, really.

It’s not that he minds it, much. Suguru is his best friend, despite the obvious holes in his lives and even though he never talks about any of that Satoru doesn’t feel as if he’s being kept out of the loop or if Suguru is keeping secrets from him.

Suguru is still the person Satoru trusts most. It just seems like maybe Satoru isn’t the one Suguru trusts the most because he very adamantly does not want to talk about why he looks like shit.

“You sleeping okay?” Satoru asks well into their evening, when Suguru is half asleep on the couch, listing more and more towards Satoru, his eyebags so deep that for a moment Satoru thought it was make-up.

“Sure,” Suguru’s non-answer is to that and Satoru rolls his eyes.

“Bullshit,” he whispers, which makes Suguru tense for a moment, before Satoru simply pulls him closer towards himself. “Sleep here if you can’t at home,” he decides and Suguru doesn’t even seem to have the energy to protest that, because he goes heavy against Satoru and then that’s that.

He doesn’t even wake when Satoru drags him over to his bed and that, too, is worrying.

It’s not often that Suguru stays over, but it’s by far not the first time they share a bed, so Satoru has no qualms about sliding in right behind him, already thinking about what he could make Suguru for breakfast tomorrow.

These days he’s always buying food for two, because he wants to be prepared for when Suguru drops by without a notice and looking as if he’s ready to keel over at any time.

Satoru is not much of a cook, but during that time period where Suguru lost a few pounds for no reason whatsoever he learned how to cook decently well. It’s still not one of his favourite things to do but he knows enough by now to make balanced meals that won’t kill the both of them in a week or so.

Suguru had regained his weight with Satoru’s constant pestering and so mostly Satoru doesn’t even feel bad about it.

Except for the fact that he needs to pester Suguru in the first place because he’s not taking care of himself. Or he’s trying too hard to take care of himself.

No matter what, Satoru knows he’ll have to bring it up and rather soon, because seeing Suguru waste away in front of him like that is not something he enjoys doing.

But that is a conversation for the next morning.

~*~*~

When Satoru wakes up, Suguru is already awake. He’s still in bed though, and he does seem marginally more rested than the night before so Satoru counts it as a win.

“Had trouble sleeping?” Satoru asks, lazily stretching and daring to throw a glance at the clock.

It’s fucking early and Satoru falls back into bed with a groan.

“No, not when I’m here,” Suguru gives back and it has Satoru perking up, because that is more than he usually gets out of Suguru.

“Listen, Suguru,” he starts and watches how Suguru almost immediately clams down on him.

“Don’t, Satoru,” he warningly says and Satoru shakes his head, his hands reaching out to tangle in Suguru’s shirt.

“No, you will listen,” he orders him and he’s not afraid to stare him down.

Other people might be scared by that gaze but not Satoru, never has been and never will be. Suguru really should know better than that.

Suguru stays stubbornly quiet, but that’s fine since it’s what Satoru expected to happen in the first place and it’s not as if he needs Suguru to talk anyway.

“I just wanted to say, that no matter what, I am here for you. If you ever feel like talking about what the hell is going on with you, then I’m here. You can tell me anything, though I hope you already know that. I just—” Satoru bites his lower lip as he reaches out to push Suguru’s bang away from his face. “I just want you to be okay. And if I can help in any way, then you’ll let me know, alright.”

Suguru continues to stay quiet, which is fine and all, so Satoru gives him a small smile.

“That’s all. Now, any special orders for breakfast?” he then asks as he untangles himself from the blanket and from Suguru and gets out of bed.

“Put some fruit in whatever the hell you’re making, you always eat too much sugar,” Suguru says as if Satoru isn’t the one who has been in charge of keeping both of them healthy lately, but he still nods.

“Sure thing, boss.”

“And Satoru?” Suguru calls out for him, just as he’s about to leave the room.

“Mh?” he asks and turns back, surprised to see the serious look on Suguru’s face.

“Thank you. I—can’t, yet, or maybe ever, but—thanks.”

“Always, Suguru, I promise,” Satoru replies, his heart fluttering in his chest, because this is the very first time that Suguru even so much as hinted at the fact that something might not be okay.

It’s a start and Satoru will gladly take it.

~*~*~

Suguru’s health continues to decline. His face is gaunt, his eyes are tired, the bags are permanent and his appetite is almost non-existent.

Things have never been perfectly fine for Suguru, Satoru knows that because he was already working a job by the time they met and it was more than clear the he kind of needed that one to stay alive but this is reaching new heights.

New worrying heights, Satoru despairingly thinks as he watches Suguru push the food on his table around instead of eating it.

“Suguru,” he carefully starts and Suguru is so out of it that he only gets a weak grunt in reply. “How many jobs are you working?” Satoru wants to know because he suspects it’s no longer just one.

“Two, sometimes three,” Suguru lifelessly replies and Satoru is honestly just waiting for the moment his head drops forward, right into their dinner, like in the movies.

There are a lot of things Satoru wants to ask, wants to know, but he definitely knows that if he pushes too hard or goes on and on with his questions, Suguru will clam up again and he doesn’t want them to fight.

Suguru is so much more prone to fights lately, his temper short and bad and Satoru blames the sleep deprivation and the malnourishment.

So Satoru doesn’t say anything more, and instead puts a few vegetables on Suguru’s plate. He loves those, usually, and Satoru hopes that maybe like this he’ll at least get a little bit of food into him.

It doesn’t work and even though Satoru’s heart sinks, he lets it go.

At least for now.

~*~*~

Suguru’s hands are shaking as he picks up his glass of water and Satoru notices it with worry. Suguru is running himself ragged with whatever the hell he’s doing and Satoru can hardly stand to see it.

“Suguru, are you okay?” he asks, out of the blue and in the middle of a rather dramatic monologue in the movie they are watching but he couldn’t care less.

He only cares about Suguru.

Suguru gives him a warning glance but when Satoru doesn’t back down he lets out a deep sigh.

“I’m staying safe,” he says as if that’s any kind of answer to the question Satoru just asked and so Satoru leans forward, closer into Suguru’s space.

“Okay, but. Are you okay?” he asks again and just like that Suguru bursts into tears.

It’s so surprising that it takes Satoru a few seconds to react but then he’s quick to pull Suguru in his arms.

He shakes and he sobs and he cries for a very long time, and it feels as if Satoru’s heart is being torn into two.

Suguru should never be like this, should never be as desperate and defeated as he is now and Satoru wishes he would just talk to him so that maybe Satoru can fix it.

When Suguru’s sobs die down, Satoru nuzzles the top of his head and asks: “What do you need?”

“To not work three jobs,” Suguru bitterly mutters, his voice still heavy with tears and Satoru nods.

“Okay. Do you need to do that for rent?”

“Among other things,” Suguru cryptically gives back and Satoru sighs.

“If you were to live here, would that make things better?” he asks and curses under his breath when that makes Suguru pull away.

“Satoru,” he warningly says, but his face is still read and there are tear tracks on his face, so there is no way in hell that Satoru is going to back down right now.

“Answer me.”

“I—I could maybe drop one job,” Suguru finally admits, “but I can’t do that, Satoru, you don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me. Why can’t you?”

He’s not asking for the reason Suguru is working three jobs, or what ‘other things’ even entail; all he wants to know is why Suguru cannot move in with him and not bother with rent anymore.

“What if you get sick of me or we fight or something? I’d have nothing.”

It’s a valid concern, even though it makes Satoru wonder what Suguru had to go through so far to have to worry about something like that, but it’s also an easy fix.

“We’ll write you in the lease. That way it’ll be your apartment, too, and you have a legal right to be here, even if I should want kick you out. How’s that?”

“And I pay half the rent?”

“No rent,” Satoru shakes his head. “Absolutely not. It’s not as if—you said one job. Living here with me would only allow you to quit one job.”

“Yeah,” Suguru says, already closed off again and Satoru knows that he’s not getting any kind of explanation as to why he needs the jobs in the first place.

“What if—what if we do the same thing with my bank account?” he asks and Suguru stares at him with huge eyes.

“Huh?”

“I mean—you know I have more money than I reasonably know what to do with thanks to my family, so—why not use that? We can make it a shared bank account and you can take as much or as little as you need. We’d pay the rent from that account too, so it’s almost as if you’re paying your share and then you don’t have to worry about money again.”

“Fucking rich people,” Suguru mutters under his breath but some of the desperation has left his eyes and that’s all that matters to Satoru right now.

“I’d still want to work one job and save that money up in case—”

Things with us go wrong, Suguru doesn’t say but Satoru hears it loud and clear.

“Suguru, I don’t want you to stop working at all, not if you enjoy doing it. I just want you to stop working three jobs at once and killing yourself over it.”

Suguru works his jaw, clearly thinking things over and Satoru—for once in his life—is content to wait him out.

It’s important that he doesn’t push him too far too soon, because he definitely doesn’t want Suguru to shut down on him again.

“I’d—have to think about it,” Suguru finally says and Satoru lets out a breath of relief.

That’s better than he dared to hope for, if he’s being honest.

“That’s fine,” he immediately agrees and tries to pull Suguru into another hug again, but he stops him with a hand on his chest.

“Satoru, I might not ever tell you,” he warns him, without elaborating but Satoru understands anyway.

“That’s fine, Suguru,” he gives back and tugs on Suguru’s arm until he gets the hint and crashes into Satoru’s chest. “You either tell me all of it, or just some or none at all and it’s all fine. If you don’t want to talk about it, then that’s fine, just know that I’m here. If that changes, I’m here.”

“It—it’s not just me, Satoru. I can’t—it’s not just me. If I fuck up, it’s not just me that’s going to suffer.”

A thousand questions are at the tip of Satoru’s tongue at hearing that but he swallows them all down. He already pushed enough for today, Suguru’s admission is proof enough of that.

“Okay. Think about it. The offer stands and it has no expiration date.”

It’s all Satoru can do, at the moment, besides being there for Suguru.

Suguru opened up more to him than ever before and for now it has to be enough.

~*~*~

Satoru wakes up to incessant knocking at his door. He groans as he rolls around to check the time and then he curses when he realises it’s the middle of the night. Satoru has half a mind ignoring whoever it is that’s disturbing his sleep right now but the knocking doesn’t slow down and there’s no way Satoru can get any more sleep like this.

So he rolls out of bed, disgruntled and mad, and he hopes both those emotions show on his face as he yanks open the door.

Only to freeze completely in surprise when he spots Suguru at the other side, with a little girl in his arms and one standing behind him.

Suguru looks scared and tired and weary and both girls are silently crying.

“I’m sorry,” Suguru says when Satoru can’t find his voice fast enough and it finally jolts Satoru into action.

“Come in, come in,” he steps to the side, motions for them to get in, and only barely catches the girl still standing when she falls forward as her support moves away.

“Fuck, Nanako,” Suguru mutters, but Satoru hoists her up in his arms and the girl is asleep before her head hits his shoulder.

“I’ve got her. Let’s put them down in my bed. Do they need something?” he asks, gently pushing Suguru towards his bedroom.

“No, they just—sleep would be good.”

Not just for the girls, Satoru suspects, and so he nods.

“Alright, off we go then.”

They get the girls situated quickly and silently and when Suguru wants to leave the room with Satoru, Satoru stops him with a hand to his chest.

“You, too, Suguru,” he says with a nod towards the bed.

“I need to explain,” Suguru protests and Satoru narrows his eyes at him.

“Is anything you want to explain to me time sensitive? Do you have to be somewhere tomorrow, is something going to happen if you don’t do something on time?” he asks and waits until Suguru shakes his head. “Then off to bed you go,” he says and pushes Suguru back towards the bed. “I’ll be here and we can talk after you got some sleep.”

“Fine, fine,” Suguru mutters and then pulls Satoru into a hug. “Thank you.”

It’s not as if Satoru has done a whole lot yet, but he still hugs Suguru back before he shoves him towards the bed again.

Satoru is burning with questions but Suguru seems ready to keel over at any moment and an explanation can wait until the next day.

~*~*~

Satoru wakes up to the smell of coffee. His back hurts something fierce from sleeping on the couch but he drags himself up anyway because the coffee smells exactly like he usually takes it and he’s not surprised to find Suguru in the kitchen, most of the breakfast already done.

“Good morning,” Satoru says, making a beeline to his coffee and Suguru briefly turns away from the stove to give him a small smile.

“Morning.”

Suguru quickly finishes the last two pancakes before he drops everything on the table and sits down opposite of Satoru.

“Are you awake, like, truly?” Suguru asks and Satoru would be offended if it wasn’t such a valid question.

Suguru has had whole conversations with him he doesn’t remember a word of because he was still half asleep at the time.

“I am truly awake,” Satoru promises him and Suguru sighs.

“Okay, explanations then,” he whispers and Satoru’s hand shoots out, covering Suguru’s with his.

“If you want to. You are under no obligation to tell me anything,” he reminds him because it’s important that Suguru knows that.

Sure, Satoru can’t deny that he has a million questions but if Suguru doesn’t want to answer a single one, then Satoru would rather take a no than make Suguru do something he doesn’t want to do.

“I know,” Suguru quietly admits. “I know that, Satoru. I want to. It’s long overdue anyway, I shouldn’t ever have kept any of this a secret.”

Maybe, Satoru wants to agree, but it’s not his place to say and Suguru will have had his reasons, so he bites his tongue and stays quiet.

“The girls were fostered in the same family that I was,” Suguru starts. “Nanako and Mimiko. I—they are eight now. My foster parents got them shortly before I moved out and I talked to the CPS about it but they didn’t listen. My foster parents—things weren’t nice there,” Suguru admits and doesn’t quite dare to meet Satoru’s eyes. “I didn’t want the girls growing up there but no one was listening to me.”

“So you kept in touch,” Satoru guesses, focusing on that instead of anything else Suguru just said. The girls didn’t seem like they were afraid of a stranger last night. They seemed to trust Suguru.

“I tried to keep visiting,” Suguru agrees with a sigh. “My foster parents quickly caught on and demanded money in exchange.”

“You had to pay to see them?” Satoru asks for clarification and lets out a long breath when Suguru nods.

That certainly explains the three jobs he was working.

“I wasn’t ever allowed to see them at home, though, they always dropped them off somewhere. Nanako and Mimiko are bright girls, lively and wonderful, but they got quieter and quieter the more time passed. They wouldn’t talk to me anymore, wouldn’t mention what was going on at home at all. It worried me.”

“And I’d guess rightfully so.”

“Yeah. I went there, yesterday, without prior announcement. I still know where they keep the keys, so I got in. Satoru, you don’t know—” Suguru breaks off with a sob and Satoru moves around the table to hug him.

“They kept them in a cage,” Suguru hisses out between his tears and Satoru goes cold all over.

“What?”

“There was this huge fucking cage in the living-room, like a kennel. They kept them like dogs!”

“Fucking hell,” Satoru whispers because what else is there to say, really.

“I tried to get them out but my foster parents came home before I found the key. They attacked me with a knife for it.”

“They did what? Suguru, are you hurt?” Satoru frantically asks, moving away to flutter his hands all over Suguru’s body, trying to spot any injury.

“I’m fine, Satoru, I’m fine. A paramedic already checked me out, I got one surface slash; it got bandaged and that’s it.”

“You called an ambulance?”

“And the police, too, after I knocked both of them unconscious. All of this happened in the afternoon; I’ve been at the station since maybe 4pm,” Suguru tells him and it’s no wonder that he seems absolutely exhausted.

“What’s going to happen now?” Satoru asks because if the police is involved things might be difficult for Suguru.

“The girls said they want to stay with me, and I also said that I’m amenable to that. I can foster them, no problem.”

“But?” Satoru asks because he senses a big but coming.

He knows Suguru too well after all.

“I—” Suguru awkwardly clears his throat. “I might have told the police that I’m moving in with my boyfriend and I gave them your address for any further correspondence.”

Satoru’s heart threatens to beat right out of his chest but he forces himself to appear calm, even though he feels anything but.

“Suguru, you don’t have to, you know that, right? My offer stands, no matter what and if we have to move to a bigger apartment to accommodate all of you in separate rooms, then that’s no problem. You don’t have to do that because you think you owe me or anything.”

“What if I’m doing it because I’m in love with you?” Suguru gives back and leans in, almost close enough for their lips to meet. “What then?”

“Then I’d say you’re moving in with your boyfriend,” Satoru whispers, before he closes the distance between them. “But I just need to make it clear that you can change your mind at any time. The last few weeks must have been hell for you and I just want you to be okay, no matter what. If this isn’t what you want—”

“Satoru I’ve been in love with you since basically the moment I met you,” Suguru interrupts him with a chuckle and Satoru gapes at him.

“I see,” he finally mutters, darting in to press a kiss to the corner of Suguru’s mouth. “Alright then.” One more kiss. “Are the girls okay with sharing a room or do we have to move?”

“I think for now they are okay with that,” Suguru replies and pulls Satoru so close that he doesn’t have another choice but to sit on his lap. “Thank you. Seriously, Satoru, you’re the best. I don’t know if I could have done any of this without knowing you’d have my back.”

“I always have your back, no matter what.”

“And me coming with the girls now is not too much?”

“Hell no,” Satoru immediately says because he honestly means it that no matter what, he’ll always be in Suguru’s corner. And if he allows it he’ll always be by his side, too.

“I love you,” Suguru sighs out at hearing that and drops his head to Satoru’s shoulder.

“I love you, too, kids and all,” Satoru replies, burying his hand in Suguru’s hair, and pressing a kiss to it as well.

There will be a lot of phone calls to make—changing the lease and the bank account, first and foremost—before they get Suguru’s stuff from his apartment and buy things for the girls, but for right now, Satoru enjoys this quiet moment in his kitchen.

It’ll likely be the last for a while, he thinks when he hears the tell-tale squeak of his bedroom door opening, but as long as Suguru is here, Satoru couldn’t mind that less.

[mochegato]

Maybe Lover

“Can you put your phone away, please?” Bruce chided Jason, his voice sounding slightly tinny over the coms.  “It’s rude.  At least pretend to pay attention to the gala and the people here.”

“There is absolutely nothing going on in the gala that’s worth paying attention to,” he grumbled without looking up to acknowledge him as he continued to type, not that there was anyone there to acknowledge anyway.

“Are you kidding me?” Stephanie trilled, excitement bursting through her tone and Jason’s ear drum.  “Selena and Vikki and Oliver are all here tonight.  And none of them are the one Bruce brought.”  Jason snorted and went back to typing with renewed vigor.

“I can hear you,” Bruce cut in.  His exasperation even this early in the evening came through clearly.

“She knows,” Tim answered for her.  “She just doesn’t care.”

“Ooohhh, is that Pixie?” she asked, trying to peek around Jason’s shoulder to see what he was typing.

He raised his elbow quickly, almost clocking her on the chin as he did.  She had to dodge hastily to avoid getting hit.  “Maybe,” he grunted.

Instead of scowling at him, her smile widened.  “Say ‘hi’ for me!”

“Fuck off,” he scowled.

“You didn’t invite her to the gala?” Bruce asked.

“No?” he scoffed.  He desperately wanted to flip him off, but there were far too many people between the two of them and Alfred would be disappointed when he found out.  And he would find out.  He always did.

“Why not?  I thought we were going to get to meet her tonight,” Dick pouted.  Jason could feel the hopeful look he’d worn at the mention of Pixie turn to a disheartened frown from across the room.

“Because then you’d meet her tonight,” he responded flatly, giving his brother the deadest of deadpan looks to go with it.

“So, when are we going to meet your girlfriend?” Dick asked.  The hopeful edge appearing back in his gaze.

“Never if I have my choice,” he scoffed.

“Probably better that way,” Tim teased with a playful smirk.  “Less likely to get attacked in our sleep by some insane assassin that way.”

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Jason growled.  He turned toward where he knew Tim was stationed with Kon and Cassie on the other side of the ballroom to glare at him.  “Maybe this is exactly why I don’t want you guys to meet her.”

“Okay, less chatter, more focus on the gala,” Bruce instructed sternly.  “Tim, stop antagonizing Jason.  Everyone, keep an eye out for anything suspicious and announce it on the coms if you find anything, but don’t forget this is for the Foundation.  If tonight goes well, we might be able to open a new clinic, so be charming… Jason,” he added at the end pointedly.

“Keep your shorts on,” he scoffed.  “I’m here aren’t I?  And not cursing out anyone… outside of the family.”

“And I’m proud of you for that,” Bruce agreed.  Jason almost flinched when his voice reached him in person instead of over the coms.  “Come greet guests with me.”

Jason threw his head back with a deep groan.  “Why am I being punished for behaving?”

Bruce rolled his eyes.  “You’re not.  You’re being rewarded.”

“This does not feel like a reward,” he scoffed, but followed behind him, plastering on a smile as he went.

“I think I see Marinette,” Bruce said consolingly.  “You like her well enough, don’t you?”

Jason studied him for a second before shrugging noncommittally.  “Maybe,” Jason huffed loudly, but his eyes darted around looking for her behind Bruce’s back, “she’s okay.”

He spotted her just before Bruce called out for her.  She looked stunning, which was no great surprise.  She stood out so strikingly, he was shocked he had missed her until then.  She was dressed in a floor-length red dress that skirted the line between sweet and sexy.  But, it wasn’t a bright, ladybug red.  No, it was a deeper, bloodier, Red Hood red.  Her silky hair cascaded down her exposed back, swaying slightly with each minute movement.  But it was when she turned around that truly took his breath away.  Her eyes glowed as reflections of the gala’s ambient lights flickered in them.  Her smile seemed to make the carefully calculated lighting significantly brighter.

“M. Wayne,” she greeted him cheerily, a markedly different greeting than the serious or fake or sultry greetings other attendees had used.  “Thank you for inviting me.”

Bruce raised his eyebrow almost imperceptibly.  To anyone not as familiar with him as Jason, or Marinette, they would have missed it and been taken in by the wide, fake smile.  He took her hand and bowed slightly.  “We couldn’t have a party without you.  You make all of our events that much brighter by your smile,” he crooned so over the top, Marinette almost choked out a laugh.  “Wouldn’t you agree, Jason?”

“Maybe,” Jason shrugged, but his eyes bored into Marinette.

Marinette raised an eyebrow at Jason but smiled for Bruce.  “Thank you, M. Wayne…”

“Bruce please,” he chided.  His charming persona on full blast.  Jason was just about ready to slap his overly familiar hands that were still holding Marinette’s hand like he might kiss her knuckles again, away from Marinette.

“Bruce,” Marinette responded obligingly.  “It really is a beautiful event.”

“Thank you,” he nodded slightly with an easy smile and finally let go of her hand.  “Nothing to do with me, I assure you.  But a great networking opportunity for you so…” he made a shooing motion toward the crowd.

Marinette chuckled and nodded back.  “M… Bruce.  Jason,” she acknowledged enchantingly and disappeared into the crowd.

Or at least she tried.  Jason’s eyes followed her around the room, never leaving her for too long.  She was easy enough to find, her red dress standing out against the rest of the attendees, but even if it hadn’t, he still would have been able to find her.  He always could.  He watched her walk from person to person, anxiety flickering in her eyes for a few moments before meeting each new person.  But she would invariably square her shoulders and march into battle.

He looked away before she could catch him staring like one of the lecherous old men who had been ogling her since she walked into the room.  It took several blinks and a shake of his head before he could focus.  It took longer than he would care to admit to tune back into the conversation he was supposed to be having with whoever Bruce had brought him to speak with.  His eyes found Marinette instead.  He sneered when he laid eyes on yet another lecher leering at Marinette.

His sneer eased into an appreciative gaze as he watched her chat animatedly with Kon and Cassie.  Her arms were flying out as she explained something, probably very simple, not remotely requiring so much expression, except that it was Marinette, so it would have been strange if she didn’t explain like that.  Cassie said something and Marinette threw her head back in a full body laugh that was so out of place in a high class, elegant gala, but was so very Marinette, that Jason’s resolve completely melted.

He stopped pretending to pay attention to the conversation he was supposed to be in when Marinette waved goodbye to Cassie and Kon and made her way in his direction, pointedly not looking at Jason.  Her hips swayed as she moved, not overtly, just enough to make his mind race, which, granted, didn’t require much… or anything really when it came to her.  Just seeing her eyes was enough.  Or her smile.  Or hearing her laugh.  Or… anything really.  And the occasional looks she would shoot him throughout the night, over her shoulder or under her lashes, only lasting a few milliseconds, nothing long enough for anyone else to notice, almost did him in.

He fought reacting when he felt a light touch brushing along his shoulder as a body passed behind him.  It was even harder when her breath tickled his ear.  “Not very subtle,” she cooed quietly enough only he could hear her words, but they hit him like a sledgehammer, driving the air out of his lungs.

A growl worked up from his chest and he spun quickly enough he was surprised his neck didn’t crack.  He shot his hand out to grab her arm before she could get away.  “Would you do me the honor of a dance, Ms. Dupain Cheng,” he prompted louder than strictly necessary.

She raised an amused eyebrow at him and had to purse her lips to keep from smirking.  “Of course.”

He wound through the crowd until they were in the middle of dance floor and pulled her closer than propriety allowed as the music started.  They moved in sync, as though they were one entity.  He relished the feeling of her against him; the heat against him, the way her soft body almost melded to his, the delicate tenderness of the bare skin of her back under his fingertips, the intoxicating fragrance of her perfume.  He brushed his face along her hairline, his lips lingering against her skin.

Marinette couldn’t help the small gasp that passed her lips.  “Careful, M. Todd.  We’re in public.”

He looked around as if only just seeing the people filling the ballroom.  His eyes widened in faux surprise.  “Oh!  That explains all the people.”

Her eyes were rolling before she even realized it, but quickly settled into a flat look.  “Your family is here.”

He made a show of looking around, without allowing his eyes to settle on anything.  “I don’t see them.”

She snorted inelegantly but covered it in his chest.  She glanced around quickly before returning her curious gaze to him.  “Jason?”  Her voice was soft, cautious.  He hummed in response.  “What are you doing?”

He traced the edge of her face lightly, his fingertips barely touching her skin, but still making enough contact to singe her, until his finger rested under her chin.  “I would have thought that was rather obvious.  I thought I was making it clear to the entire room.”

Her jaw dropped just enough for her lips to part slightly, drawing his eyes with so much force, he was incapable of looking away from her Red Hood colored lips.  “You sure about this?” she asked quietly.

He tightened his grip around her waist almost imperceptibly.  “Positive,” he whispered as he leaned down to finally connect their lips in front of witnesses for the first time.  They met in a soft kiss, that looked so intimate, so reverent, it felt like a sin to watch.

She stopped dancing to pull back and glance in his eyes.  “What made you change your mind?” She whispered.

“Maybe I’m tired of hiding,” he commented lightly and if she hadn’t known him better, she might have fallen for the offhanded delivery as he started them moving again.  “Maybe, I want to love you out in the open.  Freely.  In the light.  Maybe I’m done letting how other people will react affect how we love each other.  Maybe I realized you were right and I want this unconditionally too.”  He swept his hand over the back of her head and down her hair, letting the soft tendrils slip through his fingers.  “Maybe I’m done pretending and maybe you mean more to me.  Maybe,” he took a breath and met her eyes with a soft but determined look, “maybe I love you too much.”

He pushed her against himself so there was no space between them.  The soft look in his eyes turned deeper as he licked his lips.  “Maybe I want to kiss you anywhere, everywhere… public, private, on your body…”

“What the fuck am I hearing right now?” Tim whisper hissed, drawing the attention of the people around him, negating the purpose of whispering in the first place.  He offered them a tight smile and pulled Kon closer to him, trying to play it off as speaking to him.

“Oh my God, she’s Pixie!” Stephanie exclaimed excitedly, almost vibrating with excitement, not remotely caring about the stares she was garnering.

“First off, congratulations you two.  We’re very happy for you both,” Dick cut in loudly.  “Second, turn off your coms for conversations like this,” he begged.

“Ignore him, feel free to keep them on.  I’m invested now,” Stephanie cheered.  “I just need popcorn.”

Dick’s frustrated groan could be heard over the coms, even louder than Marinette’s embarrassed squeak.  “Third, how the fuck long has this been going on?”

“’She’s okay?’” Bruce asked, repeating Jason’s words from earlier, his voice mocking but light, an undertone of amusement clear.

“Maybe she’s a bit better than okay,” Jason conceded with a sigh.

“Maybe?” Marinette asked, her eyebrow and lips raised in bemusement.

Jason gently ran his fingers through her hair again as though he were smoothing it down, but in reality, using the feeling to ground him.  His touch was soft and light, almost reverent in his delicacy.  “Maybe every time I’ve said ‘maybe’ tonight I meant ‘definitely’,” he said softly.

Marinette’s smile brightened so much, she seemed to emit light.  Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears, almost incandescent in their beauty.  “Maybe I love you too,” she whispered.

His lips widened into a sappy smirk.  He leaned down until his lips were millimeters from hers.  “Maybe?”

“Definitely,” she amended, rising up to close the distance.

[thevtuberconfessional]

Oh I get you, I try to keep away from Nijisanji as much as possible as well. The only streamers I actively watch are Zali and occasionally Sonny (if there's anything bad about them, pls lmk 😭)

But about Kyrio, I really didn't know anything about him so I went in without any prejudices and still immediately picked up on his manipulative behavior.

In one of his first streams he went on a long rant about how there are so many people that keep away from him without ever having talked to him before. He painted it as everyone was wrong and he's so misunderstood and ofc his chat ate it up. But to me this whole rant was just so strange because... sure, there are exceptions, but everyone knows that you can easily manipulate the narrative in a private conversation and that it's better to listen to the majority than to go the "but he was nice to ME" route.

He also often went into long monologues on how much he missed and loves his chat. At first I was like mmm well it's a bit excessive, but pretty much every cc says that nowadays. But since then, it has become just extreme. There is absolutely NO reason for any cc to remember viewers names, not simply usernames but actually preferred NICKNAMES, and single them out and SPECIFICALLY tell that one individual that "I care! I love you! I think you're beautiful! And I am here for you!!" NO. NEVER EVERRR. That's so fucking unhealthy. Luckily I am an adult with friends and family and the ccs I usually watch all set healthy boundaries so I know very well what line is strange to cross. But for anyone in a bad mental state and more vulnerable position, this is so incredibly dangerous. The way whenever new chatters come in he specifically singles them out and asks personal questions and wants to know more. Having nicknames with regular viewers. Saying "don't trauma dump" but every time someone says they have a hard time, he spends minutes telling them that he cares and is here for them. It's sick.

Also, this is a bit more petty, but why tf does he act like he goes through hardship just because he has a deep voice. Like even for men, men with deeper voice have it easier in life. There are so many ccs I can name on top of my head that went viral or popped off PURELY because they have a deep voice, there is a reason so many amab streamers purposely lower their voice when they get started. Sorry Iris but he mentions this so often, it pisses me off every time 😂 YOU'RE LIVING LIFE IN EASY MODE, JUST APPRECIATE IT DUDE 😭😭😂

Hey, no problem. No need to apologize, this is a confession blog-- this blog is BUILT for this stuff! But anyway, yeah. Reading through this ask was the first time I got fully acquainted with the Kyrio drama and WOW, this was a lot worse than I thought. It's really not right. It just feels...scummy. To be honest, this feels like some big issues on his part--I'm not sure if he's doing this on purpose or not, but regardless, he's reaching ALL NEW levels of parasocial. Literally-- I've been in a lot of streamer Fandoms, and this is genuinely insane. I really hope he calms down soon somehow, because this is getting concerning.

Also, yeah, I totally get the last one--while you can mention disliking having a cheap voice a few times [I completely understand having insecurities about your voice and sometimes having genuine difficulty with them], after mentioning it so many times it definitely sounds like attention seeking/fishing for compliments. I try to give the benefit of the doubt in that aspect, usually, but let's be honest, it's getting weird...

Again, no prob, Anon. I like reading your thoughts! Have a good rest of your day or night ~ .

~ Mod Iris

[behindthewox]

Hello, Andrew here. This blog article was sent to me and I can assure you that this is not correct information but a reaction likely of those who were involved. This information likely stems from previous MoM or HM themselves, I guess, seeing that they have been banned properly recently (which I am only stating because you already stated it yourself, otherwise I would not give away who is or is not banned)

When I took over I made it very clear in an NB post that the harrassment of users, witch hunt on site, and generally toxic and disrespectful behaviour needs to stop. Everyone is more than welcome to share opinions, but this was not that, this was simply insanely rude behaviour that was based on wrong information given by the MoM/HM to the other leaders of WoP, who then compiled their letter. Which is also the reason why after all of this these other site leaders were put back into their positions after everything was cleared up.

I have banned a total of 4 people from 800-900 actives at the time for continuing their disrespectful behaviour and outright slandering (one of them later on) despite my very clear warning in the article (I was surprised that it was only so few, but almost everyone was just glad to be able to enjoy the website again). I also made an effort to respond to each single comment transparently and open minded. Many of the people who removed content or joined that group hype have talked to me, told me their opinions, and gave me the opportunity to work on their missing trust together. I am on good terms with almost all of the old staff with maybe 5 exceptions (MoM, HM for being the reason this went down and one old staff on bad terms; the other two people I am neutral towards as I never spoke with them and don't know their thoughts) Every old staff member who reached out to me has their own experiences and opinioms and don't always agree with me, but they are more than valued and often play important roles in our staff as well - whether student or grad. In fact, I really enjoyed every single talk with them and appreciate anyone who reached out despite their fear of rejection, as that takes a lot of courage

The old MoM and HM were banned later on, yes, you can feel free to ask them for the exact reason I put in. The previous behaviour of theirs is unwelcome on site, and they created a horrible environment for people at the time this happened, just because of a "money grabbing" feature that was completely changed back anyway for other reasons. One of them was still logging in on alt for reasons I don't really understand, because they made sure everyone knew their hate towards Dan and the site. So why log in almost regularly even after almost a year? I guess I know why ,but that is just an assumption, so I will not voice it here

Aside from that, if you paid attention to the site development, you would also see that since then (but not because of that), new users got free VIP, people with jobs get discount, linking accounts gets a whole 50% discount, and such

I am mostly replying to clear some things up because I don't enjoy reactions that are based on false facts. I wanted to stay on WoP US as a temporary solution, but the community has been loving and welcoming, which was really unexpected considering the circumstances they went through

This is something that happened almost a whole year ago now, I even unbanned one of the 4 bans that took place when I took over, so technically it is only 3

I hope that this could clear up confusion and misunderstanding. I would like to see this message public because I am mostly writing it for the very few that might end up seeing it. Considering the nature of this post, you already made up your mind about me and that is okay. But I want to give my insight first hand, as I don't enjoy someone trying to slander my name based on more accusations of those people who were banned for false accusations in the first place

Magical regards,

Andrew Sutherland (WoP US)

By the way, I am only asking this anonymously because of privacy concerns regarding this account (never use Tumblr anyway)

Added in a later message: "Andrew here again, please add this xD I saw that you have made clarifications regarding there possibly being more to these accusations, my response was mainly aimed towards the person asking the question, but I do admit that I thought that that message was originally from you, the blog writer, and only saw your response later on (I am not used to tumblr and on phone it doesnt show all on one screen, oops). Just wanted to clarify that as it may explain some wording of mine!"

No hard feelings on my side, thanks for the clarification! If I can share both sides of the story, that is what I want to do and you've allowed me to share yours. It's greatly appreciated and I hope this clears the air a little bit.

NOTE: I can't verify if this person is who they say they are, the anonymous submissions are anonymous to me as well. I have no reason to doubt or suspect that it's someone else writing in their name, but I want to note that with anonymity there is a risk of abuse and impersonation. I don't think that's the case here though.

[melrosing]

MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

[catierambles]

The bag was ripped from her head and she blinked a little in the light, flicking her head to get her hair out of her face.

"If you wanted to speak with me, Mr. Hunt," She said, "You could have just made an appointment. You needn't have resorted to all of...this." She would have gestured to her surroundings, had her hands not been bound behind her. "Oh, hello." She said, smiling pleasantly at Benji and Luthor. "I don't believe we've met. Cait Logan, a pleasure."

"Who is he?" Ethan asked and she cocked her head at him quizzically. "The man pretending to be August Walker. Who is he?"

"He's not pretending to be anyone. He is August Walker." She said.

"Bullshit." Benji said.

"Unless I brought a different man who was killed by being brained by a cargo hook and falling down a mountain back to life." She mused, "Possible. Highly unlikely, but possible, I suppose."

"You brought him back life?" Luthor asked incredulously. "How?"

"I mended his wounds and breathed life back into him." She said simply, as if it were obvious.

"You're being pretty candid with it." Ethan pointed out.

"I'm far too old for subterfuge." She scoffed, "Besides, no one believes the truth anyway."

"How did you bring him back to life?" Benji asked, "How were you able to?"

"To say that I am not as I appear would be a gross understatement."

"What are you?" Ethan asked.

"What I am is beyond your comprehension. I was already very old when this world was young and let's leave it at that." She said and Luthor snorted.

"You're out of your damn mind." He said and she gave him a look.

"Why does he want me dead?" Ethan asked.

"Mr. Hunt, August died with a singular focus in his heart and that was ending your life. Until he fulfills that, he will never rest."

"Not unless I kill him first."

"Good luck with that one. I brought him back to life, and therefore his life is tied to mine. As long as I live, so will he, and--" Ethan drew his gun and fired. "If you had let me finish, I would have told you that I cannot be killed. Interrupting people is really quite rude."

"Holy shit." Benji whispered. "What the hell are you?"

"I am the thing that made your primitive ancestors huddle around their fires at night, thinking the light would keep them safe." She said and the darkness around them started to creep closer, "I am a devourer of worlds and a mother of creation." Inky black tendrils reached out of the darkness towards them, searching and seeking. "My true form would drive you insane and force you to claw the eyes from your skull, just to try to unsee what you have seen."

"Why him?" Ethan asked. "Why Walker?"

"Many eons ago, I cast little pieces of myself out into the aether, just to see where they would fall." She said, "August has one such piece inside of him. His is bigger than others. Not by much, but bigger. I knew when he was born, I saw his life, and I knew when he died. He is a part of me that I wish to keep."

"You're his mother?" Luthor asked.

"No." She snorted, "I am not responsible for his creation."

"But if he has a part of you inside him..."

"Do you consider the recipient of a blood transfusion the child of the donator?" She asked, "Of course not."

"So you're what?" Ethan asked, "Some kind of cosmic eldritch being?"

"More Lovecraft than Giger, but basically." She said with a shrug. "You cannot stop him, Mr. Hunt, anymore than you could stop me. His is a singular focus, and he will not stop until he is done and you are dead. The easiest thing for you to do is to get on your knees and beg for a mercy that will not come, and hope he makes it quick."

[ina-nis]

I decided to quit this whole romance stuff altogether.

I felt immense relief and the power to take control back over my own life, because these needs I've been trying to address even with help in therapy were, literally, driving me insane.

It doesn't mean I'll be immediately okay with it, or that it's just past me... but it does mean I have a conscious decision to ground me, and I can actually put a stop to the longing before it even has any room to fester.

Because holding onto hope was driving me insane, too.

I don't really need or want this. It's not really worth it to remain in a state of despair, holding onto "what ifs" and possibilities by keeping my heart open.

I have had enough.

I have tried enough.

I've been doing so much - even things I don't like or want to do - in the name of trying to connect with others, in hopes I'll find the kind of partnership I wanted.

As one would, my therapist asked what I would do in case someone came to me showing interest in me romantically.

How ironic.

I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of people who have done so in my whole life.

I don't think there will be such person now, or in the future, considering how "intimidating" I come off as because of my confidence and high self-esteem. Because I am enough, and it shows; because I probably don't water or dumb myself down enough to let others in; because I stopped chasing people and stopped trying to meet them halfway, since they won't do the same for me anyway.

It's alright, I feel like not much will change from the outside. People will act the exact same way with me. The difference is that I gave up on connecting with them in any meaningful way.

It's likely I'd not be able to reach any kind of acceptance, or be able to move forward, if I actually didn't nip it in the bud. Completely. Not half-assedly, with any drop of hope.

Completely.

The relief I felt is undeniable. Being able to take control was also massive.

With this out of the way I can finally see my life through and I'm positive I'll be actually able to enjoy all these other aspects of my life and happiness that kept being drowned under the desperation that came with loneliness.

It's like I managed to free myself by actually doing the exact thing I should never have done in the first place: I should have never touched these feelings. There was a reason why I kept them buried deep inside of my heart.

And I'm putting them right back in there.

I hope I won't make the same mistakes.

This is not the best solution or even any good resolution for any of these issues of mine but it's a way to decrease my suffering right here and right now.

I don't really care if this is just me going back into avoidant tendencies. I just want to be okay somehow. If this is it, then it's good.

[leg0sbian]

6 and 8 for the codz ask game? 😊

hi! thank you for the ask :D

6. Favorite COD Zombies quartet/squad in general, and why?

man, i’m gonna have to go with the primis crew. i really loved seeing their characters be more fleshed out, and it was so fun to see more of their story and backstory! i’ve been playing the codz games since i was like 11, so getting back into it around a year or two ago and being able to delve into the lore of my favorite characters i have memories with is awesome.

8. Favorite individual CODZ character(s), and why?

in no particular order:

takeo - he’s such a good character, and i never truly understood why he was so underrated. he’s got such an understanding and chill vibe, and i think zetsubo no shima is the map that really made me pay attention to him more. this video in particular, actually! dead flowers is a beautiful song and watching takeo try and come to terms with everything he’s ever known being a lie is such an interesting character arc. and. he’s fine as hell. my beautiful girlfriend.

richtofen - i mean. duh. i always giggled while playing bo2 when he was the announcer or if i was playing as stuhlinger. when primis came around, i was even more intrigued. having maxis be a father figure to richtofen instead of a bitter enemy? the idea of trying desperately to save yourself and your friends while knowing your death cannot be avoided? but still trying to avoid it anyway? chef’s kiss. also, nolan north’s voice acting is just fantastic, especially hearing him go from this goofy insane scientist to an anxious man just trying to put things right.

scarlett - i am gay. but in all actuality, i was really interested in her storyline, along with the rest of the chaos crew. i’ve seen a lot of people just dumb her storyline down to daddy issues, which honestly couldn’t be more incorrect. she’s trying to save the world and her father from evil, while having only her wits, some friends, and clues from her father. she’s also badass.

shaw - i am a victim of the goofy mad scientist trope. honestly, i played some bo4 with my roommate, and got a lot of lines from shaw. i thought he was funny, so i dug more into the storyline, and realized this old man has officially become my favorite. i desperately hope we can get more of the chaos crew’s story, since i do want to delve deeper into each of the characters.

nero - honestly im just a fan of jeff goldblum. he’s easily my favorite out of the four and i also wish we had more of the shadows crew. the idea that the shadowman had reached out to nero in his dreams and nero messing around with apothican stuff could’ve been a more interesting story to continue. his voice lines make me giggle.

[aadmelioraa]

Monday Morning thought - gosh do you ever think of Isildur as a Tolkienesque Prometheus-figure. Like the ring as the fire but also the sapling as the fire and the fucking volcano presence in both narratives.

I'm afraid if I start actually reading these books I'll die a death-induced-by-foaming-at-the-mouth-over-literary-characters.

OOOOH!! I hadn't thought about that exact comparison before but it's interesting because rather than stealing in defiance of divinity, when it comes to the fruit of Nimloth Isildur is sort of stealing…out of devotion to the divine? Or in defiance of a particular demigod, who wanted the tree destroyed? But both his choice and Prometheus' can absolutely be framed as the epitome of human striving, reaching with every bit of strength for better things, providing hope for others at great personal cost...and then when it comes to keeping the ring, 100% is a similar instance of unintended tragic consequences. Also the volcano stuff...yeah, shit.

You got me all worked up about the symbolism angle here, so apologies for what follows. The white tree of Númenor is a direct descendent of Telperion, the elder of two trees of Valinor, whose light is used to create the moon after the tree itself is destroyed by Morgoth…Isildur, servant of the moon, is essentially (as in, by his essence) bound to this living thing, his life and its life are tied up in each other for almost 200 years, and he refuses to let the line of the tree end, it’s like a fucking compulsion for him from the initial instance…there’s something about his unquestioning commitment that makes me insane. Stealing the fruit in the first place is such a batshit crazy thing to do, no one asked him to do it, no one said it had to be done, he just fucking left home in the middle of the night on a suicide mission, he may not have even known why but he knew he had to save a piece of this tree. It's fucking unhinged!! He almost DIES…he should have died!! But then the fruit of the tree takes root, and it lives, and so he lives. And that cycle is repeated, Isildur brings the sapling to Middle-earth and plants it in the city where his family makes their home. Then he saves a sapling of that tree when Sauron attacks them there (I imagine this is nearly as reckless a situation as the first one, but JRRT was short on the details here as with most things from this period). Looking at it from Sauron’s POV, poor little dark lord just can't catch a break, maybe all he really wants is this tree gone and a weird feral king with a very specific gardening fixation refuses to let that happen. Sauron lost his fair form when Númenor went under, but Isildur and his family and this fucking tree make it out, and continue to survive...if I were Sauron I might take that personally too lmao. 

Isildur faces so many defeats and losses between the time he steals the fruit in Númenor and his own death (and the loss of the ring), but he ensures the sapling makes it out every time. The last time he plants it, it's in memory of his brother (I won’t cry about this, I won’t cry about this, I won’t). Then Anárion’s line survives, along with the line of the tree, in Gondor, and they're the stewards who hold off the forces of Mordor for generations while everyone else is off doing their own shit. 

Ultimately, Isildur is someone who is trying to make the right choices all the time, and the worst part is he does make them consistently, even later in his life, based on the information he has access to, only to die alone tragically, knowing most of the people who he loves have died too. He kept the ring as WEREGILD, before anybody comes into my notifications with snark and pj!Elrond memes…I am forever bitter that decision was framed in the movies as anything other than the choice of a broken-hearted man trying to do right by his people and the loved ones he’d lost.

Anyway, I would love to hear if you do read the books, I have been foaming the mouth over these characters for two decades off and on and I'm still going strong...not sure if that's more a recommendation or a warning lol. I got very off topic here, sorry lol. He’s just so [incoherent screaming]

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Have I admitted on this blog yet that I was deeply obsessed with Survivor for about a decade and a half? It's the only reality show I've ever watched (or had the desire to watch), but I really watched it. I got so into it, I used to read all the Survivor blogs before social media existed. It started airing when I was nine years old and I watched the first season with my parents, I think I initially got into it because I spent all my time trying to understand the complex unspoken battle that was the social system at school, one I knew just enough about to know I was the worst one in my whole school at it and that's why I was the only one with no friends, and I enjoyed watching adults play out a similar concept in a way that had slightly more clearly defined rules, and crucially did not have consequences for my personal life, so I could try to study that as some outside example in my quest to understand how people worked. Also my grandmother, who was a psychologist for thirty years, was really into Survivor so we started calling each other after every episode to talk for two hours, and we became very close as a result of that, we'd get into all the psychological reasons why things happened on Survivor and then we'd just start talking about psychology in general and that is a huge part of why I went on to get a psych degree at university, and like I said I had no friends before high school so being close friends with my grandmother was a big deal. I ended up continuing to follow Survivor even after my grandmother died when I was 16, I kept it up until my mid-twenties, around season 30. Haven't followed it in several years now, though the other day I saw my mom watching and was pleased to see they've reached season 46. Good for them. I hope they get to 50.

Anyway, I remember Parvati. I definitely remember Parvati. Her first season was in 2006, the last season that aired before my grandmother died, when she was sick but still watching. It was also the first season that aired after I started to really properly work out I was (mostly) gay, after a long succession of female contestants that I cheered for between the ages of 10-16 because I just really really liked them for reasons I couldn't quite articulate at the time. Parvati was one of the first few that I could recognize at the time I liked because she was an attractive person walking around in bathing suits, though I did not say so to my grandmother. I never came out to her before she died, but she did give me a Melissa Etheridge CD for my fifteenth birthday, after several years of listening to me always pick one or two very attractive women from each Survivor season to really really like for unexplained reasons, so I'm pretty sure she knew.

All right, is that enough to justify this? I have now tied this into my lack of friends/fear of social situations as a child, my close bond with my late grandmother, my chosen field of study and related career path, and figuring out my stigmatized sexual orientation. All of which is entirely true and Survivor really did play a part in those things, but also, I have specifically chosen to tell those parts of the story in the hopes that tying it to enough subjects with emotional depth will help justify admitting to having spent many years being really really into a reality television show. And am now reporting on reality TV-based celebrity relationship gossip.

All right, I think I've done enough of that. Parvati Shallow was a contestant on several seasons of reality TV (she first played when I was 16, then came back for several more seasons across a bunch of years), I watched those seasons when I was a teenager and in my twenties, she was really hot, Mae Martin is also hot, those two even being in a room together feels like an insane crossover episode of my extremely different interests that I have trouble believing technically exist in the same universe, but damn, good for them. Good for both of them. I hope they're having a good time. Parvati was definitely not (openly) queer when she was on Survivor, but I'm not sure heterosexuality can survive the lure of Mae Martin. Sorry for engaging in both objectification and reality TV-based celebrity relationship gossip, I'll go back to being respectable tomorrow.

[lazuli-writes]

Outtakes - 25 quotes from the Silver Quartet

summary: 25 random quotes from each member of the Silver Quartet.

genre: angst / fluff / humor

estimated word count: 1400 words

a/n: Just trying to get back into writing more. I have so much stuff for this series, but I’m struggling to refine it. Here’s a droplet fic for Slytherin’s resident four horsemen. Remember folks, copying other people’s works is plagiarism and that’s illegal. Don’t be that kind of person. Anyways, hope you all enjoy it :)

©little-lazuli. Do not copy, repost, or translate without permission

Tracey

“Areyougoinhtoeatthat?”

“It must be the galleons talking.”

“We’re like a failed Monty Python.”

“If having half the prat-blood you have makes me less than, than I’ll happily be less than.”

“So the beast wouldn’t attack any of us, right… just asking.”

“You filthy barbarian, fish and chips are a DELICACY! What are you, AMERICAN?!”

“What would your mum do if we were to break the uncooked pasta noodles?”

“Fun fact: I don’t care.”

“There’s enough oil in Snape’s hair to satisfy the needs of English fish frying for at least a decade.”

“I’m a witch, not a prophet.”

“I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furio- not a single one of you know which film I’m quoting right now.”

“Banoffee pie was a gift from the heavens.”

“Oh please, by the time we reach your age Professor, I’m sure at least one of us will have made a name for ourselves other than being stuck in a castle teaching delinquents the refined arts of magical cooking.”

“Run Theo! Run” *cue the laughter as she watches Theo run from being disciplined by Bartholomew Greengrass.

“I want the skeletons. Oh and the jewelry please!!”

“It’s almost as if I don’t care.”

“Daph, you’re forgetting the fact that Ron and Theo share the same braincell… Wait… I forgot you don’t know what a brain cell is.”

“Mutually assured destruction. Truce?”

“What crawled up her butt and died?”

“Oui oui” “Tracey I am Italian, NOT FRENCH!” “Yeah yeah whatever.”

“That’s a lot of deathies. They would probably need multiple Potters going separate ways to possibly make an escape.”

“Ron you’d be Ginger Spice, Daphne you’d be Posh Spice, Theo is Baby Spice and of course I’d be Scary Spice-“ “why can’t I be sporty spicy” “because you can’t even say their name correctly Theo.”

“Do you think you’ll find something as perfect as they did?”

“Over the hills and a long way off…”

“Theo… I’ll be with you soon…”

Daphne

“So the first place you choose to hide is in a room with dead bodies?”

“She looks like the love child of a troll and a fairy.”

“Stupid mirror.”

“Ronald, why is our potion pink?”

“Father is gonna kill you two for going into the chamber you know…”

“You. Ate. My. Cauldron. Cakes.”

“You tell Ron anything and I WILL tell Tracey how you find her lips very interesting lately.”

“For a dirty stray, he does kind of look like Falkor.”

“You won’t look like that when you get old, right Ron?”

“So blue is out of the question. I guess the typical silver would look nice.”

“Do you think he found u-AHHHHHHH!”

“All I know is that I lay claim to any and all dresses, cloaks, shawls and the likes. Any clothes in this room is MINE.”

“A quintaped has five limbs.”

“Harpy, veela, vulture… same thing.”

“He’s more of a man than you will ever be.”

“It was Theo and Ron’s idea.”

“He had the breath of a damn merling!”

“You gave my parents the greatest gift they could have ever gotten in that moment… hope that their daughters… their family will survive this war. You gave them hope.”

“Not even death can dispute my love for you, Ronald Bilius Weasley. I would be blessed to be able to call you my love, my partner, my friend and my husband for eternity. By these vows… I declare, I do.”

“I think insanity is a social construct. We may think he’s unhinged beyond compare… but he’s definitely the hero in her world.”

“I killed a child Ron! How can you still look me in the eye and say you love me! HOW?”

“I’ve never killed a mutt before.”

“He asked to take my name. He felt that he had no right to give a name he was deemed unworthy of.”

“It is hard to play a game when you don’t know the rules.”

“Say hello to mother and father for me sis. I’m gonna miss you… so much.”

Theodore

“Why do you look like that?”

“Sectersuper?” “Sectum—sempra” “shut up Weasley.”

“Auntie!! Daphne and Tracey are breaking the pasta noodles!”

“You have troll breath.”

“You didn’t have to do that. You’re not bad Weasley. Not bad at all.”

“I would have called him a filthy spawn of inbreeding but then… that would have also… applied… to-“ “SHUT UP THEO!” “What, it’s the truth Daph!”

“Oh yes, because the lion is the most amazing creature in the world. *eye roll* When a lion talks and starts killing witches and wizards, talk to me then Weasel.”

“I didn’t mean for Malfoy to call you Weasel. Accident, truly it was!”

“Why are you always staring at Ron?”

“Why would he think he even had a chance with Trace?! He looks like the love child of a hag and a house elf.”

“I’m telling you my dear cousin, that Malfoy has been staring at Ronald’s bottom almost as much as he was staring at yours.”

“I’m gonna be a rich man!!” “You already are a rich man Theo.” “Then I’m gonna be an even richer man!! I call dibs on all weapons!!”

“I don’t know why!! I was too busy saving your sister to think ‘oh how much money is this worth’.”

“It’s not my fault you failed to save mother.”

“God save the witches and wizards.”

“I’m not staring at Tracey you imbecile!”

“You cannot be both annoying and lacking magical prowess. Please pick one failure to endure.”

“If you must know, banoffee pie is actually scrumptious. If you are going to advertise your lack of taste, please do so away from my presence.”

“Why do we have to go back to Ron’s old bat of an aunt? She’s so mean.”

“If you wanna be my friend… you gotta get with my… other friends.” “Horrible rendition sporty spicy.” “Shut up Ron!!”

“I wanna live in a small cottage when I choose to settle down. I want a place surrounded and engulfed by all of my favorite plants.”

“Still got troll breath I see.”

“I wish I could see what is it you see every time you look at me Trace.”

“I love her. So damn much.”

“DON’T YOU TOUCH HER!!!”

Ronald

“Do you have an eye problem?”

“Theo has a bag of bezoars for a brain.”

“Daphne will kill us if she knows what we’re doing and Tracey will laugh at us if we get hurt. I already know.”

“Stupid mirror.”

“You hear that Tracey, us peasants mustn’t talk anymore.”

“Do you think Snape has a pet under that robe? He always smells.”

“Potter, Granger and Longbottom seem to have this obsession with all things ‘not their business’ that it’s actually quite funny at times.”

“Me and you remember Valentine’s Day very differently.”

“Bill and Charlie ran away the first chance they got. Percy has a superiority complex, Fred is sadistic. George just thinks Fred’s farts smell amazing, and Ginny has this weird habit of hero worshipping people who aren’t heroes.”

“Theo… could you think of anything else other than… her.” “Shove off and stay out of my head Ron.”

“Bloody bint… that thing is worse than Snape…” “Ron that was a quintaped.” “An ugly one at that!”

“Some of my family has this… belief that I’ve been ingenuous about my character. When really, they just don’t seem to understand me all that much.”

“I.. don’t know… I can’t find the words to tell you how I’m feeling Daph.”

“Muggles do have the big boom booms. What are they called again? Nookies?” “Nukes Ron.” “Oh.”

“How do you think she’ll kill us for leaving? Do you think she’ll really castrate me?”

“You want to… marry me? Why?”

“Auntie, if you turn me away now, I’m literally gonna slap you with my hand.” *proceeds to wave his amputated arm, much to the silent horror of Muriel Prewett*

“There will never be a second in this lifetime or the next, that I will ever stop loving you Daphne. You bless me with the honor of being able to call you mine and I yours. By these vows I declare, I do.”

“Still sour about the Manor Lady Lestrange? If it’s any consolation, your husband’s wand works wonderfully.”

“I mean I could… but why would I want to do that Daph?”

“All I ever wanted was to be a real Weasley, dad. And I fucked that up the moment that hat screamed Slytherin.”

“And now we are both here. Rotting in Azkaban. Yet only one of us has any chance of leaving.”

“You what?” “I gave birth Ron.” “. . .You were pregnant?”

“This is your grandma and grandpa. That’s your aunties Tracey and Tori, and your funny uncle Theo.”

“Daphne did you hear!! Albus is a Slytherin HAHAHAHAHAH I can’t wait to shove that in Ginny and Harry’s face.”

[we-joyless-few]

Waking Up Again

[tagging @joyful-downer so u can see this!!]

summary:

Nick Lightbearer wakes up again, only instead of a pretty bird or his rat manager, it’s someone rather unexpected- someone… dangerous.

basically a Foggy Jack/Nick Lightbearer fic bc there r only TWO on AO3 and i am going insane

fic and warnings under readmore!

sorry it’s not longer ^^” i kinda ran out of steam for this one, but i have more Jack and Nick stuff in the works >:)

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things to expect:

-3rd POV

-dark content(WHF-typical)

-nsfw(mostly just suggestive stuff, questionably consensual though)

-alternative ending? i guess?

-hopefully not too OOC

-toxic relationship 🫣(>:3)

-more, probably

really hoping i dont let ppl down with this one [sweats nervously]

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Nick awoke with a start… again. His memories came in flashes that caused him to flinch slightly, mostly what happened to Virgil, but also other things done by Foggy Jack. God, why did he have to remember that?

Another thing he recalled was repeatedly waking up beside people who he didn’t remember being with. Honestly, it made him nervous to turn to his right, but his curiosity was eating away at him.

He peeked over to see a blonde-haired figure dressed in all black out of the corner of his eye, which seemed quite familiar… especially as the figure rolled over to face Nick. “Oh fuck,” Lightbearer whispered, scooting backwards until his back hit the juncture between his headboard and the wall.

“Good morning, dear friend,” Foggy Jack responded, his voice coming out soft. He sounded rather tired, but content. “Come back over here, Nick. I won’t bite.”

The musician shook his head fearfully, terrified of the man despite how little of a threat he posed at the moment. “You killed Virgil! Why would I even THINK to get all cozied up to you?!”

Jack chuckled and sat up with a yawn. “I’m not going to kill you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Nick scoffed. “I know I’ve been a selfish asshole, but I’m not worried about me.” His eyes darted around the room, trying to recall any other ways to abscond with himself besides his secret escape path. “Why do you like me so much anyway?”

“It’s… complicated.” Something in the killer’s tone was off; he sounded almost vulnerable. “I liked you long before I was- was this. Hell, I’d point out how your band was everyone’s favorite in my broadcasts!” He moved closer to Nick, making direct eye contact that left the rockstar feeling uncomfortable but unable to look away. “In reality, you were always my favorite. None of those idiotic, mindless, Joy-addled Wellies could EVER understand how I feel about you.”

The red-clad individual felt guilty for- well, he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It was similar to the guilt he felt when he let his fans down, and the discomfort that came with pleasing them. Anxiously, he fidgeted with the lacy cuffs on his sleeves and averted his gaze. “I… see.”

“You are my one true love, Nick Lightbearer, and I want you to be mine.” Foggy Jack was just inches away from the other man’s face as he reached up to stroke Nick’s cheek. “I’m your biggest fan- always have been, always will be… Will you please, please give me this chance?”

The guilt was making Nick feel sick to his stomach. “I-“ His voice cracked, so he cleared his throat to try again. “I… guess we can try.” He couldn’t bring himself to sound any cheerier, not even as the other man sounded enthralled.

“Oh, thank you, Nick, truly, thank you!” Jack cheered, immediately wrapping his arms around Nick as he settled himself on top of the other, his head resting on Nick’s torso under his cravat. Not only was he comfortable, but he felt secure in knowing that his object of his affection wouldn’t be going anywhere.

Nick awkwardly placed one of his hands on Jack’s head, running his fingers through his surprisingly-silky hair. The repeat motion of basically petting the other was surprisingly relaxing, and it didn’t take too long for Nick to become more comfortable. His other hand eventually moved to Jack’s back, curiously feeling the soft-yet-sturdy fabric of his well-crafted suit beneath his fingers.

“I think, if we weren’t so famous in our separate mediums, we would have been together sooner,” Jack mused, his eyes closed as he comfortably rested on his beloved.

“Maybe,” Nick quietly replied, nodding a little. “Healthier, too, probably.”

“Hmm, yes, I think so as well.” A soft sigh left Jack’s lips. “But we’re together now, and that is what I believe matters.”

“I- Yeah…” The musician faltered slightly, but Jack didn’t seem to care. “Why do you hurt people?”

“The same reason you did: to get what I want, and reduce my own discomfort.” Jack curled up slightly, as if trying to make himself be as close to Nick in his position as possible. “But you’re doing better now, and, well, I have exactly what I want, so there is no need for me to continue gutting people in the streets, I’d say.”

‘Christ, that’s dark…’ Nick thought, looking at his new partner anxiously. “Y-yep! No need for more killings, I’m right here.” He tried to speak confidently and triumphantly, but in reality he sounded like he was panicking- which he was, but Jack didn’t have to know that.

A smirk pulled at the corners of the killer’s mouth as he heard the fear in Nick’s voice. “What if I did kill again? What would you do then?” he purred, moving further up to rest his head against the left side of his obsession’s chest.

“I-I don’t bloody know!” Nick stammered, his anxiety rising. He felt his cheeks redden from the pleased sound Foggy Jack made at the fearful pounding of his heart. “J-just… don’t kill any more people, please… For me?”

The slightly-shorter man chuckled softly and moved up higher once again, this time being face-to-face with Nick. “I cannot make any promises, my beloved.” Right as Nick was about to protest, Jack took off his mask, leaned in and pressed their mouths together, kissing the rockstar until Nick nearly passed out. “You need to learn to breathe if we’re going to do this.”

Lightbearer coughed and gasped as he desperately tried to reintroduce air into his lungs. “Y-you’re fucking mental,” he wheezed, taking off his own mask to cool down his face. A little sound of surprise left his lips as Jack began kissing his jaw and neck, leaving him an anxious, trembling mess. “J-Jack, you- ghhh-!”

“Hush now, Nicky,” Foggy Jack whispered, pressing more kisses along Nick’s jaw. “Just let me take care of you.” His nimble, skilled fingers drew invisible patterns across Nick’s chest, even tracing his name over his heart a few times. “Don’t be scared… Or, maybe do be afraid. I like seeing you so helpless beneath me.”

Nick whimpered as he lay there. Jack was right: he was helpless, and honestly… it turned him on a little. “L-listen, Jack, I- I’m getting really, uh, tired! Tired, yeah! Um… Maybe we could just… sleep together?” At Jack’s raise of his eyebrow, Nick squeaked and stammered, “N-not in that way! I mean- I mean, uh… You’re the big spoon..?”

A raucous laugh erupted from the propagandist’s chest, making Nick flinch. “Oh, silly boy… I can tell you’re not being fully honest with me, but I cannot pass up on an opportunity to sleep so close to you~” He moved off the other, but kept a close eye on him in case he tried to run.

The rockstar blushed and scooted down on the bed until his head was on the pillows again, rolling onto his side. “Come on, then,” he softly said, inviting Jack to lie down by patting the bed behind him. “Let’s rest.”

And with that, Jack wasted no time in embracing Nick from behind, resting his forehead against Nick’s back. Their height difference would almost be funny to Nick if Jack were anyone else, so instead of a laugh, he let out a sigh and shut his eyes.

“Goodnight, beloved,” Jack whispered, nuzzling his partner gently.

“…Goodnight, Jack,” Nick mumbled in reply, relaxing as best as he could.

End (for now) !!

[lovebvni]

Hi! This is Ani again. Just wanted to let you know that your reading was literally SO accurate. Istg you’re living my life

I’m gonna admit, I was expecting something much more negative. I usually expect negative things, which isn’t good, but that make the good things all the more exciting. This whole thing was also kind of new since this was my first intuition reading. My previous ask was also my first ask ever on tumblr so I was kind of nervous as well. It felt like I was writing an email lolol

But I’m so happy that I did do it because, you were right, I did kinda feel like I’ve been grazing rock bottom. I had this weird mixed feeling of being close to the void but also never getting in and holding both those feelings kind of drained me, on top of being burned out from school. This is the first time in a while where I’ve been truly excited for something.

Something that I recommend people do is something I did earlier this month, where I basically manifested seeing angel numbers and using their meanings as guidance on my void journey. I kept getting a lot of 444’s and 777’s which apparently both are related to seeking guidance from angels or something. I didn’t really know how to do that so I assumed that maybe I had to reach out to someone on tumblr, but even then I didn’t know who to ask. I didn’t even know what I should be asking. But this was really helpful and honestly, is making me so excited for my REAL new life instead of a daydream.

Also another thing is, I am a shifter! Or I’m planning to be one, anyway. The life I’m going to shift to from this one will be similar to my current one but better. But all my other realities after that, are pretty much going to be a totally different life with different people, like you said.

Also, can we talk about how in literally the beginning of the post I was called out in so many ways, like “Repressed emotions + feeling left out” 😭✋ Chill out man I can’t afford therapy rn ok?? Lolll all jokes aside though you are right, and I don’t really talk about what I’m feeling. I do think I am also very disconnected from people. I have a wide variety of interests so I can be part of multiple friend groups at the same time, which is why I feel so lonely, because I am never in one deeply enough to find true connections. I have a feeling I know who my new group of people are though!

Over all though, I am so excited to enter void. I have always known that I will, but it was just up to me to decide when. I’ve been putting in extra effort and I’m glad to see it’s paying off. And most of all, I’m excited to shift and be whatever I want to be! I don’t think anyone would be really, truly free until they experienced shifting, but then again, this is coming from someone who has never consciously shifted before (but I’m sure that’s still true).

Anyways, sorry this was so long, I think I kind of just went on a tangent with this one haha 😅 But fr tho, I can’t thank you enough for this, this has really helped me and re-inspired me a lot. I think everyone should give your intuition readings a try because it’s never bad to ask for help and advice, regardless of where you are in your void journey. This is also a great source of positivity for people who may feel stuck in their journey.

(Btw, I love how you complimented everyone in your response to the reading asks, it’s literally so sweet 🥹)

Thank you again for the reading! ♥️

OMG AAHHHH IM SO HAPPY WAIT

i literally read this whole thing during my lunch period and it made me so happy n smily (my friends probs think i have a new bf or something but no 😭😭 it’s this insane!!)

during my time in this earth, both before and after I shift i strive to be a guide. i want to help others reach their goals and get better in this life. every time i feel as if i help others, it brings new light and energy to my spirit. <3

im so glad i have you some hope and motivation, and i REALLY hope u get the help u need sometime!! i know financial issues r a real hinderance w mental health n to genuinely drives me insane 💀💀💀

i love u sm!!! i’m glad it helped!!