#idk this is why I gotta stop
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I officially completely unplugged myself as much as I can ššš Iām way too reliant on my phone and waiting for people to talk to me is super unhealthy and has made me very anxious. I literally turned off ever single possible notification and will purposefully not be responding to messages because I just need time a space to figure out how to navigate myself without validation from others.
#plz no sexyleon#life update basically#Iāll still be using tumblr and stuff and Iāll probably reply to things on here#but I likely wont be responding to direct messages#I just???? Iām too clingy and needy and I feel reliant on the people I talk to for any sort of social interaction to be happy#I gotta figure it out because my mental health is in the shit and I canāt be reliant on others for stability#and I didnāt even really notice thatās what was happening until all my friends were busy on the same day and I really just needed someone#anywyas sorry this is complicated I just needed to vent in the void#also for my mutuals who I talk to all the time this is why Iām afk and Iām sorry I love you very much I just have to figure it out#why am I insane and hoping people try to reach out to me anyways??? just to say they are here if I need anything?? like I do to them????#idk this is why I gotta stop#im the loneliest bitch in the world but I really canāt be anymore I gotta be alone in this bitch but not lonely#or I need to make friends with my loneliness and we can tackle the world together#otherwise im not going to survive#my anxiety is out of the roof and I constantly feel like Iām having heart palpitations#I literally think Iām going to die sometimes#I used to say Iād prefer the anxiety over the depression because I know how to navigate anxiety#well guess what my anxiety evolved like some sort of mega PokĆ©mon and now itās kicking my ass and I donāt have any idea how to defeat it#sorry for venting
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crusty evolution redraw. in theory.
#xmen#xmen evolution#erik lehnsherr#magneto#quicksilver#pietro maximoff#snap sketches#i stopped liking this past the lineart stage but i told myself id try to finish whatever i start to at least try and learn somethin#did i learn anything ? thats for me to reflect on. for now tho ramble time š#its painful to draw erik with short hair but sometimes you gotta get outta the usual !! <- never doing this again#ive been ahead of my schedule with stuff i have to draw so ive simply decided todaay will be My Day for personal doodles#idk why ive decided my first evo fanart should be the one where erik and pietro leave behind wanda but ok !!!!! freak#i have a long hair ver but i didnt color it. i was just greedy .. not greedy enough tho evidently#anyways i have like. idk what four episodes of evolution left ?? depressing this show's great ...#i didnt nkow theyd have a david ep ... a pleasant surprise but now im emo ...#OH WELL lets see what else i doodle tonight#this week's going to be annoying but i think i say that every week LMAO and look at that i get through them anyway#we'll be fine and chill team .. ok bye bye
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gota blast
#this started out as just one photo to send to my sister#and now i can't stop#why are they always running like this#spock#captain kirk#scotty#star trek#star trek tas#star trek tos#star trek the animated series#star trek the original series#meme#???#idk if this counts as a meme#it's an inside joke with myself at this point#shitposting#james t kirk#jim kirk#GOTTA BLAST
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Average pb listening experience (at least for me)
#yeah this is one of my favorite albums ever if you couldnāt tell#i decided to make this goofy thing cuz I can edit now so why not#lol#gorillaz#noodle gorillaz#2d gorillaz#murdoc niccals#russel hobbs#plastic beach#meme#ig?#idk#edit#yeah thatās a better tag#i gotta stop using useless tags n shit itās 1 am dawg#listening to Gorillaz be like
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Fantober day 31!! A free day again.
Recently gotten into HADES, and I think about them a normal amount (lie)
#THEM. THEM. *SHAKES HANDS IN AIR* THEEEEEEEMMM#Honestly itās surprising I havent gotten into the fandom sooner I mean I have been a mythology nerd since??? Uhhh#idk. But every week I see a notif from OSP and jump around in my room because YEAAAHHHH HYSTORY MYTHOS AND TROPES YEAHHHHH#And greek mythology is where the interest began so why am I only NOW getting onto the Hades train only god knows. Maybe multiple. They got#a whole pantheon so idk maybe multiple ON THE OTHER HAND they didnāt know about their own relative OR who his mom is so maybe I give them#too much credit#jkjk jk Zeus dont smite me I listen to āāThunder bringerāā a lot plz#speaking of epic the musical thats what I wanted to draw originality because HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE LIVESTREAM YESTERDAY?#THE ANIMATICSSSS THE ANIMATICCCSSS THE 3D CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD. ODYSSEUS CASUALLY GETTING A JETPACK š okay go off king /gen#HE GOTTA BE DANGEROUS MY FRIENDS GOTTA USE ALL HIS TRICKS IN HIS DOMAIN FOR THIS OH YEAH YOU CANNOT GET AWAY WITH PLAYING- okay Iāll stop#but we need a Hermes saga Im just saying. I love he. Heās such a dawling#ā¦Also not me healing the ivantill trauma with a different silverhair+blackhair duo huh.#They bring me comfort I love my silly goofy god of nothing/blood and his boyfriend THE GRIM REAPER#my art#thanzag#they make me insane but in a good way#oh to be a guy trying to escape his dads house and then die to a butterfly and hopefully see death himself because heās cute#hades game#hades fanart#hades zagreus#hades thanatos
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look, not to be a hater but the whole ekko/jinx alternate universe situation only proves that jinx was only ever loved entirely and completely by silco, that's kinda the point of how tragic jinx really is as a character,
vi either only sees her little sister out of guilt/sense of duty mixed with a desperate need to come back to something or as consequences to her own actions(taking away agency from jinx in the process);
ekko sees her through the eyes of an idealist which is exactly what he is and that's not bad by itself, but it makes her either A Problem or Someone That Needs Saving, that's what's going on in his head after that AU he transported to. he's comparing jinx to powder and he likes powder much better, so he wants jinx to be powder or to reignite the powder in her - basically, he thinks how vi used to think;
isha is a complicated matter because she did show kindness and affection towards jinx that wasn't equal to anyone else's, it was pure and idolizing, she loved what she knew of jinx.
the people of zaun don't love her, not by a long shot. she became a symbol to some(as we can notice in the reunion by vander's statue) and overall the assumption that she would get involved more after her attack and silco's death is a fair one; that doesn't mean they like her,
sevika maintains a connection to jinx through grief and a sense of helplessness along with familiarity, silco's death affected jinx's psyche but it also affected sevika's dream of zaun, they feel left behind by him;
vander... well, he only got to see powder and warwick quite literally just had the memories,
the ONLY character we see that meets her as powder and stays with her as jinx is silco; yes, he isn't a good guy and he does cause the whole separation, he sharpened her edges to make her into a weapon, he lied to her and manipulated her at times, none of these things exclude the fact he does love her so strongly, with zero conditions.
she fucks up in missions, she does as she pleases around zaun, she kills their people, she stabs him in the eye, has psychotic episodes and breakdowns, she kidnaps him, ties him down, SHOOTS HIM, she doubts him and his love, keeps running after the past when he's done everything to strengthen her and she was, at a point, the only thing keeping him from his dream of an independent zaun - none of these perceived sins and flaws made him wish for anyone other than her, as she is.
all silco wanted was to keep her, while everyone else either wants another version of her or none at all. that's the tragic part, even if she suddenly decided to be good, she would feel like a burden for not being entirely like people want her to be.
#sorry not sorry but there's no happy ending here#loving someone without accepting how they've changed(for better or worst) isn't loving at all. it's cruel even.#also after the attack on the council vi treats her like a mistake she has to get rid of???? and that was vile#i simply can't forget that#yes i'm biased cause i dont like ekko and i ship jilco. this is literally the Why Im Biased About This Piece Of Media Essay website#so maybe chill idk#before anyone says it#loving doesn't mean condoning. but you gotta at least acknowledge their flawed personality. who they are instead of who they could've been.#yes u can hope for change but jinx isn't a mask powder keeps. she's violent and highly insecure and apathetic. she's needy and childish.#she doesn't care for whatever is happening to zaun or piltover. there's no difference for her they're all fleshbags that could hurt her.#at her core she won't suddenly start giving a shit to people. that will never happen. and she won't look up to someone 'good'#or ever stop being so high maintenance so needy and possessive. trauma won't ever just puff outta existence.#god these tags are so long#imma shut up now#arcane spoilers#character study (?)#arcane season 2#this is my opinion#if you don't like you can just disagree on ur mind and ignore me#make ur own post or smth idk#arcane jinx#arcane powder
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I got upset that Nick's agency looked so rundown because RoboDad deserves better. So I fixed it up and decorated it with mods to give him a better place to live and work.
His office is still messy and disorganized but thereās a lot more storage so that everything has a proper place, it just gets moved around a lot.
Nickās desk area now has a bunch of pictures and notes taped to the wall to help him spell out his thoughts on recent cases.
Thereās also a picture of Maggie on his desk to remind him of his lady love.
His guest room looks a lot more cozy with actual sheets on the bed and pillows.
I know itās kinda implied that itās actually Nicks bed and Ellie sleeps upstairs, but I like to think she has her own apartment elsewhere.
Nicks new room has a big and luscious bed because he deserves to have one and no one can tell be otherwise. Let Gramps have some comfort dang it.
And there are books everywhere because Valentine seems like the type who likes to read and write. Some of those he wrote himself.
That carved duck on the dresser was a gift from a grateful client. Actually, most of the stuff he has are gifts because so doubt heāll buy much comforts for himself.
#In my world Nick's room would actually be converted into a kids room for Jasmine.#So everything would be colorful and cute. And the floors and walls would be redone because Handyman Nick would redo his whole house.#Gotta keep his little girl comfortable. The downstairs area would be a little kitchen/living room.#Also I refuse to believe that he doesnāt have some sort of bathroom in there.#Idk why Bethesda just didnāt add bathrooms to most living areas.#Even a lot of the prewar houses just donāt have bathrooms.#Welp. It just works I suppose.#Also the other companions I had with me would not stop getting in the way.#I had to redo the photos so many times because of this.#Dogmeat was the biggest offender but heās cute so that makes it okay and heās not guilty.#Cait and Hancock on the other hand not so much.#Maybe they are all just jealous I give Nick all the attention. š¤·āāļø#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#nick valentine#ellie perkins#fallout screenshots#fallout 4 screenshots#fo4 screenshots#steel magnolia#nick x magnolia#nick valentine x magnolia
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This is officially my 3rd Doodle page with him but idc.
I decided I needed more art with him and the prototype cause like- who dosn't?
Silly hand boi with silly kitty. Nothing will ever go wrong.
NOT A SHIP
#ibispaintx#smiling critters au#smiling critters#catnapfanart#poppy playtime prototype#poppy playtime 1006#poppy playtime#catnap#when i type tags i wonder why theres so many of the same one#catnap poppy playtime#dosnt stop me from clicking them all#1006#experiment 1006#ok i think thats all of them.#poppy playtime chapter 3#just to be sure.#also not a ship#gotta say that#lot of people ship them#idk how
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flirt flirt oh it hurts
#my art#melone#ghiaccio#meloghia#idk why i never get tired of drawing ghia flirting with melone who's gotta resist his shitty charms ahhahaa#cant stop loving their dynamic#la squadra di esecuzione
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The Leverage OT3 in Every Episode
Leverage: 01x06 The Miracle Job
#leverage#the miracle job#leverage ot3#ot3: hitter hacker thief#the leverage ot3 in every episode#leverage ot3 casual touches#inde gifs#inde gifs: the miracle job#inde gifs: the leverage ot3 in every episode#inde gifs: leverage ot3 casual touches#inde gifs: leverage ot3#idk if I neee this exhaustive of a tagging system but whatever it works#one of these days this series will stop being me gifing the entire episode#but not today because this is the good stuff#also this episode had so many clips of Christian Kane making such weird faces#like I wonder if this is why heās chewing gum later on something was up#but it was funny#I had a lot more gifs but I cut it back for whay I thought was the best parts#also what is up with season 1 lighting I stg#the other seasons lighting seems so much nicer but season 1 la vibes#everything is so dark#I edited the best I knew how to get all the nice ot3 details#also so much slapping by Eliot in this episode#AND THEM PUTTING ON PARKERS HARNESS?#like this girl is experienced she knows how to do this#like this means everything#also the looks between them in this episode all I gotta say#Eliot Spencer#Parker#alec hardison
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my daughterss
#snap sketches#francesca the cat#jubilee#im not properly tagging this idc im drunk#im drunk and watching movies with the fam so w/e im breaking my 'i cant draw' clause#i just gotta stop talking in definitives. such is life nothing is definitive#ok typing on tablet sucks absolute balls im done with this bye. pleaseenjoy my doodle#my first non-request-related fran doodle and it with jubilee LMAO#i love jubes.. my daughter..#see thats why i cant do top five lists or wtf ever i love everyone#anyway. did i have anything else to say. idk anyway bye
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when someone stops flirting with me it makes me wish i never started flirting with them to begin with
#i feel a lot of shame around it and idk why#gotta sit with this feeling and figure out whatās going on here#people have things going on outside of me and i need to stop assuming iām doing something wrong#i think itās bc i tend to equate flirting with interest and if someone stops flirting w me i assume theyāve lost interest#and i know itās a ridiculous assumption but my brain isnāt nice to me ever#so here we areš¤·š»āāļø#anyways ignore me iām just talking to myself
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I was gonna write a big essay on why the film making for a lot of gmmtv shows I've watched don't do it for me as a larger reflection on why I don't bother with the studio at large and how I think they do their fans/audiences dirty
but I'm really fucking lazy and also idk if I want that heat
#mostly been thinking about that question āwhy do boc shows look so much better than other thai studiosā?#and expanding on that answer#but also b/c i'm so bleeeeeh on ppl overhyping things like#i feel hustled scammed bamboozled hood winked led astray!#plus ppl would take it the wrong way and be like āso you think everyone who likes xxx gmmtv show is trashā#no baby watch what you want and be happy be blissful#just stop lying to me that the production values are oh so amazing when they mid at best a majority of the time#chaos pikachu speaks#also i feel like to talk good film making you gotta talk bad film making too#compare and contrast and all#but again idk if i want that heat lmao
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am i normal for not being able to sleep while my roommate plays warzone (no volume except for xbox controller clicking which sounds rlly loud for some reason) 10 feet away from my head until 3 am or am i a pwissy wittwe baby who can't handle a little bit of flashing lights and talking. leaning towards the latter
figured it out sleep on side with headphones to block noise they might break so that's ba but worth it
never mind talking now pillow on head not enough
#yapping#like there's gotta be worse people right?#i'm making too big of a deal out of this?#i could ask them to stop but *I* don't want to be an asshole and tell them how to live in their own space#i could buy a sleep mask and save up for noise canceling headphones and then everyone's happy#or i could sleep on my side and move my fan closer to me#why am i complaining is it because i'm tired#i've been awake for like 17 hours that's not that long#that's like a workday with some time in the middle for you stuff#idk maybe i can't sleep because the lights are always off and my brain gets used to it and i don't want to be rude and turn them back on#i just know my sleep schedule is gonna be wrecked and it's gonna suck to get back on track#i crashed really hard in the middle of this#my lucidity is coming and going in waves#also my arms feel weird i don't know if that's relevant
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Spirit animal SQH
#svsss#shang qinghua#but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but#but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee#also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but#I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg#oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left#I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something#or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird#LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm#I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either#I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself#eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it...#I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up#I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa#man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong#cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk#its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment#with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig#and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a āØļøbreak down#but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake š#irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living...#just the ol regulars yknow?#and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want?#I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what?#whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate?#so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it?#that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications#and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly#man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk
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I'm not a psychologist or a politician or anything approaching an expert about literally anything except a few specific video games but I feel like so many people wouldn't be agonizing over the moral implications of one (1) vote if we as the less-than-uppest-of-upper-crust had the ability to meaningfully affect change in ways other than 'spend money/do not spend money, vote for the red or blue tie'
#spitblaze says things#im aware its significantly more complicated. but i think this is whats driving a not insignificant amount of posting#biden has been doing a godawful job with foreign policy. i am under no illusion that trump will do better#you can still just THREATEN to withhold your vote. i get why some might not want to but its an option.#every presidential election since 2008 has been the most important election in american history. im tired.#idk man. i havent been super engrossed in politics since high school but ive never seen this much agonizing over whether or not#pwople should vote like. at all#personally im of the opinion that you should. its a good thing to do. but you should also exercise your power to put pressure on politician#and threatening to not vote for them is a pretty good way to do that#i gotta stop posting abour serious shit. but maybe id do it less if shit sucked less. so here we are#free palestine. if federal level politics is driving you insane then pay more attention to local level stuff. join a mutual aid org#and donate esims and food money to gaza. do things besides agonizing about november
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